what is it good for absolutely everything

Mitt Romney Seems To Think ‘Obama Wants Fewer Wars’ Will Make People Not Vote For Him Or Something

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A winning strategy, fellows, to be sure!Hey Miffed Romney, what have you got to say today that the rest of us will either jump on with both feet after you are already down like that one fat fuck jumped on Rich Gannon that time, or will merely scratch our heads and go “eh?” Oh, Barack Obama wants fewer wars? You are right, nobody will vote for him now! What a stupid fucking idiot, thinking two wars is enough! USA! USA! And etc!

Mitt Romney, campaigning in Fairfax, Virginia, said Thursday that President Obama wants to limit the U.S. military’s capacity so it can only engage in one conflict at a time. Criticizing the automatic defense spending cuts looming at the end of the year, which passed as part of the bipartisan debt-limit deal, Romney said he will “restore our military commitment and keep America the strongest military in the world.”

“This president’s done something I find hard to understand. Ever since FDR, we’ve had capacity to be engaged in two conflicts at once,” Romney said. “He’s saying, ‘No, we’re going to cut that back to one conflict.'”

Miffed, we are beginning to just feel sorry for you. You are so bad at this. Not just the gladhanding and campaigning and such. You are not good with people, we get that! But you are supposed to be Mr. Manager, and every strategy you espouse and person you hire is fucking tarded. You are the worst candidate in the history of this or any republic. Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece for the rest of the campaign. Really, no one would blame you at all.

[TPM]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • YouBetcha

    Draft dodging pussy says what?

    • RedStatePinko

      What?

    • ThundercatHo

      I want this on a bumper sticker. In fact, can I steal this for a fb post?

      • YouBetcha

        You have a nonexclusive license in perpetuity in all media.

        • RedStatePinko

          You did not build that bumper sticker.

          • CivicHoliday

            I see what you did there.

    • memzilla

      "Keep Hawkin' That Chicken,"

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Also quite good!

    • Boojum

      He wants to be able to fight three wars, but one of them has to be the LDS war against the French, carried out on bicycle.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Yup, one for my master, one for my dame, one for little Romney who cries in the lane…

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        But the LDS and the French are allies in the War On Monogamy!

        • sullivanst

          Nah, the French don't want to have many wives. More chance of one of the wives finding them with the mistress(es).

    • zumpie

      I really hope Jon Soltz of votevets.org is on MSNBC about this tonight!

      Hint: boyfriend will NOT be amused and views W, Cheney and Mittens as draft dodging pigs.

    • Terry

      Conscientious objector who is willing to send other people out into battle says what?

      • RedStatePinko

        What?!!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I can't be anymore confused by that statement. Keep digging Mitt, you are handing this on a silver platter to our President.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No no! I get what he means…he means that Obama wants to only have the military capacity to fight one glorious war, but in reality when Armageddon comes, he'll need to fight three or four for Jesus.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Can't Jesus provide a few divisions, and at least one carrier group?

        • SigDeFlyinMonky

          How many divisions does the Pope have?

    • Estproph

      Right now his supporters are whittled down to people named Enos and Cletus.

  • PsycWench

    I don't like the sound of "restore our military commitment". It sounds like something you say before you attack a country because the leader talked smack about your daddy.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      MITT ROMNEY IS GONNA INVADE AMERICA!!!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      As our Editrix said, Miffed "is fucking tarded."

      tee hee

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It sounds like something you say before you attack a country because the leader talked smack about your daddy.

      Well in that case, we're OK. George Romney was basically a good guy and nobody ever really badmouthed him, so basically ROMNEY/RYAN 2012!

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Seems like Mittens has been the main guy badmouthing his own dad. So; suicide?

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Sounds like he's going to hire more "independent contractors" to work for the Pentagon, that's the major industry of Northern Virginia, no?

    • Terry

      Or because you want their oil to be controlled by your friends and campaign contributors.

  • ChernobylSoup

    The number 7 is a very powerful number in magic. What if one were to split his soul into 7 parts, by committing 7 wars?

    • FraAnima

      Horcrux libel!

      • ThundercatHo

        The last one, I think it's in his underwear!

    • VicariousMe

      Horcrux libel!

    • Guppy

      TIME CUBE LIBEL!

  • TouchedByDog

    Cool story, Mitt. How many pushups can you do, bro?

  • badseeds

    Well, Mittens has amply demonstrated his capacity to be engaged in at least two fuck-ups at once, so that is a thing.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Multi-tasking is the key to effective management!

  • Goonemeritus

    Mitt just lost Riley’s vote.

