let's all have tiny barack babies!

Live-Blogging Barack Obama Getting You Pregnant Right Through The Television

The darnedest Siamese Twin act you ever did seeEverybody get your fine illegal Communist rum and your fine illegal Windowpane, and meet us back here just in time for the tribute to Old Handsome Joe Biden, and then Barry making love to you again like it is the first time. So like just before nine, like that! You don’t need a blow-by-blow of every note out of Mary J. Blige’s mouth. Just come back, whatever, we’ll see you then unless we see you first!

7:16 PM — OK guess we are starting early since Joe is straight up blubbering like a a drunken Irish John Boehner. God bless that sentimental son of a bitch.

We are not at the convention because live blooging is impossible when you can’t pause or rewind, and also we are not at the convention because we are never leaving the house again, because OLD AND TIRED. So old. So tired. But at least our eyeballs have stopped crackling, so that is a plus!

7:40 PM — Hot chick Naomi Bulochnikov from Current TV tweets this picture of Gabby Giffords getting ready for the Pledge. Everybody cry now, so you won’t have to later!

7:44 PM — OK, we will say it: the (male) talent at this convention has been piss-poor. We might have made out with the dude we did the acid with last night if he didn’t have a giant herpe on his mouth, but that would have purely been desperation. But the women? MY GOD THE WOMEN. All the women here look like Kerry Washington, swear to fucking God.

7:53 PM — Well, Scarlett Johansson is no Kerry Washington, is she? Bless her dumb lil bunny heart.

7:54 PM — The old gays gave the old folks of color a run for their money in the Dance to Earth Wind and Fire Contest. In fact — we think they MIGHT HAVE WON!

7:58 PM — Hey cryers. How’s your crying? Doing some crying, with your eyeballs and such, of tears? How about now? Liar.

8:01 PM — Whew, thank God they have brought Caroline Kennedy out to dry everyone’s eyes with just her personality. (BECAUSE SHE IS BORING.)

8:12 PM — Here you go, BigSkullFuckingDog, here is the Gabby video you missed while you were getting your hair did. (Definitely don’t watch Caroline Kennedy, yargh.)

5:17 PM — This is fun, this yelly thing Jennifer Granholm is doing like she is a cattle auctioneer. SAY MORE NUMBERS!

HAHA, who will be the first wingnut blog to compare her to Hitler’s impassioned speechifying style? Our money is on Daily Caller.

8:25 PM — SI SE PUEDE! Eva Longoria, when did you stop being an asshole who clocks valets and shit and start being so frigging menschy?

8:36 PM — Right, sorry, wasn’t paying attention for a sec. Apparently our gay husband Charlie Crist is on the teevee, making eyes at us. AND HOLY S TO YOU TOO!

8:50 PM — John Kerry is calling Mitt Romney out for being for it before he was against it. Now we just need ladies with Purple Heart Band-Aids please!

And now Commie Mom will be dusting off the Tiger Beat poster of John Kerry she liked to kiss before going to sleep. John Kerry is going AFTER every Republican, like Barney Frank calling that lady a table. Just slaughtering. And not explaining even one of his jokes!

Here is your blast from the past. Get ANGRY, Wonkers! ANGRY LIKE JOHN KERRY, AND HIS FLAMING SWORD OF JUSTICE!

9:10 PM — Ok, can someone please clip the old black dude on Cspan getting all funky with the U!S!A! and trying out a little something new with it?

9:14 PM — Pfft, oh, Jill Biden’s a “teacher.” What has a teacher ever done for anyone, really? Maybe she should try being something honorable, like “mom.”

9:16 PM — Well, the war in Iraq is sort of over, if you don’t count the rest of the war in Iraq. But let us not be picky. Let us sing John & Yoko songs!

9:19 PM — STOP CRYING PUSSIES.

9:20 PM — Scranton, chug a Mickey’s Big Mouth.

9:22 PM — This commercial is too commercialy. Cranky Face!

9:30 PM — Real question, for the Olds, who have seen stuff. Has any veep ever been beloved like our Old Handsome Joe Biden?

No one can pledge public love like a fuckin’ Scrantoner, apparently. “Jilly, you’re the love of my life and the life of my love.” WE ARE SORRY, but Barack is a little too Vulcany to eyefuck his wife in public like that, and you know Michelle is a little pissed about it.

9:44 PM — FOUL! FOUL! NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT DEAD DADS, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE YOUR OWN. Sorry, dude, #RomneyRulez!

9:46 PM — And Joe with the velvet shiv for a man who doesn’t understand how to be an American. But you know, not mean! Joe loves Mitt Romney, thinks he’s a great guy! Except for how he is a Kenyan Marxist Socialist Anti-Colonialist Who Hates Cars And America. Just except for that!

9:53 PM — This is fine and all, but we don’t love Joey scripted like we love Joey just shooting off his Purty Mouth of Kindness. Remember the NAACP speech, when they booed him for saying he was gonna wrap up soon? Like that! (SORRY, DON’T HIT US.)

10:01 PM — OK, we take it back, and for the first time tonight are REALLY regretting the tab of acid we took last night that made us decide to stay home all day and forever and not be in the hall, we suck forever, teh end.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • bumfug

    "Rum and windowpane, mud in your eye. Baby do I feel high, oh me, oh my.."

    • An_Outhouse

      long lost last Jerry tune?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      If you want to touch the sky…

  • nounverb911

    I look forward to seeing lots of new baby democrats next summer.

    • hominidx

      "If I had a son, it'd look a lot like…the one you just had."

    • DustBowlBlues

      Do you not realize you're talking about Democratic women? You know all we do is have sex then get abortions.

    • AnAmericanInTO

      Shut your mouth! Thank Jebus for my birth control pills, while they're still legal.

  • RRoccoco

    Rebecca live-blogging Papa Joe Biden–sounds dirty. Hope so. Will check back after many beers.

    • sewollef

      And by the way, "God bless that sentimental son of a bitch."

      ….and, "straight up blubbering like a a drunken Irish John Boehner".

      What the hell?

      Beccs should quit with the acid and leave Joey alone. I love Joey…. but not in the biblical sense of course, since I'm hetero through and through. And if I grow old and look as handsome as he does I'll be a happy puppy…. hell, I might, scrub that, would fuck his wife with a little more than my eyes, if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge.

      What were we talking about again?

  • emmelemm

    Farrelly Brothers Libel!

  • anniegetyerfun

    (takes swig of diet tonic water, hits F5… waits)

    • Arborista

      Has fewer calories than regular tonic water?

      • anniegetyerfun

        No sugar. For the diabeetus.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        You'd be amazed how much sugar is in American "tonic".

        • Arborista

          I didn't know that tonic water had sugar. I thought it had quinine?

          • punkneverdies

            That too, also this is something I just learned. It's florescent.

          • Arborista

            Wow! I guess I need to look into this diet tonic water thing…

          • punkneverdies

            Just remember, there ain't no diet gin.

    • Boojum

      Driving down the road, refreshing my phone, mainlining Wonkette while I steer with my knees.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Hey! We need your vote! Don't go dyin' on us now!

  • YouBetcha

    Mr. YouBetcha doesn't love Barry the way I do, but he knows he'll get some later.

  • LibertyLover

    As long as no one sweats in my earholes, I'm ok with that.

  • IonaTrailer

    If Barry O sings, I'll cream in my jeans

    • emmelemm

      That's why you should only read Wonkette with no pants on.

      • LesBontemps

        Wait, you mean there are people reading teh Wokette with their pants on?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'm waiting for his Barry White impression.

      • sullivanst

        But it's Romney that's trying to convey that "I'll Do For You Anything You Want Me To". On the other hand, Barack clearly is "Qualified to Satisfy You"

        • Isyaignert

          Remember this little ditty by Rmoney? http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=mitt+romney+s

          • sullivanst

            Yes, despite my best efforts.

          • Callyson

            Oh hell no–not going there. Still feeling the trauma from hearing that the first time around…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      He's going to bring out Sandra Fluke, sit her down in a chair, and sing "If I Was Your Girlfriend."
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpPnv9eybQY

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    I'm going to wear my aviator shades while watching the Joe Biden tribute.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YW-n3lBAks

  • ElPinche

    Biden speech: "Hi assholes! I mean Americans…same shit!! Just kidding! As for Romney, he can fuck himself with Lindsey Grahams's dildo. No. I kid. God Bless. Good night!"

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Ha, ha, ha!
      I heart you, Pinche!
      (But you'll always be Trejo to me.)

      • ElPinche

        I''ll reboot my Trejo avatar after Machete II .

    • I_P

      Try the veal, it's a big fucking deal!

    • sullivanst

      Still more likely to win my vote than Ryan's liefest.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Epic, Pinchy. I so needed that hearty laugh.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      COTD!

      • ElPinche

        Thx!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    I hope that, at the end of Bamz's speech, they bring out Mary J. Blige, Toni Braxton, New Edition, Karyn White, Babyface, Guy, Al B. Sure!, Bell Biv DeVoe, Johnny Gill, Tony! Toni! Toné!, and Pebbles and everyone joins in a rousing rendition of "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd. That would be SO FUCKING AWESOME.

    • Arborista

      Your odds are much better with this week's convention…

      • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

        The best the Republicans could have hoped for was Chuck Norris and Victoria Jackson duetting on "You Light Up My Life."

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Drudge Sirens! "Ribfest Explodes At Democrat Gang Summit"

    • SnarkOff

      Ghost Whitney Houston can come, too, with Invisible Obama.

  • Estproph

    Thanks, but I don't want to get pregnant.

    • bobbert

      See, I'm ahead of the game. I had a vasectomy twenty years ago, so I'm safe from Bamz.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Mm, I don't think you understand his potency. All his staffers wear triple layers of latex gloves just in case he fist-bumps them.

    • MissTaken

      I took 4 birth control pills this morning in anticipation. I'm ready!

      • SorosBot

        Slut! And now we have to video our lovemaking and send it to Rush.

        • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          What does Geddy Lee have to do with any of this?

          • SorosBot

            I purposefully left off the last name to open up this reference, and can't believe it took this long for someone to make it.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Plus, you could always just head down to the abortionplex if things go wrong.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Slut!

      • TribecaMike

        Because of you my premiums increased 6x, and I don't even have health insurance.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      We'll see if you do or do not. Your lady parts will shut that whole thing down if you really don't want to be pregnant, legitimately.

      • Estproph

        My ladyparts are kept in a different body…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Jesus doesn't care what you want.

      • bobbert

        Man, ain't that the truth?

      • Estproph

        Jesus's followers don't seem to either.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yo! Chet Kincaid! Mary J Blige, blow by blow, buddy you GOTTA be here with me even if we have to do that part without Ms Becca…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      I'm here for ya, Ms. Effie May South!

    • prommie

      A-fucking-hem. Excuse me, just needed to clear my throat.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Well I'll be damned.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          What's up? Was off enjoying the Biden and Obama speeches with my lovely wife. Did you guys keep the party goin' without me?

          • FakaktaSouth

            Proms didn't watch, but he did come to play, so you are excused for your serious contemplation of them talking thangs (they were great!) with your bride. Godspeed! And Goodnight!

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    OH, SHIT! I forgot Keith! I was trying to remember who was on the New Jack mix I play incessantly in the car. SORRY, KEITH!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Hey don't forget Queen Latifah – one of the best songs on the soundtrack, IMO.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      That lineup would give Andy Partridge permanent stagefright, I'll give you that!

      • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

        Thank you for noticing. As for Andy, it would not surprise me if he was as much of a DIRTY LIBERAL as we are.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Obama wants farmboys to be able to feed love on their wages again!!

  • savethispatient

    "Do Obama speeches cure your Editor's hangover? Tune in at 9"

  • bumfug

    Lookin' forward to watching big Joe B. at 6:30 PDT – I worked on his first ever campaign for Senate in Del.as a student at U of D when he was 29 (turned the legal 30 after election, before swearing-in). Nobody gave him a chance then and they continue to underestimate him now. Fuck them.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I want to hug you by one degree of Biden. I love that man, thanks for helping him get his start.

      • bumfug

        It was a bittersweet time – he was sworn in in his sons' hospital room where they were recovering from the terrible car wreck that killed Joe's wife and daughter.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Wow. That's really sad.

          • DustBowlBlues

            Then he had a brain tumor.

        • SorosBot

          Oh yeah, that was sad as shit. Two important things to remember about Joe is that he had the lowest net worth of the Senate, with just his salary instead of a fortune in stocks or inherited wealth like most of the rest have, and he was a single father for a long time. He gets the struggles of normal people more than most of our politicians do.

          • Isyaignert

            Thank you for that! Joe is the real deal. I remember when he and Obama were running in 2008 and he'd taken a load of stuff to the dump in his white pickup. A reporter asked him how it went and no lie, Joe said, "It was a good dump."

          • LibertyLover

            That's our Joe.

    • Pragmatist2

      I c an attest to being one of thousands of people who screwed up by underestimating Joe Biden.

    • HELisforHEL

      My mom worked on that campaign, too (and she worked at UD as a bookkeeper, coincidence? Haha). He was kind, funny, genuine. And nice to a stupid little kid (me) who tagged along at meetings. We love him, he's 'crazy uncle joe' and I mean that in the best way. GO Joe!

  • Boojum

    I am tripping balls with you in spirit.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Oh my god, I'm pregnant just from looking at that picture!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I heard your comment in Dr. Zoidberg's voice, and I believed it.

  • SorosBot

    And unlike last week's convention I can watch this without the aid of alcohol; awesome.

    • Zango Crudmonger

      But….<sniffs>……why?

    • AncienReggie

      I had to detox after the Gopper fest. Long beyond the grape and grain, I had to substitute pills for booze. Every time I heard "We built it" another Xanax. Each time I heard "failed policies," another Paxil. It took four days of the shakes and two days of joy to set me up for the Bammer.

      • DustBowlBlues

        Sounds a little like the regimen I was following when I passed out on the kitchen floor, in a puddle of very warm milk where I lay for a few minutes. When I came to, I was in a puddle of sticky, cold milk and had a big bump on the back of my head from where I fell on the tile floor.

        BTW, Kids, Ancien R. and I are sharing the above (sadly, with no exaggeration in my story) stories because we want you to understand this: STAY IN SCHOOL AND DON'T USE DRUGS.

        BTW–Remember Tom Joad.

    • sullivanst

      Although, just because you can doesn't mean you should. Just alter the type (maybe) and quantity (probably) to enhance the enjoyment, instead of diminish the suffering.

    • Callyson

      My liver also sends a thank you note to the DNC.

      • kittensdontlie

        The poor R-Livers will be the ones feeling the pain tonight, and how my crocodile tears will flow for them.

    • Nesnora

      "Have you ever seen a [DNC] on weeeeeed?"

  • Not_So_Much

    Do we all meet at the drive-through AbortionPlex next week?

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      slut.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        sho videoz.

      • Not_So_Much

        The gubbmint wouldn't pay for my Whore Pillz.

    • OzoneTom

      I for one am planning to get pregnant as soon as possible (instantly, if possible) after my next abortion.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        For Amercia.

  • docterry6973

    I can't wait to see if Barry can out-speechify the missus and the Big Dog.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Wait, wut? Oooooh, you mean another big dog. Nevermind.

      • Isyaignert

        But, honey, you are the BigSkullF*ckingDog and there's no one else like you. Anywhere.

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Mom?

  • IonaTrailer

    "I'm from Milwaukee, and I oughta know…"
    If you remember that you stay old already.

    • bobbert

      "Blatz is* Milwaukee's fiiinest beer".

      * was never**

      ** did have my favorite beer name, though

      • SorosBot

        My favorite comes from Shotz Brewery.

        One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated.

        • glasspusher

          Fuck. Thanks for that ear worm.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      It's draft brewed Blatz beer,
      Wherever you go.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Hey!

  • Biff

    Again, blessed are the cheesemakers!

    • OzoneTom

      Hopefully that includes any manufacturers of dairy products.

      • glasspusher

        I remember them from whey back.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      What Jesus fails to realize is that it's the meek that are the problem.

      • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

        Damn poors have all the money…

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I can see Jesus trying to deliver His word on O'Reilly's show and repeatedly being cut off with "Hold it right there, Christ…"

  • bobbert

    So this is where the sweat love comes in?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Bamz makes me think of sultry songs while Joe makes me sing "Happy Happy Joy Joy."

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      Romney, on the other hand, makes me think of the Log theme. "It's big, it's heavy, it's wood!"

      • Dr. Nick Riviera

        But he's not better than bad!

  • IonaTrailer

    Geez, Romney VETOED pre-school in Mass. What a dick.

    • rickmaci

      And would pay for his tax cuts for billionaires by drowning Big Bird in Grover Norquist's bathtub.

  • C_R_Eature

    All Hail the American Night!

    Let it roll, baby, roll.

    • bobbert

      Now, that's soundtrack music.

      • C_R_Eature

        Yeah, I think so too.

  • AncienReggie

    Windowpane: Harshest. Acid. Ever.

    Still, when it's the only acid you've got handy …

    • FraAnima

      Well, purple microdot wasn't that great either…

  • sullivanst

    I will see you there, or I'll see you on another time.

  • ProgressiveInga

    That is the sweetest pic of a lovely and handsome couple. Was this taken before or after the nuptials?

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Mitt Romney, look upon your vanquishers and weep.

  • IonaTrailer

    What it's like with two lesbian moms? A lot of flannel and chainsaws?

    • Barrelhse

      And field-hockey.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Zach Wahls has some serious BRASS!

  • Zango Crudmonger

    Two-Momgasm!

  • Biff

    Zach Wahl has a thing or two to say to R&R, it sounds like.

  • TribecaMike

    "Where did it go, Spider" — I haven't heard that in forever! Love that lady.

  • Blueb4sinrise
    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee
  • IonaTrailer

    I wonder is Edith Childs would adopt me…..?
    She fires me up!

