fistful of dolts

Mitt Romney Is An Idiot For Letting Clint Eastwood Speak, Explains Clint Eastwood

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Hey, everybody cannot be good at everything. Che Guevara, for instance, was very good at being sexy and riding his motorcycle and killing people, but very bad at being Minister of Factories or whatever for Cuba. His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, in the meantime, is very good at having been born to a wealthy, powerful man, but very bad at being Mr. Manager! Take, for example, every decision he has ever made, but especially the decision to let an 82-year-old man give a primetime speech, without a script.

Who else thinks Mitt Romney is bad at his job? Just Clint Eastwood, in the video above, who says (the question starts at 1:51) that anybody who’s “dumb enough” to ask him to speak at their convention is gonna get a FISTFUL OF EASTWOOD, that’s right, and there’s nothing they can do about it! Then he says he likes Obama fine, whatever, and he’s for multiracialism and multiculturalism, so he is not a racist, which is good to hear. We hate having our sexxxy pictures taken with racists.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. MaxNeanderthal

      "My empty chair doesn't like being laughed at. Now, if you all apologise, like I know you're going to….."

      1. Crank_Tango

        Put it this way: we've never seen Andy Kaufman and any of these yahoos together at the same time, have we?

  1. Come here a minute

    Clint Eastwood also thinks Mitt Romney needs to work on the location of his split-finger fastball.

  2. GunToting[Redacted]

    You know, if you could get Barney Frank and Clint together in the same room, you'd be 2/3rds of the way to a dinette set.

  3. neiltheblaze

    I choose to believe that he torpedoed Romney on purpose because he thinks he's a dick.

    Until someone proves otherwise, that's my delusion and I'm sticking with it.

      1. Not_Mother

        Billionaires For Wealthcare (the formally attired folks that visit OWS rallies occasionally) had these remarks up the next day.

        "Of all the fuck-ups the Romney campaign has produced, this took the cake. They were duped into thinking Clint Eastwood would endorse Romney with a speech. Instead, the Clint Eastwood of Kelly's Heroes went behind enemy lines and infiltrated the convention and blew it up.

        "Eastwood took the stage, and in a novel bit of performance art rivaling Andy Kaufman, talked to an empty chair, pretending Obama was sitting in it. The convention is now in ruins. Mitt's big night is laying at the bottom of the Eastwood rubble, as it's the only thing people are talking about.

        "Well done, Mr. President. Once again, you outfoxed all your opponents. Don Barzini is dead. So is Phillip Tattaglia. Moe Greene. Hyman Roth. The RNC Convention: Today you settled all family business. You truly are a ninja master."

    1. MittBorg

      You probably wouldn't be too far off the mark. Eastwood's an asshole, but he's reported to dislike pretentious assholes. He's also been enjoying himself way too much about this. The last time he opened his yap he was going on about how, at his age, he can say whatever he damn well wants and if anybody doesn't like it they know where to shove it, and I paraphrase. Of course, the alacrity with which Mitt&Co threw him under the bus couldn't possibly have done him any good, either.

          1. emmelemm

            I'm an upfist slut. I upfist all comments except blatantly troll-y comments, and even then sometimes I upfist them before I read them.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Yes it is, and how she has aged him! With her need for continual sexing(and probably shopping too), his making-sexy mind is gone, and his body is soon to follow.

    1. sudsmckenzie

      I'm not clicking on that, cause in my mind he's about to explain what that cloud did that pissed him off.

    2. Generation[redacted]

      Back in my day we didn't have billion dollar SuperPACs. When we wanted to really hit a candidate where it hurt, we would tell long rambling stories that went nowhere.

  4. StealthMuslin

    Mitt Romney's only remaining hope is that sometime between now and November Barry rapes and murders a white woman.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    I can't see that video; is Clint telling us that he Rick-rolled the Republicans? Because if that's the case, that is fucking awesome.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Seriously, Jenna Jameson twirling on a stripper pole while yelling "Vote for Mitt!" would have made for a less disastrous GOP convention than Clint Eastwood arguing with an empty chair. (Though maybe a bit less entertaining for Wonkette readers and John Stewart).

