Paul Ryan, high as fuckGuys, we’re concerned about Paul Ryan. As a father of a three-year-old girl, we’ve trained ourselves to be vigilant for all the signs your child could be using drugs: rapid changes in mood or behavior, anti-social tendencies, refusing to eat. (We’re 90 percent certain our daughter injects heroin into her eyeballs.)

Paul Ryan shows none of those symptoms, but he did briefly express support for letting states set their own policies on medical marijuana, a radical pro-drug position that only someone with a severe marijuana addiction would ever consider. Is the GOP vice-presidential nominee a major pothead? Let’s go to the tape:

I asked Congressman Ryan: “In Colorado we have medical marijuana. Under a Romney Ryan ticket, what happens?”

Ryan: “It’s up to Coloradans to decide.”

I said: “So even if federal law says marijuana is illegal, you’re saying?”

Ryan: “My personal positions on this issue have been let the states decide what to do with these things. This is something that is not a high priority of ours as to whether or not we go down the road on this issue.  What I’ve always believed is the states should decide.  I personally don’t agree with it, but this is something Coloradans have to decide for themselves.”

“Decide for themselves”? That sounds like stoner talk to us. It’s certainly not the position of small-government conservatives, who believe that the federal government should shut down the production, distribution, or use of marijuana for any purpose with well-armed, jackbooted thugs.

Don’t fear! It appears Ryan was shipped off to a secret drug rehabilitation facility for the weekend where he likely underwent a painful, sleepless, sweaty detoxification process to get all the marijuana out of his system. He’s kicked his addiction and, as a result, done a complete 180 on his position on the issue:

Despite Ryan’s comments, campaign spokespeople told reporters on Saturday that Ryan “agrees with Mitt Romney” that marijuana should never be legal — a position that is, unfortunately, incompatible with his prior statement.

We’re glad to see that Paul Ryan is off the drugs and turning his life around. Now that he’s marijuana free, who knows what he can accomplish! Maybe he can become vice president someday, and help a Romney administration fill America’s prisons with low-level pot offenders, while ensuring chemotherapy patients they don’t have access to a drug that makes their lives not completely miserable. [KRDO/RawStory]

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  • Wilcoxyz

    Altered states rights!

  • CrunchyKnee

    States wrongs, bitches!!!!!!

  • iTuna

    Fuckin' hippies.

  • Paul Ryan smoked for 36 hours straight once…or was it only 22?

    • SmutBoffin

      I heard he once filled and cleared a 18' bong all by hisself, then shotgunned a brewski.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      So the remaining hours Paul Ryan was gay?

    • PsycWench

      He scored some weed once for $150/ounce. Or maybe $300 or $500. Anyway, he used to be able to talk the dealer down when he was young.

      • Warwhatgoodfor

        Hell, he's from Wisconsin. Back a million years or so when I was in med school at the University of Iowa we all had maps of where to find weed growing wild along the rural roadside. Seems that in the opening days of WWII (ours. The rest of the world had been at it for over two years) the Japanese had overrun most of S E Asia and cut off the worlds supply of hemp. So the gov't had encouraged the Iowa farmers to grow it themselves. Even supplied the seed. Never amounted to anything, since synthetics rapidly took over.
        However, the stuff grew like crazy, and soon could be found almost everywhere. Downside, the quality was awful, the the federalies had the same maps.
        Since the Ryanbot is/was a good Randian, the prospect of free rather than $100+/oz would have have been really irresistable.Too bad nobody knew about him at the time, or we would have notified the Feds ourselves. Another opportunity shot to hell.

        • memzilla

          Ah yes, the proverbial Ditchweed, which was our nom de fume for it back in my days at a small liberal arts college in Eastern Iowa (a time so long ago, we actually knew the tailor who repaired the hem of Jeebus' garment which He kept ripping on the skin of the dinosaur He commuted to work on).

          Now mind you, although the cannabis pauperis may have originally had some potency to it, after thirty generations of absorbing nitrogen fertilizer, ammonia, insecticides, pesticides, diesel exhaust, and brake-lining asbestos, it was anybody's guess as to what it had actually mutated into, and what you were actually inhaling.

          No high came from smoking it (I was told — ahem) without having a massive headache attached to it. One dorm room had constructed a six-tube hookah with a one-ounce bowl specifically to filter its combustion; it was named Philip D. (as in "Philip D. Pipe.")

          It was green, the leaves had the right shape, it was free, and there were a few molecules of THC mixed in with the contaminants. It served its purpose.