    • Arborista

      She's pretty damned cool!

  • C_R_Eature

    No Pregnancy for me. I can haz Parthenogenesis?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      It's going to be disturbing if a rash of full-body meiosis breaks out tonight.

      • C_R_Eature

        SPLITTERS!

    • finallyhappy

      interesting partheno story- the stick insects at the National Zoo are all female and the ones at NMNH are all male. I was told a trade will be happening to change the gene pool

  • TribecaMike

    I now forgive you for creating Poco, Jim.

    • FraAnima

      Vahevala – homeward sailors.

    • FraAnima

      Woah, dude, you edited your comment. Or I really am tripping. Or both.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      There was one I loved.

      Anyway, bye ,bye

      • TribecaMike

        They certainly had chops.

  • C_R_Eature

    BLUNTS FIRED UP! READY TO GO!

    LETS GO CHANGE THE…Uh… change the …
    change the radio station, man. Yeah, Reggae!

    Woooooo! Let's go find a White Castle!

    • Isyaignert

      You sound like a lot of fun on a date!

      • C_R_Eature

        Thanks! That's sweet. Where are my car keys? My left shoe? How did my pants get in the tree? Why's this boat up on somebody's lawn?

  • Geminisunmars

    G-d, my ears are sweating already.

  • Hera Sent Me

    I'm already drunk and naked.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I think you mean still.

    • C_R_Eature

      Aren't we all?

    • MinAgain

      Overachiever.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      That's the spirit!

  • FraAnima

    Oh wow…oh WOW man…did you see that…OH WOW…look, tracers man…

    • MosesInvests

      As I read that, I heard it in Tommy Chong's voice.

      • FraAnima

        What a coincidence. I AM zombie Tommy Chong.

        • C_R_Eature

          I hope you have some Nice Dreams.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            We can only hope that Joe and Barack do the hair piece / herpes bit on stage tonight.

          • C_R_Eature

            Joe: "I'm gonna turn this glass…into a dick!" Ain't that a Peach!?"

  • MinAgain

    If he knocks me up, it will be a miracle of modern politics. I'm just sayin'.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      You'll make all the godless liberals rethink their stance on Christianity, or at least, virgin birth.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Delivered in a nerdish but commanding voice: "A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship; but it is not this day! An hour of woe, and shattered shields, when the Age of Men comes crashing down; but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand!"

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      ha!

      i was going to say i liked: all our hopes now lie with two little hobbits, blah, blah, blah

      but then i had to instead reference this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyoWmkhRyp8

    • whiskeybaby

      you have my sword, bluestatelibel

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    CNN is showing me video footage of Eva Longoria "petting" Jessica Alba at a bar near the convention. This is way hotter than the footage of Miss Lindsay "milking" Marcus Bachmann last week.
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/provincialelitist/eva-lon

    No, its Eva and Jessica! I know you don't have brain bleach!

    • TribecaMike

      The woman on the left is a damn good chewer.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Um, brb………….

    • emmelemm

      Sadly, it's only light petting.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        You have to start somewhere.

  • C_R_Eature

    Nice Acid suggestion, Rebecca. Thanks. Now I've got a Bizarre Audial Residue all over my Teen-Age Record Player.

    • TribecaMike

      Supposedly, Zappa said he disbanded the Mothers because "people clap for the wrong reasons." Or maybe he was talking about Mitt Romney's speech last week. I don't know, I'm high.

      • C_R_Eature

        I am so high. Don't tell Frank, he's gonna be pissed.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My hairdresser is running late. If I am not home in time for Biden I am never going back to her again. But I will be well quaffed for when I get preggers!

    • Zango Crudmonger

      Joey's tearing up over his son's speachisms….yay!

    • Limeylizzie

      coiffed or quaffed?

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Goddammit! Can I be both?

        • Limeylizzie

          Yes!

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Abspoelutely

        • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

          Turn your head and coif.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    How does this work, do we just lie back and think of Medicare?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I won't be able to watch the big speeches live tonight, because, hello, some of us have jobs!…but anyway, I am counting on all of you to leave extraordinarily awesome comments for me to read late tonight so that I can feel as though I was there. Can you be counted on? (Say yes.)

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      That's what I did for the GOP convention.
      Then went to work the next day and was able to stand around the water cooler and talk like I had actually watched every minute of the damn thing.

    • AncienReggie

      Only 'cause you asked.

    • Biff

      Fucking elitist, with your fancy job…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Biden Biden Beau Biden, Banana-fana-fo Fiden! Good lookin' kid.

    • Not_So_Much

      Seems brainy too. I think he'll do fine taking over the family biz when he's ready.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

        His Time is coming. He would have run for Old Joe's seat had he not had to prosecute the worst child molester in history, Dr. Earl Bradley. Said molestor's multiple life sentence was affirmed today by the Delaware Supreme Court. Beau's path is clear now. Not sure what he will run for, though. Both Senate seats and our only House seat are occupied by Dems.

        And now, to watch Gov. Orange Christ tell us how awful the GOP is….

        • SorosBot

          And thank you for that, teabaggers, giving us the crazy loser non-witch because Mike Castle was too reasonable for you.

          • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

            On the other hand, the teabaggers gave us the most elfin member of the United States Senate. I swear, Chris Coons literally has pointy ears.

    • Barrelhse

      "Let's do 'Chuck'!"

  • TribecaMike

    Joe, ya big sap!

    • Terry

      Joe loves and takes care of his family, something certain other folks fail to do. Not naming names. Cough…Joe Walsh…cough

  • SheriffRoscoe

    When Biden cries he cries like a MAN.

    • Terry

      He was a bit shy about it too.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Oh man, Joe Biden is crying over his son's intro! Boehner is all like, "how does he make that look so real?!"

    • Terry

      Well, not crying two or three times a day is a good start.

      • C_R_Eature

        Not being plastered in Vodka after 3 in the afternoon and hungover 'till Noon helps. Also.

  • Terry

    I love Joe. He's a lot like some of my male relatives. Smart, heart in the right place, doesn't tolerate fools, and a goofy personable way about him.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Foo Fighters are performing tonight?! Why not the Eagles Of Death Metal?!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Al Green or GTFO.

  • kittensdontlie

    Word to the Wise:
    C-Span coverage seems to be the only channel without a delay. DNC website streaming is delayed by a minute, and the networks are but not as bad. You might miss something, maybe not a nipple slip, but what if part ways into his speech 'Bama drops his pants and tells that Mitt Romulan to kiss his sweet balack *ss. You never know….

  • TribecaMike

    Time is just a bullshit social construct, man, so vote tonight!

  • Zango Crudmonger

    Osama and Brietbart both still dead.

    • sullivanst

      GM still alive.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Ask Andrew Breitbart if he's better off than he was four years ago.

      • TribecaMike

        Don't mind if I do.

  • MinAgain

    Joe Biden cries the tears of a clown. But he's our clown, dammit!

  • Terry

    Foo Fighters are fine, but I'm in the mood to hear Bruce sing American Land

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    CNN has a helpful Chyron explaining who Dave Grohl is.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Now if they'd just explain who Wolf Blitzer is sposta be.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I'm thinking about taking a bathroom break, all in favor of the motion say 'Aye' …

    • C_R_Eature

      "Aye eee he hee hehe hehehehehehehe!!"

      I am so high

    • IndianaKevin

      Oh, sorry. Just now saw this. Are you still holding it and waiting for votes? Aye.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Since I can't be at home watching this, I'm going to liveblog from my hairdresser's.

    4:27 PST – it's really hot under this dryer.
    4:30 – this is taking way too long and I have to pee.

    • bobbert

      Have you quaffed yet?

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        4:48 – kicked bobbert in the ass.

        • bobbert

          OW MY ASS!!!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    CNN has a helpful Chyron explaining where the name "Foo Fighters" comes from.

    • MissTaken

      I hope CNN has a helpful Chyron explaining what Rock n Roll is.

    • bobbert

      Is it correct? I.e., UFOs?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      The Chyron on MSNBC is just tweet oriented. I can't switch to CNN. I am too full of fast facts already

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Oh Joe. You done good by those kids of yours and you know it.. Beau made you cry and for all the right reasons (not like my kid)

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Now, Mick Jagger spazzes onto the stage with the Foo Fighters and kicks into "Brown Sugar"!

  • TribecaMike

    Needz moar Jeff Tweedy.

  • Terry

    "We are not at the convention because live blooging is impossible when you can’t pause or rewind, and also we are not at the convention because we are never leaving the house again, because OLD AND TIRED. So old. So tired. But at least our eyeballs have stopped crackling, so that is a plus!"

    I feel your pain. I was a little bit bitchy in my 8am meeting this morning.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Why don't the Foo Fighters have any lyrics about America's enemies going to hell?! Where's the pedal steel, fiddles and banjos?!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    WE LOVE YA JOE!!!!

  • OurHoboSenator

    I don't really like the Foo Fighters, but I like this song. No snark.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Look at all the Oldz rockin' out.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    White folks clappin' out of time! God bless 'em!

    • emmelemm

      We try! A for Effort.

    • bobbert

      Are they at least missing the backbeat instead of the downbeat?

    • finallyhappy

      Absolutely- it is the only way I know how. Certain white people from Philly used to know how to dance- I was never one of them

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Franny Giordano libel!

  • TribecaMike

    Remember how the righties were saying the last night was being moved indoors because nobody was going to show up? That was funny.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    The Foo Fighters' drummer always looks a little too into it.

    • Gleem McShineys

      I hope CNN has a chyron explaining why

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        He knows the frontman can replace him without missing a beat.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Obama Vs Romney = Foo Fighters Vs Taylor Hicks.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Even old ladies on oxygen and in jazzies love them some Foo.

  • Nostrildamus

    Here's hopin' Joe lays down some nice, juicy F-bombs.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Some Romney surrogate will snark about how we're havin' a rock concert while they're tryin' to save the country. I will wish him/her a self-fucking in advance.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I'd die in a ditch for Joe Biden, but I wouldn't shit in a pit for Paul Ryan.

  • Terry

    Who is the old fella in the video with the bow tie? I'd like to buy him a drink.

    • MissTaken

      Old men in bow ties kick ass.

    • TribecaMike

      He looked a lot like a retired Milk Drivers and Dairy Employees organizer I bend elbows with at my dive.

  • Boojum

    Nobody be funny. I'm at a school curriculum night and out loud laughing would be suspicious.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      DO NOT READ EL PINCHE THEN

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      This is why I stopped looking at the wonkette during company meetings.

    • TribecaMike

      How does the teacher read schoolwork?

      ˙sןıdnd ɹǝɥ ɥʇıʍ

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Is pr0n okay?

      • Boojum

        Bastard!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    James Clyburn reminds me of a church deacon telling us we better not be rubbin' up on each other in the back of the bus on the way to the Youth Retreat.

    • Zango Crudmonger

      As a young Christianistani, I never really thought about acting out on the carnal desires, until the concept was aired in public discourse. At that point, I figured I'd already been ear-fucked, might as well go for the sweat, sweat love itself.

  • Callyson

    How dedicated am I as a political nerd?

    So dedicated that I am missing Fashion's Night Out, which was very inconveniently scheduled for this evening. FFS, can't a girl like both fashion and politics? Don't know why the idiots and assholes who run FNO couldn't have scheduled it for next week…

    • anniegetyerfun

      Oh, hon, tough call, but I'm glad you chose politics!

    • ThundercatHo

      Thank goodness we could record Project Runway.

      • Callyson

        Damn I forgot about that. Guess I'll watch it online.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    OMG, Kerry Washington. You know, she's on a show where she plays a lady who's fucking the President. Let's all take a bunk break.

    • MissTaken

      She is much hotter than that blonde chick from Northern Exposure. Much.

      • TribecaMike

        The one who always wore her shirt out on that show to hide her big fat ass? (Watched it every week.)

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      She is teh hawt!

    • finallyhappy

      bunk break- is that a Firefly reference?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I don't know, "I'll be in my bunk" seems to be code for "fap-break" around here.

      • emmelemm

        Yes.

  • Terry

    Hard to believe that one State delegation could contain both James Clyburn and Jim DeMint.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      cf. Tom Harkin and Steve King

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Old black dudes lookin' at Kerry Washington thinkin' "yesss indeed!!" OK, it's just me.

  • TribecaMike

    "You may not think about politics, but politics is thinking about you." That's pretty good.

  • Zango Crudmonger

    Politics is looking for me?! Hide the stash(s)! I'd include moneys, but that's hiding so I well I can't even find them.

  • Terry

    Charlie Crist is speaking at the convention tonight?

  • Arborista

    Hmmm. SC Public TV station has dumped live coverage of the Convention tonight. Could be they don't want South Carolinians to see Jim Clyburn, Obama, etc.?

    • Arborista

      Actually, they did pick up coverage quite soon after Clyburn's speech/sermon…

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Dear Rebecca, I am going through the "change". I never get enough crying in for the day.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I feel ya, Maman

  • Terry

    Is this the first time a Prince song has been played at a convention? They should have gone with one of his other songs, say, International Lover.

    • TribecaMike

      The Repugs didn't play "1999"?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Maybe "1899".

      • SorosBot

        They should have played "Darling Nikki" for Gov. Haley!

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          Triphoria libel!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    "Scarlett Johannson's at the podium! Make sure the First Lady is still in Hair & Makeup and NOT NEAR ANY MONITORS!!"

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Kerry at 8:45! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Terry

    I'm turning into my Mother. I looked at Scarlett Johannson and thought "She's such a pretty girl. Why is she wearing so much eye makeup?"

  • Zango Crudmonger

    FoxNews commenting on SarJo's voter fraud in 3…
    2,
    1…..

  • Terry

    Earth Wind and Fire! Loving the music!

  • MissTaken

    Can the DNC offer classes to the whites on how to clap to music?

  • TribecaMike

    Fox is showing nothing but upskirt shots.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Ugh, close your legs Doocy.

    • C_R_Eature

      Nice try, but I'm still not watching. I don't want to see Ann Coulter's dangly bits.

  • finallyhappy

    Who the hell said we only had B list stars??

    • Biff

      Never seen any of her work, but I've heard the name a bunch.

  • Terry

    Aretha! Cripes hanna, they've swiped my iPod

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Think!

  • emmelemm

    Bammers just sent me an email saying, "Before I go out on stage, please send me some monies!"

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I get one of those every 10 minutes.

      • AncienReggie

        Send a guy three bucks for a sticker and he's on you forever.

      • emmelemm

        So do I. I just liked the "just before I go out…"

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Gabby!!!!!!!

  • MissTaken

    Gabby!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Not a dry eye in the house.

  • TribecaMike

    Bit o' trivia: Duane Allman played guitar on Aretha's "Think."

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      That I did not know.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Yee ha go Gabby!!

  • C_R_Eature

    GABBY! I'm standing for the Pledge. Even though I have no pants.

    I HAVE NO PANTS AND I MUST PLEDGE!

    • LibertyLover

      Just don't put pledge on your pants.

  • Biff

    Go Gabby!

  • Terry

    Gabbie Giffords, bless her heart and I mean that. She looks great.

    OMG, got tears in my eyes.

  • Zango Crudmonger

    Dammit, I'm crying for GG.

  • TribecaMike

    GABBY!!!!!!!!

  • C_R_Eature

    WOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!

    Welcome, Gabby. Welcome.

    Thank you.

  • MissTaken

    If Gabby didn't just bring you to tears you have no soul.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      That was just awesome.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Glad I have a water-resistant keyboard

    • gullywompr

      Hmm, turns out I do have a soul after all. Well waddaya know…

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      DId you hear Rachel Maddow say, "No, don't go to that camera because I'm crying like everyone else in the country!"?

      • MissTaken

        I did not! Rachel is awesome and gets it.

    • Bluestatelibel

      Mitt Rmoney cries bitter robot tears as we speak…

    • SorosBot

      Aw and here I was busy buying snacks for a visitor I'm gonna have next week; I guess I shouldn't have gone to get them.

    • Arborista

      Bittersweet moment. Yes, I teared up, but I'm a crybaby. I mean, I'm sensitive.

  • Terry

    BRUCE!!!

    Now, I want him to perform live. Barry, make it happen.

  • LibertyLover

    GAbby! GAbby! GAbby!

  • Callyson

    Dammit–did I just miss Gabby? Crap!

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    I'm sorry, but look at our convention, and look at theirs. Anybody who says there is no difference between Dems and Repubs is missing something.

    • AncienReggie

      Yeah. Anger, hate and bitterness just bleed right through. Hope and love, they shine right through.

      • SorosBot

        That and this convention actually has real Americans and looks like America, not just a bunch of old white people.

  • Callyson

    Good for Caroline Kennedy for not being shy about standing up for reproductive rights.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Finally! Dems be kickin' some butt.

    • SorosBot

      They've finally, finally stopped running away on both reproductive rights and gay marriage, and showing balls on them.

  • TribecaMike

    At this time last week, the GOP had a Panzer tank parade.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Kal Penn talking about how he passed out fliers at the Illinois delegation four years ago.

  • Biff

    Caroline is putting me to sleep again…

  • Callyson

    Bumper sticker in the crowd:

    Save Medicare – Vote Democrat

    Does this mean we have embraced the "Democrat Party" label that the Reeps love to throw at us, the way we embrace Obamacare?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      I'm in favor!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Eh, I don't think it really matters, does it?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Hearing a Repig say "The Democrat Party" used to bother me until I looked at all the times I'd written about "Repiglicans" (or worse) on facebook.

        • Callyson

          It's a big part of the reason I started calling them Reeps (rhymes with "creeps.")

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I feel like I'm at the symphony and they're playing the slow movement.

  • Callyson

    Javier Becerra–I live in his district! Though redistricting gives me Adam Schiff after this year.

    ETA: he looks better here than he does in his photos.

  • Crank_Tango

    Too bad Barry is gonna be like dry toast after Bubba pancakes last night.

