all the pinocchios!

The Lying Lies of Paul Ryan, Who Lies

dreamyIn the hours since his acceptance speech last night, the lies of lying liar Paul Ryan have been well-documented — but what the hell, let’s recap them anyway!

THE GM PLANT: “Well, as it turned out, that plant didn’t last another year. It is locked up and empty to this day.”

Actually, the plant closed in 2008, before Barack Obama became president of the United States and, you know, saved the American auto industry, in a plan publicly opposed by Mitt Romney.

THE DEBT COMMISSION: “He created a new bipartisan debt commission. They came back with an urgent report.  He thanks them, sent them on their way, and then did exactly nothing.”

Just one tiny, eensy weensy, miniscule fact Paul Ryan left out there: he was on the fucking debt commission. And that “urgent report” that was so urgent that President Obama is worse than Hitler for ignoring it? Paul Ryan voted against it, and their report was three votes short of being an officially endorsed set of recommendations.

AMERICA’S CREDIT RATING: “It began with a perfect AAA credit rating for the United States. It ends with the downgraded America.”

America’s credit was downgraded for exactly one reason: Republican members of Congress (including one Representative Paul Ryan) were literally threatening to stop America from paying its debts. The downgraded rating is as much President Obama’s fault as it is the FreeCreditReport.com band’s.

And of course Ryan repeated the now well-worn lies about the Medicare savings in the Affordable Care Act and President Obama’s “we built that” line. (Has there ever been a political convention built entirely around a single lie before? All of them? OK, let’s move on.)

If the Romney campaign felt comfortable putting these patently obvious lies into Ryan’s speech, you have to wonder what else the veep nominee said last night that also a load of horseshit.

To the FactCheck-a-Tron!

THE NOMINATION: “For my part, your nomination is an unexpected turn.”

It is a well-documented fact that an eight-year-old Paul Ryan was told by a gypsy fortune teller that he would one day be the Republican vice-presidential nominee. She also explained the ending of Lost, but Ryan refuses to divulge what he knows.

HIS WIFE AND KIDS: “My best friend and wife Janna, my daughter Liza and our boys Charlie and Sam.”

Ryan’s actual best friend is Rob Kardashian. They go clubbing three times a week. Liza and Sam are his children, but Ryan legally disinherited Charlie after he wrote a report in first grade about FDR without using the words “socialist” or “polio.”

COLLEGE GRADUATIONS UNDER OBAMA: “Millions of young Americans have graduated from college during the Obama presidency, ready to use their gifts and get moving in life.”

Only six people have graduated college in America since January 20, 2009, five of them from DeVry.

JACK KEMP: “I learned a good deal about economics, and about America, from the author of the Reagan tax reforms, the great Jack Kemp.”

Jack Kemp, of course, is the well-known former quarterback of the Buffalo Bills. Why Ryan claimed that he has had any involvement in politics or economics is mystifying.

WE CAN: “We can get this country working again. We can get this economy growing again. We can make the safety net safe again. We can do this.”

In fact, we cannot.

HIS PLAYLIST: “He actually urged me to play some of these songs at campaign rallies. I said, ‘look, I hope it is not a deal breaker Mitt, but my playlist starts with AC/DC and it ends with Zeppelin.'”

This is a lie of omission. Ryan did say this to Mitt Romney, but he did not say what happened next: Romney slapped him, hard in the face, and told him never to talk back to him again.

HIS MOM: “And to this day, my Mom is my role model.”

Two words: Ayn Rand.

About the author

Jesse Berney has provided a voice online for a wide array of Democrats and progressives, including Bill and Hillary Clinton. He is currently the principal of Jefferson Street Strategies, an Internet communications, strategy, and fundraising consulting firm. You can find him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/jesseberney

View all articles by Jesse Berney
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  • nounverb911

    How can you tell that Ryan is lying?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Lips are moving?

      • http://parterre.com La_Cieca

        Trick question. Paul Ryan has no lips.

    • johnnymeatworth

      His lips move?

    • littlebigdaddy

      His lips are moving!

    • Selfish_T

      By looking into the dead hollowness of his eyes while his lips are moving?

    • HateMachine

      Even dead Paul Ryans lie in their coffins.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      Cause Mitt picked him?

