IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN  8:11 pm August 30, 2012

And Now We Shall Live-Bloog The Ultimate Of Everything, Tampa-Styley

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

dumbyaWHOA WHOA WHOA you guys, we stole someone’s credential and sneaked our ass in to this … place, with all the … people … and here is Jeb Bush all up in our grill talking about the greatness that is George W. Bush. So that is happening. Guess we will be starting this fucker … NOW.

8 PM ish — Did you know that when it comes to the excellent governing of George W. Bush, Barack Obama did not build that? Ol’ Jebby’s pretty mad that someone would say mean things about his brother, like that the economy was not good under him and such. How dare you sirrah? How dare you not take responsibility for everything that happened while George W. Bush was “keeping us safe” (except for that tiny time when he forgot.)

8:14 or so — Now Jeb Bush is listing all the kinds of milk, like Rick Santorum listed all the kinds of hands. Cow milk and mouse milk and cat milk from tiny cat nipples, it is just an excellent metaphor for something, we were not really listening as to what that something might have been.

8:18 — Jebby said “Scott Walker” and the crowd here jizzed itself, with semen, in its pants. And speaking of google-eyed homunculuses, we just met Charles P. Pierce!

8:26 — Would you like to see a video of Chris Matthews eating a sandwich? YOU WOULD? Fuckin’ A, this is your lucky day!

8:32 — Here is a picture from the Tweeter, of Mitt Romney “looking at his speech.” What do you think is in his hand? Is it dim sum? Is it a corn cob? It is a used condom, right?

8:38 — And here are a lovely couple of olds, and we adore them. He was a man of modest means, a professional firefighter. Quick, everyone punch a firefighter in the face for receiving a government pension!

8:46 — This bummer of a couple of stories seems like an odd way to prove Mitt Romney is not an inhuman android-man! Now everyone pull up your chairs and listen close to these wonderful stories about dying sons and babies. Everybody, kill yourself, and vote for Mitt Romney!

8:51 — Would you like to see a picture of Charlie Pierce and your Editrix? Damn, is there anything you want that you are not getting tonight? It is like we are reading your mind!

8:56 — Deehan, who not only took the fine pic above but also did the fabulous film Chris Matthews Eats A Sandwich, has now suggested a movie treatment: ’80s execs spread around Manhattan to find a college girl on X. It stars Steve Guttenberg.

8:58 — OK cool, that guy is done talking about how Mitt Romney is great because it only cost him $1.3 billion in taxpayer muneez to build the Olympics, and also when a girl went missing he did not even say, “Well fellows, I suppose we should just let her die.” MITT FOR EMPEROR! CHOOSE LIFE!

9:10 — Your Editrix cannot understand this Mexican person. Couldn’t they have found an American to do this job? Instead of listening, let us steal some blog from Andrew Sullivan, who has seen Mitt Romney’s speech and calls it “spectacularly vacuous.”

What we have been allowed to see is so spectacularly vacuous, I really don’t know what to say. There is also a huge lie to start with:

Four years ago, I know that many Americans felt a fresh excitement about the possibilities of a new president. That president was not the choice of our party but Americans always come together after elections. We are a good and generous people who are united by so much more than divides us.

In the middle of the worst recession since the 1930s, in his first weeks in office, the GOP monolithically voted against his stimulus, including the third of it which was tax cuts. They even opposed tax cuts because Obama proposed them! Mitch McConnell said the following out loud:

“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.”

There’s more of course. You could read it! Some of us have blogger ethics and do not steal other people’s entire posts unless we really feel like it.

9:27 PM – Lady Rebecca’s internet is down, so this is Jesse stepping in to help her. Okay, let’s see what this…OH FUCK MY FACE TAYLOR HICKS GODDAMMIT.

9:31 PM – It is time for Olympians, but only ones you haven’t heard of. I will assume they’ll all talk about how great it is that Romney saved the Olympics in 2002. Or wait, no, this is apparently about women? What in the deuce does this have to do with anything?

9:34 PM – There are now a lot of Olympians onstage, presumably waiting for the free condoms that come whenever more than five Olympians are in the same place. Joke’s on them – that’s abortion at the RNC.

9:37 PM – Mike Eruzione, hero of the Miracle on Ice, is here to tell us about how Mitt Romney saved the 2002 Olympics, by doing many things that sound vaguely good. I hope there is a Disney movie made of this speech.

9:40 PM – A short Mexican is speaking now. That’s not racist. That’s how he described himself.

9:42 PM – Unlike Romney’s hired help, this is a Mexican Mitt will admit was around his home.

9:47 — It is I, your Editrix, and I have internet again! You guys, we don’t know if you know how it feels to be a Jew surrounded by 15,000 people spitting USA at the top of their lungs, but it is fascist and scary! And we didn’t even have any internet to run to your warm virtual arms for a soothing hug! WE WERE SO ALONE.

9:50 — So it is Clint Eastwood time, right? What a great surprise, just truly stupendously exciting and great. HEY WHO CAN WE FIND who is 82 YEARS OLD and MAKES BIZARRELY MEAN-SPIRITED FILMS like that awful Changeling, and then Play Misty for Me, which was hilarious. Did you know that in the ’70s, nighttime jazz station DJs lived in perfect beach apartments in Carmel and drove Jaguars and shit? Christ that was a stupid movie.

9:55 — Maybe it is not Clint Eastwood time? That would be a relief, we frankly do not care for his “mean old man” shtick. But what is this? How good is Miff Romney at not doing exactly the wrong thing no matter what? (NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.)

9:58 — Mitt’s family were refugees from a revolution? Is this a thing they have said before? Has anybody heard this? Is he talking about something besides the fact that they moved to Mexico so they could remain polygamists? SOMEONE TELL ME. TELL ME NOW.

10:02 — Yeah, here is Old Crotchety. Wooo, and cetera. Gone Hollywood!

10:04 — Oh, it is Clint Eastwood who is going to fire Obama then? Sorry, Trumpy. SAD FACE. And the crowd applauds for “23 million unemployed people in this country.”

BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DO.

10:07 — Yes, interviewing an empty chair and a teleprompter is MUCH BETTER STAGECRAFT than firing an Obama impersonator, especially how it is unscripted? ACES CALL, Convention producers. Just tops!

10:13 — I have nothing to say about this. I am without words.

10:17 PM – Jesse again. I mean, seriously, I cannot process Marco Rubio’s complete sentences. My entire life is just old men stuttering at chairs now.

10:19 PM – Rubio says Obama won’t take this nation forward. Okay, yeah, good, but let’s discuss the fact that Dirty Harry just spit hot fiery verbal diarrhea all over a $2.5 million stage.

10:21 PM – “America was founded on the principle that every person has God-given rights.” Except [insert all non-white men here].

10:25 PM – Marco Rubio starts apologizing for the economic downturn, which, again, is Obama’s fault. This is just tiresome. We get it. Obama did lots of terrible things that made everything bad in our lives happen, and he should fix it. Except that we should not depend on government for anything. This needs more off-message old men.

10:28 PM – THIS CROWD LOVES PEOPLE WHO STAND BEHIND PODIUMS.

10:30 PM – It’s almost Mitt time! Thank Jebus, because Rubio’s largely vacuous populism is wearing incredibly thin. But he does have the slightly fatted jaw of a toddler, and a shiny tie.

10:30 PM – MITT! He enters down an aisleway like it’s the State of the Union, except that there’s this weird thing where he’s kind of shoving people away but trying to pretend it’s a hug.

10:36 PM – Mitt finally gets to the stage and accepts the nomination. Good night everyone!

10:38 PM – Oh, fuck, Mitt is still talking. Do you know how much SoCo I just downed? Also, Paul Ryan loves his mom, haha, what a little fuck.

10:39 PM – Mitt firmly places the freedom to build a business above all other freedoms, which the Founders would be totes surprised by.

10:40 PM – The delivery on this speech is so bizarre. Mitt has the same smirk no matter the line.

10:44 PM – Mitt’s entire speech is about how things are terrible and should be better, and then…? I think we can take it for granted that Mitt is always on call to give America a reacharound whenever necessary, but I think we need to know exactly what kind America gets. Lotion? Fast? Slow?

10:48 PM – This is the least  genuine any person has ever sounded talking about their own parents.

10:49 PM – Mitt Romney loves women and love and America, except when any of those things want to assert actual control of themselves in ways he doesn’t approve. Sounds like a compromise!

10:51 PM – Thus far, Mitt Romney has made a convincing case that he is not Jerry Sandusky, which was one of his biggest potential liabilities.

10:53 PM – I’m seriously kind of boggled that this is the RNC speech Mitt Romney is giving. And his anti-Obama punchlines are not landing as hard as he’d like, mainly because it’s weird when people pivot from showing you family photos to shitting on a dude.

10:57 PM – After 20 minutes, Mitt Romney is slowly, grudgingly moving toward talking about what he might do as President, maybe. But first, another ten minutes of how Barack Obama hates success in all its myriad Caucasian forms.

10:59 PM – Mitt is doing a good job at lying sort of generally in ways that Morning Joe will fawn over rather than lying specifically in ways that Morning Joe will steadfastly avoid.

11:01 PM – Barack Obama would send jobs to China! And he would cut government spending that would also result in job lo…Obamacare is terrible!

11:03 PM – I will liveblog Mitt’s plans now! He has a plan to create 12 million new jobs! First, drilling a lot and being energy independent! (This cannot happen, because the world market will respond accordingly.) Second, school choice! (That will create jobs by oh look number three.) Three, trade agreements! (What do they say? Who knows?) Four, cutting the deficit and balancing the budget! (Why this will create jobs…huh?) Fifth, championing small businesses by reducing taxes and regulations and Obamacare! (And then having a sick, low-paid workforce.)

11:06 PM – Oh, and point six – NO GAY MARRIAGE. FOR THE ECONOMY.

11:08 PM – Mitt will go on a jobs tour, in stark contrast to when Obama spent all of 2009 making out with dictators.

11:09 PM – Mitt’s entire foreign policy agenda will just be talking shit to every other country on the planet and chanting “USA!” at them.

11:11 PM – The Romney administration will be 60% giant balls, 30% big dick, and 10% belief in America.

11:14 PM – So, that’s over. Romney’s entire presidency will be making snide references to alleged Obama gaffes and hugging businesses. Cue the balloons. Good night, and remember to talk to your empty chairs, because they get lonely.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 1412 comments }

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2012 at 8:12 pm

There better be a retro Mormon-baptism conversion of Ronnie's hologrammed ghost at the conclusion. Nothing else would make the pain of listening to Mittens' speech worthwhile.

kittensdontlie August 30, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I am gonna need Ronnie's hologram to act all alzheimery and start going off on the Mittard. If Ronnie tells him 'he didn't build that'…that would be fun.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Ronnie's hologram would have been more alive than Dirty Harry was tonight…

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:14 pm

OK, time to power up C – Span, and get the numerous beers…good thing I also got some wine as a backup…

kingofmeh August 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm

it's totally gonna be seamus to tell us that he liked riding on the roof.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm

We want fat schools, low fat schools, you know, just like milk. Are these people serious? Does this actually make sense to ANYone really or do they all just pretend?

vodkamuppet August 30, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Well the fat schools would be like Baptist schools and the low fat schools would be like… Wait, no that doesnt make any sense. Just go with it.

shelwood46 August 30, 2012 at 8:33 pm

No way they'll agree to fund the soy milk schools.

PuckStopsHere August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

The fact is that they are lapping it up. With all the thoughtfulness of the average house cat. Not to in any way disparage cats.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Wow — bold new ideas like school vouchers, which have been rejected by everyone since Ronald Reagan proposed them.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Jeb talking about milk now, in a way that sounds like Bubba talking about shrimp in that contender for the worst movie ever made, Forrest Gump

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Probably more like Reagan talking about ketchup as if it were a vegetable, which would then allow contractors to make more money purveying food for school lunches. If ketchup is a vegetable then you don't have to cook real vegetables for the poor kids who would get the lunch for free.

MittBorg August 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I hated that movie so much I couldn't watch it. And I TRIED. THREE TIMES, I tried.

Buzz Feedback August 30, 2012 at 8:17 pm

"My Pet Goat."

George built that.

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Ha ha, Jeb said this guy got a great "election" because of school choice. When he clearly meant "great erection."

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:48 pm

That also seems implausible.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:17 pm

And it's nice to have a real liveblog instead of the impromptu one below; thanks Rebecca!

Man Jeb hates unions; those horrible, horrible teachers, wanting livable wages for an incredibly tough job.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

make 'em teach in coal mines then they'll appreciate what they got.

Butch_Wagstaff August 31, 2012 at 1:08 am

Kids'll be working in the coal mines so it's a win-win.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

These people doing the public speaking here are at least the proper benchmarks for the best Republican ideals in education can offer. Good. Lord.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Rebecca, glad you found the right guy to shower affection on for your credential. Sure, you will feel dirty in the morning, but being at the GOP's convention would have made you feel that way anyway.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Jeb's looking bloated…is he hitting the bottle?

Barrelhse August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I hear he's hitting his wife and daughter.

BelleSC August 31, 2012 at 11:33 am

He might have felt some anger after Columba Bush did this:
http://www.sptimes.com/News/62299/State/Gov_Bush_

"Gov. Jeb Bush said Monday that his wife misled U.S. Customs officials about $19,000 in new clothing and jewelry she brought into the country because she didn't want him to know how much she had spent on her five-day Paris shopping trip."

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

And thanks to school "choice" programs, some students in Louisiana are now learning that the Loch Ness Monster is real, and disproves evolution.

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Aye, don't ye be agin Nessie now, lad!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 31, 2012 at 12:13 am

Yep, like Condi said this is the "civil rights issue" of our day: freedom to pull kids out of schools and make the schools pay for them to study how the world was made in six days and god rested on the 7th while Darwin was a demon who repudiated his own evolutionary theory in favor of Jesus. Christ, these people couldn't invent new ideas if Chris Christie threatened to sit on them as motivation….

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm

So – just to be clear – will we be needing pants for this?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

No, but it is good to put some newspapers down underneath you.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Yeah, I read that somewhere. Jean Teasdale, I think.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Forget education! Let talk about more wars!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm

So Franz — how much was that voucher for? Did you get financial aid? Was it government secured and therefore at a better interest rate than you could get otherwise? Was the school, unlike your public school, selective and able to reject the people it didn't feel had the aptitude to succeed? And was this voucher in addition to the money that funds public schools, or was it an excuse to defund schools and send that money to parochial schools that clearly spend even more money per student? Just asking.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

"States must lead this national movement"

How is it a national movement if the states are leading it? Or do these fuckers really think all 50 states are going to buy into this hype?

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Obviously, a teacher did not check this speech for the correct use of grammar, logic, or anything else for that matter….

weejee August 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

<Dubbya> was “keeping us safe” (except for that tiny time when he forgot

So you're expecting Mittens to fly this convention straight into the side of the outhouse? Zat 'bout it? Turn Tampax into Turdsylvania?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Wait — Mitt Romney as governor founded a scholarship to send kids to public colleges? What a socialist! Get government out of my state university!

savethispatient August 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Ah school choice, so we can let the failing schools continue to fail but we don't have to send our kids there. Instead, the children of the parents who don't have the time / money / inclination to worry about which school to send their kids get a bad education instead. Perfect for the Republican Party's "American Dream" of born-into-privilege, stay-in-privilege.

ChessieNefercat August 31, 2012 at 7:59 am

And born-out-of-privilege, stay-out-of-privilege. The Rombains of the world must have their nail ladies and nannies and gardeners, after all.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I'm gonna need a place to put all of these vouchers that the Republican party will be giving me. What if I lose my vouchers?

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Personal responsibility, libtard!! Get some.

Designer_Rants August 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

You need a person to vouch for your vouchers. And you'll need a voucher to hire that person.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Don't even think of hiring a Messican. Birf certificatz dammit!!!11!

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Except for that "todo es posible" chick, who was booed for speaking Spanish…

Veritas78 August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I think they give you a booklet and you glue 'em in. Like green stamps. Remember them? And an onion. Don't lose the onion.

rottenart August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

It was the style at the time.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

At least, the Republicans always think of the Kids First.

coolhandnuke August 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Looks like it's gonna be a Three Bottle of Mad Dog Night to get through the shit, lies and videotape.

