DEPARTMENT OF DAMAGE CONTROL & TURD POLISHING  4:30 pm September 13, 2012

Romney Camp’s Crisis Management Tip: Things And Their Opposites Can Both Be True

by Doktor Zoom

We didn't start the fireFaced with criticism for his amateurish reaction to the mob attacks on diplomats in Libya and Egypt, Mitt Romney’s campaign has been quietly asking Republicans to pretty please say something nice about him if they’re asked, or at least maybe they could deflect the question by explaining that this is all Obama’s fault, duh. CNN obtained a copy of the Romney campaign’s suggested talking points, which include sample questions and answers like these gems:

“Did Governor Romney ‘jump the gun’ last night in releasing his statement?”

“No. It is never too soon to stand up for American values and interests.”

Unlike some of the early attacks on the President yesterday, the memo at least remembers to start off by mentioning “the four American patriots who lost their lives in yesterday’s attacks” and goes on to insist, despite the mixed messages being sent by Romney’s political interference in a developing foreign crisis, that “America cannot send mixed signals to either our allies or our enemies.”

The best bits (if by “best” you mean “most transparently attempting to shift the focus away from Romney’s colossal boneheadedness” — which we do) are to be found in the suggested Q & A replies:

Don’t you think it was appropriate for the embassy to condemn the controversial movie in question? Are you standing up for movies like this?

– Governor Romney rejects the reported message of the movie. There is no room for religious hatred or intolerance.

– But we will not apologize for our constitutional right to freedom of speech.

– Storming U.S. missions and committing acts of violence is never acceptable, no matter the reason. Any response that does not immediately and decisively make that clear conveys weakness.

– If pressed: Governor Romney repudiated this individual in 2010 when he attempted to mobilize a Quran-burning movement. He is firmly against any expression of religious hatred or intolerance.

Nice that the repudiation of religious intolerance is saved for a last-ditch answer there. Notice that the first part of the question is carefully sidestepped. Notice also that, despite the clearer picture we’re beginning to have of the people behind the film, the talking points address only Terry Jones, who it now turns out wasn’t directly involved in its production (Jones was trying to promote it in the US — and was thoroughly ignored here).

Reports indicate the embassy in Cairo released its initial statement before the invasion of the embassy commenced. Doesn’t this show they were trying to tamp down the protest and prevent what ultimately happened, not sympathize with the protesters?

– The Administration was wrong to stand by a statement sympathizing with those who had breached our embassy in Egypt instead of condemning their actions.

– Distancing themselves from the statement and saying it wasn’t ‘cleared by Washington’ reflects the mixed signals they are sending to the world.

– American leadership needs to be decisive and resolute when our interests are threatened or attacked. For the last four years, this has been lacking.

– We have seen a foreign policy of weakness, indecision, and a decline in American influence and respect – and yesterday we saw the consequences.

– If pressed: The Obama campaign is now attacking Governor Romney for being critical of the same statement the Administration itself disavowed. This is hypocritical.

They were wrong to stand by the statement AND to disavow it, and since they disavowed it, how dare THEY attack us for attacking THEM for apologizing for America! Got it: Obama needs to adopt the consistency and resolute refusal to change positions that has characterized Mitt Romney’s entire political career.

tl;dr version: “Dear Republicans: Here’s how to manage the idiotic thing I said. Don’t mention I was an idiot. Obama’s the idiot, and he’s weak. Enemies foreign and domestic. USA! USA! USA!”

Update: About that “wrong to stand by the statement” and “also wrong to disavow the statement” thing: See also the outstanding comment by James Michael Curley,* which points out that the only “distancing’ or “disavowal” of the Cairo Embassy statement appears to be a Politico story quoting an unnamed “administration official;” if there are any official statements stepping back from the Cairo Embassy statement, we haven’t seen them, and we’d note that the administration has repeatedly condemned attempts to incite anti-muslim sentiments.

*(1st page of comments, about 29 comments down, in reply to TheGyrus — in case the link is as screwy as links to individual comments often are).

[CNN]

 

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{ 522 comments }

Cleopatriot September 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

What a maroon.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

IM-Bacile, you mean

prommie September 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

All the best words for "dumbass" sound best in French.

miss_grundy September 13, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Na-uh! The best phrase is "estupido comemierda"

Sophist[Kochblocker] September 13, 2012 at 11:13 pm

"All the best words for "dumbass" sound best in French coming out of Peter Lorre."
http://myactionvideos.com/peter-lorres-outburstth

valgal2342 September 13, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Love that.

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:10 am

Also nice as channeled by Ren Hoek (caution: auto-play, but not loud)

Chet Kincaid_ September 14, 2012 at 1:24 am

The freaky thing about Peter Lorre was how he could make his hairline move back and forth. Weird!

iburl September 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

IBM-icile

deanbooth September 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

and Eskimo pie head.

miss_grundy September 13, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Eskimo Pie Libel!

Sivart_R1 September 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Strange, I can't help but think of (R)-Money as Beige….

hagajim September 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

A maroon Mormon.

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 8:41 pm

mmmmm….. macaroon….

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I've been trying for ages to figure out how to write that sound Homer Simpson makes when he throws back his head and drools.

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

As it turns out I'm not on the cast (or writing staff) of the Simpsons so how would I know?

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Just making conversation, dude.

miss_grundy September 13, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Maroon Libel!!!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 September 14, 2012 at 1:56 am

I'm going to issue a ruling here to be objective and because I want to…all the best words for "dumbass" sound best when spoken by French or Italian women. Because when a French woman or an Italian woman calls you a "dumbass" it sounds much more sexy and erotic than insulting…which also plays into the ya know…idiotic American reputation. But to break the tie…that's my ruling.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Notice also that, despite the clearer picture we’re beginning to have of the people behind the film, the talking points address only Terry Jones, who it now turns out wasn’t directly involved in its production

I said it yesterday, and I'll say it again: I bet that when the dust settles, this "Bacile" person is found out to be a bundler for Romney or a SuperPAC

Monsieur_Grumpe September 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Or the guy who did Romeny's taxes.

Lot_49 September 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

That (Romney's disqualifying fuckup) isn't what the American people want to talk about. They want to talk about jobs, government regulation, how soon we can get rid of Obamacare, and why my son's still over in the sandbox dodging IEDs and RPGs fired by our putative allies.

No, wait, strike that last one. How'd that get on the list?

miss_grundy September 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm

It appears that the film's promoter is an insurance agent by the name of Steve Klein according to an article on Yahoo:

The public face for the anti-Muslim film inflaming the Middle East is not the filmmaker, but an insurance agent and Vietnam War veteran whose unabashed and outspoken hatred of radical Muslims has drawn the attention of civil libertarians, who say he's a hate monger.

With the Coptic Christian filmmaker Nakoula Basseley Nakoula in hiding, film promoter Steve Klein has taken center stage in the unfolding international drama. He's given a stream of interviews about the film and the man he says he knew only as Sam Bacile, and is using the attention to talk about his own political views.

Nakoula, who used Bacile spelled multiple ways as a pseudonym, contacted Klein months ago for advice about the limits of American free speech and asked for help vetting the movie's script, Klein said in an interview with The Associated Press. The filmmaker asked the 61-year-old grandfather if he would act as a spokesman if the film "caught on," and he agreed.

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Could be his neighbor. The dood lives in So Cal.

carlgt1 September 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

check the car elevator!

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Is it too much to hope that, if the Republicans had had the foresight to try to start WWIII with teh muzlins over a film, they would have prepared better statements? I mean, knowing that it was coming and all?

Cleopatriot September 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Sam Bacile = Imbecile. Am I the only one seeing this?

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

No-but Bacile is actually a variation on the perp's middle name, Nakoula Basseley Nakoula.

DustBowlBlues September 13, 2012 at 9:10 pm

It's one of his aliases.

MittBorg September 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

No. Unfortunately, it's not the correct conclusion. The fellow's middle name is Bassely. Nakoula Bassely Nakoula, to be exact.

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

GMTA.

Swampgas_Man September 13, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Nakoula, rhymes w/ Dracula?

MittBorg September 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

You called? (swirls cloak over arm)

valgal2342 September 13, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Karl Rove. Too easy. Remember that bloody awful video that came out on the Thursday before the election in 2004 of some "islamic dude" ranting nonsensical threats right into a cheap video camera? Seriously, if we saw that video again today we would laugh our asses off, as I did in 2004 because it was such a fucking bad acting job and terrible video, but it scared the shit out people at the time….well, I do believe we found out later……Karl Rove was behind it.

no_gravity September 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Will Governor Romney uphold the first amendment?

No. And that's all you people are getting.

oenspiek September 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Only the 2nd Amendment counts!!1!

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Is that the one that says you can make up any old shit if it might get you elected?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

The memo did remind everyone to mention that Obama is a black Muslim from Kenya, right?

Dr_Zoidberg September 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Oh, well, that's just plain accepted knowledge, now.

SmutBoffin September 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Top notch analysis, Doc. I love to watch Romney and his campaign team of clowns squirm under the weight of their hypermassive and idiotic ideology.

HempDogbane September 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

If pressed, I always go straight to the "Oh yeah, well fuck you!" talking point.

WhatTheHeck September 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I know you are, but what am I?

hagajim September 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I'm rubber you're glue…

OneDollarJuana September 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I'm rubber, you're glue …

pepperpat September 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

That will pretty much be the complete text of any Romney foreign policy correspondence.

