Quitter Obama Moves Speech Inside, As If A Lil’ Lightning Ever Hurt Anybody

Hooray, thank God for sending some lightning Charlotte’s way and finally convincing these Obama campaign folks to move the acceptance speech inside. This stadium business is so 2008, so blahhhh. Just give your happy rah-rah chat in the damn arena, like every other schmuck. In any event, what is Obama hiding and lying about now? According to the AP, a secret insider source who’s known as a “top Charlotte meteorologist” — the weather guy on the local teevee news — “says there is virtually no threat of severe weather Thursday night as Democratic officials move President Barack Obama’s convention speech indoors.” And even if there was a *little* lightning, who cares; it would only kill one, maybe two, two or three people — probably total losers. Something else must be up! Let’s ask the Internet/make stuff up!

Some working explanations:

• The Obama campaign really just doesn’t want lightning killing people during his convention speech. Again, this is clearly… this is bullshit… it’s bullshit!
• The Obama campaign was worried about filling the 70k+ football stadium, since everyone in the world hates American politics and both American political parties and simply wish it would all go away, forever.
• Remember when we picked Bank of America Stadium for the convention speech? Nobody even gets the joke!
• WaPo: “Democrats were also worried about the possibility of anti-Obama hecklers acquiring some of the free tickets to the event and disrupting the president’s speech.” Uhhh… a few heckles don’t get very far in a 74,000-person stadium. Besides, don’t the crowds always drown them out with “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” chants pretty quickly? (This is a Democratic convention so the chants would be more like “BOO-S-A! GAY GAY GAY! ABORT BAY-BAYS!”, but same idea.)
• The whole point of this stadium thing is just to get 75,000 or so people in a swing state on the campaign mailing list, and so they did.

Perhaps it’s a bit of each!

[NYT]