Five U.S. Diplomats Dead In Egypt, Libya; Mitt Romney Was FRIST On The Internet!!!

romney's first comment

Yesterday, violence in Egypt and Libya claimed the lives of five American diplomatic workers, including U.S. Ambassador to Libya J. Christopher Stevens.

The important thing to remember in this time of crisis is that there’s still a Presidential election going on, and the campaigns MUST RESPOND. More importantly, they must do so FIRST.

By way of background: protests began at the Egyptian and Libyan U.S. embassies yesterday, purportedly in response to a terrible anti-Islam movie by Terry Jones. To stave off further escalation, the Egyptian U.S. embassy put out the following statement:

“The Embassy of the United States in Cairo condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims – as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions,” the embassy said in a statement published online.

Violence escalated after the statement’s issuance, one person died in Egypt, another four in Libya.

Okay, sad part behind us, because Mitt Romney done stepped in it.

First, he called Obama’s handling of the statement “disgraceful”, because Obama did not immediately hop on the Twitter machine and tell the embassy that it was doing a dumb thing by trying to calm the angry mob.

“I’m outraged by the attacks on American diplomatic missions in Libya and Egypt and by the death of an American consulate worker in Benghazi,” Romney said in the statement. “It’s disgraceful that the Obama Administration’s first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks.”

But Mitt Romney was first, so that is what’s really important. And he got to accuse the Obama administration (read: a diplomatic staffer sending an unauthorized message in the hopes of people not dying) of sympathizing with angry Muslims, so Dinesh D’Souza needs to change his pants now.

Fast forward to this morning, when President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were to give poignant, responsible statements on the tragic events at 9:40 AM and 10:35 AM, respectively. Well, fuck them, because Mitt’s on fire, and he does not need any water, because he will let his motherfucking campaign burn.

How did pretty much everyone who has ever known anything about foreign policy respond to Mitt’s weirdly incoherent attack on the President not immediately setting up an LOL Egypt Tumblr? Like libtards, that’s how.

“They were just trying to score a cheap news cycle hit based on the embassy statement and now it’s just completely blown up,” said a very senior Republican foreign policy hand, who called the statement an “utter disaster” and a “Lehman moment” — a parallel to the moment when John McCain, amid the 2008 financial crisis, failed to come across as a steady leader.


“I guess we see now that it is because they’re incompetent at talking effectively about foreign policy,” said the Republican. “This is just unbelievable — when they decide to play on it they completely bungle it.”

This is all understandable, though: given that foreign policy is a shiny object for Mitt Romney, are we surprised that he batted feebly at it for a bit then walked away, confused and mildly indignant? This is what happens when a half-cat, half-man runs for president.

What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


    1. MittBorg

      Oy. You should know better than to bring up that moron, especially in conjunction with cats! Fucking murderous bile-hearted psychopathic swine deserves a Death of A Thousand Paper Cuts.

      1. MadBrahms

        Right after I posted, I thought a) "Am I going to be Bained for bringing up the typo, and doing so with a weak joke?" and b) "God, I think we would all have been happier if I had forgotten Bill Frist had ever existed." Mea maxima culpa.

        1. Guppy

          The typo is deliberate, for irony's sake. The intent was to reference those "first posters" on the internet that, in their rush to get the first comment on anything (much as yours was), get sloppy with their spelling.

          And now that that joke is thoroughly dead…

          1. HempDogbane

            But Real Wonketeers do remember Bill Frist. And in honor of the Romney Campaign, may it RIP, Never Admit !!!!1!!!!!

          2. qthaler

            I thought it was going to be some overt comparison to Frist's incorrect remote diagnosis of Terry S. *couch*nerd*cough*

        1. MittBorg

          Gads, Boo, you're *always* in good form! HTF do you do it? Some days it's all I can do to drag my tired ass in here and post unfunny "Yeah" and "Me too" type comments.

          I'll have whatever he's having.

          1. Boojum

            You notice these are replies? I've always been better at counter-punching or Kaeshi-waza than throwing the first blow.

            You set 'em up, I'll knock 'em down.

      2. James Michael Curley

        Bill Frist and his wife of 37 years have filed for divorce. From some new gator on which I don't really read the link articles.

          1. MadBrahms

            Christ, what is WRONG with these people? "In his 2009 memoir, Frist recounted meeting his future wife in 1979 when he attended to her at a clinic in Boston. He was engaged to another woman in Tennessee and broke it off a week before the wedding.", sayeth the AP.

            Probably the only time a Republican left a healthy person for a sick person rather than the opposite, though.

          2. MittBorg

            ??! WTF? A WEEK?

            I would've strangled him. If I'm gonna get dumped I want it to be BEFORE I went overboard and invited all my friends and family to some fancy-assed wedding. Like SIX MONTHS before.

  1. eggsacklywright

    Frickin' Mittz doesn't know the difference between an embassy and a consulate. Not qualified, at all. Christ.

    1. GemlikeFlame

      Lay low has no place in a sentence with nonce. However even the threatened neologism doesn't begin to explain why the State Department continues to allow one of our citizens to cynically manipulate extra-national political and religious tensions to the point of putting US lives at risk. Had this been done within US borders, it'd be a clear case of treason and is the direct equivalent of shouting fire in a crowded theater.

