this week in tanned americans

Charlie Crist Tells Hugging Dude: You Know What I’m Here For

Awwwww yeah
Presented without comment:

“A few hours after expressing a desire to meet the Fort Pierce pizza parlor owner who hugged and lifted President Obama on Sunday, Crist showed up at Van Duzer’s business this afternoon and, according to Van Duzer, said, ‘You know what I’m here for.'”

[PalmBeachPost, via Politico]

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  • Madfall

    Imitation, the sincerest form of flattery.

  • Boojum

    Teh buttsechs?

    • PsycWench

      I'm not a gay man but I don't think that position is going to work for buttsechs.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        That depends on the size of the Duzer's penis.

        Which, since he's probably on teh roids, you're right.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I'm not a gay man either, but I do know a letchy old guy around here we girls have named "half hard on your stomach guy." I think that might work here as well.

        • James Michael Curley

          Kindly, provide a list of "around here" so we can avoid it and said "letchy old guy."

      • widestanceromance

        Oooh, ooh, pick me, I am! Studying the photo, it looks like Huggy Bear Lite's penis is extended all the way to Crist's back and poking the denim right under his belt. If it's that big, buttsechs could still work, even if it seems to have bypassed its target in this photo.

        • emmelemm

          Once you've seen it, you can't unsee it.

  • no_gravity

    Would a gay man dress like that?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hey, it's Florida, home of the polyester plaid pants hitched up over the navel.

    • BoroPrimorac

      That's straight camo.

  • glasspusher

    David Vitter: "I'm here for the Huggies"

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      yes!

      • glasspusher

        Thanks. Every once in a while I slip up and something funny comes out.

  • l_boogie

    "Now, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

    • widestanceromance

      Easy first, then hard.

  • badseeds

    Yeah. A large pepperoni with extra cheese.

    • freakishlywrong

      And you know what a "large pepperoni" means, right?

    • CrunchyKnee

      Your entendre is doubly funny.

    • OneDollarJuana

      I'm sorry, but if there's "cheese", someone needs an antibiotic.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Or a shower.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    You'll need a wider stance to run for Senate.

  • fawkedifiknow

    An apology for America?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Then Crist raved about Van Duzer's sexy Capri pants.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Those are not Capri pants, they're shower shorts. All the boys at the club wear 'em.

  • PlanetWingNut

    damn charlie! i wanted to be the first homo bear hugged by this guy. well maybe i can be the first out homo…right charlie?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    The meth? Because in Florida there is always a meth-o.d. to the madness.

  • comrad_darkness

    I hate getting hugged. These photos are like torture. Charlie Crist is pro-torture!

    • Lot_49

      Oh, don't be that way. Sounds like someone needs a hug!

      Or how about a nice Eurokiss on both cheeks? That's also popular among the personal-space-challenged.

      • comrad_darkness

        Euro kisses are okay because they usually smell nice. It's like perfume sampling.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          And then the bunga-bunga!

          • Lot_49

            Yeah, that's the thing: in Italy, at least, men Eurokiss each other. But of course Italian men all wear perfume so it's okay. It's no accident that the Italian word for "man" is uomo.

          • glasspusher

            Death…by bunga bunga?

  • Mackinest

    Earlier that morning, Charlie had picked out that whole outfit with this moment in mind. I wonder how much time he spent on it.

  • PsycWench

    Doesn't Crist look like he's feeling up an imaginary person behind the guy's back? Who might this person be? So many to choose from…

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Smirking Romney?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Mark Foley?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Judging by the hand placement it would be someone large…so since the GOP has so many fatasses to choose from I'm going to go out on a limb and say Jebby.

  • zumpie

    Awww, I actually like Charlie Crist—-but both these boys need to admit that they're Dems.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Dude, you gotta cut this out. Think about the tragedy of trying to bear hug/lift the NJ governor. He could shadow your threshold soon.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      FLORIDA PIZZERIA OWNER CRUSHED BY NJ GOV
      Suffers Herniated Lumbar Discs in Photo Op

    • hagajim

      No way Governor Sammich would want a hug, he'd want three large pies with extra cheese.

