PLEASE LEAVE THE DICK JOKES TO YOUR WONKET  12:30 pm September 12, 2012

Sarah Palin Wishes Barack Obama Had A Bigger Penis

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Mmmm, cockThere seems to have been a small amount of tsuris in the Middle East yesterday, as a large lot of Libyans decided to kill some Americans. This makes most people show proper somberness and gravity. But not Sarah Palin! She is busy being very ladylike, by talking about the president’s penis. Let us go to her Facebook page, where all the world’s greatest statesmen gather to orate their profundities, and marvel at her good sense and wisdom!

Blah blah blah, Palin Palin Palin:

It’s about time our president stood up for America and condemned these Islamic extremists. I realize there must be a lot on his mind these days – what with our economy’s abysmal jobless numbers and Moody’s new warning about yet another downgrade to our nation’s credit rating due to the current administration’s failure to come up with a credible deficit reduction plan. And, of course, he has a busy schedule – with all those rounds of golf, softball interviews with the “Pimp with the Limp,” and fundraising dinners with his corporate cronies. But our nation’s security should be of utmost importance to our Commander-in-chief. America can’t afford any more “leading from behind” in such a dangerous world. We already know that President Obama likes to “speak softly” to our enemies. If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one.

Emphasis added, by us, to direct your eyes directly to where Sarah Palin talks about the president growing a penis. This might be even more statesmanlike than Mitt Romney’s statements on Libya, wherein by all appearances (and on which we MIGHT SOMEDAY HAVE A POST if any of our Jesse’s decide to drop in) he fucked the dog.

[Facebook]

 

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{ 273 comments }

One_who_wanders September 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Sarah is blogging repeatedly to this idea. . . .

blackkgold September 12, 2012 at 7:44 pm

so now we really know whats on Sarah's mind…You know how when women like you the most they criticize you the most..It all makes sense now in retrospect..she went straight to the dick joke..Kinda like the "shut up and just fuck me" moment…I bet Mitt has a small stick..I mean it..lets calls him "Smalll Stick Mitt" from now on

ChrisM2011 September 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Hey- Once you go Barack you never go back!

freakishlywrong September 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Sarah Palin wouldn't know a big stick if she choked on it. Yes, that, please.

An_Outhouse September 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I'm guessing all the Palin females have known a stick or two.

sullivanst September 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

They've probably all choked on a few, but "known" is hard to prove.

HempDogbane September 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

She typed "If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one, with big throbbing veins" but Facebook wouldn't allow that kind of talk.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Choke on it, with votes.

Ohforcripessake September 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

With a mouth that big I doubt there is one big enough for her to choke on, a human one anyway..

Chow Yun Flat September 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

After Glen Rice it is tough to impress Sarah.

mrpuma2u September 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Although it seems like I will want to shower with bleach afterwords, you have created a fappable image/scenario just now.

I_P September 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Make it a hate fuck and you can just revel in it.

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 1:24 pm

His vertical leap while escaping her clutches must have been phenomenal.

BoroPrimorac September 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Glenn's ex-wife left him for a short, scrawny aerobics instructor. Maybe Sarah wants to see Hopey's stick because she was short changed by Mr. Rice.

UnholyMoses September 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Well, if anyone knows about sticks — big or small — it's the Palin clan.

bumfug September 12, 2012 at 9:37 pm

She needs 'em big so they don't just slap around in there…

Baconzgood September 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Who?

LesBontemps September 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Exactly.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I believe this is the Quitter Half-Term Governor of Alaska that Bill Kristol had an affair with.

In Conservative circles, that makes her a "deep thinker."

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Him TOO? Is there anyone Sarah HASN'T fucked? Speak now, or forever hold your piece.

CommieLibunatic September 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Did you see that? I smiled a genuine smile, because we can finally say that.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm

She and Terry Jones are sure going to be fighting for news cycle cache once she's dropped from Fox News.

mrpuma2u September 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

One kinda figured the Wasilla grifter for a size queen….

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

You kidding? After, what, five, six kids? Takes a lot to fill that hoo-ha.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

A truckload of cement would probly do the the job quite nicely. Bonus points for keeping her occupied with unfilling for the next X years so we don't have to hear that high, grating, nasal shriek ever again.

