GA GA MOOCH MOOCH  11:23 am September 18, 2012

White Newborns, Mitt Romney Will Speak For You

by Jesse Taylor

Hello, babies. This is Mitt Romney’s newest ad. It speaks to the greatest fear of white newborns everywhere: their share of the American debt, coupled with the fear of unemployment in 18-22 years, give or take. (Although why this literal teat-sucker is opposed to becoming a figurative teat-sucker later on, I do not know.)

Oh, and Mitt? Unsolicited tip: the lady in the ad should have turned to the camera at the end and said, “And I was raped.” Immediate victory in all elections.

After yesterday determining that 47% of America are moochers, we have identified one who is not: this little girl, who possesses no filthy moocher qualities that make her unreachable via political ad. But we must then determine who the moochers are, if not little white babies who are helpless to do anything but not be mistaken for the Hot Cheetos & Takis kids.

Jim Geraghty at the National Review breaks it down for us in two parts.  First, he refers to a nice lady at a rally who says that Obama being president will mean she no longer has to worry about things.

For some reason, this is taken as her asking for government handouts, despite not asking for government handouts. Because this is a really, really stupid argument, Geraghty continues by pointing to people falling for multiple scams: one, a fake federal program for paying utility bills; another, a stimulus check giveaway; a third, a cellphone bill scam; and a fourth, another stimulus scam.

A normal human being might look at this and say, “Wow, there are a lot of hard-up people looking for help, and it’s really quite scummy to play on their hopes and fears in a blatant effort to rip them off.” This is why normal human beings do not write for the National Review.

There’s only one rule that we know of, babies: “Don’t stand in line with poor black people.”

Follow it.

[Time]

 

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{ 160 comments }

Maman September 18, 2012 at 11:26 am

If you legally require a baby to be born do you owe her anything?

Jukesgrrl September 19, 2012 at 1:38 am

They just legally require them to be brought to term, then it's "Bye, Baby."

Terry September 18, 2012 at 11:28 am

Shouldn't that baby be paying taxes and not freeloading?

Maman September 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

pulling itself up by its bootstraps.

eggsacklywright September 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

Harrumph. Those would be bootie straps methinks.

chicken_thief September 18, 2012 at 11:53 am

Getting that application to janitor at a quality school in early?

hagajim September 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

I vote for an immediate Similac tax.

anniegetyerfun September 18, 2012 at 1:18 pm

From Mom's tit to government teat. Will the entitlements NEVER end?

Steverino247 September 18, 2012 at 11:28 am

This is the story about Minnie the Moocher…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ5gCGJorKk

(Bonus, the ad you can skip was the trailer for Atlas Shrugged II)

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:03 pm

That babby is so little, I'd really have to say it's more of a mini-moocher.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Also, Cab Calloway was AWESOME!!

Note to self: Have as much energy and swagger at 80 as at 20.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Calloway's Law: For each Hi-de-Hi, there must be an equal and corresponding Hi-de-Ho.

[most flagrantly broken in that Creedence song, "The Old Man Down the Road"]

Peckerwood_Pete September 18, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I actually tried to watch Atlas Shrugged… I turned it off though after about 10 minutes… I got creeped out wondering if Paul Ryan masturbated to it…

Juan_Oriley September 18, 2012 at 2:20 pm

RIP Donald "Duck" Dunn. :(

no_gravity September 18, 2012 at 11:28 am

Unfortunately for women under Romney there won't be any employment other than being all barefooty and preggers and in the kitchen where they belong.

eggsacklywright September 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

"Women under Romney"….EWWWW.

belmontreport September 18, 2012 at 11:33 am

Unless you're a single mom/low-income mom– then off to work for you. Why are you freeloading?

SorosBot September 18, 2012 at 11:35 am

It's very simple; rich women shouldn't work, but poor and middle-class women must. Just like only the poor and middle class should have to pay taxes.

no_gravity September 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

And to poor and middle class women should be working for the rich women in the kitchens, laundry rooms and, when the rich wife has a headache or is on a gin bender, the bedroom.

Chet Kincaid_ September 18, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Schwarzenegger-Shriver Libel!!

chicken_thief September 18, 2012 at 11:54 am

For THE DIGNITY, of course!

