Terrified DNC Reporters Trapped Inside Filthy Butthole Murder Motels, Nation Laughs

  hard times

Was it really so bad, aside from the murderer?There is a crisis, in Charlotte, that outweighs all other crises in America — including “the gaffes” — right now: the DNC assigned reporters to a bunch of shitty motels and they’re unhappy. And how does the Democratic platform address this? What about the Republican platform? Not a mention, proving once and for all that this is the most unserious presidential race we’ve ever witnessed. Now your Wonkette, which is first and foremost a Rich Person’s Blog, made accommodations at a palatial, 17th century French-style estate with a stable of 400 dancing horses. Maybe if these others reporters ever got off the welfare and got jobs for once in their pathetic lives, they could live the Wonkette 1% life, too. For now, let’s read tragic descriptions from the National Review of the squalor that we, as a nation, have allowed our proud national political reporter class to all die in.

Conservative man of letters John Fund has long been a champion reporter of the common man’s struggle for acceptable living standards. Say there’s a tyrannical slumlord keeping your building well below code. Well, John Fund would head out on the first flight, just to shake that man’s hand.

But nothing could have ever prepared him for the stories he’s hearing now from colleagues at the National Review, who were assigned to a Charlotte dump and immediately fled for the warmer waters of South Carolina.

National Review was assigned to two Knights Inn properties Everyone who saw them fled immediately across state lines to an available Marriott in South Carolina rather than stay there. As one of our political correspondents reported:

The Knights Inn was the worst hotel I have ever seen, and I’ve stayed in many bad motels in my life. Two guys were dealing drugs in the room next to me, and a prostitute was working out of the parking lot. And this was in the early afternoon. The room itself was dirty, full of other people’s stuff, etc.

 
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So drugs next door, prostitutes a whisper away, free stuff in the room — why let a little dirt get in the way of what’s otherwise a fucking jackpot?

This, however, is unforgivable:

Tucker Carlson, editor of The Daily Caller, told me that the Quality Inn his staff was assigned to was “the worst hotel you can imagine.”

Well-played, DNC, truly.

Fund then muses about why all of Charlotte’s hotels are soaked in cum and guano:

Some of the scarcity of good hotels is due to Charlotte’s relatively small size. It is the least populous city to host a national convention since the GOP held theirs in New Orleans in 1988, and the Big Easy had lots of hotels because of its popularity with tourists.

But there really is no excuse for anyone, especially women, to be assigned to hotels that are beyond dingy and in some cases clearly unsafe.

The hotels are dirty because Charlotte… is… small? A couple of quick googles tells us that Charlotte, one of the fastest growing cities in the country with a population of 750,000, has more people than both Denver and Minneapolis/St. Paul, where the 2008 conventions were held, and neither of those cities seemed to have this comprehensive STD-upon-check-in local hotel culture. Also, all chain hotels being dirty because they are in a “relatively” lowly populated area sounds like a theory one might pull out of one’s ass, for a blog post.

Here’s one we’ll pull out of our ass, for our own blog post: There are no union hotels in Charlotte. You may remember this caused a bit of tension within the Democratic coalition! Well, you get the hotel workers you pay for.

[National Review]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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222 comments

    1. weejee

      ♪♫ La cucaracha, la cucaracha,
      ya no puede caminar
      porque le falta, porque no tiene
      marihuana pa' fumar ♫♪

      If the cheapskate Teabagged Media had brought a little bud…

      1. miss_grundy

        Why are they complaining? Isn't this what Romney-Ryan want and that they were cheering about last week, that the job creators live well while everyone else can eat dirt and die? Well, this is what it looks like. Besides, their job is to COVER the convention, not SLEEP in their rooms. The DNC should have set up FEMA trailers or pup tents for these asshats.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Jim:

        So the reporters are whining about rooms they aren't paying for?

        If it were raining beer, would they complain there were no free cups?

    1. SorosBot

      Curse you! Now you've stuck one of the worst songs ever made by history's most horrible band in my head; ugh.

