Remember that nice couple we told you about last week — the Tjosaas family, whose home in Twenty-Nine Palms was “accidentally” foreclosed upon by Wells Fargo even though the couple didn’t even have a mortgage? Turns out: this was the SECOND TIME that Wells Fargo had “accidentally” foreclosed on that house by mistake, but it’s cool because Wells Fargo remains “deeply sorry” about both “unfortunate situations.” The good news is that the Tjosaas family can now “accidentally” rob a Wells Fargo bank of their choice (twice) and issue a statement that they are “deeply sorry about this unfortunate situation” and then all will be forgiven. Ha! Ha! Ha! This, of course, is not true — Incorporated Americans are somehow not people when they are committing crimes, but non-Incorporated Americans are always people.

Tom Goyda, vice president of corporate communications for Wells Fargo Home Mortgage, told ABC News … the [first foreclosure] error on [June 1] was made when a contractor mistakenly went to the Tjosaas house instead of the correct house.

Let us pause here to note that the correct house was ten acres away. We are cityfolk and don’t really know how big an acre is, but ten acres sounds pretty far.

“We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses the Tjosaas family suffered as a result of their home being mistakenly secured and entered by a contractor hired to address a different nearby property,” the company said in a statement. “We moved quickly and have been in contact with the Tjosaas family to resolve this unfortunate situation and right this wrong.”

Yes indeed! They moved quickly to resolved the unfortunate situation, and then hired another contractor who did the same thing over Labor Day weekend, only this time, they had taken an antique American flag and were possibly squatting on the property, having wild parties with electric blankets, bongs, and stolen food.

Tjosaas said not only had contractors cleared their belongings and those of her husband’s late parents from the home, but it had appeared as though someone had been living in the home once the contractors had broken the locks. While the summer weather can surpass 100 degrees, an electric blanket was plugged in, indicating someone had been there during the evenings, she said. “They had taken the food,” she said. “And there were bottles of beer and bongs.”

Luckily, Wells Fargo is still “deeply sorry” about this “unfortunate situation.”

“We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses the Tjosaas family suffered as a result of their home being mistakenly secured,” said [Wells Fargo spokesman] Alfredo Padilla. “We are moving quickly to reach out to the family to resolve this unfortunate situation in an attempt to right this wrong.”


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Boojum

    Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

    • Nostrildamus

      Have a pretzel.

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      Now watch this line drive.

  • KathrynSane

    "Secured." Orwell died too early.

    • emmelemm

      Orwell = Nostradamus, reincarnate.

  • ttommyunger

    "WELLS FARGO EVEN SORRIER". Sorry, that is not possible.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Well. Maybe "sorry" as in "pathetic losers".

      • ttommyunger

        I swear I would rent a tin bill and scratch shit with the chickens before taking a job with that scumbag outfit.Sent from my iPhone

        • tessiee

          Or as what's her name says, "get a job picking up shit with a splinter".

          • ttommyunger

            Pick-Up sticks with your butt-cheeks.Sent from my iPhone

  • Steverino247

    This is what you get when you are so cheap that you hire "contractors" to perform tasks your actual employees should be doing. Contract workers often don't give a shit about the tasks given them because their employers cares so little for the task that they hire contract workers to perform it.

  • OzoneTom

    "…ten acres away"

    Acres are not a unit of distance. An acre dental-floss farm may be ten miles long.

  • OneYieldRegular


    • RedStatePinko


      • bobbert


    • my thoughts exactly. Signed by the machine Rumsfeld used when sending letters to the parents of dead troops.

  • Wells Fargo last week: We'll never do that again!

    Wells Fargo this week: …..starting nnnnnnnnnnnnnnow.

  • "Really though, we could go back and forth forever about who stole whose house twice. Can't we just shake hands and admit we're both a little bit at fault here?"

    • Sure. Reasonable people can agree to disinter.
      Because that's next.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Both sides do it etc. etc…

    • Goonemeritus

      Not to mention they gifted this couple a sweet new bong and an electric blanket.