Urban_Achiever September 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I prefer "The Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you"

LesBontemps September 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

What about the time-honored "So's your mom"?

Callyson September 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I've been using that talking point throughout this election. Appropriate for so many situations…

Warwhatgoodfor September 13, 2012 at 5:24 pm

….."and the horse you rode in on". Old west version.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Damn, beat by less than a minute…

viennawoods13 September 13, 2012 at 10:16 pm

the horse you DANCED in on

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Or Rmoney could use the Prague Offensive: Kiss my ass.

ThankYouJeebus September 13, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I copy W and use Shock and Awe. he he he.
I'm always greeted as a liberator. he he he.

Fare la Volpe September 13, 2012 at 11:51 pm

I had all but forgotten George III's snearing little shit giggle. Fuuuuck now it's in my head.

Not_So_Much September 13, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I was thinking this list had everything but 'Doodyhead' on it.

An_Outhouse September 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

that's what she said.

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

And then give the ol' stick-out-your-tongue-and-cross-your-eyes.

Callyson September 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Notice also, too, that the comments completely ignore the fact that the comments against which Mittens railed were stated BEFORE THE FUCKING ATTACK. And that they were NOT AUTHORIZED BY THE WHITE HOUSE.

Which means that Obama's first reaction to the attack was not to "apologize for America" as Mittens claims.

Which means that Mittens is a fucking liar.

Asshole.

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm

What I find amazing is that these wingnuts seem to think that every statement ever issued by an embassy is proofread by the President first.

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 6:02 pm

If Obama had only attended the daily briefings instead of playing golf 24/7, this never would have happened.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Ah, but you see, if the Embassy spoke without authorization, then that proves Obama is weak and not in control of foreign policy.

If Obama says they spoke without authorization, of course, he's failing to back up his diplomats.

MIXED MESSAGES!!!!!

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Damned if you do, damned if you're black.

LesBontemps September 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

But mostly the latter.

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

This.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

He is firmly against any expression of religious hatred or intolerance.

Unless you want to fire a really sensitive gay dude, then, by all means, for Missouri Jesus, do it.

Steverino247 September 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Missouri Jesus. I'm stealing that. Good one!

hagajim September 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Is Missouri Jesus more or less tolerant than Arizona Jesus?

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Missouri Jesus is hella talented since he turned all the Native Americans into black people, (but still we had Indians?) so he's better at parties. Arizona Jesus…is worried about getting deported.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm

My favorite Jesus is Dashboard Jesus. But Concrete Lawn Mary in the Blue Bathtub is my favorite statuary.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm

If I google this, will I go straight to hell? I's ascared of a bathing Virgin.

CindynEncinitas September 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Remember B-1 Bob and his grotto?
http://rackjite.com/web/conservanazis.htm

Good times… *sniff*

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I thought Missouri Jesus turned the Native Americans into Jooz?

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Actually, and I hate myself for knowing this, but it was Jews into Polynesians in to black people – mark of Cain and whatnot. I think this is right anyway, but who the hell knows what these people think?

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Why are you injecting your personal views about sexuality like that? Typical "liberal tolerance."

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Injected sexuality is my favorite kind.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Biting fucking lip.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Am I going to have to get out the garden hose I threatened to turn on SorosTaken?!

Boojum September 14, 2012 at 8:28 am

Ur doin it rite.

hagajim September 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Duz UR body reject the injection like my friend Akin says?

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I find your ideas fascinating, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Injected sexuality is the only thing available to me these days.

Swampgas_Man September 13, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Just don't share the needle.

Lot_49 September 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

No no, it's available in pill form now. Lot cheaper if you aren't too fussy about off brand packaging from India.

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:02 am

That's what she said.

There; I did it. So Sue me. No, seriously, where in the hell is Sue?

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 12:59 am

Oh, boy. Missouri Jesus is a good one, Fakakta. He who cometh from Branson.

CivicHoliday September 15, 2012 at 1:01 pm

St. Louis and KC are like the gay pierced nipples on an otherwise pristine backwater Missouri Jesus.

JustPixelz September 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Romney didn't mention God or prayer in his condemnation of religious intolerance. Or in his support for religious intolerance. He hates America. Also loves it. Mostly hate, it seems.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

It's Benghazitown, Jake

cletar September 13, 2012 at 7:28 pm

He loves and hates America, as he loves and hates himself.

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Honestly, I don't know what is causing this ringing in my ears. I want to blame it on my blood pressure and reading the statements of this asshole. I hope it goes away after the election. It is A. NOY. ING.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Have you been feeling any desire for someone to show you the way? A ringing in the ears is well known to precede the desire to have someone show you the way.

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Well, not really. It is in the right ear so I just sort of turn right and run in a circle.

MittBorg September 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Well, there's your problem. You need to turn LEFT.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Always go left, or gaily forward. NEVER go right, or straight.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Jesus Fuck this is a Peter Frampton reference, can noone run with that so we can have fun with it?

FakaktaSouth September 14, 2012 at 12:20 am

I was raised to hate Peter Frampton and that mouth thing he has. It's stupid. Anyway, I was just waiting to do some other stuff, and had about oh, you know, about 15 minutes here, so I thought I would tell you, boooooo. It's better than "do you feel like I do?" on and on, but still, Gross. He was on the Bee Gee's Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band movie. (Steve Martin was too!) I watched that movie over and over and over when I was little, on cable. I loved Barry Gibb so much. So, I guess what I am saying is, don't let me give you any shit about Peter Frampton, even though I will try, but he still sucks.

Chet Kincaid_ September 14, 2012 at 1:13 am

So you're the one who saw that movie?? It got such notoriously bad reviews when it came out, I thought they burned all the prints! Although I hear Earth Wind & Fire showed everybody up on "Got To Get You Into My Life."

prommie September 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

It was the presence of Elton John that just destroyed that movie for me. God he has become something of a treasured old queen now, just like the Queen, and Queen, for that matter, but back then, I was trained to hate Elton for I was into the Deep Purple too much.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Pardon me, I guess I'm butt dialing.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 13, 2012 at 6:45 pm

That's so 90's. Back when phones had buttons. I am always so annoyed when I have to launch the phone app and try and get ten digits out of a voicemail. I've been to lunches where we have to unlock and share phones to record contact data.

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 10:31 pm

"I've been to lunches where we have to unlock and share phones to record contact data."

What kind of lunches do you go to, "for Pete's sake?"

BoatOfVelociraptors September 14, 2012 at 9:20 am

Corporate. The IT department has a policy where any phone that connects to the networked must be locked via pin and remotely wipeable.

Hera Sent Me September 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm

A new unit of measurement – one Romney: The energy required to take all possible positions on a given issue.

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Predicted by String Theory, of course.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

As in Stringing Along The Right Wing Nutz?

CindynEncinitas September 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm

The Romney Boson.

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm

The force-carrying particle of White Energy.

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:04 am

The Mitt Boson. The God-like Particle.

Boojum September 14, 2012 at 8:38 am

Also known as the Anti-Dog Particle. It is a quark with anti-charm and spin of both +ħ/2 and −ħ/2, or u↑↓. Decaying, it emits naively massless particles known as "statements" or "press conferences."

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

That would be like a Type VI on the Kardashev Scale.

Serolf_Divad September 13, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Honestly, Romney is kinda like Schrodinger's cat… except if when you took the top off the box, instead of being either dead or alive, the cat somehow managed to continue being both dead and alive at the same time. With Romney, though, it's positions on issues.

LesBontemps September 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Romney is adopting a strategy of principled uncertainty. The principle being, "I'll say whatever will get me elected."

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 5:23 pm

He's more like Schroedinger's dead cat, trying to bounce

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Sorry for tooting my own horn, but that's known as Romneypresence now.

bibliotequetress September 13, 2012 at 8:19 pm

And following that, Romneyvolent, which is to be so ignorant of everything that one is ignorant of one's own ignorance. See: "Corporations are people, my friend."

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:05 am

That just totally blew my mind, man. Like, that was all out there in the ether and some junk. Whooaaaa, dude….

GeorgiaBurning September 13, 2012 at 7:40 pm

More consequences are predictable through Special Relativity: as Romney starts to espouse every possible position on the issue, the contraction of his support base accelerates.

I_P September 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"American leadership needs to be decisive and resolute when our interests are threatened or attacked. For the last four years, this has been lacking."

Oh for fucks sake, just stop it. OBL, drones in Pakistan, etc., etc. Nothing decisive or resolute there.

MonkeyMotion September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

In GOP-neocon-fantasyland, "decisive" and "resolute" mean spending billion$$$ waging war.

You know, real war — with troops, tanks, missiles, and thousands dying, villages leveled, and tough stuff like that. Not that sissy drones-on-wedding-parties stuff.

OneYieldRegular September 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

"Or indecisive and irresolute, if that's what you want me to say. Can I see those talking points again?"

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Wow, they had a chance to reframe the second set of questions so that they looked like less than total douchebags, and they still failed?

Serolf_Divad September 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

You can't hide douchebaggery. Put a cherry on top and it's just douchebaggery with a cherry on top. Put in it a $1000 suit and it's just douchebaggery in a $1000 suit. Send it off on a fact-finding tour of Israel and it's still just douchebaggery on a fact-finding tour of Israel.

FlownOver September 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Minus the suit, though.

Boojum September 14, 2012 at 8:48 am

Put it in a lead lined box and drop it in the Marianas Trench and that motherfucker is hid. Speaking of which, where is my lead lined box…?

