shiny shiny bo biney banana fana fo finey

Romney Campaign: The Entire Rest Of The World Is A ‘Shiny Object’

stop looking at syria, that's disgustingFor the first time since FDR used his polio-ridden legs to kick the Germans and Japanese in their fascist asses (the Italians, too, but nobody really cares about them when we talk World War II), Democrats have an advantage on foreign policy. This is problematic for the Romney campaign, because a Democrat is in office, and they are Republicans, and they would like to not talk about foreign policy at all.

How better to deal with this issue of two wars, various bombings, global economic uncertainty and all the rest than to just dismiss it out of hand? (Protip: there is no better way, try it the next time you cheat on your spouse. Totes effective.)

“It doesn’t surprise me that they’re raising foreign policy because it’s another distraction from the Administration’s terrible economic record,” [Romney foreign policy advisor Robert] O’Brien told BuzzFeed. “They’re going from one shiny object to the next.”

Hahahaha, the entire country of Afghanistan is a shiny object! I’m sure that is comforting to all the people who live there and still deal with random roadside bombs. Shiny roadside bombs.

Of course, the Romney campaign cannot leave foreign policy as a stupid thing people talk about to distract from Romney’s winning message, no! Romney himself is a foreign policy guru.

And, he cautioned not to underestimate Romney’s foreign policy credentials.

“The Governor is an extraordinarily well-traveled businessman, he lived overseas as a young man, he speaks French, he understands the world and he’s written extensively about foreign policy and national security,” he continued. “The idea that he’s this naive guy at 65 years old, given his experience heading the Olympic Winter Games and everything else, I just don’t think that’s going to play.”

Mitt Romney speaks French! He lived overseas over four decades ago! He headed a competition of expensive winter sports in a picturesque spot for rich people! (DID YOU KNOW: Mitt Romney did not kill a single foreigner during the 2002 Olympic Games? That is infinitely fewer foreigners than NOBAMA.)

Mitt Romney will be the president the Bush campaign said John Kerry would be. Except better, because he enjoys his cheesesteak with gruyere.


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      1. Texan_Bulldog

        Yes, there are times when the DailyKos folks get a wee bit overexcited & wet themselves but they definitely have their hearts in the right places when it comes to stuff like this. They had a diary up yesterday with all the info on how to donate to this guy's charity.

    1. zumpie

      Weeeelllll, Munster's certainly seeming to resemble her more and more every day. Except less fun and charisma-free (but with a just as badly dressed family)

    1. Terry

      I suspect his extensive writings on foreign policy and national security are just as insightful and on target as his op-ed urging that the auto companies be allowed to just go bankrupt.

      1. Biff

        He wanted Detroit to go bankrupt so bain could buy it for a fraction of it's worth and ship it off to China after firing everyone and gutting their pension. USA!USA!

    2. Lot_49

      How does Evil War Dwarf Henry K get along w/Romney's tribe of neocon refugees? Not so well, one thinks. The neocons wrote elaborate bullshit op-eds before bombing, whereas Hank just kept it secret. These are profound policy differences.

      Plus: China.

  1. Terry

    The Governor lived in France, but not in the way most young people do. He was in a highly controlled group and spent his time annoying French people about converting to his religion.

    It would have done him a world of good to take off that tie and drink some wine, eat great food, and try to woo French women instead of going door to door.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        All religions should have that "automatic out" clause built into them. A great social safety valve – the freedom of choice.

        You don't hear about a lot of Amish terrorists blowing up public buildings, do you now?

    1. rickmaci

      The facts surrounding WIllard Romney's driving negligence on a French highway leading to the death of his passenger Leola Anderson in 1968 have been covered up, first to protect the presidential campaign of George Romney and now to protect the campaign of his son.

      1. Bezoar

        You know, I think you may be right about that, sounds plausible, but can you point to any corroboration? That would be nice.

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    Seriously, 'heading the Olympic games' that were held in the middle of UT qualifies as foreign policy experience? I do believe he's outdone 'I can see Russia from my front porch'.

    l l l l l (These are straws that Team Romney is grasping.)

