A Children’s Treasury Of Your Wonket In Your Nation’s Glorious Capitol

  freedom isn't free!

Where's Waldo?First of all, we tricked you, because we were not wearing a red dress at all! This was so we could laugh at your confusion as you looked around and wondered if we would even bother coming to our own Drinky Thing. (Answer: probably!) Second of all, the Park Service estimated attendance at 40 souls, so we added 15 percent to it, as is Right and Proper.

Please to enjoy some pictures of you, in DC, getting #sloppysloppy. More importantly, did you remember that our Philly Drinky Thing and Meetup is tonight? It is! And New Yawk City, you are on deck for Thursday! (Details still TBD. Good lord we are so tired. Actor and Lizzie, please fight out where we should have it, and then let us know.)

And this is not from our Drinky Thing, obvs, but we cannot resist, as the correct answer is “It costs a buck o’ five.”

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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310 comments

  1. Generation[redacted]

    Wow. All those sideways pictures. Looks like you spent the entire party passed out on the bar.

    1. IndianaKevin

      That's why laptops were invented. And in picture 7, it's obvious she's had enough. She's getting kinda blurry by that point.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      “I remember when she first walked into my office. She was beautiful, sleek as a cat, long legs sheathed in silky stockings. If I only knew then what I know now…”

    2. rickmaci

      The answer is ZZ Top

      "She's got legs, she knows how to use them
      She never begs, she knows how to choose them…"

      The second verse is better but not for a family web site.

    1. NYNYNYjr

      Worst place- Upper East Side
      2nd Worst- Mid-Town
      3rd- South Bronx
      4th- Rest of Bronx
      5th-Staten Island
      6th- East New York/Brownsville
      7th- Queens

      Anyway, the list goes on, but if we could avoid those…

  2. Boojum

    OK, all you Sideways-Americans, begin identifying yourselves, or we are going to have to go to the facial recognition software.

      1. ColHeightsChic

        AH HAH! It was, indeed, oh-so-lovely to meet you.
        One snippet of one of my shoulders is in one of the pictures. It's hot.

        1. gullywompr

          Oh right! I remember having difficulty talking to you because my eyes kept drifting to your hot shoulder.

          1. wsbloodystump

            Why thank you, sir! I'm just sad I missed talking to ColHeightsChic–or did I and I was just too drunk to remember? Man, being Sideways Stories From Wayside School at 32 is rough!

          2. ColHeightsChic

            Ah, geeee, you both flatter me so. I wasn't wearing a dress, but I promise you, I had you both swooning.

          3. gullywompr

            It takes skill to flatter two women simultaneously without alienating one or the other, but I'm confident I haz it, so let's try this – I'm afraid in that comment I was referring to the amazing green dress that adorned wsbloodystump's stunning frame. I'm still trying to discern which shoulder snippet in these fuzzy photos belongs to you, but nonetheless I did experience bouts of swooning lightheadedness and weak knees, so I must have been in the vicinity of a hot Chic with no dress. If only there were some way to straighten this whole thing out…

    1. galinthewhite

      I don't comment (I'm shy and not terribly witty) but I'm in the white/silver striped shirt with the beer (obvs).

        1. galinthewhite

          Yes.

          I will try to keep my comments to myself so as not to destroy any notions that I'm as clever as the rest of you.

          1. Boojum

            I'm sorry, but either you are a far better man that I could ever be or you lie like a rug.

            You seriously think that there would be "for afters" when Our Editrix was the main course? I'm thinking that the ER or the ICU are far more likely.

          2. gullywompr

            Editrix gave me a kiss right on the face as soon as I introduced myself. Eat your hearts out, motherfuckers.

          3. actor212

            I didn't realize this was a competition. Of course, I respect our esteemed mommy blogger too much to cast aspersions on how far down her blouse she'll let my hand go.

  3. sbj1964

    Remember at the Wonk they only drink to kill the pain,and they only have the pain because they drink.A truly vicious circle.

      1. actor212

        By "we," does that include Editrix? Because, you know, I wouldn't want her to wander the streets all drunk and stuff.

        I suppose I could take her home…

    1. Incitefully_Joe

      I still vote Rudy's even if Philly totally stole my idea of having us invade and annex DL's drinky thing.