Barrelhse August 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

We've got Old Duke and Silver Satin on hand over here.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

What's Old Duke? Any relation to Duquesne Pilsner Beer brewed in Pittsburgh in days of yore? As in, "Have a Duke!"

Barrelhse August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Old Duke and Silver Satin (white) are both cheap, sweet, fortified Port "wines" favored by the alcoholics in my area [ Portland ME ] in the 50's and 60's, judging from the number of empty bottles EVERYWHERE.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I learn something new every day.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

"God bless our excellent teachers"

Because we sure as hell won't be paying them a living salary…

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Because we'll be getting rid of them before long, if we have our way and replace them with not-so-good teachers so that the poors will never learn anything and won't get any uppity ideas…

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

You get a voucher! You get a voucher! You get a voucher! Everybody gets a voucher!

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:32 pm

can i buy beer and cigs and the cakes we like with the voucher?

Veritas78 August 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

If they're healthy. Remember, these are gonna be Health Stamps™.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Can I buy hemlock with my vouchers?

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I'm assuming the promo videos are as awful as the musical interludes, and am hitting the mute button the moment they come on.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Wow, what a shitpot of uninspired bad slogans thinly veiling cruddy ideas Mr. Jeb Bush turns out to be. No wonder he didn't outshine Duibya, who was all stupid but far more blustery.

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

After Rick Scott, saying you were governor of Florida doesn't carry the same weight it once did.

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

He was a lousy governor of Florida..

SayItWithWookies August 31, 2012 at 12:08 am

You;re both right — after Rick Scott, saying you were a shitty governor of Florida doesn't carry the same weight it once did.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

As someone who comes from a family of teachers, I just want to say fuck you, Jeb. Fuck you very much.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Man, I just flipped to MSNBC, Tweety was speaking loudly and earnestly and I got to the fourth word before I spasticly hit the MUTE button.

I'm just not prepared for this.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Yeah, he's a big part of the reason I switched over to C – Span last night.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Good point. Done.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

All I can say is that Tweety is easily impressed — or fooled by lying rhetoric.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I wish I could sing off key like that.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I'm afraid. Last night Paul Ryan ruined Led Zeppelin for me, what else will I have to remove from my ipod after tonight?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm

You might have to stop listening to "Gimme Some Lovin'", if two decades of car commercials hasn't already caused it to induce horror.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

pat boone?

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

dt'ed

I'm hoping some helpful aide puts Everclear in Rmoney's bottled water.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

The former Staples CEO will be speaking? Maybe someone will ask him why his stores are chronically understaffed and we have to wait in line forever because they are too cheap to hire more people and don't give a crap about wasting their (former) customers' time…

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Yeah, maybe.

zumpie August 31, 2012 at 12:15 am

And always look like they'll be permanently out of business in about 5 minutes

Butch_Wagstaff August 31, 2012 at 12:42 am

It's like the K-mart of office supplies.

Incitefully_Joe August 31, 2012 at 12:59 am

As someone on the twatter noted, Mitt Romney deserves credit for ALL THE JOBS that Staples has employed over the years. Because it's not as though, before Staples, mom-and-pops stationary and/or office supply stores were super-common-place.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Chris Matthews just yelled at Al Sharpton for calling someone a token? Being in Tampa this week is making all these people crazy too. Oh and yay Chris Hayes, poor dude, he just wants to make a salient point. I love him.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I love him, too. I would adopt him, but I understand he already has lovely parents living in the Bronx. Is that other cute smartie Ezra Klein available? I make a mean brisket that will remind him of his grandma. He can talk to me about his charts and graphs while I cook.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:27 pm

What's next, the Crew Cuts' version of Sh-Boom?

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm

In The Still of the Night, anyone?

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Anything by the Platters?????? These people probably watch the doo-wop infomercials public television runs during pledge season, which here in Detroit is now every other month, since the Rethugs hate PBS.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Have you seen PBS' walk down memory land with English rockers of the '60s?Those guys make the doo-woppers look young and healthy.

PuckStopsHere August 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Two Words for Channel 56: Dr. Wayne Dyer.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 31, 2012 at 7:16 am

If you don't know who Moog was, you're just not allowed to be relevant in the year 2012. Just grab an onion and tie it to your belt.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Sounds like a peyote ritual a Navajo pal of mine once experienced.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Yeah, um, "pal"….

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:28 pm

"We can do better"

Yes, so long as we get rid of the obstructionist idiots and assholes from your party in Congress…

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:28 pm

i like my milk RAW.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Pasteurization is for pussies! There are no germs in Genesis!

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Yeah, 'cause didn't they break up?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Now that the MUTE button has been stabbed, I'm playing this. Loud.

There's something that will never find it's way on to Paul Ryan's iPod.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Wheeee — thank you.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Gah, why does this band keep ruining good songs for us?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Republican zeitgeist- take something not bad & transform it.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I am definitely going to have to get drunk to get through the speeches.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

There are Conservative Deer Families out there?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

STAPLES!!!!! I <3 PAPER!!!!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

"We believe in an America that doesn't punish success, but celebrates it"

So tired of this line. No one is punishing success, bitch: we are asking that the success of the *middle class* and *working people* in sustaining this nation be rewarded with a living wage, rather than robbing them to coddle the 1%…

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

No! Charging more than 15% tax on capital gains discourages our fearless job creators!

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Who haven't created jack shit because they are too busy buying car elevators for the new houses they are building so nobody can see how many cars they own.

soeoho August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

E Pluribus Unum Percent

soeoho August 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

E Pluibus Unum Percent

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Christ, I hope none of those former Olympians are athletes I actually like…

Douché August 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

When I Jizz, it's always to Bush. Jizz 'sayin.

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

And speaking of google-eyed homunculuses, we just met Charles P. Pierce!

Well OK, Rebecca, there went your chance of ever being on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me!

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Ask him to explain the difference among icon, index, and symbol.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm

The FCC would never let one of us near an open mike anyway.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Worst cover of "The Ballad of John & Yoko" EVER.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Brooks on PBS just wondered why, if the Tea Party was here, why wasn't the anti-Wall Street aspect of them here? Because David Brooks hasn't been paying attention, obviously.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Why, so he can beat them up with his big man fists?

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

poor davey. reality can be a rude awakening some times.

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Mitt's friend is just as creepy and robot-like.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I don't know how long I am honestly going to be able to do this. One can only say "Fuck You" at the tv so many times before it starts to lose all meaning.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:32 pm

"The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has an unpaid lay clergy." Setting an example for labor relations that Romney found inspiring.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Can't they afford to pay for real ones?

montreal_bruin August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I'll bet Mittens still found a way to deduct his "in-kind services" as a Moronic bishop.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"How early can I call you in the morning?"

"Anytime, Honey!"

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

"Just tap me on the shoulder."

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

"Or your foot in the adjacent stall."

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"Pure religion is to visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction:

But forget about doing anything that actually helps them, like social welfare. Let those freeloading kids get a job!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm

But only the fatherless and widows if they convert to Mormonism.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

too bad dad died in that coal mine accident.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Um, that's not religion; that's charity, which is based on morality which has absolutely fuck-all to do with religion, in fact religion is anti-morality.

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

"Pure religion is to visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction:

Then get the fuck out of there as quick as possible so you don't contract poor people diseases.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Mitt's got Twenty Million Dollars in his Heavenly Bank Account.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Dollars/=whore diamonds, the piker.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

That's what I keep telling people!

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Whatever happened to you can't take it with you?

mayor_quimby August 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

This whole Mormonism thang sounds kinda socialist. Will they pay my mortgage if I join up?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Mormonism is as good as Cats. I'm going to see it again and again.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Tonight, we are all LDS, is that what I'm hearing? Fuck this guy, too!

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

If you really want to join a cult, why not scientology? After all, you might get the chance to hang out with celebrities…..

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

So, Mittens was a janitor? Pics or GTFO.

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

But he and Annie had to live on like 60K while he was in grad school, so they had to eat a lot of regular food.

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

He shoveled snow and raped leaves? WHAT?????

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm

That's OK, it was a legitimate rape.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I heard Eats Shoots and Leaves. Is he some kind of fucking Panda?

emmelemm August 30, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I come to Wonkette for the grammar jokes.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I'm here for the literary allusions and metaphors. and the TruckNutz.

Butch_Wagstaff August 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I'm here for…um…wait…I'm here for something, I guess.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I'm here for the fat lady singing….

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:42 pm

No, just a top notch dinner party guest.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Hi I'm Mitt Romeny, and I'm a Mormon.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Hi, I'm Bonnie & he's Clyde & we rob banks

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Wow — the more this Bishop Grant Bennett dude speaks, the more creepily all-encompassing the Mormon church seems. And his isn't the only example that's done this.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Oh, for God's sake, shut up already.

ETA: the audience looks bored too. I'd feel sorry for them if I gave a shit.

Barrelhse August 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

(I didn't recognize you!)

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I'm not Mormon, but when this guy says pastor, is he actually talking about a position as bishop? So that the evangelicals don't get heebie jeebied?

Biff August 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I don't think they have such a rank as pastor in the heirarchy, they're just dumbing it down for the evangelical audience.

mayor_quimby August 30, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Short answer, yes. But they say it's a lay position cuz you don't go to seminary or whatever. So same thing, but the qualifications are kinda nebulous.

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Everything about this so-called religion is nebulous…

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

We teach self reliance and service to our fellow man. If you are supposed to be self reliant who are all the good Mormons you are bragging about in service to? This is stupid. I want to help people but no one should ever need help, you hear?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Mrs. Oparowski: "I've had 32 babies!"

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I'm looking forward to Mitt's telling his mostly evangelical audience about how he believes there are many inhabited planets with their own gods and goddesses and how Jesus and the Holy Ghost are the sons of this planet's particular god and his wife. That's gonna be awkward.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I think you may be in for a long wait. Got supplies?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Yep, I went to Staples earlier. Oh wait.

kittensdontlie August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

If some Muslim could beat Balack Obama, he would be gettin' that nomination.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Hey, it's Ted Oparowski, professional firefighter for 23 years. Well it's nice to see that the GOP is being supported by socialists now.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Tagging along. Hence his name. Or something.

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Instead of the boring Mormon guy, listen to this more interesting one

WhatTheHeck August 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

That song speaks volumes.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Okay, I'll watch some, but not with the sound.

HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 8:42 pm

They are the old couple Betty meets when she arrives in LA in Mulholland Drive.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

If there's one thing these testimonials show me about Mitt it's that he cares about people — people like himself, that is.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 8:41 pm

"What do you think is in his hand?"

It's a picture of Jan Brewer and he haz a sad that she's endorsing Obamz.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:41 pm

"…And Mitt blew off my son's hand with illegal fireworks."

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Sounds like somebody wasn't paying attention during the safety first lecture.

AddHomonym August 30, 2012 at 8:42 pm

If someone doesn't call for taking back the Panama Canal, then this whole thing is a failure. TAKE IT BACK!

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Wait until they finish expanding it, then foreclose on it. Time to start thinking like Mitt Romney.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

It's nice that Mitt's kind and generous to the people that he cares about. Next.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Or as Jan Brewer pronounces it, generious.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Much like a dying industry, Mitt seized and exploited him.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Lady, it's nice that Mitt did these things — but that was his job at the time. He was supposed to do that. He doesn't seem to do too much of that on his own, though.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:44 pm

BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

StarsUponThars August 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

yes, I was thinking "nice credentials" myself.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:44 pm

All right, now. I keep seeing "LSD" Congregation on the teevee.

That's just me, right?

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Did MItt buy this lady a god damned dryer or just hang up her clothes?

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

And how creepy is it that he touched her laundry? Even if a guy we've been friends with came over and folded the laundry, I would be creeped out.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Did he fold her underwear?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Her temple garments? Highly unlikely.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Magic underwear folds itself, Lib….

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

What are we watching, listening to? I mean, by what means are we watching the Mormonfest? I'm on Current because CNN sucks and MSNBC is too loud. Also, the Current people comment on the speeches as they go along, which breaks the hate.

And Rowdy Yates is the surprise guest? I like his movies but really, this is beyond the pale. I don't wish the man ill, but he is too old and if he suffered a heart "episode" before Mittens speaks, I could live with it. So I guess that means I wish Clint ill. Shit. His new movie looks good, too. But principles have costs which is why Mittens has none.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I'm on CNN's live stream; may turn on the TV once the broadcast networks' coverage starts.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I'm glad to hear that Mitt is such a humanitarian. Now, if only his concern for people were evident in any of this policies…

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Monday's policies or Tuesday's policies? He's been all over the friggin' map, so he's bound to have said something you can agree with, right?

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

If only you too had a friend…

… like Mitt Romney.

(raucus applause)

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm

If I get a snockered before, during and after Mitt's speech, will I go to hell? And is that covered by ACA?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Why do Mormons have such medical issues?

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

No red wine.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

And no coffee.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Good question. You would think that being in the capital of the vitamin supplement industry, Utahans would all be in superb physical condition.

shelwood46 August 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Inbreeding.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Has Mittens ever done anything for anyone who isn't Mormon?

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Baptised them!

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

No! If you're not Mormon you're SOL….

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm

So how many dead children is Mitt responsible for, exactly?

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

BOOBIES GONE!!!!!!!!!!
Show the blond in the crowd with the BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF kinda director does c-span have!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Is it that C-SPAN has a thing for blondes, the GOP has a bleach addiction, or some combination of the two?

Biff August 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Phone? TV? Internet? Puppy!

mayor_quimby August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I'd love a puppy! Wait, what?? Hold on just a minute, buddy!

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Barack Obama would never do wussy shit like that.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I knew I'd need alcohol, I didn't think I would need tissue.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Or you could print out a hard copy of Mittens' economic policy.

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I, on the other hand, am finding this very hard to masturbate to.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

No, actually, when I look at Mitt Romney, I see a flip flopping snake…

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

the buffalo bills are on! yeah!

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Why does he want to take Obama care away from these people that clearly need it?

Biff August 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I drive a truck!

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Mitt Romney understands that helping people through tough times should only be done by individuals, voluntarily. Once any tax money is used to help people, it creates dependency.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Ahhh! Now they're abusing Van Morrison! THIS WILL NOT STAND!

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

no way I'm turning the sound on now.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Don't. Just don't.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

♫ It's a wonderful night for a Moonie dance… ♪

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Thank God, it wasn't Domino, because I love that song.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Yes. things can always be worse.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Shouldn't Bob White be a Qualye supporter?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Hah!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I never thought I'd say this, but thank god for Cenk Y. He just reminded the pontificating Spitzer about doing good though the policies you believe in.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

"Wasn't Ann Romney great Tuesday night?"

Even the speakers know how much of a snoozefest *tonight's* speakers have been…

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

No, she was horrid as usual. And had the same awful plastic surgery beak-nose that Callista does.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:07 pm

They all look alike, as in the Stepford Wives movie. They all go to the same plastic surgeons, get the same "refreshing" injections, Botox etc….Which cost a gazillion dollars a year. I used to work in an "establishment" where these society types came in all the time. I swear to God I couldn't tell them apart. Scary. And I resent her dressing like a schoolmarm Tuesday night when she has been Cindy McCaining it on the campaign trail with gazillion dollar outfits and jewels & now she's dressing like Miss Marple for the poors. Ameerikans see through all this crapola

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

What I don't get is I thought plastic surgery was supposed to make people look more attractive. Why do so many Republicans get the same surgery that makes them look uglier instead?

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

It's a "Disease of Affluence" like Type II Diabetes and Heart Disease from eating too much hollandaise sauce & such. Have you ever seen the worst plastic surgery ever? That Lion Billionaire lady from Europe has had so many plastic crap jobs she looks like a lion. She thinks she's a goddess. Insanely BAD.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

"Hey how about these great decorations the kids made aren't they great?" ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Please let me know when the pics of Mitt being a janitor come up. Oh, that's right they were just too young kids way back when, in the old days that couldn't afford a Polaroid. And they still have those 2 sawhorses from back in the day holding up their car elevator just to remind them of the best days of their lives! My BS meter just landed on Mars on the way to Gliese 581 the Goldilocks planet in the constellation Libra.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Wasn't Ann Spectacular? I wanted to fuck her, did you wanna fuck her? Bob White is obviously a man of questionable character.

kittensdontlie August 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Yes, and legitimately so. Thank goodness there wouldn't be any babies from it.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Bob White!? It's not only Bob!

