THIS WEEK IN TANNED AMERICANS  10:46 am September 14, 2012

Charlie Crist Tells Hugging Dude: You Know What I’m Here For

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Awwwww yeah
Presented without comment:

“A few hours after expressing a desire to meet the Fort Pierce pizza parlor owner who hugged and lifted President Obama on Sunday, Crist showed up at Van Duzer’s business this afternoon and, according to Van Duzer, said, ‘You know what I’m here for.’”

[PalmBeachPost, via Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 148 comments }

Madfall September 14, 2012 at 10:48 am

Imitation, the sincerest form of flattery.

Boojum September 14, 2012 at 10:49 am

Teh buttsechs?

PsycWench September 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

I'm not a gay man but I don't think that position is going to work for buttsechs.

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:03 am

That depends on the size of the Duzer's penis.

Which, since he's probably on teh roids, you're right.

FakaktaSouth September 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

I'm not a gay man either, but I do know a letchy old guy around here we girls have named "half hard on your stomach guy." I think that might work here as well.

James Michael Curley September 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Kindly, provide a list of "around here" so we can avoid it and said "letchy old guy."

widestanceromance September 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

Oooh, ooh, pick me, I am! Studying the photo, it looks like Huggy Bear Lite's penis is extended all the way to Crist's back and poking the denim right under his belt. If it's that big, buttsechs could still work, even if it seems to have bypassed its target in this photo.

emmelemm September 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Once you've seen it, you can't unsee it.

no_gravity September 14, 2012 at 10:49 am

Would a gay man dress like that?

BaldarTFlagass September 14, 2012 at 10:59 am

Hey, it's Florida, home of the polyester plaid pants hitched up over the navel.

BoroPrimorac September 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

That's straight camo.

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 10:49 am

David Vitter: "I'm here for the Huggies"

Gratuitous World September 14, 2012 at 10:56 am

yes!

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

Thanks. Every once in a while I slip up and something funny comes out.

l_boogie September 14, 2012 at 10:50 am

"Now, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

widestanceromance September 14, 2012 at 11:34 am

Easy first, then hard.

badseeds September 14, 2012 at 10:50 am

Yeah. A large pepperoni with extra cheese.

freakishlywrong September 14, 2012 at 10:56 am

And you know what a "large pepperoni" means, right?

CrunchyKnee September 14, 2012 at 10:56 am

Your entendre is doubly funny.

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2012 at 10:59 am

I'm sorry, but if there's "cheese", someone needs an antibiotic.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

Or a shower.

EatsBabyDingos September 14, 2012 at 10:50 am

You'll need a wider stance to run for Senate.

fawkedifiknow September 14, 2012 at 10:51 am

An apology for America?

CrunchyKnee September 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

Then Crist raved about Van Duzer's sexy Capri pants.

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:03 am

Those are not Capri pants, they're shower shorts. All the boys at the club wear 'em.

PlanetWingNut September 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

damn charlie! i wanted to be the first homo bear hugged by this guy. well maybe i can be the first out homo…right charlie?

EatsBabyDingos September 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

The meth? Because in Florida there is always a meth-o.d. to the madness.

comrad_darkness September 14, 2012 at 10:53 am

I hate getting hugged. These photos are like torture. Charlie Crist is pro-torture!

Lot_49 September 14, 2012 at 10:57 am

Oh, don't be that way. Sounds like someone needs a hug!

Or how about a nice Eurokiss on both cheeks? That's also popular among the personal-space-challenged.

comrad_darkness September 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

Euro kisses are okay because they usually smell nice. It's like perfume sampling.

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:04 am

And then the bunga-bunga!

Lot_49 September 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

Yeah, that's the thing: in Italy, at least, men Eurokiss each other. But of course Italian men all wear perfume so it's okay. It's no accident that the Italian word for "man" is uomo.

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

Death…by bunga bunga?

Mackinest September 14, 2012 at 10:53 am

Earlier that morning, Charlie had picked out that whole outfit with this moment in mind. I wonder how much time he spent on it.

PsycWench September 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

Doesn't Crist look like he's feeling up an imaginary person behind the guy's back? Who might this person be? So many to choose from…

BoatOfVelociraptors September 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

Smirking Romney?

weejee September 14, 2012 at 11:13 am

Mark Foley?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 September 14, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Judging by the hand placement it would be someone large…so since the GOP has so many fatasses to choose from I'm going to go out on a limb and say Jebby.

zumpie September 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

Awww, I actually like Charlie Crist—-but both these boys need to admit that they're Dems.

