IMPORTANT BARACK OBAMA ENDORSEMENTS  1:15 pm August 30, 2012

Jan Brewer Loves Barack Obama Sooooo Much, Wants To Vote For Him And Have His Grandbabies

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We knew that wagging finger in Bamz’s face was just Arizona Governor Jan Brewer’s sexxxy way of showing him she could be his naughty schoolmarm. We knew it the whole time, you guys! [Youtube, via Wonket operative "Vivek N."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 110 comments }

Barbara_ August 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

She'll vote for anyone after several whiskey and vermouth, on the rocks. Hold the vermouth and the rocks. Hell, go ahead and keep the glass, it's all good to Jan.

Toss in a carton of Pall Mall (unfiltered) and she will campaign for you.

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm

She tried to seduce Marco Rubio with hand-made Mojitos. And by "seduce" and "hand-made", I mean she muddled the mint and lime with her bony, rock-hard finger and then waved it under his nose.

Barbara_ August 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Oh my, that is just awesome.

Maman August 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Lets hope the DNC plays this on a constant loop.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm

That would be a froot loop.

HobbesEvilTwin August 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm

In the America I love*, this endorsement would be a kiss of death.

*populated by arugula-eating, latte-sipping, pointy-headed libruls**

**otherwise known as New England***

***except for the parts that vote like Alabama

tihond August 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Once you wag at Barack, you never go back.

Lucidamente1 August 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Of course, after seven gin and tonics, anybody could say Obama instead of Romney.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Especially if down deep they distrust Romney or ever hate him.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Oh, like that narrows it down!

Generation[redacted] August 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

O'Romney MittBiden, if you're going to be Lou Sarah about it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Someone's state is in need of a Federal bailout.

orygoon August 30, 2012 at 1:19 pm

FOUR MORE YEARS, BITCH!

bumfug August 30, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Barry told her he wouldn't fuck her with Sununu's dick.

HogeyeGrex August 30, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I am finding this very difficult to masturbate to.

Lucidamente1 August 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

You're not doing it right.

Baconzgood August 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I don't judge. That is one ugly man.

BrownWhiteBlue August 31, 2012 at 1:13 pm

The key is to play multiple Jan Brewer videos at once.

TeaNuts August 30, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Was that like an alternate universe or something? I'm confused.

Tequila Mockingbird August 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Say what you will, but she was great as Magda in There's Something About Mary.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Was that the lady with vomit in a sock for boobies? I will never forget that as long as I live.

CthuNHu August 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm

A meme! I made a meme!

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Leatherface is in the tank.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Don't let her out, she might eat someone!

mrpuma2u August 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Nah the only that leather faced scarecrow eats are the olives in her martinis, and the celery in her bloody marys. Once a week a cucumber sammich maybe.

doloras August 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Ahhhhh, "in the tank". My favourite meme of 2008 returns.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 1:24 pm

From your mouth to God's tanning bed.

Goonemeritus August 30, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I have known naughty schoolmarm’s I love naughty schoolmarm’s and I can tell you when I close my eyes and think of naughty schoolmarm’s Jan Brewer is not who I’m visualizing.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Fuck the world. This is not a woman built to last. Or for fucking HD teevee..

HobbesEvilTwin August 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm

are you implying that she didn't build her own ugly self?

If the government is to blame for building her, then I need to rethink all of my beliefs about progressiveness.

Hammiepants August 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Honestly, I would love to watch all these videos of evil dessicated old white people spewing their offal over all and sundry, but I just don't feel like further fucking up my already craptacular day.

prommie August 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I must ask you to cease and desist your use of the word "craptacular." I claim trademark rights to this word, and I will only allow it to be used when referring to anything owned by or related to Donald Trump. His hair, his casinos, his Trump Tower and all the other developments that he sells his name to, they are craptacular, and the word is so essentially pefect when referring to things Trump, that it should not be used for anything else.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 1:46 pm

If you own that, and Conan owns craptastic, what's left for the rest of us rubes?

Geminisunmars August 30, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Crapubate?
Crapexpeealoedocious?

fartknocker August 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm

specrapular?

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Just plain crap….

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Do not fuck with the Proms, he will rain his patent #s, ©'s and ®'s on you like Steve Jobs' own hellfire!!

prommie August 30, 2012 at 3:07 pm

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

BWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[too be fair, she's lying]

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"secure our borders and therefore we can resolve all those other issues"

Oh JFC, I am so tired of the wingnuts who seriously claim that "securing our borders" should be a top national priority. First of all, this is a ridiculous rant at a time when border crossings have *declined* and INS enforcement has *increased.* Secondly, immigration (legal or not) did not cause the housing crisis, the economic implosion, the increases in gas and food prices, or anything else that really *is* important.

Bitch.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm

You know, I think she's right!

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Depends on fire!

sbj1964 August 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Jan syndrome. Mittens,Mittens,Mittens.It's always Mittens!

Baconzgood August 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

She's drunk!

ChillBill August 30, 2012 at 1:35 pm

On her way back from the Politico party, prolly.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Of course she wants Obama to be reelected; how will she racistly rage against the President and blame him for all her problems otherwise?

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Though I do have to give her credit for her smooth moves on the dance floor in that "My Neck, My Back–GOP style" video from yesterday…

ManchuCandidate August 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm

The Demrats are pushing hard for the Cryptkeeper Demo.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Whachoo talking 'bout, Witchiepoo?

Oblios_Cap August 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Gee, those right wing womenz are just so much hotter than our lie-eral ones!

On Bizarro World.

