we are reasonably sure we won

A Children’s Treasury Of Your Wonkette’s War On New York City

Following our successful foray into Philadelphia, your Wonkette #WARRED on the Drinking Liberally party held every Thursday at Rudy’s in New York City, by buying them beer and stealing their women. Commenters, lurkers, and your Editrix’s NYC macher aunt and uncle, after the jump!

Chicago, you are on deck. Expect us sometime in 2013.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. Barbara_

    Lizzie certainly does have that lovely Julie Andrews quality that I find very special.

    New York has some great looking people!

    1. Boojum

      Somewhat OT, but if there is anyone reading with political clout or connection, I bet I know what Editrix would lurve as an unbirthday present: An invitation from her pretend boyfriend, Joe Biden, to drop by.

      Just a suggestion, Mr. Vice-President (and we know you are here).

        1. Boojum

          Well, if you WERE the Vice President, a simple invitation, perhaps with a personal note, asking Ms. Schoenkopf to drop by the Naval Observatory for a drink with you and Dr. Biden, would certainly not be inappropriate.

          1. Incitefully_Joe

            I am kinda liking making people do the detective work, not that it's all that difficult, as I am an avowed youngster, and also "Multienthnic New York City Libtard" ==> that one brown guy.

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          Incitefully_Joe, oooooooh, THAT Joe, the Joe of many seasons, many reasons. As long as it isn't Six-Pack. Now I get you.

    1. no_gravity

      Hell my picture at the Tampa drinkup makes it unclear if I'm a 10 year old boy or a middle aged woman so count yourself lucky.

      By the way, which one is you?

          1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

            Eh…it could be worse, you could have been caught with a sweater vest or or anything made by Brooks Brothers…

      1. wolvenwood13

        Even the pig?? Geez, I guess the GOP is right,gay marriage has been a gateway drug to bestiality. Of course, we liberals have always known about it, at least according to Rick "Frothy" Santorum. Or someone like him, they're all so crazy right wing, it's hard for me to tell them apart. Hell, I can't even tell Ricky Santorum apart from the pig, especially when he talks about women.

  2. thefrontpage

    This was a great time! Thanks to David Letterman, Regis Philbin, Robert DeNiro, Harvey Keitel, Yoko Ono, Matt Damon, Lauren Bacall, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Jack Abramson and Karl Rove for showing up, too! What a diverse, strange crowd! After the bar, everyone went back to DeNiro's place and watched "The Godfather–Part II" for three hours, with pizza from Papa John's and wine from Francic Ford Coppala's private winery. The gourmet chocolates were from Godiva. Thanks to everyone for a great time!

    1. Goonemeritus

      BLOW ME, New Yorkers are known for their Buddhist like positive outlook and their love of their fellow man. And anyone that says any different is asking for a curb stomping.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I haven't been to NYC proper but I've been to Delaware and Atlantic City. That place is fuckin' depressing…

    1. Barbara_

      Look at the photo of the two beautiful women with short hair. I am not sure who the lovely on the left is but Lizzie is the one on the right.

      1. fartknocker

        Wow, now I am truly smitten with the Women of Wonkette. I think a tastefully prepared calendar with photos and some of your best statements would warm the hearts of liberals and moderates.

          1. fartknocker

            I do have Skype but tonight I going to take my favorite woman out for dinner and some music. A lot of hand-holding and quickly contrived smart ass remarks will be exchanged.

          1. Boojum

            I have an idea who you could put right in the middle of the 80 inches of bosom, between you. I mean, if you are looking for ideas.

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          Barbara_ I reminded them to Skype you. They looked pretty beat. I'm in that pic with my crush – short bangs, but my hair (that goes down to my rear) is in a high pony-tail.

  3. NorthStarSpanx

    The only thing lacking were poles (not polls) and the fact that I never invested in Carmen Electra's Aerobic striptease or Pole fitness® to live it up in Manhattan with godless liberals.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Wouldn't a meetup from that Summit take place in a gay bar? Or does it only seem like every religious conservative dude is gay?

  4. NorthStarSpanx

    By the way Limeylizzie, I gay married you last night. You don't drink but I did take advantage of your jet-lag.

    By god Editrix, you DO look like your aunt. Except you smile.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Oh my GAWD, so fucking New Yawk. (i'm such a hick I don't even know if that is right)
    And I can't believe I say cunt and fuck in front of such a distinguished lot as this. Very nice!

      1. prommie

        You know my favorite thing about NY is you hear people call each other "brother" there more than anywhere I have been. Like, white guys, I mean. Is it a union thing?

        1. James Michael Curley

          It's more, "Hey Bro!" these days and it's getting tedious. I don't want to be 'bro' to some dude in a cage in the subway when the turnstile ate my MetroCard with half a months time left on it.

