leave god alone

DNC Delegates Finally Resolve This ‘God’ Business By Going Insane

The Democratic draft platform is cruising right through to completion! You know, just going through a few little amendments via voice vote. Like this business about inserting the word “God” back into the platform and recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Well, one is a semantic issue and the other goes against longstanding U.S. policy but hey, the Republicans were criticizing Democrats over it, which automatically forces Democrats to cave. There was a bit of a planning hitch, however: What if the voice votes are… really close? Perhaps there ought to be a procedure for resolving those accurately, lest the party look incompetent? (BECAUSE THIS ONE ABOUT GOD/JEWS STUFF LOOKED VERY INCOMPETENT.)

So the LA Mayor is up there and calls a voice vote. It sounds roughly even, yea and nay! Then he tries it again. Same thing! Then he stares into space for a while like a fool. It is extremely painful viewing. WHAT NOW? Third vote: again, roughly even, but the God/Jerusalem side are declared winners with a clear 2/3 majority! Boos follow, and now Republican operatives are jacking off on Twitter, saying “DEMOCRATS BOO GOD!”

What a relief! After a few rare months of quality hard-hitting campaigning, the Democratic party may just have its beloved “let’s go out of our way to completely fuck up over nothing” swagger back.

This also doesn’t help those who still argue that conventions are necessary gatherings, since the voting is fake.


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. Omophagist

      Now if only they could get the meme of "If you toss trash, toxic waste, CO2, etc. out of your window, factory, power plant it does not magically disappear," we would be okay.

  1. IonaTrailer

    I'm pretty sure the Israelis wouldn't appreciate a bunch of Americans naming Jerusalem as the capital.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      My guess is that the Palestinians will be a bit pissed, too.

      Who? Oh, right, sorry. I forgot that we don't recognize Palestinians as "people."

  2. bikerlaureate

    If this is the worst mistake that's made at this convention, we're still ahead of the Real Amercians(TM).

  3. TribecaMike

    "The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum." — Thomas Paine

  4. Generation[redacted]

    We are dictating which cities should be the capitals of which countries — why?

    Oh, right. God.

  5. swordfis

    Well, that was ugly; and probably necessary. Neither change really matters. Inserting "God" is just an insurance policy against wingnuts, and the vote on Jerusalem will affect/effect nothing. although it's a debate worth having at another time. But not during the convention.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm sure there are Zionist nuts who would vote GOP if the Dems refused to kiss their asses — but how many votes do they really think they're buying with this nonsense?

    1. Warwhatgoodfor

      Even now I am making burnt offerings of over cooked spaghetti asking that your wish be granted. I'm not too hopeful however, in the past I have noted that the FSM isn't terribly bright, but on the plus side is not a mysogeistic, genocidal, proponent of mass rape, hate filled spawn of Yaldaboath that Yahweh turns out to be.

  6. ElPinche

    Too bad Dems don't use loyalty oaths then we wouldn't have all this unhealthy , unAmerican disagreeing .

  7. savethispatient

    Not the end of the world: the GOP just completely ignored the Paulites' loud Nays on the Republican platform at their convention too.

  8. Doktor Zoom

    Suddenly, the EU's occasional squabbles about the allowable shapes of vegetables for the Common Market seem quite reasonable.

  9. anniegetyerfun

    Oh, I was worried for a second that Dems might argue about stuff that doesn't pertain to the current issues facing most Americans. Thank goodness they headed that off at the pass!

    I'm suddenly remembering why I was registered as an independent for a number of years.

  10. zippy_w_pinhead

    sigh, Dems doing what Dems do best- pissing their pants over what the Republican noise machine belches out.

    So much for that whole "grow a backbone" thingy…

  11. PsycWench

    When you compare it to inserting a statement about no abortions even for rape or incest, I think Dems still come out looking like the good guys.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Yeah, except tonight on Fox this becomes "The Democrat Party just declared Atheism the State Religion."

  12. TribecaMike

    Jager shots ring out in the Charlotte night
    Enter Antonio Villaraigosa from the upper hall
    He calls for a voice vote in a pool of suds
    Cries out "My God we pissed off them all!"

    Here comes the story of the Really Lame…

  13. OneYieldRegular

    I would not like to be one of Obama's speech writers at this moment.

    Or maybe I would like it more than anything.

  14. RRoccoco

    So, once again we must choose the lesser of two evils. For a whole 20 hours, I felt differently. Still voting against Romnyan.