Steverino247 September 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

If she needed stitches for those deliveries, the doctor could have tightened things back up pretty well, you know.

I_P September 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Insert hot dog/bowling alley joke here…

Gleem McShineys September 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Done!

Nope, still plenty of room in here.

Beowoof September 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

She just wants Barack to show it to her so she determine if Glen Rice's was bigger. Break a tooth on it bitch.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

She has teeth in her coochie? Oh, jeeze.

Beowoof September 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Vagina Dentata Is a real problem.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Dammit, the linky is broken, which makes me so mad because I was hoping to see a little vagina today. Guess I gotta get my porn-watching in instead.

Beowoof September 12, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Try this one, the line near the end where the "Dr." says to consult your doctor or dentist about this problem made me push Diet Cherry 7Up out my nose.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgHN1GvF40I

Graham Cracker September 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

She is just hoping that if she complains enough about Barry's penis he will hold it against her.

freakishlywrong September 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Oh, and fuck these UN-statesmenlike assholes. Also. You LOST, twunt. Go away.

Incitefully_Joe September 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Lou Sarah shows all the statesmanship and honesty of Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney.

Or rather, vice versa.

OzoneTom September 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I think that all of these traitorous sociopaths need to re-think their rejection of the axiom "politics stops at the water's edge."

In their own self-interest even.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

The good news is, every single Republican policy wonk has now effectively distanced themselves from @MittRomney, even that ball-gargler Joe Lieberman. And the press is starting to call his reaction to the Libya incident evidence that he's not ready to be President.

emmelemm September 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Ball-gargler. Heh heh.

sharethegrief September 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Bristol would pay big bucks to watch a penis growing.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Great, now that you have given her an idea, she will probably have a reality show that is exactly that.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

She sits by the phone, awaiting the day that momentous phone call finally makes its way to her, alone and scared in the middle of nowhere.

Biff September 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Not enough wine coolers in the world…

Oblios_Cap September 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

This might be even more statesmanlike than Mitt Romney’s statements on Libya, wherein by all appearances he fucked the dog.

And then put the poor thing, in a carrier, on his roof. The shit's still streaming down.

I guess $arah is saying that Barry is no Glen Rice?

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I'm exhausted. Somebody else do the "MacArthur Park" parody!

Biff September 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

OMG, so the dog actually santorumed, not romneyed?

MadBrahms September 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Yes, Barry, speak softly to us some more. Mmm…

Wait, sorry, was Sarah Palin involved in this somehow? I got distracted.

Lucidamente1 September 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Is Trig now writing her Facebook entries? Because this one sure sounds r*****ed.

MadBrahms September 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Redacted?

sullivanst September 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I wish it had been, in its entirety.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I think he can only elevate the dialog over Mama Grizzly's mind grapes.

Baconzgood September 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

DOES THIS CUNT EVER FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!! TALK ABOUT MILKING IT! YOU WERE A 1/2 TERM GOVERNER FROM A STATE THAT HAS MORE BEARS THAN PEOPLE AND A FUCKING FAILED VP CANDIDATE!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!

Thurman Munster IV September 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I still can't believe that Baconzgood is Desmond Tutu's mom de Wonkette. Keep it up Desmond, deck her

MadBrahms September 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

He's been the life of the party ever since we banned Nelson Mandela for threatening to "skullfuck" Steve King.

Pat_Pending September 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm

'Desmond, deck her'

I see what you did there!

sewollef September 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I'm telling you now…. he is NOT Israeli.

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Oh, you meant "nom." I was trying to figure out how the fuck Baconz is Desmond Tutu's Mom!

Baconzgood September 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm

YOUR MOM!

Thurman Munster IV September 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Fucking autocorrect

Pat_Pending September 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I love it when folks lose their shit over the stoopedity of dah Palin.

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm

When you talk about Sarah milking it in the context of Obama's penis, it's like you have a direct connection to what, in humans, is called the limbic cortex but, for Sarah, is known as "her brain."

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm
Baconzgood September 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Nailed it.

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Just don't throw yourself into the deep end of a pool!

Thurman Munster IV September 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

FTW

Clancy_Pants September 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Never was there a more perfect place for an all-caps response. Bravo Sir and/or Madam.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Now, Baconz, I know you're good, but you need to stop screaming and waving your arms like that at the window, or the people below you will start screaming "Jump!" just like we do every year at the Bankers' Heart monument on St. Stupid's Day.

