kathleen sebelius wants you pregnant

DNC Night 1: From Abortion To Zabortion, Everything You Want And Need

chelly chelleWelcome, Wonketeers! This is night one of the Democratic National Convention, where principled leaders get together to discuss a bold future for liberali…liber…

HAHAHAHAHAHA they’re totally going to pander for independent voters and toss out red meat, but everyone there is a vegan, so it’s dyed tofu.

Naturally dyed tofu, none of that Red-5. Monster.
9:03 PM – TED STRICKLAND IS GIVING A LITERAL SHOUTOUT TO ALL OF OHIO. (Disclaimer: he is my former boss and I love him.)

9:06 PM – Someone apparently showed Ted the Urban Dictionary definition of “HAM”. And he then said, “I would like to go that.”

9:08 PM – Kathleen Sebelius is out, I wonder when she’s going to burn a crucifix, hm?

9:10 PM – “Nixoncare”? Damn, Richard Nixon is ghost-taping her dad right now.

9:11 PM – Insurance companies can no longer discriminate against women, but they probably can against men, now, certainly. #WarOnMen

9:13 PM – It would have been great if someone had explained all of this to the American public sometime between 2009 and RIGHT NOW.

9:14 PM – I know you’re bored as hell right now, but this is electric for Kathleen Sebelius.

9:16 PM – Rahm Emanuel on to “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’”, and I hope that somethin’ is an unnecessary fight with a fast-food chain.

9:17 PM – We can rest easy – if there were easy solutions, Rahm would have found them!

9:22 PM – MC Hammer is at the DNC!!!

9:24 PM – I miss the RNC’s constant repetition of a single edited soundbite. All these different things being said are confusing and scary.

9:26 PM – Kumar’s on stage! I guess Obama let him out of Gitmo, then? CHANGE.

9:27 PM – Kal Penn makes an empty chair joke and just lost the lead in Million Dollar Baby 2: Billion Dollar Tween.

9:28 PM – Nobody better to tell me about how well Obama has done than a rich actor who left a show I really liked to go do something for Obama that I can’t really remember or define.

9:31 PM – Mark this as the first moment a Twitter hashtag was ever sardonically distributed via political convention. We are all heroes today.

9:33 PM – It is time for some token diversity as the Obamas bring out what I’m sure are hired family members.

9:37 PM – Barack Obama is talking about women eating bacon at home, which I’m entirely sure is sexist. Romney bounce?

9:39 PM – Lilly Ledbetter is onstage, and will be the only person with a Texas accent at this entire convention.

9:45 PM – If Barack Obama continues to intervene in every Supreme Court decision and naming laws after the losers, he will be President for Life!

9:49 PM – I am watching a convention where people are steadfastly supporting  marriage and government health insurance but hahaha it’s gay healthcare for everyone! Paul Ryan must feel lost.

9:52 PM – Not to bring policy into this, but Obamacare doesn’t actually cover everyone. It covers a lot of people! And a lot more than before! But not everyone.

9:57 PM – Deval Patrick pretends that the “I Have A Dream” speech was about more than Americans needing to avoid talking about or noticing race. FOR SHAME, BLACK MITT ROMNEY.

9:59 PM – Martin O’Malley kind of has a bootleg Michael Caine thing going on.

10:01 PM – Martin O’Malley should leave to Aaliyah’s “Back and Forth”. Just saying.

10:02 PM – O’Malley is so goddamn happy to be giving the message line over and over again.

10:07 PM – Tim Duncan’s mayor is on!

10:08 PM – Oh, wait, that wasn’t him, that was his…identical twin? Democrats couldn’t even find different-looking Hispanics for prime time???

10:11 PM – There should be a third Castro sibling, an evil anarchist Castro sibling. Also Julian > Joaquin.

10:12 PM – There’s so much aspiration and wishing at this thing. This convention needs more looming evil on the horizon.

10:14 PM – “We know you can’t be pro-business unless you’re pro-education.” A number of Southeast Asian factories would like to have a word with you.

10:18 PM – Castro pulled the funniest joke any Castro has pulled since Fidel convinced us he was still alive.

10:24 PM – This Julian Castro fellow will be on many of your television talky shows in the near future, I predict. Or his brother when he’s got the runs.

10:26 PM – So, an unknown guy comes out and gives a really quite great speech about his mother, using Spanish, supporting his nominee, and hey, what’s Chris Christie yelling at right now?

10:27 PM – EVERY PART OF ME THAT WANTS TO MAKE BABIES WANTS TO MAKE SURE THE BABIES ARE AS CUTE AS THAT LITTLE GIRL. Fuck, I’m 30 now.

10:30 PM – Michelle Obama intro video. Surprisingly devoid of her snatching donuts out of fat children’s hands.

10:33 PM – Can we vote for Michelle Obama for first lady as like a separate thing?

10:38 PM – This lady is voting for Michelle Obama just because Michelle wrote a letter back to her, but I get letters back from Sallie Mae all the time and I am not voting for her.

10:40 PM – Fact Check: some injured soldiers may not run marathons. (Submitted by Paul Ryan.)

10:42 PM – Michelle Obama talks about her daughters and how much she loves them. Fact check: she does love them.

10:43 PM – Michelle Obama talks about her and Barack being poor. Not Romney poor, where they lived in an apartment instead of a home, but like, actually poor.

10:45 PM – Michelle said, “Barack was brought up all the way across the country,” but you know she was going to say “the Kenya”. ALMOST, BIRTHERS!

