BANKSTERS  4:25 pm September 10, 2012

Wells Fargo Even Sorrier After Second Time It Foreclosed on Wrong House

by Kris E. Benson

Remember that nice couple we told you about last week — the Tjosaas family, whose home in Twenty-Nine Palms was “accidentally” foreclosed upon by Wells Fargo even though the couple didn’t even have a mortgage? Turns out: this was the SECOND TIME that Wells Fargo had “accidentally” foreclosed on that house by mistake, but it’s cool because Wells Fargo remains “deeply sorry” about both “unfortunate situations.” The good news is that the Tjosaas family can now “accidentally” rob a Wells Fargo bank of their choice (twice) and issue a statement that they are “deeply sorry about this unfortunate situation” and then all will be forgiven. Ha! Ha! Ha! This, of course, is not true — Incorporated Americans are somehow not people when they are committing crimes, but non-Incorporated Americans are always people.

Tom Goyda, vice president of corporate communications for Wells Fargo Home Mortgage, told ABC News … the [first foreclosure] error on [June 1] was made when a contractor mistakenly went to the Tjosaas house instead of the correct house.

Let us pause here to note that the correct house was ten acres away. We are cityfolk and don’t really know how big an acre is, but ten acres sounds pretty far.

“We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses the Tjosaas family suffered as a result of their home being mistakenly secured and entered by a contractor hired to address a different nearby property,” the company said in a statement. “We moved quickly and have been in contact with the Tjosaas family to resolve this unfortunate situation and right this wrong.”

Yes indeed! They moved quickly to resolved the unfortunate situation, and then hired another contractor who did the same thing over Labor Day weekend, only this time, they had taken an antique American flag and were possibly squatting on the property, having wild parties with electric blankets, bongs, and stolen food.

Tjosaas said not only had contractors cleared their belongings and those of her husband’s late parents from the home, but it had appeared as though someone had been living in the home once the contractors had broken the locks. While the summer weather can surpass 100 degrees, an electric blanket was plugged in, indicating someone had been there during the evenings, she said. ”They had taken the food,” she said. “And there were bottles of beer and bongs.”

Luckily, Wells Fargo is still “deeply sorry” about this “unfortunate situation.”

“We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses the Tjosaas family suffered as a result of their home being mistakenly secured,” said [Wells Fargo spokesman] Alfredo Padilla. “We are moving quickly to reach out to the family to resolve this unfortunate situation in an attempt to right this wrong.”

[Yahoo]

 

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{ 179 comments }

Boojum September 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

Nostrildamus September 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Have a pretzel.

Tequila Mockingbird September 10, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Now watch this line drive.

KathrynSane September 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"Secured." Orwell died too early.

emmelemm September 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Orwell = Nostradamus, reincarnate.

ttommyunger September 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

"WELLS FARGO EVEN SORRIER". Sorry, that is not possible.

OneDollarJuana September 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Well. Maybe "sorry" as in "pathetic losers".

ttommyunger September 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I swear I would rent a tin bill and scratch shit with the chickens before taking a job with that scumbag outfit.Sent from my iPhone

tessiee September 10, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Or as what's her name says, "get a job picking up shit with a splinter".

ttommyunger September 10, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Pick-Up sticks with your butt-cheeks.Sent from my iPhone

Steverino247 September 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

This is what you get when you are so cheap that you hire "contractors" to perform tasks your actual employees should be doing. Contract workers often don't give a shit about the tasks given them because their employers cares so little for the task that they hire contract workers to perform it.

sullivanst September 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Breaking into houses and taking everything isn't really a core function of a bank. This is actually a task it makes more sense to contract out than do in-house.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Exactly. It's outside the range of its core competencies.

Which appears to be narrower today.

sullivanst September 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I really expected someone to point out that the "taking everything" you have part is a core function, but they normally prefer to do it by making numbers dance like Rafalca, not by actually breaking in.

OneDollarJuana September 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

It also offers deniability and blame-shifting. Immunity. Exactly the reasons corporations exist at all.

Callyson September 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Seriously–WFB's attempt to shift the blame to their contractors is almost as bad as the fact that this crap happened in the first place.

pdiddycornchips September 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Why isn't anyone talking about jail for the people who did this not once but twice? It shouldn't be too hard to track down the contractors. When going after criminal enterprises, law enforcement usually rounds up the small fish and squeezes them to give up the big fish. Seems like something law enforcement would be interested in.

