WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING  1:15 pm September 13, 2012

Mitt Romney Seems To Think ‘Obama Wants Fewer Wars’ Will Make People Not Vote For Him Or Something

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

A winning strategy, fellows, to be sure!Hey Miffed Romney, what have you got to say today that the rest of us will either jump on with both feet after you are already down like that one fat fuck jumped on Rich Gannon that time, or will merely scratch our heads and go “eh?” Oh, Barack Obama wants fewer wars? You are right, nobody will vote for him now! What a stupid fucking idiot, thinking two wars is enough! USA! USA! And etc!

Mitt Romney, campaigning in Fairfax, Virginia, said Thursday that President Obama wants to limit the U.S. military’s capacity so it can only engage in one conflict at a time. Criticizing the automatic defense spending cuts looming at the end of the year, which passed as part of the bipartisan debt-limit deal, Romney said he will “restore our military commitment and keep America the strongest military in the world.”

“This president’s done something I find hard to understand. Ever since FDR, we’ve had capacity to be engaged in two conflicts at once,” Romney said. “He’s saying, ‘No, we’re going to cut that back to one conflict.’”

Miffed, we are beginning to just feel sorry for you. You are so bad at this. Not just the gladhanding and campaigning and such. You are not good with people, we get that! But you are supposed to be Mr. Manager, and every strategy you espouse and person you hire is fucking tarded. You are the worst candidate in the history of this or any republic. Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece for the rest of the campaign. Really, no one would blame you at all.

[TPM]

 
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{ 268 comments }

YouBetcha September 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Draft dodging pussy says what?

RedStatePinko September 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

What?

ThundercatHo September 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I want this on a bumper sticker. In fact, can I steal this for a fb post?

YouBetcha September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You have a nonexclusive license in perpetuity in all media.

RedStatePinko September 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm

You did not build that bumper sticker.

CivicHoliday September 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I see what you did there.

memzilla September 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

"Keep Hawkin' That Chicken,"

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Also quite good!

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

He wants to be able to fight three wars, but one of them has to be the LDS war against the French, carried out on bicycle.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Yup, one for my master, one for my dame, one for little Romney who cries in the lane…

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

But the LDS and the French are allies in the War On Monogamy!

sullivanst September 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Nah, the French don't want to have many wives. More chance of one of the wives finding them with the mistress(es).

zumpie September 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I really hope Jon Soltz of votevets.org is on MSNBC about this tonight!

Hint: boyfriend will NOT be amused and views W, Cheney and Mittens as draft dodging pigs.

Terry September 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Conscientious objector who is willing to send other people out into battle says what?

RedStatePinko September 13, 2012 at 2:45 pm

What?!!

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I can't be anymore confused by that statement. Keep digging Mitt, you are handing this on a silver platter to our President.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

No no! I get what he means…he means that Obama wants to only have the military capacity to fight one glorious war, but in reality when Armageddon comes, he'll need to fight three or four for Jesus.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Can't Jesus provide a few divisions, and at least one carrier group?

SigDeFlyinMonky September 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

How many divisions does the Pope have?

Estproph September 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Right now his supporters are whittled down to people named Enos and Cletus.

PsycWench September 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I don't like the sound of "restore our military commitment". It sounds like something you say before you attack a country because the leader talked smack about your daddy.

Incitefully_Joe September 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

MITT ROMNEY IS GONNA INVADE AMERICA!!!

weejee September 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

As our Editrix said, Miffed "is fucking tarded."

tee hee

Lascauxcaveman September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

It sounds like something you say before you attack a country because the leader talked smack about your daddy.

Well in that case, we're OK. George Romney was basically a good guy and nobody ever really badmouthed him, so basically ROMNEY/RYAN 2012!

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Seems like Mittens has been the main guy badmouthing his own dad. So; suicide?

GeorgiaBurning September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Sounds like he's going to hire more "independent contractors" to work for the Pentagon, that's the major industry of Northern Virginia, no?

Terry September 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Or because you want their oil to be controlled by your friends and campaign contributors.

ChernobylSoup September 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm

The number 7 is a very powerful number in magic. What if one were to split his soul into 7 parts, by committing 7 wars?

FraAnima September 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Horcrux libel!

ThundercatHo September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

The last one, I think it's in his underwear!

VicariousMe September 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Horcrux libel!

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

TIME CUBE LIBEL!

TouchedByDog September 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Cool story, Mitt. How many pushups can you do, bro?

badseeds September 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Well, Mittens has amply demonstrated his capacity to be engaged in at least two fuck-ups at once, so that is a thing.

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Multi-tasking is the key to effective management!

Goonemeritus September 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Mitt just lost Riley’s vote.

proudgrampa September 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Where is Riley, these days? I always thought he was a nice kid.

