Nancy Pelosi Apparently Does Not Care For That Whippersnapper Rep. Paul Ryan

Original GangstaOh ho ho, Nancy Pelosi! How are you being a hilarious bitch today? Oh, you are “welcoming” back to the hallowed halls of Congress the “intellectual heavyweight” of the Republican Party, Paul Ryan, by cutting together a whole bunch of riotous tape of him being unable to string two words together? That’ll do, Nance. That’ll do quite nicely!

Call us, Madam Leader. We will be your total whores.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. Antispandex

      I'm saving myself in case Rachel Maddow desides to go all "Anne Heche" some day, but I would consider it.

        1. Antispandex

          No, no. She says I can totally have a free pass on Rachel or Portia de Rossi, or, Tammy Lynn Michaels or……..hey, wait a minute!

    2. ThankYouJeebus

      I'd like to put out in the form of a vote, but I'm 2 blocks away from her district.
      I'm honored and proud to vote for Jackie Speier instead.

    1. MittBorg

      I waver back and forth between liking her incredible political smarts and admiring her loyalty to progressive causes (and the fine balance she has to strike between the two), and being really pissed at her for striking that balance.

      And then just plain ol' crushing on her 'cause she is smart, savvy, and hardworking as hell.

        1. prommie

          No, he wasn't referencing that particular song. Its a common expression for "hey, come here and fuck me" in parts of the US.

          1. Warwhatgoodfor

            Well, yeah. Guy – "hey bi*ch, gimmie some sugar". Girl – "'when hell freezes over, dickhead. FOAD". At least that's the answer I always got. Maybe I didn't sound southern enough. Or not enough grease in my hair and no can of Skoal in my back pocket.

  1. AlterNewt

    "Call us, Madam Leader. We will be your total whores"

    DAMMIT! My Nancy Pelosi costume is at the cleaners.

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      Just put an old leather handbag on your face and borrow someone's pearls?

      I kid, I kid! I'd totally get me some well aged Californian representative.

  2. smitallica

    Hmm. You think it's cuz he's a petulant little dick who's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is, mebbe?

    1. MittBorg

      He's not very smart at all, just a good bullshit artist. When you actually have to deal with real policy shit, you have to have the exact numbers at your fingertips. You NEVER walk into a meeting, any meeting, without knowing your stuff backwards and forwards, down to the page number and line cites, and a stack of papers to back you up. Or at least some smart minions schlepping a stack of papers behind you.

      He's supposed to be the Republicans' No. 1 policy wonk. He can't say he doesn't have the numbers or hasn't done the calculations.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        "He can't say he doesn't have the numbers or hasn't done the calculations."

        Oh, yeah he can. He can lie about all kinds of shit.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          There's evidence that when he's in one of the quiet rooms Mitt is so fond of he does have numbers. He just knows they are so ugly that he can't bring them out in daylight.

        2. MittBorg

          You're quite right.

          I SHOULD have said, "He can't GET AWAY with saying, etc." Or, at least, he can't get away with it any more. After those two lies about his athletic prowess, nobody believes anything he says any more.

    2. OldWhiteLies

      Indeed. And you are too kind.

      No really, WAY too kind. May I?

      … cuz he's a misogynistic, self-indulgent, smug, smarmy, megalomaniacal, bitchy little FUCK who lacks nearly all the credentials necessary to be tagged as human, and who's not nearly …

      Sorry, lately I've been getting all HULK SMASH every time I lay eyes on that mf. He seems to illicit far more emotional response than does rMoney now. I shall attempt to regain my composure. Please do carry on …

        1. OldWhiteLies

          After wiping off the explosion of spittle from my screen and rereading my effort, I fear I must concur, Gentlepersons. But perhaps it is best not to dwell further on this loathsome smear's reality. Tis time for the midday meal, and methinks a Paddington Station (sammich) and a cupla Guiness at yonder Whistle Stop pub are the best next course of action. I'd ask you both to join, on me, if were not we all logistically challenged …

    3. pdiddycornchips

      Republicans are about to learn that "smart enough to fool the base" doesn't mean "smart enough to fool the electorate". Ryan's plan doesn't balance the budget until 2027. It's built on assumptions that aren't specified. It's a Republican wet dream and a national nightmare. I have never been much of a Hopey fan but this fucker isn't just dumb, he's evil. Anyone that votes for these two douchebags that doesn't have an eight digit portfolio at a hedge fund is just not paying attention.