10:48 PM – This speech is basically going right at everything Ann and Mitt said, but never once saying the word “Romney” or “rich-ass white folk”. Remarkable restraint.

10:51 PM – I am so bored by nobody talking about who actually built things. PICK IT UP, FITNESS LADY.

10:55 PM – Michelle Obama defends community organizing? Is there nothing she cannot do? Besides eat fried foods?

10:57 PM – I can’t believe all the class warfare that isn’t in this speech.

11:02 PM – Some might say Michelle Obama ran over, I say she made time stop.

11:04 PM – C-SPAN just did a series of shots of people trying to pretend they aren’t crying.

11:06 PM – And I’m out. I’m not going to remark on the fact that Michelle Obama gave a legitimately great speech that was a stirring embrace of American values and ideals, or that she is awesome. Must maintain cynicism. Look over there. LOOK OVER THERE NOW.

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988 comments

    1. Barbara_

      Did you see that shit from Chuck Norris, who said that if Barack Obama is reelected we will have "1,000 years of darkness."

      "1,000 years of darkness" is the shade of "Just For Men" that Chuck rubs on his beard night and day.

      1. sullivanst

        You see, she's she's she's the fuckin' bomb.

        BTW, did anyone else want to find Chuck Todd last night, replay his remark that "the Democrats are jealous of the Republicans' diversity" or whatever bullshit, and then beat him about his smug face with tonight's schedule?

        1. actor212

          Odd, you read my mind just an instant ago (ring up my Intense Debate profile)

          In fairness, we completely ignored the Empty Chair demographic.

  1. C_R_Eature

    Hey, a Liveblog! Finally! Since tonight is the Wonkette Drinky thing I was afraid all the Editors were: Too drunk to Blog

    Went to a party
    I danced all night
    I drank 16 beers
    And I started up a fight

    But now I am jaded
    You're out of luck
    I'm rolling down the stairs
    Too drunk to Blog

    Too drunk to Blog
    Too drunk to Blog
    Too drunk, to Blog
    I'm too drunk, too drunk, too drunk
    To Blog

    1. Terry

      Clint's at home trying to figure out how to prevent his RNC debacle from screwing up the box office takings for his new movie.

      1. miss_grundy

        Yep, I get the feeling he may have to do a goodwill tour to get butts in the seats. Because his new movie is a lot like his old movies, in which he plays an angry old man that is still angry about something that happened in the past and it takes an entire movie for him to get over it and move on or die.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Your experience is corroborated by Neil Diamond.

        "I am," I said
        To no one there
        An no one heard at all
        Not even the chair

        Chairs: Bad listeners.

    1. StarsUponThars

      I know, I know, but they played Chaka Kahn, Prince, and Annie Lennox with Aretha Franklin, so I'm willing to overlook it.

      1. miss_grundy

        The guy is working 60 hrs per week in the Chrysler plant, which would have closed if it weren't for Hopey…..

  2. emmelemm

    At the risk of exposing myself as a vegetarian-American, I will say that the "natural" alternative to Red Dye #5 is that cochineal dye made from beetles that Starbucks got in trouble for. So, not vegan-approved.

      1. emmelemm

        Communally?
        Very carefully?

        I don't know the answer!

        Also, no one has made a VAG-atarian joke yet. I am disappoint.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I think quoting the Bible was genius. It reminds all the evangelicals that (r)Money is a Mormon – did you notice how many "God Bless America's' there were last night?

      This is payback for the past 6 years of "Obama is a Muslin." The chickens are coming home to roost.

          1. tessiee

            Tony Shaloub may be nice, but I had an ex who was like Monk, so I can't watch the intro to that show without wanting to punch him.

    1. SexySmurf

      Do you think MSNBC will film the one white male in the crowd from different angles to make it look like there's more than one there?

    2. Arborista

      PBS is showing the white folks too- saw a white guy wearing a pink 'Biloxi' t-shirt & he looked like a fun dude.

  3. SorosBot

    It's good that the Dems are now willing to call lying Mitt Romney a liar, but if only the media would follow suit.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      You have to give the Bamz advisors and Bamz credit for not being unwilling to get their hands dirty. It's about time a Democrat learned things like framing the other candidate. I'm not that old but I do remember Bill Clinton being unwilling to trash Dole, and Gore and Kerry…the less said the better. Obama is the first Democrat willing to call Republicans what they are: lying sociopaths who don't give a shit about 99% of this country…I just hope he doesn't back down because this is a LONG time coming. Also, I love how Eastwood in a semi-lucid moment said Obama isn't nice while endorsing a guy who just makes up shit as he goes to play to the very lowest common denominator. I hope Obama hits Rombot in the face with a shovel…and we bury the fucker (with votes).

  4. Incitefully_Joe

    Was it just me, or was that "Obamacare saves a young child with a heart defect" story eleventy billion times more touching than Santorum's "we didn't retroactively abort our child even though she had weird hands" story?

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          Ha ha…well, say what you will about Rick Perry (crazy, stupid, drunk, etc.), he doesn't hate on the brown people like Jan Brewer does.

          1. Texan_Bulldog

            We kill 'em all, SullivanSt: women, brown people, white people, black people, mentally disabled. We are equal opportunity when it comes to the death penalty.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Not just you. That story got right to me and that's no easy thing these days. She gave a powerful speech that was so effective because it was so obviously from the heart.
      It was also a powerful blow at the R's "Government Bureaucrats taking over your healthcare". Like the unaccountable Insurance company Bureaucrats aren't worse.

    2. Guppy

      Romney administered to the dying; Obama worked to make sure they didn't die to begin with.

