hu-mans onboard

Romney’s World: With The Middle East On Fire, He Would Like Us To Help Rename His Plane

Sure, why not
What is the worst possible thing that Egg Romney could call the Romney flying machine? Here is a message from His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, to inform us!

Ann likes to joke that the campaign plane should be called “Hair Force One.”

Personally, I don’t quite know what to call it, but I do know it’s crucial in getting this campaign’s message to every corner of the country. And with just 54 days left until the election, we will be putting it to good use.

I’m excited to invite two of my supporters to come on board the plane, and join me for a day on this important journey. I hope you’ll enter for a chance to fly with me.

I don’t know exactly what our itinerary will be, but if you’re one of the winners — I can tell you it will be exciting. And, who knows, maybe you and I will come up with a better name for the campaign plane.

Thanks for your support,

Mitt Romney

WELL. We at Wonket are reasonably sure that Wonkers — the smartest, handsomest commenters in the known universe and then some! — can come up with something better than stupid old Egg’s stupid old nickname. For Miffed’s PLANE. Because shouldn’t our priorities right now really be on coming up with the perfect moniker for our private jet?


Let us start you off:

Planes Trains and Total Fucking Idiots.

Soul Plane.

The Plane That Belongs To Mitt Romney Who Probably Has Asperger’s And That Is Why He Does Not At All Find It Tone-Deaf To Have Private-Jet Naming Contests, Today, When The World Is Pretty Much On Fire, Right?

We think that last one might be the keeper.

[Via Wonkette operative “WorthyB”]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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      1. commiegirl99

        Well, here's my reasoning: the Titanic and Hindenburg are really more metaphors for Terrible Failure at this point. Plane crashes with people on them equal dead people.

        Does that make sense do you think?

        1. OneYieldRegular

          I reasoned that if the Las Vegas showgirl revue "Jubilee" can feature a perky musical number set aboard the sinking oceanliner Titanic, then I'd be fairly safe invoking the metaphorical use of the name.

          1. DemmeFatale

            I saw that show!
            The Titanic bit was totally boring, but the other stuff was completely hilarious.
            (There was quite a lot of snark and parody there, but it went over the heads of most of the audience.)

        2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          I appreciate the distinction, and thought it was something like that. I do understand you have to run a business,and this isn't just our little playground, but lines like that in humor are so hard to draw. Guess that is why you get the big bucks. Have a vodka for me at the party tonight.

  1. SexySmurf

    I’m excited to invite two of my supporters to come on board the plane

    It's cute Mittens believes he has that many supporters.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I like this. I think they would see the cloud piercing and polluting as a positive, but I think, definitely this.

  2. Hera Sent Me

    The Retroactively Retired.

    The Airy-Definitely-Not-Fairy.

    Moroni's Chariot.

    The Mayonnaise Express.

    The Flying Pretzel.

    The Write(off) Stuff.

    The Write(off) Flyer.

    The It's All First Class.

    The Wow From Up Here, All Those People Look Like Laid Off Ants.

    Chitty Chitty Lie Lie.

    Air Force One Percent.

  3. LibertyLover

    "Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol. "

          1. ChillBill

            That was a helicopter accident. I blame equally-overrated guitarist Eric Clapton for inviting (i.e jinxing) him to go on tour right before the accident.

    1. 415buzzard

      I was thinking "Summer's Eve" because of the douche factor, but toilet paper is probably more appropriate

  4. emmelemm

    And this post demonstrates why Wonketters are the wittiest and snarkiest people on earth (me excepted) – all these responses are certifiably genius.

      1. imissopus

        I'm tweeting them @wonkette and @mittromney so perhaps others will pick 'em up and re-tweet them. Welln, not Romney's campaign, but maybe some of Wonkette's followers, who are probably all on here anyway.

  5. chicken_thief

    If it was in stealth mode, name it "Romney's 1040".

    But why bother to name it at all since whatever name he picks today, he'll change his mind on 10 times tomorrow?

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    "I’m excited to invite two of my supporters to come on board the plane, and join me for a day on this important journey. I hope you’ll enter for a chance to fly with me."

    DON'T DO IT! You'll just have to serve the drinks, clean the lavatories, and wash the plane before takeoff. And there won't be any oxygen masks to drop from the ceiling for you if there is a sudden loss in cabin pressure.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      Needs more parenthetical clauses. (Sweden) , (Cayman Islands), (You people don't need to know).

  7. qwerty42

    This has got to be evidence he is or has become delusional. Does he plan to lad in DC and demand to be taken to his new home: the White House?
    Actually, he must be asking himself why he ever thought he wanted the job.

  8. HempDogbane

    I had a friend die in a plane crash a few weeks ago (single engine, died alone) and I've been silently calling him names ever since, and sometimes aloud. The top choice is "reckless". So I'm going with "Reckless" for Mitt's plane too. And his candidacy. And his policies. And the Republicans. Fuck them all.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      Are you referring to Mitt's magic underwear or to what the rest of us Little People will soon be wearing if Mittens wins?

    1. pepperpat

      Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit raiding companies and firing people while making myself millions of dollars.

  9. barto

    I guess, once again, Mitt doesn't understand something. Airplanes aren't usually given "names", other than that of the manufacturer plus some alphanumerical designator.

    Thus, "Boring 24/7" might be a good pick.

  10. Sue4466

    "I don’t know exactly what our itinerary will be, but if you’re one of the winners — I can tell you it will be exciting."

    That's his campaign slogan too, right?

  11. docterry6973

    The Flying Doucheman


    The Vulture

    He really should buy a twitter hashtag for this. The results would please him immensely, I am sure.

  12. carlgt1

    and once you win and get on the plane Mittens & Antoinette Rmoney will promptly ignore you for the entire trip…..

  13. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    How about the Magic Underwear Skidmark? Or…the "Derp, Derp, Derp" Express? Or the Hairclipper? Okay, last one: Ask Me Where My Dog Is….it's catchy.

  14. GinnehRED57

    I was on fire in #NameRomneysPlaneContest but sadly all the real entries have to go through the vile spamwall at the actual Romneybot site. Ugh.

    Some awesome potential winners (not mine)

    Flyin' Tither
    Air Horse One (by @RafalcaRomney

    1. sbj1964

      Catchy, has possibilities.Mitt can put that in a focus group.He will more than likely like it.Than he will flip,and not like it.His billionaire friends will have to tell him what he thinks.

  15. valthemus

    Forget the plane! Do something about the campaign logo.

    Favorite description: "Like someone squeezing one of those striped toothpastes out of a tube."

  16. BeachRose

    Branding Mitt's Plane: just pick one and don't stick with it

    1. Air Plan "we won't tell you where we're going until after we land"

    2. Enola Gay Shaver

    3. Flip Flop Flap Flyer

    4. Offshore Jumper "No you people on board!"

  17. labman57

    Mitt had better hope that his jet does not suffer the same fate that has befallen his election campaign, lest the aircraft be posthumously known as "Crash and Burn One".

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