WAR   11:50 am September 10, 2012

Warblog Wonkette To Invade Philadelphia ‘Drinking Liberally’ Party, Kill It

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Party down

Soon we shall be winging our way from our nation’s capitol to the City of Brotherly Love and marching on their Drinking Liberally party like it is Poland. Important details where it says “read more”!

The party shall beeth this Tuesday, 6 p.m., at Jose Pistiola’s, 263 South 15th Street. We will meet upstairs and in the back, because of course we will.

Here is the “donate” button, through which you can “donate.” But you do not have to! We love you.





 
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{ 110 comments }

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

Ooooh, shiny swords and spears?

Mumbletypeg September 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

You've heard of General Guinness, I presume?

He comes from dear old Dublin
He's a man we all applaud,
For he always finds a corkscrew
Far more handy than a sword.

– from the folk tribute to "The Dublin Boozaliers"

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 11:53 am

Editrix, I'm really worried that once this East Coast swing is over, you'll be checking into Betty Ford for a stint.

glasspusher September 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

…said the Finn…

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Rehab is for quitters.

glasspusher September 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Hey, I can quit drinking, I've done it a hundred times!

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I do it every night, usually when I pass out.

HistoriCat September 10, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Bah – W. C. Fields said he quit a thousand times!

Serolf_Divad September 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

I'm pretty sure that's already been scheduled as the last stop on the tour.

Boojum September 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

She'll just pull one of those livers out of the freezer, plug it in, and she's good to go.

Jus_Wonderin September 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

NORM!!!!

Chet Kincaid_ September 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Wrong cradle of the Revolution.

Jus_Wonderin September 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I know. I thought of that after I clicked submit. But, I will reuse it for any Boston drinky thingy.

ManchuCandidate September 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

It's Always Wonkette In Philadelphia!

chicken_thief September 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

Needz moar pole dancers.

weejee September 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

For more Polish dancers should go to Chicago or Milwaukee where not all the skis are on the slopes.

mrpuma2u September 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Chicago is flat as a pancake, but has many skis. 2nd largest Pole town outside of Poland.

Hey I thought Chow yun flat won a drinky thingy in Chi-town? It will be warm here all the way till turkey day, thanks to global warming.

Lascauxcaveman September 10, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Appropriately, the Chicago Wonkette Drink-up will be held on Casimir Pulaski Day.

Freewayblogger September 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

Wake Up and Smell the EcoTyranny!
http://freewayblogger.blogspot.com/2012/09/someon

Too long have giant corporations suffered under the bootheels of Greenpeace!

glasspusher September 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I'm sorry, only questions on farming.

kittensdontlie September 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

Wish I could be there! City of Brotherly Love, that is an apt description until the police start throwing Molotov Cocktails in an attempt to shut the party down.

FNMA September 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You burn down one neighborhood and people never let you forget it.

M. Bouffant September 10, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Just MOVE on, people.

kittensdontlie September 10, 2012 at 8:33 pm

…..there is nothing there to see.

amarikah September 10, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Ah yes, the Philadelphia Air Force's finest hour. The MOVE bombing won this hands down, not that there weren't several other contenders: http://www.reddit.com/r/philadelphia/comments/yhh

FakaktaSouth September 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

I do hope y'all plan to boo an historically loved childhood figure, throw some rechargeable batteries and possibly, could someone leave something on Ben Franklin's grave for me like he was Jim Morrison? I know he would appreciate it.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

OK, send your bra to the attention of me, and I'll see it gets there.

I'll even pay the excess freight charges.

FakaktaSouth September 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

OOH! I'll send you my "He that can have patience can have what he will." thong! Perfect!

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

It may take a while to place it, you understand. I'll need to try it on carefully inspect it for possible homeland security concerns.

FakaktaSouth September 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I would say they are too tiny, but you know, I've had my big ass plastered up on here so I know I can't get away with all of that now. And as INCREDIBLY right Ben said –

"To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends."

Chow Yun Flat September 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I would hope you wear it on your head like a normal guy.

prommie September 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

When it comes to things like manners and pleasant demeanor, Philly is the Israel of America. The city's official motto should be "what the fuck are you looking at?" But they did do me proud when they booed the shit out of Palin at that Flyers game.

I think Ben would enjoy some porn, don't you? Or even better, people going at it right there at his grave.

FakaktaSouth September 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

There IS a reason he's my favorite founding father. Fucking on his grave would be an act of rightful respect, as long as all the French-made underthings are cast about properly.

prommie September 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Franklin-Grave adjacent. Speaking only French, thats important.