EatsBabyDingos August 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm

It was Jan's amazing rusty dildo talking.

polnick August 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Mestizo slaves cook Tortilla and Cuchifritos for Brewer, but she will not admit it. Big O would never allow a governor into his bedroom that prevents illegals from crossing the border.

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Yawn.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Did that even have a point?

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 1:46 pm

None that I can see. Unless it likes thinking about Brewer going into the bedroom of the big, bad blah man.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm

From polnick's past, I see he(?) has a bunch of comments complaining that rap exists, claiming the poor have it great and we need to cut social programs, and using lots of racial slurs, some of which I had never even heard of before; thanks to polnick I now know that "coolie" is a slur against Asians. Oh and calling Obama a pimp. So a typical racist troll, but he makes even less sense than most of them.

natoslug August 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Lasagna is also good. I like it cheesy.

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Too much time in the sun will cause your brain to mix things up. Like when Santorum's sweater vest was trending so hawt — Jan was momentarily transported back to her youth cause she thought she was hearing "leather vest."

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm

The thought of naked Jan Brewer trying to entrap my President made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 2:43 pm

So you have limits!

HistoriCat August 30, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Only a little?

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

If I'd put on my contacts this morning, I wouldn't have had to take off my glasses to facepalm.

DonnyKerabotsos August 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Sounds like someone else should have been kicked out of the open bar.

Pithaughn August 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm

How's those private prison profits doing Jan? No connection with you right? Just the free market satisfying a need in a cost effective manner.

Isyaignert August 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Thanks for bringing that up. The whole "Papers Please" BS law was nothing more than Cruella de Boneyfinger's bro-in-law's business plan to expand his for-profit prisons.

Smarten up Arizona and throw this POS out.

Steverino247 August 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Perhaps somebody should secure the liquor supply instead of the border.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Obama will kick out all the undocumented Canadians! Secure our borders!

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Not enough blue pills could ever be manufactured…….

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

OT but a panel of federal judges (including a Shrub appointee) has struck down the Texas Legislature's latest attempt to keep the voting population of this fair state as Caucasian as possible. Heh heh. http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/08/30/77593

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Cool!

fartknocker August 30, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I read the AP article yesterday. Gubnor Goodhair and that piece of shit AG Abbott just had their asses handed to them. I'll be sure to bring that up in the next election since my POS Republican Homebuilder douchebag of a legislator co-sponsor that bill.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Proof that she doesn't know what she's saying.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I really like the Chris Walken basilisk stare that she has cultivated.

Oblios_Cap August 30, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I must say that the quality of public servants has taken rather a nosedive over the last decade.

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Mittens turned her down.

alzronnie August 30, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Here's how Jan gets that incredible facial skin tone: She rubs it with neatsfoot oil, wraps it up with a belt, and places it under the pillow.

iTuna August 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm

With a baseball inside, right? That's the way my pappy taught me.

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Add some mites creepy-crawling around on her face and she really hits it out of the park.

comrad_darkness August 30, 2012 at 1:49 pm

What if Barry doesn't want your endorsement, Jan? Did you think of that??

glasspusher August 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Ms. Othmar?

Wup whup wop wop wop wop…

Yes, ma'am…

Schmannnity August 30, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Would. Not. Hit. That.

(Even with Ann Coulter's dick)

Isyaignert August 30, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Man Coultergist really needs to have teh Adam's Apple shave for his sex change to be convincing.

Goonemeritus August 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Elizabeth Warren or GTFO

kittensdontlie August 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Sherman, to the Tubular Wikipedian Internet Machine:

"She is the daughter of Edna and Perry DRINKWINE."

Yes, she is a sot. The proof is in the imbibition surname.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm

sometimes when a man and a woman love each other very much…

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm

…the mental image of Jan Brewer keeps the stork away.

OneYieldRegular August 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Somebody has been lying out in the sun too long.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Well, to be fair, she lies wherever she is.

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Aren't there some knives in the hotel kitchen that her face could be sharpening?

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm

How long before she walks this back saying it was not meant to be a factual statement? Cuz they do that in Arizona.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 2:04 pm

When you go black, you can't go back. Isn't that right, Jan?

RedneckMuslin August 30, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Whu -what? I want an explanation. NOW!

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2012 at 2:06 pm

In other words, she's tired of being legally raped by Sheriff Arpaio. …I blow the Sheriff, but I never blew the Deputy…

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm

At least she wasn't so drunk as to endorse Osama, because he's DEAD!

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm

That's not what I heard…

bikerlaureate August 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I'm somewhat relieved the reporter didn't ask for her opinion of Peace on Earth.

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm

"If Osama is elected, and I know he will be, he'll continue what he started in Massachusetts a decade ago! (hic)"

Geminisunmars August 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Oh, crapsicle! Now I won't be able to vote for Obama.

Serolf_Divad August 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Nice try, but I'm still voting for Obama.

DahBoner August 30, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Arizona just went Medical, like whoa, great kush dude…

Pat_Pending August 30, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Ol' Hand Bag strikes again…

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Did she say Obama or Osama?

rickmaci August 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Sorry Jan. No mulligans in Stupid-on-video.

MrsConclusion August 30, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Bitch be fuckin with mah HEAD, man. Huh?

ttommyunger August 30, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Then she immediately wound her ass and scratched her watch.

polnick August 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm

The word PIMP is no longer a slur, it is a high paid and respectible position. Some work for the rich and famous and are called ROYAL PIMPS.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Uh, no; it's totally a slur, especially the way racist asses like you use it.

natoslug August 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm

T

Geminisunmars August 30, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Isn't that the thing that Catholics wear around their shoulders?

YasserArraFeck August 30, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I thought that was alterboy's thighs?

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