let's all have tiny barack babies!

Live-Blogging Barack Obama Getting You Pregnant Right Through The Television

The darnedest Siamese Twin act you ever did seeEverybody get your fine illegal Communist rum and your fine illegal Windowpane, and meet us back here just in time for the tribute to Old Handsome Joe Biden, and then Barry making love to you again like it is the first time. So like just before nine, like that! You don’t need a blow-by-blow of every note out of Mary J. Blige’s mouth. Just come back, whatever, we’ll see you then unless we see you first!

7:16 PM — OK guess we are starting early since Joe is straight up blubbering like a a drunken Irish John Boehner. God bless that sentimental son of a bitch.

We are not at the convention because live blooging is impossible when you can’t pause or rewind, and also we are not at the convention because we are never leaving the house again, because OLD AND TIRED. So old. So tired. But at least our eyeballs have stopped crackling, so that is a plus!

Related video

7:40 PM — Hot chick Naomi Bulochnikov from Current TV tweets this picture of Gabby Giffords getting ready for the Pledge. Everybody cry now, so you won’t have to later!

7:44 PM — OK, we will say it: the (male) talent at this convention has been piss-poor. We might have made out with the dude we did the acid with last night if he didn’t have a giant herpe on his mouth, but that would have purely been desperation. But the women? MY GOD THE WOMEN. All the women here look like Kerry Washington, swear to fucking God.

7:53 PM — Well, Scarlett Johansson is no Kerry Washington, is she? Bless her dumb lil bunny heart.

7:54 PM — The old gays gave the old folks of color a run for their money in the Dance to Earth Wind and Fire Contest. In fact — we think they MIGHT HAVE WON!

7:58 PM — Hey cryers. How’s your crying? Doing some crying, with your eyeballs and such, of tears? How about now? Liar.

8:01 PM — Whew, thank God they have brought Caroline Kennedy out to dry everyone’s eyes with just her personality. (BECAUSE SHE IS BORING.)

8:12 PM — Here you go, BigSkullFuckingDog, here is the Gabby video you missed while you were getting your hair did. (Definitely don’t watch Caroline Kennedy, yargh.)

5:17 PM — This is fun, this yelly thing Jennifer Granholm is doing like she is a cattle auctioneer. SAY MORE NUMBERS!

HAHA, who will be the first wingnut blog to compare her to Hitler’s impassioned speechifying style? Our money is on Daily Caller.

8:25 PM — SI SE PUEDE! Eva Longoria, when did you stop being an asshole who clocks valets and shit and start being so frigging menschy?

8:36 PM — Right, sorry, wasn’t paying attention for a sec. Apparently our gay husband Charlie Crist is on the teevee, making eyes at us. AND HOLY S TO YOU TOO!

8:50 PM — John Kerry is calling Mitt Romney out for being for it before he was against it. Now we just need ladies with Purple Heart Band-Aids please!

And now Commie Mom will be dusting off the Tiger Beat poster of John Kerry she liked to kiss before going to sleep. John Kerry is going AFTER every Republican, like Barney Frank calling that lady a table. Just slaughtering. And not explaining even one of his jokes!

Here is your blast from the past. Get ANGRY, Wonkers! ANGRY LIKE JOHN KERRY, AND HIS FLAMING SWORD OF JUSTICE!

9:10 PM — Ok, can someone please clip the old black dude on Cspan getting all funky with the U!S!A! and trying out a little something new with it?

9:14 PM — Pfft, oh, Jill Biden’s a “teacher.” What has a teacher ever done for anyone, really? Maybe she should try being something honorable, like “mom.”

9:16 PM — Well, the war in Iraq is sort of over, if you don’t count the rest of the war in Iraq. But let us not be picky. Let us sing John & Yoko songs!

9:19 PM — STOP CRYING PUSSIES.

9:20 PM — Scranton, chug a Mickey’s Big Mouth.

9:22 PM — This commercial is too commercialy. Cranky Face!

9:30 PM — Real question, for the Olds, who have seen stuff. Has any veep ever been beloved like our Old Handsome Joe Biden?

No one can pledge public love like a fuckin’ Scrantoner, apparently. “Jilly, you’re the love of my life and the life of my love.” WE ARE SORRY, but Barack is a little too Vulcany to eyefuck his wife in public like that, and you know Michelle is a little pissed about it.

9:44 PM — FOUL! FOUL! NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT DEAD DADS, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE YOUR OWN. Sorry, dude, #RomneyRulez!

