Let the Swooning Commence

DNC Night Two: The Professor and Hillary Clinton’s Husband

We dunno, it just seemed a logical juxtapositionWelcome, Wonketteers, to the Now-Slightly-More-Godly DNC, Night Two! They are letting the new guy run the liveblog tonight, and the new guy does not even have cable! If there’s any kind of over-the air signal, we will at least have PBS or something, otherwise, it’s an NPR / DNC livestream blog.

9:20 There is someone speaking Spanish! Do we press “1″ or panic now? Oh, it is a Spanish Lesson to say “forward” and “backward” in espanol. I feel smarter already.

9:25: “Don’t Boo, Vote!” Yes, we like her.

9:30: Now we are buying a car online. Wait, this sounds like an ad. Ah, now we see — A CEO is telling us that he built it, but that he needed roads and bridges and the government to be partners. He will not be invited to play in Galt’s Gulch, will he?

9:32: It’s the auto bailout. Ordinary but largely telegenic Americans are glad. And now, an Ohio UAW thug! As thugs go, she is pretty easy on the eyes. But watch out for her if you’re selling trinkets at a teabagger rally.

9:40 UAW Head Thug! And he has very dubious stage presence, even if he’s praising one of the good old progressive Republicans that are extinct today. He is saying things that we agree with, but we need a soda pop. We didn’t know we would be liveblogging or we would have stocked up on beer. Mmmmm. Why doesn’t anyone deliver beer? That would help the economy.

9:45 Walking across the room makes the digital antenna signal go kerflooey. Then it came back on when we sat down. No one can explain the science of this. We must pray. UAW head thug is saying more things that are good but anodyne. Sigh. Coke Zero will never be beer.

9:47 Randy Johnson was laid off by Mitt Romney, which is why he is no longer the Big Unit. Cindy Hewitt didn’t even know who Mitt Romney was when he started running, and then she heard he ran Bain, which fired her. Why don’t these people understand that that is just the way Capitalism works? They should borrow money from their parents. David Foster is a guy we would have a beer with (sob!)

9:52 David Brooks finally got his wish, and people are talking about jobs. They are not talking about jobs the way David Brooks would like them to. We are “abstracted from this particular moment,” he says. Probably because he has to settle for freakin’ Coke Zero when he really wants a New Belgium “1554″ ale. Or because he is a twerp.

9: 58 Luke Russert has shared his wisdom with us via the Twitterz:

Speaker at #DNC2012 suggests #Romney makes money with no moral compass. A stretch considering his tithes so much or fair game?

If you give money to your gay-bashing church while you throw people out of jobs, you can’t really be all that bad.

10:05 Sandra Fluke is here, and the character-assassination drones have already been launched. She is bringing some grade-A angry here, and we like that.

10:08 We do feel compelled to point out that quantum theory suggests that both of those futures actually could exist in a multiverse. Star Trek would not lie about this.

10:10 The CEO of Costco is here. Usually he comes in a 10-pack.

10:12 David Brooks are you listening? Here is a man talking about how capitalism can be successful when it pays its employees a living wage. One might even think that the well-being of consumers has something to do with the economy, maybe? Aaaand now he’s kind of rambling and losing us with this list. His talking points come in a bulk pack.

10:15 We will now just plain melt with love for Elizabeth Warren.

10:21 Um. We are supposed to be snarking, but damned if we aren’t just rapt. Here is a woman who plainly and simply knows how to take a simple truth — “The game is rigged” — and back it up. This is some kind of class warfare, because she is pointing it out.

10:24 Why is she not stomping Scott Brown by 20 points? This is class warfare we can believe in.

10:27 (OK, that nervous tongue-over-your-teeth thing? Distracting. We still love you, don’t worry. But it’s a little schoolmarmish, maybe.)

10:30 “We build it together” — that is a good reply. Somebody should have said that the first time around…

10:33 This is like that Price-Waterhouse thing at the Oscars, kinda. Only shorter.

10:34 Jebus Christ THAT SONG!!!!!!!

10:35 Freakin’ Fleetwood Mac just shook loose the recollection that there is still a half bottle of scotch in the kitchen.

10:37 Bill, you goddamn moderate sellout and zipper slave, you disappointed me, but I’d still vote for you, you crazy bastard.

10:39 This man gives good speech. Mr. Brooks, did you notice the logical case for an economic policy there? Oh, did you remember your scotch, too? Yummmm.

10:45 We want to go be cooperative with someone right now, if you know what we mean. And we think you do.

10:47: Oh, yes, just wanted to add, SUCK IT PUMAS!

10:50 Bill is just having so much fun, and making this look easy. There should be, like, a Senior Presidential Tour where former presidents like Bill can do this from time to time.

10:55 Jim N from Wonkette’s Sekrit Headquarters sez “this fucking guy is going to go on for 100 hours.”

10:56 Bill is downshifting into Explanation Mode. OK, the scorekeeper thing was fun. At some point, like, say, Hour 50, “Let me tell you one more thing” is going to elicit only a sad, painful laugh.

11:00 We suddenly remember when the term “policy wonk” entered the national vocabulary.

11:03 Quoting commenter fuflans for truth: “and go ahead fact checkers: fact check away.”

11:05 This is the most fact-based speech of either convention. Remember when facts were considered persuasive? We suddenly feel like going and reading something that presents a logical case for a proposition and deploys compelling evidence to support its argument. We fear that the impulse will pass, however.

11:10 You know what’s weird? WE want to listen, too. Bill Clinton is reviving the ancient art of evidence-based argument, ladies and gentlemen. And it is serious.

11:15 “Now, let’s talk about the debt…” Could we maybe have a bit of Romney-bashing, too? Because we are not used to this “thinking about facts” thing, we are so out of shape in that area.