    • Boojum

      This should be a 'appy occasion! Let's not argue and bicker about 'oo forclosed on oo!

  • Obviously the homeowners have not properly identified their house. No wonder the poor bank made the mistake.

    They should be re-imbursing the bank for the expense of "securing" the wrong house!

    • rickmaci

      Oh just wait. Some spokeshole lawyer will come up with that one in 5,4,3,…

    • YouBetcha

      Paul Ryan drafted legislation to make it so, but those crafty liberals thwarted it.

  • Major Thom

    Banks are people, too, my friend.

    Willard M. Romney

  • sullivanst

    10 acres isn't a distance, it's an area.

    However, the olde English acre was based on a strip 220 yards by 22. So I guess by 10 acres they maybe meant 2200 yards? That's well over a mile.

    • She later learned the contractors had used a satellite photo and an address given to them by Wells Fargo.

      "They simply were at the wrong location," she said, "not even on our road.

      Yea. I think they're about a mile away.

    • acres away

      Yeah but it's more fun to work a pun into it, like "Anchors Aweigh" so give'em a break, mercy. Sheesh – – the way some gimlet eyes wanna hectare the living jeezus out of a perfectly honest-earnin' predatory home-lender, all because of one, two or ten little missteps..

      • kittensdontlie

        Yea, if those missteps are one hundred yards long…

        • Boojum

          She's a big miss, she is.

          • But hey, listen! They were ONLY ten away…they deserve a medal for being close.

      • tessiee

        "wanna hectare the living jeezus out of"

        Typo, or awesome pun?

        "My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it." — Abe "Grandpa" Simpson

  • JerkCade

    S'ok everybody. The government is taking steps to make sure this can never happen again.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      By allowing the banks to foreclose on all houses?

    • tessiee

      Unless the house is wearing a hoodie.

      • Arborista

        And you'll need to search it for Skittles™ possession…

  • mrpuma2u

    ”They had taken the food,” she said. “And there were bottles of beer and bongs.” Ah bongs in the desert evening. Well at least it wasn't a complete tragedy??

  • SmutBoffin

    An acre is a measure of area. You need to measure distances in rods.

    This is where you typically make a joke about 'rods', but let's just not this time.

    • sullivanst

      Or chains. Don't forget the chains.

    • CrunchyKnee

      My car gets forty rods to the hogs-head and that’s the way I likes it!

    • sewollef

      I'm sorry young Smut, but you measure distances in Furlongs and Chains.

      And of course we mustn't forget those cubits.

      Everyone knows that, right.

      • bobbert

        I used to know what a cubit is.

        • viennawoods13


          • Lascauxcaveman

            Cos' ref for the win!

      • Leagues or GTFO. Also too, smoots.

        • bobbert

          I think smoots are only legal tender in Boston.

    • tessiee

      "This is where you typically make a joke about 'rods', but let's just not this time."

      Still OK to make jokes about gods, nods, and cephaolopods, though, right?

  • PsycWench

    The CONTRACTORS were living in the house? My experience with contractors is that they visit your house as little as absolutely possible.

    • Southern California. It's possible they were barely legals.

    • bobbert

      In this case, "contractors" is a synonym for "B&E Specialists".

    • NYNYNYjr

      You were hiring a higher class of contractor. These guys were the 2$ an hour transient stoned Mexican hippy contractors. All they really do is break into houses, sleep there for a while, steal everything in sight, get paid by banks and then disappear and change the name of their company and start again.

  • Come here a minute

    I call bullshit. An acre is a measure of area, and two places are separated by distance.

    • Boojum

      But that area covered a long distance, you see, is the thing. So, we were confused.

  • CrunchyKnee

    40 acres and mule LIBLEZ!!11!

    Shit, when are we as citizens going to "make an example" out of Incorporated Americans?