    • freakishlywrong

      Granny is starving?

    • AbandonHope_

      Hitler?

      All of them, Katie?

      NONE OF MY USUAL RESPONSES ARE WORKING

    • eggsacklywright

      Time hasn't stopped yet.

    • Terry

      He's breathing?

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Damn you, you beat me to it.

    • Toomush_Infer

      The question is: how can you tell when he's not lying…(trick answer – don't bother)…

    • Sacanagem

      Hitler?

    • HogeyeGrex

      With votes.

    • Biff

      I think that grunt of his is a major tell.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      The "(R)" next to his name?

    • ibwilliamsi

      He's breathing.

    • DaniloTifoso

      Karl Rove's lips AREN'T moving.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    my Mom is my role model

    That one IS true: she whores herself out too.

    • ottercliff

      That's called capitalism. Got a problem with it?

    • no_gravity

      That's cuz he already took away her SS and medicare.

    • Beanball

      How does he know that woman's his mother? She's probably a lier, too.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Now. Now. Let's not lie about Ryan's Mom. The truth of the matter is she doesn't whore herself out. That implies a consistent frequency of whoring. What see does do is hang out at the docks when the fleet comes in and takes the entire Navy behind a dumpster. There is no real taxable pay in this, and she doesn't report the "tips".

  • johnnymeatworth

    On the plus side, when the campaign ends maybe he can audition for that reboot of Fibber McGee and Molly….

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      JUST DON'T OPEN HIS CLOSET!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Will Eddie Munster have to go to his room now?

    • nounverb911

      Only after he ties Spot to the roof of the car.

  • prommie

    Like shooting fish in a barrel. Fucking stupid with the stupidity of the halfway intelligent who way way way way overestimate their intelligence. They think they can fool everyone. Its sad and funny, too.

    • AbandonHope_

      Yeah, but don't forget, they only have to fool 51 percent of everyone. That's the terrifying part.

      • eggsacklywright

        A little fiddling with the electro-votey-boxes will do the trick.

    • Boojum

      Paul Dunning-Kruger Ryan.

  • eggsacklywright

    What, is he in some kind of competition with Rove? Tight race.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • SorosBot

    Paul Ryan is very good at lying; the man betrays no emotion in anything he says, and seems to really believe his lies, because he is a total sociopath.

  • sbj1964

    Paul Ryan is like my ex wife.If she told the same lie twice she actually could pass a polygraph. What do they call them pathological liars,Politicians?

  • freakishlywrong

    "That's a nice_______________ (insert social program) , Mrs. Cleaver, it'd be a shame if something happened to it"

    • RavenRant

      He looks like Eddie Munster, but he oozes creepy, fawning insincerity like Eddie Haskell.

  • FakaktaSouth

    As far as I could tell from the abject moron, irrational, non-reasoning, gleeful-nation-destroying racists I have on my fb feed, the guy must've really said a bunch of horrible shit. They were eating him up. My favorite – "This guy will be president one day." Hopefully on the same day I have been hit by a truck.

    • Terry

      He's going to be president of some far right lobbying organization.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      And Ryan will be driving that truck.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Well as long as it kills me. What with the lie about keeping the safety net safe I cannot imagine how much traction's gonna cost under the Ryan Healthcare Nation.

      • Callyson

        He built that truck.

    • IonaTrailer

      I now try and avoid arguing with my lame-ass family in Florida, because I've found great comfort and solace in the saying, "Arguing on the Internet is like being in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still a retard."

      • FakaktaSouth

        Oh honey I don't argue either. I am passive aggressive and have some very active, very intelligent people I agree with and we just go on and on about how stupid everyone else is.

        • IonaTrailer

          Ditto that. They all used to be Democrats in Chicago. Then when they moved to Florida something happened. Some of the second generation are okay thankfully. And they all get pensions and retirement from working in the government!

    • Nothingisamiss

      We share a fb feed?

  • KathrynSane

    What? A GOP candidacy based on lies, fearmongering and misinformation? You don't say.

  • el_donaldo

    You know you're a liar when even Fox News calls you on it: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/08/30/paul-ry

    • AbandonHope_

      Oooh, I'll bet somebody got fired over daring to correct one of their Betters…

      • sullivanst

        Sally Kohn is a writer and former Fox News contributor. You can find her online at http://sallykohn.com or on Twitter@sallykohn.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Why doesn't foxnews.com allow comments? That would be entertaining.

