ALL THE PINOCCHIOS!  11:45 am August 30, 2012

The Lying Lies of Paul Ryan, Who Lies

by Jesse Berney

dreamyIn the hours since his acceptance speech last night, the lies of lying liar Paul Ryan have been well-documented — but what the hell, let’s recap them anyway!

THE GM PLANT: “Well, as it turned out, that plant didn’t last another year. It is locked up and empty to this day.”

Actually, the plant closed in 2008, before Barack Obama became president of the United States and, you know, saved the American auto industry, in a plan publicly opposed by Mitt Romney.

THE DEBT COMMISSION: “He created a new bipartisan debt commission. They came back with an urgent report. ┬áHe thanks them, sent them on their way, and then did exactly nothing.”

Just one tiny, eensy weensy, miniscule fact Paul Ryan left out there: he was on the fucking debt commission. And that “urgent report” that was so urgent that President Obama is worse than Hitler for ignoring it? Paul Ryan voted against it, and their report was three votes short of being an officially endorsed set of recommendations.

AMERICA’S CREDIT RATING: “It began with a perfect AAA credit rating for the United States. It ends with the downgraded America.”

America’s credit was downgraded for exactly one reason: Republican members of Congress (including one Representative Paul Ryan) were literally threatening to stop America from paying its debts. The downgraded rating is as much President Obama’s fault as it is the FreeCreditReport.com band’s.

And of course Ryan repeated the now well-worn lies about the Medicare savings in the Affordable Care Act and President Obama’s “we built that” line. (Has there ever been a political convention built entirely around a single lie before? All of them? OK, let’s move on.)

If the Romney campaign felt comfortable putting these patently obvious lies into Ryan’s speech, you have to wonder what else the veep nominee said last night that also a load of horseshit.

To the FactCheck-a-Tron!

THE NOMINATION: “For my part, your nomination is an unexpected turn.”

It is a well-documented fact that an eight-year-old Paul Ryan was told by a gypsy fortune teller that he would one day be the Republican vice-presidential nominee. She also explained the ending of Lost, but Ryan refuses to divulge what he knows.

HIS WIFE AND KIDS: “My best friend and wife Janna, my daughter Liza and our boys Charlie and Sam.”

Ryan’s actual best friend is Rob Kardashian. They go clubbing three times a week. Liza and Sam are his children, but Ryan legally disinherited Charlie after he wrote a report in first grade about FDR without using the words “socialist” or “polio.”

COLLEGE GRADUATIONS UNDER OBAMA: “Millions of young Americans have graduated from college during the Obama presidency, ready to use their gifts and get moving in life.”

Only six people have graduated college in America since January 20, 2009, five of them from DeVry.

JACK KEMP: “I learned a good deal about economics, and about America, from the author of the Reagan tax reforms, the great Jack Kemp.”

Jack Kemp, of course, is the well-known former quarterback of the Buffalo Bills. Why Ryan claimed that he has had any involvement in politics or economics is mystifying.

WE CAN: “We can get this country working again. We can get this economy growing again. We can make the safety net safe again. We can do this.”

In fact, we cannot.

HIS PLAYLIST: “He actually urged me to play some of these songs at campaign rallies. I said, ‘look, I hope it is not a deal breaker Mitt, but my playlist starts with AC/DC and it ends with Zeppelin.’”

This is a lie of omission. Ryan did say this to Mitt Romney, but he did not say what happened next: Romney slapped him, hard in the face, and told him never to talk back to him again.

HIS MOM: “And to this day, my Mom is my role model.”

Two words: Ayn Rand.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 210 comments }

nounverb911 August 30, 2012 at 11:46 am

How can you tell that Ryan is lying?

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

Lips are moving?

La_Cieca August 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

Trick question. Paul Ryan has no lips.

johnnymeatworth August 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

His lips move?

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

His lips are moving!

Selfish_T August 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

By looking into the dead hollowness of his eyes while his lips are moving?

HateMachine August 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

Even dead Paul Ryans lie in their coffins.

ChillBill August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

Cause Mitt picked him?

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

Granny is starving?

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

Hitler?

All of them, Katie?

NONE OF MY USUAL RESPONSES ARE WORKING

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 11:57 am

Time hasn't stopped yet.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 12:08 pm

He's breathing?

