LAZY JEEBUS  10:05 am August 30, 2012

God Too Lazy To Destroy New Orleans Homosexualistas A Second Time

by Evan Hurst

Where are you tonight, O sweet Jesus?Do you guys remember the good old days? Things were so much simpler then, when we could identify the homosexualista menaces in our midst, at which point the wind would start to a-blowin’ on account of “come a cloud!” and we could tie all those things together in order to fulfill the holy wrath of “Goddidit!” Sexy gayness + New Orleans = poor black people being destroyed and sent to random places in Texas and Tennessee, while all kinds of white upper-middle class denizens of the area could resettle happily in other Southern cities, knowing that their Jeebus had done did what had needed to be done. Everybody wins, right? Praise Him, Lord I Lift Your Name On High, etc., etc.

This Isaac not-so-Hurricane is really screwing people who believe such things, as you will see in a moment. Now, of course, Isaac is wreaking its own sort of havoc, as the storm sort of refuses to move, instead choosing to teabag New Orleans and the surrounding area far beyond its welcome, and we at the Wonkette are certainly paying attention to the actual damage that’s being done. This particular Wonkette, the Evan one right here talking at you, lives a few hours north in Memphis, and there are a lot of ties between those two cities and we have lots of friends there, blah blah blah, we are concerned about our loved ones. But there is another point to be made and so, POINT IS:

What kind of pansy god do the Religious Right inspired by Pat Robertson and his cohort worship anyway?

The arrival of Hurricane Isaac exactly seven years after Hurricane Katrina blasted New Orleans has some people wondering if there’s more to it than random chance, and suggesting the popular homosexual festival Southern Decadence may be part of a judgment from God.

“A hurricane hitting a celebration of decadence … twice in seven years. What are the odds?” asks Robin Cox, a lifelong Gulf Coast resident.

“Does it seem God has it in for New Orleans?” adds Mary Starkey. “Just contemplating why this has happened twice in seven years at exact same time of year.”

Except that, Mary and Robin, suck though this storm may suck, it’s not Katrina, and Southern Decadence will go on, and will surely feature more sucking than the average World Net Daily reader can admit to fantasizing about every hour of every day of the last millenium. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? And if this is your god’s idea of judgment, then wussy wussy wussy OMG wussy. Or, as a good Southern Gentleman would say to such a short-staffed god, “oh, bless his heart!”

Here’s another really special guy, just a true exemplar of the phrase “second place is first loser”:

“The church, city and nation have not repented and the homosexual agenda is far worse than it was in 2005,” he wrote, adding that the fact two hurricanes are striking New Orleans seven years apart is “biblically important” as God created the universe in seven days.

“New Orleans is still hosting Southern Decadence with open homosexuality manifesting in the streets of the city.It could be that God is putting an end to this city and its wickedness.”

One would think that if the Big Guy had some kind of GAY-KILLING SEVEN YEAR CELEBRATION (five and a half years, Alan?) in mind, he’d be able to finish the job. If we’re looking for some sort of “seven-day-big-ginormous-god-boner-finish” to vanquish all gays, well this one is looking kind of flaccid.

As it is, the big Judgment Storm is kind of just sitting there, causing a lot of problems for people in Plaquemines Parish and other areas, having much less effect on the higher parts of NOLA (where the Bonerista festival is about to happen) and worrying a lot of friends and family members of people being affected by flooding. As usual, it’s affecting the poor the most, and while we know that Republican Fundamentalists don’t exactly blanche in embarrassment when the poor are hurt by their beliefs or policies, we somehow still would like to think that maybe one day they’ll be able to react to things like hurricanes and earthquakes like normal humans.

Doy, just kidding, they’re imbeciles, and pigheaded, selfish, racist ones at that.

Great job, Pat Robertson’s Jeebus! You’re a champ, as always.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 168 comments }

Barbara_ August 30, 2012 at 10:07 am

I think God keeps sending hurricanes on John McCain's birthday to help him blow out all those candles on his birthday cake. That's got to be exhausting.