    • AncienReggie

      I'll take that bet.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Toast… with butter and dark, sweet jam.

      • emmelemm

        Blackberry jam.

        • bobbert

          Sloe jam.

        • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Yum!

          • emmelemm

            The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice. (So I've been told.)

    • Crank_Tango

      Yeah I dunno, I really don't find him to be all that great of a speaker, but then again I generally avoid watching him speak. Yes, yes, yes, I am a good little libtard and all that, but he just comes across all stilted to me. Don't get me wrong, he is no John Kerry, but someone on NPR this morning said how "dynamic" of a speaker he is and I just laughed.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        I generally agree – it's like he has his truly inspired moments, but most of the time he's afraid of what Fox News is going to say about him if he flubs a line (and they do, ad nauseum, like "you didn't build that"). He used to be incredible when he was campaigning and shortly thereafter… then he became more stilted like you say. Hopefully he brings back the A-game tonight to seal the deal. Fuck Fox News.

        • Crank_Tango

          Well I gotta say, I am digging it.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Me too.

  • Callyson

    "Now, maybe Governor Romney has forgotten what got us into this mess in the first place, but we haven't"

    Too bad that quote is a little long for a bumper sticker…

    (Christ, I originally typed "Governor Obama." It's been a long campaign…)

  • Fare la Volpe

    So tired. But at least our eyeballs have stopped crackling, so that is a plus!

    Eyeball(s) plural? Come now, Rebecca, what do you take us for?

    • commiegirl99

      Fare where have you been darling dear?

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    8:05: Just tuned in.
    I missed the gays dancing! (Crap, my cousin was there).
    Caroline (Will Never Be a Senator) Kennedy.
    Just saw Gabby Giffords. (Wasn't there some young, gay Mesican guy who helped save her life and got recognized at that tribute thing? Shouldn't he be speaking? Just a thought.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Sad to say he's not a very good speaker. He's still a student at U of A and didn't even get elected when he ran for student body president. Personally, I think the students should be ashamed of themselves, but his platform didn't include beer pong on every street corner, so he lost.

      • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

        Thanks, Jukesgrrl.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Tucson's Lois Lane, happy to be of service.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Still getting more Gabby coverage. On stage with her best friend, DWS (needs a keratin treatment) and sitting in the audience with her astronaut. What is wrong with me? Dry as the Sahara

  • Callyson

    "If you believe in America, you invest in America"

    Now *there's* the bumper sticker…

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      But, but, but, aren't the Caymans in Amercia?

      • C_R_Eature

        Well they're NEAR. Like, the President!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Coupon Care! Bumper sticker

  • rickmaci

    One thing that can be said about Caroline Kennedy. Charisma is not an inherited characteristic. (But she seems to be a very nice, very rich lady.)

  • Callyson

    "Coupon care"? Good question…love it!

  • TribecaMike

    A stinking drunk GE Smith is outside the arena begging to be let in. Embarrassing.

  • Biff

    Jenny!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Jennifer Granholm? Hope she gives a great speech, she wasn't much of a governor.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Watch yo mouth. I know at least one person here who would clock you for that.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Michigan accents make me giggle.

    • Millennial Malaise

      I don't know much about her gubernatorial record but she is killing it with this speech!

    • AncienReggie

      Maybe. Couldn't say. But what a babe.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Isn't she the shoe-banger?

  • Callyson

    Aw, my dog just licked the screen as Governor Granholm started speaking about saving the auto industry…

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Ford Wixom closing was a big fuckin' deal.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Wham! He saved the American auto industry–she sounds good.

  • Callyson

    "In 2009 the cavalry arrived…and he saved the auto industry"

    Nice…

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Cars get the elevator, and the workers get the shaft.

    OH, SNAP!!

  • Callyson

    "The millionaires get the auto elevator and the workers get the shaft"

    Oh yeah!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Piers Morgan is interviewing First Sister Maya Soetoro-Ng. Such soothing, dulcet tones! Her, not the git, of course.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Did she bring the adorable First Niece with her? Too cute.

    • bibliotequetress

      Is he interviewing her face-to-face, or is he breaking into a phone call with her husband?

  • Goonemeritus

    Rebecca real men don’t go to conventions their day is too booked stuffing Paultards into lockers. If you need to resort to the love that dare not speak its name to get through this trip we won’t hold it against you.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Yeah, humping with Dave Weigel isn't love that dare not speak its name but … whatever.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    In Romney's America, the cars get the elevators the workers get the shaft. Not that original but still a great line.

  • TribecaMike

    You need a 3-D TV to get the full effect.

  • Callyson

    Virginia–good for her! Also NC and Wisconsin! Keep shouting out to those swing states!

  • LibertyLover

    The DNC is so diverse… they've got shouty speakers and quiet speakers and boring speakers and Foo Fighters!

    • Biff

      Fighting Foo, as always.

  • Callyson

    DAMN this woman knows how to get a crowd going! Good for her.

  • C_R_Eature

    Jennifer Granholm is ON FIRE!

    This is good to see.

  • Veritas78

    It's so refreshing to see a drunken politician again!

    • C_R_Eature

      A drunken, happy politician. Unlike the drunken, weepy one we usually have to watch.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Bravo! The amazing thing about that speech was that Jennifer Granholm was also doing kegels the whole way through.

    • IndianaKevin

      Multi-tasking!

    • C_R_Eature

      I thought I saw movement! Now, that's talent.

  • bobbert

    JENNIFER!!!

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Seriously nasty trolls in twitter thingy at bottom of page.

    • finallyhappy

      and that is why I make sure I don't watch a channel with that shit. I was yelling at the TV the other night- so my husband said change the channel- and it worked!!

  • Callyson

    Holy shit–hey, Michiganders, can you elect more people like her? Bring it!

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      Too bad she was born in Canada. Warren/Granholm '16 is an impossibility. :(

      • Callyson

        I see…I'll settle for sending her to the Senate.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I think Jennifer is overdosing on Redbull or something.

    • Callyson

      I'll have what she's having.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    EVA!! Hot in a blue dress.

  • Biff

    And now a desperate housewife? WTF?

    • SorosBot

      The speakers at the DNC are a hell of a lot more attractive than the RNC's.

      • Biff

        Shit, howdy!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Hello nurse!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Hellloooooo nurse.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Eva!

    *Swoon*

    *thunk*

  • savethispatient

    Re: 8:12pm – BigSkullF*ckingDog's asterisk is a U? How rude! I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I know! That * could be any vowel, or sometimes Y!

  • bibliotequetress

    I love a man who protects my right to abortion while impregnating me!

  • Callyson

    "The Eva Longoria who worked flipping burgers needed a tax break, but the Eva Longoria who works on movie sets does not"

    NICE!

  • Biff

    Never my favorite housewife, but the gal is giving good speech!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    the Eva Longoria who flipped burgers at Wendy's needed a tax break. the Eva Longoria who works on movie sets doesn't. Nice.

  • LibrarianX

    Free BIRD!!!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Great hair.

  • savethispatient

    Eva Longoria is right: damn those 13-year-old girl cyber-squatters!

  • bibliotequetress

    If you watch Caroline Kennedy's speech on mute but blast "The Wall" it totally fucking makes sense!

  • Callyson

    Montana's governor? Never seen him–this could be interesting.

    And yes, Governor, we sure do have work to do…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    They're showing Granholm's greatest hits on MSNBC. I do believe she just did a Palin wink at somebody! And now she's cabbage-patching!!

    • FakaktaSouth

      Stirrrrr the pot Jen, Stirrr it…and electric slide…

  • BoroPrimorac

    Is Gov. Granholm on the sauce?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      Sextuple shot latte, maybe?

    • Callyson

      Said this before, I'll say it again…I'll have what she's having.

  • Veritas78

    Don't they sell any neckties west of the Mississippi? I see a untapped market niche.

    Woops! Missed the bolo. Shoulda known.

    • IonaTrailer

      In Iran too – (see President Casual-Friday Ahmadinejad)

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Nice string tie, Governor of Montana but you are no Jennifer Granholm in the rousing speech department.

    • finallyhappy

      I think it was during a work trip to Montana(years ago) that I bought bolo ties for my family- not sure when I thought a 7 year old girl and a 9 year old boy would wear them(and they didn't- neither did my husband)

  • SorosBot

    Mitt is not a loyal American, that's why his money is in the Caymans and he avoids paying his taxes.

  • Callyson

    Oh yeah–don't let people forget about Mittens' debt….

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Eva's good
    I'm sensing the dems strategy is to get the same republican 0% for Latinos as for African Americans.

    • bibliotequetress

      I wish we could get the same for women.

  • Callyson

    14% cut in education in the first year? Yikes!

  • Arborista

    What does Gov Sideburns have against hunting dogs?

  • IonaTrailer

    MITT Romney hates milk!

    And guns!

  • Callyson

    Quadrupled the fee for gun licenses? Oh boy, the NRA gun nuts are going into severe cognitive dissonance…

  • SorosBot

    WTF does "that dog don't hunt" mean? Leave the nonsense sayings to the Republicans, Western dude with the silly string tie thing!

    • Callyson

      He's trying to appeal to the people who think saying things like that shows a common touch.

      Annoying, yes, but it could work…

      • Zango Crudmonger

        It's the reach around, the reach around the aisle. For bipartisanship.

      • AncienReggie

        We used that cliche in the south, too. Nuthin' wrong with a good regionalism. You snob.

        • Callyson

          Hey, no hate here…I've got my own annoying sayings.

    • Hera Sent Me

      Two problems: The expression is "That dog won't hunt" and it's a Southernism.

      Maybe he's got that string wrapped too tight.

      • SorosBot

        That makes no sense whatsoever. For one, why would you care, or even know, if your pet dog hunts or not?

        • anniegetyerfun

          My dog hunts the laser pointer. TOTAL badass. Afraid of squirrels, though.

    • finallyhappy

      My dog did- and I don't – she killed 2 possums and a bunny here in the burbs. I don't know what it means though.

      • SorosBot

        My cat did; my old apartment building had a problem with mice, but not my unit, where the only ones I saw were dead in her paws.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Montana governor needs to get off the stage. He stopped the enthusiasm from Granholm and Longoria dead in its tracks.

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, this guy is boring. Even when making a good point his delivery is just dull; even talking about bin Laden being dead he just makes me yawn.

      • Zango Crudmonger

        Two words: smoke break.

  • Janinthepan

    Did anyone notice the "Obámanos" sign in the crowd? Obama has become a Spanish verb-that is awesome!

    • MosesInvests

      I was seeing that here in Austin, Tejas four years ago.

  • C_R_Eature

    All kidding aside, folks.

    Watching the 2012 Democratic National Convention gives me the feeling that I've slipped back through the space-time rift into the Normal Universe. Where people do and say things that make sense, evil is not lauded as good and smart people make evidence based decisions. And…the audience isn't a nightmarish landscape of fat white clones.

    I hope I get to stay, this time.

    • bibliotequetress

      Just keep up the momentum C_R Eature & maybe we can keep the Morlocks from grabbing it again.

      • C_R_Eature

        Hey, I'll got through those hairy white fuckers before I go back to Backwards Universe. Take that to the bank.

  • IonaTrailer

    Montana has like four people in it. But cows. and varmints.

    • Terry

      Glacier National Park, too

  • Callyson

    "And we vetoed Republican tax increases"

    OMG, the FOX News people must be losing their shit…

    • Arborista

      Oh, they lost it long ago. But yeah!

  • rickmaci

    Jen Granholm gives me tingle in my leg.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Gen JC Christian ‏@JC_Christian

    "Granholm left the stage an immediately punched Chuck Todd "

    • Callyson

      I did not think I could love her more after her speech, but now I just adore her.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Chuck Todd was all "To be fair, Republican's would probably punch me too."

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Yes, I'm slacking here, but I do have many tabs open.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    He sucks. He just keeps bragging about his own state.

    • Terry

      Yeah, but he's a successful Dem in a western State. Let him brag a bit

  • TribecaMike

    For the Mafiosi Wonketteers, that's quel cane non caccia!

  • OzoneTom

    "Eva Longoria, when did you stop being an asshole who clocks valets and shit and start being so frigging menschy?"

    When she touched Scarlett in a familiar manner?

  • IndianaKevin

    Good strategy! Keep mentioning Romney & dog – they go together real well.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    OMG – "Desperate Housewives" actress. Waaaay better than old man with chair.

  • Arborista

    Bin Laden sure isn't in heaven… Mmmm-mmmm- red meat!

  • Callyson

    Oh yeah, here comes the bi – partisan kick. Crist!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    RAINBOWZZZ!!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Bill O'Reilly just announced that he doesn't see anyone trying to interfere with women's reproductive choices.

    So that's settled.

  • IonaTrailer

    Charlie Crist is looking a little crisp.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

      His skin looks like finely tanned leather.

      • emmelemm

        Corinthian.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Jen Granholm has a little of that "Regional Sales Manager cuttin' loose at that karaoke bar" thing going on. I am afraid she would take advantage of me.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Yup. She's got "You're gonna wake up naked and alone, chained to the bed in a Holiday Inn" written all over her.

    • rickmaci

      I would volunteer to be her office slave boy.

    • mayor_quimby

      This one time, in Vegas….
      Let's jut say you shoulda seen her fist pump then!

  • Callyson

    Crist is pretty cute for an older guy, actually…

  • Biff

    Temptations, nice!

    And Brian Sweitzer done good, too. Now Charlie Crist? Wow!

  • Millennial Malaise

    That has got to be the worst "Four More Years" chant I've ever heard. Brian Schweitzer seems like a good dude, had a great tv appearance a few weeks ago. But he should never lead a chant ever again.

  • Terry

    Charlie Crist? He's endorsing Obama. Fox is trying to figure out what's worse than a RINO.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Charlie Crist–the Republican party left me.

    Yeah, that an you are a bit of a creep.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Rational republican? I must be tripping too. And I quit that shit when I was 17.

    • rickmaci

      Stay away from the brown acid!

  • Callyson

    "Today's Republicans…just aren't up to the task"

    I'll say–sing it, Governor!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Crist should shut up about Reagan. He must be trying to cover his GOP flank.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Jesus mcfucktits all twatwaffled and leaky. The ad script that keeps reflowing the content on the iPad is horrendous.

    • gullywompr

      Hey, can I borrow that? Your invective, not your iPad.

  • SorosBot

    Hey we've got our own party crossover now! Now that you're with the Dems Charlie maybe you can try coming out of the closet?

    • new_pic_for_NEWTer

      He's got a purty mouth…

    • OzoneTom

      He'll resist out of respect to his "wife."

      Until they can both burst from the closet at the same glorious moment!

  • Terry

    Florida is always on the edge of disaster. If its not the economy, it's mother nature or some crazy assed locals.

    • SorosBot

      Too many old people.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Too many gunz.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      As Florida native Daniel Tosh said, Florida is flat, hot, and dumb.

    • emmelemm

      Too much sunshine, too much humidity.

    • Bluestatelibel

      Alligators. And 20-foot long pythons. It's like living in Australia without all the fun.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Crist is looking very orange tonight.

    • IonaTrailer

      Baked

    • Callyson

      Orange looks better on him than it does on Boneheader.

  • Callyson

    "He simply saw Americans who needed help…I saw the leader our country needs."

    And *we* see both of those things very clearly…

  • Terry

    I have to say that Charlie is a nice looking man, well dressed, and with a fab tan. He played quarterback for Wake Forest?

  • rickmaci

    Charlie you owe us one for letting that dickwad win the governorship. Now go deliver Florida.

  • Misty Malarky

    Is Charlie now officially a Silver Fox?

    What's next? Hot Anderson/Charlie action?

  • IonaTrailer

    Florida – where the cockroaches are the size of SST's

    • Misty Malarky

      They're Palmetto Bugs, Dammit!

      Palmetto Bugs!

      Not only are they huge, but they can fly and screech like tree frogs.

      Please God, don't them them really be cockroaches . . .

  • Veritas78

    "…I see a leader who will give me a cabinet job. That's the reason I'm here tonight."

    Still, we're grateful for the help. Now change parties.

  • Callyson

    Christ, if we had more rational, concerned, logical Republicans like Crist, Obama's post partisan ideas for governing would stand a chance…

  • Callyson

    OMG–Geraldine! Talk about going back in the day…

  • sudsmckenzie

    "God Bless America, now where did those Castro twins go?"

  • bluerinse666

    Any dem that doesn't vote should have to look John Lewis in the face and tell him why.

  • Biff

    And now hologram Geraldine Ferraro!

    • OurHoboSenator

      Just don't let her criticize Mittens. Because then Reince Priebus will haz to haz a sad.

  • Veritas78

    Uh, oh. I see dead people.

    • OzoneTom

      How many?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Thoroughly enjoyed Charlie Crist's rendition of "What I did on my Summer Vacation"

  • RadioX

    Can women be "menschy"?

    • OzoneTom

      If they get to come on to Scarlett Johanssen, yes.

  • TribecaMike

    TV was fuzzier in 1984.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Geraldine? That was very Breitbartian.

  • Veritas78

    Yup! Dead people, like John Kerry!

  • Terry

    I remember seeing Geraldine Ferraro be nominated at the convention. My family was eating dinner with a TV moved so we could see history happening.

    • Midway117

      I memorized her nomination speech for my high school speech team.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    John Kerry–pardon me while I nod off for a few minutes.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Is it my imagination, or did Geraldine Ferraro just deliver a 2-minute speech?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    REEEEEporting for Duuuuty!!

  • TribecaMike

    John Kerry was fuzzier in 2004.

  • Biff

    Windsurfer ketchup guy!

  • IonaTrailer

    He served in Vietnam, unlike the Rethuglicans. And he repudiated that war.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Who'll be the last to die for a mistake?

