and a happy 9/11 to you!

Dick Cheney Bombshell: Barack Obama Caused 9/11 By Ignoring All His Daily Briefings

UndeadGood 9/11 Day to you, Wonkers, and May We Never Forget! Here is your ritual 9/11 gift, consisting of the retelling of the traditional 9/11 story by the Daily Caller explaining how Barack Obama never bothers with his PDBs — his Presidential Daily Briefings — and that is why he did the greatest Terror Attack on American soil, with his best friend Osama Bin Laden. Inpeach!

Former Vice President Dick Cheney took a shot at President Barack Obama late Monday night after it was reported that the president has attended fewer than half of his daily intelligence briefings.

“If President Obama were participating in his intelligence briefings on a regular basis then perhaps he would understand why people are so offended at his efforts to take sole credit for the killing of Osama bin Laden,” Cheney told The Daily Caller in an email through a spokeswoman.

Hmmm, according to Marc Thiessen, who is a swell and very brilliant guy, Obama has only attended about half of his PDBs — you will remember the “PDB,” made famous by how George “el Macho” Boosh was all like “fuck it” to the guy who had come to warn him about Bin Laden being “determined” to strike inside the US, “You’ve covered your ass now.”

“During his first 1,225 days in office, Obama attended his PDB just 536 times — or 43.8 percent of the time. During 2011 and the first half of 2012, his attendance became even less frequent — falling to just over 38 percent. By contrast, Obama’s predecessor, George W. Bush, almost never missed his daily intelligence meeting.”

And that is why George “el Macho” Boosh Kept Us Safe (Never Forget), Barack Obama didn’t, and Osama Bin Laden is still alive and plotting, because Barack Obama couldn’t be bothered to do his homework.

But what do Barack Obama’s people say about this very grave charge? Oh, just that he reads the PDBs instead. As if anybody would ever believe a president could read words, on paper. [DailyCaller]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Eeeeeek.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Sorry… that photo… a cross between Kermit the frog and Pope Ratzinger, but not as well dressed as either.

      • eggsacklywright

        Really. And Benny the Ratz duds just scream humility. Fucking cults and their gullible followers.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          I guess Mitt's religion IS superior. World dominion, plus you get to wear a business suit, in case you need to sell a used car or something after services.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Needs moar pedophiley goodness…

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Don't think young, think tight…

          • eggsacklywright

            "Tight, tight, tight!"

            — Tuco, assessing the quality of Walter's meth

      • wolvenwood13

        Hey, give the Dick some slack, he doesn't have all that money that the Vatican does. Of course the Poop is a snappy dresser. Well, if he was a woman. Who liked to wear bathrobes. Or a cross-dresser. Also, too, the Poop has all those men-type Papal assistants to help him be fashionable.

  • MonkeyMotion

    Hey Dick: Go fuck yourself!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      See what I mean?

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Never missed a meeting…but always missed their points.

    • Not_So_Much

      Well, sure he was a fucking moran. But did you notice how much brush he cleared from his ranch in Crawford? He was awesome at that. And the art of dance.

      NEveR Fergit!!1!

  • comrad_darkness

    Intelligence briefings are a dangerous thing to a republican brain. Think matter/anti-matter.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Yes, but if only there was actual physical annihilation.

    • eggsacklywright

      If it results in a naked singularity, I don't wanna see it.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Ewwww!

  • no_gravity

    Bush only attended the PDBs for the lulz.

    • Citizen Kitteh

      Bush only attended the PDBs for the zzzzs.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        And the shadow puppets

        • eggsacklywright

          Ardjuna libel!

    • Nostrildamus

      My guess was those cakes we like.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    W must have been writing mash notes to Condi during that 100% attendance rate. According to a new NYT op-ed, he was being warned regularly about the impending attack but they were focused on Saddam instead. I will never stop being disgusted by these fuckers.

