WE FEW WE HAPPY FEW  4:30 pm September 8, 2012

Prince Harry To Unsheath His Mighty Sword

by Major Major Major Major

Prince Harry, Center, A-Horse

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales, better known as Prince Harry Hardcock, has decided to lead his kingdom’s Christian knights in battle against the heathen Pathan.

Harry, last seen cavorting with nymphs and maidens in the fabled pleasure domes of Las Vegas, has taken vows as a Crusader despite some opposition amongst Her Britannic Majesty’s courtiers, who fear the third in line for the Imperial throne might be killed, mutilated, or worse, caught pantsless in some Emir’s seraglio. A previous foray upon the field of battle was cut short after members of the United Kingdom’s royal fellowship of heralds and criers published newes of the blood royal’s whereabouts in dark Afghanistan.

Nothing daunted, the prince will again mount his duraluminium steed and set forth to slay the unbelievers, armed only with his strong right arm and his abiding faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. Plus Sidewinder and Hellfire missiles, 70mm Hydra 70 rockets and a 30mm auto-cannon.

Your humble correspondent believes that Harry’s greatest weapon (ha!) is the British Army’s sensible attitude toward the use of intoxicants as a morale-builder and battlefield stress reliever. We personally sought out any and all contact with British troops when we were Down Range, and may have even sneaked into one or more of their pubs, despite dire warnings of punishment for same. The Taliban and American troops are twins in their shunning of the demon rum, which is why the terrorists have already won.

The Queen is said to be pleased about her grandson’s heroic leadership, mainly because it decreases the odds of any royal bastards popping up for the next six months or so. [CNN]

 
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{ 231 comments }

bumfug September 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Unsheathing that mighty sword was what got him into this mess in the first place.

LibertyLover September 8, 2012 at 8:53 pm

"Stand back, while I whip this thing out."

*Blazing Saddles

ttommyunger September 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm

On the other hand, the Brit's opinion of US Troops on their soil: "The problem with the Yanks is threefold: they're overpaid, oversexed and over here."

Toomush_Infer September 8, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Um, get over it?…

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Over the hump?

Fukui-sanYesOta September 8, 2012 at 9:18 pm

"When the Germans shoot, the allies duck. When the British shoot, the Germans duck. When the Americans shoot, everybody ducks"

Boojum September 9, 2012 at 5:30 am

That seems to be a largely universal opinion of the American Imperial Occupation. I imagine the Roman legions provoked a similar reaction.

ttommyunger September 9, 2012 at 6:29 am

Although they did enjoy teh Muneeze, I'm sure.Sent from my iPhone

sbj1964 September 8, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Is there a single time zone on earth where the British have not killed people?

doloras September 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm

The sun never sets on the British Empire's kiling sprees!

RadioX September 8, 2012 at 5:55 pm

This is killing's finest hour.

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 11:07 pm

We shall kill them in Afghanistan, we shall kill them on the seas and oceans, we shall kill them with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall kill them on the beaches, we shall kill them on the landing grounds, we shall kill them in the fields and in the streets, we shall killthem in the hills; we shall never surrender…! Huzzah!

BTWBFDIMHO September 8, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Which other kountry killed people on every time zone?

Boojum September 9, 2012 at 5:31 am

Bora Bora?

WABishop September 9, 2012 at 5:02 pm

There's Antarctica, where they generally killed themselves.

mmeetoilenoir September 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm

He's a ginger. How can he save souls when he doesn't have one?

OkieDokieDog September 8, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Damnit. You beat me to the ginger ref. I got distracted checking out the 1st question on the poll over there.

mmeetoilenoir September 8, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Haw haw!

OkieDokieDog September 8, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I thought his name was Prince Ginger Harry Hardcock.

RRoccoco September 8, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Bloody 'ell! Double grog all around! The English, the English, the English are best, so up with the English, down with the rest!

I saw that in a movie. I'd never actually put water in rum.

sbj1964 September 8, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Can't wait to see Prince Harry on the Murry Povitch Show.'Harry,You Are NOT the father'!

kittensdontlie September 8, 2012 at 7:17 pm

"But your father, Prince Charles, is!" *shrugs shoulders*

Tequila Mockingbird September 8, 2012 at 4:56 pm

You know, the Brits could take a lesson from the French on how to rid themselves of their royalty problems.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Are you suggesting that Harry boink Carla Bruni?

RALitherland September 8, 2012 at 11:15 pm

We beat them to regicide by a gross of years. Trouble is, when Ollie kicked it, we gave a collective shrug and invited the bugger's son back. We just can't be arsed to do the job properly.