Dr_Zoidberg August 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Damn you, you beat me to it.

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The question is: how can you tell when he's not lying…(trick answer – don't bother)…

Sacanagem August 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Hitler?

HogeyeGrex August 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm

With votes.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I think that grunt of his is a major tell.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm

The "(R)" next to his name?

ibwilliamsi August 30, 2012 at 1:22 pm

He's breathing.

DaniloTifoso August 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Karl Rove's lips AREN'T moving.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

my Mom is my role model

That one IS true: she whores herself out too.

ottercliff August 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

That's called capitalism. Got a problem with it?

no_gravity August 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

That's cuz he already took away her SS and medicare.

Beanball August 30, 2012 at 12:13 pm

How does he know that woman's his mother? She's probably a lier, too.

Jus_Wonderin August 30, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Now. Now. Let's not lie about Ryan's Mom. The truth of the matter is she doesn't whore herself out. That implies a consistent frequency of whoring. What see does do is hang out at the docks when the fleet comes in and takes the entire Navy behind a dumpster. There is no real taxable pay in this, and she doesn't report the "tips".

johnnymeatworth August 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

On the plus side, when the campaign ends maybe he can audition for that reboot of Fibber McGee and Molly….

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

JUST DON'T OPEN HIS CLOSET!

littlebigdaddy August 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

Will Eddie Munster have to go to his room now?

nounverb911 August 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

Only after he ties Spot to the roof of the car.

prommie August 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

Like shooting fish in a barrel. Fucking stupid with the stupidity of the halfway intelligent who way way way way overestimate their intelligence. They think they can fool everyone. Its sad and funny, too.

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:57 am

Yeah, but don't forget, they only have to fool 51 percent of everyone. That's the terrifying part.

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

A little fiddling with the electro-votey-boxes will do the trick.

Boojum August 30, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Paul Dunning-Kruger Ryan.

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

What, is he in some kind of competition with Rove? Tight race.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

Paul Ryan is very good at lying; the man betrays no emotion in anything he says, and seems to really believe his lies, because he is a total sociopath.

sbj1964 August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

Paul Ryan is like my ex wife.If she told the same lie twice she actually could pass a polygraph. What do they call them pathological liars,Politicians?

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

"That's a nice_______________ (insert social program) , Mrs. Cleaver, it'd be a shame if something happened to it"

RavenRant August 30, 2012 at 1:42 pm

He looks like Eddie Munster, but he oozes creepy, fawning insincerity like Eddie Haskell.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

As far as I could tell from the abject moron, irrational, non-reasoning, gleeful-nation-destroying racists I have on my fb feed, the guy must've really said a bunch of horrible shit. They were eating him up. My favorite – "This guy will be president one day." Hopefully on the same day I have been hit by a truck.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 12:10 pm

He's going to be president of some far right lobbying organization.

Dr_Zoidberg August 30, 2012 at 12:13 pm

And Ryan will be driving that truck.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Well as long as it kills me. What with the lie about keeping the safety net safe I cannot imagine how much traction's gonna cost under the Ryan Healthcare Nation.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm

He built that truck.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I now try and avoid arguing with my lame-ass family in Florida, because I've found great comfort and solace in the saying, "Arguing on the Internet is like being in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still a retard."

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Oh honey I don't argue either. I am passive aggressive and have some very active, very intelligent people I agree with and we just go on and on about how stupid everyone else is.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Ditto that. They all used to be Democrats in Chicago. Then when they moved to Florida something happened. Some of the second generation are okay thankfully. And they all get pensions and retirement from working in the government!

Nothingisamiss August 30, 2012 at 2:23 pm

We share a fb feed?

KathrynSane August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

What? A GOP candidacy based on lies, fearmongering and misinformation? You don't say.

el_donaldo August 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

You know you're a liar when even Fox News calls you on it: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/08/30/paul-ry

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

Oooh, I'll bet somebody got fired over daring to correct one of their Betters…

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Sally Kohn is a writer and former Fox News contributor. You can find her online at http://sallykohn.com or on Twitter@sallykohn.

Generation[redacted] August 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Why doesn't foxnews.com allow comments? That would be entertaining.

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

You can still get that kind of entertainment by raiding some pencils from the supply closet and using them to stab yourself in the eyes repeatedly.

gullywompr August 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Go to Fox Nation for the comments on this article. You'll be shocked to learn that it is actualy the author of the hit piece that is doing the lying. Weird, huh?