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I once had an argument with a real dunderhead who said that women should stay home and take care of kids.
Me: What about my cousin? She does day care out of her house.
Him: Um…
Me: You said "stay home and take care of kids". She stays home every day. She takes care of kids all day long, every day.
Him: Um…
I didn't really think I was gonna change his mind, I just wanted to make him squirm from trying not to admit that he thinks women should work for free.

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:33 am

But that sure frees up a lot of positions for the important folks (i.e. men).

LibertyLover September 18, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I thought there was only one position for the men folks!???

La_Cieca September 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

Women under the Romney administration will have the opportunity to follow the career path that best serves women, i.e. to marry the son of a millionaire and then bear him five sons in rapid succession.

SorosBot September 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

Of course it helps to be the daughter of a millionaire yourself.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:14 pm

yeah, they might use "Joe" the "Plumber" as a prop, but trust me, Tagg isn't gonna marry his daughter.

SayItWithWookies September 18, 2012 at 11:28 am

And the Romney-Ryan plan will help this little child by doing what — foisting even more debt off onto her children?

tihond September 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

Making it easier for those babies to get the 6% body fat they've always craved.

kittensdontlie September 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

'Once a teat sucker, always a teat sucker'…that's why bottle-fed is best(hardened conservatives will want to forego the nipple, and start solid food immediately).

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:36 am

"Here's an apple for you, baby. What, no teeth? You'll work something out. Bootstraps, baby!!"

La_Cieca September 18, 2012 at 11:38 am

Stop coddling that infant. If she wants to eat, let her go out and get a job like the 53% of us who PAY OUR TAXE$!

Oblios_Cap September 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

Wow, there are a lot of hard-up people looking for help,

And yet many of them buy into "the race to the bottom" instead of the "let's make things better for everyone" school of thought.

Common Clay of the Old West, indeed.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Well, whut the hail we spozed to do, ya moe-ron?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8lT1o0sDwI

Oops, wrong "moron" reference.
My bad.

Chow Yun Flat September 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

Someone will have to explain to me the problem with government "handouts" which could also be described as income replacement, Keysian demand support or just acting decently toward those in need.

ChernobylSoup September 18, 2012 at 11:48 am

If the recipient is black, it's a handout. If he/she is white, it's an investment.

bobbert September 18, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Elegantly put.

oenspiek September 18, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Because, SOSHULIZUM, obvsly.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm

They're money that is not in the pockets of the 1% or corporations, DUH!

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

"Credit is a sacred trust. It's what our free society is founded on. You think they give a damn about their bills in Russia? "
"They don't pay bills in Russia. It's all free."
"All free? Free my ass, what are you a fucking commie? Huh?"
"No I ain't no commie."
"Well you'd better not be I don't want any commies in my car. No Christians either."

Estproph September 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

Awesome quote! Love that movie!

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:34 am

Loving that movie is one of the requirements for admission here at Wonkette.

Steverino247 September 18, 2012 at 11:36 am

"John Wayne is a fag."

Ruhe September 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"Yes he is you boys."

Chet Kincaid_ September 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I'm busted! Don't know what the fuck you are talking about!

Lavenderp September 19, 2012 at 2:01 am
BaldarTFlagass September 19, 2012 at 8:35 am

Watch it. It's fooking brilliant.

Juan_Oriley September 18, 2012 at 2:28 pm

You know kid, uhh, usually when someone pulls shit like that my first reaction is uhh I want to punch his fucking lights out.

AddHomonym September 18, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I don't even want to talk about it!

Estproph September 18, 2012 at 11:30 am

Last night I sat down with my son to talk about the deficit problem. I told him about how his share of the deficit would be so high when he becomes a taxpayer. He said "Da da dada DAda goo mama ba baba gah." He's 14 months old. It was a good discussion, and I think he understands the urgency now.

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:35 am

Obviously, your son is not the eTrade baby.

OzoneTom September 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

Unfortunately, and despite your best efforts, history has shown that once he has been indoctrinated by the socialist public school system he will become a moocher.

kittensdontlie September 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

Your son is wise beyond his years, but what 14 month old doesn't understand the mechanics of trickle down theory?!

