despite all my rage i am still just a...that'll provoke more rage

Newsweek Explores ‘Muslim Rage’ Through Stupid Cover

rage rage rage rage

Newsweek has moved beyond implied vegetable dick-sucking to weightier topics, like how Muslims are just REALLY FUCKING ANGRY ALL OF THEM.

To kick off a masterful Ayaan Hirsi Ali column about Ayaan Hirsi Ali and how Ayaan Hirsi Ali did things, Newsweek decided to very, very carefully take a specific point about her experiences (with a lot of Salman Rushdie references thrown in) and just blow the whole thing up to…

…Oh, shit, blow things up. NOT MEANT TO MAKE MORE MUSLIM RAGE, DUDES.

Anyway, Newsweek has helpfully condensed the entire debate over radical Islamic anger and concomitant action – a phenomenon that roils the Middle East and sets the overwhelmingly peaceful majority against powerful, violent forces in their own midst – into a single image of angry, stereotypically Muslim-looking men probably plotting to blow up the very McDonalds you’re standing in while reading Wonkette on your nearly outdated iPhone 4S.

Just be on the lookout for Muslim Rage. And if you see any in action, snap a photo of it and use it as the cover for your floundering, desperate newsweekly.

[Huff Po]

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    1. HempDogbane

      I dropped my subscription when they put Jacquelyn Bissett on the cover in a wet t-shirt, because I knew they were just pandering to me !

    2. kittensdontlie

      Their anger is directed towards Newsweek when they found out asparagus consumption wasn't all the rage it was supposed to be.

  1. SexySmurf

    The dude on the left looks like he's getting a blow job, and the dude on the right looks like he's saying, "Duuuuude."

  2. vulpes82

    How Ayaan Hirsi Ali manages to take a truly sympathetic and life-affirming biography and transmute it into being a narcissistic bigot, I don't know. She married Niall Ferguson ferchrissakes!

    1. IceCreamEmpress

      Yes, it just goes to show that bad things can happen to bad people. It's terrible how Ayaan Hirsi Ali was treated and SHE'S A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON NONETHELESS.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Considering the charmed life that, say, Tucker Carlson & Jonah Goldberg live, it's nice to know that some Rightards have faced discrimination. Granted, they are TEH BROWN, just as any discriminated party often is, but so be it.

        1. Fukui-sanYesOta

          I have to admit that I found your original comment a bit "parochial American douchebag". This is our Wonkette though, so let's not fight.

          Fundamentalist assholes are fundamentalist assholes, whichever their chosen crutch.

          I picked South Carolina because it was the first place I ever saw brutal, crushing poverty in the first world. Some shitball trailer park in the middle of nowhere. Between that and the hallowe'en lawn decoration of a confederate flag with mum, dad and two little kids in KKK costumes, it was something of a shocker for someone from England. Also, too, more fucking churches than booze stores. That just ain't right.

          1. sbj1964

            S.C. More steeples than peoples.Middle east they are known as Minarets prayer towers.Poverty,and ignorance prevails in the shadows of both.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I'm pretty sure I made the same face as the guy on the left there when I found out I had to spend another 4 months in Kuwait.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    I'm sorry, I'm too upset about Kate Middleton's tits to worry about this. I mean, the one damn thing I thought I'd appreciate about a member of the British Royal Family, and what do you know — they're just blurry pics shot through a chain-link fence. If this doesn't end the fuckin' monarchy in England, nothing will.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I saw in the NYTimes that one of Berlusconi's magazines in Italy is going to run 26 pages of Kate Middleton breastage.

      26 pages of one person's tits? Those had better be some pretty damn life-changing tits.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I know it's like those old nude beach pix of Jackie O. There's just not that much there to see, and you can't see it anyway :(

    3. AznMom420

      Ya'll need to chill out and remember at a time like this that we are truly blessed to live in the greatest nation that god ever loved. The proof's in scarjo's tits.

  4. Tequila Mockingbird

    Awww, how precious! Newsweek thinks it's still relevant!!

