HUGGING AND LEARNING!  10:10 am September 19, 2012

Wonkette’s Handy Explainer Of Pennsylvania’s Voter ID Supreme Court Case, With Dick Jokes

by Jesse Taylor

Ben Franklin is judging youYesterday, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court voted 4-2 (with IDs???) to send the challenge to the Pennsylvania voter ID law back to the lower state court that found the law was constitutional.

The Supreme Court told Commonwealth Court Judge Robert Simpson that he must put the voter-ID law on hold if he determines that it will keep voters from casting ballots. The law requires state-approved identification to vote.

It is now time for your Wonkette, one of the premier legal blogs on the entire internet, to explain to you, dear hearts, what this is all about, but with dick jokes.

Q: So, what does this law say?

Here’s the text, which we found through an obscure academic resource called “Google.”

Short version: you need a government-issued photo ID to vote. You may obtain either a drivers’ license or a photo ID from Pennsylvania, or provide other kinds of ID, like a valid student ID, military ID, or passport. You can also provide non-qualifying ID (including a firearm permit, really), which the election judge will inspect to determine its validity. If the election judge challenges your ID, or  you cannot provide any, you will be able to cast a provisional ballot if you provide ID (that you didn’t have to begin with) within six days. There’s other stuff, but that’s the short version.

Q: Okay, then, what’s the big issue?

Look at the requirements on those license/ID forms. You need to provide a Social Security card plus a birth certificate, passport, or certificates of citizenship or naturalization. If you don’t have one of those things (or if you got married and the name on your birth certificate is different because you’re one of those traditionalists or you just really hated your name), you can’t get an ID. Pennsylvania offers a free voter ID with lower requirements than a license or regular ID, and does so for free. But there’s no guarantee the state can administer that program in time for the November election, or that people know the free ID exists.

Q: A solution, I think – maybe they could advertise on Wonkette about the free IDs?

MAYBE THEY COULD, RIGHT?

Q: What happened legally to get to this point?

There was a trial in a lower Pennsylvania court, and the judge found that the voter ID law was constitutional because he was persuaded that the state would provide the necessary safeguards to protect all voters, even though they could provide no actual reason the law existed. You see, the state decided to argue that it was protecting against the wholly theoretical harm of voter fraud, and that it would refrain from doing anything like, say, proving the harm.

Because the law protected all classes of voters equally (in theory – the judge, oddly, found that the law probably would burden some voters, but not in a discriminatory fashion, but don’t ask, his robe was pretty), there was no violation of either the federal or state constitution.

Q: It seems like putting a burden on a constitutional right for no discernible reason would violate the Constitution?

I know, right? Unfortunately, the Supreme Court ruled in Crawford v. Marion County Election Board that the standard for burdening the franchise with voter ID regulations was whether the state had a legitimate interest in preventing voter fraud, regardless of whether it could prove the legitimate interest was in any way founded in reality.

Q: I once heard someone use the phrase “swift kick in the balls.” This seems like that.

Bring it in for a hug, I like you.

Q: So, what’s going on now?

The Pennsylvania Supremes (who are a beefier, friendlier version of the U.S. Supremes) have created a new standard by which the original trial judge must determine the case: instead of determining whether the law violates equal protection in broad swaths (i.e., it burdens someone, but no particular identifiable group), the trial judge must determine whether it will keep anyone from casting a ballot.

Q: How do you think this will turn out?

One of two things will happen: 1) under the new standard, the judge will find that this obviously does burden someone’s vote, and will postpone the law’s implementation; or 2) under the new standard, the judge will find that nobody’s actually burdened because the state is awesome and magic fairies will carry elderly black people to the Department of State to sign them up for one of three IDs they may or may not have brought the correct ID for.

Q: What happens if the judge upholds the law?

Oh, utter hilarity. So, if he upholds the law, the plaintiffs can still appeal in Pennsylvania. They’re asking for a preliminary injunction, designed to keep things as they were before the law’s implementation through Election Day. They can continue to pursue that remedy in state court and also file separate challenges in federal court, potentially. If the judge upholds the law, you also have the issue that the litigation has created the very problem the judge said the state could prevent – confusion and disenfranchisement. Because the case has been in court, and the Pennsylvania Supremes punted it back to the lower court, the status of the law is unclear.