Nostrildamus August 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Linky?

gullywompr August 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm

http://nation.foxnews.com/paul-ryan/2012/08/30/ko

Also too – comments say this proves Fox is fair & balanced.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm

You know who else doesn't allow comments?

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 1:14 pm

TPM, when Josh's conservative friends die?

HistoriCat August 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Wonkette – which has never allowed comments.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 12:11 pm

The best part of the Fox article:

"On the other hand, to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention to facts, Ryan’s speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech. On this measure, while it was Romney who ran the Olympics, Ryan earned the gold."

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm

That is kind of beautifully phrased….

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Ryan didn’t mention how his budget would eviscerate programs that help the poor and raise taxes on 95% of Americans in order to cut taxes for millionaires and billionaires even further and increase — yes, increase —the deficit

She, along with the editor who approved the article, is so fired.

DerrickWildcat August 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

Anyone see, "The Omen Part 5?" or whatever part it was. He's totally like that.

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

This is where we are now: blatant, easily debunked lies, repeated over and over, and hundreds of thousands of drooling fucknuts who either (a) believe them wholeheartedly and disregard any evidence to the contrary as "liberal propaganda" or (b) know they are lies but discreetly set them aside, blissfully ignoring them because it's more important for Their Side to win and get the near out of the White House.

Underneath it all, there's still that cynic inside me that secretly hopes Romney wins and manages to completely destroy this nation and fuck over every single little dipshit who voted for him. But then I'm in one of my moods today, so whatever.

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 11:59 am

I get that cynic inside, too. It's a bitch.

Dr_Zoidberg August 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

If I wasn't so scared of what would happen to civil, gay, and women's rights as a result of RMoney as President, I'd be right there with your secret cynic.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

totally have these thoughts.

then i remember the right's (on-going and utter) denial of those 8 glorious bush years.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I know, but in the process, he'll fuck over all the dipshits that didn't vote for him.

Ruhe August 30, 2012 at 12:49 pm

As for choice (b), that they know the lies are lies but ignore that in order for Their Side to win: I've had a theory for a long time that the foundation of the Republican ethos of expediency are all those Disney movies that featured lovable underdogs who cheat to win. Films like "The Absent Minded Professor" (he gives the basketball team illegally performance enhancing shoes to win), "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes" (Kurt Russell wins a Jeopardy-like competition by having his brain altered/melded with a computer, "Now You See Him, Now You Don't" (Kurt Russell, again, helping his College's hapless Dean win a golf match using his invisibility. Cheating, Cheating and Cheating again. It's a Disney trope that goes back to the Mickey Mouse days (see "The Canine Caddy"). The underlying message is always the same: We're the good guys, we deserve to win, so cheating is not only acceptable, it's darn cute.

James Michael Curley August 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Very perceptive.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm

"secretly hopes Romney wins and manages to completely destroy this nation and fuck over every single little dipshit who voted for him"

Now, now, after the Supremes handed W the White House I consoled myself with that thought, only to see the extent of the collateral damage left behind. Plus, I think an Obama election would do more to fuck with the minds of the idiots and assholes who support these liars than anything else would…

ChillBill August 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

“He actually urged me to play some of these songs at campaign rallies. I said, ‘look, I hope it is not a deal breaker Mitt, but my playlist starts with AC/DC and it ends with Zeppelin.’”

It makes sense; the Romney/Ryan campaign will have a Hindenburg-like ending.

badseeds August 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

Fine. He's going to make us all end up like Bonham anyway.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Someone whose car radio is stuck on the "classic rock" station rather than "country." Change we can believe in!

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm

So his plan really is to go backwards in time….

ManchuCandidate August 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

I swear that in the header pic, his nose grew larger after I read each lie.

chicken_thief August 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

But… but…. blue eyes! And P90X! Shot Bambi's dad wiff bow and arrow!

Biff August 30, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I am in no way anti-hunting, but in order to exhibit more cruelty than bowhunting, you'd have to go after the deer with a tomahawk. Fuck that guy.

CrunchyKnee August 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

Oh, Eddie Munster, you were so cute back in the day, with your wolfman teddy bear and the like.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

The "news media" really needs to quit gaming the horse race and call this horse shit out. This is getting dangerous.

