The ChairmanWhat is it with these Democratic First Ladies? First Hillary Clinton put dildoes and crack pipes all over the White House Holiday Bush, and now Michelle Obama is decorating her Holiday Bush with pictures of drag queens and Mao Tse Tung! What is next? Jars with rapebortions in them? PROBABLY.

From the fever dreams of the “Catholic” League’s fringey nut job, Bill Donohue, and the first installment of his very TL; DR on Obama’s War on Religion:

Christmas did not escape without controversy. For reasons never explained, the White House Christmas tree was adorned with ornaments depicting drag queens and mass murderers (Mao Zedong was featured; he killed 77 million of his own people).

What is Bill Donohue talking about? Is it even possible there could be some kind of germ of truth to this story? It turns out … yes!

Putting up ornaments with Andy Warhol’s Mao and popular lady-man Hedda Lettuce was probably not a great idea, but nobody really cares that much except Bill Donohue, who uses the anecdote to lead off his whole “Obamas Hate God” shtick, which includes many, many paragraphs about “In God We Trust” and a time Obama didn’t say “endowed by the Creator” and lots and lots of et cetera.

But now we have to wonder whether Hillary Clinton really did put those butt plugs on her Holiday Bush.

Some of the ornaments were silly and some were dangerous, like the crack pipes hung on a string. We couldn’t figure out what crack pipes had to do with Christmas no matter how hard we tried, so threw them back in the box. Some ornaments were constructed of various drug paraphernalia, like syringes, heroin spoons, or roach clips, which are colorful devices sometimes adorned with bird feather and used to hold marijuana joints.

We are going to go with “yes.”


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  • ChernobylSoup

    Warhol's Campbell's Soup rejected for being too high in sodium.

  • Baconzgood

    I thought Bill Donohue was on our side.

  • Baconzgood

    "(Mao Zedong was featured; he killed 77 million of his own people)."
    Yeah? How many people did God kill?

    • Aot,K.

    • Also, how many people did the Bush Administration kill?

    • He doesn't kill them, he just sorts out the dead.

      • Chichikovovich

        Arnaud? Abbot Arnaud Amaury? Is that you?

    • chicken_thief

      But as a percentage of the population, that's like 1 or 2 to you or me.

    • qwerty42

      Trick question, right? I mean, God had to have had the 77 million killed.

    • Blueb4sinrise


      • I WIN

        E.T.A. And you get all the credit. Now I know how Gore felt.

    • rickmaci

      Trick question right? He "made" humans mortal so the answer would have to be every person that has died to date since forever and eternity.

  • Schmannnity

    The crackpipes were hung by the chimney with care . . . .

    • Frosty the Crack Whore was a jolly happy whore,
      With a cheap glass pipe and a beat up lighter
      And two rocks made out of crack.

      . . .

      There must have been some crack left in that
      Old sandwich bag she found.
      For when she placed it in her pipe
      she began to dance around.

    • Baconzgood

      ….In hopes that Tyrone Biggums will soon be there…

      • smokingood

        The pimps and the pushers were all out on parole,

        • And I with my papers settled in for a roll,

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            And then off of my matchsticks came a terrible light!

  • I'd like to decorate Michelle's bush. Where do I get in line?

    • chicken_thief

      Michelle *rolling her eyes* "not ANOTHER pearl necklace…."

      • Think of it as Christmas garland, hon.

  • Bill Donohue should stick to sodomizing chickens and leave actual thought to those who are good at it.

    • chicken_thief

      I think he should leave sodomizing chickens to those of us who are good at it…. er… uh.. never mind….

      • Boojum


      • OkieDokieDog

        So that's why the bible-humpers think those Chick-Fil-A samitches are so darn tasty!

        • Boojum

          See, the accent was so strong you didn't realize they were saying "Cum and hit it!"

  • Baconzgood

    So they are saying Obama hates God to deflect the fact that Mitts is Mormon? Nice play Right wing Meme.

  • mrpuma2u

    How dare they put something non-Xtian on a symbolic pagan totem!!!!

    • SpeedoFart

      Which GAWD specifically prohibits:
      Jeremiah 10:2-5
      10:2 Thus saith the LORD,Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
      10:3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest,the work of the hands of the workman,with the axe.
      10:4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers,that it move not.
      10:5 They are upright as the palm tree,but speak not: they must needs be borne,because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil,neither also is it in them to do good.

      Bill D needs to read his bible sometime.

      • CleverSobriquet


  • no_gravity

    I thought the Mao ornament was mandatory now that China owned us.

  • The Warhol on Christmas started early this year.

    • HempDogbane

      Kickoff for War on Christmas is now 9/11. Start with orange decorations and gradually increase the red until you get to China.

