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Where are you tonight, O sweet Jesus?Do you guys remember the good old days? Things were so much simpler then, when we could identify the homosexualista menaces in our midst, at which point the wind would start to a-blowin’ on account of “come a cloud!” and we could tie all those things together in order to fulfill the holy wrath of “Goddidit!” Sexy gayness + New Orleans = poor black people being destroyed and sent to random places in Texas and Tennessee, while all kinds of white upper-middle class denizens of the area could resettle happily in other Southern cities, knowing that their Jeebus had done did what had needed to be done. Everybody wins, right? Praise Him, Lord I Lift Your Name On High, etc., etc.

This Isaac not-so-Hurricane is really screwing people who believe such things, as you will see in a moment. Now, of course, Isaac is wreaking its own sort of havoc, as the storm sort of refuses to move, instead choosing to teabag New Orleans and the surrounding area far beyond its welcome, and we at the Wonkette are certainly paying attention to the actual damage that’s being done. This particular Wonkette, the Evan one right here talking at you, lives a few hours north in Memphis, and there are a lot of ties between those two cities and we have lots of friends there, blah blah blah, we are concerned about our loved ones. But there is another point to be made and so, POINT IS:

What kind of pansy god do the Religious Right inspired by Pat Robertson and his cohort worship anyway?

The arrival of Hurricane Isaac exactly seven years after Hurricane Katrina blasted New Orleans has some people wondering if there’s more to it than random chance, and suggesting the popular homosexual festival Southern Decadence may be part of a judgment from God.

“A hurricane hitting a celebration of decadence … twice in seven years. What are the odds?” asks Robin Cox, a lifelong Gulf Coast resident.

“Does it seem God has it in for New Orleans?” adds Mary Starkey. “Just contemplating why this has happened twice in seven years at exact same time of year.”

Except that, Mary and Robin, suck though this storm may suck, it’s not Katrina, and Southern Decadence will go on, and will surely feature more sucking than the average World Net Daily reader can admit to fantasizing about every hour of every day of the last millenium. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? And if this is your god’s idea of judgment, then wussy wussy wussy OMG wussy. Or, as a good Southern Gentleman would say to such a short-staffed god, “oh, bless his heart!”

Here’s another really special guy, just a true exemplar of the phrase “second place is first loser”:


“The church, city and nation have not repented and the homosexual agenda is far worse than it was in 2005,” he wrote, adding that the fact two hurricanes are striking New Orleans seven years apart is “biblically important” as God created the universe in seven days.

“New Orleans is still hosting Southern Decadence with open homosexuality manifesting in the streets of the city.It could be that God is putting an end to this city and its wickedness.”

One would think that if the Big Guy had some kind of GAY-KILLING SEVEN YEAR CELEBRATION (five and a half years, Alan?) in mind, he’d be able to finish the job. If we’re looking for some sort of “seven-day-big-ginormous-god-boner-finish” to vanquish all gays, well this one is looking kind of flaccid.

As it is, the big Judgment Storm is kind of just sitting there, causing a lot of problems for people in Plaquemines Parish and other areas, having much less effect on the higher parts of NOLA (where the Bonerista festival is about to happen) and worrying a lot of friends and family members of people being affected by flooding. As usual, it’s affecting the poor the most, and while we know that Republican Fundamentalists don’t exactly blanche in embarrassment when the poor are hurt by their beliefs or policies, we somehow still would like to think that maybe one day they’ll be able to react to things like hurricanes and earthquakes like normal humans.

Doy, just kidding, they’re imbeciles, and pigheaded, selfish, racist ones at that.

Great job, Pat Robertson’s Jeebus! You’re a champ, as always.

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