sweet sweet air conditioning

Quitter Obama Moves Speech Inside, As If A Lil’ Lightning Ever Hurt Anybody

The loneliest little stadium in schoolHooray, thank God for sending some lightning Charlotte’s way and finally convincing these Obama campaign folks to move the acceptance speech inside. This stadium business is so 2008, so blahhhh. Just give your happy rah-rah chat in the damn arena, like every other schmuck. In any event, what is Obama hiding and lying about now? According to the AP, a secret insider source who’s known as a “top Charlotte meteorologist” — the weather guy on the local teevee news — “says there is virtually no threat of severe weather Thursday night as Democratic officials move President Barack Obama’s convention speech indoors.” And even if there was a *little* lightning, who cares; it would only kill one, maybe two, two or three people — probably total losers. Something else must be up! Let’s ask the Internet/make stuff up!

Some working explanations:

  • The Obama campaign really just doesn’t want lightning killing people during his convention speech. Again, this is clearly… this is bullshit… it’s bullshit!
  • The Obama campaign was worried about filling the 70k+ football stadium, since everyone in the world hates American politics and both American political parties and simply wish it would all go away, forever.
  • Remember when we picked Bank of America Stadium for the convention speech? Nobody even gets the joke!
  • WaPo: “Democrats were also worried about the possibility of anti-Obama hecklers acquiring some of the free tickets to the event and disrupting the president’s speech.” Uhhh… a few heckles don’t get very far in a 74,000-person stadium. Besides, don’t the crowds always drown them out with “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” chants pretty quickly? (This is a Democratic convention so the chants would be more like “BOO-S-A! GAY GAY GAY! ABORT BAY-BAYS!”, but same idea.)
  • The whole point of this stadium thing is just to get 75,000 or so people in a swing state on the campaign mailing list, and so they did.

Perhaps it’s a bit of each!

[NYT]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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120 comments

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Cam Newton libel! But admittedly, they suck in all other dimensions (but not as bad as the Dolphins and Jaguars, and not as much on offense as Tampa. Florida based fans better hope the colleges are good this year – their pro teams suck).

  1. freakishlywrong

    The Obama campaign really just doesn’t want lightning killing people during his convention speech.

    Those people VOTE, dammit.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I was correctly notified that I really meant unintentional dong, but I think Florida does it on purpose.

    1. tessiee

      And have a lot of synonyms for snow?
      [yes, North Carolina gets snow every year, and yes, they are always surprised by this]

  2. SorosBot

    Someone actually built a newish football stadium the way it's meant to be, open to the air and whatever weather may come, instead of following the usual modern wimp practice of covering it with a dome?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      It's Bank of America Stadium, and they "accidentally" foreclosed on all the houses of the construction workers before they finished building it, and saved a pile of money to boot (retractable domes are expensive).

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I think they made the right choice there, since football season is *mostly* outside of hurricane season ayway. Even out here in rainy Seattle, we have a open stadia for our football games. And football season is *mostly* outside of snow season, so it's good.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      If the interests of stadium audiences had a been a priority, they wouldn't have named the thing after Bank of America.

  3. Dumbedup

    As a lawyer, sometimes you are getting your ass kicked so bad in court that you just have to say or do something to stop or interrupt the drubbing. That's the GOP today, after last nights FLOTUS speech. They need to change the channel, or their ass is cooked.

  4. prommie

    Obama is just afraid the Mormon God Moroni or whatever is gonna smite him for even daring to block the Great Mormon Hope from seizing control of the US and finally spreading the Great Mormon Theocracy from sea to sea!

  5. Hammiepants

    I suggest we repair to the latest Jon McNaughton masterpiece for the clues that will point as to just WHY the Halfrican Muslin Terrorist fears the wrath of a righteous God.

  6. Ruhe

    They've got a gag planned where someone brings an empty chair on stage when they announce Obama, then he comes out a moment later, all hopey and cute. But they were afraid that just wouldn't play right in such a big venue.

    1. Isyaignert

      Haha! I just heard that great line from one of the Back to the Future movies where Michael J. Fox introduces himself as "Eastwood, Clint Eastwood" to some gunslingers in the old West and they replied, "Clint Eastwood, what kind of stupid name is that?"

  7. Texan_Bulldog

    I dare any hecklers to do it in front of some of those Madea lookalikes I saw last night. Those women look like they would rip the hecklers' arms off & beat them with it. You don't mess with their Barry.

          1. prommie

            They were the inspiration for "Weekend At Bernies." Based on "Touring with Kieth." How do you fucking spell kieth? I get more shit for my ie and ei mistakes, man now I am scared to try.

          2. FakaktaSouth

            Now I HAVE A PROBLEM. It's KEITH, as in Keith Richards one of my favorite people ever and just WHAT is WRONG with you? I before E except after C and K and W and you are a butt. You THINK you have been getting shit? Oh man you have NO idea. Just wait.