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Agreed, but don't hold your breath. The whole industry is run by students of journalismism.

TootsStansbury August 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Demagoguery is so fun!

1stNewtontheMoon August 30, 2012 at 11:56 am

Funny he should mention Jack Kemp. Another republican v-p candidate who went down in flames against a popular democratic incumbent ticket.

chicken_thief August 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

JACK KEMP DID NOT "GO DOWN"!!!! He absolutely was not gay. But maybe the guy puffing his pecker was.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 11:57 am

These people have no fucking shame! And fucking Americans are infected with some kind of amnesia that makes them forget how Bush squandered the surplus the GOP inherited, the two unfunded wars they got us into, that Condi ignored the memo about bin Laden, the bailout of the auto industry, the near melt-down of the world's economic system, explorting jobs overseas, how they killed manufacturing in this country,….the list goes on.
Holy shit. What is wrong with people???

FNMA August 30, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Who is this "Bush" person you speak of?

HogeyeGrex August 30, 2012 at 1:10 pm

What is wrong with people???

They're stupid, venal shits who probably deserve the dystopian future that the fucknuggets they'd like to see put in power would give them?

James Michael Curley August 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

For the last twelve years I have been patiently trying to explain to people that the problem Bush and the Post-Gingrich Congress created was not the mere squandering of the surplus but the redefinition of the budgetary process and the keelhauling of the debt.

When the surplus was evident a debate ensued with the Clinton faction advocating small tax cuts and paying down the national debt. The republican congress would hear none of that until 'the American People were given their money back."

The Clinton budget plans projected the entire national debt would be paid off before 2006 and, at that point, we would enter a period of self funding growth of the economy as a steady tax rate continued and the massive waste of tax payer funds being used to service the national debt disappeared.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"the bailout of the auto industry"

Wrong guy.

Bush bailed out the same fuckfaces who blew up the world's economy and put millions of people out of work.

Obama bailed out the auto companies and saved a bunch of jobs.

Very different.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm

You are absolutely correct. What I should have said was the GOP opposition to the auto bailout. My apologies.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm

You are absolutely correct. What I should have said was the GOP opposition to the auto bailout. My apologies. (Sometimes the sputtering in anger gets too Elmer Fudd-ish).

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 11:57 am

Our daily rag (Memphis's Commercial Appeal) ran a similar point-by-point disembowling of Ryan's lies this morning. Predictably, the comments on the article ran the gamut from "Whatever, they all lie" to "Yea, well, the librul media are just Obama's lapdogs and OF COURSE they'd say this about Ryan" to the not-surprising prevailing sentiment of "Argle blargle Obama is still corrupt uppity usurper Kenyan Chicago mafia nigger HEIL ROMNEY RYAN spittle splooge."

Sometimes it's just not worth getting out of bed in the morning.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Getting the paper version means not having to see most of the web comments.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Ryan could get caught raping that mother of his while be butt fucked by Romney, they'll still vote for them.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 1:06 pm

He's his own father? That actually explains a lot.

chicken_thief August 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm

But those beers won't fetch themselves.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm

That's why I have well-trained dogs. And an obliging partner, who is also well-trained. *ahem*

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm

"Argle blargle Obama is still corrupt uppity usurper Kenyan Chicago mafia nigger HEIL ROMNEY RYAN spittle splooge."

That's verbatim, right?

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Well, I left out at least two "blargles" and a really unnecessary reference to watermelon fucking. But otherwise, yes.

James Michael Curley August 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Honeydew melons are much better.

HistoriCat August 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Pumpkins are more shapely.

fartknocker August 30, 2012 at 11:57 am

VP of hypocrisy. He went to college that was paid for by Social Security dollars and has never worked in the private sector. And he's a big Ayn Rand fan. He's pretty much out of touch with my community.

OT: Mumford & Sons new album "Babel" has a released a new song that is awesome.

zumpie August 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm

He did so too work in the private sector!!! He drove the Weinermobile!!!

SmutBoffin August 30, 2012 at 11:57 am

LIE #11
"I told the other kids that painting the fence was fun." – It really wasn't.

LIE #12
"I am kept alive by the occult powers concentrated in my Congressional portrait. I can lie with no consequences, for the corruption of my soul is visited on the portrait." – OK, this one is true.

chicken_thief August 30, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Painting the fence as in Sam Kinnison painting the fence?

