Charlotte Day Two Maybe: Dave Weigel Is A Crazy Bitch

WEIGEL!!!!Sorry we did not blog at you yesterday; we left Jim here in charge at the house (la Casita de Wonkadonk) and went into the Charlotte wilds in search of our badges (WE NEED STINKING BADGES), and then we ate a bunch of acid with one of our dudes from Boston (we have dudes from Boston), and now Jim is probably going to quit because of how we left him all day yesterday and then ran out of battery and never checked in and were just on acid all night like a fucking hippie 17-year-old girl getting arrested protesting the Original Gulf War. 1990, represent! Also, you guys, make Jim not quit! More importantly, however, did we mention world-famous walking Slate Explainer Dave Weigel is a crazy bitch?

We don’t want to brag, but we have met Dave Weigel in person several times since Tampa, and also too we are actually housemates at la casita! No, we’re cool, we explained to people who wondered if we could really Wonkette it up when we are just little ole us from little ole Los Angeles instead of real punditer types from the Beltway, we are housemates with Dave Weigel! Every morning he stumbles in at a million o’clock, and then when the rest of us are just lying on our couches (see: now) too hungover to even log into the secret chat room, let alone do any work, he has been up and gone for FUCKING HOURS covering some Mass delegate breakfast or random bullshit, doing the work of 10 strong men!

And so we saw him again last night — closing time, of course, we had watched Bill Clinton’s A+++ of a American Politicks primer on the big screens outside the Chris Matthews MSNBC doohickey at some sort of fake shopping Experience (it was probably even called the Experience) because the fire marshall cut off the line at the arena two people ahead of us, and we explained to everybody that to apologize for the inconvenience, they would like to us to take the umbrella of our choice from the 30-yard pile of left umbrellas on the way out, but we were kidding, but then a guy told us really, no, take an umbrella, they would all end up in a dumpster, so we chose something cute and little and sort of Pucci-stripesy, so thanks someone! So did you see Ol’ Bill’s speech? FOR THE RECORD, we were not a fan ever since the Welfare Act, which is why we voted Nader in both ’96 and 2000 (and yes, we are sorry), but hooboy CHAINS Y’ALL FUCKIN’ GREAT SPEECH BUBBA AND BIG DOG AND WHATNOT YEEHAW, it was even better than it would have been if it was Bud Hammond from Political Animals, that’s how good it was!

So we were at some sort of “bar” or “ale house,” and we’d seen Charlie Crist already on the street and been all “HOLY SHIT!” and what do you think Charlie Crist said? He said “Holy S to you too!” we are not even kidding he said that. So gorgeous in person, so very gay.

So there we were keeping our jaw from falling off our face with a last call beer, when out walked WEIGEL! “Hey Weigel!” we said, “what do you think about giving me a ride home to the place where we both live?” And here was his answer, before disappearing into the night:

“I could do that. Theoretically.”

And that was literally the nicest thing he has said to us in the two weeks since we met him.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. Doktor Zoom

      I prefer to think that I blogged all over your faces, but as you imply, this may all be a matter of perception.

    2. JadedDissonance

      I haven't been a fan of Weigel since he put out some claptrap about hating cyclists. But I didn't vote for Nader.

  1. Andrew Drinker

    "What you have just said, is the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul."

    1. sullivanst

      The number of handies Repubs give each other, I'm sure they all have powerful grips. Just not on reality.

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    Bill Clinton: still capable of kicking ass, taking names & getting more tail than a jock at a drunken sorority party. Woo hoo…I am in love all over again.

    1. fartknocker

      Last night was the most educational and interesting speech on policy and politics I've ever witnessed. I was blown away at Bill Clinton's ability to convey facts. I suspect our President will do an even better job of explaining his plans tonight.

      It would be awesome if I could vote for Hillary for POTUS in 2016….or Bill.

      1. actor212

        I said at my blog this morning that, whoever choreographed this convention, with Michelle Tues and Clinton last night, has set up POTUS for either the best speech of his life or the biggest comedown since Eastwood saw an imaginary president

        1. Terry

          If Obama delivers an equally strong speech tonight as those given by Michelle and Bill, the only way Barry can lose is if the GOP'ers uncover photos of him in bed with a dead, male, teenage, card carrying member of Al Qaida and his pet goat.

    2. GeorgiaBurning

      Best Democratic President in my lifetime. And as Michael Moore put it, a very successful Republican President, as well.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Clinton's 1992 victory would not have been possible without an organization called The Democratic Leadership Conference. They had over half the democratic members of congress as card carrying members and vast numbers of state democratic officials. Their major Raison d'être was to save the Democratic Party from its liberal drift during the post Johnson era and to adapt to the defeat of Carter under Reagan. Most of those I met were smug, self-satisfied neophytes who were going to save the 'Dukakis Democrats' from themselves.

        That said, It looks like their web site; http://www.dlc.org, has not been updated since late 2010.

  3. Mumbletypeg

    So in the past week in various wonk pages we've been shown a LizGlover tweet, a reference to a SKS text, a Nooningtonshire revisited, a comment from RileyWaggs, and a confrontation with Weigel.
    Now all we need is Benincasa to make an appearance and This Week in Wonkette Retrospective will be nearly complete.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        I've seen her on MSNBC a lot. She's not as funny–I think she has to be all 'serious' and grown up now since she works for the Guardian (I believe).

        1. actor212

          What is it about teh TeeVee and real media that makes people change what got them there in the first place? I've done one radio show and was as snarky and sarcastic as I am in type and…

          Oh. Wait…

          1. SorosBot

            He's currently three of my 'Last 5 visitors' – and yours, and probably most of the other Wonkette regulars.

      1. Oblios_Cap

        Is he gay? But But But he has a "wife"!