Short version: because the state doesn’t know for sure if it can legally implement the law until at least October, voters don’t know if they need to abide by the law yet. Which means that if the law is ultimately upheld, it will be with about three or so weeks before Election Day. At that point, trying to issue proper IDs to the most affected parties will turn into a clusterfuck of truly epic proportions that will almost certainly prove the plaintiffs correct.

Q: What can I, as a concerned citizen of the world, do to help?

Well, one, put your dick back in your pants and stop wanking to your own self-righteousness, Christ. Second, if you know any Pennsylvania voters, encourage them to either get a valid ID or, if they can’t, to contact the ACLU of Pennsylvania.

Q: But my beloved MeeMee is an anarcho-syndicalist who doesn’t believe in registering with the government out of a principle of self-determination.

MeeMee can have fun putting out her own fires and jailing her own criminals.

 
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{ 124 comments }

noodlesalad September 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

Republicans prevent people from voting for Democrats through intimidation and labyrinthine legal requirements. Democrats prevent people from voting Republican by simply pointing out that GOP candidates are douchebags, idjits, and comic book villains with lame superpowers.

Misty Malarky September 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

Well, it really isn't very nice to lift up a mossy rock and shine a bright on the bloated white slug-like creatures crawling around underneath it. It makes their photoreceptors sting like the dickens.

noodlesalad September 19, 2012 at 11:31 am

Sunshine has a liberal bias.

Barbara_ September 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

Do the voters get a free pass if they just come in and pinkie swear that they are voting for the white guy?

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

I'm sure that's all it would take, in some precincts anyway…

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:37 am

The state I vote in required me to affirm that I would not attempt to cast a ballot in the Republican primary because I am a registered Democrat.

They've taken all the fun out of primaries.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

When you affirm, just cross your fingers behind your back. Problem solved!

Maman September 19, 2012 at 11:06 am

Isn't that how Jim Cramer's dad got his id

BerkeleyBear September 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

What part of allowing a firearm permit as ID don't you understand? (I know Dems shoot guns too, but you can be all but certain this is a protect whitey provision).

finallyhappy September 19, 2012 at 1:40 pm

hell, I've been an election judge so I imagine if Old Mrs. Whity McChristian comes in to vote in parts of PA- she could show them her Shoprite card and they would say OK. Now Mrs Black Lady McScary(because she is black) comes in with her photo ID from her job and other id with her name and address but no photo on those and the election judge says no. I mean. most of the election judges I worked with here in Silver Spring, MD are good smart honest people- even the GOp ones- but I certainly wouldn't believe it is the same in many other places.

ChillBill September 19, 2012 at 10:15 am

They might as well call it "Moocher ID." It's way catchier.

ManchuCandidate September 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

What's hilarious is that all that "hard" "work" by State GOPers has been undone by an imbecile of a candidate.

Still need to stop the voter fraud fraudsters though.

Poindexter718 September 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

Too long; please can highlight the dick jokes?

Dudleydidwrong September 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

I found one dick joke at the end of the legal briefs but it told me to do something I find difficult (hard) to do right now–stuff it back in my briefs. Your briefs and my briefs are at odds. Is this a case for the Supremememe Court? If so, which one? I haz a confused.

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

Teacher, will this be on the test?

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

Can I use my Costco card as ID?

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 10:26 am

Ooh – how about my Church of Satan registration?…

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:32 am

My Sperm Bank and Trust card?

Terry September 19, 2012 at 10:40 am

Not since the CEO of Costco spoke at the Democratic Convention.

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 10:43 am

That's a little tidbit I secretly relish. My RW friends who hate Obama all LOVE Costco because Sam's is too much like WalMart.