1stNewtontheMoon August 30, 2012 at 11:59 am

Mitt suggested playing some tunes at his rallies…ya' know good wholesome republican/mormon stuff: The Osmonds, Pat Boone, Sonny Bono (solo career only), and Nugent. All others will demand we stop playing their stuff and/or threaten to sue and plus it's fornicatin' music.

ottercliff August 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Sonny Bono music is fornicatin' music.

FNMA August 30, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Sonny Bono music fornicates music.

belmontreport August 30, 2012 at 11:59 am

Each time he talked about his father, he would do the crying trick that I used as a 17-year-old girl to convince my dad to let me get my nose pierced. He has the least authentic facial expressions I've ever seen.

Jus_Wonderin August 30, 2012 at 11:59 am

GAH!!!

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 11:59 am

His lies don't count, he had his fingers crossed the whole time.

HobbesEvilTwin August 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

"It doesn't matter whether we lie or tell the truth about anything, that other guy is blah!"

Dr_Zoidberg August 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The GOP, boiled down to one perfect sentence.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

How many lies do we find if we play his speech backwards, however?

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 12:10 pm

AOTK

HobbesEvilTwin August 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm

All of them, Katie?

FNMA August 30, 2012 at 1:06 pm

OH MY GOD, PAUL IS DEAD!

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Tickertape parade!

Biff August 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Just in time!

Goonemeritus August 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

They have some heavy lifting to do tonight at the convention because based on the last two nights I may well vote for Obama.

Jus_Wonderin August 30, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I predict that after tonight, I will want to vote for Obama….more.

SmutBoffin August 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I am also an undecided voter! I am worried that the election of Mitt Romney might well bring about a new dark age of feudalism, war, and the subjugation of women/minoriities. But then, I also heard Obama does not adequately suck up to rich people.

WHO SHOULD I VOTE FOR I DUNNO

Isyaignert August 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm

OBAMA!!!

Generation[redacted] August 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

He pretty much admitted that Ayn Rand was his mother. Get Victoria Jackson, Donald Trump, and Orly Taitz on this, stat!

magic_titty August 30, 2012 at 12:08 pm

GOP setting up the Demoncraps for next week's 'Where We Mock All of Paul Ryan's Easily Refutable Lies and Hypocrisy Night '?

They are fine, fine political strategists.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm

They'll just buy all the teevee time so it won't be televised. And we all know, the teevee never lies.

SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Paul Ryan loves his mom, like Oedipus.

Ruhe August 30, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Yes, well let's hope that Ryan Rex continues to follow that trajectory and is eventually swallowed by the earth.

natoslug August 30, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Why does it always come back to skullfucking with you people?

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Of course that makes me think of Tom Lehrer.

James Michael Curley August 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Except Oedipus did not know.

Hammiepants August 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Prevaricating odious douchecopter fratweasel.

SmutBoffin August 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Biden should say this during a debate.

Poindexter718 August 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Ohh the poow wittle wibwels gonna has a cwy just because their pwecious 240-year-old democracy is being subverted by a pair of bald faced liers for whom power is more important than integrity.
Wah. Wah. Wah

Oblios_Cap August 30, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Say what you want, but Ryan is an honest politician. When he is paid to tell lies by the Cock Brothers, he tells all of them that they tell him to.

And stays bought.

Peckerwood_Pete August 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm

My playlist ends on ZZ Top. Led Zeppelin is in the "Ls"…. not the "Zs". Another lie…

kittensdontlie August 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

What a romneying sack of ryan! I would suggest a healthy dose of deFIBrillation, but I am doubtful that it would cure his lying or start his artificial heart.

Baconzgood August 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Why would they so obviously lie. The media will call them out….Oh wait they will only go on FOX and AM radio.

BlueStateLibel August 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

When Irish eyes are lying… (sorry, repeat).

Jimmyone August 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I wonder what Weedlord BonerHitler would say.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Jack Kemp ended up in politics. I think he was a flat taxer.

deleted4877492 August 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Rock is gone; Gangsta Rap and ghetto English have taken its place. We can thank Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan for their noble attempt to return music to the Reagan-Bush years when America Rocked. Kid Rock played Born Free as the theme song at the Republican Convention.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Kid who, now?

