totally different governor sammiches

Ohio Gov. John Kasich Wants You To Know His ‘Hot Wife’ Is In Kitchen, Making Him a Sammich, Where She Belongs

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? One and that’s not funny? Oh no no no no. Feminists don’t change lightbulbs, apparently, if Ohio Governor John Kasich’s wife is around! That is because she does everything that could need doing — the laundry, the sammiches, never letting him forget he’s a man cause she’s a woman.

Why don’t all those lesbians and feminazis just find a good strong Ohio Republican governor to keep them in mink coats and Tide laundry detergent? Oh we forgot: because they are ugly. HAHAHAHAHA. In related news, we had another sex dream about Rachel Maddow last night. AGAIN. This time, we had fallen asleep flying a parachute to the beach, and there she was, just cold walkin’ up the beach, like a boss.

[Plunderbund, via AngryBlackLady]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Never go full troglodyte.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yes, troglolyte is as far as anyone should take it.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Smart women are hot. Rachel Maddow almost makes me want cable.

    • Lot_49

      That's just the beginning. There's also Melissa Harris Perry and Tamron Hall.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        …slowly draping scarves across me, and laughing at my helplessness. BRB…

    • prommie

      Hot smart women, thats just incandescent.

      • eggsacklywright

        Alexis Goldstein has a certain effect on me in that regard.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          I like her, too. Not in that respect, but I like her.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I like 'em hot, smart and funny. Sweet, also too.

    • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

      all you need is internet access. show is posted a few hours after it airs.

    • chicken_thief

      Dittos. I'd love to talk predatory lending regulations face to face with Liz Warren.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Isn't she adorable? I think Hills is nice looking too.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      My husband is obsessed with her skin. But not in a "it puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again" kinda way

      • glasspusher

        Yes it will, precious! It will get the hose again!

    • MosesInvests

      Rachel Maddow almost makes me want gender reassignment surgery.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What a mistake to let women vote, too!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    What war on women?

  • ttommyunger

    Yup. And after spitting on the mayo, she is texting Julio, the pool boy, arranging their afternoon rolfing, 'cause you just know Liver-Lip Kasich hasn't had a good fuck in him from day one.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      A girl only gets so much time on this earth; she's gotta live a little.

      And Julio always gets a sammich too. Only he doesn't even have to ask for it.

      • BoroPrimorac

        Julio gets the sammich without the Lysol mayo.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Julio get the "sandwich" with the wife and the next-door lady, too.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Maybe I should have been a pool boy.

      • ttommyunger

        And pie for dessert, dontchaknow.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I am PRAYING you are right, or that she is ALSO dreaming of fucking Rachel Maddow, or just something. I hate this. HATE.

      • ttommyunger

        Maddow is MINE! I know, she has teh ghey (sob).Sent from my iPhone

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Perhaps she has a standing appointment for Thursday afternon body work with John Redcorn.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Point of reference

    OK, she is kinda hot. Not Jill Biden…yum…hot, or Michelle Obama….scusemeforaminnitUNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…hot, but kinda hot

    You know how she'd be even hotter? If she had a job instead of sitting around the house telling the maid she needs to do the laundry.

    • Lot_49

      How 'bout if she just sells enough stock every quarter to live comfortably in a basement apartment with the ironing board for a dining table. Is that hot?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Dip into capital? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

      • GhostBuggy

        Where do you suppose they stored the dancing horses in that apartment?

      • iTuna

        Works for me!

      • prommie

        Beats going to work at WalMart for 50 hours a week to live in a basement apartment with the ironing board for the dining table, ne'st ces pas?

    • ChernobylSoup

      She's not ugly enough to be in an Angie's List commercial, but still only third or fourth choice for the prom.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        She's about a three.

        This is on a scale of one to six-pack

        (Trix, dear, of course you're a "the beer can wait")

      • Guppy

        You had choices for prom?

        • HistoriCat

          You went to prom?

          • Guppy

            I… um… chose not to go.

          • HistoriCat

            You and me both, amigo.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I was too drunk.