          • Warwhatgoodfor

            You sure it wasn't Philip K? As in Philip K Dick, famed dead writer of some of the most bizarre Sci Fi in history, who set an all-time record of being stoned/strung out on amphetamines for the entire last 25 years of his life, until his pancreas finally crapped out on him? Hmmm? I mean, I won't tell anyone, since I have copies of pretty much everything he ever wrote, except for the pseudo-religious junk he put out just before he cashed in.

          • memzilla

            No, it was definitely Philip D.

            A special trough was constructed around the lower edge of the bowl to hold a squirt of lighter fluid for "Ronsonol Hits." Because hey! with all the other crap already in the weed, what's another benzene ring or three between friends?

          • Grinnell?

          • memzilla

            Drop-Out U? Nope. But see below.

          • Lot_49

            Coe? Cornell?

          • memzilla

            While protecting the names of the innocent, and whatever shred of modesty and/or shame that they/I may yet retain, I can tell you that the city in which it was located was fondly called "The Bald Spot On The Great American Tire"

            One winter's eve, the city bus we were in hit black ice on the boulevard, lost control, and did one… two… three complete 360s before coming to a stop.

            We had hit nothing and nobody. Traffic was stopped in both directions. The engine idled softly, the driver was frozen in place, the bus was so quiet you could have heard a mouse fart, and I piped up from the back: "Out-freaking-STAAAAAN-ding! Let's do it again!"

            The entire bus broke out in a tension-cracking gale of laughter, including the driver. Smiles all around, a collective "whew," and blood pressures returned to normal.

            There's a reason that Class Clowns choose their path in life, and this was the best use of my talent that G-d blessed me with.

  • gullywompr

    These flip flops are a chronic problem.

    • CHRONIC!!!!! (giggles uncontrollable for five minutes then eats a box of cookies.)
      I see what you did there.

      • gullywompr

        I love a girl who gets me. Wanna come over and listen to some Santana? Bring the cookies.

    • Boojum

      Especially when you're high.

    • All them hippies wear flip-flops.

      • emmelemm

        Blew out my flip-flop,
        Stepped on a pop top,
        Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home…

    • Negropolis

      Which means that they won't be covered once Romney repeals the Affordable Care Act.

  • peaceocrap

    "…That is not a high priority of ours…" He said high.

  • LastGasp

    A pothead? No, no. But he does have all the characteristics of a man with mild Schizoaffective disorder, so that glazed look in his eyes is probably the result of all the Lithium he takes.

    • James Michael Curley

      What? He eats cell phone batteries?

    • StarsUponThars

      That's definitely an illegal smile.

  • RadioX

    that is not a high priority


    (hits bong)

    • ElPinche

      Don't bogart that bitch, esse

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "Eddie! Whatever you and Spot are doing under the stairs. Cut it out!!!"

  • SmutBoffin

    …a position that is, unfortunately, incompatible with his prior statement.

    Wow, we will be hearing this phrase a lot in the coming months.

    • johnthorpe

      It would be nice if, just once, a significant news personality (or god, in the debates) just straight up looked at Mitt or Marathon Man and said "You're lying. We all know it, because you just said A and the opposite of A in the last 48 hours".

    • kittensdontlie

      Ryan was so stoned high if he couldn't remember teetotaler Romney's position. At the wedding of Cana, Mormon Jesus turns water into more water.

    • HogeyeGrex

      B-b-b-b-buuuut, it was not intended to be a factual statement.

  • "Dude, where's my campaign bus?"

  • stopthemovie

    Don't Bogart that joint my friend!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Despite Ryan’s comments, campaign spokespeople told reporters on Saturday that "Paul is not here, maaaaaan."

    • LibertyLover

      "No, I'm Paul……."

  • lochnessmonster

    Ugh! I can't believe ppl will really vote for the Romney/Ryan ticket. The constant reevaluation of where they stands is really tiring.

    • Isyaignert

      I'm surrounded by Rmoney signs….help me, help me!!!

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      They don't stand for anything, except the president is 'a near.'
      And that's all that matters.
      (my research indicates that 66% of Murkans are decent, civilized people. So there's no way Rmoney/Lyin' could win an honest election).

    • I don't know if PEOPLE will. I mean, SOME people will, fersure, but that number looks to be shrinking. Here's hoping.

  • Those would be the real green jobs.

  • fartknocker

    The only thing that flips more than the Romney/Ryan policy statements are the spatulas at the local IHOP.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Romney/Ryan should never be legal.

  • I don't know about pot, but Ryan is going to need a couple of bottles of Advil after election day and Romney blames him for everything.