McPdx September 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

HAHAHAHA…The repubs are now slipping his memos to the lamestream media to embarass Mitt…How's the view from under the bus, Mr. Romney?

Steverino247 September 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Exactly what just happened. They're already posturing for 2016!

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Never hurts to have a Plan B.

~ Anonymous Dreamy Blue-eyed Rep from WI

OneDollarJuana September 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

But Republicans are against Plan B, and all other forms of contraception abortion.

Dr_Zoidberg September 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Unless you're a woman.

pepperpat September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Aren't Republicans opposed to Plan B?

HempDogbane September 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Paul/Pawlenty 2016 ! That's Rand, of course. Ron will be Sec. of Treasury in the Paul administration.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Mudflaps from every direction.

deanbooth September 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"They hate us for our movies."

doesn't quite sound like the full story.

Dr_Zoidberg September 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Oh, yeah? Have you seen 'Showgirls'?!

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 12:53 am

Excellent point. Nudity never looked so bad

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 5:00 pm

"They hate us for our movies."

You realize, of course, that I have no choice but to steal that.

deanbooth September 13, 2012 at 5:37 pm

"Bad artists copy. Good artists steal.” -Picasso

DustBowlBlues September 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Me, too.

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I'm pretty sure that "Titanic", which is popular in every country EXCEPT the U.S.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Nobody liked "Ishtar". Still, this is taking it to an extreme…

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:07 am

And, they'd be morally right to do so. I mean, have you seen any of Adam Sandlers later movies?

PhilippePetain September 13, 2012 at 4:39 pm

"We are standing by what we said by coming up with a million things to say other than the thing we said."

/COURAGE

no_gravity September 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Is Romney going to make it to November?

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Shit. He's only been running for about 10 yrs now. He'll make it to 2016 – and BEYOND!!!!

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Word is, he'll retroactive retire from the race

AbandonHope_ September 14, 2012 at 9:04 am

Aw man, I was just starting to get used to this timeline, and now he has to go and retroactively fuck everything up again? I swear, if I wake up one day and the Sliders gang are staring me in the face, I'm going to be so pissed.

Dr_Zoidberg September 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

It doesn't look good for Rmoney making it to next Tuesday.

Serolf_Divad September 13, 2012 at 5:10 pm

And when do we start to see calls for him t o step aside and let Santorum take his place?

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:00 am

It's really for the good of the party. Maybe we could persuade Megs McCain to weigh in on this.

oenspiek September 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm

One hates to think of what might replace rMoney were he to drop off the ticket.

CindynEncinitas September 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Dig up Reagan. No one will know the difference.

Callyson September 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Won't work: for some reason, lots of people liked Reagan and thought he was a great guy on a personal level. The difference between him and Mittens would be immediately apparent…

HistoriCat September 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Hologram Reagan!

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Sarah Palin is still waiting for her phone to ring.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm

"Sarah? It's Barack. My stick is too big for you…..please quit calling…."

trampndirtdown September 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Epic

MissNancyPriss September 13, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I really don't think so.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 11:27 pm

That depends on how southerners interpret the Book of Revelation.

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:08 am

Some poor billionaire is going to drag his lifeless, battered campaign across the finish line.

Antispandex September 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Best possible answer; "Obama has been blaming poor ol' Preident Bush for over three years, and we believe it's only fair if we blame Obama now. Hey, Look over there, is that rude person saying mean things about Mr. Romney?". It's the kind of response that may have legs in certain parts of the country.

WhatTheHeck September 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Memo to Romney:
Governor,
How does it feel to be on your own
with no direction home?

Antispandex September 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

But…not a COMPLETE unknown!

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

"I hear wolves at night."

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Once upon a time
he dressed so fine
built an auto elevator
in his home…

Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Except that no matter where Romney faces, he has at least one home in that direction.

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

A man with too many homes spends too much time on the campaign trail.

-not Confucius

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I really love this. And I are an English major, so my opinion really counts.

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 11:20 pm

And I am a bleeding heart liberal, so your opinion really counts even if you is an English major. : >)

Chet Kincaid_ September 14, 2012 at 1:31 am

Bestest.

HempDogbane September 13, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"You used to ride on a chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat.
Ain't it hard when you discover that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal ?"

Bolton?

bonghitforjesus September 13, 2012 at 7:00 pm

The Siamese cat was Bolton's mustache.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Too funny.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 6:20 pm

You've gone to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely
But you know that BYU has rules about getting juiced in it

Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Nobody ever taught you how to go back to Wall Street,
But now you're gonna have to get used to it.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 7:54 pm

You used to be so confused
About Bernie Madoff and how he scammed the fools
But now you see he was a good capitalist cat
And all the time he was where it's at
After they've taken away all your magic drawers

Thurman Munster IV September 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

This calls for a few choruses of Idiot Wind. It's a wonder he can breathe

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I woke up in the Cayman's daydreaming about the interest I have earned
Visions of Ann's chestnut mare shoot through my head and are making me feel spurned

Barrelhse September 13, 2012 at 6:54 pm

He knows there's something happening
But he don't know what it is.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Well, he's from Function…from Function Junction – where the Function Junction suction cups are made….

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm

"Governor Romney." So, if you hold a position at some point in your life, you get to keep the title?

In keeping with this, I would like to ask you all to start addressing me as Machinery Repairman Second Class Petty Officer Flagass for the rest of eternity, to reflect my 30-years-ago patriotism and service to country. Thank you.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Yes sir!
*salute*

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm

No "sir" is required; we enlisted swine did not rate that term…

Cleopatriot September 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Then I'll be Colonel Cleopatriot to you. Not that I was ever in the Armed Forces. I'm a Kentucky Colonel.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

"When they make a sailor a CPO they take out all his brains,
An inject a gallon of vinegar and mustard in his veins."

Blueb4sinrise September 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Too much…..howzabout
MRSCPOF?

Mister Scope Off?

BaldarTFlagass September 14, 2012 at 7:38 am

Actually, they abbreviate the rating (as you did) and then append the pay grade. So I was an MR2. Or as my shipmates called me, "Mister Two."

SoBeach September 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

We will. Until you get a more prestigious gig. That's how it works.

— Honorary City Attorney SoBeach (thanks to that 6th grade essay contest I won)

Mahousu September 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm

While you may at times be Petty, I think it's safe to say you're really First Class. Please accept our gratitude and (fake) promotion. Plus, here's another 'p.'

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Actually, I think that's actually true, at least for elective offices, though not for, say, parliamentary functions within an elective body. So "Congressman Gingrich' is appropriate, but "Mr. Speaker Lardball" is not.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I sit corrected!

I shall have Mr. Drumknott send a missive to the Low King of the Dwarves informing him that he should immediately cease referring to Commander Sam Vimes as "Blackboard Monitor Vimes."

Then again, Dwarfish notions of words and their permanence/erasability may very well take precedence.

CindynEncinitas September 13, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Now you made me cry and my cheap eyeshadow is burning my eyes.

bonghitforjesus September 13, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I am madly in love with you now.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Former office holders go back to whatever they were before they were governor. In the saluation use:
Dear Mr./Ms./etc. (name):
Only a Governor in office is formally and officially addressed as Governor (name). The reason? There is only one Governor at at time, and it's not respectful of the current office holder to refer to former office holders as it they were still in office.
I know we hear newscasters referring to former governors as "Governor." But it is incorrect.

Fare la Volpe September 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm

It's especially incorrect if the Governor in question never finished her first fucking term.

bibliotequetress September 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

"Mr. Speaker Lardball" is on his birth certificate. I saw it. Longform.
Prove I didn't! Prove I didn't! Prove I didn't!

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Tank Loader Corporal MosesInvests salutes you.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

You may address me as "Prisoner 116/8, 9 after 6PM"

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:17 am

You are Number Six.

Fare la Volpe September 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

You may address me as Eighth Grade Salutatorian from here to eternity.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I was my high school senior class's Valetudinarian.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Yeah, but weren't you the only person in your graduating class? </alaskajoke>

Tundra Grifter September 14, 2012 at 12:43 pm

GT[R]:

Look, Jackson, I didn't waste my seven years in high school!

Warwhatgoodfor September 13, 2012 at 5:35 pm

USAF medical officer stuck for two years in the ass end of nowhere (Dante's tenth level of hell) treating gungho psychoticly suicidal B52 pilots who couldn't wait for the order to go drop 40 or 50 megatons of flaming death on the Russkies. "doc" SIR to all lower life forms. Not to mention the little known fact that the sign on the entrance to the AF base in Dr Stranelove was absolutely accurate – "Peace is Our Profession". You cannot make this stuff up.

CindynEncinitas September 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364.

Warwhatgoodfor September 13, 2012 at 7:08 pm

May you find comfort in the thoughts of others.

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:19 am

I dunno, at least in the 60's, SAC's motto would not have been all that unfamiliar.

Not that Kubrick didn't play the irony for all it was worth :)

BloviateMe September 14, 2012 at 2:07 am

You certain? When I was USAF, the (unofficial?) motto was "war is our profession. peace is our product."

Definitely more palatable.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Mayor, Governors, Legislators, Senators, Congressmen all seem to qualify – don't know if there are hard a fast rules on it.

In the Army at least it was only Field Grade Officers and Master Sergeants and above – but my memory is not that good and I didn't care when I was supposed to know it.

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 8:13 pm

You don't have to call me Lieutenant, Rosie …

Fare la Volpe September 13, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I never jest, and don't call me Shirley.

MosesInvests September 14, 2012 at 12:31 am

You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'….

Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 8:21 pm

So does that mean that everybody can call me "Idiot Who got the Half-ton Stuck Up to the Tits in Mud on A Hot Friday Afternoon Just Before Quitting Time Chichikovovich"?

'Cause I thought it was just the guys in my old pipeline crew who could call me that.

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:20 am

Christ, we can barely type out your nym as it is NOW.

bibliotequetress September 13, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I think that reflects your superiority over Governor Romney. I speak on behalf all whom Romney "governed."

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 1:00 am

Hey, we have a deal. I call him Governor and he calls me Admiral.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Oh, finally now someone can tell me: does Executive Director sound more prestigious than Grave Digger Toomush, 'cause I'm really not sure, anymore…..

Charlie_Foxtrot September 13, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I'll just call you Admiral. It's easier and is a tribute to Custer.

Boy Scout Second Class Foxtrot

sbj1964 September 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Poor Mittens the more he talks the less Americans like him.Can't wait for the debates.

iburl September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

His defensive prickishness and smirking arrogance should be in full-bloom by then.

Toomush_Infer September 14, 2012 at 8:53 am

I'd love to have video as his debate handlers approach the prickly subject of his smarmy arrogance and smirkiness…

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 4:42 pm

It does seem that the state of political discourse has become, in short, like our neighborhood homeless guy, Jonah, where you scream out your protestations while sprinkling GOD in every other empty space.

ManchuCandidate September 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

You would think that a guy who has been in constant crisis mode since the primaries would know by now how to deal with one.

BTW Mittens, a real crisis isn't just when the US gubbiment is closing down your foreign tax shelters.

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Cayman Islands: the one place on earth that will not see an American landing.

gullywompr September 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

And don't forget to smirk.

Steverino247 September 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm

If pressed: Thank you. I need to be on the floor of the (House/Senate/hot housewife next door) for a (vote/quickie).

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Foley managed to get both on the House floor at the same time!

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 10:08 pm

If pressed: Wah wah wah. I'm a little girl.

TheGyrus September 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

He is firmly against any expression of religious hatred or intolerance.

Isn't this exactly what the message of the tweet in question was?

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Yes. But it was said in the wrong context (with an angry mob outside). Conciliation is only allowed AFTER you've mowed down the heathen bastards with a General Electric GAU-17/A minigun.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Dillon Aero M134 libel!

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Gen Elec also made the M134. GE's were the only ones I ever saw in Vietnam.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 8:39 pm

If I'm not mistaken, Dillon invented it. I've shot with one of the engineers.

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm

But it's totally different when it's not coming from Romney! When Romney says it, it's an expression of tolerance. When someone connected to the current administration (or at least, the current administration's State Department) says it, it's a sign of weakness.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LIBTARDS?!

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 6:41 pm

He was against it before he was for it (and before he will be against it again, like he always was).

mrblifil September 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Yeah but FIRBST ABMENDBMENT!!1! Anti-Muslim hate speechers are the real heroes here.

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I know. I am SO confused.

hagajim September 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I wonder how Egg feels being married to the frying pan.

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Bishop Romney used to take one position after another on a particular issue — I'm glad he's found a more efficient system by taking them all simultaneously now.

pepperpat September 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm

He can handle multifailing.

Texan_Bulldog September 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I love that picture. I'm just surprised he didn't make another black guy kneel so Willard could sit on HIM. Because I bet Mittens & Ann have human furniture in all their houses to go with their car elevators.

shelwood46 September 13, 2012 at 6:02 pm

He doesn't really need a shoeshine. He's hoping eventually the shoeshine guy will tell him he saw Obama drown someone in the woods during a baptism. (I'm assuming here that Mitt has HBO.)

DemmeFatale September 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Bravo for your Boardwalk joke!

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 6:45 pm

The trouble is that gentiles are soooo unattractive & hard to match up with the rest of the decor. And one can't justify using fellow Mormons as furniture when they ought to be out reproducing.

TheGyrus September 13, 2012 at 4:50 pm

" Distancing themselves from the statement and saying it wasn’t ‘cleared by Washington’ reflects the mixed signals they are sending to the world."

He's not wrong about this. Distancing himself from the statement was pretty friggin' craven on Obama's part.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Here is the first statement issued by either Obama or Clinton at 10:44 9/11/12:

"I condemn in the strongest terms the attack on our mission in Benghazi today. As we work to secure our personnel and facilities, we have confirmed that one of our State Department officers was killed. We are heartbroken by this terrible loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and those who have suffered in this attack.
This evening, I called Libyan President Magariaf to coordinate additional support to protect Americans in Libya. President Magariaf expressed his condemnation and condolences and pledged his government’s full cooperation.

Some have sought to justify this vicious behavior as a response to inflammatory material posted on the Internet. The United States deplores any intentional effort to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. Our commitment to religious tolerance goes back to the very beginning of our nation. But let me be clear: There is never any justification for violent acts of this kind.

In light of the events of today, the United States government is working with partner countries around the world to protect our personnel, our missions, and American citizens worldwide."

This is the first statement issued by Obama's office or the State Department. The 'alleged' "[S]tatement by Embassy Cairo was not cleared by Washington and does not reflect the views of the United States government," an administration official told POLITICO <a href="http://.http://www.politico.com/politico44/2012/09/white-house-disavows-cairo-apology-135247.html?hp=t4_7” target=”_blank”>.http://www.politico.com/politico44/2012/09/white-house-disavows-cairo-apology-135247.html?hp=t4_7 is curiously very shortly after Romney's “I'm outraged by the attacks on American diplomatic missions in Libya and Egypt and by the death of an American consulate worker in Benghazi. It's disgraceful that the Obama administration's first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks,” subsequently at 10:25 PM Romney who had embargoed the statement until 12:00 AM to comply with the agreement that neither would make a political statement on 9/11 – releases the statement.

I strongly suspect the real culprit in this fuck up was Politico who may have conveyed a completely disjointed statement from some "Obama Administration" blow hard and gave it to Romney's campaign for comment. Then when Romney's campaign reviewed it they decided to make a political statement.

In other words – as false as any anonymous source can be – Romney was way out of line to represent "The statement by Embassy Cairo was not cleared by Washington and does not reflect the views of the United States government," was a statement that was "the Obama administration's first response" NOW THAT's CRAVEN (Saturday Mornings 10:00 on Nickelodeon.)

Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm

thanks JMC. I was unaware of what the source of the "disavowing" claim was. That does rather change things doesn't it?

Great comment.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

On MSNBC, Krystal Clear (who wears far too opaque clothing) said earlier that the Politico ‘source’ is single and never should have been used. The fact that Judith Miller never had to pay for her discretions seems to have made many in journalism very lax. I’m not in journalism but have had to talk to a few over the years and, years ago, a single source would never have been accepted for a policy statement if he wanted anonymity. At least two would have been required and only one if they were willing to go on the record.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Thanks! Main article updated!

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Really appreciate the timeline and analysis. Thank you.

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Special edition prepared for Fox News:

Q: Is it surprising that a President who hates America would have invited Islamic terrorists to murder our diplomats and then apologized to them when Americans tried to put up a fight?

Serolf_Divad September 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

And why if the Liberal Media criticizing Mitt Romney for pointing this out?

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 6:09 pm

jz: There is a right wing nut over on Amazon (See "kait's" comments under "dukeno1's" review of "The Amateur" ) who is saying exactly that. And she believes it, because she whines when critisized for it.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 8:36 pm

They are all over the place. I'm thinking of dragging out programming tools I haven't used in five years to build an ActiveX addon which will automatically blank any 'comments' section from an online news article. Programming the addon isn't that hard but defining the variables is.

I expect to get rich.

sati_demise September 13, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Todd Akin is going with this, or course

sullivanst September 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Ugh. I think I'm going to have permanent nausea until November.

Although, I suppose I should, since I like to think of myself as an existentialist.

Gonna be a looooooong 54 days though.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 8:39 pm

It will go a lot faster then you expect. Barring another Florida in 2000 or Ohio in 2004 the day after is going to be a significant day of reckoning.

So find a place to start rolling that rock up that hill. It will be won in the ground game.

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Also, my god, the "Romney Full Statement" needs a motherfucking editor. Who wrote that shit, Jennifer Rubin?

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

She may have been in the room, if by "may have been in the room," I mean "banging the back of her head on the bottom of the middle desk drawer."

OneYieldRegular September 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Wow, it is truly mind-boggling that the campaign released that without even bothering to have anyone proofread it. I mean, even Rafalca could have written something with fewer glaring errors and a more sincere tone. If they can't even get out a legible statement, how the hell do they expect to deal professionally with matters of state?

FlownOver September 13, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Ah, but you forget… the Alpha and Omega of these "matters of state" under the Romney Administration would be signing the Infinite Tax Cut and subsequent War on the Poor into law. Everything – and everyone – else would be an afterthought.

shelwood46 September 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

That's not a statement. That's a leaked internal memo. Since it's meant to make them look bad, leaving the errors in helps.

OneYieldRegular September 13, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Fair enough. I withdraw my criticism. But I sure hope someone deliberately put the errors in, rather than left them in, for even as a scribbled draft that would cause me to have concerns about my writers.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:30 pm

You don't need to proofread a bombing run.

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Bomb first, aim later…

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm

But Col. Cathcart insisted on practice runs on The Great Big Siege of Bologna.

fartknocker September 13, 2012 at 4:52 pm

A vote for Romney is a vote for World War 3.

