What is the worst possible thing that Egg Romney could call the Romney flying machine? Here is a message from His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, to inform us!
Ann likes to joke that the campaign plane should be called “Hair Force One.”
Personally, I don’t quite know what to call it, but I do know it’s crucial in getting this campaign’s message to every corner of the country. And with just 54 days left until the election, we will be putting it to good use.
I’m excited to invite two of my supporters to come on board the plane, and join me for a day on this important journey. I hope you’ll enter for a chance to fly with me.
I don’t know exactly what our itinerary will be, but if you’re one of the winners — I can tell you it will be exciting. And, who knows, maybe you and I will come up with a better name for the campaign plane.
Thanks for your support,
Mitt Romney
WELL. We at Wonket are reasonably sure that Wonkers — the smartest, handsomest commenters in the known universe and then some! — can come up with something better than stupid old Egg’s stupid old nickname. For Miffed’s PLANE. Because shouldn’t our priorities right now really be on coming up with the perfect moniker for our private jet?
OBVS.
Let us start you off:
Planes Trains and Total Fucking Idiots.
Soul Plane.
The Plane That Belongs To Mitt Romney Who Probably Has Asperger’s And That Is Why He Does Not At All Find It Tone-Deaf To Have Private-Jet Naming Contests, Today, When The World Is Pretty Much On Fire, Right?
We think that last one might be the keeper.
[Via Wonkette operative "WorthyB"]
{ 386 comments }
How about Spaceball 1?
Is the security code "1, 2, 3, 4, 5"?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same password on my IntenseDebate account!
Hairball One
"The Aircraft"
yes!
Abort, Abort, Abort!
Snakes on a Plane
Also, too
Only if Matalin is traveling with her husband.
I'M TIRED OF THESE MOTHER FUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHER FUCKING PLANE!
-Bad Mother Fucker-
I'M TIRED OF THESE MOTHER FUCKING REPUBLICANS ON MY MOTHER FUCKING BRAIN.
Not Fakes on a Plane?
"DooM"
Because "doom" backwards is "mood" and Mitt Romney is in the mood for you girl?
E1m5?
Phobos Lab. Could be Kolob Lab though.
That was the best midi.
Brick
Cracker Bay
My Little Tax Credit
The Titanic
The Hindenburg
So, ship crashes = OK Snark. Plane Crashes? Less so.
Well, here's my reasoning: the Titanic and Hindenburg are really more metaphors for Terrible Failure at this point. Plane crashes with people on them equal dead people.
Does that make sense do you think?
I reasoned that if the Las Vegas showgirl revue "Jubilee" can feature a perky musical number set aboard the sinking oceanliner Titanic, then I'd be fairly safe invoking the metaphorical use of the name.
I saw that show!
The Titanic bit was totally boring, but the other stuff was completely hilarious.
(There was quite a lot of snark and parody there, but it went over the heads of most of the audience.)
I appreciate the distinction, and thought it was something like that. I do understand you have to run a business,and this isn't just our little playground, but lines like that in humor are so hard to draw. Guess that is why you get the big bucks. Have a vodka for me at the party tonight.
Egg Crate
Snake (Oil Salesman) On a Plane.
YOU STOLE MY IDEA FROM THE FUTURE
You may retroactively take credit for it.
Blunder Bus
The Spirit of Latter Day Saints.
The Spirit of St. Clueless.
The Money Shot
"Liar Flyer"
When Pig (Fuckers) Fly!
The Mittensberg? Crash ,and burn!
My Grandchildren's Inheritance?
Von Lyin's Express?
The 16,846th Tax Write-Off.
Second Place
First Loser
Being second just means that you're first in a long line of losers.
"Inspirational" saying at my local physical rehab(!)
Who let the planes out? Woof . . . woof woof woof!
I’m excited to invite two of my supporters to come on board the plane
It's cute Mittens believes he has that many supporters.
If he had three supporters one of them would have to ride strapped to the roof.