    • I know all my local stores have had their "War on Christmas" stuff out since labor day.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Great, now I'm envisioning a space marine chain sawing a can of tomato soup, splattering the screen with red goo.
      Gears of Warhol.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Barbara Bush already did the dead fetus in a jar thing years ago. How passé.

  • SmutBoffin


  • Texan_Bulldog

    If Barry gets re-elected, I hope he uses Osama's head as the star on the tree … or John Boehner's–I'm not too picky these days.

  • Baconzgood

    What DOESN'T crack have to do with Christmas.

    • Boojum

      Isn't that what they mean by "myrrh"?

    • Boojum

      Picture of frankincense.

  • PsycWench

    Phil Donahue is a lot nicer and not as crazy. Can we switch them?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      AND…he married That Girl.

      • Negropolis

        Zooey Deschanel?

  • So let me get this straight: Andy Warhol, one of the most famous artists of our era, a legendary figure in American culture, can't be featured on the quintessential ecumenical holiday decoration, the White House holiday tree, because his own church (he was even funeralized Catholic) got its panties in a wad?

    Gimme a fucking break, Donohue! Your church is losing congregants by the bus full. You might want to stop stabbing your own people in the back.

    BTW, Donohue, it's not a Christmas tree, so maybe you could, you know, shut up?

    • PsycWench

      "…so maybe you could, you know, shut up? "
      That works for so many things these people say.

    • UnholyMoses

      Gimme a fucking break, Donohue! Your church is losing congregants by the bus full. You might want to stop stabbing your own people in the back acting as if your folks haven't raped thousands of children and purge the rot, rather than just moving it.

      There. All better.

  • ChernobylSoup

    I told the administration to stick with images of American mass murderers like Bush, Cheney, and Rice, but nooooooooooooooooo.

  • coolhandnuke

    Every day is Festivus in wingnutville with their airing of grievances.

    • Baconzgood


    • bobbert

      I read that as Fetuvius, which gives me an idea for a holiday down at the Abortionplex.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "roach clips, which are colorful devices sometimes adorned with bird feather and used to hold marijuana joints."

    I did not know that.

    • PsycWench

      I have seen a few roach clips in my life and have never seen any with bird feathers. Seems like a bad idea to me. Maybe he's getting roach clips mixed up with hair clips.

    • Put down that bong, son, and learn how the people smoke it.

    • I didn't even realize that roaches have feathers.

      • They're from the Jurassic era.

      • HistoriCat

        The ones we have in Texas may not have feathers but they can fly. (Shudder)

        • James Michael Curley

          The South East Asian cockroach is working its way up and across the country from the TX and NM bases where tons of equipment from closing down the war in 1973 were stored. It can get to be 7 inches long.

          • HistoriCat

            This is bad news for those of us who wear shorts – you don't want those running up your leg …

    • FakaktaSouth

      Man I got the first one of these as a prize at the fair, when we were a younger girl and put them in our hair because of the feathers and knew nothing of it until older people said what the clips were supposed to be for. Of course by the time we would have needed them for anything else, we had irretrievably lost them, because, pot.

    • Sheesko

      Ye poor, benighted souls! You never had those little blown glass/aluminum birdies with nylon fibre tails jiggling around on little springy clips all over your Yule Tree? What kind of mothers did you people HAVE!?! Probably really, really uptight ones. (Yes, I once *did* see Mommy sharing a toke with Santa Claus. I finally understood that year why I'd always needed to put cookies out for Ol' Ho-Ho-Ho.)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Fer fuck's sake. Could they have been feather ornaments, having alligator clips with which to attach them to the tree? Yes, obviously … and you have to wonder who the fuck thinks "roach clip with feathers" when he sees them.

  • MissusBarry

    This post is unacceptable. It is motherfucking summer and I do not want to hear any nonsense about Christmas tree ornaments. Crack pipes and butt plugs, though, are always in season.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      WalMart already has Christmas trees for sale. (The fake pre-lit, made in China & will set your house on fire if you forget to unplug them types.)

    • Boojum

      Crack plugs and butt pipes, however, are just enough different to be weird.

      • James Michael Curley

        This is like the time I was in the hospital and an orderly brought in a tray with a banana and a suppository. Why I waited I was sincerely praying that he followed directions explicitly.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes, I'm about fucking sick of wingnuts and their constant moaning over makes me not really want to celebrate it. These dumbshits fail to understand that every time one of them jumps up publicly and shits bricks about anything religion related…people watch them and several atheists are born. Normally it's called the Robertson effect on account of Pat Robertson being such a sleazy, corrupt , bigoted and racist fuck who calls himself a "man of god"…but I think it's just a general wingnut-related effect.

  • Callyson

    Paranoid nutcase says what now?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ahem, it's not a Christmas tree. It's Kwanzaa.