  6. missemish

    Trump is critiquing as well. Oh dear.

    Romney makes me think of that line from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.:
    Rosencrantz: I see. Not much new there!
    Guildenstern: [shouting] Well, go into detail! Delve!

  7. HogeyeGrex

    Also, too: It looks like it was Jimmy Carter IV who let loose with the Romney "Dickishness On Parade" video.

    Yes, as in grandson of the former Pres.

    Revenge of Carter. LOL.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Dickishness on Parade Part 1. There are a lot of multipart video extravaganzas going around today.

  8. anniegetyerfun

    My husband was 100% convinced that Eastwood's performance was a ploy to help Obama and I told him that he was so, so wrong. And now I have to apologize. Fuck you, Clint. I thought you were simply demented.

  9. LibertyLover

    Rush Limbaugh advised Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney to double down on his controversial remarks made at a closed-door fundraiser that Obama voters are "dependent on government."

    On Tuesday's show, Limbaugh repeatedly said that the newly-unearthed video is a "golden opportunity" for the Republican candidate and that he doesn't care how the media is covering it.

    Golden opportunity? or Golden Shower?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Well, Rush has been saying the same shit as Romney said in that video for over 20 years, so why would he advise any differently?

    2. OneYieldRegular

      If Romney deliberately killed a cute little puppy at a campaign rally Rush would think it was a brilliant political move on Mitt's part and showed him to be "Presidential."

      1. LibertyLover

        I'm thinking that Rush is sounding a little desperate. Of course, he's part of the upper 1% that thinks so poorly of all Americans.

    1. NellCote71

      I could not have scripted this better myself. And I thought the McCain-Palin fiasco could not be topped for political entertainment.

    2. valthemus

      I take nothing for granted. Stupid people cast stupid votes and there are lots of stupid people around. Don't forget: Steve King and Darrell Issa managed to get elected to office. And someone somewhere is watching "Jersey Shore."

  10. Veritas78

    Aaaaaand, on Wednesday, Ann Romney confides that "If he hadn't paid me $1 million cash, I would never have done that stupid speech. 'I love women?' What, do I look like a lezbo?"

    "And he hasn't gotten hard in twenty years. If he loses, I am so out of here."

  11. anniegetyerfun

    Che Guevara, for instance, was very good at being sexy and riding his motorcycle and killing people

    This sounds like the kind of job I might enjoy. Where do I apply?

    1. LibertyLover

      You could try Mexico, apparently, there's beheadings down there too. And you could even fight with a Mormon or two.

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, in the end, all the Conservatives who said that Clint was really a Democrat when he made the "Halftime in America" ad for Chrysler were right?

    For once, a conspiracy theory I approve of.

      1. emmelemm

        He'll get to the voting booth and they'll go, "Geez, we thought you were dead. You're on the death rolls right here…"

  13. Lascauxcaveman

    Well, in his little chair monologue, he was breaking Obama's balls for not closing Gitmo and ending the Afghan war like he promised. So in that way, he's in agreement with the rest of us libtards.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      That was strange and made me wonder when he said it. The cons I know love Gitmo and warring in Afghanistan.

  14. Eve8Apples

    Maybe Clint checked his tax returns, remembered he is in the 47% and now knows Mitt doesn't give a rat's ass about him.

  15. Eve8Apples


    Is Clint Eastwood now doing fact checks for Wonkette? If so, I like it.

  16. rickmaci

    Clit Dickwood sees the handwriting on the wall for him now that that Romoney has proved he is an idiot and Obama will be re-elected. No more Oscars or that Presidential medal thingy except maybe posthumous. Time to work on getting POTUS and everyone else to let bygones be bygones. Sort of hahahahaha, didn't mean it. LOL. Yah, right. Good luck with that one Clit. Just tell the Midiott, it's not personal, it's business.

  17. TribecaMike

    Edited out was the part where Clint broke down and began blubbering like a baby because Morgan Freeman won't return his calls.

  18. Woodshedding

    "I'd like to see politicians spend less time on TV…" So he wants soundbites cut from three words down to one?

