SHE CAN SEE IT FROM 1990  4:32 pm September 16, 2012

Horrible Dragon Lady Liz Cheney Thinks Czechoslovakia Is Still A Thing

by Leela Latona

oh dear god

Before repeatedly using his deal with Satan to cheat death, former Vice President and It’s A Wonderful Life villain Dick Cheney brought spawn into the world and it immediately began saying horrible things that are false and stupid.

Today, Liz Cheney appeared on ABC’s This Week to complain about President Obama not doing enough on national security and foreign policy, because apparently she’s unaware of that whole Osama-bin-Laden-totally-got-himself-shot-in-the-face-on-Obama’s-command thing. In doing so, she also revealed that she herself has no idea what the hell she’s talking about and also hasn’t played Risk in the last 20 years. Cheney claimed that Obama has “abandoned some of our key allies like Israel, Poland and Czechoslovakia.”

Being a complete moron is apparently Cheney’s forte. Back in July, she actually said that wolf murderer and newspaper expert Sarah Palin is “more qualified than Obama and Biden combined” to run the country. Sarah Palin isn’t qualified to run a dishwasher, let alone the country. Good one, Liz!

While Obama is out improving our relationships with Czechoslovakia, he should also work on improving relations with some of these nations, which he has let slide:

Prussia
The Soviet Union
French Indo-China
Atlantis
Narnia
The Banana Republic
Hyrule
Mordor
Get on that, Barry. The election is coming up.

[Media Matters]

 
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{ 317 comments }

bumfug September 16, 2012 at 4:37 pm

The Emperor of Austria-Hungary is outraged at being left out. Beware his wrath, Liz Cheney!

a_pink_poodle September 16, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Oh choke on a Bosnian assassin, Austro-Hungary!

memzilla September 16, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Obama also abandoned Ur, Phyrigia, Carthage, and Peloponnesos.

SOSHALUST MUSLIN !!!!11!!!!!

Charlie_Foxtrot September 16, 2012 at 8:10 pm

You are so behind the times, which I guess makes you one of those post-modern liberal God-haters.

Ur, Phyrigia, Carthage, and Peloponnesos were all long gone before the earth was created 6k years go.

Dudleydidwrong September 16, 2012 at 8:43 pm

The whole fucking continent of Pangea is starting to riot and Obama just sits there, eating grapes and smoking things. Quick, Liz, to the barricades!

fuflans September 16, 2012 at 4:40 pm

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much

LibertyLover September 16, 2012 at 7:48 pm

I'm going to have nightmares.

Kidneys4Sale September 17, 2012 at 12:26 am

+3 whore diamonds for raising such an ancient corpse. Bravo.

Gleem McShineys September 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Memes (and Cheney) never die

WhatTheHeck September 16, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Once Barry turned his back on Atlantis, they went underwater like a foreclosed home.

If only Barry had stood up to Poseidon.

Coward.

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Paul Ryan has pointed out, repeatedly, how Obama promised to save Atlantis when he was a candidate for President, but then it shut down anyway.

Maman September 16, 2012 at 5:18 pm

And he let the children of Biafra starve.

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Obama is truly the racist. If he wasn't so racist, why would he insist on being black all the time?

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Only half the time.

horsedreamer_1 September 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Plastic Surgery Disasters are no laughing matter!

Though, the album cover makes me giggle.

pepperpat September 17, 2012 at 4:57 pm

He let Jello Biafra's kids starve? What a dick.

miss_grundy September 16, 2012 at 5:58 pm

He also stole Zeus' lightening bolt? By the way, which Zeus do you prefer, Liam Neeson or Sean Bean????

WIDTAP September 17, 2012 at 7:57 am

Although both are great, we always have the concern that Bean's Zeus wiil be killed off in the second act. So the choices are really Liam Neeson's Zeus or Anthony Hopkin's Odin. (In which case, Hopkins, obviously.)

PsycWench September 16, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Look what happened to Mesopotamia. Or however you spell it.

glasspusher September 16, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Irrigation without proper drainage…the undoing of the Mesopotemkin.

glasspusher September 16, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I call Ottoman Empire!

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2012 at 4:52 pm

As noted foreign affairs expert Dick Van Dyke noted, you do NOT want to tangle with the Ottomans.

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 4:57 pm

You are an old, aren't you?

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Sure, he already had his own bed, next to Laura's….

finallyhappy September 16, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I remember that!

BarackMyWorld September 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm

That was his first foreign trip.

mavenmaven September 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Palin didn't do too well with Turkey, either.

BarackMyWorld September 16, 2012 at 7:20 pm

"Full of furniture."
-Eddie Izzard

glasspusher September 16, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Awesome.

PennyDreadful September 17, 2012 at 1:06 am

I hear it's a nice place to put your feet up.

Barbara_ September 16, 2012 at 4:42 pm

The only reason Dick Cheney is still alive is because hell doesn't want anything to do with him.