Jus_Wonderin September 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

Dude, you gotta cut this out. Think about the tragedy of trying to bear hug/lift the NJ governor. He could shadow your threshold soon.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 14, 2012 at 11:04 am

FLORIDA PIZZERIA OWNER CRUSHED BY NJ GOV
Suffers Herniated Lumbar Discs in Photo Op

hagajim September 14, 2012 at 11:27 am

No way Governor Sammich would want a hug, he'd want three large pies with extra cheese.

C_R_Eature September 14, 2012 at 11:35 am

To prevent serious injury or death, he would have to borrow one of These.

viennawoods13 September 14, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Yay! Favorite Sigourney Weaver line!!

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

Christie may want a hug, but there is no human on earth who could get his arms around that fucking giant waddling sack of shit.

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

Beat me to it. Great minds think alike, but fools never disagree.

BoroPrimorac September 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

Christie: I want a hug, I want a hug.

Hugging pizza guy: He'll hug you (points at a forklift)

Willardbot9000_V2.5 September 14, 2012 at 7:51 pm

They could always use the method Christy's staff uses to get him to make speechs: tie a giant raw steak to a branch and lead him away slowly. Of course Christy is a one man record quarterly earning for anything not called an all-you-can-eat buffet so he might just shove a giant pizza down his piehole and in a week we can hear about the need for a taxpayer funded bailout of New Jersey because Sammich ate the budget again….

fredbell September 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

Why did Harry Shearer let his hair go gray like that?…And you present without comment?

Lot_49 September 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

I think I see a Democratic Joe-the-Plumber equivalent beginning to craft his congressional campaign.

Lascauxcaveman September 14, 2012 at 11:23 am

"Van the Hugger."

Hmm. Possibly.

Florida is full of gheys and old ladies, isn't it? They're all fine with hugging.

One impediment is that Van Duzer is actually a successful small businessman, and not just blowhard fraud, and a genuinely nice guy, rather than just an asshole hypocrite, but we could work around that. How to make this work?

I've GOT IT! He could run as a Democrat!

Jus_Wonderin September 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

I tihnk he is actually a Republican. Moderate. Make it all the better when he hugged Bamz.

Chet Kincaid_ September 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

Oh yes, we will continue to comment, but this is the first Wonkette I have ever seen that is perfect, without need of any further japes or quips.

ChernobylSoup September 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

It's not fair when the subject of the post provides the best comment.

FakaktaSouth September 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

Attention? So someone will PLEASE TAKE HIS PICTURE and talk about him? Getting shunned by the buttholes you aligned yourself with has got to hurt your feelings, no matter how right you were to be nice to PresO.

I'm sure no one looks at Charlie like Becs did, and he misses her still.

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:07 am

I missed yet another chance to meet our Becky in the City that Never Sleeps, fuck and damn!

BoroPrimorac September 14, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Charlie Crist may seem cool now, but he was no saint when he was doing everything Jeb Bush and the Sugar lobby told him to do. He cut a deal with the Sugar companies which absolved them of any responsibility for polluting the shit out of the Everglades. Thanks to Crist the Flroida tax payer now owns twenty six thousand acres, bought at a whopping two hundred million, which we'll end up having to pay to clean anyway.

As far as school privatization is concerned, Charlie did every little thing Jeb Bush told him to do on that front. That little time bomb is going to explode in the next twenty years and it's going to be a disaster.

keepwalkin September 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

Crist:

"Nooo not a bear hug a BEAR TOP"

weejee September 14, 2012 at 11:16 am

Kate Middleton has a lock on that right now thanks to the dogless puparazzi.

BaldarTFlagass September 14, 2012 at 10:56 am

What's Charlie Crist up to these days? Maybe he was "here for" the job of delivery driver.

no_gravity September 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

Working for an ambulance chasing law firm in Tampa called Morgan and Morgan.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 14, 2012 at 11:07 am

Hm, I would have never guessed that "Attorney Charlie Crist" was from Altoona, PA.

widestanceromance September 14, 2012 at 11:28 am

He's got 2 captains in him?

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

What's a delivery guy without a nice package?

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Well, he wants a job, doesn't he?

sudsmckenzie September 14, 2012 at 10:56 am

Charlie says Relax.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 14, 2012 at 11:09 am

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to come

el_donaldo September 14, 2012 at 10:56 am

Is this going to become a post-convention thing? Let's all go hug the pizza guy? Who's next? John Kerry? Julian Castro? Dave Weigel?

Editrix, gas up the car.

Lascauxcaveman September 14, 2012 at 11:34 am

Since FL is supposedly a key swing state, Romney's people are doing a rather feverish internal poll on this very subject. An advance man will be visiting Van Duzer in the next few days with a very generous offer.

el_donaldo September 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

I think David Brooks wants in on some of that action.