    • proudgrampa

      Where is Riley, these days? I always thought he was a nice kid.

  • Graham Cracker

    Mitt is going to need a longer handle on that shovel he is using.

    • fatbob54

      HIs problem is until he decided to run for president he hired "those people" to dig his holes for him. Now that he had to fire them becuause he's running for president for pete's sake, he's having to dig his holes himself and he just doesn't have the hang of it yet.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's hit rock bottom, and he's still digging? Someone please hand him a jackhammer.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        How can you stand all that noise above you?

    • Boojum

      I'm going to need a longer handle, on the shovel I'm going to stick up his ass.

      Fucking Mittsicle. With votes, &c.

    • Toomush_Infer

      He needs to ask Sarah Palin how big his handle should be…

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Apparently the shovels are all the wrong height.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    What a fucking dumbass. First of all, President Obama doesn't want to limit our capacity to fight two wars at once — he wants to cut the military budget by a reasonable amount and wants to not fight someplace just because it seemed like the thing to do at the time.

    Second of all, Mitt the fucking asshole, do you know who was the first person who wanted to change our capacity to fight two wars at once to just one? You wanna guess Donald fuckin' Rumsfeld?

    Jesus fucking Christ on a biscuit, this guy is a fucking moron.

    ETA: Here's an article from CNN about the same topic. Not everybody has a ten-minute attention span, Bishop Romney.

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …3rd: The ability to fight an asymmetric war requires a military to become smaller, dynamic and intelligent. This is comparing the ground and pound run dominant NFL from 30 years ago to today's spread them thin and go deep NFL of today.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I guess that makes Mitt the Tim Tebow of politics.

        Just wildly scrambling around trying to make something happen, without much forward progress. But still, pretty amusing to watch.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Not to mention that if you're an occupying force fighting a guerilla insurgency, you're not going to be successful without either getting the occupied citizens on your side or resorting to a huge amount of suppression and violence.

        But it would be unrealistic to hope Bishop Romney and the neocons were capable of learning from our experiences in Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, the Philippines or anywhere else they'd prefer to forget because we weren't wildly successful.

        • AngryBlakGuy

          …correct, they are still relying on the visuals of legions of men getting mowed down by German O'seven O'twelves In the first world war. However can you imagine Mittens trying to explain the dynamics of a modern battlefield?!?! Fukkin epic!!!

      • James Michael Curley

        Nice to see you.
        I know Terry Bradshaw is smarmy cracker asshole with all the intelligence of a nitrous oxide fart, but man could he run a two minute drill.

    • Toomush_Infer

      3rd war: now that Vile Rat is gone, we need a new ambassador for our cyber wars….

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Too sad.

      • Terry

        an EVE player, are you?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          You have to admit, it's great training for a diplomat. Brokering deals, secrets and lies, corps and factions… All unmanaged. Brilliant social science.

          • Terry

            Staying up all night, trying to coordinate an attack with a bunch of Romanian teenagers…

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Our cyber wars have gone a touch Anonymous these days.

        • Terry

          He was a goon, Something Awful rather than 4chan or whatever.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            I've been to quakecon. I am aware.Thanks

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      That article is from May 9, 2001, though.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Yeah, it probably doesn't count, since it's from the Administration that Never Happened.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          I'm just saying, back then Rummy thought we were only going to do Iraq.

          • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

            If he and his colleagues had done their job back then, that is.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Not sure what you're saying here. My point is that, as everyone now knows, a bunch of Neo-cons were planning to get us into war with Iraq before Bush took office, so that was the only war Rummy expected to have to plan for.

          • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

            I'm just being a pain — my point is that the two-war requirement was in place so that we could fight the war we were in plus another one if someone struck at us or (more likely) one of our allies because they thought we were too busy to respond.

            When Rummy came in at DoD, his big agenda was transformation of the military to a leaner, more agile and quickly responsive unit. Part of the lead-up to this was an analysis that the military was underprepared and needed to be whipped into shape for the two-war requirement.

            He ran into a brick wall, though — the Joint Chiefs of Staff and other brass — and when it became obvious that his transformation wasn't going to happen as quickly as he wanted, he justified his unpreparedness finding by deciding we should only need to fight one war at a time.

            Then, when we were in Afghanistan but focused on Iraq, his whole one-war-at-a-time requirement was completely ignored — even though we had to siphon off huge amounts of troops and materiel from there to prepare for the invasion of Iraq.

            So even though he was the one who determined we couldn't fight two wars simultaneously, he decided to starve the Afghanistan mission in favor of the Iraq one. It really makes it even more egregious on both fronts.