  19. Fox n Fiends

    Perhaps Mr. Eastwood's friends in Congress should spend a little more time in the office until they can pass a bill that the President will fucking sign.

    1. miss_grundy

      Considering that the Republicans believe anyone with a Hispanic/Latino surname is a "terrorist", I doubt Mittens could win as a Latino. If that had been the case, why didn't he have the cubiche, Marco Rubio as his running mate?

  20. thefrontpage

    Here is more from the interview, according to exclusive transcripts provided by Extra TV, which conducted the interview with Deadwood:

    Extra: Deadwood, what else would you like to add, on the political front?

    Deadwood: Front? Or back? You never hear about the political back! Well, on the political front, or back, I just want to say—I love peanut butter. And I love broccoli. And I bet I'm the only person you know who loves to put peanut butter on broccoli! I actually like the old spaghetti westerns that I did. Maybe I should do another one. Yes, of course there are little green men on Earth–I've seen them. I also believe in gnomes, goblins and gremlins. I have a whole family of lawn gnomes living in my front lawn. I'm the only one who sees them. I love this weather. What city are we in? GET OFF MY LAWN, DAMMIT. I think I'm going to make one more film, 'Titanic–The Musical.' Screw Cameron's piece of dung–that was a hack job. Mine will be the real story, with music. I have to go. It's 4:30, and it's dinner time. What? Okay, goodbye. GET OFF MY LAWN!"

  21. nowave

    Hmm… Looks a lot like a hypocrite with a crappy sentimental movie to sell/rescue in the wake of everyone thinking he's an asshole. Amy Adams is so pissed at Clint.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      ALL baseball movies are just sentimental as hell. And if that makes them crappy, well, I'm going to watch them anyway.

      Never seen a crappy sentimental baseball movie I didn't like.

  22. Warwhatgoodfor

    Oh my sweet bleeding roids. Hemmoroids that is. Here I have been quietly (more or less) lusting in my heart for Becca without actually how old she is/how she looks. Now I get an actual non fixed up pic of her, and OMG. Sorry, just back from the quiet of my bathroom. I would eagerly arm wrestle that old duffer Clint for the right to be her next, well, you know. If you do, please update me, since honest to god I still like looking at pretty ladies, but damned if I can remember why.. Anyway, uh, he's older than dirt, and I'm young enough to be his son. Of something. A bitch, you know. Whoa.

  23. ttommyunger

    I can tell from your smile what you're thinking, Becca; but face it, if you tried to introduce him to that fine little pussy of yours, all he would do is talk to it.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Dude's 84 year old. Used to do all his own stunts, sure, but 80-freakin-4 years old.

      Becs probably had to help him just to get to his chair.

      1. ttommyunger

        I've learned it is all too often the image, not the man, that perchance makes a lady wet.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

        1. Calapine

          I think we shouldn't talk about other people's love-life like this behind their backs. It's creepy!

          Also, isn't Ms. Editrix more interested in the ladies, or have I been misunderstanding things?

          1. ttommyunger

            I specialize in “creepy”; have not mentioned love. I suspect our Editrix is an omnivore of the first order, at least I hope she is.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  24. LionHeartSoyDog

    I hope that Dina Ruiz is not getting A Fistfull of Eastwood, because at one time, she was the prettiest newsreader in all of Monterey County.

  25. Smithboy

    Eastwood is backtracking since his attempt to be cute fell flat. This hey if they are stupid enough to hire me sounds like a lame excuse to blame someone else for his tone deaf shtick.

  26. miss_grundy

    Sure, after making his comments about Obama at the RNC, he is now doing marketing for his new film which comes out on Friday and he has to have the Obama-lovers pay for their tickets or else he won't win the Box Office Derby. Yeah, like I'm going to believe he likes Obama, a-huh……

  27. miss_grundy

    Unfortunately, a lot of those forty-seven percenters vote Republican, so they still think of Clint as a hero and a man's man.

    I think he just did this to win over the Obama voters. After all, he wants the Box Office Derby crown this weekend.

  28. Yellerdawg

    I liked the part of the speech where he said Obama should have consulted the Russians before invading Afghanistan. Boldest re-write of history ever.

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