SpeedoFart September 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I would hug Mayor Castro like whoa. I simply swoon over his dazzling smile.

grayforester September 14, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Elizabeth Warren. She NEEDS this.

PsycWench September 14, 2012 at 10:57 am

So is this a lift-off? I've heard that can happen in Florida.

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

You know its a true thing, I went to high school in Flarda and sometimes we'd be drinking beer on the beach at night (dancing on the sand around the flames of a bonfire on a beach is my vision of Valhalla still) and a fucking rocket would take off and streak across the sky blazing a fucking trail of flame. It was magic.

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:23 am

Sorry for the fucking nostalgia for when America actually did seem exceptional. I'ma go listen to some Billy Bragg now. Is it wrong to wish on space hardware?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 14, 2012 at 11:03 am

It can also happen in an airport.

RadioX September 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

I've never seen mommy jeans fly before.

BaldarTFlagass September 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

I didn't realize that Charlie had such a large Zardoz-like head.

Texan_Bulldog September 14, 2012 at 11:22 am

He & John Boehner must be sharing tanning secrets…nice Tang-like hue, Charlie.

freakishlywrong September 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

I love this dude, but for Charlie, this is just embarrassing. I mean, when our straight, young, cool, POTUS did it it was endearing. This feels smarmy.

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Yeah, it looks like a snuff film when Charlie does it.

LibertyLover September 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

I've heard of internet memes before. Is this gonna turn into some political meme, now? Are all politicians gonna have to go and meet with huggy dude?

Texan_Bulldog September 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

He really is light in his loafers.

elviouslyqueer September 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

Oh, so very much WIN.

C_R_Eature September 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

Thank you for not posting the Naked Version

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

Regardless of what these men are doing (not that there's anything wrong with that), that is one ugly floor.

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:31 am

And there should be three feet on it, at all times. At least, those were the rules when I taxi danced.

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

I cannot help but like this Crist guy! A much nicer gay american than New Jersey's Gay American governor McGreevey, who was a very nasty mean fellow.

Terry September 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

Crist probably has much better taste in pre-threesome restaurants, too.

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:38 am

Ewwwww. God I forgot that shit. And if you remember, then you probably know how he broke his leg. Please tell me!

Lazy Media September 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

Ms. Crist does seem to like the bears.

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

Bow chicka what now?

Ruhe September 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

More subtle than Dr. Tomas' unforgettable "remove your clothes" yet more direct than Joey's infamous "how you doin' "

JohnnyQuick September 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

Or Joey Biden's "How you doin'? Want to wrap your arms across my engines?"

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:31 am

Bruuuuuce!

Ruhe September 14, 2012 at 10:19 pm

So maybe Crist was just quoting Springsteen too…”don't you run back inside darlin' you know just what I'm here for…”

iamrrm September 14, 2012 at 11:03 am

I wanna know who shopped a different body onto Charlie's head.

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:05 am

Hmm, either brevity is the soul of wit, or hangovers interfere with output. Its gotta be one or the other.

Limeylizzie September 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

We are going to have Heuvos Rancheros and I think that will help with the posting from our Editrix.

Estproph September 14, 2012 at 11:06 am

He's gonna have to give up pizza and go into the hug business.

DerrickWildcat September 14, 2012 at 11:06 am

Jeeze get a room.

FlownOver September 14, 2012 at 11:09 am

The gloryhole is just off the kitchen, Charlie.

el_donaldo September 14, 2012 at 11:09 am

How much do you want to bet that Bill Clinton is right now being photographed with a biker chick on his knee?

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

OT:

Editrix, let me post here in your thread any apology I owe you for last night. I don't know if I did anything wrong, but if I did, I apologize and I will go to my room and think about the thing I may or may not have done, if you were offended by me.

Not saying you were, I'm just apologizing prophylactically.

Also, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWF!

Texan_Bulldog September 14, 2012 at 11:13 am

Not sure prophylactically means what you think it does…or maybe it does. I just keep thinking 'condom'.

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

Oh yes it does ;-)

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:32 am

Preservatif

kittensdontlie September 14, 2012 at 11:33 am

Party Pictures Posted at 11?!?

kittensdontlie September 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

We are all being bear hugged by an all-american good guy and pizza man today.

Not_So_Much September 14, 2012 at 11:11 am

Anyone remember way back to the beginning of the week when this story was spontaneous and cool? Yeah, fading for me too.

actor212 September 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

Really. Now, if Crist had held an American embassy hostage, then he might be relevant

Goonemeritus September 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

By the Kevin Bacon rule of linkage our Edrix is only two removed from hugging Obama!