    • prommie

      That was the time period during which they were focused on the theory of "state sponsored terrorism" and this theory rejected the idea that al queada could be a threat because it was not state sponsored (if you ignore the fact that it was sponsored by the Saudis). This was why W actually ridiculed Clinton for trying to kill Bin Laden, this was when Bush said "I'm not gonna send a $20 million missile up a camel's ass," it was some mocking line like that. Camel's ass was definitely involved. I know a Texas Aggie joke about fluid dynamics that involves a camel's ass if anyone wants to hear it.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        W was just standing in a cow pie, but his friends assumed he was melting.

        • Graham Cracker

          FTW

    • finallyhappy

      yup, that was on the news today about Bush- but it involves facts and things that really happened and stuff like that. So I'm pretty sure 9/11 is the blah guy's fault

  • HempDogbane

    They're trying to brief him about his being a ball hog and he won't even listen.

    • UW8316154

      That's not a ball, it's a joint! INTERCEPTION!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    No snark. Fuck this asshole.

    • sewollef

      Fuck this asshole. And die already… or….. take a plane to The Hague, I think there's a tribunal waiting for you.

  • freakishlywrong

    Die.

    • TootsStansbury

      I just LOLED.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      When he goes, I hope Obama orders the flags flown at just the right height.

      • AbandonHope_

        Can we somehow raise them to 200% of their normal height? Like, actually go and purposely double the height of every single flagpole in the United States of America? Because that would be the proper way to honor this pusillanimous pus-bucket's death.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      When he does, wonket comments will break the internet again.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

      Soon.

    • UnholyMoses

      Die

      From votes!

      (Just trying to keep inline with teh TOS.)

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I can't snark right now, I am putting up my 911 tree.

    • no_gravity

      With the Rudy Giuliani star on top?

    • ChrisM2011

      With the Twin Tower Topper?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Don't go getting all misty, now. After all, these were grown people who chose to go work in the WTC, not innocent fetuses.

    • TheGyrus

      Those airplane ornaments are in bad taste.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Yet "Flaming Jumper" never goes out of style.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Those tend to scare the dogs. The cats love them.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Cats being cats…

    • OurHoboSenator

      The crying eagle lights are lovely

    • FakaktaSouth

      This is good. I wanna say this on fb just to counteract all the Photoshopped cross sunshine through the twin towers pre-catastrophe pics these crazy tragedy fetishists I have on there have aligned themselves to this morning. I think it disproves their protection point, but I guess I am an asshole.

    • chicken_thief

      The hardhatted Dubya on the pile of rubble looks so realistic.

    • RadioX

      I bought a commemorative Flight 93 iPhone, it still doesn't work above 2,000 feet but the "Let's Roll" ring tone is nifty.

    • Ruhe

      At my house we follow the old world tradition of hiding twenty glass-pickle ornaments in the tree. Each one has a little muslim face on it. The twentieth, of course, is Obama and the kid who finds that gets a special prize…a beating.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Ah, the old world…

      • IceCreamEmpress

        9/11mas is really for the kids, after all.

        But in my family, it's waterboarding! I guess we're just old-fashioned.

  • upthruster

    Hey stupid America, it's time to be afraid again. Remember 9/11 and be afraid of those Muslins and anyone black…from anywhere. AFRAID!! NOW!!!

  • ChrisM2011

    How many small children with healthy hearts have to die to keep this man alive????

    • One_who_wanders

      All of them, Katie?

    • Nostrildamus

      One a day. They're like vitamins.

    • mbobier

      He doesn't need their hearts; regular infusions of their blood will do.

  • cheetojeebus

    What would 9/11 be without a little petty bullshit from the right? Geeze, what an ahole.

  • BklynIlluminati

    We need to repo that heart

    • GemlikeFlame

      The fact that a meteorite strike hasn't taken him out really makes me question the inevitability of karma.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    WHY. WON'T. YOU. JUST. DIE. ALREADY?!?!?!?

    • eggsacklywright

      One of my goals used to be to outlive Keith Richards. Now I want to be around for the party in the streets when this fucker finally kicks.