  • Bezoar

    If you don't invoke God constantly, terrible things can happen. That's why when I read this I said "God all freakin' mighty!"

  • Callyson

    RuPaul Christmas star or GTFO.

  • bikerlaureate

    Mr. Donohue never seems to be in a good mood.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      We should hire a sturdy professional of whichever gender he prefers to give him regular BJs. That'd cheer him up some, I'll bet.

      • Boojum

        No, because then he would act out his guilt by punishing the rest of us. You know, that would explain a lot…..

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Read his organization…the Catholic League. Chances are Mr. Donahue also takes a personal interest in the altar boys…..

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      My guess is someone moved that little child next door that he liked to "pray with" years ago and he's never gotten over it. Either that or he's just angry because of the constant cognitive dissonance…I've read that the strain of being a Catholic wingnut causes constant headaches…

  • Why does Bill Donahue care about 77 million dead Chinese. They weren't Catholic and we are the only Xtians that count.

    • CrunchyKnee

      I'm sure they are now all Mormon though.

  • Toomush_Infer

    This is an old Karl Rove scheme, just coming in to play….my 91 year old parents have just started sending me e-mails detailing how Obama no longer includes the words "the president" giving best thoughts at military funerals, and how only Obama has not gone to D-Day celebrations (the only president!)….the swiftboating is just starting…

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I got all up in our Security Guards face with that one. Even printed out the Snopes. He still can't understand that email was a lie. I want to kill sometimes. Must think of puppies.

      • emmelemm

        I… hope, for your sake, that your security guard does not have an actual gun. I wouldn't be gettin' all up in his face.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          He doesn't. And he's an old. I can take him. I do try to avoid him. He thinks everyone believes what he does.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Save your energy … the dolt was gonna vote for (R)money anyhow.

  • Lucidamente1

    "Drag queens and mass murderers?" Was Donahue at the last Wonkette meet-up?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      OOhhh…you mean the Rupaul-Slobo Milosevic mixer? how did that one go by the way?

  • mavenmaven

    This is why (this bit of nasty insanity is popping up all over the place today):

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Surprised none of my winger friends have posted this yet. It's early–they may all be at work but the internetz will be smoking tonight. I really despise my winger 'friends'.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Charming. Reported to Facebook, for all the good it will do.

  • Goonemeritus

    When I’m President (I expect every Wonkette to vote early and often) I promise at White House Festivus Pole to avoid all this unnecessary embarrassment.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      We do need to know who you will pick as your running mate.

    • ThankYouJeebus

      The American people have some grievances they'd like to air.

      • Goonemeritus

        Fuck that shit, if I wanted to listen to whining I would keep the job I have now. I’m thinking more a reign of terror kind of thing with a compassionate face to the public.

  • UnholyMoses

    Seems to me that one need not wait until Xmas to break out the roach clips.

    In fact, the election season is probably the perfect time to do so, if ya ask me …

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If the Obamas already have their Xmas tree up during the second week of September, I don't think that their conducting a War on Christmas is really an issue.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Probably still up from last year. Lazy, shiftless, good for nothin'…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This is merely the "first in a series", probably timed to run right through Xmas week.

  • Mojopo

    I want to read the Sweetess and Light essay at drug parties, with artists in attendance.

    • chicken_thief

      I'll hold the joint, you read.

  • kittensdontlie

    Is this war on religion never going to end?! Send in the drones and let's finish this once and for all!!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    The dildoes and crack pipes were from a big box of all the the Xmas tree decorations the Reagans left behind. You can take the hack actors out of Hollywood, but you can't take the Hollywood out of the hack actors.

  • Steverino247

    "Jars with rapebortions in them?"

    Hey, now everybody knows the secret recipe to my kimchi! Thanks a lot!

  • Boojum

    Hey, Wonketeers, can I have a bipolar depression right here? I've never had one, see, so I'm thinking this would be a good time. Maybe later, on the up cycle, I can act like Charlie Sheen.

  • I will admit that the ornament of the aborted baby Jesus did seem to be going too far.

    • Boojum

      Oh HELL no! I want me one of them!

  • vodkamuppet

    I'm confused, does he hate god or is he a radical Muslim Christian extremist?

    • Boojum


    • doloras

      He hates White Christian God, while bowing five tines a day to Brown Evil God.

  • chicken_thief

    Wonder if Barry will make his annual "Look what's hung by the tree with care!!!" joke this year.

    • Boojum

      I thought that he dressed like Santa and asked Michelle, "Look WHO's hung, etc. ". Have I been wrong all these years?