11:18 We are just going to sit back and let the waves of facts and numbers wash over us. This man is making a strong case for Clinton 2016. No, no, settle down, that is silly. But wouldn’t it be just SO FUCKING COOL if arithmetic could become a dominant theme of this election?

11:22 Commenter Callyson, quoted for truth: “No one can kick the GOP’s ass over deficits better than Bill Clinton”

11:24 MANLY HUG!!! MANLY HUG!!!

11:26 Mercy, mercy, mercy, 48 minutes of policy nerd PORN. Also, could Gwen Ifill please punch David Brooks in the face, HARD?

(With votes of course.)

11:29 Melissa Harris-Perry on the Tweetz: “Ok is it weird that President Clinton started the speech in his 60s but is apparently 40 at the end?”

11:33 Whoooo! Um, Wonketteers, was that good for YOU, too? Christ, we don’t even smoke and we need a ciggy. Thank you for making my premier debut (really, one should be precise about these things) as a livebloggennator so damn much fun. OK, Bill helped. Goodnight, you filthly sluts!

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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1,421 comments

  1. Callyson

    "We didn't do it alone"

    God, it is so refreshing to see a businessperson give credit where credit is due. Our economy would be in much better shape if Wall Street followed suit…

      1. Isyaignert

        They created money out of air, sold it to the 'effin' world, then shorted the whole pile of chit and watched the fireworks from their gated villas. Fukkers!!

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I know…I always thought that self made bullshit was just mythos for the wealth worshippers but it's really an expression of rank egotism. I mean most of these guys started out as ball chowder for a wealthy father and were given every advantage a human in this society could want. How can RMoney and Ryan be so duplicitious as to try and convince people they're brave cowboys who made themselves? They're so, so very out of touch they might actually believe such mythical bullshit…like a modern day Odyssey with a huge difference: Ulysses is a delusional moron who acts like he found his way home by himself when his entire crew and the gods did it for him…

  2. new_pic_for_NEWTer

    What's with the car commercial? Get the used car salesman to at least say something in Spanish.

    1. Nibbler of Niblonia

      His sole skill seems to be: Democrat says x, David Brooks pretends they aren't talking about x, and then David Brooks says, "I wish he would have talked about x."

  3. Callyson

    And coming up soon…those former employees at companies controlled by Romney’s Bain Capital…

    What a beautiful evening…

  4. shelwood46

    The Daily Caller has accused Julian Castro of not being sufficiently Latino because he is not fluent in Spanish. Pay attention to tonight's lesson, Julian, and maybe you'll become brown enough for Tucker Carlson.

  5. Terry

    Glad they're featuring the Auto Bailout. That concept of cascading effects is something the GOP'ers like to friggin ignore.

    …and they used Fox News clips to prove it worked. Ohhhhh burn!

  6. NorthStarSpanx

    It's good to have the refreshers in how to trash competent, able, accomplished people who happen to be a D. It's always interesting to see how Devil's Advocacy works.

    Que the vicious, nasty backlash on the speakers tonight and in the morning.

    1. Isyaignert

      They are really, really, really grasping at poison ivy here. He// yes, we're better off. Look at the numbers, although I do realize that the 'cons live in bizzarro world.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, it's Austin Ligon from CarMax — for whom I was a contractor for a while. What's funny is that CarMax was created and spun off by Radio Shack, who used their new invention to offload their sketchy employees and rogue executives. Radio Shack went on to invent DivX, a clunky and expensive subscription DVD service back when everyone was trying to figure out how to do DRM. They never recovered from this failure, and sank into dissolution.

    CarMax, flawed as they may be, continues to operate. I'm impressed to see a business executive from a fairly conservative milieu endorse Obama — not because he's obviously better for business, but because executives' mindset is often knee-jerk Republican regardless of what makes sense.

      1. miss_grundy

        Because unlike Clint Eastwood and the rest of the asshats in the Republican party, the Democrats are ladies and gentlemen and our families taught us manners.

        1. T3rbo

          Oh, I thought it would be ok to make Tea Party style signs for the convention.
          "Romney is a DIRTY FUCKING MEXICAN FASCIST" would have been ok, in this sardonic fantasy

      2. T3rbo

        Yeah, this is probably why I am not a delegate. Everyone would have a nice printed sign that says "Forward" or whatever, we would have a sharpie sign that says "Romney SUCKS KOCH!"

  8. DustBowlBlues

    I just heard from Al Gore that the Costco CEO is more fantastic than I'd thought, even. Unionized work force! Such a cool company–I'm sure that's why there are no Costcos in the Dust Bowl. {hangs head over keyboard and silently weeps.}

      1. DustBowlBlues

        Thanks for the tip. I didn't know that. Wonder if they deliver the giant bags of cat food I have to buy at Walfuckingmart.

      2. DustBowlBlues

        People around here belong to Sam's Club. I gave it a tour and found it depressing and woefully short on choices. I was expecting Costco, so that's probably why it looked so awful, in contrast. BTW–I haven't been back to creepy Walmart since that one tour.

        1. Isyaignert

          Sam's Club is part of Chinamart. Costco is awesome; they're a company with integrety; their product quality is superb and the prices are excellent. It's like a treasure hunt every time you go there because they always have new stuff. Also too, there's the myriad of food samples.

          1. Bezoar

            Love Costco, you should see their collection of commercial restaurant and cooking equipment in the big Seattle store, the one in Tukwila. I just bought a steam table pan to use as a giant bread loaf pan. 6 cups of flour, one cup of oats, giant loaf. Teenage boys eat one per day.

