Dick Morris Spank Book

Sexboat toe goblin Dick Morris has some thoughts on the typically thuggish Chicago regime, and how they “Rough Up Gallup for Polls They Don’t Like.” Get ready you guys, because it is terrifying!

In a scene right out of a typical authoritarian regime, Fox News reports that “employees at the venerable Gallup polling firm suggested they felt threatened by Obama campaign adviser David Axelrod when he questioned the methodology of a mid-April poll showing Mitt Romney leading the president – according to internal emails published Thursday.”

That poll that sent Axelrod ballistic showed Romney leading Obama 48-43 percent.

The Daily Caller published e mails that started when Axelrod sent a tweet to Gallup saying the tracking poll was “saddled with some methodological problems” and directing followers to a National Journal story in which a professor suggested outdated sampling.

According to the email chain titled “Axelrod vs. Gallup,” the White House in addition asked that a Gallup staffer “come over and explain our methodology,” which was apparently perceived as a subtle threat.

Fox News reported that “a Gallup official said in an email he thought Axelrod’s pressure ‘sounds a little like a Godfather situation.’”
Gallup refused to change its methodology to suit the White House.

It does! It does sound a little like a Godfather situation! Thank God those brave Gallupers stood up to these mafiosi running the country and demanding that Gallup show its work or else they won’t get even partial credit!

Thug Life. Crunk.


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  • ttommyunger

    I find this difficult to fap to. Dick Morris; however, notsomuch.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Someone needs a new Swiffer®.

  • chicken_thief

    Just. like. the Godfather.

    Except without consequences.

    • "I know it was you, Gallup. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."

    • kingofmeh

      making people offers they can refuse.

  • Come here a minute

    It is pretty underhanded to threaten to criticize a company's credibility unless they knuckle under and show they are credible.

    • Yes. They should remain defiantly incredible.

  • That's a nice poll you got there. Be a shame if anything happened to it.

    • eggsacklywright

      Might end up in Satriani's pork shop.

    • Might I suggest this is a perfect opportunity to add "That's what she said"?

    • Callyson

      Horse's head in the Gallup lobby or GTFO.

    • JohnnyQuick

      Axe– "I'll get you Johnny Gallup! Fargin' Icehole!"

  • nounverb911

    Godfather? I thought Morris was a character from "The Gang that Couldn't Shoot Straight"?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Rafalca. Run!

  • Serolf_Divad

    Oh, Rebeccah, you need to learn to leave off the words "Dick Morris" 'till the end of your post, because if most people here are like me, they probably stop reading at that point.

    • I know. It's hard to read when I'm laughing uncontrollably.

      • nonbeliever7

        Dick Morris is just a charmless, titless version of Sarah Palin.

        • Well, titless at any rate. It's a stretch to say Palin has charm

        • He has tits. Just ones you don't want to look at.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Someone needs a Mansierre®.

    • MadBrahms

      Yeah, but the feet are sort of a giveaway anyway. Even thug feet.

      • IonaTrailer

        No dirty feet in porno films – Rule #1

        • I always thought Rule #1 of porn was the women had to be prettier than the men?

          • Beowoof

            The only qualification for the men seems be an enormous dong. Ron Jeremy would prove my point.

  • the_onceler

    “saddled with some methodological problems” means "pollster may end up in dumpster". Isn't that obvious to all of you?

    • Take the cannoli. Leave the surveys.

    • miss_grundy

      I thought methodological meant someone forgot to move a decimal point.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Putting crosshairs on photos of opponents = not threatening
    Questioning the methodology of a poll = terrorism!!!

  • So lemme get this straight: a candidate running for office calls into question the methodology of a pollster because his poll doesn't ring true with other polling they've seen and the campaign would like to compare notes to see if their own methodology should be altered, and somehow this is the equivalent of the Valentine's Day Massacre?

    I've said it before, and I'll say it again: It is with deep shame that I recognize Dick Morris and I share an alma mater.

    Of course, so does David Axelrod, so I feel better.

    • belmontreport

      Nice humblebrag about going to Columbia. :)

      • Not. Guess again.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Oak Creek Elementary (K-6)?

          • That was remedial. Stop judging.

    • IonaTrailer


      • belmontreport

        You're right. I just knew that Dick Morris went to Columbia (don't ask me why… I have no clue?). Sorry for that I assumed… I do feel like an ass.

        • Thanks. I mean, I'll admit to being proud of my high school but at least it was free :-)

  • jodyleek

    Dick Morris wouldn't know the Godfather if it shot him in the eye while getting a massage.