    • C_R_Eature

      To prevent serious injury or death, he would have to borrow one of These.

      • viennawoods13

        Yay! Favorite Sigourney Weaver line!!

    • prommie

      Christie may want a hug, but there is no human on earth who could get his arms around that fucking giant waddling sack of shit.

      • glasspusher

        Beat me to it. Great minds think alike, but fools never disagree.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Christie: I want a hug, I want a hug.

      Hugging pizza guy: He'll hug you (points at a forklift)

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      They could always use the method Christy's staff uses to get him to make speechs: tie a giant raw steak to a branch and lead him away slowly. Of course Christy is a one man record quarterly earning for anything not called an all-you-can-eat buffet so he might just shove a giant pizza down his piehole and in a week we can hear about the need for a taxpayer funded bailout of New Jersey because Sammich ate the budget again….

  • fredbell

    Why did Harry Shearer let his hair go gray like that?…And you present without comment?

  • Lot_49

    I think I see a Democratic Joe-the-Plumber equivalent beginning to craft his congressional campaign.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "Van the Hugger."

      Hmm. Possibly.

      Florida is full of gheys and old ladies, isn't it? They're all fine with hugging.

      One impediment is that Van Duzer is actually a successful small businessman, and not just blowhard fraud, and a genuinely nice guy, rather than just an asshole hypocrite, but we could work around that. How to make this work?

      I've GOT IT! He could run as a Democrat!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I tihnk he is actually a Republican. Moderate. Make it all the better when he hugged Bamz.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Oh yes, we will continue to comment, but this is the first Wonkette I have ever seen that is perfect, without need of any further japes or quips.

    • ChernobylSoup

      It's not fair when the subject of the post provides the best comment.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Attention? So someone will PLEASE TAKE HIS PICTURE and talk about him? Getting shunned by the buttholes you aligned yourself with has got to hurt your feelings, no matter how right you were to be nice to PresO.

    I'm sure no one looks at Charlie like Becs did, and he misses her still.

    • prommie

      I missed yet another chance to meet our Becky in the City that Never Sleeps, fuck and damn!

    • BoroPrimorac

      Charlie Crist may seem cool now, but he was no saint when he was doing everything Jeb Bush and the Sugar lobby told him to do. He cut a deal with the Sugar companies which absolved them of any responsibility for polluting the shit out of the Everglades. Thanks to Crist the Flroida tax payer now owns twenty six thousand acres, bought at a whopping two hundred million, which we'll end up having to pay to clean anyway.

      As far as school privatization is concerned, Charlie did every little thing Jeb Bush told him to do on that front. That little time bomb is going to explode in the next twenty years and it's going to be a disaster.

  • keepwalkin

    Crist:

    "Nooo not a bear hug a BEAR TOP"

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Kate Middleton has a lock on that right now thanks to the dogless puparazzi.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What's Charlie Crist up to these days? Maybe he was "here for" the job of delivery driver.

    • no_gravity

      Working for an ambulance chasing law firm in Tampa called Morgan and Morgan.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

        Hm, I would have never guessed that "Attorney Charlie Crist" was from Altoona, PA.

      • widestanceromance

        He's got 2 captains in him?

        • glasspusher

          What's a delivery guy without a nice package?

    • Negropolis

      Well, he wants a job, doesn't he?

  • sudsmckenzie

    Charlie says Relax.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      Relax don't do it
      When you want to go to it
      Relax don't do it
      When you want to come
      Relax don't do it
      When you want to come
      When you want to come

  • el_donaldo

    Is this going to become a post-convention thing? Let's all go hug the pizza guy? Who's next? John Kerry? Julian Castro? Dave Weigel?

    Editrix, gas up the car.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Since FL is supposedly a key swing state, Romney's people are doing a rather feverish internal poll on this very subject. An advance man will be visiting Van Duzer in the next few days with a very generous offer.

      • el_donaldo

        I think David Brooks wants in on some of that action.

    • SpeedoFart

      I would hug Mayor Castro like whoa. I simply swoon over his dazzling smile.

