it's the final countdown

And Now We Shall Live-Bloog The Ultimate Of Everything, Tampa-Styley

dumbyaWHOA WHOA WHOA you guys, we stole someone’s credential and sneaked our ass in to this … place, with all the … people … and here is Jeb Bush all up in our grill talking about the greatness that is George W. Bush. So that is happening. Guess we will be starting this fucker … NOW.

8 PM ish — Did you know that when it comes to the excellent governing of George W. Bush, Barack Obama did not build that? Ol’ Jebby’s pretty mad that someone would say mean things about his brother, like that the economy was not good under him and such. How dare you sirrah? How dare you not take responsibility for everything that happened while George W. Bush was “keeping us safe” (except for that tiny time when he forgot.)

8:14 or so — Now Jeb Bush is listing all the kinds of milk, like Rick Santorum listed all the kinds of hands. Cow milk and mouse milk and cat milk from tiny cat nipples, it is just an excellent metaphor for something, we were not really listening as to what that something might have been.

8:18 — Jebby said “Scott Walker” and the crowd here jizzed itself, with semen, in its pants. And speaking of google-eyed homunculuses, we just met Charles P. Pierce!

8:26 — Would you like to see a video of Chris Matthews eating a sandwich? YOU WOULD? Fuckin’ A, this is your lucky day!

8:32 — Here is a picture from the Tweeter, of Mitt Romney “looking at his speech.” What do you think is in his hand? Is it dim sum? Is it a corn cob? It is a used condom, right?

8:38 — And here are a lovely couple of olds, and we adore them. He was a man of modest means, a professional firefighter. Quick, everyone punch a firefighter in the face for receiving a government pension!

8:46 — This bummer of a couple of stories seems like an odd way to prove Mitt Romney is not an inhuman android-man! Now everyone pull up your chairs and listen close to these wonderful stories about dying sons and babies. Everybody, kill yourself, and vote for Mitt Romney!

8:51 — Would you like to see a picture of Charlie Pierce and your Editrix? Damn, is there anything you want that you are not getting tonight? It is like we are reading your mind!

8:56 — Deehan, who not only took the fine pic above but also did the fabulous film Chris Matthews Eats A Sandwich, has now suggested a movie treatment: ’80s execs spread around Manhattan to find a college girl on X. It stars Steve Guttenberg.

8:58 — OK cool, that guy is done talking about how Mitt Romney is great because it only cost him $1.3 billion in taxpayer muneez to build the Olympics, and also when a girl went missing he did not even say, “Well fellows, I suppose we should just let her die.” MITT FOR EMPEROR! CHOOSE LIFE!

9:10 — Your Editrix cannot understand this Mexican person. Couldn’t they have found an American to do this job? Instead of listening, let us steal some blog from Andrew Sullivan, who has seen Mitt Romney’s speech and calls it “spectacularly vacuous.”

What we have been allowed to see is so spectacularly vacuous, I really don’t know what to say. There is also a huge lie to start with:

Four years ago, I know that many Americans felt a fresh excitement about the possibilities of a new president. That president was not the choice of our party but Americans always come together after elections. We are a good and generous people who are united by so much more than divides us.

In the middle of the worst recession since the 1930s, in his first weeks in office, the GOP monolithically voted against his stimulus, including the third of it which was tax cuts. They even opposed tax cuts because Obama proposed them! Mitch McConnell said the following out loud:

“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.”

There’s more of course. You could read it! Some of us have blogger ethics and do not steal other people’s entire posts unless we really feel like it.

9:27 PM – Lady Rebecca’s internet is down, so this is Jesse stepping in to help her. Okay, let’s see what this…OH FUCK MY FACE TAYLOR HICKS GODDAMMIT.

9:31 PM – It is time for Olympians, but only ones you haven’t heard of. I will assume they’ll all talk about how great it is that Romney saved the Olympics in 2002. Or wait, no, this is apparently about women? What in the deuce does this have to do with anything?

9:34 PM – There are now a lot of Olympians onstage, presumably waiting for the free condoms that come whenever more than five Olympians are in the same place. Joke’s on them – that’s abortion at the RNC.

9:37 PM – Mike Eruzione, hero of the Miracle on Ice, is here to tell us about how Mitt Romney saved the 2002 Olympics, by doing many things that sound vaguely good. I hope there is a Disney movie made of this speech.

9:40 PM – A short Mexican is speaking now. That’s not racist. That’s how he described himself.

9:42 PM – Unlike Romney’s hired help, this is a Mexican Mitt will admit was around his home.

9:47 — It is I, your Editrix, and I have internet again! You guys, we don’t know if you know how it feels to be a Jew surrounded by 15,000 people spitting USA at the top of their lungs, but it is fascist and scary! And we didn’t even have any internet to run to your warm virtual arms for a soothing hug! WE WERE SO ALONE.

9:50 — So it is Clint Eastwood time, right? What a great surprise, just truly stupendously exciting and great. HEY WHO CAN WE FIND who is 82 YEARS OLD and MAKES BIZARRELY MEAN-SPIRITED FILMS like that awful Changeling, and then Play Misty for Me, which was hilarious. Did you know that in the ’70s, nighttime jazz station DJs lived in perfect beach apartments in Carmel and drove Jaguars and shit? Christ that was a stupid movie.

9:55 — Maybe it is not Clint Eastwood time? That would be a relief, we frankly do not care for his “mean old man” shtick. But what is this? How good is Miff Romney at not doing exactly the wrong thing no matter what? (NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.)

9:58 — Mitt’s family were refugees from a revolution? Is this a thing they have said before? Has anybody heard this? Is he talking about something besides the fact that they moved to Mexico so they could remain polygamists? SOMEONE TELL ME. TELL ME NOW.

10:02 — Yeah, here is Old Crotchety. Wooo, and cetera. Gone Hollywood!

10:04 — Oh, it is Clint Eastwood who is going to fire Obama then? Sorry, Trumpy. SAD FACE. And the crowd applauds for “23 million unemployed people in this country.”

BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DO.

10:07 — Yes, interviewing an empty chair and a teleprompter is MUCH BETTER STAGECRAFT than firing an Obama impersonator, especially how it is unscripted? ACES CALL, Convention producers. Just tops!

10:13 — I have nothing to say about this. I am without words.

10:17 PM – Jesse again. I mean, seriously, I cannot process Marco Rubio’s complete sentences. My entire life is just old men stuttering at chairs now.

10:19 PM – Rubio says Obama won’t take this nation forward. Okay, yeah, good, but let’s discuss the fact that Dirty Harry just spit hot fiery verbal diarrhea all over a $2.5 million stage.

10:21 PM – “America was founded on the principle that every person has God-given rights.” Except [insert all non-white men here].

10:25 PM – Marco Rubio starts apologizing for the economic downturn, which, again, is Obama’s fault. This is just tiresome. We get it. Obama did lots of terrible things that made everything bad in our lives happen, and he should fix it. Except that we should not depend on government for anything. This needs more off-message old men.

10:28 PM – THIS CROWD LOVES PEOPLE WHO STAND BEHIND PODIUMS.

10:30 PM – It’s almost Mitt time! Thank Jebus, because Rubio’s largely vacuous populism is wearing incredibly thin. But he does have the slightly fatted jaw of a toddler, and a shiny tie.

10:30 PM – MITT! He enters down an aisleway like it’s the State of the Union, except that there’s this weird thing where he’s kind of shoving people away but trying to pretend it’s a hug.

10:36 PM – Mitt finally gets to the stage and accepts the nomination. Good night everyone!

10:38 PM – Oh, fuck, Mitt is still talking. Do you know how much SoCo I just downed? Also, Paul Ryan loves his mom, haha, what a little fuck.

10:39 PM – Mitt firmly places the freedom to build a business above all other freedoms, which the Founders would be totes surprised by.

10:40 PM – The delivery on this speech is so bizarre. Mitt has the same smirk no matter the line.

10:44 PM – Mitt’s entire speech is about how things are terrible and should be better, and then…? I think we can take it for granted that Mitt is always on call to give America a reacharound whenever necessary, but I think we need to know exactly what kind America gets. Lotion? Fast? Slow?

10:48 PM – This is the least  genuine any person has ever sounded talking about their own parents.

10:49 PM – Mitt Romney loves women and love and America, except when any of those things want to assert actual control of themselves in ways he doesn’t approve. Sounds like a compromise!

10:51 PM – Thus far, Mitt Romney has made a convincing case that he is not Jerry Sandusky, which was one of his biggest potential liabilities.

10:53 PM – I’m seriously kind of boggled that this is the RNC speech Mitt Romney is giving. And his anti-Obama punchlines are not landing as hard as he’d like, mainly because it’s weird when people pivot from showing you family photos to shitting on a dude.

10:57 PM – After 20 minutes, Mitt Romney is slowly, grudgingly moving toward talking about what he might do as President, maybe. But first, another ten minutes of how Barack Obama hates success in all its myriad Caucasian forms.

10:59 PM – Mitt is doing a good job at lying sort of generally in ways that Morning Joe will fawn over rather than lying specifically in ways that Morning Joe will steadfastly avoid.

11:01 PM – Barack Obama would send jobs to China! And he would cut government spending that would also result in job lo…Obamacare is terrible!

11:03 PM – I will liveblog Mitt’s plans now! He has a plan to create 12 million new jobs! First, drilling a lot and being energy independent! (This cannot happen, because the world market will respond accordingly.) Second, school choice! (That will create jobs by oh look number three.) Three, trade agreements! (What do they say? Who knows?) Four, cutting the deficit and balancing the budget! (Why this will create jobs…huh?) Fifth, championing small businesses by reducing taxes and regulations and Obamacare! (And then having a sick, low-paid workforce.)

11:06 PM – Oh, and point six – NO GAY MARRIAGE. FOR THE ECONOMY.

11:08 PM – Mitt will go on a jobs tour, in stark contrast to when Obama spent all of 2009 making out with dictators.

11:09 PM – Mitt’s entire foreign policy agenda will just be talking shit to every other country on the planet and chanting “USA!” at them.

11:11 PM – The Romney administration will be 60% giant balls, 30% big dick, and 10% belief in America.

11:14 PM – So, that’s over. Romney’s entire presidency will be making snide references to alleged Obama gaffes and hugging businesses. Cue the balloons. Good night, and remember to talk to your empty chairs, because they get lonely.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    There better be a retro Mormon-baptism conversion of Ronnie's hologrammed ghost at the conclusion. Nothing else would make the pain of listening to Mittens' speech worthwhile.

    • kittensdontlie

      I am gonna need Ronnie's hologram to act all alzheimery and start going off on the Mittard. If Ronnie tells him 'he didn't build that'…that would be fun.

      • Callyson

        Ronnie's hologram would have been more alive than Dirty Harry was tonight…

  • Callyson

    OK, time to power up C – Span, and get the numerous beers…good thing I also got some wine as a backup…

  • kingofmeh

    it's totally gonna be seamus to tell us that he liked riding on the roof.

  • FakaktaSouth

    We want fat schools, low fat schools, you know, just like milk. Are these people serious? Does this actually make sense to ANYone really or do they all just pretend?

    • vodkamuppet

      Well the fat schools would be like Baptist schools and the low fat schools would be like… Wait, no that doesnt make any sense. Just go with it.

    • shelwood46

      No way they'll agree to fund the soy milk schools.

      • PuckStopsHere

        The fact is that they are lapping it up. With all the thoughtfulness of the average house cat. Not to in any way disparage cats.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wow — bold new ideas like school vouchers, which have been rejected by everyone since Ronald Reagan proposed them.

  • SorosBot

    Jeb talking about milk now, in a way that sounds like Bubba talking about shrimp in that contender for the worst movie ever made, Forrest Gump

    • miss_grundy

      Probably more like Reagan talking about ketchup as if it were a vegetable, which would then allow contractors to make more money purveying food for school lunches. If ketchup is a vegetable then you don't have to cook real vegetables for the poor kids who would get the lunch for free.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I hated that movie so much I couldn't watch it. And I TRIED. THREE TIMES, I tried.

  • Buzz Feedback

    "My Pet Goat."

    George built that.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Ha ha, Jeb said this guy got a great "election" because of school choice. When he clearly meant "great erection."

    • Arborista

      That also seems implausible.

  • SorosBot

    And it's nice to have a real liveblog instead of the impromptu one below; thanks Rebecca!

    Man Jeb hates unions; those horrible, horrible teachers, wanting livable wages for an incredibly tough job.

    • An_Outhouse

      make 'em teach in coal mines then they'll appreciate what they got.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Kids'll be working in the coal mines so it's a win-win.

  • FakaktaSouth

    These people doing the public speaking here are at least the proper benchmarks for the best Republican ideals in education can offer. Good. Lord.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Rebecca, glad you found the right guy to shower affection on for your credential. Sure, you will feel dirty in the morning, but being at the GOP's convention would have made you feel that way anyway.

  • Callyson

    Jeb's looking bloated…is he hitting the bottle?

    • Barrelhse

      I hear he's hitting his wife and daughter.

      • http://www.wonkette.com BelleSC

        He might have felt some anger after Columba Bush did this:
        http://www.sptimes.com/News/62299/State/Gov_Bush_

        "Gov. Jeb Bush said Monday that his wife misled U.S. Customs officials about $19,000 in new clothing and jewelry she brought into the country because she didn't want him to know how much she had spent on her five-day Paris shopping trip."

  • SorosBot

    And thanks to school "choice" programs, some students in Louisiana are now learning that the Loch Ness Monster is real, and disproves evolution.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Aye, don't ye be agin Nessie now, lad!

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yep, like Condi said this is the "civil rights issue" of our day: freedom to pull kids out of schools and make the schools pay for them to study how the world was made in six days and god rested on the 7th while Darwin was a demon who repudiated his own evolutionary theory in favor of Jesus. Christ, these people couldn't invent new ideas if Chris Christie threatened to sit on them as motivation….

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    So – just to be clear – will we be needing pants for this?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      No, but it is good to put some newspapers down underneath you.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Yeah, I read that somewhere. Jean Teasdale, I think.

  • LibertyLover

    Forget education! Let talk about more wars!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    So Franz — how much was that voucher for? Did you get financial aid? Was it government secured and therefore at a better interest rate than you could get otherwise? Was the school, unlike your public school, selective and able to reject the people it didn't feel had the aptitude to succeed? And was this voucher in addition to the money that funds public schools, or was it an excuse to defund schools and send that money to parochial schools that clearly spend even more money per student? Just asking.

  • Callyson

    "States must lead this national movement"

    How is it a national movement if the states are leading it? Or do these fuckers really think all 50 states are going to buy into this hype?

    • miss_grundy

      Obviously, a teacher did not check this speech for the correct use of grammar, logic, or anything else for that matter….

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    <Dubbya> was “keeping us safe” (except for that tiny time when he forgot

    So you're expecting Mittens to fly this convention straight into the side of the outhouse? Zat 'bout it? Turn Tampax into Turdsylvania?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wait — Mitt Romney as governor founded a scholarship to send kids to public colleges? What a socialist! Get government out of my state university!

  • savethispatient

    Ah school choice, so we can let the failing schools continue to fail but we don't have to send our kids there. Instead, the children of the parents who don't have the time / money / inclination to worry about which school to send their kids get a bad education instead. Perfect for the Republican Party's "American Dream" of born-into-privilege, stay-in-privilege.

    • ChessieNefercat

      And born-out-of-privilege, stay-out-of-privilege. The Rombains of the world must have their nail ladies and nannies and gardeners, after all.

  • LibertyLover

    I'm gonna need a place to put all of these vouchers that the Republican party will be giving me. What if I lose my vouchers?

    • LePiston

      Personal responsibility, libtard!! Get some.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      You need a person to vouch for your vouchers. And you'll need a voucher to hire that person.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Don't even think of hiring a Messican. Birf certificatz dammit!!!11!

        • miss_grundy

          Except for that "todo es posible" chick, who was booed for speaking Spanish…

    • Veritas78

      I think they give you a booklet and you glue 'em in. Like green stamps. Remember them? And an onion. Don't lose the onion.

      • http://rottenart.wordpress.com rottenart

        It was the style at the time.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    At least, the Republicans always think of the Kids First.

  • coolhandnuke

    Looks like it's gonna be a Three Bottle of Mad Dog Night to get through the shit, lies and videotape.

    • Barrelhse

      We've got Old Duke and Silver Satin on hand over here.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        What's Old Duke? Any relation to Duquesne Pilsner Beer brewed in Pittsburgh in days of yore? As in, "Have a Duke!"

        • Barrelhse

          Old Duke and Silver Satin (white) are both cheap, sweet, fortified Port "wines" favored by the alcoholics in my area [ Portland ME ] in the 50's and 60's, judging from the number of empty bottles EVERYWHERE.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            I learn something new every day.

  • Callyson

    "God bless our excellent teachers"

    Because we sure as hell won't be paying them a living salary…

    • miss_grundy

      Because we'll be getting rid of them before long, if we have our way and replace them with not-so-good teachers so that the poors will never learn anything and won't get any uppity ideas…

  • LibertyLover

    You get a voucher! You get a voucher! You get a voucher! Everybody gets a voucher!

    • An_Outhouse

      can i buy beer and cigs and the cakes we like with the voucher?

      • Veritas78

        If they're healthy. Remember, these are gonna be Health Stamps™.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Can I buy hemlock with my vouchers?

  • Callyson

    I'm assuming the promo videos are as awful as the musical interludes, and am hitting the mute button the moment they come on.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wow, what a shitpot of uninspired bad slogans thinly veiling cruddy ideas Mr. Jeb Bush turns out to be. No wonder he didn't outshine Duibya, who was all stupid but far more blustery.

    • BoroPrimorac

      After Rick Scott, saying you were governor of Florida doesn't carry the same weight it once did.

      • miss_grundy

        He was a lousy governor of Florida..

        • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

          You;re both right — after Rick Scott, saying you were a shitty governor of Florida doesn't carry the same weight it once did.

  • SorosBot

    As someone who comes from a family of teachers, I just want to say fuck you, Jeb. Fuck you very much.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Man, I just flipped to MSNBC, Tweety was speaking loudly and earnestly and I got to the fourth word before I spasticly hit the MUTE button.

    I'm just not prepared for this.

    • Callyson

      Yeah, he's a big part of the reason I switched over to C – Span last night.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Good point. Done.

    • LibertyLover

      All I can say is that Tweety is easily impressed — or fooled by lying rhetoric.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I wish I could sing off key like that.

  • mavenmaven

    I'm afraid. Last night Paul Ryan ruined Led Zeppelin for me, what else will I have to remove from my ipod after tonight?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      You might have to stop listening to "Gimme Some Lovin'", if two decades of car commercials hasn't already caused it to induce horror.

    • An_Outhouse

      pat boone?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    dt'ed

    I'm hoping some helpful aide puts Everclear in Rmoney's bottled water.

  • Callyson

    The former Staples CEO will be speaking? Maybe someone will ask him why his stores are chronically understaffed and we have to wait in line forever because they are too cheap to hire more people and don't give a crap about wasting their (former) customers' time…

    • Arborista

      Yeah, maybe.