      "Party of life" indeed.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        "When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor, they call me a communist."

        Dom Helder Camara

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yeah she's a bit uh…seasoned for my taste but to each their own. She looks like maybe oh…25 years ago, how old is she? I think late 50's, early 60's? Anyway I've seen pics of Hellen Mirren in 1966 and she looked hot back then (not to mention Raquel Welch, the reason I support time machines…) so anything is possible, right? I do like me some buxom kiersten sinema…she's bi the way too…which is hot and an ex-Mormon so as anyone who grows up around Mormons knows, Mormon girls can be a lot like the legends of Catholic girls (I grew up in Utah so it's a legend to me).

  5. BarackMyWorld

    Watching MSNBC…Ezra is a great writer and analyst, but he has a on-screen presence only slightly better than Tim Pawlenty.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yeah he is pretty boring…I always thought Chris Hayes is boring too. Tweety bird is funny when tanked, he gets all loud and confrontational (we need to get home and the blitzed Tangerine into a fight…) and of course Rachel is every guys nerdy lesbian dream. MSNBC needs to get like big, fat Ed Schultz to get all puffed up and yelling like when he was arguing with rat fuck fuck face Walker.

    2. sudsmckenzie

      He is no good at the short stints, when you give him a full hour, filling in for Rachele, you find yourself saying Chris\Mellisa who?

    3. Negropolis

      I have a hard time stomaching his fence-straddling in writing; it comes through even more clear in audio. He's so careful in calculating how far he's gone one way or the other so he'll have a path back to the middle, that the conclusions he comes to aren't as sound and definitive as they otherwise could be.

      I've always wanted to believe that what has bothered me about him is that he's just super meticulous that it goes under or over my radar. But, the more I see of him and read of his the more I feel it's a political calcuation to stay in the Beltway media's good graces. Maybe I'm judging him to harshly, but he's too timid on too many important issues for my tastes.

    1. tessiee

      "the Leadbelly Act!"

      Is that the law that requires all silly ass academic whitefolks to listen to old blues?

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Yup. I learned a few years ago that C-Span, get this, actually puts the cameras on the people on stage, whereas all the news channels have teh cameras on each other, yammering about the people on stage.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      hahaha silly Pakistani villager! A drone to a Muslin is a lot like a pyroclastic flow from a volcano…when you can hear it that means you have exactly one nanosecond before it kills you…the pants shitting is pretty much non-negotiable once you realize what it is, too….which makes it just like a pyroclastic flow…that sucks. Well, at least with a pyroclastic flows the survivors don't find bible quotes scrawled in the remains, so that's good right? I mean that would be totally fucked up…

    2. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Did I mention how much the evangelism in the military pisses me off? I mean, why doesn't Obama just shitcan every single one of those right wing fucks and replace them with chaplains who aren't ya know, religious fascists…

    1. Veritas78

      We've already called his money foreign. Best line of the night (from Strickland):

      His money needs a passport. Then some snark about his money skiing in the Alps and surfing in the Caymans. We need more of this.

          1. Boojum

            If I had sex with a man, could I learn to have some taste in clothes? Because, seriously, at this point….,

          2. tessiee

            The Former Mr. Tessie used to say he wished they would sell adult men's clothes with tags to match them, like Grrrr-animals kids clothing.

        1. Geminisunmars

          9 out of 10 creatively intelligent people are Dems. (Actually it is 10 out of 10, but we are a tolerant group, so sometimes we let a wanna-be into our midst, who finds him/herself unable to grasp basic progressive concepts.)

          1. Bezoar

            Seriously, I think you're right; the Repubs seem to have no aesthetic sensibility. They wouldn't know beauty if it bit them on the ass.

    1. shelwood46

      I cannot imagine anyone getting through a BFA in Theatre, let alone an MFA, without coming out a Democrat on the other side. Government arts funding, the gays, enduring a summer theatre non-union internship (they will literally work you 19-24 hours a day for $10/week), then meeting the union techs who get decent pay and hours. Yeah, set designers are gonna skew Democrat.

  6. gullywompr

    Rahm! He was in line in front of me in a DC Starbucks not long ago. Man, those Chicago guys like their pinstripes wide.

      1. gullywompr

        I was not aware of the Chalk Stripe – must have been what he was wearing. And thanks for the Gentlemen's Gazette line, I shall peruse it forthwith.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Many years ago I read a fascinating little book "Letters from a Selfmade Merchant to his Son." He advises his offspring to invest in a good suit. "Don't buy a suit that makes people wonder if you perform buck and wing dancing or follow the horses for a living."

      From a short distance the stripes should fade away – that's the difference between chalk and other stripes.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Please don't take this the wrong way. You don't have to buy it new – it's only going to be new the first time you wear it.

          I recently purchased a nice Brooks Brothers (not top of the line, but still a great suit) three-piece tweed suit for less than $25 at our local Salvation Army.

          Go to a thrift store in the wealthest neighborhood you can get to. Stores raising money for the ballet or symphony or art museum are the best.

          We went on a cruise several years ago, and I needed a tux. Bought one that fit nicely for $30 or $40 at the symphony thrift store.

          Tundra Grifter says Check. It. Out.

  7. C_R_Eature

    Argh, Tweety is on MSNBC now and I've got to switch to CSPAN before I break something

    Hey! It's Rahmbo!

    1. miss_grundy

      I receive Sun-Times email and on Saturday, the headline was that the teachers would be going on strike. Which is why Rahm is cutting his trip to Charlotte short.