Rotundo_ September 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Search and seizure laws what they are, make drug busts much more profitable to law enforcement agencies than going after some penny-ante small business throwing people out of their homes. All you get with those are pissed off rich people. With drugs you get homes, automobiles, cash, and all sorts of other stuff you can auction off to rake in the bucks for whatever side projects you may want to fund.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Ah, aren't you the kind of people that are supposed to be good with the paperwork, being bankers and all. The kind of people that would check the records made with ACID transactions and replicated through a mirroring network placed in multiple datacenters, so that everything could be properly recorded and audited? Is that not what we pay you for? Is this not the service you provide? Tell me, if you don't know what you own, how are you a bank?

OzoneTom September 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

"…ten acres away"

Acres are not a unit of distance. An acre dental-floss farm may be ten miles long.

mrpuma2u September 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

by myself I wouldn't be having no boss, but I'd me raisin' my lonely dental floss.

Steverino247 September 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I might be foreclosing on Montana soon…

mrpuma2u September 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Yippee-yai-yo-tai-yay!

Steverino247 September 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm
actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

In this case, it's possible each lot was an acre.

Biff September 10, 2012 at 5:34 pm

My block is about like that–1.25 acres, but the entire road easement came out of my side, so I got 1.1 acre. Almost enough to separate me from the neighbors, and too much for one old guy to maintain.

shelwood46 September 10, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Anything's possible. The house I live in is on a 12 acre lot. The town where I worked as a zoning officer had lots ranging from minimums of 1/4 acre to 5 acres, depending on the zone (residential only).

PsycWench September 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Try share-cropping on those babies. It's a lot of work pulling those fibers when they're ready.

Chichikovovich September 10, 2012 at 8:28 pm

You really need a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers.

deanbooth September 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Maybe they meant achers, as in "ten other home-owning belly-achers."

Steverino247 September 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

If WFB tried to foreclose on the wrong house that I lived in, I'd give them a couple of "achers" with my size 15 shoe direct to the nuts.

Guppy September 10, 2012 at 6:18 pm

<nerd>
That's probably in the part of the country that's divided up into nice, neat squares, being "townships" (6 mi square) of 36 "sections" (1 mi square) each. And it just so happens that a square mile is, by definition, 640 acres, or a chess board with squares of 10 acres each. In that case, "10 acres away" can be translated as "a furlong (1/8 mi, or 220 yd) away."

Why, yes, I did once have a gig typing property abstracts!

</nerd>

cheetojeebus September 10, 2012 at 10:54 pm

fukkin' acres.

gurukalehuru September 11, 2012 at 5:05 am

Yeah, an acre can be ten miles long, if it's about an inch wide.

OneYieldRegular September 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Robo-apology?

RedStatePinko September 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Robo-comment?

bobbert September 10, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Robo-meta?

starfanglednut September 10, 2012 at 5:49 pm

my thoughts exactly. Signed by the machine Rumsfeld used when sending letters to the parents of dead troops.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Wells Fargo last week: We'll never do that again!

Wells Fargo this week: …..starting nnnnnnnnnnnnnnow.

SayItWithWookies September 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

"Really though, we could go back and forth forever about who stole whose house twice. Can't we just shake hands and admit we're both a little bit at fault here?"

mwittier September 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Sure. Reasonable people can agree to disinter.
Because that's next.

GunToting[Redacted] September 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Both sides do it etc. etc…

Goonemeritus September 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Not to mention they gifted this couple a sweet new bong and an electric blanket.

Boojum September 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm

This should be a 'appy occasion! Let's not argue and bicker about 'oo forclosed on oo!

johnnyzhivago September 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Obviously the homeowners have not properly identified their house. No wonder the poor bank made the mistake.

They should be re-imbursing the bank for the expense of "securing" the wrong house!

rickmaci September 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Oh just wait. Some spokeshole lawyer will come up with that one in 5,4,3,…

YouBetcha September 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Paul Ryan drafted legislation to make it so, but those crafty liberals thwarted it.

Major Thom September 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Banks are people, too, my friend.