Baconzgood September 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Her and Frothy just put a burr under my saddle.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I just don't walt our beloved BaconzGood, much-adored Piglet of Snark, to leave us with a myocardial infarct, dood.

spareme September 12, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Baconz , I have a couple of zanax with your name on them – I suggest you hold on to them during this race. Having said that, you are my new hero!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 12, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I have trouble with these posts. While I like making fun of Sarah Palin, I also think that posting about her Facebook rants make her seem more important than she is. Can't we just ignore her or unfriend her like we do with other Facebook nutbags?

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm

It's like watching reality teevee. It's fascinating how truly awful some people are.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Yeah, I don't watch that shit either. Also, I am worried about what reporting on Sarah is doing to baconz's mental health.

anniegetyerfun September 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I watched TV for the first time in years the other day and couldn't believe that I had 500 channels with NOTHING worth watching on.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Yeah, me too. Baconz, I mean. Couldn't give two shits about Scarah.

BaldarTFlagass September 12, 2012 at 12:55 pm

It's the same psychology that makes us slow down and look at the multi-car accident on the other side of the highway, even though the wreck itself has nothing to do with anything that's happening on our side.

Barbara_ September 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

You would think that driving around all day to get her kids in to take their GED tests and to OB/GYN and ultrasound appointments, she wouldn't have time to think of such things.

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm

That's all she thinks about, while driving to her irrelevancy seminars and cancelled events and places to which she was not invited.

BerkeleyBear September 12, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Yeah, but that would suggest she was actually parenting. Which we know ain't her strong suit.

And I say this having spent something like 7 hours yesterday shuttling my kids around (to two schools on opposite sides of the city, then to and from a dr. appointment in the burbs, then from one's school to home, then to the other one's school and her tutor, then grab a bite to eat). Oh, and then do an hour of fucking math homework that makes me nuts because it is exactly the same stuff as last year, but with slightly different language which makes my autistic son stare at it like it is Swahili. I am looking forward to starting my PhD coursework just for the excuse to not be available for some of this shit.

Barbara_ September 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

B. Bear, you are an amazing person and a blessing.

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

The nights are long and lonely up there, with Tawd whoring from igloo to igloo.

Baconzgood September 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I saw Nalin' Pailin and the POTUS can grow a "big stick".

CrunchyKnee September 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Religion sucks. Muslins are a religion of peace, yet when someone says they are violent, a bunch of them get violent? Chistianist suck as well. And don't get me started on those freaking Buddhists.

Oh yeah, Palin is still a cunt. Also too.

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Om, motherfucker.

CrunchyKnee September 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Heheh.

BerkeleyBear September 12, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Islam is a religion of peace, but when someone depicts Mohammed in a bad light some of them lose their shit when their imams whip them up over it.

Shit, can you imagine what a bunch of Baptists would do if there was similar treatment of Jesus. Oh, right – they'd threaten everyone involved and engage in various acts of vandalism – and they don't have access to rockets and mortars.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Yet.

BaldarTFlagass September 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I think she should write for Foreign Affairs instead of Facebook.

MadBrahms September 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Isn't Todd responsible for all of the affairs in that family?

LesBontemps September 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm
James Michael Curley September 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm

She decline because she thought Todd would find out about that long French weekend.

Steverino247 September 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Wasilla Affairs

SayItWithWookies September 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

What's it called again when someone who's all talk criticizes the president for not taking action? Oh yeah — "Wednesday."

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Excellent. Everyday is Wednesday for Our Sarah.

Biff September 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

According to her dated panties, anyway.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

And boy are they dated.

sudsmckenzie September 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Its so big she could see it from her house.

sullivanst September 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Mrs. Palin, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this bloog is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

PsycWench September 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I was actually reminded of this classic myself.

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Perennial, every time Sarah opens her mouth.

spareme September 12, 2012 at 11:01 pm

no surprise here.

LastGasp September 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Well to me, nothing says “big stick” like the fact that he killed Bin Laden.

Suck on that, Sarah.

Goonemeritus September 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I heard that Obama made the Seal team apologize to Bin Laden prior to shooting him.