      • sullivanst

        You can still get that kind of entertainment by raiding some pencils from the supply closet and using them to stab yourself in the eyes repeatedly.

      • gullywompr

        Go to Fox Nation for the comments on this article. You'll be shocked to learn that it is actualy the author of the hit piece that is doing the lying. Weird, huh?

      • elviouslyqueer

        You know who else doesn't allow comments?

        • sullivanst

          TPM, when Josh's conservative friends die?

        • HistoriCat

          Wonkette – which has never allowed comments.

    • Terry

      The best part of the Fox article:

      "On the other hand, to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention to facts, Ryan’s speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech. On this measure, while it was Romney who ran the Olympics, Ryan earned the gold."

      • Toomush_Infer

        That is kind of beautifully phrased….

    • Callyson

      Ryan didn’t mention how his budget would eviscerate programs that help the poor and raise taxes on 95% of Americans in order to cut taxes for millionaires and billionaires even further and increase — yes, increase —the deficit

      She, along with the editor who approved the article, is so fired.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Anyone see, "The Omen Part 5?" or whatever part it was. He's totally like that.

  • AbandonHope_

    This is where we are now: blatant, easily debunked lies, repeated over and over, and hundreds of thousands of drooling fucknuts who either (a) believe them wholeheartedly and disregard any evidence to the contrary as "liberal propaganda" or (b) know they are lies but discreetly set them aside, blissfully ignoring them because it's more important for Their Side to win and get the near out of the White House.

    Underneath it all, there's still that cynic inside me that secretly hopes Romney wins and manages to completely destroy this nation and fuck over every single little dipshit who voted for him. But then I'm in one of my moods today, so whatever.

    • eggsacklywright

      I get that cynic inside, too. It's a bitch.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      If I wasn't so scared of what would happen to civil, gay, and women's rights as a result of RMoney as President, I'd be right there with your secret cynic.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      totally have these thoughts.

      then i remember the right's (on-going and utter) denial of those 8 glorious bush years.

    • freakishlywrong

      I know, but in the process, he'll fuck over all the dipshits that didn't vote for him.

    • Ruhe

      As for choice (b), that they know the lies are lies but ignore that in order for Their Side to win: I've had a theory for a long time that the foundation of the Republican ethos of expediency are all those Disney movies that featured lovable underdogs who cheat to win. Films like "The Absent Minded Professor" (he gives the basketball team illegally performance enhancing shoes to win), "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes" (Kurt Russell wins a Jeopardy-like competition by having his brain altered/melded with a computer, "Now You See Him, Now You Don't" (Kurt Russell, again, helping his College's hapless Dean win a golf match using his invisibility. Cheating, Cheating and Cheating again. It's a Disney trope that goes back to the Mickey Mouse days (see "The Canine Caddy"). The underlying message is always the same: We're the good guys, we deserve to win, so cheating is not only acceptable, it's darn cute.

      • James Michael Curley

        Very perceptive.

    • Callyson

      "secretly hopes Romney wins and manages to completely destroy this nation and fuck over every single little dipshit who voted for him"

      Now, now, after the Supremes handed W the White House I consoled myself with that thought, only to see the extent of the collateral damage left behind. Plus, I think an Obama election would do more to fuck with the minds of the idiots and assholes who support these liars than anything else would…

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    “He actually urged me to play some of these songs at campaign rallies. I said, ‘look, I hope it is not a deal breaker Mitt, but my playlist starts with AC/DC and it ends with Zeppelin.’”

    It makes sense; the Romney/Ryan campaign will have a Hindenburg-like ending.

    • badseeds

      Fine. He's going to make us all end up like Bonham anyway.

    • Guppy

      Someone whose car radio is stuck on the "classic rock" station rather than "country." Change we can believe in!

    • Toomush_Infer

      So his plan really is to go backwards in time….

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I swear that in the header pic, his nose grew larger after I read each lie.

  • chicken_thief

    But… but…. blue eyes! And P90X! Shot Bambi's dad wiff bow and arrow!