    • keepwalkin

      I liked Bishop the Droid in Aliens 3 a lot moar better.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    We have always been at war with … everyone?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Howard Zinn had a wonderful speech about how often the US has been engaged in conflict overseas since its founding – pretty much non-stop, with the exception of, like, a few years before WWI.

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        I get a bunch of mean-mouthed Xtian fundies in my FB sc(t)roll, who swear up and down on Armageddon, Israel, prophecy, and reflect upon our peaceful society — until we, or our friends, are provoked by Satan or something.

        That's one war they're all beggin' for. "Turn Iran into a glass parking lot".

    • orygoon

      This Romney fucker could start a war with *England*, for fuck's sake.

      Now that I have a son in the military, I'm getting even more jumpy about this shit than before. Kid's in Navy A-school, learning to be a medic. There's a rumor already that every one of them has to serve in Marine units when they get out "because of Libya". Fuck Romney, fuck "Sam Bacile", fuck them all. Haven't we learned anything?

      • siga_no_mas

        My spouse is active duty U.S. Navy. (Ironically, he's currently on an Embassy tour.) He is eligible for retirement next June, and if Rmoney wins, we are running to the exits. I just hope he'll be able to get out. If we're on another neo con misadventure, who knows?

    • Terry

      We haven't been at war with the Canadians since 1815 or so. We burned their capitol, the Brits burned ours while sticking up for the Canadians, whom they owned at the time. Even steven.

  • cromiller

    One "conflict" can still span multiple countries though, right? Right?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      His answer is probably "As many as can be spanned".

    • vodkamuppet

      What about multiple conflicts in one country, have we tried that yet? I bet we haven't tried that yet. We should throw like 4 wars at Libya right now to show our resolve.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      What about the war on terriers?

      • MosesInvests

        GOP is waging War on Terra.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        I liked that show.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And several decades, if done correctly.

    • Terry

      The War on Terra

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ready, Fire, Aim!!!

    • vodkamuppet

      Which in a Romney administration would replace GWs "Ready, Aim, Fail!!!"

    • mrpuma2u

      This is a foreign policy that only Shotgun Dick could love…

  • SmutBoffin

    Mittila the Hun.

  • TheGyrus

    Its kind of silly he said that in Fairfax. He should take it down to Norfolk – they would eat that shit up!

    • cromiller

      But Fairfax is right in the shadow of the Pentagon.

  • docterry6973

    I am pretty sure that this is a bald-faced lie. So what's for dinner?

    • bobbert

      Aha. Renormalized Mittnews.

  • hagajim

    Can we reduce our military commitment to the level where we have the ability to fight zero wars without an Act of Congress? That would be good I think. I mean, we can blow the fucking world up about 700 times with our nukes and drones….what else do we need?

    • Crank_Tango

      How many wars would you trust with the current congress? And no, Boehner's War on the War on Tanning doesn't count.

      • James Michael Curley

        Between now and next Tuesday the major objective of Boehner will be a War on SNAP.

  • edgydrifter

    So Mitt is advocating a return to the 92% top marginal tax rate we had during the Eisenhower administration? Because that is how we were able to afford a military that could fight every country in the world simultaneously.

    • PsycWench

      No, silly, tax CUTS are the answer to every question. And when someone asks you how tax cuts do these things, the next answer is "Look! Over there!"

      • Boojum

        Shiny thing libel!

      • Toomush_Infer

        Shiny!!!!….

    • tigernole

      Hey mittens don't forget to re-institute the draft for the poors too.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        "I'm not concerned about the very poor, so long as they can pass the physical and have good aim."

      • bearperney

        Selective service draft has been replaced by the economic draft, way back under W.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    While Mittens wants to have war on all continents all the time and wants to have the cavalry lead the charge because war horses are pricey.

    • anniegetyerfun

      But they dance so pretty (before they are shot dead).

    • ThundercatHo

      Rafalca says, "Fuck that shit. My job is just to look pretty."

      • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Rafalca's going on a "mission" to France instead. Them French horses need converting.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Don't you love it when people put cute little sayings in the mouths of their pets and babbies?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Shit, I bet Romney's sister used to kick his ass at Risk.

    • fatbob54

      No doubt. And I bet their Life game had one square before they landed on the mansion.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Um, they started out in the mansion…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Ha, you have captured Irkutsk with a Risk reference prior to mine!

      • mrpuma2u

        I missed this whole thread dangit. I was holed up down in Australia with all my armies piled up on SE Asia.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Right. We have more weapons and military resources that the next 15 countries combined, but that's not enough, sayeth the man with countless homes, cars and elevators.

    Mitt just likes to have large collections of things, apparently.