    • StarsUponThars

      Chuckie. Mike Myers. Jason Voorhees. Freddie Krueger. Dick Cheney. You can't kill what's already dead inside.

      • viennawoods13

        Not that it's original, but "he's more man than machine now"

    • MonkeyMotion

      Certainly understand the frustration.

      In the meantime I'd like to see Dick live many years after suffering a massive heart attack which leaves him paralyzed, drooling, in constant, severe pain in every joint in his body, chronic, excruciating headaches, an inability to sleep and constant diarrhea and hospital bills which the government stops paying, thereby bankrupting the entire Cheney blood fortune.

    • cletar

      Because the excellent health care that we tax payers provide for him won't let him die.

  • Arkoday

    "It's OK, George, I got it. You just kick back and relax, or go chop some wood. Ol' Dick here will catch the briefings for ya, make some minor corrections here and there and brief ya later!"

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Back-brief is the term you are looking for.

      • Sivart_R1

        You sure that's not "breif retroactively"?

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Mo bettuh!

  • ph7

    “If President Obama were participating in his intelligence briefings "

    Dick is sadz that Barry isn't carrying forward his "participation" tradition of masturbating to the daily reading of Muslim casualty headcounts

  • memzilla

    According to a reporter who read the PDBs which GW Shrub putatively read before the infamous August 6, 2001 "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." — the ones which the Shrub Administration refused to release:

    "…the administration’s reaction to what Mr. Bush was told in the weeks before that infamous briefing reflected significantly more negligence than has been disclosed. In other words, the Aug. 6 document, for all of the controversy it provoked, is not nearly as shocking as the briefs that came before it."

    "Hello, International Criminal Tribunal at The Hague? Can we supersize that indictment you're working on? Yes… I'll hold…"

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Please.

  • Beetagger

    They had to read the PDB to Bush in the style of My Little Pony in order for him to stay put until his nap and juice break.

    • ChrisM2011

      Hey now- Friendship is Magic.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I wondered why Bush couldn't just read the PDBs in his office–or at least have Cheney pantomime them out for him. There must have been excellent donuts or breakfast tacos at those briefings.

    • HistoriCat

      I thought the finger puppets were a nice touch.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It doesn't make any difference if you attend meetings, if you don't pay any attention, Dick.

    • salt_bagel

      I can't count the number of times I've said these exact words while standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror.

    • prommie

      A chimpanzee can read philosophy, Otto, he just won't understand it.

  • eggsacklywright

    Shrub just liked being able to say "soddom huzzain" alot. Gave him the giggles.

  • sbj1964

    911 day? I'm more of a Guy Fox day person.Always remember the 5th of November.

    • Steverino247

      Anniversary of my being hit by a truck. I damned sure remember that.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Fun day in Jolly Olde…

    • eggsacklywright

      When you were a young, and callow fellow?

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Guy Fox? Where'd you hear about that, on Fawkes News?

  • TootsStansbury

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Tradition demands!

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    9/11.

    9/11 who?

    And you said you'd never forget.

    /some wonkette years ago

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Bush only showed up because Cheney was grading him on attendance, and also they brought a basked of newly born kittens to each meeting. CCCUUUUUTTTTTEEEE!!!1!

    • Guppy

      George never understood why it was always a different basket of kittens every day, or why Cheney referred to them as "lunch."

      • One_who_wanders

        Beat me to it.

    • eggsacklywright

      Then he'd toss one in the microwave and murmur, "Mmmm, poppin' fresh."

  • salt_bagel

    Barack Obama, you have broken Dick Cheney's left-ventricular-assist device.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    "If President Obama were participating in his intelligence briefings on a regular basis then perhaps he would understand why people republicans are so offended at his efforts to take sole credit for the killing of Osama bin Laden,” Cheney told The Daily Caller in an email through a spokeswoman. "

    /fixed

    • sullivanst

      Speaking of sole credit, have you ever heard the President or anyone associated with him say anything that could plausibly be interpreted as him taking "sole credit" for OBL's death?