    • Biff

      I am in no way anti-hunting, but in order to exhibit more cruelty than bowhunting, you'd have to go after the deer with a tomahawk. Fuck that guy.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Oh, Eddie Munster, you were so cute back in the day, with your wolfman teddy bear and the like.

  • freakishlywrong

    The "news media" really needs to quit gaming the horse race and call this horse shit out. This is getting dangerous.

    • sullivanst

      Agreed, but don't hold your breath. The whole industry is run by students of journalismism.

    • TootsStansbury

      Demagoguery is so fun!

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Funny he should mention Jack Kemp. Another republican v-p candidate who went down in flames against a popular democratic incumbent ticket.

    • chicken_thief

      JACK KEMP DID NOT "GO DOWN"!!!! He absolutely was not gay. But maybe the guy puffing his pecker was.

  • IonaTrailer

    These people have no fucking shame! And fucking Americans are infected with some kind of amnesia that makes them forget how Bush squandered the surplus the GOP inherited, the two unfunded wars they got us into, that Condi ignored the memo about bin Laden, the bailout of the auto industry, the near melt-down of the world's economic system, explorting jobs overseas, how they killed manufacturing in this country,….the list goes on.
    Holy shit. What is wrong with people???

    • FNMA

      Who is this "Bush" person you speak of?

    • HogeyeGrex

      What is wrong with people???

      They're stupid, venal shits who probably deserve the dystopian future that the fucknuggets they'd like to see put in power would give them?

    • James Michael Curley

      For the last twelve years I have been patiently trying to explain to people that the problem Bush and the Post-Gingrich Congress created was not the mere squandering of the surplus but the redefinition of the budgetary process and the keelhauling of the debt.

      When the surplus was evident a debate ensued with the Clinton faction advocating small tax cuts and paying down the national debt. The republican congress would hear none of that until 'the American People were given their money back."

      The Clinton budget plans projected the entire national debt would be paid off before 2006 and, at that point, we would enter a period of self funding growth of the economy as a steady tax rate continued and the massive waste of tax payer funds being used to service the national debt disappeared.

    • UnholyMoses

      "the bailout of the auto industry"

      Wrong guy.

      Bush bailed out the same fuckfaces who blew up the world's economy and put millions of people out of work.

      Obama bailed out the auto companies and saved a bunch of jobs.

      Very different.

      • IonaTrailer

        You are absolutely correct. What I should have said was the GOP opposition to the auto bailout. My apologies.

      • IonaTrailer

        You are absolutely correct. What I should have said was the GOP opposition to the auto bailout. My apologies. (Sometimes the sputtering in anger gets too Elmer Fudd-ish).

  • elviouslyqueer

    Our daily rag (Memphis's Commercial Appeal) ran a similar point-by-point disembowling of Ryan's lies this morning. Predictably, the comments on the article ran the gamut from "Whatever, they all lie" to "Yea, well, the librul media are just Obama's lapdogs and OF COURSE they'd say this about Ryan" to the not-surprising prevailing sentiment of "Argle blargle Obama is still corrupt uppity usurper Kenyan Chicago mafia nigger HEIL ROMNEY RYAN spittle splooge."

    Sometimes it's just not worth getting out of bed in the morning.

    • Guppy

      Getting the paper version means not having to see most of the web comments.

    • freakishlywrong

      Ryan could get caught raping that mother of his while be butt fucked by Romney, they'll still vote for them.

      • Biff

        He's his own father? That actually explains a lot.

    • chicken_thief

      But those beers won't fetch themselves.

      • elviouslyqueer

        That's why I have well-trained dogs. And an obliging partner, who is also well-trained. *ahem*

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Argle blargle Obama is still corrupt uppity usurper Kenyan Chicago mafia nigger HEIL ROMNEY RYAN spittle splooge."

      That's verbatim, right?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Well, I left out at least two "blargles" and a really unnecessary reference to watermelon fucking. But otherwise, yes.

        • James Michael Curley

          Honeydew melons are much better.

          • HistoriCat

            Pumpkins are more shapely.

          • BeefHardcake

            Gotta put 'em in the microwave first, warm up that center a bit.

  • fartknocker

    VP of hypocrisy. He went to college that was paid for by Social Security dollars and has never worked in the private sector. And he's a big Ayn Rand fan. He's pretty much out of touch with my community.