    • zumpie

      And always look like they'll be permanently out of business in about 5 minutes

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        It's like the K-mart of office supplies.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      As someone on the twatter noted, Mitt Romney deserves credit for ALL THE JOBS that Staples has employed over the years. Because it's not as though, before Staples, mom-and-pops stationary and/or office supply stores were super-common-place.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Chris Matthews just yelled at Al Sharpton for calling someone a token? Being in Tampa this week is making all these people crazy too. Oh and yay Chris Hayes, poor dude, he just wants to make a salient point. I love him.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I love him, too. I would adopt him, but I understand he already has lovely parents living in the Bronx. Is that other cute smartie Ezra Klein available? I make a mean brisket that will remind him of his grandma. He can talk to me about his charts and graphs while I cook.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    What's next, the Crew Cuts' version of Sh-Boom?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      In The Still of the Night, anyone?

      • miss_grundy

        Anything by the Platters?????? These people probably watch the doo-wop infomercials public television runs during pledge season, which here in Detroit is now every other month, since the Rethugs hate PBS.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Have you seen PBS' walk down memory land with English rockers of the '60s?Those guys make the doo-woppers look young and healthy.

        • PuckStopsHere

          Two Words for Channel 56: Dr. Wayne Dyer.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      If you don't know who Moog was, you're just not allowed to be relevant in the year 2012. Just grab an onion and tie it to your belt.

  • TribecaMike

    Sounds like a peyote ritual a Navajo pal of mine once experienced.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Yeah, um, "pal"….

  • Callyson

    "We can do better"

    Yes, so long as we get rid of the obstructionist idiots and assholes from your party in Congress…

  • An_Outhouse

    i like my milk RAW.

    • Guppy

      Pasteurization is for pussies! There are no germs in Genesis!

      • Arborista

        Yeah, 'cause didn't they break up?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Now that the MUTE button has been stabbed, I'm playing this. Loud.

    There's something that will never find it's way on to Paul Ryan's iPod.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Wheeee — thank you.

  • SorosBot

    Gah, why does this band keep ruining good songs for us?

    • Arborista

      Republican zeitgeist- take something not bad & transform it.

  • LibertyLover

    I am definitely going to have to get drunk to get through the speeches.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    There are Conservative Deer Families out there?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    STAPLES!!!!! I <3 PAPER!!!!

  • Callyson

    "We believe in an America that doesn't punish success, but celebrates it"

    So tired of this line. No one is punishing success, bitch: we are asking that the success of the *middle class* and *working people* in sustaining this nation be rewarded with a living wage, rather than robbing them to coddle the 1%…

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      No! Charging more than 15% tax on capital gains discourages our fearless job creators!

      • miss_grundy

        Who haven't created jack shit because they are too busy buying car elevators for the new houses they are building so nobody can see how many cars they own.

    • soeoho

      E Pluribus Unum Percent

    • soeoho

      E Pluibus Unum Percent

  • Callyson

    Christ, I hope none of those former Olympians are athletes I actually like…

  • Douché

    When I Jizz, it's always to Bush. Jizz 'sayin.

  • Doktor Zoom

    And speaking of google-eyed homunculuses, we just met Charles P. Pierce!

    Well OK, Rebecca, there went your chance of ever being on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Ask him to explain the difference among icon, index, and symbol.

    • Guppy

      The FCC would never let one of us near an open mike anyway.

  • TribecaMike

    Worst cover of "The Ballad of John & Yoko" EVER.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Brooks on PBS just wondered why, if the Tea Party was here, why wasn't the anti-Wall Street aspect of them here? Because David Brooks hasn't been paying attention, obviously.

    • TribecaMike

      Why, so he can beat them up with his big man fists?

    • An_Outhouse

      poor davey. reality can be a rude awakening some times.

  • LePiston

    Mitt's friend is just as creepy and robot-like.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I don't know how long I am honestly going to be able to do this. One can only say "Fuck You" at the tv so many times before it starts to lose all meaning.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has an unpaid lay clergy." Setting an example for labor relations that Romney found inspiring.

    • LibertyLover

      Can't they afford to pay for real ones?

    • montreal_bruin

      I'll bet Mittens still found a way to deduct his "in-kind services" as a Moronic bishop.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "How early can I call you in the morning?"

    "Anytime, Honey!"

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      "Just tap me on the shoulder."

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        "Or your foot in the adjacent stall."

  • Callyson

    "Pure religion is to visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction:

    But forget about doing anything that actually helps them, like social welfare. Let those freeloading kids get a job!

    • DustBowlBlues

      But only the fatherless and widows if they convert to Mormonism.

    • An_Outhouse

      too bad dad died in that coal mine accident.

    • SorosBot

      Um, that's not religion; that's charity, which is based on morality which has absolutely fuck-all to do with religion, in fact religion is anti-morality.

    • BoroPrimorac

      "Pure religion is to visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction:

      Then get the fuck out of there as quick as possible so you don't contract poor people diseases.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Mitt's got Twenty Million Dollars in his Heavenly Bank Account.

    • Biff

      Dollars/=whore diamonds, the piker.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        That's what I keep telling people!

    • miss_grundy

      Whatever happened to you can't take it with you?

  • mayor_quimby

    This whole Mormonism thang sounds kinda socialist. Will they pay my mortgage if I join up?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Mormonism is as good as Cats. I'm going to see it again and again.

  • Biff

    Tonight, we are all LDS, is that what I'm hearing? Fuck this guy, too!

    • miss_grundy

      If you really want to join a cult, why not scientology? After all, you might get the chance to hang out with celebrities…..

  • Callyson

    So, Mittens was a janitor? Pics or GTFO.

    • miss_grundy

      But he and Annie had to live on like 60K while he was in grad school, so they had to eat a lot of regular food.

  • Doktor Zoom

    He shoveled snow and raped leaves? WHAT?????

    • Callyson

      That's OK, it was a legitimate rape.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      I heard Eats Shoots and Leaves. Is he some kind of fucking Panda?

      • emmelemm

        I come to Wonkette for the grammar jokes.

        • C_R_Trogloraptor

          I'm here for the literary allusions and metaphors. and the TruckNutz.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            I'm here for…um…wait…I'm here for something, I guess.

          • C_R_Trogloraptor

            Aren't you here just to joke off?

          • AlterNewt

            I'm here for the misanthropic jocularity and boobs.

        • Toomush_Infer

          I'm here for the fat lady singing….

      • Callyson

        No, just a top notch dinner party guest.

  • LibertyLover

    Hi I'm Mitt Romeny, and I'm a Mormon.

    • Serfville

      Hi, I'm Bonnie & he's Clyde & we rob banks

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wow — the more this Bishop Grant Bennett dude speaks, the more creepily all-encompassing the Mormon church seems. And his isn't the only example that's done this.

  • Callyson

    Oh, for God's sake, shut up already.

    ETA: the audience looks bored too. I'd feel sorry for them if I gave a shit.

    • Barrelhse

      (I didn't recognize you!)

  • LePiston

    I'm not Mormon, but when this guy says pastor, is he actually talking about a position as bishop? So that the evangelicals don't get heebie jeebied?

    • Biff

      I don't think they have such a rank as pastor in the heirarchy, they're just dumbing it down for the evangelical audience.

    • mayor_quimby

      Short answer, yes. But they say it's a lay position cuz you don't go to seminary or whatever. So same thing, but the qualifications are kinda nebulous.

      • miss_grundy

        Everything about this so-called religion is nebulous…

  • FakaktaSouth

    We teach self reliance and service to our fellow man. If you are supposed to be self reliant who are all the good Mormons you are bragging about in service to? This is stupid. I want to help people but no one should ever need help, you hear?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Mrs. Oparowski: "I've had 32 babies!"

  • TribecaMike

    I'm looking forward to Mitt's telling his mostly evangelical audience about how he believes there are many inhabited planets with their own gods and goddesses and how Jesus and the Holy Ghost are the sons of this planet's particular god and his wife. That's gonna be awkward.

    • Arborista

      I think you may be in for a long wait. Got supplies?

      • TribecaMike

        Yep, I went to Staples earlier. Oh wait.

    • kittensdontlie

      If some Muslim could beat Balack Obama, he would be gettin' that nomination.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Hey, it's Ted Oparowski, professional firefighter for 23 years. Well it's nice to see that the GOP is being supported by socialists now.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Tagging along. Hence his name. Or something.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Instead of the boring Mormon guy, listen to this more interesting one

    • WhatTheHeck

      That song speaks volumes.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Okay, I'll watch some, but not with the sound.

    HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • LePiston

      They are the old couple Betty meets when she arrives in LA in Mulholland Drive.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    If there's one thing these testimonials show me about Mitt it's that he cares about people — people like himself, that is.

  • no_gravity

    "What do you think is in his hand?"

    It's a picture of Jan Brewer and he haz a sad that she's endorsing Obamz.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "…And Mitt blew off my son's hand with illegal fireworks."

    • TribecaMike

      Sounds like somebody wasn't paying attention during the safety first lecture.

  • AddHomonym

    If someone doesn't call for taking back the Panama Canal, then this whole thing is a failure. TAKE IT BACK!

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Wait until they finish expanding it, then foreclose on it. Time to start thinking like Mitt Romney.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    It's nice that Mitt's kind and generous to the people that he cares about. Next.

    • TribecaMike

      Or as Jan Brewer pronounces it, generious.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Much like a dying industry, Mitt seized and exploited him.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Lady, it's nice that Mitt did these things — but that was his job at the time. He was supposed to do that. He doesn't seem to do too much of that on his own, though.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • StarsUponThars

      yes, I was thinking "nice credentials" myself.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    All right, now. I keep seeing "LSD" Congregation on the teevee.

    That's just me, right?

  • FakaktaSouth

    Did MItt buy this lady a god damned dryer or just hang up her clothes?

    • LePiston

      And how creepy is it that he touched her laundry? Even if a guy we've been friends with came over and folded the laundry, I would be creeped out.

    • LibertyLover

      Did he fold her underwear?

      • Arborista

        Her temple garments? Highly unlikely.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Magic underwear folds itself, Lib….

  • DustBowlBlues

    What are we watching, listening to? I mean, by what means are we watching the Mormonfest? I'm on Current because CNN sucks and MSNBC is too loud. Also, the Current people comment on the speeches as they go along, which breaks the hate.

    And Rowdy Yates is the surprise guest? I like his movies but really, this is beyond the pale. I don't wish the man ill, but he is too old and if he suffered a heart "episode" before Mittens speaks, I could live with it. So I guess that means I wish Clint ill. Shit. His new movie looks good, too. But principles have costs which is why Mittens has none.

    • SorosBot

      I'm on CNN's live stream; may turn on the TV once the broadcast networks' coverage starts.

  • Callyson

    I'm glad to hear that Mitt is such a humanitarian. Now, if only his concern for people were evident in any of this policies…

    • Arborista

      Monday's policies or Tuesday's policies? He's been all over the friggin' map, so he's bound to have said something you can agree with, right?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    If only you too had a friend…

    … like Mitt Romney.

    (raucus applause)

  • TribecaMike

    If I get a snockered before, during and after Mitt's speech, will I go to hell? And is that covered by ACA?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Why do Mormons have such medical issues?

    • LePiston

      No red wine.

      • Arborista

        And no coffee.

    • TribecaMike

      Good question. You would think that being in the capital of the vitamin supplement industry, Utahans would all be in superb physical condition.

    • shelwood46

      Inbreeding.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Has Mittens ever done anything for anyone who isn't Mormon?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Baptised them!

    • miss_grundy

      No! If you're not Mormon you're SOL….

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    So how many dead children is Mitt responsible for, exactly?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    BOOBIES GONE!!!!!!!!!!
    Show the blond in the crowd with the BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!
    WTF kinda director does c-span have!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Guppy

      Is it that C-SPAN has a thing for blondes, the GOP has a bleach addiction, or some combination of the two?

  • Biff

    Phone? TV? Internet? Puppy!

    • mayor_quimby

      I'd love a puppy! Wait, what?? Hold on just a minute, buddy!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Barack Obama would never do wussy shit like that.

  • LibertyLover

    I knew I'd need alcohol, I didn't think I would need tissue.

    • Callyson

      Or you could print out a hard copy of Mittens' economic policy.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I, on the other hand, am finding this very hard to masturbate to.

  • Callyson

    No, actually, when I look at Mitt Romney, I see a flip flopping snake…

  • An_Outhouse

    the buffalo bills are on! yeah!

  • LibertyLover

    Why does he want to take Obama care away from these people that clearly need it?

  • Biff

    I drive a truck!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Mitt Romney understands that helping people through tough times should only be done by individuals, voluntarily. Once any tax money is used to help people, it creates dependency.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Ahhh! Now they're abusing Van Morrison! THIS WILL NOT STAND!

    • Blueb4sinrise

      no way I'm turning the sound on now.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Don't. Just don't.

    • TribecaMike

      ♫ It's a wonderful night for a Moonie dance… ♪

    • miss_grundy

      Thank God, it wasn't Domino, because I love that song.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Yes. things can always be worse.

  • GlowneyHouse

    Shouldn't Bob White be a Qualye supporter?

    • TribecaMike

      Hah!

  • DustBowlBlues

    I never thought I'd say this, but thank god for Cenk Y. He just reminded the pontificating Spitzer about doing good though the policies you believe in.

  • Callyson

    "Wasn't Ann Romney great Tuesday night?"

    Even the speakers know how much of a snoozefest *tonight's* speakers have been…

    • SorosBot

      No, she was horrid as usual. And had the same awful plastic surgery beak-nose that Callista does.

      • Serfville

        They all look alike, as in the Stepford Wives movie. They all go to the same plastic surgeons, get the same "refreshing" injections, Botox etc….Which cost a gazillion dollars a year. I used to work in an "establishment" where these society types came in all the time. I swear to God I couldn't tell them apart. Scary. And I resent her dressing like a schoolmarm Tuesday night when she has been Cindy McCaining it on the campaign trail with gazillion dollar outfits and jewels & now she's dressing like Miss Marple for the poors. Ameerikans see through all this crapola

        • SorosBot

          What I don't get is I thought plastic surgery was supposed to make people look more attractive. Why do so many Republicans get the same surgery that makes them look uglier instead?

          • Serfville

            It's a "Disease of Affluence" like Type II Diabetes and Heart Disease from eating too much hollandaise sauce & such. Have you ever seen the worst plastic surgery ever? That Lion Billionaire lady from Europe has had so many plastic crap jobs she looks like a lion. She thinks she's a goddess. Insanely BAD.

    • Serfville

      "Hey how about these great decorations the kids made aren't they great?" ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
      Please let me know when the pics of Mitt being a janitor come up. Oh, that's right they were just too young kids way back when, in the old days that couldn't afford a Polaroid. And they still have those 2 sawhorses from back in the day holding up their car elevator just to remind them of the best days of their lives! My BS meter just landed on Mars on the way to Gliese 581 the Goldilocks planet in the constellation Libra.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Wasn't Ann Spectacular? I wanted to fuck her, did you wanna fuck her? Bob White is obviously a man of questionable character.

    • kittensdontlie

      Yes, and legitimately so. Thank goodness there wouldn't be any babies from it.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Bob White!? It's not only Bob!

    That crowd looks like Frosty the Snowman's Nation.

  • Callyson

    Too bad you did not live *up* to that trust when it came to the workers you fired (and bye bye pensions too) so you could cash in on your speculative "business."

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Goddamn, he's just some fucking guy. They're exalting him like he's Jesus Christ incarnate. Adds some insight into creepy LDS.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Bobwhites are nice, but Bob White isn't.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Anne was Ok last night, but we didn't get to see her Tits. What's up with that?

    • GlowneyHouse

      Tits up? That was Ryan's speech.

    • Biff

      At her age, I think you were looking too high.

    • An_Outhouse

      the bird shirt ate them. plus breast cancer you insensitive clod.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Thanks! Reconstructions are OK by me!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Al Gore et. al. just said thank goodness the Mormon issue hasn't been a part of the race, so far. Ha. Wait until I win that lottery and start airing attack ads, then we'll see what a little LDS educatin' on the public does to the Mittbot.

    • An_Outhouse

      me too. i'm gonna start a super pac right after the next power ball.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    I can tell this Bob dude is a dynamic speaker just by the squinting.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    "Mitt was the calm in the storm"

    That's because he's a Robot, you know.

    • LibertyLover

      Why didn't he rust in the storm?

      • LePiston

        North Face jacket, with teflon. No poor-looking ponchos.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Oilcan!

  • OurHoboSenator

    Bob White, you have fallen so far from your days as the firebrand leader of the Canadian Auto Workers union….

  • ttommyunger

    Well, I've finally figured out the difference between Dubya and his fluffy brother: the hand up Jeb's ass moving his lips is well-manicured.

  • Callyson

    God, and I was complaining about the B – string speakers from *last* night…I better get some coffee or I won't make it to Mittens' freak show…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    *rolleyes* Olympics… sorry, but who gives a shit? Did they bus in black folk for that or something?

    • Biff

      I think there's that one black guy on the speed-skating team, and maybe the Jamaican bobsledding team…

  • Doktor Zoom

    Gosh, this Mitt Romney fellow sounds like a… panicked college senior padding his resume.

  • Bezoar

    Okay, this is familiar; I have a really lame, narcissistic, but powerful boss, of whom similar bullshit is routinely rendered.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    The 'look to the side and squint' is the best. Musta worked on that for years.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …and then the daughter went into rehab for heroin addiction.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      There was something about taking E at a rave involved in that story, in case you're actually wondering. Not heroin as far as I know.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Just some snark– I didn't know.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Does it make him out of the ordinary that he didn't make this guy work when his kid went missing? How low is the bar here? Scraaaaaape that barrel Bob.

    • An_Outhouse

      he had to take the day off with no pay.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Wow, Mitt's generosity towards his direct employees (only) seems above reproach!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Bain Capital Children's Charity: "WE built the Workhouses!"

  • Doktor Zoom

    Bain Capital Children's Charity… we'd pick up failing preschools, sell off the assets, and turn em around for a tidy profit

  • Callyson

    Oh FFS, here we go with the selective editing of President Obama…mute!

  • SorosBot

    Mitt was dedicated to his church; that's nice, did he actually do anything to help people while he was busy profiting by destroying jobs though?

  • LibertyLover

    Why does everything always happen to Mitt?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Yes. That's the one !! Blonde with the booo………..dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Shouldn't they call it 'Soon To Fail STAPLES'?

  • SorosBot

    They're playing that awesome Obama speech yet again – um, do these people know they're trying to defeat him, not reelect him?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Oh, here we go with the "WE BUILT THIS" nonsense.

    Oh, and we're "becoming Informed" about Bain Capital now! A little late for this,eh?
    Ralfalca's long out of the barn on that one.

  • Callyson

    If Staples has provided so many jobs, why are they always understaffed? I waited in line forever more than once because they were too cheap to hire enough people to work the registers…and now I get everything online…

  • TribecaMike

    Damn, this is really hard to watch. I mean the way Roger Federer is destroying this German kid at the US Open.