        2. Biff

          I'm near one of those towns that the walmartians have killed off. The only time I'll go in is if it will save me a trip to Vegas, 65 miles away. That's the same reason I don't have a Costco membership, no way I'm doing a 130 mile turnaround for shopping..

          1. bobbert

            I'm about 65 miles from the nearest Costco (in Manteca). I still have my membership — I stop on the way back from San Jose every couple months and stock up on canned goods and wine, mostly.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      C'mon down to Tucson. I spent part of the day cleaning baseboards in anticipation for having my rugs allergy-cleaned tomorrow, so I can attest that we have plenty of dust here. You'll feel right at home and we have at least three Costcos.

      1. Callyson

        Hey there–I knew you lived in AZ but did not know exactly where. Tucson is an oasis in what would be a nice state if it could get rid of Maricopa County.

        Message from someone who lived in Tempe for three years and HAD to get the fuck out, even at the expense of leaving a long – term relationship, for my own sanity…

  9. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I would just like to take minute to announce that I have copies of Mittens tax returns for sale for $1.99 per year. Surprisingly he used the 1040EZ form for the last 19 years.

    1. zippy_w_pinhead

      that's much cheaper than the million dollars those anonymous hackers wanted- must be the free market in action

  10. FakaktaSouth

    Immigrants (undocumented! GASP!) and Unions, Elizabeth and Bill, Doktor Zoom and my tv! Allrighty! I am so excited and pleased and my kids are all asleep! YAY! I love this! I am such a huge dork! WHATEVER! Yay!

    1. IonaTrailer

      I'm totally with you sistah! This is great! Pushing back on the media bullshit that Faux News and right-wing radio spew.

      1. NellCote71

        All sorts of warm fuzzy, and so proud to have been a Democrat before I could even vote. And against considerable ongoing family pressure. "Are you STILL a Democrat," my 90-year aunt asks, in the same tone of voice she would ask if I were turning tricks.

  11. Callyson

    Slightly OT, Erick Erickson is still an asshole:

    Last night, several women spoke at the Democratic National Convention, among them First Lady Michelle Obama and DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz. And Erik Erickson, CNN's token bombastic jagoff conservative decided to present us with some light hearted bon mots about the speaking roster, calling the DNC "The Vagina Monologues." Get it?! Because ladies were talking? God, that cutting-edge comic Erik Erikson has his finger on the pulse of up the butt of America.

    http://jezebel.com/5940769/cnns-resident-conserva

    Asshole.

    1. shelwood46

      I liked the Jezebel article today that quoted MLK Jr's wingnut niece, who criticized our President for all the babies that weren't born because they were "contracepted or aborted or not conceived in the first place". Barack Hussein Obama: Cockblocker.

      1. Chichikovovich

        or not conceived in the first place

        We should build a graveyard with a million crosses to commemorate the nameless victims of abstinence education.

          1. Chichikovovich

            Very true. What was I thinking?

            It should be more properly a graveyard with a million crosses to commemorate the nameless victims of abstinence.

            [P.S. - that was some mighty fine liveblogging you did there Zoom mon chum]

    2. T3rbo

      Total chumps! Do they think this is winning them any angry white male votes? It sure as hell is losing EVERY female voter within earshot of this nonsense, and they can't stop doing it. Too bad we couldn't find a Barack Obama that is blacker-it would drive them even crazier: they would not be able to avoid the N word after about ten minutes

    1. C_R_Eature

      That's the best news I've heard this week! I posted a link to Wonkville that I can't find now – of course – of Gabby Giffords and her husband on top of a mountain in Europe recently. Huge grin. The woman is all kinds of awesome.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        I saw that picture. It was some astronaut conference in Switzerland. Giffords and Kelly just spent their book money on a $1M+ house in historic neighborhood in Tucson (the city, not the 'burbs, of which we have plenty). I think it's good news that we might have Kelly running for something. I definitely think he's a future candidate.

      1. emmelemm

        If your bartender successfully turns Coke Zero into beer, he may in fact be the second coming of Jesus.

        Perhaps the Rapture is closer than we imagine!

  12. Callyson

    "…making life tougher for working Americans. That is not the kind of experience we need in the White House"

    Preach it, sister!

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Lady, I sympathize, but I disagree with you on one thing — it is wrong to swoop in on a profitable company and ruin it for your own gain. If there was one thing I'd severely restrict about current capitalism, it would be the rapacious disaggregation of profitable companies employing people for the gain of a few speculators.

      1. Boojum

        Just tax the shit out of CEO pay greater than 20:1 ratio of the lowest paid employee or independent contractor anywhere in any closely related entity.

        And ban people from serving on the board of more than one publicly traded company. That shit is incest.

        1. sullivanst

          And ban people from serving on the board of more than one publicly traded company. That shit is incest.

          That shit is the new Aristocracy. It's not what you know, it's who you know. And who your Daddy bl-/knew.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      My Grandpap, my Daddy, and three of my uncles were steelworkers … Crucible Steel, Midland, PA. Yeah, you didn't mess with any of them. Dad got my brothers summer jobs in the mill when they were in college. He said it was to insure they didn't drop out. And they didn't.

      1. Isyaignert

        Haha! A friend of mine spent a summer on a fish cannery boat in Alaska. She started college in the fall.

    1. Isyaignert

      Slightly OT, but if you can, watch the movie "Trading Places" which I've watched every Christmas for almost 30 years. Future President Franken plays a drunk baggage handler and it's awesome! Plus, there's young Jamie Lee Curtis' naked boobies. It's actually a very timely movie.

