and a happy 9/11 to you!

Dick Cheney Bombshell: Barack Obama Caused 9/11 By Ignoring All His Daily Briefings

UndeadGood 9/11 Day to you, Wonkers, and May We Never Forget! Here is your ritual 9/11 gift, consisting of the retelling of the traditional 9/11 story by the Daily Caller explaining how Barack Obama never bothers with his PDBs — his Presidential Daily Briefings — and that is why he did the greatest Terror Attack on American soil, with his best friend Osama Bin Laden. Inpeach!

Former Vice President Dick Cheney took a shot at President Barack Obama late Monday night after it was reported that the president has attended fewer than half of his daily intelligence briefings.

“If President Obama were participating in his intelligence briefings on a regular basis then perhaps he would understand why people are so offended at his efforts to take sole credit for the killing of Osama bin Laden,” Cheney told The Daily Caller in an email through a spokeswoman.

Hmmm, according to Marc Thiessen, who is a swell and very brilliant guy, Obama has only attended about half of his PDBs — you will remember the “PDB,” made famous by how George “el Macho” Boosh was all like “fuck it” to the guy who had come to warn him about Bin Laden being “determined” to strike inside the US, “You’ve covered your ass now.”

“During his first 1,225 days in office, Obama attended his PDB just 536 times — or 43.8 percent of the time. During 2011 and the first half of 2012, his attendance became even less frequent — falling to just over 38 percent. By contrast, Obama’s predecessor, George W. Bush, almost never missed his daily intelligence meeting.”

And that is why George “el Macho” Boosh Kept Us Safe (Never Forget), Barack Obama didn’t, and Osama Bin Laden is still alive and plotting, because Barack Obama couldn’t be bothered to do his homework.

But what do Barack Obama’s people say about this very grave charge? Oh, just that he reads the PDBs instead. As if anybody would ever believe a president could read words, on paper. [DailyCaller]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. thatsitfortheother1

      Sorry… that photo… a cross between Kermit the frog and Pope Ratzinger, but not as well dressed as either.

        1. thatsitfortheother1

          I guess Mitt's religion IS superior. World dominion, plus you get to wear a business suit, in case you need to sell a used car or something after services.

      1. wolvenwood13

        Hey, give the Dick some slack, he doesn't have all that money that the Vatican does. Of course the Poop is a snappy dresser. Well, if he was a woman. Who liked to wear bathrobes. Or a cross-dresser. Also, too, the Poop has all those men-type Papal assistants to help him be fashionable.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Well, sure he was a fucking moran. But did you notice how much brush he cleared from his ranch in Crawford? He was awesome at that. And the art of dance.

      NEveR Fergit!!1!

  1. ThankYouJeebus

    W must have been writing mash notes to Condi during that 100% attendance rate. According to a new NYT op-ed, he was being warned regularly about the impending attack but they were focused on Saddam instead. I will never stop being disgusted by these fuckers.

    1. prommie

      That was the time period during which they were focused on the theory of "state sponsored terrorism" and this theory rejected the idea that al queada could be a threat because it was not state sponsored (if you ignore the fact that it was sponsored by the Saudis). This was why W actually ridiculed Clinton for trying to kill Bin Laden, this was when Bush said "I'm not gonna send a $20 million missile up a camel's ass," it was some mocking line like that. Camel's ass was definitely involved. I know a Texas Aggie joke about fluid dynamics that involves a camel's ass if anyone wants to hear it.

    2. finallyhappy

      yup, that was on the news today about Bush- but it involves facts and things that really happened and stuff like that. So I'm pretty sure 9/11 is the blah guy's fault

    1. sewollef

      Fuck this asshole. And die already… or….. take a plane to The Hague, I think there's a tribunal waiting for you.

      1. AbandonHope_

        Can we somehow raise them to 200% of their normal height? Like, actually go and purposely double the height of every single flagpole in the United States of America? Because that would be the proper way to honor this pusillanimous pus-bucket's death.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      Don't go getting all misty, now. After all, these were grown people who chose to go work in the WTC, not innocent fetuses.

    2. FakaktaSouth

      This is good. I wanna say this on fb just to counteract all the Photoshopped cross sunshine through the twin towers pre-catastrophe pics these crazy tragedy fetishists I have on there have aligned themselves to this morning. I think it disproves their protection point, but I guess I am an asshole.

    3. RadioX

      I bought a commemorative Flight 93 iPhone, it still doesn't work above 2,000 feet but the "Let's Roll" ring tone is nifty.