      Back patio! Cheap beer! Good whisky! Free hot dogs! Multigenerational clientele! Colorful "regulars"!

      1. actor212

        That's more the kind of place I had in mind, based on the photos I've seen from the other do's, or perhaps Landsdowne Road over on Tenth (same general area, tho)

        Thursdays are going to be hard, pre-theatre.

      1. Incitefully_Joe

        I have never heard of this particular place, but it sounds like it's near where I work, which means I defs can't afford to drink there. (Which is tragic, because there used to be a few happy hour places that weren't Irish pubs, but they all shut down and reopened a month later with new names and basically the same decor only drinks suddenly cost twice as much).

        I mean, I live on the East side, even, but I can't really afford to drink there.

        1. Limeylizzie

          It's a beautiful old-style NYC bar, with original fixtures, but so freaking expensive and just too "fabulous" for a Wonkette drinky thing. IMHO

    1. mrpuma2u

      Yeah all the wonketeers seem to be lookers, I wouldn't have use the 3 beers standard with any of them, at least those that made editrix's askew photo cut.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yeah…if I knew there were that many attractive liberal ladies in DC, I might have put down stakes there instead of going back to Ory-Gone. Oh well, my sociamalist state U beat Wisconsin over the weeked…so up yours, Ryan and Walker!

    1. galinthewhite

      Bandwagon (?) Wheat, I think. I had a few so I can't remember exactly. But they were out of Blue Moon.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      They were so drunk the camera got fucked up by osmosis? No wait…that only happens with weed….

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    What's with that crazy bird on the French flag in the first photo? Do the French have a Kansas University too?

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Calvin was French…and since wingnuts are disproportionately Calvanist, that qualifies, right? We have to give France credit for that one…they hated that asshole SO, SO much they wouldn't let him or his stupid followers come to the new world. So that's something we share…

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I guess that's okay, as long as they don't degenerate into orgies. Not that there'd be anything wrong with that, I guess.

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I guess so…maybe one of you should have contacted Vitter to uh, furnish this thing. After all, he knows all the good prostitutes in DC and New Orleans…just don't bring diapers with you or you'll get the "Vitter special".

    1. finallyhappy

      Herndon- I have been there twice – in my 40 years in this area and both times, last year to the Counter

  5. Lucidamente1

    I'm beginning to think you post your worst photos on purpose, to humorous ends, as a sort of joke that runs. Do I correctly divine your intent?

  6. prommie

    I'm never gonna get to go to one of these fucking things. Here I am 25 miles from the Philly debacle, and I can't go cause Prommie has to work and Prommie has to be fucking responsible and all this fucking intolerable bullshit.

    1. natoslug

      At least you get to be within 25 miles of these fucking things. I am stuck up here in the redwoods, surrounded by granola and pot and banana slugs. And trees. As the sole wonketeer in N. California (no, San Francisco, you are NOT Northern Fucking California!!! You're down there in the middle bits, damn you!) I doubt I'll ever make it closer than 400 miles from one.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        We need a Wonkette Mobile. It shows up weekly and you can drink and peruse the snark. Then check out some snark. And take some snark home.

        Watch those overdue charges.

    2. Boojum

      Prommie, damnit, I'm a lawyer too and I went! If y'all aren't careful, I might disappear and go to another one! LIVE! FUCK RESPONSIBILITY! BI WINNING!

      Oh, wait, I was supposed to do the "manic" part after the "depressive" part was over. Fuck. I can't even do bipolar correctly.

  7. Fare la Volpe

    I said it back at the Detroit meetup and I'll say it again here – we are way too collectively attractive to be internet bloggers. Not a roll out of place, not a pockmark to be seen. Goddamn, Wonketeers, I'd sex you all.

    And Rebecca, to answer a previous question, I've been gone for a few weeks experiencing a rotating carousel of new drugs and liqueurs since I fell in with a rough crowd. I regret nothing, and have so far lost only the two brain cells I once had that ever told me the Republicans might be right. Vive le Barry!

    1. Guppy

      we are way too collectively attractive to be internet bloggers

      Keep in mind you can only speak for the ones brave enough to show up.