"seamus" would be a great name for the jet.
The Koch Brothers.
Nobody puts Sheldon Adelson in the corner!!
Is he gonna wear them?
Air Amercia
HMS Mittens?
Props To You, Rich Dude
Outsource One?
"Hindenburg" seems in poor taste so I'll not suggest that.
How about "Biff" or "Chad?"
"Asshole One" ???
"Swiss Air"???
Android One
Cloud Raper
I like this. I think they would see the cloud piercing and polluting as a positive, but I think, definitely this.
It's legitimate
"The Proud Prick"
Flexible Flyer
Luftwaffle
(snort!)
Very strong entry, sir/ma'am
Ja, das ist gut.
FTW!
Airforce None.
Ebola no Gay
Air Force None
Airhead Force One.
The Spirit of Saint Joseph Smith?
The Spirit of Prophet Parley P. Pratt
Mitt's Great grand-pa. And no, I shit you not.
I KNEW he was a prat.
The bumpersticker reads: "My Other Plane Is A Learjet"
"Don't laugh, it's paid for…with money I didn't pay in taxes"
And there is a pair of TruckNutz dangling from the tail.
The Albatross
Fly with him? And just when I thought flying couldn't get any worse.
The Retroactively Retired.
The Airy-Definitely-Not-Fairy.
Moroni's Chariot.
The Mayonnaise Express.
The Flying Pretzel.
The Write(off) Stuff.
The Write(off) Flyer.
The It's All First Class.
The Wow From Up Here, All Those People Look Like Laid Off Ants.
Chitty Chitty Lie Lie.
Air Force One Percent.
air force one per cent is the best!
Air Force 1% is pretty awesome
I vote for Moroni's Chariot
Foul. Five minute major for total bullshit.
The sign just above Mittens's (how do you do possessive for Mittens?) left shoulder looks just like the Vietnam Service Ribbon.
Rafalca the flying horse?
Rape Force One
SS Minnow
Bain in the Ass
Error-plane.
The Botany Gay.
Air Force 1%
THIS
Very nice.
Thank you!
I am good at wordplay because I have Asperger's.
FTW
WIN
Mitt Built This
just so we keep the campaign on track to its goal of total honesty
Kolob Bound
NEEDS MOAR BOOSTERZ
The Cayman Islands Clipper.
Way to throw Sarah Palin's escort-service van wrap bus under the bus.
Does he mean, "fly with me" like I think he means it?
Air Force Dumb
Smug Snake on a Plane.
The Cooked Goose
"Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol. "
Glue Sniffer
I picked a bad day to give it up.
Nick! Heath! Jared! There's a fire in the barn!
I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande.
Macho Grande is where I developed my drinking problem.
Severe shell shock. He thinks he's Ethel Merman.
Air Mormon Moron
"Mitt Romney"
Aeroflop.
We have a Winnah!(snort)
The Runner-Up
The Last Plane to Smirksville?
AirGo.
Ann's Magic Panties
Flip/Flop Fly.
Armageddon Express
The Spruce Douche
Oh, I think you WON me. Well, not me.
"Herve Villechaize"
I.e., "De Bain! De Bain!"
I don’t know exactly what our itinerary will be
It's OK, Mitt. Neither does the rest of the country…
Ebola Gay
The Bounty
And Mitteny is on it.
Jets Are People Too, My Friend
Pussy
I loved their album "Fly Like a Brick"
What did they say "R-word Express"?
Talked about celebs who died in plane crashes.
Must be me, but I have trouble keeping track of the allowed boundaries of snark.
You'll know it when you see it.
No, I was referring to the career trajectories of Gary Busey and Jessica Lange.
It was probably something akin to that Lynyrd Skynyrd incident.
I'm glad I didn't play the Stevie Ray card.
That was a helicopter accident. I blame equally-overrated guitarist Eric Clapton for inviting (i.e jinxing) him to go on tour right before the accident.