      1. Lot_49

        And so much fucking going on there among the steroid-fueled over-privileged Youngs. That had to make Mitt uncomfortable.

  3. johnnyzhivago

    Romney's not some naive executive who would go to a foreign country and publicly offer condescending and insulting management consulting style critiques of their government or give away the names of their secret intelligence agencies.

  4. FakaktaSouth

    Mitt's laundry list of things not to talk about is so long. The only real thing that government is responsible for is saying untrue snide things that make no difference. We need roads and schools and to deal with other people on the planet and stuff? Please with your hopey changey bullshit. How IS that working out for you?

    1. James Michael Curley

      Mitt has a laundry list of things to not talk about which includes his laundry. What symbolic prayer was embroidered on Ann's wedding night cover ups?

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Speaking of laundry and Italians, that picture with dead Mussolini hanging upside down thing looked pretty effective. I kind of get how one could get to that point sometimes.

        1. prommie

          Sometimes when I am listening to Tom Morello I think it really could happen, even a small group could succeed. The number of the really powerful oilgarchs isn't all that huge. Targeting just a few would have a gigantic ripple effect in the fear it would produce in the others. Tipping points are a real thing.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Particularly in a country with the desperation levels we have now realized. Achieving a sense of actually doing something to help yourself is a REALPOWERFUL thing. I wish there was gonna be more to do when I start following Tom from UnionTown to UnionTown besides just sing real loud and read what his next guitar says. I feel all fighty again.

          2. prommie

            I could yell this out with you:
            "Me and my people are hungry
            Me and my people are through
            Me and my people are ready
            Me and my people are just about due
            I'm a massive air strike on a beautiful night
            Yeah this is my song I'm singin
            Somebody better start countin
            We're comin out and we're comin
            Out swinging"

          3. prommie

            How young are you?
            How old am I?
            Let's count the rings around my eyes
            How smart are you?
            How dumb am I?
            Don't count on any of my advice

            Oh, meet me anyplace or anywhere or anytime
            Now I don't care, meet me tonight
            If you will dare, I might dare

  5. James Michael Curley

    Again with the Olympics.
    Let's get one thing straight (or a couple if I have enough commas); he 'saved' an event no-one in authority was trying to cancel, faced with addressing massive bribery charges against Utah government officials he hid his investigations and destroyed his papers within weeks after the games were over, he procured hundreds of million dollars from the federal government to close the gap created by bad planning and dubious spending oversight and he chose the dumbest looking mascot in all Olympic history.

    1. actor212

      This is so true: he saved an event that no one would have let fail, simply because the logistics of moving the games someplace else on such short notice would have overwhelmed the costs of salvaging those games by a geometric factor, plus the hit to national esteem…"You mean they couldn't even put on a simple Olympics? A Winter one, no less?"…would have been fairly substantial. You could have put Lancelot Link in charge of those Games (Or W) and they would have muddled by.

    2. hagajim

      That description makes me feel that Mittens would be a preznit in the Raygun mold….cut the fuck out of the social system, cut the fuck out of taxes and overspend on blowing shit up – and still never balance a fucking budget. Oh, wait, I forgot that's the GOP playbook for the past 30 plus years.

  6. kittensdontlie

    "Mitt Romney did not kill a single foreigner during the 2002 Olympic Games"

    In this dangerous world, does America need a pacifist in the White House?

        1. Chichikovovich

          Sure thing. And all the gays that took a vacation in Toronto to get married? Totally Commander-in-Chief material.

      1. Biff

        I went to British Columbia to visit family a couple of times during the Kennedy administration. I went to a Fleet Week kind of event and was allowed to board a Soviet submarine. I was impressed with the security employed–sheets of cardboard covering up sensitive electronics. The sailors were all polite and spoke at least a little English, and were eager to speak with me because I lived in San Francisco, go Giants! At 10 years old, I remember wondering what all the Cold War bullshit was all about…

    1. Franknflower

      Did you see the video with the gay Veitnam vet? Mitt pointed out that he was surving his church in France while the vet was serving his country in Vietnam. Bicycling the French countryside is totally equivalent to getting shot at in the jungles of Vietnam.