Mittens Howell, III September 16, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Which is a shame, as Dick was holding out for an ambassadorship.

Chet Kincaid_ September 17, 2012 at 1:09 am

"Hell will greet me as a liberator."

Biff September 17, 2012 at 1:23 am

When he finally does expire, Liz will run for his old seat and get all the sympathy votes necessary to prevail. Then she, too, can bilk the USA out of a heart.

Negropolis September 17, 2012 at 3:09 am

Please, when was the last time Cheney held an actual elected office besides riding a ticket? I think he realized long ago the only way he was getting back into politics was holding someone's meal ticket. It's going to be another generation before the Cheney name isn't toxic, even with mainstream Republicans.

Biff September 17, 2012 at 9:53 am

We're talking Wyoming here. Of course they'd support the evil spawn of someone who lived in their state one time before most of them were born, because why not?

Zepster September 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm

He's alive because hell I full.

smokingood September 16, 2012 at 4:42 pm

What about that "Anglo-Saxon" one?

MaxNeanderthal September 16, 2012 at 4:42 pm

No mention of the Empire of the Great Khan- shome mishtake, shurely?

WIDTAP September 17, 2012 at 8:00 am

No mistake, and don't call me Shurely.

Meathamper September 16, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Don't forget about the Kingdom of Phaic Tăn, the Republic of Molvanîa and the Democratic Free People’s United Republic of San Sombrèro.

memzilla September 16, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Not to mention Freedonia, Moronica, and The Duchy of Grand Fenwick.

PsycWench September 16, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Hogwarts?

SayItWithWookies September 16, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Yeah, President Obama's doing a terrible job with Czechoslovakia. He also took his eye off that Saddam Hussein guy who perpetrated 9/11. Thankfully Dubya was able to step in and keep us safe after that, but it shows the inherent weakness in the Democratic style of foreign relations.

sewollef September 17, 2012 at 8:53 am

And here was I thinking, "foreign relations" was having some rumpy-pumpy with a lady from another land. Where the only thing you understand is the universal phrase, "Oh god…oh god….Oh GOD, YES….YES!!!!"

This is a different topic isn't it?

DrunkIrishman September 16, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Looks photoshopped.

Callyson September 16, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Yeah–Liz Cheney's never looked so good.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Czech out those pixels.

billy_reuben September 17, 2012 at 3:14 am

…but it isn't.

MinAgain September 16, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"God, I miss the Cold War!"

AlterNewt September 16, 2012 at 4:49 pm

And look what's going on with the Assyrians.

MaxNeanderthal September 16, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Is this her Parthian shot?

slowhansolo September 16, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Kudos.

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Looks like the GOPers just found their new Queen of Mean and Stupid.

miss_grundy September 16, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Well, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree….

fuflans September 16, 2012 at 4:50 pm

to be fair, a cheney would certainly work well with mordor.

MinAgain September 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm

No doubt Cheney could simply walk into Mordor.

HogeyeGrex September 16, 2012 at 7:00 pm

And be greeted as a liberator.

viennawoods13 September 16, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Sauron DOES need a new Mouth.

Beowoof September 16, 2012 at 9:34 pm

He is starting to transform into Gollum so there is that going for him.

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Gormanghast has suffered long enough from the lack of proper attention by the Obama administration…it's been over a thousand years now…

Chichikovovich September 16, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Groan.

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Tightass…

finallyhappy September 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Both of you- awesome

fuflans September 16, 2012 at 6:22 pm

we are the geekiest sarcastic bunch on earth i think.

emmelemm September 17, 2012 at 1:59 am

Wow… there's something I hadn't thought about in a long time.

coolhandnuke September 16, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Czech mate Miss Cheney.

fuflans September 16, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Sarah Palin isn’t qualified to run a dishwasher

7000 whore diamonds.

kittensdontlie September 16, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Palin/Cheney 2016—"that's the ticket!"

kittensdontlie September 16, 2012 at 10:10 pm

That moose-hating snowFlake isn't qualified to be a dishwasher!

MosesInvests September 16, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Freedonia libel!

Self-Uploader September 16, 2012 at 6:38 pm
trampndirtdown September 16, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Margaret Dummond was weirdly hot.
Does this make me a bad person or just really high?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Are you offering a mustache ride?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Because seriously, that mustache quiver with a cigar, how could anyone refuse?

Callyson September 16, 2012 at 4:52 pm

And our relationship with Rhythm Nation has declined, also, too.

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 4:55 pm

But we're all part of it!

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2012 at 4:56 pm

It's been in trouble since 1814 anyway

Meathamper September 16, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Don't forget about the city-state of Funkytown.

Fare la Volpe September 16, 2012 at 5:30 pm

With its delightful brick….houses.

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2012 at 7:00 pm

When I was in high school, we moved to Funkytown. They have surprisingly good schools.

shelwood46 September 16, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Naw, man, Obama has that under Control.

