peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Saw a (New) Mexican (Governor)

Greeteries, subjects. It is I, thy lord Mme. HRH Miss Peggington Noonington, queene word-smither of thine Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, and good heavens, the thingingtons that I Hath Seen in Tampa, polis of knaves and Deville Rays. Myne dispatchery hath been postington’d on the vulgarian electrico-blogge, vulgarly titled “Peggy Noonan’s Opinion Blog,” that mine Editors hath force upponeth Mee, for the increasery of Companie Revenues. I want-ingshire nothing of this robotico insta-sorcery; it is Beneathe Mee. Goode Heavens! Onwarding, then, to this se’en-day’s Declarations, myne column of souls. Dost thou rememberest, slave, the time that I eyed the visage of a Mexican? (This one time, I, Peggy Noonan, saweth a Mexican.) Now, a second sighting: I hath seen another Mexican, a “Susana Martinez,” Lord-Regent of the “New” Mexico territory. She resembleth a Mexican, from the Television drameries I vieweth in myne New-Amdersdamme skypod, on drugs.

New Mexico Gov. Susan Martinez was a revelation. I’d never seen her speak. She came across as tough, funny, able, smart. She’s like the prosecutor in a show with a name like “CSI: Child Victims Unit”—the no-nonsense Latina who tells the detectives to make the call and get the perp.

And Noweth I shall velocitate by Motor-Steed to Charlotte, in thine Carolinas, to vieweth the Africkan, &c.

[WSJ via Gawker]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Did she mention that the Governor is brown? That's the crucial bit of info to get across.

    • Antispandex

      Brown AND a conservative. The exacta of winning!

    • AncienReggie

      She ain't very brown. She is very Republican, though. One of those dump public payroll/cut corporate taxes kinda governors.

  • bibliotequetress

    These New World creatures! How mysterious!

    • RadioBowels

      Consider thee: perhaps, even more perverse, a Spaniard?

      • bibliotequetress

        A Spaniard! Nay, tis that more loathsome countryman who steeleth across the fair waters betwixt Our States and the Southern lands. 'Tis the beast with wet back.

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          Verily, our tawny brethren.

    • kittensdontlie

      The Esquimaux
      Dost think of snow,
      More than I care to know.
      His icy hut
      dost not stop one to seek,
      a tender kiss to the cheek.
      And when I meet one out on the street,
      dost mine heart go skip a beat.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Oh Praise Jesus!! Who got you drunk enough to finally do it again?!

    • http://wonkette.com Jim Newell

      I get myself plenty drunk enough, thank you very much. One day I'll have enough amphetamine/sleeplessness to do an extended one.

      • iTuna

        Please do! I've missed that particular blingee.

      • DaveJ

        Hook us up with a Blingee contest, and it's all gravy.

      • MommysFetusJar

        Gawd this made my weekend. HOW I HAVE MISSED THIS BLINGEE (and these weekly missives from Ms.Noonington). I love it when Peggington spies us brownz out in the Real World. I half expect her to tag and release us so that she might tracketh our comings and goings for her amuuuuusement. Thanks, Newell.

        • miss_grundy

          Does this woman every hit the sidewalks of New York because you can see every kind of creature if you would only walk down on Broadway.

          • HereKitty

            Oh, like she would be caught dead on the West Side.

      • vulpes82

        Some Crystalle Methe for Master Newelle!

        • Arborista

          Is there a PayPal button yet? Or an Indiegogo fundraiser?

      • Boojum

        Her Gratefulle Subjects extend Felicitations and Thankfullenesses for bringething back Ye Dayyes of Glorye.

      • Limeylizzie

        We all miss Dame Peggy , as massaged by Jim Newell.

        • bobbert

          Ew. You'd wish that on Jim?

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        I doth sayeth, I doff my hat to thee! 'twas verily a toure-defource for thine deare, deare Peggingsworth! Pray excuse, I require au monocole, excelsior!

    • TribecaMike

      Oh Priabus Jaysus?

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Isn't that the head of the GOP?

    • IncenseDebate

      I have been waiting for this for a long time. Please do more sooneth!

  • bumfug

    "She's so well-spoken she must be a character from popular fiction."

    • OneDollarJuana

      I seem to remember another right-winger who confused a TV character with a real person.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Ah, good times.

      • bikerlaureate

        Came for a link to Jack Bauer's Wiki page, left disappointed.

    • mrpuma2u

      Well no REAL messican could be that erudite, right Pegs? Ugh what an arrogant elitist turd that woman is.

    • http://www.acepilots.com/wwi/can_bishop.html WABishop

      She's the King's Hand, despite being a wench.

  • Baconzgood

    Whhhha?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I don't think people really talk like that.

    • Arborista

      Is it not Happy Hour in your time zone yet?

      • Callyson

        67 more minutes for the Left Coast. Not sure I can live that long…

        • bobbert

          I've taken advantage of the retiree (aka unemployed guy) time zone exemption, myself.

  • el_donaldo

    Who is the detective supposed to call?

  • docterry6973

    Did Gov. Martinez insult Custer again? 'Cause I won't stand for it!

  • edgydrifter

    Dame Noonington also believes bearded men to be werewolves. Or Amish.