          • glasspusher

            When I was in high school, my personality doubled as contraception.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      She seems quite a bit younger than him. Maybe Daddy hasn't always been such a good boy…

  • no_gravity

    Did he buy her a washer and dryer or does she have to walk down to the stream to beat his clothes clean on the rocks. And how effective is that for getting the shit stains out of his undies.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      When I'm slapping my man's undies against a rock, I often wish there was applause. Where's my little bit of applause!?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      No White Undies EVAH!!! White panties are a cruel hoax on all of us. Buy black and take your sanity back people!!!

  • Goonemeritus

    Nice to know there is a State where time hasn’t progressed since the fifties. I must visit Ohio and catch a Miles Davis set before he fires Coltrane there as well.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This is what happens when you watch too many Leave It To Beaver reruns.

    • Tundra Grifter

      "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the beaver last night?"

      • glasspusher

        Beat me to it.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh fuck no. Fuck this. I am doing laundry right now and I am about to pile this shit up and burn this whole fucking house down. Oh good god. And these bitches do NOT do laundry, I do not believe it, but I DO believe it is not easy to be married to this dick – he's got the Mitt smirk talking about his wife doing bullshit. Oh my god, I am freaking out. Rachel Maddow on a beach, Rachel Maddow on a beach…like a BOSS, you hear THAT?

    • prommie

      Metaphorically, of course, all of your burning will only ever be metaphorical, right?

      • FakaktaSouth

        Um, yes. Of course. I don't really burn things, you are right, lawyer, I just metaphorically want to cock-punch this guy, which I guess means in his forehead? I don't know. I really am mad.

        • kissawookiee

          You maybe can punch him in the forehead, but that might run afoul of one of our subsections regarding skulls. I HAZ A CONFUSED.

        • bobbert

          No, no. Keep the burning-your-house down metaphorical, but cock-punching Kasich should be as real as possible.

      • kingofmeh

        burning shit down with votes, promms.

    • Guppy

      Try using the spin cycle for stress relief, perhaps while contemplating the aforementioned beach scene.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Well, just thank god it is not in fact still the 50s and housewives have websites with stuff that is WAY more powerful…but point taken, and taken and taken and so forth.

    • OkieDokieDog
      • belmontreport

        They are having a debate about the difference between Feminists and Fem-nazis. Apparently, one of these ladies went to a college and the "Fem-nazis" thought all sex except lesbian sex was rape. Yep, that totally sounds real.

    • HELisforHEL

      Why women still fuck asshats like this jerkoff remains a mystery to me. The whole 'He The Man, Me His Loyal Servent' thing. GAH
      Honestly, it's as if the Feminist movement never happened for these women, or they found it 'unbecoming' or some such horseshit. Cheerleaderesque "math is hard" idiots. Women who bring up their daughters to subscribe to this crap in this day and age…WTF
      Yeah, angry, too. While I don't want to have the sexytime with Rachel, who is nevertheless awesome indeed, I certainly would love to listen to her take on it all over a beer or a nice whiskey. Let me know when you're done, perhaps we can all meet up. :-)

      • qwerty42

        A comment I saw on the teevee a few weeks ago about England and suffrage movement:
        "the proletariat's proletariat" — that captured it all too well.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Now, now. Burn the house down with votes .

  • http://wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    It's not easy to be a spouse of an elected official.. You know have to stand there behind us, solemnly nodding their head while we apologize for sodomizing some rent-a-boy, or banging a cocktail waitress, or "airport bathroom hijinks". God bless 'em!

  • Terry

    Don't you kind of suspect that he's a big old submissive at home and his wife has a collection of whips and paddles?

    • Goonemeritus

      Personally I hope she has a big collection of ball gags.

  • ChernobylSoup

    How, exactly, does one get the wife to do laundry?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      In my marriage, I became the wife at laundry time.

      Look, it works for me and stop judging…

      • James Michael Curley

        Just don't ask her to rake the lawn while you're bending over getting things out of the dryer.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Just do it once but make sure you mix the reds with the whites.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Or put the dryer on high.

    • Lot_49

      In my married days I found it not really possible. Easier to do it yourself and not have to endure the hostility. Gender equality means she does hers, you do yours. Not sure about the sheets and towels.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        We used to wait until they could wash themselves.

