she can see it from 1990

Horrible Dragon Lady Liz Cheney Thinks Czechoslovakia Is Still A Thing

oh dear god

Before repeatedly using his deal with Satan to cheat death, former Vice President and It’s A Wonderful Life villain Dick Cheney brought spawn into the world and it immediately began saying horrible things that are false and stupid.

Today, Liz Cheney appeared on ABC’s This Week to complain about President Obama not doing enough on national security and foreign policy, because apparently she’s unaware of that whole Osama-bin-Laden-totally-got-himself-shot-in-the-face-on-Obama’s-command thing. In doing so, she also revealed that she herself has no idea what the hell she’s talking about and also hasn’t played Risk in the last 20 years. Cheney claimed that Obama has “abandoned some of our key allies like Israel, Poland and Czechoslovakia.”

Being a complete moron is apparently Cheney’s forte. Back in July, she actually said that wolf murderer and newspaper expert Sarah Palin is “more qualified than Obama and Biden combined” to run the country. Sarah Palin isn’t qualified to run a dishwasher, let alone the country. Good one, Liz!

While Obama is out improving our relationships with Czechoslovakia, he should also work on improving relations with some of these nations, which he has let slide:

Prussia
The Soviet Union
French Indo-China
Atlantis
Narnia
The Banana Republic
Hyrule
Mordor
Get on that, Barry. The election is coming up.

[Media Matters]

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317 comments

    1. Charlie_Foxtrot

      You are so behind the times, which I guess makes you one of those post-modern liberal God-haters.

      Ur, Phyrigia, Carthage, and Peloponnesos were all long gone before the earth was created 6k years go.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      The whole fucking continent of Pangea is starting to riot and Obama just sits there, eating grapes and smoking things. Quick, Liz, to the barricades!

  1. fuflans

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much

  2. WhatTheHeck

    Once Barry turned his back on Atlantis, they went underwater like a foreclosed home.

    If only Barry had stood up to Poseidon.

    Coward.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Paul Ryan has pointed out, repeatedly, how Obama promised to save Atlantis when he was a candidate for President, but then it shut down anyway.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Obama is truly the racist. If he wasn't so racist, why would he insist on being black all the time?

      1. miss_grundy

        He also stole Zeus' lightening bolt? By the way, which Zeus do you prefer, Liam Neeson or Sean Bean????

        1. WIDTAP

          Although both are great, we always have the concern that Bean's Zeus wiil be killed off in the second act. So the choices are really Liam Neeson's Zeus or Anthony Hopkin's Odin. (In which case, Hopkins, obviously.)

    1. Biff

      When he finally does expire, Liz will run for his old seat and get all the sympathy votes necessary to prevail. Then she, too, can bilk the USA out of a heart.

      1. Negropolis

        Please, when was the last time Cheney held an actual elected office besides riding a ticket? I think he realized long ago the only way he was getting back into politics was holding someone's meal ticket. It's going to be another generation before the Cheney name isn't toxic, even with mainstream Republicans.

        1. Biff

          We're talking Wyoming here. Of course they'd support the evil spawn of someone who lived in their state one time before most of them were born, because why not?

  3. Meathamper

    Don't forget about the Kingdom of Phaic Tăn, the Republic of Molvanîa and the Democratic Free People’s United Republic of San Sombrèro.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Yeah, President Obama's doing a terrible job with Czechoslovakia. He also took his eye off that Saddam Hussein guy who perpetrated 9/11. Thankfully Dubya was able to step in and keep us safe after that, but it shows the inherent weakness in the Democratic style of foreign relations.

    1. sewollef

      And here was I thinking, "foreign relations" was having some rumpy-pumpy with a lady from another land. Where the only thing you understand is the universal phrase, "Oh god…oh god….Oh GOD, YES….YES!!!!"

      This is a different topic isn't it?

  5. Toomush_Infer

    Gormanghast has suffered long enough from the lack of proper attention by the Obama administration…it's been over a thousand years now…

  6. Hera Sent Me

    Obamanations 2009 to date:

    2009: Threw Biafra under the bus.