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      At the moment he's working on the world's most extensive collection of Stoopid.

    • chicken_thief

      Except "people who like him".

  • Eve8Apples

    Congress wants the Defense Department to spend money on equipment the Defense Department says they do not want or need. You know the GOP has gone off the deep end when even the career brass at the Department of Defense is sending money back to Congress.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      See, that's their mistake. Don't send the money back to the fuckups in congress. Just send it to us. Alternatively, I'm sure the troops wouldn't mind a fucking raise.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …this coming from a guy who would shyt his magic underwear if he was conscripted!

  • FakaktaSouth

    How bout NO conflicts? NO wars? Am I crazy? It's me isn't it? I just want to stop blowing up stuff other places at all. It must be me.

    • YouBetcha

      That's because unlike Mittens, your dick is already big enough.

    • SmutBoffin

      WAR IS A SHINY OBJECT AND THE CRIES OF ORPHAN REFUGEES ARE LIKE SOOTHING MUSIC

    • bikerlaureate

      And here I thought you were a good Amercian.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hippie.

    • Boojum

      It is you. I wish everyone was you. Except Prommie, because that would be weird and probably unsatisfying.

      • FakaktaSouth

        That WOULD be weird, it's close enough already.

        I just do not understand when this became so acceptable, this need to be battling it out all the .. time … wait, I can't think of a real extended time when we WEREN'T warring at someone (Clinton? Cause he really HAD the sex?) I guess I AM stupid.

        • prommie

          Slight as the difference is, vive la diffe'rence!

          Gun nut country thinks solution to any conflict is to shoot somebody? Who would have thunk it?

          • FakaktaSouth

            I know I am silly and naive and whatnot, I just hate all of this we must be fighting all the time war mongering. I like the guy who said war is a terrible thing, Fucking Sherman? (I know he wasn't even the president)
            Or was it really CIVIL WAR time, when we felt like this, when we were fighting our ownselves? And he had to actually be a fighter to be able to tell people this? We need a Pres who has fought in a war so it'll stop.

          • prommie

            Its only because war tends to be kids egged on by crazies that they can happen. Kids get mixed up with romantic notions of glory. They watched Top Gun or Pork Chop Hill, or played the Xbox shit war games, and they think thats cool. And the generals are like the football coach. You know every single football coach is fucking batshit, every last one, else why actually be serious about something so fundamentally idiotic, I think generals are like football coaches, just insane. But you don't see any normal people running to fight in any wars.

          • James Michael Curley

            "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things: the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse. When a people are used as mere human instruments for firing cannon or thrusting bayonets, in the service and for the selfish purposes of a master, such war degrades a people. A war to protect other human beings against tyrannical injustice; a war to give victory to their own ideas of right and good, and which is their own war, carried on for an honest purpose by their free choice–is often the means of their regeneration. A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for, nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety, is a miserable creature, who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. As long as justice and injustice have not terminated their ever renewing fight for ascendancy in the affairs of mankind, human beings must be willing, when need is, to do battle for the one against the other…." – John Stuart Mill, The Contest in America, vol. 1, p.26

            But it is a two edged sword as Mills writing, especially on this subject, is the foundation of the just, altruistic war – now called War of Liberation.

          • prommie

            Oh fuck now, you know there's war and then there is the revolution.

        • prommie

          I magine, no wars? Its easy if you try. . . .

      • prommie

        It would be just as good if everyone were me, you know! There is a reason for shit what happens.

        • FakaktaSouth

          Oh good lord, potato, vagina. You know what he means. I'm CUTE! (shut up)

    • Lascauxcaveman

      How bout NO conflicts? NO wars?

      lol whut that is so gay.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      What about Mitt's Lockheed Martin stock?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      But horrible things have to happen to our people in order for us to know how to love our country!

      • prommie

        Freedom isn't free? Is that you?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      They may say you're a dreamer. But you're not the only one.

  • Trannysurprise

    Obviously having the largest military budget of any country on the planet in the history of the universe, forever etc. = Obama is a pussy.

  • Weenus299

    Mitty's just looking out for the war movie industry. Somewhere, somebody needs Kelsey Grammer as a general in the war against East Timor.

  • FraAnima

    Moar wars = bigger dicks, therefore Merica must have moar wars so that Sarah can finally be satisfied when she fucks America.

  • freakishlywrong

    I'm trying for a moment to imagine if a "Democrat" party candidate stepped all over, and then in it, the way Miffed has done. The orcs would have had that Democrat resigned from the race by now.