  8. Negropolis

    Observations:

    - Wow, Rahm is stepping all over his words.

    - The Zoe story had everybody in the place in tears.

    - The "USA! USA!" chant for Duckworth is probably one of the few times I've heard it where it seemed entirely appropriate.

    - Despite Strickland not knowing how to modulate this voice, his quoting Matthew in the Gospel was really kind of on point, if only to show Republicans how this shit feels when they do it.

  9. Negropolis

    Partisanship aside, the convention just feels more lively and looks better produced even through television. The feeling in the center is palpable.

    1. vodkamuppet

      The seething resentment at the RNC bleeds right through the screen. I think liberals are just happier people.

    1. JustPixelz

      They'll complain those parents are a little too pro-life. That the daughter is part of the culture of dependency what with depending on health insurance to stay alive. That they didn't pray enough at some point during the speech or their lives.

    2. Doktor Zoom

      From the comments on Mediaite:

      "Never mind that thousands (millions) of people are forced to buy medical insurance and the premiums for everyone else will skyrocket in order to pay for Obamacare. No, to Tommy and other liberals, all the sunshine and rainbows that Obamacare brings are completely free and no one has to pay for it.

      "If you want to argue against it, you owe people like Zoe’s mom an answer."

      Listen up Tommy and listen good. I don't owe her squat! I provide for MY family and that's ALL I'm responsible for. "

    1. TribecaMike

      They were hoping half-brother George would be there. Jesus, internet trolls are in love with that guy. Well, not him personally.They couldn't care less about him as a human being.

    1. rickmaci

      Dr. Maya Kassandra Soetoro-Ng. The educational accomplishments in this family are not accidental. Clearly something that was valued and emphasized by her mother and grandparents.

    1. Negropolis

      It's crazy, I was thinking about her just the other day and saying how cool it'd be if she got a speaking spot at the convention. lol

  10. SorosBot

    And now Lilly Ledbetter; you'd almost suspect the Democrats care more about women's rights than the GOP does.

  11. vodkamuppet

    It's so awsome to hear someone with a thick southern accent making sense for a change. Reminds me not to be a dick.

    1. Negropolis

      I'm wanting to hear that accent say of Romney "Well, bless his heart" and then my week will be complete.

  12. Chet Kincaid_

    Why don't we have Democratic Conventions in "off-year" elections to harness this kind of energy and drive Congressional majorities? Get the President out there and treat it like it's as important as Presidential years.

    1. rickmaci

      I agree. The entire nature of the job, and the so called bully pulpit, has changed. I think the Pres. need to be out on the stump campaigning for his agenda nearly as much as during the electoral campaign.

  13. Chet Kincaid_

    Deval Patrick! Another Chicago colored and Taxachusetts Governor! Talkin' trash about the Romney record! "You wouldn't believe the shit I had to clean up after that empty suit!!"

  14. Guppy

    Sitting governor of Massachusetts mentions that his state is ahead in healthcare coverage, and neglects to say why.

    I'm torn.

  15. Badonkadonkette

    You know what would be fucking brilliant? I mean, what would be a pitch-perfect satire of Eastwood lecturing Invisobama, AND galvanize Democrats and prove to independents and undecideds that mittens is a flip-flopping spineless weasel? A video debate between Mittens and Mittens, moderated by, I dunno, a hologram of William F. Buckley. Just running video of Mittens on both sides of every issue. It would be brilliant. It would be the greatest moment in convention history. And so, I have no expectations that the Democrats will do it. :(

    1. rickmaci

      Great line that only had a moment tonight was Ted Kennedy's description of Mitt the Flipper. We don't know if he is pro choice, he's multiple choice, or something to that effect.

    1. C_R_Eature

      We had to make room for the Great Old Ones.

      If they're upset now, wait until Wednesday's human sacrifice.

  16. Chet Kincaid_

    Gay marriage and the Cayman Islands are clearly the most popular topics at this convention, applause-meter wise! If they were offering gay weddings on the Cayman Islands, pandemonium would break out!!

  17. SorosBot

    And yay that the Democratic Party seems to have finally realized that they can campaign on legalizing same-sex marriage instead of running from it.

    1. Isyaignert

      If they'd only run on supporting cannabis legalization, they'd have a home run. People who never voted before would vote for someone who supported that. 'kna!!

  18. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    What is the backdrop– is that amber waves of grain, or is it some hippie prairie restoration?

    1. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Somewhere there is an intern madly photographing and making a searchable catalog of every "type" in the audience.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      They have some man in a garish red, white, and blue outfit they keep panning on every time someone mentions teh ghey. In fact, he is just dressed like half the people at the GOP convention. Only he's thinner.

    1. mayor_quimby

      Deval is setting this bitch on fire. He reminds me of Larry Wilmott on the Daily
      Show. He's the Senior Black Governor.

  19. FakaktaSouth

    I've seen 3 minutes of this and I understood all of the words. I'm saying already better than whatever the hell that was last week. HEY And HE SAID GEORGE W BUSH, so more balls than that other too!

  20. C_R_Eature

    So far tonight, I've seen every speaker gleefully land at least one solid, devastating hit on the Republicans in general and Mitt Romney in particular. It's like these folks have been just itching for the chance to have their say after having been bombarded by more and more extreme right wing nonsense for almost four years.

    I like it. This week might just be fun.

  21. subsum

    Deval Patrick is really bringing it and he's saying the right things. My favorite was (paraphrasing): "…grow a backbone, beotchez!" Gotta love the guy.

