Oh noez, Barack Obama is committing crimes against literature and comedy and blogging, apparently, because he is self-plagiarizing! Let’s see, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah:
When he began working the room and talking to patrons, he came across a table of 10, where he was told that Andre Wupperman, who will turn seven next week, was born in Hawaii, reports Politico.
That was his cue. Obama smiled, and flashed the shaka sign, and then asked, “You were born in Hawaii? You have a birth certificate?”
Hmmm, where have we heard that joke before?
Oh right, here, when we exclusively reported that he said the same thing to one “Donna Schoenkopf,” whoever that might be.
On his way out, he stopped to shake hands with nice lady Donna Schoenkopf, who had apparently scammed her way in by pretending to be a reporter. “I was born in the same hospital as you, Kapiolani Hospital,” she gushed, at which he stopped and turned back. “Do you have a birth certificate?” he asked her, because now he is apparently hilarious as well. She reports exclusively to Wonkette that she did not have an awesome witty comeback, but just said, “Yeah.”
And now The New Yorker has to fire Barack Obama, it is so very sad, the end.
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{ 148 comments }
Schoenkopf?
I've heard that name before…lemme think….
I hear/read the name and all that comes to mind is a dazzling smile…
And cleavage.
Dazzling cleavage?
And cute red dresses!
…and great wheels in red heels. Don't forget the great wheels.
What does Rebecca drive?
Did Dinesh D'souza make a movie about her?
You're not supposed to have found out about that.
And brilliant red hair and captivating smile…
Beautiful Head!
As it's Bill O'Reilly's birthday, I can only conclude that Andre Wupperman and Donna Schoenkopf are the same person.
Obama can plagiarize me all he wants.
Doesn't Schoenkopf mean pretty head?
Nice head.
I'll let you know Friday morning.
Boooo! Never kiss and tell BEFORE kissing.
Well, yea, but since the kissing isn't likely to happen, I have to get my bragging in now.
Pre-emptive caddishness, thats a new twist.
According to Google Translator, it means "Candidate" in Manchurian.
That would be like firing Don Rickles for calling somebody a hockey puck.
He stole that joke from Mitt Romney.
And I believe is the first time anyone has ever done that.
Mitt Romney will take a lot of credit for that joke.
When Twitt Romoney tells a joke, the punch line strikes back.
In
Soviet RussiaAmercia, joke tells you.And this would be the difference between Obama and Mittens: the latter would never think of saying “You're a successful businessperson? You have a tax return?”
Then when the businessperson says "No" Mittens can say, "Hey me neither! Hahahaha!"
Even if one of his writers were clever enough to come up with it — and I don't think they are — Romney would botch the line. He would say it like a big stiff, the exact same way he eats a donut with a knife and fork, with that uncomfortable smile like somebody just goosed him on the subway — and then he would laugh by *saying*, "Ha. Ha. Ha.".
I knew that whole birth certificate thing was going to come back to bite him eventually.
I blame Obama for this. Oh, wait…
"Do you you have birth certificate?" That's my new get-ta-know-ya question.
Of course, the Mittbott doesn't have a birth certificate, only an activation date.
Somebody needs to hack his system and activate the death date (figuratively speaking – I don't really wish him dead, just gone).
Don't over-think this. Your intial impulse is correct.
Then he can go to his very own special planet where he will be king and he and Ayn will rule over everyone. It is written. So. They. Say.
Kiss my ring.
You mean incept date. Show us the Voight-Kampf results!
No one should ever plagiarize from a conversation with CommieMom. Rebecca, you do realize this will next appear on WND?
That's metaplagiarism against Joe Biden, actually.
Did she proceed to puke on his shoes?
Meh, I will become concerned when he starts rambling on about trucknutz and teh buttseks.
That's what Uncle Joe is for.
Given how hard he works to not shout out "Alllah Akbar!" all the time, it is amazing that all kind of crap doesn't come out his mouth.
Was the 7 year old obviously from Kenya as well?