Rotundo_ September 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

This was the best that Luntz could come up with? Or did the genius that advised him to dive into this guns blazing line up all this comedy gold? It amazes me, (no easy task that) that this guy just walks into mine field after mine field without a clue as to why things keep getting blowed up. I had always credited the wealthy with a certain mental focus or acuity that got them where they were (or lack of ethics and possessing huge brass balls) and this guy totally disproves that. If Jethro Bodine were a little more articulate he would be Mittens on the campaign trail.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Romney didn't have to "get where he was," he simply had to stay where his Daddy left him, coasting on connections enough to get in with the most rapacious gang in town.

YouBetcha September 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

"Well fuck me runnin'. I guess the darkie's gonna git another term." – some Teabagger today, somewhere.

iburl September 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Mittbott's frustration chip is overheating because of human units that cannot simultaneously store all positions on all issues in their RAM.

hagajim September 13, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Somebody really wrote some bad code into his software.

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Some where, IBM's Watson is thrashing its "head" into a wall saying…."fuck this shit, I could run a better campaign than this asshole".

GlowneyHouse September 13, 2012 at 9:21 pm

It's HAL 9000 all over again.

iburl September 13, 2012 at 9:55 pm

WMR 0000

barto September 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

The real victim here is of course Mitt Romney, not the dead people who were obviously killed by our own side.

iburl September 13, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Damn Liberal Media are the real terrorists.

carlgt1 September 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

face it GOP – he out-Palin'ed Palin as far as tactless stupidity!

docterry6973 September 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

No, Palin's 'he should grow a big stick' comment is so cheap, so breathtakingly trashy, that it raises the bar for tactless stupidity. The Thrilla from Wasilla remains the one true champ.

carlgt1 September 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm

well that was just typically dumb of her – but to say the Prez is "sympathizing with the killers" right at the moment the horrible event happened, that's just unprecedentedly awful. That's like in 1941 saying FDR sympathizes with the Japanese & Hitler, or in 1861 saying Abe Lincoln sympathizes with the Confederate States of America etc. Or hell, right on 9/11/2001, a major political figure saying Bush was friends with the hijackers.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Are you saying Paul Ryan should have chosen a running mate more wisely?….

Baconzgood September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

And in conclusion Mitt Romney would like to add, DERP!

qwerty42 September 13, 2012 at 4:56 pm

And the clown car rolls on. Here is Pat Oliphant this morning.

owhatever September 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Send in the dancing ponies!

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:31 pm

"Shiver and say the word,
Of every position you've heard."

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Send Mitt to the Prancing Pony! Oh wait, they serve "a beer so brown" there, so that's out.

MonkeyMotion September 13, 2012 at 5:00 pm

If pressed: mittbot overflow, mittbot overflow, mittbot overflow, mittbot overflow, mittbot overflow,…

"Um, please excuse us, Governor Romney will be taking no more questions…"

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Also: no more questions.

Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

American leadership needs to be decisive and resolute when our interests are threatened or attacked. For the last four years, this has been lacking.

The original version of the talking point continued:

"Because the measure of resoluteness is the degree of empty bluster your shouted pronouncements contain. Remember that after 9-11, the President who had truly kept America safe made it clear to Bin Laden that the President wanted him "Dead or Alive". He made it clear that "We're gunna get 'im." You can be sure that this powerful message struck fear into Bin Laden. And for the past four years, the most recent occupant of the Oval Office has said nothing like that."

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 6:54 pm

It's been at least a year since I've heard Obama say we ought to capture OBL. I guess he's just not as resolute as Bush was…

DemmeFatale September 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I am strangely comforted when I see others take notice of Bush's hugely phony cowboy posturing: "We're gunna get 'im."
The morning of 9/11, I was driving to work, when I heard him utter, "We're gunna get the folks that did this." FOLKS?! FOLKS!? (As if the terrorists were just your misguided aunt and uncle!)

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Y'know, I sort of get this image of Romney campaign headquarters emptying out into choppers on the roof, a la the American embassy in Saigon some forty years ago…

FlownOver September 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm

From your lips to FSM's durum ears…

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Paul RAyn is still running for his House seat in Wisconsin.

Dude may not be as dumb as he looks…

Rotundo_ September 13, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Why on earth would any of them do that? The checks are still cashing, the Koch money flowing, and the republican base is still a dumb as a sack of doorknobs. Yes, Mittens shot himself in the foot, repeatedly, but stupid and rich doesn't evaporate. That only happens when the money runs out. That won't happen unless and until Mitt really fucks up in one of the debates. Even then the checks will cash until the day after the election is called. All bets off afterwards.

DemmeFatale September 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Blood in the water.

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 5:05 pm

The upshot of the Citizens United ruling = lobotomies for everyone.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others.

BTWBFDIMHO September 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm

-If pressed, quote Tom Waits: I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

kittensdontlie September 13, 2012 at 5:06 pm

The Romney Camp can't have their croquembouche and eat it too.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I had some of that in Narbonne years ago. Don't remember how it tasted, but I'll never forget the delicious calvados that we washed it down with. Part of me is still hung over from that evening.

kittensdontlie September 13, 2012 at 7:20 pm

That sounds like a memorable evening! I chose it to honor Mittens since it is terribly French and looks terribly expensive.

JackObin September 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Maybe Twit should start drinking coffee. It helps we humans substantially.

Blueb4sinrise September 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

United Arab Emirates Save Las Cruces from Missile Attack by Gallup!!

The United Arab Emirates will test the latest Patriot missile system in September, intercepting a Juno rocket that will descend on White Sands from space.
……………..
On Sept. 13, we are going to do our missile shot from Gallup, N.M. We are going to launch a Juno rocket from the northwest corner of New Mexico. We will send it up into space, we’ll bring it onto the range and then we will have a Patriot missile intercept it and destroy it.

http://www.elpasoinc.com/news/q_and_a/article_1e9

Tucson was 'AWED', I guess. http://azstarnet.com/news/local/tucsonans-awed-by

Others were either 'awed', or 'confused'. https://www.google.com/news?ncl=dIub7M3Z34FlPeM3O

Eve8Apples September 13, 2012 at 5:08 pm

The more Mittens swings his nutsack and babbles, "'Merka doesn't 'pologize for nuthin!!111!" the more he fuels Middle Eastern anti-American protests. CNN is reporting anti-American protests today in Egypt, Yemen, Libya, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Sudan, Tunisia and Morocco. Apparently, Mitt the Twit doesn't realize what he says is being reported around the world. Mitt's first foreign policy accomplishment is to unite the Muslim world in protests against the U.S. Keep fuckin' that chicken Mitt!

DustBowlBlues September 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Or, Keep fucking those chickens, Mittens.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm

In his "A Modest Proposal" Jonathan Swift makes mention of how the flesh of dead Irish children "will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen."

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Well hold on a second, partner… If this Mitt feller is so hated by these Mooslims, maybe I should vote for the guy. I think he said he like NASCAR too!

Who would you rather have a beer with???

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:04 am

Nahh, Mitt's bloviations are probably irrelevant over there. They have plenty of their own loonies to stir up shit.

docterry6973 September 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Some days I feel like John Cleese in the Dead Parrot sketch.

"You poked him."

"No I didn't."

"You did, you did!"

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Or Mitt's campaign as the entirety of "Fawlty Towers"? Especially the one with the rat.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 8:08 pm

"Is not rat, is hamster!!"

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 6:11 pm

It's beginning to look like Rmoney's campaign has slipped this mortal coil and joined the choir invisible.

Chow Yun Flat September 13, 2012 at 5:13 pm

The Administration was wrong to stand by a statement sympathizing with those who had breached our embassy in Egypt who were trying to save their lives from a crazed mob who were trying to kill them.

Fixed.

ahnc September 13, 2012 at 5:20 pm

The Romney domino theory is in effect. It cannot be stopped.
Is it too early to call the election a slam dunk?

Rotundo_ September 13, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Yes. Show up and vote anyhow. Bring friends, call relatives, anyone, this isn't over until it is officially called. Until that large stake is driven through (official results) don't take *anything* for granted.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Hey look! His pants are on fire!

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 5:22 pm

With votes?

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm
James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Siegfried is on in the background.
I always get a kick out of Siegfried taking off Brunnhilde's magic underwear and going WTF? This dude's all bumpy, I'm scared. I guess I'll have to kiss him. Then at the end they invent the tuba and set Brunnhilde on fire.

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 6:58 pm

It's a shameless ploy to get the Burning Man vote.

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 7:10 pm

And the "Wish You Were Here" fanbase.

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:34 am

Do you think he can tell?

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 10:21 pm

That's cause he's a liar, liar.

Lavenderp September 14, 2012 at 2:28 am

I'll just leave this here for any Debbie Harry fans: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DERZPGBIIO8

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 7:33 am

Romney Aide: Damnit! I told you we should have used that oil can, earlier

mustangsavvy September 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Holy hell, this is painful to watch and I can't even stand Romney. Is it possible that he is this idiotic? The answer is yes, yes it is. *face palm*

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I count at least six violations of the PATRIOT Act in Mitt's statements.

tracyhasfun September 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Superposition.

OneYieldRegular September 13, 2012 at 5:38 pm

This, from a Buzzfeed story about the Romney camp turning on the press in the last 24 hours, I found hysterically funny:

[A senior Romney adviser], granted anonymity to criticize a press corps the campaign still relies on every day, went on to blame a "green room, green zone kind of divide," saying the national press, most of whom live in New York or DC, "pockets of prosperity," are isolated from the realities of the harsh economy — and therefore, unable to grasp Romney's message.

