TODAY IN MURDER  12:45 pm August 31, 2012

Karl Rove To Murder Todd Akin, Maybe

by Jim Newell

Spiking the footballYesterday Karl Rove met with a group of billionaires in a secret room in Tampa, where he suggested that murdering Todd Akin might be an appropriate means of delivering his party to higher, more Senate-controlling vistas. It’s about time Karl Rove considered this, the murder of Todd Akin. Wasn’t it sort of obvious…?

From Bloomberg Businessweek:

On the final morning of the Republican National Convention, Karl Rove took the stage at the Tampa Club to provide an exclusive breakfast briefing to about 70 of the Republican party’s highest-earning and most powerful donors. During the more than hour-long session, Rove explained to an audience dotted with hedge fund billionaires and investors—including John Paulson and Wilbur Ross—how his super PAC, American Crossroads, will persuade undecided voters in crucial swing states to vote against Barack Obama. He also detailed plans for Senate and House races, and joked, “We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts!”

Then Rove pleaded with his audience for more money—much more.

No, sorry, no, no money until you come back with Todd Akin’s head on a pike, you twit.

[BB]

 
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{ 159 comments }

bumfug August 31, 2012 at 12:47 pm

It's a good beginning but why stop with Todd Akin?

Designer_Rants August 31, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I like where you're going with this… I'm seeing red-state rivers running red with Republican blood.
.
.
.
Kidding! Murder is funny!

Ayn Rand Paul Tard August 31, 2012 at 1:27 pm

As long as you refer the breaking their bones with votes, decapitating them with votes, burning the remains with votes, then scattering the ashes to the voting winds, it's all good!

Designer_Rants August 31, 2012 at 1:32 pm

…and the rivers run red with Republican blood… with votes!

You're right! It works. Them Republicans have a rule that gets them out of everything.

anniegetyerfun August 31, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Wait, so Rove had a good idea?

Lot_49 August 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Probably focus-grouped it with Frank Luntz before presenting it. That guy is one evil fucking genius.

Peckerwood_Pete August 31, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Yeah, but unless it's forcible murder, he probably won't die from it…

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

The body has ways of protecting itself from legitimate murder.

Peckerwood_Pete August 31, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Mine does. It's called Judo!

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Yea, I know judo, karate and three other Japanese words.

Peckerwood_Pete August 31, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Cool. I went down on a Japanese women once. Or… maybe she was Korean. You can never fucking tell.

Baconzgood August 31, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Saying that will get his post deleted on Wonkette.

Peckerwood_Pete August 31, 2012 at 1:12 pm

why?

el_donaldo August 31, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Did Newell actually suggest impaling Akin's skull with a long, stiff implement?

Chet Kincaid_ August 31, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Tired trope is tired. I saw at least 3 people wish a very straightforward, non-ironic rape on Akin when this all broke out last week, so let your murder fantasies fly.

Negropolis September 1, 2012 at 2:34 am

Does it involve a bleached cranium and a piece of male anatomy?

boobookitteh August 31, 2012 at 12:49 pm

It's funny because it's true.

DaSandman August 31, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Only if Turd Blossom's head is on the pike next to Akin's. They'd look handsome together and their heads could keep one another company.

weejee August 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

The crows would scorn them as pickings.

Biff August 31, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Now that you mention it, he does remind me of Piggy from Lord of the Flies…

FakaktaSouth August 31, 2012 at 12:50 pm

See this is why we won't get anywhere. Karl gets to say he wants people dead outright and we are stuck wanting to flail away on people with votes like law-abiders.

Jus_Wonderin August 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I think we need a code. I used to call my Aunt Mrytle Aunt Murder. Of course, I was like 2. But…henceforth Murder is to be switched with Myrtle.

Example of usage: "Just Wondering if I can myrtle Karl Rove?"

Geminisunmars August 31, 2012 at 1:09 pm

FYI: Hadassah means mrytle. So we can Hadassah some Karl?