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Killed bin Laden WITH HIS DICK, by shooting him square in the eye. Be warned ladies, the Barackness Monster has some hydraulic prowess.

Gratuitous World September 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

she wants to be able to see his stick from her house.

no_gravity September 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Special Snowflake lives for moments like this when she can lift her skirt saying: Mr. President, look at me, look at me. And yet he still ignores her. Just like Glen Rice did the next day.

PsycWench September 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Doesn't matter how big it is, Sarah, you'll never see it.

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

You just made Sarah cry.

mr bojangles September 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

cool…she pals around with big sticks! who knew.

StarsUponThars September 12, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I guess I missed her post where she condemned the Christian extremists; you know, the ones who picket funerals, blow up women's health clinics and shoot doctors in the head at the dinner table.

sullivanst September 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

shoot doctors in the head at the dinner table.

Or in church.

BaldarTFlagass September 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

If she's such a Cassandra, how come she hasn't been able to predict her own inevitable descent into irrelevancy? I mean, Facebook? Wouldn't Red State or Free Republic give her some bandwidth?

MadBrahms September 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Isn't Facebook's stock already dropping like a stone? Do they really want to associate themselves with the Palin brand? Maybe she should be moved to MySpace, or possibly Orkut, where her irrelevancy would fit in.

Biff September 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Friendster.

chicken_thief September 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

"Wouldn't Red State or Free Republic give her some bandwidth? "

No.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Apparently they have some standards. Who knew.

HempDogbane September 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

This reactionary criticism by Wonket again shows liberals are completely unable to deal with an attractive, intelligent Conservative Woman such as the Governor.

PsycWench September 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Since she was only a half-term governor I believer her title is more appropriately the Nor.

Ruhe September 12, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Ahem…I believe at the time the coinage "Gover…" was suggested and met with wide approval. Consult the Wonkette style book please.

SmutBoffin September 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm

DEMONCRAPS CANNOT HANDLE THE TROOF: THAT SARA PALEIN AND HER FAMILY HAVE MORE AMERICA IN THIER EXHAUSTED UTERUSES THAN NOBAMA HAS IN HIS ENTIRE KENYAN BODY

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Oh, I'm sure those uterine caverns are nowhere near exhausted. They will pop out props as needed until the Rapture.

Guppy September 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

an attractive, intelligent Conservative Woman

I've yet to see one.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

You are right, we should stop criticizing Mitt Romney.

DemmeFatale September 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I've heard of "growing a pair," but not of growing a big stick.
Mix metaphors much, darling?

ShuCityRefugee September 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Undoubtedly, Ambassador Stevens' family are deeply moved by former-Governor Palin's thoughtful expressions of condolence.

Blueb4sinrise September 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Sounds better. Makes more sense.

[plug for C_R_'s eco-links in Wonkville. Lotsa good stuff ]

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2012 at 12:58 pm

You're gibbon that guy too much credit.

Blueb4sinrise September 12, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Aye – aye can't help it.

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I guess we should give him a brachiate so bad, really.

Blueb4sinrise September 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Heh! That's a howler.

ThundercatHo September 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

My dogs came tearing into the room and stood rapt while this was playing. They never did that for Sarah.

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Sarah got beat by the stupid stick, which she was dreaming was Barry Bamz Crotch Monster.

littlebigdaddy September 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Re. the Mittens thingy…he managed to come off as insensitive, opportunistic, and incompetent all at once. A trifecta of Mittenness!

skmind September 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Ever since Glen Rice she has been craving for one, just one. Maybe all that cravin' is a sign that she's preggers again.

VaWyo September 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I'm sure Obama's "stick" is bigger than Todd's.

StarsUponThars September 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Alt-txt made an unflattering cackle sound come out of my mouth. Thanks for that.

emmelemm September 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Me too, man, me too.

An_Outhouse September 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Who is the 'Pimp with a Limp'? WTF is she talking about?

sullivanst September 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I wondered that, too.

An_Outhouse September 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I googled it. It linked to something on Faux News. Those people are getting so insular they speak in code.

sullivanst September 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Apparently, this is what's been echoing around the chamber for the last 24+ hours.

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Thank you for your service.

