romney loves FOREIGN troopsWhen Mitt Romney (remember, the one running for president against Michelle Obama’s husband) spoke at the Republican National Convention, he mentioned pretty much everything that’s ever existed except America’s men and women in uniform. The liberal media turned this into A Thing, and so Mitt Romney took to Fox News to answer the question on everyone’s mind:

Baier: To hear several speakers in Charlotte – and I don’t think this is a jump – they were essentially saying you don’t care about the U.S. military because you didn’t mention U.S. troops and the war in Afghanistan in your nomination acceptance speech. We understand you went to the American Legion the day before and you talked about the service and sacrifice of the military there. Do you regret opening up this line of attack, now a recurring attack, by leaving out that issue in the speech?

Wait…the question is whether Romney regrets opening up the line of attack? Is this what you learn in the Hillsdale College Journalism School? What was the show production meeting like before this interview?

PRODUCER: “Hey, Bret, ask Romney a question about the troop thing, but not actually about the troop thing.”

BRET BAIER: “How about if I ask if he regrets letting Democrats attack him on it?”

PRODUCER: “Perfect! Can you add some more quaver to your voice, though? Really sell it.”

So, how did Romney answer this softball?

Well, fucking terribly.

Romney: I only regret you repeating it day in and day out. (LAUGHS)

Baier: Well, I mean, what just came from Charlotte –

Romney: Because when you give a speech, you don’t give a laundry list. You talk about the things that you think are important. And I described in my speech my commitment to a strong military unlike the President’s decision to cut our military. And I didn’t use the word troops, I used the word military. I think they refer to the same thing. And of course going to the American Legion…

HAR HAR HAR shut your goddamn smooth face, Baier.

It is a genius move for Romney to conflate the troops with the entire military, because of the new plan to turn the entire Army into the Universal Soldier program. THEY ARE LIVING WEAPONS. The troops themselves, however, are not really all that important until they are implanted with guns and wheels, so yeah, ignore them or whatever. Barack Obama pandered to mere humans, a thing we will never have to worry about in a Romney presidency. Ever.

[Boston Phoenix]

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  • Machines are people too!

    • No he isn't. You leave Mitt out of this conversation.

      • mormos

        mitt either is skynet or the dumbass who turns it on.

        • Ten thousand dollars says he's the dumbass.

    • SorosBot

      As established in United Federation of Planets v. Lieutenant Commander Data, S2 E9 "The Measure of a Man".

    • CivicHoliday

      Mittbot, John Connor is coming for you

      • Oh, shit. (looks around frantically) Oh, wait, you said MittBOT. Whew!

    • TribecaMike

      The Lathe Liberation Movement agrees!

  • sbj1964

    During the Vietnam War didn't Romney win the Mormon white feather&Yellow stripe medal?

    • The chickenhawks run strong in the Repuddlecans.

    • Here's the thing: That hairy-arsed shitfucker DEMONSTRATED AGAINST the anti-war protestors. The anti-war protestors were mostly kids who had gotten draft deferments (mostly by going to college) and they were trying to shut the war down and bring the troops home not least because there was a significant risk of their OWN arses getting shot off one way or another. This miserable son of a sow carried a placard and exposed his hair gel to the sun to protest those students. Then he ran away to Paris where he lived a very comfortable life in a mansion with servants, as innumerable Mormons have already testified. So that HE wouldn't have to take his over-privileged arse out where the kids were sweating it up to their armpits in mud living with crotch rot and giant rats and dodging bullets and bombs.

      • You mean like that John Kerry guy who shot himself overseas just because he knew he would run for president one day?

        • Yeah, jus like dat' guy. What those kids (and some were under 18) went through on a daily basis changed them forever. While this asshole sat in Paris eating home-cooked meals prepared by a "houseboy."

      • BerkeleyBear

        But for me, the capper to that is coming back from the mission to France, continuing the deferment, but apparently deciding Stanford was just too lefty for his precious tastes and instead plunging into the whitest place on earth (BYU). And proceeding on a life that seemed driven by being around only Mormons and whites who cared only about money, and utter isolation from "little people" or any sort of discord.

        • Mittens' penchant for avoiding situations that might cause him any kind of actual stress is hardly a good indicator of his ability to handle Presidential duties. If anything, it's a harbinger of dangerous blindness. When Bush was running, many people warned that his utter lack of intellectual curiousity boded ill for the nation, and he bore that out to the last jot and tittle. In Mittens, I see someone who is not only unconscious that another world unlike his rarefied and privileged one exists, but one who is impervious to any attempts of that other world to intrude, as well as a complete lack of interest in what might comprise that other world. And it does not bode well.

          • Negropolis

            Mittens' penchant for avoiding situations that might cause him any kind of actual stress is hardly a good indicator of his ability to handle Presidential duties. If anything, it's a harbinger of dangerous blindness.

            I think that's exactly what BerkleyBear was implying.

    • RadioX

      Do you mean plume blanche et une bande jaune?

    • miss_grundy

      Yes, because the Republicans like to say they are patriots but they don't like to act like ones. I'm sure that he will come out beating his chest saying how hard it was to be a missionary in France and then insult Vietnam war veterans by saying they didn't have it that hard in southeast Asia.

      • The had all the marijuana they could want. What else did they expect? Their own planet when the got killed?

        • James Michael Curley

          No stems or seeds, all the hash and solidly rolled into 100 mm long cigs – all for the atrocious price of twenty for 1 MPC (Military Payment Coupon) if you had access to greenbacks, $1 got you 100.

          • When did they stop using the MPCs? That whole MPC thing was a giant scam.

          • James Michael Curley

            In Vietnam they were called MPC but were in use in occupied Germany and Japan right after the war and in Korea.  My memory is such that I can’t remember whether they were Military Payment Coupons or Military Payment Certificates.The ‘official’ exchange rate was 1 MPC per dollar and you got your monthly pay in MPC’s.  The ‘official’ exchange rate for the dong (the very laughable Vietnamese currency since you had to use it to purchase any goods or services from the locals) was 120 piastres to the dong.To try to rein in inflation Saigon would not distribute any currency with a notation higher than 100 piastres when I was there if I remember correctly.  Yet out the gate one easily got 700 piastres to the MPC.  You could get greenbacks, but it was against military law.  I went over playing ‘Bart Maverick’ with five $50 greenbacks sewn into my field jacket only to find it was dam hard to convert them to anything and the first $50 got me about $700MPC on the street, as best as I can remember.  So you can see that the effort was not very successful, but keeping a lid on it with constant threats from one’s military superiors was fairly successful.One of my Air America buddies who was there up until dumping Hueys into the ocean recalls the exchange rate to be enormously higher.  Historical reports show when our combat presence was ended in 1973 the exchange rate went ballistic. Even before DaNang fell it was something like 20,000 dong to the dollar.  Another guy I knew but don’t associate with any more once mentioned buying a DaNang hotel for $250 greenback. In the 1973 – 1975.  (He was a real sleazebag, a Wm. Buckley conservative in those days, continued to run it as a whore house and when he left Air American (after leaving the military) he became a dentist. I called him ‘the Doomsday dentist’ because I’m certain he got into it because he liked inflicting pain.)When entering graduate school and doing my thesis in ‘International Economics’ I tried to flesh out and research some of this information to further a hypothesis about the ineffectiveness of government control of inflation without an international float.  However without the internet (1981 – 1984) it was difficult to find support.  I did shift such hypothesis over to the Soviet Union in a tome I thought was quite successful.  On defense one of the bozos from the economics department’s first comment was how nice it looked and whether I had it typeset and printed.  My mentor who was a Russian and probably felt compelled to offer some criticism said I should have put a few the graphs on the same page instead of a graph a page – but hey! Volume!

          • glasspusher

            Exactly. Though, when I shrank my thesis down to single spaced and small graphs, it still was over a hundred pages. Don't wait for the movie…

          • Fascinating. I'm re-reading Frances Fitzgerald's "Fire in the Lake" (for which she won a Pulitzer), and while some of her conclusions are just too twee for words (srsly; the VN war as seen through Blofeld's translation of the I Ching?), it's painful reading.

            And the Internet certainly has changed the way research is done. As a gimp, I can't imagine being able to get down to the library to do research. Although there's still plenty of BS and nutbaggery out there, there's also access to just about anything, if you know how to look.