    4. Ruhe

      At my house we follow the old world tradition of hiding twenty glass-pickle ornaments in the tree. Each one has a little muslim face on it. The twentieth, of course, is Obama and the kid who finds that gets a special prize…a beating.

      1. IceCreamEmpress

        9/11mas is really for the kids, after all.

        But in my family, it's waterboarding! I guess we're just old-fashioned.

  2. upthruster

    Hey stupid America, it's time to be afraid again. Remember 9/11 and be afraid of those Muslins and anyone black…from anywhere. AFRAID!! NOW!!!

    1. GemlikeFlame

      The fact that a meteorite strike hasn't taken him out really makes me question the inevitability of karma.

    1. eggsacklywright

      One of my goals used to be to outlive Keith Richards. Now I want to be around for the party in the streets when this fucker finally kicks.

    2. StarsUponThars

      Chuckie. Mike Myers. Jason Voorhees. Freddie Krueger. Dick Cheney. You can't kill what's already dead inside.

    3. MonkeyMotion

      Certainly understand the frustration.

      In the meantime I'd like to see Dick live many years after suffering a massive heart attack which leaves him paralyzed, drooling, in constant, severe pain in every joint in his body, chronic, excruciating headaches, an inability to sleep and constant diarrhea and hospital bills which the government stops paying, thereby bankrupting the entire Cheney blood fortune.

  3. Arkoday

    "It's OK, George, I got it. You just kick back and relax, or go chop some wood. Ol' Dick here will catch the briefings for ya, make some minor corrections here and there and brief ya later!"

  4. ph7

    “If President Obama were participating in his intelligence briefings "

    Dick is sadz that Barry isn't carrying forward his "participation" tradition of masturbating to the daily reading of Muslim casualty headcounts

  5. memzilla

    According to a reporter who read the PDBs which GW Shrub putatively read before the infamous August 6, 2001 "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." — the ones which the Shrub Administration refused to release:

    "…the administration’s reaction to what Mr. Bush was told in the weeks before that infamous briefing reflected significantly more negligence than has been disclosed. In other words, the Aug. 6 document, for all of the controversy it provoked, is not nearly as shocking as the briefs that came before it."

    "Hello, International Criminal Tribunal at The Hague? Can we supersize that indictment you're working on? Yes… I'll hold…"

  6. Beetagger

    They had to read the PDB to Bush in the style of My Little Pony in order for him to stay put until his nap and juice break.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I wondered why Bush couldn't just read the PDBs in his office–or at least have Cheney pantomime them out for him. There must have been excellent donuts or breakfast tacos at those briefings.

    1. salt_bagel

      I can't count the number of times I've said these exact words while standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror.

  7. ChernobylSoup

    Tradition demands!

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?


    9/11 who?

    And you said you'd never forget.

    /some wonkette years ago

  8. mrblifil

    Bush only showed up because Cheney was grading him on attendance, and also they brought a basked of newly born kittens to each meeting. CCCUUUUUTTTTTEEEE!!!1!

    1. Guppy

      George never understood why it was always a different basket of kittens every day, or why Cheney referred to them as "lunch."

  9. fuflans

    "If President Obama were participating in his intelligence briefings on a regular basis then perhaps he would understand why people republicans are so offended at his efforts to take sole credit for the killing of Osama bin Laden,” Cheney told The Daily Caller in an email through a spokeswoman. "


    1. sullivanst

      Speaking of sole credit, have you ever heard the President or anyone associated with him say anything that could plausibly be interpreted as him taking "sole credit" for OBL's death?

      Because I've never heard anything remotely like that; on the contrary I've heard him repeatedly praise the SEALs who carried out the mission.

  10. StealthMuslin

    Reading is for Mooslims! Does Nobama read them in Mooslim? Can you prove he doesn't? Were you there?!? RON PAUL!!!

  11. elviouslyqueer

    Ugh. Haven't you had enough fittings of your asbestos Depends, you mendacious cyborg? Satan's waiting!

    1. Ruhe

      Yes, Satan has a special, very luxurious circle prepared just for Dick and the other Neo-Cons. He's hoping that if they like the accommodations enough they won't try to take over the rest of Hell as well.

  12. kittensdontlie

    Being a self-professed expert reader of words herself, a President Palin would have never attended any PDBs. All of them, Katie.

