SWEET SWEET AIR CONDITIONING  12:28 pm September 5, 2012

Quitter Obama Moves Speech Inside, As If A Lil’ Lightning Ever Hurt Anybody

by Jim Newell

The loneliest little stadium in schoolHooray, thank God for sending some lightning Charlotte’s way and finally convincing these Obama campaign folks to move the acceptance speech inside. This stadium business is so 2008, so blahhhh. Just give your happy rah-rah chat in the damn arena, like every other schmuck. In any event, what is Obama hiding and lying about now? According to the AP, a secret insider source who’s known as a “top Charlotte meteorologist” — the weather guy on the local teevee news — “says there is virtually no threat of severe weather Thursday night as Democratic officials move President Barack Obama’s convention speech indoors.” And even if there was a *little* lightning, who cares; it would only kill one, maybe two, two or three people — probably total losers. Something else must be up! Let’s ask the Internet/make stuff up!

Some working explanations:

  • The Obama campaign really just doesn’t want lightning killing people during his convention speech. Again, this is clearly… this is bullshit… it’s bullshit!
  • The Obama campaign was worried about filling the 70k+ football stadium, since everyone in the world hates American politics and both American political parties and simply wish it would all go away, forever.
  • Remember when we picked Bank of America Stadium for the convention speech? Nobody even gets the joke!
  • WaPo: “Democrats were also worried about the possibility of anti-Obama hecklers acquiring some of the free tickets to the event and disrupting the president’s speech.” Uhhh… a few heckles don’t get very far in a 74,000-person stadium. Besides, don’t the crowds always drown them out with “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” chants pretty quickly? (This is a Democratic convention so the chants would be more like “BOO-S-A! GAY GAY GAY! ABORT BAY-BAYS!”, but same idea.)
  • The whole point of this stadium thing is just to get 75,000 or so people in a swing state on the campaign mailing list, and so they did.

Perhaps it’s a bit of each!

[NYT]

 

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{ 120 comments }

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Aren't the Carolina Panthers scheduled to play there?

Oblios_Cap September 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

"play" might be a stretch. Have you seen that team lately?

Baconzgood September 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It's funny because it's true.

Your's truely,
A Steelers Fan.

BerkeleyBear September 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Cam Newton libel! But admittedly, they suck in all other dimensions (but not as bad as the Dolphins and Jaguars, and not as much on offense as Tampa. Florida based fans better hope the colleges are good this year – their pro teams suck).

Mahousu September 5, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I'm pretty sure Obama could take them.

HistoriCat September 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm

But what would the President be doing while she whupped up on them?

larrykat September 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Is that a professional American football club?

freakishlywrong September 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm

The Obama campaign really just doesn’t want lightning killing people during his convention speech.

Those people VOTE, dammit.

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm

— the weather guy on the local teevee news —

Does he wear a plaid sportcoat?

FlownOver September 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

And a bad rug?

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

And draw penises (peni?) on the the weather boards? I love weather penis destruction.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Deadspin Libel!

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

yes. I also love other accidental dongs.

Isyaignert September 5, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Like the state of Florida?

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm

And have a lot of synonyms for snow?
[yes, North Carolina gets snow every year, and yes, they are always surprised by this]

SorosBot September 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Someone actually built a newish football stadium the way it's meant to be, open to the air and whatever weather may come, instead of following the usual modern wimp practice of covering it with a dome?

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

It's Bank of America Stadium, and they "accidentally" foreclosed on all the houses of the construction workers before they finished building it, and saved a pile of money to boot (retractable domes are expensive).

actor212 September 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

So that's why there's only one men's room!

Lascauxcaveman September 5, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I think they made the right choice there, since football season is *mostly* outside of hurricane season ayway. Even out here in rainy Seattle, we have a open stadia for our football games. And football season is *mostly* outside of snow season, so it's good.

tihond September 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Miller Park LIBEL!

OneYieldRegular September 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm

If the interests of stadium audiences had a been a priority, they wouldn't have named the thing after Bank of America.

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm

it doesn't *look* newish.

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

“BOO-S-A!"