  • mayor_quimby

    I would like to announce that I do great shit for poors all the time, I just never say what, because that would be gauche.
    Now, I am off to a yacht party held by a poor, overtaxed billionaire.

  • Biff

    Solyndra! Drink!
    That was easy…®

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Solyndra? Really? Like to chat about two wars conducted completely off the books?

  • Callyson

    WTF is the difference between an economic investment and an engine of prosperity? Is that supposed to make sense?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Well this is interesting — the dude from Staples is criticizing President Obama for investing in a company that wasn't successful. So fewer people should take risks on startups with a dream, you say?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    He is pennywise and dollar foolish, that's why he's great!

    • SorosBot

      Even Pennywise the clown isn't as scary as Mittens.

  • SorosBot

    Staples sucks, and destroyed a shitload of local businesses.

  • Callyson

    Oh, you want to talk about lies? How much time do you have, buddy?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Can you hire me at STAPLES, Job Creator? I'd love to make 9.00 an hour!

  • OurHoboSenator

    Great, the RNC ruined the Ohio State fight song for me, two days before the start of the new season.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Shit just got real. Stemberg looks like he's spoken to a crowd of people before.

    [probably laying them off]

  • eggsacklywright

    Fuck these people. In the bum. With a frozen anvil. Sideways.

    This is my prayer, Almighty Grid.

  • LePiston

    This business is all about the people. So they need to work back to back doubles.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    When do we get to the part where they say what "it" is…
    after saying "They just don't get it."

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      A RAISE! HEALTH CARE BENEFITS! A 40 HOUR WEEK! JOB SECURITY!

      USA! USA! USA!!

  • SorosBot

    "The private equity industry that has created so many new jobs" – by destroying even more old ones. Fuck these people don't live in reality.

    Oh and did you hear of the stimulus package? This administration fucking did create jobs, moran.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    My Vote- YOU JUST WON'T GET IT!

  • Callyson

    Oooh, the line about day care fell flat…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Childcare– an idea you got from 9 to 5 which was made in 1980.

  • Biff

    No, we get it, alright. Fuck you, too!

    • Callyson

      I think they're talking about Mittens' tax record. We just don't get it!

  • Callyson

    God, I cannot *wait* until the DNC…I hope and assume Wonkette will be live blogging that as well…

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      We'll all probably be too drunk.

  • Guppy

    Where were they?

    Educating the high-school graduates your business relies on for employees, that's where.

  • IonaTrailer

    If Romney is such a great guy, WHY ISN'T HE A DEMOCRAT?

    I rest my case.

  • Guppy

    Not everyone that misses little league games is doing it for seven figures.

  • GlowneyHouse

    What the hell was that about making his employees work back to back double shifts? Was he bragging about that?

    • Serfville

      Fox Conn! Yeah!

  • LibertyLover

    "They don't understand risking money to create something new…"

    But Solyndra was bad.

    • An_Outhouse

      i know how to invest in grow lights and security cameras. fuck them.

    • miss_grundy

      But Dubya gave money to Solyndra before Hopey, don't they know that????

      • Callyson

        Shit, *I* did not know that until just now, and I'm a news junkie. Fucking worthless news media…

  • Callyson

    Little league games you miss? Fucker, try "the doctor's appointment you miss because you have no health care because you only make $10/hour," jerk…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …because everybody owns a corporation, right?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Reagan's hologram has been hacked to say "Help me Obiwan"

  • GlowneyHouse

    Oh good…he's going to talk about the steel plant in Georgetown, SC that Bain bankrupted!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Tom Stemberg was the most soporific speaker who ever took the stage on the last night of a convention. I think I actually blacked out for part of that.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    So when the Dems say "We get it…" you know they're lying.

    But no worries, they just won't say that anymore.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Yeah, the thing about Mitt as a Mormon preacher is….I lived in Salt Lake City in the 60s – Mormons were very good to other Mormons….other people? Not so much…. When they say "Whatsoever you doeth to the least of us…", they're talking about other Mormons….

    • LibertyLover

      Just what exactly did they do to the lesser Mormons?

      • Toomush_Infer

        Well, at the least, a stern talking to….

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I hear Romney's speech is going to be a barnburner! It's so bad it will make you go on a rampage and burn down your own barn.

    • Biff

      That is why my barns are steel!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Two gin-scented tears are trickling down the sides of my nose. But it's all right, everything is all right, the struggle is finished. I have won the victory over myself. I LOVE BAIN CAPITAL!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Piss break.
    Toke 'em if ya got 'em.

    • An_Outhouse

      brb

    • IonaTrailer

      I stopped at the liquor store on my way home – gonna be a long night.

  • Guppy

    Florida + pharmacy = pill mill

    • OurHoboSenator

      Medicare fraud

      • Guppy

        No, Medicare fraudsters get elected to public office in Florida.

    • MissTaken

      Oxy for you!
      Oxy for everyone!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "Mama, that man talks funny!"

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    All right Fernandez, Where's your PAPERS?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The PBS wonks are pondering why Mitt didn't bring out testimonials like the two from Mormon families he ministered to way before this point in the campaign. But for some reason none of them brought up that they'd notice that Mitt was the pastor of a church for something like ten years. Have we elected a minister before? I know it was a problem for Fuckabee and Jesse Jackson. It may not be a negative to be a Mormon — but to be a pastor — yes, that would call one's objectivity into question, and rightly so.

    • Arborista

      But he wasn't paid- the Mormons take 10% of everything you got, then require you to work for them for free. Sounds almost socialist?

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Yeah but socialism for Jesus is a completely different thing — just don't ask me why or how.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Bain Capital — because this corporation is a person too, my friend.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I know it's wrong but every Latin Republican reminds me of Alberto Gonzales.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Jose Jimenez, for me.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        More people need to follow in these great footsteps.

  • Guppy

    You didn't build that, olds' Social Security and Medicare checks built that!

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Excellent.

  • Callyson

    I might need some pharmaceutical products after listening to this crap…

  • SorosBot

    More attempts to defend Bain's destructive record. Man they really are on the defensive here,

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      He's proved now that he helps Mormons and fellow executives. Well, we should all feel so fortunate.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        We will be. After we vote for Mitt.

        For 5 seconds, I guess.

  • TribecaMike

    Wow, Lyndon LaRouche had a lot of work done.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Another Red Dress? Is this some kind of Militia thing?

    • LePiston

      This woman looks like my ex, who was a man.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        The Adam's Apple really gives it away.

    • TribecaMike

      They're trying to catch Dillinger.

    • SorosBot

      Damn the CNN feed must be behind whatever you're watching.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        I think I'm watching BSG again…There seem to be Cyborgs.

    • An_Outhouse

      they can't let go of the whore theme. koch all day, by now they're feeling a lttle guilty. (no they're not)

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Romney's "turned around" his opinions too, don't forget.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I had Wesley Jessen daily wear contacts in the '80's. No matter how much I cleaned them or disinfected them, I ended up getting Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis. They were extremely thick and let no oxygen in. Never experienced that again with daily wear contacts. To this day I wear contacts (disposable, but still).
    (Oh man, I must be drunk–sorry.)

    • TribecaMike

      It's infinitely more fascinating than this caca.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Trix, if you go for older guys I am way better looking than him!

  • IonaTrailer

    Anybody here from Mass?

    • TribecaMike

      Worcester, but haven't been to mass for æons.

      • SorosBot

        And to non-East Coasters, Worcester is actually pronounced as "Wooster". No I have no idea why.

        • montreal_bruin

          Get a grip, man. It's Whista!

    • LibertyLover

      I only go to Mass on Easter Sunday and Christmas.

    • montreal_bruin

      I'm from the northern 'burbs, and Mitt's still a douche.

  • Callyson

    "How did he fix our state?"

    By pursuing the very moderate policies from which he is running today…

  • Doktor Zoom

    I do not trust these half-women, half-men in the Romney cabinet.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      It's the half-machines that really get to me.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I swear to God, I would be FINE with Mitt saying, "I was born rich as fuck and got even richer after that. I have been very lucky, I would like to do something good for other people" instead of all this "I know what it's like to worry about making it from paycheck to paycheck." Who with a bit of reasoning believes him when he insists on lying this way? I hate this. These c-span promo breaks are making me as sick as the talky-talkers. Oh wait, here's his lady Lt Gov from Mass…I may have spoken too soon…

  • Guppy

    They can't mention Romney's gubernatorial cabinet without highlighting the gender ratio.

    Affirmative action?

  • Biff

    Holy fuck, what was THAT?!?!? Wicked witch got nothing on her!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Kerry Healey, Mitt's Lt. Gov, said Romney turned the state around by bringing together both Democrats and Republicans — of course the state's legislature was something like 90% Democratic, so it wasn't too difficult to reach across the aisle.

  • SorosBot

    It's another red dress; is at an RNC rule that all woman speakers have to wear those?

    • FakaktaSouth

      And try to speak like men? What is this lady's testosterone content? She's gonna fart and scratch her balls before she leaves the stage. HUH HUH HUH guffawing is a worse look than that shoulder padded dress she's wearing.

    • shelwood46

      They are color-coded, exactly like The Handmaid's Tale.

  • Guppy

    What's he like… in bed?

    • ChapterUndVerse

      To find out, you'd have to sleep in a coffin, no?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "First and foremost, Mitt Romney is a good and honorable man — who follows the three rules for robots."

  • Callyson

    Yeah, speaking of that downgrade, the ratings agencies were quite clear that it was the gridlock in *Congress,* created by the Reeps, that led them to lower the US' rating…

  • Limeylizzie

    Charles Pierce totally wants to touch your breasts! I love him, he is actually much more attractive than I had thought.

    • IonaTrailer

      How's the new baby?

      • Limeylizzie

        Delicious! Saw him yesterday, they are at home now, about 4 blocks away from us, so we can snag him all the time!

        • IonaTrailer

          Sweet! Love that new baby smell!
          hahaha

          • Limeylizzie

            I love them when they are brand new and then I am all meh until they get a personality.

  • Biff

    Mitt the Bridge Builder? I'm impressed!

  • LibertyLover

    Mitt is Superman!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Mitt dove into he tunnel and fixed the problem!

    Wait, What?

    • IonaTrailer

      He's really MOLE-MAN!

      • SorosBot

        But he's one of the lamest supervillains ever; really the F4 villains who are not Doctor Doom or Galactus suck.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, idiot, the credit downgrade was caused by the Republican congress refusing to raise the debt limit, not Obama.

  • Callyson

    Excuse me, how the fuck is Obama *not* living by family values?

    Bitch.

    • IonaTrailer

      Daugthers. He has only wimmnen folk.

    • SorosBot

      By treating his gay friends as if they're actual human beings?

  • Callyson

    "He will never apologize for America"

    No, but we Americans will have to do so on a regular basis if he comes to power…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "And Mitt will never apologize for America."

    Look, bitch, I know a president who doesn't have to.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Mitt dived into a collapsed tunnel. Between him and Tim Pawlenty, Republican Governors sure can oversee collapsing infrastructure.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Thank you Mitt Romney for Believing in America. In America you can Believe in Mitt Romney." I can't even comment. It's worse than Santorum's "Make America America Again."

    • Biff

      I refuse to believe in Mittens. He does not exist!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    4 year scholarship?! That's fucking socialism !!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Mitt Rmoney, I saw Mavis Staples at Red Rocks last week. And you, sir, are no Mavis Staples!

  • mavenmaven

    exercise physiology?

  • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

    Sweet Jesus. GO FOR IT, CHARLIE.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    SEAMUS ON C-SPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Biff

    Jane Edmonds, traitor!

  • IonaTrailer

    TRAITOR WOMAN – wow, how much did they have to pay her???

    • LePiston

      New pretty ear baulbles?

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Whore Diamonds?

        No – that's us

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Democrat Jane Edmonds from Massachusetts is speaking. I wonder if there's a sign on prohibiting the throwing of peanuts.

  • LibertyLover

    Uh-oh. A women is breaking the red dress rule.

    • Biff

      Because she's a (R)money Democrat, duh?

    • MissTaken

      She's a Democrat so she must wear blue. Because she's sad and blue.

    • TribecaMike

      That explains the sound of thousands of safety catches being unlocked.

    • OurHoboSenator

      She's also breaking the Being White rule…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Wait wait, he's NOT a robot?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Mitt's The Real Thing? So…He's Coke?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Charlie Pierce deserves many blow jobs for his write-up of Ryan's speech.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "I told him I wanted to be white. And that I embrace white capitalist culture. He said, "You're hired!"

  • mavenmaven

    betcha this lady votes for Obama.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Does the Republican Party really think that being endorsed by a self-described liberal Democrat from Massachusetts really think this'll reassure the base?

    • Callyson

      I think they're under the illusion that it will matter to the mushy middle.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      This is where all the Fructose Baptists at home go to pee and grab another Glucerna shake. They won't see this. So it's all good.

  • Callyson

    God, get on with the athletes already. I want to know who to root against, if any of them are still active.

  • IonaTrailer

    So does this mean you're not voting for the blah guy?

    stfu

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Boobie buttons too high on Ms. Jane.

  • Callyson

    Women women women women women

    "Come on, baby, I'm not such a bad guy…"

  • IonaTrailer

    She's very animated. I bet she has rhythm too.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I bet she converted to Mormonism before any of that happened.

    • IonaTrailer

      As of, uh, 2004 (?) they let the blahs in the Temple, I hear. So….

  • Guppy

    Take a shot every time you see teased blonde hair in the audience.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I am loving all these assholes having to cheer for shit Taxachusetts has done. They are so confused, it's like the first time cognitive dissonance has become a real thing that they notice.

    • Arborista

      You heard the mighty roar of approval every time someone mentions Mitt's willingness to reach across the aisle? Me neither…

      • FakaktaSouth

        And when that lady said she was a liberal democrat at the end of her speech? It was like they all wanted to take back every clap. I swear these people would be hilarious if they weren't all around me.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh, she called him a servant-leader — evangelical dogwhistle there.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Definitely. Now he needs someone to get up there and talk about he washed their feet.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Is little old us still being monitored by Politico?

    [waves hand]

    Hi, motherfuckers!

    • DustBowlBlues

      We never did like Politico anyway, did we? No, we didn't, except I can't remember why but whatever it was I said then, I still agree with.

  • Come here a minute

    Why the lull? Are we waiting for Livebloog 2: The Bloogening? Probably giving us time to read Sullivan. (As if.)

  • OurHoboSenator

    He's open to good ideas. Like RomneyCare?

  • Callyson

    "He'll listen and he's inclusive"

    Mitt: Listen. Disclose your taxes.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "He doesn't care if good ideas come from a liberal Democrat like me — he'll listen and he's inclusive."

    But he can change — honest!

    • Arborista

      "But he can change — honest!"

      With the weather…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    OK, so Obama is always selfish, not like some sort of common socialist?

  • Doktor Zoom

    "a servant-leader"?? Is that some kind of Xian code phrase?

    • TribecaMike

      A servante is a device magicians use to stash objects out of sight. That's all I can come up with.

    • Biff

      Remember $arah and her servant's heart? Yep

  • Serfville

    You think Ann "You People" Romney & Cindy McCain have had bad plastic surgery? Check out Joycelyn Wildenstein she wanted to look like the lions her and hubby hunted on their "game ranch", so she got 4 mill of plastic surgery to look like a lion. She built that! http://www.famenetworth.com/2011/01/jocelyn-wilde
    Ann is on her way to above I'm sure. They can never stop that bad plastic surgery nonsense once it starts.

    • SorosBot

      Aaaaahhhhh!

      • Serfville

        Nighmarish hell plastic surgery x infinity. These surgeons have no souls, but neither do their clients, they deserve each other.

        • C_R_Trogloraptor

          There's no way I'm looking at that. Tonight is horrible enough.

  • BathroomGoblin

    "Welcome to you're doooooooooooooooooom!" http://people.tribe.net/dub/photos/a37b531c-5b76-

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh for fuck's sake, Taylor Hicks? Once again Alabama owes the country an apology.

    • MissTaken

      On behalf of all the Hicks from Alabama, I sincerely apologize.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      OMG!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Cat milk? Only a sick fuck would milk a cat…

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Hey. Don't knock………..I mean……..yes, horrible.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Up to this point, Republicans held Massachusetts as the epitome of liberal failure. Tonight MA sounds like paradise. Great schools, equal rights for women insurance for every body. WTF!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Next: Michael McDonald singing "Yam-O Be There".

    • BoroPrimorac

      Yam-O Burn this mother fucker down if you idiots keep on clapping out of time.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Yam-nO-shit. Worst muzak garbage I've heard in a long time.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    What. The. Fuck.

    …is a Rat Pack impersonator doing singing a DOOBIE BROTHERS SONG!?

    Christ almighty, the things I go though for this blog…

  • SorosBot

    Who the fuck is Tailor Hicks, besides someone who can't sing?

    And he's even a worse dancer than me; and I'm horrible at dancing.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Someone who blows frantically into a harmonica, on occasion.

      Oh wait something about American Idol, blah blah blah

    • MissTaken

      He is NOT one of my cousins. Okay, maybe he is. I wouldn't be surprised.

      • SorosBot

        You are a much better singer than he is. And your singing is almost as bad as mine.

    • FakaktaSouth

      He is a guy who was on American Idol. I don't know if he won because I don't watch that shit, but I do know who he is, he lives here in this piece of shit state I live in and owns a restaurant one of my cousins worked in. I am so god damned embarrassed, again.

      • SorosBot

        OK, I think I remember that, thanks to having a mother who loves that shit show and won't take "I don't care" for an answer when talking about it. Was he the one who won over an obviously superior singer, who also obviously had the gay, and so was unacceptable to middle American Fox viewers?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      He won some glorified karaoke contest and like all the other 1200 "winners" of it, no one remembers who his is.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Obama took it to the goddamn streets. Mitt spit on the sidewalk.

  • Toomush_Infer

    "We were alone in the room – I was a finalist….I unbuttoned my blouse…"

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Ha! A liberal singing praises of Mitt is going to get the wingnutz wondering (again) if Mitt is a real conservative.

  • mavenmaven

    I think the message of taking it to the streets may not be exactly what they think it is.
    I was raised here in this living hell
    You don't know my kind in your world
    Fairly soon the time will tell
    You…telling me the things you're gonna do for me
    I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

  • Callyson

    Skeet shooting? Yawn.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    WOOO SHOOTING YEAH!!

  • TribecaMike

    "I have the amazing blessing…" Blessings have grades? I'd settle for a crappy blessing right now, like my tv will die.

  • mavenmaven

    She sure doesn't look like an athlete…

    • LibertyLover

      Skeet shooter. Clinging to her guns….something, something.

    • MissTaken

      No skeet skeet skeet from the Wonketteers for her.

  • IonaTrailer

    She's obviously not kept up with practice. Oh, it's skeet.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Go ahead – Break My Clay!