    • miss_grundy

      Or a shave…..

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    David Axelrod is threatening?? I thought he only punched hippies.

    • eggsacklywright

      Thank you. +10

  • Serolf_Divad

    You know who else demanded his political enemies "come over and explain their methodology?"

    • nounverb911

      Lindsey Graham?

    • Dick Nixon?

      • chicken_thief

        Dick always went to their office. Whether they were in or not.

        • DahBoner

          "Are you in for Dick?"

          "Sure. I'm always in for Dick"

    • IonaTrailer

      Albert Einstein?

      Isaac Newton"

      Pierre Fermat?

    • Come here a minute

      Abraham Lincoln?

    • MadBrahms

      Karl Popper?

      • tessiee

        What, the big fat guy in Blues Traveler?

    • Kid_Charlemagne

      Constantin Stanislavski?

    • 'Splain' methodology sounds a lot like peer-review and we don't want any of that in 21st Century 'Murica.

    • Antonin Scalia?

    • calliecallie


    • miss_grundy

      Dang, I was waiting for someone to say "Hitler". Anyone?????

    • DahBoner

      Bill Clinton's cat, Socks?

      • CindynEncinitas

        I loved Socks…

    • Freud, scolding Jung for his apostasy?

  • Buzz Feedback

    Ebony Vice Lords will now be conducting all tracking polls.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Dick Morris should wake up some morning with a severed foot in his bed.

    • LibertyLover


    • MadBrahms

      He'd just spend the next half hour looking for the other one.

  • Wadisay

    Nate Silver has Obama with an 80+% shot at winning this morning. I am going to take that as motivation to have a beer.

    • We need motivation? I mean, beyond "It's Monday"?

    • IonaTrailer


      Maybe I won't have to look for a rental in Costa Rica after all.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        But you should, anyway. Or Belize, if you don't habla the Español none too good.

    • miss_grundy

      Yesterday, I read somewhere that he had a 91% shot, especially if Dems get off their backsides and hit the polls. I just want him to win and for the House to come back to the Dems' side. I want to see Boehner cry as he hands the gavel to Pelosi…

      • Nothingisamiss

        I can't yet let myself dream this big.

  • mbobier

    Oh, by all means; being asked to explain your methodology is EXACTLY the same as waking up to find a horse head in your bed. Anyone can see that! David Axelrod is clearly a head-busting Mafioso; the droopy mustache and professorial demeanor are merely a disguise.

    Somebody needs to fetch Dick Morris some smelling salts and a fainting couch.

  • sbj1964

    You can't poll my Homey like that.He's Rick James/Obama Bitch! I'll slap you around like your Charlie Murphy.

  • Wadisay

    When Gallup wakes up in the morning with Rafalca's head under the sheets, that's a Godfather-like situation.

  • Baconzgood

    Come over and explain your methodology, it's some nice methodology. I'd hate for somthing to "happen" to your methodology.

    (This snark is in a Joe Pesci accent for your enjoyment)

    • tessiee

      Ha, you're funny!

  • SexySmurf

    "I'm going to tweet them an offer they can't refuse."

  • ChernobylSoup

    And then he… and then he… this is so difficult. Then he said he questions the outlying data and asked if our methodology was weighted toward those… I can't go on.

    • tessiee

      Show us on the doll where he asked you that.

  • prommie

    Nice poll you got here. It would be a shame if something was to happen to it.

    See, this isn't no kind of thuggery or intimidation, Now for some real world-class texas-style media intimidation, imagine if Obama could force a fucking broadcast network to fire a longstanding evening news anchor for daring to criticize him. That could never happen, right, an incompetent war-mongering lying fool of a president getting a person of the stature of say Dan Rather summarily dismissed. Wonder what the actual conversations sounded like in that case?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Because there is an actual list longer than my leg of people who deserve to be shitcanned for their awful "journalism," this is all so much more terrible. I hate that Dan was able to get caught up in such and i know he does too. Being bested by a fool is the absolute worst.

      • Do we even need to mention the way Republican thugs roll: reveal the names of CIA agents when their spouses talk about inconvenient facts; reveal the real names of Seal Team members on FOX when they write books about smoking Bin Laden, if said book might help Obama?

