THE LIBERAL COURTS RUINED THE WEEKEND  1:30 pm August 31, 2012

Judge Restores Early Voting To All Ohioans Because He Hates The Troops

by Jesse Taylor

now on weekends! one weekend! ...hopefully?The Obama campaign filed a lawsuit way back when, like last month or something, to claim that it was unconstitutional for Ohio to allow military voters early voting time in the three days before the election without extending the same time to all Ohio voters. Mitt Romney predictably lied about it, because the only things that come out of Mitt Romney’s mouth are nouns, verbs, and lies about the nouns and verbs he just used.

A federal district court judge ruled today that everyone in Ohio gets to vote the Saturday, Sunday and Monday before the election. YAY VOTING (BUT NOT FOR THE BLACK GUY, OKAY?)

IT IS FURTHER ORDERED that in-person early voting IS RESTORED on the three days immediately preceding Election Day for all eligible Ohio voters.  And specifically, for the purposes of the 2012 General Election, this Order restores in-person early voting to all eligible Ohio voters on Saturday, November 3, 2012; Sunday, November 4, 2012; and Monday, November 5, 2012.  This Court anticipates that Defendant Secretary of State will direct all Ohio elections boards to maintain a specific, consistent schedule on those three days, in keeping with his earlier directive that only by doing so can he ensure that Ohio’s election process is “uniform, accessible for all, fair, and secure.”

Interestingly, the Ohio Secretary of State tried to abolish all weekend voting, because fuck the troops in their well-muscled, tanned…be right back.

Phew. Yeah, anyway, because some negro-heavy counties got uppity, the SoS barred all weekend voting, which is now back on the last weekend before the election, because Ohio also argued that the weekend voting was absolutely necessary for some people until it wasn’t. This fight is not over, though, because it is now an almost certainty that Ohio will just burn all the voting machines but mysteriously find 900,000 ballots for Mitt Romney that survived the simultaneous 88-county blaze.

[ThinkProgress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 103 comments }

sbj1964 August 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Who runs the board of elections in Ohio Boss Hogg?

Terry August 31, 2012 at 2:09 pm

No, a guy that Boss Hogg considers to be a bit too crooked.

ColonelDoctor August 31, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Pretty much.

UW8316154 August 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

No worries. Mitt Romney has friends who own companies that make electronic voting machines.

eggsacklywright August 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Yep, that's plan B.

mbobier August 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Electronic voting machines are people, too, my friend

KeepFnThatChicken August 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

He'll even calculate the votes by clustering with the other voting machines.

Oblios_Cap August 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

because the only things that come out of Mitt Romney’s mouth are nouns, verbs, and lies about the nouns and verbs he just used.

Well, that's because his program was written by Diebold.

johnnyzhivago August 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Republicans are urged to bring peanuts to the polls to throw.

NorthStarSpanx August 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I doubt that guy was legit, Republicans would let animals go hungry – if it weren't for Newt Gingrich.

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:34 pm

The troops should get first crack at everything, just like in Sparta.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Helot libel?

OzoneTom August 31, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Let every un-burned vote count. Ohio has just the right hi-ness in the middle and roundness on both ends.

Generation[redacted] August 31, 2012 at 1:35 pm

But if we allow early voting, how can we possibly prevent voter fraud?

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Good point.

I know! Make everyone vote twice. If the votes don't match, you can toss them out!

rickmaci August 31, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Actually, if we allow ANY voting, how can we possibly prevent voter fraud?

A. Hitler

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Amusingly, the court’s opinion relies on the Supreme Court’s infamous decision in Bush v. Gore to reach this holding, citing Bush‘s statement that “[h]aving once granted the right to vote on equal terms, the State may not, by later arbitrary and disparate treatment, value one person’s vote over that of another.”

Irony lives after all…

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm

But it wasn't precedent! It wasn't supposed to be mentioned, ever again!

rickmaci August 31, 2012 at 1:43 pm

That citation to Bush v. Gore makes me think either there is a god or the judge who wrote the opinion has one wicked sense of irony, and maybe both.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I think the proper interpretation is : Suck it, Scalia!

MosesInvests August 31, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Get over it, Scalia!

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Well played, sir.

OneYieldRegular August 31, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Surely some company Bain that bought and then sent to China is busy at this moment printing up Romney ballots. If not, time's a wastin'.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:19 pm

If there's one thing computers have taught me, it's that ink isn't cheap.

Crank_Tango August 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Ah, Diebold.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Be Diebold, and mighty forces will come to your aid"

johnnyzhivago August 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Diebold's latest software release makes all these voter suppression tricks obsolete.

weejee August 31, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Must be made in Waukesha County, Wisconsin. They count their ballots so well.