    OT: Mumford & Sons new album "Babel" has a released a new song that is awesome.

    • zumpie

      He did so too work in the private sector!!! He drove the Weinermobile!!!

  • SmutBoffin

    LIE #11
    "I told the other kids that painting the fence was fun." – It really wasn't.

    LIE #12
    "I am kept alive by the occult powers concentrated in my Congressional portrait. I can lie with no consequences, for the corruption of my soul is visited on the portrait." – OK, this one is true.

    • chicken_thief

      Painting the fence as in Sam Kinnison painting the fence?

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Mitt suggested playing some tunes at his rallies…ya' know good wholesome republican/mormon stuff: The Osmonds, Pat Boone, Sonny Bono (solo career only), and Nugent. All others will demand we stop playing their stuff and/or threaten to sue and plus it's fornicatin' music.

    • ottercliff

      Sonny Bono music is fornicatin' music.

      • FNMA

        Sonny Bono music fornicates music.

  • belmontreport

    Each time he talked about his father, he would do the crying trick that I used as a 17-year-old girl to convince my dad to let me get my nose pierced. He has the least authentic facial expressions I've ever seen.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    GAH!!!

  • MissTaken

    His lies don't count, he had his fingers crossed the whole time.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    "It doesn't matter whether we lie or tell the truth about anything, that other guy is blah!"

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      The GOP, boiled down to one perfect sentence.

  • Guppy

    How many lies do we find if we play his speech backwards, however?

    • sullivanst

      AOTK

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      All of them, Katie?

    • FNMA

      OH MY GOD, PAUL IS DEAD!

      • sullivanst

        Tickertape parade!

      • Biff

        Just in time!

  • Goonemeritus

    They have some heavy lifting to do tonight at the convention because based on the last two nights I may well vote for Obama.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I predict that after tonight, I will want to vote for Obama….more.

    • SmutBoffin

      I am also an undecided voter! I am worried that the election of Mitt Romney might well bring about a new dark age of feudalism, war, and the subjugation of women/minoriities. But then, I also heard Obama does not adequately suck up to rich people.

      WHO SHOULD I VOTE FOR I DUNNO

      • Isyaignert

        OBAMA!!!

  • Generation[redacted]

    He pretty much admitted that Ayn Rand was his mother. Get Victoria Jackson, Donald Trump, and Orly Taitz on this, stat!

  • magic_titty

    GOP setting up the Demoncraps for next week's 'Where We Mock All of Paul Ryan's Easily Refutable Lies and Hypocrisy Night '?

    They are fine, fine political strategists.

    • freakishlywrong

      They'll just buy all the teevee time so it won't be televised. And we all know, the teevee never lies.

  • SorosBot

    Paul Ryan loves his mom, like Oedipus.

    • Ruhe

      Yes, well let's hope that Ryan Rex continues to follow that trajectory and is eventually swallowed by the earth.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Why does it always come back to skullfucking with you people?

    • sullivanst

      Of course that makes me think of Tom Lehrer.

    • James Michael Curley

      Except Oedipus did not know.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    Prevaricating odious douchecopter fratweasel.

    • SmutBoffin

      Biden should say this during a debate.

  • Poindexter718

    Ohh the poow wittle wibwels gonna has a cwy just because their pwecious 240-year-old democracy is being subverted by a pair of bald faced liers for whom power is more important than integrity.
    Wah. Wah. Wah

  • Oblios_Cap

    Say what you want, but Ryan is an honest politician. When he is paid to tell lies by the Cock Brothers, he tells all of them that they tell him to.

    And stays bought.

  • Peckerwood_Pete

    My playlist ends on ZZ Top. Led Zeppelin is in the "Ls"…. not the "Zs". Another lie…

  • kittensdontlie

    What a romneying sack of ryan! I would suggest a healthy dose of deFIBrillation, but I am doubtful that it would cure his lying or start his artificial heart.

  • Baconzgood

    Why would they so obviously lie. The media will call them out….Oh wait they will only go on FOX and AM radio.

  • BlueStateLibel

    When Irish eyes are lying… (sorry, repeat).

  • Jimmyone

    I wonder what Weedlord BonerHitler would say.

  • An_Outhouse

    Jack Kemp ended up in politics. I think he was a flat taxer.

