Well well well! Now that we have a sheriff candidate who wants to kill abortionists, a governor who has decided that women are pregnant two weeks before they conceive, a GOP senate candidate who thinks that women can shut down pregnancy stemming from a “legitimate” rape, and another governor who wants to subject women seeking abortions to unnecessary vaginal probes, what exactly are we missing, here? How can we quadruple make sure that no woman ever, under any circumstances, no matter what, feels anything other than shame for accessing a constitutionally protected right to abortion or, alternatively, make it impossible for her to get an abortion in the first place? By supporting life sentences for women that kill “preborn children” with no exceptions for rape or incest or to save the life of the woman, OF COURSE, DUH.
Rep. Rick Berg (R-ND), the candidate for Senate from North Dakota, once voted for a bill that would have made any woman who obtained an abortion guilty of a homicide crime — even if it were in the case of rape or incest. Indeed, the bill Berg supported does not even contain an explicit exception if an abortion is necessary to save the woman’s life.
In 2007, Berg was among the small number of state representatives in the North Dakota House who supported the measure. It also would have imposed penalties on doctors and anyone else who “aids, abets, facilitates, solicits, or incites” a person into an abortion.
And in case you’re wondering, Berg (who, by the way, is currently a Congressman on the House Ways and Means Committee) is shocked — SHOCKED — to discover that SOME Republicans (we won’t say who) are under the impression that women can’t get pregnant from certain kinds of rape.
Berg was quick to denounce the comments of a fellow Senate Candidate, Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), when he claimed that a woman couldn’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape.” Berg called the statement “insulting and reprehensible,” and “condemn[ed] them in the strongest terms possible.”
Of course, like Akin, Berg is highly qualified to legislate women’s health care decisions, given that he serves on the Congressional Prayer Caucus. And we look forward to the non-apology apology that is certain to include his deep love for rape victims and something about “misspeaking,” or “saying the wrong words in the wrong way,” or “using the words that were there.”
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Is it too late to give North Dakota back to whoever we stole it from?
Oil companies now own it by way of the ex post fracto laws.
You mean these people? http://www.native-languages.org/ndakota.htm
That would be the Lakota Sioux, and they would dearly love to take it back, as long as it includes,the Black Hills, and we agree to kick out all the palefaces illegally squatting there.
Black Hills are in South Dakota, though, so it wouldn't help. We tried giving them other land several times, but for whatever reason those pesky bastards insist that their spiritual heartland is worth more to them than a few pieces of gold or silver. Clearly they don't get the civilizing grace of capitalism.
Aren't they still under sanctions?
Fuck this asshole.
You know he wants it.
Safe bet someone's already been there done that.
Another good anti-pregnancy tip.
Well…no words…keep up the good work GOP! We'll have this country back in no time!
You make a statement using the words you have, not the words you wished you had.
Thank you zen master.
Yes . Intense debate is fucking with us too.
Okay, I thought it was just me having my comments rapeborted.
Mine just showed up late. That happens sometimes with us wimmenz.
Are your comments forcible/legitimate? Because if so, IntenseDebate has a way of shutting that whole thing down.
Just don't try sneaking a potentially dirty/unPC word into the middle of another totally innocent word. Tried that once, didn't even know I'd done it, and an hour worth of really, really thoughtful stuff got sh* t canned. Wish I could help with the rapeborted thing, but my mama taught me better manners.
I can't even figure out what is and isn't a reason to be sent to the joint for re-education. I know the big words are like 'tardo and it's infinitives (I'll be surprised if this comment isn't deleted) and anything involving "Momma's lil' doorstop" up North…but nowadays they delete shit I write for completely inconsistent and unclear reasons even after I've complied with the previous censorship (which as a Civil libertarian I find abhorrent…)…so fuck if I know what is and is not a legitimate verbal rapebortion deserving of death these days…
But it's legitimate, so you won't get preggers.
It's easy for Republicans to dismiss the question of whether it's possible to get pregnant from rape when they are willing to prosecute rape victims for terminating their rapist's fetus. It is, after all, "just another method of conception"
Fracking unbelievable.
VAGINA!
: how does it work?
"No, really: how does it work?"
-Rick Berg
okay, since you're offering…I'll take several and equal sets of boobs with them. Hell, just give me two or three women…Buddy has got a lot of love to share.
By his logic, Berg should get the chair if he uses a condom?