  • IonaTrailer

    Sort of on topic – True story: A friend worked at the IRS, and would occasionally lunch with colleagues. One day he offered the guy who was supposed to pick up the mail and sort it out, a lift back to the office. The dude asked if they could make a quick stop for something at his home. He opened the garage to get into the house, and my friend noticed there were piles of U.S. Postal bags in the corner. Turns out the guy was getting a divorce and was under a lot of stress, so he'd been stashing some mail bags so he wouldn't have to deal with them. When they sorted everything out, little old ladies had been sending letters saying stuff like, "I've sent you two checks already, but you're still taking my house". I don't know what the moral to this story is, but there you have it.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "Through, rain, and snow and sleet and…oh no, not divorce…."

      • IonaTrailer

        Needless to say, they swept this under the IRS rug, and never gave anyone's house or bank account back.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          It really is a sad story, all together.

    • tessiee

      Ha, years ago, I had this boss who was from another country, and he was a complete ass-basket (for reasons totally unrelated to his being from another country).

      The company bookkeeper filed the company's taxes, of course, and since Assbasket was the owner of the company, he asked her to put his new TV set (at his house) on the company tax return as "office equipment".
      She: Yeah, no, I'm not gonna do that.
      Him: Why not?
      She: Because I prepared this tax return, I signed my name to it, and I'm responsible for it. I don't want the IRS after me.
      Him [in mocking singsong whine]: Oh, the IRS! The IRS! What can THEY do??

    • blueflowers


  • sewollef

    Damn, there must be an echo in here, here.

    I swear I read the same paragraph twice, twice.

  • If America was Metric, this mistake could NEVER have happened.

  • Lucky for the Tsonges this was Wells Fargo making the mistake, not the US Air Force Drone Command.

  • Sorry bank is sorry.

  • jodyleek

    “We are moving quickly to reach out to the family to resolve this unfortunate situation in an attempt to right this wrong.”
    Let me suggest the Tjosaas family change their identities and leave town before Wells Fargo crawls in their bedroom window, rapes them and knocks them up.

    • Biff

      They're raping er'body here!

  • Wells Fargo is still “deeply sorry” about this “unfortunate situation” = "We are dithering with the Tjossas Family about the value of their stuff and plan to offer them 10 cents on the dollar in exchange for a gag order"

    • NYNYNYjr

      We are looking for criminal records on the family members so we can demonize them and turn this narrative around.

      • Arborista

        Why do you think they planted the bongs, etc.?

  • LastGasp

    Incorporated Americans are somehow not people when they are committing crimes, but non-Incorporated Americans are always people.

    After the next American Revolution, these words will be used to justify why so many plutocrats were drawn and quartered.

  • Goddamn cookie cutter houses, they all look the same.

    • Brown people, also.

    • Negropolis

      There goes the neighborhood. Really.

  • ChernobylSoup

    And here I thought Twenty-Nine Palms was only inhabited by Marines who had somehow pissed off the Pentagon.

    And Ken Layne.

    • Wait…Layne was the squatter who trashed the house the second time?¹


      • Probably just one of those characters from his book.

  • Am I the only one seeing "admin options" again?

  • pinkocommi

    Remember this story the next time you hear Republicans opine that corporations are so much more competent than the government.

    When a corporation forecloses on the wrong house twice, it is the government that is called upon to straighten the mistake out.

  • chicken_thief

    “We are moving quickly to reach out to the family to resolve this unfortunate situation in an attempt to right this wrong.”

    But we can never seem to find the right house or the correct phone number, Padilla added.

  • BTW, Wells Fargo are assholes. They held my Aunt's "reverse mortgage". I was the lucky nephew to be named executor and had to sell her place. This was at the depth of the real estate mess in NJ – and I managed sell it – with the closing on the day before the note was due (this is the way reverse mortgages work). On the day the of the closing WF called me and said I ran out of time and I was in foreclosure. It took 4 hours of screaming at people (which is NOT like me at all!!!!) to fix this.

    Best part – why would you possibly want a house that took me a year to sell when I am giving you cash today for it? Answer: it made no difference to them whether they lost money or not, these were the rules.