That crowd looks like Frosty the Snowman's Nation.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Too bad you did not live *up* to that trust when it came to the workers you fired (and bye bye pensions too) so you could cash in on your speculative "business."

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Goddamn, he's just some fucking guy. They're exalting him like he's Jesus Christ incarnate. Adds some insight into creepy LDS.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Bobwhites are nice, but Bob White isn't.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Anne was Ok last night, but we didn't get to see her Tits. What's up with that?

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Tits up? That was Ryan's speech.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm

At her age, I think you were looking too high.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

the bird shirt ate them. plus breast cancer you insensitive clod.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Thanks! Reconstructions are OK by me!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Al Gore et. al. just said thank goodness the Mormon issue hasn't been a part of the race, so far. Ha. Wait until I win that lottery and start airing attack ads, then we'll see what a little LDS educatin' on the public does to the Mittbot.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

me too. i'm gonna start a super pac right after the next power ball.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I can tell this Bob dude is a dynamic speaker just by the squinting.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

"Mitt was the calm in the storm"

That's because he's a Robot, you know.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Why didn't he rust in the storm?

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

North Face jacket, with teflon. No poor-looking ponchos.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Oilcan!

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Bob White, you have fallen so far from your days as the firebrand leader of the Canadian Auto Workers union….

ttommyunger August 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Well, I've finally figured out the difference between Dubya and his fluffy brother: the hand up Jeb's ass moving his lips is well-manicured.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

God, and I was complaining about the B – string speakers from *last* night…I better get some coffee or I won't make it to Mittens' freak show…

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

*rolleyes* Olympics… sorry, but who gives a shit? Did they bus in black folk for that or something?

Biff August 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I think there's that one black guy on the speed-skating team, and maybe the Jamaican bobsledding team…

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Gosh, this Mitt Romney fellow sounds like a… panicked college senior padding his resume.

Bezoar August 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Okay, this is familiar; I have a really lame, narcissistic, but powerful boss, of whom similar bullshit is routinely rendered.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

The 'look to the side and squint' is the best. Musta worked on that for years.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

…and then the daughter went into rehab for heroin addiction.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:00 pm

There was something about taking E at a rave involved in that story, in case you're actually wondering. Not heroin as far as I know.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Just some snark– I didn't know.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Does it make him out of the ordinary that he didn't make this guy work when his kid went missing? How low is the bar here? Scraaaaaape that barrel Bob.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

he had to take the day off with no pay.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Wow, Mitt's generosity towards his direct employees (only) seems above reproach!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Bain Capital Children's Charity: "WE built the Workhouses!"

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Bain Capital Children's Charity… we'd pick up failing preschools, sell off the assets, and turn em around for a tidy profit

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Oh FFS, here we go with the selective editing of President Obama…mute!

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Mitt was dedicated to his church; that's nice, did he actually do anything to help people while he was busy profiting by destroying jobs though?

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Why does everything always happen to Mitt?

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Yes. That's the one !! Blonde with the booo………..dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Shouldn't they call it 'Soon To Fail STAPLES'?

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:00 pm

They're playing that awesome Obama speech yet again – um, do these people know they're trying to defeat him, not reelect him?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Oh, here we go with the "WE BUILT THIS" nonsense.

Oh, and we're "becoming Informed" about Bain Capital now! A little late for this,eh?
Ralfalca's long out of the barn on that one.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

If Staples has provided so many jobs, why are they always understaffed? I waited in line forever more than once because they were too cheap to hire enough people to work the registers…and now I get everything online…

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Damn, this is really hard to watch. I mean the way Roger Federer is destroying this German kid at the US Open.

mayor_quimby August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I would like to announce that I do great shit for poors all the time, I just never say what, because that would be gauche.
Now, I am off to a yacht party held by a poor, overtaxed billionaire.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Solyndra! Drink!
That was easy…®

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Solyndra? Really? Like to chat about two wars conducted completely off the books?

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

WTF is the difference between an economic investment and an engine of prosperity? Is that supposed to make sense?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Well this is interesting — the dude from Staples is criticizing President Obama for investing in a company that wasn't successful. So fewer people should take risks on startups with a dream, you say?

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

He is pennywise and dollar foolish, that's why he's great!

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Even Pennywise the clown isn't as scary as Mittens.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Staples sucks, and destroyed a shitload of local businesses.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Oh, you want to talk about lies? How much time do you have, buddy?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Can you hire me at STAPLES, Job Creator? I'd love to make 9.00 an hour!

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Great, the RNC ruined the Ohio State fight song for me, two days before the start of the new season.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Shit just got real. Stemberg looks like he's spoken to a crowd of people before.

[probably laying them off]

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Fuck these people. In the bum. With a frozen anvil. Sideways.

This is my prayer, Almighty Grid.

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

This business is all about the people. So they need to work back to back doubles.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

When do we get to the part where they say what "it" is…
after saying "They just don't get it."

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

A RAISE! HEALTH CARE BENEFITS! A 40 HOUR WEEK! JOB SECURITY!

USA! USA! USA!!

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

"The private equity industry that has created so many new jobs" – by destroying even more old ones. Fuck these people don't live in reality.

Oh and did you hear of the stimulus package? This administration fucking did create jobs, moran.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

My Vote- YOU JUST WON'T GET IT!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Oooh, the line about day care fell flat…

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Childcare– an idea you got from 9 to 5 which was made in 1980.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

No, we get it, alright. Fuck you, too!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I think they're talking about Mittens' tax record. We just don't get it!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

God, I cannot *wait* until the DNC…I hope and assume Wonkette will be live blogging that as well…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:07 pm

We'll all probably be too drunk.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Where were they?

Educating the high-school graduates your business relies on for employees, that's where.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

If Romney is such a great guy, WHY ISN'T HE A DEMOCRAT?

I rest my case.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Not everyone that misses little league games is doing it for seven figures.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

What the hell was that about making his employees work back to back double shifts? Was he bragging about that?

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Fox Conn! Yeah!

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

"They don't understand risking money to create something new…"

But Solyndra was bad.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

i know how to invest in grow lights and security cameras. fuck them.

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

But Dubya gave money to Solyndra before Hopey, don't they know that????

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 12:08 am

Shit, *I* did not know that until just now, and I'm a news junkie. Fucking worthless news media…

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Little league games you miss? Fucker, try "the doctor's appointment you miss because you have no health care because you only make $10/hour," jerk…

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:07 pm

…because everybody owns a corporation, right?

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Reagan's hologram has been hacked to say "Help me Obiwan"

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Oh good…he's going to talk about the steel plant in Georgetown, SC that Bain bankrupted!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Tom Stemberg was the most soporific speaker who ever took the stage on the last night of a convention. I think I actually blacked out for part of that.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:08 pm

So when the Dems say "We get it…" you know they're lying.

But no worries, they just won't say that anymore.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Yeah, the thing about Mitt as a Mormon preacher is….I lived in Salt Lake City in the 60s – Mormons were very good to other Mormons….other people? Not so much…. When they say "Whatsoever you doeth to the least of us…", they're talking about other Mormons….

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Just what exactly did they do to the lesser Mormons?

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Well, at the least, a stern talking to….

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I hear Romney's speech is going to be a barnburner! It's so bad it will make you go on a rampage and burn down your own barn.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

That is why my barns are steel!

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Two gin-scented tears are trickling down the sides of my nose. But it's all right, everything is all right, the struggle is finished. I have won the victory over myself. I LOVE BAIN CAPITAL!

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Piss break.
Toke 'em if ya got 'em.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

brb

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I stopped at the liquor store on my way home – gonna be a long night.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Florida + pharmacy = pill mill

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Medicare fraud

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:12 pm

No, Medicare fraudsters get elected to public office in Florida.

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Oxy for you!
Oxy for everyone!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:09 pm

"Mama, that man talks funny!"

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

All right Fernandez, Where's your PAPERS?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

The PBS wonks are pondering why Mitt didn't bring out testimonials like the two from Mormon families he ministered to way before this point in the campaign. But for some reason none of them brought up that they'd notice that Mitt was the pastor of a church for something like ten years. Have we elected a minister before? I know it was a problem for Fuckabee and Jesse Jackson. It may not be a negative to be a Mormon — but to be a pastor — yes, that would call one's objectivity into question, and rightly so.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

But he wasn't paid- the Mormons take 10% of everything you got, then require you to work for them for free. Sounds almost socialist?

SayItWithWookies August 31, 2012 at 1:14 am

Yeah but socialism for Jesus is a completely different thing — just don't ask me why or how.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Bain Capital — because this corporation is a person too, my friend.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I know it's wrong but every Latin Republican reminds me of Alberto Gonzales.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Jose Jimenez, for me.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

More people need to follow in these great footsteps.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

You didn't build that, olds' Social Security and Medicare checks built that!

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Excellent.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I might need some pharmaceutical products after listening to this crap…

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

More attempts to defend Bain's destructive record. Man they really are on the defensive here,

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:12 pm

He's proved now that he helps Mormons and fellow executives. Well, we should all feel so fortunate.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

We will be. After we vote for Mitt.

For 5 seconds, I guess.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Wow, Lyndon LaRouche had a lot of work done.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Another Red Dress? Is this some kind of Militia thing?

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

This woman looks like my ex, who was a man.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

The Adam's Apple really gives it away.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

They're trying to catch Dillinger.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Damn the CNN feed must be behind whatever you're watching.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I think I'm watching BSG again…There seem to be Cyborgs.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

they can't let go of the whore theme. koch all day, by now they're feeling a lttle guilty. (no they're not)

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Romney's "turned around" his opinions too, don't forget.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I had Wesley Jessen daily wear contacts in the '80's. No matter how much I cleaned them or disinfected them, I ended up getting Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis. They were extremely thick and let no oxygen in. Never experienced that again with daily wear contacts. To this day I wear contacts (disposable, but still).
(Oh man, I must be drunk–sorry.)

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

It's infinitely more fascinating than this caca.

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Trix, if you go for older guys I am way better looking than him!

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Anybody here from Mass?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Worcester, but haven't been to mass for æons.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

And to non-East Coasters, Worcester is actually pronounced as "Wooster". No I have no idea why.

montreal_bruin August 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Get a grip, man. It's Whista!

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I only go to Mass on Easter Sunday and Christmas.

montreal_bruin August 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I'm from the northern 'burbs, and Mitt's still a douche.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

"How did he fix our state?"

By pursuing the very moderate policies from which he is running today…

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I do not trust these half-women, half-men in the Romney cabinet.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

It's the half-machines that really get to me.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I swear to God, I would be FINE with Mitt saying, "I was born rich as fuck and got even richer after that. I have been very lucky, I would like to do something good for other people" instead of all this "I know what it's like to worry about making it from paycheck to paycheck." Who with a bit of reasoning believes him when he insists on lying this way? I hate this. These c-span promo breaks are making me as sick as the talky-talkers. Oh wait, here's his lady Lt Gov from Mass…I may have spoken too soon…

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

They can't mention Romney's gubernatorial cabinet without highlighting the gender ratio.

Affirmative action?

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Holy fuck, what was THAT?!?!? Wicked witch got nothing on her!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Kerry Healey, Mitt's Lt. Gov, said Romney turned the state around by bringing together both Democrats and Republicans — of course the state's legislature was something like 90% Democratic, so it wasn't too difficult to reach across the aisle.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

It's another red dress; is at an RNC rule that all woman speakers have to wear those?

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

And try to speak like men? What is this lady's testosterone content? She's gonna fart and scratch her balls before she leaves the stage. HUH HUH HUH guffawing is a worse look than that shoulder padded dress she's wearing.

shelwood46 August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

They are color-coded, exactly like The Handmaid's Tale.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

What's he like… in bed?

ChapterUndVerse August 31, 2012 at 12:43 am

To find out, you'd have to sleep in a coffin, no?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

"First and foremost, Mitt Romney is a good and honorable man — who follows the three rules for robots."

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Yeah, speaking of that downgrade, the ratings agencies were quite clear that it was the gridlock in *Congress,* created by the Reeps, that led them to lower the US' rating…

Limeylizzie August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Charles Pierce totally wants to touch your breasts! I love him, he is actually much more attractive than I had thought.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

How's the new baby?

Limeylizzie August 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Delicious! Saw him yesterday, they are at home now, about 4 blocks away from us, so we can snag him all the time!

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Sweet! Love that new baby smell!
hahaha

Limeylizzie August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I love them when they are brand new and then I am all meh until they get a personality.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Mitt the Bridge Builder? I'm impressed!

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Mitt is Superman!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Mitt dove into he tunnel and fixed the problem!

Wait, What?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

He's really MOLE-MAN!

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

But he's one of the lamest supervillains ever; really the F4 villains who are not Doctor Doom or Galactus suck.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Hey, idiot, the credit downgrade was caused by the Republican congress refusing to raise the debt limit, not Obama.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Excuse me, how the fuck is Obama *not* living by family values?

Bitch.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Daugthers. He has only wimmnen folk.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

By treating his gay friends as if they're actual human beings?

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

"He will never apologize for America"

No, but we Americans will have to do so on a regular basis if he comes to power…

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

"And Mitt will never apologize for America."

Look, bitch, I know a president who doesn't have to.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Mitt dived into a collapsed tunnel. Between him and Tim Pawlenty, Republican Governors sure can oversee collapsing infrastructure.

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

"Thank you Mitt Romney for Believing in America. In America you can Believe in Mitt Romney." I can't even comment. It's worse than Santorum's "Make America America Again."

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I refuse to believe in Mittens. He does not exist!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

4 year scholarship?! That's fucking socialism !!

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Mitt Rmoney, I saw Mavis Staples at Red Rocks last week. And you, sir, are no Mavis Staples!

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

exercise physiology?

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Sweet Jesus. GO FOR IT, CHARLIE.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm

SEAMUS ON C-SPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Jane Edmonds, traitor!

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

TRAITOR WOMAN – wow, how much did they have to pay her???

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

New pretty ear baulbles?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Whore Diamonds?

No – that's us

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Democrat Jane Edmonds from Massachusetts is speaking. I wonder if there's a sign on prohibiting the throwing of peanuts.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Uh-oh. A women is breaking the red dress rule.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Because she's a (R)money Democrat, duh?

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

She's a Democrat so she must wear blue. Because she's sad and blue.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

That explains the sound of thousands of safety catches being unlocked.

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

She's also breaking the Being White rule…

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Wait wait, he's NOT a robot?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Mitt's The Real Thing? So…He's Coke?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Charlie Pierce deserves many blow jobs for his write-up of Ryan's speech.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

"I told him I wanted to be white. And that I embrace white capitalist culture. He said, "You're hired!"

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

betcha this lady votes for Obama.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Does the Republican Party really think that being endorsed by a self-described liberal Democrat from Massachusetts really think this'll reassure the base?

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I think they're under the illusion that it will matter to the mushy middle.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

This is where all the Fructose Baptists at home go to pee and grab another Glucerna shake. They won't see this. So it's all good.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

God, get on with the athletes already. I want to know who to root against, if any of them are still active.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

So does this mean you're not voting for the blah guy?

stfu

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Boobie buttons too high on Ms. Jane.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Women women women women women

"Come on, baby, I'm not such a bad guy…"

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

She's very animated. I bet she has rhythm too.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I bet she converted to Mormonism before any of that happened.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

As of, uh, 2004 (?) they let the blahs in the Temple, I hear. So….

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Take a shot every time you see teased blonde hair in the audience.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I am loving all these assholes having to cheer for shit Taxachusetts has done. They are so confused, it's like the first time cognitive dissonance has become a real thing that they notice.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

You heard the mighty roar of approval every time someone mentions Mitt's willingness to reach across the aisle? Me neither…

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

And when that lady said she was a liberal democrat at the end of her speech? It was like they all wanted to take back every clap. I swear these people would be hilarious if they weren't all around me.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Oh, she called him a servant-leader — evangelical dogwhistle there.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Definitely. Now he needs someone to get up there and talk about he washed their feet.

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Is little old us still being monitored by Politico?

[waves hand]

Hi, motherfuckers!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

We never did like Politico anyway, did we? No, we didn't, except I can't remember why but whatever it was I said then, I still agree with.

Come here a minute August 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Why the lull? Are we waiting for Livebloog 2: The Bloogening? Probably giving us time to read Sullivan. (As if.)