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:19 pm

So Droopy Dawg Lieberman wife's name is Murder???? Or Myrtle? I'm so confused now.

Jus_Wonderin August 31, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Hadassah Lieberman.

Geminisunmars August 31, 2012 at 1:29 pm

That's right. That explains a lot, doesn't it?

emmelemm August 31, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I like it.

Generation[redacted] August 31, 2012 at 1:49 pm

We're just strangers on a blog. Criss-cross.

Guppy August 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Just wait until S&W announces two new models: the Franchise and the Electorate.

OneYieldRegular August 31, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Was he talking about legitimate or illegitimate murder?

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 1:16 pm

As long as he's not suggesting illiterate murder. That's 3/4 of their base gone in one hit.

WhatTheHeck August 31, 2012 at 2:08 pm

If its legitimate murder, the body has ways of suppressing the bullet, thereby canceling the original intent.

Oblios_Cap August 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

The last good Karl was Marx.

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2012 at 1:10 pm

What, no love for Karl Hungus?

el_donaldo August 31, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Well, with notable exceptions for Karl Popper and Karl Urban, the guy who played Bones in Abrams's Star Trek. Other than that, yes.

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

And more importantly, played Cupid, Julius Caesar and several other characters on Hercules and Xena. Oh and some role in a couple movies about short people and orcs.

el_donaldo August 31, 2012 at 1:46 pm

He probably hangs out in the New Zealand airport with a sandwich board: "Filming a fantasy epic? Kiwi actor. Owns own sword, sandals."

WhatTheHeck August 31, 2012 at 2:43 pm

And then there was Karl Karcher who turned eating a burger into a sexual fantasy.

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I'd like to ask Mr Rove a couple questions about Vince Foster.

rmjagg August 31, 2012 at 2:45 pm

and paul wellstone

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Hooray! Today is Bird Friday!

This is a pretty Green Heron. http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/7900752

This is a Bird that you have probably never seen because it only lives in the real America. http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Buff-breasted_

Buff-Breasted Sandpiper: It's a Near Threatened species :( http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/7827094

and lastly, this was the hardest picture in the world to take.
It's a Black Tern, but he has his Winter Pajamas on now. http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/7827095

And Karl Rove is a terrible DAD!

eggsacklywright August 31, 2012 at 1:01 pm

My favorite bird is the small-breasted cocksucker.

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Weirdo!

mrpuma2u August 31, 2012 at 2:15 pm

This site consists mainly of weirdos. I think I saw that sandpiper one this spring, which I thought was an immature killdeer. Believe it or not, green herons are reasonably common in the actual city limits of Chicago.

evoshandor August 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

You mean someone mated with Rove? There aren't bags big enough, music loud enough or fantasy rich enough to block out the experience of Rove on top of you, grunting away…

orygoon August 31, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I like birds. I like pictures.

Good on you!

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:29 pm

U R good 2!

emmelemm August 31, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Thank you! Very nice Friday photos.

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:29 pm

U R good person!

el_donaldo August 31, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Nice heron pic! The others are nice too, but I'm fond of herons, green, blue, AND night.

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:28 pm
MosesInvests August 31, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Ah, my spirit guide! Thanks, DW!

Baconzgood August 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

They look delicious.

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:29 pm

U R bad person!

Limeylizzie August 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I love birds, so beautiful, we have lots of finches that feed on our deck and one yesterday was sitting on a planter just staring at me and it only had one eye, it was adorable, nor scared at all I think I could have fed it by hand. They fly in our house all the time, we have a wooden A-Frame so the whole front of it is glass and if we have the doors open they come in and fly around, our ceilings are about 25 ft high so they just whirl around and then eventually fly back out.

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Birds are GREAT!
One of your Flickr shots might be a Pine Siskin.

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I looked at it again. No, you're right, it's a Finch.

Limeylizzie August 31, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Which one? Is it that beautiful reddish one, I love him. We are in So. Cal do they live there?