Lot_49 September 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

Please don't shop at any of those dreadful places. Doing so will destroy your soul. Or perhaps even your body if, when you're reaching for a high shelf in the pantry, three 128-oz jars of French's mustard that you were forced to buy to eat one hot dog fall down and crush your skull.

outragedcitizen September 19, 2012 at 3:04 pm

That is a good question. Could a SAM member card qualify? I mean it does have my picture on the back. Of course, about a half inch square and could be just about anybody including one of my dogs, but still, it is a picture ID.

sbj1964 September 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

Voter fraud is GOP code for Jim Crow.

freakishlywrong September 19, 2012 at 10:17 am

"Voter ID, which will help Romney win the Presidency, DONE". Wasn't that dickbag from PA? Or some other state that's fucking with our elections?

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 10:23 am

Little did he know that the Romney campaign would continually step on its own dick. With golf shoes.

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:39 am

Crampons and ice ax.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 19, 2012 at 11:51 am

Yes, said dickbag was a PA state representative, whose Chamber is currently infested with weird TeaThuglican types from the "-tucky" part of Pennsyltucky as well as certain O.C.-like Philly suburbs.

slowhansolo September 19, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Yeah, that would be Pennsylvania House Majority Leader Mike Turzai. Except he actually said "help Gov. Romney win the state of Pennsylvania."

Of course, Pennsylvania is a commonwealth, but shhh…

elviouslyqueer September 19, 2012 at 10:18 am

Magic fairies! *fap fap fap*

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 10:19 am

Well it's not like the very people who passed the law admitted, in fact bragged, that they were doing it to try and steal Pennsylvania's electoral votes for Romney or anything.

oenspiek September 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

It's a fact that they did that, but facts are irrelevant, because voter fraud is bad, mmkay?

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 10:35 am

And the fact that it doesn't occur doesn't mean we shouldn't take every step to prevent it from not happening!

Dudleydidwrong September 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

Yeah. They were really proud of their self-righteousness. Wonder if they're fapping to it now?

oenspiek September 19, 2012 at 11:55 am

It would be entertaining to see their reaction were an effort made somehow to disenfranchise their voters. Also, too.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

Fuck William Penn and his stupid sylvan glades 'n' shit.

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

–Charles Calvert

Pres.Beeblebrox September 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

I was thinking more like "Lord Baltimore". Cue 100-year-long legal battle over the border between lands granted to two white English dudes by King Charles II.

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm
ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

It is not at all comforting to realize that hate, fear and racial bigotry extend well beyond the Southern States and is embraced by much of the Judiciary Nationwide as well.

delaney_blom September 19, 2012 at 10:35 am

Perhaps you've heard of "West Pennsyltucky"?

The Mason Dixon Line was a reliable guide for so long, but now you also have to factor in proximity to major bodies of water and/or urban areas to determine the likelihood of hate, fear, and racial bigotry.

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

We are accustomed to finding actual bodies here in Georgia.

Chow Yun Flat September 19, 2012 at 10:39 am

Unfortunately people in Michigan and Illinois (the states I have spent most time) are just as rottenly racist as anyone from Alabama or Georgia. We just do a better job of hiding it in the north except in cases like voter disenfranchisement, Black Panther Party, etc.

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 10:45 am

I don't know, Georgia's pretty experienced in that field.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 19, 2012 at 11:53 am

There are parts of Pennsylvania which are just as full of Yahoos and racists as your average Mississippi county. You know what James Carville said about PA…

ttommyunger September 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

I haz a sad.

delaney_blom September 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

This post really under-delivered on the promise of dick jokes.

Voter ID has a rich tradition in Pennsylvania. Benjamin Franklin ("Wanklin' Franklin") always whipped it out when he voted and declared, "It may not be government-issued, but it is personally identifiable."

PubOption September 19, 2012 at 10:42 am

Wasn't there something along the lines of "We must hang together, otherwise we might be well-hung, separately."

reliefsinn September 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

They said you was hung! And they was right.

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

"Just ask your wife."

RadioX September 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

Hey moochers, that's right, you have to go mooch some more government services in the form of picture ID to be able to vote. After all, 47% of the population of Pennsylvania is a pretty big number.

Come here a minute September 19, 2012 at 10:22 am

Q: If a Pennsylvanian's drivers' license says they need corrective lenses to drive, do they need corrective lenses to vote?