Estproph September 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

A 14 month old came up with the idea, after all.

actor212 September 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

Hell, I said that when I first heard Mitt talk about it in a debate.

Of course, I was drunk…

LibertyLover September 18, 2012 at 1:15 pm

So of, course he will do his civic duty as a Democrat and impersonate someone at the voting polls, right?

actor212 September 18, 2012 at 11:30 am

Bet that babby is turning tricks by age eight for milk money.

sbj1964 September 18, 2012 at 11:30 am

Babies are like hemorrhoids,every time you sit down they bother you.

SorosBot September 18, 2012 at 11:30 am

That baby pays no income taxes!

OKthennext September 18, 2012 at 11:36 am

Another 46-percenter, in the tank for Obama.

ph7 September 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

She's feeding off the governesses' teat!

weejee September 18, 2012 at 11:30 am

♪ Baby, baby, sweet baby ♪

If you swallow, and we do mean swallow, Willard's siren song, then guess which states are the biggest moochers?

One might think Mittens tossed out the 47% moochers as a red herring, but it seems it was a red catfish.

Mehbe Mittens' song should be ♪♫ Jumbo liar, catfish pie, me oh my oh, we gots us the free pickins on the bayou ♫♪

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Upfisted specifically for awesome/terrible jambalaya/jumbo liar pun.

belmontreport September 18, 2012 at 11:31 am

Thank you for reminding me about the Hot Cheetos and Takis kids. I am now rewatching that video. I think that a person's reaction to this video says a lot about them.

johnnyzhivago September 18, 2012 at 11:31 am

The worst scam of all is this Mitt Romney for President thing.

actor212 September 18, 2012 at 11:31 am

Because this is a really, really stupid argument, Geraghty continues by pointing to people falling for multiple scams

Hey, um, Jim? Two words for ya:

Bernie. Madoff.

The prosecution rests, your honor.

freakishlywrong September 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

"Enron on line two".

LibertyLover September 18, 2012 at 12:05 pm

"WorldCom on line 3"

Jus_Wonderin September 18, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"ARM mortgages on line 4"

Eve8Apples September 18, 2012 at 11:31 am

Betcha that lazy white baby mamma claimed that smelly, little squealer as an exempt child dependent, took a child tax credit, took a Child and Dependent Care credit, and claimed head of household status to avoid paying her fair share of federal income taxes.

Baconzgood September 18, 2012 at 11:31 am

GET IN MY BELLY BABY!

-Fat Bastard-

BoatOfVelociraptors September 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Way to blend the threads.

HempDogbane September 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

Some of the investors in these ads are going to want to cash out soon, and will probably be selling Mitt off for parts.

Buzz Feedback September 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

Romney = Judge Smails

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

Come on and take a free ride [free ride!]
Come on and sit here by my side
Come on and take a
FREE RIDE

Biel_ze_Bubba September 18, 2012 at 11:33 am

“Wow, there are a lot of hard-up people looking for help, and it’s really quite scummy to play on their hopes and fears in a blatant effort to rip them off.”

That's never stopped the GOP.

anniegetyerfun September 18, 2012 at 11:33 am

Thank goodness my baby is going to be half-brown! I would hate for her to have to deal with something like the white man's burden. How many food stamps can I get when she's born, like a million?

kittensdontlie September 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

Well, half a million since he will have half a burden.

Katydid September 18, 2012 at 12:05 pm

If the kid is half-Kenyan, and all Muslim, he/she/it gets to be Preznit in 50 years! Get your birth announcement in your local paper stat.

LibertyLover September 18, 2012 at 12:07 pm

As long as she isn't born in Hawaii, she can be President.

kissawookiee September 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I hope she's half Latina; I hear that makes it much easier to win things.

SoBeach September 18, 2012 at 11:33 am

Wait a minute…

Since that new baby is already in the 47% who don't pay taxes, why the hell does Mitt care about her?

I'm having trouble keeping up.

Crank_Tango September 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

She sure as shit is never gonna vote for Mitt Rmoney, for so many reasons.

eggsacklywright September 18, 2012 at 11:34 am

Alan (son of Simp) Simpson does not approve of gummint teats.

nobodyssweetheart September 18, 2012 at 11:34 am

The mom in that shimmery, soft-focus, whitey-white fantasy campaign ad has black fingernails.