      1. Lot_49

        2027…that might be too soon, even with a Magic Asterisk's worth of growth. Better make it 3037, just to be safe. Cuz Congress today can't vote to make Future Congress do anything. For example, defense cuts in the Great Sequester, which those Republicans started to weasel renege on just minutes after they voted for them. Buncha damn reneggers…

  3. ChernobylSoup

    On behalf of Generation X, I would like to apologize for Paul Ryan. Nobody expected anything out of our generation and he's a living example of why that is.

    Oh, and Pelosi is hot.

      1. LesBontemps

        As a boomer, I thank you both for your service. And by service I mean your Social Security and Medicare tax munnies, which I am going to eat.

        1. BoroPrimorac

          I'd be fine if Bachmann, West and a few other baggers lost their seats, but I'd be over the fucking moon if this smarmy prick gets beaten.

          1. MittBorg

            Then you'll be happy to hear that Bachmann is in serious trouble. I believe she's lost the Independent vote in her (newly-redistricted) district by over 50%, and she's running barely 2 points ahead of her challenger and sinking. Her challenger is a bright-eyed young Democrat named Jim Graves. He's smart, sensible, and … sane.

    1. chicken_thief

      I did see a headline where he recently pumped $2M into his congressional re-election campaign. Just to cover the bases, I guess….

      1. MittBorg

        No, this ^^^ is NOT my sock puppet account. Just proves that Great Minds Think Alike.

        Yeah, OK, it could be Small Minds Seldom Differ. I'm not bragging or nuthin.

          1. MittBorg

            Yes! YES! (hugs you, dances around in gimpy circle)

            This election has me so fucking jazzed. West is losing it, you know he's about ready to blow up.

      2. finallyhappy

        I did – from the same paypal acct I sent to the pizza guy foundation and the Wonkette drinky things. I only have money there when I answer surveys and I get paid money in $5 or $10 increments(but I don't earn it in those increments- like $.50 or $1 ) I better answer more surveys starting today.

    2. slithytoves

      I read that somewhere too, can't remember where. Thought it would hysterical if he lost the VEEP bid AND his seat. So long bright future!

      1. MittBorg

        This is what I am fervently hoping for. I suspect that, like Thaddeus McCotter, recent Republican candidate for POTUS, one or more of these scalawags won their position by illegal activities including suppressing the vote. It's time to call them to account. Ryan losing his seat would be the start of that.

        So watch out, folks. They know they're losing, and they will fight like cornered wolverines. Go to the polls in groups, designate a cameraperson, and make sure you check your state's ID requirements, etc. OFA has the information you need to ensure that you CAN vote. Do it early.

    3. MittBorg

      Yup. Challenger @RobZerban looking good, and he needs your help at, if you're in Wisconsin, or just, you know, have munniez lying around that you need to get rid of.

          1. emmelemm

            Well, I'll put you on the mailing list, but I have to warn you that the pictures are only in black and white.

    4. DustBowlBlues

      Dare we hope that November will be Mittmass for us all? I'll trade that Audoban DVD of songbirds I've been asking for and take a Republic Party drubbing instead. Plus, more people will enjoy the latter.

        1. Nothingisamiss

          MIttBorg if YOU'RE thinking about champagne, I need to cheer the heck up and (tentatively, so as not to jinx us) get my Mittmas plans together.

          1. MittBorg

            Geeze, am I such a sad sack, hon? I'm sorry if I've been an asshole. I do get awfully excitable around election time, don't I?

