I am a tweet!Tampa, Day Something —

We had just gotten a small glass of Bulleit (the greatest bourbon) from the very sweet twenty-nothing barkeep, when a lady, who just moments before had gotten what looked to be a lovely pinot grigio, walked over and told us the bar was closed. Oh, okay, certainly! we said as we paused to take a sip. “No the bar is closed now,” she explained, and the dozen people standing with their drinks waited for us to put down our glass and let security escort us to the elevator. Apparently, we got kicked out of a Politico party for tweeting mean things? That is weird, right? Is that weird? Like, don’t put a hashtag in front of people and then expect them not to call you barfy? That is just how hashtags work!

Hmmm, that was kind of mean! Then there was this:

This one might be the meanest, because of how we noticed a thing that was true, and then said it.

Well, soon the producer, who was a tall, gorgeous blonde in a bitchen black sheath dress, came out to ask if we had noted that there were many female lady type people reporting from inside the convention center, and had we noted that, huh, huh? And we were like sure we guess maybe I don’t know, martini?

And then Jim Vandehei (he’s the young one, right?) came over and was like YOU ARE FROM WONKET HELLO I AM SAYING HELLO TO YOU BECAUSE OF HOW YOU SAID YOU WERE LONELY BEFORE (oh, because we had tweeted that we were lonely before) and before we could really reply he had turned around and left and gone back to his friends and we had TURDED ALL UP IN THEIR PUNCH BOWL.

Then they had security throw us out, but joke’s on them, because we had already made out with him earlier, and he totally left and came with us, the end.

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  • Barbara_

    How do you tell which security guard to make out with? Is he the one wearing the Vadge badge? Just curious. Did you get his phone number?

    • ShreditorsDesk

      Maybe it was a her? did you even try to get to third base?

  • Why would anyone want to go to a Politico party to begin with? Just sayin'

    • Because it is there. And free. And free booze.

      • Douchefest with free alcohol is still a douchefest.

        • Well, yea, but the choice was free booze or the hotel minibar. I'd choose the free and snark any day

          • prommie

            My entire social life for a decade has consisted of attending open-bar, goumet dinner douchefests. There is no snark, exxageration, or hyperbole to this comment, its just true. Being places I don't want to be, smiling and chatting up people I don't want to know.

          • I'm gonna sound like an asshole (which is not that hard for me, to be honest), but putting up with bullshit to get free stuff must be one of those American traditions that hasn't quite grown on me yet.

          • prommie

            I don't do it for the free stuff, jesus christ.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Smiling at people that you can't stand
            You're in demand
            Your fifteen minutes of fame

          • bobbert

            Sounds like work to me. Literally. (I did similar for fifteen years or so).

          • wondering where i am

            Oh, Wonkette–home of the free and the snark.

        • PsycWench

          Douchefest with free alcohol is still free alcohol.

  • JadedDissonance


    • eggsacklywright

      So much for freedom of tweets.

  • Madfall

    So you drank their booze and insulted them in public while still there?

    That does seem a little rude. Proper hypocrisy should have lead you to be snarky after you'd drained the free bar.

    • It was rude.

      It was also magnificent! Draining the bar and then snarking is kind of cowardly, but to brazenly drink their booze AND insult them to their faces is something a seasoned pro– like me– would do.

      • Madfall

        I can't bring myself to be rude to people when there might still be a free drink in it for me. It's against my nature.

        • I get high on snark.

          • Generation[redacted]

            Hi. I'm Generation[redacted], and I'm a snarkaholic.

        • GeorgiaBurning

          me neither, it's the Irish genes

          • Madfall

            Welsh genes here, same thing.

    • sbj1964

      I blame the parents for this type of behavior.TV,video games,and porn can't take all the blame.

      • I blame the patriarchy

        • IonaTrailer

          "I blame white males!"

          • AncienReggie

            It's Obama's fault.

    • mrpuma2u

      Like Poltico deserved anything but rude. The only way Editrix coulda done better was to fill up several flasks with the super bitchin' whiskey when no one was looking. Her conduct was exemplary, and highly commendable. Politico wussies had to call their renta-cops, why cuz Editrix looked so dangerous and formidable? I mean, little do they know, but just sayin' she doesn't LOOK fierce and tough as twisted spring steel.