          • James Michael Curley

            I read that when it first came out.  One theme strikes me even last week after the DNC which I remember clearly as a feeling, thought, observation while over there.  What purpose do these people have for the kind of government we, and the French before us, were forcing down their throats?  The rural village life was working well for them for millennia.  Is it sufficient to say we have brought them modern conveniences and a little better health at the cost of totally uprooting their value system?  Be sure to check out Stanley Karnow’s “Vietnam: A History” not necessarily for its somewhat opposite and more western view, but to complete the gambit up to 1975.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      My wife is of 100% Irish descent, with relatives still living west of the Shannon, where the famine ravaged the countryside. She hates the British and everything about them with a cold venomous hatred. However, referring for instance to the article about horny Harry, the British royals have always considered military service part of what they owed to their country. That included going in harms way when necessary, with the real chance of being killed, unlike the endless parade of Republiscum cowards. Even she has reluctantly admitted this, even tho she still hates them.

      • Steverino247

        Harry's Uncle Andrew was used as bait while Harriers waited nearby during the Falklands War. Flying in a rescue helicopter while broadcasting in the clear about where you are, hoping the Harriers shoot down hostile fighters before they have the chance to shoot at you takes real courage.

        • Warwhatgoodfor

          I remember hearing this during the war. Lord Montbatten was in the thick of things during WWII. He was later killed on his yacht by an IRA bomb. Wife chuckled over hearing the news. Her people in Mass were involved in gun running at the time.Sent from my iPad

      • That was no famine, it was cold-blooded murder. My Irish friends like to say, "Just remember everything the British did to your people, they practised on us first." It was attempted genocide.

        • Warwhatgoodfor

          Truer words, etc. even while the potato blight was destroying the Irish food, the Brits continued exporting beef and swine. They needed to pay the taxes on their Irish land, so…Sent from my iPad

  • bumfug

    Handlers have updated MittBot2012's software, installing information, if not actual realization, that humans seem to have respect and affection for their warrior class.

    • Too late! Besides, it's STILL buggy. Remove "LaundryList" submodule.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Laundry List seems unfortunate phrasing also. Honey, add more bleach next time you wash magic underwear. Are you done with your ironing, woman?

        • Yeah. Because to him the men and women getting their fucking lives turned upside down in places they have no business being for a cause they know nothing about are just so much dirty underwear, to be thrown into a machine (!) to be cleaned off when you're done with them. Give 'em a medal and a plot in a national cemetery. How is this different from the Viet-Minh taking cadres to see their own coffins before sending them out to the front-line?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Knock, knock.

    • Geminisunmars

      Nobody home. Go away.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        I'm tellin ma.

        • Geminisunmars

          Oh, all right. So who the fuck is there?

          • Apparently, at least according to bumfug, it ain't Dave.

          • Geminisunmars

            Dave who?

          • UW8316154

            Dave, man! Open up!

    • bumfug

      Dave's not here.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        You need to add the trailing ",man".

    • Thwack, thwack should be more like it. With VOTES.

    • SexySmurf

      Oh, shit! The Mormons are at the door.

    • Blueb4sinrise


      • Boojum

        Who's there?

        • Blueb4sinrise


          • Boojum

            Don't……..[sniffles]………just………..don't, who?

          • You are SO breathtakingly cruel.

          • Boojum

            It's a gift, like having a retrovirus.

          • Geminisunmars

            Is that like a virus from the 50s?

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Midcentury Virus? Those are in vogue now.

          • Arborista

            It's not Spanish flu, it's Danish Modern flu…

          • Man! Ever since that goddamn Democratic convention, er'body around heah all FULL of piss and vinegar!

          • sullivanst

            Anyone who's ever seen the detox phase of rehab knows why.

          • Geminisunmars


          • sullivanst


            Or, uh, something ;)

          • Not that YOU would know, of course.

          • Er … I was going to ask, but better Gem than me.

          • Blueb4sinrise


          • AlterNewt

            Please. Start over.

          • Blueb4sinrise

            Okay. Knock………….
            Ohhhhhhh no.

          • Arborista

            Interrupting cow?

          • thebeatgoeson


          • CalamityJames

            Orange you glad you bought your goddamned 7-year-old a fucking joke book?

          • Nothingisamiss

            These are the threads warm my little wonkette heart.

          • just_a_head

            Umm…Candy Gram?

          • Native_of_SL_UT

            Umm…Land Shark.

          • UW8316154


          • IndianaKevin

            Land snark!

  • SorosBot

    Wait, I thought only Republicans can love the troops, by sending them off to fight and possibly die or be permanently disabled for no particular reason, just for the hell of it because hey, if you've got a military why not send them off to invade random countries.

    • Geminisunmars

      And then it is lots of fun to defund the VA so that help is hard to find. Hilarity ensues.

      • SorosBot

        And defund the GI Bill, making it harder for the veterans to find jobs once they're out of the military. But I guess the former troops just don't matter.

    • Let's not forget "kill and maim and have to live with the knowledge of that killing and maiming." Over 1 million Iraqis and Afghanistanis have died as a result of the US deciding to kill 4,000 of its "surplus" young men over there.

      • Angry_Marmot

        That's 1,004,000 off the unemployment rolls!

        • I'll bet $10,000 that it wouldn't surprise you in the least if Romney said that.

          • Callyson

            Oh great–so THAT'S the GOP jobs plan. Troops to Iran in 3…2…1…

          • Oh, wow, dood, I thought you KNEW. Did I give a secret away? Oops.

      • SorosBot

        But PTSD is just a psychological disability and shouldn't count, the troops should just man up and get over it!

        • sullivanst

          Shellshock libel!

        • I could tell you some stories, but then everybody here would end up srsly depressed.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Faced with any prospect of this ahole and ryan in the whitehouse, I am depressed. Off to pour another drink.

          • (Hugs J_W) Let's be positive and work to ensure those motherfuckers never get closer than a paid tour, dude. Send 'em some money, register some people, drive someone to the polls, volunteer with OFA for one weekend, or just one evening. Let's win the White House and the House and Senate.

            Do EEET!

          • Jus_Wonderin

            I am seriously going to look into the driving people to the polls thing. I know my boss would let me off for that. Or I can tell him I am "sick".

          • Yay J_W! And it's no lie, 'cause if you ain't sick to death of the shit that's going on around us every day, you have GOTTA be insane.

          • Arborista

            You rock, JW!!

        • miss_grundy

          Would that be "pulling themselves up by their bootstraps"?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I just want to smack Jonah Goldberg in his inherited face with the "Ledeen Doctrine. Again and again and again, with votes. Seriously. It got my brother into a 14 hour firefight where more than 20 of his crew were killed, and he wound up shooting children, coming back with PTSD.

      Tough decisions my ass.

      • Oh god. I am SO sorry, dude. So sorry.

        FWIW, many vets swear by weed as an aid for PTSD symptoms.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Seriously, we grew up in trailer parks, and every time I see a chubby pasty heir talk about war, not cool.

          • (Hugs you) No, it's not cool that those fuckers think they have a right to fuck up other people for life, people who are not rich and powerful. And they damn well KNOW that's what they're doing, or they would send THEIR precious children there. I hope your brother is getting the help he needs.

            ETA: It's like they think "us people's" lives don't matter.

          • miss_grundy

            But that's exactly it, they truly believe that we (those people) don't matter. We are just there to be used and disposed.

          • Social justice. You'd think the wealthy would have heard of it.

    • miss_grundy

      On the Yahoo home page, John McCain is beating the drum for war with Iran, saying that the place is in shambles. Has this dumb fuck not learned anything from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? We've barely exited Iraq and we are getting to leave Afghanistan and these assholes want to kill more Americans in Iran or Syria? Will someone please take this guy out..with votes….

      • sullivanst

        Old man's been beating that drum dead horse since at least 2007

      • James Michael Curley

        If we're out of Iraq and leaving Afghanistan somebody will very quickly realize we don't need 179 KC-X tankers which McCain helped to swap out in 2010 for the KC-767's which were going to be leased. Extra cost of $35 BILLION with major structural components built in Arizona.

        • Got a link?

          • James Michael Curley

            Check out KC-X on Wikipedia.   I haven’t checked it out for over a year or more.

          • Thanks, dude.

  • Does this mean that none of Ann Romney's Cadillacs has a yellow ribbon?

    • Not even one of those Made in China yellow ribbon magnets on the bumper?

      • Geminisunmars

        You mean a genuine yellow ribbon magnet?

        • Are you pulling a Hoekstra on me, young lady?