Chet Kincaid_ September 18, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Goth.

freakishlywrong September 18, 2012 at 11:34 am

You know what? Per fucking Willard, WE'RE the only ones paying taxes. The poors don't pay, Gawd knows the stinkin' rich or corporations don't pay. It's MY money and I don't want to have it grifted up to the already wealthy or wasted on war.Quit lecturing me and fuck off.

mavenmaven September 18, 2012 at 11:34 am

Its a Romney ad, meaning that woman made that baby by herself!

eggsacklywright September 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

She built that. With Lincoln (R) logs.

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:41 am

Well, her and a turkey baster.

Katydid September 18, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I KNEW parthenogenesis is real! Score one for the GOP.

CivicHoliday September 18, 2012 at 11:35 am

so the moral of the story is…black bebbies < white bebbies??

iburl September 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

I see you've been boning up on your Mormon Mud People studies.

chicken_thief September 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

Ya. About 3/5ths or so….

cassamandra September 18, 2012 at 11:35 am

And Romney succeeds in ruining the one happy moment we still thought we had: the birth of our children. "Hey, baby, look at those cute little ears, sucks to be you."

MumbletyX September 18, 2012 at 11:36 am

This is why normal human beings do not write for the National Review.

The last normal* person to my mind that every associated with NR was Florence King. She's probably only alive today because she finally figured out there was no one left there to even 'get' the humor in "Misanthrope's Corner" and she was better off without them.

*and the life she describes leading wasn't normal by any stretch — but neither was it backwards, nor back-woods.

freakishlywrong September 18, 2012 at 11:43 am

I love Florence KIng..

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I used to love Florence King, before she turned into such a fascist asshole.
But I will say that, unlike PJ O'Rourke, at least Florence King *used* to be interesting, insightful, and witty.

ChillBill September 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

Which one is Mitt and which one is the white whining baby?

freakishlywrong September 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

Mitt has a coif on.

chicken_thief September 18, 2012 at 11:51 am

Mitt's the one with the head the size it takes a car elevator to lift it.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 18, 2012 at 12:03 pm

babies don't smirk, even after sucking on the teat.

Katydid September 18, 2012 at 12:07 pm

My babby smirked every time I told her her life would be better than mine.

freakishlywrong September 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

They think we're stupid. They know from whence the debt came. It's calling from inside the house.

sbj1964 September 18, 2012 at 11:37 am

Kids you spend the first 3 years of they're lives teaching them to walk and talk,and the next 15 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Chet Kincaid_ September 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

My God, there were cobwebs all over that one.

ManchuCandidate September 18, 2012 at 11:38 am

Hush, white rich baby, you GOPer slut.
Mittens' gonna get your rich pa a big Tax Cut

And if Daddy's big tax cuts won't pass,
Mittens' gonna buy you a Hummer that guzzles gas

And if that Hummer can't go far,
Mittens' gonna start a big fucking war

And if that war is a real bad call,
He'll ensure that your rich ass won't serve at all

Oblios_Cap September 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

Is it true that white babies bring more $$$$ on the black market?

ph7 September 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

That's debt reduction plan we call get behind – selling white babies to the highest bidders!

SoBeach September 18, 2012 at 11:54 am

Is it true that white babies bring more $$$$ on the black market?

Why I myself fetched $30,000 on the black market. And that was in 1954 dollars.

eggsacklywright September 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

Silly. Can't sell white babbys in black market. Just isn't done.

Chow Yun Flat September 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

A dingo will eat that baby within a couple of years.

FlownOver September 18, 2012 at 11:51 am

Yes, but it will be a free market dingo.

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

Too bad for Mitt that the target audience for his new ad won't be able to vote until the 2032 election.

La_Cieca September 18, 2012 at 11:40 am

"Hush little baby, don't say a word.
Uncle Mitt's busy polishing a turd."

actor212 September 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

"And the wheels on Mitt's bus go crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush…."

SpeedoFart September 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

I think my 8.5 month old fetus just said "fuck you, Mittens, you smarmy sack of shit".

Pretty impressive for someone who is still drinking amniotic fluid.

