About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Comments

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  • Limeylizzie

    In Wales he would be Biden the Veep.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Guy walks into a bar and hear two big women chatting with a Scottish accent, and said:
      -Oh, the ladies of Scotland.
      -Wales!
      -Oh, the whales of Scotland.

      • Limeylizzie

        What's the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney? A Scotsman wears a kilt but Walt Dis Nae.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Funny, to my mom he was always Joe Bidenberg.

  • bumfug

    Even worse was his follow-up, "By the way, good job with those fucking Armenians".

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Which really confused the Greeks, though the Turks were quite pleased with that response.

    • arihaya

      because EVERYONE HATE the Kardashians

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I am fairly certain you could find a few plastic surgeons that would be the exception to the rule.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    O'Biden to rill Amercia.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    “Let’s dance,” he said to one, named Jennifer, as she stood up right next to him. They posed for a photo before he turned to her tablemate, who was wearing scrubs, and asked, ‘Are you a nurse?” He then sat down and started speaking to her quietly, presumably about nurses.

    Fucking Joe. Macking like crazy. We love you.

    • Terry

      Don't we just. He's a goof, but he's smart and has a heart of gold.

    • bumfug

      At least he was talking to someone who was actually in the chair.

    • Negropolis

      He's like a Catholic Clinton, this guy.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Asked for comment, Blueb4sinrise said, "Politico sucks ass."

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      You just made Mike Allen cry.

      Like I give a shit.

    • emmelemm

      That's it, you're thrown out of the party.

    • LibertyLover

      Well, expect to get kicked out of the Politico party at the Dem convention.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Hey Eastwood – Biden is the intellectual face of the Democratic Party and we're fucking proud of it.

    • kittensdontlie

      I'm only half Greek, but he has my whole vote.

    • IonaTrailer

      Hey Eastwood, you're still the new face of the GOP. Weird and delusional.

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        You forgot "old" though it's probably implied.

        • miss_grundy

          You forgot demented but, perhaps. that is also implied. I guess he had trouble with the chair last night…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    GWB would have said, "Greeks!?! Y'all wanna buttfuck?"

    • AbandonHope_

      "Ah hear y'all have big fat weddins. Saw a dakkament'ry 'bout it."

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      "Gonna call you, whatshisname, 'Socrates.' you, 'sodomy guy,' and this fella, i dunno, 'Butch.' always liked that name – Butch – heheheh"

      • IonaTrailer

        Aristole, Aristole
        Was a bugger for the bottle
        "I drink, therefore I am."

    • rickmaci

      "I'd try some of that oozoo stuff, or whatever you 'll call it, but then damn Barb would be all over my ass."

    • Boojum

      Romney, of course, would have mentioned his friends who own Greece.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Thanks, I needed that!

  • SorosBot

    And blessed is the Greek; apparently he's going to inherit the Earth.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Did anyone catch his name?

      • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

        George.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Clint Eastwood then spent 15 minutes talking to an empty sandal.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Shoulda followed the gourd.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I am seeing an SNL skit recurring, with Sudeikis playing the titular role.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      What about the cheese makers?

      • Steverino247

        Fuck 'em!

  • mrpuma2u

    He could have been Joe Bidenakis. Did he buy a round of Ouzo shots? Or was he bringing the flaming cheese (saganaki) and yelling 'OPA!!!'

    • IonaTrailer

      Or smash a plate on the ground?

    • Negropolis

      Silly me; this whole time I thought they were yelling "Oprah!" since she's practically a Greek goddess, now. Seriously, though, one of my earliest set of memories is my dad dragging us down to the Greek restaurants and ice cream places in Greektown in Detroit.

  • SexySmurf

    I can't wait for the debates when Bidenopoulos will shout, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kick Paul Ryan into a well.

    (I don't know why there will be a well in the middle of the debate stage. That's just poor planning on CNN's part.)

    • IonaTrailer

      Or shout, "THIS IS SPARTA" and shove a live (hopefully rabid) fox under Ryan's shirt.

      • miss_grundy

        No, shove it down his pants….

    • ThankYouJeebus

      Please, Jeebus, let this happen. (And thanks for the huge laugh, Blue.)

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    This is also awesome:

    “Can I get some rice pudding to go?” he asked, just before the pool was ushered out at 1:05 p.m. Now holding in van.

