TOTALLY DIFFERENT GOVERNOR SAMMICHES  11:20 am September 13, 2012

Ohio Gov. John Kasich Wants You To Know His ‘Hot Wife’ Is In Kitchen, Making Him a Sammich, Where She Belongs

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? One and that’s not funny? Oh no no no no. Feminists don’t change lightbulbs, apparently, if Ohio Governor John Kasich’s wife is around! That is because she does everything that could need doing — the laundry, the sammiches, never letting him forget he’s a man cause she’s a woman.

Why don’t all those lesbians and feminazis just find a good strong Ohio Republican governor to keep them in mink coats and Tide laundry detergent? Oh we forgot: because they are ugly. HAHAHAHAHA. In related news, we had another sex dream about Rachel Maddow last night. AGAIN. This time, we had fallen asleep flying a parachute to the beach, and there she was, just cold walkin’ up the beach, like a boss.

[Plunderbund, via AngryBlackLady]

 
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{ 149 comments }

ChernobylSoup September 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Never go full troglodyte.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Yes, troglolyte is as far as anyone should take it.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

Smart women are hot. Rachel Maddow almost makes me want cable.

Lot_49 September 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

That's just the beginning. There's also Melissa Harris Perry and Tamron Hall.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

…slowly draping scarves across me, and laughing at my helplessness. BRB…

prommie September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

Hot smart women, thats just incandescent.

eggsacklywright September 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

Alexis Goldstein has a certain effect on me in that regard.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2012 at 5:38 am

I like her, too. Not in that respect, but I like her.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I like 'em hot, smart and funny. Sweet, also too.

Self-Uploader September 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

all you need is internet access. show is posted a few hours after it airs.

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

Dittos. I'd love to talk predatory lending regulations face to face with Liz Warren.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Isn't she adorable? I think Hills is nice looking too.

Maman September 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

My husband is obsessed with her skin. But not in a "it puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again" kinda way

glasspusher September 13, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Yes it will, precious! It will get the hose again!

MosesInvests September 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Rachel Maddow almost makes me want gender reassignment surgery.

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 11:23 am

What a mistake to let women vote, too!

Incitefully_Joe September 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

What war on women?

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Yup. And after spitting on the mayo, she is texting Julio, the pool boy, arranging their afternoon rolfing, 'cause you just know Liver-Lip Kasich hasn't had a good fuck in him from day one.

Lascauxcaveman September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

A girl only gets so much time on this earth; she's gotta live a little.

And Julio always gets a sammich too. Only he doesn't even have to ask for it.

BoroPrimorac September 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

Julio gets the sammich without the Lysol mayo.

OneDollarJuana September 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Julio get the "sandwich" with the wife and the next-door lady, too.

Lascauxcaveman September 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Maybe I should have been a pool boy.

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 7:35 pm

And pie for dessert, dontchaknow.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

I am PRAYING you are right, or that she is ALSO dreaming of fucking Rachel Maddow, or just something. I hate this. HATE.

ttommyunger September 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

Maddow is MINE! I know, she has teh ghey (sob).Sent from my iPhone

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

Perhaps she has a standing appointment for Thursday afternon body work with John Redcorn.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Point of reference

OK, she is kinda hot. Not Jill Biden…yum…hot, or Michelle Obama….scusemeforaminnitUNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…hot, but kinda hot

You know how she'd be even hotter? If she had a job instead of sitting around the house telling the maid she needs to do the laundry.

Lot_49 September 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

How 'bout if she just sells enough stock every quarter to live comfortably in a basement apartment with the ironing board for a dining table. Is that hot?

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Dip into capital? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

GhostBuggy September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Where do you suppose they stored the dancing horses in that apartment?

iTuna September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

Works for me!

prommie September 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

Beats going to work at WalMart for 50 hours a week to live in a basement apartment with the ironing board for the dining table, ne'st ces pas?

ChernobylSoup September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

She's not ugly enough to be in an Angie's List commercial, but still only third or fourth choice for the prom.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

She's about a three.

This is on a scale of one to six-pack

(Trix, dear, of course you're a "the beer can wait")

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

You had choices for prom?

HistoriCat September 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

You went to prom?

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I… um… chose not to go.

mrblifil September 17, 2012 at 9:47 am

She seems quite a bit younger than him. Maybe Daddy hasn't always been such a good boy…

no_gravity September 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Did he buy her a washer and dryer or does she have to walk down to the stream to beat his clothes clean on the rocks. And how effective is that for getting the shit stains out of his undies.