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Can't forget New Kids On The Block, because I was so Hangin' Tough during the Reagan-Bush years. Oh yeah.

polnick August 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm
SorosBot August 30, 2012 at 12:55 pm

And you had it, the right stuff.

natoslug August 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Have you seen my shoe? I thought I left it with the other one, but now it is gone. I like salad.

An_Outhouse August 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm

and Al Gore was the serial liar. Ha – he was just way ahead of his time and nowhere as blatant as R/R.

smitallica August 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm

It's been fun watching my right wing facebook friends froth and jizz about this speech, then watch them try to defend it when I literally post like a berjillion links from all ends of the political spectrum (including foxnews.com for fuck's sake!) tearing it apart as one giant steaming pile of unadulterated horseshit.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

They'll vote for him though..

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Yes. A perusal of this morning's internets suggest that Ryan may have used a poor choice of words , or misspoken, or something.

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm

He won't let fact-checkers dictate the campaign.

calliecallie August 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I actually tried to listen to a bit of this last night while I was cleaning up some cat puke from the carpet. The cat puke was less offensive.

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I carefully avoided watching it, and was rewarded once again with a Mets win over the eebil Phillies. Unfortunately, I caught the 11 o'clock news, and their 2-minute highlights reel made me shout "fuck you" at the tellybox at least three times. My wife doesn't like it when I do that, but last night she understood.

vtxmcrider August 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm

But it's obvious the cat was listening.

Jus_Wonderin August 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

You know, there are some things even my dogs won't swallow. Isn't their ability to ignore reality amazing???????

Toomush_Infer August 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Weirdly, I inherited a hunting camp up in Northern Michigan, on an island – if Paul Ryan wanted to hunt deer here, we'd clearly surround him with the idiot watchers we use to prevent old guys and primos from shooting dogs, themselves, or other hunters (the same folks we'd use for Cheney, if he ever went to a real hunting camp)…

Badonkadonkette August 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm

“And to this day, my Mom is my role model.”

Good for you, Paul Ryan.

My mom is not my role model. My mom is a bitter, paranoid Republican. Mind you, she's not a conservative. She's a Republican – just like Paul Ryan. She thinks the Iraq war was "just" – even "good" (because wars are good when you can watch them on TV instead of through your window!), and that there is nothing just or admirable about Obama's decision to order the mission that took out Bin Laden, just like Paul Ryan. She swears her taxes went up under Obama, just like Paul Ryan. She thinks Medicare Part D – itself costlier to the American taxpayer than all of "Obamacare" – is a great idea, just like Paul Ryan. She thinks privatizing social security and ending Medicare for everyone under 55 is a great idea, just like Paul Ryan, because neither of these things will affect her, although they will have a devastating impact on her children and grand-children.

In short, fuck you, Paul Ryan, for making my mom a shitty role model.

chicken_thief August 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm

If she also believes that Obama went on an "Apology Tour" and Reagan did not increase the debt or grant immunity to some Hispanics then I think we might be siblings.

FNMA August 30, 2012 at 1:08 pm

See you guys at Thanksgiving!

Biff August 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I'll be over —–>there, at the little card table…

1stNewtontheMoon August 30, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Sorry, guys. I'm skipping Thanksgiving this year. I got drunk @ T-giving 2008, made a speech, and our mom's stopped inviting me to family events. This year might be worse if I showed up, even sober. Instead, me, my liberal wife, and our fresh new liberal offspring are going to observe the harvest together, get drunk on good booze and celebrate another ass-kicking of the paranoid hate machine.

natoslug August 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

My mother is a lifelong Democrat who wishes that Obama were more liberal, doesn't want to discuss politics, and agrees that Ryan and Romney are complete idiots. I'm not trading her for your mom.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Has there ever been a political convention built entirely around a single lie before? All of them? OK, let’s move on.

not to this extent. not even mccain and the grifter (not due to any principles: they were simply running away from bush's record).

i mean, MARA fucking LIASSOM spent the bulk of her am prime time report debunking a republican. that alone suggests boundaries were seriously crossed.

and lying liars crossed them.

ChrisM2011 August 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Don't you mean Paul LYAN? Ha! Amiright??

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 12:33 pm

This morning on NPR they were talking to a woman in Indiana at a veteran's rally. And she said, "I want a first lady who looks like a first lady and Michelle Obama doesn't look like a first lady."