      I understand the free speach (sic) doctrines and agree with them. I also understand the mechanics and nuances of idiot incitement. I further wonder if anyone would feel that my right to practice religion as I choose would be abridged if the FSM demanded that I nail Terry Jones to a tree with a silver stake through the heart was somehow hindered.

      Lord, how many of your followers do I suffer before I start handing out what they've been doing to us for these many years?

      1. MittBorg

        In my defense, I learned my English from books. I do see the oddities in my sentences, but I think of them as revelations of my fractured East-West brain with its mishmash of cultures and languages, my mugwumpish self astride the fences between our civilizations.

        It would seem that the guilty party is not "one of our citizens," as such, but a recent emigre with a decided bent for the criminal. Nakoula Basseley Nakoula intended his "flim" to incite hatred against Americans and Israelis/Jews. It has backfired on him, and he has been identified as the supposed Sam Bacile, flim (flam) director extraordinaire. And, as anyone sane will tell you, your freedom to put stakes through others is limited by their integuments. Don't do it, dear friend. I'm a gimp and won't be able to visit you in your comfortable cell. And the food is awful.

        1. GemlikeFlame

          Your english is perfectly good, I was just having trouble reconciling a modern Southernism with a Middle English word. Kind of like washing down a plate of chitlins with a glass of Dom Perignon 1928.

          I'm pretty harmless, but Terry Jones has gone out of his considerable way to inflame the less intellectually and emotionally competent, which is why he is asking for a stake through the heart. Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live, or a blood-thirsty moron, by extension.

          1. MittBorg

            I couldn't agree more on the issue of Terry Jones (I'll leave the culinary issues for a later time). Those who are yowling about freedom of speech fail to take into account that incitement to violence has repeatedly been specifically excluded from the broad protectionsof the First Amendment. However, you must stop blackening the considerably sooty name of Terry Jones: Mr. Jones was but an innocent fly in a bigger spiderweb. An Egyptian Copt in exile, Nakoula Basseley Nakoula, was responsible for the making and distribution of the "flim." It would appear that the authorities are currently conducting a little tete-a-tete with Mr. Nakoula, the results of which should be made available to us shortly. Max Blumenthal has a nice piece in the Guardian about it today, which I highly recommend reading.

            Thank you, dear friend, for not putting my gimpiness to the test and forcing me to visit you in that quiet room otherwise known as a cell. (Now *that's* a quiet room I'd love to see Mitt in!)

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    When Halperin, Pegginton Noonan, Politico etc. say you've screwed the pooch, you are in deep doo doo.

    I am now waiting for Dick Morris to call this Mitten's shrewdest move ever.

    1. MittBorg

      Mark Halperin has to be the biggest, most enthusiastic licker of Republican scrotum ever born. If HE's sworn off Mitt, you can pretty much bet the house that Mitt's gonna lose this and bad.

      1. zumpie

        Don't forget, Jerk Scarborough is also just all, "ewwww, Mittens". We really know he's a dead duck if Starbursts/"Thurston won every election he ever ran for except for those two of the three total he lost" Lowry says something mean (or even mean-ish) about this.

    2. HistoriCat

      Time to start laying the "no true Republican" groundwork. Obviously Mitt Romney couldn't win – he's not a true Republican.

      1. MittBorg

        That's the reason he picked Paul Ryan for his teammate — to deflect those exact complaints, and also to have someone to blame when the whole thing went south, as he knew it would.

      2. anniegetyerfun

        "He's too liberal! That's the problem! He's just like Obama in that he criticizes everything that Obama does!"

    3. Goonemeritus

      The best course of action for the Romney campaign is to suspend all further communications until November 7th.

    4. Gleem McShineys

      The most amazing and unbelievably newsworthy part of this whole thing is this:

      "Mitt Romney is standing by his original statement regarding the events in Libya and Egypt"

      He is actually HOLDING THE SAME POSITION, for once!

      This is fucking huge!

  3. fartknocker

    Mitt should pull a John McCain, stop the campaign, and arrive in Libya on a private jet and show us his skills in foreign affairs.

    1. MittBorg

      Hopefully, he'll land in Benghazi. I understand the locals are not overly fond of foreigners and inclined to be a bit, shall we say, demonstrative of this like, or lack thereof.

      1. hagajim

        He 'll just tell them they don't really know how to run a protest and that he'll step in and fix things with a few zillion from the gubmint.

    2. WhatTheHeck

      Mitt’s foreign diplomacy would benefit from some mormom missionary work in a buncha foreign places. His missionary work in France didn’t prepare him for crap.

    1. FraAnima

      And if anyone has looked at clips from this "movie", it comes off exactly as a Monty Python skit, but without the funny. REALLY bad, but obvsly trying to be a muslin version of Life of Brian.

      So, how many embassies were burned after Life of Brian came out, hengh!?

  4. Schmannnity

    Those who live in Mormon Temples should not cast the first stone criticizing calls for religious tolerance.

          1. no_gravity


            Also, I just finished reading Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer and it gives some good insight to the Lying for Lord LDS.