ChillBill August 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

There's always professional blower Sarah, of course.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

She keeps swallowing the cream icing, tho

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

Snow blower, that is. In Methsilla.

weejee August 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

But ya gotta ask why Walnutz is in N'awlinz while the Ice Princess is in Arizona.

Barbara_ August 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

Weejee, who do you think is going to be the mystery guest speaker at the convention?

weejee August 30, 2012 at 10:58 am

The Elephant God hizself, Grover Norquist.

weejee August 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

BTW, how is your grandbaby doing?

Barbara_ August 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

Mina will have a heart procedure done on Sept. 7th to try to balloon her partially collapsed aorta up again.

How is your daughter-in-law doing.

widestanceromance August 30, 2012 at 10:33 am

He should just crash-land another plane in it.

redarmyzombie August 30, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I dunno, Barb. There's plenty of Republican men to help him blow those out.

sbj1964 August 30, 2012 at 10:08 am

Crazy people,and religious people are the same.Both have imaginary invisible friends,and think they talk to them.

ChillBill August 30, 2012 at 10:09 am

If God hates gays, why is it that hurricanes always hit southern states but never San Fransisco?

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

God saves earthquakes for the West Coast gay folk.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:23 am

World's cheapest vibrator

ChillBill August 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

Mitt's the most expensive one.

jakegittes August 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

God uses earthquakes in Frisco.

Madfall August 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

His jurisdiction runs out in the deity-free wasteland north of the Mason-Dixon line. That'd be my guess.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 10:19 am

He sends them earthquakes. Just to show his supreme power, though, God should mix it up and put a hurricane over S.F. and an earthquake in N.O..

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:37 am

I don't get either of those here in this lesbo-centric area of the Silver State. Just ungodly heat, which I'm not sure who to blame on…

weejee August 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

Or Seattle, or Portland, or the rest of the left coast? Mmmm, likely in an average year moar folks are killed in the red states by tornadoes and himicanes than were killed during the entire 20th Century on the left coast from earthquakes and those oh so messy volcanoes.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

Sorry Weej, they're not listening. Numbers and statistics are too closely related to science.

weejee August 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

My mistake.

/ walks off softly sobbing, clutching his slide rule and pocket protector

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

NERD!

Sacanagem August 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

Be careful what you wish for, son.

Misty Malarky August 30, 2012 at 10:10 am

Apparently God never got a load of the gayness buttsechs that infests Key West.

Or maybe he doesn't want to endanger Jesus, who I understand frequents 'Dick Dock'.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:15 am

Hurricane Georges took a swipe at Key West, but hey, "Georges?"

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

And Isaac blew hard, but ultimately realized the competition was too stiff

pdiddycornchips August 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

Fire Island is just sitting there in Long Island sound and it's probably the gay-est place on earth per capita. It's even shaped like a double headed dildo. Why doesn't god send his howling winds and storm surges there?
My theory is it's just too close to the Hamptons. God has a real hard on for rich people.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

Well, in fairness, Irene came awful close, the fag hag.

SpeedoFart August 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

Yes, but Irene took a nasty bite out of the rural red counties in upstate NY. I'm not sure what the take-away is: Does god have lousy aim or does he hate the "live free or die"ers* as much as the rest of us do?

*Well, they're livin' free or dyin' as long as the government keeps handing out those sweet sweet farm subsidies.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 31, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Yeah we're never supposed to take away the fact that god keeps hitting red states with calamities (high heat since climate change is a myth, hurricanes, etc.) while we in the blue states have few natural problems to contend with (well California has earthquakes, but in fairness those do kick the shit out of the OC as well, and two Republican preznits have librariers there) that maybe god doesn't like conservatives perverting the "inerrant truth" of the bible. Nope, it's god hates fagos…

ChernobylSoup August 30, 2012 at 10:10 am

God isn't vengeful; he just has Tourette syndrome. Some repetition is inevitable considering the frequency of his outbursts.