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

He's open to good ideas. Like RomneyCare?

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

"He'll listen and he's inclusive"

Mitt: Listen. Disclose your taxes.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

"He doesn't care if good ideas come from a liberal Democrat like me — he'll listen and he's inclusive."

But he can change — honest!

Arborista August 31, 2012 at 12:13 am

"But he can change — honest!"

With the weather…

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

OK, so Obama is always selfish, not like some sort of common socialist?

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

"a servant-leader"?? Is that some kind of Xian code phrase?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

A servante is a device magicians use to stash objects out of sight. That's all I can come up with.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Remember $arah and her servant's heart? Yep

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm

You think Ann "You People" Romney & Cindy McCain have had bad plastic surgery? Check out Joycelyn Wildenstein she wanted to look like the lions her and hubby hunted on their "game ranch", so she got 4 mill of plastic surgery to look like a lion. She built that! http://www.famenetworth.com/2011/01/jocelyn-wilde
Ann is on her way to above I'm sure. They can never stop that bad plastic surgery nonsense once it starts.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Aaaaahhhhh!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Nighmarish hell plastic surgery x infinity. These surgeons have no souls, but neither do their clients, they deserve each other.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

There's no way I'm looking at that. Tonight is horrible enough.

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

"Welcome to you're doooooooooooooooooom!" http://people.tribe.net/dub/photos/a37b531c-5b76-

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Oh for fuck's sake, Taylor Hicks? Once again Alabama owes the country an apology.

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

On behalf of all the Hicks from Alabama, I sincerely apologize.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

OMG!

Tundra Grifter August 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Cat milk? Only a sick fuck would milk a cat…

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Hey. Don't knock………..I mean……..yes, horrible.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Up to this point, Republicans held Massachusetts as the epitome of liberal failure. Tonight MA sounds like paradise. Great schools, equal rights for women insurance for every body. WTF!!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Next: Michael McDonald singing "Yam-O Be There".

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Yam-O Burn this mother fucker down if you idiots keep on clapping out of time.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Yam-nO-shit. Worst muzak garbage I've heard in a long time.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

What. The. Fuck.

…is a Rat Pack impersonator doing singing a DOOBIE BROTHERS SONG!?

Christ almighty, the things I go though for this blog…

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Who the fuck is Tailor Hicks, besides someone who can't sing?

And he's even a worse dancer than me; and I'm horrible at dancing.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Someone who blows frantically into a harmonica, on occasion.

Oh wait something about American Idol, blah blah blah

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

He is NOT one of my cousins. Okay, maybe he is. I wouldn't be surprised.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

You are a much better singer than he is. And your singing is almost as bad as mine.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

He is a guy who was on American Idol. I don't know if he won because I don't watch that shit, but I do know who he is, he lives here in this piece of shit state I live in and owns a restaurant one of my cousins worked in. I am so god damned embarrassed, again.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:43 pm

OK, I think I remember that, thanks to having a mother who loves that shit show and won't take "I don't care" for an answer when talking about it. Was he the one who won over an obviously superior singer, who also obviously had the gay, and so was unacceptable to middle American Fox viewers?

Butch_Wagstaff August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

He won some glorified karaoke contest and like all the other 1200 "winners" of it, no one remembers who his is.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Obama took it to the goddamn streets. Mitt spit on the sidewalk.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

"We were alone in the room – I was a finalist….I unbuttoned my blouse…"

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Ha! A liberal singing praises of Mitt is going to get the wingnutz wondering (again) if Mitt is a real conservative.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I think the message of taking it to the streets may not be exactly what they think it is.
I was raised here in this living hell
You don't know my kind in your world
Fairly soon the time will tell
You…telling me the things you're gonna do for me
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Skeet shooting? Yawn.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

WOOO SHOOTING YEAH!!

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

"I have the amazing blessing…" Blessings have grades? I'd settle for a crappy blessing right now, like my tv will die.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

She sure doesn't look like an athlete…

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Skeet shooter. Clinging to her guns….something, something.

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

No skeet skeet skeet from the Wonketteers for her.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

She's obviously not kept up with practice. Oh, it's skeet.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Go ahead – Break My Clay!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Women of America are a force to be reckoned with

Yes, as Mittens is finding out, to his dismay…

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Is this a Cheney relative??? Ringer!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

"I think we showed the world that women in America are a force to be reckoned with."

Yeah, especially since they were allowed to participate in combat. Under President Obama, of course.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

That's a nice set of skeletons, there.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Olympians! Fuck! Drink!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Both!

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

The shooting lady is also not wearing the red dress uniform.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm

but she did have the grating voice.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Is this the Log Cabin Repub segment?

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

They're after the women-who-can-shoot-straight vote now.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

"Don't mess with the Mitt"? Jesus, Michigan, I've not been in your state since I was a kid but surely you have better things to brag about than being the home state of a robot…

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Oh, a gold medalist in skeleton. And speaking of skeletons what's Mitt saying about his tax returns from 2000 to 2010?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

These are all pussy sports. Or old people.
Except for the hockey guy.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

These people make me want to weep, scream, put my foot through the TV and vomit and I am only vaguely listening to them from the next room.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Hit the MUTE button and put on some nice Blues. Trust me.

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Mike Eruzione, you just broke my heart.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm

and Scott Hamilton too… Dang.

emmelemm August 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Wait, what?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

No shit. Against the old red CCCP. (Grew up in a Flyers household–knew who Bernie Parent was by the time I was five).

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

USA!USA!USA!DRINK!

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I always feel I need a drink when I hear that…

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

He's like a friggin ronald reagan defeating the soviet union with his bare hands.

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Needz moar hurricane!!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Dammit, now I have a craving for a hurricane, and I don't even like that drink…

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Oh yeah the Closeted Olympians Club, or COC!!

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Didn't the Republicans cheer when Chicago wasn't selected — because Obama?

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Olympic people! They're good at obscure sports that no one pays attention to except once every four years, so you know you can trust their opinion on politics.

Oh and isn't Scott Hamilton, you know, a male figure skater? Republicans usually don't like those types.

Beowoof August 30, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Oh yes they do, they can teach the wide stance.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

She didn't mention god, kill her!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

*broughttoyoubyConservativeAthleteswithOlympicMedals

Beowoof August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

So the BIlls are playing the Lions, it is the start of the 4th quarter. Buffalo down, 31-24. Anything else happening tonight?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

"Come on down to my house, honey
Ain't nobody home tonight"

Beowoof August 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Probably a long trip, but I do have a fresh case of Sam Adams Oktoberfest.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Bob Guccione? Makes sense.

Beowoof August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Bring in Neal Boortz, and you could have Neal and Bob, what would be more perfect for the republican convention.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Chanting USA? Is another Puerto Rican coming to the stage?

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Oops. Current is cold blowing off the athletes. I don't like the Olympics anyway and never watch them, so who gives a fuck? I wouldn't know any of these people. All I know about Olympics is that every time I turned on the teevee there was water polo, whatever that is, on my teevee screen.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

GAG!!!!!!!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm

"the Olympic movement"

WTF? Now, I like the Olympics, but FFS, it is an athletic competition, not a civil rights organization…

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Bribery scandals you say?

What party were the politicians involved?

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I can't believe they didn't lure Tim Thomas out of his bunker for this. Speaking of right wing hockey players…

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Olympics, ethics? What, no condoms in the swag bags in SLC?

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

He just said the Olympics are bigger than Jesus.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Finally, David "You're Welcome" Shuster is going to be on my teevee again. He has a fiance, with hurts. Pretend boyfriends are so much more fun when they don't tweet pictures of their young, beautiful brides-to-be.

shelwood46 August 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I love him, too. What station is he on?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Mike Eurozone? Ferriner!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

WE are all fortunate that Mitt Romney kept that Movement burning!

urgh, burning movements. That's best done in Quiet Fields

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Ah, those "Women heart Mitt" signs. Keep dreaming…

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Republicans like their latin folks short and gay.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I smell fear and desperation in the air with this verbal fellating of Romney regarding the 2002 Olympics. Nothing about policy. Nothing about his plans for running the country. Just a bunch of people kowtowing to hockey. Hockey? Are we Canadians now?

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

We can only wish.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 9:48 pm

True that.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Just one more example of how Mitt Romney understands the PRIVATE SECTOR so well, which is important for running the government because. Are the Olympics even a private sector thing? It feels like a corporate fuckfest, but aren't they organized by the UN or whatever?

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Tom Tomorrow twitted: "My attention has gone missing. Maybe Mitt can put together a team and rescue it. "

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:41 pm

They're cheering a Mexican! Quick, take a picture!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:41 pm

9.11! Drink!

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

So Calvinball is now an Olympic sport? I really should watch more closely.

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Oh yeah, the crowd realizes, we should clap for the short guy.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

This is horrific — I mean, there's a reason people don't ask athletes to have long interviews. Giving speeches is just beyond the pale.

Maybe it's part of the strategy — this is the roofies before we pass out in the bedroom, isn't it?

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I think Mitt surprise-baptized him when he lived there.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

5'4, Mexican, Southern California. Speed skater.
Gay or GTFO

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Olympics from 10 years ago, and a winter one at that, are they cheering in lowercase usa usa usa?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:43 pm

*How* well do you *know* Mitt??? Derek? Com'on buddy, the night was cold and clear. You were nervous. The Mitt called. And….

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Oh lord I never thought I would be WAITING for MITT DAMNED ROMNEY to be breaking some monotony. Come ON now.

Beowoof August 30, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Has Clint showed up and given the repubs, their gun/shooty orgasm.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

This guy says 9/11 more often than Giuliani. Dude, you're from San Bernardino.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

The Flag had STAPLES in it.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

"I touched the flag for the first time – and I got a Boner!"

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

"Our country was still reeling from the wound — the trauma — the pain of September eleventh."

That happened under nobody's watch and was nobody's particular intelligence failure. But we'll adopt all his policies again if we're elected.

HogeyeGrex August 30, 2012 at 9:45 pm

So, will Mitt start his speech with "I was born a poor black child…"?

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

"I was a poor black child with muchas Messican grandmadres." Oh, no. Too close to the truth.

shelwood46 August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Well, he is The Jerk.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 9:45 pm

…unlike anything I ever experienced… I then took the condom out of my ass and said, thank you, Mitt…

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 9:45 pm

A short Mexican lived with the Romneys? I didn't know they had a garden.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:45 pm

OH JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST GIVE ME A BREAK

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Awww Scott, don't cry, what about all those wars we started? Didn't those feel good? Yeah they did. It's OK to be happy. There there boy.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:45 pm

BTW, from Democrats.org…

The Salt Lake games got more taxpayer dollars than all of the previous U.S.-hosted Olympics combined: a whopping $1.3 billion. For comparison, the 1984 games in L.A. received $75 million and the 1996 games in Atlanta received $609 million. It's clear that the real hero of the 2002 games was the American taxpayer.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

That needs to be somewhere in addition to the web site. An web ad is coming, I assume. And the twitter, which I read now but can't figure out how the fuck it works and what all those symbols mean.

Still, I follow people and read the shit they twit, which I think is pretty damned good for an Old.

mosjef August 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Bushed, Chainy, and Condo Rice squandered hundreds of billions for nothin'. That's why the rest of the mouth breathers keep chanting "We billed it"

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

The speed skater speech is death by cliché

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Didn't Scott Hamilton survive cancer? I guess he doesn't want anyone else to.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

BB who? What the fuck?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

The Winans are a renowned gospel group. I'm a bit shocked to see their appearance here. I guess $$$$$ talks. update: it's just one Winan.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

No–not the Winans! What the hell?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Only one Winan. The others have peanut allergies.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Gotcha– realized it was just One BB.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Which one was it?

Edit: Oh, I see you said Bebe, the wife-beating one. Figures.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Oh god this guy is boring.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

LET THE EAGLE SOARRRRR

Arborista August 31, 2012 at 12:23 am

Make the eagle weep…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 31, 2012 at 12:24 am

Make the eagle weep.. vomit.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

He was born in America. Hey, I was too!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

So was I! Anyone else around here born in America?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I flew over it once.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I was born in America, too, but I was born in Motown, which isn't Real America, so I might as well be a Canadian or a Cambodian or some shit to them.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Native_of_SL_UT August 30, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I was born in Utah, so no.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Ann Romney isn't following the red dress rule…

Will Mitt be having the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing too?

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

She don't have to walk the streets for money, either. She don't care if it's wrong or if it's right.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Arise from the ashes, America? A "prairie fire" of gospel singers?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Oh yeah — Mitt Romney inspired the country that wins more medals than anyone else to win a record number of medals. You know what else was a record for the Olympics? The amount of federal money that Romney secured for an Olympic games in the US — I think he got $1.2 billion for the 2002 games, when the previous record had been $300 billion for a summer games.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Heart-warming, tear-jerking appeals to emotion: because you really don't want to hear our policy ideas…

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I was born in America, the land where people dare to dream. (The only one because JeebUS!)

Crank_Tango August 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

dare to dream, just not in color.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

If Clint Eastwood starts making Inspector Callahan/Dirty Harry analogies, I'm calling "Scorpio" & begging him to throw me off the Golden Gate Bridge.

HogeyeGrex August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I'll meet you there.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Ok, lets stop off and pick up Tony Scott first. Too soon?

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

"It's my America. It's your America." Unless you're a Democrat/progressive/woman/gay/brown.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm

All things considered, I prefer Woody Guthrie's version.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Quivering in anticipation for the newly remodeled Mittbot 3000 complete with new humanity/compassion patch!
CLUELESS-A! CLUELESS-A! CLUELESS-A!

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm
SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Bucking stereotypes, the Republicans managed to find a token black guy who can't sing,

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Please, gawd, don't let Clint play piano. It's hard enough staying awake as it is.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

AHHHH MUTE MUTE MUTE MUTE STAB STAB STAB

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:54 pm

OMG! I was just curious!!! Honest!!!
Get Ready!!!!!!!???????????

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

oh FUCK no dont do it

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Dammit Judy Woodruff — please never say "We're coming up to the money hour" ever again. Thank you.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I'm tired.

The convention is more boring than usual.

C-SPAN isn't showing enough cleavage.

The commentariat is wandering into "mean/angry drunk" territory.

I'm off to bed. Wake me up if the Paultards go Second Amendment with their votes or something.

emmelemm August 30, 2012 at 9:54 pm

The commentariat is wandering into "mean/angry drunk" territory.

Which is different from usual, how?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

That was almost said as though we didn't start the fuck DAY drunk.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Big Brothers been on, so I haven't seen a thing. I caught a piece of Jeb and some random teacher earlier in the night, but switched off. WTF with the yellow background was my only impression and comment.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Ann has a bird beak.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

It's almost like this guy did nothing but "bust-outs" and Olympics his whole damn life.

Oh, wait.

Designer_Rants August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"bust-outs". That is a perfect description of what Mitt would call a "Leveraged Buy Out". I'm remembering the Sopranos episode of doing a bust-out on that sporting goods store. Bain Mafia.

HogeyeGrex August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

DO THEY EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE CHANTING THE "USA!!!! USA!!!! USA!!!!"???

Please?

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Mittens says we should have hope.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

America roaring back from the fact that business and capital left – because they want CHEAP labor? Not the interests of the American people.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I've got the set on mute, and my dog is still barking at it. Maybe I should get some food for him and put him in another room until this is over–unlike Mittens, I'm not into animal abuse…

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

The SLC Olympics are sooooo 2002.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Oh Gawd! Here comes the wacko name boy band: Minus 98 degrees from Utah.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Nick, Drew, Justin and Jeff ? It's like getting a year's worth of Tiger Beat on the same day!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I can not wait until the Democratic National Convention, where there will be music that won't make me want to TEAR OFF MY OWN HEAD

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 9:54 pm

GAH THE BAND IS TRYING TO RUIN THE FOUR TOPS FOR ME, BUT THE FOUR TOPS ARE AWESOME; STOP THAT.

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I can only hear "9/11" in Lois Griffin's voice now

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

9………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………11

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

….11. Cause that what Jesus would do.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

That was one of their best episodes. I never laughed so hard.

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Mit bot cant explain your human love. Bleep boop.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

You know, "I can't explain love," either. He's JUST LIKE ME!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

The Mitt and Ann Romance — an enduring failure of imagination.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Clearly, I've lost my edge because I really didn't foresee that they would link the fucking Olympics in UTAH in 2004 with 911which happened in godless NYC after all in 2001.