      1. Naked_Bunny

        That's the thing that says people with more money get more votes, churches don't have to follow the same laws as everyone else, and you have a right to anonymously build a personal arsenal without any sort of regulation whatsoever, right?

  15. weejee


    Well as long as they don't appear impotent. The Repelicans had very too many impotent peoplez at their Viagra convention.

  16. schvitzatura

    It's a schande that Lieberman is an "I"; I could only see his whiny whinyness pontificating about this thingee. Joementum is still waiting for the unblemished red heifer and all that jazz…

    At least we have been spared that. Thank JHVH-1 for small indulgences!

    1. IonaTrailer

      Yuh, yeah. I thought we Dems believed in the separation of Church and State. (Not just an intersection in SF).

  17. Baconzgood

    And Rush just came in his pants. Now he'll talk about how fragmented the party is and it will get everyones eyes off how fragmented the GOP is and Pauls lies. See how this plays tomorrow.

    I would type somthing smarter but t i m on my mobile at the bar and am on my way to go home and have secksy time with the 'lil lady.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Should have retired it after the 1980 Winter Olympics. There's really been no reason to use it since.

  18. kittensdontlie

    This is just a minor blip in what should be an exicting night with Elizabeth Warren!! and Bill Clinton?!

  19. TootsStansbury

    Dear God, sorry to disturb you but,
    why can't you just stay the fuck out of here?
    We don't care about your opinion on the rights of queers.
    And if people were made in your image
    why are there rascals in the streets
    ridden by those who've had too much to eat?
    'cause God.

  20. MissTaken

    Wow! They put a plank in the platform honoring the team at CERN for discovering the 'God'-particle? Science is rad!

    Oh, wait.

  21. Chet Kincaid_

    How about we stop cowering in fear over what the Republicans might tweet about what Democrats did in some meaningless vote? They will lie about anything Democrats do, whether it actually happened or not. We should worry about making them worry about what we're going to be beating the tar out of their asses with.

    1. Katydid

      Yeah, what you said. Actually, if anyone could please tell me *why* the Dems give one fuck about what the wingnuts say, I would mightily appreciate it. I does not understand.

  22. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Nice to see that the Dems respect the true meaning of democracy: going along with whoever is loudest.

  23. mavenmaven

    Amazing, the blogosphere is full of repubs carrying on about the Jerusalem thing, but the repubs had it in their platform for the last 16 years, including 8 years when they were the PRESIDENT and never did anything about it. So it's a totally meaningless gesture.

    1. TribecaMike

      She's never been a riveting speaker, unlike her Maryland homegirl Barbara Mikulski, who should be up at bat soon.

  24. IonaTrailer

    Nancy just said we must over-turn Citizens United. Hope you Wonketters have all signed Al Franken's petition????

    1. IonaTrailer

      I have a friend in SF who styles Feinstein and Pelosi – I asked her what was up with the boulder like beads. ???

  25. TribecaMike

    Sandra Fluke speaking later tonight. Am I alone in regarding her as being extremely easy on the eyes?

  26. C_R_Eature

    So, this is what the virtual Breittardverse has to obsessively ejaculate over? A wholly ginned-up theological non-controversy? That is a shame, for them.

    By this time in the Republican Convention, we had Hurricane Isaac reminding us of the horrible failures of Bush's FEMA, The televised convention was The Whitest Show On Earth, the streets of Tampa had more of a military presence than Czechoslovakia after the Prague Spring and we were given Peanut Throwing at the hardworking black woman photographer "Animal" as our very own Meme.

    We're in Fat City, kids.

  27. Serolf_Divad

    The Democrats need to add a preamble to their party platform declaring it the "Revealed Word of God the Almighty, Redeemer and Son of the Blessed Virgin Mary" just to shut the Republicans the fuck up.

  28. AlterNewt

    I don't know. This 'God' guy. Always needs more money. Always with the smiting and the plaugue-ification. Sounds like an asshole.

  29. IonaTrailer

    Ooo, ouch – Barbara Muikulski just said she works on the macaroni and cheese issues.

    (Note to Barb: better lay off the macncheese)

  30. C_R_Eature

    I have to say that's a pretty impressive bench of Senators we have up there. They're all women, too, which is even more impressive.

    Glad they're on my team.

    1. TribecaMike

      There's a framed photo of my late mother-in-law with Sen. Mikulski on the living room wall here at my sis-in-laws' house.