9:46 PM — And Joe with the velvet shiv for a man who doesn’t understand how to be an American. But you know, not mean! Joe loves Mitt Romney, thinks he’s a great guy! Except for how he is a Kenyan Marxist Socialist Anti-Colonialist Who Hates Cars And America. Just except for that!

9:53 PM — This is fine and all, but we don’t love Joey scripted like we love Joey just shooting off his Purty Mouth of Kindness. Remember the NAACP speech, when they booed him for saying he was gonna wrap up soon? Like that! (SORRY, DON’T HIT US.)

10:01 PM — OK, we take it back, and for the first time tonight are REALLY regretting the tab of acid we took last night that made us decide to stay home all day and forever and not be in the hall, we suck forever, teh end.

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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1,556 comments

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Do you not realize you're talking about Democratic women? You know all we do is have sex then get abortions.

    1. sewollef

      And by the way, "God bless that sentimental son of a bitch."

      ….and, "straight up blubbering like a a drunken Irish John Boehner".

      What the hell?

      Beccs should quit with the acid and leave Joey alone. I love Joey…. but not in the biblical sense of course, since I'm hetero through and through. And if I grow old and look as handsome as he does I'll be a happy puppy…. hell, I might, scrub that, would fuck his wife with a little more than my eyes, if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge.

      What were we talking about again?

      1. sullivanst

        But it's Romney that's trying to convey that "I'll Do For You Anything You Want Me To". On the other hand, Barack clearly is "Qualified to Satisfy You"

  1. ElPinche

    Biden speech: "Hi assholes! I mean Americans…same shit!! Just kidding! As for Romney, he can fuck himself with Lindsey Grahams's dildo. No. I kid. God Bless. Good night!"

  2. WordSaladNation

    I hope that, at the end of Bamz's speech, they bring out Mary J. Blige, Toni Braxton, New Edition, Karyn White, Babyface, Guy, Al B. Sure!, Bell Biv DeVoe, Johnny Gill, Tony! Toni! Toné!, and Pebbles and everyone joins in a rousing rendition of "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd. That would be SO FUCKING AWESOME.

          1. SorosBot

            I purposefully left off the last name to open up this reference, and can't believe it took this long for someone to make it.

    1. iburl

      We'll see if you do or do not. Your lady parts will shut that whole thing down if you really don't want to be pregnant, legitimately.

  3. FakaktaSouth

    Yo! Chet Kincaid! Mary J Blige, blow by blow, buddy you GOTTA be here with me even if we have to do that part without Ms Becca…

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Proms didn't watch, but he did come to play, so you are excused for your serious contemplation of them talking thangs (they were great!) with your bride. Godspeed! And Goodnight!

  4. bumfug

    Lookin' forward to watching big Joe B. at 6:30 PDT – I worked on his first ever campaign for Senate in Del.as a student at U of D when he was 29 (turned the legal 30 after election, before swearing-in). Nobody gave him a chance then and they continue to underestimate him now. Fuck them.

      1. bumfug

        It was a bittersweet time – he was sworn in in his sons' hospital room where they were recovering from the terrible car wreck that killed Joe's wife and daughter.

        1. SorosBot

          Oh yeah, that was sad as shit. Two important things to remember about Joe is that he had the lowest net worth of the Senate, with just his salary instead of a fortune in stocks or inherited wealth like most of the rest have, and he was a single father for a long time. He gets the struggles of normal people more than most of our politicians do.

          1. Isyaignert

            Thank you for that! Joe is the real deal. I remember when he and Obama were running in 2008 and he'd taken a load of stuff to the dump in his white pickup. A reporter asked him how it went and no lie, Joe said, "It was a good dump."

    1. HELisforHEL

      My mom worked on that campaign, too (and she worked at UD as a bookkeeper, coincidence? Haha). He was kind, funny, genuine. And nice to a stupid little kid (me) who tagged along at meetings. We love him, he's 'crazy uncle joe' and I mean that in the best way. GO Joe!

    1. AncienReggie

      I had to detox after the Gopper fest. Long beyond the grape and grain, I had to substitute pills for booze. Every time I heard "We built it" another Xanax. Each time I heard "failed policies," another Paxil. It took four days of the shakes and two days of joy to set me up for the Bammer.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        Sounds a little like the regimen I was following when I passed out on the kitchen floor, in a puddle of very warm milk where I lay for a few minutes. When I came to, I was in a puddle of sticky, cold milk and had a big bump on the back of my head from where I fell on the tile floor.

