YEEHAW  11:26 am September 4, 2012

Hello Charlotte, Ready To Rumble?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Them Duke boys

It is time for your Democratic Convention-flavored Charlotte hoe-down, North Carolina, and we will be seeing you tonight at six! The party is at our secret Casita de Wonkadonk, so email wonketteparty@gmail.com for the supersecret address, and also please don’t come by the rest of the week to murder us. Really! Please!

As always, there will beer, and we will get some sort of food so you don’t just throw up Fat Tire all over our back yard, unless you are Ghost GG Allin and that’s just how you are. (Gross.)

Anyway, come on by — ahem — y’all.

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 104 comments }

nounverb911 September 4, 2012 at 11:28 am

Isn't there a bar there named "Charlotte's Web" somewhere around there?

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 11:33 am

Sounds like a lesbian bondage club.

actor212 September 4, 2012 at 11:35 am

And that's a bad thing….how?

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 11:40 am

It'll be full of Republicans?

actor212 September 4, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Oh. Well. Carry on, then…

FakaktaSouth September 4, 2012 at 11:34 am

Maybe but I bet it spends all it's time doing tributes to Chris Christie, wonketters don't wanna go there.

Arborista September 4, 2012 at 11:38 am

HE'S SOME PIG!

Barbara_ September 4, 2012 at 11:28 am

Becca, if you wear Daisy Duke shorts I will pay for the drinks.

nounverb911 September 4, 2012 at 11:30 am

Wear them in NYC next week please.

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 11:29 am

I already know the address, because I work for the Department of Defense. Helpful hint: try to avoid having the place look like a Muslim wedding reception from 40,000 feet.

YasserArraFeck September 4, 2012 at 11:37 am

Something old,
Something new,
Something borrowed,
Something blown to smithereens by a Hellfire missile…..

actor212 September 4, 2012 at 11:30 am

Will Editrix be wearing her Daisy Dukes?

Cuz that might be hot.

emmelemm September 4, 2012 at 1:16 pm

"Might be"?

Crank_Tango September 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I met editrix in person and can unequivocally state that it would be very hot indeed.

Oblios_Cap September 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

It's got to be better than the Tragedy in Tampa .

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm

All it would take for that to be the case would be more than one woman in attendance.

actor212 September 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

Casita de Wonkadonk

Where there will be much BaDonkAWonk…

KeepFnThatChicken September 4, 2012 at 11:53 am

That sounds like something that occurs at Gilley's in Texas.

nounverb911 September 4, 2012 at 11:32 am

Will there be an official Wonkette peanut thrower at the get together?

FakaktaSouth September 4, 2012 at 11:32 am

Dang, I just do not get enough good ghost GG Allin references in my day. Excellent. And NO ONE could possibly do what that guy did and not also be ghosted, but if so, there MUST be pics.

CapnFatback September 4, 2012 at 11:32 am

Great, now you've just made me envision Chris Christie dressed as Boss Hogg. Are you proud of yourself, Rebecca?

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

Speaking of that show, I spent my high school years in a bedroom suburb of San Antonio, and all the cops in the little town knew where all us troublemakers lived. There was never any thought of trying to outrun them like the Duke boys, although several of us had cars that were probably capable of doing so. They'd just come over to our house later if we tried that. Didn't Boss Hogg know where them Duke boys lived?

CapnFatback September 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

The cop cars could never make the jump over the crick surrounding the Duke compound, duh.

James Michael Curley September 4, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Didn't I see you down in San Antone,
On a hot and dusty night?
You were eatin eggs in Sammy's,
When the black man there drew his knife.

Only got to San Antonio a couple times and never found a Sammy's. Is/Was there one?

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 12:38 pm
James Michael Curley September 4, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Doesn’t look rauncy enough.People told me it was down by Riverwalk and I couldn’t cover much ground as I flew there in a Cessna 150 and had to fly back the next morning.

Chow Yun Flat September 4, 2012 at 11:33 am

Catherine is my favorite Bach since C.P.E.

Chichikovovich September 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

I've always had a weakness for P.D.Q. myself.

weejee September 4, 2012 at 11:51 am

Needing moar tromboon?

Biff September 4, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Who was both misunderstood, and misunderstanding.

Baconzgood September 4, 2012 at 11:35 am

I just want to point out as a fan of the Dukes of Hazzard and brunettes, I was super disappointed in the movie. Really people, Jessica Simpson as Daisy. Daisy Duke is probally the main reason I've never dated a blond. I've never even walked up to a blond in a singles bar and bought her a drink.

nedbeaumontjr September 4, 2012 at 11:59 am

When Simpson was announced in the cast, my first reaction was that she didn't have the gravitas to wear the shorts.

