Breitbart Takes ‘Fact-Check’ Craze To Logical Conclusion: Bin Laden Is Alive, GM Is Dead

  fact-checkers gone wild

WooooooooEverybody’s boo-hooing about the fact-check craze sweeping the nation, whether it’s sane, reasonable people laughing at AP’s ridiculose “fact check” that stated Bill Clinton was wrong to point out a Romney welfare ad lie, because Clinton once lied about all the intern snatch he was pulling, or the goons of Red State telling their minions that if they quote a fact checker, they will be banned. BANNED! And they don’t even have to threaten a skullfuck or call something tarded to earn that distinct honor! But someone has managed to scale the heights of fact-check crazy, and that person, obviously, is Ghost Andrew Breitbart, with his counterintuitive fact-check claiming that despite Joe Biden’s bumper sticker-ready slogan, and all evidence to the contrary, Osama Bin Laden is not in fact dead, and General Motors is not in fact alive! That, as someone recently lied because he got poontang once, takes some brass!

Vice President Joe Biden has a suggested slogan for the Obama/Biden 2012 campaign. He repeats it everywhere he goes. “Osama Bin Laden is dead,” he bellows, “and General Motors is alive!”

There’s only one problem. He’s wrong.

Yes, Bin Laden’s dead, thank God. And General Motors is still an operating concern. But in point of fact, the cause for which Osama Bin Laden stood is stronger than at any time in American history, thanks in large part to the Obama administration. And as for GM, it’s not so much alive as it is a member of the corporate living dead, feasting on taxpayer brains while slowly deteriorating, the first zombie company created by Obama’s cronyism.

“Ben Shapiro” then has some thoughts on why this is so, but we will not bore you with it, because C’MON. Ben Shapiro is mentally disabled. That is all.

[Breitbart]

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127 comments

      1. EdBradly7

        I would take a dump on the grave of this worthless POS if I knew where he was buried however I have an aversion to long lines.

        1. Gleem McShineys

          I remember seeing one of those anti-Eastwooding (?) Empty Chair Comedic Political Statement wingderp photos that had a BREITBART IS HERE sign next to it.

          Didn't look very unique, so taking a dook next to every Breitbart sign stapled onto a stick would probably be a reasonable solution.

    1. sullivanst

      Saves a whole two characters over "Oh FFS"! As long as you have to explain it less than 0.1% of the time you use it, it's a clear win ;)

      1. FlownOver

        We hadn't been using either one very much here in Wonketistan, but that may have been a conscious choice to display the elevated blood pressure represented by the full phrase. IYKWIM.

  1. freakishlywrong

    feasting on taxpayer brains while slowly deteriorating
    Wait a minute. That' s the fucking Republic party he's talking about!

    1. eggsacklywright

      Thank you David Byrne:

      Facts are simple and facts are straight
      Facts are lazy and facts are late
      Facts all come with points of view
      Facts don't do what I want them to
      Facts just twist the truth around
      Facts are living turned inside out
      Facts are getting the best of them
      Facts are nothing on the face of things

  2. no_gravity

    Breitbarf and Osama are both still alive and living together in a cave in central Arizona while having hot, monkey sex day and night. That's what I heard.

    1. HempDogbane

      "Bin Laden’s … is still an operating concern." Fact: DeadB wrote these words in this order, and it's true. His work HAS improved !

  3. SorosBot

    Really? I think the cause for which bin Laden stood was much stronger on September 12, 2001, and at its strongest on March 19, 2003, thanks not just in large part but almost entirely to the Bush administration.

    1. actor212

      You mean the drum beat for a holy war?

      I'd say that's stronger than ever, but it's neither Bush nor Obama who's made it stronger *koffkoffREINCEkoffkoff*

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Soros,

      Reallity has nothing to do with anything written or said at Breitbart, Red State, NRO, FOX News, the WSJ Editorial Board, IBD, Town Hall, or News Max.

      The only fact you may derive from any of those sites is that if they cite Dick Morris, the opposite is always true.

    3. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Oh you mean how Osama was always babbling about getting our idiot president to invade a Muslim land and get mired in a quagmire all the while preaching holy war slogans to convince Muslims that he was crusading? Nahh, never happened until Barry did it.

  4. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Why would anyone quote a fact checker on a fiction only blog?
    Oh, and skullf*ck them! (with votes)
    .
    .
    .
    NOT WITH VOTES!