        BTW, Kids, Ancien R. and I are sharing the above (sadly, with no exaggeration in my story) stories because we want you to understand this: STAY IN SCHOOL AND DON'T USE DRUGS.

        BTW–Remember Tom Joad.

    2. sullivanst

      Although, just because you can doesn't mean you should. Just alter the type (maybe) and quantity (probably) to enhance the enjoyment, instead of diminish the suffering.

      1. kittensdontlie

        The poor R-Livers will be the ones feeling the pain tonight, and how my crocodile tears will flow for them.

    1. OzoneTom

      I for one am planning to get pregnant as soon as possible (instantly, if possible) after my next abortion.

      1. SorosBot

        My favorite comes from Shotz Brewery.

        One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated.

  5. ProgressiveInga

    That is the sweetest pic of a lovely and handsome couple. Was this taken before or after the nuptials?

    1. finallyhappy

      interesting partheno story- the stick insects at the National Zoo are all female and the ones at NMNH are all male. I was told a trade will be happening to change the gene pool

  6. C_R_Eature

    BLUNTS FIRED UP! READY TO GO!

    LETS GO CHANGE THE…Uh… change the …
    change the radio station, man. Yeah, Reggae!

    Woooooo! Let's go find a White Castle!

      1. C_R_Eature

        Thanks! That's sweet. Where are my car keys? My left shoe? How did my pants get in the tree? Why's this boat up on somebody's lawn?

  7. BlueStateLibel

    Delivered in a nerdish but commanding voice: "A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship; but it is not this day! An hour of woe, and shattered shields, when the Age of Men comes crashing down; but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand!"

    1. TribecaMike

      Supposedly, Zappa said he disbanded the Mothers because "people clap for the wrong reasons." Or maybe he was talking about Mitt Romney's speech last week. I don't know, I'm high.

  8. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My hairdresser is running late. If I am not home in time for Biden I am never going back to her again. But I will be well quaffed for when I get preggers!

  9. SheriffRoscoe

    I won't be able to watch the big speeches live tonight, because, hello, some of us have jobs!…but anyway, I am counting on all of you to leave extraordinarily awesome comments for me to read late tonight so that I can feel as though I was there. Can you be counted on? (Say yes.)

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      That's what I did for the GOP convention.
      Then went to work the next day and was able to stand around the water cooler and talk like I had actually watched every minute of the damn thing.

      1. Pres.Beeblebrox

        His Time is coming. He would have run for Old Joe's seat had he not had to prosecute the worst child molester in history, Dr. Earl Bradley. Said molestor's multiple life sentence was affirmed today by the Delaware Supreme Court. Beau's path is clear now. Not sure what he will run for, though. Both Senate seats and our only House seat are occupied by Dems.

        And now, to watch Gov. Orange Christ tell us how awful the GOP is….

        1. SorosBot

          And thank you for that, teabaggers, giving us the crazy loser non-witch because Mike Castle was too reasonable for you.

    1. Terry

      Joe loves and takes care of his family, something certain other folks fail to do. Not naming names. Cough…Joe Walsh…cough

  10. Terry

    I love Joe. He's a lot like some of my male relatives. Smart, heart in the right place, doesn't tolerate fools, and a goofy personable way about him.

  11. kittensdontlie

    Word to the Wise:
    C-Span coverage seems to be the only channel without a delay. DNC website streaming is delayed by a minute, and the networks are but not as bad. You might miss something, maybe not a nipple slip, but what if part ways into his speech 'Bama drops his pants and tells that Mitt Romulan to kiss his sweet balack *ss. You never know….

  12. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Since I can't be at home watching this, I'm going to liveblog from my hairdresser's.

    4:27 PST – it's really hot under this dryer.
    4:30 – this is taking way too long and I have to pee.

  13. Terry

    "We are not at the convention because live blooging is impossible when you can’t pause or rewind, and also we are not at the convention because we are never leaving the house again, because OLD AND TIRED. So old. So tired. But at least our eyeballs have stopped crackling, so that is a plus!"

    I feel your pain. I was a little bit bitchy in my 8am meeting this morning.

    1. finallyhappy

      Absolutely- it is the only way I know how. Certain white people from Philly used to know how to dance- I was never one of them

  14. TribecaMike

    Remember how the righties were saying the last night was being moved indoors because nobody was going to show up? That was funny.

    1. TribecaMike

      He looked a lot like a retired Milk Drivers and Dairy Employees organizer I bend elbows with at my dive.

