this week in tanned americans

Charlie Crist Tells Hugging Dude: You Know What I’m Here For

Awwwww yeah
Presented without comment:

“A few hours after expressing a desire to meet the Fort Pierce pizza parlor owner who hugged and lifted President Obama on Sunday, Crist showed up at Van Duzer’s business this afternoon and, according to Van Duzer, said, ‘You know what I’m here for.'”

[PalmBeachPost, via Politico]

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      1. FakaktaSouth

        I'm not a gay man either, but I do know a letchy old guy around here we girls have named "half hard on your stomach guy." I think that might work here as well.

      2. widestanceromance

        Oooh, ooh, pick me, I am! Studying the photo, it looks like Huggy Bear Lite's penis is extended all the way to Crist's back and poking the denim right under his belt. If it's that big, buttsechs could still work, even if it seems to have bypassed its target in this photo.

  1. PlanetWingNut

    damn charlie! i wanted to be the first homo bear hugged by this guy. well maybe i can be the first out homo…right charlie?

    1. Lot_49

      Oh, don't be that way. Sounds like someone needs a hug!

      Or how about a nice Eurokiss on both cheeks? That's also popular among the personal-space-challenged.

          1. Lot_49

            Yeah, that's the thing: in Italy, at least, men Eurokiss each other. But of course Italian men all wear perfume so it's okay. It's no accident that the Italian word for "man" is uomo.

  2. Mackinest

    Earlier that morning, Charlie had picked out that whole outfit with this moment in mind. I wonder how much time he spent on it.

  3. PsycWench

    Doesn't Crist look like he's feeling up an imaginary person behind the guy's back? Who might this person be? So many to choose from…

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Judging by the hand placement it would be someone large…so since the GOP has so many fatasses to choose from I'm going to go out on a limb and say Jebby.

  4. Jus_Wonderin

    Dude, you gotta cut this out. Think about the tragedy of trying to bear hug/lift the NJ governor. He could shadow your threshold soon.

    1. prommie

      Christie may want a hug, but there is no human on earth who could get his arms around that fucking giant waddling sack of shit.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      They could always use the method Christy's staff uses to get him to make speechs: tie a giant raw steak to a branch and lead him away slowly. Of course Christy is a one man record quarterly earning for anything not called an all-you-can-eat buffet so he might just shove a giant pizza down his piehole and in a week we can hear about the need for a taxpayer funded bailout of New Jersey because Sammich ate the budget again….

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      "Van the Hugger."

      Hmm. Possibly.

      Florida is full of gheys and old ladies, isn't it? They're all fine with hugging.

      One impediment is that Van Duzer is actually a successful small businessman, and not just blowhard fraud, and a genuinely nice guy, rather than just an asshole hypocrite, but we could work around that. How to make this work?

      I've GOT IT! He could run as a Democrat!

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Attention? So someone will PLEASE TAKE HIS PICTURE and talk about him? Getting shunned by the buttholes you aligned yourself with has got to hurt your feelings, no matter how right you were to be nice to PresO.

    I'm sure no one looks at Charlie like Becs did, and he misses her still.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      Charlie Crist may seem cool now, but he was no saint when he was doing everything Jeb Bush and the Sugar lobby told him to do. He cut a deal with the Sugar companies which absolved them of any responsibility for polluting the shit out of the Everglades. Thanks to Crist the Flroida tax payer now owns twenty six thousand acres, bought at a whopping two hundred million, which we'll end up having to pay to clean anyway.

      As far as school privatization is concerned, Charlie did every little thing Jeb Bush told him to do on that front. That little time bomb is going to explode in the next twenty years and it's going to be a disaster.

  6. el_donaldo

    Is this going to become a post-convention thing? Let's all go hug the pizza guy? Who's next? John Kerry? Julian Castro? Dave Weigel?

    Editrix, gas up the car.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Since FL is supposedly a key swing state, Romney's people are doing a rather feverish internal poll on this very subject. An advance man will be visiting Van Duzer in the next few days with a very generous offer.

    1. prommie

      You know its a true thing, I went to high school in Flarda and sometimes we'd be drinking beer on the beach at night (dancing on the sand around the flames of a bonfire on a beach is my vision of Valhalla still) and a fucking rocket would take off and streak across the sky blazing a fucking trail of flame. It was magic.