Blueb4sinrise September 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Tell them that' there's 'Two Americas', Mitt. That should work.

nobodyssweetheart September 13, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I think "Pockets of Prosperity" was a gyro shop on 2nd Avenue that closed in 2009. As did many, many other businesses in NYC.

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I thought "pockets of prosperity" were always sewn into Romney's tailor-made suits.

Barrelhse September 13, 2012 at 7:15 pm

I hate those pill-popping puny purple-peckered pricks from pockets of prosperity.

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:48 am

This reminds me of what happened when Hillary's primary campaign went into a tailspin, only this is a million times worse. Obama has the either the talent or simply it's just how he is, but he absolutely confounds his opponents. I've always been one to deride the 11-dimensional chess bull, but it doesnt' seem like bull when he's in campaign mode.

azeyote September 13, 2012 at 5:42 pm

well since this is the wonkette i don't really know which part was supposed to be the funny – the indented part was pretty damn funny on its own, but the commentary too.. nobody can be that stupid all the time can they? how come he never got run over by a bus

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm

That might be an excuse for this. Maybe he was run over by a bus. He is surely throwing himself under one now.

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 6:19 pm

There, for awhile, I truly thought the indented part was Wonkette commentary.

Barrelhse September 13, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Or his chauffeur.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 14, 2012 at 7:22 am

Drivers of the short bus are trained to be especially careful about their passengers.

mrblifil September 13, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"When pressed, ask yourself who is the motherfucker doing the pressing and ask Roger Ailes if their pressing credentials can be revoked."

ibwilliamsi September 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"Distancing themselves from the statement and saying it wasn’t ‘cleared by Washington’ reflects the mixed signals they are sending to the world."

Fair warning – if Mitt Romney is elected, no one is allowed to offer any opinion not cleared by Washington.

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Willard Mitt Romney – fiercely battling straw men so that you don't have to.

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 8:31 pm

But I like eating… I mean battling… straw men.

Estproph September 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

In life there are many things
Some of them are the same and some are opposites
About some of these things I do sing

A cactus is the opposite of a chair
In my house you can sit anywhere but there
especially if your ass is bare

A bird house is not the same as a bird home
one is much more comfortable for birds

These are sames and opposites my friends
which I determined

A musical is the same as a burlap sack
I would not want to be in either

A squirrel is the same as a can
when there's a BB gun in my hand
Can't you see that I am just a man?
With distinctions and comparisons

Spare change is the same as wedgies for me
I don't give it unless someone's really asking

Saying I apologize is the very same
as saying I'm sorry, they're the same
Unless you're at a funeral

To live is the same as to dream
If you do both long enough you'll see
But you have to work in between
Unless you have narcolepsy

(That was a boring solo)

Earrings are the same as sneezes
Two is okay but ten in a row is annoying
If you have two then God bless you

These are sames and opposites my friends
which I have determined

A secret admirer is the same as a stalker
With stationery

An ex-girlfriend is the same as an okay movie
I liked it at the time but I don't want to see it again
Especially if the movie was kind of a bitch

These are sames and opposites my friends
which I have determined
So far

MinAgain September 13, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I am both amazed and completely unimpressed.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Starting in early November, Mittens will have plenty of time to work on his movie "The Mountain Meadows Massacre; The Other Side of the Story."

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:36 pm

It'll be his "Battlefield Earth!" I don't think he'll find enough Mormon actors to fill the roles.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Albums You Won't Find In Mitt's Record Collection #4: http://lpcoverlover.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/0

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:37 pm

I got this, which given Mitt's processor errors, seems appropriate:

Error 404 – Not Found

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Sorry 'bout that, though it works in Chrome. ;-)

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Weird… That's what I use.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

You know, Zoom, you have a knack for this stuff. Remember: There's big money to be made as a talking point writer for Romney! And you clearly have a gift.

You could have a whole front lawn full of rusted Chevy Impalas if you play your cards right.

BlueStateLibel September 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

The best talking points writer for Romney would have to have multiple personality disorder just to cover all of Romney's many, diverse, conflicting perspectives.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Six feet under in a Yorba Linda grave, Richard Nixon's skeleton is turning green with envy.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 8:34 pm

But…but… my front lawn is barely big enough for just the one already!

Yankee_Steve September 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Mitten$ just lost the election.

oenspiek September 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Oh, my freaking lack of god. I wanted to snark, I really did, but words have failed me.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Face it leotards, you have no chance against Mitt's White-Shirted Door Knocking Monochromatic Mosaic Army!
http://lifeinlabels.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/m

Generation[redacted] September 13, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Just wait, we have our own atheist door knockers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U58wgn-9Y3c

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm

LOL!

DCBloom September 14, 2012 at 7:40 am

Brilliant! 5 minutes well spent

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Mitt Romney, Flibbertigibbet.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Mitt's solution to the world's troubles: More Calico! http://i.huffpost.com/gen/452240/ROMNEY-CARD-1.jp

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 7:14 pm

GET THOSE POOR CHILDREN AWAY FROM THE ROBOTS!

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Doesn't that photo say it all? Conformity, order, smugness, grandpa's wandering hands…

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 7:52 pm

It scares me that it might NOT be 'shopped.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Makes me almost nostalgic for GHW Bush's "little brown ones." Almost, but not quite. Needz moar Mestizo.

viennawoods13 September 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Actually, gingham and polka-dots, but that is a horrifying picture.

TribecaMike September 15, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Note to self: research gingham.

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Okay I recognize 2 of the 3 adults out of uniform. Is the other woman a nanny or Ann's sister wife?

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Someone should take this stupid movie and re-dub it again as the "Innocence of Jesus" and put it up on YouTube and see how Christians like having THEIR religion ridiculed.

kingcocrazy September 13, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Not sure if Mormon males are circumcised (pretty sure it's mandatory for the females, though), but Mitt has stepped on his dick so many times the job has been done by now.

Sharkey September 13, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Sooo…. one right and one wrong make a right?

There must be a moral lesson here somewhere.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

GeorgiaBurning September 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I can see why the Repubs miss Reagan so much- his Hollywood training enabled him to get the line right with one take.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm

The budgets of most of his movies couldn't afford the shooting of more than one take.

Comrade Wingtardd September 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm

"But we will not apologize for our constitutional right to freedom of speech."

Better: "But we will not make craven, cowardly apologies to Muslins for our freedumb, as some – such as black Muslins from Kenya – would."

rocktonsam September 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm

OT. This just in…

Wasilla studmuffin and latest conquest Sunny Oglesby brought Breeze Beretta Johnston into the world.

cripes, these people up there

Barrelhse September 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Well, at least Sarah's youngest will have a playmate.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 8:23 pm

One of my sisters lived about an hour's drive down the road from Wasilla during the '80s, and loved it up there, but moved to Washington state when, in her words, "Alaska required drinking the real estate developers' Kool-aid."

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Dok, you kind of buried an interesting story. The link to the atlanticwire.com is not about the people who produced the film, but about the Glenn-Beck-like character in Egypt who turned his gullible Arab viewers into an angry mob over that goddamned, stupid, piece-of-shit youtube.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 8:32 pm

You mean the guy who finally Copt to not being Jewish after all, or am I confusing him with another fraud? There's so many juggled oranges to keep track of with this lot.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Yes, I know– the story was too good to ignore, but also not something I'm able to snark on. And there is some stuff about the filmmakers, at least.

But yes, the link was a halfassed way of bringing the story to you guys' attention.

Talk about a sad, sad thing to be: The Glenn Beck of Radical Islam. (shudder)

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I continue to be gobsmacked with anger over the manipulations behind all this, and that guy is making me even angrier.

cousinitt September 13, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I read the talking points. I just don't know how the GOP faithful can ever remember all those excuses for stupidity without eventually succumbing to terminal dementia. Wouldn't it just be easier to not lie and accept reality? Honesty, how does it work?

pdiddycornchips September 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Mittens foreign policy will be based on bellicose rhetoric and cute catchphrases like "freedom fries".

TootsStansbury September 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I haven't read all the comments but the cspan prankster must have been right. The willardbot must have an enormous penis because be keeps stepping on it! Sorry. Dudes! I'm on a goddamned boat!

DustBowlBlues September 13, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Why? (In ten words or less, please).

TootsStansbury September 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm

What. The penis thing ir the boat thing? I took a few days off. Have signal in the anchorage. Mr Stansbury handed me my phone to peruse my Wonkette. Instead of gazing at the milky way. Don't know why but here I am.

TootsStansbury September 13, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The penis thing was prank phone calls made to cspan that all ended up having to do with Mitt Romney's huge member. Funny stuff.

fuflans September 13, 2012 at 9:03 pm

i am listening to random news and it seems appropriate to say here:

i am very glad hillz is in charge of our diplomats right now.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Doktor Zoom– did you know that fundamentalists (or at least the funereal-sounding firm of Gary Grimm & Assoc.) have their own version of Bingo called (sans irony) Jingo? Aye, 'tis true, and here's "The First Lady" version, no doubt dedicated to the memory of Mrs. Grover Cleveland. (Note how President Obama is not shown in the game, though he's in his 4th year in office.) http://www.christianbook.com/presidents-first-lad

DemmeFatale September 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Just wanted to say thanks for all your linkies. I'm really enjoying them!

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Thanks, but not as much as I get a kick out of your comments and screen name!