    • Callyson

      Advil? I think he'll need something stronger. He should plan ahead and get the name of Rushbo's dealer…

  • cheetojeebus

    There are very few buzzs that mug can't harsh.

    • AncienReggie

      Ain't it the truth? I don't take a good picture myself, but Jesus! That face says loudly, Short bus now, long sentence later.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    The Rmoney campaign will shatter any hint of conservative ideological consistency like Rafalca stomping a crystal vase.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      When it gets Jewish married? L'Chaim!

  • Mr. Bong Marathon climbin' a mountain o' weed.

    • Yeppers. After Ryan finished his high two hour marathon he downed a foot-long EZ-Wider Gran Corona all by hizself to get higher still. This is why he prefers to be called your highness (small h, obvs)

  • Callyson

    This is something that is not a high priority of ours as to whether or not we go down the road on this issue.

    I've been saying that you have to be high to support the priorities of a potential Romney-Ryan administration. Glad to hear that I am on to something…

  • Schmannnity

    Ryan backs Humboldt County jobs.

    • IonaTrailer


  • sbj1964

    So,The Dem's are not the only midnight tokkers?This has to explain Rush,Beck,and Why are my hands so big?Dude I could chop down trees with these.

  • The creepy, dead eyes. The slingblade jaw. The Nixonesque 5 o'clock shadow. The unibrow waiting to leap the bridge of his nose the day he forgets to shave it. The seal-pelt hair and state funeral attire. Who would find this man attractive, other than ladies with a fetish for undertakers?

    • Schmannnity
      • It didn't *say* if she had a fetish for undertakers.

    • YouBetcha

      There metrics are pretty terrifying on the number of Google searches for "Paul Ryan shirtless".

      • Arborista

        You would think he had other things to do besides googling himself? Or maybe that's Mrs Romney?

      • Oh, you just *know* it's all those sissymary lonely queens looking for a little moob they can pant over! I swear I know at least a dozen who ooh and ah over the guy, and if he had his druthers he'd have them turned into dogfood in five minutes flat, but try telling THEM that. It's all, "Oh, but he's so dreeeeeamy!" Assholes.

        • Boojum

          You know, I'm against anal rape (or really any kind of rape), but at the same time, I really feel that Paul should do more to satisfy the desires of his loyal constituents. Is there some middle ground here?

          • (ponders) I'll have to, um, get back to you on that. Science demands empirical evidence, yaknow.

    • Further freaking me out are the low-set, lemur-like ears that doubtless swivel 360 degrees independently while he sleeps, and the horror that must be his awful mandibles, since he won't part his grimly clamped rictus even for an official photo.

      • YouBetcha

        So you're saying you wouldn't hit that?

    • Beowoof

      Has he mentioned french fried taters yet?

    • T3rbo

      you forgot his strange skinny arms. So dreamy…

    • Isyaignert

      "…seal-pelt hair…" Awesome!

    • "Seal-pelt hair" — awesome.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Are you kidding me? Paul Ryan:
      Used to model for GQ.
      Was repeatedly named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.
      Turned down Angelie Jolie (repeatedly).
      Was the inspiration for the song "I'm Too Sexy."

  • GhostBuggy

    You can tell from that answer this is the very first time he's even fucking thought about it, and defaulted to STATES' RIGHTS!!!1!

    Jesus Christ, these people.

  • Callyson

    And sure enough, Lyin' Ryan is at it again…from the KRDO link:

    We also spoke about tax cuts for small businesses to spur on growth. It is a consistent conservative Republican argument that tax cuts help create jobs. Paul Ryan said, "Eight out of ten businesses in America file their taxes as individuals and President Obama is promising their top tax rate goes above 40 percent in January. The Canadians just lowered their tax rate to 15 percent on their businesses. We just can't compete with tax rates like that."
    I spoke with a tax accountant who is a conservative republican about those claims. He didn't want his name used. I did do some fact checking with him about Paul Ryan's comments. The tax expert told me the reason why eight out of ten businesses file taxes as individuals is because it simplifies the administration needed to run a business including their tax preparation. However, when it comes to the claim about Canada's tax rate, the accountant told me that only a small percentage of Canadian small businesses qualify for that lower rate based on income. It actually goes up to 34 percent when you add in local and state taxes in Canada.

  • Ryan was halfaw through the campaign when the drugs took hold.

  • DoucheWillis

    Anti-social tendencies? Refusal to eat? I guess whatever I’m smoking ain’t a drug. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a package of Golden Oreos calling my name. Seriously guys, I swear it’s talking.

  • Boojum

    Dude. Chill. I said it shouldn't be legal; I didn't say don't smoke it.