    1. Zango Crudmonger

      As a young Christianistani, I never really thought about acting out on the carnal desires, until the concept was aired in public discourse. At that point, I figured I'd already been ear-fucked, might as well go for the sweat, sweat love itself.

  15. Callyson

    How dedicated am I as a political nerd?

    So dedicated that I am missing Fashion's Night Out, which was very inconveniently scheduled for this evening. FFS, can't a girl like both fashion and politics? Don't know why the idiots and assholes who run FNO couldn't have scheduled it for next week…

      1. TribecaMike

        The one who always wore her shirt out on that show to hide her big fat ass? (Watched it every week.)

  16. Zango Crudmonger

    Politics is looking for me?! Hide the stash(s)! I'd include moneys, but that's hiding so I well I can't even find them.

  17. Arborista

    Hmmm. SC Public TV station has dumped live coverage of the Convention tonight. Could be they don't want South Carolinians to see Jim Clyburn, Obama, etc.?

  18. Terry

    Is this the first time a Prince song has been played at a convention? They should have gone with one of his other songs, say, International Lover.

  19. Terry

    I'm turning into my Mother. I looked at Scarlett Johannson and thought "She's such a pretty girl. Why is she wearing so much eye makeup?"

  20. C_R_Eature

    GABBY! I'm standing for the Pledge. Even though I have no pants.

    I HAVE NO PANTS AND I MUST PLEDGE!

    1. SorosBot

      Aw and here I was busy buying snacks for a visitor I'm gonna have next week; I guess I shouldn't have gone to get them.

    1. AncienReggie

      Yeah. Anger, hate and bitterness just bleed right through. Hope and love, they shine right through.

      1. SorosBot

        That and this convention actually has real Americans and looks like America, not just a bunch of old white people.

    1. SorosBot

      They've finally, finally stopped running away on both reproductive rights and gay marriage, and showing balls on them.

  21. Callyson

    Bumper sticker in the crowd:

    Save Medicare – Vote Democrat

    Does this mean we have embraced the "Democrat Party" label that the Reeps love to throw at us, the way we embrace Obamacare?

  22. Callyson

    Javier Becerra–I live in his district! Though redistricting gives me Adam Schiff after this year.

    ETA: he looks better here than he does in his photos.

    1. Crank_Tango

      Yeah I dunno, I really don't find him to be all that great of a speaker, but then again I generally avoid watching him speak. Yes, yes, yes, I am a good little libtard and all that, but he just comes across all stilted to me. Don't get me wrong, he is no John Kerry, but someone on NPR this morning said how "dynamic" of a speaker he is and I just laughed.

      1. Designer_Rants

        I generally agree – it's like he has his truly inspired moments, but most of the time he's afraid of what Fox News is going to say about him if he flubs a line (and they do, ad nauseum, like "you didn't build that"). He used to be incredible when he was campaigning and shortly thereafter… then he became more stilted like you say. Hopefully he brings back the A-game tonight to seal the deal. Fuck Fox News.

  23. Callyson

    "Now, maybe Governor Romney has forgotten what got us into this mess in the first place, but we haven't"

    Too bad that quote is a little long for a bumper sticker…

    (Christ, I originally typed "Governor Obama." It's been a long campaign…)

  24. Fare la Volpe

    So tired. But at least our eyeballs have stopped crackling, so that is a plus!

    Eyeball(s) plural? Come now, Rebecca, what do you take us for?

  25. Self-Uploader

    8:05: Just tuned in.
    I missed the gays dancing! (Crap, my cousin was there).
    Caroline (Will Never Be a Senator) Kennedy.
    Just saw Gabby Giffords. (Wasn't there some young, gay Mesican guy who helped save her life and got recognized at that tribute thing? Shouldn't he be speaking? Just a thought.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Sad to say he's not a very good speaker. He's still a student at U of A and didn't even get elected when he ran for student body president. Personally, I think the students should be ashamed of themselves, but his platform didn't include beer pong on every street corner, so he lost.

  26. Maman

    Still getting more Gabby coverage. On stage with her best friend, DWS (needs a keratin treatment) and sitting in the audience with her astronaut. What is wrong with me? Dry as the Sahara

  27. rickmaci

    One thing that can be said about Caroline Kennedy. Charisma is not an inherited characteristic. (But she seems to be a very nice, very rich lady.)