      1. prommie

        Sorry for the fucking nostalgia for when America actually did seem exceptional. I'ma go listen to some Billy Bragg now. Is it wrong to wish on space hardware?

  7. freakishlywrong

    I love this dude, but for Charlie, this is just embarrassing. I mean, when our straight, young, cool, POTUS did it it was endearing. This feels smarmy.

  8. LibertyLover

    I've heard of internet memes before. Is this gonna turn into some political meme, now? Are all politicians gonna have to go and meet with huggy dude?

  9. OneDollarJuana

    Regardless of what these men are doing (not that there's anything wrong with that), that is one ugly floor.

  10. prommie

    I cannot help but like this Crist guy! A much nicer gay american than New Jersey's Gay American governor McGreevey, who was a very nasty mean fellow.

      1. prommie

        Ewwwww. God I forgot that shit. And if you remember, then you probably know how he broke his leg. Please tell me!

  11. Ruhe

    More subtle than Dr. Tomas' unforgettable "remove your clothes" yet more direct than Joey's infamous "how you doin' "

      1. Ruhe

        So maybe Crist was just quoting Springsteen too…”don't you run back inside darlin' you know just what I'm here for…”

  12. el_donaldo

    How much do you want to bet that Bill Clinton is right now being photographed with a biker chick on his knee?

  13. actor212


    Editrix, let me post here in your thread any apology I owe you for last night. I don't know if I did anything wrong, but if I did, I apologize and I will go to my room and think about the thing I may or may not have done, if you were offended by me.

    Not saying you were, I'm just apologizing prophylactically.


    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Not sure prophylactically means what you think it does…or maybe it does. I just keep thinking 'condom'.

  14. Not_So_Much

    Anyone remember way back to the beginning of the week when this story was spontaneous and cool? Yeah, fading for me too.

  15. Jus_Wonderin

    I am attempting to Photoshop Crist bending his knee, as that is the age old indicator of an effective hug or kiss.

  16. LibertyLover

    Crist showed up at Van Duzer’s business this afternoon and… said, ‘You know what I’m here for.’”

    Van Duzer was heard to reply: "In what respect, Charlie?"

  17. Isyaignert

    Haha – Anderson Cooper got his big bear hug too! I "heart" this guy and cannot believe he's really a Republican because he's got a huge heart and cares about people.

    Please send some money to his awesome foundation that really helps people – – He even has a section on his website showing the aftermath of his Obama bear hug.

    1. oenspiek

      I don't 'need' pizza. I can quit whenever I want. But a slice or two in the morning helps steady my nerves.

      I'll bet that van Duzer's pizza is very fine. If I ever again set foot in Florida, I'll check it out.

  18. Canmon

    "Don't run back inside
    Darling you know just what I'm here for
    So you're scared and you're thinking
    That maybe we aint that young anymore
    Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
    You aint a beauty, but hey you're alright
    Oh and that's alright with me"

  19. SheriffRoscoe

    Pathetic. Sorry, guys, no can likey Charlie Crist. I know he's "seen the light"…supports Obama…yadda yadda yadda…..But he did a LOT of damage to gay people in the state of Florida when he actually had power to do good. Fuck his closeted, freakish, unnaturally tanned ass.

  20. owhatever

    Newt showed up, but could not be lifted. Instead, he suggested a series of forty-three Lincoln-Douglas style four-hour debates. Herman Cain is white with anger that another pizza man is taking his media. Rick Santorum deplored the bodily contact between two men, and Rick Perry ordered a large pizza with three toppings: Pepperoni, Sausage and … uh …

  21. DemonicRage

    Waiting for Mittens and his posse of Michigan prep school back up boys to wrestle them both to the ground, cut their hair and issue the stern warning, "We're not tolerating any more of that in MY America!"

  22. Negropolis

    This can't be real. This has got to be a Family Guy cut-away. lol

    Honestly, this is just awesome. But, this is going to become a thing, now, right? Every national-level politician is going to make a pilgrimage to be blessed by this Florida monk, right?

  23. ttommyunger

    I know I'm no fashion-plate, but some men just should not wear jeans. Don't Mitt and Charlie have any friends? Somebody needs to tell them: I mean they're both nice looking men, why do they insist on trying to pull that look off? It is not "casual" on them, it is out of fucking character.

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