please leave the dick jokes to your wonket

Sarah Palin Wishes Barack Obama Had A Bigger Penis

Mmmm, cockThere seems to have been a small amount of tsuris in the Middle East yesterday, as a large lot of Libyans decided to kill some Americans. This makes most people show proper somberness and gravity. But not Sarah Palin! She is busy being very ladylike, by talking about the president’s penis. Let us go to her Facebook page, where all the world’s greatest statesmen gather to orate their profundities, and marvel at her good sense and wisdom!

Blah blah blah, Palin Palin Palin:

It’s about time our president stood up for America and condemned these Islamic extremists. I realize there must be a lot on his mind these days – what with our economy’s abysmal jobless numbers and Moody’s new warning about yet another downgrade to our nation’s credit rating due to the current administration’s failure to come up with a credible deficit reduction plan. And, of course, he has a busy schedule – with all those rounds of golf, softball interviews with the “Pimp with the Limp,” and fundraising dinners with his corporate cronies. But our nation’s security should be of utmost importance to our Commander-in-chief. America can’t afford any more “leading from behind” in such a dangerous world. We already know that President Obama likes to “speak softly” to our enemies. If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one.

Emphasis added, by us, to direct your eyes directly to where Sarah Palin talks about the president growing a penis. This might be even more statesmanlike than Mitt Romney’s statements on Libya, wherein by all appearances (and on which we MIGHT SOMEDAY HAVE A POST if any of our Jesse’s decide to drop in) he fucked the dog.

[Facebook]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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273 comments

    1. blackkgold

      so now we really know whats on Sarah's mind…You know how when women like you the most they criticize you the most..It all makes sense now in retrospect..she went straight to the dick joke..Kinda like the "shut up and just fuck me" moment…I bet Mitt has a small stick..I mean it..lets calls him "Smalll Stick Mitt" from now on

    1. HempDogbane

      She typed "If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one, with big throbbing veins" but Facebook wouldn't allow that kind of talk.

    1. mrpuma2u

      Although it seems like I will want to shower with bleach afterwords, you have created a fappable image/scenario just now.

    2. BoroPrimorac

      Glenn's ex-wife left him for a short, scrawny aerobics instructor. Maybe Sarah wants to see Hopey's stick because she was short changed by Mr. Rice.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        She and Terry Jones are sure going to be fighting for news cycle cache once she's dropped from Fox News.

      1. MittBorg

        A truckload of cement would probly do the the job quite nicely. Bonus points for keeping her occupied with unfilling for the next X years so we don't have to hear that high, grating, nasal shriek ever again.

      2. Steverino247

        If she needed stitches for those deliveries, the doctor could have tightened things back up pretty well, you know.

  1. Beowoof

    She just wants Barack to show it to her so she determine if Glen Rice's was bigger. Break a tooth on it bitch.

        1. MittBorg

          Dammit, the linky is broken, which makes me so mad because I was hoping to see a little vagina today. Guess I gotta get my porn-watching in instead.

          1. MittBorg

            Did you see the comments? I lmfao! Somewhere out there, a few dozen (or hundred) teenage boys are worrying about their weenies being et alive. Oh, christ, I can't stand it. Those poor, poor kids.

    1. OzoneTom

      I think that all of these traitorous sociopaths need to re-think their rejection of the axiom "politics stops at the water's edge."

      In their own self-interest even.

    2. MittBorg

      The good news is, every single Republican policy wonk has now effectively distanced themselves from @MittRomney, even that ball-gargler Joe Lieberman. And the press is starting to call his reaction to the Libya incident evidence that he's not ready to be President.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        She sits by the phone, awaiting the day that momentous phone call finally makes its way to her, alone and scared in the middle of nowhere.

  2. Oblios_Cap

    This might be even more statesmanlike than Mitt Romney’s statements on Libya, wherein by all appearances he fucked the dog.

    And then put the poor thing, in a carrier, on his roof. The shit's still streaming down.

    I guess $arah is saying that Barry is no Glen Rice?

  3. MadBrahms

    Yes, Barry, speak softly to us some more. Mmm…

    Wait, sorry, was Sarah Palin involved in this somehow? I got distracted.

  4. Baconzgood

    DOES THIS CUNT EVER FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!! TALK ABOUT MILKING IT! YOU WERE A 1/2 TERM GOVERNER FROM A STATE THAT HAS MORE BEARS THAN PEOPLE AND A FUCKING FAILED VP CANDIDATE!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!