BigoBangoBongo September 10, 2012 at 4:48 am

The problem with that is, the English will NEVER take a lesson from Johnny Frog, no matter how sensible it is, what?

You can't trust a country that has 229 different kinds of cheese.

MinAgain September 8, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"We few. We happy few. We band of bothersome children…"

ManchuCandidate September 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Hey if someone sent me off to war then I'd spend my leave before heading off to the Danger Zone (TM Kenny Loggins) running around Vegas tearing up the place, chasing women, getting caught with my dick out and making a drunken ass of myself too.

This is probably the most human I've seen a royal in a long time.

James Michael Curley September 8, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Been there, done that. Except Kodak would not print the pictures.

Geminisunmars September 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

What's a Kodak?

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

It's a kind of bear, I think. That they have in Alaska.

LibertyLover September 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Polaroids…Oh how I miss them….

gurukalehuru September 8, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Kodak Bear, Polaroid Bear, same thing

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Didn't they make your ass hurt?

Boojum September 9, 2012 at 5:33 am

They have a cream for them now. And besides, digital is much better than suppositories.

kittensdontlie September 8, 2012 at 7:03 pm

When I think back on all the crap I've learned in high school
It's a wonder I can think at all
And though my lack of education hasn't hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall

Kodachrome, they give us those nice bright colors
Gives those greens of summers
They make you think that all the world's a sunny day

(Paul Simon lyrics recalling his fundie education.)

James Michael Curley September 8, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Kodachrome is dead. I truly mourn it.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:11 am

And now, ditto for Cibachrome. I suppose it will live on, zombielike, as a Photoshop filter.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 10:56 pm

My senior year of high school, there was a meeting about our graduation ceremony. Among other questions raised was that of what song the graduates should sing. I suggested "Kodachrome". The faculty advisor was not amused.

IndianaKevin September 9, 2012 at 8:45 am

Faculty advisers are required in their job descriptions to be not amused.

BerkeleyBear September 8, 2012 at 5:56 pm

The way the story was reported, though, is that he acted out like this to get approval to go back to Af-Pak, sorta as a form of blackmail.

Either way, though, being upset with a 20 something for going on a spree like this is weird to me – who among us wouldn't do this kinda shit if we had the money he does at that age? Okay, Mitt Romney not included.

Toomush_Infer September 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Unless, of course, you've got it backwards, and it was running around Vegas that got him sent back there by the grand Mum in the first place…..y'know, out of harm's way….

BoatOfVelociraptors September 9, 2012 at 5:27 am

Going with the full Archer?

new_pic_for_NEWTer September 9, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Couldn't have been full Archer… no dead hookers rolled up in carpets, and I saw nary a turtleneck.

vodkamuppet September 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

let's just hope the next time we see him naked it's not with a burlap sack over his head on Al Jazeera.

James Michael Curley September 8, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Servicing jolly Old England.

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I hope for his sake that his staff doesn't fall.

kittensdontlie September 8, 2012 at 7:45 pm

or with clothing and no sack but having a cameo on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Arborista September 8, 2012 at 9:33 pm

If the Taliban get hold of him, he'll be lucky if they leave him his head for wearing a burlap sack…

vodkamuppet September 8, 2012 at 10:17 pm

They'd let him keep his head for most of the video.

Boojum September 9, 2012 at 5:37 am

Yes, let's hope. The Brits have nukes and a long history of bloody mindedness when it comes to uppity wogs or people getting handsy with their symbols.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 9, 2012 at 5:44 am

Technically, that's not naked.

deanbooth September 8, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I'm battling with Atilla the Huh?

sbj1964 September 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Harry personal effects:1 crushed velvet jacket,1 lace ascot,1 male symbol pendent,1 penis pump,and 1 case of lifestyles condoms.

BerkeleyBear September 8, 2012 at 5:58 pm

That's not mine, man. That really isn't my thing.

1 book, "Swedish penis pumps are my thing" by HRH Harry Clarence (or whatever the hell his made up last name/title is).

FannyBurney September 8, 2012 at 5:21 pm

To be strictly accurate, he probably wasn't cavorting with any maidens. Nymphs, yes. Satyrs, yes. Maidens? Ehhhh…probably not too many hymens in evidence at that particular frolic.

Jukesgrrl September 8, 2012 at 10:33 pm

There is, indeed, plenty of poofery in the royal family, but Harry, son of Diana and Who-Knows-For-Sure, isn't of that ilk. If you've seen any photos of the girls he's chased … those aren't wimmins a gay boy would choose for a beard. Think Jessica Simpson in her better days.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 8, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Major James Hewitt

Prince Edward (can't even remember the last time I saw him) definitely has the swish-vibe going on.