And now Romney's talking about LOVE and I'm going to barf.

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

ICK ICK ICK I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ROMNEYLOVE!!!!!!!!!! It is even worse than Al and Tipper sucking face for an hour that one time

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Shorter Ann: "Ha, ha. Fuck you Mrs. George Romney; Mitt is my baby, now."

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Aww — they got married because otherwise they wouldn't be allowed to have sex. Too bad nobody told them about birth control.

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

"I wish these kids would shut the fuck up" — Ann Romney

Biff August 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

OH SHIT FAMILY 8mm MOVIES NOW

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Out of curiosity, am I missing anything by tuning into C – Span instead of MSNBC?

(I don't even want to know about CNN, much less FOX…)

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Just different commentators.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Home movies! Followed by slides of a family vacation!

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Coming up!
Oooh Mexico – talk about the multiple wives, puuleezzzz

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I adored Ann's story about the long winter afternoons with five boys running around the "House". Like the Romneys lived in a two-bedroom tract house, not a gigantic mansion with staff keeping track of the little bastards.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

STFU Mitt!!! Talk to my Mother you asshole. Her husband of 25 years is a two-term Vietnam vet with MS and PTSD. They live on Veteran benefits and Social Security.
If they had a dancing dressage horse, there are days when they would eat it.
Screw you both. No lube. No reacharound.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I just don't get why they're ignoring all those years Mitt spent in a tiger cage in Hanoi.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 9:57 pm

"I know what poverty is"

Too bad your son has no fucking clue about it…

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Mitt ain't a quarter of the man his daddy was. And, even his daddy was principled to the point of being rigid.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Oh look — it's video of a guy who ran for president and who released twelve years of tax returns when he did so. Whaddya think of that, Mitt?

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

George Romney is spinning like a freaking top. In his grave. Also, too.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Refugees? Really? REFUGEES?

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Yes, from the Mexican government's tyranny against Polygamy and other weird Mormon stuff. No shit.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

I loved the still photos with the flickering torches. We can haz Mitt gifs?

Oooh… "knuckle-snorts!"

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

"I just met Mitt Romney." Wtf? He's a MAN, Not your GOD.
Fits the campaign to attempt to humanize him, but still feels entrenched in oddity– his weird cultish religion.

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Mitt's a Messican.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Damn, #mexicanmitt has been suspended…

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 9:58 pm

They were refugees??????
From the US or Mexico?

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm

From the reality – based community.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

The family ran from US persecution against polygamy, then back to the states when the Mexicans had enough of it, too.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I know the history. I'm just amazed by the use of the word, or as Michele Bachmann might put it, the chutzpah.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm

CHEAP FUCKING BASTARD!!!!! WHAT AN ENDORSEMENT! WTF?????????

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

That explains the accounts in the Caymans.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Mitt's speech will be delivered atop a gigantic iPod dock.

Designer_Rants August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

The MittPod will play a selection titled "Rage Against The Commoner".

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Can't make it……weak………. you…..you go on without me.
I'll try to catch up……no really…..I'll be okay…..just leave beer and PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Must … try … if … we … suffer … we … all … suffer … together.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

"Dad took us to all the National Parks when we were kids, he always told me, "Mitt, some day you 'll sell the oil and mineral rights to these!""

Designer_Rants August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

"And son, you won't just stop at extracting all the wealth from natural paradises that should be left unsullied. You will also do it to American communities, by borrowing money to purchase community employers, then making the employers borrow more money — more money than would ever make sense to anyone — and you will steal this money from them. Then you will sell these businesses and watch them fail under their new impossible debt loads. And all the community's citizens who made a living and a home while working there can go fuck themselves."

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Win!

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

"If he could save 50 cents in paper clips, he'd drive a mile to do it."

QUALIFYING BUSINESS EXPERIENCE.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Costing how much in gas? Does not compute, Mitt.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Staples !

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Will they mention his mother or is she out of the picture due to her inconvenient pro-choice position.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Lying liars, it's a generational thing apparently.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

"cause I wanted to get the fuck out of Michigan. You figure it out

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

You're right, Mitt isn't in this for himself. He's in this for his fucking money. He'd die before he'd let his money be attacked and taken from him. You just know if Mitt were some day to lose his fortune, he'd be on of those wealthy guys jumping from the Empire State Building. They try to pretend that he's deeper than that, but he's not.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Just what America wants: The cheap asshole who won't leave 20% then drives off in an Escalade. Good one RNC. "Keep up the bad work" ~Scarface

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

OH, GHOD I WANT TO BUY INTO AMWAY NOW!

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm

A Michael Jackson reference? This is true comedy gold!

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm

OK, Micheal "Man in the Middle" Jackson! Creepy free association!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Jesus, I made the mistake of unmuting because I thought they were back. That remake of Man in the Mirror is pure Michael Jackson libel!

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Enormous sigh.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I have heard better musical interludes at airport motels.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Oh. My. God.

The mystery guest is an OLD WHITE MAN, you guys!!

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Clint? The hair? For fuck's sake.

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

So Mittens should be President because he was busy falling in pure puppy love while other people were fighting and dying in vietnam or getting hosed marching for civil rights? And he should be President because his dad was powerful and rich and thus he grew up in richness and power. He did everything right, he's supposed to be President

Xan August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

It's his time now. Anne said so.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

High Plains Grifter.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Man, this video: He's a Magic Man!!!!! I'm not sure how, but he must have waved his magic underpants at these problems and made them disappear somehow…no one knows how…Magic goes in, magic comes out – don't look at it…..

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Fuck it — regardless of what they do, I'm not throwing Ennio Morricone off the playlist.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I hope Spielberg is getting ready for the counter-attack.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

"As a matter of fact, I *do* feel lucky, punk…"

Barack Obama, after looking at Mittens' approval rating…

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

"Get off my lawn and make my day you damn queers. White power!"

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Clint Eastwood = Alzheimers

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:03 pm

"Save a little for Mitt."

Ha — that stingy bastard saves enough for himself.

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Clint lost all credibility when he let his wife do that reality show.

RadioBowels August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Read my lips: No New Tax Returns.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Bitch, please…your hot dog is probably nothing to show off…

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Go ahead, punk. Make my bed.

emmelemm August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Change my diaper!

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Tell about that time your daughter lit that $100K purse on fire, Clint

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

…It's just that the Conservative people make really shitty movies…

Xan August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I cannot believe it isn't Lincoln and Reagan holograms yacking it up. The level of my disappoint cannot be measured.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Fuck you Clint. Before this act of prostitution I actually believed there were a few libertarian Republican types left, but if you'd sell out for this b.s. Fuck you. You know better.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

He he's in the 1%. He knows what his economic interests are.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Jon Voight — Chuck Norris — Timothy McVeigh — you know.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

OMG, is Chuck Norris there?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

IS THIS THE BEST THEY GOT????

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Does Clint know Sandra Locke has been watching The Manchurian Candidate a lot lately? Security might want to check the rafters.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

That red-head, too. Frances something. One of each side of the hall. Those wimmins know how to use guns, too. Thanks to being in Clint movies.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Ok, time for the assisted living home. WTF is Clint talking about? Go away!

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Goddamn, this is sad.

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Didn't we already hear from the skeleton people?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Listen, Punk. It's PRESIDENT Obama!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Who is the wheezing old man on the stage? What? That asshole pretend cop?

OurHoboSenator August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Wow, Reagan's corpse is really decayed.

obfuscator2 August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

god stop embarrassing yourself, dirty harold.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

This is making me happy! He's tanking. Just my opinion, however. But he did give a shout-out to dipshit John Midnight Cowboy. How low that boob's gotten to be.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Did he bring an IMAGINARY President with him?

*cuckoo-cuckoo*

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

They call him PRESIDENT Obama

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Nobody laughed when Scott Walker cried last night!

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Didn't Eastwood do a commercial praising the auto bailout during the Super Bowl or something like that?

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I guess he believed what Rmoney told him about that.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It's half-time in America.

He was so pissed that people thought it was an Obama ad that he's in Tampa RIGHT NOW.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Clint just wants a chance to reprise his "Get off my lawn…" role again… man, he's older than me….

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Cindy McCain's thinking … I shoulda married him. He's still making money.

miss_grundy August 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm

The only reason he made "Gran Torino" in Detroit was because of the film incentives that sailed through a bi-partisan Michigan legislature and signed by Gov. Jennifer Granholm, a Democrat.

Now I don't know if I want to see his latest movie, Trouble with the Curve…

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Of course Clint Eastwood cried when he found out there were 23 million unemployed in this country — he only had 200 bullets at the time.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Hey, isn't Dirty Harry cutting into Marco Rubio's timeslot?

Can't decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing…

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Shut the fuck up, Clint. You are out of your element.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Million Dollar Baby death scene. How do your Tea Party buddies like that, Clint?

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

It's time for somebody else to come along and solve the problem.

"Evening Meds in ward one, nurse. Stat!"

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

The Romney campaign was cruel to allow this senile old man up on stage to embarrass himself like this.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

It's a tribute to Reagan.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Yes, John Voight, that paragon of mental stability and health should always be your first choice of right wing actors. All I think of when I think John Voight is that he (didn't) bite George's pencil in the glove compartment on Seinfeld.

Clint is indeed doddering enough to be there now; I see how this happened.

emmelemm August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

When I think of Jon Voight, I think of Anaconda.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Stammering around, shifting back and forth…is this guy drunk?

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

He had a few with Jan Brewer earlier.

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

He sounds really old. I hope he doesn't call over.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Did Clint just wake up, or is he just going to sleep?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Wait, who the hell is he talking to?

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I think Clint really thinks Barack is sitting there :(

obfuscator2 August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

this is just beyond bad, but he'll probably be better than mittens.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Senile Dementia is more human than Mittens.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

clint eastwood may be better with an audience than ole mittbot.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Clint is rambling like drunken comedian Foster Brooks.

WhatTheHeck August 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

They are desperate. They are cramming down our throats that this is the greatest man who ever lived. They are a knife edge away from fear.

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Clint just pinned Afghanistan on Obama.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Clint talks Gitmo? Another inheritance for Obama? Sheesh.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Don't be shy about your military record, Clint. Go on and mention how you spent the Korean War as a lifeguard at a swimming pool in California. (True story)

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Is this going to back-fire on the GOP???

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

And I was complaining about the speakers from earlier this evening? Jesus, Clint, you're just embarrassing yourself now…

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

He killed Obama for reals, pretend tough guy.

Just saying.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

He's got nothing but mean for this crowd. He kind of makes you want to look away because you're embarrassed for him.

WTF? He just blamed Hopey for Afghanistan? Are you fucking kidding me?

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

USE THE TELEPROMPTER

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Eastwood blames Obama for getting us into Afghanistan — and the crowd cheers. What the hell is going on?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Obama caused 9/11. He's been planning it ever since he was born in Kenya, as a part of his diabolical plans to take away our guns and white wimminz.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Wow, Clint is seriously addled. My god, another childhood hero, gone.

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Nothing says "credible speaker' like someone mumbling to an invisible person.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I have the feeling a few weeks from now they'll be a sad announcement like the kind we got about Rayguns and Charlton Heston.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Oh dear. Alzheimer's seems to have kicked in.

And hey, the last terrorists we tried in downtown NYC are STILL IN PRISON, asshole.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Romney wants to stay in the war forever. What kind of shit is this old man full of?

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Oh Clint! Where is Lee Van Cleef and his Colt when he is needed?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Getting drunk with Sergio Leone in heaven, probably.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Jesus this is awful. Is he trying to fuck up this badly? Gitmo? And trying Terrorists downtown in NYC? and… and…

Oh fuck you Clint. Just fuck you. MUTE

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I SMELL AN SNL SKIT!!!!

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Tomorrow on FOX, Barack Obama REPEATEDLY tells Clint Eastwood to shut up! Are we gonna stand for that?

obfuscator2 August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

how do you fit so many 'uh uh uh uh um uh uh uhs' on the teleprompter?

maybe the optics of a doddering old man talking to an imaginary person in an empty chair aren't optimal for your campaign?

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Look at the Wingnuts chuckling cautious–we're blaming Afghanistan on Obama now, right? heh. heheheh.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Yay, Clint Eastwood, more old white man stank in Tampa.

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Dodder dodder spudder. Biden! spudder. Where's my applesauce?

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Ooh, fact checking will go crazy with this one.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Dude's making Reagan look sound-minded.

Talking to an empty chair on behalf of an empty suit.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Is he a ventriloquist, what is going on? J. Edgar sucked eggs! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

RadioBowels August 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Is this the new fresh Republitard party I've been hearing about?

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

WTF is all this Biden-hate for? I honestly don't understand it. Most Americans don't think of Biden the way they do.

And, why the hell are they cheering as if they are at a Chris Rock concert? This shit ain't funny. It's sad. Someone go get that man's nurse.

gullywompr August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Biden makes with the zingers. They hate being zinged.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

He said Democratic, not Democrat. Wasn't he listening when Karl Rove schooled him?

WhatTheHeck August 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I think he’s secretly for Obama. Coming off as a cranky old white guy.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

This is FUCKING GREAT for McCain.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Ladies and gentlemen, meet 2012's answer to Michael Steele…

I will always wonder if Dirty Harry *wanted* to sabotage the Reeps with this drivel…

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

even these soul less, shameless fuckers must cringe at the sight of this. then have to listen to Willard. you get what you deserve.

I have up my standards, now up yours
-Pat Paulsen

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

"Oh Oh, Ah jest pooped mah pants"

*Wild Fucking Cheers*

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I am pissing myself I am laughing so hard. NOW me & Clint have something in common.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Feeling lucky, punk :)

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Man. Whose Idea was this?

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Conservatives are really eating this Grandpa Simpson shit up.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I'm hungry! Where's my pill? I'll be good.

GhostBuggy August 30, 2012 at 11:34 pm

The president is a demmycrat!

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Eastwood's audition for Second City is NOT going well.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Not good for BLACK attorneys to be President???

(Btw, I believe Mitt is also an attorney?}

mayor_quimby August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I don't think he ever took the bar exam.

orygoon August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

This fuckwad depresses me so much, because when I look at those lists of famous people who share my birthday, he's the only one anybody has ever heard of.

Arborista August 31, 2012 at 2:11 am

You made me look. I've heard of Brooke Shields, Don Ameche, Sebastian Koch, DMC, Sharon Gless, Jim Carey, Joe Namath, Johnny Paycheck, Walt Whitman, Colin Ferrell & Norman Vincent Peale. Also heard of Fassbinder, but don't think I've seen any of his films…

After tonight, kinda wishing Clint Eastwood were more obscure. For his own sake.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Terrible idea for attorneys to be president. Look at what a shitty job Lincoln did and what a great job the last "businessman" in office did.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

He has dementia–what's your excuse, delegates?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

The only thing of substance Clint has said so far was something about "23 million" out of a job before Obama was elected. Hmm, who was president then?

And yes, diss student loans. Schmuck.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

How many college students or other young people even know who Rowdy Yates is?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Didn't they make a movie about his college football career? With Sean Astin?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Um, that wasn't Obama telling you to shut up- that was the tattered remnants of your conscience, dude…

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Two words Clint: Sondra Locke.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I now love her. She fucked this old dude up for YEARS.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I hope she is giving some of his money to the DNC.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

They're laughing with Eastwood because this is the same stuff they hear spouted at their nursing homes.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

The old run gubmint like a business schtick? Really? That's all you have Clint?

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Do young kids even know who Clint Eastwood is. I mean, the 17 year olds. What point of reference do they have?

OH THAT'S RIGHT. He has a reality show on E! now.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Mr IonaTrailer teaches Film and TV – his exact comments

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

WTF with the guy in the audience wearing a blue elephant hat? Does he realize how r-word that looks?

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

And only Repubtards own this country. Not Democrats, they own nothing.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Clint's right . THEY do own the country. And they mean to keep it that way.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Marco Rubio must be *fuming* backstage…

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

He's Ron Paul's evil twin!

gullywompr August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Romney's no businessman, he's nothing more than a fucking loan shark. Not fit for office.

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Is Eastwood just lowering the bar so far that any coherent sentences Romney puts together will be a "triumph"?