    In other news, I think I saw that one guy in a Disney animated film.

  5. fredbell

    That's Julio on the right…the radical priest is on the left…and that's Paul Simon that you see there in the middle with the black shirt…And you can see Mama Pajama's head at the top right…This photo is from 1971!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I thought maybe he was singing.

      "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII… will always love yooooooooooooooooooooooou"

    1. chicken_thief

      I thought it was the crowd outside of the Damascus Apple store where throngs were waiting for the 5.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Naw, it's from the Cricket World Cup. Sports Illustrated already used it for the "Pakistan eliminated again?" cover the year India won it.

  6. Goonemeritus

    They probably thought they would sell more copies than with their alternate cover “Muslims are People Too”.

    1. mrpuma2u

      It will be part of one next week, with NOBAMAZ slipping money and guns into those yelling guy's robes from behind.

  7. vodkamuppet

    Stupid elitist libruls. I'm in my local McDonalds on my iPhone 3GS with a cracked screen, thank you very much. It's got a YouTube app!

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    I think those guys are sitting up front at the latest Springsteen concert. You can see Chris Christie in the background, if you squint.

  9. Jus_Wonderin

    The ONLY class I flat out failed at LSU was Middle Eastern Studies. Dr. Dlin droned on and on and on. And the class was at 8 AM. I guess…I should have tried to stay awake.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        I did forget that I took Astronomy. I didn't do so well in that either. I thought it was going to be “all stars and spacey stuff”. It weren't.

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            If I ever knew, I am sure I pushed some TV trivia in that slot to forget it. I learned that Art Ed Majors were not suited for certain courses.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    I'll remember that when Newsweak shows fat white angry US Amercians waving badly spalled (sic) racist signs screaming about "No gubbiment on my medikar" or "Get a Brane Morans." Xtian Rage.

  11. dadanarchistmk2

    Ayaan Hirsi Ali is also Mrs. Niall Ferguson.

    That tells me everything I need to know about her sense of intelligence, judgment, and morals.

  12. Blueb4sinrise

    The governments will begin to fail as soon as they set about implementing their philosophy: strip women of their rights; murder homosexuals; constrain the freedoms of conscience and religion of non-*********; hunt down dissidents; persecute religious minorities; pick fights with foreign powers, even powers, such as the ****., that offered them friendship. The ********* will curtail the freedoms of those who elected them and fail to improve their economic conditions.

    So true, so true.

  13. OneYieldRegular

    I hope they at least put a week or two between this and their monthly "In Search of the Real Jesus" cover.

  14. DemonicRage

    Steps in Newsweek's decline: A while back, that article where one of the Cultural Desk people said that gay actors shouldn't be cast in straight parts; (2) more recently, that cover saying it was time of Obama to hit the road (like we want to see pictures of Rafalla for the next four years); now this. Very sad.

  15. DemonicRage

    What the **** is going on, Wonkette. Everyone who posts comments here is just FROZEN at that number in the new leaf green oval, after their name…..a number that was established half a year ago and just stays FROZEN there? Get rid of the new leaf green ovals with the number in it!!!!

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        My p-ness just got bigger last week. Soon I will be able to skullf*ck from across a room with it.

    1. vulpes82

      I'm still juuuuuuuuuuust under 100p, but I finally went from 98 to 99 a few weeks ago. I'm not sure how many upfists it takes, and the quantity and frequency of commenting seems to play a part, too. But isn't it sad how invested we are in some totally arbitrary and meaningless "statistic"? Quite beneath us. (Now, UPFIST ME, PLEASE!!!!! I WANT TO HIT 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  16. Katydid

    Hey, ya know, if we put Bill Donohue of the "Catholic League" in Middle Eastern garb on the cover, next time someone creates a "Piss Christ," you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between covers.

  17. Self-Uploader

    My better half, who sometimes says he's a "libertarian" although issue by issue he disagrees with liberterians on most things, has kind of a crush on Ayaan, which I suppose is better than having a crush on Ayn. But after this, it's over. I'm telling him to break up with THAT imaginary girlfriend. From now on it's just FLOTUS and me.