            It's looking good, though. Obama's much closer to the 270 electoral votes needed than Mitt, and Mitt continues to slip in the crucial swing states. Merry Mittmas!

  4. sbj1964

    Nancy can't find a place in her heart for little Pauly.Which is easy for her since she doesn't have a heart.

    1. MittBorg

      I don't always agree with Nancy Pelosi, and I don't always like her, either. But she is basically a good and decent person, and I would prefer you did not attack her character. Please stick to her politics. And remember that she's held her seat for years with a 92% approval rating from her constituents, which is a damn sight better than you can say for most other Representatives.

      1. sbj1964

        She is a career Politician,and a party demigod.Having a heart would just be a drag on her soul if she had one of those either.92% approval rate in congress when they as a whole single digits that would be amazing. Where did you pull that number out of?Hmm,Let me guess.

        1. MittBorg

          Obviously, the only thing you know about Nancy Pelosi is what you pull out of your favourite place. And no, I wouldn't reach in there, not even to retrieve numbers that would support my case. Since you're THAT fucking ignorant, let me be the first to tell you: there is a thing called google. And even you can get your twisty stubby ancient fingers out of your ass long enough to query it. It is a search engine. It will show you such arcane and recondite information as politicians' approval ratings in their own districts.

          What a stupid fucking lout.

          1. sbj1964

            So in short you have nothing?That's what I thought.92% of the time people just make up statistics.See I can do it also.Nancy's real approval rating however according to Rasmussen is 60% disapproval,and 40% of that strong disapproval in her district likely voters.Next time cite a source.Anyone can google the facts for themselves.Without you pulling numbers out of your ASS! What a Douche.PS Have you ever considered being a Fact checker at Fox News? You would fit right in.

          2. sullivanst

            Nancy's real approval rating however according to Rasmussen is 60% disapproval,and 40% of that strong disapproval in her district likely voters.

            Wait, now who's pulling numbers out their ass? Latest Ras NATIONAL survey has Nancy at 59% disapprove, 46% strongly.

            NATIONAL not district.

            World Nut Daily commissioned a poll in her district last cycle, at the acme of the nationwide GOP campaign of hate against her, and she hit 64.3% favorables then.

          3. sbj1964

            Really?Still nowhere near 93% by any poll anywhere.Nice try.And the poll I'm citing is in ref. to MB assertions of her supporters (Likely voters)not a National survey.Apples,and oranges lets try to stay focused.Thank you for just proving my point.

          4. Boojum

            Putting aside the 92% — which is actually an ACLU approval rating for Nancy — Her approval rating is so high in her district as to be meaningless.

            Pelosi represents one of the safest Democratic districts in the country. Democrats have held the seat since 1949 and Republicans, who currently make up only 13 percent of registered voters in the district, have not made a serious bid for the seat since the early 1960s. She won the seat in her own right in 1988 and has been reelected 10 more times with no substantive opposition, winning by an average of 80 percent of the vote. She has not participated in candidates' debates since her 1987 race against Harriet Ross. The strongest challenge Pelosi has faced was in 2008 when anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan polled 17% and Pelosi won with 72%.

            So, you slipped a digit and said 92 meaning 72 or confused ACLU approval for voter approval, who cares? She's winning. We take the House, Editrix is going to call me from the hinterlands to play bitch for Queen Nancy, because she will be talking all kinds of shit on behalf of the House. I will be lying down as rug monster for two sexy powerful ladies and you wonder at my motives? Cry Have Me, and Let Slip the Dogs of Porn!

          5. sbj1964

            Never claimed she was in danger of losing her seat.San Francisco Dem's still will vote for her.The 92% approval rate is just bogus.And no matter how you try to muddy the waters that's just reality.The core of our dispute is just making up bullshit lies(Stats) to further ones political agenda.You know like the GOP.We should be better than that.If MB had a single shred of proof for his ridiculous claims he would have done so.But alas nothing.Thanks for playing the game.PS, I'm a big fan of yours keep them laughing.

