Miss America, actually
Here, friends, have an idiot! How much of an idiot? He actually makes Gretchen Carlson’s forehead almost pucker at his foul bro-ness, and she sits within seven feet of Kilmeade’s eau de date rape for what seems like 250 hours a week. Experience the EXTREME! after the jump:

This has been your morning emetic.


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  • PsycWench

    Sadly (or happily) I am presiding over a test and lack earbuds, thus cannot listen to the clip. But I see douchiness radiating from the visual.

    • Terry

      Oddly enough, his collar isn't popped up.

    • I heard him speak three words and turned it off. There might be a reason that he is unemployed.

    • glasspusher

      I regret I did most of my teaching before teh yootoobs. Could have made proctoring finals fly by!

      • PsycWench

        A surprising amount of time is spent during finals Facebook chatting with other teachers. A lot of "OMG someone just started crying" "This girl is staring at the ceiling like the answer will magically appear". Tres mature.

        • James Michael Curley

          "I lost the answer key. Who the Fuck's going to grade these things?"

        • glasspusher

          Wow, that's pretty severe. I've only taught juniors through masters' students, so there was a little whining at times, but no crying. My first year teaching, when I was in grad school, I baked cookies for final of the first class I taught, which I proctored after taking three exams, doing a presentation and submitting a paper in the previous 3 days, on 2 hour's sleep. My students invited me to the bar after the exam. I had 4 drinks and my car drove me home, where I proceeded to sleep for 13 hours straight. Good times.Also, I learned never to give extra credit assignments. It only meant extra work for me.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Yeah, nothing like gettting everything graded and ready to return only to realize you still have the extra credit essays to wade through.

          • PsycWench

            Nothing like a student who is unhappy with his or her grade and offers to write you a paper. Oh wow, a(nother) paper for me to read and grade, just what I always wanted, thank you so much. YOU ARE NOT DOING ME A FAVOR.

          • BerkeleyBear

            I'm with you – and I, for one, have no scruples about saying "It won't help" in response.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          staring at the ceiling like the answer will magically appear

          That actually worked pretty well for me a few times. Distract yourself, letting the mind go blank for a half minute. and then look down at the question again, and *bang* it comes to you. I was a solid-B student mostly, but I kicked ass on tests for some reason.

  • Barbara_

    "I met him (Obama) in the third grade." Also known as this fellow's "senior year."

    • PsycWench

      His dad walked him to school because they were in the same grade.

    • Well, in fairness, they only let you repeat a grade twelve times…

    • Arkoday

      That explains why he had the biggest dick in grade three, (He was 17)

  • How was Gretchen Carlson a Miss America? Who'd she blow?

    • freakishlywrong

      All of 'em, Katie.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Miss Red America, maybe. Granted, it's a pretty low bar.

      • Boojum

        This was before the "no gay cosmetologists" rule in her native Dumbfuckistan.

    • Terry

      It appears to have been before her unfortunate use of false eyelashes reached the full blown addition phase.

      • She looked like Faith Ford, if Faith Ford had fallen into a vat of Ben & Jerry's

      • SnarkOff

        From the bio: "Gretchen graduated with honors from Stanford University in 1990 with a self-designed degree in Organizational Behavior."

        • BerkeleyBear

          I.e. she studied how to get ahead without any sort of moral compass. Makes her success at Fox make complete sense.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Phillip Zimbardo Libel!!!!

    • clecinosu

      Well, Roger Ailes, obviously. That's one for sure.

  • Finally, someone treating Faux Newz with the, um, respect and gravitas it deserves.

    • Wadisay

      Haha, I bet after this no one yells, "Fuck it, we'll do it live!!!" at Fox News for a while.

  • bureaucrap

    Fox is just using douchey third parties to say what little it's too embarrassed to say itself.

  • I wonder, tho, if this video isn't some sly way for FOX to make people angry at young people, so they can get their viewers to discourage the youth vote by yelling at them about lawns and such? I mean, this guy is a total douche (nice move with the coffee cup, asshat!) that it wouldn't surprise me if he's a plant.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Your move, James O'Keefe.

    • Terry

      You kind of expected him to yell out bababooie at some point, didn't you?

    • glasspusher

      Plant or vegetable? You decide!

    • James Michael Curley

      Poison Ivy.

  • Barbara_

    "I can't see your face right now, this is so weird"
    I watched the video and I saw her face and it was even weirder for me.