Graham Cracker September 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Mitt is going to need a longer handle on that shovel he is using.

fatbob54 September 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

HIs problem is until he decided to run for president he hired "those people" to dig his holes for him. Now that he had to fire them becuause he's running for president for pete's sake, he's having to dig his holes himself and he just doesn't have the hang of it yet.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

He's hit rock bottom, and he's still digging? Someone please hand him a jackhammer.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

How can you stand all that noise above you?

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I'm going to need a longer handle, on the shovel I'm going to stick up his ass.

Fucking Mittsicle. With votes, &c.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

He needs to ask Sarah Palin how big his handle should be…

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Apparently the shovels are all the wrong height.

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

What a fucking dumbass. First of all, President Obama doesn't want to limit our capacity to fight two wars at once — he wants to cut the military budget by a reasonable amount and wants to not fight someplace just because it seemed like the thing to do at the time.

Second of all, Mitt the fucking asshole, do you know who was the first person who wanted to change our capacity to fight two wars at once to just one? You wanna guess Donald fuckin' Rumsfeld?

Jesus fucking Christ on a biscuit, this guy is a fucking moron.

ETA: Here's an article from CNN about the same topic. Not everybody has a ten-minute attention span, Bishop Romney.

AngryBlakGuy September 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

…3rd: The ability to fight an asymmetric war requires a military to become smaller, dynamic and intelligent. This is comparing the ground and pound run dominant NFL from 30 years ago to today's spread them thin and go deep NFL of today.

Lascauxcaveman September 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I guess that makes Mitt the Tim Tebow of politics.

Just wildly scrambling around trying to make something happen, without much forward progress. But still, pretty amusing to watch.

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Not to mention that if you're an occupying force fighting a guerilla insurgency, you're not going to be successful without either getting the occupied citizens on your side or resorting to a huge amount of suppression and violence.

But it would be unrealistic to hope Bishop Romney and the neocons were capable of learning from our experiences in Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, the Philippines or anywhere else they'd prefer to forget because we weren't wildly successful.

AngryBlakGuy September 13, 2012 at 6:14 pm

…correct, they are still relying on the visuals of legions of men getting mowed down by German O'seven O'twelves In the first world war. However can you imagine Mittens trying to explain the dynamics of a modern battlefield?!?! Fukkin epic!!!

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Nice to see you.
I know Terry Bradshaw is smarmy cracker asshole with all the intelligence of a nitrous oxide fart, but man could he run a two minute drill.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

3rd war: now that Vile Rat is gone, we need a new ambassador for our cyber wars….

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Too sad.

Terry September 13, 2012 at 2:41 pm

an EVE player, are you?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 13, 2012 at 5:20 pm

You have to admit, it's great training for a diplomat. Brokering deals, secrets and lies, corps and factions… All unmanaged. Brilliant social science.

Terry September 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Staying up all night, trying to coordinate an attack with a bunch of Romanian teenagers…

BoatOfVelociraptors September 13, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Our cyber wars have gone a touch Anonymous these days.

Terry September 13, 2012 at 5:30 pm

He was a goon, Something Awful rather than 4chan or whatever.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I've been to quakecon. I am aware.Thanks

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:06 pm

That article is from May 9, 2001, though.

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Yeah, it probably doesn't count, since it's from the Administration that Never Happened.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I'm just saying, back then Rummy thought we were only going to do Iraq.

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

If he and his colleagues had done their job back then, that is.

keepwalkin September 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I liked Bishop the Droid in Aliens 3 a lot moar better.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

We have always been at war with … everyone?

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Howard Zinn had a wonderful speech about how often the US has been engaged in conflict overseas since its founding – pretty much non-stop, with the exception of, like, a few years before WWI.

KeepFnThatChicken September 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I get a bunch of mean-mouthed Xtian fundies in my FB sc(t)roll, who swear up and down on Armageddon, Israel, prophecy, and reflect upon our peaceful society — until we, or our friends, are provoked by Satan or something.

That's one war they're all beggin' for. "Turn Iran into a glass parking lot".

orygoon September 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm

This Romney fucker could start a war with *England*, for fuck's sake.

Now that I have a son in the military, I'm getting even more jumpy about this shit than before. Kid's in Navy A-school, learning to be a medic. There's a rumor already that every one of them has to serve in Marine units when they get out "because of Libya". Fuck Romney, fuck "Sam Bacile", fuck them all. Haven't we learned anything?

siga_no_mas September 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm

My spouse is active duty U.S. Navy. (Ironically, he's currently on an Embassy tour.) He is eligible for retirement next June, and if Rmoney wins, we are running to the exits. I just hope he'll be able to get out. If we're on another neo con misadventure, who knows?