Texan_Bulldog August 30, 2012 at 10:11 am

"God Too Lazy To Destroy New Orleans Homosexualistas A Second Time"

That's because He's still traumatized from realizing that He created all those stupid people gathered in Tampa.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 10:11 am

A hurricane has never hit during Mardi Gras either. At all. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

God looks upon Fat Drunk & Stupid Tuesday with great favor.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

He throws Rosary beads to all the lovely ladies who bare their titties at Him.

occams8ball August 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

wow, hateful sociopaths being mean assholes again, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

It's never snowed during Mardi Gras in Norleans either.

Not sure what to make of that, except maybe God doesn't like it cold.

HistoriCat August 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

What does God have against chilled nipples?

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 10:11 am

Crazy bigoted fuckholes say wot now?

boobookitteh August 30, 2012 at 10:12 am

Is washing Provincetown out to sea too easy a target for God? Cuz it would seem like that would require far less effort than whipping up a hurricane and killing a bunch of God fearing Haitians in the process.

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

The Haitians deserved it, though, for their unforgivable sin of not being white enough.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 10:12 am

Also, fun fact: the places hit the hardest by flooding (i.e. Plaquemines, Terrebonne, and St. John the Baptist Parishes)? 1000% REPUBLICAN.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 10:20 am

Coastal Mississippi, too.

There are Democratic folks in those areas, but not many anymore.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

'Aaawkwaard!'

pdiddycornchips August 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

That's just god's way of telling these people they aren't hating ghey-ness enough. T

ChernobylSoup August 30, 2012 at 10:13 am

Hurricanes start when warm, moist air from the ocean surface begins to rise rapidly, where it encounters cooler air that causes the warm water vapor to condense and to form storm clouds and drops of rain. The condensation also releases latent heat, which warms the cool air above, causing it to rise and make way for more warm humid air from the ocean below. As this cycle continues, more warm moist air is drawn into the developing storm and more heat is transferred from the surface of the ocean to the atmosphere.

Or, you know, gays.

LabRodent August 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

When you read that slow, with a little soft jazz in the background its does sound rather sexy.

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

Gays are so much the soundbitier explanation, and therefore by GOPam's Razor, must be the right explanation.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

Actually, this raises a rather troubling and serious question… people actually believe this. A lot of people. They think disasters are visited upon us by God because we are being sinners, heathens, et cetera.

Now, hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, droughts, etc. are only going to increase thanks to global warming. (Not to mention earthquakes from stuff like fracking.) And what are these dullard masses going to do? Get more and more hysterical about how "the gays" and "the lazy Mexicans" and "the heathen Muslims" and "the evil Jews" (probably) are to blame for all their woes. And they're going to get more and more violent.

It may not happen in my lifetime — heck, maybe not even in my daughter's lifetime — but if things keep going the way they are, this country will see some really hideous and evil pogroms soon enough… and the fascists in charge (elected by these same terrified, stupid mobs) will be gleeful supporters of them.

ChernobylSoup August 30, 2012 at 11:39 am

I think it will happen in your lifetime. These (white) people see their majority status in the US slipping away; they're going to start acting out violently very soon.

deleted4877492 August 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

Having a job is important, without one we are a parasite. But it is detestable for a woman to accept employment on the condition that she performs sexual favors for her superiors. We can thank the Republican Party for their leadership in passing laws that makes sexual harassment a crime.

YasserArraFeck August 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

"You want the job or don't you?"

RedneckMuslin August 30, 2012 at 10:55 am

Wait, what now?

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Dude's a lame-ass troll trying to get a bigger p-ness here (or at some other site).

redarmyzombie August 30, 2012 at 11:47 pm

WAS a lame-ass troll.