Why you gotta bag on San Antonio? I thought Castro's speech was pretty good.

Baconzgood September 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I'm not sure why he moved it inside but I'm sure it has to do with Kenya.

Oblios_Cap September 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

And Islamo-fascism.

Callyson September 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Don't forget the socializm.

Not_Mother September 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

And anti-colonialism.

CheeseBro69 September 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

And amnesty!

rickmaci September 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Is that one of the children he fathered with a black woman?

ChernobylSoup September 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

75,000 is just too many to sing Signed, Sealed, Delivered as a round.

Dumbedup September 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

As a lawyer, sometimes you are getting your ass kicked so bad in court that you just have to say or do something to stop or interrupt the drubbing. That's the GOP today, after last nights FLOTUS speech. They need to change the channel, or their ass is cooked.

Oblios_Cap September 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

“top Charlotte meteorologist”

Who's the bottom?

ThundercatHo September 5, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Ham biscuits?

hagajim September 5, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Lindsey?

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm

That would be Charlotte herself.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Obama is just afraid the Mormon God Moroni or whatever is gonna smite him for even daring to block the Great Mormon Hope from seizing control of the US and finally spreading the Great Mormon Theocracy from sea to sea!

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Bill Clinton however is totally down (more womens for everyone). Wonder why they moved him in too?

rickmaci September 5, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Anchor baby Michelle Maglalang Malkin's web site has a shit list of blogs that sound like that.

Hammiepants September 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I suggest we repair to the latest Jon McNaughton masterpiece for the clues that will point as to just WHY the Halfrican Muslin Terrorist fears the wrath of a righteous God.

rickmaci September 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm

No snark. They will be saying that by the afternoon drive talk shows.

Hammiepants September 5, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Sadly, I think you are absolutely correct.

ChillBill September 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Good thing that unlike Mitt, Barry doesn't need lightning to electrify the crowd.

Ruhe September 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

They've got a gag planned where someone brings an empty chair on stage when they announce Obama, then he comes out a moment later, all hopey and cute. But they were afraid that just wouldn't play right in such a big venue.

Isyaignert September 5, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Haha! I just heard that great line from one of the Back to the Future movies where Michael J. Fox introduces himself as "Eastwood, Clint Eastwood" to some gunslingers in the old West and they replied, "Clint Eastwood, what kind of stupid name is that?"

Texan_Bulldog September 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I dare any hecklers to do it in front of some of those Madea lookalikes I saw last night. Those women look like they would rip the hecklers' arms off & beat them with it. You don't mess with their Barry.

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

"I love the Lord, but I WILL CUT YOU!!" — Madea

no_gravity September 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I thought they were saying boourns.

Baconzgood September 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I was saying Boourns.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Have the Rolling Stones killed.

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Haven't they been dead for years?

actor212 September 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm

They may not know it yet.

prommie September 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm

They were the inspiration for "Weekend At Bernies." Based on "Touring with Kieth." How do you fucking spell kieth? I get more shit for my ie and ei mistakes, man now I am scared to try.

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Keith Richards has been dead since 1971 or so, but he won't fall over until the drugs in his system wear off.

memzilla September 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

No, they were afraid of this. Goodyear is a major Rethuglican donor.

Not_So_Much September 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Duh, dragon season.

Sharkey September 5, 2012 at 12:42 pm

FUS RO DAH!

UnholyMoses September 5, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Kill the dwagon, kill the dwagon …

shelwood46 September 5, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Dani is a 'pub? Could've fooled me.

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

DUCK SEASON!

SoBeach September 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I'm pretty sure they moved it inside because they didn't want to show a bunch of empty seats. BFD. It's not like he's a brand new nominee getting his message out. There's not a whole lot new going on.

A whole lot fewer people give a crap about the conventions (either one) this time around.

ManchuCandidate September 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Wouldn't it be easier to get Teabaggers or GOPer operatives to hold 20 foot metal poles? Jeebus and the Free Market should protect them from science or so they believe.

Jus_Wonderin September 5, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Well, as close as this race seems to be we can't afford to 'lectrify any voter. However, if we lose one as Democrats we can haul the body to the polls…that's the way we roll.