    • Negropolis

      Actually sounds like a "joke" some Southern bigot would make.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Geez, we're still celebrating 9/11 and now we're on to the War on Christmas, every year the holidays just get more and more rushed…

  • An_Outhouse

    Isn't time for Bill Donohue to be gang raped by the US Conference of Bishops?

    • OneDollarJuana

      Bill Donohue is waaaay to old for Catholic bishops.

    • Boojum

      I'm sure he was an altar boy and served his tour as booty.

  • You think Bill Donahue is upset, imagine what Mohammed thinks about all this idolatry.

  • An_Outhouse

    That bitch Hillary promeised ME the holiday, er … Christmas, crack pipes.

  • Guppy

    Is Bill Donahue aware of who we put on the $20?

  • MacRaith

    It's people like Donohue who made me abandon the Catholic church years ago.

    Well, technically it was people like Cardinal Ratzinger. Same thing.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "We couldn’t figure out what crack pipes had to do with Christmas no matter how hard we tried"

    Of course I might add WTF do pine trees have to do with Jesus' birth but I digress.

    • Same thing chocolate has to do with the crucifixion of Christ.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    (Editor’s Note: This the first of a series of articles on President Barack Obama’s war on religion)

    Umm…. anybody have a bead on who the rightwing cretins beind Newsmax are?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Yuck. Just what the country needed: another Faux News. Prolly just feeding the same crap to the same wingnut audience, so I guess there's no (additional) harm done.

  • sbj1964

    You forgot all the presents under the tree were wrapped in long form Birth certificates.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Roach clips and cracks pipes
    And meth sy-ringes
    Her-o-in spoons and bright colored strings
    These are a few of my favorite things….

  • TribecaMike

    You know who else is a fringe nut-job?

  • Boojum

    "[A]nd a time Obama didn’t say 'endowed by the Creator'…"

    No, he said "endowed LIKE the Creator, so get on your knees and worship, you Republican bitches!"

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Xmas already? I havent even had my Halloween orgy yet!

  • Romish Apostasy Mouthpiece says what?

  • DahBoner

    Hedda Lettuce, Drag Queen said "one of my balls is hanging in the White House with my name on it for all to see"

    So, she's a Post-Op…

    • Negropolis

      I don't know about that. Where's the other one hanging is the real question.

  • sbj1964

    The Pope called Mittens to tell him"Our lies are older than your lies".You young punk cults today need to respect the pointy hat.

  • widestanceromance

    Bloody Catholics had no issue with the fact that the entire tree was essentially shoved up an angel's dress, though.

  • AncienReggie

    So silly. They didn't hang crack pipes on the tree for decoration, that's where the Druggie in Chief tried to hide his paraphernalia so the First Daughters and Uncle Joe wouldn't smoke up all his stash.

    I swear, Newsmaxxx can't get anything right.

  • docterry6973

    I didn't catch Donohue's analysis of the recent criminal convictions of Catholic priests for sexual abuse. Was that below the fold?

  • MinAgain

    Jesus called. He said just a cake and some party hats will be fine.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Well, the christmas tree is a pagan symbol, so why not pagan ornaments?

  • Tundra Grifter

    I thought the so-called conservatives were all into original intent and the Founding Fathers and that stuff.

    Our informal national motto can be found on the back of every $1 bill. "E Pluribus Unum."

    That fancy Latin shit was good enough for George Washington, John Handcock and Sam Adams.

    Then Ike had to mess things up with the Red Scare "In God We Trust." Not all of us remain lost in the 50's.

    I'd be a lot more comfortable if the leaders of the Catholic Church spent more time keeping an eye on their priests and less time worrying about the rest of us.

  • paulf40

    Since when are Santa Clause Christmas and Jesus Christmas related anyway. Spread the hate, down with Santa Clause!

  • TribecaMike

    The GOP woodshed gets more cramped every day. Smells like dookie too. For mercy's sake, give them a bucket.

  • glamourdammerung

    I approve of this, if only because it means Bill Donohue is doing this instead of smearing the children the Catholic Church's priests raped.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Billy Boy, wake me up when the President is covering a pedophile scandal.

  • comrad_darkness

    The bible is made up so these guys just get on a roll, don't they?

  • smitallica

    "What do crack pipes have to do with Christmas?"

    Have you heard what these people called "Christians" actually believe? How could crack pipes NOT be involved?

  • ttommyunger

    And while Donahue and his ilk are ranting about semantics and symbolism, thousands of Roman Catholic Priests are sodomizing children world-wide every fucking day, and what do they say about that? Crickets, I only hear Crickets…

  • grace_nearing

    Hey, what about the cock rings, huh?! Gary Aldrich said Hillary decorated one XXXmas tree with golden cock rings. Probably stole them along with all the W's from the WH keyboards.

  • Negropolis

    Bill's just mad because they took all his altar boys away.

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