FakaktaSouth September 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"Je voudrais coucher avec toi a la grave d'Ambassador Franklin maintenant, s'il te plait, merci beaucoup. Oui, c'est vrai."
Yeah, I think that would work.

proudgrampa September 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

That's 4pm, Mountain Time. I'll be into my second or third Sapphire martini, by then!

Mojopo September 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Some people will tell you you're wrong about Sapphire martinis, and I'm here to stand on your side. Every Friday night we have these, and oh mai law – you can't have just one.

prommie September 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Look at the fancy-schmancy proudgrampa and his Saphire martinis! Poor old Prommie has to get by with America's greatest cheap gin, Gordons. But I do loves me some Hendricks, on occasion.

IonaTrailer September 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Mmmmm – Hendricks, with a cocktail onion or two and a leetle dirty.

proudgrampa September 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Oooh, cocktail onions! A taste I have not acquired, yet. Triple or quadruple olives, for me, dirty sometimes.

prommie September 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

or, an olive, an onion, and a jalapeno, all on the same toothpick.

Lascauxcaveman September 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I get the big jalepeno and garlic stuffed olives they have at Costco. Yum.

And I know I've mentioned this before, but for cheap gin, you might want to try the Fleischmans*, it's my fave when there's no Tanqueray or Sapphire about the house.

(*This is provided you actually use a little vermouth in your martini.)

commiegirl99 September 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

INCORRECT. Miller's Gin only, and forever.

proudgrampa September 10, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Nothing more snobby than a gin snob, eh?

Mojopo September 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

The only other thing I can possibly say is that I did get The Botanist gin for my b-day, and it was amazing. But truly, Sapphire is how I usually roll.

JerkCade September 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

No love for Beefeater?

proudgrampa September 10, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Actually, Beefeater was my first, and only, gin for a very long time. I will have a Beefeater on occasion, but once you go Bombay, it's hard to go back!

weejee September 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Yer going to Phillie before posting the photos of George Will doing mouth margaritas at the Wonkette DC drinky gathering?

gullywompr September 10, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I don't think you're going to see any pics. After Old Handsome Joe started doing keg stands, the Secret Sevice confiscated every camera in the place.

HistoriCat September 10, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Are you sure that wasn't Charlotte? Because there's been zero information about that one.

Baconzgood September 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Check out the Mutter Museum if you can. It's a wierd place.

PsycWench September 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The soap lady and the world's largest colon in one place…

Pres.Beeblebrox September 10, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Don't forget the preserved liver of Chang & Eng Bunker and the world's largest collection of bladder stones.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

If memory serves, don't they also have the world's largest collection of beazors?

Mumbletypeg September 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

"LET THE EAGLE POOUUUUUR!" ~

Blueb4sinrise September 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Deep thought or GTFO!!

Beowoof September 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Yuenling, in massive quantities will help adjust to the New American Order, where the intellectually challenged elect a robot who plans to take away the stuff they depend on.

finallyhappy September 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I just sent $5- share a beer or half a nacho

PsycWench September 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I love Philly and currently am trapped in SW Virginia. I feel like a kid who can't go to the party with all the other kids. Because that is what I am, pretty much.

Barbara_ September 10, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I wish I could join you. I am trapped in a poker tournament in Vegas with long legged showgirls and endless booze.

IonaTrailer September 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Really???!!!??

Barbara_ September 10, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Yes Iona, I really am. Wish you were here with me. We could go out and watch the Chargers v Raiders game tonight. I wish I would have taken Mumbletyep's advice and "Let the Eagles pour" and bet on them in the sports book yesterday. I wish she would tell me who to bet on tonight. I tend to bet with my heart and not with any common sense when it comes to sports book. Two games, Mumbletypeg! I need advice, please.

proudgrampa September 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Oooh, Barbara! Are you in the 2012 WSP???

If you gotta be in a trap, nothing wrong with Vegas!

HistoriCat September 10, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Free Barb!

Estproph September 10, 2012 at 12:20 pm

"Big up Boston!"

[John Cena]
Yeah what's up baby? We're gonna do some things right now
Show you how we do 'em in the Bean, you know what I'm saying?
N.Y. representing, Dirty South representing
Chi-Town, L.A., they're all doing their thing
We got a little something bubbling in Beanpot over here you know?
I got my crew right back gonna show you how it's done
Straight up, hitting one two like Manny Ortiz you heard?

