Warblog Wonkette To Invade Philadelphia ‘Drinking Liberally’ Party, Kill It

Party down

Soon we shall be winging our way from our nation’s capitol to the City of Brotherly Love and marching on their Drinking Liberally party like it is Poland. Important details where it says “read more”!

The party shall beeth this Tuesday, 6 p.m., at Jose Pistiola’s, 263 South 15th Street. We will meet upstairs and in the back, because of course we will.

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Ooooh, shiny swords and spears?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      You've heard of General Guinness, I presume?

      He comes from dear old Dublin
      He's a man we all applaud,
      For he always finds a corkscrew
      Far more handy than a sword.

      — from the folk tribute to "The Dublin Boozaliers"

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Editrix, I'm really worried that once this East Coast swing is over, you'll be checking into Betty Ford for a stint.

    • glasspusher

      …said the Finn…

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Rehab is for quitters.

        • glasspusher

          Hey, I can quit drinking, I've done it a hundred times!

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            I do it every night, usually when I pass out.

          • HistoriCat

            Bah – W. C. Fields said he quit a thousand times!

          • glasspusher

            I never claimed to be in his league!

    • Serolf_Divad

      I'm pretty sure that's already been scheduled as the last stop on the tour.

    • Boojum

      She'll just pull one of those livers out of the freezer, plug it in, and she's good to go.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    NORM!!!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Wrong cradle of the Revolution.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I know. I thought of that after I clicked submit. But, I will reuse it for any Boston drinky thingy.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    It's Always Wonkette In Philadelphia!

  • chicken_thief

    Needz moar pole dancers.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      For more Polish dancers should go to Chicago or Milwaukee where not all the skis are on the slopes.

      • mrpuma2u

        Chicago is flat as a pancake, but has many skis. 2nd largest Pole town outside of Poland.

        Hey I thought Chow yun flat won a drinky thingy in Chi-town? It will be warm here all the way till turkey day, thanks to global warming.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Appropriately, the Chicago Wonkette Drink-up will be held on Casimir Pulaski Day.

  • Freewayblogger

    Wake Up and Smell the EcoTyranny!
    http://freewayblogger.blogspot.com/2012/09/someon

    Too long have giant corporations suffered under the bootheels of Greenpeace!

    • glasspusher

      I'm sorry, only questions on farming.

  • kittensdontlie

    Wish I could be there! City of Brotherly Love, that is an apt description until the police start throwing Molotov Cocktails in an attempt to shut the party down.

    • FNMA

      You burn down one neighborhood and people never let you forget it.

      • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

        Just MOVE on, people.

        • kittensdontlie

          …..there is nothing there to see.

        • amarikah

          Ah yes, the Philadelphia Air Force's finest hour. The MOVE bombing won this hands down, not that there weren't several other contenders: http://www.reddit.com/r/philadelphia/comments/yhh

  • FakaktaSouth

    I do hope y'all plan to boo an historically loved childhood figure, throw some rechargeable batteries and possibly, could someone leave something on Ben Franklin's grave for me like he was Jim Morrison? I know he would appreciate it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      OK, send your bra to the attention of me, and I'll see it gets there.

      I'll even pay the excess freight charges.

      • FakaktaSouth

        OOH! I'll send you my "He that can have patience can have what he will." thong! Perfect!

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          It may take a while to place it, you understand. I'll need to try it on carefully inspect it for possible homeland security concerns.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I would say they are too tiny, but you know, I've had my big ass plastered up on here so I know I can't get away with all of that now. And as INCREDIBLY right Ben said –

            "To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends."

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Tiny is good.

            It's very good. Especially when it covers so little.

          • emmelemm

            I'm gonna have to remember that. CUZ IT'S TRUE.

          • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

            I would hope you wear it on your head like a normal guy.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            A head might be involved, yes.

    • prommie

      When it comes to things like manners and pleasant demeanor, Philly is the Israel of America. The city's official motto should be "what the fuck are you looking at?" But they did do me proud when they booed the shit out of Palin at that Flyers game.

      I think Ben would enjoy some porn, don't you? Or even better, people going at it right there at his grave.

      • FakaktaSouth

        There IS a reason he's my favorite founding father. Fucking on his grave would be an act of rightful respect, as long as all the French-made underthings are cast about properly.

