you took too much man too much too much

Old Handsome Joe Biden Just Messing With Us Now

This was Bat CountryWe were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.

We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.

Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

[AP]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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168 comments

  1. ChernobylSoup

    Thank god for the Secret Service.

    I reckon Joe could hold his own against those two bikers, but the rest of the bar might be a challenge.

      1. sullivanst

        He can't do real bar brawls any more because of his back. His back's real bad, y'know? Now he'll just take on a couple of guys in the parking lot.

    1. PhilippePetain

      Nah nah, man, I don't think you understand 1%er culture; they were simply about to haggle over who gets seconds and who has to do the first foot long rail of speed off her back.

    1. ManchuCandidate

      They both don't.

      Biker 1: He's touching your woman. You want me to cut him?
      Biker 2: No, I'll give him 3 steps for the door then I'm gonna smash him with a pool cue.
      /cue "Bad To The Bone"

        1. Carrabuda

          Actually, I have it on good authority that "Gimme Three Steps" is a call for non-violence. Supposedly (per my redneck husband) it was written to urge belligerent meatheads (often rednecks) not to have bar fights.

          1. MosesInvests

            The original Lynyrd Skynyrd was pretty liberal, actually-songs like "Things Goin' On", "The Ballad of Curtis Lowe". They mixed rock, country and blues to come up with their sound, and their message was, "yeah, we're white Southerners, and we're proud, but that doesn't mean we're ignorant, racist trash." When they reformed with Ronnie Van Zant's younger brother Johnny and some of the survivors of the plane crash, it was the '80's, Raygun was president, and it was cool to be an ignorant racist again. Sigh.

          2. prommie

            In Saturday Night Special they call for throwing all handguns in the sea, before some old fool come around here, and put a bullet in you or me, so being the only pro gun-control southern boogie rock band, that makes them pretty liberal.

          3. MosesInvests

            Forgot about that one. I grew up in J-ville, and I remember seeing "Leonard Skinner Realty" signs when I was a kid. (Leonard Skinner was a gym teacher at Robert E. Lee High School, and once had Ronny Van Zant and the other boys suspended for having long hair. As a joke, they called the band "Lynyrd Skynyrd", and their debut album was called "Pronounced leh-nerd skin-ner". By that time, Skinner was a realtor, and they put a pic of one of his signs on the album cover, complete with phone number. Skinner used to get a lot of calls from stoned rednecks.)

      1. thatsitfortheother1

        Oh, wait a minute, Mister
        I didn't even kiss her
        Don't want no trouble with you
        And I know you don't owe me
        But I wish you would let me
        Ask one favor from you

        Oh, won't you give me three steps
        Gimme three steps, Mister
        Gimme three steps towards the door
        Gimme three steps
        Gimme three steps, Mister
        And you'll never see me no more, for sure

    2. CarolinaStewPie

      Looks to me like the young dude on the left is giving Joe the eye, and wondering when it's his turn! Tickle ME, JOE!

    3. JohnnyQuick

      Notice what that guy is wearing: His vest says "President","Ordained Minister" on the left, and then "Troll" on the right.

      Replace "Minister" with "Bishop" and he's got the same titles President Romney would have.

    4. tessiee

      He does look a bit unhappy, but I figured that it was because he was apprehensive about the contents of the Baggie in his pocket.

    5. NYNYNYjr

      I love it– what a shot — the twos guys are making eye contact like 'can we take this guy and the secret service' what a classic.

    1. tessiee

      I wondered that myself.
      Zoomed the picture up to 400. Couldn't find his hands, unless that's one of them on the biker's leg.

    1. tessiee

      "Rest assured that if I wanted to look at poor people, I'd do so through a powerful telescope." — C. Montgomery Burns

        1. tessiee

          Is the 67 Corvette the one with the split back windshield?
          [liking vintage cars = my only non-girlie characteristic]

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      Nobody actually hates him, they have just tried to manufacture an image of him as a buffoon that is as realistic to his accomplishments as the idea that Obama is a moron who can't talk without a teleprompter.

      1. tessiee

        As is so often the case, The Onion has lapped reality.
        There's an article supposedly written by Paul Ryan, titled somethng like, "Admit it, I scare the crap out of you": http://www.theonion.com/articles/admit-it-i-scare
        It was seriously creeping me out, with stuff like:
        "How scared are you that I can convince people I’m right? Because I’m good at it. The American people love that shit. They love it. Hell, I get Democrats to vote for me even if my policies make zero sense when it comes to their livelihoods."
        Then I got to this part:
        "just wait until I absolutely wipe the floor with Joe Biden in the vice presidential debates. Don’t think for a second that I don’t know you’re terrified of us facing off, because in the back of your mind you know it could be a bloodbath up there."
        And I actually did a snorty laugh.
        I thought, "Get over yourself, Rapey-Eyes! You might charm the racists and the dumber one-third of horny women, but if you're dumb enough to think you're a match for Joe Biden, those debates really WILL be a bloodbath!"