Hera Sent Me August 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

Only 63.7% of working age Americans have a job. Of the millions who don't, my wife is one, and I can assure you she is no parasite.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 11:01 am
SpeedoFart August 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

Individually, the words in your post make sense. Taken together, though? I don't have the slightest fucking clue what you're barking on about.

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 11:41 am

Because it makes hiring women to begin with a crime?

Hera Sent Me August 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

These are the people who believe Heaven is a gated community and that when Jesus said "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God", he was just joking.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

This is the only explanation I will accept.

pdiddycornchips August 30, 2012 at 11:10 am

He also said blessed are the cheese makers although some interpret this to mean blessed are the makers of any dairy products.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xLUEMj6cwA

Biel_ze_Bubba August 31, 2012 at 11:31 am

They probably expect that in heaven, those folks will live in some other neighborhood. Because otherwise, it wouldn't be heaven.

Not_So_Much August 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

My early a.m. lysdexia originally read that last name as 'Rob Pattinson's Jeebus'. Fucking vampires, they ruin everything.

James Michael Curley August 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

I saw rampant sexuality in New Orleans. But it was two guys making it with two girls in a grave yard, right on the mausoleum steps. Then they got on their motorcycles and blew up.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

That was some good acid.

CrunchyKnee August 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

Pat Roberson is an asshole, so it is logical that his god would be an asshole as well.

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

We do create God in our own image, so yeah.

widestanceromance August 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

"His god is an asshole god" sounds catchy.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

And the gay communities in Tornado Alley all tremble in fear of the Finger of God.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

Pretty Fickle Finger…

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

God was tired from writing the Republican party platform.

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

god was tired of listening to the republican party platform.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

"“A hurricane hitting a celebration of decadence … twice in seven years. What are the odds?” asks Robin Cox, a lifelong Gulf Coast resident."

Seeing as we're talking the Gulf Coast in hurricane season, pretty darn good. It's sort of like planning a festival in Fargo in the winter and thinking that the cold weather is a sign from God.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 10:27 am

I personally never understood why Decadence was scheduled on Labor Day weekend, when it's 100 degrees with an accompanying million percent humidity. I mean, it just encourages all the gays to drink (a lot), sweat (a lot), and take off their clothes (a lot).

Oh, wait…

widestanceromance August 30, 2012 at 10:37 am

Drunk, sweaty and naked is a fine way to go through life, son.

Terry August 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

The best time of year for festivals in south Louisiana is October. It's still warm, but not oppressively hot. The humidity has dropped, too. A great time to be outside.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

And Halloween in New Orleans is arguably more fun than Mardi Gras.

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

As far as I can tell, October is the only time in the world where it's a good idea to do anything. Pretty much any time we try to schedule a trip anywhere, our hosts will say "Oh, wait until October! It's tolerable then."

Except New Delhi, which has actually pushed its tolerable weather back into November due to global warming.

VA_Dreaming August 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

If 2 times in 7 years is a sign from god, what about 2 times in 2 GOP conventions?

PsycWench August 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

Surely there is no record of hurricanes in the New Orleans area prior to this festival. The fact that the drink and the train there are named "Hurricane" must be a coincidence.

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

So if the death twirlies on the other side of the world rotate in the opposite direction, does that make them gay?

YasserArraFeck August 30, 2012 at 10:55 am

No, just fabulous

OneYieldRegular August 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

So God is really just punishing the poor? We sort of knew that already by the amazing Biblical coincidence of His generating a hurricane and a Republican National Convention at the same time.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

the poor are hurt by their beliefs or policies,

God may not be doing such a great job at smiting the gays, but poor people policies are working great; their lobby to recruit ever more to their ranks seems to be quite effective.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:19 am

Time to take the faded, peeling posters of god down from your walls, kids.

magic_titty August 30, 2012 at 10:19 am

If God hated the gays Bravo would have been off the air years ago.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:22 am

Unless cable is the work of The Devil!

kittensdontlie August 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Or are God and The Devil in a Gay Marriage?????