    • Negropolis

      Amish werewolves would make for an awesome Twilight knock-off.

      • HistoriCat

        Genius. Now all we need is a great title.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      There's a difference?

  • bibliotequetress

    Perhaps next she can meet Pat Buchanan, who's like an avuncular Irish barkeep from a primetime sit-com. Or she could meet Michael Steele, who is like a negro.

    • Antispandex

      The old school "know your place" negro, or the "uppity" kind?

      • bibliotequetress

        Oh, I think she'd cast Mr. Steele as the Norman Lear dramady "Let's All Be Friends Here" Lamont from Sanford & Son kind.

        • Arborista

          So more like Uncle Ben than Uncle Tom?

          • bibliotequetress

            Bingo!

    • iamrrm

      The operative word being "like".

      • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

        I think she thought Michael Steele was one of the good ones, but turned, as happens sometimes with slaves after masa sells them down the river.

    • Negropolis

      Or she could meet Michael Steele, who is like a negro.

      Oh, snap! Shit just got real.

    • bobbert

      That is, truly, one of the best turns of phrase I've seen in a long. long time. I'm tempted to create puppets just to give you more upfisties.

  • Antispandex

    "CSI Childs Victim Unit", just to let us know that she doesn't waste her time on the vulgar preoccupations of the lower classes, like watching television. What a bitch. Go back to wrtitng stuff for that fish wrapper you work for, while people still read "the papers".

  • http://wonkette.com Jim Newell

    This post is a great way to tell how long commenters have been around.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I keep having to shake my head vigorously, and blink a couple of times at the screen, when I see "No WIre Hangers" popping up. Like being transported back in time.

      • freakishlywrong

        Word. Mumblety.

      • Negropolis

        I honestly thought it was a glitch until I read the title after having saw the graphic. lol I thought Wonkette had gone back in time.

      • IncenseDebate

        I lurkethed many a fortnight before venturing a comment because of lazy.

    • SmutBoffin

      NEXT LETS GET A BUTTERSTICK UPDATE

      • iTuna

        YES

      • IceCreamEmpress

        Butterstick, we hardly knew ye!

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Butterstick is assembling IPhonz in Zhengzhou Technology Park, PRC.

          • TootsStansbury

            I've been reading since at least the latter part of the Noonington Era. Alas, I am not familiar with Butterstick. I found the reason the Noonington posts abated to be highly amusing.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            Butterstick was a serious heartthrob for the Wonkette foundress Ana Marie Cox.

          • TootsStansbury

            Oh OK Awwwww Butterstick. I remember watching the Panda Cam.

          • Boojum

            She liked Butterstick for the buttsechs.

      • mayor_quimby

        Mittens will declare trade war on China and send seal team six to rescue Butterstick. the stick is an American citizen after all, we can't stand for this chicom tyranny.

      • FlyOverGirl

        Butterstick libel!

    • WhatTheHeck

      When did the Noonington fall out of favor from the Wonket?
      Those were great posts to brush up on me olde english as spoke at the court of anglo saxony. It be goode to see Jim lad bringeth her back. Thank you and all the breast to you.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Needz moar LNS

    • Toomush_Infer

      Long enough to bemoan several changes to the Wonkette logo…..

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And we ain't seen Jessica Cultler's tits around here in a coon's age.

      • Boojum

        Jessica is now married, with two children, and has moved far away from the Land of Sin. More's the pity, but her kids are darling.

    • RadioBowels

      Needs moar skoalrebel.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Yeah, well, Pareene never thought of this particular convention. Nor did we all, forsooth.

    • rocktonsam

      drinky drinky nooninghamshire

    • http://dailyworldwatch.wordpress.com/ DWW

      Sara K Smith guest post time.

      • ChernobylSoup

        Retro Wonkette Days, every Thursday. Ladies Drink half price. Must be 31 or older to enter.

    • sudsmckenzie

      I’m not familiar with what I all wrote, but I stand by what I wrote, whatever it was.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Was Dame Noonington's first Wonkette column before or after Ms. Noonan gave Wonkette a shout out?

    • WestSayid

      I've seen things you people wouldn't believe… Cocktober off the shoulder of Orion. Buttersticks glittering in the darkness. Wonkette breaking the story on Sarah Palin, America's Hottest Governor. Walnuts. All these moments, lost in time, like tears in the rain.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        or dust in the wind.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      A little late to the party, but: yes, today we are all Dame Peggy's terrible, wicked children.

      • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

        i believe we were the dizzy children.

    • PuckStopsHere

      This, and Get Your War On returns. While these two welcome developments may not make this the greatest weekend ever, it is certainly the best on in a long time!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      a really long fucking time.

      i hope you're happy jim and please keep dame peggy happy, sedated and posting at wonkette.

  • SorosBot

    So how drunk did Noonan get watching the convention?

    • freakishlywrong

      Probably more than I. But only.

    • Katydid

      Well, since she probably didn't start from sober, there's no way of telling.

    • MissTaken

      Enough to see a Mexican and forget that she's already seen one before.

      • SorosBot

        And that was a true classic. I hadn't even realized how long ago that was; it was right after I had graduated law school, I remembered it as being more recent.