      Because I've never heard anything remotely like that; on the contrary I've heard him repeatedly praise the SEALs who carried out the mission.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Nobody is offended except hardcore wingtards and professional bullshitters cynically pushing the lie that Obama is taking sole credit.

  • StealthMuslin

    Reading is for Mooslims! Does Nobama read them in Mooslim? Can you prove he doesn't? Were you there?!? RON PAUL!!!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Ugh. Haven't you had enough fittings of your asbestos Depends, you mendacious cyborg? Satan's waiting!

    • Ruhe

      Yes, Satan has a special, very luxurious circle prepared just for Dick and the other Neo-Cons. He's hoping that if they like the accommodations enough they won't try to take over the rest of Hell as well.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I just hope all the flames are "just the right height".

  • kittensdontlie

    Being a self-professed expert reader of words herself, a President Palin would have never attended any PDBs. All of them, Katie.

    • chicken_thief

      She could see the PDB's from her Oval Office chair.

  • slithytoves

    Just showing up is not actually half the battle.

  • Biff

    Dick

    • thatsitfortheother1

      indeed

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    in general, i have not minded a less shouty 911 fest, but i do miss the traditional posting of egregious examples of patriot eagle art from redstate america.

    • ChernobylSoup

      It's like Christmas without margaritas.

      • Geminisunmars

        Or Hanukah without pasties.

    • Biff

      Ware'z mah Weagle?

    • Dumbedup

      I was trying to figure out what's missing. That's it! Crying Eagles, firemen, jesus, an F-16!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Dick Cheney Determined to Strike in US."

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That old guy should have paid attention to his PDB, and not gone duck hunting with The Dick.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    At least we now have a President who can read.

    • deliman4

      And a v.p. who hasn't shot anybody in the face.

  • PsycWench

    15% of Ohio Republicans think Romney attended the PDBs instead and that's how he killed Bin Laden with his bare hands. Or bored him to death. One or the other.

    • chicken_thief

      Paul Ryan hypnotised OBL with his gorgeous baby blues while Mittens snuck up behind him with his infamous hair cutting scissors.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    This is like the captain who crashed that Italian cruise ship hectoring "Sully" Sullenberger about missing a safety meeting.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "Here, hold my PDB. Watch this!"

      • HogeyeGrex

        I believe that's "Now, watch this drive."

    • smitallica

      It is EXACTLY like that. Well played.

  • PsycWench

    The Dark Lord's name was invoked three times in this posting. Someone is flirting with disaster.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      The Seventh Seal? Call out Seal Team Six!

    • eggsacklywright

      Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, B…….oh fuck.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Well now I'm confused!

    Was it Obama's fault since he was the 20th hijacker?

    Or was it Cheney who ordered the controlled demolition of the WTC and the missile strike on the Pentagon?

    Or was the whole thing just an inside insurance job that coincidentally occurred on the day that the Pentagon accidentally blew itself up and a bunch of terrorists hijacked planes and mistakenly crashed them simultaneously into buildings???

    • thatsitfortheother1

      "the missile strike on the Pentagon?"

      We can get the guy riding shotgun in an SUV in Waziristan, but somehow missed most of the Pentagon.

      • sullivanst

        Somebody was having a wedding in an outer office.

        • JerkCade

          Ahahahahaa! Zing!

  • James Michael Curley

    "On July 9, at a meeting of the counterterrorism group, one official suggested that the staff put in for a transfer so that somebody else would be responsible when the attack took place, two people who were there told me in interviews. The suggestion was batted down, they said, because there would be no time to train anyone else."

    • An_Outhouse

      The most galling thing is this band of incompetent misfits didn't immediately resign. I still can't believe they were re-elected.

      • Millennial Malaise

        Especially since our presidential race occurs in only 9 states, it's becoming obvious how easy it is to steal an election by just fucking with one state (Ohio in 2004). Resignation? The administration should have been impeached but the Rethugs rendered it meaningless in the previous decade. God, I hate these assholes!