          • Geminisunmars

            Oh, sorry. I meant yellowshirt ribbon magnet.

          • Bad doggeh. (Hugs you again for teh funneh)

        • Jus_Wonderin

          She probably has a Chinese sweatshop worker holding a ribbon on the back of one of her Cadillacs. Hey, nothing is too good for Ann.

          • Geminisunmars

            She is such a job creatress.

          • She's been creating maid's jobs since the day she was born.

          • James Michael Curley

            We must be somewhat fair to Ann. Unlike Mitt whose sense of privilege was installed when the OS was, Ann had to learn it while she was dating Mitt. I shall now retire to the porcelain throne of contemplation to consider which is worse.

          • No, she didn't have to learn it from Mitt. She came from a pretty wealthy family herself.

          • Ann didn't need Mitt to get her sense of privilege.She is the daughter of one Edward Davies who, before she was born co-founded Jered Industries, a maker of heavy machinery for marine use located in Troy, Michigan.Davies raised his family in exclusive Bloomfield Hills (where he was also the part-time mayor).Ann had a nanny from childhood and from elementary school on she attended the Kingswood School, sister school to Mitt's Cranbrook.Ann's family wasn't religious but they called themselves Episcopalian.Ann had a thing for Mitt throughout her youth but Gov. Romney told her Mitt would never marry her since she was not a Mormon.So while he was on his mission duty/draft dodging in Paris, she took it upon herself to convert to the LDS.When he came home … SURPRISE!Mrs. Rmoney is wily, willful, and even snottier than Mitt.

          • glasspusher

            I liked that her mom was srsly zero population growth and was pissed with Ann pumping out her five boys. I like her mom. Is she available?

          • sullivanst

            Ann's family wasn't religious but they called themselves Episcopalian.

            If there's a difference between "not religious" and "Episcopalian", I have yet to discover it… :P

          • Strapped to the trunk.

          • sullivanst

            In a crate.


      The only one I'd have (if I had a Cadillac) would say: I Support Unwed Mothers.

      • UW8316154

        Oh, just *listen" to you people!

        /Ann swishes out of room/

  • Veritas78

    That's one of the most chilling aspects of Romney's bloodless character. I can't see him agonizing for even a moment about any of the deaths associated with a military move. It's business, that's what the troops signed up for, we pay 'em to die for us. And too bad about the browns or whoever he decides is bad.

    • C'mon, you know it won't have anything to do with "bad." He will make a strategic decision to commit troops based on these criteria: (1) Neocon warhawks demand it; (2) Some resource in the region could bring huge profits to him and his friends; (3) Young people of a certain class/colour in this country need an issue on which to focus their disaffection (this serves the dual purpose of getting them the fuck out of the way so they can't go marching in the streets AND having the taxpayer pay the cost of bringing those profits home to his banks in other nations).

      • glasspusher

        I think his political career shows he'd do anything to enhance his chance of winning an election, including turning on a dime if it is politically expedient.

    • SorosBot

      How long do you think it would take until a President Romney orders the invasion of Iran, because they're bad?

      • Geminisunmars

        I think he'd try it November 7.

        • Pretty much. Because if he wins this thing, he's gonna need to keep our eyes off the rapid depletion of our Treasury and the second biggest transfer of wealth from the middle-class to the truly greedy evah.

        • sullivanst

          I takes a while to prepare for such a thing, so yeah, he'd ask the Generals to start preparing 11/7.

          • Sully. Bringing the snark so thick you can cut it with a knife.

          • sullivanst

            Well, I'm glad you gave me the benefit of the very small amount of doubt as to whether that one was merely the 200-proof cynicism with which contemporary American politics fills me.

          • You can't look at American politics, contemporary or Menckenian, without becoming deeply cynical. Hucksterism got its birth in this nation's politics, I b'leev.

      • miss_grundy

        By the latest he would have his slaves in Congress voting for a declaration of war the day after taking office.

        • James Michael Curley

          Congress has not 'voted for a declaration of war' since 1941. All other efforts were carefully crafted to avoid the term 'declaration of war'. Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr's "The Imperial Presidency" is still the go to book for the issues involved with the Presidency gaining greater powers through the abdication of Congressional powers, mostly the war making powers. Yet we, as in the USofA have sent troops aboard more times than I can remember in the last 40 years since it was written.

          • The War Powers Act has been more honoured in the breach than the observance, for sure.

      • Arborista

        What worries me is that Israel is saber rattling, because that is what they do, but are they stupid enough to want a war with Iran?

        And might Romney decide to get something started on Israel's behalf that Israel doesn't even want?

        • sullivanst

          Bibi's advisers are smart enough to understand that unless they actually succeed in destroying all of Iran's enrichment equipment, an attack on their facilities would merely create new motivations for weaponization without eliminating their capacity to do so. They're also smart enough to understand that even just the sites that are known are sufficiently hardened against attack that it's likely some capacity would survive, and there's a strong possibility that unknown sites exist.

          Romney's advisers are far less capable.

        • Israel is *always* saber-rattling. It's what they *do.* So long as *we* don't put our money where their mouth is, no problem. The problem is that Romney is just the kind of idiot to unilaterally decide that something is in Israel's best interest and do it. Diplomacy is an unknown concept to him. He's been a CEO for 40+ years, and those schmucks don't listen to advice, or even consider looking for such. They get their subordinates to condense the issue du jour into a series of bullet points and then issue a decision.

          Except for the really nutty Likudniks, the general consensus in Israel appears to be that war with Iran is not a Good Thing.

        • Negropolis


  • no_gravity

    Other things Mitz regrets – telling people he tied his dog to the roof of his car.

    • Geminisunmars

      I think it was one of the sons who related that sweet little anecdote. I don't know which one of them it was. Oh, yeah, it's the one who is left out of the will.

    • You jest, but he actually said in an interview a while back that his big regret about doing that is all the attention people are giving it now.

      • Yes. Not the slightest twinge of regret about poor Seamus, who apparently ran away the minute he could and spent the rest of his life as a refugee in Canada.

      • no_gravity

        I know. No regrets about tying the dog to the roof of the car just regrets that people found out.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I think I will adopt this line of reasoning if ever my crawlspace is searched.

          • Um, so, about that visit I was planning to your fair city? Something just came up, and I'll be, uh, tied up for a while.

            Remind me again, where do you live?

          • Jus_Wonderin

            It is an unfortunate result of the "trade" we move often. Sadly, we can't form lasting attachments that way. GRIN

            Dallas, until my IP address is firgued out.

            (Honestly, I shouldn't joke like I do, should I?)

          • This is the WONKETZ!! Give me liberty or give me death by snark. Hey, this is nothing, HistoriCat's been openly on my case about *cannibalism* for a while now. :)

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Your Ip, unless camouflaged by a proxy is embedded in the TCP packet that was used to transport your HTTP POST. This is used to establisk a "session" via cookie. The server, ISP, and cookie all contain this data. Geomaps of Ip address range allocations to ISP locations and various NAT schemes can get you pretty close. Google does this.

            What I'm saying is that with an NSL from the FBI and a hardline, that pretty much puts your home address out there every time you post.

          • sullivanst

            IP geolocation of my address is only confident to within 25 miles, although it actually got it within about 5 miles on the best service. Another service just said NYC (30 miles away), and a different one said somewhere in Virgina (WTF?)

            That NSL, though, and yeah, sure, they have exactly the street address, because your ISP knows where to send you bills, and if you're on cable, they know where they did the install.

      • miss_grundy

        Que hijo de puta!

        • Geminisunmars

          Hijo and puta libel!!

        • He sure is, ain't he?

  • no_gravity

    I think if Mitzy got anywhere near a gun he would Dick Cheney himself.

    • viennawoods13

      Oh he uses guns, remember?
      "I've made it very clear, I've always been a, if you will, a rodent and rabbit hunter all right? Small, small varmints, if you will."

    • Boojum


  • Oh, blow me, Mitt, you fucking pathetic subhumanoid inept cyborg motherfucker. Christ, what the fuck is it with this guy? The MILITARY is the ORGANIZATION; the TROOPS are the PEOPLE in the organization! No wonder the thinks CORPORATIONS are motherfucking PEOPLE. Asshole.

    • I would like to embroider this comment on a pillow.

      • Sounds like an excellent idea. If only we could all send such an embroidered pillow to that asshole.

        • Boojum

          Oh! Embroider it on his ass! Then he could read it every time he comes up for air!