    1. Chichikovovich

      That could be a good campaign slogan: "Mitt Romney: Because he won't show obvious signs of Alzheimer's until midway through a second term"

  7. Come here a minute

    Romney campaign, please keep reminding us that Mitt has reached the nominal retirement age. For the next teevee ad, put him on a porch in a rocking chair.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        I would love to see a moderator ask him about that in a debate–although I know they'd be more likely to ask him if he's seen any UFOs lately.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Especially if while on said mission he fell into a coma and woke up "a different person".

      Yeah, I'm sure they'd never mention it.

    1. gurukalehuru

      Unless he's really fucking stupid (which is a possibility), he noticed what happened to Huntsman. He won't be speaking any French until after November, that's for sure.

  8. starfanglednut

    "You may not discuss anything relevant to my ability to perform the job of president. I will fix everything, but I won't tell you how until I'm elected. Vote for me, commoners!"

  9. SigDeFlyinMonky

    GOP – Not Up To The Task. They deal in images not facts. Their operations system is a codified social pathology. Their actions are best described as delusional paranoid schizophrenic. Sick, very sick.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Oooh, and then Putin slaps Mitt in the face with a glove & a duel ensues on PPV. I would totally pay $50 to see that.

  10. mrpuma2u

    Mittens is so good at foreign policy, that when he was in England and Poland recently, he managed to stick both his feet in his mouth while shoving his head up his ass. Now that is some serious high level management skill multi-tasking.

    1. Chichikovovich

      By the time he left he had learned some more phrases too, to reel 'em in once that first sentence hooked 'em good:

      "…et cesser le sexe hors de mariage, et ne porter que les vestons bleu et les chausettes blancs? Et donner une dixieme de ton argent à une grande église qui se trouve dans une désert d'Amerique? Une église qui prêche des doctrines suivantes …..?"

  11. slithytoves

    Clearly this tactic has been well thought out given the incredible amount of time the Republicans took to remember our troops during the convention.

  12. Goonemeritus

    I base my vote primarily on foreign policy in virtually every presidential election. In terms of the economy I share Kurt Vonnegut’s view that the power of the presidency is similar to the steering wheel on a toddler’s old fashion car seat. In terms of our standing in the world an un-thoughtful executive can make immediate and consequential missteps

    1. James Michael Curley

      I have tried to push up the ladder this plan for a campaign ad.

      Voice Over: "Of all Constitutional Powers available on Inauguration Day the most critically important is the President's ability to act as Commander in Chief to protect us from harm."

      Then run a number of clips where Romney makes one of his 'xxxx is not important', 'I don't care about xxxx' and 'I.m not going to give you a laundry list of xxxx'

      The fade to the massive billows of smoke, ash and dust coming toward the cameras on 9/11

      1. Goonemeritus

        Well at least Obama “has kept us safe”, when the Republican Party used that line they were taking advantage of the largest Mulligan in history.

  13. SoBeach

    I didn't realize it before, but now I see that foreign policy is really just an inconsequential distraction, like flag lapel pins, welfare queens in Cadillacs, and the persecution of Christians right here in the USA.

  14. Serolf_Divad

    So you think you've got foreign policy experience, Barack? How many Frogs have you personally converted to Mormonism, Mr. smarty pants Law Review?…. Yeah, that's what I thought.

        1. Biff

          I don't know if it's true or not, but what self-respecting Frenchman-or woman-would give up a life of hedonism and debauchery to follow the teachings of USAmerican Jesus?

  15. no_gravity

    Mitt learned French from the hookers that hung out at the hotel he was staying at and doesn't understand why voulez-vous coucher avec moi is considered offensive.

    1. Chichikovovich

      "Mr. Hollande, I'd like to welcome you to the US with the warm greeting I learned from the friendly people of your own country: Ici, Lisse – Cheveux! Veut-on chauffer mon trou?"

  16. chicken_thief

    If only Obummerz would quit distracting everybody Mittens could then discuss the details of his various plans to create those 12M jerbs that are predicted to be created anyhoo.

  17. Mittens Howell, III

    I can't wait for the debates, when we get to watch Obama walk Mitt into a wall like he's a blind teacher.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Do we need a President who, according to his own campaign, has started 'Debate Preparation' ONE WHOLE MONTH before the debate? How stupid or insecure is this guy? Where is he, again no campaign appearances yesterday?