        • bobbert

          First, they stand up by themselves …

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Well, Pat Robertson recommends beating the little woman.

      • chicken_thief

        Or claim she has Alzheimers and dump her sorry ass.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Take up vacuuming.

  • Wadisay

    …while we're up here on the stage…

    …playing pocket pool.

  • OzoneTom

    Kasich isn't even running for anything. He must be campaigning for Ann.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Let's hear some applause for Todd Palin and Marcus Bachmann, too!

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Todd not only gets his applause, but his wife bought him a chance to look manly jumping out of heeleecopter on basic cable teevee. As long as he doesn't speak, he can pull the manly act off.

  • CarolinaStewPie

    So many TOOLS in the GOP shed, yet nary a sharpener in sight.

    • prommie

      The GOP doesn't have a shed, it keeps its tools in the closet.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Dude, she is only doing the laundry so she can ride the washing machine. Wake up.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    There's a spot on his shirt. Bitch is doin' it wrong.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Let's hear it for Joe the plumbers wife, Josephine the plumber!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Ohio has state liquor stores. Guess they don't believe in private enterprise, either.

  • no_gravity

    Next time Kasich asks his wife about the laundry she ought to give him a Tide Stick and tell him to go fuck himself with it.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Tide goes in; Tide goes out.

      Ya just can't explain it.

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    God I wish he had mentioned Ann Romney when he talked about the wives doing the laundry

    • NorthStarSpanx

      I'm finding it harder to believe that Ann wears blue jeans as much as Mitt does on the campaign trail. The authenticity of the likes of them "dressing down" has never been more suspect.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    My naughty fantasy is to be with 4 girls. One to the laundry. One to mow the yard. One to wash the dishes, and one to wash me.

    • Tundra Grifter

      DW:

      "One to do the laundry. One to do the yardwork. One to do the dishes. And one to do me."

      Sorry – I'm a compulsive editor.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        Nah, it's ok, but I spelled everything right.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Guess you're going to be pretty happy when the kids pack you off to the nursing home.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        Bingo every night baby!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    everything that could need doing… the sammiches

    Not sure how many housewives echo the Kasisch sentiment. But I'm reminded of one all-American nerd who never wasted the opportunity to prepare his own lunches.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Of course she's hot. She's in the kitchen. And if she can't stand the heat…

    (My boyhood memories of the Buckeye State include Summers when it was 90+ degrees and 90+ humidity. Drove me to California…)

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    He is just jealous that Ann Romney was given a prime speaking slot at the RNC. Typical case of penis envy!

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    When's Don Draper stomping for Mitt?

    • JohnnyQuick

      Or, Mad Men is about how the old Boys Club in the 60s imagined themselves, and Mitt and Kasich are more like how they actually were.

      • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

        When people compare Willard to Draper, I remind them that at least Draper is a likeable asshole.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          At least Don Draper has the decency to look rueful and butt-hurt when you whore yourself.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Watching this year's GOPeers is like watching re-runs from the last seasons of the Whigs and the Know-Nothings. How long before the Repelicans get put on the endangered species list?

  • prommie

    You know what they say, "A beard's place is in the kitchen."

  • James Michael Curley

    Huffington Post is documenting the rewrite of the NYTimes article on Romeny's decision to falsely attack Obama

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Needs moar sideboob

    • bobbert

      Apparently the Times is unfamiliar with the internet tradition of the "Update".

  • CrunchyKnee

    I'm beginning to think that Ohio is a rather odd place.

  • sbj1964

    Never marry a drop dead gorgeous woman when she leaves you it will rip your heart out.Marry a fat ugly woman that way when she leaves you don't even care.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212
    • Guppy

      Or C.) learn to use your tongue.

    • gullywompr

      Never marry a drop dead gorgeous woman when she leaves you it will rip your heart out.Marry a fat ugly woman that way when she leaves you don't even care.

      Fixed.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      So a "fat ugly" woman can't break your heart? What if she's a wonderful person and you love her?

      Sexism.

  • eggsacklywright

    Is "doing the laundry" some kind of euphemism?

    • bobbert

      As noted above, a euphemism for "doing the pool boy".