Willard M. Romney

sullivanst September 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

10 acres isn't a distance, it's an area.

However, the olde English acre was based on a strip 220 yards by 22. So I guess by 10 acres they maybe meant 2200 yards? That's well over a mile.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

She later learned the contractors had used a satellite photo and an address given to them by Wells Fargo.

"They simply were at the wrong location," she said, "not even on our road.

Yea. I think they're about a mile away.

Mumbletypeg September 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

acres away

Yeah but it's more fun to work a pun into it, like "Anchors Aweigh" so give'em a break, mercy. Sheesh – - the way some gimlet eyes wanna hectare the living jeezus out of a perfectly honest-earnin' predatory home-lender, all because of one, two or ten little missteps..

kittensdontlie September 10, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Yea, if those missteps are one hundred yards long…

Boojum September 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

She's a big miss, she is.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

But hey, listen! They were ONLY ten away…they deserve a medal for being close.

tessiee September 10, 2012 at 10:46 pm

"wanna hectare the living jeezus out of"

Typo, or awesome pun?

"My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it." — Abe "Grandpa" Simpson

JerkCade September 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

S'ok everybody. The government is taking steps to make sure this can never happen again.

GunToting[Redacted] September 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm

By allowing the banks to foreclose on all houses?

tessiee September 10, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Unless the house is wearing a hoodie.

Arborista September 10, 2012 at 10:52 pm

And you'll need to search it for Skittles™ possession…

mrpuma2u September 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

”They had taken the food,” she said. “And there were bottles of beer and bongs.” Ah bongs in the desert evening. Well at least it wasn't a complete tragedy??

SmutBoffin September 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

An acre is a measure of area. You need to measure distances in rods.

This is where you typically make a joke about 'rods', but let's just not this time.

sullivanst September 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Or chains. Don't forget the chains.

CrunchyKnee September 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

My car gets forty rods to the hogs-head and that’s the way I likes it!

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

That's one hot rod!

sewollef September 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I'm sorry young Smut, but you measure distances in Furlongs and Chains.

And of course we mustn't forget those cubits.

Everyone knows that, right.

bobbert September 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I used to know what a cubit is.

viennawoods13 September 10, 2012 at 10:18 pm

RIGHT!

Lascauxcaveman September 11, 2012 at 1:49 am

Cos' ref for the win!

Incitefully_Joe September 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Leagues or GTFO. Also too, smoots.

bobbert September 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I think smoots are only legal tender in Boston.

tessiee September 10, 2012 at 10:50 pm

"This is where you typically make a joke about 'rods', but let's just not this time."

Still OK to make jokes about gods, nods, and cephaolopods, though, right?

PsycWench September 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

The CONTRACTORS were living in the house? My experience with contractors is that they visit your house as little as absolutely possible.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Southern California. It's possible they were barely legals.

bobbert September 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

In this case, "contractors" is a synonym for "B&E Specialists".

NYNYNYjr September 10, 2012 at 6:47 pm

You were hiring a higher class of contractor. These guys were the 2$ an hour transient stoned Mexican hippy contractors. All they really do is break into houses, sleep there for a while, steal everything in sight, get paid by banks and then disappear and change the name of their company and start again.

Come here a minute September 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I call bullshit. An acre is a measure of area, and two places are separated by distance.

Boojum September 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

But that area covered a long distance, you see, is the thing. So, we were confused.

CrunchyKnee September 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

40 acres and mule LIBLEZ!!11!

Shit, when are we as citizens going to "make an example" out of Incorporated Americans?

IonaTrailer September 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Sort of on topic – True story: A friend worked at the IRS, and would occasionally lunch with colleagues. One day he offered the guy who was supposed to pick up the mail and sort it out, a lift back to the office. The dude asked if they could make a quick stop for something at his home. He opened the garage to get into the house, and my friend noticed there were piles of U.S. Postal bags in the corner. Turns out the guy was getting a divorce and was under a lot of stress, so he'd been stashing some mail bags so he wouldn't have to deal with them. When they sorted everything out, little old ladies had been sending letters saying stuff like, "I've sent you two checks already, but you're still taking my house". I don't know what the moral to this story is, but there you have it.

Jus_Wonderin September 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"Through, rain, and snow and sleet and…oh no, not divorce…."