          • You owe my cats a hotel room where they can sleep uninterrupted.

          • A cat house?

          • They'd LERVE that. You know how into funky smells and bouncy-bouncy they are. Little sluts.

          • glasspusher

            Drones are people too. Why should the troops hog all the glory?

    • Slim_Pickins

      The troops are the human capital used by the Military – Industrial complex to further its aims, nothing more.

      • They're usually more *subtle* about it, though. They try to *inspire* ppl with appeals to patriotism and the flag (Old Glory, anyone?) and that kinda bullshit.

        • glasspusher

          Old Glory Hole?

          • Dude, some teabagger's liable to whup you upside the head if they hear that.

            (That's what the Customs dude said to me the first time I landed in Hawai'i, with cash fattening my wallet. 'Cept he said "haid.")

  • Thurman Munster IV

    This is probably unfair, but doesn't more dead troops mean more Mormon post mortem baptisms? And the sooner Mitt can achieve Mormon bodhisattva or whatever the fuck it is. And fuck him, also, too.

    • I hadn't thought of that. How DOES that work? Do you get a planet once you've baptized your millionth posthumous conversion? Is it like green stamps or whatever those were back when? You could post them in a book and when you got so many, you could get, I dunno, trees? Tigers? Rocks or mountains on your planet?

      • Geminisunmars

        That sounds like a really good game you've invented. Maybe we could play it on the intervebs?

        eta: forgot to send you hugs.

        • (Hugs the dearly beloved Gem right back with enthusiasm) Quick, we need BagofMice (or is it BoatofVelociraptors) and J_W and a few other of our hotshot programmers to put their heads together. We could be RICH! Hay, guise!

          • Geminisunmars

            Could you play with bitcoins instead of green stamps?

          • sullivanst

            I would suggest buttcoin, but it is now closed.

          • Geminisunmars

            Ah, so sad. Buttcoin, I hardly knew ye.

          • That would be, uhm, er, different.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            And then of course there is the matter of the conversion market. What is the scalar you apply for convertin devotee of Shinto philosophy to a person of the Hindu persuasion? Catholic and Protestant? VooDoo and whatever it is you do? These are the question that need to be answered in any Massively Multiplayer Online Religiously Played Game.

          • sullivanst

            *Ahem*. I'm actually here.

          • Well, see, you didn't TELL me you were a hotshot programmer. You had me thinking you were a nerdy lawyer, or academic.

          • sullivanst

            I tell ya, when I read the SCOTUS transcripts for the ACA case, I strongly considered a career change.

          • Lawyering is greatly overrated.

          • sullivanst

            Also overpaid. Hence the temptation.

          • Not any more. Time was when you got a hiring bonus. These days, well. When you get more than 2,000 applicants for a poverty law job involving housing policy (they call it poverty law because that's the kind of lawyering that keeps you in poverty), and most of them have more than 5 years' experience (although NOT in poverty law OR housing policy), things can't be too good out there.

          • sullivanst

            Well, Sol. Gen. Verilli's getting paid $165,300 but earning far less.

          • And the ears and tail to Sully for that APT slice!

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Well, I just manage the artists, but I am up for it. Sounds like a winner.

          • Cool beans, dudes. We could get RICH!

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Thinking of gameplay mechanics, how would you earn planet points? Walking the social tree making pagewiews for the ad scripts? You would need to run a parallel script to track enrolled users. One that reports to your third party service.

            Then how would your score the prize planets? 1k points for a mercury type world, 15 points for a pluto type entity, 150000 for mars, and a million for earth, bitches?

          • Wow. I knew getting YOU involved would be a good idea.

            But, see, if we base it on Mormville "conversions," where you have to flip someone from, say, Red to Blue … and if we get actual NASA starmaps with habitable planets fed into the database … this sounds pretty kickass, actually. I might even lose control and put a smiley on my next comment.

          • How much for Uranus?

      • bobbert


        • Oh, cool. Now we have a name.

          Waitaminnit. THAT's not gonna go down well.

          • Thurman Munster IV

            I want a piece of this action. It was my post that started this train

          • (Eyes the rest of the team) Hay, guise! Thurman here wants a piece a'da AKSHUN!

            Wutchu gonna do wiv it?

      • Warwhatgoodfor

        Posthumous baptism apparently serves two purposes. First, it gives those poor unenlightened souls a final chance to save themselves by embracing the true religion. Second, and more important, these newly saved souls are then to pray night and day for the salvation of the kind person who baptized them, increasing the chance of said baptized to make it to their very own planet. For some reason, Jews whose relatives died in the Holocaust seem to resent this. The Mormons have sworn to stop doing this, but since its OK to lie to Gentiles, they haven't stopped. At all. This is one of those tricky things you can't ask the Mittster, ie, how many Jews murdered in the Holocaust did he baptize in his wild younger days?

        • They've baptized Anne Frank at least five times. I can understand the Jews being resentful. When told they were The Chosen People, they had no idea for what they were being chosen, and one can certainly appreciate their subsequent shirtiness at being informed it was for genocide. That is to say, being as their fellow humans have tried to eradicate them bodily from the face of our shared planet, you can see why they'd be a mite nervous about having anything, including their religion, taken away from them by more of these yobs.

    • According to a genealogy website I was reading, Mormons have already baptized every person on the Military Index of servicemen and women who died during the Korean and Vietnam wars. I have no doubt they're well into the Iraq list by now.

      • Are they leaving the furrnurrs alone? Or am I going to wake up any day now to find that my cheroot-smoking grandmother has been posthumously Mormonized? (Joke's on them, she's already reincarnated as some other life-form.)

        • sullivanst

          They baptized both Jews and Hitler, so clearly they're not that fussy about geography. Skin tone may, of course, be a different matter entirely.

          • I'm in luck then. She was almost as black as one of her fetid cigars.

        • Warwhatgoodfor

          Uh, yes you will. Every single one of my wife's Irish ancestors back to the sixteen hundreds have been baptized, so good luck with being left out.

          • I take it there were no Black Irish among them?

          • Warwhatgoodfor

            Not really. They do share some unique DNA markers with the Basque however.Sent from my iPad

          • As I understand it (and please, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong), Spanish ships foundered off the coast, bringing those DNA markers with them. I never saw so many redheads as I did in Ireland, though.

          • Warwhatgoodfor

            They did, when the armada sank.As to the Basque, they aren't related to anyone else in Europe, & nobody knows how their DNA got to the west of Ireland.Sent from my iPhone

  • Troubledog

    I think the record will show that the MILITARY is in fact the primary group suggesting that the military should be cut. And in fact a lot of that cutting is specifically pushing back on shitty wasteful weapons programs they didn't ask for, programs forced on them by appropriations assholes who love bringing home some pork.

    Look it up, Mitt.

    • Two trillion fucking dollars worth, he wants to give them. After they've repeatedly said We don't need this shit.

    • sullivanst

      Republican brains are made of antifact. If any fact gets in there, they go kablooey.

      • I'm beginning to think that there is a neurological basis for this aversion to reality. It has gone way beyond anything I've *ever* encountered in my life, and I grew up in the Third World where ignorance and superstition are the very handmaidens of poverty.

        • Absolutely. You no doubt already know that conservatives are very fear-based, often on the level of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. And in obsessional thinking one particular brain area predominates drawing more extreme emotional reactions that the other parts. When that area is the fight or flight center of the brain, the sufferers have to look toward constantly shoring up their defenses. (Code Orange! More duct tape for the window plastic!!)

          Their fears are irrational, hence the protection they demand is equally irrational. And the fears never go away, so … more, bigger, better. The only answer is to put Paxil in the water. Extra dosage in Red States.

          • (Hugs Jukesgrrl) Hey, there, beautiful, good to see you back.

            I really ought to drag myself over to Science News and see if the hard evidence for my hypothesis is there. Maybe we should just legalize weed and send emergency medical shipments to the Red States till they're all better.

          • sullivanst

            Better, or just too stoned to vote. Either way.

          • This is a possibility. They'll thank us later when they recover.

          • Happy to be here.I enjoyed the live blogging this week.

          • It's always good to see you around this place. Things ain't the same without your easy, laid-back presence and your generous upfistment.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Did someone say "Camouflage uniform fuck-up"?

  • sbj1964

    I'm surprised he didn't run to Mexico During the Vietnam war instead of France.They do have a family history of making a run for the boarder.