NorthStarSpanx September 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

When I'm slapping my man's undies against a rock, I often wish there was applause. Where's my little bit of applause!?

Maman September 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm

No White Undies EVAH!!! White panties are a cruel hoax on all of us. Buy black and take your sanity back people!!!

Goonemeritus September 13, 2012 at 11:25 am

Nice to know there is a State where time hasn’t progressed since the fifties. I must visit Ohio and catch a Miles Davis set before he fires Coltrane there as well.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

This is what happens when you watch too many Leave It To Beaver reruns.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

"Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the beaver last night?"

glasspusher September 13, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Beat me to it.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Oh fuck no. Fuck this. I am doing laundry right now and I am about to pile this shit up and burn this whole fucking house down. Oh good god. And these bitches do NOT do laundry, I do not believe it, but I DO believe it is not easy to be married to this dick – he's got the Mitt smirk talking about his wife doing bullshit. Oh my god, I am freaking out. Rachel Maddow on a beach, Rachel Maddow on a beach…like a BOSS, you hear THAT?

prommie September 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

Metaphorically, of course, all of your burning will only ever be metaphorical, right?

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

Um, yes. Of course. I don't really burn things, you are right, lawyer, I just metaphorically want to cock-punch this guy, which I guess means in his forehead? I don't know. I really am mad.

kissawookiee September 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

You maybe can punch him in the forehead, but that might run afoul of one of our subsections regarding skulls. I HAZ A CONFUSED.

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

No, no. Keep the burning-your-house down metaphorical, but cock-punching Kasich should be as real as possible.

kingofmeh September 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

burning shit down with votes, promms.

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

Try using the spin cycle for stress relief, perhaps while contemplating the aforementioned beach scene.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

Well, just thank god it is not in fact still the 50s and housewives have websites with stuff that is WAY more powerful…but point taken, and taken and taken and so forth.

OkieDokieDog September 13, 2012 at 11:58 am
belmontreport September 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm

They are having a debate about the difference between Feminists and Fem-nazis. Apparently, one of these ladies went to a college and the "Fem-nazis" thought all sex except lesbian sex was rape. Yep, that totally sounds real.

HELisforHEL September 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Why women still fuck asshats like this jerkoff remains a mystery to me. The whole 'He The Man, Me His Loyal Servent' thing. GAH
Honestly, it's as if the Feminist movement never happened for these women, or they found it 'unbecoming' or some such horseshit. Cheerleaderesque "math is hard" idiots. Women who bring up their daughters to subscribe to this crap in this day and age…WTF
Yeah, angry, too. While I don't want to have the sexytime with Rachel, who is nevertheless awesome indeed, I certainly would love to listen to her take on it all over a beer or a nice whiskey. Let me know when you're done, perhaps we can all meet up. :-)

qwerty42 September 13, 2012 at 3:04 pm

A comment I saw on the teevee a few weeks ago about England and suffrage movement:
"the proletariat's proletariat" — that captured it all too well.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Now, now. Burn the house down with votes .

Clancy_Pants September 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

It's not easy to be a spouse of an elected official.. You know have to stand there behind us, solemnly nodding their head while we apologize for sodomizing some rent-a-boy, or banging a cocktail waitress, or "airport bathroom hijinks". God bless 'em!

Terry September 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Don't you kind of suspect that he's a big old submissive at home and his wife has a collection of whips and paddles?

Goonemeritus September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

Personally I hope she has a big collection of ball gags.

ChernobylSoup September 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

How, exactly, does one get the wife to do laundry?

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

In my marriage, I became the wife at laundry time.

Look, it works for me and stop judging…

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

Just don't ask her to rake the lawn while you're bending over getting things out of the dryer.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Just do it once but make sure you mix the reds with the whites.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

Or put the dryer on high.

Lot_49 September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

In my married days I found it not really possible. Easier to do it yourself and not have to endure the hostility. Gender equality means she does hers, you do yours. Not sure about the sheets and towels.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

We used to wait until they could wash themselves.

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

First, they stand up by themselves …

Dr_Zoidberg September 13, 2012 at 11:41 am

Well, Pat Robertson recommends beating the little woman.

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Or claim she has Alzheimers and dump her sorry ass.

BoroPrimorac September 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

Take up vacuuming.

Wadisay September 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

…while we're up here on the stage…

…playing pocket pool.

OzoneTom September 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

Kasich isn't even running for anything. He must be campaigning for Ann.