SigDeFlyinMonky September 16, 2012 at 11:53 pm

The subject of tonight's lecture is rhythm, the beat….

Hera Sent Me September 16, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Obamanations 2009 to date:

2009: Threw Biafra under the bus.

2010: Cast Katanga to the wolves.

2011: Wouldn't give the time of day to Ciskei.

2012: Killed all the bees in Deseret.

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2012 at 4:54 pm

He has also sold out our friends in Freedonia, land of the brave and free.

EDIT: Damn it, ONE lousy minute late. You win this time, Moses Invests….

Tequila Mockingbird September 16, 2012 at 4:54 pm

But Tibet is still a thing, right? Or did everyone just get new bumper stickers?

Fare la Volpe September 16, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I think they've all been replaced by FREE KALE.

OkieDokieDog September 16, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I find this woman as relevant as that big boobied McCain girl.

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Meghan McCanns libel!

bobbert September 16, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Both of them (ISWYDT)!!

Fare la Volpe September 16, 2012 at 5:34 pm

That is a bold-faced lie!

Cindy McCain has tiny tits.

starfanglednut September 16, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Dude, ewww.

zumpie September 16, 2012 at 5:34 pm

And at least Meghan's sorta cute and just a somewhat clueless, sheltered princess.(and Barry DID beat her Daddykins head on). Liz Cheney's just a fucking stupid bitch.

rocktonsam September 16, 2012 at 4:56 pm

is that the country that is as easy to get in and out of, just like Wisconsin?

DahBoner September 17, 2012 at 7:29 am

Wisconsin– The Official La-z-boy State

Negropolis September 17, 2012 at 7:45 am

Michigan libel! La-Z-Boy is based in Monroe in Southeast Michigan. :D

writemeblue September 16, 2012 at 4:57 pm

she totally forgot Fillory. Lev Grossman would be sad.

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Leela:

"In doing so, she also revealed that she herself has no idea what the hell she’s talking about and also hasn’t played Risk in the last 20 years."

That's some funny shit right there!

[Maybe she plays the "Star Wars" version.]

zumpie September 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Tatoine and Hoth libel!!!

steamynachos September 16, 2012 at 4:58 pm

To be fair, Czechoslovakia is a lot more fun to say than "Czech Republic".

zumpie September 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Or even better, Bohemia, as my Great Granny (even then) anachronistically called

Veritas78 September 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

That was no anachronism—that was my Grandma, too! (She took pains to remind us that we definitely weren't Slovakian, but that the Moravians were okay — "good at business" was her phrase. Dunno what that was all about.)

zumpie September 16, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Hey, if your Grandma also insisted you were direct descendents of the Bohemian Crown (yes, my Granny really was fully convinced of this), then maybe we're cousins!

trampndirtdown September 16, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Bring the Kolache and we'll have a party.

HogeyeGrex September 16, 2012 at 8:27 pm

A scandal in Bohemia?

HogeyeGrex September 16, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Sigh. Back in the day, it were an old GF's "safe word."

Good times, good times.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Czech!… Uhh!… Slo!… Vak!… Eee!… Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

HogeyeGrex September 16, 2012 at 9:49 pm

You're catching on.

PsycWench September 16, 2012 at 9:02 pm

It took a while for some of us to learn how to say it so we would like to put that knowledge to use.

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2012 at 5:00 pm

She will be receiving a stern protest from the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I'm roaring over that one.

Tundra Grifter September 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Thank you. One thing I've learned from all those Wonkette party photos (at least the ones I could actually make out). I'm right in the demographic.

arihaya September 16, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Recent violence in Egypt and Libya is prove that Obama is abandoning our ally the Ptolemaic Empire !!

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Texas wants to secede. That's Obama's fault too, right?

SayItWithWookies September 16, 2012 at 5:17 pm

That alone could get him re-elected in a landslide.

catx2012 September 16, 2012 at 5:23 pm

That's why Rick Perry has been saying "let my people go y'all"

bikerlaureate September 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Everything is Obama's fault.

Really, this is much easier than trying to remember specific causes for things.

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Truly. Obama ruint it. That covers it all.

oenspiek September 16, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Some of us will blame him if Texas doesn't secede.

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Either way, he's the one at fault.

SexySmurf September 16, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Hey Liz, you better Czech yourself before you wreck yourself.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 5:14 pm

You beat me to it, you sexy smurf bastard!

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 10:25 pm

**SexySmurf takes off sungalsses in the styl of David Caruso**

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 11:36 pm

YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Calapine September 16, 2012 at 5:01 pm

US and Mordor….the Other special relationship!

MaxNeanderthal September 16, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Too modern, you're forgetting Angband…

Calapine September 16, 2012 at 5:14 pm

of course. Who could forget Kissing and Melkor shaking hands…

OurDailyBread September 16, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I never knew that Kissinger and Nixon shaking hands was an important historical event; I stand corrected.

trampndirtdown September 16, 2012 at 8:05 pm

That crazy hippie girl with the fake wolf ruined that empire.