    • jjdaddyo

      You have to ask yourself: WWHSTD?
      What Would Hunter S. Thompson Do?
      I'm not sure, but i think it would involve napalm and psychedelics.

    • Callyson

      To paraphrase the legendary Jesse Unruh:

      "If you can't eat their food, drink their booze, screw their men and/orwomen and then tweet against them, you have no business being up here."

  • FNMA

    You, my fair maiden, have excellent taste in bourbon.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I'm a Rebel Yell man, myself. With Vernor's.

    • OzoneTom

      Bulleit has also added a rye to their line-up. Quite tasty, though unfortunately not available in my local state stores.

  • Some people just have no sense of humor.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Politico is a very serious journalismic enterprise. Must show proper decorum in its presence.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Can't ..stop….laughing…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That's just it; it's very rude not to take them as seriously as they take themselves.

      Rebecca, you been naughty, and now ChernobylSoup and I will give you a proper spanking.

    • Proper decorum = shaving your ballz.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    If you didn't get kicked out, you wouldn't have been doing your job. Duh.

  • Lucidamente1

    Well, at least Mike Allen didn't hit on you.

    • IonaTrailer


  • Wow, those are the mean tweets of Tampa?

    They oughta come here and let us take a crack at them

    • One_who_wanders

      In the immortal word of someone "They ain't seen nothing yet!" Are they thin-skinned enough to join the Victims Party?

      • That was precisely what I was thinking. We'd have them going all fetal in about two seconds.

  • gullywompr

    You've arrived.

  • fartknocker

    I think I am smitten with lust for the Editorix. She loves very good bourbon, is sexy hot in her red dress, and is very witty. And she was ejected from a social function. My kind of lady.

  • SorosBot

    Considering that Politico fired Ben Smith, the only writer they had that didn't suck, you should be proud to get kicked out of their party.

    • Waitasecond, they did? Good.

      Now I don't have to feel conflicted about liking Ben Smith.

  • polnick

    Gangsta Rap has become the new English of America`s youth. With eyes closed and ears open you will be in Detroit’s ghetto. Jay-Z, DMX, and 50 Cent have stolen the nation`s conversation, honky gals love the talk and walk.

    • eggsacklywright

      Please show us on the doll exactly how your pole got nicked.

      • Gleem McShineys

        I am guessing it was Karl Rove's gold toof that done it.

    • I had an ice cream sandwich once that wasn't very good. Don't you hate it when your fly won't stay up? My dog is very flatulent. It was vanilla, and kept getting stuck in my foreskin, and then my balls froze to the cookie, also too. The end.

    • UnholyMoses

      I'm sure that made more sense in the original Tardeese.

      • polnick

        Original Tardineese is till spoken by senior inmates in maximum security prisons. It is being taught as a second language in NYC colleges.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I just kicked the entire Politico team out of the party in my head.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, better to go to a Politico party than to go to their website.

  • IncenseDebate

    I hope you still managed to drop acid in the punch bowl.

    • freakishlywrong

      There's always acid in Politico's punchbowl.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Yeah, sulfuric.

      • djneedlz


        • eggsacklywright

          Oooh, goin' all Walter White on us, are ye?

          • djneedlz

            Full Schroedinger, actually. But does the experiment work with the soulless undead? Don't know.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Poison the punch, then lock the room? Sheer genius!
            Nobody can touch you, so long as they're simultaneously dead and alive.

    • Steverino247

      Grace Slick Libel!!!

      (She knew Julie Nixon and was invited, then uninvited, to her wedding at the White House. She really planned to drop acid into the punch bowl.)

  • anniegetyerfun

    This is surely the first time that Politico has ever been criticized, so it must have been a real shock to them.

  • RRoccoco

    The entire Tampax convention has been one long insult to Obama, interrupted by insults to truth, and Politico gets on you for tweets? Who the fuck reads tweets? No offense, valiant editrix, but tweeting is the most harmless, impotent medium in all the digital universe.