          1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

            Yeah, that doesn't sound good no matter who says it…and I can pronounce it the correct way using Surfer-guy venacular, "thankks brooooooo"…and it's still stupid. "haaarrrshhhh buddd!" never gets old…

        2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

          They're just trying to rip off the West Coast…classless NYers. We come up with stupid shit like "dude!" and "bra!" and "mancave!" and they totally rip it off. But yeah, it's still pretty common out here to hear someone blabber "thanks, bro" or "brudda"…though I have to admit I don't hear many Spicoli accents anymore…

          1. prommie

            No, its a full on "brother" and the only thing I have heard that sounds like it is when reall union people talk about their "brotherhood."

    1. prommie

      Don't worry, hell, they won't even serve you in Zabars unless you say both 'cunt" and "fuck" while ordering. You're gonna love it there. I can't wait to show you around.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      That would be fun. Wonkette drinky at the Elkhorn Roadhouse about a 15 minute drive (22 miles) west of Butte, then line up all the empties on the rail fence out back of the parking lot and use them for target practice until you sober up (more or less) for the drive home.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Her aunt kept asking me what I wrote about. . .a little chagrined, I think I reverted to Alaska's less understood dialect – word salad.

        1. HistoriCat

          Of course he is! Some may even say devilishly handsome.

          Wait – I don't see any horns in those pictures.

    1. no_gravity

      I was pretty much a lurker before the Tampa drink thingy and went and had a great time. Also, most of the other people there were lurkers.

  6. elviouslyqueer

    When is the Nashville meet-up? I ask, because I know full good and well y'all won't come to Memphis (although you should because, hello, barbeque, blues, blahs, and yrs truly).

    1. wolvenwood13

      And it's closer by half to me; I live up in the NE corner in Dog Snot, TN. Elviously Queer, I had no idea you lived this close to me. I love your name! Who knew?
      See, there really ARE signs of intelligent life in Tennessee, the no-evolution state. Although I have wondered if we are the only 2 Wonkette readers in TN, which wouldn't surprise me.

  7. gullywompr

    Trix and company, congrats on a successful East Coast tour. You gotta be dead tired. Thanks for treating the readers and commenters of Wonkette as people too my friend.

    And next year, go bigger – rally on the National Mall!

      1. finallyhappy

        I still have my volunteer hat from the first inaugural(Obama's – not Washington!) – so Come on Down!(or Up- or OVer)

  8. Pragmatist2

    Good God! Thee people are almost as old as me! So much for my young and trendy image. Did you had out coupons for Depends?

  9. Toomush_Infer

    Geez, I was stuck out on an island off the tip finger of Michigan – so much for my stalking ability, Lizzie – hope the world straightened up for you guys for a moment….

  10. MonkeyHamlet

    Chicago 2013??!! By then President Romney will have put the Editrix in a libtard concentration camp and outsourced Wonkette to the Planet Kolob.

  11. Isyaignert

    You can smoke in NYC bars? In Seattle you can't smoke within 20 feet of a building, which puts most of the smokers out in the middle of the street.

    1. actor212

      Strictly speaking, smoking was illegal in the outdoor area where it was going on. There's some rule that it can only constitute 25% or less of the outdoor serving area, yadayadayada, but yes, you can smoke outside in bars here.

      if you're lucky.

  12. Biel_ze_Bubba

    'Twas a good evening indeed. Our Editrix is not only lovely, but charming, and Lizzie has a megawatt smile that lights up the room (and a 2-megawatt camera … I'm still seeing spots!) Actor112 is exactly as pictured in his avatar, btw.
    Walking back afterwards, came across an unmarked building with numerous large black cars parked out front (one of them a Maybach), and an assortment of men (crewcut blonde, dreadlocked black, vaguely middle-eastern brown, etc.) standing out front. They had one thing in common: they were large. And alert.
    On the Broadway #1, I am joined at 42nd St. by a 6-foot tall presposterously gorgeous blonde. (Ralph Lauren would give his left nut to have her model his stuff.) Her companion: two inches taller, swept-back black hair, mandatory 3-day beard, and (like her) cheekbones from another planet. It is, after all, Fashion Week. They get off at West 110th St., and the entire population of the car is like, "WTF?"
    Then, on the street in my nabe, an airplane wing left out for the morning trash collection. I kid you not. It is aluminum, and tomorrow is recycling day, so it's all good.
    Just another Thursday night in New York. Tonight is Friday, when it gets interesting.