    2010: Cast Katanga to the wolves.

    2011: Wouldn't give the time of day to Ciskei.

    2012: Killed all the bees in Deseret.

  7. Doktor Zoom

    He has also sold out our friends in Freedonia, land of the brave and free.

    EDIT: Damn it, ONE lousy minute late. You win this time, Moses Invests….

    1. zumpie

      And at least Meghan's sorta cute and just a somewhat clueless, sheltered princess.(and Barry DID beat her Daddykins head on). Liz Cheney's just a fucking stupid bitch.

  8. Tundra Grifter

    Leela:

    "In doing so, she also revealed that she herself has no idea what the hell she’s talking about and also hasn’t played Risk in the last 20 years."

    That's some funny shit right there!

    [Maybe she plays the "Star Wars" version.]

      1. Veritas78

        That was no anachronism—that was my Grandma, too! (She took pains to remind us that we definitely weren't Slovakian, but that the Moravians were okay — "good at business" was her phrase. Dunno what that was all about.)

        1. zumpie

          Hey, if your Grandma also insisted you were direct descendents of the Bohemian Crown (yes, my Granny really was fully convinced of this), then maybe we're cousins!

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Thank you. One thing I've learned from all those Wonkette party photos (at least the ones I could actually make out). I'm right in the demographic.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Everything is Obama's fault.

      Really, this is much easier than trying to remember specific causes for things.

        1. OurDailyBread

          I never knew that Kissinger and Nixon shaking hands was an important historical event; I stand corrected.

  9. Crank_Tango

    What I want to know, is when is Barry gonna stop apologizing to Lochtenation and start the fucking bombing?

      1. Negropolis

        Ypsilantians are weird, indeed. That town is like if you took Ann Arbor, smashed it into inner-city Detroit, and then condensed it into a small city.

  10. catx2012

    Well it is okay that she didn't mention the Klingons or Romulans because we haven't run into them yet. Whew!

  11. Toomush_Infer

    I'm sure his handlers have told him time and time again, you can't slight the Hittites over the Sumerians, but…..

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      When Gilgamesh gets pissed, we better be careful. I hear he's trying to make a nuclear weapon in Uruk in a secret lab under some ziggurat.

      Liz must read the Cuneiform Daily News.

    2. AznMom420

      Obama promised to reduce our commitment to war with the Parthians and now he wants a surge in the production of chariot spokes and horse oats????

  12. dcjdjay

    Idiot daughter Liz was universally considered an ignorant cretinous cunt by those who worked at the State Department. They couldn't wait until she left for a career in spewing BS on Fox News.

  13. BlueStateLibel

    And what's Obama going to do about that Archduke being assassinated? Or the growing power of the Ottoman Empire?

  14. BartStarrland

    OT: Fun fact. The only two countries whose official name starts with "The" are "The Gambia" and "The Bahamas". That is all.

  15. sbj1964

    Has the entire Republican party gone completely Bat-shit crazy?After a year of debates with that brain trust of GOP super stars who proved Sarah Palin is not the weakest link.No wonder America is in such trouble,these idiots are running half the Big top.Clowns.I hate Clowns.

  16. cheetojeebus

    What ever happened to her brother? The one they made that movie about. Naughty little tyke with those Rottweilers? I think the movie was called "The Omen"?

  17. mbobier

    On the plus side of the GOP equation, Rick Santorum's relationship with the Holy Roman Empire is excellent!

  18. BerkeleyBear

    And even though thousands of Foreign Service Officers have drawn up plans to address its issues, the sovereign state of Erewhon seems constantly stuck in as casebook state of dysfunction.

  19. BerkeleyBear

    And he's done absolutely nothing for Dothraki relations. Although in fairness, after her dad offered her to Khal Drogo there really was nothing Obama could do to repair relations.

  20. Serolf_Divad

    Oh come now, let's not exaggerate… leave hyperbole to the Right, OK? Sarah Palin may be dumb, but she's definitely qualified to run a dishwasher… not my dishwasher, mind you.Mine's a fairly new model with buttons inside the door, and various programming options, and several different cycles to select from and such. I wouldn't want her anywhere near my dishwasher. But I'm sure there are plenty of older models out there, with mechanical push buttons and simple dial controls and such that she could no doubt master with a little guidance and practice.