    2. Boojum

      You know, I haven't been having so much luck with sobriety and heterosexuality lately. Maybe it's time to make a change.

      1. DemmeFatale

        My younger daughter congratulated me on my older daughter surviving her 3rd year at Burning Man.
        It sounds like hell on earth to me.
        A dried out alkaline lake bed in the desert, no showers, porta-potties sitting in the 110 degree heat.
        What's not to love?

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          The flamethrowers and muffin cars. And electrified chandeliers 80 feet long. And the 30 foot high alien tripod with mimosas up top. This package includes a real Thunderdome.

          1. BoatOfVelociraptors

            The demographics bend towards the people old enough to plan and keep their shit together in the face of desert and crazy people.

          2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

            score me some good acid and I'm fucking there…Thunderdome! Thunderdome! question: can we make two people fight to the death while we throw shit at them just to be cheeky? I'm asking in a totally matter-of-fact, innocent way.

    3. Limeylizzie

      Wait till you see me at the NYC gathering, I arrive on the redeye from LAX tomorrow morning, so I will look like hammered shit, albeit suntanned hammered shit.

      1. James Michael Curley

        What is the Redeye these days? It used to be TWA 7 leaving LAX at 11:?? and arriving in LaGuardia at 7:00 am, just in time to catch a cab downtown to work. Boy am I glad I lost that shit years and years ago.

      2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Jesus…a flight like that you could sleep all the way. Last time I flew a long red eye I was so tired I forgot to be afraid of flying and also forgot that I can't sleep in moving vehicles. It was pretty awesome all the way 'round.

  8. actor212

    OK, Noo Yawk drinky thingie types…there's much sympathy (read: Editrix has weighed in) for invading Drinking Liberally that night at Rudy's (9th Ave between 45 & 46, so Noun, you won't be too far from the room.)

    Could be fun. I've pissed off enough people in that group to double Rudy's weekly take in one night. What say ye?

      1. actor212

        Thursday around 7? ish? I'm waiting for Trix to ring me back on teh Tweeter.

        Er, where the hell are you? Cuz I have to be in the office until late…basically just before the doings.

        1. prommie

          Just kidding, because, well, I like to kid. I am in Trenton. During the day, that is, at night I stalk the earth with my army of the undead. That pretty much describes a 50-year old lawyer, right? Undead? Not really alive anymore, but very animated, for a corpse.

      2. CindynEncinitas

        Anyone got any frequent flier miles? I'm ready to kill me some 5-year associate who's trying to compete with me for the partner's favor. I may be wanted in San Diego County by the time the party rolls around…

        1. SecretMuslin

          If you need to hide out post murderous rage spree I'm just a short drive to the south near Hillcrest… Side note – We need to lobby for a San Diego event because I value my sanity too much to try to drive to LA.

    1. Millennial Malaise

      I work right around the corner from there, so I'm totally down for Rudy's. Not only that but they have free hot dogs!

      1. actor212

        Pencil it in for seven. Drinking Liberally starts around 7:30 in the Hofbraugarten outdoor seating area out back, so I'm joping to get a poker game out there before they show up.

        Cuz, you know, liquor in front, poker in the back…

  9. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I call bullshit. Most of these people do not look nerdy or filthy-minded enough to be wonketeers.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      Honestly, for D.C. That's pretty daring. I'm fairly certain you can get pulled over for not wearing a Pea coat in winter.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      If Freedom isn't Free how much did we pay for it?

      And when President Obama says "You didn't build that" and the right wing nut small business people say "Yes we did, all by ourselves" why do they forget to Honor The Troops? Without them we wouldn't have this.

      And, yes, the US Military is Government, too! GI!

  10. Blunderthing

    Great. Now all of you remember to vote. (Do I sound put out and jealous? There ain't gonna be no Mendocino Drinky Thing–I know, there was one in SF, but my mule died).

        1. weejee

          "Zactly so TG. Not all the dinos are dead. Their brains, like their beloved Saint Ronnie, may be fossilized but they keep sucking air and, sadly, keep voting.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      With respect to political events in the middle east in terms of oil, I can say with a high degree of certainty that we have not, in fact, forgotten.