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

Let's hear some applause for Todd Palin and Marcus Bachmann, too!

NorthStarSpanx September 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Todd not only gets his applause, but his wife bought him a chance to look manly jumping out of heeleecopter on basic cable teevee. As long as he doesn't speak, he can pull the manly act off.

CarolinaStewPie September 13, 2012 at 11:28 am

So many TOOLS in the GOP shed, yet nary a sharpener in sight.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

The GOP doesn't have a shed, it keeps its tools in the closet.

Jus_Wonderin September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

Dude, she is only doing the laundry so she can ride the washing machine. Wake up.

KeepFnThatChicken September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

There's a spot on his shirt. Bitch is doin' it wrong.

johnnyzhivago September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

Let's hear it for Joe the plumbers wife, Josephine the plumber!

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 11:29 am

Ohio has state liquor stores. Guess they don't believe in private enterprise, either.

no_gravity September 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

Next time Kasich asks his wife about the laundry she ought to give him a Tide Stick and tell him to go fuck himself with it.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

Tide goes in; Tide goes out.

Ya just can't explain it.

CheeseBro69 September 13, 2012 at 11:30 am

God I wish he had mentioned Ann Romney when he talked about the wives doing the laundry

NorthStarSpanx September 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I'm finding it harder to believe that Ann wears blue jeans as much as Mitt does on the campaign trail. The authenticity of the likes of them "dressing down" has never been more suspect.

DerrickWildcat September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

My naughty fantasy is to be with 4 girls. One to the laundry. One to mow the yard. One to wash the dishes, and one to wash me.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

DW:

"One to do the laundry. One to do the yardwork. One to do the dishes. And one to do me."

Sorry – I'm a compulsive editor.

DerrickWildcat September 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

Nah, it's ok, but I spelled everything right.

BaldarTFlagass September 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

Guess you're going to be pretty happy when the kids pack you off to the nursing home.

DerrickWildcat September 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Bingo every night baby!

Mumbletypeg September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

everything that could need doing… the sammiches

Not sure how many housewives echo the Kasisch sentiment. But I'm reminded of one all-American nerd who never wasted the opportunity to prepare his own lunches.

Tundra Grifter September 13, 2012 at 11:31 am

Of course she's hot. She's in the kitchen. And if she can't stand the heat…

(My boyhood memories of the Buckeye State include Summers when it was 90+ degrees and 90+ humidity. Drove me to California…)

skmind September 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

He is just jealous that Ann Romney was given a prime speaking slot at the RNC. Typical case of penis envy!

ChillBill September 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

When's Don Draper stomping for Mitt?

JohnnyQuick September 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

Or, Mad Men is about how the old Boys Club in the 60s imagined themselves, and Mitt and Kasich are more like how they actually were.

ChillBill September 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

When people compare Willard to Draper, I remind them that at least Draper is a likeable asshole.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

At least Don Draper has the decency to look rueful and butt-hurt when you whore yourself.

weejee September 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

Watching this year's GOPeers is like watching re-runs from the last seasons of the Whigs and the Know-Nothings. How long before the Repelicans get put on the endangered species list?

prommie September 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

You know what they say, "A beard's place is in the kitchen."

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

Huffington Post is documenting the rewrite of the NYTimes article on Romeny's decision to falsely attack Obama

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

Needs moar sideboob

James Michael Curley September 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm
bobbert September 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Apparently the Times is unfamiliar with the internet tradition of the "Update".

CrunchyKnee September 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

I'm beginning to think that Ohio is a rather odd place.

sbj1964 September 13, 2012 at 11:40 am

Never marry a drop dead gorgeous woman when she leaves you it will rip your heart out.Marry a fat ugly woman that way when she leaves you don't even care.

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:42 am
Guppy September 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

Or C.) learn to use your tongue.

gullywompr September 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Never marry a drop dead gorgeous woman when she leaves you it will rip your heart out.Marry a fat ugly woman that way when she leaves you don't even care.

Fixed.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

So a "fat ugly" woman can't break your heart? What if she's a wonderful person and you love her?

Sexism.

eggsacklywright September 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

Is "doing the laundry" some kind of euphemism?

bobbert September 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

As noted above, a euphemism for "doing the pool boy".

poorgradstudent September 13, 2012 at 11:42 am

Whenever a professional guy bemoans that his wife has to stay home with the kids while he's away all the time you can almost hear the smirking.

annettaj September 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

Yep, John likes his wimmens with bound feet, stove burnt and lackin' voter rights.