    • prommie

      And of course at the end of the day, what did they do? They fucking blamed the CIA, purged all the competent people for their heresy of insisting that facts trump neocon doctrine, and packed the agency with Cheney dick sucking neocon shits.

      And it has got to be remembered, Mitt has indicated he is perfectly happy handing foreign policy back to the Oil and Gas Industry, oops, I mean the neocons.

  • sbj1964

    911 day is just another Hallmark holiday created by 3M to sell more Duct tape.

    • ThundercatHo

      My mom got so pissed at me the time I missed Grandparent's Day because I was unaware of it's existence. The only thing Hallmark is good for are their awesome Star Trek ornaments.

    • Isyaignert

      My calendar says 9/11 is now Patriot Day. Whatever the fuk that's supposed to mean.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    NO-bama probably reads the reports on a teleprompter!

  • MadBrahms

    What's all this about PBRs?

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles

    Romney needs to put this guy in front of a microphone at EVERY CAMPAIGN EVENT, to remind America of the Good Ol Days

    • NellCote71

      No, the democrats need to put him in front of the microphone for the same reason.

    • Guppy

      It's hard enough for Condi to remember to say "terrorism" instead of "communism," how long would it be before Dick tripped up?

  • rocktonsam

    what was it I was suppose to remember?

    oh ya, fuck off Dickface

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Planes full of stupidity hit the US every day, raining ignorance down upon the masses.

    [If this were a political cartoon, it'd need lot of labels.]

  • smitallica

    The fucking BALLS on this one. Seriously.

    You can't Swiftboat Obama to change history for something that happened 18 MONTHS AGO THAT WE ALL REMEMBER CLEARLY AND KNOW HOW IT WENT DOWN.

    You fucking asshole.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Romney has people to read them for him.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Happy go shopping day, y'all! Never forget. USA USA USA.

  • TootsStansbury

    Thar photo. I can smell the sulfur from here.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Talk about politizing an event. I wonder…….which is worse. Cheney using an horrific tragedy to condemn President Obama. Obama actually getting the "mastermind" of said horrific event.

    Maybe Cheney should "forget".

  • James Michael Curley

    During the phase of digging up information regarding the "security" organization formed in early spring 2001 and headed up be Cheney, it was discovered that one of the documents circulated at the only meeting held for seven months before 9/11 included a map of Iraq with the major oil fields shown. Says a lot for this current report that there was considerable mind mush in the White House over anything they could not directly connect with Sodomy Hussein and, therefore, ignored.

    • prommie

      You know that book published in France just shortly after 9-11, I think it was "9-11, the Real Truth," is filled with helpful information about this. Also about the US government pressuring the Taliban hard to let Unocal build that pipeline from Azerbaijan to pakistan and eventually to that huge mistake of a power plant Enron lost a billion on in India. Every single thing Bush and Cheney did was motivated by oil and gas interests.

  • UW8316154

    I'm all ready for 911 day! I bathed in the tears of a crying eagle and wrapped myself in a cloak of the American flag. My Don't Tread On Me flag is flying, and Rush is on my radio. My gold buillion is in the safe with my guns, bullet and medical supplies, while the bunker is filled with food. A small, plastic Guilliani is on the dashboard of my truck.

    Am I missing anything??

    • Dumbedup

      A crate of Cipro

    • eggsacklywright

      Tape made from ducks.

    • Biff

      Guns ain't worth squat if'n they ain't in yore hands!

    • RadioX
    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Cheetos and dipping tobacco.

    • Joey_Blau

      case of Crisco!!

    • ThundercatHo

      I see no mention of liquor.

      • UW8316154

        Serious oversight!

        /begins to assemble a still….