          1. sbj1964

            Is it wrong to call Bullshit when someone is Lying?Notice the anger when you confront them.They resort to personal attacks.I thought better of Mitt Borg.He should have just admitted he was bullshitting.That I can understand from an ideologue.

          2. Boojum

            Sometimes we make mistakes that are meaningless in the broader context, such that it is considered inconsiderate to point them out, because it distracts from a larger issue. This is one such occasion. Whereas relying on Fox News nationwide polls to make some kind of point was just a dick move.

      2. Isyaignert

        Also, too, when Nancy Pelosi was Speaker of the House their approval rating was in the 40% range; with Boehner it's 10% and falling.

    2. DustBowlBlues

      I read an article about her in Time, or something, when she was elected Speaker. Yeah, she's arrogant and rude to the little people, but she's also engaged personally with the members of her caucus and tends to them like, well, like a grandmother from a teevee sitcom. Also, she can keep Democrats disciplined like no one has since LBJ was free to spread govt largesse, or take it away, from any damn congressman he chose.

    1. Boojum

      I think we have finally decided that it is OK not to make their points for them, when they were too incompetent.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      He could probably outrun you, though, with your fucked-up knee and his Kenyan-like marathon times and all.

          1. DustBowlBlues

            Whoopsie. I am now following you. Or your window, at least. Hey, just read your profile and I like it so I did the above on purpose. You're welcome.

            As a 64 year Old, I caution you to appreciate any short term memory circuits that work and be grateful for your knees if you ever walk up stairs. After 50, it's surprising how fast they go. I was getting high in college just yesterday, and now I'm getting high in AARP land.

          2. Lot_49

            Me too really. Just said the gloomy stuff for comedic effect, however paltry. My life got really good when I was about 55. Here are two things that helped: (1) a good head of gray hair, and (2) making some real money, finally.

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      Obama and Kennedy were both thought of as "young" in relative, generational terms when they first ran for President. Not to mention Clinton vs. HW or Bob Dole. There are a lot more significant things to loathe the GOP over.

  5. Terry

    Remember that Nancy represents San Francisco now, but she's from Baltimore. Her father was Thomas D'Alesandro, Jr., a U.S. Congressman from Maryland and a Mayor of Baltimore. Her brother, Thomas D'Alesandro III, was also Mayor of Baltimore. She grew up seeing politics that was red in tooth and nail.

  6. SorosBot

    I just wish the rest of the Democratic Congresspeople had Nancy's guts instead of the large numbers of spineless milquetoasts and blue dogs we're stuck with.

    1. MittBorg

      Nance has never won her district by LESS than 80%. It makes a real difference knowing that your constituents are solidly behind you. I'm sure you've done political organizing work, and you know how difficult it is to get groups of people with very different motives and interests to agree to anything. Hell, it's difficult to get them to fucking agree even when they're on the same side.

      The Republican Lockstep March is impressive in terms of beating others down, but it fails at democracy, coalition-building, and effective management of important issues over time. You can't sustain the hard work needed to build anything by invoking a constant state of rage. This is why politics is so hard. It's constant effort.

  7. Chet Kincaid_

    Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are rounding nicely into that too-frank old couple on the cruise ship who like to scandalize younger folks by blurting out details of their love life.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      I would never!!! (That would mean disclosing the Old Man's porn surfing, which would embarrass him. )

  8. Oblios_Cap

    With a name like Pelosi, you just know she'll have Ryan will be sleeping with the fishes by the end of the week.

  9. FakaktaSouth

    Oh hell yeah he returned to vote on still getting paid. He says statutory and all I can think of is that guy with the swingset. And I don't think if I were Pauly Fucknuts I would want to be the guy who has "carried the House Republican Budget."
    Cut him Nancy. I wish I could vote for her.