Terry September 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

We haven't been at war with the Canadians since 1815 or so. We burned their capitol, the Brits burned ours while sticking up for the Canadians, whom they owned at the time. Even steven.

cromiller September 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

One "conflict" can still span multiple countries though, right? Right?

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

His answer is probably "As many as can be spanned".

vodkamuppet September 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

What about multiple conflicts in one country, have we tried that yet? I bet we haven't tried that yet. We should throw like 4 wars at Libya right now to show our resolve.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

What about the war on terriers?

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

GOP is waging War on Terra.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I liked that show.

Oblios_Cap September 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

And several decades, if done correctly.

Terry September 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

The War on Terra

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Ready, Fire, Aim!!!

vodkamuppet September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Which in a Romney administration would replace GWs "Ready, Aim, Fail!!!"

mrpuma2u September 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

This is a foreign policy that only Shotgun Dick could love…

SmutBoffin September 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Mittila the Hun.

TheGyrus September 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Its kind of silly he said that in Fairfax. He should take it down to Norfolk – they would eat that shit up!

cromiller September 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

But Fairfax is right in the shadow of the Pentagon.

docterry6973 September 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I am pretty sure that this is a bald-faced lie. So what's for dinner?

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Aha. Renormalized Mittnews.

hagajim September 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Can we reduce our military commitment to the level where we have the ability to fight zero wars without an Act of Congress? That would be good I think. I mean, we can blow the fucking world up about 700 times with our nukes and drones….what else do we need?

Crank_Tango September 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

How many wars would you trust with the current congress? And no, Boehner's War on the War on Tanning doesn't count.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Between now and next Tuesday the major objective of Boehner will be a War on SNAP.

edgydrifter September 13, 2012 at 1:23 pm

So Mitt is advocating a return to the 92% top marginal tax rate we had during the Eisenhower administration? Because that is how we were able to afford a military that could fight every country in the world simultaneously.

PsycWench September 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

No, silly, tax CUTS are the answer to every question. And when someone asks you how tax cuts do these things, the next answer is "Look! Over there!"

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Shiny thing libel!

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Shiny!!!!….

tigernole September 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Hey mittens don't forget to re-institute the draft for the poors too.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"I'm not concerned about the very poor, so long as they can pass the physical and have good aim."

bearperney September 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Selective service draft has been replaced by the economic draft, way back under W.

Maman September 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

While Mittens wants to have war on all continents all the time and wants to have the cavalry lead the charge because war horses are pricey.

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

But they dance so pretty (before they are shot dead).

ThundercatHo September 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Rafalca says, "Fuck that shit. My job is just to look pretty."

FlownOver September 13, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Rafalca's going on a "mission" to France instead. Them French horses need converting.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Don't you love it when people put cute little sayings in the mouths of their pets and babbies?

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Shit, I bet Romney's sister used to kick his ass at Risk.

fatbob54 September 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

No doubt. And I bet their Life game had one square before they landed on the mansion.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Um, they started out in the mansion…

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Ha, you have captured Irkutsk with a Risk reference prior to mine!

mrpuma2u September 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I missed this whole thread dangit. I was holed up down in Australia with all my armies piled up on SE Asia.

MLHencken September 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Right. We have more weapons and military resources that the next 15 countries combined, but that's not enough, sayeth the man with countless homes, cars and elevators.

Mitt just likes to have large collections of things, apparently.

FlownOver September 13, 2012 at 1:40 pm

At the moment he's working on the world's most extensive collection of Stoopid.

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Except "people who like him".

Eve8Apples September 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Congress wants the Defense Department to spend money on equipment the Defense Department says they do not want or need. You know the GOP has gone off the deep end when even the career brass at the Department of Defense is sending money back to Congress.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:38 pm

See, that's their mistake. Don't send the money back to the fuckups in congress. Just send it to us. Alternatively, I'm sure the troops wouldn't mind a fucking raise.

AngryBlakGuy September 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

…this coming from a guy who would shyt his magic underwear if he was conscripted!

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

How bout NO conflicts? NO wars? Am I crazy? It's me isn't it? I just want to stop blowing up stuff other places at all. It must be me.

YouBetcha September 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

That's because unlike Mittens, your dick is already big enough.

SmutBoffin September 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

WAR IS A SHINY OBJECT AND THE CRIES OF ORPHAN REFUGEES ARE LIKE SOOTHING MUSIC

bikerlaureate September 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

And here I thought you were a good Amercian.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Hippie.

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

It is you. I wish everyone was you. Except Prommie, because that would be weird and probably unsatisfying.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

That WOULD be weird, it's close enough already.

