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You didn't build that lens flareSorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you won’t get delegates ever again! But here, would you like a gauzy, high-production-values video tribute? Would that placate you and your angry, weirdo followers? Probably not, but we’ll show the video anyway after the jump, what harm could it do.

Behold the Ron Paul video in all its glory! Starting with a long shot of some guy driving down a road in the woods (a metaphor for Ron Paul’s Lonely Road to Freedom), then a bunch of people like Jim DeMint and Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell talk about how that Ron might be an ornery old coot, but he sure did get us talking about how we need to cut all government spending and not borrow any money and such!

There are a whole lot of phrases strongly associated with Ron Paul that do not appear anywhere in this video, including all of the cool ones (“drug war,” “war”) and some of the wacko ones (“gold standard,” “race war”). To be fair, it also didn’t include the phrase “pro-life,” nor did it include the phrase “I endorse Mitt Romney,” so there’s that! Still, It’s too bad they didn’t just show this 1988 clip from the Morton Downey, Jr., show instead, it’s the best.

Bye Ron Paul! We’ll miss you and your rigorous libertarian philosophy that involves not killing people with bombs or jailing them for weed but then letting them die of poverty, and also telling women they can’t get abortions!

Oh, also, there was a tribute to America’s favorite father-son presidential team that isn’t John and John Quincy Adams: George H.W. and George W. Bush! We’re not sure why this was felt to be necessary, since unlike Ron Paul the Bushes do not have a fanatic base of support, or even a tepid one. Still, if you want to see a video that features an anecdote about George H.W. Bush being yelled at by White House staff while he was in the bathtub, the Bushes dog-whistling about how the Oval Office needs to be treated with Respect and Dignity unlike the way it’s treated by some blowjob-getting and hip-hop-barbecue-having Democrats we could mention, Barbara Bush condescending to a comical little Polish man, and Laura Bush laughing it up about how her dog attacks journalists, knock yourself out.


Will we ever have to see any of these people again? Probably, but let’s pretend not for now, it’ll be nicer.

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