New Black Panther Party Set To Make White People Feel Mildly Uncomfortable

by Jesse Taylor

how sean hannity sees urkelIn a super-exclusive (read: he was the only person who would talk to them) interview with World Net Daily’s Aaron Klein, New Black Panther Party head Malik Shabazz (real name: Paris Lewis) threatens to once again dominate the white man at up to one polling place in November.

During an interview on WABC Radio’s “Aaron Klein Investigative Radio,” Shabaz was asked whether his group is planning to go to U.S. polling stations in the upcoming presidential election.

Shabazz replied: “I will say that as this election comes up in November, we will consider our options. And we will consider the fact whether we will legally and lawfully go to the polls again to make sure there is no intimidation against our people, which was our intent in 2008.”

Mr. Shabazz, it is time for us to have a talk, because you are goddamn delusional.

We understand that it is nice to be interviewed by crazy white man Aaron Klein who confirms everything you ever thought about white people. To be fair, he confirms everything we ever thought about white people, too. But let us be clear about the resources available to you.

You “run” the New Black Panther Party. There are five of you. Maybe. Your options are pretty much 1) standing at one polling place while some hyperactive Fox News reporter bounces around you with a cameraphone like a submissive Federalist Tigger asking if you’re going to dominate him, or 2) getting a booth at IHOP and hoping they still have pumpkin pancakes.

You have the grandest of dreams – perhaps even purchasing a new baton off of Amazon! – but let’s be honest with each other. You don’t have the cash to do that right now, and the baton thing is getting old. There are so many other things you could threaten to dominate this fall – a farmer’s market, perhaps? Maybe a corn maze!

OOH, NEW BLACK PANTHER PARTY YOU SHOULD DOMINATE A HAUNTED HOUSE. Stand outside of Old Man Miller’s abandoned mansion and stop that poltergeist from holding down proud Nubian apparitions!

[Fox Nation]

 
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{ 131 comments }

Buzz Feedback September 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Peckerwood_Pete September 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Well, in other news… at least we've moved beyond race in the United States…

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Yeah, i think there's 5 of them.

Come here a minute September 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

It takes a New Black Panther Party animal like Mr. Shabazz to point out that Whitey did not move the bodies from the Native American burial ground.

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Paris Lewis? I call bullshit on the name alone. Christ, Clive Cussler could phony a better name than that!

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm
actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Right, because every entry on Wikipedia is the pure truth!

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm

PARIS LIBEL!!eleventy1!

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

*whew*

You had me worried for a sec there you were taking me seriously…

FlownOver September 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

OT: Go check Our Gretchen's Wikithingy page. Someone couldn't resist.

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I deny doing that. Last time I screwed with Wiki, I almost got tossed.

FlownOver September 17, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Whoever it was didn't last long.

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 4:37 pm

It quoted my crack about Carlson looking like Faith Ford only ice creamier.

Lascauxcaveman September 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Either name is pretty scary in it's own way.

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Right? Paris Lewis sounds like a contestant on RuPaul.

Tundra Grifter September 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

There's only one Paris. And One Night in Paris.

Although Duh Gov' is the Paris Hilton of politics.

Yes, I did use that line recently. But's it's funny, it's original, and this is still America. Also.

zippy_w_pinhead September 17, 2012 at 4:45 pm

the secret illegitimate spawn of the lesbian tryst between Paris Hilton and Shari Lewis (because Shari Hilton just didn't have the same ring to it and Lamb Chop was already taken)

BlueJoubert September 19, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Yeah, because if I felt the need to change my name to make myself more legitimate sounding, I would change it to Malik Zulu Shabazz also. The name just commands respect!

SorosBot September 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Paris Lewis can't lose.

emmelemm September 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Listen, whippersnapper, you think the early 90s were any better than the 70s? News flash: THEY WEREN'T.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Yeah!

<walks away, mumbling incoherantly about flannel>

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Right?

We lost Joplin, Hendrix, and Morrison.

And the 90s? Curt Kobain. Not even in the same league.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 17, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Yeah, I don't know who those people are.

Toomush_Infer September 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Back in the early 70's, in Tacoma, Washington, shepherding G.I.s across the border, we made friends with a Black Panther house (I'm totally white Swede), because they were the only blacks not afraid to do psychedelics….total sweethearts, all of them….short story is, one day I came over to find all the doors and windows bashed in, shot out, blood everywhere…spent the next two weeks rounding up bail for the survivors…Power Up, People….

weejee September 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Let's see, classic 70s music, Pink Floyd, Ramones, Derek and the Dominos, Willie Nelson, Linda Ronstadt, Big Mac, Blondie, Black Sabbath, Yes, Genesis, Jethro Tull, ELP, AC/DC, Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, Clash Sir Elton, Sex Pistols, plus carry-overs like Wings, Led Zep, Stones, Dylan.