BaldarTFlagass September 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm

That's what I'm wondering. Al Sharpton?

thedeathofirony September 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I was wondering the same thing, did I miss some VERY IMPORTANT NEWS STORY?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

And what are the softball questions this pimp is asking? "Do you want a white women?"

Pookums September 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I'm reminded of "Blazing Saddles"

"Is it true what they say about the way you people are gifted? Zzzzzzzip! Oh it's Twue…. it's twue…. it's twue!"

BaldarTFlagass September 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Everyone was laughing so hard at that in the theater that they never heard Cleavon's "You wanna stop sucking on my arm?" line.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Just re-watched Blazing Saddles this weekend. It is amazing how prescient Mel Brooks was. He is the Nostradamus of our times.

HistoriCat September 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Mel Brooks is fucking awesome but I believe some of the credit should go to Richard Pryor.

emmelemm September 12, 2012 at 2:11 pm

We can only hope, since the Ni– sheriff won in the end of that one, eh?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm

As long as you are not Irish.

However, I don't see Sarah Palin showing up at the White House door with a pie and saying "Sorry about the 'Up yours, Nigger.'"

LesBontemps September 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

How's that hookworm, Sarah?

edgydrifter September 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

YEAH! You tell 'em, Hockey Grizzly! Boy, if only we had YOU in charge instead of HUSSEIN!! Why, I bet you'd handle this just like the time you… uh… that time you… shucks, I can't recall now, but I BET IT WAS GREAT!

BarackMyWorld September 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Its not that I believe women don't belong in politics, but were I trying to make that argument, this would certainly be exhibit A.

FlownOver September 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Idiots an a-holes – and particularly the combination of the two – of either gender should stick to other pursuits. Say, maybe, reality show pimp.

greenloner September 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

If politics ain't a reality show, especially campaign politics, I don't know what is.

JustPixelz September 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

"But our nation’s security should be of utmost importance to our Commander-in-chief."

What would Dubya do? Keep reading "The Pet Goat" while his fellow citizens are falling from the sky ON HIS FUCKING WATCH.

FlownOver September 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Asked for clarification, Palin responded "Mmmfff gack blllkkk!"

telecustom1972 September 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

If he'd grow one, she'd blow one.

jcinco September 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

she needs a big stick shoved up her ass or down her throat so we no longer have to listen to her incessant bleating.

Steverino247 September 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I have a Mr. Vlad Impaler on Line One for you…

Nostrildamus September 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Amazing how as I start to read her quote I immediately hear that horrible voice.

It's like a worm eating my brain.

MadBrahms September 12, 2012 at 12:58 pm

If she doesn't quit talking soon, they're going to need to add trephination coverage to Obamacare.

James Michael Curley September 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Do it Please! With a 7 inch Red Prada Platform Pump.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I b'leev those are what is commonly referred to in the trade as "Fuck-Me Pumps"?

GunToting[Redacted] September 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"Pimp with a limp?" WTF does that even mean?

DCBloom September 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm
GunToting[Redacted] September 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Wow, how did our lamestream media miss this? Thank Kobol I follow Lou Sarah's Twatter feed.

BoroPrimorac September 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

He's a local DJ down here in Miami.

DahBoner September 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Pimps keep their money in a shoe.

The bigger the limp, the richer the pimp.

emmelemm September 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I have learned something today! This is why I come to Wonkette.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

It means Sarah follows Obama WAY more closely than you do. Hell, I had no idea what she was talking about till I googled it.

fuflans September 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

i guess getting bin laden doesn't count as 'standing up to islamic extremists'.

chicken_thief September 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

And how many #2's have been drone struck?

James Michael Curley September 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Nuther one today in Yemen.

One_who_wanders September 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

(I can't believe I am doing this and that no one else has yet)

Ahem, All of them, Katie!

chicken_thief September 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I'd love to sit in on their "elections". Definitely a "good news, bad news" situation.

freakishlywrong September 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm

IT WAS THE SEALS11!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm

FACT CHECK: Obama did not "get bin Laden." He was in fact boarded onto Air Force One, given the red carpet treatment, and now lives in the Lincoln Bedroom.

Source: Glen Beck.

metamarcisf September 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

As Jesus said of the blind prostitute, "You really have to hand it to her"

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Sarah, you're 40 years too late. "Grow a penis" must be anagrammed to "Spiro Agnew."