It was about
Weren't you and Becca just hanging out, having a good time? The Ban Hammer has no mercy!
I went Ricky Nelson all over it, but that was not replied to
this is the wonkette blair witch project
Simulacrum Transport Flight Unit.
Flying Metal Tube of Losing
This is my favorite.
Mitt's Delusion
"The City of Broken Dreams"
The Serpentine Talk Express
Big Ol' Het Hairliner.
Con Air.
Mitt and Paul's Excellent Adventure
Billable Hours.
Raplainca
The Douche Canoe
Carried Interest
Just flies out there.
"Above it All"
Mechanical Aerial Conveyance.
Empty Suit Express.
Derrrpp Derrrpa Derp Derrrp!
Anyone mind if I tweet some of these at the Mittster? Or maybe Wonkette/commiegirl would like to do it.
do it with my blessing!
White Cloud
I was thinking "Summer's Eve" because of the douche factor, but toilet paper is probably more appropriate
Unelectable One.
Flip Flop
The Diplomatic Immunity
The Gaffe
Flight One to Kolob
Rafalca's Folly.
And this post demonstrates why Wonketters are the wittiest and snarkiest people on earth (me excepted) – all these responses are certifiably genius.
Above it all
What do you people want now
The World's On Fire! I have not heard The Housemartins in forever! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r17A0pftiDQ
Oh, the plane? "Above it All."
Flight to failure.
The Spirit Of Saint Joseph Smith
Oh, the Mormonity!
Polygamy mile high club sandwich? In comic sans?
Mile Never-Been-High Club?
The Flight Of The Phonies
Flight of the Chancres?
"The Small Plane"
"This Old Thing"
"An Hour's Pay"
"A Quiet Place"
"Cayman Express"
I think "This Old Thing" is a total winner!
The Bain Mutiny
"Failure to Launch"
The Polygamy Compound
The right wing is the only thing that's holding it up so maybe just half a name. "Koch Ex".
Mile High Flub
"Held In Trust"
Chitty Chitty Bain Bang
AeroStiff
Air Planes Are People Too My Friend?
Air Farce One?
Fly The Greedy Skies!
Moronimobile.
Bankruptcy Built This.
love this one.
Is there a dog on top of it?
"Here's Looking Down At You!"
Boeing 1040-A
The Leveraged Flyout.
Nice.
"TSA Bypass"
Air Seamus
DUMBO (with a cartoon elephant strapped to the roof)
"Trickle Down"
My Dreams in Ruins
If it was Herman Cain's, you could call it the LeerJet.
The Wrong Flyer(apologies to the Wright bros.)
Tax Wright-Off?
Just the right flight.
I'm seriously being a social media nerd and trying to get a hashtag going on Twitter for this. #mittromneyplanename
I'm in!
I'm tweeting them @wonkette and @mittromney so perhaps others will pick 'em up and re-tweet them. Welln, not Romney's campaign, but maybe some of Wonkette's followers, who are probably all on here anyway.
So now there's this.. .https://twitter.com/RafalcaRomney/status/246351915770855426/photo/1/large
The Spirit of Saint Screw Us
Lost in the Clouds One
Hair Cut One
Awesome.
Hairgel Express
EmBainer.
The White Star Line.
High Deductible.
Heavenly Deception.
Idiot Mittens.
Heir Supply.
Missionary Position.
Transvaginal
If it was in stealth mode, name it "Romney's 1040".
But why bother to name it at all since whatever name he picks today, he'll change his mind on 10 times tomorrow?
"I’m excited to invite two of my supporters to come on board the plane, and join me for a day on this important journey. I hope you’ll enter for a chance to fly with me."
DON'T DO IT! You'll just have to serve the drinks, clean the lavatories, and wash the plane before takeoff. And there won't be any oxygen masks to drop from the ceiling for you if there is a sudden loss in cabin pressure.
2 Right Wings
All The Way To The Bank
Needs more parenthetical clauses. (Sweden) , (Cayman Islands), (You people don't need to know).