      Here's the trailer – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjDbJQKDXCY

  14. Callyson

    "they used some of that borrowed millions to pay themselves bonuses…fired steelworkers while they pocketed profits"

    This clip needs to go into an attack ad, stat…

  15. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Romneyeconomics?
    Mittenseconomics?
    Mittnomics?
    Willardeconomics?
    Mittmics?
    Romonomics?
    Pissonyounomics?
    I got nothing

  16. IonaTrailer

    My late mother-in-law got screwed out of her husband's pension from the Chicago steel mills because of Bain. I got a dog in this fight.

    1. Callyson

      I hope you are telling EVERYONE about this, and I hope you are in a swing state.

      Sorry about your MIL.

      1. IonaTrailer

        (In So Cal – with my peeps.) My mother-in-law's family, who used to be Dems in Chicago, turned Republican when they moved to Florida. It's really, really hard to keep it civil during the holidays.

        1. Isyaignert

          I hear ya. Just try not to "go there."

          The pilots at American Airlines lost their pensions in the AA bankruptcy. The airline has billions in cash and the plan is underfunded by millions, so of course, all of that DEFERRED COMPENSATION will just go to the shareholders or the CEO's pocket or the Caymen Islands, whatever.

        2. Callyson

          (sending internet hug)

          Ouch…sorry to hear that, neighbor (I'm in Los Angeles, welcome to the state that the Reeps love to hate…)

    1. Isyaignert

      Here's a phrase that's woefully underused today, but was commonplace in the 1980s – CORPORATE RAIDER. That's our Mitt Rmoney. a CORPORATE RAIDER!!

  17. BathroomGoblin

    I have my xtube account open in another tab if anyone is interested.
    Oh, David Brooks. Never mind.

  18. TribecaMike

    Did someone say there seems to be a lot of Marylanders on the stage tonight? Funny, being that its a safe state.

  19. Callyson

    Speaking of Lyin' Ryan…a post on fitspo said it all:

    All I need to know about Paul Ryan is that he is the kind of man who would lie about doing a 2:50 marathon.
    DON'T FUCK WITH RUNNERS.

    Yeah, what that person said…

          1. Callyson

            Ryan told Hugh Hewitt in an August interview that he had run a marathon in “under three, high twos.” But then, after an investigation by Runner’s World, Ryan admitted he’d actually run 4:01:25.

            How happy am I to see my subscriber dollars put to good work?

            Also:

            “He didn’t run that” is perhaps the most common joke.

            Shit, maybe I should subscribe to the New Yorker too…

            Oh, and fuck P90X, also, too…

    1. shelwood46

      He's in trouble with mountain climbers, too. Lied about summitting 40 14,000ft+ mountains in CO. Next we're going to find out he wasn't really the first man on the moon.

  20. IonaTrailer

    MSNBC is interviewing Al Franken. "There is a real theme here…" (Yes, fuck the Republican machine)

  21. Monsieur_Grumpe

    David Brooks is trying to cover Romney's ass for all those victim speeches and it sounds like he's choking on his lies.

  22. SayItWithWookies

    David Brooks on PBS has looked at the schedule, seen that Obama's program is going to be laid out tomorrow, so takes the approach that "I don't see any program here," even though he admits it's going to be described later. Way to present a credible argument, Brooks.

    1. miss_grundy

      He has been whining that the Dems haven't talked about the economy. Well, they are talking about it now and the asshat is whining. Why won't Gwen Ifill just bitch-slap him?

  23. Callyson

    "Congressman Ryan, America is literally in your debt"

    Nice…let's hope the mushy middle hears that line…

    1. Isyaignert

      Shouldn't that be: Congressman Ryan, America's debt is literally yours?

      Only Congress can spend money and it's distressing how few citizens know that.

  24. PuckStopsHere

    This whole thing is lifting my spirits, making me proud to be an American again and etc. I love the Demo Natl. Convention. Bring on President Clinton!

      1. Callyson

        But according to Foster Friess, the girls will put that aspirin between their knees. Sounds counterproductive…or kinky…

  25. Callyson

    "Here's the plan…it's on the internet"

    Well, there's the problem: except for a few idiot and asshole trolls, the wingnuts don't know how to use the internetz….

  26. Blueb4sinrise

    van Hollen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Pukes built the DEBT!!!!!!!!!
    Remind the motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Not The Commission!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

  27. An_Outhouse

    can i have david brooks job? he's such a fuckin' dumb shit and acts like he doesn't want to be there.

    1. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I've been switching back and forth trying to avoid the commentary, but mostly I just keep accidentally turning one or another of the feeds off.

  28. rickmaci

    Hmm. MSNBC has Al Franken on now. Al sure seems to drinking up all the atmosphere at the convention. A lot.

  29. Callyson

    Share responsibility for reducing the deficit…growing the economy from the ground up…making success possible for all Americans

    God, this is all such a breath of fresh air after those idiots and assholes from last week.

    (Which reminds me, I hope I did not miss Mayor Nutter. I've been using that "idiots and assholes" quote just about every day…)

    1. Isyaignert

      That's my sage advice to everyone: Watch out for the idiots and the @ssholes; because they're everywhere.

      1. Callyson

        Hi–just so you know, Wonkette isn't like HuffyPo–no need to disguise the profanity. In fact, some of us embrace it.

        ;-)

    1. Isyaignert

      Haha – I heard a story where a guy needed a ride home, so he walked into a pizza parlor, orderd a pizza to be delivered to his house and rode along with the driver to his house. Genius!! Pure 'effin' genius!

      1. tessiee

        "You put up such a good clean fight; I'm afraid that you lose tonight"

        Amazingly, that song is only tied for best song on that album (with "Wolfman Jack", of course).

  30. new_pic_for_NEWTer

    YESS! Romney slam on the teabagger extremists he won't deny. Ryan slam. Sandra is laying the smacketh downeth!

  31. Negropolis

    Gotta be honest, Bill is going to clean up, because barring Christina's speech, most of the others I've heard tonight have been subpar. But, I guess setting the bar so high, yesterday, will do that.