        • MissTaken

          It's because the martini vapors from our Dame Nooningtonshire on high seep through Jim's columns and muddle our brains making us forget how long she has blessed us.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Credit where it it's due: Ken Layne wrote the original Peggy Saw A Mexican post. Jimmy took over the Peggy Noonan beat shortly thereafter.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Noonily….

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Verily, the (overwrought, meaningless) words fail.

    • Negropolis

      Does "All of them, Katie" in slurring speech work as an answer for this question, because…All of them, Katie. Too.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Yes, I've been waiting for this Jim.

  • metamarcisf

    Gov. Martinez will continue to be a shining star for the GOP here in NM; until she is ordered by the national party to crack down on public pensions – the third rail of New Mexico politics. If she goes along with a Walker-type agenda, she'll be out of the Roundhouse like shit through a goose.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    YAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

  • Callyson

    On the floor, the delegate seats had too much space between them, which removed the kind of animal density that speakers in big halls need.

    Oh, I think you animals were plenty dense, Peggy…

    • James Michael Curley

      The space between the seats were for the 'saddlebags'

  • spends2much

    "Tough, Funny, Able, Smart." Good enough, even, to do yard work for Lady Peggington!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Wow, just read Her Ladyship's column. Can you imagine how high on laudanum and absinthe Dame Noonington must have been all week to have seen that convention?!

  • PsycWench

    But did she note how well behaved the Governor was in Sylvia's restaurant in Harlem?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Bring me a motherfucking tax cut!

    • vulpes82

      "Where's my madrefucking iced tea, esse?!"

  • freakishlywrong

    Noonington! Fuckyounington!

  • Buzz Feedback

    "no-nonsense Latina" = Dora the Explorer. Always bossing that monkey around.

  • CthuNHu

    Verily, had she been a mite comelier, and many a mite more eloquent, she might have been comparable unto me, in my salad days, when I was green, yet not tinged thusly from a misfortunate admixture of Vicodin and Bombay Sapphire, as at present. To the chaise lounge, I go, perchance to regurgitate, which a trusty servant shall collect into an urn purchased long ago from the Orient, to be submitted as mine next columnary literary writing oeuvre item.

  • DaveJ

    Finally, Jim Newell demonstrates that you CAN do something with a liberal arts degree in this day and age.

  • Not_So_Much

    Hark and forsooth! I spot-eth a twat-eth!

  • Callyson

    we are about to find out whether this year is 1976 or 1980—if what we have just witnessed is a harbinger of change, or the change itself.
    We'll know in 9½ weeks

    Oh good–I'm glad to know I am not the only one who thinks this election has been one long S&M session…

    • bibliotequetress

      Who could she compare to pre-plastic Mickey Rourke?

    • tihond

      50 Shades of Meh

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Is she trying to tell us she was fucked by an Incubus during Romney's speech?

    • BlueStateLibel

      Sounds about like 1673 if you ask me, or in Republican-language, the good old days.

      • Boojum

        Or 1692, seeing how Mitt's from Massachusetts.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i don't know. if i had to compare this season to a mickey rourke movie i'd go with angel heart.

      or barfly.

  • Wilcoxyz

    This is bad news for Charo.

  • SexySmurf

    She’s like the prosecutor in a show with a name like “CSI: Child Victims Unit”—the no-nonsense Latina who tells the detectives to make the call and get the perp.

    First they take fake jobs at Epcot away from Americans and now they're taking our make-believe prosecutor jobs on made-up fictional TV shows.

  • MissTaken

    She’s like the prosecutor in a show with a name like “CSI: Child Victims Unit”—the no-nonsense Latina who tells the detectives to make the call and get the perp.

    Verity Peggington! For thou knoweth no Latina of intellect existeth for realith in the land except on thou Novella-On-The-Television.

  • SmutBoffin

    "Now allow me to relate thif amusing aneckdote, wherein Colonial Governor Viscount Ronald Reagan did commidst the highest act of japery, placing his dampened testiclef upon my brow!"

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hey, where'd you get a roman a clef????….

  • Wadisay

    There was a day when one would have liked to have had sexual congrefs with her.

  • sudsmckenzie

    You could say Susan Martinez, made her day. *sunglasses* Whaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Oh Dame Peggy! There's a Mexican fellow down Epcot-way who could use a serving, maybe, of your pity! or of your… awe-struck'dness? Well just give him a little attention and some of that glowing glow of yours.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    This post rocketh. As doth Lord Newell.

  • Lot_49

    "She's like the prosecutor in a show with a name like…"

    How lazy or drunk do you have to be if you (1) are too lazy to Google the name of the show, or (2) think the name you made up is funny?

  • Baconzgood

    HUZZAH!

  • MissTaken

    I bow to our ginger Lord of the Exchequer, Newell.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Dame Noonington made a critical and helpful adjustment by calling Governor Martinez "Susan." She's already got the Martinez part — sticking with Susanna as a first name is really just rubbing her hispanicness in the noses of all the nice white people this country really belongs to.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      I would have went with "Suzy".

    • rickmaci

      Or as they pronounce it with the latina maids who work in Noonanshire Connecticut, "Suzita".