IonaTrailer September 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Needless to say, they swept this under the IRS rug, and never gave anyone's house or bank account back.

Jus_Wonderin September 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

It really is a sad story, all together.

tessiee September 10, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Ha, years ago, I had this boss who was from another country, and he was a complete ass-basket (for reasons totally unrelated to his being from another country).

The company bookkeeper filed the company's taxes, of course, and since Assbasket was the owner of the company, he asked her to put his new TV set (at his house) on the company tax return as "office equipment".
She: Yeah, no, I'm not gonna do that.
Him: Why not?
She: Because I prepared this tax return, I signed my name to it, and I'm responsible for it. I don't want the IRS after me.
Him [in mocking singsong whine]: Oh, the IRS! The IRS! What can THEY do??

blueflowers September 11, 2012 at 11:21 am

Newman??

sewollef September 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Damn, there must be an echo in here, here.

I swear I read the same paragraph twice, twice.

johnnyzhivago September 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

If America was Metric, this mistake could NEVER have happened.

sewollef September 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Correct. In millimetres.

weejee September 10, 2012 at 5:43 pm

And then with the metric the Tjosaas family would be awash in newton-meters because they are so torqued.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 10, 2012 at 5:50 pm
johnnyzhivago September 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Lucky for the Tsonges this was Wells Fargo making the mistake, not the US Air Force Drone Command.

ChillBill September 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Sorry bank is sorry.

jodyleek September 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

“We are moving quickly to reach out to the family to resolve this unfortunate situation in an attempt to right this wrong.”
Let me suggest the Tjosaas family change their identities and leave town before Wells Fargo crawls in their bedroom window, rapes them and knocks them up.

Biff September 10, 2012 at 5:46 pm

They're raping er'body here!

Maman September 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Wells Fargo is still “deeply sorry” about this “unfortunate situation” = "We are dithering with the Tjossas Family about the value of their stuff and plan to offer them 10 cents on the dollar in exchange for a gag order"

NYNYNYjr September 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

We are looking for criminal records on the family members so we can demonize them and turn this narrative around.

Arborista September 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Why do you think they planted the bongs, etc.?

LastGasp September 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Incorporated Americans are somehow not people when they are committing crimes, but non-Incorporated Americans are always people.

After the next American Revolution, these words will be used to justify why so many plutocrats were drawn and quartered.

smokefilledroommate September 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Goddamn cookie cutter houses, they all look the same.

ChillBill September 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Brown people, also.

Negropolis September 11, 2012 at 12:53 am

There goes the neighborhood. Really.

ChernobylSoup September 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

And here I thought Twenty-Nine Palms was only inhabited by Marines who had somehow pissed off the Pentagon.

And Ken Layne.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Wait…Layne was the squatter who trashed the house the second time?&sup1;

&sup1;notnecessarilyafactualstatement

Sharkey September 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Probably just one of those characters from his book.

iburl September 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Am I the only one seeing "admin options" again?

starfanglednut September 10, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I saw those earlier.

pinkocommi September 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Remember this story the next time you hear Republicans opine that corporations are so much more competent than the government.

When a corporation forecloses on the wrong house twice, it is the government that is called upon to straighten the mistake out.

chicken_thief September 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

“We are moving quickly to reach out to the family to resolve this unfortunate situation in an attempt to right this wrong.”

But we can never seem to find the right house or the correct phone number, Padilla added.

johnnyzhivago September 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

BTW, Wells Fargo are assholes. They held my Aunt's "reverse mortgage". I was the lucky nephew to be named executor and had to sell her place. This was at the depth of the real estate mess in NJ – and I managed sell it – with the closing on the day before the note was due (this is the way reverse mortgages work). On the day the of the closing WF called me and said I ran out of time and I was in foreclosure. It took 4 hours of screaming at people (which is NOT like me at all!!!!) to fix this.