          2. miss_grundy

            I just checked that out of the library, I'm going to start reading it while in line to get into a sneak preview tonight.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Here weirdly is the 2007 LDS commemoration of the event 150 later. Notice how the perpetrators, their families and the Church quickly become the victims in the second graph because they are wracked by guilt and doubt. Mountain Meadows massacre

        1. MittBorg

          I note the bastards refer to themselves as "Saints." Pretty fucking nervy considering all the oaths and vows they take. Saints of blood, death, and destruction. We used to call them something entirely different in my day.

        2. glamourdammerung

          Of course the LDS commemorates the event. That way they can control the messaging at the monument, which is why they have not vandalized and destroyed this one (yet).

    1. Isyaignert

      Oh crap, I clicked on the link and as soon as I saw $arah Palin's name, I scrambled like hell to turn it off before I had to listen to that screechy harpy whore. Thank gawd, I made it!

          1. MittBorg

            It would be nice not to have to witness the turkeys being slaughtered as she speaks. How on earth did that stupid, stupid woman ever convince the press that a turkey processing plant would be a GOOD photo-op?

  5. SmutBoffin

    Will Mitt posthumously baptize our courageous diplomats? 'Cause that's about the only way Mr. "No Apology" could make this worse.

  6. freakishlywrong

    When Willard opens his mouth hole all I hear is this:
    Hi, I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such TV series as "Buck Henderson, Union Buster" and "Troy and Company's Summertime Smile Factory". Today I'm here to tell you about "Spiffy.", the 21st century stain remover.

    1. AbandonHope_

      That's funny, because whenever he opens his mouth all I hear is him thirty years down the road, scamming the elderly out of their life savings by getting them to purchase reverse mortgages.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Peak Dumbfuck isn't even on the horizon yet. There's nearly two months of spastic flailing yet to watch. Wheeee!

        1. miss_grundy

          I think the debates will be the second wave to bring people over to the President's side. Once people realize that Mittens is just a dumb, empty suit they won't have any choice unless they are just bigoted, cranky old people.

        2. MittBorg

          Oh dear deity. I love the snark with the best of them, and Mitt is not my favourite person, but it's terrible to watch a cat toy with a mouse, and POTUS' statement today pretty much guarantees that he will KILL that motherfucker. With snark.

          1. Isyaignert

            I picked up on your spelling of "favourite" and thought you might be a neighbor to the north. I love Canada and would happily move to Vancouver, B.C. if it weren't for our adorable grandchildren in Seattle.

          2. MittBorg

            Oh, yes, the English spelling thing. I was educated in another Colony, far away, you see. And the nuns were very quick with the ruler on the knuckles for misspellings.

  7. PuckStopsHere

    Outrage and disgraceful are just two of words that comes to mind as Mr. R-Money attempts to make political capitol off the deaths of innocent Americans. Perhaps he should have consulted Mrs. Palin before releasing his statement. Not even she could have made things worse for him in this case. What an uninformed idiot. And before you ask, by that I mean both of them and, for that matter, all of them, Katie.

  8. no_gravity

    How long before the MittBot2012 takes a core dump and starts singing, Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer, do.

      1. no_gravity

        I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm afraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a MittBot2012 computer.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      We need to take him to that weird, wacky circus that was depicted in the movie AI, then drop him off in the woods.

          1. James Michael Curley

            I had to google that and I still don’t understand it. What is scarier is that when I googled it, your comment was first on a very short list.

          2. bobbert

            It's actually pretty simple. "Cosmic rays" are nuclei that have been accelerated to nearly the speed of light by as yet uncertain mechanisms. One thing most astrophysicists generally agree on is that they originate very far away (because if they came from closer, presumably we'd be able to see the sources).

            G, Z, and K independently did a calculation that says that even if the cosmic rays had a path to Earth that didn't run into dust clouds, the road is so long that they must lose some energy along the way by interaction with photons. of the cosmic microwave background. Therefore, they predict that cosmic rays that reach Earth will have an energy below a calculable maximum.

            Physicists like cosmic rays because they have energies that are around a million times higher than can be produced by the Large Hairdo Collider (although the "experiments" are uncontrollable).

            Of course, I only used GZK because it came to mind as being HAL minus one. I had to look up the guys' names.

  9. chicken_thief

    Mitt may have bungled this with the moozlins but they're moozlins. So who cares? Where he really shines is with our allies like the UK and Po…. wait. Never. mind.

    1. MittBorg

      Scheduling a fundraising dinner on Tisha B'av with our other allies wasn't so great for him either. Something tells me Shelly Adelson has a nasty, cruel sense of humour.

  10. MinAgain

    Is political tone-deafness a disability recognized under the American with Disabilities Act? Because Mitt desperately needs a reasonable accommodation.

    1. MittBorg

      Good point. Most of the frantic licking and cleaning happens when they do something stupid and pathetic and desperately try to deflect attention by *grooming.*

      1. MittBorg

        That's the *good* part. They're only embarrassed for as long as it takes the thought to pass through their little brains. Then it's "Oh, shiny new toy!" or "Meh, sleepytime."

        1. James Michael Curley

          Let’s stay on topic. I was talking about cats and you’re talking about rich, white privileged republicans.