    1. Thurman Munster IV

      I still can't believe that Baconzgood is Desmond Tutu's mom de Wonkette. Keep it up Desmond, deck her

      1. MadBrahms

        He's been the life of the party ever since we banned Nelson Mandela for threatening to "skullfuck" Steve King.

    2. Boojum

      When you talk about Sarah milking it in the context of Obama's penis, it's like you have a direct connection to what, in humans, is called the limbic cortex but, for Sarah, is known as "her brain."

    3. MittBorg

      Now, Baconz, I know you're good, but you need to stop screaming and waving your arms like that at the window, or the people below you will start screaming "Jump!" just like we do every year at the Bankers' Heart monument on St. Stupid's Day.

    4. spareme

      Baconz , I have a couple of zanax with your name on them – I suggest you hold on to them during this race. Having said that, you are my new hero!

  5. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I have trouble with these posts. While I like making fun of Sarah Palin, I also think that posting about her Facebook rants make her seem more important than she is. Can't we just ignore her or unfriend her like we do with other Facebook nutbags?

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Yeah, I don't watch that shit either. Also, I am worried about what reporting on Sarah is doing to baconz's mental health.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          I watched TV for the first time in years the other day and couldn't believe that I had 500 channels with NOTHING worth watching on.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      It's the same psychology that makes us slow down and look at the multi-car accident on the other side of the highway, even though the wreck itself has nothing to do with anything that's happening on our side.

  6. Barbara_

    You would think that driving around all day to get her kids in to take their GED tests and to OB/GYN and ultrasound appointments, she wouldn't have time to think of such things.

    1. Boojum

      That's all she thinks about, while driving to her irrelevancy seminars and cancelled events and places to which she was not invited.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, but that would suggest she was actually parenting. Which we know ain't her strong suit.

      And I say this having spent something like 7 hours yesterday shuttling my kids around (to two schools on opposite sides of the city, then to and from a dr. appointment in the burbs, then from one's school to home, then to the other one's school and her tutor, then grab a bite to eat). Oh, and then do an hour of fucking math homework that makes me nuts because it is exactly the same stuff as last year, but with slightly different language which makes my autistic son stare at it like it is Swahili. I am looking forward to starting my PhD coursework just for the excuse to not be available for some of this shit.

  7. CrunchyKnee

    Religion sucks. Muslins are a religion of peace, yet when someone says they are violent, a bunch of them get violent? Chistianist suck as well. And don't get me started on those freaking Buddhists.

    Oh yeah, Palin is still a cunt. Also too.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Islam is a religion of peace, but when someone depicts Mohammed in a bad light some of them lose their shit when their imams whip them up over it.

      Shit, can you imagine what a bunch of Baptists would do if there was similar treatment of Jesus. Oh, right – they'd threaten everyone involved and engage in various acts of vandalism – and they don't have access to rockets and mortars.

  8. sullivanst

    Mrs. Palin, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this bloog is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

    1. Boojum

      Killed bin Laden WITH HIS DICK, by shooting him square in the eye. Be warned ladies, the Barackness Monster has some hydraulic prowess.

  9. no_gravity

    Special Snowflake lives for moments like this when she can lift her skirt saying: Mr. President, look at me, look at me. And yet he still ignores her. Just like Glen Rice did the next day.

  10. StarsUponThars

    I guess I missed her post where she condemned the Christian extremists; you know, the ones who picket funerals, blow up women's health clinics and shoot doctors in the head at the dinner table.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    If she's such a Cassandra, how come she hasn't been able to predict her own inevitable descent into irrelevancy? I mean, Facebook? Wouldn't Red State or Free Republic give her some bandwidth?

    1. MadBrahms

      Isn't Facebook's stock already dropping like a stone? Do they really want to associate themselves with the Palin brand? Maybe she should be moved to MySpace, or possibly Orkut, where her irrelevancy would fit in.

  12. HempDogbane

    This reactionary criticism by Wonket again shows liberals are completely unable to deal with an attractive, intelligent Conservative Woman such as the Governor.

      1. Ruhe

        Ahem…I believe at the time the coinage "Gover…" was suggested and met with wide approval. Consult the Wonkette style book please.

    1. SmutBoffin

      DEMONCRAPS CANNOT HANDLE THE TROOF: THAT SARA PALEIN AND HER FAMILY HAVE MORE AMERICA IN THIER EXHAUSTED UTERUSES THAN NOBAMA HAS IN HIS ENTIRE KENYAN BODY

      1. Boojum

        Oh, I'm sure those uterine caverns are nowhere near exhausted. They will pop out props as needed until the Rapture.