Chow Yun Flat September 5, 2012 at 12:39 pm

The crowd will chant U-S-GAY! U-S-GAY!

randcoolcatdaddy September 5, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Organizers were concerned about the finger of Pat Robertson's God smiting Obama in an open air venue.

That and the rain.

Jus_Wonderin September 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Did he call hurricane Issac the wrath of God hatin' on Gulf Coast Gays?

Oblios_Cap September 5, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Apparently he's still pissed, because some of Isaac has made an encore appearance down this way.

LibertyLover September 5, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Dang… maybe they didn't think the move out too well, think of the optics when Obama demands Mitt's Tax returns followed by thunder and lightening….

Blueb4sinrise September 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

But, but, Obama controls the weather and the NWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Afternoon
Scattered Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 40%
High: 85 °F

Tonight
Scattered Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 40%
Low: 72 °F

Thursday
Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 40%
High: 87 °F

Thursday Night
Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 30%
Low: 72 °F

Friday
Slight Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 20%
High: 90 °F

Friday Night

Slight Chance Thunderstorms Chance for Measurable Precipitation 20%
Low: 72 °F

LibertyLover September 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Hang on a sec- This doesn't make any sense at all. Didn't Rush Limbaugh say that Obama controlled the weather?

kittensdontlie September 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm

He does, and has decided to send a punishing rain to flood Charlotte, drowning those who gravely sinned by not signing up for the stadium event. An Ark will be built to carry convention goers to safety, and the city will be repopulated by these chosen people…Amen.

Lascauxcaveman September 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

The whole point of this stadium thing is just to get 75,000 or so people in a swing state on the campaign mailing list, and so they did.

That's the most cynical explanation; therefore the most likely. (Occam's Rusty Razor)

actor212 September 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

As opposed to Occam's Razor's wife's rusty trumpet.

Boojum September 5, 2012 at 7:22 pm

William of Ockham was married to a rusty strumpet?

actor212 September 5, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Still, they're missing a bet: Obama comes out to a drenching rain, extends his hands and, holding his staff, causes the clouds to part.

Teabaggers heads explode all over Amercia

Oblios_Cap September 5, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Truly, his rod and staff would not comfort them.

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

His rod might.

tihond September 5, 2012 at 12:50 pm

They'd just be convinced he's the anti-Christ. Timothy Lahaye would write a book about it.

bobbert September 5, 2012 at 1:40 pm

If he came out holding his staff, women would faint all over Amercia.

Jus_Wonderin September 5, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I knew it. I knew it. Obama is a vampire!!!! Clearly the reason to move this inside.

Oblios_Cap September 5, 2012 at 12:47 pm

That must make Rmoney a werewolf!

Jus_Wonderin September 5, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I think that is true, though he is a subspecies known as WhereTax?

DCBloom September 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm

ahh, of course… his hair is perfect

Arborista September 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Don't they want to galvanize voters?

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Perfect.

UnholyMoses September 5, 2012 at 1:01 pm

We can go ahead and close the Internets for today, because you just won them all.

Lascauxcaveman September 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I zinc that comment was just about perfect.

SayItWithWookies September 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Unlike in 2008, there was no concerted right-wing evangelical attempt to pray for rain — so convention organizers weren't 100% positive it was going to be clear and sunny.

qwerty42 September 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Word on the street is that you guys had a so-called "house party" last night. No story? No pics?

Wadisay September 5, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I would just make it a point not to stand too near Rahm Emanuel; he could get struck down by lightening inside the convention center.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

How come they never do these things in Seattle? It hasn't rained in over a month!

eggsacklywright September 5, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Now shushup, don't want that kind of publicity.

Isyaignert September 5, 2012 at 1:59 pm

If it doesn't rain by Tuesday it'll be a new record without rain in what was formerly known as the City of Wet Dogs. My fundie-winger mom thinks it's great to make new records. Yay!!

ChernobylSoup September 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

The abortion lines would have been interminable at a 75k venue.

red_kira September 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Three words: WRATH. O'. GAWD.

Sharkey September 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Bassnectar needed the spot for a show.