    • grayforester

      Elizabeth Warren. She NEEDS this.

  • PsycWench

    So is this a lift-off? I've heard that can happen in Florida.

    • prommie

      You know its a true thing, I went to high school in Flarda and sometimes we'd be drinking beer on the beach at night (dancing on the sand around the flames of a bonfire on a beach is my vision of Valhalla still) and a fucking rocket would take off and streak across the sky blazing a fucking trail of flame. It was magic.

      • prommie

        Sorry for the fucking nostalgia for when America actually did seem exceptional. I'ma go listen to some Billy Bragg now. Is it wrong to wish on space hardware?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      It can also happen in an airport.

  • RadioX

    I've never seen mommy jeans fly before.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I didn't realize that Charlie had such a large Zardoz-like head.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      He & John Boehner must be sharing tanning secrets…nice Tang-like hue, Charlie.

  • freakishlywrong

    I love this dude, but for Charlie, this is just embarrassing. I mean, when our straight, young, cool, POTUS did it it was endearing. This feels smarmy.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, it looks like a snuff film when Charlie does it.

  • LibertyLover

    I've heard of internet memes before. Is this gonna turn into some political meme, now? Are all politicians gonna have to go and meet with huggy dude?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    He really is light in his loafers.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh, so very much WIN.

  • C_R_Eature

    Thank you for not posting the Naked Version

  • OneDollarJuana

    Regardless of what these men are doing (not that there's anything wrong with that), that is one ugly floor.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And there should be three feet on it, at all times. At least, those were the rules when I taxi danced.

  • prommie

    I cannot help but like this Crist guy! A much nicer gay american than New Jersey's Gay American governor McGreevey, who was a very nasty mean fellow.

    • Terry

      Crist probably has much better taste in pre-threesome restaurants, too.

      • prommie

        Ewwwww. God I forgot that shit. And if you remember, then you probably know how he broke his leg. Please tell me!

  • Lazy Media

    Ms. Crist does seem to like the bears.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Bow chicka what now?

  • Ruhe

    More subtle than Dr. Tomas' unforgettable "remove your clothes" yet more direct than Joey's infamous "how you doin' "

    • JohnnyQuick

      Or Joey Biden's "How you doin'? Want to wrap your arms across my engines?"

      • prommie

        Bruuuuuce!

      • Ruhe

        So maybe Crist was just quoting Springsteen too…”don't you run back inside darlin' you know just what I'm here for…”

  • iamrrm

    I wanna know who shopped a different body onto Charlie's head.

  • prommie

    Hmm, either brevity is the soul of wit, or hangovers interfere with output. Its gotta be one or the other.

    • Limeylizzie

      We are going to have Heuvos Rancheros and I think that will help with the posting from our Editrix.

  • Estproph

    He's gonna have to give up pizza and go into the hug business.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Jeeze get a room.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    The gloryhole is just off the kitchen, Charlie.

  • el_donaldo

    How much do you want to bet that Bill Clinton is right now being photographed with a biker chick on his knee?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    OT:

    Editrix, let me post here in your thread any apology I owe you for last night. I don't know if I did anything wrong, but if I did, I apologize and I will go to my room and think about the thing I may or may not have done, if you were offended by me.

    Not saying you were, I'm just apologizing prophylactically.

    Also, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROWF!

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Not sure prophylactically means what you think it does…or maybe it does. I just keep thinking 'condom'.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Oh yes it does ;-)

      • prommie

        Preservatif

    • kittensdontlie

      Party Pictures Posted at 11?!?

  • kittensdontlie

    We are all being bear hugged by an all-american good guy and pizza man today.

  • Not_So_Much

    Anyone remember way back to the beginning of the week when this story was spontaneous and cool? Yeah, fading for me too.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Really. Now, if Crist had held an American embassy hostage, then he might be relevant

  • Goonemeritus

    By the Kevin Bacon rule of linkage our Edrix is only two removed from hugging Obama!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I am attempting to Photoshop Crist bending his knee, as that is the age old indicator of an effective hug or kiss.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    a cheap feel.

  • Neoyorquino

    That's right, pizza guy – let's tear down some emotional walls. Mmm. Mmmm.