  • Callyson

    Women of America are a force to be reckoned with

    Yes, as Mittens is finding out, to his dismay…

  • IonaTrailer

    Is this a Cheney relative??? Ringer!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "I think we showed the world that women in America are a force to be reckoned with."

    Yeah, especially since they were allowed to participate in combat. Under President Obama, of course.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    That's a nice set of skeletons, there.

  • Biff

    Olympians! Fuck! Drink!

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Both!

  • SorosBot

    The shooting lady is also not wearing the red dress uniform.

    • FakaktaSouth

      but she did have the grating voice.

  • TribecaMike

    Is this the Log Cabin Repub segment?

  • IndianaKevin

    They're after the women-who-can-shoot-straight vote now.

  • Callyson

    "Don't mess with the Mitt"? Jesus, Michigan, I've not been in your state since I was a kid but surely you have better things to brag about than being the home state of a robot…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh, a gold medalist in skeleton. And speaking of skeletons what's Mitt saying about his tax returns from 2000 to 2010?

  • IonaTrailer

    These are all pussy sports. Or old people.
    Except for the hockey guy.

  • Limeylizzie

    These people make me want to weep, scream, put my foot through the TV and vomit and I am only vaguely listening to them from the next room.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Hit the MUTE button and put on some nice Blues. Trust me.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Mike Eruzione, you just broke my heart.

    • LibertyLover

      and Scott Hamilton too… Dang.

      • emmelemm

        Wait, what?

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      No shit. Against the old red CCCP. (Grew up in a Flyers household–knew who Bernie Parent was by the time I was five).

  • Biff

    USA!USA!USA!DRINK!

    • Guppy

      I always feel I need a drink when I hear that…

  • mavenmaven

    He's like a friggin ronald reagan defeating the soviet union with his bare hands.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Needz moar hurricane!!

    • Callyson

      Dammit, now I have a craving for a hurricane, and I don't even like that drink…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Oh yeah the Closeted Olympians Club, or COC!!

  • LibertyLover

    Didn't the Republicans cheer when Chicago wasn't selected — because Obama?

  • SorosBot

    Olympic people! They're good at obscure sports that no one pays attention to except once every four years, so you know you can trust their opinion on politics.

    Oh and isn't Scott Hamilton, you know, a male figure skater? Republicans usually don't like those types.

    • Beowoof

      Oh yes they do, they can teach the wide stance.

  • Biff

    She didn't mention god, kill her!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    *broughttoyoubyConservativeAthleteswithOlympicMedals

  • Beowoof

    So the BIlls are playing the Lions, it is the start of the 4th quarter. Buffalo down, 31-24. Anything else happening tonight?

    • IonaTrailer

      "Come on down to my house, honey
      Ain't nobody home tonight"

      • Beowoof

        Probably a long trip, but I do have a fresh case of Sam Adams Oktoberfest.

  • TribecaMike

    Bob Guccione? Makes sense.

    • Beowoof

      Bring in Neal Boortz, and you could have Neal and Bob, what would be more perfect for the republican convention.

  • GlowneyHouse

    Chanting USA? Is another Puerto Rican coming to the stage?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oops. Current is cold blowing off the athletes. I don't like the Olympics anyway and never watch them, so who gives a fuck? I wouldn't know any of these people. All I know about Olympics is that every time I turned on the teevee there was water polo, whatever that is, on my teevee screen.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    GAG!!!!!!!

  • Callyson

    "the Olympic movement"

    WTF? Now, I like the Olympics, but FFS, it is an athletic competition, not a civil rights organization…

  • Guppy

    Bribery scandals you say?

    What party were the politicians involved?

  • OurHoboSenator

    I can't believe they didn't lure Tim Thomas out of his bunker for this. Speaking of right wing hockey players…

  • Biff

    Olympics, ethics? What, no condoms in the swag bags in SLC?

  • BathroomGoblin

    He just said the Olympics are bigger than Jesus.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Finally, David "You're Welcome" Shuster is going to be on my teevee again. He has a fiance, with hurts. Pretend boyfriends are so much more fun when they don't tweet pictures of their young, beautiful brides-to-be.

    • shelwood46

      I love him, too. What station is he on?

  • TribecaMike

    Mike Eurozone? Ferriner!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    WE are all fortunate that Mitt Romney kept that Movement burning!

    urgh, burning movements. That's best done in Quiet Fields

  • Callyson

    Ah, those "Women heart Mitt" signs. Keep dreaming…

  • mavenmaven

    Republicans like their latin folks short and gay.

  • quequoi

    I smell fear and desperation in the air with this verbal fellating of Romney regarding the 2002 Olympics. Nothing about policy. Nothing about his plans for running the country. Just a bunch of people kowtowing to hockey. Hockey? Are we Canadians now?

    • DustBowlBlues

      We can only wish.

      • quequoi

        True that.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Just one more example of how Mitt Romney understands the PRIVATE SECTOR so well, which is important for running the government because. Are the Olympics even a private sector thing? It feels like a corporate fuckfest, but aren't they organized by the UN or whatever?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Tom Tomorrow twitted: "My attention has gone missing. Maybe Mitt can put together a team and rescue it. "

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    They're cheering a Mexican! Quick, take a picture!

  • Callyson

    9.11! Drink!

  • Biff

    So Calvinball is now an Olympic sport? I really should watch more closely.

  • IndianaKevin

    Oh yeah, the crowd realizes, we should clap for the short guy.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    This is horrific — I mean, there's a reason people don't ask athletes to have long interviews. Giving speeches is just beyond the pale.

    Maybe it's part of the strategy — this is the roofies before we pass out in the bedroom, isn't it?

    • Biff

      I think Mitt surprise-baptized him when he lived there.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    5'4, Mexican, Southern California. Speed skater.
    Gay or GTFO

  • no_gravity

    Olympics from 10 years ago, and a winter one at that, are they cheering in lowercase usa usa usa?

  • IonaTrailer

    *How* well do you *know* Mitt??? Derek? Com'on buddy, the night was cold and clear. You were nervous. The Mitt called. And….

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh lord I never thought I would be WAITING for MITT DAMNED ROMNEY to be breaking some monotony. Come ON now.

  • Beowoof

    Has Clint showed up and given the repubs, their gun/shooty orgasm.

  • TribecaMike

    This guy says 9/11 more often than Giuliani. Dude, you're from San Bernardino.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The Flag had STAPLES in it.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    "I touched the flag for the first time – and I got a Boner!"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Our country was still reeling from the wound — the trauma — the pain of September eleventh."

    That happened under nobody's watch and was nobody's particular intelligence failure. But we'll adopt all his policies again if we're elected.

  • HogeyeGrex

    So, will Mitt start his speech with "I was born a poor black child…"?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      "I was a poor black child with muchas Messican grandmadres." Oh, no. Too close to the truth.

    • shelwood46

      Well, he is The Jerk.

  • mavenmaven

    …unlike anything I ever experienced… I then took the condom out of my ass and said, thank you, Mitt…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    A short Mexican lived with the Romneys? I didn't know they had a garden.

  • IonaTrailer

    OH JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST GIVE ME A BREAK

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Awww Scott, don't cry, what about all those wars we started? Didn't those feel good? Yeah they did. It's OK to be happy. There there boy.

  • Callyson

    BTW, from Democrats.org…

    The Salt Lake games got more taxpayer dollars than all of the previous U.S.-hosted Olympics combined: a whopping $1.3 billion. For comparison, the 1984 games in L.A. received $75 million and the 1996 games in Atlanta received $609 million. It's clear that the real hero of the 2002 games was the American taxpayer.

    • DustBowlBlues

      That needs to be somewhere in addition to the web site. An web ad is coming, I assume. And the twitter, which I read now but can't figure out how the fuck it works and what all those symbols mean.

      Still, I follow people and read the shit they twit, which I think is pretty damned good for an Old.

  • mosjef

    Bushed, Chainy, and Condo Rice squandered hundreds of billions for nothin'. That's why the rest of the mouth breathers keep chanting "We billed it"

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    The speed skater speech is death by cliché

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Didn't Scott Hamilton survive cancer? I guess he doesn't want anyone else to.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    BB who? What the fuck?

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      The Winans are a renowned gospel group. I'm a bit shocked to see their appearance here. I guess $$$$$ talks. update: it's just one Winan.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    No–not the Winans! What the hell?

    • TribecaMike

      Only one Winan. The others have peanut allergies.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Gotcha– realized it was just One BB.

    • Negropolis

      Which one was it?

      Edit: Oh, I see you said Bebe, the wife-beating one. Figures.

  • SorosBot

    Oh god this guy is boring.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    LET THE EAGLE SOARRRRR

    • Arborista

      Make the eagle weep…

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Make the eagle weep.. vomit.

  • GlowneyHouse

    He was born in America. Hey, I was too!

    • DustBowlBlues

      So was I! Anyone else around here born in America?

      • TribecaMike

        I flew over it once.

    • Negropolis

      I was born in America, too, but I was born in Motown, which isn't Real America, so I might as well be a Canadian or a Cambodian or some shit to them.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      I was born in Utah, so no.

  • LibertyLover

    Ann Romney isn't following the red dress rule…

    Will Mitt be having the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing too?

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      She don't have to walk the streets for money, either. She don't care if it's wrong or if it's right.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Arise from the ashes, America? A "prairie fire" of gospel singers?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh yeah — Mitt Romney inspired the country that wins more medals than anyone else to win a record number of medals. You know what else was a record for the Olympics? The amount of federal money that Romney secured for an Olympic games in the US — I think he got $1.2 billion for the 2002 games, when the previous record had been $300 billion for a summer games.

  • Guppy

    Heart-warming, tear-jerking appeals to emotion: because you really don't want to hear our policy ideas…

  • IndianaKevin

    I was born in America, the land where people dare to dream. (The only one because JeebUS!)

    • Crank_Tango

      dare to dream, just not in color.

  • Serfville

    If Clint Eastwood starts making Inspector Callahan/Dirty Harry analogies, I'm calling "Scorpio" & begging him to throw me off the Golden Gate Bridge.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I'll meet you there.

      • Serfville

        Ok, lets stop off and pick up Tony Scott first. Too soon?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "It's my America. It's your America." Unless you're a Democrat/progressive/woman/gay/brown.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    All things considered, I prefer Woody Guthrie's version.

  • quequoi

    Quivering in anticipation for the newly remodeled Mittbot 3000 complete with new humanity/compassion patch!
    CLUELESS-A! CLUELESS-A! CLUELESS-A!

  • Blueb4sinrise
  • SorosBot

    Bucking stereotypes, the Republicans managed to find a token black guy who can't sing,

  • TribecaMike

    Please, gawd, don't let Clint play piano. It's hard enough staying awake as it is.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    AHHHH MUTE MUTE MUTE MUTE STAB STAB STAB

    • Blueb4sinrise

      OMG! I was just curious!!! Honest!!!
      Get Ready!!!!!!!???????????

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        oh FUCK no dont do it

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Dammit Judy Woodruff — please never say "We're coming up to the money hour" ever again. Thank you.

  • Guppy

    I'm tired.

    The convention is more boring than usual.

    C-SPAN isn't showing enough cleavage.

    The commentariat is wandering into "mean/angry drunk" territory.

    I'm off to bed. Wake me up if the Paultards go Second Amendment with their votes or something.

    • emmelemm

      The commentariat is wandering into "mean/angry drunk" territory.

      Which is different from usual, how?

      • anniegetyerfun

        That was almost said as though we didn't start the fuck DAY drunk.

  • Negropolis

    Big Brothers been on, so I haven't seen a thing. I caught a piece of Jeb and some random teacher earlier in the night, but switched off. WTF with the yellow background was my only impression and comment.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Ann has a bird beak.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    It's almost like this guy did nothing but "bust-outs" and Olympics his whole damn life.

    Oh, wait.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      "bust-outs". That is a perfect description of what Mitt would call a "Leveraged Buy Out". I'm remembering the Sopranos episode of doing a bust-out on that sporting goods store. Bain Mafia.

  • HogeyeGrex

    DO THEY EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE CHANTING THE "USA!!!! USA!!!! USA!!!!"???

    Please?

  • IndianaKevin

    Mittens says we should have hope.

  • IonaTrailer

    America roaring back from the fact that business and capital left – because they want CHEAP labor? Not the interests of the American people.

  • Callyson

    I've got the set on mute, and my dog is still barking at it. Maybe I should get some food for him and put him in another room until this is over–unlike Mittens, I'm not into animal abuse…

  • quequoi

    The SLC Olympics are sooooo 2002.

  • Serfville

    Oh Gawd! Here comes the wacko name boy band: Minus 98 degrees from Utah.

    • TribecaMike

      Nick, Drew, Justin and Jeff ? It's like getting a year's worth of Tiger Beat on the same day!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    I can not wait until the Democratic National Convention, where there will be music that won't make me want to TEAR OFF MY OWN HEAD

  • SorosBot

    GAH THE BAND IS TRYING TO RUIN THE FOUR TOPS FOR ME, BUT THE FOUR TOPS ARE AWESOME; STOP THAT.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I can only hear "9/11" in Lois Griffin's voice now

    • BathroomGoblin

      9………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………11

      • Negropolis

        ….11. Cause that what Jesus would do.

    • Negropolis

      That was one of their best episodes. I never laughed so hard.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Mit bot cant explain your human love. Bleep boop.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    You know, "I can't explain love," either. He's JUST LIKE ME!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The Mitt and Ann Romance — an enduring failure of imagination.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Clearly, I've lost my edge because I really didn't foresee that they would link the fucking Olympics in UTAH in 2004 with 911which happened in godless NYC after all in 2001.

    And now Romney's talking about LOVE and I'm going to barf.

  • Doktor Zoom

    ICK ICK ICK I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ROMNEYLOVE!!!!!!!!!! It is even worse than Al and Tipper sucking face for an hour that one time

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Ann: "Ha, ha. Fuck you Mrs. George Romney; Mitt is my baby, now."

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Aww — they got married because otherwise they wouldn't be allowed to have sex. Too bad nobody told them about birth control.

  • BathroomGoblin

    "I wish these kids would shut the fuck up" — Ann Romney

  • Biff

    OH SHIT FAMILY 8mm MOVIES NOW

  • Callyson

    Out of curiosity, am I missing anything by tuning into C – Span instead of MSNBC?

    (I don't even want to know about CNN, much less FOX…)

    • Biff

      Just different commentators.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Home movies! Followed by slides of a family vacation!

    • IonaTrailer

      Coming up!
      Oooh Mexico – talk about the multiple wives, puuleezzzz

  • DustBowlBlues

    I adored Ann's story about the long winter afternoons with five boys running around the "House". Like the Romneys lived in a two-bedroom tract house, not a gigantic mansion with staff keeping track of the little bastards.

  • quequoi

    STFU Mitt!!! Talk to my Mother you asshole. Her husband of 25 years is a two-term Vietnam vet with MS and PTSD. They live on Veteran benefits and Social Security.
    If they had a dancing dressage horse, there are days when they would eat it.
    Screw you both. No lube. No reacharound.

  • TribecaMike

    I just don't get why they're ignoring all those years Mitt spent in a tiger cage in Hanoi.

  • Callyson

    "I know what poverty is"

    Too bad your son has no fucking clue about it…

    • Negropolis

      Mitt ain't a quarter of the man his daddy was. And, even his daddy was principled to the point of being rigid.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh look — it's video of a guy who ran for president and who released twelve years of tax returns when he did so. Whaddya think of that, Mitt?

    • quequoi

      George Romney is spinning like a freaking top. In his grave. Also, too.

  • GlowneyHouse

    Refugees? Really? REFUGEES?

    • FakaktaSouth

      Yes, from the Mexican government's tyranny against Polygamy and other weird Mormon stuff. No shit.

  • CthuNHu

    I loved the still photos with the flickering torches. We can haz Mitt gifs?

    Oooh… "knuckle-snorts!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "I just met Mitt Romney." Wtf? He's a MAN, Not your GOD.
    Fits the campaign to attempt to humanize him, but still feels entrenched in oddity– his weird cultish religion.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Mitt's a Messican.

    • Biff

      Damn, #mexicanmitt has been suspended…

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    They were refugees??????
    From the US or Mexico?

    • Callyson

      From the reality – based community.

    • Biff

      The family ran from US persecution against polygamy, then back to the states when the Mexicans had enough of it, too.

      • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

        I know the history. I'm just amazed by the use of the word, or as Michele Bachmann might put it, the chutzpah.

  • Serfville

    CHEAP FUCKING BASTARD!!!!! WHAT AN ENDORSEMENT! WTF?????????

    • LibertyLover

      That explains the accounts in the Caymans.

  • TribecaMike

    Mitt's speech will be delivered atop a gigantic iPod dock.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      The MittPod will play a selection titled "Rage Against The Commoner".

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Can't make it……weak………. you…..you go on without me.
    I'll try to catch up……no really…..I'll be okay…..just leave beer and PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!

    • IndianaKevin

      Must … try … if … we … suffer … we … all … suffer … together.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    "Dad took us to all the National Parks when we were kids, he always told me, "Mitt, some day you 'll sell the oil and mineral rights to these!""

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      "And son, you won't just stop at extracting all the wealth from natural paradises that should be left unsullied. You will also do it to American communities, by borrowing money to purchase community employers, then making the employers borrow more money — more money than would ever make sense to anyone — and you will steal this money from them. Then you will sell these businesses and watch them fail under their new impossible debt loads. And all the community's citizens who made a living and a home while working there can go fuck themselves."

      • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

        Win!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "If he could save 50 cents in paper clips, he'd drive a mile to do it."

    QUALIFYING BUSINESS EXPERIENCE.

    • TribecaMike

      Costing how much in gas? Does not compute, Mitt.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Staples !

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Will they mention his mother or is she out of the picture due to her inconvenient pro-choice position.

  • Biff

    Lying liars, it's a generational thing apparently.

  • IonaTrailer

    "cause I wanted to get the fuck out of Michigan. You figure it out

  • Negropolis

    You're right, Mitt isn't in this for himself. He's in this for his fucking money. He'd die before he'd let his money be attacked and taken from him. You just know if Mitt were some day to lose his fortune, he'd be on of those wealthy guys jumping from the Empire State Building. They try to pretend that he's deeper than that, but he's not.

  • Serfville

    Just what America wants: The cheap asshole who won't leave 20% then drives off in an Escalade. Good one RNC. "Keep up the bad work" ~Scarface

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    OH, GHOD I WANT TO BUY INTO AMWAY NOW!

  • TribecaMike

    A Michael Jackson reference? This is true comedy gold!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    OK, Micheal "Man in the Middle" Jackson! Creepy free association!

  • Callyson

    Jesus, I made the mistake of unmuting because I thought they were back. That remake of Man in the Mirror is pure Michael Jackson libel!

  • BathroomGoblin

    Enormous sigh.

  • quequoi

    I have heard better musical interludes at airport motels.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Oh. My. God.