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yipes! "The Presidential and First Lady Jingo is updated until our 43rd president, George W. Bush."

Huh. And it has not been updated past that, for some reason. What on earth are they going to do when the next President takes office? Just skip over the Kenyan Usurper altogether, with an asterisk on the box noting that historians like Joe Arpaio and Dr. Jerome Corsi, PhD have determined that he wasn't legally Preznit anyway?

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 10:28 pm

They'll do what they've always done: buy low and sell high.

Chet Kincaid_ September 14, 2012 at 1:41 am

"White President Jingo" sounds like a character from a 1935 satirical opera, portrayed by Paul Robeson in whiteface. Let's get to work on it!

Chet Kincaid_ September 14, 2012 at 2:00 am

Or perhaps "White President Jingo" can be another nickname for "Lord High Hairgel."

Lavenderp September 14, 2012 at 2:17 am

Did you ever read Cannery Row? The main character had a millionaire friend who was always mooching off of him- the millionaire's name was Jingleballicks…

viennawoods13 September 13, 2012 at 9:56 pm

And the review… "Must buy for a Homeschooling family". Oookay.

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Mittbots have dicks? I would think this would be left off for economy, like a floppy disk drive.

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Folks, I am not surprised by Mitt meltdown. As I have mentioned I had the "opportunity" to work closely with another famous executive turned Republican loser, Carly Fiorina. Her public persona, speeches, grooming was always perfect – but when customers asked her questions she stumbled badly, made shit up as she went along and got us into terrible trouble by over committing or just plain stupid shit.

Some of it was frankly so shocking – ie. insulting CEO's of customers – I could hardly believe what I was seeing.

These people are told they are hot shit day after day by legions of go-fers, consultants, managers, etc and they BELIEVE IT!

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Actually, Mittens, in this race, it's never too soon to start working on your concession speech.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

"You don't have my Swiss banks accounts to kick around any more because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference."

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

..or my horse, Ann.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Old Mormons never die, they just fade away into the Melchizedek Priesthood.

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 10:00 pm

…or maybe they just smell that way.

Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Especially because aides are going to start leaking unauthorized concession speeches pretty soon.

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Fer sure, I would not be surprised. This is the gang that couldn't smear straight.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Or swear straight. Last I heard, Mitt's swear jar contained $4,000,000 before being lugged off by underpaid and underfed interns to the Cayman Islands.

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Shit! That's almost as much as mine holds, but then I toss in a Dime a swear-word; a quarter for Motherfucker.

NellCote71 September 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Maybe Lou Sarah can loan him one of her several drafts.

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Her most prominent draft whistles through the empty corridors between her ears.

Limeylizzie September 13, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Hey Wonketteers, I am back from the NYC meet and greet, how beautiful all of us are, met some lovely people and had 2 Coca-Colas and took lots of pics, I was sobre as a judge so they will not be sideways or fuzzy, will send to Becca and she can post them tomorrow, she is still at the bar as are many others, including NounVerb and Mrs. Verb, Actor212, Beelzebubba , MumblyJoe et al.

trampndirtdown September 13, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Good job LL , can't wait to see the pics, hope everyone had a good to
time. <3

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm

We appreciate your diligence. Getting to 44th & 9th on a Thursday night can be an awesome experience dodging all the 'ladies' heading toward the Lincoln Tunnel. But, Dayum! some of those shorts are well packed.

102415 September 14, 2012 at 3:46 am

We raised a glass to you James. You were missed.

James Michael Curley September 14, 2012 at 5:25 am

Thankx I appreciate the thought. But could you consider changing your user ID? It’s the combination to my wall safe. :)

Steverino247 September 14, 2012 at 8:03 am

It's also the self destruct code for Mitt Romney.

102415 September 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I lost your address. Oh, wait….

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Somewhere, in a dark curtained room overlooking the sea, the fat lady is loosening up her pipes….

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 9:59 pm

As Thomas Jefferson so memorably said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the hocked loogies of coloratura sopranos."

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:55 am

And, she's also getting ready to sing.

**rimshot**

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Yes, and the only effective treatment is a series of blows to the head.

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 12:47 am

Are you suggesting the NFL expand again?

Boojum September 14, 2012 at 8:24 am

Paging Dr. Boojum! Paging Dr. Boojum!

ChuckieJesus September 14, 2012 at 8:44 am

We call that "corrective phrenology" in my family.

Mahousu September 13, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Apparently, Romney is a follower of Nicolai Vasiliev. At least now we know what world he will be ruling in the afterlife – the World of Null-A.

Arborista September 13, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Wonkette is so educational…

When I first saw the name I wondered if that was the guy they named vacillation after, but the spelling is off & the word precedes the man by a few centuries…

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:12 am

Vasiliev outlined an abstract about the article on the "logic of relatives"

Mormons are really big on relatives. I don't like many of mine, frankly.

Warpde September 13, 2012 at 10:07 pm

S'cuse me.
As I must leave to go to Fox Nation and lay a few brain bombs.
I love the tarded reactions to my comments and being banned, again.
See you on the other side.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Why are we even talking about Obama and Romney when it's plain as day that Ron Paul is going to carry all five trillion electoral college electors?

Lie back, pop open an RC Cola and think of England.

RALitherland September 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Point taken, but: what the fuck-fuck-fuckety-fuck is the administration doing disavowing the Cairo embassy's twitterings? I am personally in favor of insulting religious feelings, and would have preferred them to say something like "this movie is a puerile piece of tripe made by people without two brain cells to rub together". However, with a bunch of angry people outside your door who would like to persuade to please go home to bed, I can understand issuing the sort of emollient rubbish that has become standard in dealing with religious nutters of all stripes. To look on the bright side, I suppose this new mood of 1st amendment absolutism means we can expect a spirited defense of P.Z. Myers's right to abuse crackers from Mr Frothy any day now.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 10:24 pm

See update, and the longer comment by James Michael Curley (linked in update).

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm

And again, The Salon article points to the same Politico article which seems to be the only source of 'disavowing.' With the significance of such a 'disavowing' 48 hours later is more than enough time for at least one journalist to confirm the 'administration official' and at least one other source to come forward. When this went down, hours before Clinton's official statement, there must have been a dozen people in the briefing, each with half a dozen aides. Yet no-one confirms it.

RALitherland September 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Ah. Yes. Abashed newbie was about to apologize for missing the update when I saw your and Dr Zoom's replies. I still can't find your original comment (the link doesn't work for me, and your replies I see to Gyrus are about something else). The "disavowal" seems to have spread beyond Politico and Salon; it has, natch, got to Breitbart. I shall read Salon with a more jaundiced eye in the future. I'm sorry, and ashamed. I think I'll go back to lurking for awhile.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

No newbie worries needed, even — your comment actually was posted while I was typing the update! (Also, the reply is to TheGyrus's second comment, about 2/3 of the way down the first page of comments…)

Lavenderp September 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm

So what I'd really like to know is why Egypt has apparently been cursed with TWO Egyptian Glenn Becks? Is there something still unresolved from when Pharaoh took too long to release the Jews from bondage a gazillion Passovers ago?
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2012/09/egyhttp://wonkette.com/475939/the-jon-stewart-of-egy

Chet Kincaid_ September 14, 2012 at 1:35 am

Nice catch! I believe it is a snafu with the licensing of Glenn Beck's batshit formulation in the Middle Eastern territories. Beck's lawyers thought it safer to just let it ride than to go over there and straighten things out.

miss_grundy September 13, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Charlie Rose's program is dealing with this tonight. Defending Mittens is David Brooks. Ugh.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 11:13 pm

When in doubt blame the media, which is funny considering the media is owned by multinational corporations who's boards of directors Mitt hosts for weekend orgies.

Silly world, stop being so burlesque!

GeorgiaBurning September 13, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Complaining about "librul media" feeds the idiots' persecution complex. It makes them aggressive and pliable. "America the Great Satan" is used the same way on a similar mob of morons in the Middle East.

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Why hasn't Reince Prebus (or Whatever) been fired for this:
http://dailydish.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451c45669e

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:04 am

Because he is in step with a significant portion of the Party? Including its candidate?

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Mitt Romney: The kind of President you could see yourself having a glass of milk with.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Beer production preceded milk production by at least 500 years.

QED Obama.

Steverino247 September 13, 2012 at 11:30 pm

OT: Kansas board "considering" removing Obama from the ballot.
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/09
http://cjonline.com/news/2012-09-13/kansas-panel-

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

DemmeFatale September 14, 2012 at 12:32 am

Are they jealous of Florida, Arizona, Texas, etc.?

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 2:00 am

In a state still burning witches, this won't be a big loss for the president. lol This will disenfranchize the two, whole Obama voters in Kanas.

I know, I know, Wichita/Kansas City libel!

Lavenderp September 14, 2012 at 2:09 am

…"there is substantial evidence showing that much of Mr. Obama's alleged birth certificates have been forged or doctored, and have not been confirmed as legally valid, true and accurate."

What IS the matter with Kansas?

nowave September 13, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I know Romney is rich, but according to the photograph above, he has bought Pink Floyd…? Wish you weren't here, Mitt.

Another prick in the Wall.

littlebigdaddy September 13, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Mittens: I CAN HAZ TURD POLISHING?

lulzmonger September 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Romney's Theorem: The stench of a turd decreases in direct proportion to how much tinsel is sprinkled on it.

Remember, voters: BUY 9 & THE 10TH ONE IS FREE!