    EDIT: Nix that, Sandra Fluke just cut a bitch.

      1. Negropolis

        I saw her show a handful of times in my life, and while I never understood a word she said, I could tell she knew what she was talking about. That was a great speech, I see why she's gotten as far as she has.

  32. Wadisay

    I sort of miss the set of the RNC. I miss the ziggurt podium, down which they roll severed heads, like in Apoctolypto.

  33. new_pic_for_NEWTer

    How could any gyno-American ever vote for Willard after this… Daughters, not delegates or donors – what a great line.

    1. miss_grundy

      Unfortunately, I shared a table with two female Presbyterians who are Repubs at bible study this evening. Because my rector was sitting with me, I couldn't say what I wanted, so I just thought "Jesus loves you too".

  34. Callyson

    "A country where the president either has our back, or turns his back"

    I am so in love with this woman…

  35. IonaTrailer

    Romney contributed to Planned Parenthood, and was pro-choice back in the day – he must be sooooo sorry he decided to go with Lyin' Ryan.

  36. Callyson

    I didn't know the Costco guy was from my hometown Pittsburgh.

    Crap, now I've got to sign up for a membership, stat…

      1. Isyaignert

        Also too, Kurt Cobain/Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Queensryche, and Heart (I'm going to their show at the Puyallup Fair on 9/10). Yay!!

  37. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The Slut spoke well. The Conservatives on FOX from Meghan Kelly to, well, everyone else on the panel, are pissed because she called out Romney for not standing up to Rush Limbaugh and for being a slut.

  38. e_z

    Ms Fluke: "A President that has our backs…or one that turns his back"

    Excellent summation by Ms Fluke and not just for woman-for all of us.

    1. An_Outhouse

      oh now i know why he's there. poor romneys. everytime they try to be relatable, someone pulls the rug out beneath them.

  39. Moniker Lewinsky

    Are you wankets watching this on a live feed or something? All I can see is an orange man with white hair flapping his gums.

    1. AncienReggie

      Costco actually exhibits a preference for US-manufactured goods. Plus, they have happy, well-paid employees with good benefits. And Costco insists on doing their own meat inspections. And have a marvelous Return policy!

  40. Zango Crudmonger

    I am gonna get a COSTCO membership now. Awesomeness. I had one years ago, but the insanity of weekend shopping drove me off. But, union, fuck yeah!

    1. Isyaignert

      Their quality is excellent and it's like a treasure hunt in there, plus there are delicious food and drink samples everywhere and the best damn hotdog evah with a drink for $1.50. No lie! I love Costco dogs.

    2. ThundercatHo

      Our Costco shopping trips are our dates (old and boring, I know) and we have a lot of fun, usually do lunch first so we don't spend too much on food. The executive membership will keep track of your purchases and give you a % back so it pays for itself. There stuff is great and the employees always seem glad to be there.

  41. FakaktaSouth

    I like this CEO of Costco guy. He seems like an actually decent human, has unions and is he reading off a piece of paper? He's adorable.

    1. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Plus every time the crowd cheers, he puts up his hand to shush them. Some people are CEOs and some people are public speakers.

  42. Callyson

    With this guy and the one who spoke earlier, that's now two businesspeople with a brain and a long term vision. Maybe America will be OK after all, eventually…

    1. Isyaignert

      Almost everyone starts out on the dreaded cart duty. But, if you can hack that, they'll invite you inside where it's nice and warm and full of cool stuff.

  43. Oblios_Cap

    I still can't understand why big business doesn't support single-payer health care. It puts us at a competitive disadvantage against the rest of the world. American Exceptionalism is a bitch.

    1. Isyaignert

      I believe that companies having to pay employee health care costs adds another $2000 to the price of an American-made car. That's a real disadvantage.

      If we had universal healthcare, we wouldn't need Workers' Comp.

  44. Callyson

    So that bright ideas are rewarded more than speculation

    Oh God–can this guy PLEASE replace Tim Geithner in the second Obama term?

  45. Moniker Lewinsky

    This Costco guy is like a weird cross between Colonel Sanders and WIlford Brimley. Also – why did they mount his prompter on the top of the podium?

  46. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Liz! Have my children! I first heard her on Jon Stewart and was stunned at how much sense she made.

    1. janicket

      But she didn't say nuffin about getting fried clams in Ipswich, so we hates her, Preciousssss, yes we do.

      (not)

    1. janicket

      There are a lot of idiots in the Bay State, and besides, he drives a pickup truck, so you know he's a true friend of hard-working Americans.

  47. Moniker Lewinsky

    She sounds a bit like Tracy Flick, no?

    "I spoke to Pedro Martinez, who is worried he won't be able to afford a hot lunch."

  48. Callyson

    "We just don't want the game to be rigged. We fought to level the playing field before"

    And dammit, we will do so again…

  49. ProgressiveInga

    Sitting on the couch with my Elizabeth Warren t-shirt on from a donation I gave months ago. And I live in Georgia.

    True story.

      1. ProgressiveInga

        I live in a blue county in this really red state. I try not to leave the county too often, especially after sundown.

  50. Designer_Rants

    Yer gawddamned right I gotta problem with that!

    (I like how she's breaking these traitorous assholes down – strutting around congress, demanding favors; only insanely privileged out-of-touch plutocrats keep their monies out of their own country of residence).

    1. gullywompr

      Excellent choice! Welcome to the next level, and keep an eye on your mailbox for your certification letter.

  51. Callyson

    The Dems are really pushing this "the economy grows from the middle class out and the bottom up" meme. Good to hear…

  52. FakaktaSouth

    "Mitt Romney, huh." The way Mme Warren just said his name should be the ONLY way anyone EVER says it. Derision is so hot sometimes.