    • finallyhappy

      We dealt with several banks after family deaths. Virtually everyone at every bank was an asshole. In on bank, despite having every required document and my driver's license, the person "helping " me discussed with the manager- loudly- if maybe I was a thief instead of the person named on the documents- legal documents with my name and address and my driver;s license matched them. I yelled out " I CAN HEAR YOU"

      • wolvenwood13

        You must have gotten it resolved – which is why you are now "finally happy"?
        Truly, what a nightmare. I hate having to deal with morons, don't you? I think you should have pulled out your cell phone, dialed your lawyer and loudly talked about your libel lawsuit against WF. Then called the rude police. What buttholes.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    It's the house's own fault for looking so forecloseable, and for being in that kind of neighborhood.

    • sullivanst

      And wearing those shockingly low-cut shrubs.

      • Right? See how closely clipped its bush was???? It was just asking for it!

    • spends2much

      Houses that don't want to be foreclosed on have ways to shut that whole thing down.

    • Negropolis

      Did you see those open bay windows?! Slut. A painted lady keeps her windows closed.

  • pinkocommi

    Thankfully, I can't afford to buy my own home, so I will never be wrongly foreclosed upon twice. Lucky me.

    • AbandonHope_

      See there, you're being proactive! Good for you!

  • OneDollarJuana


    From the OED:
    " acre length n. now rare = acre's length n. at Compounds 2; cf. acre lengh n.

    1924 J. J. Taubenhaus & F. W. Mally Culture & Dis. Onion 60 For the Laredo district in Texas the acre length (208 feet) is the one in most common use."

    So (at least in Texas), an acre is a measure of length. Just as the death penalty is compassionate conservatism.

  • Needz moar 2nd Amendment Solutions.

    OT: Why is my goddamned 'p' in freefall? I used to be in the elite 140 Club…

    • I have experienced same. With less than 50 comments, your Pness is a tenuous and volatile figure. That your current P# is so high clearly indicates that you have thus far been well received here and the other places you may be commenting. However until you have made more comments, your Pness is at the mercy of your latest thumbs-up count on your latest submissions. More comments with higher thumb counts cements your higher P value. It is fairly simple averages math.

      My advise would be to continue being you, and submit comments exactly as you have and how you have. But be ready for a P roller coaster when some of your comments don't make those higher thumb-counts.


      • Ah – thank you for initiating me into the sacred mysteries of Intense Debate. I'd been wondering about it. I didn't really care (too) much about my p number until it started to plummet a couple of weeks ago…

        • Looking back at my response, I'm thinking I oversimplified. I should add that there appear to be algorithms also at play. It has been posited that having followers, and the quantity of those followers, may also play into the P figure (I am myself still unclear if this is true). Quantity of comments is, in the long run (as in thousands of comments), also almost assuredly a factor.

          But for you now, while you are in the 0-200 comments count, it has been my experience that your Pness will remain volatile; and may travel both up and down.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Whine, whine, whine. I done been posting thoughtful, high quality, insightful comments for several months, but,does mine break 80? Damn right it doesn't.

  • Callyson
  • Mittens Howell, III

    Time for an apology tour.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Oog. Beer bongs. Sure hope they didn't spill any. Phew!

    • mrpuma2u

      You raise an important point of debauchery order. Was it beer, and bongs (hard to believe someone would leave their bong behind just saying) 2 separate items involving 2 different controlled substances, or beer bongs, OR a crude MJ smoking device made from a beer can? (King cans work best or that is uh, what I heard)

  • sbj1964

    If you can't get it right the first time? Just keep fucking it up over,and over like the GOP with trickle down economics.

  • Hey, man! Lay off Wells Fargo!

    I mean, you know, they said they were sorry! They even said it twice! Who among us hasn't jimmied a door lock and repossessed stuff from people who never even owed money on the house at any time?

    I know I have and I was sorry!

    Besides, I bet if they had mortgaged their home, they would have defaulted on it! This just saved Wells Fargo the whole useless exercise of giving them a mortgage, getting unpaid on it, and then filing court papers! Cut out the middleman! It's efficient!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Can we please have a three strikes your out law for these burglers, er I mean bankers?