FannyBurney September 9, 2012 at 8:18 am

A maiden is a virgin. I was saying that there probably weren't any virgins at that particular frolic. There was no suggestion that Harry is gay.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 10:58 pm

If the cleaning lady showed up, he might have been cavorting with a maid.

Lucidamente1 September 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Of course, when photos surface of a naked, pissed Prince Harry taking a leak on the Koran, things will go even better than they are now.

Lucidamente1 September 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Well, as long as he's not photographed wearing a Nazi uniform. Oh, wait . . .

LibertyLover September 8, 2012 at 5:27 pm

"Cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war, that this foul deed shall smell above the earth with carrion men, groaning for burial."

vodkamuppet September 8, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country really was the best of those movies.

James Michael Curley September 8, 2012 at 8:09 pm

"to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee" Khan, Star Trek II; The Wrath of Khan.

Warwhatgoodfor September 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Uh, If that quote actually appeared in The Wrath of Khan, it was stolen word for word from Ahab's last curse as he plunged his harpoon repeatedly into Moby Dick. Of course, you could say that Harry was doing pretty much the same thing as Ahab while he was in Vegas. Just to set the record as straight as old Harry's harpoon, as it were

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:17 am

Not a white whale, one hopes.

James Michael Curley September 9, 2012 at 8:33 am

I would have to review the movie to be certain whether ‘to the last I grapple with thee’ is quoted correctly but I’m pretty sure the rest is. I just finished rereading Moby Dick last winter on a device where I could also listen to an audio book of it. Years ago I compiled a bunch of Star Trek/Shakespeare references in the hopes my son would become more interested in Willie. Alas, I asked him last night and he doesn’t remember where he put the CD. Having Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard probably contributed to the proliferation of Shakespearian imagery as Patrick Stewart was in at least three of the Jonathan Miller set of plays.

weejee September 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Haz Egg Rmoney offered Alfalfabreath Rafalca to Harry so he can dance his ass through the pass?

LibertyLover September 8, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Rafalca is too prissy to be a War Horse.

weejee September 8, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I wuz thinkin' about Harry teaching the Talibanditos how to do equestrian line dancing.

neiltheblaze September 8, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Ann Romney seems too prissy to be a battle axe – and yet, she is.

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Rafalca was to be the camp follower.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Just because Rafalca is a good dancer doesn't mean she's not brave. Didn't they dope her up to the eyeballs so that she could compete in the Olympics despite being in intense pain?

Pragmatist2 September 8, 2012 at 5:40 pm

The Royal Family is tough. You screw around in Vegas and they send you into a war zone and then announce your location.

kittensdontlie September 8, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Grandma Queen would not be celebrating her Diamond Jubilee if she was a milquetoast.

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I was very impressed by her going to Ireland, both The Real One and Ulster, this year. At one state dinner she opened her speech in Gaelic, which makes me smile just thinking about. The rest of the royals can go to heck.

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Meh. I was a bit peeved by her speech which basically went "Both sides did this; so let's all be friends. We cool?" That'd be all well and good, say, if there weren't still two Irelands. Its's kind of easy to say what she said when you're still in possession of a chunk of the place you're visiting. I hate to step on toes, here, but I think we need to be more honest about the situation.

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 11:42 pm

I see whatcha mean, and it was a totally symbolic visit, but in my opinion it was good symbolism. Most Irish and Brits north and south of the border got sick of the violent doctrinaire political shite of both sides years ago. I have younger Northern Irish Protestant friends (regular working folks) who consider themselves Irish, and couldn't care less if the island became "one nation once again" (like I totally believe that). I also have friends in the Republic (there's those regular working folks again) who wonder what the point of the Civil War was if it just brought Eire decades of a reactionary Catholic political and cultural clamp-down.

Of course I'm oversimplifying the situation, but it is more complicated than simply saying "Brits Out!" I'd prefer we were bending elbows at a bar somewhere and sussing this out. I'm a much better talker than typist. (The 9/13 NYC Wonkette sot symposium would be perfect for me, though I'm not 100% sure I'll be in town.)

As for stepping on toes, we're talking Ireland here. That's unavoidable.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 9, 2012 at 3:37 am

Some Native Americans would like a word with you.

BelleSC September 8, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Ya know that's exactly what I was thinking. Do not mess with the Queen.

Self-Uploader September 8, 2012 at 11:11 pm

She's got Corgis. They're mean little sons of bitches, (as Joe B would say:)literally.

proudgrampa September 8, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more!

Apropos of nothing. Just like that war quote!

kittensdontlie September 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Jolly splendid, it is.