I almost threw up in the car.

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yeah, what the fuck was that? I heard that while listening at work and immediately ditched NPR for the cleansing music of Violent Femmes.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Subtext: SHE'S BLAH.
No shame at all. Disgusting.

Nostrildamus August 30, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I've got my gripes with NPR, but letting GOP supporters voice their obvious racism is fine by me. It makes it clear to every reasonable listener what the real situation is. Only caveat is my worry that there aren't enough reasonable people left.

Would be nice if they followed up with "what exactly about Ms. Obama doesn't look like a real first lady?", though.

tigernole August 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm

amen, what the fuck was she talking about

James Michael Curley August 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm

That was the American Legion 94th National Convention.

The American Legion has, fairly consistently, invited BOTH major candidates to their election year convention. Apparently Obama is not on their agenda.

I'm trying to track down some rumors that Romney was not 'on their agenda' either but showed up in IN yesterday and delivered a packed house speech. The American Legion web site is featuring it on their home page. I suspect skulduggery.

Hey, Jon, I sent you an email on this. What's the word?

1stNewtontheMoon August 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm

If looking like a first lady means coming off a pill-popping housezombie, an old man dressed like yoda, or a former hollywood beej queen 40 years past her prime, then yes, Mrs.O. looks like none of these things. That said, I'll settle for a gorgeous brilliant Michelle.

zumpie August 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I don't think Liza's his, either. Do you notice how she desperately tries to be the perfect politician's child, waving, smiling, running after daddy? Daddykins who proceeds to completely ignore the inferior female child, in favor of his sons.

And continuing to my super shallow fashion critique: Ryan's clothes were actually really nice. The rest of his family has already sunk to Palin-spawn fashion sense: wife wore her holiday photo dress from Ann Taylor; boys wore their school uniforms from Land's End school uniforms; girl wore something super fugly from the Candies Collection from Kohl's. With a shiny headband from Claire's and completely wrong shoes.

Their local mall and the "you people" working in thier appropriate, starvation wage jobs were well represented.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Mee-ow!

Designer_Rants August 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I'm not sure who this Jesse Berney character is, but I like his or her style.

Isyaignert August 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Hey Lyin' Ryan- It's LED Zeppelin not Zeppelin so your playist is fukked-up, just like you.

HistoriCat August 30, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Why does Ryan disrespect ZZ Top?

RavenRant August 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I love that his claim to hipness is listening to music four decades old. He's cutting edge!

AnAmericanInTO August 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm

OT: Speaking of total BS liars, Herman Cain was spouting off on the Daily Show last night (in the Daily Show After Hour online segment). He was spreading that old canard that Obama wants to gut welfare so that the lazy bums can continue to get their foodstampz without having to work at a job that doesn't exist, because we are in a recession.

This was after the on-air segment where Cain basically said that employed black citizens will vote for Romney, while the unemployed blahs will vote for Obama. I'm still not sure if it was supposed to be a joke or not.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/#tool_tip_0

ETA: I totally forgot! The best part was when Jon called him on his bullshit, pulled out the PolitiFact and leaned back in his "Gloating Chair" Great stuff!

zumpie August 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Oh, also, too—his mom took the bus 40 miles each way to go to school?

A) So she benefitted from gubmint $$$ (for both tuition and public transportation).

B) Why (unless she doesn't drive, like yours truly) would she have or need to do any of this anyway? Could the millions the company her husband left her not cover a cab? With their evil gubmint contractss?

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Not to mention the roads that Ryan hand-built so the buses could run on them.

shelwood46 August 30, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Hey, his family did build some of those roads (probably not the one between Janesville and Madison). Course, they did get paid enormous amounts of government money for doing it, also, too.

Blunderthing August 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Paul Ryan lifted his lying head up, in a brief respite from sucking the entire Republican Convention audience off, to spit out a few lies and then went back to sucking the entire Republican convention off.

Blueb4sinrise August 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Speaking of Politico, DougJ of The B-Juice went there and found a blowjob by one Jonathan Martin.

