Hello Charlotte, Ready To Rumble?

Them Duke boys

It is time for your Democratic Convention-flavored Charlotte hoe-down, North Carolina, and we will be seeing you tonight at six! The party is at our secret Casita de Wonkadonk, so email for the supersecret address, and also please don’t come by the rest of the week to murder us. Really! Please!

As always, there will beer, and we will get some sort of food so you don’t just throw up Fat Tire all over our back yard, unless you are Ghost GG Allin and that’s just how you are. (Gross.)

Anyway, come on by — ahem — y’all.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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Hola wonkerados.

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    1. FakaktaSouth

      Maybe but I bet it spends all it's time doing tributes to Chris Christie, wonketters don't wanna go there.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    I already know the address, because I work for the Department of Defense. Helpful hint: try to avoid having the place look like a Muslim wedding reception from 40,000 feet.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      Something old,
      Something new,
      Something borrowed,
      Something blown to smithereens by a Hellfire missile…..

  2. FakaktaSouth

    Dang, I just do not get enough good ghost GG Allin references in my day. Excellent. And NO ONE could possibly do what that guy did and not also be ghosted, but if so, there MUST be pics.

  3. CapnFatback

    Great, now you've just made me envision Chris Christie dressed as Boss Hogg. Are you proud of yourself, Rebecca?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Speaking of that show, I spent my high school years in a bedroom suburb of San Antonio, and all the cops in the little town knew where all us troublemakers lived. There was never any thought of trying to outrun them like the Duke boys, although several of us had cars that were probably capable of doing so. They'd just come over to our house later if we tried that. Didn't Boss Hogg know where them Duke boys lived?

      1. James Michael Curley

        Didn't I see you down in San Antone,
        On a hot and dusty night?
        You were eatin eggs in Sammy's,
        When the black man there drew his knife.

        Only got to San Antonio a couple times and never found a Sammy's. Is/Was there one?

          1. James Michael Curley

            Doesn’t look rauncy enough.People told me it was down by Riverwalk and I couldn’t cover much ground as I flew there in a Cessna 150 and had to fly back the next morning.

  4. Baconzgood

    I just want to point out as a fan of the Dukes of Hazzard and brunettes, I was super disappointed in the movie. Really people, Jessica Simpson as Daisy. Daisy Duke is probally the main reason I've never dated a blond. I've never even walked up to a blond in a singles bar and bought her a drink.

    1. nedbeaumontjr

      When Simpson was announced in the cast, my first reaction was that she didn't have the gravitas to wear the shorts.

  5. freakishlywrong

    I am in awe at the capacity of my liver. I'm completely, fucking blown away to bits over yours, Editrix.

    1. Guppy

      Just so long as they don't try to remove Our Editrix from liquor, as some other morning-winning websites are known to do.

  6. sbj1964

    When Obama gets out of the Presidential Limousine he should crawl out the window like Nascar drivers to make the locals cheer.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      And as someone else suggested, wearing the Richard Petty wraparounds. And maybe with a firesuit plastered with the logos of all his corporate sponsors.

  7. MinAgain

    Why, bless your heart.

    Caveat. In the south, that phrase does not necessarily mean what you think it means. Pay close attention to the context.

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        Yes, some examples follow:

        Bad hair cut= "Who cut your hair? Bless your heart."
        Short skirt="What happened to the rest of your skirt? Bless your heart."
        Ugly kid="That's an interesting looking boy. Bless his heart."

        All delivered in a high, fake sugary voice while sticking in the shiv.

    1. James Michael Curley

      I texted one of my buddies who is a delegate to talk up having someone deliver the response to Romney's speech to a clothes rack with an empty suit hanging on it.

  8. Maman

    "unless you are Ghost GG Allin and that’s just how you are. (Gross.)" And its Halloween! (wasn't that his thing to kill himself on Halloween?

  9. Mojopo

    My people are originally from North Carolina. My grandmother was a life-long Democrat, not a Dixiecrat, who actually lived through the Great Depression and WW II. If anyone talked shit about FDR, she would fight them. Literally. I sure wish she was alive to visit the convention, because she had really strong arms from raising 10 kids and making biscuits for the chain gangs that came through. She would have been the best security detail in the world. RIP, Granny Smith.

    1. freakishlywrong

      She sounds crunchy and tart! My southern Granny was the same. If she were still alive she'd write in FDR.

    2. Gorillionaire

      I live in NC now, and my neighbor is a 92 year old FDR fanatic. In 2004 we were talking about the election and he basically said to me that every candidate since FDR has basically been shit in comparison.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I haven't seen any cooter shots in the pix that have been posted here of the various Wonkette meetups, but I guess there's going to have to be a first time eventually.

  10. Baconzgood

    If you haven't decided yet may I suggest Milestone by the airport. It's a pretty cool club. I saw Tar there once.

  11. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I wanna have a Wonkette thingy at my house! We can burn trash in my backyard and listen to my neighbor possibly beat up his girlfriend. Then we can go downtown and score meth and get the wonkette dominatrix tattooed on our asses.

    1. KeepFnThatChicken

      It hurts being rural. I just pretend when I drink that it's a Wonkette Drinky Thing… and I'm the only one that showed up.

      edit: to be fair, I have some hellacious bonfires at my Wonkette Drinky Things.

  12. NorthStarSpanx

    Looking at the post featuring the real TTommyUnger, does this mean that all the Wonkette men are as hot as I imagine them to be?

  13. Peckerwood_Pete

    I wonder what's more ironic… the GOP tards holding their "We Built This A-Thon" at a tax payer funded stadium…. or the DNC holding their convention at Bank of America stadium…

  14. Gorillionaire

    I am too old to know any better now, but there used to be a couple of fantastic punk rock clubs in Charlotte. The Milestone had all the good national punk bands drop by.

  15. anniepantz

    The BEST thing about Charlotte is Amelie's 24 hour French bakery. That's right. It's open 24 hours! Never closes. Evah!!

  16. BelleSC

    Well, for those of you who have not yet had the pleasure of meeting The Editrix, she is HOT. And I say that as a straight female. Add to that her charming personality and obvious brilliance and what a ticket!

    I could stay for only a short time at the drink thingy. But there was food and plenty of beverages. I left just as the guys were trying to get the teevee to show the convention instead of reruns of Soul Train which were actually quite fun.

    Oh and RILEY was there! WOOHOO. And Jim. And some other lovely people whose names I didn't remember.

    Becca said gingers are born without souls but don't tell her I said that.

  17. ibwilliamsi

    OK, I came by the Casa WonkaDonk last night about 9 after a gig. I had to go through police barriers to get there, but the party was OVER. How old ARE you guys, anyway? It saddened me…

Comments are closed.