ChernobylSoup September 16, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Glad to see ABC getting their A game on in the run up to the election.

Tequila Mockingbird September 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Personally, I am disturbed by Obama's policy on dealings with Pangaea.

Crank_Tango September 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm

too soon!

zumpie September 16, 2012 at 5:27 pm

At a minimum he could acknowledge Gondwanaland and Laurentia, sheesh!

starfanglednut September 16, 2012 at 6:17 pm

But I though he was all about the one world government.

Angry_Marmot September 16, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I see what you diid there.

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Had he taken a harder line, it wouldn't have split.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Czig Czigitty Czech yourself before you wreck yourself!

An_Outhouse September 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm

ceylon's tea is not to be overlooked.

Crank_Tango September 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm

What I want to know, is when is Barry gonna stop apologizing to Lochtenation and start the fucking bombing?

Woodshedding September 16, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I was going to say Xanadu but then realized they're probably Muslins, right?

sewollef September 17, 2012 at 9:05 am

Nope, them would be Zoroastrians, or Ypsilantians or some other people at the arse end of the alphabet.

Negropolis September 17, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Ypsilantians are weird, indeed. That town is like if you took Ann Arbor, smashed it into inner-city Detroit, and then condensed it into a small city.

sbj1964 September 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Obama has also pissed off the Romulan High command.And the Klingon Empire we will destroy earth!

mavenmaven September 16, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Yugoslavia is also pissed at us.

Maman September 16, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Orcs for Cheney!

mbobier September 16, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Uruk-hai everywhere find that grossly offensive.

PennyDreadful September 17, 2012 at 1:13 am

Redundant.

no_gravity September 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Yortuk and Georg Festrunk wouldn't even hit that.

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Uniformed, fat, and a Cheney is no way to go through life, child.

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Is it a Brownie or SS uniform, or something else?

catx2012 September 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Well it is okay that she didn't mention the Klingons or Romulans because we haven't run into them yet. Whew!

zumpie September 16, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Anvilania and Sealand are both demanding some recognition!

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I'm sure his handlers have told him time and time again, you can't slight the Hittites over the Sumerians, but…..

Dudleydidwrong September 16, 2012 at 8:52 pm

When Gilgamesh gets pissed, we better be careful. I hear he's trying to make a nuclear weapon in Uruk in a secret lab under some ziggurat.

Liz must read the Cuneiform Daily News.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 11:46 pm

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

AznMom420 September 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Obama promised to reduce our commitment to war with the Parthians and now he wants a surge in the production of chariot spokes and horse oats????

dcjdjay September 16, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Idiot daughter Liz was universally considered an ignorant cretinous cunt by those who worked at the State Department. They couldn't wait until she left for a career in spewing BS on Fox News.

BlueStateLibel September 16, 2012 at 5:31 pm

And what's Obama going to do about that Archduke being assassinated? Or the growing power of the Ottoman Empire?

gurukalehuru September 16, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I had to google Hyrule. Looks like a nice place.

Geminisunmars September 16, 2012 at 5:53 pm

In your fantasies!

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Where everybody knows your name, and you always get paid for cutting the grass.

Arkoday September 16, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Meh. She just drummed up a shitload of Slovak-Amercian votes for the good guys.

Mondo_Cane September 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

sez the flying monkey from Oz –

Fare la Volpe September 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Why isn't Obama protecting us from attacks by Cloudcuckooland?

LibrarianX September 16, 2012 at 7:23 pm

He is also ignoring the imminent threat that the moon poses to the earth.

BartStarrland September 16, 2012 at 5:36 pm

OT: Fun fact. The only two countries whose official name starts with "The" are "The Gambia" and "The Bahamas". That is all.

Boojum September 16, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I know which one I'm going to.

bobbert September 16, 2012 at 7:13 pm

What, not THE Ohio State?

trampndirtdown September 16, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Not this year.

sbj1964 September 16, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Has the entire Republican party gone completely Bat-shit crazy?After a year of debates with that brain trust of GOP super stars who proved Sarah Palin is not the weakest link.No wonder America is in such trouble,these idiots are running half the Big top.Clowns.I hate Clowns.

Isyaignert September 16, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Anyone in my life who votes for Rmoney/Rayn is OFF my Christmas card list. Fidiots!

docterry6973 September 16, 2012 at 5:40 pm

And what about Moldova? Oh, wait…

horsedreamer_1 September 16, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Transdniester is a hotspot.

WhatTheHeck September 16, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I don’t care what name she calles it, Czech women are haute

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 10:30 pm

They are quite tall, aren't they?

chascates September 16, 2012 at 5:47 pm

If a V-chip will block violence from teevee screens would a Liz-chip fade her out as well?