Ryan was able to touch conservative erogenous zones………….
.
.
.
There’s lots of substantive flaws to what he talked about but that’s not what the convention is about.

http://www.balloon-juice.com/2012/08/30/let-me-st

thefrontpage August 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Wake up and smell the coffee!! Let's be a bit more honest and direct: Ryan's speech was full of flat-out LIES, mistruths, mis-statements, inaccuries, incorrect statements, more lies, falsehoods, inaccurate statements, distortions, and even more lies. It was literally unprofessional, offensive, corrupt, unethical, immoral, deceptive, misleading, wrong, inaccurate and an affront to intelligence and government and politics in general. It was flat-out full of lies. Romney, too, has spouted lies–in speeches, in interviews and in campaign ads. It's a continual wonder why anyone on this planet would even consider voting for these frauds, poseurs and liars. That's the truth–and nothing but the truth.

MoeDeLawn August 30, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Dude (or Madam)! You're taking it all out of context!

RavenRant August 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Don't forget – both sides do it!

BarackMyWorld August 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Does his mp3 player list "Zeppelin, Led"?

Other possible musical acts on Paul Ryan's playlist:
Airplane, Jefferson
Loaf, Meat
Sabbath, Black
Starship, Jefferson
Stones, Rolling
Tull, Jethro

HobbesEvilTwin August 30, 2012 at 12:46 pm

If we follow KKKarl Rove's logic, though, President Obama should be thanking Rep. Ryan for all the times that Ryan didn't' accuse Obama of raping and killing that girl back in the '90's.

* edits. fucking program needs a preview function.

Nostrildamus August 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Ryan's plan is too work fact-checkers to an early grave.

DahBoner August 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

"Son, you can be part of the problem or… AAAAGH!!!"

//Ryan's Father dying of knife wound in back

FNMA August 30, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Ayn Rand is Ryan's mother? Well, that explains the zombie eyes.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 1:11 pm

An entire convention with the facts and substance of a FOX News report. You have to admit, they know their target audience.

1stNewtontheMoon August 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

I guess it's the rally the base approach over the appeal to the middle. No, really guys, it's cool. Yes, he's mormon. But c'mon in. the water's fine.

owhatever August 30, 2012 at 1:45 pm

We will protect Social Security by turning it over to Wall Street and prayer.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I get my facts from Wonkette!

RavenRant August 30, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Lyin' Paul Ryan.

That is how he should always be referred to henceforth. Just as 'Newt Gingrich' will forever be known as 'Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich'.

Also, Chris Christie must be 'The Outlaw Jersey Whale' from this day forward, thanks to Tbogg.

bobbert August 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

'The Outlaw Jersey Whale' will be especially good if Clint is the Mystery Guest.

RavenRant August 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I will lose all respect for ol' Clint if he sinks that low.

1stNewtontheMoon August 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I prefer for Christie: "Chris Christie Who Loves Bruce Springsteen Who Fucking Hates Chris Christie." A bit of a mouthful. But really it's like George Bush loving Woody Guthrie (if Connecticut George claimed Ok. instead of Tex.). Totally fucking offensive as music lover.

Almost as bad as Paul "Rage Against [by Sucking Off] the Machine" Ryan.

RavenRant August 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

May Springsteen never relent. And Ryan – what a loathsome little parasite, with his pseudo-hipster musical pretensions.

In both cases, it seems that these men lack basic comprehension of the English language, to embrace music and lyrics so utterly antithetical to their 'principles'.

greypanter August 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Did you see the size of his American Flag lapel pin? To out do him, one would need American Flag epaulets.

lochnessmonster August 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm

He's going to have lots of penance to do…how about 10,000 hail Mary's to start? Does he go to confession after the election?

carlgt1 August 30, 2012 at 6:05 pm

New teabagger sign: "The zoo has an African lion — we have a lyin' Ryan!"

Incitefully_Joe August 30, 2012 at 6:37 pm

The first artist on my iPod is Aaron Copland, because AMERICA. Why does Paul Ryan hate America(na)?

ttommyunger August 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Should have chosen the insurance business. He would still have made a good living and only his clients would know he was a lying cunt instead of the entire Country.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 31, 2012 at 11:55 am

“We can get this country working again. We can get this economy growing again. We can make the safety net safe again. We can do this.”

And without taxes to pay for it, apparently! And just think: Ryan's the smart one.

Nostrildamus August 30, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Thanks!

BeefHardcake August 30, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Gotta put 'em in the microwave first, warm up that center a bit.

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