Warwhatgoodfor September 8, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Harry's story, no matter where he might be.

jqheywood September 8, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori…

Arborista September 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Sum es est sumus estis sunt.

jqheywood September 8, 2012 at 11:08 pm
tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori en medio coitu mori.

ftfy

neiltheblaze September 8, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Wait – aren't there pictures? There should at least be a Blingee.

marconidarwin September 8, 2012 at 5:46 pm

If it ain't a Hattori Hanzo, he can sheath it back

Warwhatgoodfor September 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

He doesn't do that anymore. Well, except for Kid.

M. Bouffant September 8, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Dep't. of Redundancy Dep't.:
"Royal bastards."

Toomush_Infer September 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

The Aristocrats!!!…

AlterNewt September 8, 2012 at 5:53 pm

My dearest Imogene,

You will recall that when I first arrived here at the consulate some months ago, I told you my unfortunate predecessor had been deep into the bottle and spending an unseemly amount of time on a cheeky American site called 'Wonkette' , of all things.

Well, today they are banging on about Harry and his antics, as well as his being packed off to Afghanistan and they are quite funny about the whole thing.

Still no word on the F.O. inquiry into what might have caused my predecessor to crack up the way he did. The staff here in Los Angeles say that he was usually pissed by noon and could be heard cackling through the office door; inexplicably shouting out "BALLS!" or picking up the the inter-office phone to call someone a "skull fucker". Very odd. Very sad. Eventually it will all get sorted.

Hug the children for me.

Yours,
Reg

RadioX September 8, 2012 at 6:07 pm

He is after all, Princess Die's son. Don't forget to buckle up there chief.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 8, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Pissed-up underpass crashed Apache action?

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Bob Dylan has this lyric in his new album: "Another politician pumping out the piss."

vodkamuppet September 8, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Too soon!

Fukui-sanYesOta September 8, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Heh, I heard people making jokes about it on the day it happened.

Just before the big funeral, I was due to go to a wedding on the same day, and was in some store trying to buy a card. I remarked "I can't wait until this shit on Saturday is over so we can go and drink some champagne"

Several people would have killed me if the looks were anything to go by.

vodkamuppet September 8, 2012 at 11:10 pm

That's so weird, I had almost the exact same thing happen when JFK jr crashed his plane. Stopped at a target on our way to a wedding and we were bitching about how stupid our friend was for getting us lost in the rain and we were missing the open bar. "What kind of fucking idiot gets lost like that?" We had no idea why everyone was glaring at us and we were paranoid as hell because, of course, we were high.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:08 pm

"Princess Die"

Typo or intentional pun?

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Maybe that's what it said on the post-accident police report: The Di is cast.

sewollef September 8, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I love Americans when they get all olde English on us. Despite the poor spelling and bad grammar.

At least you spelled Aluminium correctly this time, Major Major.

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Pommy bastard.

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Probably pronounces Himalayas all wrong too. Silly officer class.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Old joke:

The guy walking toward the brothel? He's Russian.
The guy leaving the brothel? He's Finnish.
The guy IN the brothel? Himalayan.

Rotundo_ September 8, 2012 at 7:41 pm

The American colloquial equivalent pronounced "LOOM NUMB!" is quite amusing.

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Have you seen the spelling throughout the empire in early modern English? You sometimes have the exact same word spelled three different ways in a single page of writing. lol

sewollef September 9, 2012 at 8:15 am

Spelling throughout history English has been seriously entertaining…. that's the fun [for me] of the difference in spelling of center/centre, humor/humour, neighborhood/neighbourhood, tyre/tire, etc, etc. When I type, the auto correction on my Mac constantly wants to change the hundreds of spelling differences between English and American English, since I bought it here in NYC.

Damn, I have my great grandfather's birth certificate in which his [and my] surname is spelled one way, and on his death certificate another way. Even Shakespeare's name has been spelled differently — by Shakspeere. That was the fun, spelling was a suggestion rather than an edict.

I read once — in Bill Bryson's book Mother Tongue — that the city of Chicago has been spelled something like 14 different ways before the current spelling.

I love orthography and the English ability to constantly change their/our language, and how significantly it's changed in a few short centuries.

LibrarianX September 8, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Spice Boy!

johnnyzhivago September 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm

OT: But Mitt is standing up to No-bama by REFUSING to permit "In God We Trust" from being removed from our coins! Thank HEAVENS Mitt is focusing on the real issues that are important to all REAL Americans!!!
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/09/08/r

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 6:55 pm

That 0% convention bounce has gone to his head.

johnnyzhivago September 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Zero would have gone to his head!   Minus 2 is more like it!