    • James Michael Curley

      Walter Mondale got a little sticky with his taxation comments during the 1984 debate with Reagan. He didn't resign and he didn't win a single state other than Minnesota. Early in the Democratic Primary process Gary Hart was leading in the early delegate count until a couple photos surfaced of him on a donor's boat siting comfortably next to a young bikini clad decoration. His campaign went downhill amazingly quick and he dropped out after the next primary.

  • zumpie

    Wow, he's even better than the McCain clan with all their whining about, "if Krusty had won, we'd be at war with Iran, now, plus never given up on Iraq". So yeah, Ol' Walnuts throught THREE wars (all doubtlessly unpaid for) are much better than one (that we need to get out of ASAP).

    Fun fact—-Sadam kept Iran in check. All our current problems THERE are Bush's fault, too.

    • Crank_Tango

      Well, if we had invaded Iran, it would be one Giant war all in one, and I think we would benefit from economies of scale or something. Run that shit like a bidness!

    • Lascauxcaveman


      Fun fact—-Sadam kept Iran in check.

      True dat. That's why Donald Rumsfeld was constantly hanging out in Baghdad giving him BJs, at least before that whole invasion of Kuwait thing.

  • Poindexter718

    A war in every pot!
    Tippacanoe & war times two!
    I love the smell of napalm in the morning again in America!

    • bikerlaureate

      Better dead than foreign-bred!

  • Living in Joy

    I can only assume, being the great patriot that Miffed is, he will offer up his 5 sons to the military because once he's elected, they won't have to go around politicking which was the excuse they used last election cycle.

    • freakishlywrong

      Or doing the work of the church. In Tahiti.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      OT but your avatar is doing some pretty cool shit as I scroll up and down the page. Is that intentional on your part?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Nope. His kids are too busy doing important things like this.
      http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/08/19/1121819/

  • Mahousu

    Um, we will be going to Greece next month, so could you perhaps not send Romney there? I'd hate to have to deal with the fallout of whatever insults he manages to make to the country.

  • Lucidamente1

    You campaign with the brain you have, not the one you might want or wish to have at a later time.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Doofus Doubles-Down on Dumb.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    …the demon shall carry a nine-bladed sword! Nine-bladed! Not two, or five, or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, just like you sir, there! And the horns shall be on the head…

    • Boojum

      Book of Armaments?

  • Callyson

    You know who else wants to limit the U.S. military’s capacity so it can only engage in one conflict at a time? People who know what the fuck they are talking about: actual national security analysts, who are appalled over how much the military was overextended under W…

    Prick.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      What's the problem? All you have to do is send teenagers an multiple deployments for years and years until they come home with their limbs blown off, alcoholism, and PTSD.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Geez, you think he'd settle for giving the Pentagon a tank elevator, so they can park their tanks in the basement.

  • sewollef

    Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece for the rest of the campaign. Really, no one would blame you at all.

    No one would miss him either, I suspect.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Our US military right now is just like a guy who owns his own moving van and bitches because everybody in the neighborhood asks him for help moving. If he didn't have such a big van, nobody would think of going to him for help. In other words, he would be Canada.

  • zumpie

    Oh, also, too: Mittens, in retrospect pretty much every conflect we've been in since WWII has been viewed as a huge mistake (including the one you chicken hawked and then draft dodged). Because just because you CAN do something (like use your house as an ATM, for example or making millions bleeding healthy companies dry and outsourcing American jobs), doesn;t mean you SHOULD.

    He really can't possibly be this stupid, can he???

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    We're gonna have some fun over the next two months.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Sure, Mitt: "One war, Two wars, Three wars, More wars". Mitt's children's book, the sequel to "The Pet Goat." He reads it to his kids at night, even today. How many of those wars will you send your own sons to fight? Shit. If the Queen of England can send her grandson to fight in Af-fucking-ganistan, then certainly the man who wants to be "president of the free world" can get his little darlings to enlist in the US Military to fight all these wars he wants to be ready to fight. Next book, Mitt: "Ready, Set, Enlist"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      They'll be first in line to volunteer down at the Air National Guard recruiting office. It's a Republican tradition!!!

      • Terry

        Yeah, but the National Guard is different now than it was, say, during Vietnam. Guard members get sent to nasty places for long periods of time.

    • Boojum

      Red wars. Blue Wars. Green wars. Star Wars!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      The last book in the series: "Good Night, Mitt"

  • Chichikovovich

    Romney said he will “restore our military commitment and keep America the strongest military in the world.”

    Given that even after the cuts, the US will be spending substantially more on their military than all the other countries in the world combined, it's hard to see how the cuts are supposed to make the US fall behind anyone.