  11. AncienReggie

    Let me just say on behalf of all of us out here in the hinterlands, The hell with you big city snobs.

  12. owhatever

    When are you coming out to Pegleg, Nebraska? I have to drink alone, except for the pigs and the crowd from the Westboro Baptist Church who stop by on their way to funerals.

      1. LibertyLover

        I could meet you halfway from Phoenix, AZ and we could have our own drinky thing…. hey! how about Denver?

  13. gurukalehuru

    A bit disappointing, really. I mean, I love this site, and reading all the witty repartee and brilliant, insightful analyses of the politics of the day, and then I see this and everybody looks so…..normal.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      I found a goth club on 14th I think. Do you know how weird it is to walk into a business casual goth club?

    1. TribecaMike

      I used to hang in a bar called The Great Lakes, which the regulars called "Homes," a pun on the old mnemonic trick for remembering the names of the Great Lakes (get it?). A cleverer bunch of drunks you never met, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn they've all died of one chronic liver disease or another, or in horrific car crashes.

      Come to think of it, many of the regulars were teachers, which proves Rahm Emanuel is right.

      Jesus, I need to be in a bar right now.

          1. elfgoldsackring

            Wonder if he's interested in an intern position in my, uh, think-tank. ' Cause I could totally hook him up.

    1. alot_of_politik

      I'm red plaid guy? And while I'm flattered that you fancy my youthfulness, I'm taken by the woman in the green next to me. I'll leave it to you, my comrades, to wonder about my actual age.

  14. Redgyal

    Am I the only one who notices what all of the Wonkette events have in common? That's right non of them are in Austin.

          1. Redgyal

            The Scarlet Ibis is the national bird of Trinidad and Tobago. That is the only reason the picture was chosen. But, I'm still not a dude.

          2. Designer_Rants

            What happened to Chascates? I hope it had nothing to do with my constant Grampa Simpson harping about how I didn't understand teh Wonkville buttons. (yeah, probably not about me…)

    1. MosesInvests

      Yeah, when's the Austin drinky thing? I want to hoist a glass with the Wonkettariat! Editrix-please keep your liver in shape long enough to get here, k?

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes…I can't even bait them to come to the people's Republic of Oregon and we're practically next door. Not to mention that while Austin is allegedly an oasis of comparative sanity in the wingnut wonderland wasteland of Teh-ass, Portland is by comparison Ecotopia. Portland is an hour from me…so going to the dreary state capitol, Salem or Corvallis (which has lots of good bars, just don't wear green and yellow)…but eh, what am I bitching about? I can't even get shitfaced anymore….

  15. Chet Kincaid_

    OT: It appears that some of the jokes about Biden and his Camaro or Trans Am or whatever may have some basis in reality. Per TPM's quoting of the Pool Report from the Veep's visit to Shanksville:

    Somehow he then got into a discussion of racing. “I’m a frustrated —” and then he stopped himself and said he shouldn’t say so in front of the pool but went ahead anyway, “dragster.” As your pool was then ushered away, Vpotus was saying something about the feel of the road.

    http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/09/biden-

    1. TribecaMike

      I can easily imagine Joe clanking tankards in the pits with drags legends Big Daddy Don Garlits and Shirley Muldowney. And isn't Delaware the demolition derby capitol of the world? If not, it should be.

    2. imissopus

      He actually does have some muscle car or other that the Secret Service won't let him drive – a '66 or '67 Corvette, I think. I read it in that New York magazine cover story on him that was out last week.

  16. thefrontpage

    Am I drunk today, or on meds, or are all the pictures at this posting sideways? No matter what the content, it's just not that enjoyable looking at pictures sideways on computers on the internets. Straighten out the pictures, please! Also, where are all of the nude photos? And the strip club photos? I remember lots of nudity and strip clubs from the night in D.C.

  17. mrblifil

    Wait the other picture you posted of a DC party had people dressed like assholes. These people are not dressed like assholes at all. WHY WERE THEY EVEN INVITED?

  18. TribecaMike

    Recently, the Readers Digest ran a piece about "things bartenders want you to know" (in my day, the Readers Digest insisted that all bartenders were born and bred in hell for the sole purpose of dragging you back down there with them, but hey times change), and one of their tips was "impress your bartender by ordering a gin martini." All the tapsters I know are impressed if I don't vomit on them.