  13. fuflans

    in general, i have not minded a less shouty 911 fest, but i do miss the traditional posting of egregious examples of patriot eagle art from redstate america.

  14. PsycWench

    15% of Ohio Republicans think Romney attended the PDBs instead and that's how he killed Bin Laden with his bare hands. Or bored him to death. One or the other.

    1. chicken_thief

      Paul Ryan hypnotised OBL with his gorgeous baby blues while Mittens snuck up behind him with his infamous hair cutting scissors.

  15. Allmighty_Manos

    This is like the captain who crashed that Italian cruise ship hectoring "Sully" Sullenberger about missing a safety meeting.

  16. johnnyzhivago

    Well now I'm confused!

    Was it Obama's fault since he was the 20th hijacker?

    Or was it Cheney who ordered the controlled demolition of the WTC and the missile strike on the Pentagon?

    Or was the whole thing just an inside insurance job that coincidentally occurred on the day that the Pentagon accidentally blew itself up and a bunch of terrorists hijacked planes and mistakenly crashed them simultaneously into buildings???

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      "the missile strike on the Pentagon?"

      We can get the guy riding shotgun in an SUV in Waziristan, but somehow missed most of the Pentagon.

  17. James Michael Curley

    "On July 9, at a meeting of the counterterrorism group, one official suggested that the staff put in for a transfer so that somebody else would be responsible when the attack took place, two people who were there told me in interviews. The suggestion was batted down, they said, because there would be no time to train anyone else."

    1. An_Outhouse

      The most galling thing is this band of incompetent misfits didn't immediately resign. I still can't believe they were re-elected.

      1. Millennial Malaise

        Especially since our presidential race occurs in only 9 states, it's becoming obvious how easy it is to steal an election by just fucking with one state (Ohio in 2004). Resignation? The administration should have been impeached but the Rethugs rendered it meaningless in the previous decade. God, I hate these assholes!

    2. prommie

      And of course at the end of the day, what did they do? They fucking blamed the CIA, purged all the competent people for their heresy of insisting that facts trump neocon doctrine, and packed the agency with Cheney dick sucking neocon shits.

      And it has got to be remembered, Mitt has indicated he is perfectly happy handing foreign policy back to the Oil and Gas Industry, oops, I mean the neocons.

    1. ThundercatHo

      My mom got so pissed at me the time I missed Grandparent's Day because I was unaware of it's existence. The only thing Hallmark is good for are their awesome Star Trek ornaments.

    1. Guppy

      It's hard enough for Condi to remember to say "terrorism" instead of "communism," how long would it be before Dick tripped up?

  18. smitallica

    The fucking BALLS on this one. Seriously.

    You can't Swiftboat Obama to change history for something that happened 18 MONTHS AGO THAT WE ALL REMEMBER CLEARLY AND KNOW HOW IT WENT DOWN.

    You fucking asshole.

  19. Jus_Wonderin

    Talk about politizing an event. I wonder…….which is worse. Cheney using an horrific tragedy to condemn President Obama. Obama actually getting the "mastermind" of said horrific event.

    Maybe Cheney should "forget".

  20. James Michael Curley

    During the phase of digging up information regarding the "security" organization formed in early spring 2001 and headed up be Cheney, it was discovered that one of the documents circulated at the only meeting held for seven months before 9/11 included a map of Iraq with the major oil fields shown. Says a lot for this current report that there was considerable mind mush in the White House over anything they could not directly connect with Sodomy Hussein and, therefore, ignored.

    1. prommie

      You know that book published in France just shortly after 9-11, I think it was "9-11, the Real Truth," is filled with helpful information about this. Also about the US government pressuring the Taliban hard to let Unocal build that pipeline from Azerbaijan to pakistan and eventually to that huge mistake of a power plant Enron lost a billion on in India. Every single thing Bush and Cheney did was motivated by oil and gas interests.

  21. UW8316154

    I'm all ready for 911 day! I bathed in the tears of a crying eagle and wrapped myself in a cloak of the American flag. My Don't Tread On Me flag is flying, and Rush is on my radio. My gold buillion is in the safe with my guns, bullet and medical supplies, while the bunker is filled with food. A small, plastic Guilliani is on the dashboard of my truck.

    Am I missing anything??