  5. actor212

    the cause for which Osama Bin Laden stood is stronger than at any time in American history

    Yes. It's strengthened from "wet noodle" to "gossamer cotton candy".

    1. MistaEko

      Never mind that the Al Qaeda Network is effectively dismantled, did Breitbart trolls just give aid and comfort to the enemy?

  6. freakishlywrong

    Jesus. The only fact in there is the handsome Joe quote. The rest is a fever swamp sinking in delusion wrapped in a conspiracy theory and topped with sweet, creamery bullshite.

  7. Crank_Tango

    What kind of 9/12 spirit is this? I think we need to stop being angry libs and hahahahaha OK that was as far as I could get.

  8. chicken_thief

    Self-righteous indignation over mythical happenings is a great way to start the day. Facts are just to inconvenient sometimes.

      1. Incitefully_Joe

        It seems dubious that Stalin is still alive and living in the basement of the White House, but let's look at the facts: Iran Contra.

        This has been your AP Fact Check of the day.

    1. sullivanst

      They know it suits them to claim they're using them, while they are knowingly shunning them.

      I tell you, words have no meaning to Republicans, they see them purely as tools for winning elections.

        1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

          I've got you covered:
          government takeover of healthcare
          obama is a secret muslin
          george dubya kept us safe for 8 years
          bill clinton is at fault for 9/11
          waterboarding is no worse than frat hijinks
          the insurgency is it it's last throes (if you will)
          tax cuts boost revenues
          tax cuts on the rich trickle down to everyone else
          government programs are slavery
          corporations are people, my friend!
          citizens united made our elections freer and less corrupt
          dodd-frank would lead to permanent bailouts
          the stimulus failed because it wasn't all tax cuts for the rich
          gm really followed Romney's advice
          Obamacare is murder and slavery
          there's many, many more…

        2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

          oh, more came to me:
          the US was established as a Christian nation (a personal pet peeve),
          evolution is a communist plot
          global warming is a communist plot
          reading and writing are communist plots
          facts are communist plots (and terrorists, too…)
          Hitler was a leftist (so is fascism in general)
          obama gutted the work requirement for welfare
          obama is responsible for the Janesville plant closure
          there's many more than those…but I won't list all of the main right wing lies…

  9. Pres.Beeblebrox

    I'd love to see a video game or movie pitting Ghost Andrew Breitbart against Zombie General Motors. Although I have a hard time envisioning the Detroit Renaissance Centre staggering around with bloody, hollow eyes and brains hanging out of its mouth.

  10. mrpuma2u

    From what little exposure I have had to Redstate (one has to limit it to prevent brain damage/radiation sickness) fact checker quoting did not seem to go on a whole lot before the threat of banning. If I make a cartoon of the Prophet Breitbart will they all riot in the street?

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Riot in the street? Please. That implies making an effort, like prying their fingers away from moldy Cheetos bags and jettisoning their fat asses off the couches in their mom's basement.

  11. PuckStopsHere

    15 percent of Ohio GOP voters think Mitt Romney is responsible for OBL still being alive, so there is that.

    1. sullivanst

      Yes, he'd have totally killed Osama by refusing to send special ops forces into Pakistan, because that's totally not where Osama was hiding.

    2. PubOption

      Romney would have sold off GM piece by piece, so it would be alive several times over, but in India and China.

  12. el_donaldo

    Deep in the heart of night, when the tree limbs knock against the windowpane, and the shadows fall long and weird in the hall, ask yourself, do the dead lie still?

    If it's Breitbart, then yes, still dead, still lying.

  13. sbj1964

    What Quantum reality are Republicans from when their dimensional existence is so different from what other people experience?Will Wheaton must Die.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Good thing for you Ken Layne isn't around; defamation of Wesley Crusher used to be a banhammer-worthy offense hereabouts.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    "feasting on taxpayer brains"

    Well, if GM is feasting on the brains of those taxpayers that read Breitbart, it's going to be some real slim pickings; like one of them nouveau cuisine meals with an ounce or two of food artfully displayed on the center of a 12" dinner plate.

    1. PsycWench

      I was thinking it would be like cheap fish sticks: a lot of breading and filler, a lot of grease, not a lot of substance and smelling pretty weird.