    The mystery guest is an OLD WHITE MAN, you guys!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Clint? The hair? For fuck's sake.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    So Mittens should be President because he was busy falling in pure puppy love while other people were fighting and dying in vietnam or getting hosed marching for civil rights? And he should be President because his dad was powerful and rich and thus he grew up in richness and power. He did everything right, he's supposed to be President

    • Xan

      It's his time now. Anne said so.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    High Plains Grifter.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Man, this video: He's a Magic Man!!!!! I'm not sure how, but he must have waved his magic underpants at these problems and made them disappear somehow…no one knows how…Magic goes in, magic comes out – don't look at it…..

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Fuck it — regardless of what they do, I'm not throwing Ennio Morricone off the playlist.

  • IonaTrailer

    I hope Spielberg is getting ready for the counter-attack.

  • Callyson

    "As a matter of fact, I *do* feel lucky, punk…"

    Barack Obama, after looking at Mittens' approval rating…

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    "Get off my lawn and make my day you damn queers. White power!"

  • IonaTrailer

    Clint Eastwood = Alzheimers

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Save a little for Mitt."

    Ha — that stingy bastard saves enough for himself.

  • LePiston

    Clint lost all credibility when he let his wife do that reality show.

  • RadioBowels

    Read my lips: No New Tax Returns.

  • Callyson

    Bitch, please…your hot dog is probably nothing to show off…

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Go ahead, punk. Make my bed.

    • emmelemm

      Change my diaper!

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Tell about that time your daughter lit that $100K purse on fire, Clint

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    …It's just that the Conservative people make really shitty movies…

  • Xan

    I cannot believe it isn't Lincoln and Reagan holograms yacking it up. The level of my disappoint cannot be measured.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Fuck you Clint. Before this act of prostitution I actually believed there were a few libertarian Republican types left, but if you'd sell out for this b.s. Fuck you. You know better.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He he's in the 1%. He knows what his economic interests are.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Jon Voight — Chuck Norris — Timothy McVeigh — you know.

    • anniegetyerfun

      OMG, is Chuck Norris there?

  • IonaTrailer

    IS THIS THE BEST THEY GOT????

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAH

  • TribecaMike

    Does Clint know Sandra Locke has been watching The Manchurian Candidate a lot lately? Security might want to check the rafters.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That red-head, too. Frances something. One of each side of the hall. Those wimmins know how to use guns, too. Thanks to being in Clint movies.

  • Serfville

    Ok, time for the assisted living home. WTF is Clint talking about? Go away!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Goddamn, this is sad.

  • IndianaKevin

    Didn't we already hear from the skeleton people?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Listen, Punk. It's PRESIDENT Obama!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Who is the wheezing old man on the stage? What? That asshole pretend cop?

  • OurHoboSenator

    Wow, Reagan's corpse is really decayed.

  • obfuscator2

    god stop embarrassing yourself, dirty harold.

  • DustBowlBlues

    This is making me happy! He's tanking. Just my opinion, however. But he did give a shout-out to dipshit John Midnight Cowboy. How low that boob's gotten to be.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Did he bring an IMAGINARY President with him?

    *cuckoo-cuckoo*

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    They call him PRESIDENT Obama

  • Biff

    Nobody laughed when Scott Walker cried last night!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Didn't Eastwood do a commercial praising the auto bailout during the Super Bowl or something like that?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I guess he believed what Rmoney told him about that.

    • Arborista

      It's half-time in America.

      He was so pissed that people thought it was an Obama ad that he's in Tampa RIGHT NOW.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Clint just wants a chance to reprise his "Get off my lawn…" role again… man, he's older than me….

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Cindy McCain's thinking … I shoulda married him. He's still making money.

    • miss_grundy

      The only reason he made "Gran Torino" in Detroit was because of the film incentives that sailed through a bi-partisan Michigan legislature and signed by Gov. Jennifer Granholm, a Democrat.

      Now I don't know if I want to see his latest movie, Trouble with the Curve…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Of course Clint Eastwood cried when he found out there were 23 million unemployed in this country — he only had 200 bullets at the time.

  • Callyson

    Hey, isn't Dirty Harry cutting into Marco Rubio's timeslot?

    Can't decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing…

  • Doktor Zoom

    Shut the fuck up, Clint. You are out of your element.

    • quequoi

      Million Dollar Baby death scene. How do your Tea Party buddies like that, Clint?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    It's time for somebody else to come along and solve the problem.

    "Evening Meds in ward one, nurse. Stat!"

  • Negropolis

    The Romney campaign was cruel to allow this senile old man up on stage to embarrass himself like this.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      It's a tribute to Reagan.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yes, John Voight, that paragon of mental stability and health should always be your first choice of right wing actors. All I think of when I think John Voight is that he (didn't) bite George's pencil in the glove compartment on Seinfeld.

    Clint is indeed doddering enough to be there now; I see how this happened.

    • emmelemm

      When I think of Jon Voight, I think of Anaconda.

  • Callyson

    Stammering around, shifting back and forth…is this guy drunk?

    • quequoi

      He had a few with Jan Brewer earlier.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    He sounds really old. I hope he doesn't call over.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Did Clint just wake up, or is he just going to sleep?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wait, who the hell is he talking to?

  • LePiston

    I think Clint really thinks Barack is sitting there :(

  • obfuscator2

    this is just beyond bad, but he'll probably be better than mittens.

    • quequoi

      Senile Dementia is more human than Mittens.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    clint eastwood may be better with an audience than ole mittbot.

  • Serfville

    Clint is rambling like drunken comedian Foster Brooks.

  • WhatTheHeck

    They are desperate. They are cramming down our throats that this is the greatest man who ever lived. They are a knife edge away from fear.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Clint just pinned Afghanistan on Obama.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Clint talks Gitmo? Another inheritance for Obama? Sheesh.

  • TribecaMike

    Don't be shy about your military record, Clint. Go on and mention how you spent the Korean War as a lifeguard at a swimming pool in California. (True story)

  • IonaTrailer

    Is this going to back-fire on the GOP???

  • Callyson

    And I was complaining about the speakers from earlier this evening? Jesus, Clint, you're just embarrassing yourself now…

  • Mittens Howell, III

    He killed Obama for reals, pretend tough guy.

    Just saying.

  • DustBowlBlues

    He's got nothing but mean for this crowd. He kind of makes you want to look away because you're embarrassed for him.

    WTF? He just blamed Hopey for Afghanistan? Are you fucking kidding me?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    USE THE TELEPROMPTER

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Eastwood blames Obama for getting us into Afghanistan — and the crowd cheers. What the hell is going on?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Obama caused 9/11. He's been planning it ever since he was born in Kenya, as a part of his diabolical plans to take away our guns and white wimminz.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Wow, Clint is seriously addled. My god, another childhood hero, gone.

  • sudsmckenzie

    Nothing says "credible speaker' like someone mumbling to an invisible person.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    I have the feeling a few weeks from now they'll be a sad announcement like the kind we got about Rayguns and Charlton Heston.

  • CthuNHu

    Oh dear. Alzheimer's seems to have kicked in.

    And hey, the last terrorists we tried in downtown NYC are STILL IN PRISON, asshole.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Romney wants to stay in the war forever. What kind of shit is this old man full of?

  • Schmannnity

    Oh Clint! Where is Lee Van Cleef and his Colt when he is needed?

    • TribecaMike

      Getting drunk with Sergio Leone in heaven, probably.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Jesus this is awful. Is he trying to fuck up this badly? Gitmo? And trying Terrorists downtown in NYC? and… and…

    Oh fuck you Clint. Just fuck you. MUTE

  • IonaTrailer

    I SMELL AN SNL SKIT!!!!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Tomorrow on FOX, Barack Obama REPEATEDLY tells Clint Eastwood to shut up! Are we gonna stand for that?

  • obfuscator2

    how do you fit so many 'uh uh uh uh um uh uh uhs' on the teleprompter?

    maybe the optics of a doddering old man talking to an imaginary person in an empty chair aren't optimal for your campaign?

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Look at the Wingnuts chuckling cautious–we're blaming Afghanistan on Obama now, right? heh. heheheh.

  • no_gravity

    Yay, Clint Eastwood, more old white man stank in Tampa.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Dodder dodder spudder. Biden! spudder. Where's my applesauce?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Ooh, fact checking will go crazy with this one.

  • CthuNHu

    Dude's making Reagan look sound-minded.

    Talking to an empty chair on behalf of an empty suit.

  • Serfville

    Is he a ventriloquist, what is going on? J. Edgar sucked eggs! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

  • RadioBowels

    Is this the new fresh Republitard party I've been hearing about?

  • Negropolis

    WTF is all this Biden-hate for? I honestly don't understand it. Most Americans don't think of Biden the way they do.

    And, why the hell are they cheering as if they are at a Chris Rock concert? This shit ain't funny. It's sad. Someone go get that man's nurse.

    • gullywompr

      Biden makes with the zingers. They hate being zinged.

  • DustBowlBlues

    He said Democratic, not Democrat. Wasn't he listening when Karl Rove schooled him?

    • WhatTheHeck

      I think he’s secretly for Obama. Coming off as a cranky old white guy.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    This is FUCKING GREAT for McCain.

  • Callyson

    Ladies and gentlemen, meet 2012's answer to Michael Steele…

    I will always wonder if Dirty Harry *wanted* to sabotage the Reeps with this drivel…

  • rocktonsam

    even these soul less, shameless fuckers must cringe at the sight of this. then have to listen to Willard. you get what you deserve.

    I have up my standards, now up yours
    -Pat Paulsen

  • Mittens Howell, III

    "Oh Oh, Ah jest pooped mah pants"

    *Wild Fucking Cheers*

    • Serfville

      I am pissing myself I am laughing so hard. NOW me & Clint have something in common.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Feeling lucky, punk :)

  • LibertyLover

    Man. Whose Idea was this?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Conservatives are really eating this Grandpa Simpson shit up.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'm hungry! Where's my pill? I'll be good.

    • GhostBuggy

      The president is a demmycrat!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Eastwood's audition for Second City is NOT going well.

  • IonaTrailer

    Not good for BLACK attorneys to be President???

    (Btw, I believe Mitt is also an attorney?}

    • mayor_quimby

      I don't think he ever took the bar exam.

  • orygoon

    This fuckwad depresses me so much, because when I look at those lists of famous people who share my birthday, he's the only one anybody has ever heard of.

    • Arborista

      You made me look. I've heard of Brooke Shields, Don Ameche, Sebastian Koch, DMC, Sharon Gless, Jim Carey, Joe Namath, Johnny Paycheck, Walt Whitman, Colin Ferrell & Norman Vincent Peale. Also heard of Fassbinder, but don't think I've seen any of his films…

      After tonight, kinda wishing Clint Eastwood were more obscure. For his own sake.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Terrible idea for attorneys to be president. Look at what a shitty job Lincoln did and what a great job the last "businessman" in office did.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    He has dementia–what's your excuse, delegates?

  • TribecaMike

    The only thing of substance Clint has said so far was something about "23 million" out of a job before Obama was elected. Hmm, who was president then?

    And yes, diss student loans. Schmuck.

  • DustBowlBlues

    How many college students or other young people even know who Rowdy Yates is?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Didn't they make a movie about his college football career? With Sean Astin?

  • Arborista

    Um, that wasn't Obama telling you to shut up- that was the tattered remnants of your conscience, dude…

  • Schmannnity

    Two words Clint: Sondra Locke.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I now love her. She fucked this old dude up for YEARS.

      • Schmannnity

        I hope she is giving some of his money to the DNC.

  • no_gravity

    They're laughing with Eastwood because this is the same stuff they hear spouted at their nursing homes.

  • quequoi

    The old run gubmint like a business schtick? Really? That's all you have Clint?

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Do young kids even know who Clint Eastwood is. I mean, the 17 year olds. What point of reference do they have?

    OH THAT'S RIGHT. He has a reality show on E! now.

    • IonaTrailer

      Mr IonaTrailer teaches Film and TV – his exact comments

  • Callyson

    WTF with the guy in the audience wearing a blue elephant hat? Does he realize how r-word that looks?

  • DustBowlBlues

    And only Repubtards own this country. Not Democrats, they own nothing.

  • GlowneyHouse

    Clint's right . THEY do own the country. And they mean to keep it that way.

  • Callyson

    Marco Rubio must be *fuming* backstage…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    He's Ron Paul's evil twin!

  • gullywompr

    Romney's no businessman, he's nothing more than a fucking loan shark. Not fit for office.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Is Eastwood just lowering the bar so far that any coherent sentences Romney puts together will be a "triumph"?

  • Barrelhse

    A short Mexican? I don't know about that, but Ann had a little Italian in her once.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Senility is so sad.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Hey, this was right up there with the Admiral Stockton debate….

  • mayor_quimby

    Is Clint Eastwood pulling off an Ali G level trolling? Cuz that hint at "go fuck yourself" was pretty harsh. We shall see.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I think he was very charming and I love the respect he showed for the nation's first African American President.

    Bravo, Mr Depends.

  • quequoi

    Where are Clint's grandchildren? Isn't anyone looking after him?
    I kind of haz a sad now.

    • emmelemm

      Aren't his children/grandchildren basically Kardashians? (Vapid famewhores?)

      I don't know, I'm just basing that on the whole "reality show" thing.

  • Xan

    I thought it was community organizers don't make good presidents. No, wait, it was college professors. Um, lawyers? I'm going to need a wikipedia article to keep up with this.

  • LibertyLover

    We had a businessman in office until 2008, How'd that work out for us?

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    This is really a more libertarian type speech. The Repubs are desperate for celebs. I couldn't imagine a Hollywood celeb the dems would use to introduce the fucking nominee. Even whoring out the 'make my day' shit….dayum.

  • AlterNewt

    These people have completely forgotten how to be embarrassed.

    • Negropolis

      This is the entire thread, right here. This is perfect.

      • quequoi

        RIP humility and irony

  • CthuNHu

    "I can't do that to myself, either."

    Clint, I doubt you could do it to Miss America in a kiddie pool full of oiled Kardashians.

  • 415buzzard

    Had to walk away from the teevee, it is just too pathetic and scary.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Well, there it is. "Make my day," appropos of nothing. Jeebus wept.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Clint Eastwood stars in "The Rambler" and giving the delegates a sneak peak on his one-man comedy routine.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Horrible. Like, watching an autopsy horrible. And it's still going on!

    MUSIC NOW!

  • BathroomGoblin

    That just mad Clint look old and scared.

  • gullywompr

    Catch phrase Say the catch phrase!

  • mavenmaven

    Did Bain invest in Depends? What was that embarrassment about?

  • kingofmeh

    why is it that republicans constantly bemoan the influence of hollywood on the left, but the dems would sooner be caught dead than have, say, alec baldwin speak at the democratic convention? republicans are happy to trumpet support from even the fringiest and kookiest members of hollywood and other entertainment types (victoria jackson, jon voight, bruce willis, clint eastwood, etc.), while bemoaning the influence of hollywood on democrats.

    hell, the republicans have two prominent actors (reagan and fred thompson) as major party figures, as well as the late sonny bono.

    • YerMa

      You forgot the Governator.

      And Poland, also, too.

    • YerMa

      Plus that doucheface from the Real World we have here in WI.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I don't think Bono would have continued being in the party, if he were still alive.

      The REASON that Democrats don't let celebs speak is because the Republicans have done such a good job pushing their "liberal Hollywood gay communist" bullshit lines. George Clooney is smart and a good speaker, but he's only allowed to speak at fundraisers.

    • Crank_Tango

      It's called player hating.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What just happened?

  • bumfug

    Clint's got to leave now – that crypt ain't gonna keep itself.

  • Serfville

    That's IT, someone call Scorpio and have him throw me off the Golden Gate Bridge! I knew he would make a Dirty Harry analogy! Drink! Jump!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Marco Rubio is thrilled — at the very worst, he can only give the second most embarrassing speech of the convention.

  • Callyson

    "I think I just drank Clint Eastwood's water"

    Um, I don't think that was *water* that he was drinking…

  • Negropolis

    Rachel Maddow: This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen at a convention, and will be if I live to be 100.

    ROTFLMAO!

    • Serfville

      That's the NICEST thing Rachel could think to say on the air! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Dude needs to retire NOW

      • Negropolis

        When they cut in to her, she was totally at a loss for words for a good five second. lol

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      That's funny. I hope I never see anything weirder at a convention.

  • no_gravity

    Big smile. They really, really like me.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "Can you do Tony Montana?"

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Eastwood proved that Al-Zaimher's can be more dangerous than Al-Quaeda.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Did Clint Eastwood make me cringe five times, or six? To tell you the truth, in all the horrified mortification, I kind of lost track myself.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      I couldn't watch.

      • Arborista

        After Imaginary Obama told him to shut up, I had to hit the Mute button. I hate to watch people embarrass themselves that way.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      yeah… me too.

    • GhostBuggy

      Yes, this, exactly. I knew it would happen and couldn't watch. The wife and I put "The Muppets" in instead. Saw some funny foam animals sing songs with Jason Segal and respect and care for one another. So, basically, some childhood heroes did some awesome stuff while another one went down in horrifying flames.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Good luck following that act Rubio!

    Ooh – INVADE CUBA!!1!

  • IonaTrailer

    Cuba? Well, stop the embargo then.

    • GlowneyHouse

      But the embargo worked so well against other Communists countries like the USSR and Poland. Give it another 50 years.

  • LibertyLover

    That was odd.

  • no_gravity

    Rubio's really getting pudgy.

    • ProgressiveInga

      He's just short for his weight.

  • TribecaMike

    High Plains Grifter.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Please prey with me for the people of Cuba to have American-style crony capitalism, sweat-shops and McDonald's.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Conservative Cubans are the biggest terrorists per number of incidents in the United States.

    • AncienReggie

      Yes, but curiously inept terrorists.

  • rocktonsam

    even these soul less, shameless fuckers must cringe at the sight of this. then have to listen to Willard. you what you deserve.

  • mavenmaven

    anchor baby

  • CthuNHu

    To contrast with Mitt, they've now put on a lad on the verge of puberty to talk about Cuba, and also about Cuba some more.

  • Schmannnity

    Hey Rubio: Blow Charlie Crist.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Anchor Speaker?

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    America's "special" alright.

    Oh, he didn't mean that? OK.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    What's it with a certain type of Repub man, they all have that soft doughy face, creepy neo-con haircut, you know the Gingrich type of look thing? How do you describe it? I just can't quite put my finger on it and it gives me the heeeeeeby jeebies.

    • CthuNHu

      Imagine if he was named Martin Flitwick III, spoiled over-privileged rich preppy pretty boy. Then realize that that's exactly who he is.

  • quequoi

    Childhood polio crippled Rubio's grandfather?
    Marco would deport Jonas Salk for being a socialist for giving away his vaccine.
    Pinche coño.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Marco Rubio's grandfather said the dreams he had became impossible for him to achieve? Wasn't that the same guy who left Cuba for the United States two years before Castro's revolution? You know — under that capitalist and friend of freedom, Fulgencio Batista?

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    "We are BLESSED to have our new Robot Overlords, and I BOW to them!"