        • prommie

          Franklin-Grave adjacent. Speaking only French, thats important.

          • FakaktaSouth

            "Je voudrais coucher avec toi a la grave d'Ambassador Franklin maintenant, s'il te plait, merci beaucoup. Oui, c'est vrai."
            Yeah, I think that would work.

          • Weallscream

            Sans doubt!

          • prommie

            The old perv would certainly approve.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Ben Franklin would LOVE me. I can read and write AND have no class when I can get away with it, drink everything and eat anything with my hands. We'd be perfect.

          • Boojum

            Worked for me! Brb

  • proudgrampa

    That's 4pm, Mountain Time. I'll be into my second or third Sapphire martini, by then!

    • Mojopo

      Some people will tell you you're wrong about Sapphire martinis, and I'm here to stand on your side. Every Friday night we have these, and oh mai law – you can't have just one.

    • prommie

      Look at the fancy-schmancy proudgrampa and his Saphire martinis! Poor old Prommie has to get by with America's greatest cheap gin, Gordons. But I do loves me some Hendricks, on occasion.

      • IonaTrailer

        Mmmmm – Hendricks, with a cocktail onion or two and a leetle dirty.

        • proudgrampa

          Oooh, cocktail onions! A taste I have not acquired, yet. Triple or quadruple olives, for me, dirty sometimes.

        • prommie

          or, an olive, an onion, and a jalapeno, all on the same toothpick.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I get the big jalepeno and garlic stuffed olives they have at Costco. Yum.

            And I know I've mentioned this before, but for cheap gin, you might want to try the Fleischmans*, it's my fave when there's no Tanqueray or Sapphire about the house.

            (*This is provided you actually use a little vermouth in your martini.)

          • Mojopo

            If there's no Sapphire in the house, the only alternative is to buy more. One does not pretend when it comes to a martini!

      • commiegirl99

        INCORRECT. Miller's Gin only, and forever.

    • proudgrampa

      Nothing more snobby than a gin snob, eh?

    • Mojopo

      The only other thing I can possibly say is that I did get The Botanist gin for my b-day, and it was amazing. But truly, Sapphire is how I usually roll.

    • JerkCade

      No love for Beefeater?

      • proudgrampa

        Actually, Beefeater was my first, and only, gin for a very long time. I will have a Beefeater on occasion, but once you go Bombay, it's hard to go back!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Yer going to Phillie before posting the photos of George Will doing mouth margaritas at the Wonkette DC drinky gathering?

    • gullywompr

      I don't think you're going to see any pics. After Old Handsome Joe started doing keg stands, the Secret Sevice confiscated every camera in the place.

      • HistoriCat

        Are you sure that wasn't Charlotte? Because there's been zero information about that one.

  • Baconzgood

    Check out the Mutter Museum if you can. It's a wierd place.

    • PsycWench

      The soap lady and the world's largest colon in one place…

      • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

        Don't forget the preserved liver of Chang & Eng Bunker and the world's largest collection of bladder stones.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          If memory serves, don't they also have the world's largest collection of beazors?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "LET THE EAGLE POOUUUUUR!" ~

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Deep thought or GTFO!!

  • Beowoof

    Yuenling, in massive quantities will help adjust to the New American Order, where the intellectually challenged elect a robot who plans to take away the stuff they depend on.

  • finallyhappy

    I just sent $5- share a beer or half a nacho

  • PsycWench

    I love Philly and currently am trapped in SW Virginia. I feel like a kid who can't go to the party with all the other kids. Because that is what I am, pretty much.

  • Barbara_

    I wish I could join you. I am trapped in a poker tournament in Vegas with long legged showgirls and endless booze.

    • IonaTrailer

      Really???!!!??

      • Barbara_

        Yes Iona, I really am. Wish you were here with me. We could go out and watch the Chargers v Raiders game tonight. I wish I would have taken Mumbletyep's advice and "Let the Eagles pour" and bet on them in the sports book yesterday. I wish she would tell me who to bet on tonight. I tend to bet with my heart and not with any common sense when it comes to sports book. Two games, Mumbletypeg! I need advice, please.

    • proudgrampa

      Oooh, Barbara! Are you in the 2012 WSP???

      If you gotta be in a trap, nothing wrong with Vegas!