    • Geminisunmars

      The caviar is better in France.

      • Bet the *weed's* better in Mexico, though.

        Ya no puede caminar
        Porque no tiene
        Porque le falta
        Marijuana que fumar! Ay!

        • Geminisunmars

          The thought of him smoking le weed does not compute.

          • sullivanst

            Obviously the tequila in Mexico isn't a draw. Surprised the French didn't make his life beyond miserable for not drinking wine though.

          • I'm sure they *did,* in their charmingly snotty way.

          • Tee hee. I'm outa my tree here, and the picture of Romney stoned out of his brainz is killing me. Especially after seeing ElPinche's LittleFaceRomney gif.

      • And the dogs are better-trained.

        • Rly? Ay, Chihuahua!

          • You can't train a Chihuahua, you can only be its servant.

          • I know nothing about Chihuahuas, being more a big-dog kinda person. Are they like cats in that respect? (Eyes small gray lump on foot venomously)

    • James Michael Curley

      Remember that if your poppa is the governor he appoints all the local draft board members or appoints those who appoint the local draft board members. If your poppa then leaves the governor's mansion to go to work for Tricky Dicky he gets to inject white paint into a few ping pong balls with somebody's birth dates on them.

  • SexySmurf

    For his brave defense of himself, I hereby confer on Mittens D. Rmoneybag the honorary military rank of Major Dick.

    • Ground Control to Major Dick … I like the sound of it.

      • Any reports of Major Dick punishing his privates? Just asking….

    • MosesInvests

      Major Payne N. Diaz. (HT to Click and Clack, the Tappet Bros.)

  • Just breathe…in two more months we won't have to worry about this asshole.

    • sbj1964

      I wish Mittens would just disappear,and that the next time we hear about him is when the neighbors start to complain about the smell.

      • And the constant noise of the car elevator.

    • Geminisunmars

      Is that a promise?

    • I think he's The Presinator – he cannot be stopped, he'll just keep coming back every 4 years, running and running. But yeah, we won't have to worry about him for like, another 2.75 years after November.

      • You sure know how to bring a person D-O-W-N, dude. The thought of having to watch the Mittbot growing increasingly old and creaky with that terrible plastic smile and those herky-jerky stumbles, staggers, and stutters, going endlessly through the motions. Where's my booze, I'm'a take to my bed early.

        • sullivanst

          The candidates the GOP thinks actually have a chance will all be out of the woodwork in 2016. Christie, Rubio, Jindal (did I mention they're huge believers in hollow symbolism?), those cakes they like.

          It's now or never for Romney. He trailed Cain and Santorum at different points of this campaign, he stands no chance against a credible primary opponent.

          Of course, the abject hopelessness of the cause will not be apparent to his algorithms, since he will still be rolling in cash money..

          • I'm beginning to wonder if money is the ONLY thing keeping him in the race. After the RNC convention, Mittens DROPPED a point in the polls. Today, the polls are saying President Obama got a 7-point bump after the DNC. And yet, and yet, in national polls they're a point apart.

          • sullivanst

            7 points? That's good. I thought it was an awesome convention so I'm disappointed it's not more, but given Nate's models had Obama gettomg close to an 80% win probability after Romney failed to achieve any convention bounce at all, and the model factored in a 6-point bounce for the DNC, it's good to hear Barry achieved that and will thus maintain his advantage in the model.

          • BerkeleyBear

            The extremely low pool of undecideds makes a 7 point bounce disproportionately huge. This is potentially the most interesting impact of the media saturation on politics and the overt partisanship of Fox, at least in top tier races – you used to have a third of the electorate who had no idea what they were going to do before Labor day, and another 10 percent or so who were persuadable depending on issues. Now, though, it seems that opinions firm up a lot quicker and we know from psychological research that once formed, confirmation bias and the fractured media choices make changing opinions very tough. At lower level, less exposed races like the house and state races there seems to still be a lot more late fluctuation/movement related to outside forces. But barring a massive outside change, 85+ percent seem to be set on the Presidential race.

          • sullivanst

            Actually when you think about it, even ignoring your good points, a 7 point bounce for Obama is still awesome in comparison to Nate's model.

            Nate's model basically predicts that the first convention will produce a four point bounce for that candidate, which will have worn off to about two points by the start of the second convention. The second convention will then produce a new four point bounce for that party's candidate, while at the same time the remaining two points for the first party's candidate wears off, for that net 6 point swing I mentioned.

            Since Romney failed to achieve a bounce, there was nothing to wear off, but either the result is that after the RNC has been fully processed in people's minds they now think worse of Romney just on what happened there, or Obama's bounce is all good feelings from Charlotte – either way, it's good news for the good guys.

      • James Michael Curley

        If, as I expect, Romney looses the confusion and recriminations in the Republican Party will be legion for about ten months. Then with all the money that post Citizen's United decision practices have plunged into the coffers of Republicans and with the final requirements of that abortion of honor, McCain-Feingold, the spending to position the 2016 Republican candidate is going to be massive.

        Dems always seem to dump their failed candidates and Reps reinvent them.

        However, there will be such massive opportunities in the pre-primary positioning, we should remind America that the best possibilities for job creation will be all the jobs created by the Rep (and Dem) wannabees.

        So voting against Mitt Romney is a job creation policy.

        • Three polls just released, including Rasmussen (which has been biased towards the Republicans and visibly so since 2008) all show Obama with a 5-9 point lead nationally. Bloomberg says that there's a 56% chance Obama wins the election.

          • sullivanst

            56% chance? That's absurdly low, especially given Nate's analysis of how polling around the convention compares to the final vote. It's starting to look like he might get 56% of the vote.

    • miss_grundy

      From your mouth to God's ear……..

    • IndianaKevin

      Your confidence confuses me. We have corporations providing our voting machines, magical boxes where votes go in one way and come out very different.

  • ttommyunger

    I served for purely selfish reasons; twice. They turned out to be excellent choices for me at the time, in later life and to this day. I get uncomfortable when thanked for doing something I did for myself. I groan when other Veterans wave the flag and trumpet their sacrifice-I cannot relate. I'm an American Patriot; I am willing to fight, to kill and to die for my Country if I must; but I prefer Peace. I get pissed when politicians pander to veterans as a voting block. So far as pussyfart draft-dodgers like Mittens: I like it when he ignores me and my kind; I prefer it that way. Fuck him.

    • Geminisunmars

      Oh, ttommy – you are unique and rare.

    • coolhandnuke

      I'm always left feeling awkward, confused and conflicted when anyone tells me "thank you for your service" which seems to be the patriotic quote de jour. I want to toss out a line from "Apocalypse Now" or something from the Merry Pranksters as a clever and telling response, but I usually just nod and say thanks because I feel like I'm following a direct order.

      • ttommyunger

        Same here….Funny, I got my first discharge in l962, my second in l970 and my very first “Thank you for your service” in 2002. Go figure.

        • Geminisunmars

          Well, I'm sure I'm not the first to be saying "Thank you for your Wonketteering!"

          • ttommyunger

            It has been and is an honor and a pleasure. My life is richer for it, my dogs happier (they get kicked less) and my creative juices more lively. Win!

        • James Michael Curley

          I recall a barbecue with a couple of the guys and their wives and girl friends as we were waiting for our final discharge. We joked that when confronted with people coming up we would sort of hang our head, shuffle our feet and say 'Ah, gee …" Took almost two decades, [Edit ] three decades. I will never forgive George Herbert Walker Pig-Fucker for his statement after Desert Storm that 'We can finally be proud again after the defeat in Vietnam."

    • AddHomonym

      Right. When someone says, "Thank you for your service," that is primarily meant to be heard by the other people in the room. "Hey, look at me Honoring a Veteran!"

    • MaxNeanderthal

      "Gopping" is Brit army slang for shit, terrible, useless. GOP-ing, i.e. supporting the repubs, is, er, entirely unrelated, of course…..

      • ttommyunger

        But of course.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Tommy, thanks. You posted a truth that many of us can't say. I do respect the troops for their sacrifice and their families for what they have to endure.

      And I can't even stay alive in CoD:BO so I'd have been fodder in the first hour.

      • ttommyunger

        Depending on your outlook, I am convinced the difference between life and death is mostly either Divine Providence or Dumb Luck; take your pick.

        • That was pretty much my experience.

        • James Michael Curley

          And the competence of some truly stupid red necked career NCO's.