TribecaMike September 14, 2012 at 12:19 am

(REUTERS) Republican candidate Mitt Romney continues to insist that the violence in Libya and Egypt was caused by President Obama's lack of interest in the recent passing of Hal David, lyricist of Romney's favorite song, "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head."

Romney's top foreign affairs advisor John Bolton is demanding that the State Department dispatch David's longtime partner Burt Bacharach immediately to Tripoli by camel caravan, "preferably with a full orchestra, but without that commie dupe Dionne Warwick."

Juan_Oriley September 14, 2012 at 12:52 am

You know, I created my Bacharch Pandora channel a good few years ago. One of the first ones I think. Also, too, I do not know the way to San Jose, but I might just drive up there some weekend when I'm bored, and listening to Pandora.

TribecaMike September 14, 2012 at 1:00 am

A 13 year old pal o' mine is really into the Henry Mancini channel on Pandora, for which I salute him. Have you seen the BBC history of easy listening documentary? Good stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgmCw3fcZxg

Juan_Oriley September 14, 2012 at 1:27 am

Since I ain't got no TV, I'm watching that now. Of course If I end up driving up to San Jose, I'll have to swing thru Bakersfield and eat a chicken fried steak at Buck Owens old joint because I got plenty of that Bakersfield country on the Pandora.

TribecaMike September 15, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Buck Owens rules

RadioX September 14, 2012 at 12:57 am

Talk about weakness. Raindrops Keep Falling In Over My Head

Lavenderp September 14, 2012 at 2:23 am

It isn't just weak, it's wet.

bearperney September 14, 2012 at 12:29 am

It seems like Mitt has a coward's idea of how a brave person would act and is trying to emulate that erroneous concept.

obfuscator2 September 14, 2012 at 12:40 am

if the ONLY thing you're capable of doing is raising money, you should probably stay in venture capitalism and avoid politics.

HistoriCat September 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

Mitt should trying buying a president and not the presidency.

iburl September 14, 2012 at 12:43 am

This whole brouhaha could still be solved if Mitt would just admit he is a Reptiloid from the Asteroid Belt. I will accept Ryan's silence to serve as his confirmation as well.

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 2:02 am

So this is what it looks like when an evil robot loses his shit. All we have to do is stay clear of its blast radius when it inevitably self-destructs to try and take us all down with it. Sarah Connor FTW.

valthemus September 14, 2012 at 3:19 am

Foolish liberals, don't you understand? Obama is apologizing to Muslims, who are evil, because Obama is evil and a Muslim and evilly hates America where all his stuff is. Stop trying to explain why he's not an evil Muslim evil person. I'm a conservative, dagnabbit! I don't want to be informed, I just want to be angry!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 14, 2012 at 6:01 am

"That's the trouble with the liberal lamestream media: always paying attention to what we said, instead of what we say we said."

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 7:37 am

Breaking News: Seeing crashing poll numbers, and hoping to disassociate himself from his current failed branding, Mitt Romney has left the Republican Party, and will now run on the ballot line of the newly-minted "The Trees Are Too Damn High!" party.

bobbert September 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

This is probably too late in the thread to get the number of upfists it deserves.

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 9:24 pm

lol! Yeah, it came too late.

102415 September 14, 2012 at 4:27 pm
TribecaMike September 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm

I'll drink to that!

Kid_Charlemagne September 14, 2012 at 8:27 am

There ain't enough lipstick in the world to put on this pig.

Ruhe September 14, 2012 at 8:33 am

“No. It is never too soon to stand up for American values and interests.”

Which is why Jesus began doing so over two thousand years ago.

Toomush_Infer September 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

Enough! This is just research for Mitt's new book: The Kama Sutra of Political Posturing…it'll be out November 9th….

DahBoner September 14, 2012 at 9:15 am

"Look! Over there! It's a Black man!" — Mitch Romney, Sideshow Barker, Snake Faire

Limeylizzie September 14, 2012 at 9:18 am

Our Editrix is still asleep on my couch, so not sure when there will be a new Wonkette post, but it was a delightful time last night , I became slightly obsessed with getting a good photo of Wonketteer lurker "Jessica" who was this really attractive, smart and funny woman but I couldn't get a good shot of her, but finally managed, so sorry if I was a bit weird, Jessica, but it was for your own good!

Limeylizzie September 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

I know. She just had such a fantastic face, really open and friendly, and I couldn't get a shot that showed her awesomeness.

crybabyboehner September 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

It's never too soon to stand up for America, and there is never a bad time to get a shoeshine.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Lemme find one for you; http://www.monstermarketplace.com/lawn-ornaments-

Everywhere that Italian people go, they bring these with them, and plant them on their front lawn, along with a grapevine and some tomatoes.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Jesus Christ, those things are expensive! I DO know people who have these though. Nice.

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I was afraid to blink when I was looking at the angel statues.

finallyhappy September 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Saint Francis- someone across a few streets has a really big one of him-it always seemed strange to me around here. When I lived in South Philly, it was expected to have religious stuff on your lawn. Also people have dinosaurs and bulls on their lawns(but they are homemade art) near me

prommie September 13, 2012 at 5:12 pm

See, its not really a bathtub, but it looks like a bathtub with the inside painted blue, so we say that for the Lulz. They are nearly mandatory in New Jersey. Its time you learned.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I suppose so. She looks like whatsername in the clam shell. Aphrodite? Whoever.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Where I grew up, it really was a bathtub. Buried halfway into the earth.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 7:27 pm

And the're off …

In the first turn it's Bathtub Virgin leading with Sacred Heart Jesus close and St. Francis running third.

around the clubhouse turn its Bathtub Virgin and Sacred Heart neck and neck with St. Francis pulling up on the outside.

It's a three way photo finish!

Hold on to your tickets as the Stewards review the films.
While we're waiting heres a word from our sponsor.

"SUNDAY, Sunday, sundaysundaysunday. Be Here at Englishtown Raceway as the Ultimate Race Off begins between good and evil.
A Monmouth Drag between Satan in his Monster F-150 and The Holy Ghost in his Z-28 Funny Car.

SUNDAY, sunday, sunday

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 6:12 pm

In Silicon Valley, we dispense with the clam.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 9:51 pm

PayGun! YouR gOing to HeLl!111!11!

Juan_Oriley September 14, 2012 at 12:59 am

Botticelli Libel! He was reading Lucretius I think so Venus.

Boojum September 14, 2012 at 8:28 am

Can I just sit and listen to you two? I promise to be quiet.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Bet you really regret keeping that strobe light from the '70's.

trampndirtdown September 13, 2012 at 8:49 pm

+1 Sally Sparrow

Fare la Volpe September 13, 2012 at 11:53 pm

You win.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 9:34 pm

We had them mounted on the side of everything except for the medevacs and the slicks. There was talks that a gunner and crew chief version, station mounted in the side bays for H models was coming soon but I never saw it. Also left a lot of that there and did not want to think about it again.1969, the year I went there, was a pivotal year in the deployment of new theories of war as prosecuted with helicopters. Changes seemed to happen every day. I recall seeing a night run by the DC-3 often referred to Puff the Magic Dragon and it was awesome. By the time I left I recall seeing the same run being done by a staggered line of three early Cobras and it basically made Puff obsolete.I did many drop offs and pickups and medevac and after the LZ was properly prepped you could find your way to it by seeing the glint off the brass laying on the ground.

Doktor Zoom September 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I just looked it up on Wikipedia, really.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

They haven't been around lately. What could they be up to? Hengh.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Where is Neilist when we need him?

GunToting[Redacted] September 14, 2012 at 12:18 am

Interesting. I guess the guy we shot with (who was in his mid-80s) worked on the M134D.Sent from my iPad

MittBorg September 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I'm imagining a car full of shrieking queers, trying to navigate. :)

Boojum September 14, 2012 at 8:32 am

You must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Charlie_Foxtrot September 13, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It would look just like NASCAR. Always turning left.

Callyson September 13, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Maybe they still have a hangover from the Philly Wonkette meet – up.

Fare la Volpe September 13, 2012 at 11:56 pm

I think you mean what could they have gotten to be up.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Duh, that because you're cool, ttommy.

Fare la Volpe September 13, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Poly Nesians? You mean there's more of 'em?!

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Naw, I just learned from the very best: our Military's NCO Professionals.Sent from my iPhone

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2012 at 12:25 am

Since we're doing tangents, let's not forget that a young Bob Dornan "starred" in the boringest movie ever put on celluloid, The Starfighters

Don't crap in your hand,
crap in your Poopy Suit!

TribecaMike September 14, 2012 at 12:28 am

Damn straight, chum.

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 12:44 am

I miss The Count :(

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 12:51 am

She's half American and half Polynesian. She's Amnesian.

glasspusher September 14, 2012 at 12:58 am

In a hypothetical sense, of course?

Lavenderp September 14, 2012 at 1:55 am

Are you implying that her pregnancies were not all full-term?

Negropolis September 14, 2012 at 1:01 am

We have always been at war with Amnesia…where is Amnesia?

I forget.

sbj1964 September 14, 2012 at 2:04 am

Not full term if you go by the Right wing Christian Fundy definition."Life begins at Erection".

FakaktaSouth September 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

I was afraid of the Aerosmith part. But, NOW, of course Come Together is one of my very favorite songs.

prommie September 14, 2012 at 10:31 am

Touche'

James Michael Curley September 14, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Take a right at the light, head on straight until night and then, boy, you’re on your own.

James Michael Curley September 14, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Also pass to the tight end in the flats with a pulling guard.

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