Doktor Zoom September 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

Sister Sister, he's just a plaything,
We wanna make him stay up all night

(mopping floors!) All night long
(with the poors!) All night long

I know you wanna tax me, tax me….

MumbletyX September 18, 2012 at 11:53 am

Why don't we pretend
There you go, fakebot-'man'
Screw truths; why not
Late at night, make 'em up?

LibertyLover September 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

That babay looks perfectly capable of cleaning the rooms in her daycare (under the supervision of a responsible janitor, of course.)

FlownOver September 18, 2012 at 11:45 am

Jobless Babbies Keep Going
We Can't Take Care of Our Own

anniegetyerfun September 18, 2012 at 11:45 am

Oh, the unemployment rate for women is 17%, and Obama personally handed each and every one of them a pink slip? He really IS history's greatest monster.

chicken_thief September 18, 2012 at 11:48 am

If someone guarantees me that there is some breast feeding going in the vid I'll watch it. Otherwise, meh. More Rmoney pandering to the rich whites. It must be a day ending in "y"….

Peckerwood_Pete September 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

Abortion is a pretty good solution to cutting down on the number of future "moochers"…. you'd think the "party of life" would be all about it! Ah, but then rednecks would have no reason to vote GOP if they were pro life, and considered gays human beings…

Doktor Zoom September 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

Also, I want to say that Jesse has just set a new benchmark for artful Vonnegut allusions. Seriously, that's some goddamn poetry there.

fawkedifiknow September 18, 2012 at 11:50 am

We have reached that magic moment in every sure-loser presidential campaign where the snark writes itself.

Tundra Grifter September 18, 2012 at 12:39 pm

(r)Money has officially jumped the Snark.

ChernobylSoup September 18, 2012 at 11:52 am

Dear baby: Mitt would let the bank foreclose on that little birdhouse in your soul.

Doktor Zoom September 18, 2012 at 1:28 pm

It's 21 years after TMBG released Flood, and I REALLY can't afford 20 bucks including the shipping, but man, I truly want one of these: the Blue Canary In the Outlet By The Light Switch night light.

ChernobylSoup September 18, 2012 at 1:34 pm

OMG, thank you. I just ordered one for the baby's room.

fuflans September 18, 2012 at 11:59 am

the obama campaign should do something with clinton's 'arithmetic' quotes. you know, 1%, 47%.

we have math in this campaign.

Crank_Tango September 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I am going to be fair and balanced and not watch either of those videos.

arduinohacker September 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

But wait, isn't there a 47% chance this baby will grow up to be a moocher? I'm confused.

Pragmatist2 September 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"we must then determine who the moochers are"
Good News! The lamestream media has done that!
Turns out they are the residents of Red States and Mitt Romney's base!!! I am shocked!!! http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/wp

LibertyLover September 18, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Well how about that… and if women do go get a job? Mittens is against the part where they get equal pay for equal work…

I didn't see no bootstraps on that babay.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:01 pm

How about those two horrible children in the Totinos Pizza Rolls commercials?
Are they moochers, or just incredibly annoying?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Vx8AlLQOQ

James Michael Curley September 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Under the Romney Medicare, those two kids will be orderlies in the Home.

rocktonsam September 18, 2012 at 12:06 pm

OT.

Yall notice the cover of the latest Equire. It has Clint Eastwood on the cover sitting on a chair and not talking to it.

Yes, I know, I'm getting to old for Esquire too.

DahBoner September 18, 2012 at 12:13 pm

OT: Convicted killer says he's too fat to be executed

USA #1! USA #1! USA #1!

weejee September 18, 2012 at 12:37 pm

9. Rmoney getting all campy-like and making S'Mores by covering his crackers with santorum.

Tundra Grifter September 18, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Speaking of white newborns, Levi Johnston had another child, named after his favorite brand of firearms.

For that little girl's sake, I'm glad it wasn't "Mossberg."

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 1:36 pm

So he named his kid Penis?

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I suppose the babby is going to learn how to talk just so it can claim, "We built that tit".

fuflans September 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

all cell phone bills are a scam.

a_pink_poodle September 18, 2012 at 12:49 pm

It's kind of funny. Conservatives hate sharing the wealth but they're all for sharing the debt.

cousinitt September 18, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Wimmins shouldn't be working while raising babbies anyways. Duh, Mitt.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Steal the babby! Steal the babby! Steal the candy!
An oldie but a goodie:

Painter: All right folks, let’s get started. So we’ll begin with a simple scenario that shouldn’t be hard for anybody. Let’s say you’re walking in the park and you see an unattended infant—

Karl Rove: Steal the baby! Steal the baby!