Spurning Beer September 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The plural is "gravitatas."

nedbeaumontjr September 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm

If your tatas are in your Daisy Dukes, you've got bigger problems than my opinion.

gurukalehuru September 4, 2012 at 12:55 pm

blondezizgood

freakishlywrong September 4, 2012 at 11:35 am

I am in awe at the capacity of my liver. I'm completely, fucking blown away to bits over yours, Editrix.

actor212 September 4, 2012 at 11:39 am

She has huge lobes.

BornInATrailer September 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

Hopefully it isn't all huge, green and crunchy like a giant wasabi pea.

Chow Yun Flat September 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

She comes from a family of very long livers.

Mojopo September 4, 2012 at 11:36 am

Did I win the trip to Charlotte yet?

Come here a minute September 4, 2012 at 11:37 am

Speaking of ghosts, yesterday Tom Tomorrow borrowed Wonkette's own "Ghost Andrew Breitbart" over at the great orange Satan.

Guppy September 4, 2012 at 11:51 am

Just so long as they don't try to remove Our Editrix from liquor, as some other morning-winning websites are known to do.

eggsacklywright September 4, 2012 at 11:37 am

Does David Duke wear Daisy Dukes when he's feelin' frisky?

Blueb4sinrise September 4, 2012 at 11:38 am

I'm afraid of John Cole wearing the Daisy Dukes.

sbj1964 September 4, 2012 at 11:39 am

When Obama gets out of the Presidential Limousine he should crawl out the window like Nascar drivers to make the locals cheer.

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 11:59 am

And as someone else suggested, wearing the Richard Petty wraparounds. And maybe with a firesuit plastered with the logos of all his corporate sponsors.

James Michael Curley September 4, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Then up a fence.

Toomush_Infer September 4, 2012 at 11:39 am

Yeah, the Democratic Nati…..mmmmm Daisy!!!…(it doesn't take much to spoil us Wonkettes)….

MinAgain September 4, 2012 at 11:40 am

Why, bless your heart.

Caveat. In the south, that phrase does not necessarily mean what you think it means. Pay close attention to the context.

freakishlywrong September 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

It's a cleverly issued "fuck you" if done right.

Texan_Bulldog September 4, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Yes, some examples follow:

Bad hair cut= "Who cut your hair? Bless your heart."
Short skirt="What happened to the rest of your skirt? Bless your heart."
Ugly kid="That's an interesting looking boy. Bless his heart."

All delivered in a high, fake sugary voice while sticking in the shiv.

Mittens Howell, III September 4, 2012 at 11:40 am

Looking forward to Todd Akin's keynote.

nounverb911 September 4, 2012 at 11:41 am

Is it okay if I bring my cousin Clint and his talking chair along?

NorthStarSpanx September 4, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It's the 21st Century "Harvey."

actor212 September 4, 2012 at 12:25 pm

DONNIE DARKO LIBEL!

James Michael Curley September 4, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I texted one of my buddies who is a delegate to talk up having someone deliver the response to Romney's speech to a clothes rack with an empty suit hanging on it.

Maman September 4, 2012 at 11:41 am

"unless you are Ghost GG Allin and that’s just how you are. (Gross.)" And its Halloween! (wasn't that his thing to kill himself on Halloween?

Mojopo September 4, 2012 at 11:41 am

My people are originally from North Carolina. My grandmother was a life-long Democrat, not a Dixiecrat, who actually lived through the Great Depression and WW II. If anyone talked shit about FDR, she would fight them. Literally. I sure wish she was alive to visit the convention, because she had really strong arms from raising 10 kids and making biscuits for the chain gangs that came through. She would have been the best security detail in the world. RIP, Granny Smith.

freakishlywrong September 4, 2012 at 11:48 am

She sounds crunchy and tart! My southern Granny was the same. If she were still alive she'd write in FDR.

Gorillionaire September 4, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I live in NC now, and my neighbor is a 92 year old FDR fanatic. In 2004 we were talking about the election and he basically said to me that every candidate since FDR has basically been shit in comparison.

Mojopo September 4, 2012 at 1:18 pm

OMG, exactly.

emmelemm September 4, 2012 at 1:18 pm

He's not entirely wrong.

Baconzgood September 4, 2012 at 11:42 am

Catherine Bach is faptastic!

prommie September 4, 2012 at 11:55 am

I loved her in that Caveman movie, with Ringo!

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 11:56 am

Atook alunda Lana. Zug-zug!!!

prommie September 4, 2012 at 12:09 pm

And a fine klaatu barada nikto to you, too!

DerrickWildcat September 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

They could never catch those guys.

gullywompr September 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

Alcohol is good for washing the tar off your heels, y'all.