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Hey, why is HamNo stealing your Nooningtonshire schtick? I thought you had an arrangement; you stay away from the Friedman jokes, he stays away from the Noonan jokes.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      The major difference between the two, in my opinion, is that HamNo is an irritating, patronizing douchecanoe, whereas Newell is hilarious.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Jim: Gawker's loss, our gain.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Too damn right.

  • OkieDokieDog

    I used to have a Motor-Steed. I called it Pinto. (also called a bump-and-burn)

    • WhatTheHeck

      Why, an exploding gas tank was nothing back in the day. America was the shining city on the hill then. Or so I’m told.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Wait until the mouth breathers find out Martinez's grandparents were illegal immigrants. Not looking so good now, is she, HENGHHH??!!??!!!!

  • Biff

    Wouldst nay hitteth that…

  • CapnFatback

    It's about time, Jim–way to long since the last time you snuck us all a Nooner.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Is it legal to just repost Ms. Noonan's columns from the WSJ to Wonkette?

    • kittensdontlie

      Seems like a legitimate question…so let's SHUT IT DOWN(before WSJ shuts us down)!!

      • Arborista

        The body has a way to shut down the WSJ, but to do so, the body needs torches & pitchforks…

        Or maybe just some help from Anonymous?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Jim, thank you. I can go to my long weekend and drink myself to a blackout content now.

    • Negropolis

      Come on, now, Lionel, you were going to do that, anyway. ;)

  • bobbert

    Reading this made me think about Peggy Noonan, which reminded me of a question I've been meaning to ask the assembled MFAs of Wonkette, to wit:

    Is the word "poltroon" gender-neutral, or is there a feminine form?

    • Arborista

      Probably gender neutral, but I suppose if you wanted to stress that you are insulting a female, I don't see why you can't add an -ess to it, as in poetess, actress, seamtress, Jewess, etc.

    • bibliotequetress

      Perhaps "poltang?"

  • freakishlywrong

    Bitch is always breathless and concerned about "tone". Hope she doesn't read this.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I hopeth she does.

  • mavenmaven

    She likes no-nonsense Latinas on TV but not on the Supreme Court.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    "The delegates were full of cheer and happy. Condi Rice trembled, yet found her voice. I melted into Paul Ryan's eyes, and was content. Ann Romney was so pale, yet stout of face, radiant in her blinding blonde American-ness. Chris Christie spoke like the gruff but brave Brooklynite in some D-Day film, ready to give Hitler what-for. The Spanish Lady Governor of New Mexico reminded me of none so much as Rita Moreno, eyes flashing as she scolded Maria to 'stick to her own kind.' And finally Mitt. Handsome, aristocratic, capable and reproachful Mitt. 'You have exhausted us, Obama, with your Negritude,' he might as well have intoned. When Hope is an illusion, Change must come. And who is more nimble at Change than Willard Romney? Weeping, and holding myself with joy, until I awoke in a corner booth and hailed a passing bar-boy to help me find my room-key. Who has taken my undergarments?!"

    • TavariousChinaSmith

      Oh, that was good! I haven't read the original yet. Did she fail to mention current cowboy-hero at the picture-shows and paragon of manliness and eloquence, Clintington Eastwoodshire?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        That wasn't the original?

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          (We secretly replaced Peggy Noonan's column with scathing Wonkette derision…)

          • Veritas78

            You're soaking in it.

    • bibliotequetress

      Oh, bravo! You captured the Procul Harumness of her prose beautifully.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        And props to you for "Procul Harumness."

    • Negropolis

      Well played, sir, well played.

      Wouldn't it be hilarious if we played this to the hilt, and actually got some Republican operative to hire us as speechwriters? Oh, the fun we'd have, the places we'd go. lol

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Why, I would have to use my "white telephone voice" at all times!

  • Biff

    Are we sure this was Noonington? Not a single mention of her patron saint…

    • Negropolis

      St. Johnnie Walker?

      Oh, you meant Saint Ronnie of Simi.

      • Biff

        I would have accepted either, but yes.

      • bobbert

        Sorry, I thought that was Saint Ronnie of Batshit.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Peggy Noonan, Queen of the three martini snooze.

  • Goonemeritus

    Just keep the Governor the hell away from the Epcot Center.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Yeah, Her Ladyship is back! Also, is that how detectives work? They just make calls, and voila, find the perp? Who said there were no easy, well-paying jobs out there?

    • pdiddycornchips

      Of course not. They can't make the calls until ordered to do so by a no nonsense Latino woman.

    • Arborista

      They may be making calls, but that doesn't mean they're making social calls- or telephone calls…

  • SnarkOff

    She came across as tough, funny, able, smart…the no-nonsense Latina…

    Peggy, OH, NO YOU DI'INT.

  • rickmaci

    Bet Dame Noonington made a mess of her Depends watching Eastwood turn the last night of the RNC into a bad sitcom scene.

  • coolhandnuke

    She's losing the debate with that empty fifth.

    • Negropolis

      Fifths make fools of us, all.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This reminds me of the time I spilled my gin and tonic while watching "Breaking Bad."

  • rickmaci

    "On the floor, the delegate seats had too much space between them, which removed the kind of animal density that speakers in big halls need."

    Is that why those clowns had peanuts in hand?