        • FakaktaSouth

          There are some traitorous heatherns in their mix, no doubt about it. It just gets to be another one of the mind-screw tactics, though, the way they come out on every angle with a victimization and a axe-handle. No matter what is said, these people are able to twist and deviate any concept for some sort of rationalization of wrongheaded asshattery. I am sick of it, I would just like for them to be whatever terrible things they are and lets just have to fight that.

        • prommie

          How about sending anthrax to all the "liberal" media organizations and to selected "liberal" senators, so as to, you know, actually physicall intimidate, in the scariest way (contagion is a deep nasty skeevy fear), their opposition, and to grease the skids for their illegal war for oil.

          I started reading the wonkette then, when it was a gossip thing for Hill staffers, and I was working with a bunch of Hill staffers, who worked in one of the Buildings that got an anthrax mailing, and who all had to take cipro as a prophylactic measure, and they were all genuinely truly scared, for their fucking lives.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Hey, do not complain about ACTUAL terrorism, when there are things to make up about nonsense here. Having to take cipro is gross, I hate antibiotics on the whole, almost as much as anthrax. But I love Joey Belladonna and Scott Ian, that band was super fun live.

          • prommie

            I am sure that Poppy Bush's ancient CIA connections, going back to when he was in on the killing of Kennedy, were still all willing and able to rise to the occasion when Poppy put out the call to help out his cretinous offspring.

    • tessiee

      "imagine if Obama could force a fucking broadcast network to fire a longstanding evening news anchor for daring to criticize him. That could never happen, right, an incompetent war-mongering lying fool of a president getting a person of the stature of say Dan Rather summarily dismissed."

      *gazes with Bambi eyes*
      I think your comment is dreamy.

  • Lazy Media

    Axelrod works for the campaign, not the administration. So the "White House" didn't ask Gallup to do anything.

    • Potato, hand grenade.

    • chicken_thief

      You elituss commies and yer stinkin *facts*.

  • thurufally

    Clearly Dick Morris had his toe on the scale.

    • IonaTrailer

      That picture needs moar toe-rings.

  • MadBrahms

    A scene from an authoritarian regime! "First they came for the pollsters, but I was not a pollster."

    • Toomush_Infer

      Or: "First they came for the pollsters, and I said 'Have at 'em'"…..

  • FraAnima

    Let me just say that I find the accompanying picture reminiscent of my hippy days: dirty bare feet below a shapely jean-clad ass.

    In other words: fap fap fap….

    • eggsacklywright

      (In Ren Hoek voice) "Memories…."

    • calliecallie

      you can just barely see the red-painted toe nails.

  • IonaTrailer

    I doubt if Gallup had a problem explaining their methodology, since I'm 100% positive they're asked this question by someone every day. And I even bet they have staff who do nothing else but explain statistical methodology to interested parties.

    Dick Morris on the other hand might consider a career change to promoting Snugglies on infomercials.

  • Do you know who I am. I'm DICK MORRIS. I made my bones when you were sucking the toes of cheerleaders!

  • belmontreport

    Look at this scary guy, and imagine him saying, "Joe Biden held a gun to his head, and my president assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract. That's a true story."

  • Baconzgood

    You know what? When my boss askes me to explain how I was wrong with the numbers on a new Dierbergs Market I feel threatened. C'mon, I don't have to be accountable for my balance sheet or the work that I do!

  • Hey, Morris? The Piranha Brothers Poll puts Obama up at 112%

    Got a problem widdat?

  • Baconzgood

    I'm gonna offer yous pool numbers yous can't refuse.

  • Not_So_Much

    Uhm, commented deleted for using a line from 'The Big Lebowski'?

    Guess I need to re-read the posting guidelines…

    • PsycWench

      Shut up Donny.

      • Not_So_Much

        You want a toe? Christ, I can get a toe by two this afternoon. WITH polish!

      • nonbeliever7

        Don't forget those two important words that turn this into a classic phrase.

    • What is "This is what happens when you meet a stranger in the Alps," Alex?

    • Kid_Charlemagne

      You're out of your element Donnie!

    • CindynEncinitas

      Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    C'mom you left-wing toe haters…everyone knows that “saddled with some methodological problems” , means "straighten up bitch, or you gonna get cut".

    • PsycWench

      What about camel-toe haters?

  • chicken_thief

    So who is Fredo in this scenario and when they taking him out on the lake?

    • PinkoPopulist

      See below, I think it has to be Biden, right? He's definitely the black sheep of the Obama campaign/administration. And I think now is the time to take him out on the lake, post biker-chick-canoodling-gate.

  • Among Fat Flabby Foot Fetishists, Romboto out polls Obama 3:1.