    And then he rubbed one all over himself and threw the empty cup at his driver.

    The end.

    • iTuna

      I like to think he's hanging back, talking with the owners, eating a big tub of rice pudding, and as his handlers are dragging him out the door, he yells back, asking for more.

  • OzoneTom

    Sparta!

  • Baconzgood

    I read that 5 times and it still doesn't make sense.

  • gullywompr

    Approaching a table of college students, he asked "Do you mind if we dance wif yo' dates?"

  • Wadisay

    How can you tell that a table of men you are approaching is Greek? Oh, never mind.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Coming Up Next: Clint Eastwood vs. a three piece sectional sofa.

    • YasserArraFeck

      I dunno – I hear those sectionals can be pretty lippy

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Generally those tend to be the ones with the detached cushions.

  • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

    I just fucking love Joe Biden.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    "I'm Joe Bidenella."
    "I'm Joe Bidenez."
    "I'm Joe Bidenic."
    "I'm Joe Bidenowitz."
    "I'm Joe Bidenakawa."
    "I'm Joe Bidenski."

    • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

      I'd vote for all of them, Katie.

    • YasserArraFeck

      You forgot "Joe O'Biden", courtesy of The Intellectual Face of the Frozen North

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Also missing: Ali bin Biden

        • Geminisunmars

          And Aga Biden

    • mrpuma2u

      "Watishiwa Joe Biden-san"

    • IonaTrailer

      "I'm Joe Biden-san"
      "Joe Bidengupta"
      "Joe Bidenpak"
      "Joe Bidenguyễn"

    • http://www.acepilots.com/wwi/can_bishop.html WABishop

      "I'm Zhou Bi Den."

      • bibliotequetress

        yesyes

  • Goonemeritus

    Obama defaults to his intellect, Biden defaults to his heart but fortunately for us neither of them has an evil bone in their bodies. To me Joe will always be Italian.

  • ElPinche

    Poor Ryan. In the debates, Joe's going to distract him with the silly, then kick him in his Ayn Rands.

  • Antispandex

    I think he just should have said, "I'm Joe Biden, and I like Greek too!" There's no way that could be misunderstood.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, if any Conservative had a sense of humor, Biden might be a drag on the ticket.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ Hey Joe
    Where ya goin' with that foot in your mouth? ♪

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Did he rub anyones shoulders? Did he pull on the wrong door and make a goofy W face? Did he ask "is our children learning?"?

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      No? he's not fucking stupid.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Did he say: "And?"

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I on & off watched convention festivities and never did think to look for the Ultimate Patriotical Symbol of a Flag Pin.
    Then I see Joe fist-pumping at the President and of course, notice right away, Barry's flag pin barely visible on his lapel.

    I like to think it's emblematic that, despite their efforts to vilify the guy, Repubs have made him and his goofy-league second-in-command even *more* Presidential in my eyes.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I so agree. To hold up under such horrifying attacks and language. Damn, they are da manz!!

      • miss_grundy

        It just goes to show how teaching children good manners will carry them through their lives. I look at the President and think of Jackie Robinson and how he had to put up with so much incivility in order to play baseball. Being the first minority in the White House has been a plus for this country but it has also shown us how far we have to go in order for everyone to be accepted. I think I'll just try to dwell on the positive….

  • PhilippePetain

    Do not watch that .gif with a hangover.

  • CrunchyKnee

    They still have Politico on the Internets?

  • Crank_Tango

    Something something, George Soros.

    • LibertyLover

      Something, Something Birth Certificate

    • LibertyLover

      Something, Something School Records.

      • Steverino247

        Like you can get somebody's school records without their permission. Give me a fucking break.

    • Geminisunmars

      Something sommmmm……[drool]

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    Then he asked if they saw the Golden Dawn convention down in Tampa.

  • LastGasp

    Approaching a table of men he knew to be African-American, he said "Whazzup, I'm BRO Biden!"
    Well I guess you had to be there…

  • kittensdontlie

    Yes, Joe is human, and this is why he is beloved.

  • Ducksworthy

    God Bless Joe Bidenopolous.

  • ttommyunger

    Thanks for cleaning it up, but I happen to know what he said was- "Hi, I'm Joey; is it true youse guys can't get a hard-on unless you smell shit? 'Cause if it is, I know who you'll be voting for….Ba da boom!