Also, waiting on Ben Shapiro on Breitbart.com to condemn how she has outrageously politicized this tragedy.

Mahousu September 12, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Palin doesn't exactly have a big dick. She just is one.

vodkamuppet September 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I think of her more as a sore on the giant dick that is the GOP.

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Shorter Sarah: anytime a mob in a middle east country hurts someone, send in the bombers first, then the ground troops.

T3rbo September 12, 2012 at 12:57 pm

God damn it my mind really wanders when I try to read Palinese. What the fuck is this woman talking about? Let me see if I can find the coherent thought:

Our nation’s security should be of utmost importance to our Commander-in-chief.

That is really all that there is there: everything else is just her implying…something. What she is implying, I have NO FUCKING IDEA.

Let me try to fix this.

President Obama needs to kill Muslims harder. They don't seem to be getting the message. I propose that we put sparklers on the wings Predator drones, and they should tow banners that say, in Muslim, "THE UNITED STATES MILITARY JUST BLEW YOU UP WITH A MISSILE, FORMER MEMBERS OF AL QUEDA. " Also, President Obama needs to issue our troops megaphones, so that when Marines start blowing the holy hell out of Muslim extremists, Marines can yell loudly, over the din of battle "The people who are shooting/strafing/bombarding you are Americans. Our commander in chief, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, CONDEMNS YOU (to hell)." Also, there needs to be large projector screens in these battles, and during these drone strikes, videos of President Osama, whoops, Obama, condemning the extremists can be projected. Also, I am a ignorant attention whoring fucking snowbilly twunt.

James Michael Curley September 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Too may commas and not enough run on sentences.

T3rbo September 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Let me try again:

"Oh gosh, you know, gee, obama's a N****R!"

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

That's all you had to say, man.

One_who_wanders September 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Newsletter, subscribe!

Oblios_Cap September 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Sarah Palin Wishes Barack Obama Had A Bigger Penis

Don't we all?

SayItWithWookies September 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

And speaking of fetid windborne disasters, has Sarah been anywhere near the Salton Sea in the last day or so? Apparently a gigantic fish kill and a weather anomaly caused something so awful they could smell it in Los Angeles — I figure she was applying some sort of environmental fix to it. And no, I'm not making any c*** jokes — too damn obvious.

Boojum September 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Bristol went swimming, why do you ask?

gurukalehuru September 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

When you say "orate" in connection with Sarah Palin, I see a word there which is a combination of "oral" and "fellate."

Allmighty_Manos September 12, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Remember when terrorists killed all those Marines in Lebanon and Reagan was like "heads are gonna roll" and he sent in even more troops, leveling Beirut and Tehran to the ground? I'm might just be remembering the plot of Delta Force, but I'm pretty sure Reagan would have done the same thing.

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Well, the airport in Grenada is at least free.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Yeah, and we haven't had to deal with Islamic Extremist in the Caribbean since then, have we? USA! USA! USA!

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Coincidentally, brave patriot (and surely ex-military himself, right?) Clint Eastwood immortalized Ronnie Reagan's bravery with the sterling war classic, "Heartbreak Ridge." However, when Ronnie spoke with a chair, the chair spoke back.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Yes. And friends of mine who were working to set up cooperative banks and regional self-help organizations are dead. The remarkably prescient American forces knew exactly who to shoot, and the mass graves around the island have yet to be explained to the rest of the world.

lulzmonger September 13, 2012 at 2:33 am

A close call indeed – just imagine the unspeakable horror that would've gripped the world if all that nutmeg had fallen into the hands of SOCIALISTS!

ManchuCandidate September 12, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Is it Fraudian slip or Freudian slip?

I can never tell.

Chow Yun Flat September 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Sarah sez: Time to lay some pipe!

Jus_Wonderin September 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Cunt! (That's all I got).

Steverino247 September 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

"That's okay. He's got 'cunt' and 'cunt' is enough."

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I thought you had a dick, myself, but hey, we don't discriminate on that basis.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

She just makes it TOO fucking easy, don't she?

ChillBill September 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

She truly is beyond snark at this point, isn't she?

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I'm doing my best, Chill, and nothin's comin' out the tap. SarahLou or LouSarah has passed beyond us, I'm afraid. I just wish it were in *every* sense of the word.