MonkeyMotion September 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Liz — In the words of your much beloved ol' dad: "Go fuck yourself"

insidebeltway September 16, 2012 at 5:52 pm

She's just proving Santorium's point about not being smart.

Mondo_Cane September 16, 2012 at 5:52 pm

but we are still at war with Oceania, right? or is it Eurasia? –

AncienReggie September 17, 2012 at 12:20 am

FTW.

Negropolis September 17, 2012 at 12:52 am

If China keeps it up, it will have always been Eastasia.

mcrummett September 16, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I hope he gets on that Atlantis thing soon. We're going on vacation soon.

oenspiek September 16, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Troy wouldn't have fallen if Obama hadn't been asleep at the switch!

miss_grundy September 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm

He probably gave Odysseus the plans to build that horse……

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 8:08 pm

And THEN told him that he didn't build it.

trampndirtdown September 16, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Ouch! good one

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Nah, Romney did.

SwanSwanH September 16, 2012 at 6:05 pm

U.S. out of Oakland!

ttommyunger September 16, 2012 at 6:07 pm

She is overlooking her ancestral States of Denial, Arousal, Anxiety and Hard-Down Stupid.

cheetojeebus September 16, 2012 at 6:11 pm

What ever happened to her brother? The one they made that movie about. Naughty little tyke with those Rottweilers? I think the movie was called "The Omen"?

gullywompr September 16, 2012 at 6:17 pm

You know who else is no longer a thing? Anybody named Cheney.

Self-Uploader September 16, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Are we still at war with Oceania?

ThankYouJeebus September 16, 2012 at 6:47 pm

And when will he do something about that horrible Baron Harkkonen?

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Poor Chris Christie.

slowhansolo September 16, 2012 at 9:44 pm

"I'M ALIVE?" (reaches for donut.)

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 11:50 pm

I dunno. 'Ol blue Eyed Ryan seems to be working his own angle.

Veritas78 September 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Cheney's not dead yet? Damn, I really gotta take a piss.

mbobier September 16, 2012 at 6:50 pm

On the plus side of the GOP equation, Rick Santorum's relationship with the Holy Roman Empire is excellent!

mbobier September 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Ms. Cheney then led the cast and crew of This Week in a rousing chorus of "Hail, Freedonia."

BerkeleyBear September 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm

And even though thousands of Foreign Service Officers have drawn up plans to address its issues, the sovereign state of Erewhon seems constantly stuck in as casebook state of dysfunction.

BerkeleyBear September 16, 2012 at 6:54 pm

And he's done absolutely nothing for Dothraki relations. Although in fairness, after her dad offered her to Khal Drogo there really was nothing Obama could do to repair relations.

Serolf_Divad September 16, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Oh come now, let's not exaggerate… leave hyperbole to the Right, OK? Sarah Palin may be dumb, but she's definitely qualified to run a dishwasher… not my dishwasher, mind you.Mine's a fairly new model with buttons inside the door, and various programming options, and several different cycles to select from and such. I wouldn't want her anywhere near my dishwasher. But I'm sure there are plenty of older models out there, with mechanical push buttons and simple dial controls and such that she could no doubt master with a little guidance and practice.

Pithaughn September 16, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I doubt it. My neighbor who is smarter than her ( he did win a game of tic tac toe once ) put Dawn in his dishwasher. He was crying because his wife was going to punish him when she found out his mistake. Luckily I knew that regular old hand soap would magically kill the bubbles!

An_Outhouse September 16, 2012 at 8:00 pm

i have a sink she might be able to manage.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 16, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Yeah, you say that, but wait until she tries putting spent cartridges through your waste disposal unit.

Charlie_Foxtrot September 16, 2012 at 8:22 pm

It's the live rounds that are hell on the plumbing.

An_Outhouse September 16, 2012 at 9:26 pm

i originally pictured sarah shoving ink cartridges down my sink. ha ha. i'm such a libtard!

fuflans September 16, 2012 at 8:31 pm

what brilliant commenter here said rick perry was simple as a hinge?

that was one of of my all time favorites. 'sarah palin and a dishwasher' is now up there as well.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 16, 2012 at 8:35 pm

So true. It's simple and hilarious. I want to fist it multiple times but alas.

trampndirtdown September 16, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Oh relax, she'll just have one of her greasy haired kids do it while she trolls facebook.

lumpenprole September 16, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Are the Judeans going to bomb Persepolis or not?

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I heard that modern Persepolis is actually a giant parking lot in the middle of the desert. I mean, not that that is what you were talking about, but that's what I heard.

lumpenprole September 17, 2012 at 2:52 am

I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: "a big ass parking lot stands in the desert…

LibrarianX September 16, 2012 at 7:15 pm

I love the smell of desperation in the morning.

LibrarianX September 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Stupid Obama – Tito wants his country back, also too.

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Hey, you leave the Jackson Five out of this. Too soon!