  22. Negropolis

    You know, I've heard on more than one occasion even from some Dems that Dems don't have a deep bench for 2016. I say to that bullshit and poppycock. Thank you.

    1. miss_grundy

      They have Mr. Castro of San Antonio, TX. I would love for him to take over the White House in 2016 so Republican heads can explode.

    1. Negropolis

      I keep hearing O'Malley mentioned as a candidate for 2016, and while I'm sure he was a great mayor and is a great governor, everytime I've seen him speak I don't see him as presidential material. I mean, I've seen people absolutely rave over him.

      1. Terry

        Celtic rock band. Hot in that altar boy you'd like to lead astray way. Trying to protect our resources, intrastucture, schools and colleges, despite the economic downturn. I like him.

        1. Negropolis

          That's the thing; I like him, too. I don't love him like you would for someone who'd be your first pick for a presidential ticket.

      2. Jukesgrrl

        Those people raving over him … that would be our girl LimeyLizzie? She loves her some O'Malley. Who says the English can't get along with the Irish?

    1. Isyaignert

      Thank you for the segue. I noticed some red dot diamond thing in all of the 'cons flag pins at their CONvention last week. Anyone else notice? What's that all about?

  23. Arborista

    Was that Tony Shalhoub I just saw in the audience? His face was down, but it sure looked like Monk…

  24. TribecaMike

    David Brooks on PBS a minute ago: "American care about two things: balancing the budget and the debt." Oh brother, what art thou?

      1. Zango Crudmonger

        Well, I've bacon grease and bourbon on my chin, so I'm going with your statement as completely accurate.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      In his world, there are no women at home with too many children to feed, no one is in the military unless they work at the Pentagon, no one has ever carried a union card, everyone's student debt is paid by their daddy, and people still vacation in Europe.

    2. Native_of_SL_UT

      Brooks is right about the 2 things I care about.
      I care about my fucking budget and my fucking debt and these Repubes ain't helping either..

  25. DrunkIrishman

    oooh! I LOVE STAGE INTERACTION! IT MAKES ME FEEL PART OF THE SHOW! I AM SO SITTING IN MY LIVING ROOM SCREAMING AT THE TV … "FORWARD, NOT BACK!"

  26. C_R_Eature

    Martin O'Malley Kids! It's nice to have a governor that doesn't make me cringe, for once.

    "Forward, not Back!" Now, that's a good call and response line.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Yeah, I don't think he was really a good fit for that town. Stephanie Rawlings Blake seems to be doing OK, though considering what she had to step into .

      1. Designer_Rants

        We should make OMalley and Dr. Zoom a 2-headed T-shirt that says "We watched this speech with the signs and and the backing and the forthing and all we got was this lousy T-shirt".

      1. trampndirtdown

        His delivery was pretty blah tonight. Ii've seen him really tear it up a few times, but it was always off the cuff, this is the first time I watched him give a prepared speech. Not impressed.

  27. ibwilliamsi

    OK, I went to the Casa after my meeting, and it was dark. Man, I NEVER expected you guys to stop partying that early!

  28. IonaTrailer

    As a "legal" pot smoker, I'm totally disappointed that we aren't hearing jack shit about the "Drug War". sigh. I know, I know, we're hoping he'll get to it, but for all my brothers and sisters who are in prison for smoking the sacred weed – (or just for being mentally ill and using drugs – or not mentally ill and using drugs) – can we please stop the maddness?

    1. Zango Crudmonger

      Too much for the center/undecided voters to stomach, I would guess. It's going to left for the states to hammer out for this election. I believe both OR and CA have legalization on the ballots this fall.

    2. Negropolis

      I think this is a second term thing. Hell, I was surprised he didn't wait until the second term to come out in favor of same sex marriage.

  29. Negropolis

    I heard a little Kennedy at the very end of O'Malley's speech. It's just too bad he had to follow Patrick.

    1. Terry

      O'Malley's wife is a judge and is father-in-law is the junior Senator from the great State of Maryland, aka Ben Cardin.

    1. finallyhappy

      I understand twins is a big fantasy for some men and women- always seemed like horror movie time to me. But these guys seem like they would be good sons!

      1. shelwood46

        The twin thing icks me out because it means you're essentially fantasizing about incest. You're not just wanting siblings to get naked and have sexy times together, you want siblings who look alike to get naked and have sexy times together. Would you want to have sex with your clone? Ew.

    1. mayor_quimby

      Dude is good, he's going to kick Jindal's ass in 20-something
      Twins that went to Stanford??? That's some Cosby show shit.

  30. Terry

    Grammy Castro has tears in her eyes. Very sweet. I hate menudo, but would eat it if this lady served it to me.

    1. rickmaci

      Mexican grandmas. You tell her you don't like menudo and 10 minutes later she is serving you something else you do like.

    1. SorosBot

      Just because someone was born in Connecticut doesn't make him not a Texan when he lived there his entire life. Texas owns him.

      1. Negropolis

        You should tell a Texan that. lol It seems to cut across ideological lines, down there, that unless you were born on its soil, you're not ever a true Texan.

          1. Negropolis

            They loved him like hell, but that doesn't mean they thought he was a "real" Texan. Texans have a thing about being born in Texas. Don't ask me to explain it, it's just what I've personally experienced.

            Maybe one of our Texas Wonketters can back me up on this. I thought this was a pretty well known quirk of Texans.

      2. iburl

        "his entire life"… except when he spent every summer in the Hamptons, and went to Yale and Harvard, and spent a lot of time in the White House with his daddy (also not a real Texan).

        Bush is a fake Texan, don't ever forget that.