  • prommie

    Ok, here is the thing: Fuck 9-11. Its been taken over by the fucking pigfucking yahoos who live in buttfuck nowhere and have nothing that anyone would ever want to fucking bomb, and who hated and still hate New York and all it stands for (sophistication, intelligence, cosmopolitanism, culture, fancy schmancy stuff, having all your teeth) and I fucking hate the Giuliani-ness of it all, that sideways lisping little rat bastard. So fuck 9-11, I will be remembering the Maine.

    • AbandonHope_

      THANK YOU. These are the redneck dipshits who believe New York City is the root of all of Satan's evil, what with its Jews and gays and coloreds and Papist immigrants and yet when it was attacked suddenly it was a direct blow to "Real" America, as though Ground Zero was somehow chopped out of that heathen city by a Righteous Jesus Cookie-Cutter and annexed into RedStateHood. The fact that they spew their filth about how "urban" folks are traitors while Good Old Friday Night Lights Farmin' Boys are "real America", yet simultaneously revere 9/11 as a sacred holiday, is utterly disgusting.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Just a few days before 9/11, a reporter asked Bush, who was there, what he thought of the city.
      "It's a nice day," he said. He had the usual glazed over, smarmy, look on his face as he was dissing this great city.

      Butthole.

  • elviouslyqueer

    In an email to TheDC, [National Security Council spokesman Tommy] Vietor said Theissen’s revelations weren’t “exactly breaking news to anyone who has covered this place for the last few years.”

    MEOW.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Many years ago, I declared September 11 a personal day of peace, so I won't be snarking on this piece, except to thank the Daily Caller for reminding me why it's so important to live in peace, at least for today.

  • prommie

    This reminds me of that idea I had for a play, "Cheney, Seething in the Shrubbery."

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I'd pay to see that. Is it a one man show?

      • prommie

        Thats what I am thinking; I am a very practical man, and think of the economics, the cost for actors and scenery would be like nothing! Pure profit, this production would be.

        • eggsacklywright

          Springtime for Dick.

          • prommie

            I'll sell you a 50% share for $10,000. Anyone else, too, I am selling 50% interests for $10,000 each.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            In Germany.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      So he's the Knight Who Says Ni?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        "It's just a flesh wound!"

      • Biff

        Roger the Shrubber, actually.

      • prommie

        Previously.

  • subsum

    I'm not offended by the President taking credit for killing Bin Laden. I'm offended by the fact that, even though Dick Cheney's heart stopped beating a long time ago, he's still here.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Weekend at Bernies.

    • BoroPrimorac

      Think how many people with the same heart problem as Cheney's are left to die for not having insurance.

  • SpiderCrab

    Interesting timing on Darth's attack….
    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/11/opinion/the-bus

    • prommie

      rat motherfucking lying stupid fuck bastards

  • Mittens Howell, III

    My Pet Sociopath.

  • Ruhe

    I've never been even momentarily impressed by the various "we did it to ourselves!" theories about the 9/11 attacks. But look at that picture of Cheney and consider this somewhat more plausible theory: They were itching for a land war, they had intelligence that Al Queda might try something, anything at all would do as an excuse, so they waited, just ignored the warnings a little, just to see what might happen. Sound plausible?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I think Iraq was a solution waiting for a problem. That's about as close to a conspiracy theory as I'll get. I don't buy that these assholes, who mismanaged two wars for eight years, could be competent enough to start one themselves. I think they honestly blundered (which I guess is a little like legitimate rape).

    • prommie

      They were pressuring the taliban to let Unocal oil build a pipeline across Afghanistan. Karzai was at this time a paid employee of Unocal. The pipeline would eventually supply natural gas to Enron's giant power plant in India what was a huge part of the reason Enron went under. Colin Powell was even sent to India to pressure India to prop up Enron's investment there, so the beautiful thing was, it was all part of a scheme to rescue Enron's ass from its worst investment. The pressure on the Taliban from the US triggered the Al Quaeda response, 9-11.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I don't buy your last sentence, though. The Taliban are not Al Quaeda, and Bin Laden had been planning to do major damage to the United States throughout the '90s.