      1. James Michael Curley

        It is not the worst song ever made by one of the worst bands until you heard it half a dozen times in a truck stop waiting room in Twenty-Nine Palms, CA.

        1. ThundercatHo

          I hate them after listening to my hubby trying to learn to play their songs on his geetar over and over and over and over . . . . . . . . . . .when he got to like 50 my hands were shaking almost too hard to use my son's walkman.

    2. DemmeFatale

      I absolutely HATE that song!
      In December, we're going to Cabo. The quaint village of Todos Santos is an hour away, and they have (what they say is), the original Hotel California.
      I. Will. Not. Go. There.

  1. alzronnie

    Considering the current state of main-stream journalism, a "political correspondent" complaining about a prostitute working out of the parking lot, brings to mind that old adage warning people against throwing stones in glass houses.

    1. Wadisay

      The WSJ and NRO reporters are probably sending their servants out to the parking lot to have sex for them.

    2. HogeyeGrex

      The difference being that the prostitute is up front about the transaction, and provides at least some sort of service to society for the charge.

    3. Naked_Bunny

      It's also notable that our intrepid journalists are so incapable of independent thought that it didn't even occur to them to pick up a telephone and make their own damned hotel reservations, unlike anyone else who goes to any other kind of convention ever.

  2. MissTaken

    Two guys were dealing drugs in the room next to me, and a prostitute was working out of the parking lot. And this was in the early afternoon. The room itself was dirty, full of other people’s stuff, etc.

    Yeah, but was there at least free Wi-Fi?

    1. Beowoof

      And I thought those were services that the republican press were always interested in finding. Don't get your undies all wedged up because you don't have concierge to negotiate the rates for you.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      He thought the prostitute working the parking lot was the mark a really bad hotel?

      Here's the official cheap hotel grading system:

      Prostitute comes when you phone her: Good Hotel
      Prostitute working the parking lot: Just-OK hotel
      Prostitute corpse in dumpster: Not a good hotel
      Prostitute corpse under bed: Bad hotel

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Prostitute corpses served as complementary breakfast?

          (JK, it's actually kind of a nice little old-world, euro-boutiquey kinda place.)

        1. TavariousChinaSmith

          Assumption that all employees are prostitutes who are ready for the sex whenever you are: Bad (though extremely wealthy) client.

  3. SorosBot

    Why didn't the DNC give the National Review reporters the accommodations they deserve, like a makeshift cardboard hut inside a sewer outflow pipe?

  4. Beowoof

    Oh shit, having to travel like the poors now are we. And a Quality Inn for Tucker Carlson, now that is funny. Quit your bitching when Mitt is elected this will be the high life for all but the 1%.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      the Quality Inn his staff was assigned to

      You know he didn't even consider checking in; just had some non-millionaire plebe check it out so he could write about it.

  5. Callyson

    Two guys were dealing drugs in the room next to me, and a prostitute was working out of the parking lot. And this was in the early afternoon.

    Got a problem with free enterprise, buddy?

  6. Baconzgood

    Drug dealers and whores in the middle of the afternoon? Sooooooo what's the problem here. Sounds like a nice one stop hotel to me.

    1. Crank_Tango

      I know! Last time I was in Amsterdam you had to wait til late in the day for the good hookers. Wake and bake always appropriate, however.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    Those whining people should just go out and stay at those old post-war modern motels on the outskirts of town, where the old US highways run. Sure, the lobby smells like curry and the pool has been filled in, but the prices are always low!

  8. SoBeach

    Bless their hearts. Maybe the DNC can make up for this with some cookies and warm milk before tucking them in at night.

  9. hagajim

    So I'm a little confused by the headline and the fact that Tucker's boys are running….I would think those guys from the Daily Caller might like their buttholes murdered…also, were the prostitutes male, yet another attraction for the National Review and Daily Caller types. So what is so attractive in So. Carolina…better rent boys?