Maybe just add all the flags and the finger?
"The Plane Talk Express"……too soon?
"Money Money Gang Bang"
I don't know what to name it but I'm sure it flies at "just the right height".
Nice.
Does the plane have an elevator?
Not to go all technonerd, but actually, all of them do. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elevator_(aircraft)
Gorram flip flappers.
Soylent Creed.
The Spruce Weasel
This has got to be evidence he is or has become delusional. Does he plan to lad in DC and demand to be taken to his new home: the White House?
Actually, he must be asking himself why he ever thought he wanted the job.
I had a friend die in a plane crash a few weeks ago (single engine, died alone) and I've been silently calling him names ever since, and sometimes aloud. The top choice is "reckless". So I'm going with "Reckless" for Mitt's plane too. And his candidacy. And his policies. And the Republicans. Fuck them all.
Sorry about your friend, HD.
Thanks. Shouldn't have told it, now I'm pissed at him and the world again.
Been there. Dude used to fly an F18, but is now somewhere in a crab south of Kodiak.
Jet Blew it.
The Mittenburg. Oh, the non-humanity!
The Mile High Flub
"The Titanic"
Whoops I missed this one already posted on page 1! Sorry!
In honor of the upcoming Wachowski "Brothers" film:
"Cloud Asshole"
The Right Height.
"Hair Shirt One"?
Are you referring to Mitt's magic underwear or to what the rest of us Little People will soon be wearing if Mittens wins?
"Willard's Folly"
Shouldn't the ad read, "BORED WITH MITT?"
Plane Capital
RomneyBot 300 accessory model MDD-83
The Mitt Zeppelin
Has "Allah Akbar" been taken?
Israeli Air Force 2
Mittney Tango Foxtrot.
And in a related story:
After endorsing the Republican nominee for president in 2000, 2004, and 2008, The Fraternal Order of Police, the nation's largest law enforcement labor union, has declined to endorse Mitt Romney this year.
http://campaigns.dailykos.com/p/dia/action/public…
VP-CUM
(Requires a trip to the Source to grok)
TL;DR. Synopsis?
VP is the Cayman Islands aircraft registration code. CUM, well, because why not.Sent from my iPad
Mayday
White Flight.
"SuperFudge"
Enola Don't Ask Don't Tell
"Enola Hetero"
Tail should be festooned with "Bibi is my Co-Pilot" banner.
Grand Cayman Air
The Dead Duck
Shitstorm Express
People Depressed Airline
Mormon Kamikaze
Flight of Fantasy ok that doesn't quite work…
Pander Express?
The Mousse Goose
Excellent
Airplane! the Movie
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit raiding companies and firing people while making myself millions of dollars.
Diabeetus
Air Force somewhere between 250 and hald a billion.
Wonder Bred.
I guess, once again, Mitt doesn't understand something. Airplanes aren't usually given "names", other than that of the manufacturer plus some alphanumerical designator.
Thus, "Boring 24/7" might be a good pick.
He meant "call sign", but why should he start getting things right now?
Willard Mitt Romney's Plane.
Around The World In 80 Lies
"A Dildo For Jen" (Rubin, that is)
I christen thee, The Flying WASP.
Hairball One?
Dammit
Dirty Sanchez
(in honor of Mitt's heritage and all)
The Second-Floor Urinal.
Mitts-u-bitchy
Icarus
The KeepDreamingLiner
StratoClueless
"The Smirkin' Merkin"
The flying 8.4tress.
/Nate Silver'd
"I don’t know exactly what our itinerary will be, but if you’re one of the winners — I can tell you it will be exciting."
That's his campaign slogan too, right?
Hindenberg
Credibility Default Swap.
Vulture Atlantic
Angel of DEATH.
The Willenium Fa(i)l / Con
You People
The Hair Clipper.
I don't know – Hair Force One just about sums it up.
"I'M BORED with MITT"?