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 7:30 pm

True that, plus Obama gaining 7% in his approvals.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 8, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I don't suppose he explained how he can cut taxes, spend additional billions on the Pentagon, and erase the deficit, all at the same time. Mittens was wise to ignore the math and yammer about God instead, because God only knows how it could be done.

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Of course God knows. And we trust in Him.

Toomush_Infer September 8, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Once again, he's talking about the Mormon God (trademark stamp that I can't get the hang of), bought and paid for by and for Mormons….it's like the HeMan No Gurlz Allowd Club….

vodkamuppet September 8, 2012 at 10:34 pm

&#trade;

Neither work for me either. Am I supposed to include arrows or something?

jqheywood September 8, 2012 at 11:11 pm

™

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:31 am

1. Get a Mac™.
2. Copy the thing, and stash it somewhere.
3. In MS Word, type (TM) and hit the spacebar. Copy & paste.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 9, 2012 at 2:37 am

The God of Kobol has a nicer ring to it.

proudgrampa September 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

That was where I first worshipped!

sharethegrief September 8, 2012 at 10:47 pm

"Keep God on U.S. currency…keep U.S. currency in Caymans."

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Yeah, go ahead, make fun. When we're down to shaking pennies out from between the couch cushions, we'll all be really glad they still say "In God we Trust" on them.

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Okay, I think this is the point at which Romney has decided he's already loss the election, so he's just going to go full-petty, now.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:32 am

He's trying to nail down the "undecided fundie" demographic.

Redgyal September 8, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Is this news??????

kittensdontlie September 8, 2012 at 7:31 pm

It's a slow news day, today,…oh sure Mutt Rameney has surely done dopey things today, but how can we keep our comments sharp on such a dull object?!

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 6:52 pm

It was very sweet of his parents to see him off at the airfield. http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01717

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm

How did QE II get the Sorting Hat out of Hogwarts?

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Or perhaps their special Wizard Intelligence and Counter-Intelligence branch
MI – 5 1/2

James Michael Curley September 8, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Is there no one in that entire country who can tell the Queen her myriad of pastel coloured outfits are becoming parodies of themselves.

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 11:17 pm

*Gasp* A…a…papist in the Royal Family?! Where is my fainting coach?

Tangled sin tax September 8, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Following in Harry Flashman's footsteps. http://greensleeves.typepad.com/berkshires/2008/0

Biel_ze_Bubba September 8, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Who's the knight with the Coca-Cola logo on his shield?

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 7:08 pm
johnnyzhivago September 8, 2012 at 7:13 pm

The Burger King??

HogeyeGrex September 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Shaft!

johnnyzhivago September 8, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Sorry to keep hijacking this, but you gotta see this! Romney has adopted "Straight Talk" now – I guess from McCain. They must be getting desperate. I mean straight talk worked for McCain because the average person thought "ok guy, honest, straight talker". Mitt is basically a pathological liar. Joe Isuzu would be a better "straight talker".

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/09/07/r

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 7:22 pm

"I'm very pleased that people got to know me better, because I'm a narcissist and that's how we roll."

BlueStateLibel September 8, 2012 at 8:00 pm

He's also using the "Obama will take In God we Trust" off of coins. Boy, that's a winning strategy right there…must be pretty desperate this point.

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Even worse, I don't think he is saying that Obama will take IGwT off the coins. He's just stating firmly and clearly that he, Mitt Romney, will not do so. Dammit, a man's got to draw a line.

Perhaps he should also announce that if elected president, he will not bomb the Daytona 500.

johnnyzhivago September 8, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Obama wants to bomb the Daytona 500??? This is horrible!

vodkamuppet September 8, 2012 at 10:46 pm

You heard it here first folks!

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Horrible and redundant.

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Really? The Daytona 500?? Bomb it?? I wouldn't have believed it for a moment if it weren't coming from a reliable source like you, johnnyz, but damn. Tabarnak.

That Obama, I mean, geez louise.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Wait — Is this one of those things where I said that I would NOT smoke any cigars for Lent?

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I pledged that I would not become a Catholic during Lent.

Blueb4sinrise September 8, 2012 at 8:35 pm

The Straight Talk Express has room for a horse on the roof.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:41 am

And, presumably, someone who's responsible for hiding the horseshit.

imissopus September 9, 2012 at 1:12 am

"The president apparently didn't have time to go to the American legion as I did."

Yes, the president has a job. It's called the presidency.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 9, 2012 at 2:49 am

Didn't he say something about being "unemployed"?

thurufally September 8, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Eyewitness accounts described it as a dagger not a sword.