  • deleted4877492

    Rock is gone; Gangsta Rap and ghetto English have taken its place. We can thank Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan for their noble attempt to return music to the Reagan-Bush years when America Rocked. Kid Rock played Born Free as the theme song at the Republican Convention.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Kid who, now?

    • MissTaken

      Can't forget New Kids On The Block, because I was so Hangin' Tough during the Reagan-Bush years. Oh yeah.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Have you seen my shoe? I thought I left it with the other one, but now it is gone. I like salad.

  • An_Outhouse

    and Al Gore was the serial liar. Ha – he was just way ahead of his time and nowhere as blatant as R/R.

  • smitallica

    It's been fun watching my right wing facebook friends froth and jizz about this speech, then watch them try to defend it when I literally post like a berjillion links from all ends of the political spectrum (including foxnews.com for fuck's sake!) tearing it apart as one giant steaming pile of unadulterated horseshit.

    • freakishlywrong

      They'll vote for him though..

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Yes. A perusal of this morning's internets suggest that Ryan may have used a poor choice of words , or misspoken, or something.

      • sullivanst

        He won't let fact-checkers dictate the campaign.

  • calliecallie

    I actually tried to listen to a bit of this last night while I was cleaning up some cat puke from the carpet. The cat puke was less offensive.

    • sullivanst

      I carefully avoided watching it, and was rewarded once again with a Mets win over the eebil Phillies. Unfortunately, I caught the 11 o'clock news, and their 2-minute highlights reel made me shout "fuck you" at the tellybox at least three times. My wife doesn't like it when I do that, but last night she understood.

    • vtxmcrider

      But it's obvious the cat was listening.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    You know, there are some things even my dogs won't swallow. Isn't their ability to ignore reality amazing???????

  • Toomush_Infer

    Weirdly, I inherited a hunting camp up in Northern Michigan, on an island – if Paul Ryan wanted to hunt deer here, we'd clearly surround him with the idiot watchers we use to prevent old guys and primos from shooting dogs, themselves, or other hunters (the same folks we'd use for Cheney, if he ever went to a real hunting camp)…

  • Badonkadonkette

    “And to this day, my Mom is my role model.”

    Good for you, Paul Ryan.

    My mom is not my role model. My mom is a bitter, paranoid Republican. Mind you, she's not a conservative. She's a Republican – just like Paul Ryan. She thinks the Iraq war was "just" – even "good" (because wars are good when you can watch them on TV instead of through your window!), and that there is nothing just or admirable about Obama's decision to order the mission that took out Bin Laden, just like Paul Ryan. She swears her taxes went up under Obama, just like Paul Ryan. She thinks Medicare Part D – itself costlier to the American taxpayer than all of "Obamacare" – is a great idea, just like Paul Ryan. She thinks privatizing social security and ending Medicare for everyone under 55 is a great idea, just like Paul Ryan, because neither of these things will affect her, although they will have a devastating impact on her children and grand-children.

    In short, fuck you, Paul Ryan, for making my mom a shitty role model.

    • chicken_thief

      If she also believes that Obama went on an "Apology Tour" and Reagan did not increase the debt or grant immunity to some Hispanics then I think we might be siblings.

      • FNMA

        See you guys at Thanksgiving!

        • Biff

          I'll be over —–>there, at the little card table…

          • 1stNewtontheMoon

            Sorry, guys. I'm skipping Thanksgiving this year. I got drunk @ T-giving 2008, made a speech, and our mom's stopped inviting me to family events. This year might be worse if I showed up, even sober. Instead, me, my liberal wife, and our fresh new liberal offspring are going to observe the harvest together, get drunk on good booze and celebrate another ass-kicking of the paranoid hate machine.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      My mother is a lifelong Democrat who wishes that Obama were more liberal, doesn't want to discuss politics, and agrees that Ryan and Romney are complete idiots. I'm not trading her for your mom.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    Has there ever been a political convention built entirely around a single lie before? All of them? OK, let’s move on.

    not to this extent. not even mccain and the grifter (not due to any principles: they were simply running away from bush's record).

    i mean, MARA fucking LIASSOM spent the bulk of her am prime time report debunking a republican. that alone suggests boundaries were seriously crossed.

    and lying liars crossed them.