    1. subsum

      He's from San Antonio. Rick Perry is not allowed to go there. If he does all the messicans will kick his ass. We're stuck with him here in Austin—for now.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Or as self-important. Plus, we sent Henry B. Gonzales to Washington for 40 years.

        "González was referred to as a "communist" in 1986 by a man at Earl Abel's restaurant, a popular San Antonio eatery. The 70 year-old representative responded by punching him in the face. González was acquitted of assault for this incident."

  31. IonaTrailer

    They may have boots with boot-straps in parts of Texas, but where I live, there are people on Skid Row wit' no shoes.
    Signed,
    Los Angeles

  32. Designer_Rants

    Man, that Deval Patrick just might win 230 electoral votes on write in! Don't worry Mittens, you'll still get Mississippi.

    ~Yeah, I'm watching DVR… But I fast forwarded through Gov. "Things Were Better Under Dumbya", so I'm almost in real-time.

  33. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    C'mon, Texas, bring up a quote from your roots (i.e. the late great Ann Richards)– "He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth"

    1. mayor_quimby

      That was some knife in the gut theatrics there, very very good. And the crowd was even on script yelling 'Romney said no'

    1. finallyhappy

      Castro married Erica Lira Castro in 2007. They have one daughter, Carina Victoria Castro, born March 14, 2009

  34. TribecaMike

    "Whenever I run into prejudice, I smile and feel sorry for them, and I say to myself, There's one more argument for birth control." — Freddy Fender, born Baldemar Garza Huerta in Texas

      1. rickmaci

        It was under three and he is still an asshat. It would be a great bumper sticker. Every runner I know would want one.

  35. BoroPrimorac

    I hope he ends his speech by telling Marco Rubio to eat shit.

    "Comete un mojon, Marco Rubio" (drops mic and walks away)

  36. IonaTrailer

    For some it is "FOUR MORE YEARS" and for others it is "FEEL MY QUEERS!"
    xoxoxoxxoxo

    (in a good way, not a Republican way.)

  37. Lucidamente1

    He could do the empty chair routine, but sitting down in it to play his twin. Ok, not funny, but still better than Eastwood.

  38. subsum

    "The American dream is not a sprint; nor a marathon; but a relay." So over-fucking-whelmingly true it's a slap in the face of people like Mitt Romney. This dude is living proof and I dare Sarah Palin, Michelle Malkin and Rush Limbaugh to question it.

    1. CthuNHu

      Claim: With enough hard work, you can raise your own Barack-Oli.

      Fact: There is not any such vegetable as Barack-Oli.

      Conclusion: Michelle Obama's lie robs Democrats of the moral high ground and prevents them from taking issue with Paul Ryan's statements.

    2. Veritas78

      What, give a from-the-heart, passionate, true paean to a man worth both loving and electing? No, both sides do not do that.

  39. Lucidamente1

    Must not think impure thoughts about FLOTUS, must not think impure thoughts about FLOTUS . . . Oh, fuck it.

    1. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I've always thought the whole family looks like that family in all the car ads. Absolutely quintessentially American.

  40. EdFlintstone

    I kid you not, Fox News has shampoo man Paul Mitchell offering his insights during the Michelle video.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        Yes, and after teaching high school for years, including children diagnosed as emotional disturbed, before earning a Ph.D.

      2. Terry

        When she moved to DC when he became VP, she took a teaching position (English, I think) at the Northern Virginia Community College. Before that, she taught in Delaware.

      3. Barbara_

        Negropolis, Jill was a professor who taught my daughter, Christine and helped to shape the woman she became, as I am certain you already know.. I loved me some Jill before handsome Joe was VEEP.

    1. SorosBot

      She should be wearing a bland generic red dress, as should every other woman who speaks at the convention!

  41. Doktor Zoom

    Huh, I wonder if the Repubs are having second thoughts about not mentioning the troops much last week?

    Nah, never mind, their base sincerely believes she hates the flag.

  42. FakaktaSouth

    Oh fuck, Stevie Wonder? the REAL one's voice and not some weird cover version of him? And Lovely Lovely Michelle? Oh I may die.

  43. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Why do I find it hard to believe someone telling me they are not political while they are giving an introduction at a fucking national political convention?

    1. kittensdontlie

      That is very distracting. Everyone was probably afraid to say anything, lest her big brother might kick their ass.

  44. Lucidamente1

    Jesus Christ on a three-day bender, this is the hottest convention speaker in the history of the universe.

  45. Designer_Rants

    "I think you're the perfect wife for Obama.", says little kid with braces. Melts your heart and makes you laugh at the same time. But if some dumb Republican kid had said it I'da just shot my teevee, Elvis style.

    1. predilectrix

      Oh, I thought you wrote I want to be the First Lady's dress, which seems to be a popular sentiment this evening.

  46. Doktor Zoom

    "Like any mother, I thought about our girls"

    Typical of the narcissistic selfish focus of those people.

  47. subsum

    Coffe table picked up from a dumpster? It better be true or she's gonna hear about it from the asswipes from Fox & Friends tomorrow. Facts only matter when pointing them out works to their advantage.

  48. TribecaMike

    Over at Fox, Charles Krauthammer is muttering, "Why is she wear a bathing suit? And what is this feeling I've never felt before?"

    1. Veritas78

      That was pretty uppity! It's like when you upend the napkin by your place at table, and then someone else sits there.

    1. C_R_Eature

      No, she said:"Ah, get born, keep warm, short pants, romance, learn to dance
      Get dressed, get blessed, try to be a suck-sess"

    1. NellCote71

      She as the cutest dog second only to mine. Alas, I bet she doesn't get a $77,000 tax deduction for Bo either.