It's John Cena baby, and we're heating up the Beanpot
Big up Boston, you know the whole team hot
Yo we're fresh, you're all a little bit stale
And we're 'bout to make it ugly just like Kevin McHale
Cena taking over – I'm 'bout to make the scene mine
I got a tea party, baby meet me on the Green Line
Ain't too many kids that flow better than me
Roll thick like Yaz's sideburns in seventy-three
Like Tom Brady and the Pats, we're rolling kids
Cross me and pay a toll like the Tobin Bridge
From the home of the curse, you all know what I mean
We like the left field wall, we stacking Monster Green
Knock you out of the park, you land on Yawkey Way
My shit be butter, but around here we say Parkay/parquet
I rent my own team, we're taking over the industry
Like the Big Dig, baby nobody can finish me

[Chorus: scratched 4X]
"Big up Boston!"
"No one shows pity"

[Tha Trademarc]
Yeah, it's Trademarc baby, biggin up Boston, yeah
6-1-7, 9-7-8, 7-8-1, 5-0-8, and 4-1-3
And I don't mean to brag, but it's in the bag
And we're alone on top like we're going stag
It's a dynasty, that's how I see things
In four years we're counting three rings
I'm the MVP, baby gimme that key ring
And me, Brady and Branch'll own our sweet thing
Yeah, and we ain't gonna stop
We had the Eagle Flap looking more like a flop
And T.O. taking on the B roll and that's the past
Beating everybody and the salary cap
What now? You say titan's your rep
That's like Peyton winning big games out on Gillette
We don't forget you all, we're keeping it grimy
Had the Steel Curtain looking like venetian blinds
Yeah baby, that's how it go
That's why next year it's looking like 3 in a row

[Chorus]

[Esoteric]
Yeah, uh
It's Esoteric, tuning in
Putting it down for Boston Mass
Yo, I rep the Bean, you all see the way it be
Home of Source magazine, the Pats and Edo. G
Steadily poetically I'm Bill Russell in command
Peace to Dorcester, Roxbury, Mattapan
Pack a man down quick like Neanderthals
Standing tall after brawling up in Fanueil Hall
As a young buck moms said I disobey
All she heard was no-ma/Nomar like fans in Fenway
But they sent him to the dugs, I'm like Manny when he shrugs
And it bug to the sinning women wearing 7 in the club
A deadly combination like venom hit your blood
Jason Varitek with the glove, it's all love
I'm like Schilling with the red sock, when I get hot
My aim is dangerous, like the Larry Bird set shot
It's clear now, you living in fear now
Big up Boston, the champ is here now

mavenmaven September 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

wow, I might be able to make this one.

starfanglednut September 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

"We will meet upstairs and in the back"

Um, editrix? This is wonkette. We will meet downstairs and in the back.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Poker? In the back?

IonaTrailer September 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Liquor in the front!

proudgrampa September 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I see what you two did there.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Damn. I was hoping to sell the DVD.

RuinedLiver September 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

D.C. is very hungover thanks to the Editorix and the city can barely run. Be careful Philly!

Jus_Wonderin September 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Since I can't make this one either, can I FedEx my liver? I could pack it floating in Vodka.

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Skip the liver. Send the vodka.

Pres.Beeblebrox September 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Well, this ought to be an interesting time. I hope to make it up from Handsome Old Joe Biden's home state of Delaware, provided that this cold I got from my daughter goes away in time. And forsooth, I can take ye olde Federally-subsidized SEPTA or Amtrak service there so I don't have to worry about driving back home over I-95 after being Wonkettized.

Oh yeah, tomorrow is also primary election day in Delaware so if I come I will get to vote and then get hammered.

sapinin September 10, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Saving America one drink at a time. Keep up the work….

SaintNixon September 10, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I, SaintNixon, will be attending this event under protest. Why are we throwing away our Superior Skillz on those gross nerdlingers from Drinking Liberally? I say we take their drugs and pretty women (woman?) and head over to Dirty Frank's…

fuflans September 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm

so you are totally waiting for winter for the chicago meet up, aren't you?

commiegirl99 September 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

No baby, I am totally waiting for spring.

PsycWench September 10, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I remember it featuring a tremendous collections of forceps and related birth hardware that made me very grateful to be birthing' in the tail end of the 20th century.

prommie September 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I will not be able to do this you fuckers, because I am unable to perambulate in normal fashion at this time, but I donated. So you all better do it right because, all you wonkettes, just as the existence of the Dude comforts me, you also comfort me, just knowing you are all out there takin'er easy for all us sinners. Or taking it hard, just that you are out there. So have a drink on me, as AC DC said.