There was some other 70s music as this olde recalls, usually played while wearing strange costumes in rooms with spinning glitter balls, but can't quite recall the term they used for that genre.

And then there was also Linda Ronstandt's back-up band with a guitar picker who has the same name as some Congressman from Illinois who lives in the men's room of the DC Greyhound Station hiding from his wife's attnys or something..

Jus_Wonderin September 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"Linda Ronstadt's" – mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I love(d) her.

gullywompr September 17, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I think I'm gonna love her for a long, long time.

Toomush_Infer September 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Michael Hurley…

Pithaughn September 17, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Linda gave me a peck on the cheek!! LA Forum Xmas eve 1977 , er around that time for sure.

MissTaken September 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I've already synchronized my swatch so I'm ready to intimidate whitey.

SorosBot September 17, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Which New Kid on the Block do you think is the dreamiest?

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

The one with pubes? Oh, wait…

zippy_w_pinhead September 17, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Clarence Thomas was a New Kid?

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

get out of my head!

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

standing at one polling place while some hyperactive Fox News reporter bounces around you with a cameraphone like a submissive Federalist Tigger asking if you’re going to dominate him

In some cities, that can get you arrested for solicitation.

Lavenderp September 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Is the New Black Panther Party a drum majorette squad?

FakaktaSouth September 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

YES! And their colored guard flags are amazing.

Yellerdawg September 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Well, I for one am already thoroughly intimidated. Maybe it's the bat ears and the bling. What can I say, I grew up very insulated.

BaldarTFlagass September 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Parry Lewis will be appearing with his friend Lamb Chop and sidekick Voter Intimidation at a polling place near you!

ThankYouJeebus September 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm

This is the unforeseen consequence of getting rid of ACORN. It's getting hard to find a boogeyman who terrorizes innocent voters.

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Next on FOX News: Circus clowns: loveable entertainers or VOTE SUPPRESSORS???!?!?!?!?!

Lascauxcaveman September 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

These are the guys with the berets and the quasi-military clothing, right?

All the voters going to that particular polling place will probably mistake them for vacationing Cubans, or something.

BloviateMe September 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

#OccupyGrapeKoolAid

Haha, my racist comment for the day. Actually, you guys hear the one about Flotus and National Geo? It's a hoot.

Spurning Beer September 17, 2012 at 3:34 pm

The Kool Aid company is now marketing that product under the name Legitimate Grape.

ChernobylSoup September 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I like it. One black dude at a predominately white polling place can keep Fox News occupied about 22 hours a week for four years.

Tundra Grifter September 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

On the other hand, the FoxPAC is more than willing to ignore entire states engaged in vote caging and other suppression.

sbj1964 September 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

It,s all a plot to keep a brother down.Like white women,and spinning rims.

ph7 September 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

The Revolution will be televised. By Fox & Friends. Repeatedly. To white audiences. With scare quotes and Drudge Sirens.

CivilMcMannerly September 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Cam Newton is my favourite black panther.

Nostrildamus September 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Can't touch Ringo, man.

Lascauxcaveman September 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

This is the year of the rookie quarterback, AND white voter intimidation.

Studebaker Hawk September 17, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Steve Smith libel!

Peckerwood_Pete September 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I wonder if Paris Lewis had Herman Cain's back in the GOP primaries?

ChillBill September 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Cain offered him the job, but he refused.

DerrickWildcat September 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I hope they don't tear up our Embassy.

Serolf_Divad September 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I think we've got a new Alan Colmes for Sean Hannity's next Fox TV show: "Hannity and some scary, delusional, angry black guy who seems to think it's still 1968."

YouBetcha September 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Cue: "Lou Sarah" trolling polling places for anonymous sex hookup. "Hey there, fella, is that a baseball bat ya got there? Wanna show me how you swing that thing?"

James Michael Curley September 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Eric Holder also determined that the leading cause of old white Republicans not being able to vote last time was the "Great Depends Shortage of 2008."

BaldarTFlagass September 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

You “run” the New Black Panther Party. There are five of you.

Hey, it's just part of the miniaturization trend that's been going on for the last half-century. Remember when a portable phone was the size of an Igloo Playmate, and the only thing it could do was make "phone calls?"

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

They "right-sized"

Lascauxcaveman September 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Not quite true. I know a guy who safely worked his way out of a particularly dense barfight swinging his ca. 1988 McCaw Cellular brick around.

GhostBuggy September 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Since the discovery of Pym particles, nothing's been the same.

SorosBot September 17, 2012 at 3:32 pm

The image makes me miss the old Christopher Priest Black Panther series, and sad that he's quit writing comics.