I just do not understand when this became so acceptable, this need to be battling it out all the .. time … wait, I can't think of a real extended time when we WEREN'T warring at someone (Clinton? Cause he really HAD the sex?) I guess I AM stupid.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Slight as the difference is, vive la diffe'rence!

Gun nut country thinks solution to any conflict is to shoot somebody? Who would have thunk it?

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I know I am silly and naive and whatnot, I just hate all of this we must be fighting all the time war mongering. I like the guy who said war is a terrible thing, Fucking Sherman? (I know he wasn't even the president)
Or was it really CIVIL WAR time, when we felt like this, when we were fighting our ownselves? And he had to actually be a fighter to be able to tell people this? We need a Pres who has fought in a war so it'll stop.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I magine, no wars? Its easy if you try. . . .

prommie September 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

It would be just as good if everyone were me, you know! There is a reason for shit what happens.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Oh good lord, potato, vagina. You know what he means. I'm CUTE! (shut up)

Lascauxcaveman September 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

How bout NO conflicts? NO wars?

lol whut that is so gay.

KeepFnThatChicken September 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

What about Mitt's Lockheed Martin stock?

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

But horrible things have to happen to our people in order for us to know how to love our country!

prommie September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Freedom isn't free? Is that you?

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 11:24 pm

They may say you're a dreamer. But you're not the only one.

Trannysurprise September 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Obviously having the largest military budget of any country on the planet in the history of the universe, forever etc. = Obama is a pussy.

Weenus299 September 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Mitty's just looking out for the war movie industry. Somewhere, somebody needs Kelsey Grammer as a general in the war against East Timor.

FraAnima September 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Moar wars = bigger dicks, therefore Merica must have moar wars so that Sarah can finally be satisfied when she fucks America.

freakishlywrong September 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I'm trying for a moment to imagine if a "Democrat" party candidate stepped all over, and then in it, the way Miffed has done. The orcs would have had that Democrat resigned from the race by now.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Walter Mondale got a little sticky with his taxation comments during the 1984 debate with Reagan. He didn't resign and he didn't win a single state other than Minnesota. Early in the Democratic Primary process Gary Hart was leading in the early delegate count until a couple photos surfaced of him on a donor's boat siting comfortably next to a young bikini clad decoration. His campaign went downhill amazingly quick and he dropped out after the next primary.

zumpie September 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Wow, he's even better than the McCain clan with all their whining about, "if Krusty had won, we'd be at war with Iran, now, plus never given up on Iraq". So yeah, Ol' Walnuts throught THREE wars (all doubtlessly unpaid for) are much better than one (that we need to get out of ASAP).

Fun fact—-Sadam kept Iran in check. All our current problems THERE are Bush's fault, too.

Crank_Tango September 13, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Well, if we had invaded Iran, it would be one Giant war all in one, and I think we would benefit from economies of scale or something. Run that shit like a bidness!

Lascauxcaveman September 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm


Fun fact—-Sadam kept Iran in check.

True dat. That's why Donald Rumsfeld was constantly hanging out in Baghdad giving him BJs, at least before that whole invasion of Kuwait thing.

Poindexter718 September 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

A war in every pot!
Tippacanoe & war times two!
I love the smell of napalm in the morning again in America!

bikerlaureate September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Better dead than foreign-bred!

Living in Joy September 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I can only assume, being the great patriot that Miffed is, he will offer up his 5 sons to the military because once he's elected, they won't have to go around politicking which was the excuse they used last election cycle.

freakishlywrong September 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Or doing the work of the church. In Tahiti.

Lascauxcaveman September 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

OT but your avatar is doing some pretty cool shit as I scroll up and down the page. Is that intentional on your part?

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Nope. His kids are too busy doing important things like this.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/08/19/1121819/

Mahousu September 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Um, we will be going to Greece next month, so could you perhaps not send Romney there? I'd hate to have to deal with the fallout of whatever insults he manages to make to the country.

Lucidamente1 September 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

You campaign with the brain you have, not the one you might want or wish to have at a later time.

Self-Uploader September 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Doofus Doubles-Down on Dumb.

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

…the demon shall carry a nine-bladed sword! Nine-bladed! Not two, or five, or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, just like you sir, there! And the horns shall be on the head…

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Book of Armaments?

Callyson September 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm

You know who else wants to limit the U.S. military’s capacity so it can only engage in one conflict at a time? People who know what the fuck they are talking about: actual national security analysts, who are appalled over how much the military was overextended under W…

Prick.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 11:31 pm

What's the problem? All you have to do is send teenagers an multiple deployments for years and years until they come home with their limbs blown off, alcoholism, and PTSD.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Geez, you think he'd settle for giving the Pentagon a tank elevator, so they can park their tanks in the basement.

sewollef September 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece for the rest of the campaign. Really, no one would blame you at all.