  28. Callyson

    Aw, my dog just licked the screen as Governor Granholm started speaking about saving the auto industry…

  29. Goonemeritus

    Rebecca real men don’t go to conventions their day is too booked stuffing Paultards into lockers. If you need to resort to the love that dare not speak its name to get through this trip we won’t hold it against you.

  30. LibertyLover

    The DNC is so diverse… they've got shouty speakers and quiet speakers and boring speakers and Foo Fighters!

  31. Mittens Howell, III

    Bravo! The amazing thing about that speech was that Jennifer Granholm was also doing kegels the whole way through.

    1. finallyhappy

      and that is why I make sure I don't watch a channel with that shit. I was yelling at the TV the other night- so my husband said change the channel- and it worked!!

  32. savethispatient

    Re: 8:12pm – BigSkullF*ckingDog's asterisk is a U? How rude! I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!

  33. Callyson

    "The Eva Longoria who worked flipping burgers needed a tax break, but the Eva Longoria who works on movie sets does not"

    NICE!

  34. bibliotequetress

    If you watch Caroline Kennedy's speech on mute but blast "The Wall" it totally fucking makes sense!

  35. Callyson

    Montana's governor? Never seen him–this could be interesting.

    And yes, Governor, we sure do have work to do…

  36. Veritas78

    Don't they sell any neckties west of the Mississippi? I see a untapped market niche.

    Woops! Missed the bolo. Shoulda known.

    1. finallyhappy

      I think it was during a work trip to Montana(years ago) that I bought bolo ties for my family- not sure when I thought a 7 year old girl and a 9 year old boy would wear them(and they didn't- neither did my husband)

  37. Callyson

    Quadrupled the fee for gun licenses? Oh boy, the NRA gun nuts are going into severe cognitive dissonance…

  38. SorosBot

    WTF does "that dog don't hunt" mean? Leave the nonsense sayings to the Republicans, Western dude with the silly string tie thing!

    1. Callyson

      He's trying to appeal to the people who think saying things like that shows a common touch.

      Annoying, yes, but it could work…

    2. Hera Sent Me

      Two problems: The expression is "That dog won't hunt" and it's a Southernism.

      Maybe he's got that string wrapped too tight.

      1. SorosBot

        That makes no sense whatsoever. For one, why would you care, or even know, if your pet dog hunts or not?

    3. finallyhappy

      My dog did- and I don't – she killed 2 possums and a bunny here in the burbs. I don't know what it means though.

      1. SorosBot

        My cat did; my old apartment building had a problem with mice, but not my unit, where the only ones I saw were dead in her paws.

    1. SorosBot

      Yeah, this guy is boring. Even when making a good point his delivery is just dull; even talking about bin Laden being dead he just makes me yawn.

  39. Janinthepan

    Did anyone notice the "Obámanos" sign in the crowd? Obama has become a Spanish verb-that is awesome!

  40. C_R_Eature

    All kidding aside, folks.

    Watching the 2012 Democratic National Convention gives me the feeling that I've slipped back through the space-time rift into the Normal Universe. Where people do and say things that make sense, evil is not lauded as good and smart people make evidence based decisions. And…the audience isn't a nightmarish landscape of fat white clones.

    I hope I get to stay, this time.

    1. bibliotequetress

      Just keep up the momentum C_R Eature & maybe we can keep the Morlocks from grabbing it again.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Hey, I'll got through those hairy white fuckers before I go back to Backwards Universe. Take that to the bank.

  41. OzoneTom

    "Eva Longoria, when did you stop being an asshole who clocks valets and shit and start being so frigging menschy?"

    When she touched Scarlett in a familiar manner?

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      Yup. She's got "You're gonna wake up naked and alone, chained to the bed in a Holiday Inn" written all over her.

  42. Millennial Malaise

    That has got to be the worst "Four More Years" chant I've ever heard. Brian Schweitzer seems like a good dude, had a great tv appearance a few weeks ago. But he should never lead a chant ever again.

  43. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Jesus mcfucktits all twatwaffled and leaky. The ad script that keeps reflowing the content on the iPad is horrendous.

  44. SorosBot

    Hey we've got our own party crossover now! Now that you're with the Dems Charlie maybe you can try coming out of the closet?

    1. OzoneTom

      He'll resist out of respect to his "wife."

      Until they can both burst from the closet at the same glorious moment!

  45. Terry

    Florida is always on the edge of disaster. If its not the economy, it's mother nature or some crazy assed locals.

  46. Callyson

    "He simply saw Americans who needed help…I saw the leader our country needs."