    • Boojum

      He totally thought he was getting laid.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Gretchen should go back to working the cosmetics counter at Macy's.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Please. She'd be lucky to peddle cosmetics at the Dollar Tree.

      • Terry

        Mary Kay with a pink Caddie.

        • chicken_thief

          Hud Bannon libelz!!!!

    • Well, to be fair, she currently keeps the cosmetics counter at Macy's in business. Her matte foundation alone accounts for over 17% of their gross sales.

  • Goonemeritus

    How is it possible that Bell Labs or some of our Nations more prestigious think tanks haven’t scooped this guy up?

    • He demanded an expense account.

    • Guppy

      Because we overtax our job creators, duh!

    • glasspusher

      Bell Labs is a shadow of its former self, sadly. All that's left of AT&T is teh suk

      • James Michael Curley

        There is no one lucid and Lucent.

        • glasspusher

          Yeah. My grad school advisor was at Bell Labs for 30 years before going to academia. He watched from afar in the late 90s as the top people and the people in the labs left, leaving only middle management. Sad. Camelot never lasts…

          • Goonemeritus

            I went to Stevens Tech, in the 70’s, you couldn’t swing a cat without hitting a grad student working at Bell Labs or a student that dreamed of working there.

          • James Michael Curley

            It is sad. Living in NJ I have known quite a few people who worked for one of the many Bell Cos. in the state. I temped at a couple and did a few independent contracts. Although I did not understand much of it at the time, I remember when techs at Lucent were lamenting that AT&T would not adopt the framework that Europe was even though it was over 60 years since the last CO to Demarc line was laid with only one twisted pair.

    • I see a bright future for him at the Heritage Foundation.

  • Limeylizzie

    This has to be a joke, right? No-one is that big of a clueless areshole!

    • An undercover Bamzboy scammed Faux Newz? Gasp!!

    • Guppy

      U S A! U S A!

    • docterry6973

      I, for one, might be.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Wait! Waitwaitwaitwaitwait! He must have passed through the usual thorough Faux vetting process, or someone hates Gretchen Carlson….

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Yes and yes

    • docterry6973

      A high-water mark for American journalism. Apparently all you need to do to get a Fox interview is squeak 'Obama bad' to the associate producer.

  • Lucidamente1

    He's unemployed. Can't imagine why.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Interviewer: So, Mr. Rice. Why exactly did you apply for a position, at Bergman, Mortgensen and Schmidt?

      Matt Rice: Uhm… because I lost a basketball game to my friend.

      Anyway, the guy's clearly punking Fox & Friends. I tip my hat to him for that.

    • rickmaci

      "Are you being serious about this interview?"



      • kingofmeh

        why would you even ask that question? if you get a sense that your guest is pranking you, you politely thank them for their time and shut the interview down (and, an hour later off-camera, you force a producer to disembowel himself for letting that dip on the air). getting in an argument with him about whether or not he was pranking her just makes her look dumb and plays up (rather than minimizes) fox's original error in letting him on the air.

  • freakishlywrong

    Gross. I'm not watching that.

  • eggsacklywright

    "Here I am prime time and you fuckin' the rerun."

    – – Scenes From the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills

  • SorosBot

    Somehow I suspect this dummy isn't being exactly honest about being a former Obama supporter.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Can't understand why he's unemployed.

  • eggsacklywright

    At least we got to see retchin' Gretchen with The Uncomfy.

    • Ugh. My least favorite high school nickname. Thanks

      • eggsacklywright

        Oops, sorry. I had no idea. I was so ignored I never even had a nickname.

        • Geminisunmars

          I'm so sorry, Sugarlips. Feel better now?

          • eggsacklywright

            Bless you.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    With interview skills like that I find it hard to believe this guy can't get a job.

  • Best Fox clip EVAR!

    • RadioX

      Wassup! (does funny hand sign.)

  • Lucidamente1

    I didn't know Mitt and Ann had a sixth son.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Bristol Palin called, wants to hook up

    • Terry

      Mitt and Ann's sons dress better and have better posture.

      • eggsacklywright

        And their penmanship! Stellar.

  • no_gravity

    No more stupid than anything else on Fox.

  • memzilla

    On the bright side, a slot for a junior producer just opened up at Faux News.

    • I'm not sure that "bright" is one of the job requirements.

    • Beach_Bubba_Tex

      Yup, you could hear them printing out their resume at 0:32 in the clip

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I was kind of dissapointed that he didn't ask Gretchen for her digits.

    • …or her measurements.