        • prommie

          A Frenchman said it, so I believe it. The Taliban assassinated our chief "Northern Alliance" puppet chief, I think we created an atmosphere in Afghanistan of "better unleash what we got now before we lose it." By the way, true the Taliban isn't Al Quaeda, hell, Mullah Omar is better at hiding than Bin Laden.

          • sullivanst

            And the justification for the first WTC attack? The battle of Mogadishu? The Kenyan & Tanzanian embassy bombings?

        • HistoriCat

          Don't forget that AQ had already taken one stab at the towers in 1993.

    • Isyaignert

      Ever heard of the Project for the New American Century? It's the neocons' plan for global domination by the usual suspects (Cheney, Bolton, et. al.). There's a part in the Rebuilding America's Defense section that says the only thing missing to kick off their evil plan was a new Pearl Harbor – half way down the page – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_for_the_New_….

      The PNAC plan should be Exhibit A if any of these fukkers ever get charged with their war crimes and crimes against humanity.

  • eggsacklywright

    Let's see – these things happen in threes, right? So, Dick, then Kissinger, and…who would complete the trifecta?

    • prommie

      Princess Sparklepony knows.

    • ThundercatHo

      Karl Rove

      • eggsacklywright

        Good choice, your taste is impeccable.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Cheney is overlooking the obvious point that Bush needed twice the number of intelligence briefings.

  • JoeHoya

    Can it really be called a "presidential briefing" if the president isn't there?

  • RadioX

    Shorter: Obama is a lazy ni**er.

  • T3rbo

    What a little fucking Eichmann

  • sullivanst

    So?

  • rickmaci

    Hey Dickwad. Life's a bitch and then you die. You will go down in history as the worst VP in the most corrupt and inept administration in US history. Now, may you rot in hell – soon.

    • PubOption

      The trouble is… he refuses to die.

      • rickmaci

        The miracles of modern medicine which he richly does not deserve.

  • ElPinche

    Fuck cardiovascular technology!

  • ElPinche

    BTW, where's Liz Cheney? Did Dick finally eat her after her usefulness expired?

  • Joey_Blau

    This HAS to be good for John McCain!!

    John McCain is an expert at PDBs and DPS and STDs! John McCain will torture Dick Cheney until his metal heart melts!

  • AbandonHope_

    What that cretin neglects to mention is that Bush had to attend all the meetings, on account of the fact that he couldn't figger out all them lil' sqiggles on that thar paper.

  • ThundercatHo

    When this bastard finally does die and goes to hell I'm sure his daddy will shake his hand and tell him what a good job he did.

  • blueflowers

    As if anybody would ever believe a lowly President actually has control over foreign policy. C'mon Wonkette.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Can you believe the brass on this guy?

    /s/ Bubba

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    I'm not fond of mocking 9/11 to mock those who fetishize it. I would rather think about why it happened, and what options beyond simply turning America into a giant safe room or killing random longitudes and latitudes might reduce the chance of it occurring again.

    • prommie

      Traitor! You don't understand Amurrican exceptionalism! We are allowed to bully, insult, and plunder other countries and have a right to do so with impunity. That someone smacked us back for it is the greatest crime ever in history! We stand our ground, right there in all those countries we invade!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        So it is only a misdemeanor, like littering, in your view? Bin Laden should have paid a fine, and we're cool?

  • eggsacklywright

    From Dependable Renegade:

    Let's never forget:

    1. the day that putting a yellow ribbon magnet on your car became the sole determinant of your patriotism.

    2. the day infantile jingoism trumped free speech.

    3. the day it was okay to send kids into a misbegotten war, and to forget about them when they got back.

    4. the day telling the Geneva Convention to go fuck itself went mainstream.

    5. the day civil liberties in this country died.

    6. the day the American flag became exponentially more important than the ideas it was supposed to represent.

    7. the day the government discovered that fearful people were much easier to govern than brave people.

    8. the day this country lost its fucking mind.