    And *we* see both of those things very clearly…

  47. Terry

    I have to say that Charlie is a nice looking man, well dressed, and with a fab tan. He played quarterback for Wake Forest?

    1. Misty Malarky

      They're Palmetto Bugs, Dammit!

      Palmetto Bugs!

      Not only are they huge, but they can fly and screech like tree frogs.

      Please God, don't them them really be cockroaches . . .

  48. Veritas78

    "…I see a leader who will give me a cabinet job. That's the reason I'm here tonight."

    Still, we're grateful for the help. Now change parties.

  49. Callyson

    Christ, if we had more rational, concerned, logical Republicans like Crist, Obama's post partisan ideas for governing would stand a chance…

  50. Terry

    I remember seeing Geraldine Ferraro be nominated at the convention. My family was eating dinner with a TV moved so we could see history happening.

  51. Callyson

    "He would rely on them–after all, he's the great outsourcer…this is not the time to outsource the job of commander in chief"

    Well played, John Kerry…

      1. Jerri

        He looks like a Real Housewife if the real housewives were lesbian grandmas from the eastern seaboard.

        (I'm sorry. I don't really have anything against him. It's just unsettling.)

        1. C_R_Eature

          I am getting a little tired of all this shouting on street corners by myself. The tips can be OK, though.

  52. Callyson

    "It took President Obama…to give that order and finally rid this earth of Osama bin Laden"

    Ah, I just can't hear that enough–

    "Ask Osama bin Laden if he's better off now than he was four years ago"

    OMG I love this!

  53. IndianaKevin

    I don't care for the "exceptionalism" meme much because it seems to imply others are lesser beings, but I like the perspective Kerry applied to it.

    1. Terry

      I'm going to make a little poster of that for my Dad to hang on the bulletin board at his American Legion post. Should make a few tea bagger heads explode. Lol

    1. Blueb4sinrise

      Tabitha Hale ‏@TabithaHale
      Wait, Obama has more foreign policy experience than Romney? Is that what Kerry is saying?
      Expand

      3m TBogg TBogg ‏@tbogg
      @TabithaHale Yes. Obama has been president for the past 3 years. You didn't know? It was in all of the papers…

  54. Callyson

    "He has every position"

    And we have a winner for the bumper sticker contest. Thanks for playing, everyone!

  55. SorosBot

    Gah I lost my internet connection for a bit; hope I didn't miss anything interesting – oh look John Kerry *yawn* zzzzzzzz….

        1. SorosBot

          And Heinz, while a Republican, was a decent, reasonable guy who would probably have been driven out of the party as a RINO had it not been for that helicopter crash.

  56. Callyson

    "Talk about being for it before you were against it…Mr Romney, you better finish your debate with yourself"

    Oh yeah! Go Kerry!

  57. mayor_quimby

    Jennifer Granolm should marry Joe Biden. She's yelling shit, and fist pumping. She even winked at us.

    1. emmelemm

      At least Kerry always had the self-awareness to realize he married into it, and it wasn't some bullshit bootstrapping, just luck.

  58. miss_grundy

    Oh, snap! Where was this Kerry when he was running for President? This guy hit that bitch! Dang, boy!!!!!

  59. SayItWithWookies

    Oh sure — say you're gonna start the liveblog at nine and then just churn right ahead while I obliviously watch Wipeout and do dishes. Okay, I needed to do the dishes anyway, but what'd I miss? John Kerry? Hahahahaha — hey his last few minute weren't bad, though.

  60. SorosBot

    That's nice about the veterans; Forrest Gump is still one of the worst movies ever made, and probably the most heinous Oscar ever. (And over both Pulp Fiction and Shawshank redemption!)

  61. C_R_Eature

    "No nominee for President should fail to mention our brave troops fighting overseas again"
    (paraphrased)

    Kerry just grabbed the "Anti American War ProtesterCommieLiberal" baseball bat the Republicans have been beating us all with and tolchocked them soundly back, right in the yarbles, until we all felt better.

    That was worth seeing.

  62. Oblios_Cap

    I have to say that this is the bestest Dem convention I've watched. Just great speakers all around.

  63. iTuna

    I love that the Dems have wrested the 'we love the troops' angle away from the Republicans. We do love them!

  64. Terry

    I understand that it's not in great taste to crow over the death of a person, but I think an exception can be made for bin Laden. Burn in Hell, rat bastard.

    1. rickmaci

      "And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
      In the deep bosom of the ocean buried."

