GREEK RAGE RAISES ITS UGLY HEAD  2:40 pm September 5, 2012

Michael Dukakis Just Stone Cold Trash-Talking Everybody At The DNC

by Josh Fruhlinger

Artist's depiction -- no actual photos of Michael Dukakis existOne of the fun/awkward things about the party conventions is seeing how they deal with loser candidates from years past! Like, Jimmy Carter, an actual former president, was only allowed to address the DNC via video, so that they could cut him off if he started chanting “Death To Israel” or whatever. But what about whatshisname, the little guy, lost in 1988, never got to be president in the first place — yeah, Michael Dukakis! Him! Apparently he’s roaming around the convention and was even allowed to give a speech of some sort to … people eating breakfast … or something? The Boston Globe article about it helpfully provides zero context, but that’s OK, because it does report all the mean Dukakis zingers! Mrow!

According to the Globe, Dukakis, who was governor of the same liberal hellhole state that Mitt Romney ruled some years later, has a “famously blunt speaking style.” We will take their word for it, because your editor is not old and thus doesn’t remember much about the ’88 campaign (although he did do a bit for his 9th grade shop class where he rapped the Tone Loc classic “Funky Cold Medina” as if Michael Dukakis were doing it, and it killed). Nevertheless, these nuggets do seem to support the assertion:

  • “We know better than anybody what a fraud [Romney] is … If every American voter hears [that Massachusetts was 47th in job creation under Romney], he’s gone, absolutely gone, because it’s the only thing he’s got left.”
  • “Yeah, I know Elizabeth [Warren]’s media hasn’t been as good as it should be, and she knows that, and I think you’re going to see some significant changes.” (Warren’s people immediately denied any such plans.)
  • “Let me tell you something: [Former Boston mayor and current Scott Brown-endorser] Ray Flynn hasn’t voted for a Democrat since he voted for George W. Bush in the year 2000 … The Ray Flynn that I worked with then, and I knew and respected, wouldn’t have given Scott Brown the time of day. Tax cuts for the rich? Repealing Obamacare? Are you kidding me? Flynn? I don’t know what’s happened to him … Change of life, I don’t know.”

Haha, Dukakis says that Ray Flynn is an old woman with menopause! Anyway, if anyone spots George McGovern or John Kerry wandering around Charlotte muttering insults under their breath, please let us know. [Boston Globe]

 
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{ 113 comments }

nounverb911 September 5, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Needs more funny looking tank helmets.

HogeyeGrex September 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

And Willie Horton posters.

Lascauxcaveman September 5, 2012 at 3:22 pm

This comment deleted because once again, I didn't read through the comments first, and yes, once again, Actor212 scooped me on the murdered kitty joke.

HistoriCat September 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Bless your heart!

PuckStopsHere September 5, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I was actually physically there the day Dukakis rode around in that tank at a plant in Sterling Heights, MI and I have to tell you, at the time I didn't think it was a big deal at all. Maybe, in light of what they did to use in '88, if we'd have produced some ads in '04 of Bushie running around on the flight deck with his jockstrap on outside his pants we could have made some inroads. I don't know. But, as the SNL debate skit had Dukakis saying in '88 of GHW Bush, "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy…"

no_gravity September 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I could have sworn he was dead.

LastGasp September 5, 2012 at 3:04 pm

In a sense, he is. (Political purgatory is worse than death, just ask Sarah Palin or John McCain)

emmelemm September 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

He gets that a lot.

ttommyunger September 5, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Nobody wants to break it to him.

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 7:46 pm

You're thinking of Keith Richards.

SorosBot September 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Ruhe September 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

A truly great moment in SNL history…and sad…cause it was so true.

SorosBot September 5, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Those were the golden years, with Carvey, Lovitz, the late, great Phil Hartmann, and future Senator Al Franken as head writer.

MLHencken September 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Crap, beat me to it.

mrpuma2u September 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

As someone of ethnic Greek descent, I can tell you when he cracked the "my parents were little people. Little swarthy people." I and many other Greeks laughed our asses off. The muse was truly upon the cast and writers with that skit.

mrpuma2u September 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Somebody get Mike a cocktail (as long as Kitty isn't around)

HogeyeGrex September 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

She'll just have the Chanel, thanks.

actor212 September 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

She and their daughter are being legitimately raped and killed by Bernard Shaw, but it's OK, they can't get pregnant

Ruhe September 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Kitty? I thought she had been raped and murd…oh, shit! That was just hypothetical? Well no wonder he didn't get all worked up about it. And to think I voted for Bush because of all that! Duh! My bad, America!

larrykat September 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Wasn't Kitty swilling down vanilla extract or cologne or something too?

mookwrthwilson September 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

With Tom Hanks?