    1. AznMom420

      Ayaan is just what you say when you're trying to get Ayn's attention and she turns that vodka funnel around to gaze into your soul with 'rational self interest' burning a hole in her heart and soaking a hole in her drawers.

  18. biraweeyaz

    For the record, I'm currently visiting the West Bank (full of mooslims obviously), and I can honestly report that basically no one gives two flying shits about that movie.

      1. biraweeyaz

        Ha, it's much less interesting than you think. I'm staying with family on "vacation" for a few weeks. I come here every couple of years, survey the always deteriorating situation, get depressed, refill my Zoloft script and come home to CA. Such is the life.

        1. Fukui-sanYesOta

          What's the general impression of Israel amongst the people there? How about the US?

          How is life in general in the West Bank?

          These are things that it'd be great to get from someone with first-hand experience.

          1. biraweeyaz

            I'm staying in Ramallah, which is economically slightly better off than the rest of the Palestinian territories but the unemployment rate is still somewhere around 20%. Young men in their teens and 20s hang around the main square with nothing to do, which leads to the obvious problems. People are tired. My grandmother, who's in her 80s, is old enough to remember life before Israel, which makes her an amazing memory box. She says this is without a doubt the worst it has ever been. Obviously the bulk of the anger is directed towards Israel–people can't build freely on the West Bank because Israel has classified 60% of the land as Area C (under Israeli civil and security control) which gives them room to expand the settlements. People can't travel freely. Roads in the West Bank that lead to or buffer the settlements are classified as "Israeli only" and Palestinians can't travel them. Palestinian cars have different color license plates. My dad, who was born in Palestine in 1948 and has been an American citizen for 40 years, can't go to Jerusalem or anywhere in Israel. Water is becoming a scarce resource. Our bath water comes out in a trickle, while the settlement on the hill a few miles away has swimming pools. The Palestinian government is taking heat for being complicit in a lot of this and there are rumblings of an Arab Spring making its way to Palestine. The local governments are broken and ineffective. The current situation is completely unsustainable.

            As for America, attitudes are what you'd expect. Shitty Katy Perry music is blasted everywhere and young people idolize American culture. But politically, America and the US are (rightly) viewed as one and the same. People find it laughable that Obama has been pro-Palestinian or critical of Israel in any way. For Palestinians, American presidents are viewed as one and the same.

            Anyway, if you want to hear more incoherent ramblings, I'd be happy to email you. I think its useful for Americans to gain another perspective on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict beyond the "loves Israel" and "SUPER DUPER loves Israel" spectrum we have in the US.

          2. Fukui-sanYesOta

            Now this is the sort of stuff it's worth coming back to Wonkette for. Thank you.

            Much of what you say is kinda what I expected from Israel and the feelings of Palestinians in general. Not to get overly political but I think the Palestinians get it in the arse from Israel wrt settlements and so on, and America always backs them up. Not right.

            I'd love to post my email address and converse more but this is an open message system and I'm loathe to just put it out there. It's honestly fascinating to hear from someone who has real experience of this stuff.

          3. Fukui-sanYesOta


            My dad, who was born in Palestine in 1948 and has been an American citizen for 40 years, can't go to Jerusalem or anywhere in Israel. Water is becoming a scarce resource.

            That's messed up and wrong.

            What's your opinion on how to fix it?

            edit: Also, I'm a Britisher living in CA, not American. Nearly but not quite.

          4. biraweeyaz

            Yes, the travel situation is seriously messed up. I came here with my dad and because he couldn't fly into Tel Aviv, we had to fly into Amman instead and drive across the border into the West Bank (the border is also controlled by Israel).