Best part – why would you possibly want a house that took me a year to sell when I am giving you cash today for it? Answer: it made no difference to them whether they lost money or not, these were the rules.

finallyhappy September 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm

We dealt with several banks after family deaths. Virtually everyone at every bank was an asshole. In on bank, despite having every required document and my driver's license, the person "helping " me discussed with the manager- loudly- if maybe I was a thief instead of the person named on the documents- legal documents with my name and address and my driver;s license matched them. I yelled out " I CAN HEAR YOU"

wolvenwood13 September 10, 2012 at 6:51 pm

You must have gotten it resolved – which is why you are now "finally happy"?
Truly, what a nightmare. I hate having to deal with morons, don't you? I think you should have pulled out your cell phone, dialed your lawyer and loudly talked about your libel lawsuit against WF. Then called the rude police. What buttholes.

Tequila Mockingbird September 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

It's the house's own fault for looking so forecloseable, and for being in that kind of neighborhood.

sullivanst September 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

And wearing those shockingly low-cut shrubs.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Right? See how closely clipped its bush was???? It was just asking for it!

spends2much September 10, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Houses that don't want to be foreclosed on have ways to shut that whole thing down.

Negropolis September 11, 2012 at 12:59 am

Did you see those open bay windows?! Slut. A painted lady keeps her windows closed.

pinkocommi September 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Thankfully, I can't afford to buy my own home, so I will never be wrongly foreclosed upon twice. Lucky me.

AbandonHope_ September 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

See there, you're being proactive! Good for you!

OneDollarJuana September 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

LET'S PUT THIS TO REST!

From the OED:
" acre length n. now rare = acre's length n. at Compounds 2; cf. acre lengh n.

1924 J. J. Taubenhaus & F. W. Mally Culture & Dis. Onion 60 For the Laredo district in Texas the acre length (208 feet) is the one in most common use."

So (at least in Texas), an acre is a measure of length. Just as the death penalty is compassionate conservatism.

Pap Finn September 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Needz moar 2nd Amendment Solutions.

OT: Why is my goddamned 'p' in freefall? I used to be in the elite 140 Club…

OldWhiteLies September 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I have experienced same. With less than 50 comments, your Pness is a tenuous and volatile figure. That your current P# is so high clearly indicates that you have thus far been well received here and the other places you may be commenting. However until you have made more comments, your Pness is at the mercy of your latest thumbs-up count on your latest submissions. More comments with higher thumb counts cements your higher P value. It is fairly simple averages math.

My advise would be to continue being you, and submit comments exactly as you have and how you have. But be ready for a P roller coaster when some of your comments don't make those higher thumb-counts.

Cheers!

Pap Finn September 10, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Ah – thank you for initiating me into the sacred mysteries of Intense Debate. I'd been wondering about it. I didn't really care (too) much about my p number until it started to plummet a couple of weeks ago…

OldWhiteLies September 10, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Looking back at my response, I'm thinking I oversimplified. I should add that there appear to be algorithms also at play. It has been posited that having followers, and the quantity of those followers, may also play into the P figure (I am myself still unclear if this is true). Quantity of comments is, in the long run (as in thousands of comments), also almost assuredly a factor.

But for you now, while you are in the 0-200 comments count, it has been my experience that your Pness will remain volatile; and may travel both up and down.

Warwhatgoodfor September 10, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Whine, whine, whine. I done been posting thoughtful, high quality, insightful comments for several months, but,does mine break 80? Damn right it doesn't.

Callyson September 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Mittens Howell, III September 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Time for an apology tour.

OneDollarJuana September 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Oog. Beer bongs. Sure hope they didn't spill any. Phew!

mrpuma2u September 10, 2012 at 4:55 pm

You raise an important point of debauchery order. Was it beer, and bongs (hard to believe someone would leave their bong behind just saying) 2 separate items involving 2 different controlled substances, or beer bongs, OR a crude MJ smoking device made from a beer can? (King cans work best or that is uh, what I heard)

sbj1964 September 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm

If you can't get it right the first time? Just keep fucking it up over,and over like the GOP with trickle down economics.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Hey, man! Lay off Wells Fargo!

I mean, you know, they said they were sorry! They even said it twice! Who among us hasn't jimmied a door lock and repossessed stuff from people who never even owed money on the house at any time?

I know I have and I was sorry!

Besides, I bet if they had mortgaged their home, they would have defaulted on it! This just saved Wells Fargo the whole useless exercise of giving them a mortgage, getting unpaid on it, and then filing court papers! Cut out the middleman! It's efficient!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Can we please have a three strikes your out law for these burglers, er I mean bankers?

deanbooth September 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Well, someone in the Tjosaas family must have missed a payment on something, sometime. It all evens out.