      Richard III, WShakespeare

    2. Callyson

      One of the worst moments in my life was the time that passed between when CNN mumbled something about a plane going down "near Pittsburgh" (my hometown, where my dad was still living and worked in the tallest building in the city) and the clarification that the plane went down in a rural area.

      Which is a long winded way of saying "Yeah, what you said…"

      1. Negropolis

        My sister works for United, so I know exactly what you mean. The time spent trying to find what flight she was on that morning was agonizing to say the least.

  65. Mittens Howell, III

    We will now adjourn for a brief "Rubbing Republican's noses in Barack's awesomeness" break.

  66. Callyson

    Made it back for some of the veterans. Shit, this is much more inspiring than a bunch of washed up Olympians…

  67. IonaTrailer

    I was anti-war until 9-11 and then it became fuck Osams Bin Laden. I'm stoked we're owning this- owning it while bringing the troops home – because no one likes war.

  68. SayItWithWookies

    Oh it's Bob McAsshole on PBS. For a religious fanatic who hates planned parenthood he certainly has a faked air of professionalism and a big forehead. He's saying how we're not better off now — and yet last week he was taking credit for Virginia doing alright during this slow recovery, even though this state hosts tons of federal employees, the Norfolk naval yards, Quantico, air and naval bases — what a freaking opportunistic little chameleon.

    1. Terry

      The base realignment moved a slew of civilian DoD employees out of Crystal City, Va, over to Pax River, Md. Maybe we could move a few thousand more across the river.

  69. SorosBot

    Retired Admiral John – Mathman? Did I hear that right? Are we sure that's not a character from Square One?

  70. Jukesgrrl

    I'd like to raise a glass to the (no doubt exhausted) speechwriting team that is probably still typing backstage. EVERY SINGLE SPEECH at this convention has had take away lines that were utterly eloquent or bumper-sticker-ready … and most times both. Not one speech in Tampa, including the keynotes and the acceptances speeches, were at the level of the afternoon introducers in Charlotte. I've done enough corporate speechwriting in my life to know what a BITCH of a job it is. I am in awe of these people. Go cry in your Scotch Madame Noonington and Bat Buchanan; you've been powned.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      I can't wait until a republican goes on one of the Sunday shows and says war is just a distraction. .

  71. Oblios_Cap

    It's pretty obvious that the GOP doesn't lurv the Troops nearly as much as we do.

    Here's an idea- let's fighting trade wars. We're not the fuckin' Dutch. Now it's time to load the pipe.

  72. SayItWithWookies

    Virginia governor Bob McDonnell — "A war on women that doesn't exist" — he signed a law that's basically gonna close down every abortion facility in the state that doesn't have the same equipment and facilities as a major hospital.

  73. FakaktaSouth

    Man, I like this crew of troops way better than the RNC group of Olympians, especially that little troll shooter girl-person. Nicely nicely done.

      1. SorosBot

        And what Olympians did the Dems have? I mean it's not like they had the winner of the gold in the most popular event of the Summer Olympics (who is also the first blah woman to ever win in that sport) or anything.

  74. Dr. Nick Riviera

    Which of Mitt's servants is being forced to wear an Obama mask tonight so Mitt can yell at him?

  75. Callyson

    I LOVE this discussion about how Obama worked to get businesses to hire veterans. This at a time when the Reeps want to outsource and the rich want to pay workers $2/day…

    1. James Michael Curley

      The VA alone is on track, budget wise, to hire and train 1,200 returning disabled veterans to handle the processing of the enormous backlog of claims.

  76. Terry

    My Dad, a WW2 vet and proud Democrat, is tickled with this salute to vets and overview of veteran issues.

  77. IonaTrailer

    Rachel Maddow called Kerry's speech a "roast of Romney" – hahaha – I love that beautiful dyke!

    1. Terry

      My Dad did, too, when he got back from the Army. The GI Bill, along with what my grandfather could pay and my Dad working in the dining hall, meant that Dad got to study science instead of working in either a textile or wire mill.

  78. Millennial Malaise

    Democrats are serving Combat Realness. It's inspiring, really (the speaker is just ok) but can we just end the wars already? Just because we have an army doesn't mean we have to use it all the time, right? There was such a thing as peace time, right?

    We can show love to the troops by giving them a fucking vacation!

  79. C_R_Eature

    Yes, Republicans:

    However much you may want to minimize the achievement now, it remains a fact that Barack Obama, Democratic President of the United States, gave the order to kill Osama Bin laden and it was a success. Barack Obama made bringing Osama bin Laden to justice a priority.
    This happened.