    [And that's not even counting things like VA spending, or the harm to the economy of talented engineers diverted into military research rather than research with an impact on the commercial economy, etc.]

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Couldn't we fight every country in the world at the same time and win, then, just by throwing in a dollar more per war than everybody else is spending?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “This president’s done something I find hard to understand. Ever since FDR, we’ve had capacity to be engaged in two conflicts at once,” Romney said. “He’s saying, ‘No, we’re going to cut that back to one conflict.’”

    Obama, of course, never actually said any such thing. Has anybody even bothered to call Mitt a liar here, or is that just a given these days?

    • Goonemeritus

      I will get around to that right after I finish scolding this red wine for staining my white shirt.

    • bikerlaureate

      He's saying, 'Prosperity is bad, and Jesus is worse.'

      He's saying, 'I will not rest until all gun-owning Americans are safely locked away in FEMA camps.'

      (Those quotes are on the internet, and we know what that means.)

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    But the middle east just counts as one big country, right?

    • anniegetyerfun

      You mean Africa? Yes.

    • Boojum

      Or is it part of Africa, the country?

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        It's just to the east of The Iraq.

  • CarolinaStewPie

    How has he not mentioned invading Venezuala yet? They have oil and Hugo Chavez. That would be a great war, and closer to home. So much easier to get to.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Plus, hot chix and good dope and rum! That's one two things, no, three things that our wars in the middle east have been very much lacking in.

      • prommie

        Your spanish-ey types are not exactly pushovers, though. They are good at the guerrilla-war stuff. We only fight Arabs because, despite their reputation for ferocity, really, when's the last time you heard of an arab army conquering anything? They are only ferocious when beating their women or captives. They lost their mojo when islam went Fundie in the middle ages. Never go full fundamentalist, your civilization will turn to a frail shadow of its former self.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Looking for a quote, I googled "Romney gaffes", got this:

    About 2,480,000 results (0.18 seconds)

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Won't someone think of the workers who make the yellow ribbon magnets in China somewhere?

  • smitallica

    Memo to Mittens about running for President:

    You're doing it wrong.

    • LibrarianX

      An almost total lack of policy plans (foreign, et al) suggest that you're right.

      • smitallica

        As opposed to his detailed plans on…?

  • proudgrampa

    Who are his handlers???

    Jeez, they must be his kids, or something. The type of shit he's saying would never get by Axelrod, if he were running Rmoney's campaign. Just sayin'.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or Rove, for that matter.

      • zumpie

        Or even Steve Schmidt or Nicole Wallace—-and they were PALIN handlers!

        In fact, I take back comparing Munster to Barbie, Mittens is Palin. Minus the (bitchy and creepy) charisma.

    • ibwilliamsi

      If he'd kept his yap shut and let the thing develop, there would most certainly have been something to have complained about at a debate. As it is, he just looks like an opportunist who doesn't support the US or US Embassies and employees there.

      • proudgrampa

        Well, I agree with you that if he had kept his mouth shut, he might have something to say at a debate.

        But yeah, now he looks like a total idiot.

        I love the smell of imploding Republicans in the morning! I love it so.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Exactly.

    • tigernole

      they seem to be a bunch of frat boys who also think driving a campaign bus around honking its horn at an Obama event is effective.

  • prommie

    I truly have never ever seen a man with his head so far up his own ass as this Willard Romney fellow.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Obviously the defense budget needs to be bigger so we can afford more F-22s and carriers for more of those gigantic air and naval battles we've been having with al Qaeda.

    • LibrarianX

      Yes. Obviously.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      and TAX CUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Hey, once al Qaeda gets their raft repaired, then you'll see some epic sea battles!

  • widestanceromance

    "My friends, a nation with only one war is like a bicycle without a fish."

  • anniegetyerfun

    Yay, Mitt! Keep going lil' buddy, you're doing great!

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    With golden tablets!

  • widestanceromance

    If only the polls were even a little better, I'd really be enjoying Willard's public descent into madness.

    As it is, it's like good buttsechs, but with nowhere near enough lube.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Say, you know who Else opened up a "second front"?

    • RadioX

      Lincoln?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That chick in the double penetration porno I was just watching?

    • bearperney

      That guy that thought Slavs were sub-human pushovers?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      That guy with the distended perenium that ken used to post?

  • prommie

    This strategy goes hand in hand with his "Let them die in the street" health care proposal!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    War on Drugs, War on Women. There you go, you whiny pussy. Two wars. Now bring the goddamn troops home.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      And the current War on War.

  • ChernobylSoup

    To be fair, Mitt has a lot of interests to protect, and the Swiss army is busy with the Pope and the Cayman Islands navy is high all the time.