  • HarryButtle

    I had decided that I'd be non-partisan and not get pissed off at stupid Republicans just for today, but then I read this article. And you know what? Skull fuck this fucking fuck with a rusty fucking chainsaw (and NOT with votes, but with an actual rusty chainsaw). How dare he fucking accuse ANYBODY else of blowing off the PDBs? How dare he even crawl out from under his rock and open his fucking mouth? It's fucking bizarro world.

  • ttommyunger

    Well, one thing I'm becoming more and more sure of as time goes on is that Mitt Romney will never ever have to worry about these briefings…. BTW, 9-11 AND the Antrhrax Attacks took place on your watch, Dick, Condoleeza, and Dubya.

    • Devilette

      The anthrax attacks seem to be always forgotten.

      • ttommyunger

        Not by the families of the dead victims.Sent from my iPhone

  • SolitaireRose

    That's the problem…then damn liberals spend their time reading instead of doing. Now watch this drive!

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    PDB? I thought you said PBR!

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    Nice new heart you have there Darth Pussy, would be a shame if someone were to drive a stake through it

  • DahBoner

    Of course Bush never missed a briefing.

    That's when they gave him his 'Go' pills…

  • owhatever

    Obama=Osama. Coincidence? I think not.
    Why hasn't anyone else seen this rather obvious link between the terrorist and the Kenyan?

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Irrelevant scheming sociopathic piece of shit thieving failure says what now?

  • Nostrildamus

    W was in that briefing room every day – twice when a new Transformer came out.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    It is too early in the day for this much rage.

  • Nostrildamus

    W never missed his daily PBJ.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    From what I remember from some Bush fluff profile about how "folksy" he was, he insisted on attending all of the Daily Intelligence Briefings, and further insisted on making them Dynamic! through heavy use of powerpoint, because it was how he processed the information best, allegedly.

    In other words, Bush was a borderline illiterate who needed special bells and whistles and bad presentation aids, otherwise he would get bored. And now that fact is a precedent-setting basis for attack on Obama.

  • barto

    Could it be because W's meetings were more about creating intelligence than reporting it? Just wondering…

  • Not_Mother

    I'll never forget this:
    What happened at President Bush's very first National Security Council meeting is one of O'Neill's most startling revelations.

    "From the very beginning, there was a conviction, that Saddam Hussein was a bad person and that he needed to go," says O'Neill, who adds that going after Saddam was topic "A" 10 days after the inauguration – eight months before Sept. 11.

    "Cheney, at this moment, shows his hand," says Suskind. "He says, 'You know, Paul, Reagan proved that deficits don't matter. We won the mid-term elections, this is our due.' … O'Neill is speechless."
    http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-18560_162-592330.html

  • Aquarianne17

    Oh, Slick Dick, you tricky dicky, why didn't you warn us when the littlest Bush was ignoring warnings. Oh, that's right., Halliburton. So how much blood money have you made?

  • LibrarianX

    Be gone foul Cheney demon. You have no power here.

  • LibrarianX

    I wonder what strength EMP would be required to turn him off. Permanently.

  • Isyaignert

    Hey Cheney The Dick – how's that gummint socialist taxpayer healthcare thingy working out for ya you fukker? Maybe Karma's keeping you alive long enough for you to be hung in The Hague for being a war criminal.

  • vodkamuppet

    But remember, Reagan personally tore down the Berlin Wall in 1990 so ipso facto Bush 43 gets credit for killing Bin Laden.

  • glamourdammerung

    Someone is still crying about bin Laden's death?

  • fawkedifiknow

    I will piss on his grave, so help me.

  • azeyote

    Former Vice President Dick Cheney took a shot at President Barack Obama

    well i guess he must have missed unlike his bird shooting safari — he will want an apology i suppose.

  • lulzmonger

    How much is Cheney saying this about Obama like Vidkun Quisling berating Norwegians for becoming a satellite of the Third Reich?

    a) virtually identical
    b) identical
    c) so fucking identical it makes your teeth hurt
    d) all of the above

    Choose wisely.