  11. Oblios_Cap

    It's pretty nutz that a bunch of foreigners can get so riled up over a movie that few Americans knew existed and even fewer would dream of watching, just because the imam preached that it insulted Islam. You would never see Real "mericans do that sort of thing. Unless it was bombing abortion clinics or killing the doctors. For Jebus.

    1. MittBorg

      Ignorant and superstitious people set great store by their superstitions. I remember when I was a little kid, a Jewish girl and a Muslim boy eloped, and the community was scandalized. BOTH sides wanted to kill the young couple. It didn't help that she was a cigarette-smoking, drinking, swearing kinda gal, either.

      1. emmelemm

        There's a reason that Romeo and Juliet, which drew on many, much older stories, continues to resonate hundreds of years later.

        "Eet ees a story as old as time…"

          1. MittBorg

            Oy. That was one weird story. I was too little to understand most of it at that time, but people actually surrounded the couple's home (it didn't help that they had been sleeping together, apparently, before the marriage) and threatened their lives. All I remember is lots of angry faces and people threatening to set fire to the house. At least until she came out and verbally kicked their asses. She had a foul mouth and could swear fluently in about five languages, and she took the hide off those people. She actually scandalized them into going away. Mostly because all the mothers and old ladies dragged the kids and husbands away at high speed. I remember my mother saying that listening to language like that would defile your soul forever, and people should close their ears. It's hard to close your ears and light fires at the same time, I guess. They moved out of our neighbourhood, and I think they ended up living in the city, which was a lot safer for them.

        1. MittBorg

          OMG, Demme, that is WONDERFUL! Thank you SO MUCH! I'm in bed thanks to an excruciating day on the hill wherein I passed out due to heat stroke and landed with a THUMP on the hill (and nearly slid onto the ground 15 feet below, thank you dear partner for putting up a fence of sorts on which my feet got caught) and looking for entertainment, being bored and in pain. Now I have your Vimeo link, and CRE's links to look forward to.

          1. jqheywood

            I know….and on a day like today, I thought maybe spreading a little "nice" wouldn't be such a bad idea, karma-wise. I have some close friends in the Foreign Service in the Middle East that I am more than a little worried about tonight.

          1. MittBorg

            Never seen it before either. Of course, I only saw West Side Story last year, for the first time, so. I'll see if it's available on DVD. I should really like to watch the whole thing.

  12. Pres.Beeblebrox

    Hey girl, I wanted you to be impressed with my foreign policy chops so I had my man Mitt run and post something about Libya without having it vetted first. Hope you like it.

    1. MittBorg

      Just yesterday, some campaign asshole or the other was yawping on about Mitt's extensive foreign policy experience, what with his speaking French and living abroad and stuff. Seems to me they only dislike that shit when it's done by not-Republicans.

      1. HogeyeGrex

        Seems to me they only dislike that shit when it's done by not-Republicans.

        That applies to pretty much everything.

  13. Tundra Grifter

    For the past couple of months I've been waiting for (r)Money's big September or October gaffe. He didn't let me down with this one.

    On 9/10, foreign policy was a bright shiny object distracting the President of the United States. On the night of 9/11, (r)Money was the instant expert.

    Meanwhile, Paul RAyn can't really remember how fast he ran that marathon. But he's the expert on the numbers in the Federal Budget.

    1. Weenus299

      It's not even the debates thing yet, the typical time in which his tongue does more twists than a pretzel.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        I have a theory that sometimes people repeat a lie so much they start to believe it themselves. They forget its actually a lie.

        You know – somebody went to Cambridge or Oxford for a Summer class and on her resume she's now a Rhodes Scholar. A guy inflates his job description.

        Listen to almost any man after a few beers when he starts talking about his high school sports' performance.

        Paul RAyn isn't used to being on the national stage – where people actually check out the shit he says.

        Neither, apparently, is (r)Money…

        1. MittBorg

          That's the part I don't get. Didn't these two Junior Munsters ever have to deal with people outside their own privileged little private circle? Didn't their mamas and daddies teach them not to share their private business with the whole world? Most importantly, didn't anyone teach them NOT TO LIE IN PUBLIC?

          Sorry. Sometimes they get me so fucking wired I just want to slap the lying smirks right off their faces. With votes.

  14. Native_of_SL_UT

    So a bunch of religious extremists pop off and start killing Americans because our foreign diplomacy sucks and then Mitt pops off and supports their position.
    Good job, Mitt.

  15. An_Outhouse

    "we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions"

    That is truly OUTRAGEOUS!!!!! Of course we DO NOT condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions, we condemn efforts to offend believers of certain Judeo-Christian religions. All the others get to receive a big ass cruise missile or a drone. Especially if they are of the brown persuasion.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      We actively attempt to offend believers of faiths not having a cross as their symbol. We just pretend to like the Jooz, but that's cause Jebus is going to smite the heathen swine dead upon is imminent return.

    2. SigDeFlyinMonky

      Getch'er torches and pitchforks men, we're off for Nauvoo to cleanse the land! We'll not leave one stone standing!