  • mavenmaven

    I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of this lyin' liar's mouth.

    • Arborista

      Even when he contradicts himself, I kinda assume he's wrong both ways.

  • Callyson

    And the Raw Story link has another gem:

    Ryan voted against medical marijuana as recently as May, casting his ballot against the Hinchey-Rohrabacher amendment to H.R. 5326, which would have done exactly what the Wisconsin Republican claims he now supports by stopping the Obama administration’s raids on licensed medical marijuana vendors. The candidate also has a rating of -10 by the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), the nation’s oldest marijuana lobby.

    I don't even use the stuff (it makes me cough) but this makes me crave a joint…

    • Crank_Tango

      there's always edibles! you could try just eating a joint…

    • (passes the bong)

    • viennawoods13

      Yes, I've always preferred tequila myself, but to each his (or her) own.

  • YouBetcha

    Federalism! Unless not, and then…wait, what was I saying? Does anyone have any snack foods, like Cheez-its or something? What was that noise??

  • James Michael Curley

    Mitt will hold Ryan down and cut his hair to submit a sample for testing for residuals of THC.

  • James Michael Curley

    "God Damn the Pusher Man!"

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      "simply the best". Tina Turner.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      'Thank god he's not a natural man.'

  • Doktor Zoom

    As a father of a three-year-old girl

    I love this place now that it's a daddyblog.

    • emmelemm


  • Eve8Apples

    I wonder if Paul "States Rights" Ryan feels the same way about gay marriage?

  • The pro-pot thing is a vestige of libertarianism, just toned down to the states' rights level, where it becomes meaningless unless he's for repealing the federal laws against possession and distribution, which he apparently wasn't, even before his re-education. Currently he's straddling that nonexistent overlap between biddyfied Republican shrew and laissez-faire libertarian.

    Most Republicans have a couple of completely incompatible ideas — Paul Ryan, however, has assembled a fuckin' Noah's Ark of contradictions. Which I guess is why they call him the serious one.

    • calliecallie

      "Currently he's straddling that nonexistent overlap between biddyfied Republican shrew and laissez-faire libertarian."

      That sounds both extremely uncomfortable and oddly kind of titillating. Like a porn movie.

      • Maybe you read that as "fairly-sleazy librarian"?

        • calliecallie

          The biddified Republican shrew – a well-heeled (and maybe round-heeled) cougar type – is looking for a book on erotic art in the stacks of a large library. She asks the Laissez-Faire ("do-nothing") librarian – hawt but mousy with glasses & hair up – for help but she is not sure where to look for this erotic art book in the stacks. She calls over the young summer intern – a total young stud – to help. He is more than willing to help both ladies, and to help them help each other. You can take it from there. I have a very active imagination.

    • RadioX

      He's the New Newt.

  • Is Paul Ryan On The Marijuana?

    That would explain so much.

  • Antispandex

    "…a position that is, unfortunately, incompatible with his prior statement."

    If the Romney Ryan ticket is elected, I don't believe this is the last time we will see that.

  • orygoon

    Has a reporter asked this guy if he used to smoke pot? And if not, why not? Do they only ask the Democrats that question?

  • Goonemeritus

    The first paragraph of that post was the single funniest thing ever written by anyone about anything.

    • jesse_berney


  • I'd say he's tripping balls on LSD or Peyote based on his economic proposals.

  • ph7

    When I'm stoned, I imagine myself running a sub 3 hr marathon, too.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Mmmmmm… marathon sub sandwich…

  • TribecaMike

    Albums You Won't Find In Mitt's Record Collection #2:

  • Blueb4sinrise

    linkee from portia @ Atriosblog.

    Paul Ryan : ‘We stand with Rahm Emanuel’.

    • Double reverse psychology. How does it work?

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Programs here. Getcher programs. Can't tell yer thugs without a program.

      • bobbert

        Is there a short-form explanation of who's right or wrong on this strike? (My mom was a unionized teacher, and I recall she just hated it on the couple of occasions the union called a strike. She stayed out, though.)

        • I have not bothered to be completely informed, but that never stopped me before. As always, the city has no money except for highly unpopular property tax increases, while at the same time, Rahm came into office promising improvements in education. Failing a huge influx of money, inner city schools will never be fixed, because low-income kids come from households where nobody knows what love of learning looks like. To combat all of this, Rahm wants to keep kids in school all fucking day to keep them away from their environment, which sounds suspiciously like pre-imprisonment, while not compensating teachers for the longer school day. And again, barring a huge influx of money, failure to educate must be blamed on the teachers, by with-holding pay when we want to make them responsible for poor performance, since we won't contemplate what it would really take to fix the school system. Teachers are not down with this, and furthermore think it is unreasonable for both teachers and kids to have to teach in classrooms with no air conditioning when there is a fucking heatwave/drought going on.