    • eggsacklywright

      I bet his pickup lines are smooth like the silk.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Orin Incandenza would have.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    hahaha. That kid literally said he's supporting Mitt Romney because he lost a bet.

  • Not ready for primetime? That's generous. They're not even ready for the inanities of morning talk. The Republicans make Al Roker look like Sir John Gielgud.

  • poorgradstudent

    Look upon ye works, FOX News, and despair.

    • PsycWench

      Truer words were never spoken.

  • SorosBot

    See how awful Carlson's hair looks? That's what happens when you banish the gay men from the styling room.

    • Terry

      Or when a heavily closeted gay man works out his aggression and frustration.

    • girlfriend seriously needs some lowlights.

      • elviouslyqueer

        And makeup that doesn't like it was applied with a trowel.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Poor Gretchen…she tried SO HARD to be a real journalist (for the first time ever) & this kid messed it up for her.

    Apparently when guests are not spewing the RNC talking points, blond bobble head does not know how to react.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This guy is actually pretty intelligent, for a Romney supporter.

  • OneYieldRegular

    She just about took that kid's head off for confusing "Miss America" with that tawdry, low-class, third-rate "Miss USA" pageant.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I guess all his polo shirts with popped collars were at the cleaners.

  • What an outrage to turn a segment of scholarly "Fox and Friends" into a joke!

  • sbj1964

    The ABC's at Fox News( Angry,Blond,Cunts)Ann Coulter is their Queen.

  • Serolf_Divad

    LOL, this reminds me of the millions spent by right-wing interests to uncover examples of massive voter fraud, that turn up empty handed.

    Here Fox has hunted endlessly for examples of young Obama supporters who are now disillusioned and will be voting for Romney and this is the best they can find? Hah!

    • They should have spelunked into the libertarian grotto at one the state universities and grabbed one of the pockmarked and pale Rand-heads scurrying away from the light.

      • Serolf_Divad

        Except that their premise seems to be that young people who voted for Obama in 2008 won't do so again in 2012. The Randroids were no doubt too busy spanking to centerfolds of the Ron Paul blimp in 2008 to vote for anybody.

      • HistoriCat

        They're all too butt-hurt about their failed coup at the convention this year. They were all prepared to do battle through parliamentary procedure and then the rules were changed on them!! Ron Paul!!11!1!

  • freakishlywrong

    Get thee to Late Night Shotz. Nozzle.

  • SoBeach


  • BadKitty904

    I'm finding it more and more difficult to distinguish between Fox News and The Onion…

    • Terry

      Articles in The Onion are much more realistic.

    • chicken_thief

      The labels on states/countries on The Onion are accurate.

    • But carnal congress with Brooke Alvarez would be more fun than servicing frowny Gretchen.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      When Sean Hannity finishes an interview with the line "I'm just some fucking guy" then the transformation will be complete.

      • For Sean Hannity to be with the Onion, wouldn't he have to give up his gig as Ed Anger over at the Weekly World News?

  • valgal2342

    He's voting for Romney/Ryan because he lost a basketball game? Priceless.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'd have figured it was a game of beer pong he lost.

      • SorosBot

        Possibly just a few minutes ago; the guy seemed drunk.

        • valgal2342

          I actually think he punk'd her.

  • prommie

    Smells pretty Tucker Max-ey. Tucker Max and Chelsea Handler, glorifying selfishness and cruelty, and in that, they fucking exemplify the true essential character of American culture.

    • prommie

      You know, the old get shitfaced fuck someone random ditch'em as soon as your done and then go make fun of them to your friends. That kinda Tucker Max-Chelsea Handler lovely fucking character.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        In my day, it was "wow, I got fucked up and wrecked my car." With the kids these days, it's "wow, I got fucked up and wrecked your car."

        • Boojum

          Um, I got fucked up and wrecked somebody's car. Long story, but I spent one summer washing windows to pay him for the damage.

          Edit: I was not driving; I was mixing gin and tonics in the passenger seat.

          • glasspusher

            Never mix, never worry!

    • prommie

      And here I am all angsting over the tawdry empty selfishness and cruelty of our society and it turns out it was a hoax.

      Still, so fucking what, fucking Tucker Max and Chelsea Handler and the fucking narcissistic values they embody and which seem to fucking tar their generation, this all still is.

      • kingofmeh

        hasn't every generation been labeled as narcissistic? slacker gen-xers in the 90s; materialist yuppies in the 80's; the me generation in the 70's.

        i detest tucker max and chelsea handler (and daniel tosh) for the embrace of the notion that cruelty without wit equals humor, but i don't buy your labeling of a generation based on a few two-bit basic cable stars.