  22. prommie

    Ok, here is the thing: Fuck 9-11. Its been taken over by the fucking pigfucking yahoos who live in buttfuck nowhere and have nothing that anyone would ever want to fucking bomb, and who hated and still hate New York and all it stands for (sophistication, intelligence, cosmopolitanism, culture, fancy schmancy stuff, having all your teeth) and I fucking hate the Giuliani-ness of it all, that sideways lisping little rat bastard. So fuck 9-11, I will be remembering the Maine.

    1. AbandonHope_

      THANK YOU. These are the redneck dipshits who believe New York City is the root of all of Satan's evil, what with its Jews and gays and coloreds and Papist immigrants and yet when it was attacked suddenly it was a direct blow to "Real" America, as though Ground Zero was somehow chopped out of that heathen city by a Righteous Jesus Cookie-Cutter and annexed into RedStateHood. The fact that they spew their filth about how "urban" folks are traitors while Good Old Friday Night Lights Farmin' Boys are "real America", yet simultaneously revere 9/11 as a sacred holiday, is utterly disgusting.

    2. DemmeFatale

      Just a few days before 9/11, a reporter asked Bush, who was there, what he thought of the city.
      "It's a nice day," he said. He had the usual glazed over, smarmy, look on his face as he was dissing this great city.


  23. elviouslyqueer

    In an email to TheDC, [National Security Council spokesman Tommy] Vietor said Theissen’s revelations weren’t “exactly breaking news to anyone who has covered this place for the last few years.”


  24. actor212

    Many years ago, I declared September 11 a personal day of peace, so I won't be snarking on this piece, except to thank the Daily Caller for reminding me why it's so important to live in peace, at least for today.

      1. prommie

        Thats what I am thinking; I am a very practical man, and think of the economics, the cost for actors and scenery would be like nothing! Pure profit, this production would be.

  25. subsum

    I'm not offended by the President taking credit for killing Bin Laden. I'm offended by the fact that, even though Dick Cheney's heart stopped beating a long time ago, he's still here.

  26. Ruhe

    I've never been even momentarily impressed by the various "we did it to ourselves!" theories about the 9/11 attacks. But look at that picture of Cheney and consider this somewhat more plausible theory: They were itching for a land war, they had intelligence that Al Queda might try something, anything at all would do as an excuse, so they waited, just ignored the warnings a little, just to see what might happen. Sound plausible?

    1. actor212

      I think Iraq was a solution waiting for a problem. That's about as close to a conspiracy theory as I'll get. I don't buy that these assholes, who mismanaged two wars for eight years, could be competent enough to start one themselves. I think they honestly blundered (which I guess is a little like legitimate rape).

    2. prommie

      They were pressuring the taliban to let Unocal oil build a pipeline across Afghanistan. Karzai was at this time a paid employee of Unocal. The pipeline would eventually supply natural gas to Enron's giant power plant in India what was a huge part of the reason Enron went under. Colin Powell was even sent to India to pressure India to prop up Enron's investment there, so the beautiful thing was, it was all part of a scheme to rescue Enron's ass from its worst investment. The pressure on the Taliban from the US triggered the Al Quaeda response, 9-11.

        1. prommie

          A Frenchman said it, so I believe it. The Taliban assassinated our chief "Northern Alliance" puppet chief, I think we created an atmosphere in Afghanistan of "better unleash what we got now before we lose it." By the way, true the Taliban isn't Al Quaeda, hell, Mullah Omar is better at hiding than Bin Laden.

          1. sullivanst

            And the justification for the first WTC attack? The battle of Mogadishu? The Kenyan & Tanzanian embassy bombings?

    3. Isyaignert

      Ever heard of the Project for the New American Century? It's the neocons' plan for global domination by the usual suspects (Cheney, Bolton, et. al.). There's a part in the Rebuilding America's Defense section that says the only thing missing to kick off their evil plan was a new Pearl Harbor – half way down the page –….

      The PNAC plan should be Exhibit A if any of these fukkers ever get charged with their war crimes and crimes against humanity.

  27. eggsacklywright

    Let's see – these things happen in threes, right? So, Dick, then Kissinger, and…who would complete the trifecta?

  28. rickmaci

    Hey Dickwad. Life's a bitch and then you die. You will go down in history as the worst VP in the most corrupt and inept administration in US history. Now, may you rot in hell – soon.

  29. Joey_Blau

    This HAS to be good for John McCain!!

    John McCain is an expert at PDBs and DPS and STDs! John McCain will torture Dick Cheney until his metal heart melts!

  30. AbandonHope_

    What that cretin neglects to mention is that Bush had to attend all the meetings, on account of the fact that he couldn't figger out all them lil' sqiggles on that thar paper.