In Mitt Romney's case, it's best to ask if he has a belly button. I don't think those come standard on his model.
I was just thinking about an afterbirth certificate, to rule out eggs from the Lizardpeople.
Afterbirth- not just for breakfast anymore.
"And then I'll ram my ovipositor down your throat and lay my eggs in your chest — but I'm not an alien!" — Brak, MST3K, the movie
The President we be appearing Thursday-Saturday night at Spanky's comedy club.Don't forget to tip your waitresses,and Bar tenders.2 drink minimum.
And the little girl replied "fuck you. I'm white." before chuckling and walking away from the scary negroidal person.
Schoenkopf is Showin' It Off – but I'm sure you've heard that one before.
Also.
The whole concept of "self-plagiarism" boggles my mind. Freakin' academics, man. You sayin Rodney Dangerfield crossed some ethical line every time he complained about not getting respect?
Yes. He should have cited himself, including at least the date of publication. Sure, it would throw off the timing, but academic standards are important.
Fact Check: Rodney Dangerfield actually received respect.
He needs to follow that up with "I'll show you mine if you show me yours.".
ETA not to the little girl of course, because COOTIES.
Shaka sign? Is that some anti-colonial Muslim thing?
Close: it's Polynesian, bra
Do not confuse w/ Hook 'em Horns.
Or PRIEST/SABBATH/MAIDEN, DUdE!!!!!111!!11!
Yes, I am old now.
Hah, you're old? Those bands are crap for teenie-boppers in my book. (As if "teenie-boppers" wouldn't reveal my age.)
or the malocchio (evil eye) sign
Damn, y'all got all the hand-signal knowledge. Extra points for malocchio.
I would give anything to have PresO plagiarize the hell out of me. All due respect.
Honey, I've met you. You've got the transaction reversed.
You are too sweet! But I really would like to hear PresO call Mitt a "fucktard conservabitch cunt…"
Oh. Like Prommie, I was considering "plagiarize" to be a euphemism for … um … sing sweet sad songs to you.
And Prommie, I agree, Salma has seen better days. Did her face get longer and more like Rafalca as she got older or was I always insane?
And a fine Salma Hayek to you, madam. All due respect.
Oh, I am sorry, I didn't know you just meant "plagiarize." I thought there was some euphemism there for something else.
Come on now you have to give me time to finish my own stupid jokes. Fucking carpool man, screwing with my timing. Whatever on lovely Salma, I TOLD you, good luck with that, truly. I would be proud for you.
That was like a reflexive, habitual remark, but really, Salma, meh. I used to think she was pretty. But you know, not every movie star works in movies, I have discovered.
On Friday evening, Mark Shields predicted the first candidate to show some self-deprecating humor in debate #1 will win it.
I'm pretty sure that won't be (r)Money…
He actually has this talent, this amazing paradoxical ability, to say things that from anyone else in the world would be self-deprecating, and come off as self-aggrandizing to the point ot abject narcissism. He may not be human, he may already have turned into a Mormon God of some kind, don't they all do some kind of morphing into harem-ruling gods at some point? Do they have to die first?
Yes, they have to die first. Ergo….
"Hi, my name is Mitt Romney, and I am unemployed."
Paul Ryan commits self plagiarism by shitting his pants every time he's asked a follow-up question.
Yeah, that VP debate with Joe should be fun to watch. Can't wait until Joe calls him 'sonny'.
I know what you mean — Joe is such a pro that, if he chooses to go that way, Sonny won't even know he's been cut till he sees his guts on the floor.
I remember, though, anticipating his evisceration of Sarah Palin. But Joe was totally gracious and respectful, and let Sarah demonstrate what an idiot she is, all by herself. The contrast couldn't have been starker.
I hope Joe chooses to cut Ryan to ribbons this time out. Whether it would be better strategically or not, I don't know — I just want to see him slice that bastard into pieces.
Well, to be strictly accurate, that's not *self* plaigiarism; he's plaigiarizing Seamus.