  • ttommyunger

    Nothing to see here, seems like the usual Fox clarity and professionalism at play; in fact, Doocey and the other guy who isn't Doocey might be a little concerned about their jobs. This kid is definitely Fox material.

  • UnholyMoses

    Clips like this are why I haven't asked IT to install the latest version of Flash on my computer.

    My blood pressure has dropped, like, 20 points.

  • he's high right?

    or is he simply r*tar*ed

  • Needs moar Bababooey

    • glasspusher


      • hagajim


        • glasspusher

          Haven't heard that one, but I haven't listened to Howard in about a decade…

  • Can't imagine why your parents kicked you out, bro.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Gretchen, you keep using that word "serious," but it's obvious you have no idea what it means.

  • Estproph

    If FNC would occasionally actually talk to people before they shoved them in front of a camera, maybe this wouldn't happen. Perhaps we should all call them up and claim to be Romney supporters, and repeatedly punk them.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Does Paul Ryan need another intern?

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    It's like a young Tucker Carlson!

  • oenspiek

    Hello, Central Casting? We need a C+ douchebag for spot work, stat!

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    U mad bro? No, seriously, are you mad?

  • She must order Botox in 55 gallon drums for that level of facial immobility.

    • e_z

      However, she is THE master of the pouty scowl.

  • Sue4466

    Am I the only one who thought that was a fucking fantastic punking?

    • Not at all, that seems to have been the rapid consensus except on this comedy blog. It helps that someone unearthed some standup routine of his from a little while back, guy is apparently an aspiring comedian, and something about a perhaps lulzworthy graduation speech?

      Context and framing is everything, ppl.

      • Sue4466

        Good, 'cause I'm thinking he's a hero, not a zero.

        • One_Man_Band

          That was my reaction, too. I am disappointed that everybody at Wonkette is apparently clucking disapprovingly while looking over their reading glasses.

      • The thing is, ordinarily even this level of guest would do some kind of pre-interview, where he's asked a few of what will be the on-air questions. If the guest seems to be a decent talker, the pre-interviewer will stop him after a few sentences and say, "that's great, let's keep it fresh for the live show." Or else if the guest is really inarticulate, he'll get some coaching on how to put forward his first couple of answers.

        So it seems like this level of douchiness is a deliberate act: the kid behaved reasonably during the pre-interview and then punked on-air. It's pretty ballsy, actually.

  • OT

    The National Zoo announced the arrival of another Butterstick. Will our Editrx swoon, as did our founder Ana Marie Cox, or is LA too far from DC?

    • ChernobylSoup

      Butterstick II, Cox's Revenge.

    • I wasn't around then. I was under the impression "butterstick" was some kind of coital technique of that minx who was giving buttsex to all the Congressmen. Is that not correct? And why were these "Buttsex Diaries" never made into a major motion picture starring Anne Hathaway and Amy Adams?

      • prommie

        The book didn't even sell.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Anne Hathaway as Jessica Cutler sells the latter a bit too well. I could see Julia Stiles in the role. Adams as Cox works, though; the Gingerosity, & all.

    • FatGirlPartyHat

      I Can't Believe It's Not Butterstick

  • larrykat

    Is this fucker drunk?

    • glasspusher

      What do you think he has in that foam cup? Duh.

  • carlgt1

    he represents the American exceptionalism Repugs are always telling us about!

  • second_gen

    "Unemployed and just moved out of his parents home"? Translated as: "He's such a big douche, his parents even kicked him out, even though he didn't have a job."

  • Alright, which one of you fuckers is Max Rice?!

  • This is what you get when you book people from Craig's List.

  • LibrarianX

    Wait – Fox is serious about NEWS? Oh go on! Gretchen – you HILARIOUS!!

  • Wadisay

    This guy's defection to Romney increased the average IQ of both camps.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      HA HA HA!

  • LibrarianX

    Fox News: needs more SERIOUS interviews.

  • If he was as much of a "Bro" as he was pretending to be, he wouldn't have known that Gretchen had been a Miss America, since "Bros" are not aware of anything that happened more than 6 months ago ("history").

    • Geminisunmars

      To be fair, he enjoyed googling her.

  • Guppy

    This is my job-hunting competition?

  • LiberalMermaid

    Isn't it a little early to be wasted?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Let me guess – English Illiterature major.