    • C_R_Eature

      The Republicans never forgave him for either one.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Kerrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

  • Callyson

    "He would rely on them–after all, he's the great outsourcer…this is not the time to outsource the job of commander in chief"

    Well played, John Kerry…

  • Jerri

    Whoa what happened to Kerry's face? Looks like he got some fancy fillers or something.

    • Terry

      Maybe a chemical peel, too

      • Jerri

        He looks like a Real Housewife if the real housewives were lesbian grandmas from the eastern seaboard.

        (I'm sorry. I don't really have anything against him. It's just unsettling.)

    • Misty Malarky

      He must go to the same guy as Lance Henriksen.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    This thread is gonna be EPIC!

    (and maybe get me to 115 pee?)

  • Veritas78

    I see the strategy now. Ramp down, to ramp up.

  • FakaktaSouth

    HEY! John Kerry being all loud and stuff, too bad it's 8 years too late. Yell it Senator Kerry!

  • Millennial Malaise

    Climate Change! DRINK!!

    • Terry

      Someone has to finally mention environmental issues of some kind

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        SRSLY.

        • C_R_Eature

          I am getting a little tired of all this shouting on street corners by myself. The tips can be OK, though.

  • C_R_Eature

    Kerry's gotten better at this speechifyn' stuff. I think he's angrier this time.

    I know I am.

    • Terry

      He has less at stake personally this time, too. Kerry's getting some honey badger spirit finally

  • Callyson

    "They opposed everything that makes America exceptional in the first place"

    Slick…

  • OurHoboSenator

    Oh man, all those hours and days and weeks I spent campaigning for this guy. Sigh.

  • TribecaMike

    Stuxnet! Stuxnet! Stuxnet!

  • C_R_Eature

    When did we ban torture?

    Oh, right. Jersey Shore's been cancelled. WOOHOO!

  • DustBowlBlues

    I join the chorus of voices yellng "shit! Not John Kerry:Buzz Killer.!"

  • Misty Malarky

    Lily! Grandpa!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    John Kerry…. who, thanks to Ken Blackwell is not the outgoing 44th President of the United States.

  • rickmaci

    Jeezuzz. Where was this guy 8 years ago?

    • IonaTrailer

      Gettin Swift-boated by Karl Rove, I believe.

      • emmelemm

        Purple band-aids!

        (Green balloons!)

  • Oblios_Cap

    That ex-gov from MI was hawt!

  • Callyson

    "It took President Obama…to give that order and finally rid this earth of Osama bin Laden"

    Ah, I just can't hear that enough–

    "Ask Osama bin Laden if he's better off now than he was four years ago"

    OMG I love this!

    • Veritas78

      This is not the John Kerry who has been my senator for way too long! Holding out?

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        They all got Big Dog Fever last night.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Ask OBL if he's better off than he was four years ago. Now that's a bumper sticker!

  • IndianaKevin

    I don't care for the "exceptionalism" meme much because it seems to imply others are lesser beings, but I like the perspective Kerry applied to it.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Fuck Israel.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    John Kerry bringing it: "Ya Want some heinz ketchup with ya red meat?"

  • Terry

    Ask Osama bin Laden if he's better off now than he was 4 years ago.

    Oh my!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Damn–great line–ask Osama bin Laden if he is better off than he was four years ago.

    That is worth listening to all the other words Kerry is saying.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      He really has improved!

  • rickmaci

    "Ask Osama Bin Ladin if he is better off than he was four years ago."

    I so want that bumper sticker.

    • Terry

      I'm going to make a little poster of that for my Dad to hang on the bulletin board at his American Legion post. Should make a few tea bagger heads explode. Lol

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I'm ready to print 'em up myself.

  • Callyson

    "I'll take the word of Israel's Prime Minister over that of Mitt Romney any day"

    Good one, Kerry…

  • TribecaMike

    Did Kerry just diss Binnie Netanyahu? Nah, of course not.

  • emmelemm

    BAM!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Does anyone know what Mitt Romney wants to do in foreign policy?

    Does Mitt?

    • rickmaci

      What day of the week is it?

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      He'll tell us later. We people have all the information we need.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Give unsolicited Olympics advice.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Tabitha Hale ‏@TabithaHale
      Wait, Obama has more foreign policy experience than Romney? Is that what Kerry is saying?
      Expand

      3m TBogg TBogg ‏@tbogg
      @TabithaHale Yes. Obama has been president for the past 3 years. You didn't know? It was in all of the papers…

    • Callyson

      The pollsters?

    • RadioX

      Something about Paris and the French countryside.

    • SorosBot

      Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?

      • Callyson

        If so I can't imagine why (Oh no, no)
        We've all got time enough to cry

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Judging by the response he got in Great Britain, I'm think he wants to be the Buffoon and do the prat-fall.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      WE WILL NOT LEAD FROM BEHIND! WE WILL LEAD FROM THE FRONT, LIKE BRAVEHEART, OR JOHNNY QUEST!

  • IonaTrailer

    Romney's a flip-flopper!! You go John Kerry!!!

  • coolhandnuke

    The wind behind Kerry's wind-surfer has finally started to gust…eight years too late.

  • Callyson

    "He has every position"

    And we have a winner for the bumper sticker contest. Thanks for playing, everyone!

  • SorosBot

    Gah I lost my internet connection for a bit; hope I didn't miss anything interesting – oh look John Kerry *yawn* zzzzzzzz….

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Actually, he's kickin' ass. I'm as surprised as anyone.

      • SorosBot

        Where was he in 2004? (Not to mention current Al Gore in 2000).

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He's our Mitt Romney, except he didn't avoid service to Viet Nam, and married into his money instead of inheriting it.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

        Yup, Teresa Heinz went from one Senator to another after John Heinz died. Kinda interesting. Also, windsurfing.

        • SorosBot

          And Heinz, while a Republican, was a decent, reasonable guy who would probably have been driven out of the party as a RINO had it not been for that helicopter crash.

    • Terry

      Kerry is doing great!

  • Oblios_Cap

    "He has every position"

    Get a cap, my brother. A point in every direction is no point at all.

  • IonaTrailer

    Romney's European tour – hahahaha!

    (Still laughing about "Ich bein eine Polack" btw)

  • Callyson

    "Talk about being for it before you were against it…Mr Romney, you better finish your debate with yourself"

    Oh yeah! Go Kerry!

    • Millennial Malaise

      Yeouch!! That was delicious. If anything, Romney taught the master class of flip flopping.

  • mayor_quimby

    Jennifer Granolm should marry Joe Biden. She's yelling shit, and fist pumping. She even winked at us.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    John Kerry's all "Fuck you, Republican cunts!"

    8 years too late, but hey, I'll take it.

  • Arborista

    Is Heinz putting jalapenos in their ketchup these days?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Kerry is really flying–"Romney overseas wasn't a goodwill trip, it was a blooper reel."

    He is really nailing his lines. Good speech!

  • Veritas78

    How many years has this boring stiff been my senator? What ever he's drinking, give him more of it.

    • Callyson

      I'll have what he's having.

      (That line is *really* coming in handy tonight…)

  • gullywompr

    Mitt Romney's mama so fat…

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    OOOOHHHH Rocky IV shout out. Who says Democrats can't connect with Middle America?

    • emmelemm

      I'm guessing IV is the one where he fights Dolph Lundgren, the evil Russian Swede?

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        It is indeed. The one with James Brown singing "Living in America," which the GOP used at their convention last week just to show that no one in the entire hall could dance.

  • Zango Crudmonger

    Stallone Libel !!!

  • TribecaMike

    When did Kerry learn to shoot zingers out of his vocal egress?

  • Terry

    Kerry is a hoot tonight! Romney acts like he got his foreign policy by watching Rocky 4!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I loved that line.

  • Biff

    When will this millionaire on millionaire violence ever end?

    • gullywompr

      They have everything in common! Well, they will after the election, anyway…

      • Biff

        What, will Kerry be unemployed, too?

    • emmelemm

      At least Kerry always had the self-awareness to realize he married into it, and it wasn't some bullshit bootstrapping, just luck.

    • new_pic_for_NEWTer

      So true, not to mention the Republican on Republican violence.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Poor ole Myth Rmoney… Kerry is jamming o that Mor(m)on.

  • Callyson

    "A man…a man…a man…"

    Is that a subtle jab at Mittens' lack of he-man masculinity?

    • Arborista

      Or lack of noticeable huMANity?

    • Bluestatelibel

      More like a subtle jabb at Mittens' missing human DNA sequence.

  • miss_grundy

    Oh, snap! Where was this Kerry when he was running for President? This guy hit that bitch! Dang, boy!!!!!

  • Doktor Zoom

    yEAH, BUT jANE fONDA!!!!11!!

  • coolhandnuke

    Kerry just yachtboated Mitt with that swift one.

    • emmelemm

      Double plus win with a twist at the end! (I liked it.)

    • IonaTrailer

      Good one.

      (polite applause)

    • rickmaci

      Windsurf boarded.

    • Callyson

      "yachtboated"

      I bow to perfection.

  • Callyson

    "Some of us from a prior war remember that coming home was not always easy"

    Damn, Kerry owns this…

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    BAM! Kerry rips Romney a new one for not mentioning troops at war.

    Dead solid perfect.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Alt. John Kerry: "Bitter, party of one."

    But he kinda wears it well……..

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh sure — say you're gonna start the liveblog at nine and then just churn right ahead while I obliviously watch Wipeout and do dishes. Okay, I needed to do the dishes anyway, but what'd I miss? John Kerry? Hahahahaha — hey his last few minute weren't bad, though.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    OMG, REPUBLICANS DON'T LOVE THE TROOPS!!!

    • TribecaMike

      They love 'em to death.

      • Callyson

        Just ask the patients at Walter Reed Army Medical Center.

  • Goonemeritus

    I like this Kerry guy I wonder if he has ever considered running for executive office.

    • Callyson

      I *was* doing OK without alcohol…

      (rushes off to liquor store…)

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Sounds like John Kerry took notes during Patrick Duval's speech.

    • Arborista

      Whatever it takes…

  • ChernobylSoup

    I like this John Kerry guy. He should have run in 2004.

  • Veritas78

    It's a billionaire's pissing match. Now we know what gets them excited.

  • Callyson

    Yay vets, but this might be my only bathroom break…

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, has Rebecca disappeared to go have sex with Charlie Crist? 'Becs, there is no future there!

  • SorosBot

    That's nice about the veterans; Forrest Gump is still one of the worst movies ever made, and probably the most heinous Oscar ever. (And over both Pulp Fiction and Shawshank redemption!)

    • TribecaMike

      "Life is like a box of veterans."

    • ProgressiveInga

      Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'……

  • Jerri

    Ah fuck me, Tom Hanks?

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    BAM! Tom Hanks

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Kerry is our Mitt Romney, except he didn't avoid service in Viet Nam, so he was not acceptable to Republicans as a presidential candidate.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      there wasn't all that much wrong with him really. just a bad presidential campaigner.

      not bad like mitt.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Swiftboat these nuts, bitch!

    I'm John Kerry and I approve this message.

  • C_R_Eature

    "No nominee for President should fail to mention our brave troops fighting overseas again"
    (paraphrased)

    Kerry just grabbed the "Anti American War ProtesterCommieLiberal" baseball bat the Republicans have been beating us all with and tolchocked them soundly back, right in the yarbles, until we all felt better.

    That was worth seeing.

    • IonaTrailer

      Thank you John Kerry

  • Oblios_Cap

    I have to say that this is the bestest Dem convention I've watched. Just great speakers all around.

  • SorosBot

    Osama still bin dyin', yay!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    And now…. moar war pr0n.

  • iTuna

    I love that the Dems have wrested the 'we love the troops' angle away from the Republicans. We do love them!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Strategically, the smartest thing they've done in decades.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Now if we could just stop sending kids to war…

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Obama killed OBL. Suck on that, Romney.

  • Veritas78

    Isn't it treason to run on one's actual accomplishments?

    • Oblios_Cap

      It's treason to have actual accomplishments, I think.

      • emmelemm

        It is when you're a Nee-gro.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Only acceptable while wearing a tri-cornered hat.

  • Guppy

    Thank you, DNC, for reminding me of the unease I felt watching Americans wildly cheer a man's death.

  • Terry

    I understand that it's not in great taste to crow over the death of a person, but I think an exception can be made for bin Laden. Burn in Hell, rat bastard.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      *snoopy dance*

    • rickmaci

      "And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
      In the deep bosom of the ocean buried."

      Richard III, WShakespeare

    • TribecaMike

      Ten out of ten Tribecans agree.

    • Callyson

      One of the worst moments in my life was the time that passed between when CNN mumbled something about a plane going down "near Pittsburgh" (my hometown, where my dad was still living and worked in the tallest building in the city) and the clarification that the plane went down in a rural area.

      Which is a long winded way of saying "Yeah, what you said…"

      • Negropolis

        My sister works for United, so I know exactly what you mean. The time spent trying to find what flight she was on that morning was agonizing to say the least.

  • Arborista

    David Brooks is a pantywaist.

    • TribecaMike

      Shields should just walk over and fart in Brooks' face.

    • Terry

      David Brooks gIves pantywaists a bad name

    • Goonemeritus

      David Brooks had to give his lunch money to pantywaists for all 5 years of his high school.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Kill him. Kill him with fire.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      GASP!!!!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    We will now adjourn for a brief "Rubbing Republican's noses in Barack's awesomeness" break.

  • gullywompr

    Ton Hanks voice-over, famous veteran who saved Private Ryan.

  • Callyson

    Made it back for some of the veterans. Shit, this is much more inspiring than a bunch of washed up Olympians…

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Dead Marine's mother. Fuck you, W.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Struck out 4 times? Charlie Brown lives!

  • Veritas78

    There he goes again, apologizing… to Vietnam Vets. What next, American Indians?

  • IonaTrailer

    I was anti-war until 9-11 and then it became fuck Osams Bin Laden. I'm stoked we're owning this- owning it while bringing the troops home – because no one likes war.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh it's Bob McAsshole on PBS. For a religious fanatic who hates planned parenthood he certainly has a faked air of professionalism and a big forehead. He's saying how we're not better off now — and yet last week he was taking credit for Virginia doing alright during this slow recovery, even though this state hosts tons of federal employees, the Norfolk naval yards, Quantico, air and naval bases — what a freaking opportunistic little chameleon.

    • Terry

      The base realignment moved a slew of civilian DoD employees out of Crystal City, Va, over to Pax River, Md. Maybe we could move a few thousand more across the river.

  • SorosBot

    Retired Admiral John – Mathman? Did I hear that right? Are we sure that's not a character from Square One?

    • Barrelhse

      Mathnet!

      • SorosBot

        Yay, I'm not the only person who remembers that!

    • cromiller

      Mathman! That was always my favorite segment.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I'd like to raise a glass to the (no doubt exhausted) speechwriting team that is probably still typing backstage. EVERY SINGLE SPEECH at this convention has had take away lines that were utterly eloquent or bumper-sticker-ready … and most times both. Not one speech in Tampa, including the keynotes and the acceptances speeches, were at the level of the afternoon introducers in Charlotte. I've done enough corporate speechwriting in my life to know what a BITCH of a job it is. I am in awe of these people. Go cry in your Scotch Madame Noonington and Bat Buchanan; you've been powned.

    • AncienReggie

      So true. Outstanding oratory, industrial strength rhetoric.

  • Callyson

    Said it before, I'll say it again–these vets could kick the asses of last week's Olympians…

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Seriously, where the hell was that Kerry In 2004?

  • OzoneTom

    Has that woman with the purple heart band-aid gotten fired from her job for having cancer yet?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    They are really hitting the military/veteran issues hard. Kerry, the film and now a retired four-star and a bunch of Afghan/Iraq vets.

    Very well done.

    • BoroPrimorac

      I can't wait until a republican goes on one of the Sunday shows and says war is just a distraction. .

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's pretty obvious that the GOP doesn't lurv the Troops nearly as much as we do.

    Here's an idea- let's fighting trade wars. We're not the fuckin' Dutch. Now it's time to load the pipe.

  • LibertyLover

    Dammit! Are we going to be crying for the whole night?

    Veteran tribute very touching. (no snark)

    • IonaTrailer

      I know, I've teared up a couple times already

    • rickmaci

      It was good.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I bet this Navy flier didn't crash any of his planes.

    • rickmaci

      You can go to the house on that. Four stars.

  • SorosBot

    Who is it that really loves the troops again?

    • Veritas78

      That would be the Democrats. Again.

  • RadioX

    So what is Charlie Crist doing these days? Why dealing windowpane of course!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Damn, I miss the Silver Dragon (blotter).

      • TribecaMike

        Purple pyramid was as far as I went.

      • montreal_bruin

        Gold dolphin, anyone?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      Actually, he is working as a personal injury lawyer in Florida.

      • Oblios_Cap

        And his Harmon & Harmon ads are currently running on the TV.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Virginia governor Bob McDonnell — "A war on women that doesn't exist" — he signed a law that's basically gonna close down every abortion facility in the state that doesn't have the same equipment and facilities as a major hospital.

    • Terry

      His new name is Transvaginal Probe Bob

      • Callyson

        So, he's the new B – 1 Bob? Yuck…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Man, I like this crew of troops way better than the RNC group of Olympians, especially that little troll shooter girl-person. Nicely nicely done.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      but they can jump far! America's greatest heroes!

      • FakaktaSouth

        Bleeeeh Snide Hockey. Hero this, haters. USA USA USA

      • SorosBot

        And what Olympians did the Dems have? I mean it's not like they had the winner of the gold in the most popular event of the Summer Olympics (who is also the first blah woman to ever win in that sport) or anything.

    • rickmaci

      Rafalca Libel!!

  • Jerri

    I…I seem to have something in my eye.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Which of Mitt's servants is being forced to wear an Obama mask tonight so Mitt can yell at him?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      AOTK.

      Sorry, but you set me up.

    • Zango Crudmonger

      And cut said servants hair.