GeorgiaBurning September 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Headline I'd like to read:
“We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses Wells Fargo has suffered as a result of their CEO and several directors being mistakenly imprisoned at Guantanamo as enemy combatants,” a Federal spokesman said in a statement. “We moved quickly and have been in contact with Wells Fargo to resolve this unfortunate situation in due course.”

Jus_Wonderin September 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Hey, as a token of apology, I bet WF gives this family free checking for, like, an hour or so with a percentage dividend on deposits of .0001. Damn, I might switch to WF!

rickmaci September 10, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Jeezuzz. This was not their REAL house, it was a fucking second home in Twentynine Palms. Have any of you ever been to Twentynine Palms? It's in the middle of the Mojave, the next stop is called Death Valley. I don't know what the fuck you do with a second home in Twentynine Palms but if you ask me the bank did them a favor by knocking the place down. Saved them the demo costs.

4TheTurnstiles September 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

You do mescaline in the middle of the Mojave, that's what you do!

rickmaci September 10, 2012 at 4:57 pm

And cook crystal meth.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Funfact: U2 recorded their best album after visiting Twentynine Palms (OK, it was Joshua Tree National Park, but it's right there!)

Also, it's fucking better than Needles or Barstow. In fact, that's the town motto: Better than fucking Barstow.

wolvenwood13 September 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Why would you want to fuck Barstow? It's fucked enough already, I've been there.

Negropolis September 11, 2012 at 1:02 am

Ah, yes, Meth Valley.

barto September 10, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Quick, Tjosaas, file an LLC, THEN go rob the Wells Fargo!

AncienReggie September 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm

10 acres away means it was about 4 hectares away. Sadly, neither measurement is linear. No wonder they keep fucking these people over. Wells Fargo has no idea where they even are on the globe.

Maybe they were thinking in cubits?

Warwhatgoodfor September 10, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Well, wouldn't CUBits be three dimensional then? I mean really.

Chet Kincaid_ September 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

OT: Hussein Obammy killed the Birtherpalooza Box Office!!!1!1
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/09

viennawoods13 September 10, 2012 at 10:29 pm

“The REASON the EVENT by Sheriff Joe & his Cold Case POSSE was CANCELLED is because the Sheriff & others are TOO DUMB to SEE the MURDERS Barack Obama had his Security Adviser John Brennan commit on Obama’s Gay Lovers in Chicago,”
Well, glad to have THAT explained.

YouBetcha September 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I love you baby. I didn't mean to do it. You made me do it. It'll never happen again.

Biff September 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Out here in the boonies we never use an acre as a measure of distance, but rather of area. This is probably where the bank fucked up.

RRoccoco September 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Time to go all El Ka-Bong on Wells Fargo, methink! Next stage coach that passes by, I'm gone do a little foreclosing on their heads.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I theen so, Quickstraw

Antispandex September 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I forget, is it the second, or the third time that's a charm?

fartknocker September 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

If the President is re-elected and we take back 2/3 of the House, I sure hope we get a Consumer Protection Bureau and fill it with MPs, JAGS, and military accountants who have served in Afghanistan and Iraq to go after these goat fucks. Wells Fargo needs some military justice.

cheetojeebus September 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Having had a heel spur worked on by an Army Podiatrist, Let me add one of these dudes to the list. -Using the syringe filled with steroids as a probe; "is this it? How about here? Here? Oh, here it is, I can feel it."

KeepFnThatChicken September 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Incorporated Americans are somehow not people when they are committing crimes, but non-Incorporated Americans are always people.

I don't think I could laugh enough, or cry enough, at the coining of this phrase.

BornInATrailer September 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

English units of area vs. distance, Motherfucker! Do you speak it!?

(I just wanted in on the acre correction bonanza)

An_Outhouse September 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

c'mon guys. Who ever never makes a mistake, throw the first stone. Shit happens. You know we wouldn't have done this on purpose.

Biff September 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm
PinkoPopulist September 10, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I said it once, and now clearly, the details have emerged, and they have supported my theory…10 acres is entirely too close to be living to actual poors. Guilty by association. They got what was coming to 'em.