        Actually, his gheyness is probably the worst kept secret in the state.

  4. Lucidamente1

    Does Wonkette create some sort of space-time distortion such that every single one of its photographs is poorly lit and out of focus? Or is it the radiance of our Editrix?

    1. James Michael Curley

      An aurora appears when she shows herself to mere mortals. Our grandchildren's grandchildren will be flocking to her holy font to drink from its curved, magnificent, porcelain vessel.

      1. tessiee

        "to drink from its curved, magnificent, porcelain vessel

        OK, I'm positive that this is a euphemism for SOMETHING, but do I want to know what?

  5. el_donaldo

    Hey, don't broadcast that!!! Do you want Tucker and the Daily Failure to launch an investigative report about bloggers sharing living arrangements? That could blow this whole election thing wide open!

  6. LibertyLover

    I would like to say that Darrell Hammond did an excellent impression of Bill Clinton last night at the DNC Convention.

  7. el_donaldo

    And, Rebecca, honestly, acid? The 17-year hippie girl can probably dose and get right up the next day doing stuff. At my advanced age of hippiedom, I need at least two days of recovery.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Tracers whilst trying to drive to work are DOUBLEPLUSS BAD!

      Though it did make the commute a lot more … colorful. So to speak.

  8. OkieDokieDog

    So are you the one who slipped Tom Brokaw the Ambien?

    Per TB's tweeter: All is well Early AM I mistakenly took a half dose of Ambien and made less sense than usual. Made a better comeback than Giants…

    Football reference. Ugh. Boring. Play some real fútbol, ya know, with your foots and not your brain damaged head.

    1. deanbooth

      Made a better comeback than Giants…

      Hey! Some of us DVRers haven't watched the end of the game yet (Wonkette liveblog took priority). I dread these spoiler messages from the future.

    1. sewollef

      A mere two shades lighter than the lightest illegal.

      I believe it's otherwise known as, Pantone 132 C. That's what Arizona's cops do when they's tracking down "undocumentados".

  9. Goonemeritus

    I am uncomfortable with any story where the charming handsome character is the former Republican Governor of Florida. I wouldn’t visit Florida if I lost my penis in a freak industrial accident and they had the only viable procedure for replacement.

  10. fuflans

    this is curious. last time i checked, weigel was just a blogger.

    if he was a real journalist he'd be staying in the bates motel with fox and friends and have his own goddamned parking spot.

  11. Hera Sent Me

    Looks like our editrix has figured out how to make getting drunk tax deductible.

    Looks, brains and a cast-iron bladder. Talk about the whole package.

  12. Oblios_Cap

    So gorgeous in person, so very gay.

    And probably the next Guv of Flor-i-duh. The guy has more lives than a cat.

    1. Guppy

      No, I think Florida is done with him. He's gone full "trial lawyer" (appearing in ambulance-chaser commercials and everything), and you know how Real America™ feels about that.

  13. Joshua Norton

    Gurrrrl, be careful. You may be in danger of turning into the blog world version of Chelsea Handler.

    Also, too I understand that the Repugs have retroactively decided they never had a convention this year.

    1. rickmaci

      'You may be in danger of turning into the blog world version of Chelsea Handler. '

      Ouch. That hurt. (But well played.)

  14. ThundercatHo

    Hey, doesn't our Editrix deserve to cut loose? If I were down there without any dependents serious men in suits would have to pull me off Bill. You go ahead and enjoy yourself madam and see if you can find some asses that need kickin' with our girl Sandra Fluke.

  15. HolyCow!!

    Do what I do when one of my coworkers screws up. Cut off an appendage and then chain them to the toilet for a few days. Trust me Jim. It works.

  16. UnholyMoses

    How do you get around with your eyes closed all the time?

    One would think you'd be, like, walking into walls all the time.

    1. tessiee

      "How do you get around with your eyes closed all the time?"

      Don't spread it around, but she's related to Earl HIckey.

  17. BlueStateLibel

    If Jim quits, we'll all go on a HUNGER STRIKE. And don't think you'll be able to change my mind on this, it'll be like Gandhi and Bobby Sands times a million.

  18. rickmaci

    Maybe the iPhone5 camera will have an "I'm so fucking drunk on my ass and need help taking this fucking picture" automatic setting app?

    1. sewollef

      I'm assuming it will, but I'm gonna have trouble staying sober 'til next Wednesday.

      Can you stay sober for a week?

  19. tessiee

    "So we were at some sort of “bar” or “ale house,” and we’d seen Charlie Crist already on the street and been all “HOLY SHIT!” "

    I woulda been all, "Jesus Christ, it's Charlie Crist!", but "HOLY SHIT!" is good, too.

  20. DahBoner

    Dave Weigal is perfect for Slate.

    They need writers over there young enough to not even know they were alive during Reagan's Reign of Errors…

  21. mustangsavvy

    hahahahaha oh Becca. You are what we Aussies like to say……completely pissed and shit-faced. Good on ya – you should probably just take the day off now.

    We love you Jim, don't quit!!!

  22. lonewolfbear

    Please do not quit Jim. It will make Jeebus cry. It is your patriotic duty to keep on… keep on… snarking.

  23. Charlie_Foxtrot

    "…went into the Charlotte wilds… and were just on acid all night like a fucking hippie 17-year-old girl getting arrested protesting the Original Gulf War. 1990, represent!"

    Believe it or not, I was in Charlotte the night the Gulf War started! That can't be coincidence, Becca. Shall we have sex?

  24. ffredpalakon

    Remind me of this post if you ever need a lift – because Weigel usually comes across as a genial though contrarian guy, and yet the photo used here resembles that Crispin Glover character who looks like he strangles people with wire while singing his favorite children's song – you know that character from that movie, I think it's called Every Character Crispin Glover Has Ever Played?

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