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

Good question. On a related note, if you park in a handicapped spot, you could get a ticket. What if you take a dump in a handicapped toilet stall?

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:40 am

Weighty issues, indeed.

Boojum September 19, 2012 at 10:43 am

You get Mitt Romney.

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:34 am

Uh oh, what about organ donors?

And no, this is not a dickjoke.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 10:41 am

Ah, the mighty Wurlitzer!

PsycWench September 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

Is there any chance that Pennsylvanians will be weighed at the polls to make sure their weight on the license is accurate in order to vote?

finallyhappy September 19, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I would be shit out of luck then- and my photo is old too. In Maryland(for some time period before you are 65) you can renew your license by mail – I had to get my eye dr to sign a certificate but you can use the same photo and I just didn't change the weight. I look like my photo(just older and plumper)

Schmannnity September 19, 2012 at 10:23 am

Standing in line at the DMV for an ID a burden? Preposterous!

Oblios_Cap September 19, 2012 at 10:43 am

What a cruel and unusual burden on my freedumbz!

LibertyLover September 19, 2012 at 10:27 am

Needs moar fuzzy penis.

Texan_Bulldog September 19, 2012 at 10:34 am

I loved that picture.

AncienReggie September 19, 2012 at 10:27 am

Excellent work there, Jesse Taylor. Have a fist.

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 10:28 am

What if God was one of us / Just a proof-of-ID-burdened slob like one of us?

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:35 am

Just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way down to the DMV?

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

Needs moar a dick joke.

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 10:30 am

I predict fistfights among the voting precinct judges – as a past Minnesota judge (for which I was paid $150, along with the Republican judges), it was quite a task not to knock the chair out from under one of them, all day long….however, Jesse Ventura was still elected governor despite several voter challenges….

Lot_49 September 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

Ah, those were the days. Didn't Jesse just just use his rasslin' and Navy-SEAL powers to fix everything up and make Minnesota into an earthly libertarian paradise?

Toomush_Infer September 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

He had this great ad with little action figures in a child's hands, the Ventura wrestler beating up on the blue serge suited opponents, smashing them face down into the sandbox…. and, hey, Minnesota's still some cold paradise, what with the Legacy and all…

finallyhappy September 19, 2012 at 1:45 pm

$150??? I got $100 – we didn't fight or talk much- but it was a very long day so I didn't make minimum wage

StealthMuslin September 19, 2012 at 10:30 am

I've always thought the North needed our own Florida. Thanks, Pennsylvania!

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:41 am

All the stupid with none of the sand fleas.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 10:42 am

You've forgotten about Ohio. It's the northern state of which Pennsylvanians make fun.

SorosBot September 19, 2012 at 10:47 am

And, you know, Jersey. Some days when the wind is wrong that smell wafts across the river; it's awful.

BadKitty904 September 19, 2012 at 10:30 am

I'm trying to picture Quaker stormtroopers enforcing this: "Show us thy papers, please…"

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

"These are not the voids thou lookest for"

Lucidamente1 September 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

Put your dick back in your pants and stop wanking to your own self-righteousness.

And how, pray tell, am I supposed to fill the time until the next Wonkette post?

LibertyLover September 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

Stupid womenz! That'll teach them to get married and change their name all hopey changey-like. They should have anticipated that that birth certificate that you are carrying can't possibly be yours even though it's been tucked in your file cabinet for when you have to prove you are old enough to play soccer in the over 50 league.

Because it's so easy to get someone else's birth certificate.

eggsacklywright September 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

So, voter ID requirements. Will they accept voter ego or superego as a substitute?

thatsitfortheother1 September 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

Your registration envy is showing.

PubOption September 19, 2012 at 10:45 am

If the judge is Jewish, there should be no problem. I'm not sure how a Christianist judge would rule.

PsycWench September 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

If you vote the way your dad does, it's probably an Oedipal complex.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

But I'm a Jungian!

Terry September 19, 2012 at 10:34 am

My mother was born in Pennsylvania in the 20's in the front parlor of her family's house in a small coal town. She doesn't have a birth certificate. The birth was "registered" but no birth certificate was given. She was baptized in the local Catholic church, but sometime in the 30's there was a fire and all the baptismal records were lost. She moved to the Big City during WW2 and didn't need a car. If she hadn't married Dad and moved to the 'burbs in the early 60's, she probably would never have had a drivers license. Thankfully, the rules for proof of ID in the 60's were less than now.