  • PsycWench

    God forbid you would like to know the methodology utilized in a poll. Polls are foolproof, which is why they are covered in every Psyc 101 class at the beginning of the semester.

    • MadBrahms

      And the respective 101 courses in Anthro, Sociology, Political Science, Statistics, and probably Communications, whatever the hell that is these days.

      It's as if Dick Morris never fulfilled any of his general education requirements at all. This would also explain his appalling lack of knowledge about history, science, and the hygienic care of feet.

    • vodkamuppet

      Preznit Obama wants to bomb the Daytona 500, what do you think?

      (a) I won't don't not support that.
      (b) barbecue pizza
      (c) remember the childrens

  • kittensdontlie

    What a dick…Morris has himself worked into a toe-jam over what happened back in mid-April, and at this pace, will opine on today's events some time in late 2013.

  • Someone felt threatened by David Axelrod? He's the guy who looks like a stoned walrus, right? I'm sorry, but if David Axelrod was standing right in front of me and holding a pickaxe and a chainsaw while asking me to explain my methodology I wouldn't feel threatened. Sexually harassed, maybe, but not threatened.

    • facts, numbers. these are scary things.

  • Mitt Romney was roughing up the Poles just a few weeks ago, wasn't he???

    • IonaTrailer

      "Ich bein ein Polack!"

  • rickmaci

    Leave the poll, take the cannoli.

  • Steverino247

    Gallup has been fudging data since they got started. I was once called by Gallup for a poll about my preferences between Blockbuster and Hollywood Video. Every fucking question was rigged so I would have to answer "Blockbuster" and there were way too many questions. I became convinced that it wasn't a poll, but an ad disguised as one to put BLOCKBUSTER in my forebrain for the rest of my life. Gallip is especially notorious on polls about religous belief. No credibility at all.

  • eggsacklywright

    Are the Kray brothers still available?

  • fawkedifiknow

    Most Chicago style intimidators I know would never be so lazy and ineffectual as to merely ask the victim of his intimidation to pay a visit, "to explain things". He would pay a visit to the schmucks house, when he damn well pleased, and the thug would be doing the "'splainin' ".

    • Or, he'd sit and watch him eat a deep dish…

  • Terry

    "In a scene right out of a typical authoritarian regime, Fox News reports that “employees at the venerable Gallup polling firm suggested they felt threatened by Obama campaign adviser David Axelrod when he questioned the methodology of a mid-April poll showing Mitt Romney leading the president – according to internal emails published Thursday.”"

    People who do data collection and analysis should expect questions on their methods and be able to defend those methods as a regular part of their job. It's called peer review in the research community.

  • Mahousu

    Some will rob you with a six-gun. And some with a fountain pen. And still others by raising questions about your statistical methodology.

  • Axelrod sent a tweet to Gallup saying the tracking poll was “saddled with some methodological problems”

    Exactly the same thing as having thugs smash your face with sawed-off pool cues.

  • rickmaci

    "She was beautiful! She was young. She was innocent. She was the greatest piece of toe I ever had, and I've had'em all over the world!" Dick Morris

  • Toomush_Infer

    Bored out of her skull, back in the early 60's, my mum took a job with Gallup, only to quit after a year with the comment: "They aren't honest"….This made me happy, as I was tired of spending time in empty city playgrounds while she made the rounds….

  • Allmighty_Manos

    For those in love with Bill Clinton all over again, just remember he's the reason this lizard has a career.

  • rickmaci

    "Mr. Axelrod is a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately."

  • MozakiBlocks

    Elsewhere in the "I shit you not" category, Dick Morris has also stated that the only reason that Bill Clinton is supporting Obama is that Obama threatened to kill Hillary.

    There's the brink of insanity and…then…there…is…the…abyss.

    • MadBrahms

      This is why you don't use nail polish remover in a confined space, folks.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        This is more on the level of huffing Dow Chemical, isn't it?

    • PsycWench

      I was functioning on that level once, but I'd been given a lot of painkillers.

  • rickmaci

    "If you had come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your polling would be suffering this very day."

  • gullywompr

    Release the methodology!

  • prommie

    You know I am no foot fetishist, but, well, I suppose its just that dorsal presentation, I bet it wouldn't be too hard to fap to that. But I am forsworn, someone else could perhaps report.

    • Guppy

      A "proxy fap?"

  • Tweets and Emails, the weapons of the modern gangster.