    • Boojum

      Where do I enlist?

      • CarolinaStewPie

        Is it too late for Mitt to run for Prez of the Caymans?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If Mittens would not say one more word till the election he might have a chance. Keep talking chicken hawk.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ever since FDR, we’ve had capacity to be engaged in two conflicts at once,” Romney said.

    And who was in charge before FDR won his election in '32, eh? Harding, Coolidge, Hoover. Republicans all.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Does this guy have any friends?

    • freakishlywrong

      Imaginary ones. Like his opponent.

      • widestanceromance

        Even his imaginary friends only pretend to like him, because he is filthy rich and they are filthy whores.

    • bearperney

      "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

      – Oscar Wilde

  • Blueb4sinrise

    What? Romney wants to bomb Israel??

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Must be true 'cuz I read it on the Internets.

  • LibrarianX

    "We've always been at war with Eastasia"

  • MacRaith

    Yes, more wars! Four more wars! First Iran, then Syria, then North Korea, then France! Ah, hell, let's not worry about the order, let's taken 'em all at the same time, because USA! USA! USA! Oh, and we'll cut taxes and balance the budget while doing it, because we're rich and rules don't apply to us.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      But it's OK, because he didn't yell "YEEAGGGH!!" at the end like Howard Dean.

  • bikerlaureate

    This president’s done something I find hard to understand.

    We noticed. And that's supposed to be an indictment of who, again?

  • Guppy

    A Romney administration would amount to a perpetual covenant of war against every people, tribe, and state owning a foot of land between here and Tierra del Fuego.

    • bobbert

      Geez. I skimmed through that linkie. What logic! "I cannot believe that God would command slaughtering infants, so even though it's in the Bible, He didn't really do it. All fixed."

  • RadioX

    Wait a fucking minute there bubs. Aren't you the same fucks who are claiming Obama started Wars on Women, Catholics, Christmas, Civility, Drugs, Patriotism, Black People, Teachers, etc.?

    • bikerlaureate

      Well, the President is running the most negative campaign EVAR.

      (While he didn't start all of those wars…
      let's not forget the War on Prosperity, and the War on Work for Welfare, and the War on Israel, and the War on American Exceptionalism…)

  • LibrarianX

    Mitt's twitch factor went up to earthquake as he said this. It's a good thing he avoids caffeine – I've never seen such a spaz.

  • PinkoPopulist

    I just googled "Rich Gannon" and "jumped on" to figure out what the hell she was talking about (I know Rich Gannon is, Delaware represent! But I have no knowledge of this jumping incident). This article was the 4th and Wonkette's homepage the 5th results. The others were irrelevant. Said jumping incident clearly never happened. This is just another librul gotcha media trick trying to jump on poor ol' Mittens.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Rich Gannon did the color analysis with Marv Albert in the booth doing play-by-play for the Jets-Bills game this past Sunday. Maybe Marv jumped Rich.

    • bobbert

      Tony Siragusa on Rich Gannon — possibly the most blatant roughing the passer no-call EVAH. (And no, I am not a Raiders fan).

  • prommie

    Hmm, so now we know that Romney is in favor of at least ONE of the four horsemen of the apocalyps. So, any bets on when he starts attacking Obama for not fostering more famine, pestilence, and death?

    Are mormons all this twisted?

    • bearperney

      Yes. Yes they are.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      We can't get them shipped off to Planet Kolob fast enough. "Hurry up! Space ship's leaving." "Can I strap my wife to the roof?" Go, Mitt, go. Far away.

  • vodkamuppet

    "First they came for our two wars, and I said nothing…"

  • Guppy

    Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece

    "The Turks ain't so bad."

    "Cypress what?"

    "What do you mean? Of course it's Macedonia! It's right in their name!"

    "You have such a rich cultural history, from Ovid to Virgil to Dante!"

  • mull_man

    HEY – you said 'tarded'. NO FAIR!

  • PhilInterrupted

    Well, manager. We just say manager.

  • ibwilliamsi

    The crowd at the nursing home where Romney was campaigning wheezed out "Four more wars! Four more wars!"

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Vote For Mitt: Everyone gets a dancing horse – and a war to go with it!

  • SaintRond

    Romney and his bunkies are getting desperate. Now they're starting into snarling and biting and humping each other, like confused and agitated dogs in a kennel fire.

    I just wanna see Ann cry.

    Peace… God bless…

  • chicken_thief

    Greece? If Romney ever had money stored in Greece he's long since moved it.

  • sullivanst

    War, huh, yeah, what is it good for? Absolutely everything!