    • HistoriCat

      Free Barb!

  • Estproph

    "Big up Boston!"

    [John Cena]
    Yeah what's up baby? We're gonna do some things right now
    Show you how we do 'em in the Bean, you know what I'm saying?
    N.Y. representing, Dirty South representing
    Chi-Town, L.A., they're all doing their thing
    We got a little something bubbling in Beanpot over here you know?
    I got my crew right back gonna show you how it's done
    Straight up, hitting one two like Manny Ortiz you heard?

    It's John Cena baby, and we're heating up the Beanpot
    Big up Boston, you know the whole team hot
    Yo we're fresh, you're all a little bit stale
    And we're 'bout to make it ugly just like Kevin McHale
    Cena taking over – I'm 'bout to make the scene mine
    I got a tea party, baby meet me on the Green Line
    Ain't too many kids that flow better than me
    Roll thick like Yaz's sideburns in seventy-three
    Like Tom Brady and the Pats, we're rolling kids
    Cross me and pay a toll like the Tobin Bridge
    From the home of the curse, you all know what I mean
    We like the left field wall, we stacking Monster Green
    Knock you out of the park, you land on Yawkey Way
    My shit be butter, but around here we say Parkay/parquet
    I rent my own team, we're taking over the industry
    Like the Big Dig, baby nobody can finish me

    [Chorus: scratched 4X]
    "Big up Boston!"
    "No one shows pity"

    [Tha Trademarc]
    Yeah, it's Trademarc baby, biggin up Boston, yeah
    6-1-7, 9-7-8, 7-8-1, 5-0-8, and 4-1-3
    And I don't mean to brag, but it's in the bag
    And we're alone on top like we're going stag
    It's a dynasty, that's how I see things
    In four years we're counting three rings
    I'm the MVP, baby gimme that key ring
    And me, Brady and Branch'll own our sweet thing
    Yeah, and we ain't gonna stop
    We had the Eagle Flap looking more like a flop
    And T.O. taking on the B roll and that's the past
    Beating everybody and the salary cap
    What now? You say titan's your rep
    That's like Peyton winning big games out on Gillette
    We don't forget you all, we're keeping it grimy
    Had the Steel Curtain looking like venetian blinds
    Yeah baby, that's how it go
    That's why next year it's looking like 3 in a row

    [Chorus]

    [Esoteric]
    Yeah, uh
    It's Esoteric, tuning in
    Putting it down for Boston Mass
    Yo, I rep the Bean, you all see the way it be
    Home of Source magazine, the Pats and Edo. G
    Steadily poetically I'm Bill Russell in command
    Peace to Dorcester, Roxbury, Mattapan
    Pack a man down quick like Neanderthals
    Standing tall after brawling up in Fanueil Hall
    As a young buck moms said I disobey
    All she heard was no-ma/Nomar like fans in Fenway
    But they sent him to the dugs, I'm like Manny when he shrugs
    And it bug to the sinning women wearing 7 in the club
    A deadly combination like venom hit your blood
    Jason Varitek with the glove, it's all love
    I'm like Schilling with the red sock, when I get hot
    My aim is dangerous, like the Larry Bird set shot
    It's clear now, you living in fear now
    Big up Boston, the champ is here now

  • mavenmaven

    wow, I might be able to make this one.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    "We will meet upstairs and in the back"

    Um, editrix? This is wonkette. We will meet downstairs and in the back.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Poker? In the back?

      • IonaTrailer

        Liquor in the front!

        • proudgrampa

          I see what you two did there.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Damn. I was hoping to sell the DVD.

  • RuinedLiver

    D.C. is very hungover thanks to the Editorix and the city can barely run. Be careful Philly!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Since I can't make this one either, can I FedEx my liver? I could pack it floating in Vodka.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Skip the liver. Send the vodka.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Well, this ought to be an interesting time. I hope to make it up from Handsome Old Joe Biden's home state of Delaware, provided that this cold I got from my daughter goes away in time. And forsooth, I can take ye olde Federally-subsidized SEPTA or Amtrak service there so I don't have to worry about driving back home over I-95 after being Wonkettized.

    Oh yeah, tomorrow is also primary election day in Delaware so if I come I will get to vote and then get hammered.

  • sapinin

    Saving America one drink at a time. Keep up the work….