    3. MittBorg

      Indeed. US military and political advisors said nothing at all when their puppet Ngo Dinh Diem broke the Hoa Hao, Cao Dai, and Binh Xuyen, or when his sister-in-law the vile Madame Nhu, referred to the self-immolation of Buddhist monks as "bonze barbecue." Privately, I'm sure they snickered, but publicly they said and did nothing to hold their puppets in check. Only when he was not killing enough VietNamese for their taste did they have the CIA organize a coup to bump off the Ngo brothers.

  16. imissopus

    Not to go all editor again, but Terry Jones only promoted this movie. It was apparently made by a businessman in California who claims to be an Israeli citizen (Israel so far has denied knowing anything about him) and funded through donations from wealthy Jewish people (thanks for that, fellow MOTs.) It's right there in the headline of the second link.

      1. MittBorg

        Actually you could replace "Westerners" in that first paragraph with "everybody" and it would not be inaccurate. The murder of tribal people, Hindus, and Christians in Bangladesh, for example, has gone on for decades now, and nobody seems to be able to curb it.

  17. delaney_blom

    Only one way to come back from a "Lehman moment"

    Suspend campaign operations!
    Call for summitt in Washington to get to the bottom of how to deal with statements to the news media about violent mobs attacking our diplomats abroad!

    1. James Michael Curley

      Make no statement at or after the summit and spend the entire time looking like you are having a mini-stroke.

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    “I’m outraged by the attacks on American diplomatic missions in Libya and Egypt and by the death of an American consulate worker in Benghazi,”

    “I’m outraged by the attacks on American factory workers in America and by the death of the American manufacturing sector in America,” said OJ Romney.

  19. PeaceWithHonor

    How do you top Michael Dukakis in a tank? Mitt, you would be scary if you weren't so fucking incompetent.

    1. MittBorg

      Here's what's *really* bugging me, tho. How did someone as incompetent as Mitt — and every moment of his campaign has displayed this for all to see — become so incredibly wealthy? HAO?

      1. jqheywood

        Being an absolute dick is an asset in the private capital field. If you have no moral sense, no guide, you will screw over your mother to make a buck.

        1. MittBorg

          True. I've worked for some royal dicks in my time, and goodness knows they didn't have much smarts, but when it came to fucking people over, they had no second.

  20. Incitefully_Joe

    Embassy says a conciliatory thing in the hopes of quenching the local rage, local rage fails to quench and leads to attack on said Embassy that leaves several Americans dead, Mitt Romney responds by criticizing Embassy for saying conciliatory thing. Because it proves that President Obama is the guy who is Blaming America First here.

  21. GuanoFaucet

    This is what happens when a half-cat, half-man runs for president.

    Also, Dude, half-cat, half-man is not the preferred nomenclature. Werecat, please.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Only four hours after his last statement explaining his statement last night the campaign is issuing a final statement that this will be Mitt's last statement before he learns he screwed up the last statement.

  22. hagajim

    Mittens Romney, starring in Bungle of the Jungle, or maybe that's Bungle in the Jungle….wait, wasn't that a Jethro Tull song?

  23. SexySmurf

    Are you saying all the time Mittens spent helping the Lichtenstein luge team find a non-smoking hotel room didn't prepare him to handle a situation like this?

    1. James Michael Curley

      It was said, on Fox News by one of the BB's, 'If Mitt Romney loses this election his attempt to make any statement on this tragedy will be a major cause."

    2. MittBorg

      President just pulled TWO MOAR points ahead on national poll, says Gallup. There's nearly ten points between them, now, and it's not looking too good for Mitt.

      1. viennawoods13

        And good ol' Nate has him with a 79.7% chance of winning- BEFORE those fucking dumbass comments of Mitt's!!

  24. UnholyMoses

    Well, fuck them, because Mitt’s on fire, and he does not need any water, because he will let his motherfucking campaign burn.

    ♫ The douche, the douche, the douche is on fire … ♫

    1. SigDeFlyinMonky

      He's on fire, water can't quench the flames. This leads me to think the brakes overheated, the magnesium wheels caught fire and, in spectacular fashion, the wheels just came off the bus.

  25. mr bojangles

    wasn t that movie underwritten by a bain owned company?!?! thought so! romney couldn't have timed its release any better…he gets my vote!

  26. Generation[redacted]

    They're rioting and killing people because a Terry Jones movie insulted their religion? Really?

    It took them this long to see Life of Brian?

    1. GhostBuggy

      Ha, that's what I actually thought at first. Not that it was "LoB," but that Jonesy had made some kind of BBC America doc that poked fun at religions or something. All I heard before that at work today was that it was a film from someone in America, so I didn't know. So, I'm kind of dumb, is what I'm saying.

      In other news, is there a reason we can't just give them Pastor Jones?

      1. UnholyMoses

        "Other than the cluster bombs and the drones?"

        "And the indefinite detentions."

        "Okay, other than the cluster bombs and the drones, and the indefinite detentions. Other than—"

        "And the illegitimate wars."

        "Okay, then. Other than the cluster bombs and the drones, and the indefinite detentions and the illegitimate wars … "

  27. Guppy

    a very senior Republican foreign policy hand

    The statement was too rational to be Bolton (the phrase "bomb Iran" didn't occur enough), so I'm thinking Condi.