    • MadBrahms

      "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse in 140 characters or less"

  • prommie

    Dick should stick to peddling "the United Nations is coming for your guns" insurrection inciting propaganda.

  • prommie

    And oh hey, I need to talk to someone about having a designated Wonkette official revolutionary guitarist-general who will lead us when we take to the hills, because it has to be Tom Morello, for these reasons:
    BTW, any time you can get a live clip thats from Jools, its gonna be good.

  • proudgrampa

    "Where did you get that figure?" My boss asked me after I presented a budget.

    "I work out every day!"

    He didn't laugh. But I didn't take his question as a threat, either.

    Oh. Nice ass. Dirty toes, not so much.

  • PinkoPopulist

    Does this make Biden Fredo?

  • DahBoner

    Have they forgotten that W, Rummy, Condi, Let The Eagle Soar and Evil Dick sat around scripting actual torture of political prisoners?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Is this the poll where they only called up FoxNews viewers?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Stuff it , Dick. Or we'll send Rahm over there to punch some hippies.

  • MacRaith

    Of course it was threatening. He was using big words and all. Like "methodological" – that's six whole syllables right there. It's the kind of word that can do some serious damage to a simple mind.

    • PinkoPopulist

      Yeah, I mean clearly the people at Gallup don't understand what it means.


  • arduinohacker

    What, were there some oranges rolling around the Gallup offices?

    Actually, I think it's a GOOD thing for Gallup to slant right, it might frighten a few more folks to contribute to Obama and show up to vote.

  • Poindexter718

    First they criticized our sampling methodology–and we did nothing.

  • mavenmaven

    Do horse heads count in the nominator or the denominator for the poll results? Or is it a standard deviation?

  • Hillary Clinton said it best: Dick Morris before he dicks you.

  • tessiee

    "How Is Chicago Thug Barack Obama Threatening People Today?"
    *checks picture*
    Sure, I'll take a guess. Why not?
    By making them wear rather uncomfortable-looking toe rings?

  • tessiee

    "employees at the venerable Gallup polling firm suggested they felt threatened by Obama campaign adviser David Axelrod when he questioned the methodology of a mid-April poll"

    Wait… So they felt *threatened* by some guy in a suit questioning the methodology of one of their polls?
    If this is within a hundred miles of being true, they're bigger pussies than Puss Pussington, the Mayor of Pussyville.

    • PinkoPopulist

      Seriously. They have no authority over you. The proper response is fuck off bozo.

  • tessiee

    I'm told by people who clean their houses that a Swiffer is a thing for mopping the floor with.

    • ttommyunger

      Hmmm. I am oddly aroused.Sent from my iPhone

  • i imagine there's a few victims of authoritarian regimes that might disagree with this assessment.

    sorry no snark. it infuriates me when these people cheapen actual suffering with their petty tantrums.

    i want to immediately transport them to pyongyang.

  • rickmaci

    Jeezuzz are Dick Morris and the Gallup guy stupid. Godfather is NY mob, horse head in your sheets, sleeps with the fishes stuff. Chicago style is Capone, St. Valentine's Day and all that. If it was Chicago style they would be a bloody mess bleeding all over the banquet table.

  • David Axelrod is one tough Jew.

  • PinkoPopulist

    Guys in my high school used to have ugly biker chicks sit on their lap all day long, it was no big deal.

  • One_who_wanders

    As a survey researcher and former political pollster, I got one thing to say: He CRAZY! Pollsters and survey researchers question each others methodologies as frequently as they drink coffee during election season. No two pollsters will ever agree on what is right and wrong with a specific methodology.

  • Gleem McShineys

    They pull a standard derivation, you pull a weighted average. He sends one of yours to the methodology drawing board, you send one of his to the White House. *That's* the *Chicago* way!

  • Smithboy

    Dick Morris yet another neocon who assured everyone that Saddam had nuclear weapons in order to start a war with Iraq. A war that has thus far killed over 5000 US soldiers, wounded another 30,000 to the extent that 50% of the soldiers who served in Iraq are on disability. Thanks to their cute little manipulation of intelligence over 2 million Iraqis are dead or have had to flee their homes.

    The list goes on….three trillion dollars wasted. Newborn children in Iraq are being born horribly disfigured because of the depleted uranium scattered over the landscape by our armor piercing shells.

    With all of this misery caused by those who promoted the war…you would think they would never be allowed to voice their opinion again, but Bill Kristol, Morris and the rest of the cabal continue their anti-Muslim demonetization without interruption.

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