  13. ShuCityRefugee

    Undoubtedly, Ambassador Stevens' family are deeply moved by former-Governor Palin's thoughtful expressions of condolence.

    1. ThundercatHo

      My dogs came tearing into the room and stood rapt while this was playing. They never did that for Sarah.

  14. littlebigdaddy

    Re. the Mittens thingy…he managed to come off as insensitive, opportunistic, and incompetent all at once. A trifecta of Mittenness!

      1. An_Outhouse

        I googled it. It linked to something on Faux News. Those people are getting so insular they speak in code.

  15. Pookums

    I'm reminded of "Blazing Saddles"

    "Is it true what they say about the way you people are gifted? Zzzzzzzip! Oh it's Twue…. it's twue…. it's twue!"

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Everyone was laughing so hard at that in the theater that they never heard Cleavon's "You wanna stop sucking on my arm?" line.

  16. edgydrifter

    YEAH! You tell 'em, Hockey Grizzly! Boy, if only we had YOU in charge instead of HUSSEIN!! Why, I bet you'd handle this just like the time you… uh… that time you… shucks, I can't recall now, but I BET IT WAS GREAT!

  17. BarackMyWorld

    Its not that I believe women don't belong in politics, but were I trying to make that argument, this would certainly be exhibit A.

    1. FlownOver

      Idiots an a-holes – and particularly the combination of the two – of either gender should stick to other pursuits. Say, maybe, reality show pimp.

  18. JustPixelz

    "But our nation’s security should be of utmost importance to our Commander-in-chief."

    What would Dubya do? Keep reading "The Pet Goat" while his fellow citizens are falling from the sky ON HIS FUCKING WATCH.

  19. jcinco

    she needs a big stick shoved up her ass or down her throat so we no longer have to listen to her incessant bleating.

  20. Nostrildamus

    Amazing how as I start to read her quote I immediately hear that horrible voice.

    It's like a worm eating my brain.

  21. Doktor Zoom

    Sarah, you're 40 years too late. "Grow a penis" must be anagrammed to "Spiro Agnew."

    Also, waiting on Ben Shapiro on Breitbart.com to condemn how she has outrageously politicized this tragedy.

  22. Lascauxcaveman

    Shorter Sarah: anytime a mob in a middle east country hurts someone, send in the bombers first, then the ground troops.

  23. T3rbo

    God damn it my mind really wanders when I try to read Palinese. What the fuck is this woman talking about? Let me see if I can find the coherent thought:

    Our nation’s security should be of utmost importance to our Commander-in-chief.

    That is really all that there is there: everything else is just her implying…something. What she is implying, I have NO FUCKING IDEA.

    Let me try to fix this.

    President Obama needs to kill Muslims harder. They don't seem to be getting the message. I propose that we put sparklers on the wings Predator drones, and they should tow banners that say, in Muslim, "THE UNITED STATES MILITARY JUST BLEW YOU UP WITH A MISSILE, FORMER MEMBERS OF AL QUEDA. " Also, President Obama needs to issue our troops megaphones, so that when Marines start blowing the holy hell out of Muslim extremists, Marines can yell loudly, over the din of battle "The people who are shooting/strafing/bombarding you are Americans. Our commander in chief, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, CONDEMNS YOU (to hell)." Also, there needs to be large projector screens in these battles, and during these drone strikes, videos of President Osama, whoops, Obama, condemning the extremists can be projected. Also, I am a ignorant attention whoring fucking snowbilly twunt.

  24. SayItWithWookies

    And speaking of fetid windborne disasters, has Sarah been anywhere near the Salton Sea in the last day or so? Apparently a gigantic fish kill and a weather anomaly caused something so awful they could smell it in Los Angeles — I figure she was applying some sort of environmental fix to it. And no, I'm not making any c*** jokes — too damn obvious.

  25. Allmighty_Manos

    Remember when terrorists killed all those Marines in Lebanon and Reagan was like "heads are gonna roll" and he sent in even more troops, leveling Beirut and Tehran to the ground? I'm might just be remembering the plot of Delta Force, but I'm pretty sure Reagan would have done the same thing.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        Coincidentally, brave patriot (and surely ex-military himself, right?) Clint Eastwood immortalized Ronnie Reagan's bravery with the sterling war classic, "Heartbreak Ridge." However, when Ronnie spoke with a chair, the chair spoke back.

      2. MittBorg

        Yes. And friends of mine who were working to set up cooperative banks and regional self-help organizations are dead. The remarkably prescient American forces knew exactly who to shoot, and the mass graves around the island have yet to be explained to the rest of the world.