    1. Pithaughn

      I doubt it. My neighbor who is smarter than her ( he did win a game of tic tac toe once ) put Dawn in his dishwasher. He was crying because his wife was going to punish him when she found out his mistake. Luckily I knew that regular old hand soap would magically kill the bubbles!

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        Yeah, you say that, but wait until she tries putting spent cartridges through your waste disposal unit.

      2. fuflans

        what brilliant commenter here said rick perry was simple as a hinge?

        that was one of of my all time favorites. 'sarah palin and a dishwasher' is now up there as well.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I heard that modern Persepolis is actually a giant parking lot in the middle of the desert. I mean, not that that is what you were talking about, but that's what I heard.

  21. LibrarianX

    Clearly this is crazy food for their base, but how do they hope to win if the base is all they've got? Am I missing something?

    1. HogeyeGrex

      I'm not sure they want to win this time. My latest guess is that they want Obama to win, and then they'll fuck the economy completely and try to blame it all on the evil Democrats, paving the way for a Glorious Conservative Resurgence.

      4). Profit!

  22. BarackMyWorld

    She must be angling for ambassador to Disneyland in a Romney Administration, since she's obviously fucking Goofy.

  23. The_Lucky_Wife

    If Lizzy really wanted to rile up the base, she would have accused Obama of abandoning the Confederacy.

    1. Charlie_Foxtrot

      Bitch is as crooked as a 3 dollar bill.

      Narrow, too, also.

      Inherited her father's reptilian heart.

  24. a_pink_poodle

    Obama abandoned Czechoslovakia so hard that it dissolve into the Czech Republic and Slovakia!

    And lets not even go into how he abandoned the Western Roman Empire, leaving their fate to the barbarian Visogoths from the north!

  25. Blueb4sinrise

    EVERYBODY !!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!
    Leela Latona IS Liz Cheney!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh. Something is oozing through the modem… I…I….
    Wait. No. Stay Back. I was just trying to…….
    Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggg……

  26. izationalizer

    What I want to know is, how does she know he's abandoning the country if she doesn't even know that the country doesn't exist?

  27. Come here a minute

    And then I get stuck cleaning the Wheaties out of the cereal bowls because they weren't properly spaced. Fuck you, Sarah!

  28. NYNYNYjr

    OOh My– they are getting SO DIRTY!!

    Conservatives are joining Democrats in complaining that Mitt Romney is running a campaign devoid of any ideas, and presents himself only as the "anti-Obama."

    “Fischer told reporters at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C. “It’s because he’s running such a lackluster campaign that has been so vague on ideas. What plan is he offering the American people?” … “The biggest mistake is they put a bag over Paul Ryan’s head,” … "they put a sock in Paul Ryan’s mouth…

    “Take the bag off of Paul Ryan’s head,” he added.“If Barack Obama wins this election, the Republican Party as we know it is finished,” Fischer said. “It is dead, it is toast, you can stick a fork in it.”

    —Naughty thoughts boil not very deep below the surface in this man. If Obama wins this election, the Republican party can just put the lotion in the basket and be a good girl.

  29. Charlie_Foxtrot

    The Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere was actively opposed by the Democrats! Why is Liz letting them get away with that?

  30. RufusTFirefly

    Forget? You ask me to forget? A Firefly never forgets. Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. Nothing doing. I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed; I'm expecting company.

  31. poorgradstudent

    Even if she meant to say Slovakia or the Czech Republic there's no way her comment seems sane. Was she just naming off countries from the top of her head after Israel (which is always being failed, especially if you're not Republican or Mopey Joe)? Or did she really think it was 1992 for a minute? And even then, what would Poland have to do with it?

    I'll just say she's pissed about Poland banning alcohol imports from the Czech Republic and try to salvage some of my sanity.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      My guess is that she was trying to list the countries that Romney visited during his historic European tour, but somehow fucked up with it came to Great Britain?