ChillBill September 12, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Same here. It's like beating a dead horse with a dead horse.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Apparently being a Palin women means making it too fucking easy.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Or easy fucking. As the case may be.

barto September 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Unfortunately there's not enough booze on the planet to make me forget that people like Palin exist. <sigh>

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Keep drinking!

chicken_thief September 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I call bullshit. Sarah didn't write that – the paragraph is broken up into sentences.

Self-Uploader September 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

abysmal jobless numbers….

Isn't it a good news if the number of those without jobs is abysmal?

Franknflower September 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I was a bit confused by that part as well. Abysmal jobless numbers are good, right?

vulpes82 September 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

And Michelle just gently smiles and walks away whistling.

Steverino247 September 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

The fact that she can still walk shows how 'in shape" she really is.

delaney_blom September 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Is this a mixed metaphor?

Or have I been naively misinterpreting crazy old T.R. for all these years? Did he mean that the best foreign policy is to whisper sweet nothings into other countries' ears and then fuck them?

mustangsavvy September 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

She wants Bamz so hard it's impossible to ignore now. Poor Sarah, Obama is just not that into you. Despite your relentless pole dancing in pedal pushers and stripper sandals to get his attention.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I'm beginning to think that is the root of Sairy's problem. So to speak. It's writ pretty large, innit? She wants Barry, his attention, his time, his acknowledgement.

And Barry's got Michelle. That must *really* burn Sairy's ass bad.

thefrontpage September 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Let's be straightforward: Palin is psychotic, unstable, mentally unhinged, mentally deficient, a liar, unbelievable in the literal sense of the word, corrupt, cuckoo, a few sandwiches shy of a picnic, a few floors short of the elevator, a few cards short of a full deck, and just plain loco. In addition to that, she continually has zero idea what on earth she is talking about. Tuesday night and today, Wednesday, by the way, our Secretary of State and President Obama issued harsh statements condemning the attacks, blasting the attacks, vowing justice–"make no mistake," the President said–and ridiculing and insulting the attacks as the work of thugs, murderers and cowards, in so many words. The statements were strong, direct, and tough, as they should be. Anyone who says otherwise–including Romney, Ryan, Palin and others who operate outside of reality–does not know what on earth they are talking about. That is a fact.

Jus_Wonderin September 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

^^What he/she said.^^

James Michael Curley September 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Mitt Romney made his fourth statement trying to walk back the criticism that he politicized the event even before all the dead were identified by issuing another statement saying everything in Egypt and Libya was caused by Obama. Now Republicans are suggesting he maybe should have waited a day or two before issuing ANY statement.

HistoriCat September 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

How hard is it to condemn the killings, offer sympathy to the bereaved, and suggest that we wait for more information? Sure, you don't score major points against the president that way but you won't look like a rank amateur either.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

That's why he isn't ready for any kind of high office. You need someone who understands strategy. A short-term win isn't worth it unless the long-term gain is also there. Sometimes, you can lose a pawn, or even sacrifice a pawn, if it'll get you closer to a checkmate. No long-term end was served by his stupid, histrionic statements, and now he's tanking nationwide as people start to realize that if he were in charge right now, we'd be in a third, or even a fourth war for which we lack resources.

Incitefully_Joe September 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

It has a bit of the impression of the McCain campaign around the same time in 08, frankly, trying to score easy political points and "win the news cycle" while Unflappable Barry ignored the political scorekeeping and skated to victory.

But yes, to extend your chess analogy a bit more, it's like when someone who knows the rules but is a novice starts really losing a game, and any pretense of a strategy gets dropped in exchange for just capturing what ever pieces you can. Mate typically follows shortly.

viennawoods13 September 13, 2012 at 7:37 am

Obama plays 3-D chess, and he plays Go Fish.

DahBoner September 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Science!

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Now THAT deserved some upfisty love.

FlownOver September 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Even if I were willing to engage the Evil Lord Facebook I wouldn't go to this silly bunt's page.

ph7 September 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Todd is finding this difficult to masturbate to.

HistoriCat September 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Today we are all Todd.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Ew, I hope not. (looks around) Nope, still in my little piece of Paradise. I won't have to look at that shitty face over the dinner table, yay me.