  28. mavenmaven

    Talk about flip flopping, they were attacking Obama for getting involved in Libya, now they want to declare war on all Islamic countries. This went around the internet today: "From Obama's first speech in Egypt continuing unimpeded until this day, your president is appeasing, kowtowing, and essentially supporting terrorist regimes." NUKE EVERYONE!

  29. magic_titty

    Mitt Romney condemns the attack on his attack of President Obama as a cheap stunt that attempts to politicize his politicizing of the violence in Egypt. And Mitt Romney attacks President Obama for making him attack him in the first place. And so on…

  30. barto

    I thought the Obama campaign had deep penetration into Mitt's campaign with the Eastwood plant, but it's clear it doesn't stop there. Apparently they planted Mitt himself. Will these people stop at nothing to win the White House?

  31. BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if Mitt has David Bowie's "Cat People" on his iPod.

    And I've been putting out fire with gasoline
    Putting out fire with gasoline

      1. Gleem McShineys

        I LOL'd.

        Then I thought, wait, this explains a hell of a lot about his perpetually conflicting statements! Perhaps his toothy bunghole is sometimes doing all the talking?

        1. MittBorg

          Now I'm LOLing. And then President O had to say that thang about "Mitt shoots first and aims later," which has pretty much sealed Mitty's fate, politically.

  32. Incitefully_Joe

    Also, I just want to say this, but Free Speech, sure whatever, but in the not-quite-legal meaning of the phrase, Terry Jones has a heap of American blood on his hands. I don't really see the need to sugar-coat this.

    I absolutely agree that the violent actors deserve the lion's share of blame for their violent acts, but incitement is serious business, and what Terry Jones and his ilk do is absolute, knowing, incitement. In my book, there's no moral from how someone that hires a hitman is culpable for the murder, even if someone else pulled the firing mechanism.

    Terry Jones's worldview revolves around the idea that the West is already at War with Islam, and that the rest of the world needs to see that. And therefore, the supposed innate violence of Islam needs to be "exposed". And thus, he goes out of his way to instigate acts of Muslim violence, hoping for this sort of response, to prove his point.

    Again, violent acts should be blamed on the violent actors, but when you make a sport of Muslim baiting, expecting, and even welcoming this sort of reaction, because it justifies your calls for retaliatory extremism, then you absolutely have that same blood on your hands, as well.

  33. anniegetyerfun

    I have to be honest, I think Mittens is stupider than a block of cement, but I would have thought at least one of his advisors would have been, like, "Dude, shut up and go get something to eat or something, OK?". Because when fucking Mitch McConnell isn't saying anything critical (and there is NEVER a time when that man doesn't love to bitch about the black President), then it's time to zip it.

    1. SigDeFlyinMonky

      Speaking as an inspector of concrete, I must state that the inanimate mixture of water, cement and aggregate serves many more positive functions in this world than this self-entitled twit.

  34. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Well all you Republicans? What did you expect from someone who straps his dog to the roof of a car? Hmmmmmmmm?

    1. James Michael Curley

      Finally, after five years from when the story was first circulated, Mitt joked about it and showed absolutely no clue that he was abusing the poor animal.

  35. siga_no_mas

    Long time lurker, first time commenter — also the spouse of an active duty military member serving at a U.S. Embassy abroad and therefore frightened by the prospect of a Romney presidency. As spouse said this morning, "so what new war in the Middle East do the neo cons have us into now?" Sick of the rah rah chickenhawks spouting off without thinking of those of us who pay the price. (Sorry, will work on the snark next time.)

  36. Callyson

    “It’s disgraceful that the Romney campaign’s first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to politicize the attacks.”


  37. BlueStateLibel

    Actually, both of my cats issued very reasonably-worded statements this morning on this very sad affair.

  38. KeepFnThatChicken

    Talk me down, people.

    Whether Barry or Mittens in the 'House, it isn't like this is going to improve either way, because I think the Arab Spring was very incomplete. I don't think any of this will get better without an Arab Renaissance… or at least a tacit awareness that this whole "murderin' and killin' blasphemers" stuff is old hat and makes one's crows feet more pronounced.

    I mean, really.

    1. Guppy

      The only solution is probably viable fusion, or some other energy source that causes the price of oil to fall through the floor. Without the Saudi and Iranian elite throwing around petrodollars to prop up their own extremist views in the Islamic world, the more rational actors in the region might want to try something else for a change.

      I mean, we have our own backwards bigots in the US, but our Teabaggers are used by the 1%, rather than being the 1% themselves.

    2. Generation[redacted]

      That will happen slowly over time as the Arab world comes online and the Internet (hopefully) fosters communication and learning. Look at the American South, which for decades had race riots at the drop of a black man's hat, the kind where white mobs would storm black neighborhoods burning down every house and killing everyone who couldn't flee fast enough. As much as I like to joke about the "backward" South now, if Terry Jones is the worst of it now, we've come a long way.

    3. James Michael Curley

      Before 9/11 a woman worked in our office whose husband was an extreme Islamist. She was Egyptian and Sufi and tended to dismiss 'them' as politically naive and mentioned that her husband was back living in Egypt. She quit in '99. Later around 2004 her job was being done by a temp who was Sharia and knew the other woman and told me her husband had been deported for dealing drugs and did so to fund the extremism he supported in Egypt.