    1. finallyhappy

      Did the wing just fall out of the sky??? That is amazing? Around here, we just have old sofas and the occasional toilet

    2. James Michael Curley

      Holy Shith! That wing certainly looks like a Cirrus SR20 and if it is it probably is from the plane that Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle crashed into a building on the upper East Side. It has all the look of Cirrus like the vanes on the flap and alleron which drastically reduced turbulence and was a bit of a game changer for light aircraft at the time. Cory Lidle and his flight instructor, for what ever reason which was never discovered, made an intrusion into LaGuardia air space and turned left to cross Manhattan, striking the building in the mid 70's. They both were killed but the residents of the apartments survived with various injuries and burns. In a weird coincidence one woman was the elderly lady who was attacked by the Cat in the Hat at the Thanksgiving Parade in the '90's.

      Noo Yawkers – I can really imagine some dude going home and finding the thing on the street after the fires and the excitement dying down and taking it home to put in his storage space thinking, "Maybe I can use this for something someday."

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Cessna 152, methinks.

        I was working about 20 blocks from where Lidle crashed; we were all seriously spooked by the scores of police and fire vehicles screaming up Third Avenue, which you don't get for your average fire. (It was 2006, and people were still in 9/11 mode.) From what I read, Lidle was too low over the river to make a tight turn, which would have cost altitude that he didn't have. He had to go wide, so he circled around one tower, only to find another right in front of him. I doubt that his plane left any pieces this big.

        But yeah, in NYC, someone would do exactly that, and I'd not be surprised if this thing was gone before the Sanitation guys got there. We also have scrap metal scroungers who cruise around in the wee hours of recycling days, looking for stuff like this.

        1. James Michael Curley

          Looking at your original picture again it has more of the silhouette of Cessna with the bend between the flap and the aileron then the Cirrus which is straight. (Looked into buying one in the late 1990 and flew it a few times.) So it being there is even a greater mystery. Though I haven't gone into NYC much in the last decade and a half, I long learned there are many questions one just doesn't ask.

  13. Limeylizzie

    The redhead with multiple pics here, was awesome, I was borderline stalking her, she is a lurker but i cannot remember her Wonkette name, but she should comment more, she was very fun.

  14. Lamey

    I see how it is, dressy for fancy New York, not dressy for filthy Philly. To be fair, I'm pretty sure the NYC bar location did not require one to hike to the third floor just to be able to take a whiz.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      There were hot dogs. And a big plastic pig. And the bathroom had a sliding door. So, it wasn't that fancy.

    2. James Michael Curley

      A lot of the bars in that area have the bathrooms down stairs and are about as large as 1 & 1/2 the area of those old brown AT&T phone booths. The sliding doors both accommodate the cramped area down their where the kitchen may be and comply with some kind of NYC ordinance about interior doors in a commercial establishment not opening into traffic areas. +++BONK!+++

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        [shhhhhh James, I was trying to downplay how awesome the NY event was by not hurting Philly's feelings]

  15. Monsieur_Grumpe

    You know the trees are going to be turning soon in Minneapolis. It doesn't get much better than sitting downtown on a patio overlooking the Mississippi while sipping on your favorite beverage surround by a bunch of intelligent conversing Libtards. And if you’re really nice I’ll bring my woodchipper.

    Hint HINT!

      1. James Michael Curley

        Wood chipper, even before Fargo I used to sadistically joke was the NJ DIY Divorce Kit do to an incident in the mid to late 80's.

  16. Lucidamente1

    Wonkette meet-up in my city, and I missed it. I has a sad x infinity. (But I'm glad a good time was had.)

  17. Incitefully_Joe

    I'm a little bummed we didn't post the photo of Danny, the bar's manager. Not only is he the winner for Best Moustache, but after everyone was shoo'd inside, he regaled us with old bartending stories involving Jimmy Buffet and advice on how to be a good bartender and/or patron. Danny is sort of the best, he got us pizza.

      1. finallyhappy

        people – go there and say who you are! I am confused by the discussion here- except I know who Lizzy is(you look like movies and TV!!) and Incitefully

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          I actually reunited him with a long lost friend from their World Fair days. The guy (then 15) ran the Alaska exhibit with his folks and they hung out for two years. Can you imagine coming of age – the life and times of The World Fair in New Fucking York?

    1. actor212

      Wait. "Shoo'd inside"? Everyone?

      How come I ended up outside the entire time? Not that I minded, I had a really nice long discussion with Frances Martel about Cuban embargoes and my cigars, but how the hell did I miss that?

      Oh crap! I drank the wrong beer?!?!?!?!

  18. Self-Uploader

    It was fun. I left early as I only have a short window of time in social situations before the panic kicks in and it was frightening to see virtual people in the so-called real world. (Also my better half, whom I'd dragged along was hungry).