Had Mom stayed in the city, she'd have no way to vote under this law. (Well, she did move to Maryland which isn't part of this foolishness at the moment.) If you lack a birth certificate and a baptismal certificate, they often ask for notarized statements from people who have known you all your life. I had to do this when DC and Georgetown University Hospital both lost the record of my birth and my folks couldn't find my birth certificate. It was easy for me to come up with multiple people who have known me since birth. For Mom, however, she is the last of her generation in the family. There is NO ONE alive who has known her since her birth. If she was still living in Pennsylvania, my 86 yr old mother would be one of the people barred from voting.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

But since she has passed away, she should be able to vote in South Texas or Chicago.

Terry September 19, 2012 at 11:02 am

I dare someone at the polls in November to tell Mom that she's passed away. She's on a first name basis with members of Congress and in State Senate and House of Delegates. Do not annoy elderly ladies. They have experience, know people, and have time on their hands.

BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

"If she was still living in Pennsylvania, my 86 yr old mother would be one of the people barred from voting. "

Whoops, my bad. I only comprehended the first five words of that sentence.
*gets all embarrassed and stares at feet*

Terry September 19, 2012 at 11:26 am

No worries. I hadn't given Mom your email address yet. ;)

Lot_49 September 19, 2012 at 10:52 am

This tissue of mendacity reeks of the sort of in-person voter fraud the good people of Pennsylvania are trying to get rid of, as soon as they find any evidence that it ever happened, or even not, because, y'know, Obama'n'shit.

LibertyLover September 19, 2012 at 10:37 am

Something tells me that Jim Cramer is NOT going to be happy about this. Because Daddy!

MistaEko September 19, 2012 at 11:06 am

The best strippers, cowboys, and Jim Cramers have daddy issues.

LibertyLover September 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

Well… Romeny, Bush Clinton and Obama all seem to have daddy issues, too.

magic_titty September 19, 2012 at 10:38 am

Do we really want more photos of any kind, of people from Pennsylvania?

weejee September 19, 2012 at 10:41 am

Speaking of dick jokes, isn't that the Pennsylvania Legislature peeking-out from behind the Wonkville bison's tail? No, no, sillies from the cavern a bit north from the buffalo dick.

Chow Yun Flat September 19, 2012 at 10:41 am

MeeMee can have fun putting out her own fires and jailing her own criminals.

MeeMee should start with Mitt Romney.

PsycWench September 19, 2012 at 10:51 am

MeeMee? Do you know anything about the death of Andrew Breitbart? You can tel us.

Dudleydidwrong September 19, 2012 at 10:41 am

Shit! That's all we need: election judges must be Freudian psychoanalysts. When you go to vote just make sure you have enough time for the couch.

HistoriCat September 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

Tell me about your muzzer ….

Oblios_Cap September 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

Are they allowed to bring a submission from "The People of Wal-Mart" as ID? There's a good chance that if it's a guy, his dick will be sticking out.

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

I can't tell if that's self-satisfaction or contempt on wise old Ben's face. Probably both.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:47 am

His hands look like they're in his lap, so I'm going with the former.

Guppy September 19, 2012 at 11:31 am

One word: flatulence.

Hera Sent Me September 19, 2012 at 10:47 am

Don't forget that state officials were dragging their feet about issuing "free voter ID with lower requirements than a license or regular ID" because of claims they were a Homeland Security risk.

And also because they resent Poors getting anything free.

prommie September 19, 2012 at 10:52 am

Fucking Wonkette has got some jinky shit in the advertisements that is freaking my work network's security all the fuck out and tying my magic-screen box thing in knots and you gotta fix that shit Rebecca cause your primary audience here is people at work goofing off.

actor212 September 19, 2012 at 10:55 am

It's the TMZ video on the Eastwood thread.