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    tough + funny + able + smart = Sofía Margarita Vergara – sexy.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Nobody expected a great one. There was a broad feeling of, "Look, giving great speeches is not what Mitt does, he does other things."

    He had to achieve adequacy. He did.

    Wow — well, nobody can accuse Dame Peggy of adulatory praise for the main event. I'm looking forward to her open-mic description of her real opinion of the Mitt/Ryan ticket soon.

    • rickmaci

      Jeebuzz. Talk about giving the guy a gloved and limp wristed royal handshake.

    • pdiddycornchips

      What could she say about HRM Mittington Lyington? That his plan is not to have a plan? That he would rather work the night shift at a Dunkin Donuts than explain how giving billionaires tax cuts while raising taxes on wage slaves will create jobs?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Talk about damning with faint praise!

      Also, too, "Look, giving great speeches is not what Mitt does, he does other things."

      Like, um, lying, dissembling, prevarication and telling porkie pies?

    • Veritas78

      He had to achieve adequacy. He did.

      Is this a review of how he fucks? "He managed to ejaculate in the right area."

      So much for American exceptionalism. I'll take Obamadingo singing Al Green any day.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        I can see the campaign advertisement now: Troubled times call for an adequate man — Mitt Romney.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          AN ADEQUATE MAN / GRANNY KILLER 2012!

    • Negropolis

      Talk about damning with faint praise. Yes, Mitt, that speech was just enough. It was…adequate. That about sums up Mitt in a word, no? That's what Ann says after sex.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Was this Latina she spied perhaps even…wise?

    • rickmaci

      Big plus, she didn't wear a hoodie.

  • ahnc

    Peggy Noonan and her flowery pained descriptions reminds me of someone high on a triple dose of 50mg xanax.
    I remember her comment about Bush after he invaded Iraq, "I can hear the chink of his armor…"
    Excuse me while I projectile vomit.
    There I feel better.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    When a chair gets more press than your nominee… adequate wouldn't be the word I would use.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Given it's Dame Noonington and the GOP would incontinent be closer?

    • rickmaci

      Empty chair, empty suit. If the Mitt fits, wear it.

    • HistoriCat

      To be fair, the chair really held up well under that barrage of criticism.

  • pdiddycornchips

    The Republicans denied our Lady her longed for reunion with her soul mate. Alas, there would be no Reagan hologramington fapington.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Clint Eastwood was funny, endearing—"Oprah was crying"—and carries his own kind of cultural authority. "It's time for somebody else to come along and solve the problem." He was free-form, interesting—you didn't quite know what was going to come next—strange and, in the end, kind of exhilarating. Talk about icons. The crowd yelling, "Make my day," was one of the great convention moments, ever.

    Riiiiiiiight. You've never even seen that movie have you punk? I mean Peg.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You have to know how to translate Noonespeake. Based on her hot-mic comments in years past, that column is basically saying "God damn the Republican Party."

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        Duly noted.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      I'm still wondering why that's such a fave — basically Harry was saying to the guy robbing the fast-food joint, "Go on, kill the hostage, 'cause then I can get a clear shot at you." Not to mention how an arenafull of people cheering a fictional character and his made-up tough-guy blather really makes the GOP look rooted in reality.

  • vulpes82

    Jim, you have no idea how much I needed that. Bless you, kind sir. Bless you.

  • Arborista

    Joustbusters?

  • randomsausage

    I bet old Rupert has sniffed at the Nooning-panties in his time….

  • TribecaMike

    I'm going to go out on a limb and assume she doesn't own any "Papa" Lalo Guerrero records.

    For your Friday afternoon listening pleasure, here's Papa performing his classic parody, "Tacos For Two." Diviértate. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgBKPhsNcPQ

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Fresco!!!!!

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Our Lady Noonington is a loonington.

  • ElPinche

    You know who else was a no-nonsense latina?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Rosario Salazar?

      • Veritas78

        Rosie Ruiz?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Lolita Lebron?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Lucille Ball? No, wait….

    • rickmaci

      Evita Peron?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta
    • RadioBowels

      Noonington's housekeeper?

    • dmnolan

      Carmen Miranda?

      • bobbert

        No-nonsense, not all-nonsense.

    • AutomaticPilot

      Hitler?

    • bobbert

      Shakira?

    • Negropolis

      People's Court judge Marilyn Milian? I love that woman.

    • Arborista

      Virginia Rodrigues?

      In honor of tonight's Blue Moon, here is her version of "Lua Lua Lua": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sycziEJpdfM

    • ElPinche

      Jimmy Smits?

    • DahBoner

      Marie Antoinette?

      (Technically, the French are Latinos…)

      • HistoriCat

        I thought Marie was Austrian.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    I remember the first time I saweth a Mexican also, indeed. Que magica!

  • LibertyLover

    "the no-nonsense Latina…"

    I see what she did there… dogwhistle "wise Latiina"

  • Pithaughn

    Old Clint, just Republican enough to get invited to all the really good golf tournaments, and by good we mean all expenses paid and a free ride on somebodies Citation to and from.

  • TribecaMike

    "In my excitement, I could barely resist the urge to run up to Gov. Martinez and ask if she did windows, cheap."