          • bobbert

            So, pretty much normal then.


            BTW, this reminds me of the famous phrase "You can't fix inner-city schools by throwing money at them", to which I reply "How would you know, since no one has ever tried throwing money at them?"

  • Guys, we’re concerned about Paul Ryan. As a father of a three-year-old girl,

    OK, allow me to stop you there, Mr/Miss/Mrs Berney. Reading just a bit ahead, I'm thinking your concern for Mr Ryan is misplaced and an ill use of your resources. With a 3yo girl – and your first child from the sounds of it – you have so many other items that should take concern priority. But please continue …

    …we’ve trained ourselves to be vigilant for all the signs your child could be using drugs: rapid changes in mood or behavior, anti-social tendencies, refusing to eat.

    At the risk of diminishing your vigilance in such weighty matters, should you in fact witness rapid changes in mood or behavior, anti-social tendencies, and refusing to eat, in your 3yo daughter, I would myself be much more inclined to suggest that these are signs that it is … Tuesday (OK, it is Monday, but you get my point). Moving on …

    (We’re 90 percent certain our daughter injects heroin into her eyeballs.)

    Well yes, of course. As we all know, toddlers represent a hotbed of heroin abuse these days; what with all the resources they possess to obtain said heroin. You have of course confiscated her cell phone and car keys and checked to be certain all the baby gates are locked, yes? And without a doubt, injecting into the eyeballs does hinder the search for those track marks that are the sure sign of addiction.

    I'm sure we all wish you the best at this difficult time in your parenting. Hang in there – it only gets worse.

    [To be clear, this is pure satirical snark. I'm just having a bit of fun here. Parenting is a beautiful endeavor with many rewards. Drug use in children is not a joke. The end.]

    • PsycWench

      Wow, heroin. When my daughter was three I was only worried that she was bipolar.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I was so fucked up when I was a kid that my best friend/stuffed animal was a bi-polar bear.

        • O-Kay. (Draws curtain over DbB) Nothing to see here, folks, move along.

        • Tip your waitresses everyone; try the veal!

    • Barrelhse

      Actually, as a parent (24 & 26), I think I can say that the rewards are few and far between- even without the drugs… Also, my youngest daughter has been a junkie for 8 years. I am, though, totally catholic with my twisted humor and no one escapes, including my family. I understand that everything is fair game for humor and I don't get offended when it hits me where I live- that's the dues for dishing it out!

      • Chichikovovich

        My son is the age your daughter was 8 years ago, I understand what a painful journey this must have been.

        All my well-wishes and sympathies, Barrelhse.

        • Barrelhse

          Thank you.

        • NellCote71

          Been there done that. Paid the rehab bills with my retirement. It is hell. Best of luck to you and yours.

      • I'm so sorry to hear that. (Hugs Barrelhse) Good thing you have a sense of humour. Sometimes I think it was given us to keep us from offing ourselves.

      • Charlie_Foxtrot

        Prayers for you and your daughter.

        Heroin is the cruelest addiction, from what I've seen and been told by junkies. I have seen junkies recover, though — never give up hope!

    • No it isn't. Parenting is a 20-year sentence. With occasional delightful moments designed to trick you into thinking that putting up with all that OTHER shit is worth it, after all.

      • NellCote71

        Parenting is a life sentence. No book I ever read (mine was born before the inter-webs) described how you. Never. Stop. Worrying. Ever.

        • True. I misspoke when I said 20 years. I'm sorry you had to go through that hell, too. What was it Mark Twain said, Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and tears, with sobs and sniffles predominating?

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Man. I'm thinking I better not blink, 'cause my kids (age 17 and 12) are pretty much perfect so far: straight A's, musical, artistic, sense of humor, reasonably fit and athletic. Maybe a little spoiled inasmuch as lower-middle-class kids can be spoiled.

            Maybe the next step is they start hitting the sauce like their old man and go off the deep end, like I never did.

          • Let us hope for the best, dear Lascauxcaveman. Some of us turn out fine, and some of us take a long time to get there. My sister was the straight-A student, and I was the longhair druggie. Life changes us all in many ways, big and small, and no one can see what lies ahead.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Whatever Paul Ryan's smokin' …. DO NOT WANT!

  • calliecallie

    He was for it before he was against it.

  • pdiddycornchips

    So is this another lie? I'm keeping a close watch. I have Ryan on my fantasy lying team.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Great idea.