Barrelhse August 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

A short Mexican? I don't know about that, but Ann had a little Italian in her once.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Senility is so sad.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Hey, this was right up there with the Admiral Stockton debate….

mayor_quimby August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Is Clint Eastwood pulling off an Ali G level trolling? Cuz that hint at "go fuck yourself" was pretty harsh. We shall see.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I think he was very charming and I love the respect he showed for the nation's first African American President.

Bravo, Mr Depends.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Where are Clint's grandchildren? Isn't anyone looking after him?
I kind of haz a sad now.

emmelemm August 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Aren't his children/grandchildren basically Kardashians? (Vapid famewhores?)

I don't know, I'm just basing that on the whole "reality show" thing.

Xan August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I thought it was community organizers don't make good presidents. No, wait, it was college professors. Um, lawyers? I'm going to need a wikipedia article to keep up with this.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

We had a businessman in office until 2008, How'd that work out for us?

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

This is really a more libertarian type speech. The Repubs are desperate for celebs. I couldn't imagine a Hollywood celeb the dems would use to introduce the fucking nominee. Even whoring out the 'make my day' shit….dayum.

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:13 pm

These people have completely forgotten how to be embarrassed.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

This is the entire thread, right here. This is perfect.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

RIP humility and irony

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"I can't do that to myself, either."

Clint, I doubt you could do it to Miss America in a kiddie pool full of oiled Kardashians.

415buzzard August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Had to walk away from the teevee, it is just too pathetic and scary.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Well, there it is. "Make my day," appropos of nothing. Jeebus wept.

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Clint Eastwood stars in "The Rambler" and giving the delegates a sneak peak on his one-man comedy routine.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Horrible. Like, watching an autopsy horrible. And it's still going on!

MUSIC NOW!

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

That just mad Clint look old and scared.

gullywompr August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Catch phrase Say the catch phrase!

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Did Bain invest in Depends? What was that embarrassment about?

kingofmeh August 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

why is it that republicans constantly bemoan the influence of hollywood on the left, but the dems would sooner be caught dead than have, say, alec baldwin speak at the democratic convention? republicans are happy to trumpet support from even the fringiest and kookiest members of hollywood and other entertainment types (victoria jackson, jon voight, bruce willis, clint eastwood, etc.), while bemoaning the influence of hollywood on democrats.

hell, the republicans have two prominent actors (reagan and fred thompson) as major party figures, as well as the late sonny bono.

YerMa August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

You forgot the Governator.

And Poland, also, too.

YerMa August 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Plus that doucheface from the Real World we have here in WI.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I don't think Bono would have continued being in the party, if he were still alive.

The REASON that Democrats don't let celebs speak is because the Republicans have done such a good job pushing their "liberal Hollywood gay communist" bullshit lines. George Clooney is smart and a good speaker, but he's only allowed to speak at fundraisers.

Crank_Tango August 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

It's called player hating.

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

What just happened?

bumfug August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Clint's got to leave now – that crypt ain't gonna keep itself.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

That's IT, someone call Scorpio and have him throw me off the Golden Gate Bridge! I knew he would make a Dirty Harry analogy! Drink! Jump!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Marco Rubio is thrilled — at the very worst, he can only give the second most embarrassing speech of the convention.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

"I think I just drank Clint Eastwood's water"

Um, I don't think that was *water* that he was drinking…

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Rachel Maddow: This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen at a convention, and will be if I live to be 100.

ROTFLMAO!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

That's the NICEST thing Rachel could think to say on the air! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Dude needs to retire NOW

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

When they cut in to her, she was totally at a loss for words for a good five second. lol

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

That's funny. I hope I never see anything weirder at a convention.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Big smile. They really, really like me.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

"Can you do Tony Montana?"

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Eastwood proved that Al-Zaimher's can be more dangerous than Al-Quaeda.

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Did Clint Eastwood make me cringe five times, or six? To tell you the truth, in all the horrified mortification, I kind of lost track myself.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

I couldn't watch.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

After Imaginary Obama told him to shut up, I had to hit the Mute button. I hate to watch people embarrass themselves that way.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

yeah… me too.

GhostBuggy August 30, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Yes, this, exactly. I knew it would happen and couldn't watch. The wife and I put "The Muppets" in instead. Saw some funny foam animals sing songs with Jason Segal and respect and care for one another. So, basically, some childhood heroes did some awesome stuff while another one went down in horrifying flames.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Good luck following that act Rubio!

Ooh – INVADE CUBA!!1!

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Cuba? Well, stop the embargo then.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

But the embargo worked so well against other Communists countries like the USSR and Poland. Give it another 50 years.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:16 pm

That was odd.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Rubio's really getting pudgy.

ProgressiveInga August 30, 2012 at 10:21 pm

He's just short for his weight.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

High Plains Grifter.

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Please prey with me for the people of Cuba to have American-style crony capitalism, sweat-shops and McDonald's.

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Conservative Cubans are the biggest terrorists per number of incidents in the United States.

AncienReggie August 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Yes, but curiously inept terrorists.

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

even these soul less, shameless fuckers must cringe at the sight of this. then have to listen to Willard. you what you deserve.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

anchor baby

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

To contrast with Mitt, they've now put on a lad on the verge of puberty to talk about Cuba, and also about Cuba some more.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Hey Rubio: Blow Charlie Crist.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Anchor Speaker?

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm

America's "special" alright.

Oh, he didn't mean that? OK.

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm

What's it with a certain type of Repub man, they all have that soft doughy face, creepy neo-con haircut, you know the Gingrich type of look thing? How do you describe it? I just can't quite put my finger on it and it gives me the heeeeeeby jeebies.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Imagine if he was named Martin Flitwick III, spoiled over-privileged rich preppy pretty boy. Then realize that that's exactly who he is.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Childhood polio crippled Rubio's grandfather?
Marco would deport Jonas Salk for being a socialist for giving away his vaccine.
Pinche coño.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Marco Rubio's grandfather said the dreams he had became impossible for him to achieve? Wasn't that the same guy who left Cuba for the United States two years before Castro's revolution? You know — under that capitalist and friend of freedom, Fulgencio Batista?

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

"We are BLESSED to have our new Robot Overlords, and I BOW to them!"

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Poor Clint, they put him up to this. Now Rubio, if the attendees are 96% Caucasian, how many of the other 4% are Florida Cubans?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

AOTK?

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

"By all accounts he's a good father…"?????

YOU FUCK

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Ha ha ha he's still taking more than 1/3rd of the Bush vacations. Har har har.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Oh JFC, they want to talk about *Obama* golfing? How many fucking rounds did W do?

reliefsinn August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

The statesmanship here is outstanding.
Oh, you don't think that might be a dogwhistle for
"lazy black man in the WH likes to play games instead of work", do you?
Maybe he should do some real work, like clearing "brush" from a "ranch".

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

"Now watch this drive."

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Childhood polio crippled Rubio's grandfather? What would Marco think of Jonas Salk for giving away his vaccine?

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Marco, I've come to know Barack. Barack is a president of mine. Marco, you are no Barack Obama.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

No, Marco, President Obama is a bad person, Super Bad.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Michael Jackson bad, if you will. But not the child diddling Michael Jackson bad, but the album bad.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:21 pm

He's a bad mother shut your mouth

ProgressiveInga August 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

McLovin' Superbad.

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

bad

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

"Forward? I thought he was going backwards?"

YUCK
YUCK
YUCK

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Cuba Si! Rubio No.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

AGAIN with the lie about the Medicare cut. I see Lyin' Ryan has some company….

One_Man_Band August 30, 2012 at 10:20 pm

And here I thought he couldn't embarrass himself worse than he already had by directing Hereafter…

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

"rich people got rich by making other people poor"

And that observation is inaccurate because…?

obfuscator2 August 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

white people can't even clap in rhythm.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Basically, the whole Republican scam depends on Americans not knowing that people in other developed countries live happier lives and are wealthier.

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

"Back in the day everyone was poor"

Yeah, and that's the way you want to make it again. In fact, we're already halfway there.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I hate these people that they have the nerve to slander a man of whom they aren't fit to hoist one ball hair of his.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Um, he wants to talk about the concentration of wealth now? Yeah, let's look at how the Republicans support this, starting with the Ryan tax plan that would increase taxes on the middle class and lower them for the wealthy…

Barrelhse August 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Jesus, Clint… Got up on the wrong side of the cryogenics chamber, did we?

MittBorg August 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Oh, BeccaLou, you are a vision of feminine pulchritude, if I do say so myself, and I most certainly do. So did Clint bomb? Or is just that the jealous, jealous Twitterverse?

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Almighty God just got a standing ovation. I bet She's really proud.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

And she ordered up another hurricane for Florida.

JackObin August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Jeb got mommies' fat gene. And the stupid gene of his father.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

What did Dubya get, besides drunk and jeebus?

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Pretzels!

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

He's describing the future, under Romney, not the aristocracies. You'll damned well stay where you were born in life and we'll structure taxes to guarantee it.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Oh FFS, *no one* is saying we should rely exclusively on political leaders. Straw man much?

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Somewhere in the desert about 110 miles east of here, Ken Layne is not watching this scum-circus, because he is wiser than us all.

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

BULLSHIT family is the most important institution in society. I'm so sick of hearing that crap. Somewhere, in the heartland, an abusive dad makes his little kid's life a living hell.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:24 pm

"in God we Trust" (Where's my handgun?)"

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

"And that almighty god is the source of all we have."

Oh yeah — Rubio goes to church seven days a week. He's also been a Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon. This guy has some crazy sissy shit going on.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

By the time Rubio's 60 his ears are going to be bigger than Dumbo's."

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

E Pluribus Sputum.

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Romney couldn't generate excitement with this crowd if you put 20,000 volts through their chairs.

Eve8Apples August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I agree, but I would find it quite entertaining.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

No, the last 12 years have tested my faith in America. You fucking liar. Yes, you, Rubio.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Yeah Rubio! Every Mexican who touches dry land in America, just like a Cuban, gets to stay!

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Rubio looks desperate – hey, can we start a new thread here? I'm channel surfing between him and a rerun of the Rosanne Barr roast….I'm getting confused….

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"But now you owe thousands of dollars in student loans"

This is coming minutes after the last speaker bashed Obama for talking to college students about this issue…

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

God, that man's ears are huge, bigger than the president's. I'd never noticed that. Everything about him is disproportioned.

YerMa August 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

It's true. Barry's are more sticky-outy, but Rubio's cover most of his large side head-surface area.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Well, not everything.

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Time for the "my father/mother was a coal miner/goat herder/turd farmer" part

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

This reminds me of why I don't like or talk to my own extended family. They took everything and Rand with it.

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Fuck Marco Rubio. Not even the Teabaggers like him anymore.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

That was just weird and sad. Marco Rubio is dead to me I am still in shock from Clint.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Has Rubio said anything yet? I can't tell.

I got brain fucked by Shit-My-Pants McSpaghetti-Western

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Oh Thurston, you are SO funny!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Vulcan Star Trek ears! Green/Ice For Blood!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Wow, this is a bunch of working-class people. How would you know that all these rich motherfuckers had such a hard life? I'll bet they're glad they made it without food stamps, welfare, Medicare, Medicaid, unemployment of any other kind of government assistance they're planning to eviscerate.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

If he really believes this he would be for un-embargoing Cuba.
But he's not really. He's just another political hack.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Surely he's in front of a podium because he's a dead-souled grasping sociopath?

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

My grandfather was a bus driver and a master bricklayer. But Romney's whole life is a repudiation of "make something" capitalism.

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Bring on the holographic hookers (and blow).

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I too remember my father, Marco. A career Air Force NCO who's parents were immigrants, he always said you Repugs were fascists.

poorgradstudent August 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Hey, I really liked Play Misty for Me. Especially by today's standards, it was a pretty intelligent thriller that avoided making a victim of Eastwood's character (that as director he was willing to portray his own character in a pretty unflattering light was commendable) and a total monster of the killer. At the very, very least, it could have been a lot worse – and it was when it was more or less remade as Fatal Attraction.

Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, right. Yeah, I totally wish I could vote for the Obama the Republicans are talking about!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Dreams that are impossible anywhere else come true here

Yeah, because no one ever gets a college education or starts a business or enters a profession in any other country…

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

There are no other countries. Only Zuul.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Hey, I think Rubio's bartender dad cut me off!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I was told there would be a 900 ft tall holographic Ronald Reagan.

I am disappointing.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Hell, I'm still looking for the Bouncy Castle I was promised would be there — NEVER trust a Wisconsin Republican!

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I just needed to put this out there.
The Wonketariat have kept me sane the past few weeks.
Booze, cookies and comfy pillows for all of you.
*bows humbly*

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Tried to get my dog to go into the other room to escape this crap, but he is loyally sitting next to me, licking my ankle in an attempt to console me.

I need to get him a hunk of meat, brb…

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Funny no one gives a damn about their kids in other country, eh, Marco?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

VOTE FOR THE RICH GUY! YAYYYAYAYAAAAA

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

We want our children to inherit our fabulous hair and good skin.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

But not our ears.

spareme August 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

"And our achievements will astonish the world!" This asshole sounds like Hitler.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

alkdjf bleep blorp

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

"Do we want our children to inherit our hopes and dreams, or do we want them to inherit our problems?"

*That* is rich, coming from a party that has left two recessions behind for their Democratic predecessors to inherit…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Domo arigato, Mittster Roboto!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Mittens is so stiff he is shaking invisible hands!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Here comes Mittens…not much noise from the audience. I think they gave Dirty Harry a better welcome…

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:33 pm

"We chose more government instead of more freedom!"

Ha ha, moron.

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Rubio did what he was supposed to do. Rubio 2016!

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 10:33 pm

So the new story is that Mitt's family are war refugees from Mexico? That explains his sympathy and understanding of the Palestinian situation, I guess.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Wow, that was the least inspired introduction, followed by the least inspired ovation of any climactic scene in a convention I think I've ever witnessed. Rubio said we chose a special man, and gave this mighty crescendo, and the camera panned the crowd and literally one third of the people were cheering.

And holy fuck, there's child molester Denny Hastert.

Come here a minute August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

This is just another comment that will be ignored in the flood of comments.

Come here a minute August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

+162!

Come here a minute August 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

If you make yourself laugh, that's half the battle!?

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

can we have a new thread please?

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

All of this week's speeches have been composed by PanderSmart®.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Could Mrs Ryan's smile be any more forced?

She knows Mittens and hubby are going down…

ETA: the smiles in the audience are almost as phony…

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I HATE that "next President" of the US thing. It's so lame, like OH! Doesn't it just SOUND WONDERFUL? SEE IT AND BE IT!! But here, it's half-hearted and stupid and just shut up.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Even the house band is smashed out of their gourds. That lazy riff is all they can come up with?

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

God Mittens, move it! He's not even trying to walk. Just shake hands, we've got all night.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

"WE CHOSE MORE GOVERNMENT" RUBIO FUCKED IT UP!

Shouldn't he have said *less* government???

See, they can't help but tell the truth…

obfuscator2 August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

has anyone ever looked more uncomfortable in the history of recorded time? i bet he bathes in hand sanitizer for a good 3 hours tonight.

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

And now….the starting line up…for your…Wingnut Ticket!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Where are the Cylon Centurions?

Arborista August 31, 2012 at 1:35 am

They aren't the ones wearing red suits with pearls?

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Mittens just beat the shit out of Dirty Harry on the way up for fucking up the whole night!

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

And thats as close to a State of the Union as you will ever get Mittens.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Mitt. Creepy.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Who was yelling "no! no! don't touch me!" as Mittens ascended to the stage?

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Ann?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Here's the money shot.

shrillharpy August 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I just got here so apologies if this has been said before. I just saw the banner above Romney: I believe in AMERCIA. Oddly enough, ME TOO!

spareme August 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

How long is Romney going to talk? Trying to figure out how many shots of Crowne I need to live through it.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Every time he says "built", take a shot.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Who just yelled "Oh no no no don't touch me!" ?

Kinda off-message…

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I wondered the same damn thing!

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

We can rule out Lindsey Graham.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Are Mittens' eyes tearing up?