  32. Dudleydidwrong

    Once Obama can improve our diplomatic relations with the Minoans I'm planning to visit the country as I understand they have pretty, nude women jumping over bulls. Which is better than in this country where we have fully clothed ugly Republican women strewing bullshit.

  33. azeyote

    well to tell the truth she has never looked as good as she does in this pic. must have had a little work done. why else would she get any press, you would think she would lay low with her dad going to prison for fighting against batman and doing all those war crime things against gotham city

  34. Angry_Marmot

    Those in the international community who refuse to put red lines before Stygia don’t have a moral right to place a red light before Lemuria.

  35. Negropolis

    Speaking of foreign relations, how are our's with British East Africa, Rhodesia and the Transvaal? How's about Gaul, Andalucia and the Republic of Texas?

  36. Calapine

    "Cheney claimed that Obama has “abandoned some of our key allies like Israel, Poland and Czechoslovakia."

    Guess who else abandoned good relations with those people…

  37. MistaEko

    In true neocon fashion, blame will go squarely on Rockapella, who half-assed updating it in their Carmen Sandiego song way back when.

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      Ho ho.

      “Credit for this fog goes to that inner circle of Romney advisers who never liked the Ryan pick and have reasserted their will over a candidate who is naturally cautious,” conservative columnist Kimberley Strassel wrote in Friday’s Wall Street Journal. “In the la-la land where adviser Stuart Stevens presides, Mr. Romney wins by never saying a single thing, ever, that might rock a single boat, ever.”’

      Stevens was a big, early advocate of a bland vice presidential candidate, privately talking up former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and pushing the idea of an outsider, anti-Beltway ticket. But Stevens is hardly to blame for what many conservatives consider a campaign that is specifics-free and lame. That blame goes straight to the man running his own campaign: Romney himself, according to a number of people in and out of the campaign.

      Keep on sinking that Romney.

      1. imissopus

        Big hashtag trending on Twitter right now: #WhatWouldSaveTheRomneyCampaign. Naturally the wingnuts are mostly writing OMG EXPOSE RACIST FRAUD OBAMA FOR BRIBING HIS BASE WITH FOOD STAMPS DERP DERP BARGLE!!!!1!!!

  38. Negropolis

    OT: Anyone hear about Bibi back to trolling the Aemrican election on television, today? And, comparing a possible strike by Iran to the OKC bombing? Are you fucking kidding me?! Can anyone else imagine the outrage is the leader of some other small nation came to our shores and was trying to influence our presidential election and then bringing up and comparing a hypothetical war to an actual attack on our soil?

    Nettie-pot, why don't you hit the fucking road and go worry about your own nation's domestic issues. Maybe you could do something like concentrate on the fucking ridiculous rents in Tel Aviv or something. I don't know. What I do know is that you can fight your own goddamned war that you're so badly itching for, thank you very much. We had eight years of Dubya. We don't need another one. So, please take the schlock you're selling and stick it up your war-mongering, foreign election meddling ass.

    Your friend,
    - The Intelligent American Voter

    1. Chichikovovich

      They may not know much, but they repeat to themselves daily that what Neville Chamberlain (whoever he was) did in abandoning Czechoslovakia (whatever that is) was bad. Because it was appeasement.

      They won't make that mistake again.

  39. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    This would be the Czechoslovakia that was part of the eastern block/Soviet sphere of influence and therefore in no way our ally? Or is there another Czechoslovakia that I never learned about?

  40. Dashboard Buddha

    Ya'll got it wrong. What she meant to say (like any good conservative) is that Obama is writing Czechs his body can't cash.

  41. sullivanst

    Liz will only think Obama's strong on foreign policy once he makes Osama apologize for getting in the way of SEAL team 6's bullets.

  42. valgal2342

    My mom just got back from the Czech Republic, she couldn't find Slovakia there but she did when she crossed the border.

  43. AznMom420

    Next week's newsweek will feature the cover story "Moops Outraged" as Obama has all but forgotten about this oft-maligned and rarely discussed area of our world.

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