          • ttommyunger

            Not to mention the shave-tail who couldn't find a bale of hay in aTelephone Booth.Sent from my iPhone

          • James Michael Curley

            Being in aviation we had hundreds of those and us WO's. My favorite idiot story is the full bird Colonel who was the platoon leader getting us ready for an IG class inspection at which Hubert Humphrey was scheduled to appear later in the afternoon. (Never showed up.)

            He walked down the line and looked at me and flicked a spec of dust of my brass. It was freekin Kansas in the middle of the summer and this West Point dispoint was worried about a spec of dust. The IG inspection gave the whole platoon only one demerit because ascertain WO HAD A FINGER PRINT ON HIS BRASS, of course it was my fault and I had to do a couple extra tours of OD.

    • Boojum

      Tommy, thank you for being such a selfish bastard and for thinking that that the willingness to fight, kill, and die for your Country is so common that you are all "meh, but what are the bennies?" And especially, for being a warrior who prefers Peace.

      If you are familiar with the books of Gordon R. Dickson, you will know what I mean when I say Shai, Dorsai!

      Edit: Oh, and yes, this exposes me as a true geek, but, Goddamnit, a man's gotta do etc!

      • ttommyunger

        You have no idea how prescient your comment is: Rangers are imagined to be all-volunteer Gung Ho, etc. I was a Fire Team Leader in a Rifle Company with the 101st when my 1st Sgt approached my in the barracks hallway (I later learned in the Corps that it is called a passageway). He told me the NCO who was slated to go to Ranger School had just broken his leg in a jump and asked me if I wanted the slot. My first and only question was, and I quote: “What's in it for me?”. He replied that I would be promoted to Sgt (E-5) if I graduated. I reminded him my three year tour was up in July (this was Jan, '62) and he replied that it did not matter and I agreed to go. I did volunteer for Jump Status on my own in '59, but my incentive there was the extra $55 a month, plain and simple. Recondo School was a different deal altogether. You were selected and sent. If you didn't make it they either shipped you out of Jump Status or sent you back through again until you did. It was not a fun three weeks. I was encouraged to volunteer for the 'Nam, but good sense prevailed and I did not. Many I know did, many died. I never received orders to report there for duty either while in the Army or the Corps but have seen combat on our own familiar streets on several occasions, sadly.

        • James Michael Curley

          Those Re-Up guys are a bunch of real fuckers. One day in the shower (where else if you're going to get screwed) the guy start offering me a commission and flight school and all that extra month since I had a civilian pilot's license with the added expectation that this is going to take seven months and maybe the war will be over. It would be nice if they gave me a flight physical before I finished flight school because it was found I don't have the necessary depth perception (still don't).

          Long story short is while trying to navigate between hell and the pentagon I never got a nickle of flight pay and the more I complained the less they moved and I got my commission but after six months, in VN, I got orders that decommissioned me and I lost that money. Still the pressure to fly was horrendous (and I liked it) but I managed to get shifted over to test pilot status for post repair run ups and flight tests (after they decommissioned me.). I conservatively estimate it cost me over $4,500 which was a hell of a lot of money in 1970 when I was discharged.

          • ttommyunger

            Fortunately, it was determined that am not officer material- ever.Sent from my iPhone

    • Funny; same here. I was Class of '65 and I volunteered because I was bored and useless in college and I wanted to experience the central event of my generation. No particular patriotism involved. When I got back from my 3rd deployment (Vietnam, Korea, Japan) my greeting was on the order of "Sucker!" or "Babykiller". It felt less creepy and dishonest than the Thank You for Your Service tripe now.

      • ttommyunger

        I never really seemed to give a flying fuck what others thought of me. Preacher's kid, Air Force Brat, always moving, never really attached. Never heard any of that, maybe because I was a cop between tours had something to do with it. Don't know.

        • This was the SF Bay Area in '71 so may have been a bit more extreme in the juxtaposition of hating the war and hating the warrior. Accusations of stupidity were more common than of atrocities. This was also on college campuses. First San Jose State, then Berkeley. Didn't get to Berkeley till '73 and it had died down quite a bit by then, or maybe the company was a little smarter.

      • I've heard some stories in my time, but not a single vet that I know has ever reported that one. Although one of them was courting some girl who thought it was funny to have some other friends fire off a pistol in his presence. They laughed like hell when he dived behind a couch with his heart thumping. Little bastids.

        That guy flew countless helicopter missions in a Loach, drawing gunfire so the big gunships could take aim at hidden snipers.

        • It was a car backfire months after returning that sent me to the dirt. It was strange because it wasn't the first loud unexpected noise. Only happened once.

          Saw a fair number of dead Loaches and Cobras being retrieved by Chinooks, and that was before the VC/NVA perfected the RPG helicopter ambush. Even then, when I thought I was immortal, I had some inkling that it was a good thing I flunked the eye exam to fly.

      • James Michael Curley

        I somehow was able to avoid or ignore all of that which doesn't mean I'm any less conflicted about it now. Being 6'0' 190 lbs with a 56 inch chest and 34 inch waist may have persuaded a few people from trying to insult me.

        Then straight off to college where I immersed my self in buying gallons of wine for the 17 year olds, and diving deep into the pool of recent Catholic High School graduate co-eds.

        We had a fairly good veteran's organization on campus – not a bunch of strutters.

        Bringing back a kilo of finely processed Vietnamese foliage meant there were few parties which did not welcome me.

        And yes, I agreed to be the center point on our town's Memorial Day Democratic Party Float and there is a hell of a lot of 'tripe' in those sentiments. Still I have not been able, for three months to turn that into one volunteer to go down to Ft. Monmouth to spend a few hours with the guys and girls who are waiting for prosthetic and too far from home for their families to be able to visit. Packages of pulp novels from the bin at Wal-Mart and scores of envelopes of Kool-Aide don't get it done.

    • miss_grundy

      I thank you for your service and I'm glad to see that you are not some crazy Clint Eastwood type that prefers war to peace, even though that jerk never served in the real armed forces only in a Hollywood movie.

      • ttommyunger

        I think only the crazies and the chicken-hawks prefer war.

        • Oblios_Cap

          I like to post the kind of original post you made on Veteran's Day.

          I was a Army brat so I was pressured to go to the Citadel like most of the males in family had done. I damn sure wasn't doing that, so I went to USAFA. They determined I had a "problem w/ authority" , invited me to go the two year route, and gave me an Honorable Discharge. I don't regret it, but was glad not to see combat (76-78) and get a great education on the government's dime.

          • ttommyunger

            Problem with authority. Should be one of my tats. Maybe across my forehead. Heh, hehSent from my iPhone

  • sharethegrief

    We need some irony in this story. It was Bill Kristol who complained that Romney didn't mention the troops because Bill Kristol is a fucking patriot.

    • Remember his service in 'Nam?

      • sharethegrief

        Bravely conquering the jungle on a bicycle too!

      • He did more than SERVE in a war. He STARTED a war. Patriot!!!!!!!

        • Now *that's* a true patriot for you. At least in the RWNJ playbook.

          Someone who starts a war that other people's kids fight and die in. (Dabs at very dry eyes with tiny folded silk handkerchief)

          • redarmyzombie

            God dammit, where's that tiny violin…

          • Play IT!

  • elgin_pelican

    To be fair, Mitt would be first in line if there was Fancher-killin' to be done.

  • sullivanst

    What a genius campaigner Romney is

    I didn't ignore the troops, I just don't think they're important

    Fuck me. How is this thing close?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      *Cakes we like
      *Pack of Lucky's

      • sullivanst

        I think you had the list folded over, since I know for a true fact that troops were only item #35.

    • miss_grundy

      Wait, what? The troops aren't important???? Those are the people he's planning to send to Iran or Syria!!!!

      • sullivanst

        Numbers on a balance sheet. That he knows how to read, of course. That's in his programming.

    • James Michael Curley

      Find me that quote and I will pay to have it reprinted somewhere.

      • sullivanst

        It was a "shorter" Romney. Sadly even he's not quite unaware enough to actually use those exact words.

  • RadioX

    Mitt was actually playing a little chess here. This way he doesn't have to answer any questions about our most perfect welfarism, the military-industrial-socialist complex.

    • Boojum

      Mitt was playing one dimensional chess. The kind where the pieces are painted on and can't move and he won because that's what Daddy paid for!

      • Geminisunmars

        Mitt is also playing non-denominational chess, where he pretends that the board isn't made of golden plates and all the pieces are wearing magic underwear and married to the King.