LibrarianX September 16, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Clearly this is crazy food for their base, but how do they hope to win if the base is all they've got? Am I missing something?

HogeyeGrex September 16, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I'm not sure they want to win this time. My latest guess is that they want Obama to win, and then they'll fuck the economy completely and try to blame it all on the evil Democrats, paving the way for a Glorious Conservative Resurgence.

4). Profit!

BarackMyWorld September 16, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Where's the love for East Germany, Liz?

Angry_Marmot September 16, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Those East German judges are Liz's best chance to score higher than a 6.

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Trust me, the Republicans love the idea of East Germany, even if they'll never admit it.

Barrelhse September 16, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Irkutsk and Kamchatka 4evr!

thebeatgoeson September 16, 2012 at 10:13 pm

That's the RISK I remember!

BoatOfVelociraptors September 17, 2012 at 12:51 am

If only my little Diomede could stand tall enough to see it.

Biff September 17, 2012 at 1:41 am

Can you see it from Alaska?

BarackMyWorld September 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm

She must be angling for ambassador to Disneyland in a Romney Administration, since she's obviously fucking Goofy.

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Nope. Nope. Nope . Uh, she's not, nope….

An_Outhouse September 16, 2012 at 8:02 pm

she's not the lez one is she? she could e fucking goofy.

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2012 at 7:38 pm

He needs to call Transylvania 6-5000 more often…

weejee September 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Leela, does your family come from Green Lake Tavern country?

emmelemm September 17, 2012 at 2:06 am

Inquiring minds want to know!

The_Lucky_Wife September 16, 2012 at 7:43 pm

If Lizzy really wanted to rile up the base, she would have accused Obama of abandoning the Confederacy.

Pithaughn September 16, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Oh come on, how many republicans even know there was once a country named Checkeslovacky.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Who once saw a movie called "Rocky"?

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Slovaki-vaki-vakistan?

finette_ September 16, 2012 at 8:00 pm

What about British East Africa?!

Indiepalin September 16, 2012 at 8:01 pm

She's the straight one, right?

Charlie_Foxtrot September 16, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Bitch is as crooked as a 3 dollar bill.

Narrow, too, also.

Inherited her father's reptilian heart.

Indiepalin September 16, 2012 at 8:06 pm

As foreign policy advisors go, Liz Cheney is right up there with the Fenstrunk Brothers

a_pink_poodle September 16, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Obama abandoned Czechoslovakia so hard that it dissolve into the Czech Republic and Slovakia!

And lets not even go into how he abandoned the Western Roman Empire, leaving their fate to the barbarian Visogoths from the north!

Blueb4sinrise September 16, 2012 at 8:08 pm

EVERYBODY !!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!
Leela Latona IS Liz Cheney!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh. Something is oozing through the modem… I…I….
Wait. No. Stay Back. I was just trying to…….
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggg……

izationalizer September 16, 2012 at 8:11 pm

What I want to know is, how does she know he's abandoning the country if she doesn't even know that the country doesn't exist?

annettaj September 16, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Poor Liz. She's so vile. That is all.

KotBR September 16, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Oh yeah? He also let Gotham become a No Man's Land, so, what 'bout that? Huh?

Come here a minute September 16, 2012 at 8:26 pm

And then I get stuck cleaning the Wheaties out of the cereal bowls because they weren't properly spaced. Fuck you, Sarah!

NYNYNYjr September 16, 2012 at 8:27 pm

OOh My– they are getting SO DIRTY!!

Conservatives are joining Democrats in complaining that Mitt Romney is running a campaign devoid of any ideas, and presents himself only as the "anti-Obama."

“Fischer told reporters at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C. “It’s because he’s running such a lackluster campaign that has been so vague on ideas. What plan is he offering the American people?” … “The biggest mistake is they put a bag over Paul Ryan’s head,” … "they put a sock in Paul Ryan’s mouth…

“Take the bag off of Paul Ryan’s head,” he added.“If Barack Obama wins this election, the Republican Party as we know it is finished,” Fischer said. “It is dead, it is toast, you can stick a fork in it.”

—Naughty thoughts boil not very deep below the surface in this man. If Obama wins this election, the Republican party can just put the lotion in the basket and be a good girl.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 16, 2012 at 8:30 pm

It puts the tax cuts in the platform or else it gets the stimulus again.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 16, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Bag it.
Sock it.
Fork it.
Lose it.

How very daft punk of them.

slowhansolo September 16, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Is this the 11:30 autogyro to Siam?

Charlie_Foxtrot September 16, 2012 at 8:34 pm

The Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere was actively opposed by the Democrats! Why is Liz letting them get away with that?

Charlie_Foxtrot September 16, 2012 at 8:35 pm

"Liz" is short for "Lizard", right?

salt_bagel September 16, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Whoever controls Upper Volta controls the world!