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

You noticed the rust, too?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

It's just his lubricating system malfunctioning.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Yeah, it's a new Rebublican disease – they've all caught it….it's an emotion virus, and passes quickly, brought on by a plethara of self-congratulation and smugness…

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.

i am just going to keep saying that and be happy i am wonkettes.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:38 pm

"and by my side I've chosen a man with a big heart from a small town"

Oh shit — his name's not Cheney, is it?

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Janesville you stupid rednecks, Mitten$ is talking about you.

Janesville, why do hate you Beloit?

caitifty August 31, 2012 at 12:59 am

I think that's a fuckup – he meant to say ""and by my side I've chosen a man with a small heart from a big town"

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:38 pm

"Last night people got to see what I saw in Paul Ryan"

A pathological liar?

ProgressiveInga August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Eddie Haskell?

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.

i am just going to keep saying that and be happy i am with wonkettes.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Oh, ho ho! We are not robots, but we are technological.

CountryClubJihadi August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Paul, honey. react AFTER Mitt makes the comment, not before because you read the speech already a million times.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

"Americans always come together after elections…"

OH BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

The "came together after the last election" line is actually going to kill me.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Emphasis on "rich".

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Oh, for Christ's sake.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Freedom to have plural wives????

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

"Americans always come together after elections"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…you mean like the Party of No's constant obstructionism, in the form of a record setting number of filibusters or opposition to policies they once supported once Obama came out in favor of them?

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

We built this religion.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Take a pinch of hucksterism, a magical hat, some golden plates which nobody can see, bake for a Meadow massacre, and voila! Bon Appetit!

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Americans always come together after an election except in January of 2009 when a small group of Republicans met and agreed to obstruct Obama at every turn.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Mitt is so stiff, he was cast as a tree in "The March Of The Wooden Soldiers"

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

"Americans always come together after elections."

Except for John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor and every other Republican who rejected the policies that they'd previously touted when a Democrat proposed them.

Mitt might out-lie Paul Ryan — he's commpetitive enough.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Hey, I love my mom. What's weird about that, Mittens?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
gah! boring!
Gahg!!!!!

shrillharpy August 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Fuck you, Mittens and your LIttle League team.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm

hahahahaha this is exactly the vapidness you (sullivan) predicted.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

So Mitt's saying that if we really want to fulfill the Obama promise, we should elect him? Wow — brilliant fucking strategy, dumbass.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

USblah! USblah! USblah!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Um, Mittens, we didn't vote to reduce the deficit…that was the least of our concerns compared to stopping the economic implosion left behind by W…

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

His remarks about Ryan… "who can rise to the challenge of this moment" I thought I heard "this Mormon."

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I know that mean of us instictively knew, and even many of us said, that the Republicans would blame this mess on Obama, but it is still maddening to hear them do it so shamelessly. This man ran into a burning building to put it out…and they're accusing him of setting the building afire.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Only union thugs put out fires. Boooooooo!

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

whoa whoa whoa mitt 'americans deserve'???? sounds mighty entitlement-y to me.

usa out of control mittbot does not know how to compute.

No_Wire_Hangers August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

$22.50 and hour? Bitch PLEAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

How long would it take to accumulate a quarter of a billion dollars at that rate?

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Not so long ago, this is what a parody of an insincere politician looked and sounded like.

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

What does Romney know about people losing their jobs? Oh, yeah…right….

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Yes, Mitt, we waited until the economy collapsed to start planning our futures.

ProgressiveInga August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

He is channelling his inner Pawlentzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

"USA" threatens to drown out the speech, because no one cares what this asswipe says.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

"I Am Mr. Cheap Slave Laborer!" Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I want to attach a 3M Command strip to Romney's forehead.
With a nail.
With votes.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I DON'T HAVE KIDS.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Marry me!

Fuck Toad August 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Does that mean you're disowning me, your internets creation? *sob*

smokefilledroommate August 31, 2012 at 1:53 am

Aw, Fuck– are you kidding? You're my only child. I love you, Fuck Toad!

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Neither do I. DINKs and INKs unite!

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

god working harder so offensive coming from bain capital.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

"I've heard that these are some of the things that upset the Serfs so I'm going to say them out loud."

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

HAHA GOP! You bought him!!!! Suckers.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

So does this mean they can knock off calling him the presumptive nominee?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

No, he's still presumptive as all get-out.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

"When you lost a job paying $22.50 an hour you took two jobs paying $9 an hour"

Yeah, and then you found out that the Republicans want to cut your kids education and reverse the regulations on the bankers whose recklessness caused your pension to drop by half…

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

And sad face… it's was my company, Bain, that put you out of work…

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Mentions people losing high-paying jobs and taking two lousy-paying jobs just to get by, and smiles.

That's the Mitt I know.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Was it an awkward smile? I hope it was an awkward smile.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

No, it was a warm smile of genuine peace and satisfaction. A rare sight on that Borg face.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

If you wish Obama had suceeded, why did you party block everything, every fucking thing.
I hate you, you pompous lying asshole.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:44 pm

We deserve a White president! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Arborista August 31, 2012 at 1:22 am

Elizabeth Warren 2016!!1!

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

"When you lost that job paying $22.50 an hour…" HI AMPAD.

FlyOverGirl August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Hahaha like Mittbot knows about a second job.

If you just say, "And the I fired them all," it makes the whole thing more palatable.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

…"And I deserve to work for 7.25 an hour!"

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:45 pm

"It was a time when Americans were returning from war and eager to work"

Yes, and it was a time when we did not have anti government wingnuts in power to prevent the GI bill and the interstate highway system…

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

this is a bad speech i think.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

You mean Tweety won't have a tingle up his leg like he did for Condi Rice?

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Because Neil Armstrong got to the moon all on his own.

glamourdammerung August 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Because Neil Armstrong got to the moon all on his own.

Yep. He went on a rocket powered by rational self interest and rape.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

THIS.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Invisible hand drive.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

OK Mitt. You've convinced me. I will vote for JFK/LBJ.

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Take me with you. PLEASE.

HouseOfTheBlueLights August 30, 2012 at 10:46 pm

"You need an American"

Nah, I'll take the Gay Kenyan, thank you very much.

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 12:41 am

Lawrence O'Donnell went off on how that was a coded message to the birthers.

If only we had real reporters at the debates to ask Mittens just WTF he meant by that…

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

That is the only time you'll ever see white Republicans cheer a reference to Detroit. Ever.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Ha!

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Now would be a good time for his software to glitch out.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Dude, you were 22 when Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon. You were still living at your parent's house?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

HE BUILT IT.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I love all these 'Believe' signs folks are waving around. Do they think I'm likely to fall for any of this crap just because they wave a sign at me?

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

What's that smacking noise he keeps making? It's not very butch.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm

DENTURES!

ProgressiveInga August 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

So fucking annoying. He always does that. Back on Mute, Mitt.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

It's when his audio track is drawing too much battery power.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

"Weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night Ward?"

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

So, Mittens' policy for improving our nation for our kids is parental love. Yeah, get back to me when you have a coherent plan to improve American education…

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Well, Lenore, look no further than your faith.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

What is it with this bullshit "Love" Theme in this convention? Is this the summer of 1967? These lemmings are hate filled fucks that hate poors & "those people" eh Ann Romney?Nothing but love fer ya!

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Has Romney always smacked his lips between phrases? Oh, fuck me over this rose story. Both Romneys were such moderate Republicans, they'd be called Socialist peace-niks today.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Not really any worse than Ryan's grunting, I guess.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

George spat nails, Mitt spits silver dollars.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Oh Mitt — he's totally for equal opportunity for women. It's just like 1972 all over again. Okay, not at a Republican convention, but in the rest of reality.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I'll bet women would want to decide when to have a baby.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:49 pm

"Why should women have any less say than men about the great decisions facing our nation?"

Great question–now, tell me why women should have any less say about the great decisions facing their reproductive choices…

Xan August 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm

All great women. Just don't try to get birth control, an abortion, health coverage at the same cost as a man with the same health background, equal pay for equal work, or freedom from sexual harassment.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:50 pm

It's 1920 all over again!

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Harding! Harding! And Mitt would the Temple Recommend Dome Scandal.

VirtualDespot August 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Does anybody know what's up with the dot on everybody's flag pins?

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Price tags?

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Maybe it's a heart, to show they love America, unlike somebody else…

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

OK, this attempt to look less like a robot by rambling about his family life is getting dull…

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

What is this shit? Teleprompter says, "tear up then smack"?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I am SO glad that I am not watching the actual speech. Lip-smacking sounds make me die.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

It's like 1992 again! Year of the Woman!

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Is it over yet?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Stop pandering to the uterus. You've already lost that vote.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Yes, Ann probably would have succeeded at anything she wanted to do. But she Stepforded you instead.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Yuck, gag me with a silver spoon!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Yeah, it's really tough keeping those maids, nannies & gardners in line!

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

i've upped my standards, now UP YOURS.

-Pat Paulsen

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Loading program "cry."

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

404 Not Found

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Her job as a Mom was a lot more important than mine!
Uterus-S-A! Uterus-S-A! Uterus-S-A!

lurker_above August 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm

"Ann's job as a mom was a lot more important than mine."

Mittens just turned the pandering up to 11.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Mitt's tongue, meet America's rectum.

ChrisM2011 August 30, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Hey now! I think Mitt just walked through Invisible Obama.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I bet invisible Obama shivered.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:54 pm

man i think mittbot may actually be an ok guy in some circles.

sux man you should have stayed in those circles.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Is that clicking his dentures, the mic or the program re-booting?

obfuscator2 August 30, 2012 at 10:54 pm

i tell you, being richer than god really does free you up to spend time with your wife and children. you should totally try it.

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:54 pm

WARNING: Mitt's speech may cause somnolence. I recommend avoiding operating heavy machinery or folding laundry while under the influence.

Xan August 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Coded race baiting in 3…2…1…

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I love how he talks about how much people were optimistic after the 2008 election, and now are disappointed in their choice. Do tell, Mittens, how did they feel in the 2010 election when your party got lots of seats, and how do they feel about those officeholders now?

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

This is the most vacuous fucking speech I've ever heard.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

You obviously haven't listened to a lot of Mitt speeches.

Wait, you know what? I have, and you're still right.

RadioBowels August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

I think he sent ask the vacuum jobs over to China.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Is that a Hoover pun?

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I loved the $22.50 line….and so did all those corporations, thinking: Hey, if we can get them to work two jobs for $9.00 an hour, could we get them to work three jobs for $6.00 an hour – that would be fabulously awesome – 120 hours for the price of 40!!!!!…..

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Oops! That ole' tingly feeling is gone!

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Actually Mitt, the best feeling I had was when Hopey got me health insurance.

YerMa August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Hey Mitt… BIN LADEN! IN THE FACE.

Self-Uploader August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I felt kinda good when affordable health care passed, DADT was repealed, he came out for marriage equality, and oh yeah when they got that Bin Laden fellow. There were a few more things too, like say PREVENTING A DEPRESSION AFTER THE OTHER GUY DROVE THE ECONOMY INTO A DITCH.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

A pension fund joke Mitt? Really? That's really not funny.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Yeah, creepy meter off the scale

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Wanna make a bet? Ten grand says it's funny.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

You see, you guys, Bain is just your mom-and-pop vulture capitalist partnership.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Yeah, a "small company" funded by south american crime families. Just yer average Small Town USA company.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 10:56 pm

He really does smack his lips a lot.
Ick

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Oh ha ha ha — Mitt Romney didn't ask his church's pension fund to invest in Bain because he didn't want to go to hell. Even after living in Utah.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Thanks for repeatedly logging me out, InsaneDebate.

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I can't post properly at all – it's giving me the guest thing, then posts as me, but I can't write new posts.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Same here, thought it was just me. Happened this morning, too.

LePiston August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I don't even get a new comment box :(

Pat_Pending August 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

This speech… it's as if it was writ upon magic stones, inside a hat….

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

oh mitt, business does not help you be in government and i'm pretty sure this will become obvious when you and bamz actually meet.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

So now it's Obama almost has no business experience?

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

OK. I wanna be a vulture capitalist

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Back just in time………….oh wait….SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rmoney has been practicing Reagan's podium / speech mannerisms.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Yeah, Mittens, what Obama is attacking is not Bain's success, but Bain's *failure* to sustain those businesses that they acquired, loaded up with debt, cashed in on, and then left to go bankrupt…losing people's jobs and pensions in the process…

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Not enough Two Buck Chuck in the world to get me through this….

spareme August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

He hasn't said anything worthwhile yet, and I don't think he plans to. Just a bunch of family value stuff, and a bunch of cheerleading, and a bunch of current President bashing. I can't wait for next week, Karma is a bitch.

obfuscator2 August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

"… i started a small company."

seriously, go get fucked. just… go get fucked, you plutocratic vile piece of human garbage.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

trying to redistribute todays? Is he nuts?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

He has magic underwear!

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 10:59 pm

No, Mitt, President Obama was cleaning up your party's shit. And your party decided having an African-American as President was so egregious that you decided to do everything you could to tank his Presidency.

NellCote71 August 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm

How dare he bring up Steve Jobs. Steve would have created an app just to be able to delete him.

HouseOfTheBlueLights August 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Actually, Willard, my business is thriving, and Obamacare saved it, because it means that now I don't have to get some soul-sucking desk job in order to qualify for health coverage.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"You're better off now than you were four years ago…except under Jimmy Carter…or this President"

Um, I was *much* worse off in 2008 than I was in 2000, or even 2004…

spareme August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Now is the time for Rupub's to act like they have a brain? Doubt that too.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

If Mitt is elected will we all get huge bonuses at taxpayer expense?

HouseOfTheBlueLights August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

What America needs is that black dude in the White House.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

If they are going to go down this road "I'm not making excuses for my success" they better start talking about their 7 houses, car elevators and hired help, all in full disclosure. And stop with My Daddy was a wheel barrow salesman in shitsville baloney. It's really backfiring on them. Do they think America is this stupid?

DustBowlBlues August 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Well, the thing is about America: yes. They are this stupid.

Serfville August 31, 2012 at 12:15 am

Sad but true. Sniffle sniffle

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

A republican talking about getting rid of divisiveness. Excuse me while I laugh and vomit simultaneously.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Yes, America needs jobs. You know what creates them? Government spending, fucker.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

There's no there there.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Just because the economy is not falling off a cliff while shitting 800,000 jobs/month doesn't mean we're better off than we were four years ago.

MilwaukeeKent August 31, 2012 at 1:16 am

Are you better off now than four years ago when you were worried that tomorrow or the next day you might have to fight off roving street gangs with two-by-fours for access to one of the few working, rationed ATMs? I think not.

NellCote71 August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

He is now comparing the crush of the middle class on Obama? Are you fucking kidding me?

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

"Slowest economic recovery since the Great Depression…"? Yes, too bad we don't have a World War Three to help that along…

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Pander, Pander, Smack dentures, lie…
Lie, pander, pander, smack dentures, tell bullshit sob story…

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Why does he keep acting like Republicans tried to be supportive but Barry let them down? These folks, being the racists who freaked about it in the first place, should know that is bullshit. Can you really say WHATEVER to them if you say you are a Republican and they will nod their heads because they do not understand words? I hate this. He's terrible.

reliefsinn August 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Yes, that's particularly galling. You expect a bunch of bs in these speeches, but the smarmy, passive aggressive attacks on Barry and other Dems "by all accounts he's a good father, etc." really suck.
OBAMA ABANDONED OUR FRIENDS IN ISRAEL? OH, EFF YOU, YOU LYING BASTARD!
And you can shove the "abandoning our friends in Poland" stuff.
I can't even believe that Republicans are that simple minded.
Slip the juice to me, Bruce, but make it the hard stuff.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Gee Mitt – for some reason I'm not about to give up on the president who wants to fix the problems for the president who wants to go back to the policies that caused all the problems.

Really, motherfucker, if your party's policy is to create problems that take more than four years to fix so that you eventually get back into power, that should disqualify said party forever. As Dick Cheney said, go fuck yourself.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Clint Eastwood currently chilling backstage, getting blown by a coffee table, thinking "Nailed it."

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

"The Obama economy has crushed the middle class." Just wait until the taxes on the middle class go up and the slashes in government spending throws the economy into a depression.

Fuck Toad August 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

I have not watched a single second of this disaster, and I feel like a lucky man for it. Thank you all for providing secondary comedy as a result, though.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Is Wonkette messing up for anyone else. When I try to go to "latest comments" it just hangs and the dates and times are showing instead of just the time on posts.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

It's blowing up in here, way too much crazy to process.