  • docterry6973

    Corporations are people and the military is the troops. Not by a long shot, pal. Romney loves himself some military-industrial complex, but to him the troops and their families are like leaves on the street. He can go pound sand – without votes!

    • I'd like to hold him — with votes — as you do this.

  • StarsUponThars

    Weird scenes inside the gold mine.

  • nounverb911

    Lets not forget that Mitt did manage to kill his bosses wife while draft dodging in France.

    • no_gravity

      Yep. And he has no regrets about that either because it wasn't his fault he accidentally stayed at a hotel that prostitutes frequented.

  • sbj1964

    As a Veteran of the U.S Army I find it rather strange how the Republicans seem to put up these candidates like W,and Mittens.One had a rather dubious military record,and the other is a Draft dodger.

    • As a veteran Facebook friend told me when I pointed that out several months ago: "That's not rare anymore, on both sides of the aisle" (and then I think he called Biden a draft dodger). I replied that there's a big difference between being a draft dodger and being a draft dodger AND a pro-war picketer.

    • Yet I distinctly remember many news reports speculating that Bill Clinton was unelectable in 1992 because he "did not serve." One of Gore's plus points as the Veep nominee was that he was an Army veteran who had served with the 20th Engineer Brigade in Vietnam and was one of only about a dozen people graduating from his class at Harvard who didn't find away around the expiration of his student military deferment.

      Yet, when military service turned out to be no problemo to the voters, the war-loving GOP couldn't drop the requirement fast enough for their candidates because it served their purposes.

      • SorosBot

        And of course, the charges in 92 were ridiculous considering that the Republicans were fine with the draft dodging record of the VP on their own ticket.

  • salt_bagel

    It is important for a warrior to prepare for death everyday. He should consider himself already dead. Mittens knows this because he totally watched Ghost Dog this weekend.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Somebody ask Ann about this.

    • no_gravity

      And her response would be – You people. We give and give and it's just not enough. Now off with your head.

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Ya gotta make it a wimmens issue. Maybe, "Ann, what does one wear to military funerals?"

        • sullivanst

          "You'll never know, because I don't plan on ever going to one, and Mitt will reinstate the press ban on day one so you people will never see the photos of me being not there."


      • Quick, someone get the oil, the Annbot's malfunctioning.


          • (drips oil into D_R's joints) There, did that help, sweetie?


            Much better, thank you MittBorg!

          • (Hugs D_R gingerly)

  • fartknocker

    Interesting and well analyzed presentation of Romney's military inner circle:

    I can Paul Wolfowitz returning as Secretary of Defense in a Romney administration.

    • rocktonsam

      Rummy Libel!!!11!!

    • RadioX

      And Bolton as Secretary of State.

      • I don't understand why that hairball on his face still hasn't finished eating it.

      • Please … anything but that.

        • sullivanst

          If you want a country without John Bolton as Secretary of State, you should vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

    • Now that's a shudder-worthy scenario nobody wants to see. (shudders)

      • sullivanst

        Nobody, except Mitt Romney, apparently.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Because when you give a speech, you don’t give a laundry list. You talk about the things that you think are important."

    Mitt is at his best when he forgets to lie.

  • It is a genius move for Romney to conflate the troops with the entire military, because of the new plan to turn the entire Army into the Universal Soldier program.

    Jean Claude Van Damme is still more human (and a better actor) than Mitt.

    • miss_grundy

      And he got his butt kicked by Stallone in Expendables 2!

  • vodkamuppet

    "And I didn’t use the word troops, I used the word money military. I think they refer to the same thing."

    • No, Rmoney. The troops are the ones with the anguished eyes.

    • James Michael Curley

      As a side issue. Back in the days I was in the Army, using the term 'troops' was an insult usually shouted by a drill sergeant. Now even I slip and use it but still think it suggests too homogenized a concept where we all fall short of looking at our service members and veterans as individuals.

      I guess that's why the "Thank You for Your Service" trope of late rankles, It has an undercurrent of (Thought bubble – Oh, shit another one.)

      • vodkamuppet

        Never enlisted but to me it sounds programmed and insincere, kind of like when a distant cousin comes up in conversation and you ask how they're doing even though you don't really care. I know that's not always the case but Ive seen people make a big show of gratitude when I know for a fact they really dont think about it all and couldnt even tell you if the war in Iraq or Afghanistan was still on or off.

        But to my comment above, I really do think Romney views the military as a set of assets, not individual lives. He would approach it as a corporation with himself as CEO, just like everything else. That's what's so telling about his phrasing; he doesn't mention any theater of operations, strategy or even any objective, he refers to an organization with a dollar value, nothing more. I don't want someone with that point of view deciding where our soldiers fight and what they fight for and he's so blind to his tells that he doesn't have a clue as to how alien he sounds to normal people. It's pretty disturbing.

        • Nailed it. On some level, he doesn't get how bizarre, how abnormal he sounds. And that makes him even more bizarre and frightening. Even RICK PERRY realized when he was fucked despite the drugs. Even that dimwit managed an "Oops."

  • VinnyThePooh

    Willard thanks the troops by converting their "conquests" to sweatshops which manufacture cheap prosthetic limbs.

    • James Michael Curley

      Last winter I was helping out at the Vet facility in NJ and as I was holding a leg for a girl who had to balance herself (and learn to do it herself) she commented something like "They tell me this thing costs $350,000 to build and fit to my leg. I don't think I'll earn that much in the rest of my life."

      • If we can break them, we can fix them. And if we can't fucking fix 'em, then we'd better fucking well learn not to break 'em, I suppose. I'm disgusted by the easy warmongering these pricks have foisted upon the American people.

    • redarmyzombie

      Produced with cost-saving materials such as melamine…

  • RadioX

    I think he just compared the troops to dirty laundry. Nice.
    And also, too, is this another topic that's off limits to questioning? What a smug prick.

    • We talk about it in quiet rooms. Usually funeral parlors.

  • jmfarkwood

    Hillsdale College is the Albion College of Hillsdale County, Michigan. It's a special place.

    • miss_grundy

      If it is like a lot of places in Michigan, it isn't that special–just flyover country. Outside of Detroit and Grand Rapids, Michigan is mostly a lot of hick towns that try to make their living through agriculture and tourism.

      • jmfarkwood

        You missed simple sarcasm. You also insulted an area of the country about which you are completely ignorant. This is Wonkette, not FreeRepublic. Jerk.

        • miss_grundy

          As someone who lives in Livonia, MI, which is a northwestern suburb outside of Detroit and who has traveled the state, I am able to give an opinion of this state whether you like it or not. So, you can follow your own advice.

      • Negropolis

        I know you're from here, so I'll chalk this up to straight-up Southeast Michigan elitism. The truth is that Michigan has quite a few smaller cities built on industry and with strong progressive, labor populations and most even have pretty major universities. Michigan outside of Detroit and Grand Rapids is not Indiana or Ohio.

  • JustPixelz

    Here is what Rmoney said in his acceptance speech:

    His trillion dollar cuts to our military will eliminate hundreds of thousands of jobs, and also put our security at greater risk;

    Notice how he tacitly endorses government spending to create jobs. (Paradoxically he also complained "Jobs to [Obama] are about government." in the same speech.)

  • thurufally

    I watched every minute of the two parties' conventions because I consider it part of my civic duty to be fully informed on the issues. Having done so, I can honestly say there were more babes I'd rather fuck at the Democrat's convention than the Republican's. Of course, I'm into dark-skinned chicks so that explains that.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Eva Longoria and Scarlett Johansson are givens, but I'd still nail Jennifer Granholm.

      • littlebigdaddy

        And Sandra Fluke (rhymes with "fuck," apparently).

      • BarackMyWorld
        • thurufally

          She's at the top of my list

      • James Michael Curley

        I've loved her for years. So its really amazing she went all Cannuck Stanley Cup Playoffs right on the stage.

    • Geminisunmars

      Thank you for your potent analysis.

      • thurufally

        I just want to unite America, hon, and there's some Americans I want to unite with more than others.

    • littlebigdaddy

      A useful metric. Maybe Nate Silver should incorporate it into his multivariate analysis.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      My main concern would be that I'd catch something from those Republican bitches. Like, oh, dust or cobwebs.

      • Vacuum their vags out first, J_W. Don't those puppies come in handy little "dust-buster" sizes these days?

