PARTY TIME! EXCELLENT!  10:44 am September 8, 2012

Yes We Are Inviting Old Handsome Joe Biden To Our DC Wonkette Drinky Thing Tonight

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Joe BidenO hai it is time to come to our party in Washington, DC, because it is tonight (Saturday), at like seven. If previous attendance rates hold up, there will be 10 of you drinking our beer and eating our vittles. (Fishbowl DC said calling our Charlotte Drinky Thing “a party” would be “generous,” because of course they did.) So, you know, don’t come if you don’t want to, DC! YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

In fact, you probably should not come, so San Francisco can continue to hold the Drinky Thing attendance title with their ’bout a hundred people.

Here is where you should not come, tonight, at seven:

The Bottom Line
1716 I (Eye) Street NW
Washington DC 20006
Red Line to Farragut North
Blue and Orange Line to Farragut West
Saturday, September 8 – 7 p.m.

On deck are Philly on Sept. 11 and NYC Sept. 13. We will update with places and et cetera when we bother figuring that part out. The End.

OR IS IT? From commenter Dean Booth, just cold breaking the news!


Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


ManchuCandidate September 8, 2012 at 10:50 am

Joe would make the Getting Drunk With Wonkette a big fucking deal plus he'd be the entertainment.

johnnyzhivago September 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

You can discuss this interesting video, which shows how George Romney was a apparently a welfare queen:…!

memzilla September 8, 2012 at 10:53 am

Is alcohol a necessary part of breaking teh Intertubez, or just a bonus?

Will Joe Biden be a guest commentator for teh Wonket, and, if so, how much will Editrix charge him for the privilege?

slithytoves September 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

Joe Biden is THE original commenter!

memzilla September 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

I also hope that Joe will share with Editrix the secret access codes for the Federal Windowpane Depository in Bezerkeley.

SigDeFlyinMonky September 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

Coast to coast; polish that bar rail with your vest and make it back to LA soon. So sad to have missed the first drinky thing. P.S. Should Drinky Crow be the event mascot?

weejee September 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

Madame Editrix, looks like you have fixed your intertubes. Did you use the Ted Stevens repair manual?

eggsacklywright September 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

It's an oldie but goodie:

ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! Das computermachine ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das dumpkopfen. Das rubbernecken sichtseeren keepen das cotten-pickenen hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das blinkenlichten.

deanbooth September 8, 2012 at 11:00 am
Arborista September 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

I shore do hope Bo, Luke & Daisy said it was okay to 'borrow' the General Lee?

BTWBFDIMHO September 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm

But then they crashed the car and got rid of Newell.

commiegirl99 September 8, 2012 at 4:50 pm

You guys are the greatest. I love you.

BTWBFDIMHO September 8, 2012 at 5:59 pm


starfanglednut September 8, 2012 at 4:57 pm


berkeleyfarm September 8, 2012 at 8:07 pm

That's got my vote for Wonkette Meme of 2012. unf unf unf

RadioX September 8, 2012 at 11:00 am

Amongst us, there is no such thing as a gaffe.

Angry_Marmot September 8, 2012 at 11:17 am

But there is the implicit rule, "don't blow the gaff."

Self-Uploader September 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

Please let us know if Joe is coming. I'd get on the Acela for that.

Jus_Wonderin September 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I'd fly up from DFW. Would pay to attend that. Okay, a few buck, but I will pay.

IonaTrailer September 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

And can we pleez haz a drinky thing in Lost Angeles someday?

anniegetyerfun September 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

They haven't HAD that yet? Doesn't Rebecca live there?

commiegirl99 September 8, 2012 at 11:15 am

LA got the very first one! Everyone else was so mad!

anniegetyerfun September 8, 2012 at 11:34 am

Thank goodness I have a short memory. Due to the drinking.

Callyson September 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

I'm still hoping for an encore–a post-election victory party. I'll kick in for some of the beer costs if that helps…

M. Bouffant September 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Me too, except for kicking in for beer.

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It wasn't MAD, so much as hurt, and envious, and the feelings of inadequacy, like maybe their buildings weren't the right height.

Guppy September 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

The term you're groping for is "butthurt."

Biff September 9, 2012 at 10:54 am

How about Barstow, then? I'd travel as far as Barstow.

Juan_Oriley September 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

What about that Bukowski dive bar tour of San Pedro? I might just drag my ass out of the desert for that.. Maybe Ken Layne would come too because banks are snatching houses up in his neck of the Joshua trees.

IonaTrailer September 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Yes! The Bukowski Memorial Bar Crawl in Pedro. The Rebel, Indian Room,The Spot, June's, Harolds, Godmother, Enigma (formerly Dancing Waters) !