    • AnAmericanInTO

      Doesn't Mitt have a nice Chippendale chair that can stand in tonight?

    • rickmaci

      Rafalca refused.

    • mayor_quimby

      I'm guessing the blackest one born after 1978

  • Callyson

    I LOVE this discussion about how Obama worked to get businesses to hire veterans. This at a time when the Reeps want to outsource and the rich want to pay workers $2/day…

    • James Michael Curley

      The VA alone is on track, budget wise, to hire and train 1,200 returning disabled veterans to handle the processing of the enormous backlog of claims.

  • Terry

    My Dad, a WW2 vet and proud Democrat, is tickled with this salute to vets and overview of veteran issues.

  • magic_titty

    I had it on mute. Did John Kerry go HAM?

    • TribecaMike

      He brought the swag.

  • IonaTrailer

    Rachel Maddow called Kerry's speech a "roast of Romney" – hahaha – I love that beautiful dyke!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Fapfapfap!

    • Barrelhse

      "Roast of Romney"- sounds like a dinner from Whoville.

  • gullywompr

    Mission Accomplished, DNC.

  • LibertyLover

    My dad went to college on a GI Bill when I was in middle school.

    • Terry

      My Dad did, too, when he got back from the Army. The GI Bill, along with what my grandfather could pay and my Dad working in the dining hall, meant that Dad got to study science instead of working in either a textile or wire mill.

    • rickmaci

      Got my dad out of a coal mine and into a suit as an accountant.

  • Callyson

    Thank you vets!

  • Millennial Malaise

    Democrats are serving Combat Realness. It's inspiring, really (the speaker is just ok) but can we just end the wars already? Just because we have an army doesn't mean we have to use it all the time, right? There was such a thing as peace time, right?

    We can show love to the troops by giving them a fucking vacation!

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Yeah yeah, but what does the furniture think, Mr. Army Man?

    • SorosBot

      Hey now, that's Mr. Navy Man!

  • JackObin

    I wonder if the Romney boy is getting loaded?

    • Zango Crudmonger

      In a very, very quiet room, I would venture.

  • LibertyLover

    Thanks Vets!

  • C_R_Eature

    Yes, Republicans:

    However much you may want to minimize the achievement now, it remains a fact that Barack Obama, Democratic President of the United States, gave the order to kill Osama Bin laden and it was a success. Barack Obama made bringing Osama bin Laden to justice a priority.
    This happened.

    The Previous, Republican President – the one you've been so successful at hiding – did not. Not only that, he actually said in public that he "didn't think about him (bin Laden)", disbanded the office designated to bringing bin laden to justice and pulled troops out of the Afghan border area to fight an illegal, poorly planned war of choice.
    This happened too.

    So – who's the patriot, now?

  • SorosBot

    Shouldn't someone be yelling at an empty chair soon?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm sure, somewhere, John McCain is.

      • rickmaci

        John Kerry did that.

  • Biff

    Thought that WWII vet was gonna pass out!

  • Oblios_Cap

    What this needs is Springsteen to show up and rock da house!

    • ProgressiveInga

      Or Betty White.

      • Oblios_Cap

        A fucking stump could upstage anything the GOP had to offer.

        • Dr. Nick Riviera

          Even with Clint Eastwood talking to it for a quarter of an hour

    • Terry

      Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Christie would eat his shorts. But then, he probably does that already.

    • TribecaMike

      Or Dylan doing "Leopard Skin Pill-Box Hat."

    • rocktonsam

      the Boss played in Madison on stage with Kerry days before the election in "04."

      I'd rather see Niel Young or Alannis Morrisette or BTO

      • James Michael Curley

        Also Allentown, PA.

    • James Michael Curley

      Since the day it was a super, special, today only, secret, subscriber only down load from Amazon I have been hawking the WH people to use "We Take Care of Our Own." in the campaign. Totally went in the tank again, with another online contribution, when the Pres signed off his acceptance speech with it.

  • Callyson

    Wow, Florida is in the house tonight. Hope it helps push that swing state to the top…

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    No shortage of Latina knockouts, including Angie Flores, for Obama/Biden.

  • Goonemeritus

    Fuck I just missed being comment 666 on this live blog. Now I will have to find a goat to sacrifice to appease our Parties true leader.

  • iTuna

    The Dems are pretty great at getting attractive people up on stage. Be still, my heart…

  • Callyson

    Jill, baby, Jill!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Jill Biden, "second lady"?

    Odd way to put it.

  • IonaTrailer

    I just saw my former boss in the audience !!!!!

    • finallyhappy

      MY former boss was on stage last night and another former boss will be on later tonight

  • Boojum

    I am mad enough to chew barb wire and spit nails.

  • rickmaci

    That was one long bad trip.

  • SorosBot

    Jill Biden's student is cute.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Dr. Jill! What a lucky lucky lady.

  • Jerri

    Oh, Rebecca. Obama can't get me pregnant now that I have my free government slutting-it-up pills!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Jill is covering a lot of bases–teacher, military mom and, oh, by the way, wife of the VP.

  • Veritas78

    Dr. Jill Biden, or Todd Palin? Compare and contrast.

    • OurHoboSenator

      Yeah, well, I'd like to see her win the Iron Dog snow machine race!

    • coolhandnuke

      One instructs at a Community college, the other takes his instructions from a Community College dropout.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Their IQs sum to more than 100, so there's that.

    • Terry

      I bet she could learn to ride a snow machine. Could he learn to teach English at the college level?

      • rickmaci

        No fair. He would first need to learn English.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Hahahahahaha!

    • IndianaKevin

      Obviosity. Discuss.

    • TribecaMike

      Jill knows how to spell "dog sled."

  • Oblios_Cap

    I'd hit Jill. Go, Joe!

    • TribecaMike

      You not only get off, you get smarter.

  • IonaTrailer

    Jill Biden has no experience – being a professor doesn't count according to the wanker party.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Jill Biden has perfect cheekbones.

    • gullywompr

      Hot for teacher?

      • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

        Hot for all the women who have appeared on stage tonight.

        • AncienReggie

          Seriously. Them Dems is hot.

  • cromiller

    I got my bottle of tequila and organic trail mix! What'd I miss?

  • SorosBot

    And Jill Biden is still teaching; awesome.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Haven't heard from Biden or Obama and this night of the convention is already off the charts.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    VAWA!!!!!!

  • Callyson

    Oh yeah, keep reminding the wommenz about how helpful Biden was on VAWA,. sister…

  • cromiller

    Violence Against Women Act? But I thought the War on Women was not real and just a distraction from the Real Issues (TM).

  • IonaTrailer

    Joe passed the "She just wouldn't shut up" bill.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Joe & I are all about the womynz!

  • TribecaMike

    This story always gets me.

    • IonaTrailer

      Yes – how awful that must have been.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

        It happened not far from my house. Delaware is weird like that. Very sad story.

  • SorosBot

    OK now I'm starting to cry.

    • FakaktaSouth

      When she said "our boys" I was DONE, just done. What a family.

      • SorosBot

        Oh yeah, that got me too. It seems they were very luckily in their eventual stepmother, in addition to Biden being a great single dad.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Awww, sb. You're so sweet.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Robots can't cry. Do you think Mitt Romney has ever cried? Hell no.

      • SorosBot

        He might cry if someone ever hurts his great love; his beautiful sexy money.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Cayman Islands road trip! Well, boat trip. We're gonna go to the Caymans and fuck Mitt's money up, is what I'm saying.

  • Callyson

    Christ, I knew about the accident, but didn't know it was when they were getting a Christmas tree…

    Fuck the Biden haters, hard, in the ass (with votes!)

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, though I've heard the story before, and we were even talking about it here earlier tonight in this very thread, it still got me.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i suspect they won't see him coming. far too many of them think he's an idiot.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hate to say this, but I hope Biden dies, so I can marry his widow.

    • Oblios_Cap

      You bastard! I've got dibs.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Sorry, you'll have to wait till I die. Or you will have to kill me.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Tempting…

        • AlterNewt

          With votes.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Of course!

  • coolhandnuke

    Scranton…I could see Joe ruling the Office.

  • saggyboobedhag

    What I love is that some of her students don't even know who her husband is.

    • Terry

      If I met someone named Biden, I might not assume he/she was a close relative of Joe's.

  • IonaTrailer

    Compare the Wanker Party convention and this.
    Too awesome.

  • rickmaci

    At least that means they are only trickling on each other.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Damn. Still at work. Missing all the fireworks.

  • Oblios_Cap

    *sniff* Damn sinuses.

  • Goonemeritus

    Joe is bringing the SEXXY back to Catholicism.

  • Jerri

    God damn I like that Joe Biden. He seems like a guy I could have ten beers with.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    How are they going to make cheesy videos when all the vintage footage is hi-res digital files.

    • cromiller

      Couple of interns and Instagram should get the job done.

    • gullywompr

      Naw mang, that's some Spielberg shit right there.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Duh, just use some software to make it look old.

      • HouseOfTheBlueLights

        Cheater.

    • TribecaMike

      Filters.

    • mayor_quimby

      Bits rot after a while, it balances out.

  • IonaTrailer

    The Biden's had a crazy relative living with them too ! (We had Aunt Vi)

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      My family has a crazy relative living with them too! (Unfortunately, it's me)

    • finallyhappy

      we had them too!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Nobody's better than you and you're not better than anyone. Words to live by. But man I hate the GOP.

    • prommie

      Who said that? I told you, thats what I said in my dad's eulogy, fuck,, who said that?

      • FakaktaSouth

        Joe Biden, of course. I remembered your eulogy story, I promise.

  • Limeylizzie

    I love Handsome Joe, I know I have told this story before, but my mother died when she was 32, I was 8 and my brother was 10 and my dad, God love him, was a terrible parent, really clueless and pretty much neglected us so I have always really felt for Joe who also being left widowed with young children was a wonderful parent., by all accounts, just a really great man.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Sorry 'bout your mom, LL.

      • Limeylizzie

        We all survived! It was a very crazy childhood, though. Thanks

  • ChernobylSoup

    Goofball VP rules!

  • Callyson

    Now, this middle class video is a NICE way of both acknowledging that lots of people are still suffering economically and that the Dems have a much better plan to carve a path forward…

  • C_R_Eature

    Romney's dad made that walk.

    Down the hall to the Drawing Room to tell Mitt he needed to go to France for a while.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Anyone who doesn't love Joe Biden after this film is an asshole.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm sure we'll see them assholes all over the place by morning. What a bunch of assholes.

  • Boojum

    Everytime I hear about Joe Biden losing his first family I want to weep like a baby.

    • finallyhappy

      I forgot that story-hearing it again is a reminder of what this man went through and what kind of person he is

  • saggyboobedhag

    Fruit popsicle in a bowl (mine is acai blueberry but any flavor will do), nuke for 30 seconds. Pour into martini glass with two ice cubes, one ounce of 100 proof vodka. Use stick to stir. Just sayin'

    • Terry

      Sounds like the "trash can punch" they'd serve at mixers in the guy's dorms, except they used Everclear

      • saggyboobedhag

        affordable 100 proof vodka at Wash state prices IS everclear.

        • emmelemm

          Are you a fellow Northwesterner?

          • saggyboobedhag

            Well, after 50 years in the miserable east, I've now lived on Puget Sound for 4 years. Three on Bainbridge and one in Bummertown (so close to PSNS I hear bugle sounds at dawn and dusk)

    • mayor_quimby

      Sounds delicious. My god kids are gonna love that shit, but they'll be passed out before they can truly enjoy it. Oh well, more for me

  • Veritas78

    I like Joe Biden because he's just about the only Senator who didn't get richer while in office.

    • mayor_quimby

      That took effort, character, or tremendous bad look, but good on him.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      and TRAIN!

  • IonaTrailer

    The Democrats go into office to do good. The Republicans go into office so they'll do well.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Biden/Warren 2016

  • Oblios_Cap

    Bring on Uncle Joe!

  • iTuna

    GODDAMMIT JOE QUIT MAKING ME CRY

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (Hands MittRomney's fine lawn handkerchief to i'Tuna) There, there, dear.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    And he fucking survived brain cancer.

  • C_R_Eature

    So, how much is Paul Ryan looking forward to debating Handsome Joe?

    • TribecaMike

      How much is Boehner looking forward to contracting melanoma?

      • C_R_Eature

        Uh huh. I hope that smarmy bastard gets ulcers.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        It's not like he has a choice about THAT, Mike.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You notice he's taken to wearing brown pants lately?

  • Oblios_Cap

    I imagine that Rasmussen will have hard time tomorrow lying about how this race is virtually tied in the polls.

    • gullywompr

      No. No they won't.

      • glasspusher

        This.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And to think, I spent the past few weeks worrying if the Dem convention would work out.

  • IonaTrailer

    These people have something called "character". They want to do good, not just do well.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Bock?

  • SorosBot

    "Teachers should be lifted up, not torn down" – take that, Chris Christie!

    and "Father of an Iraq war veteran" – take that, Mittens!

    • OurHoboSenator

      I heard it as "father of an erect war veteran," but I think that was just wishful thinking on my part…

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Ah for fuck's sake they can't be serious about this drivel

  • Doktor Zoom

    Say, how many of the Republican ticket's kids have served in Iraq?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      In the words of Dean Wormer – zero point zero

    • Arborista

      NOTK!

  • Callyson

    I am LOVING hearing Biden go on about how optimistic he is about America overcoming obstacles. Nice contrast to the doom and gloom crowd last week…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    joey!

  • Callyson

    Joey! Joey!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      we play well together

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I didn't know Joe Biden had died until I saw that video.

    • glasspusher

      Resurrectol(tm)- for fast, temporary relief of death.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh here we go. Come on Joe. F-BOMB! F-BOMB! DOOOO ITTTT! I love you!

    • AlterNewt

      Did you and Joe want to be alone?

    • emmelemm

      Are you going to throw your panties on stage?

      • FakaktaSouth

        baby, if I wore panties, them thangs would be alllll throwed…

        • emmelemm

          Touché!

  • sudsmckenzie

    Fire all the Trans Ams at once, and explode into space!

  • Guppy

    "Michelle, you're on camera! Give him a thumbs-up!"

  • OzoneTom

    So Joe Boxers will be cool again?

    Because that was a knockout,

    And we haven't even gotten to the main attraction of the evening.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Needs less LOVE and more RESPECT.

    Oh, and F*CK Chrisco Christy.

  • Jerri

    Doesn't part of you just want him to come roaring out on stage in his Camero, yellin' "WOOOO?"

  • Oblios_Cap

    Now we're rolling!

  • IonaTrailer

    Aw, Jillie… now I'm cryin'

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, Barack just sent me a personal email asking me to kick in 25 bucks! Where does he find the fucking time!?! What a multi-tasker!!!

    • Mittens Howell, III

      also: pregnant.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      he only asked me to kick in 13.

      you must be the 1%.

      • finallyhappy

        I got asked for $65 for the Pres(don't know who asked me) and Senator Barb asked me for $3(???) for Ben Cardin. So I' rich and I'm poor

  • Terry

    Fun fact. Phyllis Schafly and some other conservatives oppose the Violence Against Women Act.

    • glasspusher

      That's not fun :(

      • Callyson

        But it is a fact:

        Phyllis Schlafly called the Violence Against Women Act a slush fund “used to fill feminist coffers” and challenged Republicans to oppose this legislation that promotes “divorce, breakup of marriage and hatred of men.”

        http://feministing.com/2012/03/19/women-dems-push

        Asshole.

        • glasspusher

          Ugh. What a fucking bigot. Self hating woman? WTF?

  • Lucidamente1

    "Look at my wife. Isn't she a piece of ass?"

  • Jerri

    KITTEN?! Swoon. Full. On.

  • Callyson

    Aw, Joe's tribute to his wife is sweet…

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Someone's getting blown tonight

  • rocktonsam

    Joe might be gettin some tonight

  • cromiller

    I asked her out FIVE AND A HALF TIMES, ALAN!

  • SorosBot

    FIVE AND A HALF PROPOSALS! Hee; love Joe's humor.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Darn these ninjas that just snuck in and started slicing onions….

    • C_R_Eature

      Your place too? They're everywhere!

      • glasspusher

        Dusty onions

  • Veritas78

    What is it with these loving Democratic couples and their happy marriages? So kinky.

    • SorosBot

      Shouldn't they be hiring hookers to make them wear diapers?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They must know something that Newt doesn't.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    the love of my life and the life of my love.

    i approve and dr jill is one lucky beautiful lady.

  • Terry

    OMG, Joe. "You're the love of my life and the life of my love"

    • Oblios_Cap

      I've got to remember that. The wife's asleep, so she'll think it's an original.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Joe Biden, National Treasure!

  • coolhandnuke

    Bush I, Qualye, Al Gore, Dick Cheney, Joe Biden–VPs of the past 25 years. Who would you want to share a bottle of 12-year-old Scotch with and shoot the shit?
    Winner, hands fucking down–Joe Fucking Biden.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Plus Joe doesn't drink, so you get all the Scotch to yourself.

    • rickmaci

      Joe drinks Jameson, I believe.

    • Terry

      Joe's a tea totaller. Grew up seeing alcohol problems of adults in his extended family.

      • coolhandnuke

        Does he like windowpane?

        • C_R_Eature

          Sorry. I slipped the last tab into Chuck Todd's coffee.

          He's got about 30 -35 minutes.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

      What about Mondale? Old Fritz liked to tip them back, I heard.

  • rickmaci

    Amen.

  • Goonemeritus

    I thought Rebecca said the guys at the convention weren’t hot, Joe just oozes sex.

  • Callyson

    "A mission we will complete"

    Yes!

    • rocktonsam

      thank God he didn't say"accomplished."

      betcha somebody made sure of that

  • Lucidamente1

    First gaffe, Michelle when you spoke about him last night, er the night before.