Allmighty_Manos September 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

I had a to give presentation to my 7th grade social studies class on why I wanted my parents to vote for Dukakis. I can't remember the details, but I think it had something to do with the holy terror the children of Bush would bring upon this nation. Who's a fag now Brian Elby?

anniegetyerfun September 5, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I was one of two "Democrats" (read: kids with a Dukakis button) in my seventh grade class. One of two very bruised Democrats.

ThundercatHo September 5, 2012 at 5:15 pm

That Brian Elby was always such a little dickweasel. I heard he manages an airport hotel and makes corporate videos about getting a new departure/arrival board in the lobby.*

actual fate of old boyfriend/most boring human on the planet

finette_ September 5, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I'm a few years younger than you. A "mock election" was held in my grade school class, but helpfully no one told us thing one about the candidates or the issues. I chose GHWB because he was "cuter." I still remember my mom's involuntary yelp in the car after school.

ManchuCandidate September 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

The "trash talking" crazy old man Dukakis might have had a better chance in 1988 against Bush I. Debatable considering what an awful quasi-racist shit and Faux newz commentator Geraldine Ferraro turned out to be…

SorosBot September 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I think you're mixing up your failed 80s Democratic tickets there, Dukakis; running mate was Lloyd Benson. (And they did much better than Mondal/Ferraro, but still, you know, lost).

ManchuCandidate September 5, 2012 at 2:55 pm

You're right.

SorosBot September 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Unfortunately you replied before I could fix my stupid typos.

ChillBill September 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

In other words, you got Actor212'd.

hagajim September 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Why do I flashback on the old Life Cereal commercials every time Dukakis raises his head (not sure he's really even tall enough to do that)….as in "Look! He like's it! Hey Mikey!"

OzoneTom September 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"Warren’s people immediately denied any such plans"

Because running a lackluster media campaign worked out for Martha Coakley so well.

starfanglednut September 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

She needs to get her shit together. Fast.

Veritas78 September 5, 2012 at 7:17 pm

She's going to lose to Brown by ten points. Total disaster. I hope she pulls something off tonight, but I'm not sure I can watch.

HELisforHEL September 6, 2012 at 1:00 pm

No, sadly. Great message, but wrapped In a large, endlessly gray roll of drab. She's so incredibly dull and ill at ease; yes, it shouldn't matter if you have the right intentions, but it's 2012 and it does.
Sigh, can't someone send her to Toastmasters or Dale Carnegie or some such shit? Mowtown's charm school perhaps?

IceCreamEmpress September 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

DUKAKIS NEEDS NO CONTEXT. Love that he just brought the slams.

Antispandex September 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

This may be a little off topic, but isn't it weird how much that picture looks like Rod Blagojevich?

Lascauxcaveman September 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Also Seattle Mariners pitcher Jason Vargas.

fuflans September 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

this was exactly what i thought.

then i remembered blagojevich probably looks different now.

actor212 September 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I remember Mike Dukakis and the monotonous staccato of his voice as it dribbled on my desk and reading my name backwards in the glass: "REGNAD KCIN." My secretary lay snoring on the floor, her long beautiful gams pinioned under the couch. I didn’t hear him enter, but my nostrils flared at the smell of his perfume. Pyramid Patchouli! There was only one joker in LA sensitive enough to wear that scent and I had to find out who he was!

Ohforcripessake September 5, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Shoes for industry!

OzoneTom September 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Rocky Roccoco?

actor212 September 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Thanks, half pint! You just saved me a lot of investigative work.

OzoneTom September 5, 2012 at 3:18 pm

At your cervix!

MosesInvests September 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Maybe yes, maybe no.

MosesInvests September 5, 2012 at 6:01 pm

How did you get in here, Roccoco? You don't have a key!

actor212 September 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

No, I had to split mine with the sound effects man

(*thanks, Rocky!*)

deliman4 September 6, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Rocky Roccoco at your cervix

EatsBabyDingos September 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

When did Olympia get a sex change and change her name to Mike? He is one ugly woman. And he looks like Rod "Rod" Blagowhatever.

ChillBill September 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

The opposite of whatever Dukakis says is always good advice for the DNC.

Baconzgood September 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

OHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!

vodkamuppet September 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

He's the marionette that caught a football that one time, right?

anniegetyerfun September 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

My parents were little people. Little, swarthy people.

Designer_Rants September 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Lovitz is a weirdo wingnut – but he's funny.

starfanglednut September 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

OT, but these are the kind of people we're dealing with.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/08/19/1121819/

johnnyzhivago September 5, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I used to be in local B.S. politics so nothing surprises me – except – you would think this entire clan would keep it's collective mouths shut over anything controversial.

Once again, these Romneys act like the election has been bought and paid for already.

Lascauxcaveman September 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Maybe they know something we don't.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Oh fuck, sound the alarm, a fucking democrat has infiltrated the Democratic National Convention! Security, remove him immediately!