    The Previous, Republican President – the one you've been so successful at hiding – did not. Not only that, he actually said in public that he "didn't think about him (bin Laden)", disbanded the office designated to bringing bin laden to justice and pulled troops out of the Afghan border area to fight an illegal, poorly planned war of choice.
    This happened too.

    So – who's the patriot, now?

    1. rocktonsam

      the Boss played in Madison on stage with Kerry days before the election in "04."

      I'd rather see Niel Young or Alannis Morrisette or BTO

    2. James Michael Curley

      Since the day it was a super, special, today only, secret, subscriber only down load from Amazon I have been hawking the WH people to use "We Take Care of Our Own." in the campaign. Totally went in the tank again, with another online contribution, when the Pres signed off his acceptance speech with it.

  80. Goonemeritus

    Fuck I just missed being comment 666 on this live blog. Now I will have to find a goat to sacrifice to appease our Parties true leader.

    1. coolhandnuke

      One instructs at a Community college, the other takes his instructions from a Community College dropout.

  81. cromiller

    Violence Against Women Act? But I thought the War on Women was not real and just a distraction from the Real Issues (TM).

      1. SorosBot

        Oh yeah, that got me too. It seems they were very luckily in their eventual stepmother, in addition to Biden being a great single dad.

  82. Callyson

    Christ, I knew about the accident, but didn't know it was when they were getting a Christmas tree…

    Fuck the Biden haters, hard, in the ass (with votes!)

    1. SorosBot

      Yeah, though I've heard the story before, and we were even talking about it here earlier tonight in this very thread, it still got me.

  83. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    How are they going to make cheesy videos when all the vintage footage is hi-res digital files.

  84. FakaktaSouth

    Nobody's better than you and you're not better than anyone. Words to live by. But man I hate the GOP.

  85. Limeylizzie

    I love Handsome Joe, I know I have told this story before, but my mother died when she was 32, I was 8 and my brother was 10 and my dad, God love him, was a terrible parent, really clueless and pretty much neglected us so I have always really felt for Joe who also being left widowed with young children was a wonderful parent., by all accounts, just a really great man.

  86. Callyson

    Now, this middle class video is a NICE way of both acknowledging that lots of people are still suffering economically and that the Dems have a much better plan to carve a path forward…

  87. C_R_Eature

    Romney's dad made that walk.

    Down the hall to the Drawing Room to tell Mitt he needed to go to France for a while.

    1. finallyhappy

      I forgot that story-hearing it again is a reminder of what this man went through and what kind of person he is

  88. saggyboobedhag

    Fruit popsicle in a bowl (mine is acai blueberry but any flavor will do), nuke for 30 seconds. Pour into martini glass with two ice cubes, one ounce of 100 proof vodka. Use stick to stir. Just sayin'

          1. saggyboobedhag

            Well, after 50 years in the miserable east, I've now lived on Puget Sound for 4 years. Three on Bainbridge and one in Bummertown (so close to PSNS I hear bugle sounds at dawn and dusk)

    1. mayor_quimby

      Sounds delicious. My god kids are gonna love that shit, but they'll be passed out before they can truly enjoy it. Oh well, more for me

  89. Oblios_Cap

    I imagine that Rasmussen will have hard time tomorrow lying about how this race is virtually tied in the polls.

  90. SorosBot

    "Teachers should be lifted up, not torn down" – take that, Chris Christie!

    and "Father of an Iraq war veteran" – take that, Mittens!

    1. OurHoboSenator

      I heard it as "father of an erect war veteran," but I think that was just wishful thinking on my part…

  91. Callyson

    I am LOVING hearing Biden go on about how optimistic he is about America overcoming obstacles. Nice contrast to the doom and gloom crowd last week…

  92. OzoneTom

    So Joe Boxers will be cool again?

    Because that was a knockout,

    And we haven't even gotten to the main attraction of the evening.

  93. BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, Barack just sent me a personal email asking me to kick in 25 bucks! Where does he find the fucking time!?! What a multi-tasker!!!

      1. finallyhappy

        I got asked for $65 for the Pres(don't know who asked me) and Senator Barb asked me for $3(???) for Ben Cardin. So I' rich and I'm poor

  94. coolhandnuke

    Bush I, Qualye, Al Gore, Dick Cheney, Joe Biden–VPs of the past 25 years. Who would you want to share a bottle of 12-year-old Scotch with and shoot the shit?
    Winner, hands fucking down–Joe Fucking Biden.