Did God see the light, and in exploring his own sexuality, found only one avenue for a godly romance(god & fallen-god). Now, this is only a theory….

Clancy_Pants August 30, 2012 at 10:21 am

"….has some people wondering if there’s more to it than random chance, and suggesting the popular homosexual festival Southern Decadence may be part of a judgment from God."

Are these same people wondering if this year, finally, Santa Claus will bring them that red fire engine?

sbj1964 August 30, 2012 at 10:34 am

Religious people are as annoyingly stupid as a 13 year old that still believes in Santa.Smack up side the head!"I just wanted to keep the magic alive." Grow up!!

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

"You'll put your eye out!"

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:21 am

God merely sent the nation a reminder about Republicans.

Mittens Howell, III August 30, 2012 at 10:22 am

"adding that the fact two hurricanes are striking New Orleans seven years apart is “biblically important” as God created the universe in seven days."

Which is why Republicans lie in sevens.

Lucidamente1 August 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

The stupid goes in, the stupid goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that.

James Michael Curley August 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

OT: TAMPA, Fla. (AP) – A Secret Service agent left a gun in the bathroom of a plane carrying Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
A reporter discovered the gun while the plane was flying from Florida to Indiana on Wednesday. It was quickly retrieved by a Secret Service agent. The weapon belonged to an agent assigned to Romney's security detail."

But he remembered the cannoli.

bobbert August 30, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Have they lowered the qualification criteria for the Secrets recently?

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

"New Orleans is still hosting Southern Decadence"

I've not heard of this Southern Decadence. Are they anything like Southern Culture on the Skids? That's one of my favorite bands.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 10:30 am
thatsitfortheother1 August 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

Dead Confederate.

FakaktaSouth August 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

White trash…don't call me that. Love.

PsycWench August 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

I saw them live many times when I was in grad school at UNC. Alas, I never threw chicken during "Eight Piece Box"…"I got me a thigh/ then I grabbed me a breast/ my mouth got so full, y'all/ I had to save the rest…"

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

That lazy old God,
Got nothin' to do,
But roll around heaven all day.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

You didn't pray hard enough, duh.

Goonemeritus August 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

If God had to visit biblical wrath on New Orleans every time they ran afoul of Leviticus he would have time for little else.

thatsitfortheother1 August 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

I feel smitey.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

o/~ Oh so smitey…

bobbert August 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm

And we know where this is going, don't we?

humanmanc August 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

Hurricanes "blow" just liketh like gays therefore proof that The Father, The Son, & the 180 Proof Holy Spirit uses irony whence he is in a smiting mood. What are the odds??!!??

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

OT- can I ask a stupid question? Who (or what) the Eff is a Honey Boo Boo? Is that Honey Badger's sister?

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:39 am
LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

Damn. I was blissfully unaware. Can you send Cher over to turn back time?

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

She don't give a shit, either.

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

It's a spin-off of the equally terrifying "Toddlers n' Tiaras". She is a fattish, outspoken, pageant girl who is, duh, the spawn of southern white trash. Her parents will be voting Romney thus ensuring Honey Boo-Boo a life on the pole.

IonaTrailer August 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

Honey Boo-Boo and her fine white trash family IS the Romney/Ryan demographic!

pdiddycornchips August 30, 2012 at 11:18 am

She's a category 5 dumbass who will earn more dollars that this educated and erudite wage slave can ever hope to earn in his feeble lifetime. Did Jeebus say blessed are the bitters? No? Then I'm fucked in this life and the next.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 11:22 am

Maybe you can console yourself that she will probably spend it on a lifetime supply of cheetos and spanx?

freakishlywrong August 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

God is really going to show his wrath when all this flooded and destroyed shit sits all over LA, MS, and AL due to the fact that Republicans in congress are already demanding a "pay for" for disaster relief. . (i.e: cut something that is dear to Godless libruls).