Veritas78 September 8, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Either way, I'd be happy to provide a sheath.

LibertyLover September 8, 2012 at 8:16 pm

"Oh Happy Dagger, this is my sheath!"

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:43 am

Will whosoever withdraws it be the rightful King of England?

mavenmaven September 8, 2012 at 7:19 pm

"don't show, don't tell"

Chichikovovich September 8, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Despite the recent high-profile embarrassment, the Royal Family is quite supportive of Harry's return to Afghanistan. Indeed, they put in a special request that he be put in command of Her Majesty's 44th Foot at Gandamak.

jqheywood September 8, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Elphinstone libel!

M. Bouffant September 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Nostrildamus September 9, 2012 at 1:37 am

Lovely, dry British wit!

sewollef September 9, 2012 at 8:31 am

THAT'S funny.

nobodyssweetheart September 8, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I'm offended that the US media has demoted so much attention to this royal halfwit.

We 'merkins reject royalty; we're a meritocracy — celebrate our halfwits who got there by their own lack of ability.

fartknocker September 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I just witnessed that last week in Tampa when Mittens was ordained by the GOP.

BlueStateLibel September 8, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Can't the Queen just exile him to some desolate, miserable place full of savages, like say Arizona?

LibertyLover September 8, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Hey, Hey Hey!!! Some of us have to live here! I'd say we were half full of savages, but I'm a half-full kinda person. ;-)

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 5:15 am

Wouldn't an optimist sees it as half-empty of savages?

Jukesgrrl September 8, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Any Brit who actually spent two months in Gila Bend and Yuma, AZ, AND El Centro, CA (the place that spawned Cher), deserves some kind of medal. According to the AZ Republic, "The training in desert conditions is designed to prepare pilots for deployment to Afghanistan." And as if that wasn't enough of a shock to a royal system, he stayed at the Best Western Space Age Lodge. You gotta see it to believe it:
http://book.bestwestern.com/bestwestern/US/AZ/Gil

fartknocker September 8, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I saw that hotel when I was out near Gila Bend on business inspecting a anhydrous ammonia installation for a large farm about 8 miles from that town. That is one butt ugly place. I was staying in Phoenix and traveled out to the site daily and that was some butt ugly country. The town has a DQ and stopped there on the last day and asked for an ice cream cone. They were out of ice cream. Kinda ironic but it matched Gila Bend. I see why the State of Arizona built a prison near there.

Jukesgrrl September 9, 2012 at 2:31 am

You have COMPLETELY captured the desperate ambiance of Gila Bend.How can someplace so sunny be so despondent?

fartknocker September 9, 2012 at 3:19 am

Juke

It was someone that lived 60 years before us and never considered the phrase "agribusiness." I would think that if you live in PHX and drive to San Diego, you make sure you have a full tank of gasoline, stop in Yuma to make sure you still have enough gasoline, and then drive past El Centro and over the mountains before seeing San Diego and think your free.

The San Diego ocean breeze is addictive. I've made that drive during the day and night with some Phoenix FD compadres and I was nervous. That's so unfriendly terrain and folks.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 8, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Ireland is closer.

BlueStateLibel September 9, 2012 at 8:48 am

Where he'd find his ginger ass kicked out in five minutes.

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I didn't expect him to become a research librarian. The training is way too rigorous and he'd only get lost in the stacks.

doloras September 8, 2012 at 9:05 pm

The whole point of a monarchy is a warrior aristocracy. If they don't join the Armed Forces (even Her Maj drove an ambulance in WW2), their mystical connexion to the tribal gods would be severed and they'd have to be burned alive.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:13 pm

"Her Maj drove an ambulance in WW2"

Now I'm picturing Hitler cringing and begging for mercy as Elizabeth (wearing a tiara) repeatedly whales on him with that big pocketbook she always carries.

HarryButtle September 8, 2012 at 9:20 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRj01LShXN8

Prince Harry going off to war? Yikes.

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 9:43 pm

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd

Tip-toe. Tee hee.

Chet Kincaid_ September 8, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Watching that, I think a young Shatner could have done it better. That Branagh is the most lipless of men, also.

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 9:51 pm

He's the anti-Val Kilmer. Well, the Val Kilmer of olde. The rest of his face finally caught up with his lips.

James Michael Curley September 9, 2012 at 8:01 am

Branagh also has the worst Macbeth and worst Hamlet I have ever seen.

Arborista September 8, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Motherless children have a hard time when the mother's dead.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Very nice.
I'll see your Lucinda Williams, and raise you a Barbecue Bob:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLyvL2FQIBg&fe

Chet Kincaid_ September 8, 2012 at 9:53 pm

This is how they got him onto the transport plane:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5i5iJvtt4k

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Hah!