  49. BarackMyWorld

    Michelle's remarks about honesty and "how much money you make" will be taken as subtle swipes at Romney…because they probably are.

  50. SorosBot

    Work hard? But these were just workers, not JOB CREATORS! Last week I was told only the owners' work actually counts.

  51. Lucidamente1

    Gee, is she drawing an unspoken contrast between her and potus's growing up in straitened circumstances and the romneys' wealthy douchebaggery?

    1. NellCote71

      And, gee, not getting through Harvard law on their parents' stocks. Oh, that's right. She who just LOVES us women didn't go to Harvard law. Did she even graduate?

    1. Arborista

      That line & the line about how you can't accept help to achieve success & then slam the door behind you- those were my faves!

  52. Barbara_

    A most awesome Tweet:
    Dave Pell ‏@davepell
    I like to think that Michelle Obama is the type of wife who would say: "Dude, the dog is riding inside the car."

  53. fuflans

    this is a fantastic case she's making for everything the dem's stand for and need to run on in this election.

    too bad she's not white.

    (wish i was snarking).

  54. EdFlintstone

    What about those American families that only have 1 or 2 dressage horses, Mitt and Ann feel their pain!

    1. NellCote71

      Are there people really that poor?

      True story. My son a long time ago dated a very wealthy young woman. It's Texas, so it's oil. During one of the many downturns in the O&G industry, her father was bemoaning the fact that they could take only one private plane hunting. My son innocently asked why the guy needed two planes. The other plane was for the hunting dogs.

    1. iburl

      Today I listened to Rush Limbaugh in my car after lunch and he passed on a rumor that Rev. Wright was going to do the benediction tonight. So, it'll probably be after Michele.

    1. NellCote71

      Oh, yeah. Too bad they don't realize they have been blown out of the water. I only wish the Repugs would watch both conventions as I have done. How can any decent, honest human being vote for such a bunch of lying hypocrites?

    1. Arborista

      Just let 'em try & I'll show them what angry & militant looks like. (No, I don't really hang out what the pundit crowd…)

  55. Guppy

    How many fuckin' signs are these people expected to have on hand?

    Is that one of the qualifications to be a delegate or something?

      1. Arborista

        I figured it was a Robin Hood hat, but wasn't sure if that was an economic statement or if it was a 'Merry Men' statement?

  56. vodkamuppet

    There's something about this crowd tonight that's different from the RNC…. I don't know, they look so, American.

  57. FakaktaSouth

    I wish he would stop looking for the best in some of these people, I truly do. He's GOT to do some neck stomping. GOT TO. We need policy, not a bunch of people happy they all feel like they got their way.

    1. rickmaci

      I want him out there chewing up the opposition like some monster hungry great white shark. Ooops, you know what I mean.

      1. NellCote71

        Exactly. During the "others" convention, I figured they had held some sort of cheer leading camp prior to.

        I love our ragtag laid-blackness.

  58. kittensdontlie

    Our President was poor and owned a rusty car. I bet he made his own Cheetos back then, just like he brews his own beer now.

    1. iburl

      Even the founders of the Democratic party like Jefferson had a small streak of Mao-Mao Anti-Colonialism in them, according to my Professor Gingrich Books-On-Tape.

  59. coolhandnuke

    An extremely wise and astute oration, that needs nary a mention of the Romneys or the Bushes–who in contrast to an amazing wife's love letter to her husband–are the antithesis of this incredibly lovable first family.

  60. IonaTrailer

    MOUNTAIN TOP!!!!
    I love you Michelle! (Hyde Park representing!!!)

    The difference between Mrs. Obama and Mrs. Romney, is that one is real and one is rich and disconnected.

    1. NellCote71

      You can see and feel sincerity if you are even halfway sentient human. My dog would growl at Ann; she would roll over and want her belly rubbed by Michelle.

    2. finallyhappy

      shit- I wrote that to a local reporter looking for reaction- but last night before I saw your comment.

        1. Designer_Rants

          Each time I write Ann's words, they sound more drunkenly desperate in my head. Then I think about what the Repig convention platform is and wonder why they (half the country) all have brain damage.

  61. FakaktaSouth

    Excellent, excellent job. Michelle Obama actually does that thing, where I feel proud to be a lady here. That does not happen a whole bunch, but, right now, I feel really happy. Nice.

    1. ElPinche

      I usually dont' stand up and whoo and clap at my TV screen like a crazy person, but I did after her speech. Wife: "Are you crying??" Me: "…..No!…."

  62. SorosBot

    And that was an awesome speech; helped wash out the bad taste all the hate and fear on display last week.

  63. Come here a minute

    Holy shit. I just switched the radio to C-SPAN after the Nationals beat the Cubs, and Michelle Obama hit it out of the fucking park.

  64. ChernobylSoup

    When Michelle and Barack first got together it must have been a close thing the cosmos didn't go kablooie from the overpowering awesomeness.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      And the National Examiner persists in claiming they're on the verge of divorce. (When they're not claiming Bat Boy is their son.) Seriously, people have to read that headline while they're standing in line at the supermarket.

      1. NellCote71

        I do. I have. Funny, too. I am sure the Repugs have spent millions of dollars on trying to find dirt on either one or both. Have to hand it to the Enquirer, though, for the Edwards thing.

      1. NellCote71

        Do you mean like real Christians, those who respect and acknowledge other people's religion, those who don't cram their own religion down other people's throat?