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Poor Clint, they put him up to this. Now Rubio, if the attendees are 96% Caucasian, how many of the other 4% are Florida Cubans?

    • anniegetyerfun

      AOTK?

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    "By all accounts he's a good father…"?????

    YOU FUCK

  • BathroomGoblin

    Ha ha ha he's still taking more than 1/3rd of the Bush vacations. Har har har.

  • Callyson

    Oh JFC, they want to talk about *Obama* golfing? How many fucking rounds did W do?

    • reliefsinn

      The statesmanship here is outstanding.
      Oh, you don't think that might be a dogwhistle for
      "lazy black man in the WH likes to play games instead of work", do you?
      Maybe he should do some real work, like clearing "brush" from a "ranch".

    • anniegetyerfun

      "Now watch this drive."

  • quequoi

    Childhood polio crippled Rubio's grandfather? What would Marco think of Jonas Salk for giving away his vaccine?

  • Negropolis

    Marco, I've come to know Barack. Barack is a president of mine. Marco, you are no Barack Obama.

  • TribecaMike

    No, Marco, President Obama is a bad person, Super Bad.

    • Negropolis

      Michael Jackson bad, if you will. But not the child diddling Michael Jackson bad, but the album bad.

    • IonaTrailer

      He's a bad mother shut your mouth

    • ProgressiveInga

      McLovin' Superbad.

      • rocktonsam

        bad

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    "Forward? I thought he was going backwards?"

    YUCK
    YUCK
    YUCK

  • Schmannnity

    Cuba Si! Rubio No.

  • Callyson

    AGAIN with the lie about the Medicare cut. I see Lyin' Ryan has some company….

  • One_Man_Band

    And here I thought he couldn't embarrass himself worse than he already had by directing Hereafter…

  • Callyson

    "rich people got rich by making other people poor"

    And that observation is inaccurate because…?

  • obfuscator2

    white people can't even clap in rhythm.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Basically, the whole Republican scam depends on Americans not knowing that people in other developed countries live happier lives and are wealthier.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    "Back in the day everyone was poor"

    Yeah, and that's the way you want to make it again. In fact, we're already halfway there.

  • IonaTrailer

    I hate these people that they have the nerve to slander a man of whom they aren't fit to hoist one ball hair of his.

  • Callyson

    Um, he wants to talk about the concentration of wealth now? Yeah, let's look at how the Republicans support this, starting with the Ryan tax plan that would increase taxes on the middle class and lower them for the wealthy…

  • Barrelhse

    Jesus, Clint… Got up on the wrong side of the cryogenics chamber, did we?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Oh, BeccaLou, you are a vision of feminine pulchritude, if I do say so myself, and I most certainly do. So did Clint bomb? Or is just that the jealous, jealous Twitterverse?

  • mavenmaven

    Almighty God just got a standing ovation. I bet She's really proud.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      And she ordered up another hurricane for Florida.

  • JackObin

    Jeb got mommies' fat gene. And the stupid gene of his father.

    • no_gravity

      What did Dubya get, besides drunk and jeebus?

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Pretzels!

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    He's describing the future, under Romney, not the aristocracies. You'll damned well stay where you were born in life and we'll structure taxes to guarantee it.

  • Callyson

    Oh FFS, *no one* is saying we should rely exclusively on political leaders. Straw man much?

  • AlterNewt

    Somewhere in the desert about 110 miles east of here, Ken Layne is not watching this scum-circus, because he is wiser than us all.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    BULLSHIT family is the most important institution in society. I'm so sick of hearing that crap. Somewhere, in the heartland, an abusive dad makes his little kid's life a living hell.

  • IonaTrailer

    "in God we Trust" (Where's my handgun?)"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "And that almighty god is the source of all we have."

    Oh yeah — Rubio goes to church seven days a week. He's also been a Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon. This guy has some crazy sissy shit going on.

  • no_gravity

    By the time Rubio's 60 his ears are going to be bigger than Dumbo's."

  • TribecaMike

    E Pluribus Sputum.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Romney couldn't generate excitement with this crowd if you put 20,000 volts through their chairs.

    • Eve8Apples

      I agree, but I would find it quite entertaining.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    No, the last 12 years have tested my faith in America. You fucking liar. Yes, you, Rubio.

  • Schmannnity

    Yeah Rubio! Every Mexican who touches dry land in America, just like a Cuban, gets to stay!

    • Toomush_Infer

      Rubio looks desperate – hey, can we start a new thread here? I'm channel surfing between him and a rerun of the Rosanne Barr roast….I'm getting confused….

  • Callyson

    "But now you owe thousands of dollars in student loans"

    This is coming minutes after the last speaker bashed Obama for talking to college students about this issue…

  • Negropolis

    God, that man's ears are huge, bigger than the president's. I'd never noticed that. Everything about him is disproportioned.

    • YerMa

      It's true. Barry's are more sticky-outy, but Rubio's cover most of his large side head-surface area.

    • Schmannnity

      Well, not everything.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Time for the "my father/mother was a coal miner/goat herder/turd farmer" part

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    This reminds me of why I don't like or talk to my own extended family. They took everything and Rand with it.

  • BoroPrimorac

    Fuck Marco Rubio. Not even the Teabaggers like him anymore.

  • Limeylizzie

    That was just weird and sad. Marco Rubio is dead to me I am still in shock from Clint.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Has Rubio said anything yet? I can't tell.

    I got brain fucked by Shit-My-Pants McSpaghetti-Western

    • Serfville

      Oh Thurston, you are SO funny!

  • Serfville

    Vulcan Star Trek ears! Green/Ice For Blood!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wow, this is a bunch of working-class people. How would you know that all these rich motherfuckers had such a hard life? I'll bet they're glad they made it without food stamps, welfare, Medicare, Medicaid, unemployment of any other kind of government assistance they're planning to eviscerate.

  • IonaTrailer

    If he really believes this he would be for un-embargoing Cuba.
    But he's not really. He's just another political hack.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Surely he's in front of a podium because he's a dead-souled grasping sociopath?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    My grandfather was a bus driver and a master bricklayer. But Romney's whole life is a repudiation of "make something" capitalism.

  • AlterNewt

    Bring on the holographic hookers (and blow).

  • TribecaMike

    I too remember my father, Marco. A career Air Force NCO who's parents were immigrants, he always said you Repugs were fascists.

  • poorgradstudent

    Hey, I really liked Play Misty for Me. Especially by today's standards, it was a pretty intelligent thriller that avoided making a victim of Eastwood's character (that as director he was willing to portray his own character in a pretty unflattering light was commendable) and a total monster of the killer. At the very, very least, it could have been a lot worse – and it was when it was more or less remade as Fatal Attraction.

    Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, right. Yeah, I totally wish I could vote for the Obama the Republicans are talking about!

  • Callyson

    Dreams that are impossible anywhere else come true here

    Yeah, because no one ever gets a college education or starts a business or enters a profession in any other country…

    • anniegetyerfun

      There are no other countries. Only Zuul.

  • Schmannnity

    Hey, I think Rubio's bartender dad cut me off!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    I was told there would be a 900 ft tall holographic Ronald Reagan.

    I am disappointing.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Hell, I'm still looking for the Bouncy Castle I was promised would be there — NEVER trust a Wisconsin Republican!

  • quequoi

    I just needed to put this out there.
    The Wonketariat have kept me sane the past few weeks.
    Booze, cookies and comfy pillows for all of you.
    *bows humbly*

  • Callyson

    Tried to get my dog to go into the other room to escape this crap, but he is loyally sitting next to me, licking my ankle in an attempt to console me.

    I need to get him a hunk of meat, brb…

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Funny no one gives a damn about their kids in other country, eh, Marco?

  • IonaTrailer

    VOTE FOR THE RICH GUY! YAYYYAYAYAAAAA

  • BathroomGoblin

    We want our children to inherit our fabulous hair and good skin.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      But not our ears.

  • spareme

    "And our achievements will astonish the world!" This asshole sounds like Hitler.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    alkdjf bleep blorp

  • Callyson

    "Do we want our children to inherit our hopes and dreams, or do we want them to inherit our problems?"

    *That* is rich, coming from a party that has left two recessions behind for their Democratic predecessors to inherit…

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Domo arigato, Mittster Roboto!

  • Serfville

    Mittens is so stiff he is shaking invisible hands!

  • Callyson

    Here comes Mittens…not much noise from the audience. I think they gave Dirty Harry a better welcome…

  • CthuNHu

    "We chose more government instead of more freedom!"

    Ha ha, moron.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Rubio did what he was supposed to do. Rubio 2016!

  • GlowneyHouse

    So the new story is that Mitt's family are war refugees from Mexico? That explains his sympathy and understanding of the Palestinian situation, I guess.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wow, that was the least inspired introduction, followed by the least inspired ovation of any climactic scene in a convention I think I've ever witnessed. Rubio said we chose a special man, and gave this mighty crescendo, and the camera panned the crowd and literally one third of the people were cheering.

    And holy fuck, there's child molester Denny Hastert.

  • Come here a minute

    This is just another comment that will be ignored in the flood of comments.

    • Come here a minute

      +162!

      • Come here a minute

        If you make yourself laugh, that's half the battle!?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    can we have a new thread please?

  • AlterNewt

    All of this week's speeches have been composed by PanderSmart®.

  • Callyson

    Could Mrs Ryan's smile be any more forced?

    She knows Mittens and hubby are going down…

    ETA: the smiles in the audience are almost as phony…

  • FakaktaSouth

    I HATE that "next President" of the US thing. It's so lame, like OH! Doesn't it just SOUND WONDERFUL? SEE IT AND BE IT!! But here, it's half-hearted and stupid and just shut up.

  • TribecaMike

    Even the house band is smashed out of their gourds. That lazy riff is all they can come up with?

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    God Mittens, move it! He's not even trying to walk. Just shake hands, we've got all night.

  • IonaTrailer

    "WE CHOSE MORE GOVERNMENT" RUBIO FUCKED IT UP!

    Shouldn't he have said *less* government???

    See, they can't help but tell the truth…

  • obfuscator2

    has anyone ever looked more uncomfortable in the history of recorded time? i bet he bathes in hand sanitizer for a good 3 hours tonight.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    And now….the starting line up…for your…Wingnut Ticket!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Where are the Cylon Centurions?

    • Arborista

      They aren't the ones wearing red suits with pearls?

  • Serfville

    Mittens just beat the shit out of Dirty Harry on the way up for fucking up the whole night!

  • sudsmckenzie

    And thats as close to a State of the Union as you will ever get Mittens.

  • Schmannnity

    Mitt. Creepy.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Who was yelling "no! no! don't touch me!" as Mittens ascended to the stage?

      • Schmannnity

        Ann?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Here's the money shot.

  • shrillharpy

    I just got here so apologies if this has been said before. I just saw the banner above Romney: I believe in AMERCIA. Oddly enough, ME TOO!

  • spareme

    How long is Romney going to talk? Trying to figure out how many shots of Crowne I need to live through it.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Every time he says "built", take a shot.

  • CthuNHu

    Who just yelled "Oh no no no don't touch me!" ?

    Kinda off-message…

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      I wondered the same damn thing!

      • Mittens Howell, III

        We can rule out Lindsey Graham.

  • Callyson

    Are Mittens' eyes tearing up?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      You noticed the rust, too?

    • anniegetyerfun

      It's just his lubricating system malfunctioning.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Yeah, it's a new Rebublican disease – they've all caught it….it's an emotion virus, and passes quickly, brought on by a plethara of self-congratulation and smugness…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.

    i am just going to keep saying that and be happy i am wonkettes.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "and by my side I've chosen a man with a big heart from a small town"

    Oh shit — his name's not Cheney, is it?

    • rocktonsam

      Janesville you stupid rednecks, Mitten$ is talking about you.

      Janesville, why do hate you Beloit?

    • caitifty

      I think that's a fuckup – he meant to say ""and by my side I've chosen a man with a small heart from a big town"

  • Callyson

    "Last night people got to see what I saw in Paul Ryan"

    A pathological liar?

    • ProgressiveInga

      Eddie Haskell?

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.

    i am just going to keep saying that and be happy i am with wonkettes.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Oh, ho ho! We are not robots, but we are technological.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Paul, honey. react AFTER Mitt makes the comment, not before because you read the speech already a million times.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    "Americans always come together after elections…"

    OH BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT

  • BathroomGoblin

    The "came together after the last election" line is actually going to kill me.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Emphasis on "rich".

  • AlterNewt

    Oh, for Christ's sake.

  • IonaTrailer

    Freedom to have plural wives????

  • Callyson

    "Americans always come together after elections"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…you mean like the Party of No's constant obstructionism, in the form of a record setting number of filibusters or opposition to policies they once supported once Obama came out in favor of them?

  • Schmannnity

    We built this religion.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Take a pinch of hucksterism, a magical hat, some golden plates which nobody can see, bake for a Meadow massacre, and voila! Bon Appetit!

  • LibertyLover

    Americans always come together after an election except in January of 2009 when a small group of Republicans met and agreed to obstruct Obama at every turn.

  • Serfville

    Mitt is so stiff, he was cast as a tree in "The March Of The Wooden Soldiers"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Americans always come together after elections."

    Except for John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor and every other Republican who rejected the policies that they'd previously touted when a Democrat proposed them.

    Mitt might out-lie Paul Ryan — he's commpetitive enough.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Hey, I love my mom. What's weird about that, Mittens?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    gah! boring!
    Gahg!!!!!

  • shrillharpy

    Fuck you, Mittens and your LIttle League team.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    hahahahaha this is exactly the vapidness you (sullivan) predicted.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    So Mitt's saying that if we really want to fulfill the Obama promise, we should elect him? Wow — brilliant fucking strategy, dumbass.

  • TribecaMike

    USblah! USblah! USblah!

  • Callyson

    Um, Mittens, we didn't vote to reduce the deficit…that was the least of our concerns compared to stopping the economic implosion left behind by W…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    His remarks about Ryan… "who can rise to the challenge of this moment" I thought I heard "this Mormon."

  • Negropolis

    I know that mean of us instictively knew, and even many of us said, that the Republicans would blame this mess on Obama, but it is still maddening to hear them do it so shamelessly. This man ran into a burning building to put it out…and they're accusing him of setting the building afire.

    • Arborista

      Only union thugs put out fires. Boooooooo!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    whoa whoa whoa mitt 'americans deserve'???? sounds mighty entitlement-y to me.

    usa out of control mittbot does not know how to compute.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    $22.50 and hour? Bitch PLEAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      How long would it take to accumulate a quarter of a billion dollars at that rate?

  • AlterNewt

    Not so long ago, this is what a parody of an insincere politician looked and sounded like.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    What does Romney know about people losing their jobs? Oh, yeah…right….

  • BoroPrimorac

    Yes, Mitt, we waited until the economy collapsed to start planning our futures.

  • ProgressiveInga

    He is channelling his inner Pawlentzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • IonaTrailer

    "USA" threatens to drown out the speech, because no one cares what this asswipe says.

  • Serfville

    "I Am Mr. Cheap Slave Laborer!" Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

  • quequoi

    I want to attach a 3M Command strip to Romney's forehead.
    With a nail.
    With votes.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I DON'T HAVE KIDS.

    • Biff

      Marry me!

    • Fuck Toad

      Does that mean you're disowning me, your internets creation? *sob*

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Aw, Fuck– are you kidding? You're my only child. I love you, Fuck Toad!

    • LePiston

      Neither do I. DINKs and INKs unite!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    god working harder so offensive coming from bain capital.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    "I've heard that these are some of the things that upset the Serfs so I'm going to say them out loud."

  • SheriffRoscoe

    HAHA GOP! You bought him!!!! Suckers.

  • no_gravity

    So does this mean they can knock off calling him the presumptive nominee?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      No, he's still presumptive as all get-out.

  • Callyson

    "When you lost a job paying $22.50 an hour you took two jobs paying $9 an hour"

    Yeah, and then you found out that the Republicans want to cut your kids education and reverse the regulations on the bankers whose recklessness caused your pension to drop by half…

    • LibertyLover

      And sad face… it's was my company, Bain, that put you out of work…

  • CthuNHu

    Mentions people losing high-paying jobs and taking two lousy-paying jobs just to get by, and smiles.

    That's the Mitt I know.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Was it an awkward smile? I hope it was an awkward smile.

      • CthuNHu

        No, it was a warm smile of genuine peace and satisfaction. A rare sight on that Borg face.

  • IonaTrailer

    If you wish Obama had suceeded, why did you party block everything, every fucking thing.
    I hate you, you pompous lying asshole.

  • Schmannnity

    We deserve a White president! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    • Arborista

      Elizabeth Warren 2016!!1!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "When you lost that job paying $22.50 an hour…" HI AMPAD.

  • FlyOverGirl

    Hahaha like Mittbot knows about a second job.

    If you just say, "And the I fired them all," it makes the whole thing more palatable.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …"And I deserve to work for 7.25 an hour!"

  • Callyson

    "It was a time when Americans were returning from war and eager to work"

    Yes, and it was a time when we did not have anti government wingnuts in power to prevent the GI bill and the interstate highway system…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    this is a bad speech i think.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      You mean Tweety won't have a tingle up his leg like he did for Condi Rice?

  • mavenmaven

    Because Neil Armstrong got to the moon all on his own.

    • glamourdammerung

      Because Neil Armstrong got to the moon all on his own.

      Yep. He went on a rocket powered by rational self interest and rape.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      THIS.

    • Schmannnity

      Invisible hand drive.

  • Schmannnity

    OK Mitt. You've convinced me. I will vote for JFK/LBJ.

    • AlterNewt

      Take me with you. PLEASE.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    "You need an American"

    Nah, I'll take the Gay Kenyan, thank you very much.

    • Callyson

      Lawrence O'Donnell went off on how that was a coded message to the birthers.

      If only we had real reporters at the debates to ask Mittens just WTF he meant by that…

  • Negropolis

    That is the only time you'll ever see white Republicans cheer a reference to Detroit. Ever.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Ha!

  • AlterNewt

    Now would be a good time for his software to glitch out.

  • TribecaMike

    Dude, you were 22 when Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon. You were still living at your parent's house?

    • anniegetyerfun

      HE BUILT IT.

  • Arborista

    I love all these 'Believe' signs folks are waving around. Do they think I'm likely to fall for any of this crap just because they wave a sign at me?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    What's that smacking noise he keeps making? It's not very butch.

    • IonaTrailer

      DENTURES!

    • ProgressiveInga

      So fucking annoying. He always does that. Back on Mute, Mitt.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      It's when his audio track is drawing too much battery power.

  • IonaTrailer

    "Weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night Ward?"

  • Callyson

    So, Mittens' policy for improving our nation for our kids is parental love. Yeah, get back to me when you have a coherent plan to improve American education…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Well, Lenore, look no further than your faith.

  • Serfville

    What is it with this bullshit "Love" Theme in this convention? Is this the summer of 1967? These lemmings are hate filled fucks that hate poors & "those people" eh Ann Romney?Nothing but love fer ya!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Has Romney always smacked his lips between phrases? Oh, fuck me over this rose story. Both Romneys were such moderate Republicans, they'd be called Socialist peace-niks today.