      Is "Debate Preparation" the new 'hiking the Appalachian Trail'?

  18. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Yes, let's get back to talking about the real issues, like when a rape is legitimate and how gross the gays are.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      And God's message spread through dimes and shit! Don't forget the war on pocket change! That does not exist! But never forget!

  19. randcoolcatdaddy

    "It doesn’t surprise me that they’re out there killing Osama bin Laden because it’s another distraction from the Administration’s terrible economic record."

  20. Joshua Norton

    given his experience heading the Olympic Winter Games

    If that's the case, the guy who runs the line and puts you in the little cars at "It's a Small World" should at least be our UN Ambassador.

  21. fuflans

    And, he cautioned not to underestimate Romney’s foreign policy credentials.

    here they are:

    1. pissing off britain
    2. pissing off palestinians and embarrassing israel
    3. acting like a fool in poland
    4. not convincing french people to give up wine
    5. promising to bomb iran

    1. Chichikovovich

      But on the plus side, he's got the "causing fatalities on foreign soil" thing down pat. On the minus side, they were Americans. So it's kind of a wash, on that point.

  22. Mittens Howell, III

    Yup. The anniversary of the 911 attacks is probably the best day to compare Foreign Policy to an inconsequential shiny object.

  23. YasserArraFeck

    Mittens' "foreign policy experience" consists of perusing his Cayman Island and Swiss bank account statements.

    1. chicken_thief

      The soshulis's cramming the free soshulis health care down the throats of the peoplez? Who promptly surrendered, again.

  24. poorgradstudent

    It's funny how all the things they can attack Obama on – heavy-handed Middle Eastern policy, drone attacks, militantly pro-Israel, Guantanamo – are all things they also want, if not want even more of. I've noticed they've at least hinted at the "Well if we're serious about helping Israel why haven't we nuked Iran yet?!" line now and then, but even then that can only go so far.

    I should be depressed that the two parties have basically the same foreign policy approaches, with the significant difference that one party has shown itself to be more likely to just straight-up invade, destroy, and rebuild a country for no reason, but, hey, as long as it's something else that makes Romney and co. say dumb shit like this.

  25. ttommyunger

    Spent so much time in France, even speaks the language, yet according to Ann still refuses to eat pussy on religious grounds. This will not stand!

  26. qwerty42

    Geeze, Daniel Larrison at The American Conservative has been whacking Romney's "foreign policy expertise" like it's a piñata, John Judis at TNR did it today, Chait and a host of others likewise. The guy has weird, neo-con views that are strange to the rest of the country, but accepted inside the beltway as some sort of received wisdom.

  27. owhatever

    I am a Mitt voter and Republican forever and if this so-called President, Obama, wins a new term, America is doomed and I shall therefore leave the country forever after the election. Please suggest to your Republican friends to join me in the Cayman Islands.

  28. Incitefully_Joe

    Equating mention of "the troops" with mention of "military spending".

    Referring to active conflicts where we have troops currently deployed, and dying, as a "shiny object".

    Americans (especially feckless Independents) take note: this is what real "disdain for the troops" actually looks like.

  29. Self-Uploader

    You can see the Mitzer and the Boy Wonder get testy whenever they are asked to go "off script" — that is talk about anything besides "the economy" except maybe the occasional dog whistle. They are immensely frustrated when both the press and their opposition continue to bring up these other issues whether its marriage, drugs, foreign policy or even "the tropps." I can't wait for the debate to see whether Mitt actually answers any non-"economy" related questions or simply decides to hold his breath until his head explodes.

  30. Slim_Pickins

    And just how well does RMoney's extensive foreign experience stack up against being born in Kenya and raised a Muslim in Indonesia?

  31. ColHeightsChic

    Does anyone know how many Frenchies Mittens succeeded in converting? I can't really judge his "foreign policy credentials" until I know his success rate at this incredibly important matter of national security.


    When your army is the biggest in human history, and your defense budget is bigger than the one from the rest of the world combined, foreign policy is for pussies.

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