Tundra Grifter September 10, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Over the weekend I sent this in to Wonkette Tips.

Y'all publish it Monday afternoon and I get no props?

I feel violated as a Wells Fargo customer…

starfanglednut September 10, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I have had the same thing happen to me. it gave me a sad.

bringmeanaxe September 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Hmm, break and enter, theft, trespassing. The list of indictable criminal offenses just keeps growing and growing!

James Michael Curley September 10, 2012 at 5:56 pm

In Jersey City a Wells Fargo branch had some sort of security problem and a guy got caught for hours between the inner and outer doors in the foyer where the ATM machine was. Was about six years ago and the police and bank were still scoping things out as I was walking to work.

Nostrildamus September 10, 2012 at 6:00 pm

True or False? The house in question has a car elevator.

DahBoner September 10, 2012 at 6:01 pm

electric blankets, bongs and stolen food

Ah, those were the Good Ole Days….

mwittier September 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Wells Fargo isn't a bad person. It's just under a lot of pressure. It never gets a fair deal, and when the baby cries, it can't sleep. I should know better than to not have its supper ready when it comes to foreclose. It's my fault, I know I can fix Wells Fargo. I just haven't been trying hard enough. I need to start wearing more makeup, and listening better.

guangho September 10, 2012 at 6:09 pm

You know, and I'm just throwing this out there, saying sorry may not actually mean that you are sorry. (I assume no offers of compensation will be forthcoming?)

randcoolcatdaddy September 10, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Hmph … I didn't realize Wells Fargo had the same people working for them that Bush hired to look for Osama bin Laden…

vtxmcrider September 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Wells Fargo did not "mistakenly secure" the house. It was locked, and therefore secure, before Wells Fargo fucking broke into and ransacked it. What they did was downright criminal.

M. Bouffant September 10, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Fucking shit, Wells Fuggo has my (former wage-slave of the Fascist Insect Bank) pension. Looks as if I'm screwed.

MinAgain September 10, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Sing with me!

O-ho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street,
Oh, please let it be for me!
O-ho, the Wells Fargon wagon is a-comin' down the street,
I wish I knew which neighbor it will freak.

outragedcitizen September 10, 2012 at 9:20 pm

If this happened to me, the next group of "contractors" that come a callin' better be wearing bullet-proof vests.

owhatever September 10, 2012 at 9:43 pm

To be sure, Wells Fargo should apologize in advance for the third time and assign one of their many vice presidents and senior financial planners for execution.

Shackle38 September 10, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I wish I was a lawyer so I could take this case free of charge!

comrad_darkness September 10, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"We are moving quickly . . ." is Incorporated People code for: We sat on our butts ignoring the injured party for three months until said party went to the press.

Slim_Pickins September 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Wells Fargo is becoming quite practices at crying crocodile tears.

Arborista September 10, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Only slightly OT: Any other Wonketteers remember Bill Forsyth's movie, "Breaking In" with Burt Reynolds? I really do love Bill Forsyth- too bad he seems to have stopped making movies.

Negropolis September 11, 2012 at 12:47 am

I said it on the other thread about this, but "secured" still gets me. It's like the epitome of tone-deaf corporate-speak.

When you see the Wells Fargo wagon comin' down the street…blow that fucker up…with votes, of course.

zappadoo76 September 11, 2012 at 1:49 am

We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses the Tjosaas family suffered as a result of their home being mistakenly secured,” said [Wells Fargo spokesman] Alfredo Padilla.

I recommend ritual seppuku.

HistoriCat September 11, 2012 at 10:04 am

Seems a bit extreme to demand that the Tjosaas family commit suicide but if that's what is needed to keep the markets calm – what choice do we have?

Dallas138 September 13, 2012 at 7:58 pm

The Wells Fargo contractors should be VERY happy that they didn't go terrorize these people in some State where they would have been authorized to "stand their ground" and kill all the invading contractors, as well as Alfredo Padilla. They can show just how "sorry" they are by restoring these people's house and paying them about $10 million in damages for their terrorization by Wells Fargo, which is just about half of what any reasonable jury would award them in a civil suit.

peterstierjr September 17, 2012 at 1:23 am

"I assure you, Mrs. Buttle, the Ministry is very scrupulous about following up and eradicating any error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms."

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