Harriet Miers: Karl! That’s awful!

Rove: Do you know how much you can get for a healthy baby?

Condoleezza Rice: Oh, you just want to sell it. I was worried there for a minute.

Rove: Jeez, what kind of monster do you think I am?

Cheney: Is the baby white?

Painter: I haven’t even finished the scenario! And no, Karl, you do not steal the baby! That’s very, very unethical.

Cheney: See? I’m learning already!

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Part 2:

Painter: So—you look in the baby’s buggy, and the baby has some candy.

Rove: Steal the candy!

Rumsfeld: I’m with Karl. Steal the candy.

Cheney: Definitely.

(sounds of agreement, long pause)

Painter: Are you guys putting me on? You really think that’s the right answer?

Alberto Gonzales: Well, what else? I mean you’re practically putting the candy in our hands here, man.

Rove: Yeah! Do you realize how easy it is to get candy from a baby? It’s a friggin’ cliché for easiness, for Christ’s sake! It’s got to be ethical, right?

Painter: Okay, no. Well, you’re wrong. It’s unethical to take the candy. It doesn’t matter how easy it is. There’s no correlation between ease and ethics. You can’t take the candy.

(puzzled murmurs)

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Part 3:

Rumsfeld: Are you serious?

Painter: Yes, I am. Now. Why isn’t it ethical to take the candy?

(silence)

Painter: Come on guys, somebody has to have a guess. Anybody?

Cheney: Ummm…Because your cholesterol is too high?

Painter: No. No. That’s not an ethical problem, that’s a personal health issue. Come on, guys.

Rove: Oh! Oh! Because the police are watching you! Right? Or a reporter! A reporter’s watching!

Painter: No, Karl. That’s not it. That wouldn’t be an ethical problem. That’s just self-preservation.

Rove: Really? Shit, this is hard!

Cheney: Shut up, Karl!

Cheney: I can have you killed, you fat hick.

Rumsfeld: Calm down, Dick.

Miers: Guys, please!

Rove: Oh, whatever. I could kill you with a fucking joy buzzer, big man.

tessiee September 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Part 4:

Miers: Well, I guess it would be wrong because—well, because it just is, you know? The lord says “Thou shalt not steal,”. It’s just not right to take something that doesn’t belong to you.

Cheney: Oh, please!

Painter: That’s very good, Harriet. Did everybody hear Harriet? Stealing is ethically wrong.

Rumsfeld: Seriously?

Gonzales: (muttering) Brown nose.

LibertyLover September 19, 2012 at 1:21 am

Wish I could upfist you more….

zumpie September 18, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I thought the Puggies only cared about other people's babies BEFORE they were born.

MistaEko September 18, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Hi Rachel! I know you're watching us (and I you, my dear)!

ttommyunger September 18, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Standing by for Mitt's next ad featuring him hugging a basket of kittens.

ElPinche September 19, 2012 at 1:17 am

Ok Rachel, where are you ? Come to pappasito. I'll take you fishing at Lake Livingston….200 lb blue cats , 12 lb hybrid bass and other stuff I found on freshwater fishing wiki.

DerrickWildcat September 19, 2012 at 1:25 am

Takis is a really good kind of food!

CunningDingus September 19, 2012 at 7:23 am

TRMS mentions wonkette.com in her show last night, calling it "profane and excellent." She's showing (R-Money)'s baby ad (for free!) and credits your "Hello babies" moniker.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908/vp/49081058#… (around 1:35)

Sassomatic September 20, 2012 at 3:00 am

That baby looks like it's worried Mama is about to drown him for his own good.

CarnyTrash September 18, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I installed 2-way mirrors in his house in Brentwood and he come to the door in a dress.

BaldarTFlagass September 18, 2012 at 1:22 pm

That doesn't mean he was a homo, Miller. A lot of straight guys like to watch their buddies fuck. I know I do. Don't you?

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