  • vaginista

    Oh, sweet Peggles – so glad the gin and xanax is holding you together, Dear Girl!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Does Dame Peggy put on her best leather bodysuit when the Noog comes callin'?

  • BloviateMe

    Daresay but vulgar nyte with Penif Throbbington & requisite saltee elixir to metamorphose yon Dame to Moll!

    Bully the Notion!

    • bobbert

      Beere Gogglef Huzza!!!

  • Callyson

    OT alert:

    Paul Ryan’s Black Ex-Girlfriend Is an Obama Supporter

    http://jezebel.com/5939600/paul-ryans-black-ex+gi

    Hee hee hee…

    • TribecaMike

      That her name is Pope makes the irony even sweeter.

    • bobbert

      You know, in a lot of ways Ryan does seem to be a personally decent fellow. And he is a Packer fan.

      Shame about him being such a lying fuckweasel.

    • Negropolis

      Of course she is. And, not because she's black, but because I'd imagine that any intimiate encounter with Paul the Ryan would be enough to make you switch teams.

  • Lot_49

    On Labor Day, with Nikki Haley's reflexive contempt for organized labor still ringing in our ears, let's take a minute to remember and be thankful for the workers who got their heads cracked and got replaced by scabs and who got murdered so egregiously by Rockefeller's Pinkerton henchmen in Ludlow, CO, that they had to rename the town.

    We're grateful to them for Saturdays off, for employer-paid health insurance, the minimum wage and a hundred other employee rights and privileges that had to be fought for even though we now take them for granted.

    John Sayles' excellent movie "Matewan" is a nice yarn on this subject. Hard to forget James Earl Jones saying "They call me 'Few Clothes.'"

    Or read E.L. Doctorow's Loon Lake, a difficult, beautiful novel about the Ludlow Massacre.

    • RadioBowels

      Yes, oh yes. The forty year relentless assault on the Labor movement in this country has been largely successful. This holiday is reduced to a place holder for the end of summer, or worse yet, a easy to dump some mattresses cheap.
      Where is Ken Layne?

    • TribecaMike

      Sayles' almost unknown 1999 flick Limbo was way ahead of its time in showing the many sordid hypocrisies of politics and business in Alaska,and by extension the rest of the country (and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio sings like a lark). It also has one of my all-time favorite movie endings. Man, that guy can write. Unlike another politically-minded filmmaker, Ken Loach, Sayles is rarely boring and knows how to spin a yarn. (For instance, in "The Wind That Shakes the Barley" Loach somehow discovered a way to make the Irish Civil War seem as dull as a sack of flattened turnips; a rare accomplishment indeed, though not a commendable one.)

      Growing up in Massachusetts in a union family that was obsessed with history and had seen a good deal of it firsthand, I would hear tragic tales about Ludlow late at night at the kitchen table (I can still smell the pickles, clams and stout), and thought they were talking about Ludlow, Mass. Later, I learned the difference, and as I learned more discovered there really wasn't that much difference. One place had mines, the other had mills.

    • bibliotequetress

      Thanks for the reminder, Lot 49. My union is making calls for Liz Warren all day Monday. To be followed by beer. Will remember Ludlow with a toast or five.

      • Lot_49

        You're welcome. Good to read the Wikipedia article to correct the things I ryanated about in recalling Ludlow.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludlow_Massacre

        • TribecaMike

          "Loon Lake" is a beautiful piece of work.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Ha! Good on you.

        There's obviously some nationwide effort going on as well. Here in California I got a Liz Warren flier in which she included Scott Brown's fundraising letter. The gist was "look what this halfwit is saying. are you going to let this truckdouche get away with it? donate now!"

        I'm not sure Im allowed to donate as a mere perm resident, but damn I hope she wins that race. I love her.

        • bibliotequetress

          I'm glad to hear that! She's fabulous, and get's great big points for visiting lots of the smaller ward committees across the state (mine happens to be a big pinko lefty ward in Boston but she really has made a point of reaching the committees that are three people meeting in a dairy barn). Truckdouche is such a good appellation for that trite asshat. He's is soaking up the bucks, though, and the Warren is behind.

          *cough* Permanent residents can donate. Not that I'm asking…

          And you know what's weird? I cannot actually ask you to donate. As a federal employee, I violate the Hatch Act if I ask you to donate to a political campaign. Even anonymously. But if you feeeeeel like donating, without me asking, I'll just leave this on your coffee table… https://donate.elizabethwarren.com/page/contribut

          • bobbert

            I'm not a Federal employee, so I can ask Fukui (and all Wonkers) to donate, as I will do. We really can't afford to lose this one.

          • Arborista

            I donated a few months back, but am now too tight on funds to donate more. So I'll join you in asking the Wonkettariat to chip in some moolah for this fabulous candidate. Also including an ActBlue linky for those who have (or want to have) an ActBlue account: https://secure.actblue.com/entity/fundraiser/2766

            I sure hope to be able to help fund her presidential campaign in 2016!

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Warren 2016?

            Holy cow. That would be beyond wonderful.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Wowzer! Totally unrelated to your advice I decided to kick in a couple of bucks for Ms. Warren.

            Damn, if I'd known this earlier I'd have kicked in for that Scott "squinty-eyed weasel" Walker recall thing as well.