    I will now have that damned Welcome Back Kotter song stuck in my head all day.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I do know this song, and you have already yelled at me for ruining that song, so I am glad you don't remember. Good good good.

      1. prommie

        Amazon Premium's free streaming video collection is chock full of drive-in faire such as you describe, Reform School Girls From Hell and such things. YOu would love.

          1. prommie

            Yes, my secret kink is old black and white drive-in sexploitation movies! Curses, you have uncovered my darkest secret.

          2. FakaktaSouth

            You hush before I start making fun of your girlie Gene Kelly thing. "manly dancing" – whatever. AND no you were not DRUGGED, good lord, I just hurt your feelings because you were being all positive and I made fun of you, because it it is sometimes funny for a typical crank to get jubilant.

          3. prommie

            It'd take more than some joshing to ruin a song for me. Anyway, fridge magnets are like bluebird nightlights, no? And sentimental ornaments? Except they click.

  10. Lot_49

    That was really the low point in his career. The first few Lovin' Spoonful albums were wonderful…"Summer in the City", "Daydream," etc.

  11. fuflans

    i do not understand why ryan is considered such a wunderkind.

    it's just recycled libertarian bullshit searching for a budget plan and reality

    1. Negropolis

      But, is eyes, they're so blue.

      Honestly, it's as shallow as that. The Republican Party is kind of infamous for propping up people because they are deemed telegentic enough to go on the weekened talk shows.

  12. DustBowlBlues

    He really looks and acts like the smart-aleck asshole, with no sense of humor, who cheated to be elected president of Student Council (threatened sponsor that his poweerful father was going to call in his bank loan) then boasts how his "brains" beat the popular kid he ran against.

  13. Warwhatgoodfor

    I am ready to bet all cummers $10,000 that I can accurately guess what each them is thinking. And, if anybody is such a pr* ck as to insinuate the picture is photoshopped, I know people who know people who reportedly knew prominent members of the Gambino family, assuming any of them are still alive/not doing life in Sing Sing. Not that I would advocate violence of any sort. Ever.

    1. Boojum

      I was engaged to a woman whose grandfather's father was a bigamist. One family was active Gambino. The other (my ex-fiancé's) was fairly legit, merely doing plumbing work for Mr. Gotti.

  14. TribecaMike

    Expecting Paul Ryan to be consistent is like expecting Barbara Boxer not to change her hairdo every three weeks.

  15. ttommyunger

    All I can say is, I'd like to make Nancy cum so hard she'd have to pull the sheets out of her butt-crack afterwards.

  16. Robman2

    Nancy, I will volunteer to polish your balls, they are bigger than any other elected officials, and because your a girl, it won't go too gay.

  17. Negropolis

    Yes, children, Nasty Pelosi will cut a bitch if she has to.

    Now, if only she can make Boehner cry come November…we're working on it, Speaker.

  18. MadBrahms

    Nancy's pretty much the best, but let's not short the love for Paul Krugman and his "magic asterisk". Great way to close a video.

    1. Boojum

      Paul Krugman is like the Gandalf of economics, telling everybody what shit is true and not to believe the bullshit. Obama should name Bill Clinton Secretary of 'Splainin' Stuff and Paul Krugman Grand High Wizard of Money.

  19. gurukalehuru

    Oh, sure, mocking Paul Ryan is easy. But never forget that Nancy Pelosi is the reason George Bush wasn't impeached.
    She had her shot at greatness, and she threw it away. Fuck Nancy Pelosi.

    1. sullivanst

      And the odds of achieving the 67 Senate votes necessary for conviction were?

      So, she blew her chance at making a highly divisive political statement with no chance of ever turning into concrete action. Boo fucking hoo.

  20. MozakiBlocks

    I have a good friend whose worked in Dem. politics for a long time says that the one person he's "afraid of" is Nancy Pelosi.

    I can see why.

  21. usuhname

    HOW DARE Nancy call the Republicans out on having no clue whatsoever how to manage a country, and their habit of dramatically increasing deficits. Bitch.

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