    • Biff

      Not really any worse than Ryan's grunting, I guess.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    George spat nails, Mitt spits silver dollars.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh Mitt — he's totally for equal opportunity for women. It's just like 1972 all over again. Okay, not at a Republican convention, but in the rest of reality.

  • LibertyLover

    I'll bet women would want to decide when to have a baby.

  • Callyson

    "Why should women have any less say than men about the great decisions facing our nation?"

    Great question–now, tell me why women should have any less say about the great decisions facing their reproductive choices…

  • Xan

    All great women. Just don't try to get birth control, an abortion, health coverage at the same cost as a man with the same health background, equal pay for equal work, or freedom from sexual harassment.

  • TribecaMike

    It's 1920 all over again!

    • no_gravity

      Harding! Harding! And Mitt would the Temple Recommend Dome Scandal.

  • VirtualDespot

    Does anybody know what's up with the dot on everybody's flag pins?

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Price tags?

    • CthuNHu

      Maybe it's a heart, to show they love America, unlike somebody else…

  • Callyson

    OK, this attempt to look less like a robot by rambling about his family life is getting dull…

  • DustBowlBlues

    What is this shit? Teleprompter says, "tear up then smack"?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I am SO glad that I am not watching the actual speech. Lip-smacking sounds make me die.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    It's like 1992 again! Year of the Woman!

  • BoroPrimorac

    Is it over yet?

  • IonaTrailer

    Stop pandering to the uterus. You've already lost that vote.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Yes, Ann probably would have succeeded at anything she wanted to do. But she Stepforded you instead.

  • TribecaMike

    Yuck, gag me with a silver spoon!

  • Serfville

    Yeah, it's really tough keeping those maids, nannies & gardners in line!

  • rocktonsam

    i've upped my standards, now UP YOURS.

    -Pat Paulsen

  • Negropolis

    Loading program "cry."

    • quequoi

      404 Not Found

  • quequoi

    Her job as a Mom was a lot more important than mine!
    Uterus-S-A! Uterus-S-A! Uterus-S-A!

  • lurker_above

    "Ann's job as a mom was a lot more important than mine."

    Mittens just turned the pandering up to 11.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Mitt's tongue, meet America's rectum.

  • ChrisM2011

    Hey now! I think Mitt just walked through Invisible Obama.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I bet invisible Obama shivered.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    man i think mittbot may actually be an ok guy in some circles.

    sux man you should have stayed in those circles.

  • IonaTrailer

    Is that clicking his dentures, the mic or the program re-booting?

  • obfuscator2

    i tell you, being richer than god really does free you up to spend time with your wife and children. you should totally try it.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    WARNING: Mitt's speech may cause somnolence. I recommend avoiding operating heavy machinery or folding laundry while under the influence.

  • Xan

    Coded race baiting in 3…2…1…

  • Callyson

    I love how he talks about how much people were optimistic after the 2008 election, and now are disappointed in their choice. Do tell, Mittens, how did they feel in the 2010 election when your party got lots of seats, and how do they feel about those officeholders now?

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    This is the most vacuous fucking speech I've ever heard.

    • CthuNHu

      You obviously haven't listened to a lot of Mitt speeches.

      Wait, you know what? I have, and you're still right.

    • RadioBowels

      I think he sent ask the vacuum jobs over to China.

    • TribecaMike

      Is that a Hoover pun?

  • Toomush_Infer

    I loved the $22.50 line….and so did all those corporations, thinking: Hey, if we can get them to work two jobs for $9.00 an hour, could we get them to work three jobs for $6.00 an hour – that would be fabulously awesome – 120 hours for the price of 40!!!!!…..

  • Serfville

    Oops! That ole' tingly feeling is gone!

  • sudsmckenzie

    Actually Mitt, the best feeling I had was when Hopey got me health insurance.

  • YerMa

    Hey Mitt… BIN LADEN! IN THE FACE.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    I felt kinda good when affordable health care passed, DADT was repealed, he came out for marriage equality, and oh yeah when they got that Bin Laden fellow. There were a few more things too, like say PREVENTING A DEPRESSION AFTER THE OTHER GUY DROVE THE ECONOMY INTO A DITCH.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    A pension fund joke Mitt? Really? That's really not funny.

    • Serfville

      Yeah, creepy meter off the scale

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Wanna make a bet? Ten grand says it's funny.

  • Negropolis

    You see, you guys, Bain is just your mom-and-pop vulture capitalist partnership.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Yeah, a "small company" funded by south american crime families. Just yer average Small Town USA company.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    He really does smack his lips a lot.
    Ick

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh ha ha ha — Mitt Romney didn't ask his church's pension fund to invest in Bain because he didn't want to go to hell. Even after living in Utah.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Thanks for repeatedly logging me out, InsaneDebate.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      I can't post properly at all – it's giving me the guest thing, then posts as me, but I can't write new posts.

      • Biff

        Same here, thought it was just me. Happened this morning, too.

    • LePiston

      I don't even get a new comment box :(

  • Pat_Pending

    This speech… it's as if it was writ upon magic stones, inside a hat….

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    oh mitt, business does not help you be in government and i'm pretty sure this will become obvious when you and bamz actually meet.

  • TribecaMike

    So now it's Obama almost has no business experience?

  • Schmannnity

    OK. I wanna be a vulture capitalist

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Back just in time………….oh wait….SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Rmoney has been practicing Reagan's podium / speech mannerisms.

  • Callyson

    Yeah, Mittens, what Obama is attacking is not Bain's success, but Bain's *failure* to sustain those businesses that they acquired, loaded up with debt, cashed in on, and then left to go bankrupt…losing people's jobs and pensions in the process…

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Not enough Two Buck Chuck in the world to get me through this….

  • spareme

    He hasn't said anything worthwhile yet, and I don't think he plans to. Just a bunch of family value stuff, and a bunch of cheerleading, and a bunch of current President bashing. I can't wait for next week, Karma is a bitch.

  • obfuscator2

    "… i started a small company."

    seriously, go get fucked. just… go get fucked, you plutocratic vile piece of human garbage.

  • mavenmaven

    trying to redistribute todays? Is he nuts?

    • TribecaMike

      He has magic underwear!

  • IonaTrailer

    No, Mitt, President Obama was cleaning up your party's shit. And your party decided having an African-American as President was so egregious that you decided to do everything you could to tank his Presidency.

  • NellCote71

    How dare he bring up Steve Jobs. Steve would have created an app just to be able to delete him.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Actually, Willard, my business is thriving, and Obamacare saved it, because it means that now I don't have to get some soul-sucking desk job in order to qualify for health coverage.

  • Callyson

    "You're better off now than you were four years ago…except under Jimmy Carter…or this President"

    Um, I was *much* worse off in 2008 than I was in 2000, or even 2004…

  • spareme

    Now is the time for Rupub's to act like they have a brain? Doubt that too.

  • TribecaMike

    If Mitt is elected will we all get huge bonuses at taxpayer expense?

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    What America needs is that black dude in the White House.

  • Serfville

    If they are going to go down this road "I'm not making excuses for my success" they better start talking about their 7 houses, car elevators and hired help, all in full disclosure. And stop with My Daddy was a wheel barrow salesman in shitsville baloney. It's really backfiring on them. Do they think America is this stupid?

    • DustBowlBlues

      Well, the thing is about America: yes. They are this stupid.

      • Serfville

        Sad but true. Sniffle sniffle

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    A republican talking about getting rid of divisiveness. Excuse me while I laugh and vomit simultaneously.

  • SorosBot

    Yes, America needs jobs. You know what creates them? Government spending, fucker.

  • TribecaMike

    There's no there there.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Just because the economy is not falling off a cliff while shitting 800,000 jobs/month doesn't mean we're better off than we were four years ago.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Are you better off now than four years ago when you were worried that tomorrow or the next day you might have to fight off roving street gangs with two-by-fours for access to one of the few working, rationed ATMs? I think not.

  • NellCote71

    He is now comparing the crush of the middle class on Obama? Are you fucking kidding me?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "Slowest economic recovery since the Great Depression…"? Yes, too bad we don't have a World War Three to help that along…

  • quequoi

    Pander, Pander, Smack dentures, lie…
    Lie, pander, pander, smack dentures, tell bullshit sob story…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Why does he keep acting like Republicans tried to be supportive but Barry let them down? These folks, being the racists who freaked about it in the first place, should know that is bullshit. Can you really say WHATEVER to them if you say you are a Republican and they will nod their heads because they do not understand words? I hate this. He's terrible.

    • reliefsinn

      Yes, that's particularly galling. You expect a bunch of bs in these speeches, but the smarmy, passive aggressive attacks on Barry and other Dems "by all accounts he's a good father, etc." really suck.
      OBAMA ABANDONED OUR FRIENDS IN ISRAEL? OH, EFF YOU, YOU LYING BASTARD!
      And you can shove the "abandoning our friends in Poland" stuff.
      I can't even believe that Republicans are that simple minded.
      Slip the juice to me, Bruce, but make it the hard stuff.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Gee Mitt – for some reason I'm not about to give up on the president who wants to fix the problems for the president who wants to go back to the policies that caused all the problems.

    Really, motherfucker, if your party's policy is to create problems that take more than four years to fix so that you eventually get back into power, that should disqualify said party forever. As Dick Cheney said, go fuck yourself.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Clint Eastwood currently chilling backstage, getting blown by a coffee table, thinking "Nailed it."

  • Schmannnity

    "The Obama economy has crushed the middle class." Just wait until the taxes on the middle class go up and the slashes in government spending throws the economy into a depression.

  • Fuck Toad

    I have not watched a single second of this disaster, and I feel like a lucky man for it. Thank you all for providing secondary comedy as a result, though.

  • Negropolis

    Is Wonkette messing up for anyone else. When I try to go to "latest comments" it just hangs and the dates and times are showing instead of just the time on posts.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      It's blowing up in here, way too much crazy to process.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Yes it is for me too.

  • Callyson

    Food prices…yeah, why have they increased? Oh yeah–the drought, to which climate change is greatly contributing…

    Gas prices…oh yeah, they went up earlier this year thanks to the saber rattling about war with Iran in which many GOP lawmakers were indulging…

    Deficits…oh yeah, the impact of the unnecessary war in Iraq and the W tax cuts that did not create jobs (how convenient that W could leave them behind so that his successor could be blamed for them…)

  • AncienReggie

    He has a plan!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Did I mention that I like making 9.50 and hour?!!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "I have a plan to create twelve million new jobs." It involves selling this cow for these three magic beans.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      My IntenseDebate broken. It won't let me comment. I can only reply to comments. Is anyone else having a prob. I rebooted AND switched from Firefox to IE, still not working.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Mine loads really slowly. We need a new thread. Implore Becca!

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          I will but I think I should wait until she stops drinking.

  • AlterNewt

    Yes, yes. The PanderSmart Speechware® is working beautifully.

  • rocktonsam

    even the golf channel has Mitten$ on, haha no it doesn't

    Fail Fail Fail

    but, Venus has her hands full with a really interesting German at the US Open

  • Arborista

    Clint was talking to Imaginary Obama, and Mitt is talking about Imaginary Obama.

    Is this guy related to Barack Obama?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    "Well… maybe so. This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves: finally just lay back and say it — that we are really just a nation of 220 million

    used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
    -Fear and Loathing on the Campagin Trail, 1972. Hunter S. Thompson.

    (really having one helluva time posting here )

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Thank you for that HST! Intense debate seems to be intensely debating itself.

  • TribecaMike

    Mitt has the power to create coal with his mind?

    • Arborista

      He very much wants you to believe that he, too, is a carbon-based life form. I'm not convinced…

      • TribecaMike

        Darwinist!

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Yes — he starts with a diamond and exposes it to his ideas for boosting the economy. Diamonds plus that level of vacuum turns them back into coal, and we have instant free power.

  • Serfville

    He should have a 3 empty kindergarten chairs next to him that he is talking to (if he was REALLY honest): 2 for the Koch Bros & 1 for Sheldon Addleson in Las Vegas who padded Paul Ryan's ass right after the Veep pick.

  • SorosBot

    OK, I just started listening to the speech after getting off Skype with my girlfriend, and have already counted six lies.

    • quequoi

      Go back to Skype with your girlfriend. I like your comments too much to wish chronic projectile vomiting on you.

    • Schmannnity

      From your girlfriend?

      • SorosBot

        Uh, no; you should know who she is, and she's very honest and insightful. Unlike Mittens.

        • MissTaken

          Oh I lied at least 2 dozen times, you only caught 6 of them ;)

  • spareme

    I get it! He thinks he is Ozzie and Harriet – at the same time!

  • Callyson

    OK, I now have RAGE over seeing someone in a Steelers hat in the audience. Fucker, this asshole supports the very outsourcing policies that destroyed manufacturing in America in the first place…

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      A lot of Steeler fans have as many concussions as the players do.

  • mavenmaven

    five step bull$#%t.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Don't give up on Mitt, you guys. He still has his debate performances to save his ass.

    • NellCote71

      Yeah, that will do it.

  • Callyson

    Oh JFC–health care costs are not going up because of Obamacare–they are going up because of the development of costly technological innovations, not to mention the aging of the boomers…

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    I turned the sound off 5 minutes ago. Is it safe to turn it back on yet?

  • LibertyLover

    Obama cut taxes on the middle class… you douche.

  • ChrisM2011

    Invisible Obama is not impressed.

    • LibertyLover

      Is he cussing again?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Meep!!!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    How about my freedom FROM religion, motherfucker?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans."

    Uhhhhhh….

  • ms_mcgee

    That pandering to women sounded intentional.

  • Callyson

    Really, Mittens? You want to talk about slowing the rise of the oceans and healing the planet? Do tell, in what way will policies that fail to preserve them help families?

  • Negropolis

    Man-induced global climate change is just hilarious.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Callista trying like hell to clap. Failing.

  • TribecaMike

    Heal the planet? He is a G_D!!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    My promise is to help you and your family before I high tail it to my own planet.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Oh fer cripes sakes. This vacuous gas bag has preempted a "Big Bang Theory" rerun. Now I'm really pissed!!!

  • spareme

    Gawd! This is just the awfulish stuff – evah!!

  • Callyson

    "America has freed other nations from dictators"

    Second night in a row for Salvador Allende to roll in his grave…

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Raise your eyebrows again motherfucker.

  • Callyson

    Trying to pre – empt getting Osama, huh?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    The wispy look is getting kind of old mittens.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Dream on, Hoser.

  • CthuNHu

    Has anyone else noticed that the handsome man on the screen is a lying piece of shit?

    • Arborista

      You have a handsome man on your screen?

      Lucky duck- I've just got Romney on mine…

  • spareme

    Cold War, here we come!

  • TribecaMike

    The only Poles this crowd is interested in are at Tampa's strip joints.

  • Callyson

    You want to talk about Putin? Quick now, who looked into his eyes and saw his soul?

  • SorosBot

    And now Mitt's attacking Obama for not being an idiot in foreign policy and just invading other countries for no reason like Bush did; fuckhead.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Romney looks like he needs to pee.

  • Schmannnity

    Polish missles. Insert joke here.

  • mavenmaven

    We did so well against the big powers of Iraq and Afghanistan that we can now take on Russia and Iran with ease, while teaching lessons to China.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Mitt really is living in the Bay of Pigs.

    • Arborista

      Not the Bay of Cracker?

    • TribecaMike

      Yet another reason why he reminds me of Nixon.

  • Callyson

    You want to talk about American schools lagging behind those in the rest of the world? How about your party stops the relentless cuts in education, so that we can address this issue?

  • IonaTrailer

    GOP Platform:
    1. Rape the environment to make sure energy company make money
    2. Schools like those in Louisianna!
    3. Going to war with China over trade
    4. Balance budget, or sumthin
    5. Jerbs – no taxes on rich, repeal jerb kill'in Obamacare
    (Why can't he call this bill by its real name???)
    6. Wimmenz- get in tha kitchen and make me a sammich.
    7. Sanctity of lifz no gayz marrying
    8. Sanctity of marriagez
    9. Climate change – what me, worry?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Maybe he should have let Ann give his acceptance speech? And all his other speeches and official appearances and debates from here on out?

  • Serfville

    Bring on horde of wacky named boys, & Stepford wife with bad plastic surgery now!

  • 415buzzard

    I am not watching Mittens. I can only survive this by reading Wonkette comments.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "Free To Shit on You and Me"

  • LibertyLover

    Not every parent can give their children a $20 million trust fund, Mitt.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Hey.. Romney is promising to restart the Cold War!

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Perfect for the boomers. Our favorite part of grade school was duck and cover under classroom desks to protect us from nuclear holocaust.

      • Biff

        Hey, it worked, we're still here!

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Wow. The GOP, they're really not at all sure how to address their OWN future as a party, but "USA! USA! USA!"

  • Negropolis

    Wow, this thing has gone on entirely too long.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Where the white women at??!! Oh, there they are.

  • spareme

    He is a common fear monger. And I stress the word COMMON.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Angry Mitt!!!!

  • Serfville

    I cannot even believe he said the words poor people what a bullshit artist.

  • Callyson

    Oh thank God, he is finally shutting up.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Well that was a whole lot of nothin'…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Whew….that wasn't so bad.

  • IndianaKevin

    I just love it when Republicans say they're going to cure this nation's divisiveness. It will be easy for them because they're responsible for it.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    It's over and it sucked.

  • Toomush_Infer

    What the hell is he talking about – the past in the future in the past….The United States of America!!!!!!!!…..I've gone over to the Daily Show…

    • IndianaKevin

      Oh CRAP. The Daily Show started without me! Bastards!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh thank GOD that is over. He is terrible, just terrible. You could practically see the coaching. Get excited here, act like you care there, come on Mitt, you can do it! Just awful. He blows.

    • PuckStopsHere

      You, on the other hand, are the best, kiddo. Just great.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Tom Brokaw is not amused.

    • Serfville

      I know he gave Mittens a F Minus Minus Minus

  • Callyson

    OK, my sweet dog has been so patient. Must take him out (not on the roof of the car) but I'll circle back and go through the comments of all you good people. BBL…

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      cannot. compute. your. avatar.

  • rocktonsam

    Clint was there to promote his new movie!!! omg

    panderers

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    "President Obama said he will stop the rise of the oceans" *crowd chuckles* "And save the planet" *crowd laughs, hoots* "But I will take care of you and your families!"

    This. This right here.This is the perfect distillation of the incredibly short sighted, willfully blind aggressively ignorant mire that the modern Republican party had dropped to. The prime reason that none of these people should be let anywhere near the levers of power for this country, or civilization, ever again.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      well from your mouth to god's ear.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Would that I were that lucky.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      That's terribly lucid commentary there C_R_ ,
      WTF?

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Intense Debate has been so fucked up that I had a lot of time to crank my rage up.