    Now I need a bourbon in my coffee cup.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Rebecca, I think it is way past time for you to go all O'Keefe on Politico's ass.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Whom should she dildo first?

      • eggsacklywright

        I nominate Prince Rebus.

    • LibertyLover

      Does Rebecca have access to a boat full of dildos?

      • You seen that dress she wore to the drunky thingie, and you still have to ask?

  • el_donaldo

    Bulleit is a pretty good bourbon. Pretty good.

    • *taking notes*


      Go on?

      • el_donaldo

        It's just that if I'm going to call something the greatest, I'm going to drinking either Jefferson or Woodford.

        • OK, I'd downed an entire bottle of tasted Woodford Reserve and did find it to my liking, but my only other experience with bourbon…that I can remember…is with JD, so I'm always open to new fall-down drunken experiences.

          • el_donaldo

            Someone someday should rate bourbons on how bad your hands shake the day after.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Politco, whose motto is kinda like Virginia's: Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus-"Always Faithful to Large Dinosaurs like Barney."

  • Estproph


    • Barrelhse

      Oh, yeah- Steve McQueen, the car chase…great movie!

  • freakishlywrong

    I'm so proud of you, Becs!

  • Just curious, Editrix. I don't see any hash tags mentioning Politico and I don't see where you "@ed" them out. So how did they know it was you tweeting?

    • bobbert

      She @ed the yappy people individually, I think.

    • commiegirl99

      the hashtag was #polhub; i had a bunch of em

  • Poindexter718

    You shouldn't of called him Jim Vandewannagethei

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This story would only be better if you had vomited on someone before you were kicked out. Maybe you could work on that for tonight.

    • LibertyLover

      Or at least thrown her drink on someone.

  • Sara!!!

  • orygoon

    That is a bang-on metaphor for Politico. You want to like them, you try, but they won't let you.

  • IncenseDebate

    Vanderhei is pretty new at this.

    • Brother be tripping trying to front on us, knowImsayin'?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe they were pissed that you weren't sharing that big gnarly spliff that's posing with you in your Twitter avatar.

  • SpeedoFart

    I'm sure you've been thrown out of classier joints than a Politico party.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    If you made out with Jim Vandehei, Politico must have had some rocking drugs & booze at that party.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Rebecca, you won the evening.

  • LibertyLover

    Editrix tweeting mean things? What are the odds?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Come to my place, Rebecca, I'll console you.
    There, there, it'll be okay.

    [how's that?]

  • Estproph

    At least you weren't at a party thrown by Politico commenters. All the free drinks in the world wouldn't deaden someone enough for that.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Ain't no party like a Politico party cuz a Politico party don't stop (except for bloggers).

  • HateMachine

    Is it me, or is monitoring the twitter hashtag for your own party, during your party to see what people are saying about your party the most pathetically insecure thing ever?

    Just fucking party, people.

    • kittensdontlie

      When your party is a pity, just confiscate everyone's mobile devices at the door and be done with it.

    • UnholyMoses

      Our media is supposed to be full of people who ask the tough questions and stick to their guns and don't back down.

      Instead, we get a pack of insecure wussies who are still mad they didn't get to sit at the Kewl Kids table in high school, but are convinced that now — NOW! — they're the In Crowd.

      Of course, they're really not, so they go around to see who wrote impolite things about them on bathroom stall walls the Internet.

      Sweet fucking Christ on a pogo stick … our media sucks.

    • kingofmeh

      it does strike me as remarkably junior high in its tone. "becca can't come to my party because i am totes mad at her for what she said about my hair on facebook."

      also, being shocked in 2012 that wonkette or her affiliates would tweet snarky things about pretty much everything and anything (or politico in particular) seems incredibly naive. if you invite wonketteers, expect the snark.

  • Terry

    Rebecca, you failed to mention any of the Wonkette themes in those tweets. Not a single mention of Trucknutz, buttseks, etc. Shame on you.

  • Is that the guy who looks like the creepy helicopter pilot from "Beyond Thunderdome"?

    I thought 'Trix had better taste than that.

  • Is it drinky time already? Oh wait, never mind, this is Wonkette.

  • prommie

    I remember when Wonkette was a Warblog. Back in the day, we wouldn't have taken this lying down.