  • LibertyLover

    Crist showed up at Van Duzer’s business this afternoon and… said, ‘You know what I’m here for.’”

    Van Duzer was heard to reply: "In what respect, Charlie?"

  • prommie

    Frottage is a real thing.

  • C_R_Eature

    There's Good Hugs and then there's Bad Hugs

  • pdiddycornchips

    Hot pepperoni and cold Dr. Pepper?

  • Guppy

    Jesus wept.

  • Misty Malarky

    Pizza Guy – just tell yourself that's a Mozzarella stain Charlie deposited on your manly belly.

  • kissawookiee

    Oh dear. My original comment looks even more prescient since Charlie showed up in actual loafers.

  • JackDempsey1

    I just posted my first triple-digit wonkette comment earlier this AM.
    What's this guy's address?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Congrats! Cracking 100 is a milestone in every wonketeers life.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I'm sure that's not the first bear bounce Charlie Crist has sought. Maybe the first one not on Craigslist, but not the first ever.

  • Isyaignert

    Haha – Anderson Cooper got his big bear hug too! I "heart" this guy and cannot believe he's really a Republican because he's got a huge heart and cares about people.

    Please send some money to his awesome foundation that really helps people – http://thevanduzerfoundation.org/ – He even has a section on his website showing the aftermath of his Obama bear hug.

  • superdave

    As George Takei would say: Oh. My.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    great now i need pizza.

    • oenspiek

      I don't 'need' pizza. I can quit whenever I want. But a slice or two in the morning helps steady my nerves.

      I'll bet that van Duzer's pizza is very fine. If I ever again set foot in Florida, I'll check it out.

  • Jughead2130

    He is so fucking gay.

    And that's okay but he is so fucking gay.

    • proudgrampa

      That kinda says it all…

  • Canmon

    "Don't run back inside
    Darling you know just what I'm here for
    So you're scared and you're thinking
    That maybe we aint that young anymore
    Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
    You aint a beauty, but hey you're alright
    Oh and that's alright with me"

    • James Michael Curley

      Greatest pick up line in the history of rock n roll!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Pathetic. Sorry, guys, no can likey Charlie Crist. I know he's "seen the light"…supports Obama…yadda yadda yadda…..But he did a LOT of damage to gay people in the state of Florida when he actually had power to do good. Fuck his closeted, freakish, unnaturally tanned ass.

  • alzronnie

    Not a tough lift as Crist is a little light in the loafers.

  • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

    Van just wants to be loved.

    • 102415

      Is that so wrong?

  • owhatever

    Newt showed up, but could not be lifted. Instead, he suggested a series of forty-three Lincoln-Douglas style four-hour debates. Herman Cain is white with anger that another pizza man is taking his media. Rick Santorum deplored the bodily contact between two men, and Rick Perry ordered a large pizza with three toppings: Pepperoni, Sausage and … uh …

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Beautiful.

  • DahBoner

    Lay off the helium, Charlie…

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    I say the same thing when I go to strip clubs. Hopefully it will work out better for ChuckieChrist than it does for me.

  • Dildeaux

    Their dicks are touching. Just sayin.

  • Nostrildamus

    A 12" sausage?

  • jaytingle

    Nobody wants to go for the light-in-the-loafers gag?

  • DemonicRage

    Waiting for Mittens and his posse of Michigan prep school back up boys to wrestle them both to the ground, cut their hair and issue the stern warning, "We're not tolerating any more of that in MY America!"

  • Negropolis

    This can't be real. This has got to be a Family Guy cut-away. lol

    Honestly, this is just awesome. But, this is going to become a thing, now, right? Every national-level politician is going to make a pilgrimage to be blessed by this Florida monk, right?

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Try as I might, I can't get the phrase "sloppy seconds" out of my head.

  • ttommyunger

    I know I'm no fashion-plate, but some men just should not wear jeans. Don't Mitt and Charlie have any friends? Somebody needs to tell them: I mean they're both nice looking men, why do they insist on trying to pull that look off? It is not "casual" on them, it is out of fucking character.