And definitely a post-election celebration so we can toast Romney's defeat!

Texan_Bulldog September 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

Should I be embarrassed to admit that I don't know who is driving the car?

Texan_Bulldog September 8, 2012 at 11:28 am

Oh, it's Jim! Sorry, Newell, but you're just slightly less famous than Joe & Becca.

anniegetyerfun September 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

He doesn't take nearly enough photos of himself in sexy red dresses, if you ask me.

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 11:56 am

No, no, really, that one time was plenty.

sbj1964 September 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

Gee,I don't know D.C. is a ruff town.The highest crime rate in America Murders,thieves,cutthroats,prostitution,rape,and infidelity,and that's just Congressmen. I don't think it's safe.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm

It's okay. In D.C., we keep the politicians in fund raising containment cages.

kittensdontlie September 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

For those attending, please keep an eye on our dear Editrix. Acid has only one use, and that is for cleaning out the Wonkette INTERNET Pipes(we have seen how they clog), and is not for INTERNAL use (and god forbid she is eating those little desiccant sachets too). Please follow package directions more closely. We worry….

Barbara_ September 8, 2012 at 11:12 am

I would like to give a shout out to Rebecca's liver. You've been a champ!

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Rebecca has the liver of ten men!

I hope they are in the freezer….

HistoriCat September 8, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Now we know where that "woke up in bathtub filled with ice" internet legend began.

ttommyunger September 8, 2012 at 11:16 am

Hope he does, and brings Dr. Jill with him. Have a BALL!

05c40 September 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

At least DC Fishbowl mentioned the fried chichen at the Wonkette drinky thing in Charlotte!

Sharkey September 8, 2012 at 11:23 am
RadioX September 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

I can't wait to put a few mimosas on Joe's tab.

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Joe's tab will have LSD-25 on it already.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 8, 2012 at 11:26 am

It is a well known fact that acid corrodes the tubes in the internets.

eggsacklywright September 8, 2012 at 11:38 am

Unless it's pure LSD-25. That stuff makes the tubes all sparkly.

keepwalkin September 8, 2012 at 11:28 am

In the picture Joey looks elated to be next to editrix whilst Jim seems annoyed.

I find myself fapping wondering at the possible explanation.

eggsacklywright September 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

It's all about jobs, jobs, jobs. Or so I hear.

Hera Sent Me September 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

I heard Joe can drink 24 cans of beer without barfing.

Hope our editrix's credit card has a high limit.

Callyson September 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

Is that a police car behind you guys? Quick, hide the stuff!

Arborista September 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

No worries- it's just Boss Hogg. He won't catch 'em.

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 11:54 am

Have fun, DC. It ain't the quantity, it's who you know…or something like that.

freakishlywrong September 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Unleash the editrix! And the Biden!

"Release" stupid. Sorry, not drunk yet..

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I don't know, Kitty with a whip and a leash is working for me.

MadBrahms September 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Yeah, so I'm in New Delhi for the month. Free warm Kingfishers for anyone who wants to watch the first debate.

I eagerly await the next Editrix Trip Report.

Guppy September 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

And just now, DC got slapped with a severe thunderstorm watch, through 10 PM.

ColHeightsChic September 8, 2012 at 4:09 pm

F-ing anti-Wonkette conspiracy. Obama should apologize.

RRoccoco September 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Quaffing brewskis with Joe the Hammer Biden reminds me of a joke I just wrote. Stop me if you've heard this one before:

Mitt Romney walks into a bar.

Geminisunmars September 8, 2012 at 12:33 pm

He says "Bartender, I'll have a Coke."

RRoccoco September 8, 2012 at 1:27 pm

That would violate his Mormon faith, which forbids caffeine.

eggsacklywright September 8, 2012 at 1:16 pm

If you subscribe to the philosophy of Davy Crockett, when one walks into a bar, the bar will rip your face off.

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Unless you done kilt it first.

Sharkey September 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm

with a Jew and a Protestant.

just_a_head September 9, 2012 at 2:24 am

Paul Ryan ducked, then offered him a health care voucher.


Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week!

Blueb4sinrise September 8, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Just remember that if you're groped by a DPS officer…..

“If you wouldn’t have been there that night, none of this would have happened,”
sez Coconino County Superior Court Judge Jacqueline Hatch.

Judge Hatch later said, "Ooops."

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 12:30 pm

You see, if Judge Hatch hadn't been up on that bench, wearing those slutty robes, she wouldn't have said stupid shit to people. So, she is kind of Exhibit Dickhead in this trial.

LibertyLover September 8, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Up for re-election in 2014….

ThundercatHo September 8, 2012 at 12:56 pm

So, Jim didn't quit? Good on you Trixie for using your feminine wiles to convince him to stay.