  • RRoccoco

    "not a high priority"? Getting high is always a priority! Free your mind, and your vote will follow!. Not sure this is going to fly with his bong-mate Romney. Stimulants and anything that threatens to lighten the mood of moneyworship is agin his r'ligin.

  • coolhandnuke

    Ryan's gateway drug was "Atlas Shrugged." The DEA lists it as a Class B Misdemeanor for minors in possession of said book.

    • Don't you mean "possessed by" said book?

  • TribecaMike

    Was Ryan born a Paraquat Baby?

    • TootsStansbury

      Was he fucking dropped on his motherfucking head?

    • No, he made that himself.

    • Crank_Tango

      No, but he did get a bunch of evil SS money.

      Also, he got social security, hey-oh!

    • rocktonsam

      no, he was born In Janesville Wisconsin. Trust me, i live near there and there hasn't been a bigger red neck town north of the Mason Dixie line than this place. I think the only people that smoke pot over there are the hundred or so blacks.

      The best weed is up by Madison, I hear tell.

  • zumpie

    Heh. Eddie visited Portland today for a fundraiser. Given that we don't exactly like Puggies here AND have very liberal marijuana laws (both medical AND possession), maybe now we know the REAL reason Lyin' Ryan favored our fair city with a visit. Hmmmm????

    • Isyaignert

      You have cannabis bakeries in Portland!!! And Voodoo Donuts also, too.

      • zumpie

        Truth be told, I find VooDoo donuts kinda overrated. But that doesn't mean young Master Munster won't need something to dull the butthurt of the next 8 weeks!!

        • Oh, MAN, does he have butthurt. A WORLD of butthurt.

    • Portland then Seattle. Sure there are wing nuts here, but the kind who are so whacked that they wouldn't allow them near Romney.

      The only possible conclusion is that he is a reefer addict, or he is shooting the dope.

      (NB: Ryan has refused to say whether he has smoked marijuana at any point in his life. Don't know if they asked him about doing horse.)

  • Generation[redacted]

    Uh… what was the question?

    • Cookies or Cheetos?

    • Switch to a Cheese strain, dude, they're easier on the memory.

    • Something about some guy . . . saying . . . something?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Guy looks like Kermit the Frog in that picture.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Just wait until he starts talking about the pompitous of love, er, respect

    • I do NOT want to grope his peaches or shake his tree.

  • wolvenwood13

    But Paul Ryan voted no on laws that would keep states from being invaded by the MJ cops aka DEA. Interesting. Not that he's a hypocrit or anything, or a flip-flopper…or a human being even.

    • Barrelhse

      Not sure what to call him, although he does come equipped with a nozzle.

      • wolvenwood13

        A nozzle? Where is this nozzle? All I see are his 2 eyes, with dollar signs. A nozzle could be useful :)

  • Arborista

    What I find surprising is the use of one of the few pix of Ryan where his eyes don't look red.

  • Barrelhse

    Did they cure his Gay while they had him in for a re-grooving?

  • Blunderthing

    Paul Ryan lifted his stoned head up from Mitt Romney's lap long enough to mumble "state's rights, whatever, mmmmph, mmmph" before lowering his slack jaw back on to Mitt's manly member.

  • unclejeems

    Let's see. States rights. Marijuana?

    Oh, well then, let's let the states decide.

    Gay marriage?

    Für immer verboten, in allen Staaten, sie Idiot! Nein, nein, nein, nein!!!!


    Nein, nein, nein, nein!!!

    Er, how about just a teentsy, weentsy little bit of health ca . . .

    Nein, nein, nein, nein!

    I understand, I think . . .

    • TootsStansbury

      Slavery also too.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    Dude, s'been my position since April 20. And the 'shrooms also, too. Free the natural buzz… And just fuck Upjohn, Sandoz and all them. Never had anything as good as Owsley's batches of '68. You're either on the bus or you're off the bus…… Hey, dude, where's the bus?

  • TootsStansbury

    I thought being a stoner was an Ayn Rand Fanboi requirement.

  • azeyote

    maybe he should try some mushrooms or peyote, i don't think pot is strong enough to do the job that really needs doin on that square.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Oh, so he's the annoying guy who was submitting all those marijuana questions to Barry for the Reddit Q&A…

  • punkneverdies

    Why are generally arbitrarily drawn state administration units more able to deal with everything than say, counties?

    I mean if you want to "go local" really then you'd let cities & counties decide everything but that would lead to legal drugs, prostitution and all kinds of horrible things so it's best left to the states amirite?

    • Possee Comitatus, baby! There is no power higher (Ooops.) than the elected County Sheriff.