No one would miss him either, I suspect.

Native_of_SL_UT September 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Our US military right now is just like a guy who owns his own moving van and bitches because everybody in the neighborhood asks him for help moving. If he didn't have such a big van, nobody would think of going to him for help. In other words, he would be Canada.

zumpie September 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Oh, also, too: Mittens, in retrospect pretty much every conflect we've been in since WWII has been viewed as a huge mistake (including the one you chicken hawked and then draft dodged). Because just because you CAN do something (like use your house as an ATM, for example or making millions bleeding healthy companies dry and outsourcing American jobs), doesn;t mean you SHOULD.

He really can't possibly be this stupid, can he???

slowhansolo September 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

We're gonna have some fun over the next two months.

Dudleydidwrong September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Sure, Mitt: "One war, Two wars, Three wars, More wars". Mitt's children's book, the sequel to "The Pet Goat." He reads it to his kids at night, even today. How many of those wars will you send your own sons to fight? Shit. If the Queen of England can send her grandson to fight in Af-fucking-ganistan, then certainly the man who wants to be "president of the free world" can get his little darlings to enlist in the US Military to fight all these wars he wants to be ready to fight. Next book, Mitt: "Ready, Set, Enlist"

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

They'll be first in line to volunteer down at the Air National Guard recruiting office. It's a Republican tradition!!!

Terry September 13, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Yeah, but the National Guard is different now than it was, say, during Vietnam. Guard members get sent to nasty places for long periods of time.

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Red wars. Blue Wars. Green wars. Star Wars!

Dudleydidwrong September 13, 2012 at 3:48 pm

The last book in the series: "Good Night, Mitt"

Chichikovovich September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Romney said he will “restore our military commitment and keep America the strongest military in the world.”

Given that even after the cuts, the US will be spending substantially more on their military than all the other countries in the world combined, it's hard to see how the cuts are supposed to make the US fall behind anyone.

[And that's not even counting things like VA spending, or the harm to the economy of talented engineers diverted into military research rather than research with an impact on the commercial economy, etc.]

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Couldn't we fight every country in the world at the same time and win, then, just by throwing in a dollar more per war than everybody else is spending?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

“This president’s done something I find hard to understand. Ever since FDR, we’ve had capacity to be engaged in two conflicts at once,” Romney said. “He’s saying, ‘No, we’re going to cut that back to one conflict.’”

Obama, of course, never actually said any such thing. Has anybody even bothered to call Mitt a liar here, or is that just a given these days?

Goonemeritus September 13, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I will get around to that right after I finish scolding this red wine for staining my white shirt.

bikerlaureate September 13, 2012 at 1:52 pm

He's saying, 'Prosperity is bad, and Jesus is worse.'

He's saying, 'I will not rest until all gun-owning Americans are safely locked away in FEMA camps.'

(Those quotes are on the internet, and we know what that means.)

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

But the middle east just counts as one big country, right?

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You mean Africa? Yes.

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Or is it part of Africa, the country?

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

It's just to the east of The Iraq.

CarolinaStewPie September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

How has he not mentioned invading Venezuala yet? They have oil and Hugo Chavez. That would be a great war, and closer to home. So much easier to get to.

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Plus, hot chix and good dope and rum! That's one two things, no, three things that our wars in the middle east have been very much lacking in.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Your spanish-ey types are not exactly pushovers, though. They are good at the guerrilla-war stuff. We only fight Arabs because, despite their reputation for ferocity, really, when's the last time you heard of an arab army conquering anything? They are only ferocious when beating their women or captives. They lost their mojo when islam went Fundie in the middle ages. Never go full fundamentalist, your civilization will turn to a frail shadow of its former self.

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Looking for a quote, I googled "Romney gaffes", got this:

About 2,480,000 results (0.18 seconds)

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Won't someone think of the workers who make the yellow ribbon magnets in China somewhere?

smitallica September 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Memo to Mittens about running for President:

You're doing it wrong.

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

An almost total lack of policy plans (foreign, et al) suggest that you're right.

smitallica September 13, 2012 at 3:25 pm

As opposed to his detailed plans on…?

proudgrampa September 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Who are his handlers???

Jeez, they must be his kids, or something. The type of shit he's saying would never get by Axelrod, if he were running Rmoney's campaign. Just sayin'.

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Or Rove, for that matter.

zumpie September 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Or even Steve Schmidt or Nicole Wallace—-and they were PALIN handlers!