  • Well, someone in the Tjosaas family must have missed a payment on something, sometime. It all evens out.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Headline I'd like to read:
    “We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses Wells Fargo has suffered as a result of their CEO and several directors being mistakenly imprisoned at Guantanamo as enemy combatants,” a Federal spokesman said in a statement. “We moved quickly and have been in contact with Wells Fargo to resolve this unfortunate situation in due course.”

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Hey, as a token of apology, I bet WF gives this family free checking for, like, an hour or so with a percentage dividend on deposits of .0001. Damn, I might switch to WF!

  • rickmaci

    Jeezuzz. This was not their REAL house, it was a fucking second home in Twentynine Palms. Have any of you ever been to Twentynine Palms? It's in the middle of the Mojave, the next stop is called Death Valley. I don't know what the fuck you do with a second home in Twentynine Palms but if you ask me the bank did them a favor by knocking the place down. Saved them the demo costs.

    • You do mescaline in the middle of the Mojave, that's what you do!

      • rickmaci

        And cook crystal meth.

    • Funfact: U2 recorded their best album after visiting Twentynine Palms (OK, it was Joshua Tree National Park, but it's right there!)

      Also, it's fucking better than Needles or Barstow. In fact, that's the town motto: Better than fucking Barstow.

      • wolvenwood13

        Why would you want to fuck Barstow? It's fucked enough already, I've been there.

    • Negropolis

      Ah, yes, Meth Valley.

  • barto

    Quick, Tjosaas, file an LLC, THEN go rob the Wells Fargo!

  • AncienReggie

    10 acres away means it was about 4 hectares away. Sadly, neither measurement is linear. No wonder they keep fucking these people over. Wells Fargo has no idea where they even are on the globe.

    Maybe they were thinking in cubits?

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Well, wouldn't CUBits be three dimensional then? I mean really.

  • OT: Hussein Obammy killed the Birtherpalooza Box Office!!!1!1

    • viennawoods13

      “The REASON the EVENT by Sheriff Joe & his Cold Case POSSE was CANCELLED is because the Sheriff & others are TOO DUMB to SEE the MURDERS Barack Obama had his Security Adviser John Brennan commit on Obama’s Gay Lovers in Chicago,”
      Well, glad to have THAT explained.

  • YouBetcha

    I love you baby. I didn't mean to do it. You made me do it. It'll never happen again.

  • Biff

    Out here in the boonies we never use an acre as a measure of distance, but rather of area. This is probably where the bank fucked up.

  • RRoccoco

    Time to go all El Ka-Bong on Wells Fargo, methink! Next stage coach that passes by, I'm gone do a little foreclosing on their heads.

  • Antispandex

    I forget, is it the second, or the third time that's a charm?

  • fartknocker

    If the President is re-elected and we take back 2/3 of the House, I sure hope we get a Consumer Protection Bureau and fill it with MPs, JAGS, and military accountants who have served in Afghanistan and Iraq to go after these goat fucks. Wells Fargo needs some military justice.

    • cheetojeebus

      Having had a heel spur worked on by an Army Podiatrist, Let me add one of these dudes to the list. -Using the syringe filled with steroids as a probe; "is this it? How about here? Here? Oh, here it is, I can feel it."

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Incorporated Americans are somehow not people when they are committing crimes, but non-Incorporated Americans are always people.

    I don't think I could laugh enough, or cry enough, at the coining of this phrase.

  • BornInATrailer

    English units of area vs. distance, Motherfucker! Do you speak it!?

    (I just wanted in on the acre correction bonanza)

  • An_Outhouse

    c'mon guys. Who ever never makes a mistake, throw the first stone. Shit happens. You know we wouldn't have done this on purpose.

  • Biff
  • PinkoPopulist

    I said it once, and now clearly, the details have emerged, and they have supported my theory…10 acres is entirely too close to be living to actual poors. Guilty by association. They got what was coming to 'em.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Over the weekend I sent this in to Wonkette Tips.