    — GOP remix.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Okay, since nobody's said it: "And it's One, Two, Three, What are we fighting for…?"

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Don't ask me, I don't give a damn!
      Next stop is: Iran, Syria, Libya, Yemen, North Korea, Venezuela…ad infinitum, war without end. Amen.

      Peace on you, Mitt.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Five, six, seven, eight. Isn't owning KBR stock great?

  • http://tactilepeggy.wordpress.com/ Pap Finn

    On national security and foreign policy, Republicans are the most disgraced and discredited class of people on this fucking planet. Unless it's an abject, weeping apology for all of the needless death and destruction they've caused, I don't see why anyone should listen to a single goddamned thing they have to say on those subjects.

    Fuck. Them. To. Death.

    That means you, too, Mittens.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Please, please do NOT wish this monster on a place as nice as Greece. That country has problems enough without having to deal with The Curse of Mittens.

  • Estproph

    Mitt's world: there really should be only one war, anyway – Us versus the rest of the world.

  • MosesInvests

    You get a war! And you get a war! And you get a war! Everybody gets a war!

  • nitsua82

    We just say "Manager."

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    When Mitt plays Risk, he insists on using double the number of armies with a single gameboard. This usually results in Risk games that start on Thanksgiving night and end on Christmas morning.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Mitt doesn't want to play Risk unless he gets twice the number of army tokens as all the other players combined.

  • barto

    I knew he hadn't exhausted the list of things to fuck up yet. Go Mittens!

  • orygoon

    Mitt is eager to "grow a bigger stick".

  • LibrarianX

    Note to Mitt: smirk LOUDER

  • DahBoner

    "Let's start another war…for the kids"–Mitch Romney, Labor Day Telethon

  • littlebigdaddy

    Given their penchant for delusional paranoia, I wonder how long before the wingnuts start saying that Mittens is a librul plant? I mean, at least they'd have some evidence for this, which is better than with most of their fantasies.

  • T3rbo

    I believe this is some follow up chickenhawking to the statements about the riots in Libya/Egypt. As in
    The reason that crazy people attacked the embassies and killed the ambassador is because we pulled out of Iraq (reduced our military presence). This draw down/shrinkage of military force has caused demonstrable harm and must be stopped. A smaller military means a nation with less prestige (smaller stick), and the resulting tumult in the middle east is an inevitable consequence of this shrinkage.

    You may have seen this argument before, but with less grammar, fewer spellings, and more punctuation. And spoken by a Bishop. Something like "Thems arubs aint skeered of us no more, cause of HUSSEIN Obama, who is Muslin, dun made th' army more small!"

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Wars! Everyone gets a war! You get a war and you get a war and you get a war…

  • MonkeyMotion

    bwahahah…mmmph…haaaahaaa…mmmph

    Now this is entertainment — pass me back the popcorn!

    bwahahhahhahhhahhah….mmmph….mmmph…

  • tihond

    Someone's working hard to nail down Slayer's endorsement.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Romney's education plan: your daddy must be rich enough and powerful enough for you to have enough friends to terrorize multiple homosexuals simultaneously.

  • PinkoPopulist

    Didn't paul Ryan vote for the debt ceiling deal??? And then sit on the commission that ultimately deadlocked?!?!?! And now he's part of a campaign crying foul about the automatic cuts that he voted for, and then ultimately precipitated with his obstinance?!?!_

    WHAT WON'T HE SAY?!?!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      For a dollar or a vote that cheap whore will say and do anything. "Hey, Ryan, here's a buck. Show us the trick you do where you take this cactus and stuff it up your…"

      I have no respect at all for these people. They make maggots gag.

  • cc Diane

    Mitt Romney doesn't seem to realize that implying our military is weak is extremely insulting…to our military.

  • Schmegeg

    Stupid Romney does not even know about the "Buy One Get One Free" coupon they keep in the desk at the White House.

  • ttommyunger

    "Maybe you should just go on a cruise to Greece for the rest of the campaign. Really, no one would blame you at all."- Oh, I think the Greeks would blame him, and blame him hard.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Mittzy still has an army of bagmen and Christian stormtroopers trying to buy the presidency for him so he can become Grover Norquist's favorite butt boy stooge with a signing pen. As much as I want to be complacent about Obama staying in the White House and Democrats (or at least sane persons) re-taking the House, I think I'd better carve out some time for a little phone banking.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    I have noticed that he ones screaming the loudest to go to war with some country are usually the last ones to pick up a rifle and helmet. Not very snarky but true.

  • CivicHoliday

    He's still worried about the communists in Russia and China. Land war in Asia, here we come!