            It's kinda fucked up that I can donate without even being able to vote.

          • bibliotequetress

            Sadly, voting with bucks may actually have a bigger impact than poking a chad.
            On a happier note, if you ever opt to become a victim of US domestic policy instead of a victim of US foreign policy, therfore gaining the right to vote in these parts, I got your back. Will give you my email address & answer any questions I can.
            And bless you, bobbert. Thanks! We need her desperately.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            I appreciate the offer and might take you up on that.

            However, I've been following US politics since, hmmm, 1997 or so when I was a wee nipper of 24. Far more involved when I started posting on the messageboard of fuckedcompany.com in 2000 whilst the run-up to November 2000 was going on. Personally, I was stunned by the virulence and idiocy of the right wing, and could not believe that anyone could vote for that shaven chimp Bush. Gosh, was I wrong.

            The other thing that stunned me was the racism and anti-semitism, especially the anti-semitism. I'd never questioned the holocaust and, being an intellectually curious chap, when someone linked to the Leuchter Report it made me perform research. Then more research. Then more. Now I know far too much about WW2 history, but give me a holocaust-denier and I can destroy them in seconds.

            Meh, enough rambling.

            Obama must win this election. It's very, very important. Plus the Democrats must keep their Senate majority … hence my contribution to Ms Warren's campaign.

          • bibliotequetress

            I agree on all counts. Especially about the acceptance of irrational, falsifiable "facts" and "philosophies."

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      8 hours for work, 8 hours for sleep and 8 hours for what thou wilt. People died, as did Blacks for the right to vote, in the streets for these signs of a decent, human life. So many of our fellow toilers have forgotten that, that they may well vote it all away in November, as increasing numbers have in Novembers past. Damn Citizens United, their billionaires want to buy the government, ours want to cure Malaria. Better angels of our nature and all that, but their billionaires seem to be closet fascists.

  • BarackMyWorld

    OT: Great exchange from today's "Hardball," a Republican strategist trying to pass off Paul Ryan's lies as differences of opinion and Tweety ain't havin' it. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036697/#48865455

  • Barrelhse

    Tonight is a Blue Moon, so here are the Marcels. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0fy1HeJv80

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    My rule of thumb is that if a person uses the word, "Perp" they're probably a dick.

  • bflrtsplk

    Ah Madame Noonington returneth. Time at last for that long lost drinketh.

  • Blueb4sinrise
    • TribecaMike

      "Hey you kids, get off my Eames!"

      • bibliotequetress

        Yes. Thank you.

  • ttommyunger

    Peggy; such a normal, down to earth American name for such a pretentious, drunken old twat. It just doesn't seem fair.

    • TribecaMike

      If it makes you feel any better, ttommy, her birth name was Mergatroid.

      • ttommyunger

        Makes perfect sense to me.Sent from my iPhone

  • mosjef

    Thou blatherest a million points of spite. How darest thou impugn Peggy No one?

  • TribecaMike

    Documentary evidence of Peggy Noonan giving Ronny Raygun a handjob… http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e

    • bobbert

      She was so easily impressed. Empty vessel finds purpose by meeting an empty vessel.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    I wish Mitt a long life, but no Presidency for you, Sir! And on the sad occasion of his passing, verily these words should be engraved upon his stone: "He achieved adequacy"
    perhaps proceeded by the phrase "Born on third and a half base…".

  • Negropolis

    Jim, this is why I'm glad you're back. "Peggy Noonan Saw a Mexican" is the one post I remember most of all from these Wonkettes. 'Twas a tour de force, James DeRouge. Continue the traditions.

    New Mexico, better than the old one. Huzzah!

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    This has been one of those weeks where every single article about someone at the convention could have just used Kirk Lazurus' advice to Tugg Speedman on winning Oscars.

  • TribecaMike

    Anyone know who's speaking at the convention tonight? It's almost as if the leftist media is conspiring to hide the fact that it's happening.

    • Blueb4sinrise
      • TribecaMike

        Ron Paul/A Klondike Bar Just Found In The Back Of The Freezer 2012!

        • Blueb4sinrise

          I was trying to make a ' Santa Cruz pepper-spray cop spraying the chair' p-shop with some open-source ware I just downloaded, but am not doing so well……
          other ideas were:
          pancakehead bunny w/chair
          startled prairie dog / chair

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            pancakehead bunny

            OOLONG / CHAIR 2012

  • Negropolis

    BTW, she's not confusing Olivia Benson of Law & Order: SVU for being hispanic, is she?

    • TribecaMike

      That, or she's fantasizing about Olivia Munn in a gorilla costume driving an SUV at 300 mph into her kitchen while she's cutting the crust off a tuna salad sandwich, because she's feeling overly guilty about putting too much mayo in it and her grandkids are going to be furious and they hate her already because the Xboxes she gave them for Xmas were last gen and Kissinger doesn't return her calls since she got all flabby, so why not end it all now?!!

  • TribecaMike

    It's Friday night and what goes with Friday night? Liverpool's own The Liverbirds, that's what! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gEYF-IyaU0

  • BoroPrimorac

    Bill Maher just made Dinesh D'Souza look like an asshole on Real Time.