        • Callyson

          I guess I'm lucky–I did not have an issue. My guess is ID must have been overwhelmed by the sheer volume of our comments…

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      I love how one of the guys pre-introducing Romney, like maybe a half hour prior, had complained about how everyone accuses vulture capitalists like Romney of being only concerned with short-term gains at the expense of long-term sustainability. But yeah, hahaha, global warming, what a crock of shit.

  • Schmannnity

    James Brown "living in America" to close out? Suit to follow.

  • AlterNewt

    Clap on the downbeat, white people!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I made it right through to the end. I must really hate myself.

    • Schmannnity

      Drink up, Shriners.

  • Serfville

    What is that music 1920's music from a speakeasy? How apropo.

  • ChrisM2011

    Awright, Invisible Obama, time to push this fucker off the stage. He'll never see it coming.

  • SorosBot

    Tom Brokaw was not impressed by Mitt's speech, and thinks Eastwood was "rambling" (read: senile).

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Got news for Tom…..

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Shiiiiit, that was like being run over by a really slow-moving steamroller. It won't act with any reason, but it'll catch your foot and twelve hours later you'll be flat as a pancake. What a trance-inducing piece of absolute crap.

    And what, we've got like 500 balloons dropping? Mitt must be thinking how wise it was to cut the balloon budget by 75% right now.

  • Biff

    OK, NOW Intense Debate is working, now that it's fucking over…

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Still not working for me.

      At least, not properly.

      • Biff

        Sigh. Only that one time, now it's back to guest status again. I'm watching Stewart now, anyway.

    • Negropolis

      Not for me.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Still not working for me, either. I can only reply to comments. I can't make my own. Is there a limit? Works fine on the other topics just broken on the Live Blog.

      • SorosBot

        And I can only make new comment, replies aren't working – maybe this one will go through as I hit submit.

    • Arborista

      Still having problems. Too many pages of comments? I started to have problems late last night also…

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        I remember us having 2,000 comments on one article last year (just because we were TRYING to get 2,000). But it was a quiet Sunday and the comments weren't as fast as these were. Seems like Intense Debate just melted down. I thing the live blog needs to be broken into parts as it used to be.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          The edit function isn't working either.

  • ms_mcgee

    Is that Stevie Wonder they're playing? Watch for lawsuit in 3, 2, 1…

  • Blueb4sinrise

    We're BEING INVADED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Serfville

      The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Just the mittsperm apparently…….

    • Arborista

      Please, please, please let it be those UN forces on their way back from Lubbock.

  • TribecaMike

    Needz moar Sammy Davis, Jr.

  • LibertyLover

    Don't release the balloons! Release the Cracken!

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Helium Shortage Libel!

  • no_gravity

    There's a great Mitt Romney Story segment on the Daily Show right now and it's narrated by Leonard Nimoy.

  • GlowneyHouse

    Now I know how many times you can say "America" in three and a half hours. A lot.

  • IonaTrailer

    Hidjious. Simply hidjious.

    Okay kids, get to work.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I hated it so much I went over to my E-mail and donated to Obama. And I'm unemployed.

      • IonaTrailer

        I gave a $100 today. Will try and give as much as I can – jesushfuckingchrist.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Great to hear.My old ma is on fixed income and she's been digging deep to donate to Eliz. Warren.Mom LOVES her.

  • spareme

    So now we have the encore! – all grandkiddos running all over the stage, for America! But really cuz it makes great marketing for granddaddy.

  • SorosBot

    And Brokaw points out that getting to the moon was a government project, he seems pissed.

  • CthuNHu

    Shoulda skipped the speech and just let the cute kids play onstage for an hour, Mittens.

    Hey, maybe try watching them, and their unprogrammed movements and facial musculature alterations, learn a little.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    You gonna follow that up with Swing Low?

    • TribecaMike

      Swing low, sweet Cadillac
      Comin' to drive me home

  • TribecaMike

    What's with the commie ties anyway?

  • AlterNewt

    That ought to be enough to make everyone double check their voter registration status.

  • ProgressiveInga

    I'm craving some Bammerz singing Al Green……..smooth and soft……

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Andrea Mitchell died in a balloon release.

    • AlterNewt

      She's so fragile, like a little china doll. A wrinkled, pinch-faced china doll.

    • Negropolis

      She is so very petite. It'll be daylight before they reach her.

    • BathroomGoblin

      She could stand up to that dictator but not all of that suffocating latex.

  • IonaTrailer

    Obama's children are better behaved.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      My mother was bitching last night about Ryan's daughter. Said she was out of control and thought she was the center of attention. Get her a baby. She needs to work for a living like that little head-licker of Palin's.

    • Negropolis

      You noticed that too, eh? Those grandchildren of his were just tearing around their stage as if they were at home.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Now, I can't wait for the Debates:

    Mittens: Blah, Blah Job Creators, Heh, heh heh, "You Didn't Build That," heh heheheh " Drill Baby Drill," heh, heh, Golf.

    Obama: "You know, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history."

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The Office. Oh, thank the FSM!
    rAMEN

  • ProgressiveInga

    Hey, they left Clint's empty chair out there!

  • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

    It was nice how everyone was singing "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" at the end there.

  • TribecaMike

    Your long-sleeved white shirts don't make it.

  • quequoi

    Dear Mitt,
    You can suck all of the helium out of every last one of the balloons being dropped, and that is the highest you will ever be.
    This is it for you buddy.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I think I'm being honest and impartial when I say Mitt's speech stinked… Stank… Stunk!

  • Serfville

    Clint Eastwood! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  • TribecaMike

    Fphwerferpher huh, Boehner?

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Wtf? I can COMMENT again! OK, let's recap what I was trying to post

    1) As opposed to what Rubio and Romney claim, how does the US compare with other, more socialist, countries in terms of intergenerational social mobility?

    Oh.

    Outperformed by France and Scandinavia, eh?

    2) His delivery for the big finish was dreadful. This man sucks so much.

    3) I think I counted perhaps six policy points in the whole speech, as opposed to empty platitudes. And the points were stupid.

  • CthuNHu

    John Boehner is drunk. Oh yes.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Dog bites man. Man bites dog if he ever isn't, or seems it.

    • TribecaMike

      Who can blame him? He just saw his future and it's looking grim.

    • Callyson

      Tonight, we are all drunk…

  • TribecaMike

    Oh great, the same child molester abettor who's going to be at the Dem convention.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Young men are throwing panties at Archbishop "Uncle" Dolan.
    (I was baptized Catholic. Pssst—besides being a bunch of shit, it's a racket.)

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Papal child molester on for finale.

    • TribecaMike

      What, Mormon molesters not good enough for them?

      • Blueb4sinrise

        Diversity!!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Too cheap to spring for 800 numbers.

  • quequoi

    Thank you Wonketariat.
    I might have slit my wrists without you tonight. http://vimeo.com/8718627

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Wonkette has saved many.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        I too!

      • MissTaken

        No one has lost any.

        • C_R_Trogloraptor

          We think everything is funny.

  • rocktonsam

    so that is what sex with Mitten$ is like

    • quequoi

      I will pander to you, chomp my dentures, then cry about my parents and promise to put just the tip in?
      Just after I lower my own tax rate?

    • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles
  • spareme

    It's nighty-night time, and I know I'll sleep better knowing that Mitten's is going to take care of my family, and make all my dreams come true. And I can wake up in the morning knowing that Mittens is gonna take care of my payroll….wait!!

  • IonaTrailer

    Trump would've been better firing the Obama impersonator.
    Eastwood was pathetic, Romeny's speech was Boring.

    On to the mountain. To hand down the word.
    Obama/Biden 2012.

  • Schmannnity

    OK, Rebecca, if you want to blend in with Repubs, please have your backpack match your shoes.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Eastwood/Chair 2012

    • Serfville

      Bwaaaaaaaaaaa! Good One!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Haha: According to the Hollywood Reporter, ratings for "Honey Boo Boo" topped those for the Republican National Convention.

    • ProgressiveInga

      But they'll both holla for a dolla!

  • TribecaMike

    If CSPAN is the "smart" peoples channel, how come their callers are as dumb as dead moles?

    • e_z

      "dumb as dead moles"

      Never heard that one before, gave me an eakly morning smirk, thanks!

  • NellCote71

    Was it just me, but it seemed by the last night of the convention, they just gave up having any color than shades of Pantone beige in the audience?

  • barto

    What, no Rafalca? They had every other horse's ass up there, so what gives?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    This speech, this dreadful, smug, mendacious speech and the complete inability of me to comment in real time, has worked me into a towering Rage.

    Yes, that whole "Mocking the Save-the Planet Crowd" really got to me. Only because saving the planet is something I take very seriously, have sacrificed much for, have seen modest gains melt away like morning frost when the last carelessly destructive Republican Administration came in, and have had very dear friends give up their lives for. Go away and fuck yourself forever, and take your awful selfish followers with you.

    If you can't help, or won't help just stay the fuck out of my way. Goddammit.
    Fuck.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      You got some good comments in before IntenseDebate's IntenseMeltdown. I enjoyed your participation. The speeches have been over for ages and I still can't post a remark except to reply. So I'll reply to you and say thanks for the laughs.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Thanks very much. We've got a good safety valve/support group here and I'm glad my lunacy gets a few laughs.

      • Arborista

        I keep having to reload the page after leaving a comment.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      But Mitt wants to help you and your families, instead! Sure hope that neither you nor your families live in the low-lying coastal parts of the country, or are particularly attached to agriculture.

  • Negropolis

    Man, the MSNBC team is absolutely pissed at Clint. I'd focus my anger on the Romney campaign for exploiting someone who very obviously isn't 100% there, anymore.

    • TribecaMike

      In this world, celebrity is all.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I wondered about Clint's state of mind when his current wife-unit started her reality show on the E! network. I was so amazed by the thought of it, I tuned in for about 10 minutes. It was beyond horrible. No Clint Eastwood in his right mind would have sanctioned such palaver. The part I saw was just the wife and her maid sitting around a kitchen whining. It defied my comprehension. It also made Bruce Jenner look like he has charisma.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      The hypothesis amongst my fellow drunks was that it's possible that the organizers considered it such a major coup that they got Eastwood at all, that none of them were willing to say "Fuck no" to his speech ideas.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      I'd focus my anger on the Romney campaign for exploiting someone who very obviously isn't 100% there, anymore.

      Well as the 1984 campaign showed us, as long as he wins the election they'll be okay with that. It was sad of them to use Clint Eastwood like that, though.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

        Reagan 1984 set the precedent on that count, Bush 2000 sustained it.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Did The Onion produce that convention? No other explanation makes sense.

  • Steverino247

    I've got a great song for the GOP to steal. It might even be out of copyright.

    Rudy Vallee singing "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llhRGUYMcfU

    • TribecaMike

      Bit o' trivia: For a time, Rudy Valley and Gore Vidal lived next door to each other in LA.

  • Serfville

    Clint Eastwood gaffee worse than ALL gaffey Joe's gaffes.

    • TribecaMike

      Just goes to show that sometimes being laid back Cali-style is self-defeating.

      • Serfville

        Here's what probly went down. The God of Rethug Hollywood Clint Eastwood said he would give a speech at the convention. So they gave him free reign. Bad bad move.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          I reckon they just want to play at his golf course in Pebble Beach

          • Serfville

            Ass kissing Hollywood bullshit, now the RNC has to eat this one for breakfast, brunch, hors devours & dinner. And then champagnya & cigars!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Someone needs to show Romney a list of great American presidents (Republicans, Democrats, Federalists, and Whigs) and be sure to highlight the ones who weren't businessmen (i.e. most of them).

    • BerkeleyBear

      While a lot had some business interests, none were pure financial transaction whores like Mitt. They actually owned land or stores or had professions they followed. And almost all of them had a lifelong commitment to public service, not some idea of jumping in at the upper echelons when it was convenient to do so (ie they had screwed little people out of their first billion or so).

      Closest historical figure to Mitt I can think of is John Hancock – big time merchant, reputedly the biggest smuggler in Massachusetts, certainly one of the biggest egos at the Continental Congress. And pointedly passed over for commander of the Continental forces in favor of Washington, and never useful for much more than his wallet.

      • James Michael Curley

        And his penmanship. don't forget his penmanship.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Here's fun.

      List of Presidents by occupation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Presidents_o

      So, lawyers suck, eh?

      That means Jefferson, Adams, Monroe JQA, Lincoln … and many many more

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

        And presidents with business experience are the best Presidents! This is why Hoover and Bush are the best presidents EVAH.

    • Charlie_Foxtrot

      Here's my list of the greatest Whig presidents:

  • owhatever

    Off we go to fight a war, Mitt says we're gonna fight a war,
    His five boys won't be involved, but the rest of us will have a war.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He won't be happy until he sees troops in Syria (75,000 by one estimate) and some bombs flying in Iran. But you can be sure all the Mormons will be busy doing conversions.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      course he's not sending his kids, he's not sending much of his money, either

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Why didn't the Koch brothers speak at the RNC? After all, they paid for it.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      They were the guests at a dinner held by the GOP in their honor as a thank you. Very exclusive ticket.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      They and Sheldon Adelson.

  • Serfville

    I remember back in 1969 when Richie Nixon did a really funny bit accepting the Nom, he was jowly cold talkin' to an empty closet with an empty hanger. Spiro Agnew wet hisself laughing. He he he he.

    • TribecaMike

      lol And Spiro went on to perform hundreds of back-alley abortions with that hanger.

      • Serfville

        And THEN in "A Wonderful Life" style, the angel of death found Yellow Journalism Spiro tax evader general thug, & said you should of never lived! And shoved him back down the tunnel to hell. (Same for jowly Richie Nixon)

  • Doktor Zoom

    Clint Eastwood: Every Which Way But Lucid

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      A Fistful of Non Sequiturs.

    • TribecaMike

      White Hunter Bad Stroke

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      Dirty Chairy

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      borrowed, but still good

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Hype Lame Grifter.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      High Plains Driveler.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    People, we is not wrapped tight.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      One of FZ's best.
      a little ugly on the side

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        More than a little. At least tonight.

  • TribecaMike

    Who would have thought that the most boring convention in American history would choose as their candidate the most boring person who ever walked the face of the earth?

  • orygoon

    I miss Grandpa-Candidate McCain.

  • gullywompr

    I really only have one question tonight – who is editrix making out with right now?

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Ole Handsome Joe, duh.

  • Serfville

    Oh for craps sake! Pierce Johnson on CNN asking Jon weepy Voight about Clint Eastwood travesty. And Jon Voight, oh Clint is so hilarious Ha Ha Ha Ha!

  • TribecaMike

    Isn't a candidate obligated to at least say more than, "Let's get rid of that other guy because I want his job"?

  • ElPinche

    I was waiting for Dirty Harry to throw peanuts at that empty chair and say , "this is how we treat animals!" THen followed by a standing ovation by a sea of honkey lip mutherfuckers.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    I was at a watch party and made a joke something along the lines of Clint Eastwood sundowning, and pretty much immediately regretted it.

    • Arborista

      Ouch!

  • Soylent Green

    We-ll, this is Reagan's hologram ghost sayin' "G'night, everybody!"

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    Incidentally, I dunno if anyone noticed this, but the twitter account @InvisibleObama was created, and acquired over 21,000 followers, within twenty minutes of the start of that Eastwood thing.

    Which means that at least 21,000 people watching the RNC (including me!) were actually just asshole liberals being snarky. PLZ SUBTRACT FROM OFFICIAL RATINGS.

  • Arborista

    Suggested theme music for the Romney campaign iPod: http://vimeo.com/25535635

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    In retrospect, maybe the should've gone with the hologram of Reagan's Ghost endorsing Mitt Romney after all. It would have done vastly less sacrilege to the memory of a beloved conservative figure/actor.

  • TribecaMike
    • Serfville

      Too GD Hilarious! That's JUST the beginning of the blowback. Stay tuned. Idjets took the focus off Mittens & onto Clint. Worst political move ever!

    • bikerlaureate

      I dunno…
      Subtle, but no immediate response might have been better…

      • TribecaMike

        In the internet age a quick response never hurts.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Have a crack at this quiz to see where you stand on the issues

    Me:

    Obama 94%
    Jill Stein (who she?) 89%
    Gary Johnson (wtf?) 70%
    Ron Paul 25%
    Mitt Romney 16% – I DEMAND A RECOUNT!

    • TribecaMike

      There's a Jill Stein running for prez in the Green Party. Not sure if it's the enviro Green Party, the Lenora Fulani psychobabble cult Green Party, or the Green Party that the GOP runs homeless winos on to dupe whiny disaffected progs.

      • Negropolis

        Green is whoever happens to control it at any given time.

        • TribecaMike

          Which is why I'm always wary of anyone who claims it's the cat's pajamas.

          • Negropolis

            'Tis the plight of third parties in a two-party system. They dance with the ones that brung 'em, as they say. Anyone to get them ballot access.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      Jill Stein – 94%
      Obama – 87%
      Rocky Anderson – 70%
      Gary Johnson – 68%
      Mitt Romney – 16%

      Hmmm, time to Google Jill Stein.

    • Arborista

      Jill Stein 95%
      Rocky Anderson 88%
      Barack Obama 76%
      Ron Paul 41%
      Mitt Romney 9%

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      Jill Stein 91%
      Barack Obama 85%
      Rocky Anderson 72%
      Gary "Legalize It" Johnson 61%"
      Mitt Romney 2% (hahahahahaha)

      New York "Legalize It" Voters 61%

      So yeah I'm basically a huge commie.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Woo-hoo! Late to the party once again, but here's where I stand:
      Jill Stein: 97%
      Barack Obama: 96%
      Rocky Anderson: 82%
      Mitt Romney: 4%
      California Voters: 60%
      American Voters: 57%

      Rocky better be a flying fucking squirrel.

    • bobbert

      Fun.

      Stein 93%
      BO 81%
      Rocky Anderson (?) 68%
      Johnson 54%
      Mittens 8%
      Demrat Party 97%
      Pubic Party 6%

      I'll be damned, I'm a Democrat!!!

  • Robman2

    Rebecca, someone, needs to gift you rare scotch, or some other preferred pastime, you had no hip waders on, so check the soles of your shoes before you get back to your room, stenchyness' does not need to trail you like Sigourney Weaver's shipmate…

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    We all know who really had the "fistful of dollars"

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Whenever a band plays, "Brown Eyed Girl" or, "Mustang Sally" I leave immediately!

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    I was off doing billable worky stuff and busily avoiding the unctuous platitudes of witless, self-satisfied windbags who make me want to puncture my eardrums with screwdrivers. Did I miss something?

    • glamourdammerung

      Did I miss something?

      Just Mitt going birther and an old guy yelling at an empty chair.

  • James Michael Curley

    Mitts got a real problem if the morning after the 'most important speech of his life' Nate Silver has him with three less electoral votes and two percentage point smaller chance of winning..

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Too bad his platform won't let him "morning after" abort the past few days.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, I'm certainly happy that I went to bed early last night.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      A wise choice. I'm still furious.

      And IntenseDebate is still really fucking with me. Dammit!

  • DahBoner

    Jerry Garcia seems to have lost some weight…