    • bobbert

      Especially when some states have a small fraction of the population of some counties.

  • barto

    Unfortunately, both Ryan and Rmoney's statements are always inconsistent with their prior statements – so in fact they are consistent.

  • MinAgain

    "rapid changes in mood or behavior, anti-social tendencies, refusing to eat."

    Well, he's obviously not smoking pot, then, or he'd have munchies the size of the national debt.

    • These days they have different strains. Some give you munchies, and some don't.

      • NellCote71

        Oooohh. Did not know they had a Weight Watchers version. Reason to live again.

        • Srsly. Some strains get you all buzzy and busy and you want to run around totally *doing* stuff. Not good for evening ingestion. And then some just make you LYFAO and have weird dreams and daydreams and stuff. Don't ask me how I know.

          • HistoriCat

            You folks lead such interesting lives.

          • I'd give it all up in a minute to be able to hike again, baby.

  • poorgradstudent

    Poorly thought out yet tightly held interpretation of economics…check.
    Smug entitled white straight guy attitude…check.
    Favors vague ideology over the well-being of people…double check.
    And now this!

    I gotta say, the Libertarians should be celebrating. They finally got a candidate on a major presidential ticket.

  • MistaEko

    Tea Party, this man was your "Brain"

    And this is your brain on drugs.

    Any questions?

  • Whatever he's on, it's not The Sacred Greenstuff, man. Just look at those mean, soulless eyes and that lipless mouth! If he were high on hash, he'd be all wonky-eyed, one cold blue eyeball circling in its orbit as the other staggered around feebly attempting to focus. Also, he'd be smiling, not trying to show us his baleen.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      you're right. Ryan looks to be either dosed on some very strong anti-psychotic meds (could explain his babbling if the dose is wearing off) or zapped-out by electroshock therapy. Besides, nobody's seen him wasted at a drive-through 3AM, ordering two dozen tacos.

      • (looks up, hides remains of second dozen tacos) Whut?

  • Dopey, not doper.

    • Arborista

      Dwarf libel!

  • I bet he voted for Ron Paul.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I think he is suffering from a Visine overdose. His eyes are way too white.

    • Arborista

      I seem to recall that they were quite red on a number of occasions, including his Iowa State Fair appearance just after Romney named him as running mate…

  • LibrarianX

    Is their strategy to take every possible position?

  • Obama's Europeanization Plans Revealed:

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      That was a sneaky piece of blogwhoring you just indulged in!

      The "typical American city" does look a lot nicer than most cities now …

      • I only blogwhore with my friends!!!  :)

      • NellCote71

        #10. Duh, Schengen.

        As it is now, you need a passport, social security card, driver's license and country club membership card just to vote in your own state.

        Otherwise, brilliant.

    • docterry6973

      Thank God we've been warned in time!

      • NellCote71

        So, I will not necessarily need to move?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Personally, I don't care where Paul stands on weed…the takeaway from this story is learning just how much Ryan is Mitten's bitch.

  • docterry6973

    'Ryan agrees with Mitt Romney that marijuana should never be made legal.' Dude, you said just the opposite THREE DAYS AGO! Do these guys ever talk to each other? At least Ryan hasn't decided to go rogue and just promote himself, like someone else we might mention,

    • NellCote71

      We have yet to see his wardrobe bill.

    • Arborista

      It's only been one month… give him time.

  • mgremus

    He must have been "high" when reading Ayn Rand's nonsense.

  • owhatever

    My position is whatever Mitt says, even when the position changes from an earlier position that I had also taken the same position on after changing my original position, which was a 69 until my wife couldn't get off that way, so I tried a missionary position and Mitt, being Mormon, knew about that one and we smoked some weed and figured out a brand new position that was the opposite of Obama's position, which is pretty much whatever the hell he and Michelle can dream up that leaves footprints on the ceiling mirror they installed in the Lincoln Bedroom.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      CNN Reporter Don Lemon: So what is your position on Marijuana? Should the Federal laws be enforced?

      Ryan: Well, Don, if you ask me for a straight answer, then I shall say that, as far as we can see, looking at it by and large, taking one thing with another in terms of the average of states, then in the final analysis it is probably true to say, that at the end of the day, in general terms, you would probably find that, not to put too fine a point on it, there probably wasn't very much in it one way or the other. As far as one can see, at this stage.

      • bobbert

        That's …. beautiful, man.

      • Charlie_Foxtrot

        Not to put too fine a point on it
        Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
        Make a little birdhouse in your soul

      • Negropolis

        Sarah Palin 2.0

        Don't retreat, reboot!