    • Biff

      He is an olde, he forgets what day it is!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      he's an embarrassment to the nation.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Worse. Than. Hitler.

        • emmelemm

          History's greatest monster!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    God bless Old Handsome Joe

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Sincerity just kind of oozes out of Joe… it is a good ooze.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Rebecca, I am an old, and I can tell you that BEFORE he was veep, Hubert Humphrey was very beloved. Not so much after.

    • TribecaMike

      The Happy Warrior.

      • SorosBot

        The treacherous, gutless old ward-heeler.

        • doloras

          "Hubert the Hump has coughed and hawked
          And spat on the street where Lincoln walked…"

  • Callyson

    "Four years ago, the middle class was already losing ground, and then the bottom fell out."

    GOOD way to remind everyone that W was fucking up the economy even before the 2008 economic implosion…

  • Serfville

    He's going to pulverize Ryan

    • cromiller

      It's going to be brilliant!

      • OzoneTom

        Absolutely! Must-see TV.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    "Let me tell you about my friend Barack Obama." Joe is flying tonight.

  • Doktor Zoom

    "literally," Joe? Oh, my. Another gaffe.

    • TribecaMike

      He must be replaced tonight!

      • Doktor Zoom

        Get Hillary up there NOW!!!!

        • Oblios_Cap

          You can't catch the big fish w/out a gaffe.

  • vodkamuppet

    Damnit. Still stuck at work and Im missing old handsome joe. Might make it in time for Bamz.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Not the same, of course, but everything goes up on cspan.org real quick…

      • vodkamuppet

        More fun to participate in the live bloggery. Should be done pouring shit beer for slobs soon though.

  • Biff

    Way to remind the wingnuts about feet on the desk, Joe!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Pensive Joe is ultra-cool.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    JezusH, BeccaLou, wut kind of time-sense is THIS, man? You SAID 9 o'clock!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Z,I know I told you to come here, but I might fall asleep soon. If so, I love you, and I'll read this thread tomorrow to see how things went. I'm tryin' stay up, tho.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        OH NOEOEOEOES! I can't find you.Sometimes I hate ID.(Hugs you)

    • SorosBot

      And here I felt bad missing the first haf-hour or so waiting until 8.

  • just_a_head

    Michelle is just barely holding it together

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Paul Ryan? Who the hell is Paul Ryan?

  • DrunkIrishman

    I'm literally picturing Jill Biden nude.

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles

    JOE FUCKIN BIDEN.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I assume that "enormity of his heart" is an euphemism?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Only "heart". The rest is literal.

  • ShiftyParadigm

    To answer your question, Ms. Becky — maybe Hubert "The Happy Warrior" Humphrey, who had the same passion about civil rights and the same goofy optimism. Too bad he couldn't bring himself to break with LBJ on Vietnam.

  • SorosBot

    No, I am not starting to cry again, there is just something in my eye.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He's not VP material in the GOP universe.

  • Callyson

    Oh God, this story about Joe's papa having to go away to get work is going to make me cry…

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Well Becks. There was Cheney. Agnew Nixon. All beloved veeps by a segment of the whackadoodle world.

  • Jerri

    Preach it, Joe!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "A job is a lot more than a paycheck" — then Joe's crescendo with dignity, and a better life. Contrast with "I like to fire people."

    • Veritas78

      Why didn't the Republicans feature Staples employees expressing their devotion to their jobs and the Staples mission? (Yeah, I've never met one, either.)

      • Callyson

        That's because they are grossly overworked because the assholes who run Staples are penny pinching jerks who won't hire enough people to provide decent customer service.

        And in a related story:

        Staples indicates weakness ahead

        http://www.retailingtoday.com/article/staples-ind

        (Yeah, go ahead, try to blame it on the economy instead of your own inept management, assholes…)

  • rocktonsam

    Joe =gaffes

    eddie munster=lies

  • Doktor Zoom

    goddamned onion-slicing ninjas AGAIN?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Simultaneous orgasms in row 1…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "He always steps up."

    Hell yeah — I was certain no Democratic president was gonna try to tackle healthcare after 1994. Obama has gone after all the difficult shit during his time in office.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Dog forbid, If Obama dies, I'm OK with Joe taking over.

  • Veritas78

    I don't recall the Republicans talk about having actual jobs. (Selling stock to pay for grad school doesn't count.)

  • OzoneTom

    Go Lunchbox Joe!

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Biden states 4.5 million jobs since taking office, the figure was 4.3 the other night — adding 200k jobs in August? Numbers come out tomorrow, izat hand-tipping Joe?

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I've been hearing 4.5 consistently. The fact checkers are bending over backwards to try to make it a partial truth, by saying that there's still a net loss of jobs since December 2008.

    • BerkeleyBear

      The talking point is 4.5 private sector jobs. Which some have shortened to 4.5 million jobs, which is still true, but gives more traction to the claims that this is disingenuous if you look at net numbers. Of course, those nit pickers never say that the net numbers are based on the staggering losses of public sector jobs, never mind that those losses are directly attributable to GOP policies and obstructionism.

      So to recap, the GOP wants small government and an expanding private sector, but the fact the economy has shed government jobs (because of their actions) and gained private sector jobs makes Obama an evil socialist tax and spend fascist. And now my rage meter has hit 11.

  • Callyson

    Again with the auto industry rescue. We're not about to let America forget about that, are we? Good…

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    HA! BeccaLou. HandsomeOldJoeBiden just copped to being TOTES in love wiv yelly JennyFenny Granholm.

  • Serfville

    Yup, saving the USA auto companies is & was A BIG FUCKING DEAL!

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Despite the tremendous downsizing and all the pain in that, you know Romney would have sold GM and Chrysler for scrap, probably bringing down Ford in the process.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Let me tell you about how Barack Obama saved more than a million jobs."

    Gather the younguns by the fire, folks, and warm up some cider!

  • Lucidamente1

    And then we decided, fuck that plant in Janesville, Wisconsin.

    • Doktor Zoom

      retroactively, to 3 months before we took office.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i'm hearing a bit of anthony in this wind up ('so are they all, all honorable men').

    "Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot. Take thou what course thou wilt!"

  • punkneverdies

    So is Wonkette officially pro Barry? We need speeches.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Watch C-SPAN. There are some mighty good ones running on that channel.

      • punkneverdies

        I can't really take all the pageantry and empty promises. The Democratic party has let me down repetitively.

        • HELisforHEL

          And you'll be better with republicans? Clearly you aren't female or brown.

          • SorosBot

            But he's so much purer, and voting Green to make Romney win will somehow magically make the Democrats go super-left-wing in 2016!

          • punkneverdies

            I'm sure my vote from Texas will count like it did for Gore.

            I can't even vote for a democrat congressman in Austin, thanks to redistricting.

          • finallyhappy

            or intelligent

          • punkneverdies

            You know just having criticism and cynicism about the empty babbling up on stage is not an endorsement of the Republican Party.

    • Zango Crudmonger

      Wonkette might be slightly left of center (hate to speak for anyone but myself) as long as there is an open bar. Lose the booze and we might see some Randian tendencies.

    • OzoneTom

      Ha ha, no it's just too much effort to snark reality. You can do the GOP stuff while you are five sheets to the wind and still beat any "real" balanced blog on the planet!

      • punkneverdies

        Don't get me wrong, as far as I'm concerned it's the party of meh vs. the party of CRAZY. Plus they do hold fast on social issues, I just want to see some economic impact.

        They have to try and win the fight, but there's so many with so much in the party that they won't work against their best interests. A real problem.

    • punkneverdies

      am I doing something wrong because I have to keep reloading and going to page ten and scrolling to find my post and read the responses and i just can't even rageface

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        "Last Activity" is your friend.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I already told the Boss I wouldn't be in tomorrow. Cough, cough.

  • Callyson

    Oh I LOVE how Biden is driving home the point that Obama was willing to take a risk to save the auto industry…the undercurrent being "unlike that chicken Mittens"…

  • Doktor Zoom

    OK, a correct counterbalancing CORRECT use of "literally." You may leave the corner now.

  • IonaTrailer

    Biden's eyes are tearing up talking about his da – ya gotta love the Irish.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Oh FFS. Let's get to Hopey soon. I'm a sleepy old.

    • SorosBot

      It's not even ten o'clock yet!

      • emmelemm

        It's not even seven o'clock on the west coast!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I know. I'm old, and like to get up early, but imma try to hang in.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          It's the bicycling, innit?

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    I heard this story at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast, me and maybe 20 people, from another guy who was in the room–the 3rd classiest guy in government, my senator Dick Durbin.

  • Lucidamente1

    Mitt Romney grew up in Detroit. Here it comes . . .

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    trans am libel!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    This is as good a time as any to recommend, as a great book about the automobile industry, the rust belt and the struggles in Flint when Michael Moore was making Roger and Me – Rivethead, by one of the guys who made a brief appearance in that movie.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    He's not a bad guy. He's just a guy who's bad.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He's really a shithead.

    • rickmaci

      He's just a big fuckin asshole.

  • Callyson

    Oh, I love hearing Joe go on about "I'm sure Mitt is a good guy." Flip side of that "we don't hate Obama, we're just disappointed in him" crap from last week…

  • IonaTrailer

    Romney saw the auto industry the Bain way – bring it on home now Joe….

  • keepwalkin

    WTF? John Kerry?

    John Kerry FINALLY comes outta the hospital and puts one theirs in the MORGUE!!@

    • So Tired

      kinda late but the quality of the comment more than makes up for it. bravo

  • Callyson

    CEO =/= Commander in Chief. Way to go, Joe…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "The Bain way" is not the way to lead the country. BOOM!

    Joe just torpedoed Mitt's yacht.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Right outta Cracker Bay!

  • HELisforHEL

    Nice dig at Bain styled thinking. Go sweet joe.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      the not "downsizing the American Dream" ?– yeah, double-punch.

  • Jerri

    "Another son of another automobile man…Mitt Romney"

    Oh damn. And with that, Mitt's nuts ascend.

  • FakaktaSouth

    The Bain Way will make "your" firm go away. Stop saying they are "good people," they are not. I love you Joe, but we have GOT TO STOP being polite and start face-punching.

    • Terry

      That's just the velvet glove on the iron fist

      • FakaktaSouth

        I understand the bless your heart talk, but I just do not fundamentally believe Mitt Romney or any of the vultures like him are good. I don't believe it. I think they are evil selfish life destroying monsters.

    • rickmaci

      "Never do any enemy a small injury for they are like a snake which is half beaten and it will strike back the first chance it gets."

      Machiavelli

      • prommie

        Don't I fucking know it, someday I will tell you why. Its a fucking hoot.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Maybe Mitt is just…well, you know, kinda soulless.

  • SorosBot

    Ripping apart Mitt on his desire to let the auto industry die; awesome.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Because profit. That's the real killer.

  • Callyson

    Conviction! Resolve! Barack Obama!

    • Oblios_Cap

      CARBON!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    ok how the fuck many signs do we need for this convention?

    • Callyson

      Can't resist…AOTK…

  • Barrelhse

    I can't wait for the "Hitler Responds to the DNC" meme on You-tube.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Good line there, Joe. How would America look to investors if Detroit had gone to shit?

  • gullywompr

    ""Literally"! Drink, Dok!

  • ProgressiveInga

    "Literally" – Drink!

  • IonaTrailer

    Barack understood that taking out Osama was about revenge – just say it Joe. We will FUCK YOU UP.

  • SorosBot

    And yep, Obama still got Osama.

  • TribecaMike

    OT — So I'm standing in line at the post office this morning, and ahead of me was an older Black gentlemen wearing a neat "Navy Vets for Obama & Biden" cap who was making some funny snarky remarks about that idiot Todd Akin and his "legitimate rape" remarks to a young lady who hadn't heard abut it. Most of us in line vocally agreed with him or nodded their heads yes. It was a scene out of a Capra movie.

    • just_a_head

      Awesome.

    • MissNancyPriss

      That's one of the reasons I love the post office.

      • OzoneTom

        And why the GOP will destroy it. They hate that community stuff.

    • Callyson

      If you see him again, please thank him for his service to the nation. Oh, and also for being in the Navy.

  • Lucidamente1

    Democratic crowd chanting USA USA. Republican heads exploding nationwide.

  • el_donaldo

    O.K. Hopey just texted me he's coming up, so I'm tuning in to see what he's going to do. I've reached an appropriate gin and tonic level (but if the wife asks, answer "two – he's had two" always). Now to find the least wonky livefeed.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "If you murder innocent Americans, we will follow you to the ends of the earth."

    And then we will shoot you in the eye in front of your wife and kids. Don't forget that part, Joe.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Wives and kids.

    • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

      It's the Chicago way.

    • vulpes82

      U!S!A! U!S!A! U!S!A! (BTW, I honestly don't know the ratio of snark-to-serious in that.)

  • Callyson

    Oh, you KNOW the Reeps are going to start going off and accusing us of politicizing getting OBL. Can't wait to hear the rants…

  • Doktor Zoom

    OK, for half a second there I thought that killing Bin Laden was about US autoworkers too…

  • Barbara_

    Chico Tweeted:
    General Motors is alive & Sarah Palin's political career is dead. #DNC2012

    • IonaTrailer

      Love you, girlfriend!

      • Barbara_

        Loving you back! Good to see you, as always.

    • SorosBot

      Yay again!

  • Oblios_Cap

    The finest warriors in the history of the world? Joe, the Gurkhas might be ringing you up a little later.

    • SorosBot

      The Romans might have something to say.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        As may the Golden Horde

        • TribecaMike

          And the Achaemenid Persian army.

  • IonaTrailer

    Ooooo I got chicken skin listening to this – justice was done!

  • Veritas78

    Smashmouth DNC. Bring it, mofos! Yes, we built this.

  • Callyson

    "He said "Do it!" and justice was done!"

    Oh yes!

  • Negropolis

    A little late to the party, but how was that Jennifer Granholm? Jenny from the Block FTW. She is the still the governess of my heart, fuck you Rick "Tough Nerd" Snyder.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      fiery! good!

    • SorosBot

      Almost everyone has been great tonight; the only real dud was the Montana Governor.

      • AnAmericanInTO

        I'm sure Ed Schultz was a fan.

        • SorosBot

          Since the other contender for worst speaker of the convention was the Maryland Governor O'Malley on Tuesday, I'd say it's a problem with old white dudes, but then Biden is knocking it out of the park, and reportedly Clinton did too.

      • rickmaci

        And he was only very good.

    • OurHoboSenator

      May she someday be our first Canadian President

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      She fuckin killed it.

    • Callyson

      JFC I am in love with that woman. Please, Michigan, send her to the Senate or something. And I hope she has several relatives who take after her who are also interested in running for office…

      • Negropolis

        She has two college-aged daughters.

        There has always been talk that she'll run for Levin's seat if he ever decides to step down. It's good she's out of the state, at the moment, though. She had to deal with a legislature that hated her guts. Even her Democratic Spaker of the House back in 2006 didn't respect her, and basically ignored her. There was a lot of sexism directed at her being our first female governor in all. Her time here reminds me of what Obama has had to deal with. Basically, you grind government to a halt, and than blame all that you have obstructed on the governor.

        Gawd, you do not know how hard she tried. But, it's because of her that our economy is diversified enough, now, that we have a footing from which to build on. She was the first government that made the very hard choice to look beyond the auto industry, solely, for our economic future. And, now, Governor Snyder is taking credit for shit she started.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Wow. Joey is bringing down the house, isn't he? What's remaining after Gov. Granholm finished her speech.

    Tonight is making this old girl feel high on life!

    • Doktor Zoom

      I once was an innocent kit
      wotthehell wotthehell
      with a ribbon my neck to fit
      and bells tied onto it
      o wotthehell wotthehell
      but a maltese cat came by
      with a come hither look in his eye
      and a song that soared to the sky
      and wotthehell wotthehell
      and i followed adown the street
      the pad of his rhythmical feet
      o permit me again to repeat
      wotthehell wotthehell

      my youth i shall never forget
      but there s nothing i really regret
      wotthehell wotthehell
      there s a dance in the old dame yet
      toujours gai toujours gai

      –"the song of mehitabel"

  • Veritas78

    I believe this is called "cashing in."

  • emmelemm

    Velvet Shiv is my new roller derby team name.

    • OzoneTom

      I love derby girl names.

  • cromiller

    Checks and balances says $1B for 1 dead guy is not a good investment.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Doesn't contribute to the bottom line.

  • Doktor Zoom

    This is a Jed Bartlett level of oratory!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Getting a little too GOP for my taste. But it'll sway a few on "The Undecided". Or "The Idiots", as I like to call them.

    Damn! Mom. What next? Apple Pie?

  • mavenmaven

    ..and a smile on his face… Biden is killing it!!! Hooray!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    The wound in my heart was healed by a bullet and a burial at sea. – Jesus H. Biden

  • IonaTrailer

    Osama dead, GM alive.

  • Callyson

    Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive!

    Say it, Joe, again and again!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i think this is a better convention than the republican convention.

    • Oblios_Cap

      "think"?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Let's not get carried away.

    • Veritas78

      I am interested in these ideas and would like to hear more. Is there a brochure?

    • Boojum

      Yes, in the same sense that the Sun is brighter than the inside of a cat at the bottom of a coal mine at midnight.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      i think water is more thirst-quenching than sand.

  • Biff

    I guess we're the war party now…

  • Terry

    Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive.

    Good point, bears repeating

  • Serfville

    Jeebus, that robot Mittens, Scowly Ryan & all their boring BS, & all this humaness all over the place here. Vote Human!

  • TribecaMike

    "They didn't have the courage to tell you what call they'd make." Sweet.

  • Callyson

    And the linkage of the auto industry to getting OBL is genius, BTW…

    • Serfville

      You read my mind, brilliant!

  • IonaTrailer

    Here's to you Mrs Robinson –

    Thank you!