DerrickWildcat August 31, 2012 at 2:10 pm

http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/pine_siskin/id

In Winter Pine Siskins and Female Finches are dang near impossible to tell a part. Even worse is that their ranges overlap big time and they both show up to feeders. The main difference is their bill. Finch bills are heavier because they're for crackin' seeds. Siskin bills are narrower because they sneak them into Pine cones for little seeds.

IonaTrailer August 31, 2012 at 2:50 pm

My sister has an indoor ledge on her window and outside a bird-feeder. It's Cat TV!

(The kitties don't go outside)

Biff August 31, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Nice pictures of birds, but where are the pictures of shit?

RadioBowels August 31, 2012 at 2:29 pm

So is that one of those chickenhawks in the post?

Arborista August 31, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Great photos! Happy Friday!

fuflans September 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm

i know next to nothing about birds.

i LOVE bird friday.

thankyou for these.

JerkCade August 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"Will no one rid me of this meddlesome hayseed?"

CthuNHu August 31, 2012 at 2:10 pm

No one could have predicted…

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Well murdering politicians who became politically inconvenient worked so well for the Romans.

ThankYouJeebus August 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Karl must have forgotten that Missouri is where John Ashcroft (R-Afraid of Boobs) lost his race to a dead guy.

IncenseDebate August 31, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Now I see the genius behind this plan. Kill Akin, and he wins as a dead guy in Missouri. There's precedence for it!

RRoccoco August 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Karl Rove, human sacrifice, collection plate. What is the Satanic Mass?

Jeopardy!

Mumbletypeg August 31, 2012 at 12:54 pm

What is in the water down there?!

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Oil dispersant.

Generation[redacted] August 31, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Fracking chemicals and coal mine runoff.

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

“We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts!”

Why should he worry? Him and his buds murdered several thousand soldiers and a whole slew of brown people, not even "mysteriously", and they are all still walking around free.

ChernobylSoup August 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Akin dead, Rove in jail. Win/win.

IonaTrailer August 31, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I'm surprised Akin is STILL alive. I predicted Rove was calling in a hit last week when Akin JUST WOULDN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP.

GemlikeFlame August 31, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I suspect a Supreme Court ruling would find that was cruel and unusual punishment…

…for the other inmates. Now, solitary, and you got yourself a deal.

MissTaken August 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

“We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts!”

Sanctity of Life!

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Silly, Akin's already born, therefore his life isn't important and "sacred" like that of a blastocyst.

ChernobylSoup August 31, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Less than 70 days until the election. Who do they expect to replace Akin with?

weejee August 31, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Jesse James?

eggsacklywright August 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

The Nuge?

Not_So_Much August 31, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Hologram Reagan?

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Eastwood's Empty Chair?

Generation[redacted] August 31, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Caligula's horse?

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

He had a name, you know; Incitatus. And was probably a better Senator than say, Jim Inhofe, or than Akin would be.

Jus_Wonderin August 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

"I've got this thing and it's effing golden!!"

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 1:31 pm

The cryogenically frozen head of Walt Disney?

billy_reuben August 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Hitler?

FlownOver August 31, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer… Dead!

Not_So_Much August 31, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?! NO!

mrpuma2u August 31, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2012 at 12:57 pm

REDRUM!

eggsacklywright August 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

This ties in nicely with the tricycle factory.

Mumbletypeg August 31, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Not even kidding: What came to my mind was not..Scatman Crothers' voicing his line, but David Spade on "Just Shoot Me" doing an imitation or adaptation as he froze in terror:
"I just got what some folks call the Shine!"

Surely Akin was feeling it right about this time, too.

widestanceromance August 31, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Akin strikes me as more of a floater.

kittensdontlie August 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Given enough cinder blocks, he'll sink….and if Rove mysteriously disappears with him, all the better.

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Barbour made the final pitch. “You all give so unbelievably generously. But you know what, I don’t have any compunction about looking you in the eye and asking for more,” he said. He compared the importance of a donation to American Crossroads in this cycle to donations made to “the charity hospital” or a “big not-for-profit cancer research program that you give to.”