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 10:17 pm

OT: CNN's Don Lemon is being a total dick to Debbie Wasserman Schultz, right now, over Israel. WTF is wrong with him? He even just admitted that he'd crossed a line in getting too personal with some accusations he seemed to have made.

That's why people hate the media: starting shit just to start shit.

Fukui-sanYesOta September 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Huh, I normally like The Lemon. What's he griefing DWS about?

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm

About the whole Democratic platform debacle over Israel at the convention. He was basically questioning her commitment to Israel, which, as you know is about the the most horrible thing you can be accused of in American politics. Debbie was pissed.

Personally, I wish everyone could be more candid about this, but for Don to accuse a (hawkish) Jewish congresswoman of not being sufficiently pro-Israel was offensive in just how ridiculous the accusation was.

BTW, the entire issue is a joke because everyone knows it's always been American policy, in practice, that Jerusalem is a special case until it's worked out. Its' why we have our freakin' embassy in Tel Aviv for goodness sake.

BarackMyWorld September 8, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Here's what I'll say about this:
Say what you will about his partying, but the dude is 3rd in line for his nation's crown and he's putting himself in a dangerous combat situation instead of using his family influence or some other bullshit excuse to get out of serving.

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Like a young Dumbass Bush in the Texas National Guard.
*dabs away a tear*

Arborista September 8, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Or a young Dumbass Romney on a mission in France.

Negropolis September 8, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Given his family's background, even that just of his immediate extended family, wouldn't have been more odd had he nott signed up for military duty? Hell, even Prince Andrew served in the military.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 5:21 am

How many choppers does he have to crash to become a darling of the conservatives?

sewollef September 9, 2012 at 8:37 am

The weird thing, it's not even guaranteed anymore that 'the Royals' are even conservative. I wouldn't go so far as to say they are socialist, more like Liberal-Democrats [the coalition partner in the British government].

But since the Queen cannot vote and has instructed her family NOT to vote [all true], I guess we'll never know.

Arborista September 8, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Now that we’re alone we can talk prince man to man
though you lie on the stairs and see no more than a dead ant,
nothing but black sun with broken rays
I could never think of your hands without smiling
and now that they lie on the stone like fallen nests
they are as a defenseless as before. The end is exactly this,
The hands lie apart The sword lies apart The head apart
and the knight’s feet in soft slippers…

TribecaMike September 8, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred
While Willie took tea.

LibertyLover September 9, 2012 at 1:10 am

I say… it's a bit chilly in here, Lord Cardigan, can you fetch my sweater?

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Does anybody else think Prince Harry looks suspiciously like Bad Luck Brian?

tessiee September 8, 2012 at 11:59 pm

"She laughed at my mighty sword. She laughed at my mighty sword. Why must everybody laugh at my mighty sword?":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ0kwciJKvM

tessiee September 9, 2012 at 12:00 am

What, no comment from Limeylizzie?
Harry's probably her cousin or something.

Jukesgrrl September 9, 2012 at 2:32 am

I've been missing her, too. She was gone all through the convention live-blogging. Must be working.

sewollef September 9, 2012 at 8:41 am

As another Brit at Wonkette Central, I'll be substitute for LL when she's indisposed.

And by the way, almost ALL Brits are probably related through some old whoring aristocrat from 1,000 years ago…. so Harry could be LL's cousin [1200 times removed].

StillGoinGreen September 9, 2012 at 1:02 am

Just a few short weeks ago
me cock was happily swingin
But now these flappin chopper blades
got me fucking ears a ringin!

Prince Gingerpubes
Somewhere in Afghanistan

BoatOfVelociraptors September 9, 2012 at 2:53 am

Sounds a wee bit like an Irish drinking song to me.

Nice rabbit.

ms_mcgee September 9, 2012 at 1:12 am

Too bad he's not a young sailor. Maybe he could have hung out with Hopey.

TribecaMike September 9, 2012 at 1:13 am

A great and glorious thing it is
To learn, for seven years or so,
The Lord knows what of that and this,
Ere reckoned fit to face the foe —
The flying bullet down the Pass,
That whistles clear: "All flesh is grass."

– Rudyard Kipling, Arithmetic on the Frontier

BarackMyWorld September 9, 2012 at 2:05 am

So I guess someone thought this election needed a religious argument?
Onward Mormon soldier….