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          Ryan outsmarted himself with the universally-acknowledged cavalcade of lies in his convention speech. That is great ammunition for Biden. And as Joe proved in his convention speech by personally going after Romney about their respective fathers and the auto industry, Biden will not hesitate to take Ryan over his knee.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Yeah, it will be kind of interesting as to whether Joe goes old man v. kid (spanking) or old man v. punk (straight jabs to the face followed by an uppercut) against Ryan. Either way, I don't think Paul has a clue what he's about to get into.

  2. FakaktaSouth

    You can take the boy out of the Trans Am, but you can't take the Trans Am out of the boy. And now I want to be in the car with Rebecca S Thompson. Good Chirst.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        OZA is the subject of my most favoritest paragraph HST ever wrote. I also like how he never died, he just vanished.

        1. prommie

          Out with it, then. I met HST, I was such the earnest young geek, I went to all the ostentatiously intellecutalist lecturey events back at Gainesville, before the flood.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Um, WHAT? WHAT? Why why why why are you just telling me this now? Of all the words to put together in a sentence "I met HST" should always be your first choice.

          2. prommie

            Just got to say "hi" while he signed my book. Not like we tripped and spent three days hallucinating and writing the great american novel together only to burn it in the fireplace when a bout of paranoia struck us and we became convinced the manuscript was going to murder us. I got Abbie Hoffman to write a note addressed to my parents, telling them not to worry about me because, as the note said "He has joined us."

            I lost all this shit, of course.

          3. FakaktaSouth

            I bet I could have gotten him to let me shoot one of his guns. Or maybe just let me ride off into the desert with him until he realized I was actually really there. As it is, I am impressed with anyone who has been in his rarefied air space. You're old.

          4. arduinohacker

            I "met" HST. Stopped at the Amoco station in Aspen. There was a Jeep up on the lift with four bent wheels. I'm thinking … could it be? …. Naaah, but when I walked back into the front office, I noticed a guy, hunkered down in a third-world squat, with aviator sunglasses, mumbling like a schitzoiphrenic. The Man.

          5. tessiee

            I'm sorry to break this to you, but that was NOT Hunter Thompson.
            It was his evil twin brother, the Dalai Lama.
            Google images of them and you'll see I'm right.

  3. prommie

    You know pretty much each and every one of us all only comes here to write/pretend like we are HST, Becky Goodhead. Damn its almost meta to actually ADMIT it.

  4. Ducksworthy

    If that was Paul Ryan behind her, I'd advise her to check for puncture wounds in her neck and to have herself tested for herpes.

  5. sbj1964

    What is the difference between a Harley Davidson,and a Eureka vacuum cleaner?The placement of the Dirt Bag.

  6. prommie

    Joe is making me wanna go buy one of those retro camaros. I did always want to have me a bitchin' camaro, so I could drive to the Bahamas.

      1. prommie

        Did I get that wrong? Well, it was on purpose, yeah, thats the ticket, I purposely said it that way, for ironic effect, yeah, thats it. Its an obliquely fractured Paul Ryan pathological liar reference.

        1. tessiee

          "Did I get that wrong? Well, it was on purpose, yeah, thats the ticket"

          I *meant* to do that!" — Pee Wee Herman

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I think that is a fantastic idea. You could have DrGonzo on your hand made license plate and forget about the motorcycle thing. Wouldn't wanna break anything.

      1. prommie

        I do think that something Yossarian-related would be more "me" as far as the license plate. You know in the end, Catch-22 shaped whatever the fuck I am more than anything, that and Cats Cradle.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          Oh Lord. You are ever so earnest, and no matter what people say you were not on the plane when it crashed, I understand. I'll be DrGonzo then, suits me just fine.

          1. prommie

            Kinda like saying "By the way, I am pathologically cynical and regard all bureaucracies as mindless idiotic criminal soul-crushing clusterfucks, so please hire me to work in your bureaucracy."

          2. MoeDeLawn

            I read it once while IN the army (after having read it on my own, and twice more in Lit classes before getting drafted). That was a very upsetting experience leavened only by sweet Turkish hasish.

          3. prommie

            My father had been telling me genuine WWII snafu stories for years before I read it. Mostly though he told me about how they could brew hootch out of anything, absolutely anything with sugar in it. And did.