Jus_Wonderin September 14, 2012 at 11:13 am

I am attempting to Photoshop Crist bending his knee, as that is the age old indicator of an effective hug or kiss.

KeepFnThatChicken September 14, 2012 at 11:16 am

a cheap feel.

Neoyorquino September 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

That's right, pizza guy – let's tear down some emotional walls. Mmm. Mmmm.

LibertyLover September 14, 2012 at 11:19 am

Crist showed up at Van Duzer’s business this afternoon and… said, ‘You know what I’m here for.’”

Van Duzer was heard to reply: "In what respect, Charlie?"

prommie September 14, 2012 at 11:21 am

Frottage is a real thing.

C_R_Eature September 14, 2012 at 11:23 am

There's Good Hugs and then there's Bad Hugs

pdiddycornchips September 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

Hot pepperoni and cold Dr. Pepper?

Guppy September 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

Jesus wept.

Misty Malarky September 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

Pizza Guy – just tell yourself that's a Mozzarella stain Charlie deposited on your manly belly.

kissawookiee September 14, 2012 at 11:28 am

Oh dear. My original comment looks even more prescient since Charlie showed up in actual loafers.

JackDempsey1 September 14, 2012 at 11:28 am

I just posted my first triple-digit wonkette comment earlier this AM.
What's this guy's address?

starfanglednut September 14, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Congrats! Cracking 100 is a milestone in every wonketeers life.

SayItWithWookies September 14, 2012 at 11:32 am

I'm sure that's not the first bear bounce Charlie Crist has sought. Maybe the first one not on Craigslist, but not the first ever.

Isyaignert September 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

Haha – Anderson Cooper got his big bear hug too! I "heart" this guy and cannot believe he's really a Republican because he's got a huge heart and cares about people.

Please send some money to his awesome foundation that really helps people – http://thevanduzerfoundation.org/ – He even has a section on his website showing the aftermath of his Obama bear hug.

superdave September 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

As George Takei would say: Oh. My.

fuflans September 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

great now i need pizza.

oenspiek September 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I don't 'need' pizza. I can quit whenever I want. But a slice or two in the morning helps steady my nerves.

I'll bet that van Duzer's pizza is very fine. If I ever again set foot in Florida, I'll check it out.

Jughead2130 September 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

He is so fucking gay.

And that's okay but he is so fucking gay.

proudgrampa September 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

That kinda says it all…

Canmon September 14, 2012 at 12:02 pm

"Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we aint that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You aint a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me"

James Michael Curley September 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Greatest pick up line in the history of rock n roll!

SheriffRoscoe September 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Pathetic. Sorry, guys, no can likey Charlie Crist. I know he's "seen the light"…supports Obama…yadda yadda yadda…..But he did a LOT of damage to gay people in the state of Florida when he actually had power to do good. Fuck his closeted, freakish, unnaturally tanned ass.

alzronnie September 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Not a tough lift as Crist is a little light in the loafers.

Thedongsofwar September 14, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Van just wants to be loved.

102415 September 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Is that so wrong?

owhatever September 14, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Newt showed up, but could not be lifted. Instead, he suggested a series of forty-three Lincoln-Douglas style four-hour debates. Herman Cain is white with anger that another pizza man is taking his media. Rick Santorum deplored the bodily contact between two men, and Rick Perry ordered a large pizza with three toppings: Pepperoni, Sausage and … uh …

starfanglednut September 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Beautiful.

DahBoner September 14, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Lay off the helium, Charlie…

natoslug September 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I say the same thing when I go to strip clubs. Hopefully it will work out better for ChuckieChrist than it does for me.

Dildeaux September 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Their dicks are touching. Just sayin.

Nostrildamus September 14, 2012 at 1:32 pm

A 12" sausage?

jaytingle September 14, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Nobody wants to go for the light-in-the-loafers gag?

DemonicRage September 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Waiting for Mittens and his posse of Michigan prep school back up boys to wrestle them both to the ground, cut their hair and issue the stern warning, "We're not tolerating any more of that in MY America!"

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 10:41 pm

This can't be real. This has got to be a Family Guy cut-away. lol

Honestly, this is just awesome. But, this is going to become a thing, now, right? Every national-level politician is going to make a pilgrimage to be blessed by this Florida monk, right?

valthemus September 16, 2012 at 3:00 am

Try as I might, I can't get the phrase "sloppy seconds" out of my head.

ttommyunger September 16, 2012 at 11:13 am

I know I'm no fashion-plate, but some men just should not wear jeans. Don't Mitt and Charlie have any friends? Somebody needs to tell them: I mean they're both nice looking men, why do they insist on trying to pull that look off? It is not "casual" on them, it is out of fucking character.

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