In fact, I take back comparing Munster to Barbie, Mittens is Palin. Minus the (bitchy and creepy) charisma.

ibwilliamsi September 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

If he'd kept his yap shut and let the thing develop, there would most certainly have been something to have complained about at a debate. As it is, he just looks like an opportunist who doesn't support the US or US Embassies and employees there.

proudgrampa September 13, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Well, I agree with you that if he had kept his mouth shut, he might have something to say at a debate.

But yeah, now he looks like a total idiot.

I love the smell of imploding Republicans in the morning! I love it so.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Exactly.

tigernole September 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

they seem to be a bunch of frat boys who also think driving a campaign bus around honking its horn at an Obama event is effective.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I truly have never ever seen a man with his head so far up his own ass as this Willard Romney fellow.

BarackMyWorld September 13, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Obviously the defense budget needs to be bigger so we can afford more F-22s and carriers for more of those gigantic air and naval battles we've been having with al Qaeda.

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Yes. Obviously.

Blueb4sinrise September 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

and TAX CUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr_Zoidberg September 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Hey, once al Qaeda gets their raft repaired, then you'll see some epic sea battles!

widestanceromance September 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

"My friends, a nation with only one war is like a bicycle without a fish."

anniegetyerfun September 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Yay, Mitt! Keep going lil' buddy, you're doing great!

FlownOver September 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

With golden tablets!

widestanceromance September 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

If only the polls were even a little better, I'd really be enjoying Willard's public descent into madness.

As it is, it's like good buttsechs, but with nowhere near enough lube.

sudsmckenzie September 13, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Say, you know who Else opened up a "second front"?

RadioX September 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Lincoln?

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

That chick in the double penetration porno I was just watching?

bearperney September 13, 2012 at 2:52 pm

That guy that thought Slavs were sub-human pushovers?

BoatOfVelociraptors September 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm

That guy with the distended perenium that ken used to post?

prommie September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

This strategy goes hand in hand with his "Let them die in the street" health care proposal!

KeepFnThatChicken September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

War on Drugs, War on Women. There you go, you whiny pussy. Two wars. Now bring the goddamn troops home.

GunToting[Redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

And the current War on War.

ChernobylSoup September 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

To be fair, Mitt has a lot of interests to protect, and the Swiss army is busy with the Pope and the Cayman Islands navy is high all the time.

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Where do I enlist?

CarolinaStewPie September 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Is it too late for Mitt to run for Prez of the Caymans?

Monsieur_Grumpe September 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

If Mittens would not say one more word till the election he might have a chance. Keep talking chicken hawk.

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Ever since FDR, we’ve had capacity to be engaged in two conflicts at once,” Romney said.

And who was in charge before FDR won his election in '32, eh? Harding, Coolidge, Hoover. Republicans all.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Does this guy have any friends?

freakishlywrong September 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Imaginary ones. Like his opponent.

widestanceromance September 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Even his imaginary friends only pretend to like him, because he is filthy rich and they are filthy whores.

bearperney September 13, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

– Oscar Wilde

Blueb4sinrise September 13, 2012 at 1:45 pm

What? Romney wants to bomb Israel??

Dudleydidwrong September 13, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Must be true 'cuz I read it on the Internets.

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"We've always been at war with Eastasia"

MacRaith September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Yes, more wars! Four more wars! First Iran, then Syria, then North Korea, then France! Ah, hell, let's not worry about the order, let's taken 'em all at the same time, because USA! USA! USA! Oh, and we'll cut taxes and balance the budget while doing it, because we're rich and rules don't apply to us.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:40 pm

But it's OK, because he didn't yell "YEEAGGGH!!" at the end like Howard Dean.

bikerlaureate September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

This president’s done something I find hard to understand.

We noticed. And that's supposed to be an indictment of who, again?

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 1:48 pm

A Romney administration would amount to a perpetual covenant of war against every people, tribe, and state owning a foot of land between here and Tierra del Fuego.

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Geez. I skimmed through that linkie. What logic! "I cannot believe that God would command slaughtering infants, so even though it's in the Bible, He didn't really do it. All fixed."

RadioX September 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Wait a fucking minute there bubs. Aren't you the same fucks who are claiming Obama started Wars on Women, Catholics, Christmas, Civility, Drugs, Patriotism, Black People, Teachers, etc.?

bikerlaureate September 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Well, the President is running the most negative campaign EVAR.

(While he didn't start all of those wars…
let's not forget the War on Prosperity, and the War on Work for Welfare, and the War on Israel, and the War on American Exceptionalism…)

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Mitt's twitch factor went up to earthquake as he said this. It's a good thing he avoids caffeine – I've never seen such a spaz.