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I may not be understanding this, but since that is the theme of my day, I'll go with it. What the hell did he say that was so bad?

prommie September 5, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Nothing. But you know, he looked funny in the helmet so people are gonna fuck with him as long as he lives. Just like that nice Jimmy Carter. Nuclear engineer, obviously too dumb to be president. Nothing to do with George H.W. Bush treasonously conspiring with a foreign enemy (Iran) so they would keep the 54 american hostages and not release them until AFTER THE FUCKING ELECTION. Whis was a close election. And which illegal treasonous conspiracy established the pattern of illegally and secretly dealing with the Iranians throughout the Reagan years, leading to Ollie and Fawn and all that fucking illegal shit. And eventually to GHWBush having to pardon pretty much his entire national security staff to keep them all from going to prison.

Oh but its all Carter's fault he is a loser. Fucking America gets what it fucking deserves, I swear.

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Oh yay, I got one right.
I knew about Ronnie letting all them hostages hang out til he could swoop in, that was some evil shit for real. This here though, calling some dude that used to be a dem on being a dick for voting for Dub and whatnot, I don't know? Sounds right to me? I liked Michael. I was 16 and couldn't vote for him, but I think he was smart. I've seen him say stuff on some documentaries and he's an all right guy.
And Elizabeth Warren hasn't been getting the press she deserves, she should be praised everyday for the Consumer Protection Laws and if she gets beat by Scott Brown, it will be a travesty. And Romney blows. Let me know when I should get offended.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Well if all you fucking know is that SNL made fun of him maybe then you just think Dukakis is ridiculous and anything he says must be ridiculous regardless of content or context. Meanwhile you can write shit that just slobbers all over Obama's fake democrat dick like he is some genuine hero instead of just the fucking guy who wasn't the even way worse fucking guy. Fanboi fucking lameass shit. I don't mind cynical, but poseur cynical is lame.

Terry September 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Yeah, and Carter has spent his post-presidency years doing nothing but playing golf and charging massive fees to speak. Oh, wait, that's the Republican former presidents. Jimmy's been building houses, vaccinating kids for diseases most folks don't even realize exist, and monitoring elections.

HELisforHEL September 6, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Oh Prommie, you and I, we share so many memories. So many that fucking republican assholes try to deny. So many memories that people in this country should remember…especially fucking journalists, who giggle like mean girls whenever they talk about Carter, and moon when discussing fucking fucktard Reagan. Gahhhhhh

ravi_shankar September 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Jimmy is too busy building it himself.

ManchuCandidate September 5, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Nope I fucked up

larrykat September 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

What, 3 people like it that you fucked up or what? Must be thumbs-upping on a curve today.

Blueb4sinrise September 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

No WE Fucked up!!!

[hasn't R/R been doing a seminar on this?]

vodkamuppet September 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Didn't he run on letting all the rapists out of prison or something? That's how I remember it. Sounds like a total DINO to me.

Designer_Rants September 5, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Yep. He told us all "The more murdery-rapey, the better to have your young children teach them about love and understanding." …Didn't play well in the Brimstone Belt.

Fluffy_Kitties September 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Loved his bedroom scene with Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters:
http://cineplex.media.baselineresearch.com/images

KeepFnThatChicken September 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

TV's Frank: The Younger Years.

metamarcisf September 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Tanks for the memories

magic_titty September 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I distinctly recall John Kerry giving a vengeance-riddled speech at the 2008 DNC. (Not that I can remember any specifics, because it was John Kerry, but still!)

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm

"Hear that, blessed are the Greek?!"
"The Greek?"
"Hmm. Well, apparently he's going to inherit the earth."
"Did anyone catch his name?"

randcoolcatdaddy September 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

What? The Dems aren't giving away dvds of "FDR: American Badass"?

Beowoof September 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I remember voting for Al Gore in the primary in 88.

Joshua Norton September 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The last governor of Mass to become president was Calvin Coolidge (1919-20).

I don't know what it means, but I thought I'd just throw it out there.

Designer_Rants September 5, 2012 at 3:19 pm

It means Mitt will be president for one year, and then Ryan will plunge the world into darkness (by regaling us with stories of Grandma's Marathon).

IceCreamEmpress September 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Calvin Coolidge wasn't President for one year, he was governor of Massachusetts for two years (though he was running for Vice President most of the second year, which also makes him an absentee governor like Mittens).

Coolidge rocketed to fame by busting the police union.

Designer_Rants September 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Thanks for ruining my air-tight prognostication.

IceCreamEmpress September 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Hey hey hey, I am Queen Nerd of Dorksylvania, so I have to be persnickety like that to keep my title.

johnnyzhivago September 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Hey, no making fun of Jimmy Carter! I met the guy twice, which makes him my favorite President of all time!