One for the GOP, one in the trash, two for the GOP, three in the trash…

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Vote early , often, and electronically!

UW8316154 August 31, 2012 at 6:05 pm

With the new Diebold software, you don't even have to bother to do the "vote" part – the programming does it for you!

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 6:14 pm

int i; for(i = 0; i < 100; ++i) vote(Romney, Ryan);

Negropolis September 1, 2012 at 2:21 am

"In Soviet Russia…"

MacRaith August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

"This Court anticipates that Defendant Secretary of State will direct all Ohio elections boards to maintain a specific, consistent schedule on those three days…"

This Court is an optimist, I see. This Commenter anticipates that Defendant Secretary of State will issue no such directive.

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Looks like the New Black Panthers will be getting some sweet sweet overtime.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Jerbs, jerbs, jerbs.

MilwaukeeKent August 31, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Both of them?

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Why vote at all, isn't it Mitt's time?

Let's make America the new Downton Abbey.

no_gravity August 31, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Ok, but only if Mittens is the gamy legged Bates.

viennawoods13 August 31, 2012 at 4:27 pm

No, Bates is a nice guy!! Mitt gets to be the sneaky footman.

LastGasp August 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Good news: Early voting was restored.
Bad news: All the voting machines are at 123 Fake Street.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:24 pm

True story- I had a friend in Cleveland when I was in grad school- she lived on Random Road. The directions to her party ended with "Turn left at Random"

viennawoods13 August 31, 2012 at 4:28 pm

A teacher at a neighbouring school lived at 69 Head Street. No lie.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Say no more!

Negropolis September 1, 2012 at 2:23 am

No foolin', the main street in the suburban Detroit city of Troy is Big Beaver Road, and it's freeway exit is 69, and the city hall is ringed with decorative stone beavers.

deanbooth August 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Where they will burn all the voting machines.

Inflammable means flammable? Ugh, what a country!

Pap Finn August 31, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Humanity invented written law to restrain thuggish fucks like today's Repukes. It occasionally even works. Hurrah for that judge.

pdiddycornchips August 31, 2012 at 2:25 pm

And eventually end up in front of the Roberts court. Good thing they can be counted on to consistently uphold the law. Wait, what?

Pap Finn August 31, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Dude, you're harshing my 'equal justice under law' fantasies!

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2012 at 1:39 pm

"this Order restores in-person early voting to all eligible Ohio voters on Saturday, November 3, 2012; Sunday, November 4, 2012; and Monday, November 5, 2012. "

"Black folks, however, can do their early voting on the weekend of November 10th, 11th, and 12th."

Slim_Pickins August 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm

But if they can't be trusted to vote Republican why should they be allowed to vote at all?

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Hereinafter referred to as "legitimate voting"- Todd Akins

FlownOver August 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Kris K. Kobach, is that you?

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Is anyone else concerned that Staples got the job of printing the ballots?

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:39 pm

If they wanted the fetish vote they could have gone with Kinkos.

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 4:18 pm

They were all tied up.

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The GOP really doesn't like the right to vote.

weejee August 31, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron?

T3rbo August 31, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I heard on Glennnn Beck, though, that the voting machines in white precincts were going to be just new black panther party members in disguise that will just whack whitey on the head with a Koran when they try to vote. Why does Obama hate freedom?

tihond August 31, 2012 at 1:42 pm

THE JUDICIARY IS IN THE TANK!

fartknocker August 31, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Diebold has just received a P.O. from the Mitt for El Jefe campaign ordering the latest upload the current upgrades to bias voting machines.

I find it interesting that different Federal judges in different judicial districts have ruled this week that Texas and Ohio cannot enact laws that screw the rights of voters. If anything is learned from this election it is the Citizen United vs. FEC is one fucked up law and it's got to be changed.

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Fox Breaking: Why won't Obama let our Patriotic Men and Women in Uniform vote?

MissTaken August 31, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Vote Early, Vote Often!

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Vote Oily! Vote Romney!

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Spend Early, Spend Often!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 31, 2012 at 1:46 pm

But if you allow people to vote, how will Republicans win?

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:41 pm

This is why god made super pacs

anniegetyerfun August 31, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I'm thrilled that that three-judge panel in Washington DC also told Texas to fuck off and stop being such racist wads of rancid jizz.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-secu

emmelemm August 31, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I don't understand.

Am I allowed to view this as good news, or do I just have to start worrying about rigged voting machines immediately?