No, he's a man, duh!
Oh great, now you've done it: my mind is imagining all sorts of scenarios with Berg, and empty chair, and a condom…
Is it bad that the first thing that combination conjured in my mind was a murder scene?
His comments made me feel stabby, too.
I was going for asphyxiation. Hard to get good penetration with a condom, if you'll excuse the pun.
I was thinking more "Berg, and empty chair, and a condom… and Santorum!!
Some of his best friends are Rapebortions.
Wow, we live in a very bizarre country.
"Someone ought to sell tickets"
-H.I. McDunnough-
Isn't that what the 'Dream Act' is… one big Tickets-R-US?
Pakistan? It feels a bit like Pakistan, but with worse food.
But so far, without the suicide bombers…
And boy are the Albanians relieved.
This kind of grand standing is bull shit. Anyone knows that that even if the law passed it wouldn't hold water in ANY SCOUS. Fucking ass hats put on their ass hats and waste people's time. FUCK THAT DOUCHE BAG!
Yeah, Kennedy prefers abortion rights to be eroded piecemeal, not assaulted full-frontal.
His extreme umbrage at a less insulting misconception about conception over his criminalizing essentially ALL female sex is really mind boggling.
Fetii are criminals too, my friends!
No need for abortions! Just try the little buggers as adults, and give them the death penalty.
But the Republican War on Women is a myth!
Yeah, that's the ticket.
That would be Mrs. War On Women to you!
–The Republicanth
It was, until Ann said "I loovvvveeee woommmeennn" which made all vaginas hum in unison and signified the war is over. Anything else is just vicious liberal lies like what we have here…
"Inciting" abortion? Is that like running into a crowded movie theater and yelling "Hey everybody! It's two-for-one day down at the Abortionarium. Let's go!"
"Come on! You know you want to! Elsie over at the Dairy Queen, she gives me abortions every week! I promise, it won't hurt!"
Na. Free speech, obvs.
If I were pregnant, this fucker Berg would incite me to have an abortion.
“aids, abets, facilitates, solicits, or incites”
Does this include the toll-takers on any for-pay highways? How about bus drivers? How about the power company for keeping the lights on in the clinic? Aren't they abetting and facilitating? Fucking morans.
They built that abortion.
The Onion is in so much trouble, you guys.
His deep love for rape victims should be a cold case investigation.
Indeed, the bill Berg supported does not even contain an explicit exception if an abortion is necessary to save the woman’s life.
This would only be fair if the babby could be tried for murdering the mother.
And here was I thinking they supported the right to self-defense.
Stand your womb, babby!!!
Nah, the babby can just invoke Stand Your Placenta
Darn. I was just going to go with Stand Your Womb…
Ever been pregnant. It sure as hell feels like those critters are the alien getting ready to destroy you from the inside out.
My ex described it as doing half-gainers off her pancreas.
Mine is currently trying to claw her way out via my ribcage. I'm considering administrating our first in utero spanking, but I'm not sure I want to anger the beast.
So sorry. I know that feeling. And just as you are trying to get some sleep too, I bet!
They are parasites sucking the life out of you and storing it in batteries, which they use when they are 2 and never stop. By the time they are teens the batteries have run down and they are slumped on the couch watching a show about Canada's most dangerous road. I am in no way describing the actions of my eldest son at this moment. ps. When he was inside of me, my pet name for him was "the parasite". It still fits.
Hey thats the Catholic rule, when its one or the other, save the child. True fact, things were going south on the day of Prommie's birth, and the doctors actually asked my Dad, "which one should we save?" On account of us being papist and all. he disregarded the church's teachings and chose his wife, but I lived anyway.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I was an emergency c-section 2 months premature, which back in the days before electricity was apparently something.
Was your mom totally out of it, or was it just custom not to ask her if she personally wanted to survive?
Back when I was a lonely pediapod in the USAF out in the ass end of nowhere,about a million years ago, I attended the delivery of a 32 week premie. Neonatal ICUs were beginning to show up everywhere, but the nearest one to me was 400 miles away. When I asked for a transfer, I was politely turned down. Not an active duty person(duh), not part of the mission, going to die anyway, etc. did it myself. Baby lived. Your dad was way better at this than the good ol' AF. Send him congrats.
IntenseDebate just aborted my comment.