  10. FakaktaSouth

    They couldn't tell something called Knight's Inn was a shithole from the name? (finally, knowing something helpful from just being from "down here")
    I have never been to Charlotte, but really, they thought they would have castles?

    1. mayor_quimby

      I have seen some terrible Kinghts Inns in GA, they all look like you can get meth or a hooker any time. Luckily I've never had to stay in one, but those assholes should have used Tripadvisor before they got there.
      Does their free market magazine not pay for smartphones?

        1. GhostBuggy

          Sorry, the invisible hand is too busy giving handy j's to Tucker and the other johns at some shitty Quality Inn somewhere.

          1. miss_grundy

            They could have stayed at a Hampton Inn or a La Quinta. I've stayed in a couple in the south and they were okay. Not luxury, but very serviceable.

          2. GhostBuggy

            On one hand (no pun intended), hearing Tucker Carlson bitch about a Quality Inn is infuriating because you just know he thinks it's terrible because it's not some swank luxury place. On the other hand, I worked third shift at a Quality Inn while in college that was indeed just the worst.

            I stayed at a Drury Inn for the first time recently. You get free booze nightly until a certain time, so that was pretty rad.

          3. An_Outhouse

            I've had good luck with the Quality Inns I've been to the last 2 years. Maybe have low standards but they had frigerators, microwaves, and WiFi.

    1. Crank_Tango

      LOL for some reason that reminded me of some old Motel 666 parody…"we'll leave the burning goat out for you"

    1. viennawoods13

      OMG. When I started working at a sleazy movie theatre in downtown Toronto back in 1980, THAT was the movie that was playing!!

  11. Preacher_Griz

    I personally achieve Great Delight by sitting on Hotel Comforters butt-naked and just sorta letting my secretions become one with the linen and such.

    And I visit Charlotte A LOT because of NASCAR!!!!

    1. James Michael Curley

      Sounds like you are the generous type giving a warm, dark environment for spelunking bed bugs.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    The DNC is probably operating on the theory that if you rub a Republican's nose in his own mess he won't do it again. But I don't think that message will get through to the sharp minds at the National Review until they attend some sort of convention in Kandahar.

  13. RRoccoco

    So the servile, sychophantic political press corpse (not you, Supreme Editrix, and your hale and hearty Wonketteers) have to live a few days like the rest of us poor slobs. The bleeding heart just bleeds more! O, the humidity! But really, if I checked in and found a good dealer in my digs, I'd find a way to stay at least two weeks. But I'd leave the working girls for the Repubs. Never get into a bidding war with a horny Republican.

  14. OneDollarJuana

    "But there really is no excuse for anyone, especially women, to be assigned to hotels that are beyond dingy and in some cases clearly unsafe."

    I, for one, am tired of the gender inequality still rampant in our society. Why should women not be assigned to the same dirty, dingy, and unsafe motels that we men are expected to be assigned to? Wake up, sheeple!

  15. Baconzgood

    Bitch bitch bitch. Baconz had to travel about alot when he was cutting his teeth in the job market and I can tell you I've stayed in some flea bags that I wouldn't even take my pants off to go to sleep. But you know what. They were free. You get what you pay for ass faces.

  16. Goonemeritus

    If the National Review doesn’t like their accommodations now what will be their reaction to the post-election FEMA death camps.

  17. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    A Quality Inn is the worst motel he's ever seen? Really? These people need to get out in the real world once in a while.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I did a couple nights in the Quality Inn in Bar Harbor a couple weeks ago and it was pretty spiffy. Of course, Maine is not North Carolina.

  18. Lascauxcaveman

    Since my hotel is experiencing its usual post-labor-weekend slowdown, I'd be happy to offer the conservatard reporters a special rate here, conveniently located just over 3000 miles from the convention floor.

    Hey, NR and Politico, I've got a half dozen basic rooms open this week; I'll give you a $115/night* rate, convention special.