JEB 2016
"Pompous Wanker One". With subsequent planes named accordingly.
Air Force Lost
My Other Private Jet is Woody Johnson
The Flying Doucheman
Titanic
The Vulture
He really should buy a twitter hashtag for this. The results would please him immensely, I am sure.
Uranus Probe?
The Ham-Fisted Belle
Missionary Position 1
"Us People"
That's the name of his political party.
and once you win and get on the plane Mittens & Antoinette Rmoney will promptly ignore you for the entire trip…..
Hot Air Buffoon?
Insane in the Bain
Would the name of the plane that dropped the atomic bomb "Enola Gay" be considered prophetic?
Bring the Bain
Wiener Mobile
No coffee, tea or me.
Air Farce One?
"looks like we're going to need a bigger plane elevator"
The Flying Egg?*
* cf old Mork and Mindy episode.
"Better to be hijacked than to be high."
Now, that's debateable.
"My Blind Trust"
Spirit of Seamus
Thats the dog he hosed down on the roof of his car on that Natl Lampoon Style vacation.
THe Pony Express……….. the 77,000 dollar welfare pony express
My other ride is my family name.
Ding!
Just Plane Wrong
Plane Kidding
Plane 9 from Outer Space
Plane Scary
Pan Scam
Aerofucked
Adelson's Folly
The Red Robber Baron
suque my koch you mutha fuquing peace of chit!!!! that's my name!!!
Spirit of St. Screw Us
Unforced Air
Fakes on a Plane
The Wright Liar
Pepsi Syndrome
Don't know about Mitt's plane, but didn't Clinton nickname his "The Mile High Club?"
The Bain of my Existence.
Aeroplain
Air Farce One
Smoking Crater.
Con Artist Trail?
The Flaming Bender
The Flying Fuck
Con Air
as i am very late to this game and just reading the brilliance to mr. fuflans, i will merely add you people seriously rock.
that is all.
Rmoney's plane is The Hindenberg! Someone probabally beat me to it and that's okay too.
How about the Magic Underwear Skidmark? Or…the "Derp, Derp, Derp" Express? Or the Hairclipper? Okay, last one: Ask Me Where My Dog Is….it's catchy.
"Up, Up, and No-Way"
I have one…"the Flying Asshole"
The Kolob Express
Condom One
I was on fire in #NameRomneysPlaneContest but sadly all the real entries have to go through the vile spamwall at the actual Romneybot site. Ugh.
Some awesome potential winners (not mine)
Flyin' Tither
Air Horse One (by @RafalcaRomney
"I Have A Plane And You Don't"
or
"I Have A Plane, But Not A Plan"
The Wacky Wings of Willard Wetfart.
My Little Loophole. Works for the plane and Ann's ladyparts too.
"One Of My Planes"
Magic Underwear
Hair Force NONE
Catchy, has possibilities.Mitt can put that in a focus group.He will more than likely like it.Than he will flip,and not like it.His billionaire friends will have to tell him what he thinks.
Forget the plane! Do something about the campaign logo.
Favorite description: "Like someone squeezing one of those striped toothpastes out of a tube."
"Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow"
Air Hitler Did Nothing Wrong One.
Con Air.
"The Gitmo Express"
A Plane Called Horseshit.
Rafalca's Ride
http://i.imgur.com/px3nE.jpg
Plane Vanilla with Nuts
Branding Mitt's Plane: just pick one and don't stick with it
1. Air Plan "we won't tell you where we're going until after we land"
2. Enola Gay Shaver
3. Flip Flop Flap Flyer
4. Offshore Jumper "No you people on board!"
Rapacious Shitweasel Express
Flip Flop 1
Mitt had better hope that his jet does not suffer the same fate that has befallen his election campaign, lest the aircraft be posthumously known as "Crash and Burn One".
Mitt Force None
It's apparently all italicized.
Thank you. Everyone else seems to think the sun shines out of Clapton's arse.
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