TribecaMike September 9, 2012 at 2:40 am

Sounds like Mitten's pretty much given up on the indie vote and is scared shitless that a sizeable number of wackjob basers won't bother voting in November. And who can blame them, bless their hearts?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:06 am

Even if the nutters come out in force, there aren't enough of them to win it for Mitt, so his relentless pandering to the base strikes me as self-defeating. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 9, 2012 at 6:24 am

Lady Peggington Noonington News

She is a ninny, a narcissist and a fool.

Lest ye be concerned, the earth has not shifted on its axis, nor has the Magike Dolphin Lady had a momentary flash of self knowledge…she's writing about Sandra Fluke.
~

christianmuslin September 9, 2012 at 8:19 am

Keeping it in perspective: Given the choice, I would take one Prince Harry over two George Bushes any day!

MozakiBlocks September 9, 2012 at 8:48 am

Prince Harry serving in the military, Beau Biden served in Iraq, three of John McCain's sons served, even Sarah Palin's son served.

We're waiting Romney sons

Angry_Marmot September 9, 2012 at 9:38 am

A little touch of Harry in the fight.

jakegittes September 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm

His middle name is Richard. Harry Dick, for short. Or is it long?

Manhattan123 September 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I wonder if the Brit army camp is near the US army camp over there. He might bump into one of Mitt Romney's strapping young sons….oh, wait.

BigoBangoBongo September 10, 2012 at 4:51 am

Speaking as a Brit, this may be the time to point out that he probably isn't a royal anyway.

The similarity between him and Mr James Hewitt is somewhat striking, the little ginger bastard.

DahBoner September 10, 2012 at 10:43 am

Ye Olde Royal Dick…

johnnyzhivago September 8, 2012 at 11:24 pm

If you can't trust the internet, what can you trust?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 4:23 am

The goal, I think, is just to get the Irish to stop murdering one another for a few generations. The theory being that people not yet born will, perhaps, be able to get along. Whether or not they can carry a grudge for ten generations, à la the Balkans, remains to be seen.

Negropolis September 9, 2012 at 4:26 am

I'm sure they would, and I've said for as long as I can remember that I don't begrudge any native people's for being pissed for being colonized and/or exterminated, so you're not going to get me, there. You know, they accuse our president of being anti-colonialist (as if it's a bad thing, lol), well, I actually am. I'm that guy. I don't care if it's Israel, North America, Liberia, wherever, all distinctly different situations but with some very basic and fundamental similarities. I luvs me some British culture, but the history is far, far from blemish free.

Jukesgrrl September 9, 2012 at 5:16 am

I drive from Tucson to North County San Diego a lot.My car gets great gas mileage but it only holds about 9 gallons of gas.I HAVE to stop twice even if I fill to the brim before I leave.It always a pain to decide which two of the the three awful choices is the best.Certainly Yuma has the “best” amenities, comparably speaking, but for the past two years it's been a road construction nightmare.So I end up stopping in GB and EC even just gas is too much time spent there.I do enjoy seeing the dunes and those crazy rocks right before the Cleveland National Forest.But don't drive there in fog!

James Michael Curley September 9, 2012 at 8:10 am

That makes me want to look into Photoshop.

Warwhatgoodfor September 9, 2012 at 10:42 am

She looked pretty small, actually.Sent from my iPad

Warwhatgoodfor September 9, 2012 at 11:26 am

Ten generations is chicken feed. The f**king Brits owned Ireland lock stock, and barrell for roughly 700 years. My wife is totall Irish. Her people in Mass were actively involved in gun running during the troubles. She herself loaths the Brits with every pice of DNA in her body.
We have visited her cousin and other relatives who live in Galway city, west of the Shannon, where the famine was the worst. Once you drive out of the city there are still deserted falling apart farm houses and outbuildings everywhere. On the surface the relatives act as tho they don't really care, but bringing up anything about the North or Michael Collins is an absolute no-no.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

It will look nicely saturated and all on the screen, but when it comes to printing it out, you're going to be "Oh, wait…"

Mess up a $20 sheet of Fujiflex hg, and you'll really start missing the original products!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I've been to Galway (still have the mandatory sweater) — my ex is Irish (County Cork, via Newfoundland.) It is hard to imagine the misery that produced all that picturesque scenery.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I wonder if anyone's history is "blemish free". It would have to be some tribe so remote that they didn't have neighbors to beat on.

James Michael Curley September 9, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I haven’t started to explore serious printing as I don’t have a serious printer. It was only four years ago that I bought the Fujifilm HS-10 because I could no longer get anyone to fix my old Topcon.

Negropolis September 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

No society is blemish free, though, I think you're missing the point. What I'm seeing is a lot of straw men and red herrings starting to litter this space, so I'll let what I said stand on its own.

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