Guppy September 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Mitt Romney’s statements on Libya

Hey, anything to get the GOP to stop issuing statements on labia.

Chet Kincaid_ September 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Growing things you may not have been born with is not easy, as Sarah's debate prep tutors discovered early on.

DerrickWildcat September 12, 2012 at 1:21 pm

She's a terrible Lady.

Steverino247 September 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

That's no lady, that's Todd's wife!

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Derrick, I realize you're just a Nice Young Fellow, and all that, and I hate to break it to you, son. That's no lady.

NellCote71 September 12, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Lou Sarah jabbers on about p-ness when ours is taken away in this new comment format. Do not like.

vodkamuppet September 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Oh just go the fuck away, lady. GO THE FUCK AWAY. Go away go away go away.

James Michael Curley September 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

We are all just everyday people going to work to earn a living on the Subway Car that is the Republican party and the drunken, singing pan handler just entered the car.

Ruhe September 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Setting the Freudian aspects of the "Big Stick" image aside, what is Sarah suggesting exactly? Should Obama condemn all of Islam generally? Should we be bombing Libya in order to avenge the ambassador's death?

Franknflower September 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Almost sounds like a primitive revenge reaction based solely on religious dogma or something.

Ruhe September 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Irony, unlike comedy, is apparently easy.

hagajim September 12, 2012 at 1:32 pm

This bitch is just looking for a smooth Presidential mushroom stamp upside her head.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

So, what have we learned. The Half-Term Quitter Governor of Alaska has gone from not reading anything related to foreign policy to getting her foreign policy from Penthouse.

emmelemm September 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm

She only reads it for the articles!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm

That is how I learned the real secrets about life in a Sorority or Women's Dorm.

emmelemm September 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Contrary to popular belief, while there are a lot of lingerie pillow fights, they seldom degenerate into hot lesbian sex.

I said SELDOM.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm

So, most of the time it is just routine lesbian sex? Do tell more.

Native_of_SL_UT September 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Republicans think our military is a hammer.
Republicans think foreign policy is a nail.

Spurning Beer September 12, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Sarah is all over this like white on Rice.

DahBoner September 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm

No one could have anticipated white on Rice!

Generation[redacted] September 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

(rolls eyes) I believe the title of that memo was "White determined to be on Rice."

mavenmaven September 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm

That's how one starts to talk after spending too much "time on the internet", if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink…

ffredpalakon September 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Lisa Ann used to quote Sarah Palin's lines, now Sarah Palin quotes Lisa Ann's.

proudgrampa September 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I am all for the Constitution, but isn't it time we go martial law on this bitch and send her to Gitmo?

mrblifil September 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Oh so now she's a size queen.

msobelgravitar September 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

The old TR philosophy, Walk sticky and carry a big soft.

Callyson September 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm

"Pimp with a limp"? WTF?

Kid_Charlemagne September 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Sarah longs for a president who wields a giant, throbbing sceptre of freedom.

OneYieldRegular September 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Sarah who?

DahBoner September 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm

//shakes fist at dirty hippies

GROW SOME HAIR CUE BALLZ

YouBetcha September 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm

How much money do they have to pay the poor dope who has to make her sentences less word salady, also too, such as? I betcha it's not enough. <wink>

ph7 September 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Sarah's still aching to be a "vice" president.

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I notice you put the emphasis on "vice." Smart.

danny6114 September 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm

If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one. (aside) Just like I wish Todd would.

christianmuslin September 12, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I think she has a typo in her Facebook post: she intended to say Gimp with a limp! I remain clueless, however, as to whom she refers.

TribecaMike September 12, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Mmmm, frozen penis.

ttommyunger September 12, 2012 at 7:08 pm

She just can't stop thinking about Barry's dick. Puts her in good company, but let's face it, she is instant soft-on.

docterry6973 September 12, 2012 at 7:53 pm

When you play them backwards every sentence Palin utters says the same thing: "I am an idiot."

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

OK, ARE you my older brother the chess-player, or are you his then-best friend Soma who used to sit in at our games and mock me?

MittBorg September 12, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Did you see the comments? I lmfao! Somewhere out there, a few dozen (or hundred) teenage boys are worrying about their weenies being et alive. Oh, christ, I can't stand it. Those poor, poor kids.

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