Joshua Norton September 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I think it's really cool the way you get to write off binge drinking as a business expense.

I somehow imagine you in a slinky Hollywood Golden Era gown, draped across a piano with a glass of champagne and saying things like "oh no, please don't ask me to sing", even though nobody has. Kind of like that SNL skit.

ColHeightsChic September 8, 2012 at 4:06 pm

You know that DC folks will lurk in the corner so as to not have their photos taken. Because, ummm, we're all very super duper important here and cannot be seen cavorting with the likes of Wonkette. (Look for me, the super hot girl (in my mind), hiding in the corner.)

gullywompr September 8, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Found you. Hiding in the corner. You were super hot.

PS. Wasn't ol' Handsome Joe a riot? That dude had the whole place rolling on the floor, didn't he?

ColHeightsChic September 9, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I laughed so hard that I think I peed a little. Totally worth the pat down from the Secret Service.

Joe thinks I'm super hot too.

JohnnyQuick September 8, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Fuck it, I'll be there. I just have to squeeze in a marathon.

GregComlish September 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Oh fuck, I've been moving today and I only have 2 hours to return the truck, get cleaned up, and get my ass down to I st.

<edit>Also I need to eat</edit>

Guppy September 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Won't there be, y'know, food there?

GregComlish September 9, 2012 at 7:50 am

I was hoping to avoid the bar food.

finallyhappy September 9, 2012 at 11:00 am

In atlanta( bought it myself) – I had grilled salmon- it was good- I did not eat. TheTexas toast side dish. There were also chips & I thnk guacamole and hummus and salsa that Rebecca paid for( I decided not to try to stick her with my dinner bill as I still have a decent Pension- unless mittens gets in- then I'll be the craft lady at ac moore)

wsbloodystump September 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

So it's just gonna be ColHeightsChic, Editrix and me?

ColHeightsChic September 8, 2012 at 7:22 pm

The word "just" should never be combined with "ColHeightsChic."

gullywompr September 8, 2012 at 9:58 pm

It was larger than that. I really enjoyed talking to you. Sorry I couldn't hear you all that well with that damned speaker blaring in my ear all night that damned noise that the damned kids listen to these damned days.

ColHeightsChic September 9, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Ah crap, I don't remember meeting any young gents (gals?) named gullywompr. I should pay better attention next time. But I'm sure I thoroughly enjoyed talking to you too! (Unless you were actually responding to wsbloodystump, in which case, :-(

gullywompr September 9, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Well, nobody's accused me of being young in several years. I believe I was one of the oldest people there. We may not have met, in which case :-(

ColHeightsChic September 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Or, perhaps, you actually introduced yourself with a human-type name?

HistoriCat September 8, 2012 at 10:27 pm

So … no pictures from Charlotte? Or was it so lame the pictures were destroyed out of embarrassment?

Nostrildamus September 9, 2012 at 1:16 am

I can tell from the pic our editrix has talented hands.

just_a_head September 9, 2012 at 2:15 am

Damn It! The ONE time I go out of town and you hold a Drinky Thing near home. Hmpf. The husband and I could have increased your attendance numbers by 20%.

Terry September 9, 2012 at 8:04 am

Sorry, folks. A big storm and Metro closures kept me in the suburbs.

finallyhappy September 9, 2012 at 10:55 am

Yes, my daughter took the s bus downtown to work and then told me because of the storm, took the shuttle bus from hell from DuPont to Noma. The last time I took a weekend shuttle w/ her she told me sales of prescription drugs were being discussed(not by pharma reps)- I had no idea-young people talk funny. I am out of town but I heard power was lost in various parts of MC & DC

thefrontpage September 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

That was a great time at The Bottom Line Saturday night! Thanks for the free drinks and the free food, and the trivia contest was fun!

I was glad to see that most of the women who attended did not wear bras!

I was also extremely thankful for that late-night bathroom stall lap-dance and "happy endings" massage by Wonketter "Kandi Chokolate Apples." That was fun! The Bottom Line has some very private bathroom stalls! And those guys in the next stall–try to sniff and snort a bit more quietly when you take those "ski trips" on those "snow-covered" mountains!

Thanks for taking the party about 1 a.m. to Good Guys, Camelot, J.P.'s, The Royal Palace and The Hung Jury! That was a blast! J.P.'s is truly one of the classiest, most stylish strip clubs in the entire Washington, D.C., metropolitan region!

That was a fun night!

Boojum September 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm

That's IT!

gullywompr September 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You're a generous person, trying to offer up an alternative & all, but I really am not a young. If you met a bearded guy with grey on the chin, that was me.

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