Biff September 17, 2012 at 1:45 am

And all the boatmen sing…

RufusTFirefly September 16, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Forget? You ask me to forget? A Firefly never forgets. Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. Nothing doing. I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed; I'm expecting company.

rocktonsam September 16, 2012 at 8:44 pm

come on, who wouldn't hit that?

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 10:24 pm

With votes?

poorgradstudent September 16, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Even if she meant to say Slovakia or the Czech Republic there's no way her comment seems sane. Was she just naming off countries from the top of her head after Israel (which is always being failed, especially if you're not Republican or Mopey Joe)? Or did she really think it was 1992 for a minute? And even then, what would Poland have to do with it?

I'll just say she's pissed about Poland banning alcohol imports from the Czech Republic and try to salvage some of my sanity.

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 10:24 pm

My guess is that she was trying to list the countries that Romney visited during his historic European tour, but somehow fucked up with it came to Great Britain?

Isyaignert September 16, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Don't forget East Germany – you totally don't want to piss them off!

Tundra Grifter September 17, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Ya never know when you are going to need a female swimmer with shoulders like an NFL linebacker.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Just build the damn wall!

Dudleydidwrong September 16, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Once Obama can improve our diplomatic relations with the Minoans I'm planning to visit the country as I understand they have pretty, nude women jumping over bulls. Which is better than in this country where we have fully clothed ugly Republican women strewing bullshit.

iburl September 16, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Liz, you need to Czech yourself before you Wzeck yourself.

ElPinche September 16, 2012 at 9:27 pm

You made me snort laugh , you bastid .

ElPinche September 16, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Ever wonder why you never see Victoria Jackson and Liz Cheney in the same room?

bobbert September 17, 2012 at 2:41 am

The Derpi Exclusion Principle?

Dashboard Buddha September 17, 2012 at 8:48 am

Well, for one thing when Victoria is in a room, there's no room for anyone else.

azeyote September 16, 2012 at 9:35 pm

well to tell the truth she has never looked as good as she does in this pic. must have had a little work done. why else would she get any press, you would think she would lay low with her dad going to prison for fighting against batman and doing all those war crime things against gotham city

LibertyLover September 16, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Dragon LADY? That ain't no lady. Dragon or otherwise…

kittensdontlie September 16, 2012 at 9:58 pm

More naturally, Lizardbeth Cheney.

Angry_Marmot September 16, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Those in the international community who refuse to put red lines before Stygia don’t have a moral right to place a red light before Lemuria.

slowhansolo September 16, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Y'all outdid yourselves on this one, and I desperately needed the laugh x 23.

johnnyzhivago September 16, 2012 at 10:06 pm

A REAL President would have sent an Ambassador to Mars, not a robot!

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Barack Obama doesn't care about Martians!

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Speaking of foreign relations, how are our's with British East Africa, Rhodesia and the Transvaal? How's about Gaul, Andalucia and the Republic of Texas?

Calapine September 16, 2012 at 10:18 pm

"Cheney claimed that Obama has “abandoned some of our key allies like Israel, Poland and Czechoslovakia."

Guess who else abandoned good relations with those people…

anniegetyerfun September 16, 2012 at 10:22 pm

When will Mary Cheney appear to talk to us about how Barack Obama has abandoned the gays?

Madam Killjoy September 16, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Carthago delenda est!!11!!

unclejeems September 17, 2012 at 12:10 am

Carthage finally destroyed. News at 11.

MistaEko September 16, 2012 at 11:04 pm

In true neocon fashion, blame will go squarely on Rockapella, who half-assed updating it in their Carmen Sandiego song way back when.

AddHomonym September 16, 2012 at 11:26 pm

O/T: In other news, the who-is-to-blame-for-Romney-losing stories are already starting, in POLITICO: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0912/81280.h

Fukui-sanYesOta September 17, 2012 at 12:15 am

Ho ho.

“Credit for this fog goes to that inner circle of Romney advisers who never liked the Ryan pick and have reasserted their will over a candidate who is naturally cautious,” conservative columnist Kimberley Strassel wrote in Friday’s Wall Street Journal. “In the la-la land where adviser Stuart Stevens presides, Mr. Romney wins by never saying a single thing, ever, that might rock a single boat, ever.”’

Stevens was a big, early advocate of a bland vice presidential candidate, privately talking up former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and pushing the idea of an outsider, anti-Beltway ticket. But Stevens is hardly to blame for what many conservatives consider a campaign that is specifics-free and lame. That blame goes straight to the man running his own campaign: Romney himself, according to a number of people in and out of the campaign.

Keep on sinking that Romney.

imissopus September 17, 2012 at 1:17 am

Big hashtag trending on Twitter right now: #WhatWouldSaveTheRomneyCampaign. Naturally the wingnuts are mostly writing OMG EXPOSE RACIST FRAUD OBAMA FOR BRIBING HIS BASE WITH FOOD STAMPS DERP DERP BARGLE!!!!1!!!