  53. Joshua Norton

    For the most part, things have been solid and tight.

    The Republicans totally fucked up their convention with Crazy Ole Clint and his wonder chair. Not to mention their stupid "we built it" neener-neener taunt.

  54. Moniker Lewinsky

    Is there some easy way to refresh this page without having to start at the beginning? I can't efficiently fap to Warren and navigate at the same time.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Refresh in the usual way, and then press "Recent Activity" at the top. That will show you the most recent posts.

  55. Callyson

    Jesus, I was typing praise for something else she said and had to stop to hear her eloquent words on why corporations are fucking well NOT people.

    I bow to perfection.

  56. Oblios_Cap

    Damn! Who knew that the Dems actually really believe in the American Dream?

    Best convention I've viewed and I've seen quite a few.

  57. Callyson

    "no one can steal your purse on Main Street or your wallet on Wall Street-"

    Oh fuck, I give up, I can't type quickly enough to praise all of the spot on quotes from this woman.

    Dear GOD, please please please make this woman Senator…

    1. Negropolis

      Just because something in the Bible doesn't make it bad. I say that as a person with an allegiance to no religion. I don't care if it's the Bible or Star Wars; a good quote is a good quote.

      1. Moniker Lewinsky

        I was referencing the Vilagarosa 2/3 "boo!" debacle from earlier today. JUST TRYING TO BRING SOME LEVITY TO THE HORROR, HOMEBOY!

  58. Serfville

    Everything about this convention is sooo much better than that stanky empty chair low rent Rethug convention.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        HEY! I am in the throes of passion. I can fuck up any Fleetwood Mac song on a good day, much less now. WOOOO Don't you get back, get back, get back to where you once belong…whatever. I SAID I was a dork.

    1. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      He played this at his convention, in a huge break with the traditional Dem "Happy Days Are Here Again."

      1. OurHoboSenator

        I remember the media making a huge deal about how using that song as a theme showed that Clinton was all young and hip and cool. Which amused me, in proper 19-year-old GenX ironic fashion.

    1. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      On 9/11 all I could think of was, why aren't we hearing from the President? And I wasn't thinking of Dubya.

  59. Veritas78

    Well, we haven't yet seen that Elizabeth here in Massachusetts, and she had better start bringing that game here pretty quick.

  60. Chichikovovich

    They just opened a Costco close to where we live. I believe they will receive much of my custom in the coming months.

    1. bobbert

      You have to watch out for the gadgets. They're so damn cheap, it's easy to forget you don't actually need one, ever.

      1. Chichikovovich

        If I didn't have gadgets that 5 seconds of reflection would tell me I don't need, what would I keep in the garage?—

        1. snackypants

          I use my garage to store all the surplus liquor and cheese I buy at Costco. We blow at least half our budget there on wine.

      2. sullivanst

        That's OK, Costco has a good return policy.

        I know this, because an ex-coworker used to make heavy use of it to "try before you buy".

  61. SayItWithWookies

    Hey look — isn't that the guy who balanced the budget, passed welfare reform and brought peace to Yugoslavia and Northern Ireland, and who Al Gore wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole? Welcome back, Bill!

    1. C_R_Eature

      Thank God our long nightmare of Peace and Prosperity ended in 2000.

      Yes, that Onion article is still relevant. Yes, it still hurts.

    2. mayor_quimby

      Never heard of him, sounds like a pretty good campaign asset. It'd be a shame to just ignore a dude like that if you wanted to be president.

  62. FakaktaSouth

    Bill Clinton was my first time. (to vote, but I'da been his intern in a heartbeat) You never forget your first. And I will love him forever.

    1. Boojum

      Honey, the world would have understood completely if it had been you instead of Monica. And he wouldn't have lied; he'd have bragged.

  63. PuckStopsHere

    3 mins in and you can already tell that this is going to be a great fucking speech. I love President Clinton.

  64. Callyson

    LOVE Michelle's smile over BC's comment that he wants a president that had the good sense to marry her…

  65. C_R_Eature

    Ok, now…this is how one conducts a Presidential Nominating Convention.

    I'm not sure what those people were doing last week.

  66. Serfville

    What parallel universe are we living in that Big Dawg is a Vegan. (See pics in the beginning of this thread)

  67. Moniker Lewinsky

    Some motherfucking knowledge getting dropped right now. It's like a clinic on disemboweling the GOP.

  68. Pat_Pending

    The Big Dog is aging beautifully. I still remember Letterman putting up pix of Bill jogging and commenting on his pasty white thighs…

  69. Callyson

    Now, I am loving this: Clinton's going on about how he works with Dems, Reeps, and Independents is a nice contrast to the Party of No…

  70. SayItWithWookies

    "I could never hate them the way the far right seems to hate our president."

    Hell, Assity on the radio this evening was summarizing for his loyal listeners (who would never check it out themselves) yesterday's convention speakers as divisive and hateful.

  71. FakaktaSouth

    Man I like the way Bill talks. I know, I know, but good lord, l just love it. He's a fantastic public speaker. He's gonna wear me out.

  72. Limeylizzie

    I would do him in a heartbeat, many times a night and wake him in the morning by brushing my large breasts against his lips. Just saying.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I know a guy that went to dinner with him and when the lady they were eating with took her jacket off exposing a major league pair of yah-bos, Bill smacked my friend under the table on the leg. My friend's so proud, he still talks about "the tits he shared with Bill Clinton" I think Bill (and probably most straight guys in the world) would be very pleased with your wake up call.