    1. glasspusher

      I'm with you on that. It's nice to see some folks use their faith as a vehicle of love and friendship. Religion, though, is neither a prerequisite for nor a guarantee of morality. :/

      1. SorosBot

        And pushing faith as a virtue and doubt as a vice always pisses me off, even from a Dem. Well at least the prayer-giving lady was cute.

        1. glasspusher

          I save my faith for the Red Sox. I use my doubt as a tool for my own humility and as a bullshit detector. I know how you feel.

    2. IonaTrailer

      Dude, love, peace, …… psychedelics even.

      or a har-de-har-har, nod and a wink….if you know what I mean

    3. CthuNHu

      Well, just like Obama's Medicare changes, it's NOT FOR YOU.

      It's for the inoculation of less political, less enlightened — but no less American — folks who watched both conventions to try to figure out this election, against their dumbass cousins' and fathers-in-law's hooting that Obama and all the Democrats are anti-Christian and don't even allow anyone to say "God" in public any more.

      I don't find your lack of faith disturbing. I am, though, glad that the DNC knows better than to share your estimate of the utility of prayer.

  65. redarmyzombie

    HA!

    Suck on that, Romney-Whores!
    (God, I love our FLOTUS…)

    EDIT: Aaaand my pants seem to have mysteriously disappeared…

      1. finallyhappy

        I'm Straight and I love her- I got to wave to her once as she returned to the WH from donating her inaugural gown to the Smithsonian but as it was through tinted glass- she couldn't see how I am her biggest fan with tears in my eyes- just because she was being driven past me

  66. C_R_Eature

    I have to say that Michelle Obama's speech was the best political speech I've seen in a very long time. Just brilliant.
    It amazes me, even though I know better, that Michelle Obama is the exact polar opposite of the awful meme that the right wing has carefully crafted for her.

  67. Wadisay

    Rachael Maddow says now the right wing media is going to have to back off Michelle Obama. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Maybe pigs will come a-flyin' out of their arses.

    1. miss_grundy

      I'm sure he gave her an "I love you, honey and thanks for a great job" phone call. And maybe some kisses over the phone too!

      1. ElPinche

        Barbara…don't get me started. Then I think of the kirk and spock doing the vulcan sign on the glass. Ok Here I go.

    1. finallyhappy

      Don't forget(I had it up here for a day once)- my facebook photo is me and Nimoy. Because like Sarah Palin, this thread should be about me- and Nimoy

  68. ProgressiveInga

    The only remaining question is:
    Will FLOTUS' speech tonight have higher ratings than Honey Boo-Boo?

  69. mrblifil

    Luke Russert: Pure class

    Luke RussertVerified
    ‏@LukeRussert

    Mrs. #Obama getting teary eyed talking about opportunity for children. Something she has in common with Boehner.

    1. TribecaMike

      I had to look up who this Luke Russert person is. A very impressive resume of never having had a real job in his life.

    2. Chet Kincaid_

      Seriously? Is he becoming the "Woody at Cheers" of MSNBC? Because that's fuckin' dumb. The boy's gonna get an easy-to-parody reputation if somebody doesn't buy him a clue.

    1. Designer_Rants

      He was a real sad sack on Jon Stewart last week. I almost felt sorry for him. He also bragged about his awesome success for the American Fascism Party before he got shitcanned.

    2. Negropolis

      They were also both fapping over how Michelle looked, too, which isn't bad except that they are on national television doing it and looked like dirty, old men.

  70. TribecaMike

    Remind me again, Matthews, why do you have Michael Steele on during both conventions?

    Oh, and thanks Jesse!

  71. coolhandnuke

    If tonite's speeches/presentations represented a theme from the Left that we are a diverse loving family, communites within the community of this Country…then I hope tomorrow night they go on full attack–with a spine–and showcase the Right as a vindictive, fearful, divisive, hate-filled Gated Community.

  72. Steverino247

    I've been present at some great political speeches, but the First Lady's speech tonight was the best I've ever heard. It didn't just define her husband, but defined what Americans should aspire to be. It reminded us of what we should do for each other in troubled times and inspired us to go do it. That's why it's a great speech. This is what leaders do. Not just tell you what needs to be done and order you to do it, but inspire you to do it, no matter what the cost. Just wonderful!

    1. JohnnyQuick

      1000% Agreement. IT WAS THE FUCKING GREATEST!!!

      I now want to start a Michelle Obama religion, maybe more like one of them Buddhist type deals where you can still be religious or atheist and join.

      It will be explicitly say that she is not divine. Just that she can talk about people coming together, or her own life story, and make you FEEL divine.

      I'm only slightly exaggerating… Fuck! I'm not even exaggerating.

  73. Jukesgrrl

    Where were the people with the muskets and the tri-cornered hats? I thought they were the REAL Amurrica. Shouldn't they have been their applauding OUR First Lady?

  74. mustangsavvy

    Ted Strickland is pissed off and he doesn't care who knows it!

    Seriously folks – Michele Obama is the wind beneath Barack's wings! I love this woman. Outstanding speech, fucking nailed it.

  75. Biff

    I didn't get to watch too much, was outside working after the sun went down due to ungodly hot here in the desert, but I managed to listen on c-span radio. I just wanted to say that I've never been more in love with FLOTUS than I am tonight. What a fine speech, what a fine woman…

  76. punkneverdies

    oh and just to double post, i don't want to comb through 8 pages to find out if anyone pointed out that ledbetter is from alabama, and YES there is a BIG. DIFFERENCE.

    1. finallyhappy</