  31. ThundercatHo

    When this bastard finally does die and goes to hell I'm sure his daddy will shake his hand and tell him what a good job he did.

  32. blueflowers

    As if anybody would ever believe a lowly President actually has control over foreign policy. C'mon Wonkette.

  33. Chet Kincaid_

    I'm not fond of mocking 9/11 to mock those who fetishize it. I would rather think about why it happened, and what options beyond simply turning America into a giant safe room or killing random longitudes and latitudes might reduce the chance of it occurring again.

    1. prommie

      Traitor! You don't understand Amurrican exceptionalism! We are allowed to bully, insult, and plunder other countries and have a right to do so with impunity. That someone smacked us back for it is the greatest crime ever in history! We stand our ground, right there in all those countries we invade!

  34. eggsacklywright

    From Dependable Renegade:

    Let's never forget:

    1. the day that putting a yellow ribbon magnet on your car became the sole determinant of your patriotism.

    2. the day infantile jingoism trumped free speech.

    3. the day it was okay to send kids into a misbegotten war, and to forget about them when they got back.

    4. the day telling the Geneva Convention to go fuck itself went mainstream.

    5. the day civil liberties in this country died.

    6. the day the American flag became exponentially more important than the ideas it was supposed to represent.

    7. the day the government discovered that fearful people were much easier to govern than brave people.

    8. the day this country lost its fucking mind.

  35. HarryButtle

    I had decided that I'd be non-partisan and not get pissed off at stupid Republicans just for today, but then I read this article. And you know what? Skull fuck this fucking fuck with a rusty fucking chainsaw (and NOT with votes, but with an actual rusty chainsaw). How dare he fucking accuse ANYBODY else of blowing off the PDBs? How dare he even crawl out from under his rock and open his fucking mouth? It's fucking bizarro world.

  36. ttommyunger

    Well, one thing I'm becoming more and more sure of as time goes on is that Mitt Romney will never ever have to worry about these briefings…. BTW, 9-11 AND the Antrhrax Attacks took place on your watch, Dick, Condoleeza, and Dubya.

  37. SolitaireRose

    That's the problem…then damn liberals spend their time reading instead of doing. Now watch this drive!

  38. owhatever

    Obama=Osama. Coincidence? I think not.
    Why hasn't anyone else seen this rather obvious link between the terrorist and the Kenyan?

  39. Incitefully_Joe

    From what I remember from some Bush fluff profile about how "folksy" he was, he insisted on attending all of the Daily Intelligence Briefings, and further insisted on making them Dynamic! through heavy use of powerpoint, because it was how he processed the information best, allegedly.

    In other words, Bush was a borderline illiterate who needed special bells and whistles and bad presentation aids, otherwise he would get bored. And now that fact is a precedent-setting basis for attack on Obama.

  40. Not_Mother

    I'll never forget this:
    What happened at President Bush's very first National Security Council meeting is one of O'Neill's most startling revelations.

    "From the very beginning, there was a conviction, that Saddam Hussein was a bad person and that he needed to go," says O'Neill, who adds that going after Saddam was topic "A" 10 days after the inauguration – eight months before Sept. 11.

    "Cheney, at this moment, shows his hand," says Suskind. "He says, 'You know, Paul, Reagan proved that deficits don't matter. We won the mid-term elections, this is our due.' … O'Neill is speechless."

  41. Aquarianne17

    Oh, Slick Dick, you tricky dicky, why didn't you warn us when the littlest Bush was ignoring warnings. Oh, that's right., Halliburton. So how much blood money have you made?

  42. Isyaignert

    Hey Cheney The Dick – how's that gummint socialist taxpayer healthcare thingy working out for ya you fukker? Maybe Karma's keeping you alive long enough for you to be hung in The Hague for being a war criminal.

  43. vodkamuppet

    But remember, Reagan personally tore down the Berlin Wall in 1990 so ipso facto Bush 43 gets credit for killing Bin Laden.

  44. azeyote

    Former Vice President Dick Cheney took a shot at President Barack Obama

    well i guess he must have missed unlike his bird shooting safari — he will want an apology i suppose.

  45. lulzmonger

    How much is Cheney saying this about Obama like Vidkun Quisling berating Norwegians for becoming a satellite of the Third Reich?

    a) virtually identical
    b) identical
    c) so fucking identical it makes your teeth hurt
    d) all of the above

    Choose wisely.

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