    • SorosBot

      Woo woo woo.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Gotta lerve the First Granny!

  • iTuna

    Michelle Obama's mom seems rad as hell.

  • coolhandnuke

    Paul Ryan said he grew up reading Ayn Rand, and that her books taught him about his value system and beliefs. Ryan has disputed that admission quite often and now distances himself from Rand. We can now identify that–Atlas Shrugged–as Ryan's gateway drug to his addiction to republican controls and power.
    I'm not sure if Joe Biden had a gateway drug to Democracy and tolerance, but if he did, he wouldn't fucking lie about it.

    • Terry

      …and yet, Ryan wants you to think he's a strong Catholic. Rand and Catholicism are pretty close to opposite of each other.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    OBL is dead and GM is alive? Wooohooo … the wingnut blowhards at Faux are already busting an artery. Joe better be wearing his Nomex tomorrow.

  • Callyson

    "Vouchercare…that's not courage…that's not even truthful"

    Love him!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    joe and the hunting of the snark.

  • Lucidamente1

    "Now back in Scranton, where I come from, we'd have called the Republicans a bunch of pussies. And then knocked them on their asses."

  • Oblios_Cap

    I like watching folks that can speak for more than 3 minutes and keep me riveted.

    Simpson-Bowles still sucks!

  • SorosBot

    Is it just going to be the wrong thread? I just hope all these comments don't break IntenseDebate like we did the night of Mittens' speech.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      1100 comments, and Hopey hasn't even come on yet.

      • SorosBot

        And now I see again I made a stupid mistake, yet can't correct it because there's a reply! Feeling dumb now.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Time for some red meat–rip Romney/Ryan and all the GOP at Tampa convention. Go for it, Joe.

  • Callyson

    JFC I am all over Joe calling the Reeps a bunch of chickenshit liars…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i predict there will be whining on the right tomorrow.

    • Negropolis

      You are just Captain Obvious, tonight, aren't you? lol

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Well, it will be a day, so of course.

  • IonaTrailer

    Romney hates Amurica!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Gonna have to be a foreign trip! LMAO!

  • Callyson

    "Romney said he would take a jobs tour. But with his support for outsourcing, it's gonna have to be a foreign trip"

    Love it!

    • Veritas78

      It will require the same passport as his money.

  • mavenmaven

    It'll have to be a foreign trip! excellent!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm finally home and well groomed, just in time for my impregnation! And yes, I'm quaffing.

    PS – Editrix, thanks for the video!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Meh,

  • Boojum

    I love Joe Biden scripted, unscripted, drunk, and naked. I'd hug Joe Biden naked and kiss him on the mouth and you know what, motherfuckers? It would be totes manly, because Joe Biden.

    Edit: And for the gay guys in the room, you would too and you know exactly what I mean, even though you might get a little wood.

  • Oblios_Cap

    What? Is Joe saying that our national interest might have something to do with taking care of our citizens?

    Fuckin' Commie!

    • just_a_head

      Pinko. No doubt.

  • HELisforHEL

    Hahaha 'foreign trip' line. The whiskey's talking now, ahh Joe, I wanna pour him a Jameson's. Shit, I think I'll pour me one.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I'm joining you. Only it's Rum, because I'm living on the Gulf.

      • IonaTrailer

        A martooni here

    • prommie

      Aw fuck, now I gotta pour me one!

  • C_R_Eature

    "Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive."

    I've been watching politics for a long time. In all honesty I can not believe that the Republicans totally threw away this meme. Political memes don't get any more powerful than this.

    What were they thinking?

    • Negropolis

      When Joe chanted this with the crowd in downtown Detroit on Labor Day, they nearly fainted from excitement.

  • Callyson

    And a quick glance at the comments from the haters on HuffyPo confirms that Joe is on a roll tonight…sorry, trolls, you've got nothing on this man…

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      can't keep up?

  • IonaTrailer

    We are all immigrants tonight!
    Fathers for daughters!

    does that sound weird?

    • OzoneTom

      What's she look like?

  • Lucidamente1

    I thought the Republicans were the Culture of Depends.

    • OurHoboSenator

      David Vitter Libel!

  • TribecaMike

    "Working class"? Drink!

  • rickmaci

    "…every father's bottom line." Family values.

    • TribecaMike

      I flashed on my old man holding a belt when he said that.

  • cromiller

    K-Lo doesn't require equal pay and neither should you!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hell ,she doesn't deserve it.

  • FakaktaSouth

    It LITERALLY amazes me that they don't understand why working together as a nation for all our citizens does not create a culture of dependency like making sure people have nothing does, too Joe, it really does.

  • redarmyzombie

    Oh! Oh! Oh, Biden, don't stop! Don't STOP!!!

    • redarmyzombie

      Oh! Oh! Oh…

      Ahhh, shit, my pants are STILL missing…

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Yow, Biden invokes America-Number-One-Pander-Express and the crowd LOVES IT!

  • Doktor Zoom

    "there's just one more thing I can't understand…" is how Columbo traditionally introduces the coup de grace

    • redarmyzombie

      ""Oh, uh, one more thing…"

    • Zango Crudmonger

      Nice. After Obama's sweaty speech and postcoital smoke Imma gonna hafta watch some Peter Falk.

      • prommie

        When I did useta haveta go to court, I always played the Peter Falk, "Gee, can you just explain to me, maybe I didn't get it. . . ."

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Why did they never do a Columbo vs. Matlock crossover while they were still alive?!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "You didn't give up — you got up." Yeeeeha!

  • IonaTrailer

    Stand up, get up, stand up for your rights!

    Gil Scott Heron

  • Callyson

    "You didn't lose faith, you got up…and you deserve a president who will never quit on you!"

    Fuck the haters–go Joe!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Literally!
    Drink!

  • iTuna

    Goddamn. Who's excited for the Biden/Ryan debate?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Hell yeah. Joe the Biden is going to marmalize him.

    • Serfville

      That GD Scowling bastard is going to get so much fairy dust & facts thrown at him he won't know what hit him!

    • Terry

      Hopefully, Ryan will breakdown and cry. Or faint. Either would be fine.

      • emmelemm

        Or challenge Joe to a push-up contest. And lose.

    • Callyson

      Fired up! Ready to snark!

  • Oblios_Cap

    God knows, I lost a ton of $$ in the miracle of the Bush economy.

  • natl_indecency_cmdr

    Joey referencing what his dad said "You get back up."

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Ryan's gonna have a sad when they lose Wisconsin, let's hope Zerban can take his seat as well.

      • natl_indecency_cmdr

        me, the day ryan was selected "that guy's a jackass"

  • Veritas78

    Nice twist of the knife, nailing the Republicans on betting against America.

  • Jerri

    Yeah, wave your finger and school 'em, Uncle Joe!!

  • Callyson

    "It's never been a good bet to bet against the American people–never!"

    "And we have no intention of downsizing the American dream!"

    Tell 'em, Joe!

  • IonaTrailer

    I don't know WHICH way we're going!!!??!!

    • Callyson

      Forward.

  • HELisforHEL

    "no intent of downsizing the American dream" good line.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "No intention of downsizing the American dream." Now he's just stomping on Mitt's bloody corpse.

  • rickmaci

    "No intention of downsizing the American dream." Damn that rings.

  • SorosBot

    "Downsizing the American Dream" – awesome soundbite.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Don't regret a tab of acid, Rebecca — especially now when the good shit's so hard to find.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This may have been said already, but to quote Wesley Snipes, "Always bet on black."

    • Oblios_Cap

      Damn! That's what I've doing wrong. I always put my money on green.

  • Negropolis

    After these speeches, if anyone truly believes that the Republican Party is a minstream party, they will have to have their heads checked.

  • Veritas78

    "Promote the private sector, not the privileged sector." Ouch!

  • IonaTrailer

    Ya gotta love his fuckin' extemporaneous speech – I love ya Joe

  • magic_titty

    Anyone else as impressed as I am…with the ability of Joe's plugs to stay in place?

    • glasspusher

      I bet he'll be doing some pluggin' later tonight…

  • Callyson

    "…promote the private sector, not the privileged sector"

    THIS.

    • emmelemm

      Now THAT'S a bumper sticker.

  • C_R_Eature

    I've never watched Handsome Joe speak so closely before. He is Hell on wheels.

    Also: This is the most Patriotic and the least Nationalistic convention that I've ever seen.

  • Goonemeritus

    Ok I’m ready to march on Canada, who’s with me?

    • Terry

      Winter's coming. How about we raise a flotilla and take on the Bahamas or maybe the British Virgin Islands instead.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        With drinks wiv little floaty brollies and stuff?

    • ChernobylSoup

      Geneva Convention states that armies invading Canada are limited to 4 wonkettes, a nurse, and 3 brew masters.

    • kittensdontlie

      I'm in! And why are we doing this???

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Um, the beer?

    • viennawoods13

      Just bring Obama with you. We don't have anyone as cool as he is.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If we really wanted to go with this level playing field stuff, we'g remit all inheritances to the gov't and make everybody start at zero. Wouldn't that be interesting.

    • Terry

      I'm inheriting an electric roaster and some Hummels. You'll have to pry them from my cold dead hands.

    • finallyhappy

      Does that include the sour cream glasses from the 60s?

  • Lucidamente1

    Tonight, we are all a big fucking deal.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    "Private Sector, not the Privileged Sector"

    Joe kicks out the jams. Amazing speech.

  • rickmaci

    "Private sector not privileged sector." Kick 'em again Joe.

  • SorosBot

    Women control their own healthcare? That's crazy talk!

  • cromiller

    The Future, Conan?

  • TribecaMike

    The only compliment Ryan gave Mitt was to make fun of the elevator music on his iPod.

  • coolhandnuke

    I wish this was HBO so he could fucking cuss.

  • el_donaldo

    You go, Michelle, clapping proud, clapping fine.

  • Negropolis

    Game fuckin' over. It's a wrap. Real people solving real problems in real time. Period. This ain't no joke; this is real.

  • Lucidamente1

    Mentions exact figures of dead and wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan. Republican heads explode again.

    • Veritas78

      Because he actually checks the numbers, and knows them. Repubs don't know the price of milk.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    No that would be figurative.

  • OzoneTom

    Man, if there isn't a new thread before the main attraction, the page-numbers may run out of space.

  • IonaTrailer

    Stop crying Joe and introduce Bamz

  • IonaTrailer

    The journey of hope is not yet finished, but we are on our way.
    YES!!!

  • Veritas78

    This is a man who believes in what he is trying to do. That's an inspiration to anyone and everyone.

  • Callyson

    I know I'll be like the 38th person to say this, but that was a big fucking deal…

    • miss_grundy

      Yes, he is a big fucking deal! Dang, these people are fired up.

      I just need someone to tell whiny David Brooks to shut up. He really is getting whiner by the moment.

      • finallyhappy

        CSPAN!

      • Terry

        He doesn't have much left he can do but whine

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Can't be said enough Cally.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Joe's getting some tonight!

    I'll bet Willard ain't.

    • rocktonsam

      Willard ain't getting'"it" at all

    • OzoneTom

      He'll get plenty on his next planet.

    • miss_grundy

      It's a shame Mittster is a Mormon because he should be seriously drinking…

  • Lucidamente1

    Chris Matthews lovin him some Joe Biden.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'd contribute a hundred bucks immediately if Joe went and tracked down Ryan somewhere, like in the halls of Congress, and kicked him square in the nuts. That would be really cool.

    • OzoneTom

      I'm guessing that he's planning on doing that gratis.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Literally.

      • miss_grundy

        Hopefully, on November 7th. And I hope he adds a bitch slap to it.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i'd give 10,000.

    • Terry

      A look straight in Ryan's eye, then a punch square to the jaw

    • Steverino247

      You're presuming facts not in evidence, namely that Ryan has any nuts to be kicked.

    • Callyson

      $100? Fuck, I''d kick in $1000: that's what cash advances are for. What's a 29% interest rate compared to something utterly priceless?

  • BoroPrimorac

    My mom must be fappin' right about now.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Julian?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    this is the conviction that we need. why the hell don't we see more of this?

    these three days have been amazing.

  • iTuna

    Hell of a barnburner there from Joe.

  • BeefHardcake

    Holy fuckin' shit. Biden setting that place on FIRE, he is.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Gotta pour a fresh drink, pre-Bamz.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    At times clunky and soaring — but always sincere. I know the Republicans are going to grab hold of that "the job is not finished" or whatever bit at the end, but Joe's sincerity when talking about the troops and their sacrifice, and the real courage of President Obama's choices and decisions really rang wonderfully.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I hope Joe didn't get me preggers before obama has a chance.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Dick Durbin = Plan B

    • Steverino247

      Two words: Dizygotic twins. Two eggs are released and one is fertilized by O and the other by Joe.

    • kittensdontlie

      And don't turn on the teevee tommorrow, any view of Mitthead or Sh*tface(Ryan) would work like a morning-after pill on your lady parts.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    but you know, joe. dumb. paul ryan. smart.

    • Zango Crudmonger

      I like this meme. Lemme give it a go. obama. sexy. mitt romney. evil fucking tosser.

      How'd I do?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Zach Carter ‏@zachdcarter

    FACTCHECK: Romney did not bet against the American people. He took a short position in a synthetic credit default swap. #dnc2012

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Alright, here comes the headliner.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Dick Durbin?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Zell Miller

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Foo Fighters!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Will they play Freebird?

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Even they can't make that song not suck.

  • Serfville

    Our lovable, flawed, but mostly HUMAN American Hero, Joe! Did you know Joe has an Einstein level IQ? But, the most important quality Joe has is his Emotional, HUMAN IQ!

  • iTuna

    Nothing like Dick Durbin to calm things down.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That smiling bastard always has creeped me out.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    dick durbin is a rather unsung warrior i always think.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Dick Durbin comes to my little local chamber of commerce every year and talks to us like grownups. No security, first names on the name tags, one-on-one and looks you in the eye. This is the guy who made me a Democrat.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        HA! me too. he's been my senator for as long as i can remember.

        which is a long time….

  • HELisforHEL

    Hee, Chris Mathews re: Joe "he's the schmaltzy brother who always sings at the weddings" hahaha Our Joe.

  • Boojum

    Never regret the acid.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Words to live by.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Never be ant-acid.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    True story: in 1998 I met this skinny black guy touring the music school I worked at. He was some sort of elected local official and he had a funny name. I just sat at my desk and said, yeah, uh, whatever, gotta a lotta work to do here.

    Slowly pounds head against wall.

    • OzoneTom

      At least you are not a Republican.

      Are you?

      • HouseOfTheBlueLights

        Last I checked I was the last person on the planet who regretted the end of communism.

        so short answer- no.

    • SorosBot

      I met him back when he was running for State Senate, as I was a college student at U of C; voted for him in my very first election. He was awesome back then.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Rebecca, can we have a new thread please?

    • Negropolis

      I second this motion.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Your wish has been granted!

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Huzzah!

    • Boojum

      Oh HELL no, we're going for the record!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Forward!

    • rocktonsam

      shes probably drunk now or macking with Handsome Joe right now probably

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      thanks. i can't keep up with all of you on page 13.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Pretty please?

  • vodkamuppet

    Just got home. Why is Bob Scheifer on during Barrys intro? WTF?

  • el_donaldo

    If I ever speak at a convention, I want the Prince intro, too.

  • Callyson

    Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act FTW!

  • TribecaMike

    I was hoping Rep. Raul Grijalva might speak tonight, but I guess they used up their moustache quota yesterday.

  • Doktor Zoom

    New thread is up, kids!

    • SorosBot

      Now if only comments worked properly on it!

  • DustBowlBlues

    I've got to start shutting things down before Hopey speaks. Someoone let me know tomorrow how it went tonight. Is the DVR copy of the speech worth watching?

    Nite, all. (I didn't call you potty-mouther losers nor did I say "Later, losers."
    You're welome!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if Romney is watching. If so, he's probably crying like a little girl.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      He has servants to do that for him.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Hey!

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Hiiiiiii!

    • kittensdontlie

      I guess so. Even without a heart, the Tin Man was able to cry.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He claims he didn't watch anything so far. If he watched this, he's not just crying, he's shitting blood.

  • IonaTrailer

    No Barney Frank? Did I miss this?? I do love me some Barney Frank

  • vodkamuppet

    I want to murder all these fuckers so I can hear what Dick Durbin is saying.

  • Jerri

    "..and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!"

  • rickmaci

    Oh jeez. Clooney is narrating. That sound you hear, American men, is American women fapping.

    • Callyson

      Sorry about the noise, but I can't find a quieter vibrator that gets the job done…

      • rickmaci

        Menage a trois. You, George and Barry.

    • SorosBot

      People are still fans of his work in The Facts of Life?

  • Callyson

    DAYUM the Dems are pushing the auto rescue.

    The Reeps are going to start shouting "it wasn't a rescue, it was a bailout! Bailout! BAILOUT!!!" just to try to detract from it…

  • coolhandnuke

    Not the sagest choice–Dick Durbin to deflate the room.
    New Rule: Let the GOP prance out their cavalcade of Dicks.

  • Callyson

    New lead story on Wonkette's home page. See you all there.

  • HELisforHEL

    Balls having the idiots demonstrating against the healthcare bill, proving his mettle.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Let's see if O can top Joe.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, is Obama going to step down and give the nomination to Hillary just to mess with Dick Morris?

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Dick Morris writes slash fiction about Obama and Hillary's toes.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ya know, I'm hetero, but I want to fuck that man. In a nice smooth Al Green/Barry White kind of way.

  • prommie

    They shoulda had the Dropkick Murphys play Biden out onto the stage.
    Irish fucking scorn is the deepest scorn there is.

    • cromiller

      Too right!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    He accepts the nomination!!!