  • BarackMyWorld
  • MinAgain

    I'm sure he had an American flag pinned to his magic underwear.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Don't blame Mitt, blame his Teleprompter!

    • BarackMyWorld

      Not according to Chuck Grassley.

      • Slim_Pickins

        Chuck was told that those were just bullet-proof glass the Secret Service put up.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          So, they don't have protection for his hair?

  • littlebigdaddy

    This idjit really is the most incompetent politician since Thomas Dewey.

    • paulabflat

      since john mccain.

  • thurufally

    Mitt Romney (Christ, how I've come to hate those two words!) and the rest of the smug, self-righteous fuckholes controlling the Republican party accuse Obama and the Democrats of practicing the "politics of division" and waging "class warfare" on the American people. This, coming from a party that's anti-gay, anti-abortion, hates messicans and blahs, and has the system so goddamn rigged they've amassed unbelievable wealth at the expense of the poor, elderly, disabled, students, and the entire middle class. Who's dividing America?

    As HL Mencken said, there comes a time when every normal man must be tempted to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag and start slitting throats.

    • miss_grundy

      Or turning these doofuses into piñatas so you can get some stickball practice in.

    • (Spits) This is how much I liked your comment. When I tried to upfist it, ID told me I had already voted on it. I RETROACTIVELY LIKED YOUR COMMENT!!!

      • sullivanst

        Either that, or you were so excited to fist it up you double-pumped.

        • Dood. (Eyes sully reproachfully)

    • James Michael Curley

      Being in a "Three Penny Opera" mood yesterday, maybe I'll come in as "Pirate Jenny."

      "Then one night there's a scream in the night
      And you wonder: 'who could that have been ?'
      And you see me kind of grinning while i'm scrubbing
      And you say 'what she got to grin ?'
      I'll tell ya
      There's a ship
      The black freighter
      With a skull on it's mast-head
      Will be coming in"

      • And NObody, but NObody does that like Nina!

        • James Michael Curley

          The phrasing is very good.  I still have a thing for Joni Mitchell’s version as her album was one of the few I had while in the service.  Also her tonal clarity in her voice seems to add a bit more menace to the lyrics.  Can you imagine a decently preserved version of Lotte Lenya?

          • Where can you even find a decently preserved version of Lotte Lenya doing Der Dreigoschenoper? Of course, having asked that question, I resorted to my good friend TheGooglez, and here is what it said. Would you happen to know if this is decently preserved?

          • James Michael Curley

            I don’t think there is a version of Der Dreigoschenoper (I hate German) from before Weill and Lenya fled Germany.  It looks like its out of Hamburg in the 50’s and I have never heard of a pre-émigré version.  I have heard it as a coworker lent it to me in the late 90’s as I recognize the graphics.  Memory was that it was a little more up beat than the original Kurt Weill but far from Bobby Daren and Louis Armstrong.  So when the Raoul Julia version came out at about the same time it is quite distinctive as to what the original German style was.  The whole era in which Kurt Weill was writing (I don’t think he completed very much after fleeing Germany) was a distinctly unique style compared with what we usually consider 1920’s to 1930’s popular music.  Yet the surprising thing is that it was what Weill thought American Music was at the time.Play it while watching the fight scene between Sean Connery and Lotte Lenya in ‘From Russia with Love’.   Man! Bitch got a knife!

    • Negropolis

      With votes, of course.

    • Steverino247

      I'm available after October 4th…

  • Mittens likes the military. He just doesn't want to serve in it, pay the troops or pay for their healthcare.

    • Geminisunmars

      Some of his best friends are militarists. Or is it that some of his friends own the military.

    • James Michael Curley

      The Repubs in Congress passed a 'resolution' which requires Tri-Care to be increased this year even though the Budget wasn't passed and that particular part of the costs of doing business is not part of the Military Appropriations which were passed last month.

      I don't understand how this could happen

      • sullivanst

        A resolution just ain't gonna cut it, it requires an Act to appropriate. Also too, wasn't it the Republican House that stripped the appropriations from the appropriations bill? Clearly just a ploy to try to shift the blame onto the White House.

        • James Michael Curley

          This is why I have difficulty understanding the procedure which went into it.  Tri-Care is going up, not much for many of us but more than a piece for some E-4 with a wife and a couple kids trying to survive medical bills.  The only possible explanation is that it was moved into DoD Forward Available and would mean what should be considered revenue is being increased despite the claim that the Ryan Budget did not increase taxes.

          • sullivanst

            There were many lies in the Ryan budget.

  • ElPinche

    Mitt is pathetic and disgusting.

    He gets the litte face treatment:

    • Geminisunmars

      I'll bet he isn't even aware of it.

      • ElPinche

        Yep, i just GIF baptized that bastard.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      If I had the right software at home, I could give him two faces. Wait!?

      • Yeah, like he needs YOUR help for THAT.

    • Can't you give him the shit face treatment, Pinche?

      • ElPinche

        poop plugin for GIMP not supported on mac. :(

        • Damn you! Good thing I wasn't drinking anything.

    • Geminisunmars

      Did you use your etch-a-sketch?

    • Nostrildamus


  • LibrarianX

    Romney: some of my friends own armies.

    • It's true, too. He's friends with Mayor Bloomberg.

  • Just for the record: In the photo above, Romney seems pretty damn close to BOWING.

    • thurufally

      The full picture shows he's actually curtsying.

  • LibertyLover

    Well, if they use robots, they will never have to fight with the Democrats over whether or not to give Veterans benefits or a GI bill for education because, after you serve, then you gotta pull yourself up by your bootstrap(s). You're on your own.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    And then of course there is the matter of the conversion market. What is the scalar you apply for conversion of a devotee of Shinto philosophy to a person of the Hindu persuasion? Catholic and Protestant? VooDoo and whatever it is you do? These are the question that need to be answered in any Massively Multiplayer Online Religiously Played Game.

    • MMORPG? Clearly MOAR RESEARCH is needed. We'll have to play a few thousand games before we can, uh, get the, er, design ideas, that's the ticket.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors


        • Yahaha. (blocks out whole weeks in calendar)

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Sorry. The Man is still a douche bag. Over.

    • paulabflat

      don't be sorry.

      mitt romney is not your fault.

      is it?

  • Tundra Grifter

    "I was supportive of my country," (r)Money said. "I longed in many respects to actually be in Vietnam and be representing our country there, and in some ways it was frustrating not to feel like I was there as part of the troops that were fighting in Vietnam."

    No, I didn't just make that up.

    I didn't have to.

    • TribecaMike

      And then there was the time in '68 when he said, "No Viet Cong ever called me a door knocker!"

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      I wonder how many Vietnam war dead he's converted to Mormonism?

      • sullivanst

        Just because nobody has yet:

        AOT, K.

      • Hey, you! (Hugs Fukui-san, noogs his curly head)

        I'm assured he or his lot, anyway, have baptized the fucking IRISH all the way back a few centuries.

  • ElPinche

    It will be like Star Wars …the war clones will look just like Mitt Romney. It's gonna be cool. WAR IS AWESOME!!!!! Someone shoot me in the face!

    Seriously , I'm surprised as a perpetual POTUS candidate, Romney didn't make one or more of able sons join the military as a campaign prop. Tsk tsk tsk . Yet another fuck up.

    • paulabflat

      they could have drawn straws.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I'd rather he not mention the troops at all. He DOESN'T care about them, and it's less painful if he doesn't pretend to.

  • Negropolis

    "Why does Mitt Romney hate our troops!"

    See how it feels, Republicans? Hurts, don't it? Karma works in not-so-mysterious ways.

    Mittens, more machine than man, now. Too. My friends. Also.

    • Dood, cool av! Is that Bamz riding on a DINOSAUR?

  • TribecaMike

    Mitt's never gotten over those "your mama wears combat boots" cracks at prep school.

  • mavenmaven

    He wants to outsource the military for cost effectiveness, he will replace them with cheaper more compliant Chinese and Indian troops.

  • James Michael Curley

    The most planned, at least, method was to buy a set of what were considered the best speakers of the day which had sand packed in them.  Take out the sand and replace it with boo.

  • "Because when you give a speech, you don’t give a laundry list. You talk about the things that you think are important."

    I keep trying to understand how any American politician with a grey cell in his head could give that answer, and I can't.

    Seriously, how do you fuck that up?

  • :) I'm'a hold it against you that you never even called me.

  • TribecaMike

    Albums You Won't Find In Mitt's Record Collection #1:

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