  19. An_Outhouse

    nice to see becca has more than one dress.

    edit. ha! i didn't see sharkey's comment. great minds, man.

  20. TribecaMike

    Gal in the green blouse,
    I must be mental,
    but all I ask
    is please be gentle.

    Your eyes are lovely
    as well as your rack, see
    my head is spinning,
    could you call me a taxi?

    Word.

  21. Willardbot9000_V2.5

    Hey…I give y'all credit there are at least 3 doable women in these pics. I won't even imagine what a Breitfart gathering would consist of…colostomy bags, battery plug-in stations and scooter shoots sort of like at a rodeo. With Michelle Malkin desperately trying to get someone to find her attractive AFTER she speaks…

    1. commiegirl99

      hahaha I am in Atrios's house RIGHT NOW. Of course, his bitchen and totally way rad wife presumably has dibs. I'm just here for the bitchen guest suite.

  22. Negropolis

    Oh, god. Put this thing into Paint, already, and rotate the pictures. lol If not, this whole blog should be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any.

      1. cadburychalk

        I'm down for first saturday, although the girlfriend works saturday nights so friday might work better

  23. ttommyunger

    Looks like ours 'Trix picked up a pair of Duck Shorts in D. C. (They are cut right up to the Quack). Sorry, couldn't resist…

  24. My_pal_HAL

    All pictures are straight up and down erect on an iPhone. But, Jesus Christ, what's the average age of this group? Wonketeers or Mouseketeers?

  25. Doktor Zoom

    Upside: My Chevy Volt article got reddited

    Downside: "Are you serious? The article itself links you to an actual article from a respected source that doesn't sound like it's written by a middle schooler, and you link us to the middle schooler article instead?"

    "This article is not journalism. It's not even a blog. This is just.. well it's crap. Let's look at some real news sources, yes?"

    "It's like an extended facebook post"

    I am going to go and look at my PhD diploma and cry a bit now, thanks.

    EDIT: yes, I know. How did this moron ever get a PhD….? (*snff*)

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      Jerome Corsi has a PhD. Just sayin' (are those the most annoying two words on the interweb?)

      Pfft. Redditors don't get the Wonkette Tone. So what? Half of them are teenage Libertarian fools anyway.

      It was a good article and made its point.

      We all still luv ya, Dok Z.

    2. TribecaMike

      "Reuters cannot do math." I used to freelance as a translator at Reuters in Times Square, and they can't do simple English no less math. And that was before they bought out or laid off the smart folks.

    3. emmelemm

      I don't even know what Reddit is, nor do I care. But all I can say is, they need to be quiet, because adults are talking.

      Dok Z rulez!

  26. zyxomma

    Thursday: How about Grassroots Tavern at 20 St. Marks Place between 2nd and 3rd Av.? It's a total dive bar, but $7 pitchers and $1 popcorn, decent jukebox, and it's possible to have a conversation. (And no, I'm not just saying this because it's walking distance from home.)

  27. StillGoinGreen

    Hey Wonkette – could you do a story about the proposed abortion of our 4th amendment rights that began 11 years ago and continues today? Don't let Yahoo scoop you. Thanks Hopey for continuing the only thing I hate about you… I'll still vote for you… because the alternative is worse.

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      "prices of entry ranged from $10, for tickets purchased in advance, to $25 if you wanted a "Meet and Greet" with the Maricopa County sheriff"

      $25 to knee Sheriff Joe in the nadgers? Money well spent.

  28. Negropolis

    OT: Isn't it odd as more and more polls were released showing Obama starting to run away with the election that Bibi pops his head out of his hole to insert himself into our presidential politics in a very unprecendented way to troll on Iran, and then all hell breaks loose in North Africa on the same day?

    What Bibi is doing is absolutely disgusting, and his nation should punish him for this bullshit…but they won't.

  29. Ms_Redactman

    A long time ago, I met my now husband in that dank basement bar! I do not, however, miss their bathrooms.

  30. vtxmcrider

    "Freedom is not free." But the chick in that pic looks like she is trying awfully hard to give something away. I think I know her from somewhere.

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