  73. Callyson

    Good–I am glad Bill Clinton is spelling out in some detail just how rigid the Reeps have become. I know too many otherwise intelligent people who think that we have gridlock in Washington because "both parties refuse to cooperate." Sick of hearing that crap…

  74. imissopus

    Ol' Sweet Cheeks herself on Twitter is saying that Bill is extemporizing quite a bit of this speech. He's definitely better at it than Clint Eastwood.

  75. Callyson

    "Their number one priority was not to put America back to work, but to put the President out of work"

    Boo – yeah!

  76. Serfville

    I think this will turn into the keynote in '88 where Clinton never shuts up, except Big Dawg won't get booed off the stage this time!

  77. littlebigdaddy

    I have a friend who is a delegate and I understand that there is lots of free beer. This explains the smile on Biden's face.

  78. obfuscator2

    this is perfectly crafted for undecideds/independents. he's spelling out exactly how barry bent over backwards(or forwards) for the house republican caucus for 4 fucking years and they did nothing but fuck him over and over and over. he's targeting swing voters in ohio, florida, pennsylvania and indiana who might actually still have open minds.

  79. obfuscator2

    "there they go again… "

    that was the sound of william jefferson clinton dropping his fucking nutsack on the face of every house republican. THAT'S how you teabag someone.

  80. SayItWithWookies

    The most amazing thing about the "are you better off now" argument is that Ryan and the others put that out right before the convention — it was like tossing the Democrats a high lob. The GOP were just too damn dumb to notice that reality is not what they think it is.

  81. Callyson

    NICE reminder that things were not looking so rosy in 1994 – 1995, but then 1996 came along and the boom got under way…

    1. RedStatePinko

      Except, I don't know, maybe, what's his name, Boron Obomo, no wait, it'll come to me, somebody who has the podium tomorrow. I hear he's a pretty good speaker.

      1. Negropolis

        Of all Obama's rhetorical skills, commanding a crowd to control its applause hasn't been one of them. He has talents Clinton doesn't , and Clinton has talents he does't.

        1. RedStatePinko

          Good point. Someone once said (I'm paraphrasing poorly) that Clinton absorbs all the attention while Obama REFLECTS the attention. Here's hoping his "It's not about me, it's about you" puts the complementary icing on the cake tomorrow and fires up the troops to another level.

  82. FakaktaSouth

    Haha he's doing that finger wagging thing. That I didn't not blah blah blah thing. They should tell him not to do that, it's like his tell.
    But I like "YOU WILL FEEL IT" from Bill. I think he knows what he is talking about.

  83. OurHoboSenator

    The real Bill Clinton is so much better than the fake Clinton on that awful Political Animals show.

  84. Serfville

    "You will feel it, each & everyone of you will feel it" Big Dawg will personally come around to each and everyone of you & personally feel your pain. Ladies!

  85. SayItWithWookies

    "No president could ever repair the damage that [Obama] found in just four years."

    That was the GOP strategy right there — make it so hard to fix that the next guy gets thrown out for not succeeding at it. I'm soooo glad he's pointing this out.

    1. bikerlaureate

      They definitely scorched all the earth they could in mid-'08.
      The inaction, at points, led to no other conclusion.

  86. BarackMyWorld

    Someone needs to say this…yes, the economy Obama inherited was terribly weak. It wasn't just Republican policies that made it that way. Remember who signed repeal of the Glass–Steagall Act?

    1. SayItWithWookies

      True that. Nevertheless, he wouldn't have approved of the relentless gutting of regulatory authority that happened under Dubya and the Republicans, who made things much much worse.

    2. saggyboobedhag

      That's why he's not my hero. Of course, perhaps someone was holding Chelsea hostage somewhere . . . hmmmm.

    3. obfuscator2

      in 1999, he also signed off on legislation(authored by phil gramm, attached to an appropriations bill right before the christmas recess) that deregulated the credit default swap market. awesome idea.

        1. obfuscator2

          also to his credit: that was back in the heady days of people having jobs. anyone who suggested that all these wonderful financial instruments should be subject to some oversight was generally regarded as a chicken little. wall street's argument was literally "we shouldn't be subject to regulation because we're so smart we don't need it. trust us."

  87. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    I wish someone would point out that jobs would have recovered if the Repubs wouldn't keep starving the public sector. Why does no one ever talk about public sector jobs. This makes me mad, and not just because I'm tired of standing in line at the Post Office.

    1. Callyson

      I've learned that I need to bring the equivalent of "War and Peace" with me any time I go to the DMV.

  88. NellCote71

    It may have been said. But I will say it again. Funny how the Dems have no problem trotting out their former presidents. Not so much the Repugs.

  89. Callyson

    "250K more people working in the auto industry now than on the day it was restructured…are you listening in Michigan and Ohio?"

    Listen up, swing states…

    1. Negropolis

      Michigan ain't a swing state. It hasn't voted Republican since Bush the Elder, but damn if Republican pollsters aren't trying to engineer an outcome on paper. lol

  90. imissopus

    Tweet of the night from Charlie Pierce: "Bill Clinton just said there was something another president did that he couldn't have done. Elizabeth, I'm comin' to join ya, honey."

  91. Biff

    I've heard the DNC put condoms in tonight's swag bags, just like at the Olympics. Any truth to this rumor I'm starting?

  92. Moniker Lewinsky

    I take solace in the fact that right now, all across the country, Republican heads are exploding from Clinton's (legitimate) oratorical rape.

  93. Pat_Pending

    What I was trying to say when I got deleted was, I suspect that Mittens has not had conjugal relations with his 'south of the border' since #5 got pre-conceived.

  94. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Glad Bill brought his A game. Let's not forget he can suck when he doesn't care. I figure from what most people will see (the 10 o'clock hour) the Dems are up 2 to 0 with Obama going for the close.