    (*regular rate $60)

    1. Biff

      Heh. I used to travel for a state governmental agency I worked for. We could turn in a claim of $24.99/night without a receipt, so a $20 room got us $5 walking around money. With a receipt, they'd go all of $79 except in places like San Diego or San Francisco, where they'd pay $84. One place I frequented had room rates of $69. When I asked for the government rate, it was $79. Wasn't my money, what did I care?

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I run into this kind of game fairly often, since our cheapest room is $45/night (winter rate.) I've had a few government employees suggest I charge their GSA card the full $79, and give them back the balance in cash.

        I just sort of chuckle, like they're kidding around and say something like, "That sounds like some federal prison time for one or both of us, should the wrong person find out."

  19. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    You haven't stayed in the worst motel ever until you have found a bucket of fish parts in the ice machine.

    1. James Michael Curley

      As I've mentioned often I live on the shore. There are three fishing piers and long before dawn five or six blue and striper fishermen per pier every morning. Problem is they don't always follow the catch size or limits. I can tell when the NJDEP was patrolling because you can smell what got ditched in the weeds along the road.

    1. TootsStansbury

      Golf Claps? If this was intentional *Waves lighter frantically overhead yells "FREEEEEEEEEEEBIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRD WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!*

  20. Crank_Tango

    WTF else do you expect in Charlotte, NC?

    And hey, assholes, this is the shit that real america has to put up with every time it travels or goes to bang a friend's wife.

  21. Tundra Grifter

    Isn't a hooker working the parking lot better than knowing she just left the room they gave the reporter?

  22. BaldarTFlagass

    "The room itself was full of other people’s stuff, etc."

    Obviously dude was drunk and ended up in someone else's room.

    1. shelwood46

      Also, the drug dealers were just two blah guys who happened to be in the room next door, and the prostitute was a girl in a short skirt waiting for her ride home in the parking lot.

  23. Blueb4sinrise

    Hey Re-Puke Press! Jeebus wuz borned in a motherfucking STABLE!!!!!!!!! So suck it up!!!!
    Or do you think you are MORE DESERVING THAN JEEBUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. BaldarTFlagass

    Shit, I've had to stay in shithole motels where, if all the non-smoking rooms were taken and you opted for the smoking, they made you smoke.

  25. prommie

    What a bunch of whining, snotty, derisive, NY-DC-Hollywood axis spoiled jerks these National Review whiners are.

      1. prommie

        Ever read Mark Twain's review of the Book of Mormon? Hi-larious, and public domain, its gotta be out there.

  26. Lazy Media

    Charlotte gets a lot of trucker traffic heading from Southeastern ports/warehouse/factories to the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast. Truckers want the cheapest possible room, and meth and hookers are two of the stars in their rating system. The fact that the DNC put the douchiest of rightwing bloggers in trucker motels makes me hope they did it on purpose.

    NONE of those hotels can be as bad as the Scottish Inn in Greensboro, though, where I spent the night on a recent drive from Atlanta to DC. Hookers, check. Smoke smell in a nonsmoking room, check. Grungy bathroom with no water pressure, check. Loud all-night partying, check and mate.

      1. Lazy Media

        This is a sign of America's decline since Reagan began dismantling the place. When I was dating my future wife in the '80s, we used to go to cheap motels all the time — Knight's Inn, Quality Inn, Red Roof Inn — and they were perfectly OK places.

        1. prommie

          Remember when your utilities, you know, electricity, phone, were pretty much reliable and didn't just "go off" for days at a time whenever the wind blows?

  27. Antispandex

    So…we're supposed to pretend to be concerned that Tucker Carlson's "staff" didn't like a Quality Inn they were too snobby to stay at? Really? I wouldn't even care if poor Tucker didn't want to stay there…where was he staying, BTW?

  28. actor212

    National Review was assigned to two Knights Inn

    Errrr, the only Knight's Inn…and I invite Editrix to visit one with me…is the one on Route 9 in Jersey and it's a *koffkoff* Executive Stay Motel….

  29. TribecaMike

    I told them to hold their convention in High Point, NC, "The Furniture Capital of the World." But no, they said, ""when's the last time chairs got media attention?" Morons.