Lamey September 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I have been looking forward to this but I'm nervous, like before a blind date. I have never been to a "meetup" before. How will I know which attendees are Wonketeers and which are just plain old libtards? Is there a signal? Should we wear trucknuts in our lapels?

Respitetini September 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

WC FIELDS LIBEL!

randcoolcatdaddy September 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Is this the party with the drunken "1776" musical sing-along?

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 2:36 pm

He plays the *hic*-olin!

Pres.Beeblebrox September 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm
SorosBot September 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Yay! And it is right near all the train lines, and so should be convenient for all. I've been quiet today because a certain other Wonketter is here visiting, but we shall both be there tomorrow.

Steverino247 September 10, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Why? If had a certain other Wonketter visiting me, the last place you'd see me would be OUTSIDE. Have fun, you two!

Boojum September 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

If I had half a gonad, I would get on a plane RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and show up. But, of course, I have been neutered, by life, for freedom.

RRoccoco September 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

The alcohol fueled campaign draws ever closer to the center of all things moneyed, cultured, and indulgent–Manhattan! I'm in serious training for the approaching mother of all drinky thingy battles. Bring it on, bitches! It might always be sunny in Philadelphia, but we have a drink named after our money-drenched isle!

MissTaken September 10, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I'm gonna get drunk, liberally!

el_donaldo September 10, 2012 at 2:47 pm

What?! Where!? When?! Really?!

Jeez. Will you let me pick the place next time. And the time. There's no way I'm making there at 6, and I probably won't be able to make it at all. Because of the time, not the location. Which seems fine, but there? Really?

andy324 September 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

It's a decoy spot. McGlinchy's is 2 doors down. Cool kids will invariably end up there.

Bring yer smokes.

amarikah September 10, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I realized how young and precious some coworkers of mine were when they referred to Jose Pistola's as a dive.

guangho September 10, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I strongly disapprove of drinking without me.

DahBoner September 10, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Then you should definately stop by Tony Luke's in South Philly and get a cheesesteak sammie with brocolli rabe.

Will. Not. Regret.

ttommyunger September 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Why bother! (sigh) Mrs T never lets me go to the dancy thing afterwards since the last time.. …Only dance I remember is the Big Apple, and my worm always falls out. Humiliating!

Pres.Beeblebrox September 10, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Jose Pistola's has a great description of itself on its website. Sounds like something Wonket can get itself into. Except the Phillies part, maybe.

Imagine Aztec goddess of alcohol, Mayahuel, and the Greek god of revelry, Dionysus reproducing. Now picture that baby frolicking through hills filled with beautiful women, margarita streams, and trees whose fruit are the world’s greatest nachos. The Phillies make the playoffs every year of his life. This is Jose Pistola’s.

GregComlish September 11, 2012 at 1:45 am

Scene: DC Wonkette Drinky Thingy

GREG COMLISH: Hey, so what's the deal with the new Wonkette Catwoman Logo?
REBECCA SCHOENKOPF: Oh my boyfriend came up with that. He loves to photoshop my head on things.
GREG COMLISH: Whoa. Did he also make you wear that mask?
REBECCA SCHOENKOPF: …. <walks away>

jamsie25 September 12, 2012 at 6:40 am

A friend from out of town came to stay with me so he could attend the party in Philly. I couldn't go due to work obligations. He said he had a great time and met some really great people, which is no surprise. He got back to my place at 2:30am and of course he had to wake me up and give me a detailed account of the evening. I'm even more sad that I couldn't go. Kind of PO at being gotten out of bed but it was good to hear about the event first hand.

UnholyMoses September 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

Can we get one of these in the Midwest somewhere? Maybe KC … ?

Weallscream September 10, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Sans doubt!

prommie September 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

The old perv would certainly approve.

Boojum September 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Worked for me! Brb

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Tiny is good.

It's very good. Especially when it covers so little.

emmelemm September 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I'm gonna have to remember that. CUZ IT'S TRUE.

FakaktaSouth September 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Ben Franklin would LOVE me. I can read and write AND have no class when I can get away with it, drink everything and eat anything with my hands. We'd be perfect.

Mojopo September 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm

If there's no Sapphire in the house, the only alternative is to buy more. One does not pretend when it comes to a martini!

actor212 September 10, 2012 at 2:39 pm

A head might be involved, yes.

glasspusher September 10, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I never claimed to be in his league!

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