    1. Pat_Pending

      Remember Bill on Johnny Carson?

      Carson:"How you doing, Governor?" <Pulls out hourglass and puts it on the desk>

  95. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Listen to this commie, trying to take money out of the pockets of hardworking bankers and give to those lazy, pot-smoking students. Why, those students don't even have jobs!

  96. C_R_Eature

    Bill's just carpet-bombed the entire Republican Party and he's just now getting to healthcare!

    WE're approaching an extinction-level event, here. With FACTS!

  97. AlterNewt

    Nov.5 2012. The day we launch our dastardly scheme to push Obama further left. Further left. Bwahahahahaha. Bwahahahahahaha….! (cough, cough) Ahem…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

  98. Callyson

    "Are we better off because the president fought for health care reform?"

    FINALLY! So damn good to hear Democrats *embrace* Obamacare instead of running away from it…

    1. Serfville

      I know, I think that's why Obama changed his mind and will be sitting there tonight. Bill Clinton is just the jedi master. No one can beat Clinton at this game.

  99. C_R_Eature

    Look, everyone! The last Democratic President is up onstage. On Teevee! and he's Awesome!

    Hey, there, Republicans…Where's your Last President?

    1. bikerlaureate

      Oh, c'mon, are you still pretending that 2001-2009 has any impact on our situation today? Or on the deficit?
      Sheesh.

  100. Jukesgrrl

    You know, Clinton told Brian Williams this afternoon, "It's true Obama and I aren't friends. But I'm behind him 100%." I'd hate to see what he'd do for someone he LIKED. Napalm love?

  101. subsum

    There goes Bubba talking about specifics, scores, statistics and wonkish stuff to actually show, with facts, that we're indeed better off than in 2008 as only he can do it. Oh, and–by the way–the Chelz is looking good.

  102. FakaktaSouth

    He's just winging it, ain't he? "Y'all listen, this is important" Like Clint Eastwood did, but without being crazy, racist, wrong and cringey. I Love This.

  103. TribecaMike

    "11:00 We suddenly remember when the term 'policy wonk' entered the national vocabulary." You're on a roll, Doktor Zoom!

  104. anniegetyerfun

    Oh, that was a good moment with the "I don't know what they're gonna do." Excellent emoting, Bill – SO much better than Ryan's fake tears.

  105. C_R_Eature

    CSPAN has all these events video archived, available for streaming view. Sans commercial and/or Windbag interruption.
    I for one will be watching most of this again. For fun.

    I haven't wanted to do that for years now.

  106. Callyson

    "Did I make myself clear? The requirement was for more work, not less"

    Sorry, Bill, but you are going to have to repeat this again and again to get through to people, and even then you'll never be clear to the wingnuts…

  107. IonaTrailer

    Yes, well – Bill your welfare to work thing wasn't quite as fabulous as you want us to think. There's a 5 year limit, and after that you're fucked. In California woman have to claim domestic violence to stay on the program if they can't find work.

  108. SayItWithWookies

    What the hell is it about this motherfucker that he not only talks like he believes everybody wants and deserves in-depth nuanced explanations about everything, but that he's so interested and so masterful of the subjects that he can plainspokenly explain every single facet of a policy and then go from one subject to another to another for two fucking hours and I'm still gonna turn the volume up on the teevee when I have to get up to get another beer so I don't miss a couple of sentences? Holy fuckin' shit.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      See, Obama does it too (see Repub retreat where he tore them a new one), but without the twangy aw-shucks stuff it comes off more lecture style. But if O ever tried to talk like a good ol' boy, he'd get slaughtered as talking "ethnic".

  109. Moniker Lewinsky

    I hope he ends this by saying "I'm out.", whilst ripping the mic off the podium, and dropping it to the floor.

  110. vodkamuppet

    This is great and all but who's winning the Giants-Cowboys game? For fantasy football sake, I MUST KNOW.

      1. vodkamuppet

        Some of these refs are literally HS Flag Football caliber. It's fucking pathetic. Still gonna watch though, everyone loves a good trainwreck.

          1. vodkamuppet

            Read that on deadspin the other day, the jokes write themselves. You'd think the NFL would realize that football is a heavily gambled on sport and having a bunch of 3rd rate rejects officiate it is a terrible idea and likely to piss a ton of people off, but no.

      2. Callyson

        Christ, that's STILL going on? Fucking pay the refs and get on with it, NFL–we have enough bad calls in the games with *real* officiating…

  111. FakaktaSouth

    Good lord, cut BACK on social programs? Come on Bill, that shit IS GONE if these assholes get their way, baby, you know this.

  112. bibliotequetress

    Best tweet in past 25 seconds:
    "@NowWithAlex: There's only one person who can stop him. She's in Asia. #NowWithAlex #msnbc2012
    Retweeted by Chris W

    1. NellCote71

      "How dare he speak to us as if we weren't idiots!" I know. He did not even come out screeching, "I love yewww women." although he totally does.

      1. Chichikovovich

        If Bill did say that, he would continue "And if y'all will just form an orderly line down the hall, I'll be able to love every one of y'all"

  113. magic_titty

    He is ruining the Republican shit right now. Ruining their shit. All Barack has to do is come out and Hopey-Changey it for half an hour, say 'Michelle Obama' a few times, and smile that damn smile of his.

      1. Chichikovovich

        OK, I'll admit it. I'm Bill Clinton. Now come on over here ladies and give me that big ol' hug.
        And, anything else that you may be thinking of giving me…..

  114. Wadisay

    Fox is still hoping against hope that, any second now, Clinton will go off script and denounce Obama as a Kenyan anti-colonial socialist.

  115. Callyson

    "if you want a country of shared opportunities and shared responsibilities…you should vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden."

    Done and done!