Nature does that spontaneously sometimes. Lucky for you that's only five years.
Well, it clearly wasn't a legitimate comment then.
Mine never are.
Emblogryonic blogocide !
Jesus Christ that's a terrifying avatar…it's more frightening than the shark from jaws…or an alien upclose with its slobbery mouth open, ready to bite…or even the fucked up vampire CGI faces from the fright night remake. Shit…that's even more terrifying than the part in the thing where the fat guys belly turns into a mouth and bites the doctors arms off…which I'm pretty sure that when famished, christy has done repeatedly…
And it aborted my comment regarding your comment. I smell a big commie rat.
Paul Ryan approves.
Berg sounds like a candidate for a 175th trimester abortion.
Can you say "retroactive", boys and girls?
As a proud Bob Jones graduate, I am pretty sure North Dakota is part of Canada or Antarctica, and thus thank god, he is not our problem!
Surely a BJ-U grad would think Berg is a God Warrior and not part of anyone's problem.
Sorry! My use of the 'problem' was not intended to be a factual statement(also my BJ grad statement….).
No, really, we don't want it.
Clearly this proves that Todd Akin was outside the mainstream of the Republican party except for the 99% that agree with is position.
But there is no War on Women. After all, Romney's wife told us he loves women, or at least telling them what to do with their bodies.
Visit Rapetacular North Dakota!–worst tourism campaign ever.
North Dakota is for Rapists?
North Dakota – Making Manitoba look good since 2007
2007? Following up on an earlier comment, I'm thinking more in the ballpark of August 9, 1842
What's the punishment for jacking off and spilling thine sacred seed?
Um, acne?
Nah, my grandmother told me it grew hair on your palms.
The same as when you're forced to finish off a whole pack when you're caught smoking – you have to keep doing it until you hate it.
This could take a while, though.
Speaking for myself, tennis elbow.
Carpal tunnel?
Blindness?
I only just need glasses. Whew!
Clearly, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm fapping as fast as I can!
(which will be the title of my memoirs, I should add)
Or you quit when you were eleven or so. Catholic doctrine will do that to you. Alternatively, your dog will lick peanut butter off just about anything.
Hairy palms. Speaking of which, I need a shave.
Yahweh kills all the uncircumcised males within a ten mile radius. Also sells all the virigns over the age of sixteen into sexual slavery, assuming there are any.
flip flop and ya don't stop
Is it just me or does that guy have a Sandusky vibe about him?
Canada politely refuses.
I thought we stole it from the Sioux
We didn't have to sue, we bought it!
I saw what you did there. Not bad.
Yesssir, that Webster-Ashburton Treaty is looking pretty good right now.
You got to be Fucking kidding me? The GOP just wants to lose this election with this relentless WAR on women.WTF?Might as well just skip November!OBAMA 2012! Thank you fucktard Republicans!We could not have done it without you.
Jumping up and down while pregnant will get you 5 to 10 years in the slammer.
What about all them pregnant women in the trailer park slamming down wine coolers and smoking Marlboros?
That's okay as long as the wine coolers and cigs weren't purchased with food stamps.
Nah; apparently in wingut land now someone who gets food stamps shouldn't be allowed to buy alcohol or cigarettes with their own money, along with not being allowed to have sex ever. Apparently any pleasure should be denied to poor people to these fuckheads.
Nah, that's just called being a Palin.
If they discover your stash of Evening Primose Oil (an abortifacient) you could get life.
Five more if you're doing it while riding the back of the old mans hog. Or motorcycle. Whatever.
Indeed, the bill Berg supported does not even contain an explicit exception if an abortion is necessary to save the woman’s life.
Hey Berg, some behavioral therapy and maybe some anti-psycho drugs would help with your clitoris envy.
You know, if you women would just stop having sex with men, it would solve this whole problem.
I thought they had done that years ago.
That's what they told me , anyway.
Me too. We must know the same women. Both of them.
I find that statment difficult to masterbate to.
I've been advocating forced lesbianism for YEARS for this very reason, but does anyone listen to me? No.
I may not listen, but I be more than happy to watch any videos you are willing to share.
Republican men would have no problem with this kind of fall out. Funny enough.
Congressional Prayer Caucus = Congressional Pay for Rent-a-Cock(US)?
If you ever drive across North Dakota you only have pity for the people who live there. Then they send somebody like this to Congress. Maybe they deserve the cold winters, broiling summers and spring floods.