  • RALitherland

    Yeah, wow, I just saw it all. man. See, if we just cut texas on all the job creature… creators, like govmnt renev… revenews will, like, go waay up … like stratosphosphic, cos …. er, cos the Pot Head Pixies will just glid down from Planet Gong an fix everthing. God, I gotta get this budget written up before I crash.

  • Muffaroo

    Dude, did you ever look at the GOP platform? I mean… really, you know, LOOK at it? Dude!

  • Troubledog

    I guess he's kicking the can on the tough issues.

  • Negropolis

    I love how this was painted as some kind of gaffe, except that when you read the full comment he's clearly taking a very mainstream Libertarian-Republican position on medical marijuana. This is probably one of the least partisan issues, now. Hell, it passed here in Michigan with something like +60% of the vote. Nothing passes with that much support.

    I'm about as critical as the GOP as anyone you'll find, but this is one of the progressive issues where there is true bi-partisan support and GOP allies in many areas of the country.

  • I thought you said "meth" for a minute.

  • viennawoods13

    Have you ever looked at a vice-presidential candidate… on weed?

  • Negropolis

    Speaking of the devil's weed, after years of trying to get it on the ballot, and the city illegally having blocked it numerous times the, Coalition for a Safer Detroit finally got decriminalization on the Detroit ballot, this year. You'd have thought the local administration in a city like Detroit would have been behind it, but they did everything they could to block it. Surprisingly, it was the usually hackish, Republican Suprem Court that ordered them to but iton the local ballot. The referendum is so popular that the Coalition isn't even spending any money on it. lol

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Oh man, the colors. Wait, this is the republican party. Oh man, look at the color.


    Ryan's campaign bus will never smell like Willie Nelson's tour bus.

  • RadioX

    I just want to be the first to wish everybody a Merry 9/11.

    • …and a happy new American century.

    • LibertyLover

      You should check out the New York Times's op ed today…

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        this one?

        Having had to sit in bars and see "Irish Car Bombs" advertised as if this is a hugely LOL drink, I've been trying to come up with a similarly insulting drink for Americans.

        I'm thinking some kind of white spirit topped with yellow and red spirits, layered, served in two highball glasses side by side and set on fire. Call it the Twin Towering Inferno or something.

    • ElPinche

      I baked a yellow cake!! Wait ..wrong war…eh,…it's all the same.

  • Exhausted66

    Meanwhile on a Wisconsin freeway.

  • LibertyLover

    I am suddenly very, very hungry for about 100 tacos.

    • Negropolis

      Hundred Tacos shounds like a city in California, like Thousand Oaks or Twenty-Nine Palms.

  • ElPinche

    This is too weird. I'm reading this and I'm high right now.

  • zappadoo76

    "Is Paul Ryan on marijuana?"

    It's easy to tell. Just look for the marijuana track marks on his arms.

  • See, what's happening here is that x-dimensional chess everybody keeps talking about. Barry has planted both his feet firmly against legalization of the good herb, seemingly leaving himself exposed to being flanked by Republicans of a libertarian bent, siphoning off the stoner vote, which is a large percentage of the Democratic base.
    Then, when the Republicans actually ram the bill through, totally legalizing reefer and making it possible to purchase with food stamps, blammo, he'll sign that fucker! Intercepted!

  • DahBoner

    "incompatable with his prior statement"

    Ryan told a lie? That's weird.

    No Republican has ever told a lie the truth…

  • DalePues

    Paul Ryan is a brown noser. Really. Until he had it fixed, his Wiki entry reported that his high school classmates in Janesville named him brown noser.

  • blueflowers

    If Romney wants to be a dick about pot, that sucks, but at least he's not a hypocrite like Bamz. Bamz be taking privileges that he doesn't allow others. Romney should outlaw alcohol and caffeine while he's at it. See how you like that, RILL AMERCIA.

  • Boojum

    Your son can small pot growing? He needs to (not) get a job with the DEA or Customs.

  • ttommyunger

    I am just now comprehending the absolute genius of the Romney/Ryan Campaign: they no doubt plan to win with a landslide by promoting and assuming every possible position on every policy matter we are confronted with. Think about it: no matter what you believe in or want for our Country, these two will have been in favor of it at one time or another during this Campaign. Fucking Genius!

  • AlNewMan

    bitch looks baked in that photo

  • UsernameSept12

    Ryan's tic of LICKING HIS LIPS seems to be a tic–either from a Tic Syndrome or drug use. It could be steroids from his body building regime, past drug use, or natural, but I've watched him and he does it everytime he speaks publically.

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