Fukui-sanYesOta September 17, 2012 at 3:18 am

I believe that the President is somewhat African American.

AznMom420 September 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

If we only had no government than maybe people would stop voting to continue its existence!

Negropolis September 16, 2012 at 11:26 pm

OT: Anyone hear about Bibi back to trolling the Aemrican election on television, today? And, comparing a possible strike by Iran to the OKC bombing? Are you fucking kidding me?! Can anyone else imagine the outrage is the leader of some other small nation came to our shores and was trying to influence our presidential election and then bringing up and comparing a hypothetical war to an actual attack on our soil?

Nettie-pot, why don't you hit the fucking road and go worry about your own nation's domestic issues. Maybe you could do something like concentrate on the fucking ridiculous rents in Tel Aviv or something. I don't know. What I do know is that you can fight your own goddamned war that you're so badly itching for, thank you very much. We had eight years of Dubya. We don't need another one. So, please take the schlock you're selling and stick it up your war-mongering, foreign election meddling ass.

Your friend,
- The Intelligent American Voter

duh_du September 17, 2012 at 12:13 am

Good to see Dick Cheney is looking healthier again.

misanthrope September 17, 2012 at 12:29 am

Gwafawk, I took one look at that picture and spit out my Doritos Locos Taco™.

RadioX September 17, 2012 at 12:31 am

You know who else had a problem with Israel, Poland and Czechoslovakia?

Negropolis September 17, 2012 at 12:53 am

The Red Army?

Fukui-sanYesOta September 17, 2012 at 3:18 am

The Ottomans?

Lavenderp September 17, 2012 at 3:38 am

Mittler?

RadioX September 17, 2012 at 12:52 am

I don't think Palin is qualified to even wash dishes.

Biff September 17, 2012 at 1:35 am

I still miss Alien Nation, myself.

YasserArraFeck September 17, 2012 at 2:27 am

"Ready when you are, Sergeant Pembry"

rickmaci September 17, 2012 at 2:31 am

Can't someone just serve her a heaping cup of shut the fuck up?

Jukesgrrl September 17, 2012 at 3:08 am

And who's going to stop The Borg? Mr. President, make it so.

sbj1964 September 17, 2012 at 3:42 am

Resistance is Futile.

misantropo September 17, 2012 at 6:30 am

Don't forget Fredonia and Molvania.

Incitefully_Joe September 17, 2012 at 7:19 am

The problem with the Rmoney's foreign policy team is that they haven't abandoned "Czechoslovakia" yet.

Chichikovovich September 17, 2012 at 7:25 am

They may not know much, but they repeat to themselves daily that what Neville Chamberlain (whoever he was) did in abandoning Czechoslovakia (whatever that is) was bad. Because it was appeasement.

They won't make that mistake again.

Negropolis September 17, 2012 at 8:00 am

Wait, are you telling me that David Cameron is about to let Angela Merkel annex the Sudetenland?!

DahBoner September 17, 2012 at 7:26 am

The Banana Republic

Someday, pleated khaki's will be back…

mrblifil September 17, 2012 at 8:27 am

Sounds like someone needs to renew her subscription to Pravda.

HouseOfTheBlueLights September 17, 2012 at 8:34 am

This would be the Czechoslovakia that was part of the eastern block/Soviet sphere of influence and therefore in no way our ally? Or is there another Czechoslovakia that I never learned about?

Dashboard Buddha September 17, 2012 at 8:45 am

Ya'll got it wrong. What she meant to say (like any good conservative) is that Obama is writing Czechs his body can't cash.

DahBoner September 17, 2012 at 8:51 am

She's got her father's snarl…

sullivanst September 17, 2012 at 8:59 am

Liz will only think Obama's strong on foreign policy once he makes Osama apologize for getting in the way of SEAL team 6's bullets.

JoeBeauBoom September 17, 2012 at 9:22 am

Ancient Spirits of Evil… Transform this decayed form to… Cheney the Ever-Living!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umU8vKRNnRw

smitallica September 17, 2012 at 9:27 am

I wish Liz would just move back to Shutthefuckupistan.

Neoyorquino September 17, 2012 at 9:31 am

We should appoint her as ambassador to Anvilania.

valgal2342 September 17, 2012 at 10:49 am

My mom just got back from the Czech Republic, she couldn't find Slovakia there but she did when she crossed the border.

owhatever September 17, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Et tu, East Germany?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

When will Obama do something about the Duchy of Grand Fenwick's nuclear program?

AznMom420 September 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Next week's newsweek will feature the cover story "Moops Outraged" as Obama has all but forgotten about this oft-maligned and rarely discussed area of our world.

CessnaDriver September 17, 2012 at 8:07 pm

That sonofabitch Obama refuses to appoint ambassadors to Rhodesia and the Belgan Congo!

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Yes, yes we are….

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