Jimmyone August 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

God must be getting old…He missed both conventions with a good flush…I am now preparing for the next shitstorm. Don't know where or what…but the good Xtians should be looking over their shoulders.

RRoccoco August 30, 2012 at 10:35 am

Every four years, the Geriatric Oligarchic Plutocrats foist yet another pair of erstwhile crypto-fascist liars on the US, polluting the political process, disabling democratic governance, and undermining the economy. Coincidence, or Jaweh's punishment on a proud, fat, stupid nation?

On an unrelated note, I'm concerned about the alcohol intake of our intrepid Wonketeers in the bowels of Tampon, Flah. Think of your livers, people! Doesn't anyone think of their livers?

sullivanst August 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

The liver is evil and must be punished. I saw it on a T-shirt once, so it must be true.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:47 am

Hey, my cousin-in-law was wearing one of those last week while I was up visiting. And we were drinking!!!

ChernobylSoup August 30, 2012 at 10:37 am

Just tweeted by the American Red Cross (as a joke):

If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

Give the Red Cross an avatar and a p-score.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

Did it answer to the names "Fa" or "Bee"?

Or maybe….it wasn't a dolphin at all…maybe it was a LAND SHARK!

ChernobylSoup August 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

EDIT: It was the Arkansas chapter of the Red Cross.

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

Same goes for those agitators what live in de swamps.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

I got one dem lib in mah basemin' inna warshen masheen!

MissTaken August 30, 2012 at 11:46 am

Dolphins are teh ghey

fuflans August 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

oh for fuck's sake people. it's hurricane season and the gulf coast is in hurricane territory. wind patterns, temperature and geography are the determining factors here.

not somebody else having buttsechs.

fucking medieval peasants.

eggsacklywright August 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

That hurricane turned me into a newt.

bobbert August 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Buttsechs, or fucking medieval peasants?

Make up your mind.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

"“A hurricane hitting a celebration of decadence … twice in seven years. What are the odds?” asks Robin Cox, a lifelong Gulf Coast resident."

Perhaps Robin needs to ask herself just exactly what Decadence SHE is participating in to cause the Almighty's rage?

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

Plus, her last name…

Biff August 30, 2012 at 11:22 am

"What are the odds?”
Mathematically, about 1 in 1278.75, accounting for 1.75 leap days.

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

We are all homo sapiens now.

elviouslyqueer August 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

“New Orleans is still hosting Southern Decadence with open homosexuality manifesting in the streets of the city. It could be that God is putting an end to this city and its wickedness.”

Um, "Pastor" McTernan? I think you should be a tad more worried about your fellow fundies than about all those Godless gays. Just saying.

widestanceromance August 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

We're saving it up for a more violent cataclysm later.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

Isn't that what Calf-licks do on Wednesdays, after school?

fartknocker August 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

This ladies and gents is an example of what happens when public dollars are spent on school textbooks written by the Bob Jones University and well-qualified and educated teachers are tossed aside for less expensive home-schooled Amway marketers as voucher school educators. A large part of the population is attempting to pray away the gay.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

"The arrival of Hurricane Isaac exactly seven years after Hurricane Katrina blasted New Orleans has some people wondering if there’s more to it than random chance,"

How about: It's hurricane season?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 31, 2012 at 11:40 am

Set Occam's Phaser to "stun".

VA_Dreaming August 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

Two GOP conferences in a row have been disrupted by hurricanes. Yawn, no comment. The poor people in NO have been hit with two hurricanes in seven years – it is the wrath of God. No wonder that Ryan and Romney can blatantly lie and get away with it – their supporters have no idea what cause and effect mean.

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

"Cause" and "effect" are the sinful language of that heathen Science. The "Cause" is Jeebus, the "effect" is everything ever.

Damn, Christian science is EASY.

Kid_Charlemagne August 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

There is no doubt that the Christian God is a vengeful one. After all, he created Christian rock.