  • ChrisM2011

    Don't you mean Paul LYAN? Ha! Amiright??

  • IonaTrailer

    This morning on NPR they were talking to a woman in Indiana at a veteran's rally. And she said, "I want a first lady who looks like a first lady and Michelle Obama doesn't look like a first lady."

    I almost threw up in the car.

    • MissTaken

      Yeah, what the fuck was that? I heard that while listening at work and immediately ditched NPR for the cleansing music of Violent Femmes.

      • IonaTrailer

        Subtext: SHE'S BLAH.
        No shame at all. Disgusting.

    • Nostrildamus

      I've got my gripes with NPR, but letting GOP supporters voice their obvious racism is fine by me. It makes it clear to every reasonable listener what the real situation is. Only caveat is my worry that there aren't enough reasonable people left.

      Would be nice if they followed up with "what exactly about Ms. Obama doesn't look like a real first lady?", though.

    • tigernole

      amen, what the fuck was she talking about

    • James Michael Curley

      That was the American Legion 94th National Convention.

      The American Legion has, fairly consistently, invited BOTH major candidates to their election year convention. Apparently Obama is not on their agenda.

      I'm trying to track down some rumors that Romney was not 'on their agenda' either but showed up in IN yesterday and delivered a packed house speech. The American Legion web site is featuring it on their home page. I suspect skulduggery.

      Hey, Jon, I sent you an email on this. What's the word?

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      If looking like a first lady means coming off a pill-popping housezombie, an old man dressed like yoda, or a former hollywood beej queen 40 years past her prime, then yes, Mrs.O. looks like none of these things. That said, I'll settle for a gorgeous brilliant Michelle.

  • zumpie

    I don't think Liza's his, either. Do you notice how she desperately tries to be the perfect politician's child, waving, smiling, running after daddy? Daddykins who proceeds to completely ignore the inferior female child, in favor of his sons.

    And continuing to my super shallow fashion critique: Ryan's clothes were actually really nice. The rest of his family has already sunk to Palin-spawn fashion sense: wife wore her holiday photo dress from Ann Taylor; boys wore their school uniforms from Land's End school uniforms; girl wore something super fugly from the Candies Collection from Kohl's. With a shiny headband from Claire's and completely wrong shoes.

    Their local mall and the "you people" working in thier appropriate, starvation wage jobs were well represented.

    • Biff

      Mee-ow!

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    I'm not sure who this Jesse Berney character is, but I like his or her style.

  • Isyaignert

    Hey Lyin' Ryan- It's LED Zeppelin not Zeppelin so your playist is fukked-up, just like you.

    • HistoriCat

      Why does Ryan disrespect ZZ Top?

    • RavenRant

      I love that his claim to hipness is listening to music four decades old. He's cutting edge!

  • AnAmericanInTO

    OT: Speaking of total BS liars, Herman Cain was spouting off on the Daily Show last night (in the Daily Show After Hour online segment). He was spreading that old canard that Obama wants to gut welfare so that the lazy bums can continue to get their foodstampz without having to work at a job that doesn't exist, because we are in a recession.

    This was after the on-air segment where Cain basically said that employed black citizens will vote for Romney, while the unemployed blahs will vote for Obama. I'm still not sure if it was supposed to be a joke or not.
    http://www.thedailyshow.com/#tool_tip_0

    ETA: I totally forgot! The best part was when Jon called him on his bullshit, pulled out the PolitiFact and leaned back in his "Gloating Chair" Great stuff!

  • zumpie

    Oh, also, too—his mom took the bus 40 miles each way to go to school?

    A) So she benefitted from gubmint $$$ (for both tuition and public transportation).

    B) Why (unless she doesn't drive, like yours truly) would she have or need to do any of this anyway? Could the millions the company her husband left her not cover a cab? With their evil gubmint contractss?

    • IonaTrailer

      Not to mention the roads that Ryan hand-built so the buses could run on them.

      • shelwood46

        Hey, his family did build some of those roads (probably not the one between Janesville and Madison). Course, they did get paid enormous amounts of government money for doing it, also, too.