YouBetcha September 17, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I'm pretty sure I dated this guy. He always smelled good. Like latex and jet diesel.

rickmaci September 17, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"I'm sorry I had to fight in the middle of your Black Panther party."

CrunchyKnee September 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Needz moar afros!!!111!1one11!

weejee September 17, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Yeah. Like a heart-throb from my youth, Angela Davis

johnnyzhivago September 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

He has GOT to change his name to "The Great Ahmed Khan" ASAP.

Exhausted66 September 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

This is different than what the GOP's doing in Pennsylania, how?

Exhausted66 September 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Besides, effectiveness.

FlownOver September 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Well, there's the Pantone™ factor.

BlueStateLibel September 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

To each his own. Old white people at the polls intimidate me, and I'm white.

Negropolis September 18, 2012 at 9:05 am

Hey, I like the old white people at the polls. During the August primary one of them even gave me one of their donuts. That's a benefit of voting in the morning if you can.

el_donaldo September 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Shabazz has a role to play – mainly keeping the blood pressure of some of the olds up so high they stroke out a little early.

anniegetyerfun September 17, 2012 at 4:18 pm

This is all a part of Obamacare.

MonkeyHamlet September 17, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Hey, New Black Panthers, you're on your way to joining "AfterMASH, "Joanie loves Chachi," "The Ropers," and "Baywatch Nights."

MissTaken September 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

They are worse than New Coke.

SorosBot September 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Or even worse, "The New Monkees", "What's Happening Now", "The Munsters Today", "The New Leave it to Beaver", "The Brady Brides" and the like. 80s syndication was big on sequel series, with only "Star Trek: The Next Generation" being any good.

SolitaireRose September 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm

The only Black Panther I give a shit about is the one owned by Marvel and written by either Don McGregor or Jack Kirby in the 70's. These people are UPN's "The New Odd Couple."

SorosBot September 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

And the Priest run in the late 90s and early 2000s. The less said about the recent Reginald Hudlin run though, the better.

GhostBuggy September 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Was that the one where Klaw was NOT a pink monster made out of sound? Because that was terrible.

I did enjoy "Doomwar" wherein Doctor Doom goes to, uh, war with Wakanda.

SorosBot September 17, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Yes; and where T'Challa now had a little sister who had never existed before, and suddenly decided to marry Storm because Marvel's two highest-profile black superheroes apparently just had to be a couple, and previous continuity was otherwise ignored left and right.

It was not good, to say the least.

iburl September 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"New Black Panther Party" = FBI Trolls

SayItWithWookies September 17, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I'll bet that was the second most frightening experience Aaron Klein ever had, after watching Madea's Family Reunion on Netflix.

Goonemeritus September 17, 2012 at 3:43 pm

When I see what weak revolutionaries this poor generation has I am happy to be old. Well I probably would prefer a prostate smaller than a cantaloupe but other than that I’m content.

hagajim September 17, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Is this Paris Lewis cat somehow related to Paris Hilton….because that would be a party, and not a good one.

Nostrildamus September 17, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I sense a new black "spokesman" for Fox News.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

From FOX News comments…

"most of the nation has permit to carry a firearm laws, so America get a permit to carry and vote, if any of this thugs are a threat a the poles, you have the right to blow the niggerbrains out, i'm looking forward to voting this november, and perhaps wasting a few bIack panther thugs !"

ChernobylSoup September 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I'll bet $10,000 that commenter thinks Muslims shouldn't get so angry and violent over insults to their heritage.

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm

One man, one bullet?

Monsieur_Grumpe September 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

And so far…

"7 people liked this."

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Democrats are the real racists.

FlownOver September 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm

It astounds me that there's no awareness of the possibility of reciprocity. Or does the reliance on original intent make them think The Other can't buy a gun?

Doktor Zoom September 18, 2012 at 9:57 am

And the comment is still up the next day. I thought Fox was more careful about pruning the most openly racist stuff out…they aren't even bothering now

BloviateMe September 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I should send in an application to join the gang…I've desperately tried to get the nickname "white chocolate" to stick (to no avail)…this may finally be my in.

Estproph September 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Better yet, if called by a black panther,
Don't anther.

FlownOver September 17, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Ogden Nash libel!

Indiepalin September 17, 2012 at 3:52 pm

If the New Black Panthers were smart, they'd replace this spokesman with Velvet Jones

GhostBuggy September 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Astronaut Jones?

BaldarTFlagass September 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Basketball Jones?

actor212 September 18, 2012 at 9:39 am
Tundra Grifter September 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Why is Wonkette publishing a painting of Andrew Bitebart in the Arizona desert?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm

If the New Black Panther Party wants to be taken seriously, they need to take over a legacy political party, like the Klan did with the Republicans.

valgal2342 September 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm

"I'm sorry I had a fight at your Black Panther Party."

fartknocker September 17, 2012 at 4:02 pm

May be they'll protest in front of a Florida polling place. And wear hoodies. And eat Skittles. Yeah, that'll show them.