  • SaintNixon

    I, SaintNixon, will be attending this event under protest. Why are we throwing away our Superior Skillz on those gross nerdlingers from Drinking Liberally? I say we take their drugs and pretty women (woman?) and head over to Dirty Frank's…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    so you are totally waiting for winter for the chicago meet up, aren't you?

    • commiegirl99

      No baby, I am totally waiting for spring.

  • PsycWench

    I remember it featuring a tremendous collections of forceps and related birth hardware that made me very grateful to be birthing' in the tail end of the 20th century.

  • prommie

    I will not be able to do this you fuckers, because I am unable to perambulate in normal fashion at this time, but I donated. So you all better do it right because, all you wonkettes, just as the existence of the Dude comforts me, you also comfort me, just knowing you are all out there takin'er easy for all us sinners. Or taking it hard, just that you are out there. So have a drink on me, as AC DC said.

  • Lamey

    I have been looking forward to this but I'm nervous, like before a blind date. I have never been to a "meetup" before. How will I know which attendees are Wonketeers and which are just plain old libtards? Is there a signal? Should we wear trucknuts in our lapels?

  • Respitetini

    WC FIELDS LIBEL!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Is this the party with the drunken "1776" musical sing-along?

  • SorosBot

    Yay! And it is right near all the train lines, and so should be convenient for all. I've been quiet today because a certain other Wonketter is here visiting, but we shall both be there tomorrow.

    • Steverino247

      Why? If had a certain other Wonketter visiting me, the last place you'd see me would be OUTSIDE. Have fun, you two!

  • Boojum

    If I had half a gonad, I would get on a plane RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and show up. But, of course, I have been neutered, by life, for freedom.

  • RRoccoco

    The alcohol fueled campaign draws ever closer to the center of all things moneyed, cultured, and indulgent–Manhattan! I'm in serious training for the approaching mother of all drinky thingy battles. Bring it on, bitches! It might always be sunny in Philadelphia, but we have a drink named after our money-drenched isle!

  • MissTaken

    I'm gonna get drunk, liberally!

  • el_donaldo

    What?! Where!? When?! Really?!

    Jeez. Will you let me pick the place next time. And the time. There's no way I'm making there at 6, and I probably won't be able to make it at all. Because of the time, not the location. Which seems fine, but there? Really?

    • andy324

      It's a decoy spot. McGlinchy's is 2 doors down. Cool kids will invariably end up there.

      Bring yer smokes.

    • amarikah

      I realized how young and precious some coworkers of mine were when they referred to Jose Pistola's as a dive.

  • guangho

    I strongly disapprove of drinking without me.

  • DahBoner

    Then you should definately stop by Tony Luke's in South Philly and get a cheesesteak sammie with brocolli rabe.

    Will. Not. Regret.

  • ttommyunger

    Why bother! (sigh) Mrs T never lets me go to the dancy thing afterwards since the last time.. …Only dance I remember is the Big Apple, and my worm always falls out. Humiliating!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Jose Pistola's has a great description of itself on its website. Sounds like something Wonket can get itself into. Except the Phillies part, maybe.

    Imagine Aztec goddess of alcohol, Mayahuel, and the Greek god of revelry, Dionysus reproducing. Now picture that baby frolicking through hills filled with beautiful women, margarita streams, and trees whose fruit are the world’s greatest nachos. The Phillies make the playoffs every year of his life. This is Jose Pistola’s.

  • GregComlish

    Scene: DC Wonkette Drinky Thingy

    GREG COMLISH: Hey, so what's the deal with the new Wonkette Catwoman Logo?
    REBECCA SCHOENKOPF: Oh my boyfriend came up with that. He loves to photoshop my head on things.
    GREG COMLISH: Whoa. Did he also make you wear that mask?
    REBECCA SCHOENKOPF: …. <walks away>

  • jamsie25

    A friend from out of town came to stay with me so he could attend the party in Philly. I couldn't go due to work obligations. He said he had a great time and met some really great people, which is no surprise. He got back to my place at 2:30am and of course he had to wake me up and give me a detailed account of the evening. I'm even more sad that I couldn't go. Kind of PO at being gotten out of bed but it was good to hear about the event first hand.

  • UnholyMoses

    Can we get one of these in the Midwest somewhere? Maybe KC … ?