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Yes it is for me too.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Food prices…yeah, why have they increased? Oh yeah–the drought, to which climate change is greatly contributing…

Gas prices…oh yeah, they went up earlier this year thanks to the saber rattling about war with Iran in which many GOP lawmakers were indulging…

Deficits…oh yeah, the impact of the unnecessary war in Iraq and the W tax cuts that did not create jobs (how convenient that W could leave them behind so that his successor could be blamed for them…)

AncienReggie August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

He has a plan!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Did I mention that I like making 9.50 and hour?!!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

"I have a plan to create twelve million new jobs." It involves selling this cow for these three magic beans.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

My IntenseDebate broken. It won't let me comment. I can only reply to comments. Is anyone else having a prob. I rebooted AND switched from Firefox to IE, still not working.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Mine loads really slowly. We need a new thread. Implore Becca!

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I will but I think I should wait until she stops drinking.

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Yes, yes. The PanderSmart Speechware® is working beautifully.

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

even the golf channel has Mitten$ on, haha no it doesn't

Fail Fail Fail

but, Venus has her hands full with a really interesting German at the US Open

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Clint was talking to Imaginary Obama, and Mitt is talking about Imaginary Obama.

Is this guy related to Barack Obama?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

"Well… maybe so. This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves: finally just lay back and say it — that we are really just a nation of 220 million

used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
-Fear and Loathing on the Campagin Trail, 1972. Hunter S. Thompson.

(really having one helluva time posting here )

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Thank you for that HST! Intense debate seems to be intensely debating itself.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Mitt has the power to create coal with his mind?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

He very much wants you to believe that he, too, is a carbon-based life form. I'm not convinced…

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Darwinist!

SayItWithWookies August 31, 2012 at 4:01 am

Yes — he starts with a diamond and exposes it to his ideas for boosting the economy. Diamonds plus that level of vacuum turns them back into coal, and we have instant free power.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

He should have a 3 empty kindergarten chairs next to him that he is talking to (if he was REALLY honest): 2 for the Koch Bros & 1 for Sheldon Addleson in Las Vegas who padded Paul Ryan's ass right after the Veep pick.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

OK, I just started listening to the speech after getting off Skype with my girlfriend, and have already counted six lies.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Go back to Skype with your girlfriend. I like your comments too much to wish chronic projectile vomiting on you.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

From your girlfriend?

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Uh, no; you should know who she is, and she's very honest and insightful. Unlike Mittens.

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Oh I lied at least 2 dozen times, you only caught 6 of them ;)

spareme August 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I get it! He thinks he is Ozzie and Harriet – at the same time!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

OK, I now have RAGE over seeing someone in a Steelers hat in the audience. Fucker, this asshole supports the very outsourcing policies that destroyed manufacturing in America in the first place…

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

A lot of Steeler fans have as many concussions as the players do.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 11:05 pm

five step bull$#%t.

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Don't give up on Mitt, you guys. He still has his debate performances to save his ass.

NellCote71 August 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Yeah, that will do it.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Oh JFC–health care costs are not going up because of Obamacare–they are going up because of the development of costly technological innovations, not to mention the aging of the boomers…

HouseOfTheBlueLights August 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I turned the sound off 5 minutes ago. Is it safe to turn it back on yet?

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Obama cut taxes on the middle class… you douche.

ChrisM2011 August 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Invisible Obama is not impressed.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Is he cussing again?

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Meep!!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

How about my freedom FROM religion, motherfucker?

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

"President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans."

Uhhhhhh….

ms_mcgee August 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

That pandering to women sounded intentional.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Really, Mittens? You want to talk about slowing the rise of the oceans and healing the planet? Do tell, in what way will policies that fail to preserve them help families?

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Man-induced global climate change is just hilarious.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Callista trying like hell to clap. Failing.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Heal the planet? He is a G_D!!!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

My promise is to help you and your family before I high tail it to my own planet.

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Oh fer cripes sakes. This vacuous gas bag has preempted a "Big Bang Theory" rerun. Now I'm really pissed!!!

spareme August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Gawd! This is just the awfulish stuff – evah!!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:08 pm

"America has freed other nations from dictators"

Second night in a row for Salvador Allende to roll in his grave…

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Raise your eyebrows again motherfucker.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Trying to pre – empt getting Osama, huh?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

The wispy look is getting kind of old mittens.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Dream on, Hoser.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Has anyone else noticed that the handsome man on the screen is a lying piece of shit?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

You have a handsome man on your screen?

Lucky duck- I've just got Romney on mine…

spareme August 30, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Cold War, here we come!

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:10 pm

The only Poles this crowd is interested in are at Tampa's strip joints.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:10 pm

You want to talk about Putin? Quick now, who looked into his eyes and saw his soul?

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:10 pm

And now Mitt's attacking Obama for not being an idiot in foreign policy and just invading other countries for no reason like Bush did; fuckhead.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 30, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Romney looks like he needs to pee.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Polish missles. Insert joke here.

mavenmaven August 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

We did so well against the big powers of Iraq and Afghanistan that we can now take on Russia and Iran with ease, while teaching lessons to China.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Mitt really is living in the Bay of Pigs.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Not the Bay of Cracker?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Yet another reason why he reminds me of Nixon.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

You want to talk about American schools lagging behind those in the rest of the world? How about your party stops the relentless cuts in education, so that we can address this issue?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

GOP Platform:
1. Rape the environment to make sure energy company make money
2. Schools like those in Louisianna!
3. Going to war with China over trade
4. Balance budget, or sumthin
5. Jerbs – no taxes on rich, repeal jerb kill'in Obamacare
(Why can't he call this bill by its real name???)
6. Wimmenz- get in tha kitchen and make me a sammich.
7. Sanctity of lifz no gayz marrying
8. Sanctity of marriagez
9. Climate change – what me, worry?

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Maybe he should have let Ann give his acceptance speech? And all his other speeches and official appearances and debates from here on out?

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Bring on horde of wacky named boys, & Stepford wife with bad plastic surgery now!

415buzzard August 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I am not watching Mittens. I can only survive this by reading Wonkette comments.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:12 pm

"Free To Shit on You and Me"

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Not every parent can give their children a $20 million trust fund, Mitt.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Hey.. Romney is promising to restart the Cold War!

HouseOfTheBlueLights August 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Perfect for the boomers. Our favorite part of grade school was duck and cover under classroom desks to protect us from nuclear holocaust.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Hey, it worked, we're still here!

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Wow. The GOP, they're really not at all sure how to address their OWN future as a party, but "USA! USA! USA!"

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Wow, this thing has gone on entirely too long.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Where the white women at??!! Oh, there they are.

spareme August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

He is a common fear monger. And I stress the word COMMON.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Angry Mitt!!!!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

I cannot even believe he said the words poor people what a bullshit artist.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Oh thank God, he is finally shutting up.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Well that was a whole lot of nothin'…

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Whew….that wasn't so bad.

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I just love it when Republicans say they're going to cure this nation's divisiveness. It will be easy for them because they're responsible for it.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

It's over and it sucked.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

What the hell is he talking about – the past in the future in the past….The United States of America!!!!!!!!…..I've gone over to the Daily Show…

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Oh CRAP. The Daily Show started without me! Bastards!

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Oh thank GOD that is over. He is terrible, just terrible. You could practically see the coaching. Get excited here, act like you care there, come on Mitt, you can do it! Just awful. He blows.

PuckStopsHere August 30, 2012 at 11:20 pm

You, on the other hand, are the best, kiddo. Just great.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 30, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Tom Brokaw is not amused.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I know he gave Mittens a F Minus Minus Minus

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

OK, my sweet dog has been so patient. Must take him out (not on the roof of the car) but I'll circle back and go through the comments of all you good people. BBL…

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

cannot. compute. your. avatar.

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Clint was there to promote his new movie!!! omg

panderers

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

"President Obama said he will stop the rise of the oceans" *crowd chuckles* "And save the planet" *crowd laughs, hoots* "But I will take care of you and your families!"

This. This right here.This is the perfect distillation of the incredibly short sighted, willfully blind aggressively ignorant mire that the modern Republican party had dropped to. The prime reason that none of these people should be let anywhere near the levers of power for this country, or civilization, ever again.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

well from your mouth to god's ear.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Would that I were that lucky.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:23 pm

That's terribly lucid commentary there C_R_ ,
WTF?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Intense Debate has been so fucked up that I had a lot of time to crank my rage up.

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 12:50 am

I guess I'm lucky–I did not have an issue. My guess is ID must have been overwhelmed by the sheer volume of our comments…

Incitefully_Joe August 31, 2012 at 12:53 am

I love how one of the guys pre-introducing Romney, like maybe a half hour prior, had complained about how everyone accuses vulture capitalists like Romney of being only concerned with short-term gains at the expense of long-term sustainability. But yeah, hahaha, global warming, what a crock of shit.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

James Brown "living in America" to close out? Suit to follow.

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Clap on the downbeat, white people!

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I made it right through to the end. I must really hate myself.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Drink up, Shriners.

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

What is that music 1920's music from a speakeasy? How apropo.

ChrisM2011 August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Awright, Invisible Obama, time to push this fucker off the stage. He'll never see it coming.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Tom Brokaw was not impressed by Mitt's speech, and thinks Eastwood was "rambling" (read: senile).

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Got news for Tom…..

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Shiiiiit, that was like being run over by a really slow-moving steamroller. It won't act with any reason, but it'll catch your foot and twelve hours later you'll be flat as a pancake. What a trance-inducing piece of absolute crap.

And what, we've got like 500 balloons dropping? Mitt must be thinking how wise it was to cut the balloon budget by 75% right now.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

OK, NOW Intense Debate is working, now that it's fucking over…

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Still not working for me.

At least, not properly.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Sigh. Only that one time, now it's back to guest status again. I'm watching Stewart now, anyway.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Not for me.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Still not working for me, either. I can only reply to comments. I can't make my own. Is there a limit? Works fine on the other topics just broken on the Live Blog.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:29 pm

And I can only make new comment, replies aren't working – maybe this one will go through as I hit submit.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Still having problems. Too many pages of comments? I started to have problems late last night also…

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I remember us having 2,000 comments on one article last year (just because we were TRYING to get 2,000). But it was a quiet Sunday and the comments weren't as fast as these were. Seems like Intense Debate just melted down. I thing the live blog needs to be broken into parts as it used to be.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:38 pm

The edit function isn't working either.

ms_mcgee August 30, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Is that Stevie Wonder they're playing? Watch for lawsuit in 3, 2, 1…

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

We're BEING INVADED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Just the mittsperm apparently…….

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Please, please, please let it be those UN forces on their way back from Lubbock.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Needz moar Sammy Davis, Jr.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Don't release the balloons! Release the Cracken!

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Helium Shortage Libel!

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 11:17 pm

There's a great Mitt Romney Story segment on the Daily Show right now and it's narrated by Leonard Nimoy.

GlowneyHouse August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Now I know how many times you can say "America" in three and a half hours. A lot.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Hidjious. Simply hidjious.

Okay kids, get to work.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:20 pm

I hated it so much I went over to my E-mail and donated to Obama. And I'm unemployed.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I gave a $100 today. Will try and give as much as I can – jesushfuckingchrist.

Jukesgrrl August 31, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Great to hear.My old ma is on fixed income and she's been digging deep to donate to Eliz. Warren.Mom LOVES her.

spareme August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

So now we have the encore! – all grandkiddos running all over the stage, for America! But really cuz it makes great marketing for granddaddy.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

And Brokaw points out that getting to the moon was a government project, he seems pissed.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Shoulda skipped the speech and just let the cute kids play onstage for an hour, Mittens.

Hey, maybe try watching them, and their unprogrammed movements and facial musculature alterations, learn a little.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:19 pm

You gonna follow that up with Swing Low?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Swing low, sweet Cadillac
Comin' to drive me home

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:20 pm

What's with the commie ties anyway?

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

That ought to be enough to make everyone double check their voter registration status.

ProgressiveInga August 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I'm craving some Bammerz singing Al Green……..smooth and soft……

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Andrea Mitchell died in a balloon release.

AlterNewt August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

She's so fragile, like a little china doll. A wrinkled, pinch-faced china doll.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

She is so very petite. It'll be daylight before they reach her.

BathroomGoblin August 30, 2012 at 11:38 pm

She could stand up to that dictator but not all of that suffocating latex.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Obama's children are better behaved.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 11:27 pm

My mother was bitching last night about Ryan's daughter. Said she was out of control and thought she was the center of attention. Get her a baby. She needs to work for a living like that little head-licker of Palin's.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

You noticed that too, eh? Those grandchildren of his were just tearing around their stage as if they were at home.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Now, I can't wait for the Debates:

Mittens: Blah, Blah Job Creators, Heh, heh heh, "You Didn't Build That," heh heheheh " Drill Baby Drill," heh, heh, Golf.

Obama: "You know, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history."

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

The Office. Oh, thank the FSM!
rAMEN

ProgressiveInga August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Hey, they left Clint's empty chair out there!

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 30, 2012 at 11:24 pm

It was nice how everyone was singing "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" at the end there.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Your long-sleeved white shirts don't make it.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Dear Mitt,
You can suck all of the helium out of every last one of the balloons being dropped, and that is the highest you will ever be.
This is it for you buddy.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I think I'm being honest and impartial when I say Mitt's speech stinked… Stank… Stunk!

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Clint Eastwood! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Fphwerferpher huh, Boehner?

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Wtf? I can COMMENT again! OK, let's recap what I was trying to post

1) As opposed to what Rubio and Romney claim, how does the US compare with other, more socialist, countries in terms of intergenerational social mobility?

Oh.

Outperformed by France and Scandinavia, eh?

2) His delivery for the big finish was dreadful. This man sucks so much.

3) I think I counted perhaps six policy points in the whole speech, as opposed to empty platitudes. And the points were stupid.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 11:27 pm

John Boehner is drunk. Oh yes.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Dog bites man. Man bites dog if he ever isn't, or seems it.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Who can blame him? He just saw his future and it's looking grim.

Callyson August 31, 2012 at 12:52 am

Tonight, we are all drunk…

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Oh great, the same child molester abettor who's going to be at the Dem convention.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Young men are throwing panties at Archbishop "Uncle" Dolan.
(I was baptized Catholic. Pssst—besides being a bunch of shit, it's a racket.)

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Papal child molester on for finale.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:31 pm

What, Mormon molesters not good enough for them?

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Diversity!!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Too cheap to spring for 800 numbers.

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Thank you Wonketariat.
I might have slit my wrists without you tonight. http://vimeo.com/8718627

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Wonkette has saved many.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I too!

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 11:49 pm

No one has lost any.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 11:59 pm

We think everything is funny.

rocktonsam August 30, 2012 at 11:37 pm

so that is what sex with Mitten$ is like

quequoi August 30, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I will pander to you, chomp my dentures, then cry about my parents and promise to put just the tip in?
Just after I lower my own tax rate?

4TheTurnstiles August 31, 2012 at 8:14 am
spareme August 30, 2012 at 11:42 pm

It's nighty-night time, and I know I'll sleep better knowing that Mitten's is going to take care of my family, and make all my dreams come true. And I can wake up in the morning knowing that Mittens is gonna take care of my payroll….wait!!

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Trump would've been better firing the Obama impersonator.
Eastwood was pathetic, Romeny's speech was Boring.

On to the mountain. To hand down the word.
Obama/Biden 2012.

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 11:43 pm

OK, Rebecca, if you want to blend in with Repubs, please have your backpack match your shoes.

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Eastwood/Chair 2012

Serfville August 30, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Bwaaaaaaaaaaa! Good One!

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Haha: According to the Hollywood Reporter, ratings for "Honey Boo Boo" topped those for the Republican National Convention.

ProgressiveInga August 31, 2012 at 12:01 am

But they'll both holla for a dolla!

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 11:49 pm

If CSPAN is the "smart" peoples channel, how come their callers are as dumb as dead moles?

e_z August 31, 2012 at 7:01 am

"dumb as dead moles"

Never heard that one before, gave me an eakly morning smirk, thanks!

NellCote71 August 30, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Was it just me, but it seemed by the last night of the convention, they just gave up having any color than shades of Pantone beige in the audience?

barto August 30, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Wha