      This isn't really going to talk you down, but I learned from listening to them (they often had to share a terminal in m y office – and WOULD NOT SHUT UP) that there is no Arab Spring. There is an Arab March, an Arab April, an Arab May, an Arab June. Point being – we can have no real discourse if we listen to those who think all those expressing themselves in the middle east are of the same set of values, sect or allegiance. What is most critical is that the toppling of Sodomy Hussein gave the entire area the pattern that you do not have to live under a non-sectarian or secular government.

      Hell the most potent gravitas of what we often call the right wing nut job wing of the (mostly) republican party is comprised of people who are advocating for a sectarian USA, provided it is Jesus concentric and white.

      It may sound bizarre and is a long stretch but if one needs to find a presidential, executive office cause for the recent days events it is the Bush administration which toppled Sadam and refused to recognize any other elements in Sadam's secular coalition other than the well healed, but minority Sunni Ruling Class.

    4. BlueStateLibel

      There's no way the killing blashermers stuff in the Middle East is going away, not in our lifetimes, not in our grandchildren's lifetimes.

      The only thing I look at it from the U.S. perspective is how to contain it and deal with it without antagonizing the millions of peaceful Muslims. People like Mitt Romney and John McCain and the whole bunch of neocons are utterly incapable of that. They live in a fantasy world of how they think things should be when it comes to the world. Romney has spent the majority of his life as a CEO used to yes-men and trampling on other people. The real world isn't like that. So Obama won't be able to change much, but he's demonstrated he's going to do the least harm. Romney just demonstrated he can't even wait to shoot his mouth off before the facts are in before shooting his mouth off. Do not want.

    1. Gleem McShineys

      Well, whoever used his dick last should have returned it to its charging cradle, anyway. That staffer is SO FIRED.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      And the guy that made the movie is Israeli, which I would guess means a Jewish asshole is involved as well.

      ♫ It's an asshole celebration, and they're all out on the street,
      See them on the sidewalk, oh hear them shufflin' feet
      It's twenty thousand assholes, doing asshole promenade
      Step aside good people, it's the assholes on parade.♪

      We’ve got the assholes for freedom, assholes for fun,
      assholes for Jesus, and the assholes for guns
      We've got assholes on the water, assholes in the sky
      Sign there says help wanted, only assholes need apply.

      I once heard it said that old assholes never die,
      They just lie in bed and multiply.
      Assholes in the morning, assholes every night,
      Assholes to the left and assholes to the right;

      It's twenty thousand assholes, doing asshole promenade
      Step aside good people, it's the assholes on parade.♪

      1. MittBorg

        Oh, the Catholics hate the Protestants
        And the Protestants hate the Catholics
        And the Hindus hate the Muslims
        And EVERYBODY hates the Jews,

        But during National Brotherhood Week …

  39. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I hear Somalia is looking for a diplomat and Romney will be available after the elections are over.

  40. mustangsavvy

    Dear Mitts – when Sarah Palin is the person you take your cues from in responding to a major international clusterfuck where PEOPLE HAVE DIED, then you have officially forfeited your bid for the Presidency. Fuckwit.

    Sane People

        1. MittBorg

          Just like the ForeignPolicyTeam of advisors who wrote the shitty press release he put out last night, for which he is currently being pilloried. Geezus!

  41. proudgrampa

    I know I'm somewhat repeating myself:

    Time for the President to declare martial law and throw Romney and Palin into Guantanamo for sedition.

    Constitution be damned.

  42. Misty Malarky

    It's funny to realize Mitt Romney could gay marry a dead baby fetus live on TV while wiping his butt with the flag – and STILL the majority Right would support him by grousing that he's still better than that Commie/Nazi Kenyan.

  43. OneYieldRegular

    But 2012 is Mitt's time – to move to the Cayman Islands, lock himself and his money in his beachside manse, and leave the world alone.

  44. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So strange. All last week FOX News and the rest of the Conservative echo chamber were deriding Democrats for hating religion and not standing up for religious liberty.

    One week later, and we are back to wanting to bomb people for the stupidity of some religious believers.

    I'm so confused. Will someone point out when religious beliefs trump all other beliefs, and when they don't?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      I understand the confusion, but it's really quite simple. The precedent was settled years ago with the landmark ruling in the case of Us v Them.

  45. GeorgiaBurning

    Mittens is looking less like the CEO, who would have his Corporate Communications flacks handling the story; and more like some scheming finance VP trying to cook the Powerpoints to make the CEO look bad in front of the board.

    1. James Michael Curley

      My thoughts exactly. He finished so many statements with the look of 'change the slide before they discover the math doesn't work.'

  46. Pap Finn

    Like I've been saying all year: remember that he truly is the best they had. Repeat that to yourself and let it sink in. Then consider the future of the Republican party and tell me if you see anything other than an impenetrable, stygian darkness.

    Fuckers. They all deserve each other.

    1. GhostBuggy

      If Romney loses the election (and he's going to, let's be honest), there has got to be a major reorganization of the party. How could they possibly continue down this road?

      1. GeorgiaBurning

        Nah, they'll say Mittens wasn't crazy ("conservative") enough. The money men will double down to keep Congress ineffective in hopes of electing Ryan in 2016.