Yeah, because contributing your money for attack ads is exactly like treating sick people.

Asshole.

widestanceromance August 31, 2012 at 1:01 pm

From the looks of Barbour, he has never had any compunction about asking for seconds of anything.

Generation[redacted] August 31, 2012 at 1:22 pm

It's just like contributing to hospitals and cancer research, if the mission of hospitals and cancer research centers was to cut all funding for cancer screening and treatment.

weejee August 31, 2012 at 12:58 pm

♪♫ Rove-er hill, Rove-er dale,
As they hit the money trail,
As Karl's PAC keeps a rolling along…♫♪

tihond August 31, 2012 at 12:58 pm

And if you find a dick in Jeff Gannon's mouth, don't come looking for Karl Rove, also.

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:20 pm

If I found a dick in Gannon's mouth, I wouldn't come. Period.

eggsacklywright August 31, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Rove the Goebbels clone is lower than halibut shit. Will he never see the inside of a jail?

IncenseDebate August 31, 2012 at 1:01 pm

If this were a game of Clue:
It was Rove in the library with Condi's dildo.

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Speak softly and carry a big stick…

hagajim August 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I wish that asshat would just fucking die. He and Grover Norquist are both toxic cancers.

Nibbler of Niblonia August 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

legitimate murder?

eggsacklywright August 31, 2012 at 1:45 pm

DOJ says it's OK if you belong to the right organization.

SorosBot August 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I don't know why we'd think Rove capable of murder, I mean it's not like he's ever committed any crimes for pure political gain like say revealing the identity of a covert CIA agent as revenge against her husband.

eggsacklywright August 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I seen on the innertubes that Rove is a pedo.

Biff August 31, 2012 at 2:36 pm

He's never denied it.

Beowoof August 31, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Oh you know he meant to say Todd Aiken sleeps with the fishes. And the criminal syndicate will control America again.

Tundra Grifter August 31, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Where does Karl Rover get that John Adams haircut?

dmnolan August 31, 2012 at 6:49 pm

It's a weave.

Tundra Grifter August 31, 2012 at 7:15 pm

In Karl's case, a Wove.

[If he were Blah, it would be an extension.]

sbj1964 August 31, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Even Chuck Norris gives Karl Rove a wide berth.

fartknocker August 31, 2012 at 1:09 pm

If there was ever a justification for kicking the SCOTUS judges in their collective nutsacks for affirming Citizens United versus FEC, the article from Business Week confirms it. Haley Barbour's statements about Mitt are a very scary assessment of the GOP candidate for POTUS.

MacRaith August 31, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Of course, if Akin does wind up mysteriously dead all the right-wing bloggers will denounce Rove as a liberal. Because, you know, only liberals are violent.

Poindexter718 August 31, 2012 at 1:11 pm

For me the choicest part of the article was T-blossom saying they need additional cash to "deal with the gender gap issue."
No doubt these characters believe that can be accomplished by heading to Cosco and buying 140m doses of Midol.

Generation[redacted] August 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Dealing with the gender gap issue is exactly what got Todd Akin in trouble.

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Fuck, why not?

I's not like murder was ever OFF the table for Rove and his henchmen.

Oblios_Cap August 31, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Then Rove pleaded with his audience for more money—much more.

What a surprise.

kittensdontlie August 31, 2012 at 1:50 pm

'More money or more will be swimming with Todd…', implied a maniacally laughing Rove.

metamarcisf August 31, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Rove is dead-on. Only instead of Akin, read McCaskill

billy_reuben August 31, 2012 at 1:17 pm

“We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts!”

Finally, a Rove plan I can get behind. Who said bipartisanship is dead?

Fox n Fiends August 31, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Just get Akin an empty chair and your problem is solved.

actor212 August 31, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Wow. Did he just threaten a sitting Congressman?

I'm not sure which is worse: Rove threatening Akin or Eastwood threatening to slit Obama's throat…

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Obama promised to heal the planet, Rove promised to kill people, Romney promised to … zzzzzzz ….