He added "Join me in sending Mitt Romney a bag of salted rat dicks."
Do they sell those at Trader Joe's?
Faux News Alert: The President has become a Birther!
Lede graph: This proves birthers are not racist.
Newsreel tapes at 11:00, with live piano music and a china giveaway.
How about, Lies at Eleven….
Jerry Sandusky and Rushbo never bother to ask little girls a goddamn thing.
phhht. I use this strategy all the time. For example: I will crack jokes to my boss about how I didn't do any work all day so that he won't suspect that I actually didn't do any work all day.
Amazing! I do the same thing!
I find talking to my bosses just encourages them.
Two notes:
1) The article was written by Daniel Politi, which answers the "Where is Scritti Politi now?" question
2) He can't even spell "Dockside" (sic Docskide)
Not to mention his brother Mani Puliti.
Plagiarism? Probably been hanging out too much with that Joe Biden fellow. Bad influence.
Bamz plagiarized his birth certificate? From who? Oily Tittz or whatever her name is? I'm getting too confused.
After Obama's birth certificate comment, Obama being swept off his feet by a powerlifting pizza shop owner, and that Biden photo with the biker chick, I'm convinced I passed out during a lost weekend and woke up in an alternate universe scripted by the Onion.
And it's AWESOME.
I sort of wish that *were* true.
How do you know it DIDN'T happen?
Handsome Joe plagiarized me Thursday night (or was that Wednesday?), but noone would ever believe it. I'm not even certain, but I think I mighta said something to him that he repeated.
I said "The". I'm awaiting my royalties, Mr Vice President!
Alright so seriously no kidding, I met him once and talked for about 5 minutes when I was working on a campaign. I'm pretty sure there was this one thing I said to him, because of this very significant event that happened right about that time in my life. He said it during the speech, what I said to him. I have to google and see if its one of his regular lines, now I wonder how long he's been saying it.
I believe you.
What's your marathon time again?
Oh, about 1:20.
Well, you know how those blahs are, always stealing stuff.
Probably not printed up in a secret Illuminati counterfeit printing operation like Barry's was.
OT, but Romney is going to be SUCH a sore loser.
Not at first, I don't think, but a week or two after the dust settles, he'll give an interview to some second-string host on FOX (Shep, maybe) and he'll complain about the unfair treatment he received at the hands of the President's campaign who made his tax returns and business experience the centerpiece of their tactics against his campaign of running on his successful business record.
The business record which was supposed to prove he could fix the economy, but which we weren't supposed to discuss, or learn any more about through tax returns. That business record?
Running on his successful
Business record AND honesty, you mean. Just ask Ann Romney.
I'm actually kinda looking forward to his tepid hissy fit, capped off by a princessy pout.
"Princessy pout" – Ann's permanent expression.
Princessy pout. Ain't that the truth, unless it is a lip-curl sneer hurled at "you people."
Well, really. It IS his time, guys. Just give it to him.
Talk about self-plagiarism, my friend stutters!
Don't worry!
The Bottom will get to the Donald Trump of this…
Plagiarizing Libel! BTW and OT-I have decided I know what Paul Ryan is good at: lying. That motherfucker is a very accomplished liar. I've known many liars in my life-some (of the criminal persuasion) are absolute super-stars. I will tell you Ryan is one accomplished liar and when it comes to thinking on his feet, he is like Fred Astair. Ol Handsome Joe is going to find pinning this asshole down during the debates will be like trying to stuff an oyster in a parking meter.
The debate's just going to boil down to he-said-she-said, Joe will come with the facts and Paul Ryan will lie and lie about his lying. The only upside is that the debates are probably when people pay most attention to the fact-checkers; the downside is that nobody really pays much attention to the VP debate.
Joe knows what he's doing, he just has to make sure he doesn't come over too aggressive when pointing out that nothing Paul Ryan has said is true.
Not worried about Joe, I'm just thinking Barry will have the more easily rattled opponent.