KeepFnThatChicken September 13, 2012 at 11:43 am

Notice he did not mention Ann Romney in the "laundry list".

CALL WND!! NEW CONSPIRACY THEORY!!!11!!!!

Baconzgood September 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

NEEDZ MOAR REVERB!!!!!!!!!

Incitefully_Joe September 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

What does it say about me that I have those dreams too?

actor212 September 13, 2012 at 11:45 am

Yea, you know, that only works until the plumbing needs fixing, in which case you lose the upper hand and have to admit that you, too, do not know how to replace a faucet.

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

I'm sitting in a mediation, right now, representing a woman in a sexual harassment case. These fucks enable what my client went through.

Women, not just for sex 'n sammiches anymore.

Guppy September 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

Earn those billable hours!

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Contingent fee lawyer, Baby Fish Cakes!

Exhausted66 September 13, 2012 at 11:50 am

It's college yearbook Rachel though, isn't it?

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

Oh shut up. I swear, guys that know how to do stuff are way hotter than those who get out of stuff by trying to look like an idiot to get out of them. Guys wanna get laid, do laundry. It's like a cosmic rotational benefit. It's worth it to sort socks so you aren't left just jerking off in them, no?

prommie September 13, 2012 at 11:58 am

Look at you lecturing me like you don't know when I am projecting an ironic persona. I am the Lizard King and thus can do anything, including laundry.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Yes, I do know, and whatever, I just wanted to say jerk off. I am still mad. But be the lizard king, always, just remember liquor-soaked leather pants are a bitch to clean.

prommie September 13, 2012 at 12:12 pm

My father told me that traditionally at reveille (thats fucking French! Sissie commie army!) in the army, the DI's instruct the recruits to "drop their cocks and grab their socks." This fails to take into account those whose cocks are in their socks.

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Being in the army does sound confusing. Also, jerking off in the barracks, that's some impressive concentration, they ARE all young, obviously.

Boojum September 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I imagine "jerk off" is within the powers of the Lizard King.

Maman September 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I think you just wipe them off. Vomit is the bigger problem

DCBloom September 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

So true, hubby knows that cooking dinner will at least get him a hummer

barto September 13, 2012 at 11:54 am

What's with are all those ladies in the background? And why are they smiling? I trust they are all picking up dirt clods to launch at this asshat. You, too, flag-shirt boy!

mwittier September 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

I hope that when he goes home tonight, she meets him at the door and sweetly kicks his motherfucking teeth in. Lady ninja-style.

Chet Kincaid_ September 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

When you start cohabiting at 38, you've pretty much figured out how to do your own, so it's not an issue. But the little lady has 12 times as many clothes as I do, so when she does mass laundry, our machines are booked for a week.

blotzphoto September 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I hate my Governor…

fuflans September 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

speaking as a woman i am so goddamned sick of these motherfuckers.

and the women who enable them.

chicken_thief September 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

WTF is the average age of that crowd?! He speaking at an old folks home?

BTWBFDIMHO September 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? 20; one to change the lightbulb and 19 to make the documentary.

imissopus September 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Mink? No no, the women all wear good cloth Republican coats (c.f. Richard Nixon).

HELisforHEL September 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

"It's hard to be the spouse of a fucking turd"

I think that's what he meant to say.

DahBoner September 13, 2012 at 12:43 pm

None.

If the government would leave the light bulb alone, it will screw itself in, comrades!

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

If we get rid of onerous regulation, the free market will come up with a solution.

Joey_brill September 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Sorry, it was long ago and I was stoned, but my Women and Religion 101 class states we should ask the following:

1. What couple has a spouse that can afford to stay at home?

2. Why does it have to always be the woman?

3. She's old and white, right?

clecinosu September 13, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Same guy who blames the cop for *his* speeding ticket.

Every day in Ohio, we see this clown doing something stupid, but the only reason we have him in the governor's office is because of people like those who vote for guys like Jim Buchy. (See previous blog on this website to learn about *this* clown.)

OurHoboSenator September 13, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I saw Karen Kasich at the grocery store last month. She was buying tampons.

TribecaMike September 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm

The jokes on him, even the bread is made of mayo.

valthemus September 14, 2012 at 1:55 am

We need men like John Kasich. He makes the rest of us look so much more evolved by comparison.

HistoriCat September 13, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You and me both, amigo.

starfanglednut September 13, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I was too drunk.

glasspusher September 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm

When I was in high school, my personality doubled as contraception.

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