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Besides Dukakis and Romney, I wonder how many other former Massachusetts governors have had unsuccessful runs at the presidency.

kittensdontlie September 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm

"Dukakis says that Ray Flynn is an old woman with menopause!"

"Flynn was away from South Boston home, his wife, Kathy, told the Globe, and could not be immediately reached for a response."–Boston Herald

And who can they thank for being able to be gay-married? The one and only Mittens 'GayBird' Romney. Yes it is all starting to make sense now.

Exhausted66 September 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Still, I loved him in Moonlighting.

Wadisay September 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Tanks for the memories, Mick.

OurHoboSenator September 5, 2012 at 3:04 pm

My first political volunteering experience was canvassing for Dukakis. That helped set the stage for a lifetime of losing as a Democrat and a Columbus Blue Jackets fan.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I voted for Dukakis, I voted for Carter, I voted for Mondale. Then I voted for that prick cocksucker Bill Clinton (co-founder of the DLC) and he screwed, completely and totally screwed the working people of this country and sold them out to big finance and oversaw the completion of the Reagan-Bush globalization bullshit and he oversaw the deregulation of fucking everything and then the repeal of Glass-Steagle, and the slide into irrelevancy of the anti-trust laws, and the complete sellout and death of the democratic party so that now it is just an animated corpse.

Bill Motherfucking Clinton did more to fuck the working people of this country than Reagan and both Bushes put together. Fuck him, I hope he chokes on his fucking granola. I hope he chokes on Hillary's dick.

LesBontemps September 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Needs moar yelling at furniture.

Designer_Rants September 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Ray Flynn has Mitt Flashes.

Peckerwood_Pete September 5, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I wonder why they didn't invite Gary Condit.

AtwatersGhost September 5, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Lovitz as Dukakis–the screenshot alone is Hi-larious! Lovitz rulez!!!

keepwalkin September 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Leave.George.McGovern. Aloooooooooone!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ruhe September 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Has anyone read Nicholson Baker's "The Fermata"? There was that one chapter there where his porn fantasy got so elaborate that it involved writing a porn fantasy that he would use to seduce the chick in the first fantasy and he goes into complete detail about the second, written porn fantasy. You needed a score card to keep up. So, anyway, is that what this Freeper gun porn is like? Is the world they live in already a never ending fantasy of gun-grabbing-clip-emptying-inducing threats and then they write this epi-layer of gun porn as like a currency that they trade among themselves?

fuflans September 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

i think this comment may be intended for the other post.

Guppy September 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Unlike Dukakis, today's Democratic Party is far more lively and engaging! Just look at Harry Reid!

barto September 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Shit I thought they let Blago outta the can for a second there.

TribecaMike September 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Dukakis' sister is named Olympia; Romney once saved the Olympics from Satan's minions. 582 Olympia is a minor planet somewhere; Romney's religion teaches that God lives on a planet somewhere. Coincidence, or just sobriety on my part?

Weenus299 September 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Umm, correction, he was the governor of "Taxachussets." Get it right!

Eve8Apples September 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

At least our trash talking senile old guy is trash talking to human beings at the convention and not the chairs.

Weenus299 September 5, 2012 at 4:59 pm

And somebody put Mitt in a tank, with a fuzzy elephant hat.

ttommyunger September 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Fuck him! What does Albert Yawkey say about things, that what I want to know….and Wolf Blitzer, too, also….

RRoccoco September 5, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Say what you need to about Dukakis, but I used to see him riding the subway, or driving around Brookline in his old sedan, without a bodyguard, chauffeur or entourage in sight, while he was governnor. Imagine Lord Mittens as a strap hanger, chatting with the commoners as he commuted to work. What's that? You can't imagine such a thing?

arihaya September 5, 2012 at 5:47 pm

did anyone spot Mondale anywhere there?

Hunkered Down in Brooklyn September 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm

"My parents were little people…Little, swarthy people."

Incitefully_Joe September 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Dukakas spoke at my school about health care policy, my freshman year, and… well honestly, I and many other students, loved his speech, because he was so frank and verging on being blunt, a lot of the time, and he made some self-effacing cracks about his Presidential run, too, so basically I can totally see him saying the stuff indicated here.

Come here a minute September 5, 2012 at 9:38 pm

John Kerry: "Fuck Mitt Romney and the horse he pranced in on!"

AznMom420 September 6, 2012 at 3:27 am

He would do it too, you don't know what the nam was like, you don't want to test what that man is capable of.

Redrighthand September 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

liberal hellhole COMMONWEALTH

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Good lord I wasn't expecting the slobbery Obama dick tirade, but I guess you never can. You're going to get me in trouble with Chet. Stop it.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

What, Chet knows Obama is a DINO, doesn't he?

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I'm not speaking for Chet, and I don't think that is true. He may not be perfect but he's no Ben Nelson.

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