      1. James Michael Curley

        Do it. I haven't been there in a decade but it is fabulous. I was there once and had a Southern Fried Turkey (or Chicken) Breast on a big Belgian Waffle with Brown Gravy on top.

        I have former NJ HS mates all over the country who wine nonstop over not being able to get real NY/NJ Home Fries.

        Question is, were they made with onions or not?

    1. James Michael Curley

      Very good photogs LL. Good color balance, composition and no red-eye. I hate red-eye and even though I now have a camera which supposedly eliminates it, I forget to turn it on and still depend on a thirty year old flash attachment which has timing to suppress it.

      You know shooting from below drops a half decade of everyone's age.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      I'm going to go full nerd and say we really needed a 'speech' or name tags with our Wonkette monikers.

      1. HistoriCat

        I know he takes a lot of shit around here for the Post that Made Breitbart and the Child Who Must Not Be Named Cry but I'm glad to hear that he's not bitter.

  19. Limeylizzie

    Also very lovely was noun verb, I will let him identify himself, but such a totally lovely human being.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I just sent MrLimeylizzie the pic of you and I and he wants to paint you! He thinks you look Siberian!

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          WHAAAAAAAT? I am soooooooo floored. That is about the neatest thing I've heard (someone wanting to paint me.)

          Mangolian. Siberian Yup'ik. Thai. Chinese, Latina. . .I am mistaken for any of 'em, all of 'em I'm put in front of over the years.

          1. Limeylizzie

            I knew he would love the way you look, you have a completely original look, those amazing black eyes, plus he is probably tired of painting me!

  20. MosesInvests

    Hey-how about Austin on November 19? Weather should be nice, and we can toast the election results (or, God forbid, drown our sorrows about them), and drink to my divorce?

      1. MosesInvests

        I don't know which it is-a little of both, maybe. It was getting to be a really lousy marriage, but divorce sucks. We filed Thursday, so it's been on my mind. Becomes final on 11/19, so one way or another I'm probably going to want to get hammered that night. And I don't even like getting drunk. Thanks for the good wishes-if you're ever in ATX, let me know.

  21. Millennial Malaise

    I've been a member of various message boards in my day and this was the first time the virtual world and the real world collided! It was so fun, I stayed till midnight and devoured waaaay too many hot dogs.

    1. finallyhappy

      I once met another woman from a message board- turned out we both lived in the same area(now) and she grew up here in Silver Spring. We both identified as Jewish women in our late 40's(ten years ago) and decided to meet for lunch at Corner Bakery in a shopping area. Her daughter was concerned that I might actually be a large male serial killer and told her to be careful.

  22. Isner_Mahut

    You were all so much nicer than I could have hoped. And better looking and tanner. Can we make Wonketting Liberally (or Drinking Wonkily) an annual event? Monthly, even?

    1. Limeylizzie

      I would love that! It was so lovely, wasn't it? I can say that every single person I met was really smashing, did we speak? I was so jet-lagged that I cannot remember any names other than the 3 or 4 I spent the most time with.

  23. iamrrm

    There has been quite enough gallivanting around the outskirts of Amurca. Isn't it about time to nut up and venture to the guts of our fine cuntry? ST. LOUIS FTW!1!

    1. Limeylizzie

      They were fun, the aunt was grumpy and awesome and the uncle was courtly and charming and kissed my hand, I would have let him go further but his wife was there.

    2. commiegirl99

      Fuck you, "RUINED LIVER," I know who you are. No, they didn't pay my tuition, they "administered the trust," because not everyone in my family is a drug addict terrorist.

      1. glasspusher

        Well done, Lizzie! I always tell people that the pictures will look better if I'm behind the camera, but clearly you enhance them either way.It's funny, but even in my hard drinking 20s, so long ago, there was this zone of sobriety around my camera for me. Even when I was hammered I was still able to do everything right with the camera. Probably because I had been doing it for 10+ years already at that point (the photography part, not the drinking!)

        1. Limeylizzie

          Just my little point and shoot Fine Pix, and I did a little cropping and enhancing in i-Photo.So thanks, I had lovely subjects though.

  24. anniegetyerfun

    Well, I don't even want to bother with the official Seattle one now. I am currently indistinguishable from a manatee and don't want anyone to be, all, "Oh, you guys visited the aquarium!" when they see my photo.

    1. Limeylizzie

      She was lovely, I will let her out herself, but she had such a fantastic face and , for some reason I couldn't get a good picture of her, she has one of those really animated faces , so I was just snapping away at her like David Hemmings in "Blow-Up"! If I was a boy, or lesbian, I would totally want her for my gal-pal, she seemed like she would be huge fun and would be low-maintenance and cool.

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