      2. Pap Finn

        I know. I don't doubt that there are Republicans who see the desperate need to moderate and reorganize, but what do you do with an electoral base that has a 28 Days Later-style rage virus and is clinically fucking insane? You've hit on a question that I've been obsessed with for years: where do they go from where they are now? They're already standing at the precipice.

        I think we'll see a gradual mainstreaming of secession talk from the right throughout Obama's second term.

        1. GhostBuggy

          Shh! You'll jinx it!

          Actually, I think at some point we'll see the party fracture into moderates and far-right-wingers. It seems unthinkable in the modern day, since we've only known these two bloated monstrosities our whole lives, but it seems like it has to happen at some point.

          Like GeorgiaBurning said above, they'll start out by saying Romney was too much of a feeb to win anyway, and not a Real Conservative. But they've already said that with the last one, and one wonders how much longer they can keep going with that.

          Who knows what's going to happen really, but it's going to be fun watching them implode.

          1. Pap Finn

            A formal split into two parties would fulfill a fantasy I've cherished for decades, but the new 'moderate' Republican party would be a teeny, tiny party indeed, wouldn't it? What *is* a moderate in today's GOP? Or have they been hunted to extinction?

            In any case, you're right: the Republicans are not headed to a very happy place, and watching them wallow in the hell they've created for themselves will be a joy beyond price.

  47. rocktonsam

    Hey Fittens, get the troops activated and send them there pronto. They must be bored with the whole Afganistan Iraq thingy and a change of scenery will do the kids some good also.


  48. Generation[redacted]

    Mittens then went on to announce that our new ambassador to Libya, Rev Terry Jones, would be providing his own security for the American embassy, to be staffed exclusively by members of his church.

  49. Schmegeg

    Let's all resolve to let Terry Jones exercise his important free speech rights from the bottom of a very deep pit.

  50. PinkoPopulist

    "Five U.S. Diplomats Killed by Obama in Egypt, Libya; Mitt Romney was First on the Internet!!!"

    There, I fixed it for you.

  51. PinkoPopulist

    Also, Barack Hussein Obama Soetoro, sympathize withs attackers, bows to our enemies, appeasement, HITLER!!! OBUMMER IS HITLER!!!

  52. Isyaignert

    After Romney woefully bungled his press conference about the horrible tragedy in Libya, one commenter said: “Romney’s campaign is so dead he’s about ready to baptize it.”

  53. MonkeyMotion

    Kryst almighty. This dipshit — who can't open his piehole without inserting a huge dong — managed to 'make' (steal?) ~$250 million while at Bain?

    Makes my frickin' brain hurt…

    1. PinkoPopulist

      What am I doing wrong?!?!

      OH that's right, I didn't start life with a silver spoon in my mouth and millions of dollars of daddy's money and political clout backing me up.

  54. Antispandex

    WOW! Those people are MohamMAD! and Mitters means to jump on it like a big kid on the last biscuit! Jeepers, how will America's President POSSIBLY respond to his attack…except to maybe point out that Mitt is a tool, with NO international experience, and the fact that the whole world hates him as a bonus? Must go watch trash Tee Vee and take some Sertraline (Zoloft, but I wanted to avoid product recommendtaion problems there), and also, maybe, have several beers, so this will all go away. Now, can I keep it up until the second week in November?

  55. sati_demise

    teh Wonkette is now insulting cats? hooo boy

    oh and fuck you terry jones you goddamned bastard , jam a bag of dicks asshole

  56. BarackMyWorld

    To be fair, its not like other countries can be bought by Romney for a percentage, loaded with debt, and sold at a huge profit. Of course he doesn't know how to deal with them.

  57. DahBoner

    Here's your O-Fish-Ull Guide To Rage Like A Teabagger©…

    I'm outraged by [Insert incident that occurred under Bush, but you ignored because he was White], it's disgraceful that [Choose one: Obama, Democrats, Liberals] first response was to [insert false Strawman argument here, that you read somewhere on Drudge or chain emails from your cousin Bernie]…

  58. wordpuss

    You missed the most egregious part of Mitten's response:

    The statement issued by the US embassy in Cairo (which Mitt criticized) was released before the attack on the embassy occurred! How the hell do you condemn an attack that hasn't happened yet??

  59. MittBorg

    OT? Or not? Libyans on Teh InterNetz r saying that the citizens of Benghazi are raising money to rebuild the US consulate there. They're poor as fuck, so that's damned impressive.

  60. ttommyunger

    “I’m outraged by the attacks on American diplomatic missions in Libya and Egypt and by the death of an American consulate worker in Benghazi,” Romney said in the statement. “It’s disgraceful that the Obama Administration’s first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks.” (Clutches pearls, swoons)

  61. aklibtard

    75% of the people out there haven't heard about this statement or give a shit about it. The fact is that just about everyone that is going to vote made up their mind about who they'll vote for months ago. A soundbite that will make all of outraged for a day, until Mitbot comes up with something else that pisses us off, will have absolutely no impact on this election. The one and only thing that this election will turn on is voter turnout, so make sure all of you're friends that are "meh" about voting turn out to the polls by promising booze if they come back with their "I voted today" sticker.

Comments are closed.