    Y'all publish it Monday afternoon and I get no props?

    I feel violated as a Wells Fargo customer…

    • I have had the same thing happen to me. it gave me a sad.

  • bringmeanaxe

    Hmm, break and enter, theft, trespassing. The list of indictable criminal offenses just keeps growing and growing!

  • James Michael Curley

    In Jersey City a Wells Fargo branch had some sort of security problem and a guy got caught for hours between the inner and outer doors in the foyer where the ATM machine was. Was about six years ago and the police and bank were still scoping things out as I was walking to work.

  • Nostrildamus

    True or False? The house in question has a car elevator.

  • DahBoner

    electric blankets, bongs and stolen food

    Ah, those were the Good Ole Days….

  • Wells Fargo isn't a bad person. It's just under a lot of pressure. It never gets a fair deal, and when the baby cries, it can't sleep. I should know better than to not have its supper ready when it comes to foreclose. It's my fault, I know I can fix Wells Fargo. I just haven't been trying hard enough. I need to start wearing more makeup, and listening better.

  • guangho

    You know, and I'm just throwing this out there, saying sorry may not actually mean that you are sorry. (I assume no offers of compensation will be forthcoming?)

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Hmph … I didn't realize Wells Fargo had the same people working for them that Bush hired to look for Osama bin Laden…

  • vtxmcrider

    Wells Fargo did not "mistakenly secure" the house. It was locked, and therefore secure, before Wells Fargo fucking broke into and ransacked it. What they did was downright criminal.

  • Fucking shit, Wells Fuggo has my (former wage-slave of the Fascist Insect Bank) pension. Looks as if I'm screwed.

  • MinAgain

    Sing with me!

    O-ho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street,
    Oh, please let it be for me!
    O-ho, the Wells Fargon wagon is a-comin' down the street,
    I wish I knew which neighbor it will freak.

  • If this happened to me, the next group of "contractors" that come a callin' better be wearing bullet-proof vests.

  • owhatever

    To be sure, Wells Fargo should apologize in advance for the third time and assign one of their many vice presidents and senior financial planners for execution.

  • Shackle38

    I wish I was a lawyer so I could take this case free of charge!

  • comrad_darkness

    "We are moving quickly . . ." is Incorporated People code for: We sat on our butts ignoring the injured party for three months until said party went to the press.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Wells Fargo is becoming quite practices at crying crocodile tears.

  • Arborista

    Only slightly OT: Any other Wonketteers remember Bill Forsyth's movie, "Breaking In" with Burt Reynolds? I really do love Bill Forsyth- too bad he seems to have stopped making movies.

  • Negropolis

    I said it on the other thread about this, but "secured" still gets me. It's like the epitome of tone-deaf corporate-speak.

    When you see the Wells Fargo wagon comin' down the street…blow that fucker up…with votes, of course.

  • zappadoo76

    We are deeply sorry for the very personal losses the Tjosaas family suffered as a result of their home being mistakenly secured,” said [Wells Fargo spokesman] Alfredo Padilla.

    I recommend ritual seppuku.

    • HistoriCat

      Seems a bit extreme to demand that the Tjosaas family commit suicide but if that's what is needed to keep the markets calm – what choice do we have?

  • Dallas138

    The Wells Fargo contractors should be VERY happy that they didn't go terrorize these people in some State where they would have been authorized to "stand their ground" and kill all the invading contractors, as well as Alfredo Padilla. They can show just how "sorry" they are by restoring these people's house and paying them about $10 million in damages for their terrorization by Wells Fargo, which is just about half of what any reasonable jury would award them in a civil suit.

  • "I assure you, Mrs. Buttle, the Ministry is very scrupulous about following up and eradicating any error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms."

Previous articleLiberal Media Cover-Up: D’Souza’s Obama-Bashing Movie Was Mildly Successful On Slow Weekend
Next articleIs Paul Ryan On The Marijuana?