Chow Yun Flat September 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

The President will accept the nomination wearing a cowboy hat and Richard Petty wrap-around sunglasses

Biff September 4, 2012 at 1:53 pm

No way, he hateses cowboys!

CapnFatback September 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

I'd go only to catch a glimpse at Cooter.

CapnFatback September 4, 2012 at 11:48 am

. . . who, all innuendo aside, is a former Democratic Congressman.

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I haven't seen any cooter shots in the pix that have been posted here of the various Wonkette meetups, but I guess there's going to have to be a first time eventually.

HistoriCat September 4, 2012 at 12:12 pm

You know they have those shots – they just don't share them with us.

Arborista September 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

Keep an eye out for this guy: http://www.thestate.com/2012/09/04/2424956/clybur

Baconzgood September 4, 2012 at 11:53 am

If you haven't decided yet may I suggest Milestone by the airport. It's a pretty cool club. I saw Tar there once.

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 11:57 am

Tar? Is that the guy with the Heel down yonder?

Baconzgood September 4, 2012 at 12:06 pm

The singer had an aluminum guitar. It was pretty cool.

Mumbletypeg September 4, 2012 at 11:53 am

"some sort of food" ought include jell-o mold salad, if it is wonkette-related and if it is in the south, dang it.

MissTaken September 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm

The Rush Limbaugh Under The Sea salad, perhaps?

MosesInvests September 4, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Pimento cheese or GTFO!

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 4, 2012 at 11:56 am

I wanna have a Wonkette thingy at my house! We can burn trash in my backyard and listen to my neighbor possibly beat up his girlfriend. Then we can go downtown and score meth and get the wonkette dominatrix tattooed on our asses.

KeepFnThatChicken September 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm

It hurts being rural. I just pretend when I drink that it's a Wonkette Drinky Thing… and I'm the only one that showed up.

edit: to be fair, I have some hellacious bonfires at my Wonkette Drinky Things.

prommie September 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Jesus. I am horrified, yet strangely fascinated.

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 4, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Don't judge me!

BoatOfVelociraptors September 4, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Will there be lasers?

IonaTrailer September 4, 2012 at 11:58 am

OT- but I loved the article from the New Yorker about how Ryan lied about his time in the Marathon. What a lying asshole. http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/20

BigSkullF*ckingDog September 4, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Ah, cmon. He was only off by an hour or so.

fuflans September 4, 2012 at 12:07 pm

i wonder if anyone will hurl peanuts at a camera person.

NorthStarSpanx September 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Looking at the post featuring the real TTommyUnger, does this mean that all the Wonkette men are as hot as I imagine them to be?

Biff September 4, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Yes. Yes we are.

ttommyunger September 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

Only in our own minds…..

SayItWithWookies September 4, 2012 at 12:13 pm

It's sad about Charlotte apparently not having a cool bar to hang out in — it correlates with the NRO trashing the town's hotels just because they were put up in a place crawling with pimps and crack dealers. Really, you'd think they'd be reveling in the free-market world they helped create.

Barrelhse September 4, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Peckerwood_Pete September 4, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I wonder what's more ironic… the GOP tards holding their "We Built This A-Thon" at a tax payer funded stadium…. or the DNC holding their convention at Bank of America stadium…

BTWBFDIMHO September 4, 2012 at 12:59 pm

We are all livertarians now.

Gorillionaire September 4, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I am too old to know any better now, but there used to be a couple of fantastic punk rock clubs in Charlotte. The Milestone had all the good national punk bands drop by.

Biff September 4, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Hate to be a grammar nerd, but shouldn't that be alla y'all?

BTWBFDIMHO September 4, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Why is that lady sit on the shifter?

anniepantz September 4, 2012 at 7:56 pm

The BEST thing about Charlotte is Amelie's 24 hour French bakery. That's right. It's open 24 hours! Never closes. Evah!!

BelleSC September 4, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Well, for those of you who have not yet had the pleasure of meeting The Editrix, she is HOT. And I say that as a straight female. Add to that her charming personality and obvious brilliance and what a ticket!

I could stay for only a short time at the drink thingy. But there was food and plenty of beverages. I left just as the guys were trying to get the teevee to show the convention instead of reruns of Soul Train which were actually quite fun.

Oh and RILEY was there! WOOHOO. And Jim. And some other lovely people whose names I didn't remember.

Becca said gingers are born without souls but don't tell her I said that.

ibwilliamsi September 5, 2012 at 10:22 am

OK, I came by the Casa WonkaDonk last night about 9 after a gig. I had to go through police barriers to get there, but the party was OVER. How old ARE you guys, anyway? It saddened me…

ttommyunger September 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

So many social engagements, so little time…..

BaldarTFlagass September 4, 2012 at 1:27 pm

No, that's a pretty grungy area, and nowhere near the Riverwalk.

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