ChernobylSoup August 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

First wonket to post "Stryper Libel" loses 10 p points.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

Thanks for the warning! That was a close one!

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

And Chris Rock.

You can't explain it.

LibertyLover August 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

"A hurricane hitting a celebration of decadence & twice in seven years. What are the odds? asks Robin Cox, a lifelong Gulf Coast resident."

Perhaps Jeebus is punishing the Gulf Coast because there isn't ENOUGH decadence… I mean, where does God get his porn from?

randcoolcatdaddy August 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

If God was smiting out of control carnal homosexual desires, Fort Lauderdale would have been swept out to sea many years ago along with a good percentage of representatives in southern legislatures.

YasserArraFeck August 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

People!? Hurricane Isaac? One of them lib'rul jew hurricanes. Wait 'ntil a proper Amercian Hurricane, like Thad, Chad, Rick or Truknutz comes through. It'll tear them fagistas a new one, you betcha.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

Also, Negroes/jazz music.

ElPinche August 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

Temperature, pressure, humidity, gulf stream dynamics, lower/upper tropospheric dynamics and anticyclonic conditions (or "God") work in mysterious ways.

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

Aqua Budda, on the other hand, is on this like whippets at a Phish concert.

Naked_Bunny August 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

Yeah, what are the odds that an event held in a hurricane-prone area during hurricane season might be affected by a hurricane occasionally.

Meanwhile, the Bible Belt is torn up by tornadoes every year. That's different, though.

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

So, any reports/photos of black people out looting grocery stores, or of white people out finding food? Don't let me down, Fox News!

BaldarTFlagass August 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

“A hurricane hitting a celebration of decadence … twice in seven years. What are the odds?”

Isn't this Decadence thing an annual event? You'd think that if he really fucking hated it that much, God would send a Force Fiver every fucking Labor Day, instead of fucking off for seven years between dispensations of His wrath.

AbandonHope_ August 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

They're drawing the wrong conclusion; clearly God is hitting the more destitute sections of the Gulf Coast so often because He hates the poor. Seriously, wouldn't this fit into their whole social-Darwinist, "I'm rich because I'm inherently a better human being" viewpoint far better? They may as well come out and admit it, save everybody a lot of trouble.

pdiddycornchips August 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

Maybe they have it all wrong and god hates beignet's and crawfish etouffee? If so, god can bite me. That's shit's worth an eternity in hell.

vaginista August 30, 2012 at 11:26 am

Duh – according to Rush, God has abdicated his weather control to Obama. It's raining MEN!

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 11:43 am

It's only the anniversary of Katrina if you're using the heathen Roman calendar.

Doyle_Hargraves August 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

I'm from New Orleans. I've always told them to move Decadence to March and test that theory. Then August and September would feature a vengeful God simply dumping on the exploitation of blatant, freewheeling HETERO-sexuality on display in the Quarter every day of the year.

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm

My takeaway on this, is that this post's author Evan Hurst should be very worried: His first name rhymes with "seven."

mbobier August 30, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I would like to hear these guys explain why, with Katrina, the French Quarter — where almost all the strip clubs and transvestite bars are — was damaged the least by the storm, and was up and running sooner after the storm than any other part of the city. Meanwhile, in other parts of NOLA, church and schools were destroyed, even as the French Quarter was relatively untouched. By the logic expressed above, God apparently likes gays — and strippers, and hookers, and johns — more than churchgoers and children. Think about what you're sayin', fundies, and don't try to religify the weather.

ttommyunger August 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

FINALLY! I knew this pompous windbag couldn't let a natural disaster go by without connecting it with teh butsechs. I was thinking (wishful type) maybe he'd gone on to meet Jeebus when he didn't jump right on it; guess he's just getting slower in his dotage. Oh well, that's something.

weejee August 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

Doing well but losing some hair. Today is biweekly chemo day so we're all wearing purple. We Woketteers need to do a group Om on the 7th.

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