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

You have thirty seconds, starting……nnnnnnnnnnnnnnow.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 31, 2012 at 2:16 pm

There is no reason to worry about rigged voting machines. The Republicans have already taken care of that.

emmelemm August 31, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You're not helping! Don't make me raise my eyebrow.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Northern Ohio is a haven for tree hugging commie hippie queers who do vote. I was in grad school there and have friends who still are. Fear not! This is a Good Thing(tm)

Lot_49 August 31, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Just imagine if we made voting a legitimate function of government instead of something conducted by party hacks loyalists for nominal compensation. Just imagine if we had uniform standards nationwide for who can vote and who can't. Just imagine if we had a reliable identity verification system nationwide, instead of leaving it to Patty and Selma to decide who can vote and who can get on airplane on 9/11.

Christ, it sounds like Europe! Who'd want that?

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:44 pm

(Raises hand)

SexySmurf August 31, 2012 at 1:48 pm

OT From US magazine (where I get all my political news):

"More Americans watched TLC's controversial reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on Wednesday night than the Republican National Convention."

Maybe those people thought they were watching the convention.

Eve8Apples August 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Honey Boo Boo/Snooki 2016!

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Well now that Jersey Shore has been cancelled maybe Snooki will be making her way into politics.

Eve8Apples August 31, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Her platform — free tanning and breast augmentation for everyone.

CthuNHu August 31, 2012 at 2:09 pm

At least Honey Boo Boo doesn't talk to chairs and lie constantly.

Okay, I'm assuming here, but I feel pretty safe betting that a trailer-born-and-bred six-year-old has more sanity, class and honesty than the few thousand most powerful Republicans in the country.

kittensdontlie August 31, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Romney is gonna need Honey Boo Boo's endorsement if he is going to win this thing.

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I watched Air Chair Boo Boo

x111e7thst August 31, 2012 at 1:48 pm

arrest them for VWB (voting while black)

Dr. Nick Riviera August 31, 2012 at 1:48 pm

This is why lawyers shouldn't be president.

mavenmaven August 31, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Send in O'Keefe!

Eve8Apples August 31, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Karl Rove just added that federal district court judge to his hit list. Oh, and Karl would like you to send him some more money. It costs money to buy guns, bullets, rope, cement blocks, tarp, duct tape, and the silence of local law enforcement.

MissTaken August 31, 2012 at 1:52 pm

But if everyone is allowed to vote early how will our men and women in uniform feel special?

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Fuck it, they're heroes already. What more do they want?

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Health insurance for life?

T3rbo August 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm
SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 1:59 pm

PTSD and a higher chance of being homeless than the general population?

KeepFnThatChicken August 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

This is good news for Diebold!

Baconzgood August 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Voting is for suckers.

calliecallie August 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Ohio in 2004 they totally screwed with the votes so Bush would win. Not enough ballots in the urban and campus precincts, not enough machines, long lines, late night, people got discouraged and went home without voting.

I really hope this early voting will make that impossible. Which only leaves Diebold. Sigh.

glasspusher August 31, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Rilly. I moved from Ohio to Florida in oct 2000, so I saw that disaster. In 2004 I hoped against hope that my old county, cuyahoga, could pull it out, but alas not, because of the above :(

ManchuCandidate August 31, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Black, um, Urban voters and Romney's losing,
We've desperate for something.
This summer I hear the crying,
No voting in Ohio.

Gotta get down to it
Urbans are voting us out
(Libs say) Should have been done long ago.
What if you hate them
And found them running the place
How can you serve the rich, you know?

ttommyunger August 31, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Republicans! Dontcha just love 'em?

owhatever August 31, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Let the poorz vote? Not a good idea.

DahBoner August 31, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Great news guys! Diebold's home office is in Ohio, so you know Romney's victory in Oho is safe with them…

SpeedoFart August 31, 2012 at 3:30 pm

No snark, just smiling because at least there's a couple of judges out there who aren't bat shit insane.

deanbooth August 31, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I hate these fuckers every day of the week.

mrblifil August 31, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Show me in the Constitution where it tells you you get to vote!

MilwaukeeKent August 31, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Someday they'll run out of actual shit like this to throw at the democratic process and resort to throwing each other. They can't win fair and square so they have to fix the system to their own advantage. The thing is, all their devious little schemes — The K Street Project and the Permanent Majority, the US Attorney meddling, etc. — eventually blow up in their faces or are exposed. Meanwhile they're desperately trying to figure out how to undo 50 years of demonizing Blacks and 30 years of demonizing Latinos. Too late, you self-defeating Fucks. The GOP convention looked like the audience of The Lawrence Welk show. Not everyone is 73 and white and not everyone who's 73 and white is a paranoid, selfish bigot. Time is not on their side.
Notice how every speaker the last three days gave a shout-out to the Tea Party? I didn't either.

Negropolis September 1, 2012 at 2:30 am

This nation needs federal election reform like crazy, and no one seems to care. I mean, simple things like a voting holiday/weekend elections, alone, would be a huge improvement, as would standardizing equipment and such.

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