  • poorgradstudent

    Whenever a professional guy bemoans that his wife has to stay home with the kids while he's away all the time you can almost hear the smirking.

  • annettaj

    Yep, John likes his wimmens with bound feet, stove burnt and lackin' voter rights.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Notice he did not mention Ann Romney in the "laundry list".

    CALL WND!! NEW CONSPIRACY THEORY!!!11!!!!

  • Baconzgood

    NEEDZ MOAR REVERB!!!!!!!!!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    What does it say about me that I have those dreams too?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Yea, you know, that only works until the plumbing needs fixing, in which case you lose the upper hand and have to admit that you, too, do not know how to replace a faucet.

  • Boojum

    I'm sitting in a mediation, right now, representing a woman in a sexual harassment case. These fucks enable what my client went through.

    Women, not just for sex 'n sammiches anymore.

    • Guppy

      Earn those billable hours!

      • Boojum

        Contingent fee lawyer, Baby Fish Cakes!

  • Exhausted66

    It's college yearbook Rachel though, isn't it?

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh shut up. I swear, guys that know how to do stuff are way hotter than those who get out of stuff by trying to look like an idiot to get out of them. Guys wanna get laid, do laundry. It's like a cosmic rotational benefit. It's worth it to sort socks so you aren't left just jerking off in them, no?

    • prommie

      Look at you lecturing me like you don't know when I am projecting an ironic persona. I am the Lizard King and thus can do anything, including laundry.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Yes, I do know, and whatever, I just wanted to say jerk off. I am still mad. But be the lizard king, always, just remember liquor-soaked leather pants are a bitch to clean.

        • prommie

          My father told me that traditionally at reveille (thats fucking French! Sissie commie army!) in the army, the DI's instruct the recruits to "drop their cocks and grab their socks." This fails to take into account those whose cocks are in their socks.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Being in the army does sound confusing. Also, jerking off in the barracks, that's some impressive concentration, they ARE all young, obviously.

        • Boojum

          I imagine "jerk off" is within the powers of the Lizard King.

        • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

          I think you just wipe them off. Vomit is the bigger problem

    • DCBloom

      So true, hubby knows that cooking dinner will at least get him a hummer

  • barto

    What's with are all those ladies in the background? And why are they smiling? I trust they are all picking up dirt clods to launch at this asshat. You, too, flag-shirt boy!

  • http://mwittier.tumblr.com/ mwittier

    I hope that when he goes home tonight, she meets him at the door and sweetly kicks his motherfucking teeth in. Lady ninja-style.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    When you start cohabiting at 38, you've pretty much figured out how to do your own, so it's not an issue. But the little lady has 12 times as many clothes as I do, so when she does mass laundry, our machines are booked for a week.

  • blotzphoto

    I hate my Governor…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    speaking as a woman i am so goddamned sick of these motherfuckers.

    and the women who enable them.

  • chicken_thief

    WTF is the average age of that crowd?! He speaking at an old folks home?

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? 20; one to change the lightbulb and 19 to make the documentary.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Mink? No no, the women all wear good cloth Republican coats (c.f. Richard Nixon).

  • HELisforHEL

    "It's hard to be the spouse of a fucking turd"

    I think that's what he meant to say.

  • DahBoner

    None.

    If the government would leave the light bulb alone, it will screw itself in, comrades!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      If we get rid of onerous regulation, the free market will come up with a solution.

  • Joey_brill

    Sorry, it was long ago and I was stoned, but my Women and Religion 101 class states we should ask the following:

    1. What couple has a spouse that can afford to stay at home?

    2. Why does it have to always be the woman?

    3. She's old and white, right?

  • clecinosu

    Same guy who blames the cop for *his* speeding ticket.

    Every day in Ohio, we see this clown doing something stupid, but the only reason we have him in the governor's office is because of people like those who vote for guys like Jim Buchy. (See previous blog on this website to learn about *this* clown.)

  • OurHoboSenator

    I saw Karen Kasich at the grocery store last month. She was buying tampons.

  • TribecaMike

    The jokes on him, even the bread is made of mayo.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    We need men like John Kasich. He makes the rest of us look so much more evolved by comparison.