  • not that Dewey

    Did anyone follow you to the Politicave?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Did they at least say "Tits of GTFO" before they threw you out?

  • no_gravity

    Maybe if you weren't such a fucking pinkosocialistlibrulhouseonunamericanactivities commiegurl in a red dress they may have let you stay. Then again, maybe the clam who kicked you out just didn't want the competition.

  • An_Outhouse

    Where are you? The National Socialists conventions? Fucking Nazis.

    • commiegirl99

      Hey at least it's a fucking ethos!

      • jqheywood

        Shut the fuck up, Donnie!

      • Steverino247


  • AddHomonym

    Needs moar blonde producer.

  • This will surely give me nightmares, tonight. Of having to walk away from a freshly poured tumbler of Bulleitt. *shudder*

  • pdiddycornchips

    Becca, you just don't understand how the systems work. Ask yourself, would they have done such a thing to Matt Drudge?Answer, HELL NO!!!. Why? Because Drudge has SIRENS!!! Much as I love Mistress Cat Suit BullWhipper, she's no match for fucking SIRENS!!! Wonkette needs to have SIRENS and they would be falling all over themselves to dress your ass in satin and whore diamonds.

  • MissTaken

    Yay! If you didn't get thrown out I'd be sooooo disappointed.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Did she get off a hearty "don't taze me bro" before she was led away?

  • Generation[redacted]

    I wouldn't want to join any party that wouldn't kick me out after reading my tweets. Or something something Groucho something.

  • i would give wonkette more money to make that 'command brand' loud ad thingee would go away.

  • PhilippePetain

    From these tweets I have learned that I must become a Handsome Security Personnel.

  • Tundra Grifter

    This morning's POLITICO Playbook from Mike Allen says 'Spotted at the Politico Lounge in Tampa…"

    In the comments section I added "Rebecca from Until she got tossed out for sending mean Tweets."

    I wonder how long they will leave that one up…

    • commiegirl99

      haha linky?

      • Tundra Grifter

        As Todd Palin sez, "It won't be long now…"

        • elviouslyqueer

          –SPOTTED at the POLITICO Lounge in Tampa: Tim Daly … Stephen Baldwin … Evan Handler … Liz Cheney … Rachel Harris.

          Wait. You were in the presence of a Baldwin and a Cheney, and you didn't manage to kick at least one of them in the balls before being kicked out? I HAZ A SAD.

          • Tundra Grifter

            The Lesser Baldwin. Why is it always The Lesser Baldwin?

          • Calapine

            Doesn't matter, kick one one of them in the balls they'll all feel it at the same time.

  • OneYieldRegular

    What an abysmal lack of class and taste. Kicking Rebecca Schoenkopf out of a party is not something I'd ever want on my resumé.

  • Barrelhse

    "I been thrown outta better places than this!"

  • owhatever

    Silly rabbit. You knew you had to show a photo ID before drinking Politico Bulleit.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I would consider being thrown out of a Politico party a rite of passage…. A passage to what though?

  • qwerty42

    Geeze, the Wonkette editrix herself attends the Politico party and she's supposed to not be snarky? Are they delusional? From AMC to the present that would be highly unusual, non-Wonkette behavior. I'm sensing they have rather large, but delicate egos. Keep up the good work, Rebecca!

  • Damn–I know jobs are almost impossible to get, but unless the next step is sleeping under a bridge and selling your blood, no one should fall so low that they work security for Politico.

  • ttommyunger

    Should have used the Secret Politico Password" "HAIL CHENEY!"

  • Robman2

    I would have knocked back the grain spirits, placed the empty on a coaster, given her the reverse finger it's an opposite, the middle finger under the thumb, the other three extended, polite way to say fuck off) and asked her, which finger is missing? Yes that one is for you.

  • lloydstool

    Bulleit makes me talk to empty chairs.

  • Halloween Jack

    If you didn't chug that bourbon and belch on the way to the elevator, you deserve to be kicked out of the world.


    Vintage Wonkette!

    *starts flapping*

  • Marsupial99

    Wait, are we allowed to comment on five year old posts that don’t allow comments?

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