Incitefully_Joe September 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I have to say, T'Challa was way cooler than this "New Black Panther".

AznMom420 September 18, 2012 at 4:23 am

The only way this is gonna work is if we get the husband of real-life X-Woman Storm (Beyonce) to lead his people to a bold new land on the moon. (On second thought who's turning down partyin with jay-z on the fuckin moon)

anniegetyerfun September 17, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Oh, fuck yeah, pumpkin pancakes.

BeefHardcake September 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm

<Jason Lee>
What's a Nubian?
</JL>

horsedreamer_1 September 17, 2012 at 8:54 pm

/pulls Gat from waistband

zumpie September 17, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Is having this guy scare the wingnuts part of Thurston's new reset plan we keep hearing about?

finallyhappy September 17, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Truth here- I have personally met this asshole- he and a few(yeah, like 3) of his asshole buddies told us we had no right to protest the murders in Darfur(outside the Sudanese embassy a few years ago). White people had no right to tell the black man what to do- were his words. He grabbed the mike from our leader- but then we called the police over.(because mainly we were wussy Jews and Christians) Yes, because it is good that people in Darfur were being massacred and only black people have a right to protest. I wanted to just smack sense into him but I have been warned by police in DC and Montgomery county before that I will be the one getting arrested no matter what (unless I get hit first). Usually I just want to take a sign away or deface it but that is assault according to the police

Pithaughn September 17, 2012 at 8:04 pm

May we dance with your voters?

Walkinwiddaking September 17, 2012 at 8:04 pm

"Malik Shabazz (real name: Paris Lewis)". Still a win win. Both are solid porn star names.

fuflans September 17, 2012 at 9:03 pm

while some hyperactive Fox News reporter bounces around you with a cameraphone like a submissive Federalist Tigger

jesse i like your style.

Negropolis September 17, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Hey, if conservatives are going to keep sending election "monitors" to harass some poor schlub in an Obama t-shirt for standing too close to an election precinct on election day because he stopped to talk to a friend, then I'm not going to much complain about some cartoon characters doing the same.

All that said, these guys are total dicks and racists who I have no need for, and neither does America.

Speaking of the New Black Panthers, my mother tells me stories of growing up in Detroit when the original Black Panthers – you know, when they still had "Self Defense" in their name – had a chapter in her neighborhood. They were rather innocuous. They used to give the neighborhood kids free lunches during the summer and teach self-defense classes. She went to their center one time for their free lunch and never went back because she told me she was frightened to death by the weapons they wore. lol She also grew up in the same neighborhood as the even more creepy Nation of Islam. Boy, those must have been strange times.

ttommyunger September 17, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I would avoid "Stand Your Ground" States; those crazy crackers dream of capping a nigger. No, really, they do.

pdiddycornchips September 17, 2012 at 11:51 pm

There's nothing more scary than an angry black guy. I mean, what we got to be mad about? This place is a veritable paradise for black men. Free government benies, white women, and everywhere you go, people follow you like you're Jesus. I suppose asking to vote free of harassment is just being uppity.

AznMom420 September 18, 2012 at 4:25 am

"submissive Federalist Tigger"
Helloooo new tattoo.

DahBoner September 18, 2012 at 8:30 am

Pumpkin pancakes?

We're in!

iamrrm September 18, 2012 at 8:31 am

Hell yeah! Those poll worker ladies smell like Ben Gay and Luden's and they are way stern.

toaster_pastry September 17, 2012 at 3:52 pm

TOASTER PASTRY LIBEL!11! =)

actor212 September 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Towns in Missouri.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm

The seventies had to produce a lot of good to outweigh the godawful that was also produced. The worst thing to come out of the nineties was a brief revival of Brian Setzer's career. Oh, and those unfortunate boys with their pants on backwards.

zippy_w_pinhead September 17, 2012 at 5:13 pm

dunno bout that, the last couple shows I've done with her she's turned into quite the ditzy frumpy housewife type. She still sings well and is a nice person, but she's a long way from the Stone Poneys days

gullywompr September 17, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Not a problem. Tell her to call me.

actor212 September 18, 2012 at 9:37 am

I can close my eyes, you know.

zippy_w_pinhead September 17, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Lol, I'll let her know- Tucson is a small town…

weejee September 17, 2012 at 6:00 pm

And tell her there are moar than a few of us who strongly think she should be in the R&R Hall of Fame.

Though if invited now she'd likely tell Jann Wenner to shove the invite up his Rolling Stoner.

gullywompr September 17, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I keep up with her, so I know what she looks like these days, and it don't bother me a bit. She's just freakin' awesome, always will be.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 17, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Hey, we got Reznor.

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