Yeah, obviously Bamz is going to have the same problem of pointing out the relentless mendacity without turning off viewers, but you're right, it shouldn't be a problem because Mitt gets very testy when people in his presence don't accept his blatant lies as gospel.
Not accustomed to being personally confronted, period. The curse of the privileged.
"Mitt gets very testy when people in his presence don't accept his blatant lies as gospel."
"Are you questioning me??"*
*Yes, it would be awesome if he said this as Cornholio, but we all know Mitt is incapable of doing anything that cool.
"Joe knows what he's doing, he just has to make sure he doesn't come over too aggressive"
At which point, he will be labeled "weak".
As in the saying, "whatever is not forbidden is mandatory", whatever the Dems do that is not "angry" is "weak".
My recommendation? Have lots of videotape of Ryan's lies at the ready.
You can't exactly roll video in the middle of a debate. Lay the groundwork early that he's not truthful, though, and you can roll out a "there he goes again" mid-debate when he tells more whoppers.
I realize that, though more's the pity, because how cool would it be to have Lyin Ryan say he never said something or other, and have Joe just press the Play button and smirk?
I meant more like, he should study like hell, and memorize the shit out of everything Ryan said — really go over it frame by frame like it was the Zapruder footage — and hit him every time he opens his mouth (with accurate quotes, I mean, of course).
Ryan: I never…
Joe: Yes, you did. You said it on July 17. We have you on videotape saying it, etc.
I bet you $10,000 he's running for elected office, for Pete's sake.
The good news: the debate will be moderated by ABC’s Martha Raddatz, their senior foreign affairs correspondent. Remind me again … which one of the candidates has more experience in foreign relations?
"Ol Handsome Joe is going to find pinning this asshole down during the debates will be like trying to stuff an oyster in a parking meter."
Admit it — you're plaigiarizing too — you stole that metaphor from Mrs. Ryan.
Guilty, Yo' Honah! ;)Sent from my iPhone
Or Mrs. Santorum.
Dear Barry,
Stay out of bars, please.
Regards,
Sam
why? if i were barry i'd be living in a bar.
Hey, Obama — Why are you plaigiarizing yourself? Why are you plaigiarizing yourself? Why are you plaigiarizing yourself? … etc.
Because he hates Amercia, obvsly.
Come now, Romney has that great joke about cutting the deficit while also cutting taxes on the rich and increasing military spending.
Isn't that what George HW Bush called "voodoo economics?"
Someone really ought to interview George the Smarter, and ask what he thinks about the Ryan "budget".
Why isn't the liberal media reporting on the three hundred bars Mitt visited this weekend?
Oh, wait, that's actually not funny at all. The man has a serious problem.
Tina Fey should sue because he said that he can see the U.S. Capitol from his house. I mean, he totally can, but still.
The broads go crazy for it.
You are such a fucking lawyer.
Am not. I renounce lawyerhood.
Say it three times and we'll believe you.
man I have been renouncing all KINDS of stuff lately. Good for you. But you have quite a way with words, this is certain.
He's got it worse than I have ever seen. He's incapable of turning it off even in camera.
Sign of a purebred twit.Sent from my iPhone
He's constantly visibly affronted by anything less than obvious subservience. He is pissed at anyone who so much as suggests by tone or posture that they are his "equal."
Well, back in the ever-receding day, I was an elitist prog-rock-cum-jazz dork, and therefore scornful of the yahooistic Metalheads. Now that I think of it, I guess time has not cured me of that (the only change being that I pretty much only listen to jazz these days). Do kids today listen to 80's metal? If so, I had no idea…
No idea either. The research would involve going to YouTube & seeing how many commenters are of the "I was born last wk. & I hate today's music, metal rules!!" variety.
Bingo!Sent from my iPhone
"We've shown all you people need to know about our finances and how we live our life." — Ayn(toinette) Rmoney
Like it is that easy to get your soul back.
Yeah but I really renounced it, I let my license lapse. On porpoise, for Jerry's Squids. But really.
"*I* am the great Mittholio! I need tax breaks for my dancehorse!"
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