        1. tessiee

          Keith Richards has been dead since 1971 or so, but he won't fall over until the drugs in his system wear off.

  8. SoBeach

    I'm pretty sure they moved it inside because they didn't want to show a bunch of empty seats. BFD. It's not like he's a brand new nominee getting his message out. There's not a whole lot new going on.

    A whole lot fewer people give a crap about the conventions (either one) this time around.

  9. Jus_Wonderin

    Well, as close as this race seems to be we can't afford to 'lectrify any voter. However, if we lose one as Democrats we can haul the body to the polls…that's the way we roll.

  10. randcoolcatdaddy

    Organizers were concerned about the finger of Pat Robertson's God smiting Obama in an open air venue.

    That and the rain.

  11. LibertyLover

    Dang… maybe they didn't think the move out too well, think of the optics when Obama demands Mitt's Tax returns followed by thunder and lightening….

  12. Blueb4sinrise

    But, but, Obama controls the weather and the NWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This Afternoon
    Scattered Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 40%
    High: 85 °F

    Tonight
    Scattered Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 40%
    Low: 72 °F

    Thursday
    Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 40%
    High: 87 °F

    Thursday Night
    Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 30%
    Low: 72 °F

    Friday
    Slight Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 20%
    High: 90 °F

    Friday Night

    Slight Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 20%
    Low: 72 °F

  13. LibertyLover

    Hang on a sec- This doesn't make any sense at all. Didn't Rush Limbaugh say that Obama controlled the weather?

    1. kittensdontlie

      He does, and has decided to send a punishing rain to flood Charlotte, drowning those who gravely sinned by not signing up for the stadium event. An Ark will be built to carry convention goers to safety, and the city will be repopulated by these chosen people…Amen.

  14. Lascauxcaveman

    The whole point of this stadium thing is just to get 75,000 or so people in a swing state on the campaign mailing list, and so they did.

    That's the most cynical explanation; therefore the most likely. (Occam's Rusty Razor)

  15. actor212

    Still, they're missing a bet: Obama comes out to a drenching rain, extends his hands and, holding his staff, causes the clouds to part.

    Teabaggers heads explode all over Amercia

  16. Wadisay

    I would just make it a point not to stand too near Rahm Emanuel; he could get struck down by lightening inside the convention center.

    1. Isyaignert

      If it doesn't rain by Tuesday it'll be a new record without rain in what was formerly known as the City of Wet Dogs. My fundie-winger mom thinks it's great to make new records. Yay!!

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    They just didn't want to have to listen to the stupid stadium DJs playing REO Station Wagon's Ridin' the Storm Out and The Doors Riders on the Storm over and over on the loudspeakers, like some kind of bad Classic Rock station.

  18. BarackMyWorld

    They were going to give the tickets away for free? Why not charge and use the money to pay for Obama's travel expenses and golf games?

  19. UnholyMoses

    Another explanation:

    Democrats know God hates them because of teh ghey and the abortin' and whatnot, and they don't want God to smite them. At least not on national TV.

    1. HistoriCat

      What kind of deity lets a structure get in the way of smiting? Cthulhu would simply rip open the roof and start chomping heads.

  20. Poindexter718

    We will concede the point, Reince, if you agree to spend the entire evening atop one of the goal posts holding a large metallic "I built that" sign.

  21. Weenus299

    It's entirely legit. Most boring thing I'll post today and forever, but for the last month or so the state of SC and that part of NC has been walloped with some dank-ass weather. At best it's overcast and humid, and then just last night there was a tornado warning in Rock Hill, about 10 miles from the stadium.

    But yeah, ain't but seventeen people gonna show up to hear that fool Kenyan holler about Mittz and his taxes and stuff anyhow.

    1. Steverino247

      It certainly works that way in sports. If you can see lightning or hear thunder, you can be killed by it. Clear the area, seek shelter and don't resume until 30 minutes after the last incident.

  22. OneYieldRegular

    Certainly a BS excuse, but Charlotte Douglas is an airport I refuse to fly into between March and October due to more than one prior terrifying experience landing there during a thunderstorm.

    1. fuflans

      that's weird. i was flying to the west coast from chi every week for a while there. and the TWO silly trips i took thru charlotte where absolutely mind blowing.

      what's up with that?

  23. BelleSC

    I drove through the afternoon and early evening weather in Charlotte yesterday. Not pretty. Even it it rains earlier in the day and clears up in time for the speech all the seats will be wet and icky. Smart choice to move it inside.

  24. smitallica

    Yes, that's it, Repubs. They were worried about filling the stadium because there were only 19,000 people on the waiting list to get in.

    Jesus Christ. The GOP even gets the fucking WEATHER wrong.

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