PinkoPopulist September 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I just googled "Rich Gannon" and "jumped on" to figure out what the hell she was talking about (I know Rich Gannon is, Delaware represent! But I have no knowledge of this jumping incident). This article was the 4th and Wonkette's homepage the 5th results. The others were irrelevant. Said jumping incident clearly never happened. This is just another librul gotcha media trick trying to jump on poor ol' Mittens.

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Rich Gannon did the color analysis with Marv Albert in the booth doing play-by-play for the Jets-Bills game this past Sunday. Maybe Marv jumped Rich.

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Tony Siragusa on Rich Gannon — possibly the most blatant roughing the passer no-call EVAH. (And no, I am not a Raiders fan).

prommie September 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Hmm, so now we know that Romney is in favor of at least ONE of the four horsemen of the apocalyps. So, any bets on when he starts attacking Obama for not fostering more famine, pestilence, and death?

Are mormons all this twisted?

bearperney September 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Yes. Yes they are.

Dudleydidwrong September 13, 2012 at 3:57 pm

We can't get them shipped off to Planet Kolob fast enough. "Hurry up! Space ship's leaving." "Can I strap my wife to the roof?" Go, Mitt, go. Far away.

vodkamuppet September 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

"First they came for our two wars, and I said nothing…"

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece

"The Turks ain't so bad."

"Cypress what?"

"What do you mean? Of course it's Macedonia! It's right in their name!"

"You have such a rich cultural history, from Ovid to Virgil to Dante!"

mull_man September 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

HEY – you said 'tarded'. NO FAIR!

PhilInterrupted September 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Well, manager. We just say manager.

ibwilliamsi September 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

The crowd at the nursing home where Romney was campaigning wheezed out "Four more wars! Four more wars!"

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Vote For Mitt: Everyone gets a dancing horse – and a war to go with it!

SaintRond September 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Romney and his bunkies are getting desperate. Now they're starting into snarling and biting and humping each other, like confused and agitated dogs in a kennel fire.

I just wanna see Ann cry.

Peace… God bless…

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Greece? If Romney ever had money stored in Greece he's long since moved it.

sullivanst September 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm

War, huh, yeah, what is it good for? Absolutely everything!

– GOP remix.

Toomush_Infer September 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Okay, since nobody's said it: "And it's One, Two, Three, What are we fighting for…?"

Dudleydidwrong September 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Don't ask me, I don't give a damn!
Next stop is: Iran, Syria, Libya, Yemen, North Korea, Venezuela…ad infinitum, war without end. Amen.

Peace on you, Mitt.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Five, six, seven, eight. Isn't owning KBR stock great?

Pap Finn September 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

On national security and foreign policy, Republicans are the most disgraced and discredited class of people on this fucking planet. Unless it's an abject, weeping apology for all of the needless death and destruction they've caused, I don't see why anyone should listen to a single goddamned thing they have to say on those subjects.

Fuck. Them. To. Death.

That means you, too, Mittens.

OneYieldRegular September 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Please, please do NOT wish this monster on a place as nice as Greece. That country has problems enough without having to deal with The Curse of Mittens.

Estproph September 13, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Mitt's world: there really should be only one war, anyway – Us versus the rest of the world.

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 2:07 pm

You get a war! And you get a war! And you get a war! Everybody gets a war!

nitsua82 September 13, 2012 at 2:08 pm

We just say "Manager."

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

When Mitt plays Risk, he insists on using double the number of armies with a single gameboard. This usually results in Risk games that start on Thanksgiving night and end on Christmas morning.

Generation[redacted] September 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Mitt doesn't want to play Risk unless he gets twice the number of army tokens as all the other players combined.

barto September 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I knew he hadn't exhausted the list of things to fuck up yet. Go Mittens!

orygoon September 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Mitt is eager to "grow a bigger stick".

LibrarianX September 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Note to Mitt: smirk LOUDER

DahBoner September 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

"Let's start another war…for the kids"–Mitch Romney, Labor Day Telethon

littlebigdaddy September 13, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Given their penchant for delusional paranoia, I wonder how long before the wingnuts start saying that Mittens is a librul plant? I mean, at least they'd have some evidence for this, which is better than with most of their fantasies.

T3rbo September 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I believe this is some follow up chickenhawking to the statements about the riots in Libya/Egypt. As in
The reason that crazy people attacked the embassies and killed the ambassador is because we pulled out of Iraq (reduced our military presence). This draw down/shrinkage of military force has caused demonstrable harm and must be stopped. A smaller military means a nation with less prestige (smaller stick), and the resulting tumult in the middle east is an inevitable consequence of this shrinkage.

You may have seen this argument before, but with less grammar, fewer spellings, and more punctuation. And spoken by a Bishop. Something like "Thems arubs aint skeered of us no more, cause of HUSSEIN Obama, who is Muslin, dun made th' army more small!"