  15. EatsBabyDingos

    I hear Breitfart is going to be on the next Dr. Who as the dalek most hated by daleks. He wears a gingham dress.

  16. weejee

    ♪♫ Brietbart's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave
    Lyin' Andy Breitbart lies a-moulderin' in his grave
    And his lies keep marchin' on

    Hoary, snorey, Mitt'll fool ya
    The gobsmacked liar just a tool, yeah
    The borey, Tory Mitt wants to rule ya
    And the lies keep marchin' on ♫♪

    1. actor212

      I wrote this little ditty for Virgin Ben…

      o/~ Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the wheels on the bus go crush, crush, crush,
      Crush, crush, crush,
      Crush, crush, crush.
      The wheels on the bus go crush, crush, crush,
      All over Bennnnnnnnnnnnn o/~

  17. lobsterboy22

    But look. Ben observes that old ladies are "…to be genitally examined…" so Osama and Andrew are both right.

  18. DocChaos

    Breitbart.com reminds me of those half-forgotten 60s bands that keep touring the state fair circuit long after the founding members died.

    Say what you will about A.B., he was at least a "rock star" of the wingnutosphere, the rest of his band couldn't even get session work if they left.

  19. BaldarTFlagass

    Yeah, you sure don't see many Osamamobile dealerships on the highways and byways of America these days.

  20. UnholyMoses

    They ban people are Red State for quoting fact checkers?

    That's … just … holy fucking shit those people is weird.

    1. sullivanst

      Because the fact checkers had the gall to point out that when the Romney campaign cherry-picked statistical anomalies like women's job losses or gas prices on inauguration day, and span them into deliberately deceitful attack ads against Obama, this was misleading to the point of lying, even though the lies were built around a kernel of truth.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    The solipsistic wing of the Republican Party has now gone completely round the bend into some sort of Magritte-esque surrealist universe visible only to themselves. And it's embodied by Mitt and Paul, who are but bowler hats and capes on top of birdcages full of chickenshit — and they're the serious ones.

    1. sullivanst

      Round the bend and visible only to some… it's like Magritte and Escher had a migraine-inducing lovechild.

        1. T3rbo

          it's a trap! proving that there is a quote would violate the ban on proof! Instead, I feel that the quote is some sort of fact, so ban.

  22. Chet Kincaid_

    And as for Big Government, Big Hollywood and all the other Breitbart sites, they are not so much "alive" as they are the reactionary living dead, feasting on the fevered white male brains of their demographically shrinking audience while slowly deteriorating, the first zombie blogging network created by the utter collapse of this fetid branch of perfidious conservative ideology.

  23. finette_

    Sheesh. Since my local newspaper now requires one to use one's Facebook account in order to comment, and since I work with the public in a very conservative area and am easily found, I figured I would play it safe by only posting facts with no opinion attached. Most recently, for instance, I clarified what a scientific theory is for one of those "evolution is just a theory" people. Little did I know that reliance on facts makes me automatically suspect.

    1. Steverino247

      Make a bogus Facebook account using a throw-away Yahoo! e-mail account. Grab a photo of almost anything to use as your Facebook avatar and go to town, dude.

      1. finette_

        Eh, too much work. Usually I just don't comment. (Happily, neither do the worst of the racists who used to infest the anonymous comments.) And inevitably at some point I would forget and use my real account.

        Thanks, though. :)

  24. Steverino247

    Well, now we know a second reason why they drilled holes in this asshole's coffin. The first, of course, was so the worms could crawl out to puke.

  25. LesBontemps

    I just want to thank teh Wonketts for brightening my day by reminiding me that Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

  26. T3rbo

    You can only say "I like this comment/story" or "I do not like this comment/story" or GTFO. No LIBRUL FACTS, Because constitution!!!1!!!1111

    I like GM is dead, Bin Ladin is Alive idea because it makes me smile. Therefore, true. Also, nobama feels like a muslim, so true. Also.

    Feelings > librul media ideas

  27. James Michael Curley

    Occasionally I find myself thinking like Ben Shapiro. Then I wake up, have a cup of strong coffee, get off the Washington Square Park bench and solemnly vow never to take pills handed to me by strangers in East Village bars.

  28. CommieLibunatic

    Fuck these guys… with tenderness and compassion and votes that will hopefully calm them down a bit? Yeah, let's go with that.

Comments are closed.