    1. Arborista

      I kinda had the impression that she wants to be a public presence & work for the Dems, but her desire to also have a private life means that her public speaking skills are not as sharp as they should be.

      Perhaps she thinks that as a Kennedy, she deserves an audience anyway? I like her, but didn't think she had much to add to the conversation beyond "Dems are for working families".

  31. TribecaMike

    Former NC governor Jim Hunt: "Folks, this is not a time to believe in magic."

    I guess he wasn't there during that god kerfuffle.

  32. poorgradstudent

    Seriously, in the ideal universe that I find myself retreating to more and more the real controversy wouldn't be over this crap but over whether or not to declare AIPAC a treasonous organization (naturally my own vote would be "hell yeah, do it")…

  33. Generation[redacted]

    Hey yeah, let's overreact to every criticism by trying to prove we're just as religious and militant as the other guys.

    Kinda like on Facebook, if I'm not shouting GOD BLESS THE TROOPS every 5 minutes everyone assumes I'm a member of the Taliban. Especially since I don't repost every "repost this if you agree" thingy.

  34. glamourdammerung

    Because if they only pander a bit harder to the evangelicals, the evangelicals might finally stop lying about Democrats and using their churches as campaign operatives for the Republican Party.

  35. TribecaMike

    "President Obama understands women"? I have the sneaking suspicion that he would disagree with that.

  36. Arborista

    I don't know that the God-in-the-platform controversy was so much about what the Repugs think about God, so much as about the strong religiosity that I see in the Southern Democratic Party- especially among black Dems. If I go to a local Dem event, there's a lot of God this & God that. I tend to forget that that's probably not true in other areas of the country…

  37. Terry

    Is there a live blog tonight?

    Comments on the speeches thus far:

    Cecile Richards, I loved your Mom, too

    Barbara Mikulski, a tough brawler from Bawlmer, I'm glad she represents me.

    Simone Campbell, the nun, great speech! Faith, family, and fairness! Caring for people their whole lives, not just while they are in the womb.

  38. Guppy

    This also doesn’t help those who still argue that conventions are necessary gatherings, since the voting is fake.

    Something to keep in mind next April, when the IRS asks if you want to see money go towards this stuff.

  39. Callyson

    This is the start of the liveblog I take it?

    OT alert–I've had hardly any time for my favorite website because I took in a stray dog on Monday night and have been looking for his owner. (Wonketteers who are in Los Angeles/Silver Lake, if you know anyone who is missing a black and white male puppy, please respond!) He is sweet and kind, and the thought of electing someone to the White House who would put a dog on top of a fucking car…

    Off to get some booze to get the rage out of my system, brb…

  40. Terry

    "As the Reverend Jesse Jackson describes it, they want to drown the captain, and they're prepared to sink the ship to do so"

    Good quote from Steny Hoyer. Is it my imagination or is the Old Line State heavily represented at this convention? O'Malley, Mikulski, Steny,and we're reliably blue and aren't usually catered to.

  41. TribecaMike

    The president of Planned Parenthood, Cecile Richards, who spoke earlier, is the daughter of the the late Texas governor Ann Richards? I did not know that.

  42. Oblios_Cap

    The Dems are taking the vets, religion, the American Dream, and hard work away from the GOP. It's about time. And using Texans to do it.

  43. Callyson

    Immigrants are always the best patriots. They (generally) really love this country, but not in a brainless "USA!! USA!!" way.

  44. IonaTrailer

    The Prezzident is coming to the Hall tonight to hang with Brother Bill.

    Maybe he'll sing!!!!!???!!!

    1. IonaTrailer

      One evening in Honolulu I was hanging at my friend's bar. We went out to the back to indulge in our favorite vice. I heard someone on the fire escape and looked up – right into Charo's pantyless nether regions under a skirt that was so short it barely covered her hoohah.

  45. Oblios_Cap

    It's like watching real people. Amazing.

    Damn! She's referring to the spirit of Lazarus poem on the Statue of Liberty. I guess only the right kind of wretched and poor count if you're a Repub. Si, senora, si!

  46. Oblios_Cap

    After seeing both conventions – and not even seeing the really good speakers for the Dems yet – it really depresses me that the GOP gets more than 1% of the votes.

  47. Calapine

    Well, I don't want to comment on the issue itself (being eurotrash austrian), but a) deciding it a 2/3 vote on voice level when both sides seemed equally loud b) putting the Jerusalem and the God issue into one vote, seem both very undemocratic. Even deciding that by committee would have looked better. Really bad optic.

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