  7. Carrabuda

    I like the expression on the guy at left. He's clearly lookin' at Smitty like, "Dude, I *know.* WTF?!?!"

  8. Oblios_Cap

    Here's the article, if you missed it:

    SEAMAN, Ohio — Vice President Joe Biden cozied up with a female biker during a stop today at Cruisers Diner.

    The Associated Press snapped this photo of the vice president sitting behind a female biker while he talked with her and two other male bikers looked on.

    According to the campaign, the bikers were part of a group called the “Shadowmen,” but there were no other details on who the female biker was or what sparked the conversation between her and the vice president, because the pool had been escorted out of the diner before the encounter.

    A second AP photo showed Biden grabbing the female biker’s shoulders.

    When Biden entered the diner, he approached three diners seated at a counter and asked if he they’d lend him one of their motorcycles, according to the pool report.

    “Can I borrow one of your bikes? They don’t let me ride anymore,” Biden said.

    “Probably not,” Jeff Cook, one of the diners, said.

    The vice president responded laughing, “Probably not.”

  9. prommie

    OK now, make my life complete with some Joe Heller references, Rebecca! I will just be sitting here in this tree, naked, waiting.

  10. fartknocker

    If the biker's old lady is like the women I watch on Sons of Anarchy, they can kick their old man's ass and mop the floor with Joe.

  11. UW8316154

    Guy on the left is Kinda Impressed: "Handsome Joe's got game!"

    Dude on the right is sure what's going on: " Mah ol' lady is flirtin' with a Suit. Should I be getting pissy about this?"

        1. glasspusher

          Not that hard. Dehydration of ethanol using a small amount of sulfuric acid as a catalyst. Dean-Stark trap, condenser, round bottom flask.

      1. CthuNHu

        I can see the tabloid headlines now…

        Hillary Shacks Up With Meth-Dealing Biker In Sturgis
        Bill: "Yeah, I Kinda Had That Coming"

    1. tessiee

      So, are we talking:
      a) Hillary sitting on a (male) biker's lap?
      b) A biker sitting on Hillary's lap?
      c) Hillary sitting on Joe Biden's lap?

  12. sewollef

    Tell me this, what Vice-President do you all know that would drink out of a straw? A straw.

    Pussy.

    Come on, this picture is a fake. A fake I tell you… the straw is a dead-giveaway.

  13. MadBrahms

    The AP link doesn't work. Which I assume is in error, though I can understand boycotting them after their "factcheck" of Obama's convention speech. (FACT: The AP no longer knows what a factcheck is!)

  14. ttommyunger

    Trix let Joey drive? As I tweeted when I first saw this pix: I just know a turn signal is blinking and not an intersection in sight for miles…BTW, that place looks way to clean and well-lit to be a biker bar. I'll email "Becca an inside shot of Mulligans. I report, you decide. /Users/thomasunger/Desktop/IMG_0079.JPG

    1. tessiee

      Old Man McCain should have let daughter Megan be the biker prop; I have a feeling that would have made him a LOT more popular with them.

  15. Dashboard Buddha

    Joe seems to be saying, "Wow…women in leather chaps. I mean, I never…wow…I just never thought of that before."

  16. PinkoPopulist

    I'm pretty sure those 2 biker dudes would have kicked the crap outta Joe Biden had it not been for the Secret Service presence…at least that's how I read their facial expressions.

  17. tessiee

    The younger of the two biker men? Guy on the left wearing a sleeveless gray T-shirt?
    Look at the expression on his face.
    He is SO IN LOVE with Joe.

  18. Janinthepan

    I was at Biden's speech Saturday in Athens, OH, where he fondly remembered getting escorted out of a Ohio University Women's dorm back in 1963.

  19. rickmaci

    Love the biker chic's reaaaaalllllly happy smile. I guess you spend most of your life with a guy named Troll on one side of you and another named Slic on the other side and then one day you find yourself in a roadhouse sitting on the lap of way cool and smooth Joe Biden whose main ride is Air Force 2 and he whispers something in your ear that starts your eyes twinkling because he just made you feel like Miss America and even while it's happening you get this great big smile because you know your life is never going to be any better than that moment but you don't care because at least you had that moment.

  20. Walkinwiddaking

    A political picture which makes a Politician (The Vice President of U.S.), look more evil and lurid than the two wannabee Hells Angels. I gotta say, brilliant.

    vice President

  21. glamourdammerung

    I am so curious about what is actually going on in that picture and who is behind Biden (you can only see part of their arm).

  22. Veritas78

    That is one of the most interesting photos of the year. There's a lot to look at, it's well composed while still un-posed, it invites curiosity about the participants, and it makes you wonder what happened next.

Comments are closed.