    • glasspusher

      Me fail English? That's unpossible.

  • "He's a young voter and he's voting for Obama because he lost a basketball game. I'm sure we can find a way to make this into an ad that's not racially charged at all, white men around the country forced to vote for Obama because they lost a basketball game. First they are forced to vote for Obama, then they are indoctrinated by the work of Terry McMillan, and finally they are forced to give up their sisters and mothers, all because of lost basketball games. Oh…he's voting for us? Well, then maybe we can use this in some kind of completely futile urban outreach thing."

  • Beowoof

    Yo man that college education didn't take.

    • joobajooba

      He never said he graduated, just that he "went to college for a while."

  • DahBoner

    Boomerang Generation


    They're not good enough to play with American toys???


  • chicken_thief

    I can't, nor do I want to listen to that shit, but I think Gretchen needs some Charlie Gibson/Sarah Palin glasses. Then she would look totally serious.

  • DahBoner

    "Smart people will never be on our side"–Little Ricky Santorum

  • fredbell

    He's the next "Joe the Plumber"….

    Maybe Romney will mention him during the debates…"Hey, to that guy out there who was on Fuck Snooze complaining that he lost a basketball game — I'll call him 'Joe the Douche' — I'm talking to you. I will get you a job."

  • LibrarianX
  • Shypixel

    You cannot make me watch Gretchen Carlson. Maybe if she was interviewing Jessica Alba, who was professing her long held and deeply felt love for me. Maybe…

  • DCBloom

    In their defense, that was the only Obama supporter they could find that wants to switch allegiance.

  • An_Outhouse

    Faux and Fiends is prime time? I thought that was 8-10p.m. or 9-11 p.m. or whatever.

  • charliearglist

    I'm pretty sure he's putting her on…..I really hope so, anyway.

  • maatkare

    Wow. I really can't believe they didn't vet that guy better. I'm sure the Romney campaign was thrilled to see this being the example of new converts. I wonder how many seconds into that fiasco was Gretchen's eardrum nearly blown out by a producer with brains telling her to give McDouchey the hook.

  • hagajim

    Don't know why this kid wouldn't vote for the blah….after all, he seems like a nice enough wigger to me….bro! Totally! What?

  • katorigasuki

    i'm shocked this guy doesn't have a job.

  • Trolled!

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    Joe the douchebag…

  • Callyson

    Paul Ryan better watch his back…

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    Some absolutely fascinating updates to this story from rawstory…

  • You all can make fun of this young man all you want, but I think we have found the next Governor of Alaska.

  • rickmaci

    Asshat blew it big time; could have had a regular gig as the FauxNooz genwingtard commentator. Now he is still living at home and fapping to the TV picture when Gretchen KKKarlson is on.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    This guy is actually fucking awesome. He was 16 when Obama was elected.

  • mosaickmind

    Looks like he did this on a bet. Even though he acted like he was high, he had to act Republicanny (hah! I made up that word!) to convince them to put him on the air. I'm sure his homeys are laughing their asses off.

  • He's either way stoned or is laughing at Fox

  • ph7

    Back story is just as funny:

    A friend of a friend, Rice said, who's involved in the tea-party movement, reached out via text message to a wide variety of acquaintances for volunteers. "This came into my lap," said Rice, who calls Fox & Friends a "sham," and so he decided to "just ride with it."

    A Fox producer provided Rice with a general direction for the interview via e-mail: "Main focus, as we discussed, is — you voted for obama based on the promises of hope and change, that he'd fix the economy … but now you can't find a job, and that promise hasn't been kept." But Rice said the network never bothered to verify his information. "I haven't graduated college," said Rice, who claims to be a student at Columbia College in Chicago. "I'm 20 years old — I couldn't vote [in 2008] because I was 16."

    "They blindly casted me like you would cast an actor on a TV show, but took no references," he said. "They could have Googled me. They were so eager, they didn't care." But Rice insisted he told the truth to Fox: He plans to vote for Mitt Romney because he lost a basketball bet, although he fully expects Romney to lose. "I am upset with Obama in some ways," he said, "but I have faith in his second term."

    And, for the record, his uncomfortable appearance this morning was not aided by substance abuse. "Coffee was the only drug I was on," said Rice. "I'm definitely pro-weed and pro-alcohol; I just was not drunk. Unfortunately."

  • HelmutNewton

    Fox News! We pander to the Idiocracy, you…..uhm, what was I saying, bro?

  • Nostrildamus

    Levi Johnson has met his match !!!

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