            The general consensus, especially among the Left in the activist movement, is that a two-state solution at this point is totally untenable. The settlements in the West Bank and the roads surrounding them, combined with the wall that Israel is building which deeply encroaches into the West Bank means that any future Palestinian state comprised of the West Bank and Gaza would be nothing more than a series of bantustans reminiscent of apartheid South Africa. There is a strong push now towards a one-state solution with Israelis and Palestinians living in one democratic state. Of course, this presents Israel with a serious demographic problem because Palestinians would easily outnumber Israelis and Israel would lose its Jewish character, which in my opinion was the original sin of its founding anyway (ostensibly democratic while still insisting on maintaining a cultural/racial majority). So the American and Israeli position, at least rhetorically, is still in favor of two states, although like I mentioned, that's no longer realistic. It's also unrealistic for Israel to maintain its occupation indefinitely–history tells us that.

            The first step is to replace the current Palestinian government and like I said, there are rumblings of an Arab Spring in the West Bank. I've been here a week and there have almost daily protests in Ramallah over the price of gas, which is hogtied to gas prices in Israel through the Oslo Accords. So when Israel raises its gas tax, Palestinians have to pay for it too. The PA is complicit in all of it and the people know it. Something's gotta give, and soon.

          5. Negropolis

            I also appreciate views from on the ground. A few things…

            - I think everyone, everywhere knows that the "two-state solution" is a temporary "fix" at best, if you can even call it that. Even if the Palestinians get a fractured state – which seems like an insult, IMO – Arab Israeli's will still end up eventually being the majority. That Arab Israeli's are going to flee to the new Palestinian state is a fanciful wish, and Jewish Israeli's know that, but it gives them more time.

            - Is the replacement of the Palestinian government really going to change anything? When you say replacement, are you talking replacement of the characters of the system? Because as it stands, you guys can keep trading out horses and it's not going to change a damned thing until the Israeli government gets its foot off the neck of the Palestinian economy, and that would mean stopping the strangling blockade, but also finding someway to inspect the trade, first, for their own security purposes. But, the bullshit like banning M&M's and cookies and pencils and shit has GOT TO STOP. That has nothing to do with security and everything to do with humiliating the people.

  19. chicken_thief

    I've seen a few articles recently about the signs of panic in the Romney camp – historically, the losing campaign once they realize they are truly losing, start shooting from the hip, just spraying and praying for something to stick.

    Do failing magazines follow a similar path?

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know that the Republicans have their shit together when FOX News starts pointing out that all these Mobs are funded by George Soros and that they are all toking up and shitting on cop's cars during their protests.

  21. randcoolcatdaddy

    Is that "Muslim Rage" or "Muslim Group Orgasm"? It's difficult to discern the intent when you're looking at "Newsweek".

  22. CommieLibunatic

    Muslim Rage? Sounds like an unbelievably shitty Counterstrike mod, like one that automatically humps terrorist corpses when you kill them.

    Speaking of which, let's hope that Black Mesa: Source will be enough to blot out the sadness and anger for a bit.

  23. vulpes82

    Where is a Photoshopped picture of Princess Di in hijab and that picture of Obama in that Kenyan garb to complete the Tina Brown trolling trifecta?

  24. carlgt1

    I think it's sort of fair, because recall they had a crazy-eyed Michelle Bachmann "Christian rage" cover, didn't they? So maybe Newsweek are all a bunch of atheists and just having a cover to make all religious nuts look bad. I can't wait for their Hindu & Buddhist covers!

  25. ttommyunger

    Too bad you're over the hill, Tina; can't fuck your way out of this failed rag. Alt. Cap.- "What do you mean the Ted Nugent Concert is cancelled?"

  26. Negropolis

    So, has Albania or Malaysia or Indonesia turned upside down, yet? Oh, you mean culture and development is just as important as religion in how reactions to these things go down if not even sometimes more important? What was that? All Muslims aren't Arabs and all Arabs aren't Muslims?

    BTW, Ayaan took her life and took it overboard. You lose my support when you sell your life to common bigots to try and get your story across. Not to mention that she has horrible tastes in men. Sorry, anyone who cozies up romantically to Niall Ferguson and philosophically to the likes of Geert Wilders reveals their true colors.

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