  • BathroomGoblin

    Inhaling extra deep for Barry.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I don't remember people randomly shouting "I love you Mitt!" at the GOP Convention.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Haha, that would be INSANE

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    "Everyone plays by the same rules from main street to wall street" *coughs* bullshit! *coughs*

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      torturers ahem cough

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    The GOP really is like an imploring junkie on the tax cut issue. Just one more fix, "Just one more tax cut, I swear, I'll create jobs tomorrow! This is the last time, I mean it."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if everyone's hands are getting sore from all that clapping yet.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Where in Kenya is this "America" he keeps talking about?

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      The Anti-colonial Mao Mao areas.

  • Terry

    Barry is pro-science, yay!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i really like the math and science teachers bit.

      thingee. positive.

  • SorosBot

    "Further commenting on this page has been disabled by the blog admin. " – Uh-oh, it looks like the new thread has still broken the internet.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Oh good — I thought it was just my internet that was broken.

      • finallyhappy

        yeah, I thought it was my fault

      • SorosBot

        Same here, then there were a few comments talking about the thread fucking up, then there were no new ones. It's not just you!

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    I think our Editrix is having acid-flashback blog maintenance problems.

    • rickmaci

      The mice running the wheels that feed the servers at Wonkeritaville must be nearly exhausted.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    "Americans who served in harms way." I'm assuming he is talking about bankers?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    How dare Obama be so anti-American so as to talk about the troops. You would never catch the Republican Candidate doing that.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    we broke the wonkettes.

    i guess we were fated to be on this page all along.

  • gullywompr

    Let's do the time warp again!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Let's do the Cold War Mind Warp again!

    • gullywompr

      Jinx.

      • SorosBot

        Triple jinx!

        • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Great minds, eh?

          • SorosBot

            Must be an obvious joke when three of us make it at the same time; but eh I still like it.

          • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Just the signs of a youth well wasted.

          • SorosBot

            I've actually only seen the movie once, but listened to the soundtrack many times; don't care for it as a movie but I love the songs.

          • viennawoods13

            I worked in a movie theatre showing it for a month. I mostly heard it from the popcorn stand. as a story it's terrible, and it really falls apart at the end, but the songs are great!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    oh snap – barry's gettin nasty.

  • gullywompr

    Swords to plowshares….

  • FakaktaSouth

    OH YES I WILL TOO COMMENT SOMEWHERE.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      this war on wonkette isn't over. not by a long shot!

  • SorosBot

    Let's do the Cold War time-warp again!

    • just_a_head

      "We believe in something called citizenship…This country only works when we accept that we have obligations to one another."

      Swooning….

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Mittens "Cold War Mind Warp" Romney

  • AlterNewt

    Settle down! Rebecaa will pull this thing RIGHT OVER!

  • redarmyzombie

    God damn, I leave for ONE moment, and ID breaks the internet again…

  • PuckStopsHere

    There he goes with that confusing math stuff again…

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    You guys can't hide the party from me! God this is just like high school.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Some of us never left.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    bring it!!!

  • FakaktaSouth

    WOOT WOOT HEAD START!!! Those with the most can pay the most for private school, bitches. EVERY ONE needs PreK, ESPECIALLY the people running the GOP.

  • gullywompr

    Fuck that millionaire tax cut shit!

  • SorosBot

    He is awesome, hitting the scum on cutting programs to pay for tax cuts for the rich bastards.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    No SS to Wall Street! WOOHOO!

  • Zango Crudmonger

    No American should ever spend their golden years at the mercies of insurance businesses….. louder, Mr. President, louder.

  • coolhandnuke

    I remember that constipated, bitter, surly look on Bret Hume's face as he said "Barack Obama is the next president of the United States" on Fox News four years ago.
    I hope every bitter, hate-filled wingnut has that same look on their face as they watch this powerful speech.

  • Callyson

    Dammit, we should have stayed here–the lead story has disabled commenting for ten minutes now…

    • SorosBot

      It's the Cold War time warp, screwing with our commenting abilities.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I wonder if Rebecca can score me some of that acid?

  • BarackMyWorld

    "There's no way this is true because if what he's saying is true then he's a good president, and that can't be true because he's bad!"-brain of every Republican listening to this speech right now

  • Callyson

    Oh, did everyone come here?

    OK, I'm back…and so is Obama…

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Mitt did have it so hard, having to borrow money from his parents and sell off stock when he was starting out. How many of us have been there?

    • gullywompr

      It was hell, man.

    • Callyson

      None of us, Katie

      :-(

      Grrr…

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Meh, I'm not planning on social security anyway. If I get anything I will probably just use it to play the slots.

    • Callyson

      If the wingnuts succeed in their quest to deregulate Wall Street, you'll have better odds there than with an IRA…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    citizenship: please use this for the next three months.

  • redarmyzombie

    Cry, Willard. Cry me a river.

    Oh, I am enjoying this…

  • Callyson

    "But we also believe in something called citizenship…the idea that this country only works when we accept certain obligations to each other"

    Yeah, we didn't hear the word "citizenship" last week, did we?

  • SorosBot

    Fucking CNN's live stream seems to have broken too; they've cut from directly showing Obama's speech to showing a room full of people watching it on a screen. What? Time to go to the TV and network coverage I think.

  • smitallica

    "Can't go to the Olympics without insulting our closest ally."

    Fuckin' SNAP, bitch!!!!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      That was fuckin' great!

  • ms_mcgee

    "They want to take us back to an era of blustering and blundering." Ahhh the Bush years.

  • viennawoods13

    Ok, gave up and came back here, because just wanted to say… "osama bin laden is dead"- SUCK IT, Republicans.

  • IonaTrailer

    What happened? Did we break the Internetz?

    • Zango Crudmonger

      Yes, but we applied the golden rule, as presidents of the internets, and did as we were wont to have don't unto us, and then…..magic……new internets.

  • C_R_Eature

    Other thread's broken, does this one work?
    EDIT: YES

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Damn, that intern with the list of all the types in the hall found a gay to focus the camera on. She is GOOD.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Ha, we were laughing about that here at home, too!

  • gullywompr

    He' redefining Real America™ up in this bitch.

    • gullywompr

      Or rather re-defining it.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Yeah, blame the Belgians! Fat fucking Belgians!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Again with the Troops. He's just kicking Willard in the nutz now.

  • C_R_Eature

    We've gotten a lot of very important stuff done the past years, no thanks to the Republican Party. In fact, in spite of their best efforts.

  • rickmaci

    As the cameras keep panning the crowd, I can see there will be some monster campaign sexxxing going down in Nath Care-O-Leyena tonight.

  • Negropolis

    "You did that."

    What is this moisture rolling around by eyeballs?

    EDIT: Rashida Tlaib gets another camera shot!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I did that! I am so cool!

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Been meaning to tell you thank you.

    • SorosBot

      No, I did that!

      I was also Time's Person of the Year for 2006!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    God Damn Government, saving the lives of little girls. Romney will not let this stand!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Slam those insurance company bastards. Death Panels, indeed.

  • Callyson

    "You are the reason a little girl with a heart condition in Phoenix will get health care…*you* did that"

    OMG, I am falling in love all over again…

  • C_R_Eature

    Let's hear it for COMMUNITY! WOOHOO!

    Well, finally.

    • SorosBot

      Well hopefully; but with Harmon fired, not to mention being buried on Friday nights, I'm afraid it might go downhill; still I love it and the cast is still intact and great and so hope it's still good and manages to avoid cancellation again.

      • C_R_Eature

        They really have to stop fucking around with the time slot. That's the fastest way to lost interest.

        And, yes, ISWYST

    • NYNYNYjr

      Communication, Unity: Community.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Not sure I would have gone with a med student in Colorado.

    • viennawoods13

      Yeah. I picked up on that too.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Obama's about government being the people — and Romney's about government being something other than the people. Which is just a distraction so that the corporate world can profit. When it comes to who understands the social contract, Obama gets it and Romney has no clue.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Yo, maybe this is cold, but Romney's family ran out on the U.S. to live in Mexico. And Romney lives that way now, stashing his money everywhere, just getting ready to flee.

  • Callyson

    You did that!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    "You are the reason…"

    Great cadence.

  • cromiller

    We did that! So warm and fuzzy right now!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    More shout outs to the troops. Why does the GOP hate the military so?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    damn we're going to run on our goddamn actual record instead of running from it.

    hope and change indeed.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You know, the Democrat Party seems to have revitalized himself. I have seen a lot of swagger and conviction over the last 3 days. They're not defensive, and they're proclaiming that the Republicans are the ones with a record of failed ideas. And most of all, they're not running away from the President.

      • C_R_Eature

        We really needed this.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Damn! I've gotta pee.

    • redarmyzombie

      U-huh. Sure. Pee, you say. A likely story.

  • rickmaci

    "You did that!" YES.

  • Callyson

    "health care choices that women should be making for themselves"

    YES!

  • Lucidamente1

    "The people with the 10 million dollar checks who are trying to buy this election." Bang, zoom, to the moon, Alice.

  • Goonemeritus

    I didn’t get a thank you note from any of those ungrateful bastards

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    It's not about what can be done for us, it's about what can be done by us.
    And it's about what can be done to us!

  • IonaTrailer

    We can be kind, and generous and loving. We can share our stuff. We don't need one person to have a zillion dollars while another has nothing.
    I love this man.

    Ya big socialist girls blouse.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh, is he gonna sing "Only You?"

    • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

      That would be awesome.

  • FakaktaSouth

    God how much do i hate cheering someone saying I can do what I would like at the doctor's office? Woooo, thanks for letting me the boss of my hoohah. I cannot BELIEVE that is such a thing. But it is, so WOOOOOOOO

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      You're the boss of your hoohah? Mine has a mind of its own.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Okay, sure, that's true, so I would STILL rather my hoohah be the boss of ME instead of Mitt Romney or God Forbid Rick Santorum getting all up in there.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          The price of hoohah freedom is eternal vigilance, unfortunately, with these American Taliban skulking about.

  • Negropolis

    Power to the people!

  • TribecaMike

    The President of these here United States!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "I'm no longer just a candidate — I'm the president."

    But we don't know anything about him! He's not ready to lead!

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He must be vetted!

    • Oblios_Cap

      But he's Born to Run!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    "I'm the president."

    Wait, how can that be if he is a Kenyan?

  • gullywompr

    Did he just call himself "The President"? How arrogant!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      What a snob!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    "I'm no longer just a candidate, I'm the President"…one the other hand, Romney is just a candidate.

  • Negropolis

    The Lincoln quote. Beautiful.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    SING SOME BARRY WHITE!

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Lou Rawls would also suffice.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        "You'll never find…"

  • Callyson

    "If the critics are right that I've made all my decisions based on polls, then I must not be very good at reading"

    Nice slap of Mittens, Mr President…

  • Lucidamente1

    Quoted Lincoln. Must fap now.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "I've been driven to my knees many times by the overwhelming conviction that I've had noplace else to go."

    Lincoln or Marcus Bachmann?

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Marcus' convention speech was held in Tampa at a place called "Oily Jake's"…weird.

    • Callyson

      Oh, I *wish* I did not see what you did there…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    and we ARE back to hope. sweet.

  • SorosBot

    Now he has to talk about the homeless science fair winning girl, I teared up enough tonight, dammit.

  • TribecaMike

    The full Lincoln quote: "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day."

  • Callyson

    LOVE the praise for the companies that didn't lay off their workers, but cut back on perks and pay for top executives instead. THAT is what America is supposed to be about…

  • ProgressiveInga

    You guys? Aren't the job creators going to be upset by this 'citizenship' idea?

  • Oblios_Cap

    I've been watching for 4 hours. I need to call my physician for the woody.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What is this? I don't cry. I DON'T CRY!

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Don't mind admitting I was kinda close myself.

    • SorosBot

      Try watching Jill Biden talk about when Joe's first wife and daughter were killed in a car accident and get back to me. (Or watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer's The Body; that does the trick too).

  • Negropolis

    **Mindgasm**

  • Callyson

    "If you believe in a country where everyone gets a fair shot…then I need you to vote in November"

    I do and I will, Mr President!

    • cromiller

      Done and done!

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Wow. Delivered.

    • Callyson

      Signed and sealed, also, too…

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Our road is longer but we travel it together.

  • prommie

    So there is that old saying, "don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes." And for months we've all been wondering why obama isn't unleashing all the ammunition he has, and there is lots of it, on Romney and the GOPIgs, and now we see why, waiting till they are close enough for the shots to hit.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Nailed it. Nailed it dead solid perfect.

    How can anyone no love the President.

    • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

      Racism?

  • Callyson

    "we leave no one behind"

    Unlike W…nice!

  • sudsmckenzie

    He just came on my face

    • redarmyzombie

      *I* just came on my face.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Wait, he mentioned God. I thought that Democrats burst into flames when that happened.

    Has K-Lo been lying all this time?

  • redarmyzombie

    Oh god, Barry. Oh god, that was WONDERFUL!

  • TribecaMike

    Finally, Bruuuuuuce!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Called it!

      • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

        Take that Governor Crispy Creme

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      It's like he wrote it for this!

  • Negropolis

    And cyncism just groaned underneath the crushing weight of hope, tonight.

  • Lucidamente1

    Bruce! Suck it, Christie!!

  • Callyson

    Jesus, we have GOT to keep this man in office. Sure, he's disappointed me at times, but after seeing both conventions, the choice is clear…

    OBAMA 2012!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, that was, uh, above average.

  • viennawoods13

    THAT was awesome. (fans herself). And now, some BRUCE!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Closing with Springsteen What did Mitt close with? The Mormon Tabernacle Choir?

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Whatever it was, I'm sure the artist's lawyers will be contacting them.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Woooh! That was good. Can I put my pants on now?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      No!

      • Zango Crudmonger

        Rhetorical pants, yes.

  • Goonemeritus

    I would like to pre-say fuck David Brooks.

  • cromiller

    Commence swooning!

  • gullywompr

    What? No Baloons? Fox will have a field day with that.

  • Negropolis

    Romney/Ryan fuckin' who?

  • PuckStopsHere

    This whole thing has reminded me that I am proud of who I am and of what I believe. I found this to be an amazing three days–perhaps the most amazing in American political history. Some contrast to that four-day hate-fuck they had in Tampa last week, eh? Now let's get out there and win this fucking thing!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Fired up?

      • PuckStopsHere

        Fucking A right I am.

        • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

          "Ready to go" works better as a chant.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    NO BALLOONS?!?!?! Well now I don't know who to vote for.

    • sudsmckenzie

      Andrea Mitchell survives to fight another day.

      • ElPinche

        Ooh that's right. I forgot she almost drowned in balloons.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    That was stunning. Top work, Bammaz.

    Also love the diversity of the crowd, in very stark contrast to the old white people in Tampa.

    • gullywompr

      Stark contrast – like one color and another completely contrasting color…. um… help me out here….

  • TribecaMike

    Mitt's response: "I would never allow my children to display their knees in public."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Now I'm gonna go watch fox and find out why I should hate everything I just heard and saw.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Hit yourself with a hammer, it'll be less painful.

  • redarmyzombie

    Say, who's that one guy who keeps trying to disparage Barry? He sounds depressed…

    EDIT: David Brooks. That's the guy. God, he sounds like he's about to break out and start crying…

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      All of them, Katie?

  • MissNancyPriss

    This MUSIC, honestly.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    That Bruce song is so cheesy and yet it gives me chills.

  • Callyson

    OK–*I* loved it. I just hope it moves the mushy middle.

    Time to take the dogs out (and now, apparently, there are two–who the fuck abandons a dog in the park FFS?) but I'll BBL to read all the comments from the start and listen to the MSNBC talking heads. Cheers!

  • Negropolis

    I didn't think he still had it in him; I didn't think he could still do this…

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      He got the ramp up just right. His citizenship stuff was inspired, and the finish was incredible.

    • gullywompr

      No? How you like him now?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Is that Charlie Pride? Because, blah. Also, too.

  • Iam_Who_Iam

    I love Obama, I love Joe, hell right now I love all of our crazy ass Democrats, but Michelle wins at the speech giving thing. Don't get me wrong they were all awesome, but she totally ruled on the tugging the heart strings thing.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    I predict a big bounce.

    • Barrelhse

      She's here?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Pedo-Bear! Santorum's head explodes!

  • Zango Crudmonger

    Prayerz, I haz not haz?

  • TribecaMike

    Great speech.

    But Cardinal Dolan is a pedophile abettor and should be in jail. Rant over.

  • gullywompr

    Brit Hume is a magnificent dipshit.

  • gullywompr

    Krauthammer proclaims "emptiest speech I ever heard".

    • AncienReggie

      An unmagnificent dipshit.

  • Iam_Who_Iam

    Um, the Doktor has another new thread going now. I think this might be a test of how many different directions we can get our Wonkettes to run… kinda like throwing fire-crackers into a crowd of drunk revelers just for the joy of watching everyone scramble.

    • Barrelhse

      It's just the acid.

  • Callyson

    Dammit, Rachel just said the first Presidential debate will be October 3. A Wednesday. And I have a class then. Dammit.

    All of this will be worth it when I finish up and have made the career switch…but for now, evening classes are a pain in the ass…

    • C_R_Eature

      CSPAN will have it in their video archives, available for streaming, at your leisure, with or without Drinks. Or pants.

      • Callyson

        Good idea (with and without), plus I'm assuming I'll be able to follow along with the comments from another Wonkette liveblog…

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Bubba won the Convention Speeches contest. I wonder who he'll pick as veep? Huma Abedin?

  • dmnolan

    Oh, ye gods. What's with the all so many comments and everything?

  • Callyson

    And in a related story:

    Report: Private U.S. employers increase hiring in August

    http://www.ocregister.com/articles/jobs-370583-pe

  • punkneverdies

    I want to be wrong.

    • Negropolis

      I mean, you're just doing god's work, right? Woe is it to have the burden of being perfect!

  • ttommyunger

    I would vote for Liz Warren for Pres any day. Sheila Bair for VP. Outstanding human beings.