      3. lulzmonger

        A close call indeed – just imagine the unspeakable horror that would've gripped the world if all that nutmeg had fallen into the hands of SOCIALISTS!

      1. MittBorg

        I'm doing my best, Chill, and nothin's comin' out the tap. SarahLou or LouSarah has passed beyond us, I'm afraid. I just wish it were in *every* sense of the word.

  26. delaney_blom

    Is this a mixed metaphor?

    Or have I been naively misinterpreting crazy old T.R. for all these years? Did he mean that the best foreign policy is to whisper sweet nothings into other countries' ears and then fuck them?

  27. mustangsavvy

    She wants Bamz so hard it's impossible to ignore now. Poor Sarah, Obama is just not that into you. Despite your relentless pole dancing in pedal pushers and stripper sandals to get his attention.

    1. MittBorg

      I'm beginning to think that is the root of Sairy's problem. So to speak. It's writ pretty large, innit? She wants Barry, his attention, his time, his acknowledgement.

      And Barry's got Michelle. That must *really* burn Sairy's ass bad.

  28. thefrontpage

    Let's be straightforward: Palin is psychotic, unstable, mentally unhinged, mentally deficient, a liar, unbelievable in the literal sense of the word, corrupt, cuckoo, a few sandwiches shy of a picnic, a few floors short of the elevator, a few cards short of a full deck, and just plain loco. In addition to that, she continually has zero idea what on earth she is talking about. Tuesday night and today, Wednesday, by the way, our Secretary of State and President Obama issued harsh statements condemning the attacks, blasting the attacks, vowing justice–"make no mistake," the President said–and ridiculing and insulting the attacks as the work of thugs, murderers and cowards, in so many words. The statements were strong, direct, and tough, as they should be. Anyone who says otherwise–including Romney, Ryan, Palin and others who operate outside of reality–does not know what on earth they are talking about. That is a fact.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Mitt Romney made his fourth statement trying to walk back the criticism that he politicized the event even before all the dead were identified by issuing another statement saying everything in Egypt and Libya was caused by Obama. Now Republicans are suggesting he maybe should have waited a day or two before issuing ANY statement.

      1. HistoriCat

        How hard is it to condemn the killings, offer sympathy to the bereaved, and suggest that we wait for more information? Sure, you don't score major points against the president that way but you won't look like a rank amateur either.

        1. MittBorg

          That's why he isn't ready for any kind of high office. You need someone who understands strategy. A short-term win isn't worth it unless the long-term gain is also there. Sometimes, you can lose a pawn, or even sacrifice a pawn, if it'll get you closer to a checkmate. No long-term end was served by his stupid, histrionic statements, and now he's tanking nationwide as people start to realize that if he were in charge right now, we'd be in a third, or even a fourth war for which we lack resources.

          1. Incitefully_Joe

            It has a bit of the impression of the McCain campaign around the same time in 08, frankly, trying to score easy political points and "win the news cycle" while Unflappable Barry ignored the political scorekeeping and skated to victory.

            But yes, to extend your chess analogy a bit more, it's like when someone who knows the rules but is a novice starts really losing a game, and any pretense of a strategy gets dropped in exchange for just capturing what ever pieces you can. Mate typically follows shortly.

      1. MittBorg

        Ew, I hope not. (looks around) Nope, still in my little piece of Paradise. I won't have to look at that shitty face over the dinner table, yay me.

    1. James Michael Curley

      We are all just everyday people going to work to earn a living on the Subway Car that is the Republican party and the drunken, singing pan handler just entered the car.

  29. Ruhe

    Setting the Freudian aspects of the "Big Stick" image aside, what is Sarah suggesting exactly? Should Obama condemn all of Islam generally? Should we be bombing Libya in order to avenge the ambassador's death?

        1. emmelemm

          Contrary to popular belief, while there are a lot of lingerie pillow fights, they seldom degenerate into hot lesbian sex.

          I said SELDOM.

  30. mavenmaven

    That's how one starts to talk after spending too much "time on the internet", if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink…

  31. proudgrampa

    I am all for the Constitution, but isn't it time we go martial law on this bitch and send her to Gitmo?

  32. YouBetcha

    How much money do they have to pay the poor dope who has to make her sentences less word salady, also too, such as? I betcha it's not enough. <wink>

  33. danny6114

    If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one. (aside) Just like I wish Todd would.

  34. christianmuslin

    I think she has a typo in her Facebook post: she intended to say Gimp with a limp! I remain clueless, however, as to whom she refers.

  35. ttommyunger

    She just can't stop thinking about Barry's dick. Puts her in good company, but let's face it, she is instant soft-on.

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