Beowoof September 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I don't know what to think of this, let me consult Newsmax for a thoughtful unbiased view.

Native_of_SL_UT September 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I'm not saying anything until I hear Rush's NOAA report.

BaldarTFlagass September 5, 2012 at 12:50 pm

They just didn't want to have to listen to the stupid stadium DJs playing REO Station Wagon's Ridin' the Storm Out and The Doors Riders on the Storm over and over on the loudspeakers, like some kind of bad Classic Rock station.

Weenus299 September 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm

We have too much of those here.

tessiee September 5, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"Too much" = any.

Jus_Wonderin September 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Does this mean 007 and the Queen can't parachute in????? WTF???

BarackMyWorld September 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

They were going to give the tickets away for free? Why not charge and use the money to pay for Obama's travel expenses and golf games?

UnholyMoses September 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Another explanation:

Democrats know God hates them because of teh ghey and the abortin' and whatnot, and they don't want God to smite them. At least not on national TV.

HistoriCat September 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

What kind of deity lets a structure get in the way of smiting? Cthulhu would simply rip open the roof and start chomping heads.

fartknocker September 5, 2012 at 1:05 pm

OT: Terrific comparison of two men watching their wives speak.
http://brooksoglesby.tumblr.com/post/30913836362/

rocktonsam September 5, 2012 at 1:09 pm

because inside is were the President plays basketball. duh.

Poindexter718 September 5, 2012 at 1:09 pm

We will concede the point, Reince, if you agree to spend the entire evening atop one of the goal posts holding a large metallic "I built that" sign.

Weenus299 September 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm

It's entirely legit. Most boring thing I'll post today and forever, but for the last month or so the state of SC and that part of NC has been walloped with some dank-ass weather. At best it's overcast and humid, and then just last night there was a tornado warning in Rock Hill, about 10 miles from the stadium.

But yeah, ain't but seventeen people gonna show up to hear that fool Kenyan holler about Mittz and his taxes and stuff anyhow.

Guppy September 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

First off, lightning kills in Real America™.

Secondly, because I have been brainwashed by The Government, I feel compelled to spread vile propaganda, consisting of messages like "Wait 30 minutes after the last clap of thunder to go back outside," and, as the Weather Terror Alert Robot is oh-so-fond of saying, "If you can hear thunder, you are close enough to be struck by lightning."

Steverino247 September 5, 2012 at 5:25 pm

It certainly works that way in sports. If you can see lightning or hear thunder, you can be killed by it. Clear the area, seek shelter and don't resume until 30 minutes after the last incident.

OneYieldRegular September 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Certainly a BS excuse, but Charlotte Douglas is an airport I refuse to fly into between March and October due to more than one prior terrifying experience landing there during a thunderstorm.

fuflans September 5, 2012 at 3:13 pm

that's weird. i was flying to the west coast from chi every week for a while there. and the TWO silly trips i took thru charlotte where absolutely mind blowing.

what's up with that?

OneYieldRegular September 5, 2012 at 6:38 pm

So that was you digging your fingernails into my arm?

BelleSC September 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I drove through the afternoon and early evening weather in Charlotte yesterday. Not pretty. Even it it rains earlier in the day and clears up in time for the speech all the seats will be wet and icky. Smart choice to move it inside.

smitallica September 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Yes, that's it, Repubs. They were worried about filling the stadium because there were only 19,000 people on the waiting list to get in.

Jesus Christ. The GOP even gets the fucking WEATHER wrong.

ttommyunger September 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Worried about filling the Stadium? Think there will be an empty seat? Go ahead, make my day….

TribecaMike September 5, 2012 at 4:51 pm

The comment section after the WaPo story is a real pussy fest.

bobbert September 5, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Not like that.

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Now I HAVE A PROBLEM. It's KEITH, as in Keith Richards one of my favorite people ever and just WHAT is WRONG with you? I before E except after C and K and W and you are a butt. You THINK you have been getting shit? Oh man you have NO idea. Just wait.

FakaktaSouth September 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I was correctly notified that I really meant unintentional dong, but I think Florida does it on purpose.

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