Mosquitos, don't forget the giant mosquitos.
This is all leading to the ultimate goal of regulating all things sexual so the only thing left is we become a nation of kochsuckers.
Given that dried up 53 year old Victoria Jackson would joyfully carry a rape baby to term because it would be a blessing, leads me to believe that all these conservatives rudimentary understanding of female plumbing, conception and legal status isn't what they think it means.
No wonder they legislate the way they do.
I want to know when these kinds of guys are going to try to make rape legal. Who are these murderous women to decide who has sex on them anyway?
I am sure glad this guy is thinking about the important parts of sexual violence and how to punish the victims.
I want to know when these kinds of guys are going to try to make rape legal.
Isn't that Sha-Na-Na law???
Careful there. If you resist, he can just shoot you and say he was standing his ground.
"It also would have imposed penalties on anyone else who “aids, abets, facilitates, solicits, or incites” a person into an abortion."
Does that include the guy that caused the pregnancy/need for abortion in the first place? Huh? Speak up!
No, he'd get a medal.
Well, I am sure that if he, and guys like him (Akin, e.g.) are ever ass-fucked with a "legitimate" broom handle, they can just shut that sphincter down.
Clown.
…shut that sphincter down.
Isn't that an old country -swing lyric?
The closest I can find is "shut that hole…" or "shut that baby up…"
Definitely not a country-swing lyric!
It's been tried. Chitown police if I remember. Damn thing got broken beforehand somehow, if I recall. Cost the dept 20 mill or so.
Well we know who won't get those juicy Aborto-Plex monies in his district.
I'm enjoying this slow, delicious escalation to the inevitable climax when women, girls, and infants will be arrested for inciting men's lust by showing a bare ankle, fingernail, or stray lock of hair.
The point where Saudi Arabia will look at the Yoonited States of Jeebus and say "DAMN those guys are primitive misogynists!"
Norm Gunderson: [rubbing Margie's pregnant stomach] "Two more months."
Marge Gunderson: [smiling] "Two more months."
- That Rick Berg, he's kinda funny lookin'.
- Uhhuh. In what way?
- Oh, just in a general kinda way.
Marge his daughter?
Proving once again there's a "Blazing Saddles" quote for every occasion in the age of Obama.
(You know which quotes I mean….the ones about rape.)
Is it the one about raping the shit out of them at the dance later, or the "I like rape" line?
The entire sequence for the second one:
"Rape, murder, arson, and rape."
"You said rape twice."
"I like rape."
Isn't this the guy who was responsible for sinking the Titanic?
I don't know. Lettuce investigate.
Berg is highly qualified to legislate women’s health care decisions, given that he serves on the Congressional Prayer Caucus
Yeah, well, I'm praying that Berg's political life gets Rapeborted…with votes!
Berg then posited "I've never heard of anybody getting pregnant while folding laundry or washing the dishes."
For "Christian family men" they sure wanna look at an unhealthy amount of snach.
That's because the sheep are on to them.
Needs more goats.
By definition, snach is unhealthy. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sn…
Is there really an "unhealthy" amount of it?
Because I'm willing to be a test subject to find out where that threshold lies…
I've made it my life's work to study this subject. Still healthy, so far.
"Unhealthy amount of snatch"………… does not compute.
Pres Bartlett: Didn't they attach a family planning rider to the highway bill last year?
Josh: They did.
Pres: What's with these people? They can't stop talking about sex.
Toby: If they can't be havin' it.
It's easy to discount rape as a valid condition to terminate a pregnancy if you're a nominally Christian Dominionist who believes a woman's primary duty is to nurture a man's–any man's–seed and shut the hell up about it. Actually, this kind of explains the opposition to exceptions for the health of the mother, too. If pricks like this wore beards and wrote right-to-left, we'd accuse them of hating our freedom. Weird.
Most cogent argument I have heard in a while, thank you.
How long would I have to go to prison for my rapeabortion. I really need some time off from the stress of my job.
W. went as far as to provide cover for janitors who conscientiously objected to sanitizing a surgical room that may or may not lead to an abortion, even in emergencies.
But now they are trying to figure out ways to criminalize people in the same area of a pregnant woman even considering a legally protected right?
Perfect! I can build an abortionplex in Sturgis, SD. I'll give ND women safe reproductive services while they hang out and get drunk during a motorcycle rally.