Dr_Zoidberg September 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Wars! Everyone gets a war! You get a war and you get a war and you get a war…

MonkeyMotion September 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm

bwahahah…mmmph…haaaahaaa…mmmph

Now this is entertainment — pass me back the popcorn!

bwahahhahhahhhahhah….mmmph….mmmph…

tihond September 13, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Someone's working hard to nail down Slayer's endorsement.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Romney's education plan: your daddy must be rich enough and powerful enough for you to have enough friends to terrorize multiple homosexuals simultaneously.

PinkoPopulist September 13, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Didn't paul Ryan vote for the debt ceiling deal??? And then sit on the commission that ultimately deadlocked?!?!?! And now he's part of a campaign crying foul about the automatic cuts that he voted for, and then ultimately precipitated with his obstinance?!?!_

WHAT WON'T HE SAY?!?!

Dudleydidwrong September 13, 2012 at 4:09 pm

For a dollar or a vote that cheap whore will say and do anything. "Hey, Ryan, here's a buck. Show us the trick you do where you take this cactus and stuff it up your…"

I have no respect at all for these people. They make maggots gag.

cc Diane September 13, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Mitt Romney doesn't seem to realize that implying our military is weak is extremely insulting…to our military.

Schmegeg September 13, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Stupid Romney does not even know about the "Buy One Get One Free" coupon they keep in the desk at the White House.

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 9:04 pm

"Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece for the rest of the campaign. Really, no one would blame you at all."- Oh, I think the Greeks would blame him, and blame him hard.

valthemus September 14, 2012 at 2:49 am

Mittzy still has an army of bagmen and Christian stormtroopers trying to buy the presidency for him so he can become Grover Norquist's favorite butt boy stooge with a signing pen. As much as I want to be complacent about Obama staying in the White House and Democrats (or at least sane persons) re-taking the House, I think I'd better carve out some time for a little phone banking.

outragedcitizen September 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

I have noticed that he ones screaming the loudest to go to war with some country are usually the last ones to pick up a rifle and helmet. Not very snarky but true.

CivicHoliday September 15, 2012 at 3:46 pm

He's still worried about the communists in Russia and China. Land war in Asia, here we come!

prommie September 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Its only because war tends to be kids egged on by crazies that they can happen. Kids get mixed up with romantic notions of glory. They watched Top Gun or Pork Chop Hill, or played the Xbox shit war games, and they think thats cool. And the generals are like the football coach. You know every single football coach is fucking batshit, every last one, else why actually be serious about something so fundamentally idiotic, I think generals are like football coaches, just insane. But you don't see any normal people running to fight in any wars.

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 3:24 pm

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things: the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse. When a people are used as mere human instruments for firing cannon or thrusting bayonets, in the service and for the selfish purposes of a master, such war degrades a people. A war to protect other human beings against tyrannical injustice; a war to give victory to their own ideas of right and good, and which is their own war, carried on for an honest purpose by their free choice–is often the means of their regeneration. A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for, nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety, is a miserable creature, who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. As long as justice and injustice have not terminated their ever renewing fight for ascendancy in the affairs of mankind, human beings must be willing, when need is, to do battle for the one against the other…." – John Stuart Mill, The Contest in America, vol. 1, p.26

But it is a two edged sword as Mills writing, especially on this subject, is the foundation of the just, altruistic war – now called War of Liberation.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Oh fuck now, you know there's war and then there is the revolution.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Not sure what you're saying here. My point is that, as everyone now knows, a bunch of Neo-cons were planning to get us into war with Iraq before Bush took office, so that was the only war Rummy expected to have to plan for.

SayItWithWookies September 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I'm just being a pain — my point is that the two-war requirement was in place so that we could fight the war we were in plus another one if someone struck at us or (more likely) one of our allies because they thought we were too busy to respond.

When Rummy came in at DoD, his big agenda was transformation of the military to a leaner, more agile and quickly responsive unit. Part of the lead-up to this was an analysis that the military was underprepared and needed to be whipped into shape for the two-war requirement.

He ran into a brick wall, though — the Joint Chiefs of Staff and other brass — and when it became obvious that his transformation wasn't going to happen as quickly as he wanted, he justified his unpreparedness finding by deciding we should only need to fight one war at a time.

Then, when we were in Afghanistan but focused on Iraq, his whole one-war-at-a-time requirement was completely ignored — even though we had to siphon off huge amounts of troops and materiel from there to prepare for the invasion of Iraq.

So even though he was the one who determined we couldn't fight two wars simultaneously, he decided to starve the Afghanistan mission in favor of the Iraq one. It really makes it even more egregious on both fronts.

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