BTWBFDIMHO August 31, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Just blame that girl with the Kennedy bumper sticker on her bike.

mavenmaven August 31, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I suppose he will "take him on a hunting trip"

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm

That's Cheney's way. Rove will have Sean Hannity do the hit for him, to keep his hands clean.

HistoriCat August 31, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Fishing trip – it was good enough for Fredo.

ManchuCandidate August 31, 2012 at 1:21 pm

All it took was one incredibly boneheaded (but not surprising) remark on rape to undo the bajillions the GOPers wanted to use to save the US Amercia for themselves.

Todd Akin, US Amercian "hero", GOPer zero.

Mittens Howell, III August 31, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Meet murder-blossom.

Generation[redacted] August 31, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Sorry, I spent all morning arguing with an empty chair. What's going on now?

Jus_Wonderin August 31, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Is an empty chair the new sign post?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

The empty chair is still leading the empty suit in the polls.

Dildeaux August 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm

CAUSE JOKIN BOUT MURDER IS FUNNY DAMMIT!

dennis1943 August 31, 2012 at 1:31 pm

When are the fundies going to realize……no,I guess that would require critical thinking…..

keepwalkin August 31, 2012 at 1:31 pm

REDRUM!!
REDRUM!!

alzronnie August 31, 2012 at 1:32 pm

The DNC should hire bodyguards for Todd. Black bodyguards–they are very afraid of the blacks.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Great, now all I have in my head is a vision of Rove doing the Dance of the Seven Veils and asking Akin to kiss him.

CarnyTrash August 31, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I'm pretty sure that's Riff Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture Show in the image above.

KeepFnThatChicken August 31, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I wonder if Karl has any insight on the murder Glenn Beck committe–…

uh…

Damn, I hate not being able to talk about that toe-headed crybaby. Is he still on the interwebs?

DahBoner August 31, 2012 at 2:15 pm

You do what you gotta do, they don't give you the key to the Treasury because you're "nice"…

iburl August 31, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Mike Connell's family probably doesn't think Karl's joke is too funny. http://www.freepress.org/departments/display/19/2

owhatever August 31, 2012 at 2:34 pm

The money men all laughed and laughed, because to not laugh might land them on the fat man's hit list. Write the check, asshole. Assassins don't work for free.

ttommyunger August 31, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I have willingly shook the hand of certain convicted murderers, rapists, burglars and thieves. I would avoid touching Karl Rove with my bare skin under all circumstances. In the case of the former, there was always some redeeming characteristic or attribute. I can't imagine that being possible with Rove.

1stNewtontheMoon August 31, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Krazy Karl's too sly for that shit. He has contractors for that kind of job. Besides, it's hard to hold a gun when you're covered in santorum 92% of the time.

pdiddycornchips August 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Hedge fund billionaires just want to pay less taxes. They don't give a shit about the rest of it. They fund the cultural wars and the voter fraud shit because it helps them elect people who will ensure they pay less taxes. Smaller government, eliminating the department of Education and whatever other shit the Republicans say they want to do when they get in power never actually happen. What does happen consistently and without fail? Hedge fund billionaires get tax breaks. If you want to really fix the economy, it starts with making the people in that room less comfortable.

Joneses August 31, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Hey, the NRA jokes all the time.

TribecaMike August 31, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Suicide is another option, Karl.

dmnolan August 31, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Why does everyone here write so fast?

Barrelhse August 31, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Here's the update- Akins' response. http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/akins

TribecaMike August 31, 2012 at 9:48 pm

That's rich, pardon the pun.

Negropolis September 1, 2012 at 2:33 am

What he doesn't realize is how incredibly and realistically ominous this sounds coming from him. It's like an admission.

BoatOfVelociraptors September 1, 2012 at 8:18 am

Neither are they.

Limeylizzie August 31, 2012 at 2:17 pm

OK I will try to get a pic of one, they are only about 6 inches away from me as I sit on the deck, so should be able to do that. We have a huge pine tree below us , so could well be.

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