  • Blunderthing

    Paul Ryan lifted his lying head up, in a brief respite from sucking the entire Republican Convention audience off, to spit out a few lies and then went back to sucking the entire Republican convention off.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Speaking of Politico, DougJ of The B-Juice went there and found a blowjob by one Jonathan Martin.

    Ryan was able to touch conservative erogenous zones………….
    .
    .
    .
    There’s lots of substantive flaws to what he talked about but that’s not what the convention is about.

    http://www.balloon-juice.com/2012/08/30/let-me-st

  • thefrontpage

    Wake up and smell the coffee!! Let's be a bit more honest and direct: Ryan's speech was full of flat-out LIES, mistruths, mis-statements, inaccuries, incorrect statements, more lies, falsehoods, inaccurate statements, distortions, and even more lies. It was literally unprofessional, offensive, corrupt, unethical, immoral, deceptive, misleading, wrong, inaccurate and an affront to intelligence and government and politics in general. It was flat-out full of lies. Romney, too, has spouted lies–in speeches, in interviews and in campaign ads. It's a continual wonder why anyone on this planet would even consider voting for these frauds, poseurs and liars. That's the truth–and nothing but the truth.

    • MoeDeLawn

      Dude (or Madam)! You're taking it all out of context!

      • RavenRant

        Don't forget – both sides do it!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Does his mp3 player list "Zeppelin, Led"?

    Other possible musical acts on Paul Ryan's playlist:
    Airplane, Jefferson
    Loaf, Meat
    Sabbath, Black
    Starship, Jefferson
    Stones, Rolling
    Tull, Jethro

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    If we follow KKKarl Rove's logic, though, President Obama should be thanking Rep. Ryan for all the times that Ryan didn't' accuse Obama of raping and killing that girl back in the '90's.

    * edits. fucking program needs a preview function.

  • Nostrildamus

    Ryan's plan is too work fact-checkers to an early grave.

  • DahBoner

    "Son, you can be part of the problem or… AAAAGH!!!"

    //Ryan's Father dying of knife wound in back

  • FNMA

    Ayn Rand is Ryan's mother? Well, that explains the zombie eyes.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    An entire convention with the facts and substance of a FOX News report. You have to admit, they know their target audience.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      I guess it's the rally the base approach over the appeal to the middle. No, really guys, it's cool. Yes, he's mormon. But c'mon in. the water's fine.

  • owhatever

    We will protect Social Security by turning it over to Wall Street and prayer.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I get my facts from Wonkette!

  • RavenRant

    Lyin' Paul Ryan.

    That is how he should always be referred to henceforth. Just as 'Newt Gingrich' will forever be known as 'Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich'.

    Also, Chris Christie must be 'The Outlaw Jersey Whale' from this day forward, thanks to Tbogg.

    • bobbert

      'The Outlaw Jersey Whale' will be especially good if Clint is the Mystery Guest.

      • RavenRant

        I will lose all respect for ol' Clint if he sinks that low.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      I prefer for Christie: "Chris Christie Who Loves Bruce Springsteen Who Fucking Hates Chris Christie." A bit of a mouthful. But really it's like George Bush loving Woody Guthrie (if Connecticut George claimed Ok. instead of Tex.). Totally fucking offensive as music lover.

      Almost as bad as Paul "Rage Against [by Sucking Off] the Machine" Ryan.

      • RavenRant

        May Springsteen never relent. And Ryan – what a loathsome little parasite, with his pseudo-hipster musical pretensions.

        In both cases, it seems that these men lack basic comprehension of the English language, to embrace music and lyrics so utterly antithetical to their 'principles'.

  • greypanter

    Did you see the size of his American Flag lapel pin? To out do him, one would need American Flag epaulets.

  • lochnessmonster

    He's going to have lots of penance to do…how about 10,000 hail Mary's to start? Does he go to confession after the election?

  • carlgt1

    New teabagger sign: "The zoo has an African lion — we have a lyin' Ryan!"

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    The first artist on my iPod is Aaron Copland, because AMERICA. Why does Paul Ryan hate America(na)?

  • ttommyunger

    Should have chosen the insurance business. He would still have made a good living and only his clients would know he was a lying cunt instead of the entire Country.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “We can get this country working again. We can get this economy growing again. We can make the safety net safe again. We can do this.”

    And without taxes to pay for it, apparently! And just think: Ryan's the smart one.