      1. TribecaMike

        High Point is also where John Coltrane grew up, which would have appealed to the vast numbers of free jazz-loving swing voters.

  30. randcoolcatdaddy

    National Review could have made crystal meth with the stuff left behind in their room by the previous guests. When Dems give you cockroach motels, make lemonade, people!

  31. CountryClubJihadi

    Tucker, the bedspread is made of polyester so that you can easily scrape the dried spooge marks off. It's not that hard. Suck it up. The Daily Caller isn't sanitized for our protection, either.

  32. James Michael Curley

    Point of Discussion!

    What happens with the non-Mormon Secret Service members if Mitt the President goes into the Inner Temple? Do they stay out side? Does the Secret Service have to hire only Mormons for the detail?

    I told Ms Curley I would ask someone these questions.

  33. Mojopo

    Dear Republican Pinworms Circling The Anus of Journalism: Hopefully it is hotter than hell where you are, because heat is the only thing that effectively kills bedbugs. Better ask your Satanic Majesty to crank up the thermometer. If you can get your little puny-ass room microwave to work, try prying the door open and turning it on, and then just aim it around the room.

  34. HogeyeGrex

    Well, perusing the Knights Inn site, I found that it links this page of reviews for one of the likely fleabags. "Rates from $29.74." Wooooo!

    Sounds like a real charmer. lol.

    DNC to NR: Dear Sirs, get stuffed.

  35. Gleem McShineys

    Tucker Carlson hates it when the politicians cocks are already sucked before an interview. How the hell does that dirty whore expect him to keep up his excellent levels of "press access" if he can't do his signature Bowtie Ticklescrote move?

  36. Sacanagem

    I can understand why a political reporter would get upset about prostitutes muscling into their turf. Still.

  37. SheriffRoscoe

    "Because How Much Time Are You Going To Spend In Your Hotel Room, Anyway?"

    I should have gone into advertising. I could sell the shit out of every fleabag motel in the country with my slogans.

  38. SaintRond

    The most consideration I'd give Tucker Carlson is an olive in the toilet, like I do on my dog's birthday.

  39. thefrontpage

    Who the hell gives a damn? And why is a private political party dealing with hotels and motels for media and press or whatever? Let the damn press and media or whatever find their own damn places to stay–like real people in the real world. Gawd almighty, DNC and media folks–grow up, get a grip, and join the real world. What a bunch of wusses.

  40. Naked_Bunny

    The reporters are in bed with the politicians anyway, so why do they suddenly want separate rooms now?

  41. An_Outhouse

    I stand by the Quality Inn in Beckley, West Virginia. I've always been impressed by the accommodations there. Plus there's a Hooters within walking distance.

  42. TribecaMike

    OT, but the next junior Senator from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren, is being interviewed on the PBS News Hour tonight.

    Fixed it.

  43. glamourdammerung

    Why is the DNC involved with getting hotels for the Daily Caller and the noted white supremacist blog National Review?

  44. glamourdammerung

    Also, I find it odd that they are complaining about the anti-union, Galt's Gulch-like utopia that is North Carolina.

  45. glamourdammerung

    So the guy that is "just like Hitler, Stalin, and Micheal J. Fox" did not get a bunch of white supremacists and other members of right wing blogs 5 star hotel rooms?

    And they are seriously crying about this?

    Who really is supposed to care about these leeches that refuse to buy their own accommodations?

  46. Gleem McShineys

    TRAPPED INSIDE FILTHY BUTTHOLE

    I'm confused. I thought Tucker Carlson was in North Carolina, not locked in the Daily Caller offices??

  47. Smithboy

    When Tucker walked into his room wearing madras shorts, a polo shirt with a cashmere sweater tied around his shoulders he wretched when he saw his room faced a parking lot.

  48. ttommyunger

    Carlson and Fund weren't pleased? Maybe they should try stealth-camping, I never have any of the problems they encountered. Carlson and Fund in a camo-tent, crapping in a slit trench? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! I crack myself up.

Comments are closed.