  • Guppy

    O'Baughma/Bidenopoulos '12!

  • DrunkIrishman

    I sense a new meme starting…

    I'm Joe Bideneli!

    I'm Joe Bidenstein!

    I'm Joe Bidentos!

  • rickmaci

    Biden vs. Ryan debate. Shanty Irish Joe vs. Lace Curtain Irish Paul. Joe is coming and he's coming angry. Be there.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Joe as Wahlberg/Sergeant Dignam, Ryan as DiCaprio/Billy Costigan. I'm liking it.

    • just_a_head

      Exactly right!

      Some of my best arguments have been with Irish fellows like Joe. A bit silly on the surface, but whip-smart underneath. Add a genuine love of debate for debate's sake, and they're unbeatable.

      I may be out of line, but a few sips of Jameson's might not be a bad idea.

      • rickmaci

        +1 on the Jameson. That's should be the official Wonkette drinking game on the night of the VP debate. One shot every time the VPOTUS whoops Ryan's ass on a point. The rest of the bottle when he makes him cry.

    • arihaya

      it will be the bloodiest Irish encounters since Brian Boru's civil war

  • Peckerwood_Pete

    Wasn't Joe Bidenopolis Emmanuel Lewis' dad on Webster?

    On a serious note… I really think Joe Biden missed his true calling as a comedy actor. I'd have loved to see a good 80s slapstick with Bill Murray, John Candy, and Joe Biden.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Really.
      I think "noun, verb and 9/11" was brilliant!

      (And I got the feeling that he's got a million of 'em.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    That's funny as hell and probably as old as democracy.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Joe's the motherfucking man. I'd be totally cool with Obamz getting kinda drunk on purpose and handing Biden the keys a few times a year. They both deserve it.

  • barto

    At the Epcot Center it's Jose Bidenarias (see post above this one)

  • bringmeanaxe

    Joe Biden reminds me of my dad: goofy jokes, bad puns, and a heart as big as the Grand Canyon.

    • iTuna

      Yeah, mine too.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Gaffer Joe! My favorite Vice-President since Henry Wallace. (I like dogs and Socialism, so.)

    Of course, Charles G. Dawes was the only Vice President ever to have written a hit popular song. Posthumously.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    To my people, he was always Joe Bidenowski.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Every. Single. Republican. that I know on Facebook is looking forward to seeing Ryan "mop the floor" with "Jo-jo" during the debates. All I ask is that Joe stop being so good-natured and really take Ryan's head off. I know he MUST have a residual well of anger buried deep within him that can be unleashed.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Never fear, Annie.
      Politicians don't get as far as he has without a good dose of killer instinct.
      There is a ferocious and razor-sharp intellect underneath that genial exterior.

  • arihaya

    Lucky the man on the table wasn't an Arab or Sikh, otherwise Joe bin Biden or Joe Singh Biden will make wingnuts assplode with anger

  • VeraSevera

    Can't wait to hear what Joe calls himself when he drops into my neighborhood gay bar.

    • bibliotequetress

      Wouldn't it be great if he just slipped off his wedding ring before going in?

  • Nostrildamus

    Report: Biden Determined to Boogie in US

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Release the Biden!!

  • Negropolis

    He will always be O'Biden, to me.

    BTW, did he joke about being unemployed? I hear that's a winner.

  • Negropolis

    I didn't "get" when Obama chose Joe, but I totally get it, now. Completely.

  • lulzmonger

    Greeks let you get away with this = YOU ARE HARDCORE.

    Biden has that thing where he's joky & nice – but you also wonder if he wouldn't channel LBJ hung over & on angel-dust behind closed doors, pick up a nearby office chair & make someone into his personal whiffle-ball with it if they crossed his ass.

    He also hits context like a boss & isn't anywhere near as goofy in a debate, so I suspect Paul Ryan might be about to have his ersatz wonk aura & earnest Amway charisma forcibly ensconced up his urethra.

    There's even an Interwebs rumor floating around now that something calling itself the Lulzmonger Post-Quantum Metapataphysics Council Of Lulzology will be awarding 9,009 EPIC WINZ0RZ bonus-points if Joltin' Joe makes Ryan cry.