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 11:19 am

Do you get a pop-up message

"http://cdnapi.kaltura.com/index.php/kwidget/wid/1_2cvxxp5j/uiconf_id/6740162/st_cache/10332?referer <a href="http://=http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_zfloxyd0&amp;

” target=”_blank”>=http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_zfloxyd0&
followed by "Run Script / Yes or No" that won't go away?
Or, what actor212 said. I see now it is a tmz wrinkle. It isn't a problem on the Google Chrome browser, fwiw, only in Explorer — and as you said, it only started happening just recently.

cheaphits September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

It started yesterday here – same thing and a pain in the azz….freezes everything.

BartStarrland September 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Just click No repeatedly, you'll get yer fix.

Baconzgood September 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

Yay for my state!

MistaEko September 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

No Anthony Weiner or Chris Lee references in a story focusing on Picture ID? These are the Dick Joke Par 3s, Jesse!

MumbletyX September 19, 2012 at 11:21 am

Bonu[t]s points to you for saying so~

CalvinsChoice September 19, 2012 at 11:25 am

Although I come to Wonkette mostly for the excellent Blingees, that was the best explanation of this complicated decision I have read. Seriously. Can you explain the search for the Higgs Boson now?

Jus_Wonderin September 19, 2012 at 3:59 pm

He's lost? Again? That dude is always wandering off.

LibrarianX September 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

This is pretty simple, folks: if you have a dick and it's white, you get to vote!

owhatever September 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

Balls. One person, one vote. Get over it.

CrunchyKnee September 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

Benjamin Franklin wrote propaganda songs.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

So the Stop Poors and Browns and Blacks in Pennsylvania's Cities from Voting Bill is still alive. I just love my birth state and its fine judiciary sometimes. After all, the reason the PA Supremes are missing a justice (only 6 sitting instead of the usual 7) is because she was indicted for using state resources in her campaign… following in the footsteps of Rolf Larson, who was impeached and removed from the PA Supremes after being indicted for prescription drug fraud, and many other great PA judges who were ousted for doing things like fondling their daughter at a Hilary Duff concert, mooning a bar crowd, and taking bribes to fix cases.

Calapine September 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

"Q: What can I, as a concerned citizen of the world, do to help?

A: Well, one, put your dick back in your pants and stop wanking to your own self-righteousness, Christ. Second, if you know any Pennsylvania voters, encourage them to either get a valid ID or, if they can’t, to contact the ACLU of Pennsylvania."

I don't have a dick and don't know anyone from Pennsylvania, but I'd still like to help!
What can I do??

Me_K_Cong September 19, 2012 at 1:28 pm

There is an important new doctrine of common law awakening in the supreme courts of Amercia: It's ok to violate somebody's rights, as long as everyone's rights are violated equally. (It really does makes the constitution a whole lot easier to swallow.)

Another important rule: The Parasite is the organism that is the thinnest. The Host is the worm that is the fattest. Always.

fuflans September 19, 2012 at 2:09 pm

as my aging aunt and elderly uncle are unreconstructed wingtards (and i have to visit them the weekend before the election and do not want mr. fuflans to kill them with facts and words) i am planning to tell them that by virtue of their white skin color, they have already voted by proxy.

Baba_NinjaCat12 September 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

The state supreme court should keeping send the case back to lower court every-time they received it. I think they called it, "Judicial Pong".

slowhansolo September 19, 2012 at 2:57 pm

"If the election judge challenges your ID, or you cannot provide any, you will be able to cast a provisional ballot if you provide ID (that you didn’t have to begin with) within six days."

Just to clarify: You cast the provisional ballot immediately at the polling place, and then have six days to make an extra, totally convenient, trip to the local county registrar to show your papers, please. Which, as noted, you didn't have six days ago.

The process is important because it allows the GOP election stealers to claim that no one will actually be denied the act of voting on Election Day. The meaning behind the act? Maybe not so much.

TribecaMike September 20, 2012 at 1:34 am

The more I read about Ben Franklin, especially his views on slavery and the moneyed class, the more I think he's a post-colonial douche.

movingon111 September 20, 2012 at 8:24 am

So, since you're having to pay for IDs, does this mean you're paying to vote these days? >.>

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