Sturbortion?
Oh, for fuck's sake.
My vagina is not large enough for all these people who want to see what's going on up there.
Maybe you need one of those "take a number" deals outside your vagina to keep the line flowing in an orderly manner.
we're gonna need a bigger vagina.
Berg was quick to denounce the comments of a fellow Senate Candidate, Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), when he claimed that a woman couldn’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape.”
Well of course — there'd be no fun in executing women for having abortions if they only got pregnant when they wanted to.
So a pre-fetus is like a corporation?
To tell the truth I always have the same argument to people about abortion. I personally don't agree with it (being raised Catholic) but I son't think we should make any political decisions on it until ALL 3 branches of our government is filled with at least 7 women for every 5 men. It's a woman's rights issue and as a man I have, at best, a 49.9% say so in it. And that's only talking about a very personal decision between you and your lover.
(this comment is 100% snark free)
Thank you Baconz!
I agree with you totally, Baconz! You are a gentleman and a scholar.
Here, have a martini on proudgrampa!
And speaking of personal decisions between lovers, once upon a time I had a girlfriend who was completely against abortion. Until she missed her period. Then she wasted no time trying to make an appointment with the local specialist. And I wasn't consulted until she was good and sure that it had been a false alarm, not that I blamed her.
And that is why men cannot dictate to women if and when they can terminate a pregnancy. Because unless you're personally in that situation, you have no fucking clue how you should or would act.
Shouldn't the penalty for homicide be death? I mean, really: life imprisonment?
What kinda wussy Christian is this Berg dude?
So whats the penalty for spilling your seed, in the traditional Onan-like fashion? Because the way I see it, those sperms are alive, each and every one of them is a tiny little human life. Today, we men, we are all mass murderers. And you ladies, mass-cannibals. The good ones of you, anyway.
"Every sperm is sacred….."
Dana Lusch to defend in 4..3..2..
the republican party: wooing and winning the lady vote since 1328.
More like, burning them at the stake since 1431.
It's fascinating to see the words "rape" and "Republican" being so tightly intertwined in the news lately.
As a former North Dakotan, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for Rick Berg.
As a current absentee North Dakota voter I would also like to promise that I'll do my best to send him back to being a scummy slumlord, rather than an elected representative who refuses to represent his constituents' actual desires, soon.
STONE HER! STONE HER! STONE HER!
I suppose that since they are privatizing the prisons anyway, they are motivated to fill them up, and if they cannot fill them up with teh illegals, they might as well fill them with health care professionals trying to tend to women's health care, the F*ers.
These assholes don't know when to shut up. Don't they know that sluts vote?
So far, the DNC has better music than the RNC.
Ass whistle….
Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great…
As a proud, medically-altered male, I invite all the girls for sexy time with me because I canna make you preggers no matter how hard I try.
Must also apologize for "pushing the wrong lever-arm on the dagburned voting contraption".
If your wife / daughter / mother was in a late term pregnancy and was t boned by a drunk driver coming home from a bar after fracking for 30 days straight ( like they do in ND ), would you want the ER doc to be wondering " hmm, i better be careful saving this woman's life, our local DA is right wing zealot and may come after me for murder 1 "
No of course not. So quit legislating all the abortion prevention nonsense. The ladies and the doctors CAN figure it out on their own.
Oh look, a smart Republican!
Not smart in the traditional sense, but more because he's one of the few that finally figured out that these magical devices that can actually record the history of what you say and do are REAL, so naturally, he's trying to etch-a-sketch his way out of the terrible Akin trap.
Apparently all of his constituents don't believe in these devices at all, so they have no idea of his prior record.
Dude wants to lock people ('specially the lady ones) up for 'inciting abortion'. I imagine it's like if you run into a crowded theater and yell "Pregnant! You're all pregnant!!!" and then everyone panics and runs off to get an abortion. 'Cause that would be bad, I guess.
I'm so glad that it's likely that North Dakota will send this clown packing.
Alt Cap: "My dick is this big when it's hard (in my mind)."
I read the text of Mr. Berg's bill, and it would include "Plan B," and other contraceptive methods (including, quite possibly, tubal ligation), because it defines life as beginning with fertilization. This could also have a chilling effect on IVF procedures, if a routine error could result in homicide charges.
Assholes like this don't deserve to breath air.
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