    • bobbert

      Someone has to try to do this?

      • BoroPrimorac

        If Maher managed make him look like a complete moron, then he's going to have an awful time if he goes on Colbert or the Daily Show.

        • bobbert

          True that.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks Maher is a pseudo-intellectual fuckhammer.

          • BoroPrimorac

            Bill is cool and all, but his grasp on important issues is on par with the girls from The View.

    • TribecaMike

      D'Souza is a low rent Thomas Sowell, the latter of which hasn't been able to pay his rent since the Heritage Foundation lost his mailing address.

      The ex-Mormon guy Maher had on was very interesting and funny. In what has to be a first, Maher let him say more than two sentences without interruption.

      Btw, where did Jason Alexander get Tyrone Powers' toupee, at a Christie's auction?

      • BoroPrimorac

        Thank you for reminding me where I'd seen George with a hairy bonce before.

        • TribecaMike

          Pardon the name droppings, but I met the dilapitated Mr. Alexander (along with his friend Penn Jillette, who can't palm a card to save his Libertarian ass) at a charity event a few years ago and he was a nice guy who actually seemed to give a shit about the cause that was the reason for being there (or maybe he was just trying to impress my bitchin' wife, which is always a smart idea), unlike some others I could name. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Lawrence La De Dah Fishburne, you shallow schmuck.

          • BoroPrimorac

            How can you be the guy who played George Costanza and not be a decent human being?

          • TribecaMike

            Actors are like everyone else: schlubs trying to make a living, the only difference being they have an extra jazz hands chromosome.

            Except for that Bill Nighy guy — he's just plain weird.

          • bobbert

            You mean Bill Nighy the "Todd-Akin-is-a-fucking-idiot science guy?"

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      Something else cool about the show.
      Bill held up an old, Osmonds album, called, "The Plan"
      This ain't any ol' dumb Osmonds Album…This is THE Osmonds Album you should hear because it is so weird. I haz it!. Rumor has it that recording this special, originally released on, "Kolob Records" Masterpiece, relieved them of doing Missionary work. I guess you could call it a Mormon Conceptual piece.
      Here's a bit on it. http://www.allmusic.com/album/the-plan-mw00000156

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    OT: Oh noes! The RNC conference bump is in on 538.

    Currently sitting at +6.9 since Aug 24th.

    For Obama.

    • TribecaMike

      Now that's what I call a terrorist bump in the polls!

    • sudsmckenzie

      To borrow a phrase, "It was one of the rare moments I was proud of America". Here Comes Honey Boo Boo beat out the convention in ratings.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        And yet, Honey Boo Boo doesn't give a shit.

      • Negropolis

        "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo", indeed. The name of the show finally makes sense. lol

    • RadioBowels

      Wait, the new, fresh, young, nice guy Republitard Party isn't playing out?

      • bobbert

        YOUNG GUNS!!! (Average age 105)

        • BoroPrimorac

          That name screams out: "I got my ass kicked every single day when I was in high school."

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Tom Friedman is on Charlie Rose right now explaining how if Dubya hadn't invaded Iraq, Iraq would now look like "Syria on steroids." And the US took the full blow of the chaos it had created, thereby saving the Middle East from the resulting madness that resulted from their invading Iraq and causing regional instability. I swear this is a faithful rendition of his two points.

    • bobbert

      The Moustache has long since passed into Crankypants McCain territory. They have him on talk shows because he's there, not because anybody is paying any attention to what he says. If he recited Vogon poetry, would anyone notice the difference?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Tom Friedman is a spazmonkey if he says that. Although I'm aware I'm preaching to the choir here.

      Fuck me, he went to St Antony's? Fucker should be embarrassed by himself.

    • BoroPrimorac

      The situation in Syria is the direct result of the Bush administration sticking their noses in Georgia. If Russia were still onside, Assad would be in Iran or Venezuela scared for his life right now. By the way, Bush stayed in Beijing when Russia was bombing the shit out of military installations in Georgia. Putin headed back home and took care of his shit.

    • ElPinche

      I can never take him seriously after reading Taibbi's infamous takedown of Friedman.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I'll have what she's having.

    • TribecaMike

      Is it too late for sushi delivery?

  • Mahousu

    She’s like the prosecutor in a show with a name like “CSI: Child Victims Unit”

    You have to admit, a Republican Convention would be fertile territory for someone like that. Wrap up all those pesky unsolved cases.

  • DahBoner

    Sure, Mexicans do speak. But you won't understand a word, because the music is too loud.//rimshot

    • ElPinche

      // tejano accordion

      • Negropolis

        //tejano trumpets. Tambien.

  • BenGleck

    My cudoes to the empty chair for its performance in this humaodrama.

  • Carrabuda

    Oh, huzzah and hallelujah for the return of her ladyship Noonington! 'Struth.

  • fishwharf

    I've always had the hots for Peggy Noonan. Somehow, being her slave would just feel right.

  • MosesInvests

    Needf more "f" inftead of "s".

  • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Tsunami Ali

    Oh! How I've missed Dame Nooners' columns on the Wonkett.

  • ElPinche

    I do believe that Blingee was the very first Blingee in Wonkette history.

  • Tricky_Dick

    Bull Daggers…..